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Tempted to Speak

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It was tough for a while after Brittany broke up with him.

It wasn’t the same, going to Breadstix with Tina and Blaine on one side of the booth, and him alone on the other side. It was hard to pretend like his heart wasn’t shattered in pieces. It was hard for him to pretend like he was fine just so he wouldn’t bother anyone, but it was what he was used to. Taking care of your siblings as a teenager does that to you, it makes you realize that sometimes your own feelings have to be pushed aside for a greater good, which in this case, was hoping that the New Directions would win at Nationals.

He put his heart and soul into glee, because he knew that if he stopped focusing on something and thought about Brittany, he would just break down and cry, and he wouldn’t want anyone worrying about him.

The thing is just… he loves her. A lot. Even before they started dating he admired her and appreciated how innocently she viewed the world. He’d never met anyone before that was so positive and loving to everyone. Despite her dimmer moments, she was always honest, and simply wanted everyone to be happy. He thought she and him were a lot alike in that respect. He did all he could to satisfy everyone else, but never really stepped back to look at the toll all of that selflessness took on him.

He’d been hurt before in relationships. Quinn cheated on him and made up the most ridiculous lie that he chose to believe just so he wouldn’t lose her and be alone. Mercedes rejected him. Santana never really liked him (and she really doesn’t like him now). He thought he and Brittany would work out, because they’re so similar, but also because he thought that they cared so much about each other that they would always be honest.

He really loved Brittany and he thought their relationship would at least survive until the summer, but it didn’t work out. The worst part was, he wasn’t even mad at Brittany, or at Santana. He was just disappointed.

So, as he sits at the booth in Breadstix and listens to Blaine rant about their competition at Nationals to Tina, he decides that, yes, he’s upset that Brittany broke up with him. And he decides that he’s allowed to be upset about it, but not for too long. Nationals are coming up, and he doesn’t want anyone worrying about him.