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A n x i e t y

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Denki took a deep breath before he sat down on the edge of his bed, putting his head in his hands as he replayed the memories from earlier that day. Everyone had been acting so cruel, but he couldn't figure out why. He couldn't put his finger on it. He'd never felt like this before.

Sure, he remembered that he had said some things that probably weren't the best to say then and there, but he was being pushed into a corner with no way of escaping. He'd felt like an animal thrown into a too-small cage, like a bird that had its wings clipped for the first time so that it couldn't take flight. He was pushed right up to the edge of a cliff, dangling with only one mere centimeter of his shoes still resting safely on the edge. One mere centimeter away from slipping to his death.

All actions have consequences, all words have multiple meanings, but did that mean that he had to suffer like this? Did that mean he had to recount everything that had been said and done JUST to find out what went wrong?

His breathing became quick and shallow, almost as if he was hyperventilating. He wasn't sure what was going on. He'd never experienced this before. He'd never felt so short of breath, so close to that feeling of pure emptiness. His heart was pounding, his head was spinning, and he just wanted to disappear. He wanted to dissolve into nothing at the simple snap of his own fingers.. But even then, he couldn't move his fingers. He couldn't move anything. He couldn't even lift his head enough to check how long he had been sitting on the edge of his bed. He felt numb. He felt.. Empty.

Before too long, he began to see black spots and his vision started to blur. Beneath him, within his line of vision, he saw the carpet spinning and changing colors. It reminded him of one of the old films where there were random spots of black scattered throughout the sepia coloration. He tried to move to lay down but ended up just collapsing backward.

Left alone in the silence, all he could do was let himself fall into the darkness. He couldn't move his hands to grab his phone and turn on any music, so he was completely alone. He wasn't sure how long he had been lying there, but he wanted an escape. He wanted a way to release the demons inside of his head, inside of his mind. His heart felt like pure ice, and the room was both too hot and too cold all at once. He wanted to bundle up in his fuzzy blankets and cuddle up to one of Izuku's hoodies, but all he could do was stare at the white ceiling blankly.

His mind began to race with dark thoughts that he hadn't had in years. What if he died? What if he let the floodgates loose and let all of his demons escape? What if he was never heard from again? His eyes began to water, but he didn't notice the salty tears rolling down his face and into his ears, into his hair. He just stayed still, allowing his mind to play images in his head on repeat. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't make it stop.

His stomach began to feel like a barren wasteland, but he couldn't fix it. He blinked lazily, eyes falling closed as slowly as a feather drifting down on a still day. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't do ANYTHING.


By the time he woke up, his mouth felt like he had eaten a pound of sand followed by an entire box of salty crackers. Dry. Dry as the desert. He jolted up in his bed and grabbed the water bottle that he kept on his side table, downing the entirety of the contents before taking a deep breath of clear air. It felt like centuries since the last time he had been able to breathe so clearly, and he never wanted it to stop. He wanted to continue to breathe in like it was the only thing keeping him alive, which it kind of was.

One glance down made him realize that he had long and red scratch marks up and down his arms. He bit his lower lip as he ran his fingertips along one of them slowly and gingerly. He didn't remember scratching at himself, but he must have when he passed out. He'd never done that before. He'd never.. Well.. He'd never self-harmed in any way before. Unless you'd count the times when he would push his limits and short-circuit himself on purpose, but he wasn't considering that a negative thing. Why would he?

He slowly pulled Izuku's surprisingly-large hoodie over himself, relishing in the warmth and comfort that it brought to him. He'd have to go talk to everybody eventually, but that could wait until he was feeling better, right? He hugged his knees to his chest and slowly put his earbuds in, playing the songs that Izuku showed him. The ones that somehow got him to calm down every time he heard them. He let a small smile fall across his face as he looked out his window with darkened amber eyes.

"I miss you," he said silently, salty tears rolling down his face once more as the memories flooded through his head.


[I waited so long for you to come. Then you were here, and now you're gone. I was not prepared for you to leave me.. Oh, this is misery..]