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The Thief Who Stole His Heart

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It all started when Izuku and Ochako went out for coffee. It was a typical Saturday morning, and the duo would usually start their Saturdays with a cup of hot coffee.

"Ugh! I am a hundred yen short…" Ochako gazed at her empty wallet forlornly when they were about to pay for the bill. She slumped down against her seat, flipped her wallet upside down, shook it as hard as she could... And not a single yen came out of her poor wallet.

"Izukuuu, do you have extra money with you?"

"Uhm..." A typical, intelligent, Izuku-esque response. God, Izuku wanted to punch himself sometimes. Why did he keep on spacing out?

"Let me check."

Izuku opened his wallet and groaned audibly when he found out that he had spent the very last of his yen on his own coffee. And of freaking course, Tokoyami’s Dark Coffee just so happened to not accept payments through credit or debit card, which were pretty much the only things left in their wallets.

"Still nothing?" Ochako sounded frantic as she rummaged through her bag.

"Nope." Izuku was also searching in every nook and cranny of the bottomless pit that was his bag for any spare change, but all he was seeing were candy wrappers and his favorite pen he had been searching for ages.

"Suddenly, my coffee doesn't taste so good anymore." Ochako muttered grumpily, before turning her bag upside down. She let out a loud whoop when several coins fell out among scattered papers, makeup, trinkets and hair clips. She frantically counted the coins. Izuku leaned forward, crossing his fingers and hoping that the coins totaled a hundred yen.

"Forty yen, yes!" Ochako exclaimed, pumping her fist to the air triumphantly.

"Wait, Ochako! I have an idea!" Izuku’s grinned mischievously. With a cheeky wink, he leaned back and fished between the cushions of the couch they were sitting on. Ochako’s eyes widened in bewilderment when she realized what Izuku was doing. She laughed heartily when Izuku managed to retrieve a few more coins and deposited them with a flourish on the table.


"You’re a genius! So now... We have a grand total of eighty yen." Ochako’s eyebrows were furrowed as she calculated the assortment of one, five, and ten yens on her hands, "Only twenty yen missing now!"

Izuku shook his head and pursed his lips to try to stifle his laughter. It was amusing how they were managing to find ways to fill in the missing hundred yen. Ochako caught his grin and smiled back at him.

"We’re really weird, aren't we, ‘Zuku?"

Ochako crouched down to check if there were any coins under the couch, while Izuku leaned back to fish between the cushions once more. He felt nothing but cookie crumbs and lint at first, but he persevered. There might be some coins still stuck in there somewhere, just a bit more to the right and—Izuku jolted in surprise when his fingers brushed over something hard, thin and rectangular… almost like a phone. Huh.

Izuku grabbed the object and freed it from its couch prison. He grinned when he saw that it was a phone. A sleek, expensive-as-heck phone that now belonged to him. Well, not really. If the owner called him, he would definitely give it back. Izuku was not that heartless.

"There’s fifty yen under the table! Fifty yen!" Ochako exclaimed, raising the fifty yen coin up in the air excitedly. She immediately stood up and strode towards the cashier to pay. The man standing behind it, who had probably seen them ransacking the coffee shop for coins shot her a displeased look. Still, he begrudgingly accepted the money.

As soon as they walked out of the coffee shop, Izuku was quick to show off the shiny phone he found.

"Hey, Ochako! Look! I found a phone!"

"Oh god. Did you find that… in the couch?" Ochako stuttered out a reply, her brown eyes widening in disbelief.

"Yes!" Izuku beamed at Ochako, all the while hugging the phone to his chest. "A shiny, new phone... And it’s free! This must be a late birthday gift from my guardian angel."

Ochako snorted at that. "Well... the owner of that phone will probably call their network provider so they can block the phone and stop anyone from using it. Then, what you'll have a useless birthday gift from your guardian angel, instead."

"You’re such a spoilsport." Izuku turned his face away from his friend with a playful huff. "Some best friend you are…" He paused and laughed at how silly he was acting. "And it’s not like I’m gonna lose anything even if I only get to use the phone for a little while. The phone’s not mine, and I’ll definitely return it if the owner called."

"Whatever you say, Izuku." Ochako grinned cheekily, "Enjoy it… while it lasts."

Izuku was happily chopping broccoli for dinner, all the while singing along (rather off-tuned and eardrum-shattering according to his poor neighbors) to his Cooking Playlist that’s blaring on the speakers.

Then it rang.

“THE DAY HAS COOOM—All Might’s pink tutu!

Izuku was so shocked, the knife he had been holding flew right out of his grasp and landed next to his bedroom door with a loud clatter. He had never heard that tone in his life!

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Izuku frantically looked around his apartment to search where that annoying sound was coming from.

It rang again.

Oh crap... Could it be?

And all of a sudden, it all clicked. Izuku ran to his bedroom and grabbed the expensive phone on the nightstand with shaky hands. It rang nonstop and vibrated madly, but Izuku didn’t answer the call immediately.

Phone # 2, it read. Man, how many phones did the owner had?

Izuku was faced with a decision.

Would he answer it? Or leave it?

Well, as they always say, curiosity killed the cat. Izuku finally hit the answer button on the third ring.

"Uhm... Hello?" Izuku answered, trying to sound as nonchalant and innocent as possible.

"Who the fuck is this?" A male voice angrily demanded from across the line, his voice low and gravelly and deadly.


"I don't know," Izuku said, trying to keep his voice steady. This guy was intimidating as heck. "It all depends on who you are."

"What the fuck? Are you kidding me? I am the fucking owner of the phone that you’ve stolen, asshole!" He screamed, sounding as angry as ever. Izuku had to pull away the phone from his ear at how loud the guy’s screeching was.

"Well, In that case," Izuku replied, trying his hardest to sound serious, "I’m from the phone company. Sir, at this moment, we are currently examining your phone to make sure there are no bugs or viruses programmed into the device while it was out of your reach."

"Bullshit!" The guy exclaimed furiously. Izuku was scared for his eardrums’ well-being.

"Listen here, shithead. I called the company fifteen times and they said there’s nothing they could do to retrieve my phone! They suggested cancelling the service, but I wanted to hear the voice of the asshole who stole my phone first.”

"Ah. You’ve clearly called the wrong network provider, sir." Izuku explained, his voice wobbly at how he was trying to stifle his laughter, "This phone is property of Tiny Dick Mobile. You must’ve called the wrong company, sir."

"My phone is not from Tiny Dick Mobile!" The guy spat, enraged. Izuku was half-convinced the dude would explode any second now. "My phone is from NTT Docomo. And I would know, since I am the one who set it up!"

"Sir," Izuku said coolly, "I suggest that before calling in with these accusation, you should first get all the right information and papers in order. Have a good day."

Then Izuku hung up.

And for some reason, he felt strangely excited.

Izuku and Ochako were shopping in the busy streets of Tokyo. Ochako had forced Izuku to go to some ridiculous formal for her work. Ochako had a date, but she felt nervous around him. Her solution? Forcing Izuku to tag along and to bring his own date to ease her nervousness.

What a freaking hoot.

Like heck Izuku would get a date on such short notice. Or at all.

"Izukuuu, can we go back to that shop where we saw that cute, sparkly dress? I like that one." Ochako whined as she pulled Izuku’s arm to stop him from walking. "I'm just torn as to whether or not Iida-kun will like it. ‘Zuku, will Iida-kun like it?"

"I don't know about that, ‘Chako." Izuku answered slowly. As if he would know if Iida Tenya would like it. He didn’t know the guy quite well. "But I think it doesn't really matter if he likes it or not, as long as you're happy."

"The dress is super bright, though. I don't want to attract too much attention." Ochako continued to prattle on, completely disregarding Izuku’s comment.

"Uhm... Let’s keep looking, then." With a heavy sigh, Izuku tugged at the handle of the paper bag that contained his black tuxedo. He had literally walked into the first store they saw and bought the cheapest tux that fit him. Ochako, on the other hand, was a different story. She hadn't been able to choose at all.

They were now at their tenth store, and she showed no signs of stopping. Izuku heaved a defeated and weary sigh for the nth time that day.

Ochako was scrutinizing each and every pattern and cut of all the dresses she came across, and Izuku served as the opinion giver. Which, in Ochako-land, meant just standing idle and repeating exactly what she wanted to hear.

"Have you already asked someone to be your date?" Ochako asked, as they walked into the eleventh store.

"Wha—No! I told you already, ‘Chako. I'm not going to get one." Izuku replied, mortified, "Now go pick a dress already. They all look the same to me."

Then, the expensive-as-heck phone rang for the second time.

Izuku answered it without a second thought.

"Hello! Who is thi—" Izuku was immediately interrupted by Angry Man who was going positively ballistic on the other end.

"Oi, you asshole with a tiny dick! I’ve contacted my damned company seven times, and they’ve assured me that my phone is, in fact, NTT Docomo! And there was also nobody checking the phone for bugs and viruses!" Angry Man snarled.

Izuku let out a snort at how Angry Man still hadn't deactivated the service yet.

"Hang on a second, Ochako. I’ve got to take this call." Izuku singsonged and walked to the back of the store, leaving a baffled Ochako in his wake. Izuku internally groaned upon seeing that look on his best friend’s face. She wanted him to tell her all the deets later.

"What the fuck do you think you’re doing?" The guy demanded angrily, "Stop playing with me here, I want my goddamned phone back!"

"Do you have any idea where I found this?" Izuku leaned breezily against the wall and watched Ochako look determinedly through racks upon racks of dresses.

"This? The fuck are you talking about?" He growled, as angry as ever.

"Your phone, genius."

"No, I don't know where the shit you found it. How about you tell me?"

"At a coffee house." Izuku managed to let out while trying to stifle his snickers."Do you drink coffee a lot?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" He demanded.

"I don't know, you tell me. How does one manage to get their phone lost between a couch’s cushions at a coffee shop?"

"Hah? That's where you found it?" Angry Man asked, disbelief clouding his tone.

"Yes, sir!”

"Whatever. Can you fucking please return my phone to me?" He grumbled, promptly changing tactics and turning his anger down a notch.

"No." Izuku cheekily replied, "This is just too much fun!"

“Fuck yo—“

Izuku hung up.

And once again, Izuku found himself strangely giddy.

Izuku was at work, typing away on his computer.

To say he was bored would be the understatement of the century.

Then, as if hearing about his predicament, the phone vibrated in his pocket.

"Uhm... Hello? How can I help you?” Izuku answered, feigning innocence. Of course, he already knew who it was on the other end of the line.

"I fucking give up." Angry Man immediately said, "I just realized that you will never give me my phone back, you insufferable asshole."

"Oh man!" Izuku exclaimed teasingly, "Reverse psychology, my favorite!"

"Shut up!" Angry Man demanded, "Do you fucking find this funny? That’s my valuable money going down the drain because you’re too indecent to return my phone to me!"

Izuku wanted to point out that the only times he used the phone was when he was talking with him, but he opted to keep his mouth shut.

And for some reason, there was still no deactivation of the service, either. Angry Man sure was something else.

"Well... I'm not giving it back." Izuku said coyly, "It’s really shiny and pretty and it makes you angry that I still have it."

"I am finished with you!" He spat, "Keep the fucking phone, see if I care!"

"Well, thank you!" Izuku mocked him, "I really do appreciate it!"

"Don't expect me to call again, asshat." Angry Man added as an after thought.

And then he hung up.

And Izuku was not finding it quite as fun as before.

Ochako and Tenya were over for dinner. Now why on earth would Izuku had invited Ochako and Tenya over for dinner?

Answer is, Izuku didn't invite Ochako and Tenya over for dinner; Ochako invited Ochako and Tenya over for dinner.

After Izuku had cooked for them, cleaned the apartment, and held pleasant conversation for forty-five minutes straight, he decided he had enough.

Technically, He was doing Ochako a favor with him leaving the room to retreat into his bedroom. She’d have more time to talk with her beloved straight-laced, uptight Tenya, and Izuku would not have to pretend to be interested.

Izuku wasn't sure what possessed him, but he hastily flipped the shiny, expensive phone open, went into the contacts menu, and selected Phone # 2.

"This better be fucking important. You interrupted my sleep!" Answered a voice that was beginning to grow familiar. Izuku was shocked. It was only 8 P.M. and the guy was already sleeping?

"Entertain me." Izuku tiredly flopped down onto his bed, "I'm bored."

"Is this… Are you that asshole with a tiny dick who stole my phone?" He asked. Offended that someone had told him he had a tiny dick, Izuku sat up and peeked into his shorts.

Heh. Not so tiny at all.

Reassured that he didn’t have a tiny dick, Izuku lay back down.

"I have a name, you know," Izuku drawled, "and I didn’t steal your phone. That would involve me physically taking it from you. I found it, that’s all."

"You want me to entertain your shitty ass?" Angry Man repeated disbelievingly, ignoring Izuku’s comment, "Who the fuck do you think I am? A walking birthday party service?!"

"Well... For all I know, maybe you really are a walking birthday party service." Izuku replied sarcastically. "But the only thing I do know about you is that you have a really short temper."

"No shit, dumbass. And the only thing I know about you is that you’re annoying!"

"So are you gonna entertain me or not?" Izuku asked, and grinned when he heard Ochako burst into hysterics in the other room.

"How the fuck does one entertain someone else over the phone?"

"Are you saying you want to?" Izuku wondered excitedly.

"Not like I have anything better to do...”

Izuku heard a short beep and the Angry Man added, "I have a call waiting, hang on a sec."

Izuku found it... confusing to say the least. For some reason, Angry Man wasn't acting angry.

"... Shut up! And no, I don’t have a date to go with. Leave me alone!" Angry Man’s booming voice came after a minute of static. Izuku winced at the loud volume of his voice. And he seemed to had been talking to someone about not having a date? Izuku felt strangely happy after hearing that.

"I’m still here." Izuku sang, stifling a laugh.


Izuku heard another beep and Angry Man’s voice was gone.

"What are you doing, Izu?" Ochako demanded as she walked into Izuku’s bedroom. "You've been gone for ages!"

"Sorry, ‘Chako." Izuku hurriedly snapped the phone shut, removing Angry Man from his mind. "I just felt kind of excluded from your conversation, so I left."

"Ah. My bad." Ochako blushed, scratching the back of her head sheepishly. "Anyways, Iida-kun and I will leave now. Thanks for having us over!"

"Anytime." Izuku replied graciously, "Take care."

"Will do." Ochako said as she walked backwards, retreating from his bedroom.

Izuku blinked, and he was alone.

And his apartment was big and lonely once more.

Izuku should’ve brought a date.

Izuku should’ve brought a date.

Izuku should’ve brought a date.

He was bored and lonely and Ochako and Tenya had ditched him the moment they stepped inside the venue of the formal.

Dinner was to begin in a few moments, at which point Ochako and Tenya would finally come back and sit with Izuku. Until then, however, he would have to lean against the wall and watch everyone else mingle. He tried to ignore the fact that Ochako and Tenya had dropped him without second thought.

With nothing better to do, Izuku decided to find their table first. He walked to the front of the large dining hall and found his name near the bottom of the long list.

Table nineteen. And that was all the way to the back of the venue. Heaving a heavy sigh, Izuku pushed through throngs of dolled up people armed with their dates to get to the other side of the ginormous ballroom.

Izuku strode over to the big circular table. He sat down, pouting, for who knew how long. According to Ochako, this was a formal fundraiser event her company was hosting. Izuku was pretty sure long speeches and more alone time were to come, so he gratefully accepted a champagne flute from a waiter who appeared at his side.

Minutes ticked by, and finally, Ochako and Tenya arrived. They sat down next to Izuku, all the while giggling amongst each other. Izuku continued to pout. The lights dimmed as the event started. After an hour worth of long speeches, the tables began to fill up with more people Izuku didn’t knew.

"So what do you think of this so far, Izuku?" Ochako asked Izuku eagerly, finally acknowledging his presence after canoodling with her date all night.

"It's, uh, very entertaining. Night's just flown by!" More like dragged by painfully, horribly and irritatingly. But Izuku refrained from telling her that.

"I know!" Ochako agreed over-enthusiastically, "Hasn't it been super amazing, Iida-kun?"

And just like that, Izuku was excluded from the conversation again.


At that point, Izuku realized that he would rather eat a nice, greasy burger than some fancy food—that he would rather leave this snobby, stuck up party as soon as possible. He had a feeling that Ochako and Tenya wouldn't even care if he left.

"Ochako." Izuku said, abruptly standing up from his seat, "I don't feel too well. I think I’ll call it a night."

"What? Are you sure?" Ochako sounded disappointed. Sure, she was into Tenya, but she had wanted Izuku there. "Dinner's about to start!"

"Nah. I really don't want to eat right now." Izuku lied again, "I’ll just head home and lie down."

"Oh." Ochako said, "Okay. Feel better, Izu!"
Tenya just nodded wordlessly.

And with that, Izuku left.

Izuku walked to the burger place in a black tuxedo and slicked back green hair. Or at least it was slicked back an hour ago. It was now back to its original wild, messy state. Izuku sighed. No hair product could tame his hair for more than an hour.

Izuku was halfway there when, to his surprise, the phone rang.


"Entertain me." Angry Man who didn't seem so angry now drawled out lazily, "I'm bored."

"Bored?" Izuku gasped, "Why in the world would you be bored?"

"I'm at this shitty fundraiser, and it's fucking stupid and dull. Shitty Hair dragged me along, but I had no chance to find a date."

Who would even nickname someone Shitty Hair? Izuku laughed in disbelief.

"Well... I just left a ‘shitty’ fundraiser thing, and I was also dragged along forcibly without a date. I’m on my way to a burger joint because honestly, I really don't want to wait thirty minutes for a tiny salad."

"Wow." Angry Man blew out, "Maybe we were at the same formal. Was the formal you were at hosted by the computer company?"

"I was." Izuku laughed heartily, not believing it for a second. Who would had thought that him and Angry Man were on the formal? They could had crossed paths already, and none would had been the wiser. "My best friend works there. She invited me along."

"Can I join you?" Angry Man suddenly asked, catching Izuku completely off guard, "At the burger joint, I mean?"

"Uhm... sure." Izuku quickly responded, his cheeks flushing, "I'm on my way to Eraserhead’s Hot Buns just a few blocks away to the right of the venue’s exit."

"Right. I'll be there in a few minutes." He replied, "Look for a guy in a white tux."

"Look for a guy in a black tux, then." Izuku snorted.

Angry Man hung up.

Why was Izuku’s heart beating so fast?

Izuku was already wolfing down his cheeseburger when the door slammed open, and in walked a rather handsome young man wearing a white tux.

Spiky pale blonde hair adorned his head and a smirk tugged at his lips when he caught me staring. His eyes looked brown from afar, but as he neared, Izuku noticed the color of ruby. They were bright and liquid warm, sprinkled with light gold specks, framed by beautiful thick lashes. There was power behind those breathtaking eyes.

He slid into the booth where Izuku sat and smiled.

Angry Man could smile? Izuku was shocked.

"Uh, hi." Izuku greeted the striking man in front of him awkwardly. Izuku would be lying if he said he wasn't taken aback by Angry Man’s looks.

He had not been expecting… Well, he wasn’t really sure what he had been expecting, but it was certainly not this. Izuku discreetly placed a hand over his mouth to check if he was drooling.

There was a little.

"Hey yourself, annoying asshole who stole my phone." Angry Man laughed, his voice deep and raspy and oh-so-sexy. Izuku couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. "Do you have a name, fucker? Or does Annoying Asshole work for you?"

"I don't know." Izuku teased, "Annoying Asshole is pretty catchy coming from you, Angry Man."

"Angry Man?" He repeated slowly, raising an impeccable eyebrow.

"Yup! That’s you." Izuku cheerfully explained, his grin never leaving his face, "Angry Man. You yell on the phone all the time."

Angry Man frowned at that, "Annoying Asshole it is." And then he pouted petulantly.

"It's Izuku." Izuku finally answered, all the while trying to hide the blush that heated his cheeks.

"Katsuki." He replied, smirking. He had obviously noticed Izuku’s blushing.

Izuku was bedazzled, alright. He also wouldn’t mind if the blonde went to bed with him.

No one could really fault him for gawking stupidly at Katsuki. Who on earth could smirk and look sexy and downright underwear-dropping while doing it? Katsuki, that’s who.

Izuku was tongue-tied. His freaking mouth wasn’t cooperating with him.

“Kats... Katchu... Katcha... Kacchan?” Fucking kill him now. Why was he like this? Izuku was mortified, and would really appreciate it if someone would take pity on him and help him escape from this disastrous situation.

Katsuki wasn’t helping. The man’s mouth curved into a wide grin before devolving into a deep belly laugh, his ruby eyes sparkling with unshed tears. And Izuku’s gay ass was enamored once more.

Kacchan? Holy shit! That’s fucking gold.”

Izuku couldn’t do anything but just sit there and hide his reddened face in his hands.

“You’re such a fucking Deku.” Katsuki sounded teasing when he said it, but Izuku still looked up and glared at the smirking blonde. But the effect was lost with his still cherry red face. The blonde was guffawing again, and Izuku could help but join him.

Then, Katsuki stood up and ruffled Izuku’s fluffy, green hair. He disappeared momentarily to order food.

Izuku, on the other hand, frantically fanned his face to cool the heat that had devoured it. When Katsuki returned, Izuku was relieved when his cheeks had returned to their regular flesh color.

"I'll be honest, Deku." Katsuki said, "I wasn't really expecting... you."

"What do you mean?" Izuku drew out slowly.

This time, though, Katsuki’s cheeks slightly reddened in embarrassment and Izuku stifled a laugh.

"Well, shit..." Katsuki trailed off, "You're really something to look at."

And Izuku’s effort that he had put into fanning his face went down the drain, because he blushed once more.

"Well, uh, this is awkward." Izuku declared, "I think we may have set the world record for reddest cheeks during a first meeting."

Katsuki laughed at his joke and the awkward tension dissipated... but only slightly.

"Here." Izuku reached into his pocket for the phone, and handed it to Katsuki, "It’s yours. I was gonna call in to cancel the service and have it returned anyways."

Surprisingly, Katsuki pushed the phone back towards Izuku.

"Keep it. I'm starting to like your calls."

"Thanks... Kacchan." Izuku stuttered, still blushing, "I'm, uh, starting to like yours too."

Having entered an awkward silence once again, Izuku abruptly grabbed Katsuki’s hand and lead him out of the restaurant. He hoped the cool air would help with his furious blushing.

"How did you lose your phone?" Izuku asked. They were walking through a large park in the center of town.

"Well..." Katsuki did that sexy, playful smirk once again, "I left it there in purpose. I was hoping that someone cute and gorgeous would find it, and then he would bother me until we finally meet, and that’s when I would get the chance to kiss him."

"Excuse me? What are you talki—”

And then, Katsuki kissed him.

Well, Izuku thought, this sure beat any formal Ochako could ever bring him to.