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Flightless Angel

Summary:

Alec's wings appeared when he was five years old.

His parents told him that his wings put shame on the Lightwood name - that he would hide them forever.

When Magnus is in danger, Alec has only once choice.

Notes:

Please read the tags! Seriously, the Lightwood parents are horrible in this.

This takes place SOMEWHERE after the first I love you(s) (After the first battle with Valentine in the Institute. With Jace touching the sword. Idk SOMEWHERE after that).

Chapter 1: Chapter One

Chapter Text

Alec saw his wings for the first time when he was just five years old.

It was the middle of an ordinary night - Alec had finished his studies, practiced with his new blades, and attended a Clave meeting with his mother. Throughout all of this, Alec had managed to cheer his three-year-old sister up with a silly story and both of them had fallen asleep quietly in their separate rooms.

Alec thought he would sleep like he normally did; peacefully and comforted by the fact that he could hear his sister if she needed him in the middle of the night.

Instead, he woke to an intense flash of pain on his back. He groaned into his pillow, his eyes sliding shut once again. Bright pops of color assaulted his vision. In another second, Alec was…

Alec was...He didn’t know where he was. He could feel his body in the air, trying to move away from a foreign pain that he could not get rid of. His back was on fire - Sparks of electricity raced down his spine as bones popped, broke, and were remade.

There was a noise. Someone had thrown open the door to his bedroom, but Alec couldn’t see who it was. He realized with sudden clarity that he was screaming. Though that fact came suddenly, it did nothing to stop Alec as he felt bone and muscle scraping together.

He convulsed on his bed, tears streaming down his face as another ripple of pain went through his already destroyed body. He found himself on his stomach, taking in deep breaths of air as his parents gripped at his body, trying to comfort him. His shirt was tugged off him, hands softly prodding to try and find something there

“H-hurts.” He whimpered, feeling something shift once again.

“What hurts?” His mother asked him, gripping his hand tightly, “Alec, honey. What hurts?”

But Alec couldn’t answer her. He screamed once again, feeling two deep slashes in his back - it was if a sword bathed in acid had cut into him, all the way to the bone. Something warm dripped from them, onto the bed, but Alec couldn’t see it. Instead, he was left screaming again, begging whoever he could to make it stop.

When he came back to it, his parents were yelling loudly at each other. His mother was crying, panicked, while his father was deathly pale. Alec attempted to move, only to find something really heavy weighing him down.

When he tried to look at it, he realized that…

That it was impossible.

“M-m-mom?” He whimpered, looking at the limbs that were covered in a red, gooey substance, “W-what?”

“Send a fire message to the Silent Brothers,” His mom said, ignoring him, “We can’t - Robert, our son.

Alec tried to move once again, but, instead, the two very impossible things moved for him. Alec had to accept that what was weighing him down was attached to his body - he had to accept that the thing he was seeing was real.

Two...Two bird wings were attached to him, covered in so much blood that he couldn’t see what color they were. Mystified, he tried to reach for them, gasping as he felt the soft, kind of disgusting feeling of feathers on his fingertips and… And connected to him. The wings, near the very root of the feather, could feel what he was touching.

Alec tried to move one of the wings closer, not wanting but needing to inspect it. The wing listened to his command, bringing the end of them closer to his hand, where he tried his best to wipe away the gooey mess.

Underneath his very own blood was what appeared to be the color black. The more Alec wiped away, the more he realized that the black feathers faded into a brown color. They were soft to the touch, yet the root of the feathers were sensitive.

When Alec attempted to move them completely, they lifted up into the air, held perfectly balanced. He realized that he was no longer in any pain. With that, he flipped over, resisting the urge to use his wings to help.

Somehow, they were already accepted by Alec - they felt right.

“Alec,” His mother said, voice stern, “We’re going to see The Silent Brothers, okay?”

Alec knew very little about who the Silent Brothers were. In fact, he had only heard them mentioned when one of the Shadowhunters were injured or ‘in need of guidance.’ Why Alec had to go see them, he didn’t know, but he would never disobey his mother.

Without a word, Alec got up from his bed. When his feet hit the ground, the wings instantly adjusted for him, balancing in a way that felt… Perfect. Without realizing what he was doing, he spread the wings out as far as he could, watching in shock as one of them touched the wall nearly six feet away.

“By the Angel,” He father whispered, looking paralyzed with fear. Alec couldn’t understand why. “Maryse?”

“Watch Isabelle,” His mother commanded, voice steely. It was a stark contrast from the crying that Alec had seen before. “I will fix this, Robert.”

His mother grabbed his arm in a harsh grip, causing Alec to stumble. His wings instantly adjusted, flapping lightly to help keep him steady. His mom dragged him to the living room, not even glancing at him as he once again studied the wings. Alec had a sudden urge to clean every feather that was dirty.

“Alexander-” Mom said, kneeling down to talk to him. Oh no, that was usually when he did something particularly awful - like miss one of his targets or get knocked down in training. 

“Did I do something bad?” He interrupted, fearful. His wings fluttered, showing his nervousness in a way Alec never could.

“Yes, Alec,” His mother said, gripping both his wrist in a tight grip. Her eyes had never been scarier, “These - these wings can not be seen. People will not tolerate them - they’ll hate you for it. I need them to disappear.” 

Alec’s heart beat frantically in his chest - no, his mother couldn’t mean that! The wings, though new, felt so right to Alec. He couldn’t just...He couldn’t get rid of them! They were a part of him now, perfect for him.

“But-” Alec asked, not understanding. Why was his mother gripping his wrists so tightly? It was starting to hurt.

“Do as you’re told!” His mother yelled, rearing back her arm, “Or so help me, you will not step out of this house for days!”

His wings fluttered once again, looking to tremble in fear. Alec felt tears in his eyes, scared of what his mother meant to do with her hand raised. He gasped, nodding, and begged the wings to disappear.

The wings pulled against him, folding against his back. They settled for a second, the soft ones on the bottom brushing Alec’s bare back. Alec took in an unsteady breath, needing the wings to go away.

But they wouldn’t! No matter what Alec attempted to do, the wings stayed curled up perfectly on his back, the tips of the wings just not touching the ground.

“I-I c-can’t-” He cried to his mother, tears running down his face, “I-i’m t-trying.”

His mother had finally put her arm down, looking deeply saddened, “It’s for your own good, Alec,” She whispered, eyes somehow soft once again. Alec didn’t - couldn’t understand what was going on.

His mother’s hand reared back once again, this time with the hilt of her ever present seraph dagger pointed towards him. Before Alec could cry out…Before he could flinch away...Before he could catch himself...His mother had, with all her strength, smashed the blade handle on his temple.

He knew nothing but darkness.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Alec woke.

He blinked at the bright lights above him, feeling disoriented. He turned his head to the left, feeling lost as he didn’t recognize any of his surroundings. Two people were in the room. No, they weren’t exactly people. Their eyes and mouths were sewed shut with ugly, thick black string. They were wearing strange, yellow and orange robs. Alec had never felt so scared in his life.

He dragged himself into a ball on the bed, trembling as the two beings came closer to him. He realized that the wings that had appeared were still on his back, comfortably draped over the sides of the bed.

They were clean now - Alec could see the black feathers clearly. Near the middle of the first set of feathers, they turned a soft brown - nearly the same color as chocolate. And, as his eyes traveled up, he realized some of the wings had a golden hue.

Alexander Lightwood,”

Alec gasped, hearing a voice in his head, but not seeing where it came from.

Your mother will return shortly.” He said, his voice echoing in Alec’s head, “We are the Silent Brothers that looked over your...Injuries. Though the wings tell signs of good fortune, your mother has requested that they be hidden from the Downworld. As that is her wish, you have received a rune on your hip. You, or anyone else, will only see it when both the wings and the rune are first activated. Then both will be invisible.” 

Alec felt terror grip his heart - a rune? He knew from his lessons that he wasn’t supposed to use a rune until he went through his ceremony. How could these people allow him to use a rune?

“Thank you, Brother Zepth.” His mother’s voice broke in, calming Alec slightly. “I will take Alec back home and explain the situation.”

Alec had a sudden image of his mother striking him on the head. When she put her arm out to take his hand, he couldn’t stop the flinch. His mother paid no mind. Instead, she grabbed his hand in a painful grip and pulled him to his feet.

His wings fluttered once, brushing against the bottom of the bed, the other nearly touching one of the Silent Brothers. Not liking that, he called his wings to his back once again, feeling comforted that they couldn’t accidentally touch something.

Alexander,” The Silent Brother said, just as his mother almost had him out the doors of the infirmary, “You may not understand, but your mother can not keep this hidden forever.”

Alec didn’t understand - he didn’t understand why or how there were wings on his back. Why he had to hide them. Why his mother had become so mean and scary. None of it was making sense. He wanted everything to go back to normal.

Before he could he could say anything, his mother pushed open the doors. Alec realized a moment later that the doors had opened a portal. One second Alec was blinking against the harsh light in the infirmary with strange people, the next second he was back in his living room.

It was still dark out. How long had Alec been asleep?

He stood in front of both his parents, feeling nervous despite not knowing what was going on. He fidgeted, eyes down as his parents said nothing.

“Oh, Alec, honey,” His mother said, crouching down to look him in the eyes. Alec felt instantly reassured. “We’ll fix this, okay? You’ll be alright.”

Alec didn’t know what was going on.. He felt fine, better than he ever had. The wings didn’t not bother him - in fact, he felt reassured by them. Their presence was comforting, something he didn’t know he needed but desperately wanted.

His mother took out her stele, glancing at his father, who nodded. “Alec, we’re going to activate the rune now, okay? It’ll sting for a second and then it’ll be over.”

“But the-the person said that they would be invis-invise.” Alec felt tears of frustration at not being able to say the word.

“Invisible,” His mother patiently replied, “Yes, Alec. Remember, we are Lightwoods - we can only afford to be the best.”  

“But I don’t want the wings gone!” Alec cried. His wings broke free from his back, shaking slightly.

“Alexander,” His father said, voice stern. He leaned down with his mother, glaring at him, “You will do what your mother says. This is no time to argue.”

Alec nodded instantly, too scared of what his father would do if he resisted. He had never seen his father angry before - disappointed, maybe, but he had never raised his voice to him.

His mother turned him slightly, putting the tip of the stele near his right hip. “Take a deep breath.”

Alec didn’t have a chance too. He gasped as the stele burned on his skin, turning it an angry red. He cried out, attempting to move away, but his father’s hands were on him in a second, holding him in place. He squirmed, feeling something...Something happen to his back. It wasn’t right - it was uncomfortable and awful and he wanted it to stop.

“No!” He cried, resisting his father’s harsh grip on his shoulders. “Mom-”

But his mother had stopped drawing on his skin. He looked down, watching in horror as the black lines of a rune appeared on his skin. He blinked, watching it disappear before his very eyes. Just as his father released him, he felt what the rune had done.

His wings were gone. He attempted to move them, but it was like he was completely disconnected from them. He stumbled, his weight uneven. “No.” He cried, looking desperately for them.

“Calm down, sweetheart,” His mother said softly, gathering him in a hug. Alec almost resisted it. “It’s okay now. It’s going to be okay.”

Alec cried into her shoulder, feeling disoriented and horrible and sick. This wasn’t right. This couldn’t be right. The wings were his and they were a part of him. They couldn’t be gone. They couldn’t.

Alec cried and cried, but his mother didn’t ever activate the rune again.

His father picked him up, taking him somewhere. Alec didn’t care - he just wanted them back. He didn’t even get to look at them in the mirror, he didn’t get to study the color, he didn’t get to move them. This was wrong, wrong, wrong.

He was placed on his bed on his back. Instantly, he flipped to his stomach, clutching the pillow to his chest.

“Please,” He said, not knowing what he wanted to say, “Please.

But his parents were not longer in the room.

He put his arms around himself, feeling for them.

He felt nothing.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Three months had passed since that night. His parents had acted as if nothing had changed, but everyday Alec woke up with misguided hope that the wings would be there once again. Everyday, he felt as if he was in someone else's body.

Once again, Alec was in bed, looking in his mirror. He imagined the wings on his body, lifting in the air and feeling the weight of them. Yet, every time Alec was disappointed. He forced himself to close his eyes. Maybe, possibly, he fell asleep.

 He woke up in the middle of the night, back once again on fire.

He cried out, sitting upright in his bed. His back was itching like mad - so unbearable that Alec found himself using his door frame to scratch away the pain. Yet, it did nothing to help him. Scared, Alec ran to his parent’s door, banging on it with all of his might.

“Mom?” He called, feeling tears on his face.

His mother opened the door. With one look at him, she gathered him in her arms, bringing him to his parents’ bed.

“Hurts!” Alec whimpered, attempting in vain to reach his back.

His mother moved away, replaced instantly by his father, who ripped Alec’s shirt of his body. Alec cried out again as the fabric brushed across the already sensitive skin. In another moment, his mother was pressing her stele to where he knew the rune that hid his wings was located.

It burned, just as before, but the pain in his back outweighed it. In a flash of white light, his wings appeared once again. Feathers fell around the room, one in front of Alec’s face. He reached for it, clutching the brown wing in his fist - it was covered in blood.

Alec flapped his wings experimentally, feeling relieved, yet immediately after grimacing in extreme displeasure. The feathers were in each direction, painfully separated. Without prompting, he called one of the wings to him, trying his best to lay the feathers flat and correctly.

He instantly felt better as he did this, breathing becoming steady. He was in his own world, him and wings, completely relaxed.

There was a noise behind him, and then he felt strong hands grip the back of his other wing, almost painfully. Alec attempted to move his wing away, but it was trapped. He turned to look at who it was, only to find the angry gaze of his father.

Don’t touch them,” He hissed, gripping the wing harder. Alec winced, but said nothing, too scared. Alec lowered his eyes to the ground, pulling his hands away from the wing he was fixing. Alec closed his eyes, trying to stop his tears.

There was a moment of stillness in the air. His father ran his hand over the outside of his wing, his finger going over one of the out of place feathers. Alec didn’t move, yet his wing twitched slightly, almost wincing in discomfort.

“Maryse, activate the rune.”

Alec turned to look at his mom, hoping that she wouldn’t. No, she couldn’t possibly. They hurt too much - he had to fix them! They couldn’t disappear again! If he had any hope of his mother arguing with his father, it was lost the moment Alec looked in her eyes.

She looked disgusted.

Alec felt what was left of his heart shatter in his chest. If he had any hope of his parents loving him after this - if he had any hope of ever loving the wings, it was lost the moment his mother walked towards him, stele in her hand.

He didn’t fight her this time. Instead, he continued to look down as the rune burned into his skin. He stopped his tears - he didn’t need them. No, if he ever loved his family, he would pretend the wings never existed.

His mother led him to his room silently. Without a word, she shut the door, leaving him in the dark. Alec didn’t care. Instead, he walked to his bed and slept on his back, refusing to wince or cry out as the burning and itching in his back continued.

Alec opened his fist in the middle of the night, unaware that a feather fell from his tight grip and under his dresser.

Weeks later, his mother had swept it up and he never saw it again.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Alec lasted a week until he could no longer stay quiet. His training was being affected and his mother was constantly disappointed by him. He finally - finally confessed that it was due to the pain in his back.

It was the first night his father was forced to groom his wings.

Every time, it left him with half put together feathers and bruises.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Every three months his father activated his rune and fixed his wings.

Alec would cry himself to sleep each time, blood ruining his bed.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

When he was eight, his mother gave him a small journal.

It told of other Nephilim that had wings. The oldest one died when she was fourteen.

Alec didn’t ever want to show Izzy his wings.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The first time Alec was handed his very own stele, he went straight to his room after his lessons and shut the door, telling Izzy that he wasn’t feeling well.

He found himself in front of the mirror, his shirt off. The only rune he could see on his body was the Clairvoyant rune, yet he knew that if he put the stele to his hip, he would be able to see his wings.

He stared at his reflection, allowing himself to imagine the wings on his body - being able to see them entirely for once in his life. Alec looked away, knowing that his parents wouldn’t approve. His wings made him a freak of nature - a burden on the Lightwood name.

The stele felt like a knife. He rolled it between his fingers, trying to find comfort. Instead, he found himself shaking, at war with what to do. With a cry, he threw the stele across the room, watching with horror as it slammed into the wall and then bounced onto the ground and, finally, out of sight.

His family mattered more than his wings.

His family mattered more than his happiness.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Jace arrived when he was ten. He needed a different kind of attention than Izzy did, but Alec was happy to have a brother.

Alec didn’t think he would ever have a closer friend.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Alec was wrong.

What Alec wanted - anything Alec had ever wanted was always morphed to the point where he despised the very idea of it.

Alec wanted a parabatai…

...Alec didn’t want to be in love with him.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Jace, after being his parabatai for six months, asked him about the pain in his back.

Alec stuttered an excuse, telling him it was just the bond being weird.

His father stopped leaving bruises.

It didn’t stop the pain.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Alec met Clary Fray.

Alec had to admit, he admired her stubbornness, if not anything else. She didn’t take no for an answer - something that tormented Alec - and she was always there causing a mess. She reminded him of Izzy, yet completely clueless and reckless.

Just like his parabatai.

Alec couldn’t help but feel jealous. Five minutes into meeting her and Jace was addicted, looking at her the way that Alec looked at -

He stopped his thoughts. Apparently, he had a Warlock to meet.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Magnus Bane was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Alec couldn’t help it - his eyes followed Magnus’s every move and gesture. And boy did he make a lot of them. The man loved to move, his hands always following the story that Magnus spun.

And when Magnus looked at him? Alec lost all logical thought.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Alec couldn’t breathe.

It was okay.

After all, it was Magnus that stole the breath from his lungs.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

After kissing a gay Downworlder in front of the Clave, Alec was terrified of going to his father to groom his feathers. He knew that his parents hated him - that, at this point, he was sure that displaying his wings was better than what he did.

Yet, Alec still had Magnus. It was awkward, new, difficult, weird, and-

wonderful.

He groomed his wings himself when he knew that Magnus would not be home. It might have been wrong, using Magnus’s apartment, but Alec had nowhere else to go. For the first time, he brought the stele to the unnamed rune.

Alec’s back was to the mirror in the bathroom - he didn’t know if he was ready to look at them. Unsteadily, he looked slightly to the left, barely able to contain his astonishment at the large wing. Magnus had a very big bathroom; yet, when Alec tried to extend his wings fully, they still did not fit.

That..That meant they were at least nine feet long.

His flapped his wings just slightly, relieved when it didn’t hurt to move them. Instead, Alec’s heart skipped a beat - he felt energized.

He folded the wings onto his back, just as he did when he was a kid. When they retracted enough, Alec turned around, needing to see them.

They were...They were just as Alec remembered - black, brown, and gold. The colors rushed together in some places, a beautiful splash of hues that went together with the solid colors by the tips of the feathers.

Yet, a lot of the feathers were disgustingly out of place. Breathing deeply, Alec brought the first wing to his hands, feeling completely relaxed and comforted as he fixed each feather one by one.

Alec couldn’t reach the wings closer to his back. At one point, mostly in desperation, he grabbed his seraph blade and used the handle to at least smooth down the feathers. It wasn’t the nicest thing Alec had seen, but it was better than leaving them like that.

When both were, mostly, done, Alec continued staring at his reflection for the longest time, admiring the wings - his wings.

He hated them - a large part of him loathed they ever existed. Yet, even after all the years of torment that they brought, he couldn’t bring himself to want them gone.

There was a sudden noise of the front door opening.

Cursing himself, Alec clumsily searched for his stele. Knowing that he was a bad liar, he turned the shower on and hopped in.

Magnus went in after him only a few moments after with that familiar, loving smile on his face.

His wings were easily forgotten.