Niall 17 - Harry 18 - Louis 18 - Liam 18 - Zayn 18
Morgan 11 - Holly 9 - Tori 8 - Elsa 6 - Kimmie 2
"Girls! Hurry up, you'll be late - again" I holler up the stairs before going back to setting the table for breakfast.
Morgan comes down a moment later carrying Kimmie, our youngest sister of 2 years old. That surprises me. She's never the first down and she never helps with her sisters, least of all Kimmie, as she "doesn't do anything fun".
"Elsa won't come down, because Tori threw her doll on the top shelf and no one can reach it" Morgan mumbles before helping herself to a piece of toast.
I get Kimmie sat on the chair next to Morgan, instructing her to make sure Kimmie doesn't fall. I pop the pre-made bowl of cheerios in front of Kimmie and head up to see where the others are.
"Girls! I really don't have time for this!" I grumble, heading into their room.
"But! Lilly is up there!" Elsa wails and I glance up to see that her doll is in fact on top of the wardrobe.
"How the hell did it get up there?" I grumble.
"I threw it up" Tori smiles at me, like butter wouldn't bloody melt. She's such a demon.
"Why are you such a brat?" I sigh.
"It gets me attention" she shrugs.
"Well then, you can get it down" I warn. I pick her up at the knees and hold her against the wardrobe so she can grab the doll. She does and drops it down to Elsa, who is over the moon.
"Thanks Niall" she whispers, cuddling the doll to her chest.
"No problem. Now, both of you go down and get some breakfast. Toast is on the table waiting".
After those two head down stairs, I head into the bathroom to find Holly. She'll be in her doing her make-up again. Who would have thought she was 9!
"Hol, you can't wear make up to school. It's not allowed" I tell her through the door.
"It's fine! They won't know"
"Yes they will. Take it off and come down for breakfast"
"-No buts. Take it off now and come down please. If you come down and it's not off, you're grounded" I warn and head back down stairs.
The others are tucking into toast so I finish making the packed lunches.
"Morgan, grab the bread for me?" I mumble and she rolls her eyes but passes it over.
Holly comes down a moment latter and glares at me, with a clean and make up free face. I smile at her sarcastically.
I butter 10 pieces of bread and make the 4 ham sandwiches for the girls. They get cut in half and put in each of their lunch bags. Kimmie obviously eats at nursery.
"Crisps?" I mumble to the girls, as usual.
"Cheese and Onion" Morgan mumbles, playing on her phone as usual.
"Same" Holly and Tori say in unison.
"Bacon" Elsa grins.
I accommodate their requests and the crisps go in each of their bags with the sandwiches. I then make them all a bottle of dilute orange juice, which goes in their bags.
"Fruit?" I call out.
"Apple and banana" Tori grins.
"Same" Holly adds.
"Grapes and- and- an orange" Elsa grins.
"Don't want any" Morgan grumbles.
"Well, you're having two pieces. Choose, or I will"
"Fine. Banana and orange" she rolls her eyes.
I once again accommodate their requests.
I start making my lunch and realize we only have one piece of bread. Half a sandwich it is. I lightly butter it and place a slice of ham in the middle before folding it in half. I also grab the last piece of fruit, orange and pop that in my bag.
"Why don't you have 2 pieces?" Elsa asks.
"There's only one left babe. Don't worry, I can buy another piece at school" I lie. Well, it's not a lie. I can buy another piece. But I won't because they expensive there and I literally have £4.23 to my name until I get paid, in 2 days. Not bad you say. But we need more bread, milk, ham and fruit for the girls for their lunches tomorrow.
I'm also playing a dangerous game with my car, called 'let's see how far we can get with the warning light on and limited petrol'.
"Girls, we have to go. Come on" I mumble, finishing my glass of water. I could have juice, but it's quite pricey and I'd rather the girls have it over me having it.
"Shotgun!" Morgan calls as they race out of the door with their bags.
"Come on Kim, let's go to nursery shall we?" I grin at her, resting her on my hip.
"Yey!" She smiles. She's always so easy going and happy. Always so bloody happy.
I grab my bag and lock up before making my way to the car.
Morgan is pushing Holly out of the way for the window seat and Elsa and Tori are arguing over the passenger seat. Ugh. Great.
"Well, it's Tuesday, so Morgan has shotgun today" I inform them. This argument is a regular occurrence, so we made a rotor for who get's shotgun. Today is Morgan's turn.
"Hah! Losers" She smirks, climbing into the front seat.
I get Kimmie strapped into her car seat and make sure Elsa has her seat belt on - she's a pain for taking it off - before I climb into the drivers seat.
Elsa, Tori and Holly get dropped off first at their classes and I get another inquiry on where our mother is by Holly and Tori's teacher. They're in the same class.
"I haven't seen Jenny for a while, is everything okay Niall?"
"Yeah, everything's fine. She's just super snowed under at work" I say softly, offering her my million dollar smile. She laps it up like a dog laps up water. Works every time.
"Hol, Tori - be good. Okay? No fighting again" I warn, giving each of them a kiss and cuddle. They promise they'll be good and head into class.
I drop Elsa at her class and also give her a cuddle and kiss before she leaves. I then make my way back to the car where Kimmie smiles widely at me and Morgan rolls her eyes. I roll mine back at her.
Elsa gets dropped off next, but after a large argument the other week, I walk her to the door but don't cuddle or kiss her.
"Bye" she mumbles.
"Not so fast, phone?" I comment, putting my hand out for her to drop the device into my hand. She does with another eye roll.
"Well get it confiscated again. Then you won't have it for 2 days, will you" I challenge. She glares at me and heads into class.
"Come on Kimmie" I smile at her as we walk back to the car, her resting upon my hip.
"I'm sure you can paint today! Let's find out shall we?" I coo, buckling her back into the car seat.
Once Kimmie is dropped off at nursery, I head to college.
I slump in my chair, next to Louis and wait for the English tutor to arrive.
"Hey Tommo. Where's Payno?" I frown, looking at the empty chair on Louis' other side.
"Suspended this week"
"Again?" I whistle. He's always being suspended, either that or expelled.
"Yeah, he walked out of Maths so he could see Sophie" he tells me, doodling little stick men on my arm with his pen.
"She's a bad influence on him. He hasn't been the same since dating her. Now all he does is get into trouble" I shake my head. I had to stop letting him come round as he kept searing in front of the girls.
"She is. Can I come to yours later?"
"Sure, come round about 7. I need to go shopping and sort the girls tea's out" I smile.
"Sweet. Are you doing okay? You know, financially?" he asks a quietly.
"Yeah, fine thanks Tommo. I get paid soon anyway" I shrug.
"You know where I am, if you need anything. Literally anything Nialler" he smiles, finishing up the last sick man.
"I know. Thanks Lou" I smile. I do know. I know he'll lend me any money I need to get by, but then I still have to pay it back. Yes he's great and tells me I don't have to pay him back, but I do. He's my friend, not my personal ATM. His family is rich, but that doesn't mean he is. He works hard for his money and if I ever borrowed any, he would have to get it from his parents (which neither of us mind) but I don't want him to think I'm only friends with him for money. I have borrowed odd bits of money here and there when things got really bad, and every penny has been paid back. But I don't make a habit out of it and would never borrow a large amount.
"Hey Zee" I grin as he sits in front of us. Zayn is lovely and so pretty. I'm really jealous of his face. And body. And hair. And laugh. And life. I've known him since I could talk and we've been friends ever since.
"Hey, want me to pick you up later? I'm off to Nialls" Louis adds.
"Yeah, what time?"
"Be at yours for about half 6" Louis tells him.
"Who's that?" I mumble as a tally boy with tattoos and long brown hair walks into our class. He hovers in the doorway, glancing around at the empty seats before our eyes meet.
He bites his lip a little, trying to figure out where to sit and I know for a fact he is new. Iv'e literally never seen him before.
"Dunno, must be new. He's hot" Louis whispers and I nod my head agreeing with him.
"Hey! You new?" Louis shouts to him and he looks taken back before nodding.
"I'm Harry" he says slowly, voice raspy and deep.
"I'm Louis and this is Niall and Zayn. Come sit with us if you want" he offers and Harry smiles before making his way over. I wish I had Louis confidence.
To my surprise, Harry sits beside me on the empty chair. Smiling as he does.
"So, anything I should be aware of here?" he asks softly.
"Not really. The pasta dishes are amazing but stay away from the meatballs, they're horrible. Erm- the table nearest the bins is where the nerds sit, so I'd avoid that unless you like talking about Dungeons and Dragons and Harry Potter. The jocks are on the table opposite them but are actually really nice guys, so you could sit with them if you wanted" I shrug.
"C-can't I sit with you guys?" he frowns.
"Um-yeah! You can. Of course you can. I just meant- I didn't want to limit your options. So I was just saying you could sit with them. But you can sit with us. Right Lou?"
"Yeah, of course!"
"What subjects are you taking?" Harry asks us both.
"English, Law, Psychology and Music" I smile.
"That's a lot of work!" he frowns and I shrug, I'm not opposed to hard work.
"I'm taking English, Law and Music as well, but Drama is my last option" Louis smiles.
"He's a real Pre-Madonna" I smirk and Harry laughs whilst Louis elbows me in the side.
"OW" I whine. That hurt!
"Bully" I mutter, but with a fond look on my face. He really is my best friend. I'd be lost without him
"What about you Harry?" Louis grins.
"English, Law, Maths and Business" Harry tells us and I scrunch my nose up. Why would anyone choose to do Maths?
"Hate Maths" I mumble, causing him to laugh.
"What about you Zayn?" Harry asks the tanned boy who turns in his chair to speak to us.
"English, Art, History and Business" Zayn reels off with a small smile.
Harry hangs out with myself and Louis for most of the day and sits with us in the lessons we have together, English and Law.
When it reaches home time, Louis says he'll see me later and Harry asks if he can hang out with us sometime. Before I can even speak, Louis takes his address and says he'll pick Harry up on the way to my house, around 6:50pm tonight.
Now I have to clean up as well as pick the girls up, go shopping and make tea!
I leave college an hour early, as usual, and head straight to pick up Holly, Tori and Elsa from school as they finish first.
"Hey Holly, hey Tori. how was school?" I smile as I meet them at the doors.
"Fine, let's go!" Tori mumbles, grabbing my arm and trying to drag me towards the car.
"Okay, okay. Hang on" I chuckle.
"Niall? Could I have a word, please?" Their teacher calls me back and I turn to frown at her, then turn back to Tori who is biting her bottom lip.
What has she done now?
"What's up?" I smile at Mrs Kelly whilst crying inside. This is the third time in 2 weeks I've been pulled by the teacher for her behaviour.
"It's about Tori, may we?" she sighs and gestures to going into her office. I nod and glare at Tori when the teacher looks away.
"Girls, come on" I mutter. I don't have time for this!
Once seated Mrs Kelly starts by telling me that Holly is failing Maths because she won't do the work and I assure her that I make sure all the girls do their homework each night. It's making me feel rather defensive actually. It's almost like she's implying I let them run wild!
"Tori, what's going on? You do your homework. Why don't you hand it in?" I frown.
"I can't tell you" she mumbles and I sigh at her.
"Is this to do with Karmen?" I ask. Karmen is her best friend who doesn't do much work and I think it's having a knock-on-effect.
"Then tell me" I say firmly.
"Fine! It is Karmen. She's struggling and didn't want to be the only one not handing in the work. So, I threw mine in the bin to make her feel better."
"You can't fail Maths to make your friend feel better" I frown.
"But she asks for help and is ignored" Tori glares at Mrs Kelly.
"I can assure you I do not ignore my students" Mrs Kelly mumbles, clearly taken back by Tori's candor.
"You do. She said she didn't understand and you told her to stop talking" Holly interjects.
"Okay, Holly. I'm not arguing with you-"
"-Good. Start teaching these kids properly and my sister won't be failing" I glare as I stand up and head to the door. The girls follow me and I can tell Tori is smirking at Mrs Kelly. I don't care at this point. I'm proud she stuck up for her friend. I'm not happy with how she went about it and certainly aren't praising her throwing away her work, but I'm proud none the less.
I then pick up Elsa and am informed by Mr Richards that she cried for an hour today because she wasn't allowed to play out in the rain. I sigh and run my hands down my face in exhaustion.
Why me lord? What did I ever do to you, to deserve this life?
I then drive over to grab Morgan who doesn't even acknowledge me, other than to tell me I'm late.
"I know. Blame Tori"
"Hey! What did I do?"
"Throw away your homework and fail Maths?" Holly offers with a laugh. She then wines when Tori punches her arm. The whine only lasts a second before she punches her back.
"Girls! Stop it" I snap, looking in the rear view mirror.
"Can I go bowling later, with my friends?" Morgan asks.
"You take that"
"Stop kicking me!"
"Don't kick me then!"
"-Tori! Holly! Stop it right now! I'm not messing around. One more word or assault and you're grounded!" I snap, making them both freeze in their seats.
They both glare at each other.
"Can I?" Morgan repeats and I sigh as I park up to get Kimmie.
"Can you give me a hand at home first?" I ask and she rolls her eyes at me.
"Give the girls hand with their homework?"
"Sure. If you drop me off?" she nods.
"Sure. Wait here" I mutter, climbing out of the car to get my favourite and least complicated sister.
"Hey, Megan. How's she been?" I smile at the young blonde girl as Kimmie races to meet me at the door.
"Kimmie! Hey babe, how are you?"
"Good! We-we painted"
"Wow! Can I see your picture?" I ask with a smile and she nods, wiggling to get down. I pop her down on the floor and she runs over to grab her picture.
"She's been fine, as always. She did hurt her hand on a toy earlier, so I've done her an accident form. It was nothing serious, just a small red mark. It did get a bit bigger when she hit the toy that made it, but she's okay" Megan chuckles and it makes me laugh too. That is Sooooooo like Kimmie.
"Niall! See? It's you" She smiles, handing me a picture of a very terribly drawn person.
"Oh, wow! I look amazing" I lie.
"You do" she grins.
"Shall we go home? I can put this on my wall?" I smile and she reaches her arms up to be carried. I oblige and pick her up.
"Yeah! Bye Megan!" Kimmie waves.
"By Kimmie, see you tomorrow" Megan waves back at her.
I get her fastened into the car and make Else fasten her belt again, as she unbuckled it, before setting off to Morrisons.
"Girls, are you waiting in the car?" I ask as I pull into the bay. I'd rather they did as it's quicker for me to wiz round and grab what I need. I also don't have to keep saying 'no' every 2 minutes when they ask for stuff I can't afford.
"No" Kimmie grins.
"Yes" Morgan mutters, texting on her phone as usual.
"No" Tori smirks.
"No" Holly adds on.
"No" Elsa whines.
"Fine, come on then. Morgan, don't leave the car" I warn her as we all climb out of the car. I grab Kimmie from her booster seat and hold hers and Elsa'a hands, Tori and Holly walking behind me, shoving each other.
"Stop pushing each other or you're waiting in the car" I snap quietly.
"Tori, want to grab me some milk?" I ask and she nods before running off to find it.
"Holly? We need apples and bananas. Get the cheapest ones though, yeah?" I grin and she heads off in the direction of the fruit.
I quickly head to the bread isle and let Elsa go get it, keeping an eye on where she is. Once she comes back, we go to the fridge isle and I grab a bumper pack of ham.
I meet Holly at the till and Tori joins us a minute later.
"How much?" I ask Holly.
"Apples are 69p and bananas are 79p"
"Thanks babe. Tori?"
"Milk is £1.09" she smiles, putting it on the checkout.
"Thanks, Tori. Elsa, can you remember what the bread is?"
I quickly add it up in my head to make sure we have enough for it. I was so embarrassed last time when I didn't have enough and I had to put something back. But in all fairness, Elsa put a barbie in at £13.00 when I wasn't looking. I felt bad taking it out, but I couldn't afford it and it wasn't fair to buy her something and no one else.
"So, that's.. £2.97. The ham is £1.00. So, £3.97 in total. Great work girls" I smile as the lady begins scanning our shopping.
"That's 3.97 in total"
"Here you go" I smile, about to hand her the money.
"I do it?" Kimmie asks, tugging my arm slightly and I laugh, handing her the £4.00. I then pick her up so she can hand the money to the lady.
"Thank you sweetie"
"Get your change babe" I smile as she pulls away, waiting to be put on the floor. She grins at me then the lady and takes the money.
"Look! So many monies!"
"It is babe, so much" I smile.
I stand her on the floor and she hands the change back to me.
"Thanks, let's go" I sigh. It's like herding cattle.
"I call window seat!" Holly yells, racing to the front of the shop. Elsa and Tori run after her and myself and Kimmie follow with a sigh.
"Your sisters, aye? What are they like?" I mutter and Kimmie just laughs at me.
When I get back to the car, Tori has Elsa pushed into the window, holding her head there so she's face smushed against it and Holly is kicking Tori in the leg repeatedly to make her stop. Morgan, as per usual, is sat doing nothing but texting people and rolling her eyes.
"Girls?! Why can't you just behave?" I snap, making them stop. I'm relieved because people outside the car are pulling weird faces at us because of the weird faces Elsa was making against the glass.
"Tori started it" Elsa complains.
"Elsa started it! I called window seat. You heard me-" Tori argues.
"-I didn't start it!"
"You did" Holly adds.
"No I didn't" Elsa whines and I sigh, strapping Kimmie back in.
"Belts on" I mutter, closing the door.
I wait outside the car for a minute trying to compose myself.
I'm so close to crying it's unreal. I'm just so overwhelmed with everything right now. I'm 17 years old for crying out loud. I should be sneaking out of the house to hang with my friends and getting told of by my parents when they find out. I should be getting high purely from the smell of weed and feeling giddy over having a cheeky beer with my friends. I should be acing college and having plans in place for university and travelling the world with nothing but my passport and a bag pack. I should not be a year into playing parent to my 5 younger siblings because our mum left without a second thought for us. I should not be juggling college, working, being a parent and maintaining a house all by myself. I'm only just old enough to live alone for crying out loud. And if social services find out that there isn't anyone over the age of 18 living at home, the girls will be taken straight into care and I'll lose them.
I cannot let that happen. I will not let that happen. I will do WHATEVER it takes to keep them with me and if that means throwing away my own present and future, so be it.
I'm brought back into the real world by Kimmie banging on the window.
I turn and glance at her, meeting the worried face of Holly, the moody faces of Tori and Morgan, the unfazed face of Elsa and Kimmie grinning at me like I've just bought her cake.
I shake my head and climb into the car.
"About time. I'm bored!" Tori complains.
"Yeah. I want to go bowling sometime today" Morgan tuts.
"Keep that attitude up and you wont't be going anywhere" I mutter, pulling on my seat belt before reversing out of the parking bay.
"You aren't the boss of me" she mutters.
"I am. I'm the eldest so you'll do as I say" I grunt, turning left.
"I wish mum was here. She's the best and I hate you" Morgan snaps.
"Yeah. I wish she was too" I whisper, barely keeping the tears at bay.
Once we arrive home, we all climb out of the car and head inside.
"Homework, then you can play before dinner" I call and they head to the kitchen table, with their books.
"I'm not helping them. I've changed my mind" Morgan mutters, going upstairs.
"Morgan? Do you want to go bowling or not?" I call after her and she stops halfway up the stairs.
"It's been cancelled" she snaps and I secretly sigh in relief. I literally have 23p to my name and can't actually afford for her to go.
Homework, like everything else in my life, is stressful.
Elsa complains about her Maths homework.
Tori has a melt down over her English homework, before copying Holly's with slight differences and Holly keeps elbowing Tori in the head for cheating. Which wouldn't be too bad, if she wasn't copying Tori's Science homework!
Kimmie is great, as usual, and just plays with her cars on the kitchen floor. Every now and then she holds a car up and tells me the color. She's recently learnt them and is over the moon when she get's one right.
"It is red! Well done Kimmie!" I coo.
"Pasta for tea girls" I tell them, putting the pan on to boil, with the pasta already in it.
I grab 2 tins of tuna and pour the contents into a bowl. I mix in some mayonnaise and pop it to one side whilst putting the dishes away from last night.
I grab 5 bowls out of the cupboard along with a plastic one for Kimmie and place them on the side ready.
"How are you doing?" I ask generally, walking over to the table.
"Horrible" Elsa grumbles and I laugh quietly.
"Done" Holly grins.
"Me too" Tori adds and I tell them to put their books in their bags for tomorrow. They do and then head upstairs to play.
"Where are you stuck babe?"I ask, sitting next to Elsa.
I never expected to make friends so quickly. It makes me feel slightly guilty that they've welcomed me into their homes and lives under false pretences. I mean, I'm not really who they think I am. But I can't tell them that.
Louis picks me up at 6:40 and we head to grab Zayn and then another guy called Liam. Liam is weird. He's formal and mature yet speaks really chavy and unmotivated. But to be fair, Louis told me before we picked him up that he's got a new girlfriend who isn't really a good influence on him. But it's his decision so non of his friends are interfering. They've told him she's bad for him and he isn't listening, they they won't force him to listen.
"Ready to see Niall?" Louis asks, wiggling his eyebrows at me.
"Sure" I nod, a little confused.
"You're blushing! You like him!" he giggles.
"What? No I don't" I lie ,but I can feel my cheeks blushing even more and know I'm not fooling anyone.
The truth is, I do like him.
He's gorgeous and funny and so intelligent. Louis and Niall have both taken me under their wings today. They've introduced me to pretty much everyone and I've made so many friends thanks to them. They've warned me about which teachers to give a wide birth and which ones to suck up to.
But Niall is so beautiful. He's so.... innocent. Not in a virgin way... okay... yes I think he is a virgin.... but I mean he's innocent mentally. He's got the essence of beauty that is already driving me insane and I've only known him for 24 hours.
"Do you really think Niall needs a meaning less hookup right now?" Zayn mutters from the seat behind me. I turn to glance at him with a frown and I can see Louis is also from the drivers seat.
"Hookup?" I ask, a little offended.
"Well, let'e be honest, you aren't a relationship guy" he comments, with a raised eyebrow.
"I am actually" I lie.
"You're hiding something and I'm going to expose you" Zayn warns.
Louis rolls his eyes, Liam rolls a cigarette and I roll the window halfway down, for some air.
"A bit of fun is what Niall needs right now" Louis says matter of factly as he pulls up outside a semi-detached house. It has a decent sized garden, a few bikes scattered on the grass that is a bit overgrown, but its a nice quaint little house.
"What do you mean by that?" I ask as we all climb out of the car and head up the path.
"He has a lot to deal with" Liam comments, quickly finishing the cigarette that I didn't even notice him light.
"You'll see" Louis adds. He knocks on the door but then heads straight in. I stare at the back of his head as he heads in, wondering if I should go straight in or wait. Liam nudges me slightly and my decision is made for me as I step inside the house.
The house is small. That's my first observation.
It's also messy but not dirty.
There is also a lot of shouting.
Louis nudges Liam and Zayn head into the living room, away from the shouting and heads into the kitchen - towards the shouting. He doesn't direct me anywhere, so I hover in the doorway of the kitchen.
"Morgan we're not having this argument again-"
"-Clearly we are Niall!" a young girl around 14 shouts.
"I'm sorry that I don't have the money to send you to Paris with school, but-"
"-You never have any money. What's new?" she scoffs.
"I'm trying! Okay? I am trying here and I'm sorry I'm not perfect. But I'm trying here" Niall snaps and I can see he has tears in is eyes.
"Niall? Morgan? Let's tone it down. Yeah?" Louis tries to soothe but Morgan is having none of it.
"It's not good enough. You're a rubbish parent!"
"Well news flash Morgan, I'm not your parent I'm your brother and I' m doing my best-"
"-Well your best isn't good enough" She glares and Niall deflates. He actually deflates. Tears starting to fall as his shoulders do and he turns away from her.
"Good to know" he whispers, walking to the other side of the kitchen and starts washing up, tears dripping down his flushed little cheeks.
"Morgan? Go to your room. I'll be up in a minute" Louis says quietly before heading over to Niall and wrapping him in a massive cuddle. Morgan gives me a funny look as she side steps me and heads upstairs.
"It's okay babe. She didn't mean it. Shhhh. Shhh. It's okay baby, control your breathing for me Nialler" Louis coos into Nialls ear and I can see Niall slowly stop crying into his shoulder.
"I'm trying s-so hard" he hiccups.
"I know baby and she knows that too. Come on, you have a minute. Let me talk to her and see what's happening. Yeah?"
Louis pulls back a little from Niall and pecks his lips, making me look away slightly. Why would Louis try and set me and Niall up, if he and Niall are a thing? Or friends with benefits or whatever they are?
I look back at them and see Niall kiss Louis back on the lips before Louis leaves the kitchen.
"We're just friends, kisses comfort him" Louis smirks when he sees my confused look.
He then heads upstairs, tugging my arm to follow him.
The downstairs is messy but not dirty. There is a cheap-ish table with 4 matching chairs and 2 other chairs that don't match. There are old but clean carpets throughout the house and a homely vibe to it. But nothing really matches and everything is a bit random.
There are pictures all around the wall going up the stairs, every one in a different frame, of the same 5 girls, one of them being Morgan Some pictures only have one girl in it, some have 2 or three and some have all 5. At the very top of the hallway, there is a larger picture of all 5 girls and Niall. There are no parents.
"Morgan? Think we should talk, don't you?" Louis says, bringing me back to the present and I follow him towards her room.
"I'm not apologising" She snaps.
"Girls, why don't you give Niall a kiss before bed and then do your teeth? Louis smiles and three younger girls come out of the room.
"Who are you?" The smallest one asks.
"I'm Harry, Nialls friend" I smile at her.
"I'm Elsa" she smiles and walks downstairs.
"Holly? Take Kimmie to give Niall a kiss" Louis calls and Holly rolls her eyes, but goes in and comes out a moment later holding a toddlers hand. She looks around 2 years old.
"Right, Morgan, let's talk shall we?" Louis sighs and pokes his head out of the door. He spots me and grabs my arm, pulling me into the room.
The room is big. But there are also 5 beds in it, making there not be as much space.
There are 2 bunk beds on the back wall and a smaller bed in the shape of a boat, that must be Kimmie's as she's the only one that would fit in it. The wall opposite is a wall full of miss-matched wardrobes and the window wall has loads of pigeon holes, each with a box full of toys in it.
One thing is clear, Niall does not have a lot of money. Another thing is clear, Niall is doing everything in his power to provide for these girls.
Louis sits on one of the beds, next to Morgan and takes her phone off of her. He puts it in his pocket and looks at her pointedly.
"Do I have your attention now?"
"Yes" she huffs.
I sit on the bed next to Louis.
"So, what's going on with you?" he sighs.
"I'm tired of living like a tramp. Nothing matches and I'm not allowed to do anything" she complains.
"Niall is doing his best for you girls-"
"-I've heard. But it isn't enough".
"Okay. Well, what have you been up to today? Talk me through your day"
"Went to school, saw my friends, did dome work. Came come, did some homework and had my tea" she shrugs, clearly not seeing where this is going.
"Do you want to know what Niall has done today?"
"Sure" she mutters, clearly not meaning it.
"Well, he got up, got you girls up and ready for school, made your breakfasts then drove you all to school. He went to college, had to leave an hour early to pick you all up, went shopping, come home and made tea, helped the younger ones with their school work. Had tea, cleaned up, did his college work, he then has actual work from 8-11 before going to bed and doing it all again tomorrow."
"Well, that's- a lot" she sighs.
"Yeah. It is. Do you want to know what he's eaten today? After you complained about having pasta for tea?"
"Sure" she mumbles, clearly feeling guilty.
"He had 1 piece of toast for breakfast. He had 1 piece of bread with a small bit of ham in it and an orange for lunch and half a bowl of pasta for tea because there wasn't enough for everyone"
"There was enough-"
"-But Holly was still hungry, so he gave her his tea. Which, you'd have known if you ate at the table with them" Louis counters.
"Morgan, you know how you keep comparing him to your mum? Well, how do you think that makes him feel? He is trying his best to provide for you all and you throw it in his face every chance you get-"
"-I know uncle Lou but-"
"-What do you remember about the day your mum left?"
"Not much. Niall cried a lot" she mutters with a shrug.
"You know what I remember? I remember Niall crying his eyes out because he didn't want to lose any of you. He knew, if social services found out, they would take you straight into care and he wouldn't let that happen. He has slaved his ass off for the past year raising 5 children and for what? For you to throw it back in his face? He is trying Morgan. He is trying and you are making his already hard life, even harder"
"I- I didn't know that"
"No, because you only care about yourself and what Niall is doing wrong. How about, you thank him for the things he's getting right for a change? Say thank you to him and stop being such a brat" Louis says firmly.
"Okay, I will uncle Louis"
"Good. And one more thing, stop complaining about your room"
"It's just- I have to share with the 4 young ones and-"
"-Your room is lovely. He's pulled out all the stops to get you the nicer second hand clothes, he's got you nice furniture and beds. You have such comfortable beds, you know that?"
"They're just beds" she shrugs.
Louis sighs heavily and stands up. He makes his way to the door and beckons us both to follow him. Morgan follows first and I follow her.
"We aren't allowed in Nialls room" she mutters as we stop outside a different door that's closed.
"I know and you aren't to go in again. Look" is all he says as he opens the door. The sight makes me gasp.
Niall's 'room' (if you can call it that) consists of a chest of draws that has 2 draws in it and an empty gap where the third one should be and a mattress. No bed or frame, just a mattress on the floor with 1 pillow and a duvet. He has a tattered pair of trainers sat next to the bed on an even tattier carpet. The paint is all chipped and an off white colour as it clearly hasn't been decorated for at least 5 years.
"He- he doesn't have a bed?"
"He sold the frame so you could go to the farm, last month with the school trip"
"He did what?"
"You wanted to go and he wanted to make you happy" Louis sighs.
This boy - this boy is an angel.
Bit of Harry POV for you!
What do you think??
I finish the dishes and the girls come down and give me a cuddle and kiss before bed. I stall them by getting them all a cup of juice and a biscuit as I know Louis is talking to Morgan upstairs and don't want the others to hear the discussion. Especially not Elsa. She cries enough already.
"Niall? Who's Harry?" Elsa asks with a mouthful of her custard creme.
"He's a- a friend from school" I shrug.
"He's cute" Tori giggles and I laugh a little.
"Yeah? I guess he is" I nod, stopping Kimmie from shoving a whole tomato in her mouth. She didn't want a biscuit and I'm not going to tell her off for asking for fruit instead of junk food.
"Boys can't think other boys are cute" Elsa argues, eyes wide.
"Sure they can-" Holly buts in.
"-Yeah they can-" Tori adds in.
"-Girls? Let's not argue. Boys can find other boys cute and girls can find other girls cute"
"Do you love him?" Holly grins.
"No. He's just my friend"
"Do you like boys?" Elsa asks and I sigh a little.
"Of course" I mumble with a fake smile.
"Nooooo. Do you LIKE boys? Like mummy did- or does- did?"
"Does. She's not dead Elsa" Tori rolls her eyes.
"How would I know? I barely remember her" Elsa frowns and so do I.
"We can look at her pictures, tomorrow, if you want? I'll tell you all about her. Then, when she comes back, it will be like she never left" I lie. I have a feeling she isn't coming back. But how do I tell that to a 6 year old?
"Yeah, please. I'd like that" she smiles and so do Tori and Holly.
"So. Do you love him?" Holly presses.
"He's just a friend" I repeat.
"You can love your friends" Tori contradicts and why did I think it was a good idea to keep them awake longer than necessary?
"You can I agree. But I don't know him well enough to love him. He's a nice guy but he's just a friend" I smile, putting the dishes away from tea.
"What are we talking about?" Louis asks as he enters the kitchen, Harry following behind him.
"Niall lovesHarry" Elsa grins and I choke on my own spit as I nearly drop a cup. Luckily I catch it before it hits the floor.
Holly and Tori give me funny looks as I cough and choke on my own saliva, whilst Elsa is looking at Harry like he hung the stars. Louis bursts out laughing and eventually comes over and pats my back so I can start breathing again, but Harry - he stands there eyes wide and mouth agape.
"I don't- don't love you. I was trying to explain that boys CAN love other boys and so can girls" I mumble to Harry, face brighter than the tomato Kimmie is eating at the table.
"No worries" he laughs and runs his hands through his hair awkwardly as Morgan hovers in the doorway. She refuses to make eye contact.
"Okay girls, bed time, go on up please" I call out and Louis offers to make sure they're tucked in whilst Morgan talks to me. They all make their way out as Morgan makes her way in.
"I'll wait in the living room, with Liam and Zayn" Harry smiles and he's the last to leave.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did" Morgan mumbles, still not making eye contact with me.
"Morgan? Look at me babe? It's okay. I get what you're saying. Trust me, I do. If I could earn more money, I would. If I could buy more things or better matching things, I would. If I could send you to Paris with school - I would-"
"-It's not about Paris" she argues.
"Then what is it about?" I sigh, sitting at the table. She sighs and joins me on the chair opposite.
"I- I'm embarrassed. I know you're trying. Lou showed me your room and- and I know you're doing your best. But- you always ask why none of my friends come round anymore. This is why. The upstairs is nice, but- the house it tatty and tired. I was ashamed" she mumbles, clearly not wanting to hurt my feelings but needing to be honest.
I don't tell her she's just shattered my heart and that I feel like I've let my entire family down.
"I know babe. I know it's not ideal. But- I'd rather have food on the table than matching chairs to sit on. Sometimes, in life, you have to compromise to survive. That's all I'm doing. I'm trying to keep a roof over our heads and food in our stomachs."
"I know. I'm sorry for being difficult"
"It's okay babe. Just- please try and help me out a little, by not making life harder" I ask gently and she nods.
"Thank you. Now, go up to bed, it's late and I have work to do" I smile. She gives me a warm hug before leaving the kitchen and I hear her pad up the stairs.
I run my hands down my face in exhaustion and head into the living room.
"I have work for a little while. Liam, Zayn? Who's with me today?"
"I need to go, Zee can you cover this one?" Liam mumbles, deep in a texting position on his phone. He stands up before anyone can comment and leaves through the front door.
"What work do you do?" Harry asks and I glance at him a little like a deer in headlights. I forgot he was here. What will he think of me now?
"I'm a model" I mumble lightly, hoping he'll let it go.
"Cool! Can I see some of your shoots?" he asks, eyes wide and glowing.
"Erm- sure. Come up" I whisper in defeat. If I'd have said no, he would have suspected me hiding something. Which I am, but - at least this way it might not be as bad as he could have imagined it to be. I hope.
"Ready Zayn?" I ask quietly and he nods, standing up and following me to my room, Louis and Harry follow.
I head into the girls room to make sure they're all in bed.
Kimmie is spark out, cuddling her favourite teddy - her monkey. I pull the blankets a little higher up to her face and kiss her head.
Elsa is in Holly's bed with her (as usual) and they're both zoned out - even if Holly is half hanging out of bed. I gently lift her up and lay her back into bed properly, but no doubt she'll fall out of bed before the end of the night. She always does. Lord knows why Elsa chooses to sleep with her. She's the most restless of us all! I kiss them both gently on their heads and make sure they're covered over.
Tori is reading a few pages of her book and I tell her lights out in 10 minutes. I don't want her tired for school tomorrow but I'm pleased she's spending the time reading - not playing games or messing around. I make sure she's tucked in and kiss her cheek gently.
Morgan is just plugging her phone into the charger. We make eye contact and she smiles at me before rolling her eyes and stretching her arms out for a cuddle. I smile immediately and wrap my arms tightly around her. This is the first time in 9 months she's let me cuddle her. She pulls back a moment later and I kiss her cheek. She rolls her eyes again and I chuckle gently to myself. That was probably the first thing she did when being born and will be the last thing she does before dying.
"Night girls" I call quietly.
"Night" Morgan smiles.
"Night Niall" Tori calls, blowing me a kiss.
I close their door to and head back into my room.
Harry, Louis and Zayn follow me in and I close the door.
On the other side of the door is a separate door. I open put in the combination in the lock and open the door.
"I never noticed this door before" Harry mutters and I give him a weird look. When was he in my room?
"When were you in my bedroom?" I frown at him.
"Earlier- um- Louis showed Morgan your room to prove a point and um- I followed" he stutters and I give Louis a pointed look. He knows I hate people in my room. Especially when I'm not there.
"Okay" say quietly, indicating I'm really not happy about it and Louis gives me an apologetic smile.
"What's in the room?" Harry asks to change the subject and I enter the room. They all follow.
The room is fairly small and isn't really spacious enough for 4 people, but here we are. The walls, floor and celling are painted white and there is a lighting ring set up, just off of one of the walls, with a camera positioned in the middle of the wall. This is the most modern room in the house, but it's the photo shoot room - so it has to look immaculate or magazines wouldn't pay for my pictures. There is also a small white couch that is used in some of the shots, but is mainly for whoever is with me, that isn't working the camera that night. Louis tends to deal with my administration. Such as, checking what shots I need and making sure we have them all and they're all perfect (and checking none need retaking). Liam and Zayn both work the camera, taking it in turns usually. Liam is better at camera angles but Zayn is better at lighting and directing me position wise. Together, the three of them are the best team I could ask for.
I head to the back of the room and grab the first box off of the shelf, knowing the email said something about black being the theme.
I feel Harry peer at the contents over my shoulder.
"I'm going to the toilet. Zee can you set the camera up? Lou will you check my emails and see what shots they want?" I ask and both boys nod. "Harry? Get acquainted with the room and the props. If you put me off, you'll have to wait in my room" I sigh and leave the room.
When Niall leaves the room, Louis sets up the small laptop that was located in the far side of the room and I can see him scanning the page for the relevant information.
Zayn fiddles around with the camera and moves the lighting ring slightly.
"Lou? Stand in the shot line? I need to check lighting" Zayn mutters and Louis grumbles.
"Get Harry to"
"He's too tanned. His skin tone doesn't match Nialls. Please?"
He stands up then, discarding the laptop on the sofa. He stands there looking at the camera for a moment whilst Zayn takes a few pictures, checking them after every few and adjusting things I have no idea about.
"Harry, why don't you get the props ready?" Louis suggests and I od my head, wanting to be useful in someway (rather than standing here like a plank).
Louis heads over to the basket and tips the props out near the couch, but out of Zayns way.
"We need a black vibrator, black lace panties and handcuffs" Louis calls out, after double checking the email.
I freeze and look back at the floor. Then at Louis. Then at Zayn. Then at the props on the floor.
Why are neither of them surprised or freaking out?!?!
This is- this is a raunchy photos shoot! This is a porn shoot.
I'm in the middle of freaking out slightly when Louis stands up and shakes my shoulders slightly.
"Hey! Pull it together or leave. But none of this, leaves this room. You hear me?"
"This is a porn shoot!" I gasp.
"Yeah? So? It pays better money for the least hours possible. Look. I don't expect you to agree with this but don't you dare say anything to Niall to make him feel dirty or slutty. He's providing for his family in the only way he knows how and we might not approve, but we will support him because that's what friends do" Louis whisper shouts.
"If you can't do that, please leave" Zayn adds and I can see how much these boys love Niall.
"I- I can support him too- I mean- um- I'd like to. Please" I stutter.
"Good. Black vibrator, black lace panties and handcuffs" Louis repeats andI nod, then head to the floor to gather up what's been listed to me.
I'm just in the middle of asking which vibrator he wants (because there are 6. 6 BLACK VIBRATORS!) when Niall comes back in the room, wearing just his jeans.
He closes his bedroom door but leaves the studio door open.
"I can't hear the girls with this door shut. It's soundproof from both sides" he explains with a small, barely there, sigh.
He looks so small. So nervous. It breaks my heart. He toys with the front of his jeans before biting the bullet and popping the button. The zip follows a moment later and we briefly make eye contact, but he looks away from me.
"Ready when you are Niall" Zayn says gently and when I look over at him, I see him and Louis making sad eyes at each other. They don't want Niall in this position anymore than he wants to be her.
I turn back to face Niall after he takes a sharp breath. He's looking straight at the floor. Won't even make eye contact with anyone. I sense Niall often hesitates like this before shoots, as neither Zayn or Louis look overly concerned, like it's something new.
"I-I just need a minute" Niall whispers and Louis stands up from where he was sat on the floor. He once again abandons the laptop and makes his way over to Niall. He pulls Niall into a bone crushing cuddle, stroking his hair gently and humming lightly in his ear. He pulls Nialls face away from his neck a moment later and presses a light kiss to Nialls lips, Niall kisses back instantly. They kiss quite sloppily and a little messily for a minute, Louis sliding his tongue into Nialls mouth and sucking Nialls tongue in to his own mouth before Louis pulls away.
"You've got this Nialler"
"I- I know" he sighs with a little sad smile.
Louis walks away from him and hands him the back panties, once picking them up.
Niall hesitates and I can sense that, whilst Niall hesitating is normal, this much hesitation isn't.
Louis takes the panties back and drops them to the floor. He then starts pulling Nialls jeans down his thighs. I should look away. I know I should look away. But - I can't. Okay - I don't want to!
He takes Nialls jeans off and then his boxers, discarding them in a basket near the door, before helping him into the black panties. Niall is bigger than I imagined he would be. Not huge, but easily 7 inches, with thick girth but that could have something to do with the fact he's half hard. From kissing Louis no doubt. He's also freshly shaven which shouldn't be as hot as it is.
"What's the first pose?" Niall asks, before taking a quick drink of a bottle of water.
"Okay, it's you on your back, with your arm- um- Niall? You need to be a little more excited than that" Zayn mumbles from behind the camera. Niall sighs and turns around so his back is to us, before slipping his hands into the panties. I can see him working himself over with his left and and can already feel my own cock hard in my jeans. I subtly adjust as Niall lets out a frustrated groan.
"It's not having any of it. I can't keep it up" he sighs.
"I'm offended. Making out with me always keeps you in the mood" Louis scoffs dramatically, hand over his heart as though he's wounded.
"I know" Niall grumbles.
"Harry, you're up" Louis mutters, waving at me to go over to Niall and - well- wake littler Niall up.
"Well, I tried and failed. Liam is with Sophia so he can't do it and Zayn is back with Perrie this week - so he can't do it either" Louis reels off.
Not because I don't want to - because I really do! But I shouldn't. Also, technically, I'm not allowed. But I can't tell them I'm not allowed without telling them why or who I really am. Damn it!!
"You don't have to" Niall whispers and I can tell he thinks I'm disgusted or repulsed by him.
"No! I want to. Um- Just- you're not allowed to tease me- if I get hard too" I stutter and Niall giggles softly, promising he won't.
I make my way over to Niall and wrap my arms around his waist, whilst he wraps his around my neck. I lean in gently and press my lips against his. They're soft and slightly chapped, but they taste list strawberries. Part of my brain is telling me that it could be because Louis' lips taste like strawberries - but I push that part to the back of my mind.
I immediatly take charge of the kiss and whilst Niall fights back a little, he let's me have dominance pretty much straight away. He whimpers softly when I bite his tongue and I use that moment to card my hand through his hair, tugging on it gently.
I press a little harder into Niall and he moans lightly, kissing back just as hard. I wrap one of my hands to his cheek, angling his head just the way I want it, whilst the other stays on his hip pulling his body as close to mine as I can get it. He moans a little louder and I use the opportunity to nibble his ear gently.
"Don't leave any marks" Louis orders as I make my way to his neck and suck lightly. I groan out of displeasure and move my hand from Nialls waist, to cup his arse instead. He groans even louder and I don't know about him - but I'm fully hard right now.
I kneed his arse with my hand softly, making his hips roll against my thigh so he's lightly humping my leg and the moans just keep falling from his bruised little lips. I can feel his hard erection pressing into my thigh and it only makes me lift my leg a little higher, giving him extra leverage to grind onto me.
"Ugh- Harry- Ugh"
"I know baby. God, love it when you moan my name" I whisper in his ear, nibbling the lobe again lightly.
"Ugh! Please- please stop" he moans and I frown, thinking I've misheard. He wants me to stop? Is he not enjoying this? I pull away from him slightly and push away some of his hair out of his eyes. He stares back at me with practically black eyes from lust dialation and a bright red face. He's never looked hotter.
"You want me to stop baby?"
"Ugh! Ye-yeah. Have to" he moans into my shoulder, moving his hips lightly on his own accord and I frown even more. I don't want to stop! And by the looks and feel of his body language, he doesn't want to either. Need I remind him that I don't actually have hold of him at the moment and he's literally humping my leg?
"When you're ready, we have a shoot to do" Louis calls and I flinch, having actually forgotten that we weren't alone. Niall flinches too and pulls back from me with heavy breathing. I look over at Louis to see him sat on the floor, back against the couch, with his legs spread out and the laptop on his knee.
His smirk says it all. I'm screwed if I thought I would make it out of this without falling for this boy.
What do you think?
What do you think Harry is hiding!?
So........ the last few chapters I've posted have had errors in them, being that they've posted twice in some parts and what not. I do apologise, the error hasn't been showing up when I have previewed before posting.
Thanks for letting me know! It means I can amend it!
Enjoy chapter 4!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
I finish the shoot with a little bit more ease, thanks to Harry's 'mood lightning'.
Zayn is directing me the whole time. "Arm over your head". "Arse out a bit more". "Different lace pants?"
Meanwhile Louis is uploading all of the images onto the software and ensuring each one is stamped with perfection.
And Harry - well, he's still reeling from our make out session and is slumped in the chair watching me with both fascination and pity. I try not to make eye contact or let him see how much his facial expressions are hurting me.
After the shoot, I quickly have a shower and throw on some joggers and a shirt whilst Louis and Zayn clean the room, ready to do it all again tomorrow. They always offer and I feel bad letting them, but I think it's their way of trying to help me. They can't help financially so they'll help out in other ways.
I walk back into my room, towel drying my hair softly,to find Louis and Zayn talking about the images and which ones worked really well. Harry is sat joining in, but I can tell he's reserving himself. Why, I'm not sure.
I know why.
He's disgusted with me. I like him, more than I should at this stage and as more than a friend and I thought we could see where our friendship takes us. Clearly not if he's embarrassed by my work. Does he not know that I am too? Does he not know that if I could change my job, I would in a heart beat.
But I can't.
Why? I'll give you five reasons, right now.
Morgan. Holly. Tori. Elsa. Kimmie.
My expenses per month, won't allow me to even consider a different job.
My rent is £480 per month. I pay out £250 a month on food alone. Council tax is £50 per month. Water is £50 a month. Gas is £40 a month. Electric is £40 a month. The TV Licence is £20 a month. My phone bill is £15 a month and so is Morgan's. My car insurance is £100 a month, plus £50 for petrol. Kimmie's nursery fees are £300 a month.
£1,360.00 per month I pay out.
This doesn't include extras such as the girls going out with friends or school trips or clothes for them.
This doesn't include road tax or the annual MOT or the service.
This is quite simply, everything that has to come out of my bank account every month, or I fall behind with payments again. And I've only just caught back up. To fall behind again now, would mean I wouldn't recover. I'd never get out of debt.
I take 10 pictures per night and get paid £5 per picture.
In a 30 day month, I make £1,500.
That leaves me with £140. Sounds like a lot? It really isn't. That's £35 a week, providing no emergencies crop up that need paying for.
"Okay, I'll get these sent off Nialler"
"Thanks Lou. Thanks Zayn. I appreciate your help" I smile softly at them as they both stand up and make their way towards me. Harry follows them, blush still evident on his face.
"It's okay mate" Zayn nods, giving me a one armed cuddle.
"You be okay? I need to get home before 11. Mum is on the war path again" Louis grumbles and I give him a cuddle, telling him I'll be fine.
"Harry? Want a lift?"
"Please" he grins, gives me a small cuddle and leaves with Louis and Zayn.
I collapse onto my bed, knowing Louis will lock up with his spare key, and let sleep take me.
"What?" I groan, rolling away from the intruding noise of people.
"I can't sleep" Elsa whines, tapping my shoulder.
"Go back to bed and try" I grumble.
"Niall! Please. I can't sleep" she whispers and I can hear the sadness in her voice.
"Okay, get in but don't kick me again" I mutter, moving over so she can sleep in my bed. The last time, she kicked me so hard, I bruised for 3 weeks. My shin killed for days.
I fall back asleep with Elsa's head on my chest and her leg gently kicking mine, repeatedly. I swear she's a bloody kick boxer in her dreams!
I wake up to the sound of my alarm and make a groan in protest before deciding to just get up. Complaining isn't going to fix anything or prepare breakfast.
I quickly put 4 pot bowls on the table with the choice of either coco pops or cheerios. 4 spoons are also added and I get Kimmie's plastic bowl on her chair ready. I then put the milk carton on the table, knowing I'll have to monitor it to make sure we don't lose it all on the floor (again).
I pad back upstairs and throw some jeans on, deciding the top I'm wearing will do. I spray on some cheap body spray to cover the fact I spelt in this shirt and head in to wake the girls up.
"Girls, rise and shine. Get ready. Come on, breakfast is on the table" I call as I put the light on and draw back covers. It's the only way to get them up. Baring Kimmie who is always sat up waiting for me when I go in.
"Hey Kimmie" I smile, picking her up.
The girls come down stairs with out much arguments and sit at the table.
Morgan and Kimmie have coco pops and the others have cheerios.
I have cheerios with no milk, after Elsa drops the carton on the floor - insisting she could do it.
I make a note to get milk from the shop again later.
"Okay, up and get dressed, come on" I smile, urging them to get ready once breakfast is finished.
I head up with them and get Kimmie dressed, in the bathroom, in leggings and a flowery dress. It's cute and it was on sale so everyone wins. I pull on some shoes and fasten them before she heads off to play and I make their lunches.
4 Chicken sandwiches. 8 pieces of fruit. 4 bottles of orange juice. 4 packets of crisps. All made, all divided into their lunch bags, all set to go.
As usual, I drop Elsa, Holly and Tori off first, followed by Morgan and then Kimmie.
Before letting Morgan go, I pull her to one side.
"Hey? I know you don't like me talking to you in public, but I just wanted to say thank you for not being hard work today. It's been a nice change" I smile and she smiles back.
"You're welcome. Can I go out to the cinema later?"
"Sure. If you do your chores" I nod and she smiles in agreement.
"I will. I'll even supervise their homework so you can do yours".
"Oh. Wow. Um- who are you and what have you done with my sister?" I laugh. She punches me in the arm gently, but I know it's a fond punch.
"I can't promise anything, but I will do my best to get you to Paris" I say quietly and she frowns lightly.
"We can't afford it. It's not important-"
"-No. But you want to go. Your friends are going and it will be a nice break for you. I'll try my hardest, but no promises. Okay?"
"Okay. Thank you"
"No problem. Have a good day" I smile and myself and Kimmie wave her off.
I drop Kimmie off and get to college without any problems. For once, my life is semi-easy.
College is fun. Well, it's not. It's hard work and boring at times, but I make my own fun. It keeps things entertaining.
Niall leaves an hour early as usual and Harry and I agreed to go round later for the shoot, with Zayn meeting us there after family commitments.
I leave college and climb into my car with Harry in the passenger seat. Harry hooks his phone up to the speaker for music and selects a song by 5 Seconds of Summer.
I'm halfway to Niall's house when I get a call from my mum. I pass the phone to Harry, tell him to answer it and put it on speaker. He does and also pauses the music.
"Hey mum! You're on speaker I'm driving" I call out.
"Hey Louis. Have you heard from Niall?"
"No. He left usual time and me and Harry are headed over there now. Why?" I frown.
"I've just had a call from the nursery and the primary school, he hasn't picked the girls up"
"What?" I frown, pulling into his drive. That is so not like Niall. The girls are his life.
"One second mum" I call out then climb out of the car.
I use the spare key to let myself in and do a full sweep of the house. He isn't here. But all his stuff is. This makes no sense.
"Mum something must have happened. He isn't home" I call out as I climb back into the car. I can see Harry freaking out from the passenger seat and try to ignore him. Panic is not going to help anyone right now.
"Okay, hun. What's the plan?" she calls through the phone.
"I'll go get the girls then try and find him. Can you come over and watch them after work?"
"Sure. I'll be there at 4"
"Great, that's what time I'll be back with them, roughly" I call and motion for Harry to end the call. He does and I head off to grab Kimmie as she's the closest to us.
"What do we do?" Harry panics a few minutes into the drive.
"Keep calm. We don't worry the girls. Got it? Niall is tied up with college and Jo is watching them. Jo is my mum and the girls love her. She watches them from time to time. We had a plan that if the schools couldn't get in touch with Niall, they'd contact my mum who would pretend to be Maura."
"Niall and the girls' mum. My mum would apologise and say she's in a meeting or make up some work excuse and call me to go get them. Me and Niall are the only people allowed to take them out of school. Well, Maura is, but she's long gone" I briefly explain.
"Should I call the cops? Or the hospitals?" Harry asks and I tell him no.
"No police. They'll take the girls in a heart beat if anyone finds out their living situation" I warn him.
"But Niall is looking after them. Their needs are being met. Surely they wouldn't separate them" Harry scoffs.
"Niall is 17. He can't legally look after them until he's 18. 4 months to go and this will be over. Well, the sheer worry of losing them due to being under age will be".
"Oh, I thought he was 18" Harry mutters and I see something dance across his face: Worry? Anxiousness? Panic?
"Can you call the Manchester General? Give them his description and see if he's been brought in for treatment?" I ask, trying to ease the uneasy feeling Harry is giving me. I'm sure it's nothing. He's just worried for his friend.
"Sure" he mumbles and finds the number before placing a call.
"Hi. My name is Harry. Erm, my friend is missing and I'm just wondering if he could have been brought in for treatment? Niall Horan. He's 17. No? What about any unnamed patients? He's a male, um- quite small around 5 foot 5 inches, fake blonde hair, blue eyes. Yeah? It does? Great, I'll be over straight away. Thank you" Harry mumbles before hanging up.
"Well?" I ask before he even has time to speak.
"His description matches someone brought in from a car crash. The patient hasn't woken up yet though - so they don't have a name. But, he's stable. If it is Niall" Harry rushes out.
"Okay, great. We can go straight over" I mumble, parking over two bays and jumping out to grab Kimmie.
"Hi, so sorry I'm late. Niall has been in a little accident so I'm grabbing the girls today. Maybe tomorrow as well, depending on how he feels" I explain to Megan, who is Kimmie's main carer.
"Oh no! Is he okay?"
"I don't know. I'll be going to see him after getting this lot sorted" I say honestly but vaguely.
"Don't worry about being late and don't worry about the pick up/ drop off change. I'll let the other staff know. Send Niall our love" Megan smiles and I thank her as Kimmie runs over.
"Hey Kim! Ready to go?" I smile falsely and she takes my hand, dragging me out of the door and shouting bye to everyone.
I grab Elsa, Tori and Holly, then go and get Morgan. I then drive over to my house form my mum to watch them.
It was a squash getting everyone in the car as I only have 5 seats. But, the girls are only small so they squashed in the back, with the seat belts crossed over all of them and Kimmie sat on Harry's knee in the front.
"Louis? Where's Niall?" Morgan asks once the others have gone inside. I told them all he was doing some urgent college work and they were having tea at granny Jo's house whilst he does it. They all bought it, baring Morgan.
"I- I don't know. Don't panic love. I think he's okay. We think he's been in a little car crash and we're going over to the hospital now" I tell her honestly.
"Wait? What? For real?"
"Yeah Morgan. But you can't worry the young ones, okay? We don't know anything for certain and as soon as I do, I will text you. Okay?" I say calmly, trying not to panic her.
"Okay. Okay. Give him a kiss from us" she whispers and I can tell she feels bad for all the shit she has given him over the past year.
"Hey? He'll be okay. He's Niall. He's a fighter" Harry says gently, making Morgan smile a little and go inside.
We get to the hospital in half the time it should have taken, thanks to Louis driving. Once we head in, it dawns on me. These people may have seen me before. They might know who I really am. I pray they don't mention it if they do.
"Hi. We were told our friend could be here? He matched a description of a young male in a car accident" Louis says quietly to Becky, the lady at the desk.
"Sure Hun. What name?"
"Okay, I do have a Niall Horan here. But it's family-"
"-Family only? Yeah, I'm his brother and this is his boyfriend" Louis lies, scarily effortlessly.
"Oh? I do apologise. Right this way please. And what are your names?" Becky asks, leading us down a corridor.
"I'm Louis and this is Harry"
"Of course, Niall mentioned both of you during his assessment" she smiles, stopping outside a door.
"He's most likely sleeping but please don't wake him, he needs rest. The doctor will be around in about 20 minutes to fill you in and you can ask any questions then" Becky smiles, holding the door open for us.
"Thanks Becky" Harry nods and we both enter.
The sight makes me freeze then physically throw up in the nearby hand sink.
So, only a small update but chapter 5 will be comjng shortly!
It all goes even more down hill for Nialler - sneak preview for you there!
Mentions of molesting
Tags will be updated as I add chapters! I am only human though and I do make mistakes too. If I miss a tag, please let me know and I'll amend it. Missing tags isn't intentional and I don't want anyone to suffer from any stories I have written.
After entering the room Niall is staying in, Harry is physically sick after seeing his injuries.
I only just manage to keep my lunch down and make my way over to the bed. I sit down on the plastic blue chair, dragging the one next to me a little closer so Harry has somewhere to sit when he's finished puking up.
Niall is laid, out cold in the bed. His head is bandaged with blood seeping through and hair matted in places from the blood and sweat mixed into it. His right arm is in a cast and his left wrist bandaged up along with the plaster where the IV drip is connected to him. His shirt has been removed, presumably to treat him, and his chest is covered in marks and bruises that go right down to where the sheet is over his legs and waist. Out of the bottom of the sheet, I can see that he has a bandage around his left ankle. Luckily only his right arm is broken, nothing else, his other arm and foot are just severely sprained.
I reach out and gently hold his right hand, careful not to move his arm and hurt him. Harry comes and sits next to me, after washing his mouth out and tying up his hair. Really, he should just cut it in my opinion.
"Ow" a small voice mumbles a few minutes later and I gently squeeze Nialls hand.
"Hey Ni. You're okay babe, don't move. You're in hospital. You were in a crash." I soothe and gently push him down when he tries to sit up.
"Where are the girls?" he mumbles and my heart both warms and shatters. He's literally still pretty much incoherent from being unconscious and I've just told him that he's been in a car crash and is in hospital, and the first thing he asks is where the girls are. He doesn't even care about his own life, just the girls'.
"They're at mine with my mum. Don't worry, they're all safe"
"Thanks Lou" he sighs through a yawn.
"Get some rest babe. I'll be right here" I coo, sweeping a little hair out of his eyes.
Whilst Niall is asleep, I call my mum and explain what's happened and she agrees to look after the girls at ours until Niall is released.
I also get a hot chocolate for Niall (in case he wakes up anytime soon) and grab myself and Harry a coffee. I head back into the room as Harry is coming off a call.
"Yeah. I know. I need to go. I'll keep you posted. Of course. Bye" he mumbles, not making eye contact with me. Hmmm. Something about him is weird, however that could just be his personality. But luckily for Harry, Niall is my priority right now and I don't have time to investigate him.
"Everything okay?" I ask vaguely.
"Yeah, just- um- my mum. She was worried, I'm late home"
"I can drop you off, if you need to go?" I offer, not even thinking his parents could be worried. Which of course they would be if he hasn't contacted them.
"No, I want to stay. Make sure Niall is okay" he mumbles, sitting into the chair next to me. I hand him his cappuchino and take a sip of my coffee.
It's another hour later when Niall comes round again.
"Ugh. My head" he groans and Harry is straight out of the door to get a nurse.
"Hey babe. You gave us such a scare. Let's get you some medication" I coo, helping him sit up slightly so he's more comfortable, then using the buttons to move the bed.
The nurse comes in a moment later with Harry, and checks Nialls vitals and pain before giving him some medication. She fiddles with the wires and writes some statistics on the chart at the bottom of his bed before starting to leave.
"Wait! When- when can I go home?"
"Niall, you've been in a serious accident. You'll be in here for a few days until we can-"
"-Days? No. I need to go home" Niall argues, trying to get out of bed. I push him back down gently.
"Niall you're in no fit state to move. Rest for a few days then we can get you home-" I try and reason with him, but he's having none of it.
"No. I need to go. The girls have school tomorrow-" he shakes his head, fighting harder to get up.
"-You can barely move. You aren't well enough to leave hospital and even if you were, the car is totalled! How do you plan on getting the girls anywhere? Also, last time I checked, you aren't allowed to drive with a broken arm" I argue.
"The car is-? No. No! I just paid it off! What am I going to do now?" I cries, tears gathering in his eyes and the first few falling.
"It's okay! Don't cry. We can sort this-"
"-How Harry?! How can this be sorted?" Niall snaps.
"I don't- well. Urm" he stutters and I roll my eyes. Harry doesn't know how to deal with Niall and his many emotions. He hasn't been around long enough to even have a slight idea.
I gently shove Harry out of the way and sit on the bed next to Niall, using my hands to lightly pin his wrists down to stop him from moving too much and hurting himself.
"Nialler? Listen to me darling. It's okay. Calm down for me babe. Breathe. That's it. Good boy. Breathe. Good. Now, you're not alone with this, okay? I'm right here and we'll face this together. Good boy. Keep calm for me sweetie" I speak softly as to not scare him, but firmly to promote understanding and a little dominance. He needs the dominance to cling to, in order to calm down in new situations, or situations that he has no control over. Without it, he gets even more scared and a scared Niall is something that I hate seeing.
"I'm scared" he mumbles, fear evident from his body language and his face. He's tense and shaking, with unfocused eyes and short breaths. But, he's calmer than he was a minute ago and he's managing to control his breathing a little more.
I press a gentle kiss to his forehead and then rest our foreheads together. His eyes close and I can feel the shallow breaths of exhaled air against my lips. He leans in slightly, capturing my lips with his and releasing a soft sigh. I kiss back slowly, holding his head in place and carding my fingers through the little bits of hair at the base of his neck.
"I love you, Nialler"
I love you too Lou"
"You have me. Okay? What ever happens, you have me and always will"
"And you'll never leave me?" he asks, voice smaller than I've ever heard it.
"Never" I agree, sealing the promise with another kiss to his puffy lips.
Niall falls back asleep and I try to get out of bed to let him rest, but his grip is firmly on me, stopping me from moving. I just snuggle further onto the bed as Niall nestles closer to me, laying his broken arm on my stomach and his head on my chest.
"Lou? Can I ask you a question, without- um- without coming across - um- well- rude?" Harry stutters and his eyes subconsciously flicker towards where Niall is laid on me. I tighten my arm around him out of instinct but nod. I've been expecting these questions since he first saw me and Niall make out in Niall's kitchen, after the fight with Morgan. I thought they would come sooner, but I'm not opposed to answering them.
"How- um- what- hmm. Niall, he isn't- hmm. I don't know how to word this" he stutters.
"Well, I've had this conversation a few times. So, the top 5 questions I get asked are: How do the kisses help calm him down? Is it an emotional or behavioural condition? What triggers his panicked state? Do the emotional and or behavioural characteristics stem from childhood traumas and or attachment issues? Is there a fancy technical term for his condition?" I say bluntly, kissing Nialls head lightly.
"Yeah- that's- that's it. You've summed it up" he nods, looking pleasantly surprised that he doesn't have to struggle even more through starting this conversation. I nod with alight hum, then sip my coffee.
"Niall has something known as Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. Or, more commonly referred to as PDD-NOS. It's a form of Autism. There are three main groups for PDD-NOS. The first is the high-functioning group, whose symptoms largely overlap with that of Asperger Syndrome; they differ in terms of language development and mild cognitive impairment. The second group is where symptoms closely resemble those of autistic disorder but don't meet all of the diagnostic signs and symptoms. The third is where the symptoms meet all the diagnostic criteria for autism but their stereotypical and repetitive behaviours are noticeably mild. Niall has the second group. He has some of the characteristics associated with Autism but not all of them" I start by explaining. It's a long winded explanation, but this way I can cover any stupid questions he will ask about the background of it all and how it originated and blah blah blah. I can also avoid him pulling stupid 'I don't understand' faces. Which he does a lot.
"Niall is autistic?" he frowns, harder than I've ever seen him frown before. He's going to hurt himself one of these days, with all the frowning he does.
"Yeah. He was enrolled into an Early Intervention Program, also known as EIP, at the age of 7, to aid his condition. It can't ever be treated with medication or surgery, but this program was designed to lessen the chemical in-balances and irregular behavioural traits he displayed. Only, his mum didn't take him to all the sessions. The sessions were for 100 days, continuous. So, even on weekends and bank holidays. He went every day for a solid 100 days. Or, he was supposed to. He made it to day 8, before his mum stopped taking him. The money that the government had given her to pay for his treatment, went on alcohol and drugs and he was pushed to the background. Maura has 6 children. She loved the latest one the most and Niall got pushed even further to the background, as each child was born."
"That's horrible! Surely- I mean, that's child neglect" Harry gasps, tears leaking from his eyes softly.
"Yeah, it is. But, no one can prove it. Even if they could, Niall would never testify against her. He loves her too much, despite all the pain she's caused him. I guess the Psychologist, Harry Harlow was right, there is more to attachment and maternal deprivation than cupboard love. His experiments with those monkeys proved a lot that can be liked to Niall and his attachment issues. He loves his mother despite the abuse and neglect, because she initially provided for his basic needs and provided him comfort and with no one else around, it was easy for him to form a broken attachment to her" I trail off, completely forgetting where I am and who I'm talking to. When it comes to psychology, I'm a bit of a nerd and tend to go into too much detail at times, losing the concentration of whoever I'm talking to.
"She was all he knew" Harry supplies.
"Yeah. So, I guess he has a little stock-holme syndrome too. He's bee stuck with her for so long that he doesn't know how to do anything but love her. His dad was never around once Niall was born, he's literally never met Niall. The girls have different dads. Morgan and Elsa have the same dad, the twins obviously have the same dad, but Kimmie and Niall have totally different dad's all together. So, to answer the five questions. The kisses help because he has been rejected into his mother's affections and has been limited with praise shown and given, therefore the kisses act as a positive reinforcement that he's okay and they help amplify the point that everything will be okay. It is both a behavioural and emotional condition, that is innate - which means he was born with it - it wasn't inherited through environmental factors such as expose to it, although situational factors could have played some part in it. Change is the main thing that triggers the panic. He's scared of things he can't control. He likes order and routine and knowing what's expected of him. Anything that could affect the routine is terrifying to him and he doesn't know how to control his emotions when that happens. Already covered the emotional and behavioural traits stemming from childhood traumas and stock-holme syndrome and I gave you the fancy name at the start of the conversation. Any questions?"
"Erm. No? Wait, yes. How long has he had this? Since birth I assume, you said it was innate?"
"Yes, from birth" I confirm.
"Okay, so how is it controlled? And how do you know so much about it?"
"It's controlled by trying to maintain a calm environment. Not always easy, I know, but I try my best for him. I don't mean a calm environment as in quiet or boring, but one that has order and a structure and a system. His brain works on logic and routine, which makes his emotions a little bit of a challenge when they do arises because he doesn't know how to channel them. That's why he has a system and routine when it comes to daily life and why anything that changes it, scares him" I explain.
"How do you know so much about this?"
"Lou is my best friend. He's always been there. Most of it, he figured out over time because he's stupidly smart and then he asked me to fill in some gaps whenever I felt ready" Niall mumbles from where he's laid on my chest, just coming out of his nap.
"Of course I did my own research too" I add, tilting his head up for a better angle and kissing Nialls lips a few times.
"How do the kisses work though? I think- I think I understand everything else. Mostly" Harry mumbles a few moments later.
"Lou? Wanna fill him in on your theory?" I chuckle lightly, as Louis keeps kissing my neck.
"Psychological response to kissing depends on your mental and emotional state as well as how you feel about the person kissing you. Psychologically, kissing someone you want to kiss will generally encourage feelings of attachment and affection. If you're kissing someone you don't like, or someone you don't want to kiss, your psychological response will be totally different. From a young age, people are conditioned to looking forward to and enjoying kissing" Louis begins, kissing my head lightly and I glance up at him, catching his eyes. I offer him a trusting smile and he kisses my lips lightly again.
"Conditioning?" Harry frowns, confusion evident in his face and voice. He's cute when he has no idea what's going on.
"It's psychological. Basically, to modify someones behaviour, people often use a form of reinforcement also known as conditioning. Positive reinforcement is where you reward behaviour you classify as good or correct and negative reinforcement is where you punish behaviour you consider wrong or incorrect. That's what conditioning is. People are conditioned into behaving in a certain way, based on what is considered appropriate behaviour by leaders and those with influential status" Louis further explains and I'm genuinely in awe of how intelligent he actually is. No one sees this side of him. They just see the school class clown. The one who never hands in homework and is always either late or truant. No one knows how intelligent he is because he never shows them. His parents want him to take on their inheritance and basically become a poster boy, or eye candy as Louis calls it. They don't believe he has a chance of making an honest living for himself, so they've never let him try. He's purely a media campaign for their business of selling knock off bags and shoes and passing it off as the real thing.
Harry still looks blank and I can feel Louis' eye roll from here.
"He's essentially been conditioned from a young age into being calmed by kisses. First from a young age by his mum and then by each of his sisters as they were pushed into the background by the next baby of the family Niall would always kiss then when they were sad or scared, because it's what he'd been taught from birth" Louis finishes and Harry looks at me with a questioning glance, eyes flickering slightly as he takes in all of the information he's just been told.
"Did your mum kiss you?" He asks, and I know what he's really asking. He's asking if she used to kiss me the way Louis kisses, or more like makes out with, me.
"No comment" I mutter. I've seen enough cop shows to know that answering like this will give him the answer anyway, but I refuse to say it out loud again. I've already had to, kind of, say it to Louis. But luckily he has always been incredibly intelligent and I only had to hint at a few things before he uncovered everything. He laid his entire theory out for me and never made me say a word. He could tell by the tears slowly pouring down my face that every word he'd said was whole-heartedly the truth.
"I'm- I'm not a cop- you're not under questioning. I'm just- curious" he defends, eyes dropping to lap and wrapping his fingers together lightly.
"You're too young and too dopey to be a cop" Louis chuckles and Harry gasps, holding a hand over his heart offended.
"I am not"
"You are! You didn't even know what conditioning was"
"I- well- I-"
"-Leave him be Lou. He's alright" I giggle, meeting Harry's gaze. He smiles and me and gently wets his lips with the tip of his tongue. It sends more electricity through my body than it should.
"Are the girls comforted by kisses?" he asks a moment later.
"No. I made sure mum never kissed them, like that anyway. And I've only ever kissed their heads and cheeks" I tell him with a soft sigh.
"That- she can't have liked that" Harry offers.
"They're my little sisters. Every single beating or broken bone or night without food was worth them not being- kissed- like that" I tell him firmly, before sighing and closing my eyes, signalling the end of this conversation.
What is Harry hiding?!
Niall is Autistic?!
Who saw smart Louis coming?!
The police come in not long after and take my statement from what I remember about the crash. The truth is, I don't remember much. I was driving down Park Avenue and the next thing I knew - crash. Someone smashed into the side of me. My car ended up rolling down the bank and I blacked out, from my head being a human pinball, before the car stopped rolling and hit the shallow water at the bottom of the bank. The next thing I knew, I woke up in hospital with people fussing around me.
I was told when I woke up that the driver didn't stop. He didn't call for help for me. He drove off. Luckily a few people had witnessed it and not only called for help for me, one of them got the licence plate for the car.
They police are lovely and thank me for my time before leaving and I flop back against the pillow, feeling drained.
After the very intense conversation with Harry and Louis about my dramatic life, and giving my statement to the police, I insist on going home. Louis, Harry and the nurses protest but I argue my point very well, in my opinion.
"Niall, you need to stay in here and rest-"
"-No Harry. I need to go home and get the girls' tea on the table"
"The girls are at mine. And they're had tea already Niall-" Louis tries, but I'm having none of it.
"-Well, I can get their bags ready for school tomorrow then, can't I Louis?"
"-look Louis. I am doing this, with or without your help. Okay?" I glare.
"You should really stay" he tries one last time.
"Yeah. I should. But I'm not. Are you going to help me, or are you going to be something else I don't have the energy to fight?" I ask with an exhausted sigh.
"Of course I'll help you. I'll always help you" he whispers, offering me a reserved smile, helping me out of bed and into the wheelchair.
"Thank you Louis. I know it's not what you want-"
"-I want you to be happy and safe. If leaving the hospital will make you happy, I'll help you"
"What about him being safe? Surely, the hospital is where he needs to be?" Harry counters.
"Yeah well, if I feel worse, I'll re-admit myself" I shrug even though everyone in the room knows I won't.
Louis and Harry help get me home and settled in my room. One of Louis' conditions for helping me, is that the girls stay with Joanna for tonight as they're already settled and I can see them tomorrow after school.
"Okay mate, up we go" Louis mumbles, helping support my weight and practically carrying me up the stairs of my house.
"Ow" I groan through the shooting pains stabbing in my ribs.
"Almost there Niall" Harry reassures and true to his word, we reach the top of the stairs a moment later.
After getting me settled in bed and grabbing me a bottle of water, Louis leaves to make sure the girls are okay and tell them how I'm doing. Harry insists on staying with me and I think he and Louis have being scheming whilst I was in the bathroom.
"You don't have to stay" I tell him and he rolls his eyes at me.
"Really? And, how do you plan on getting around? Up and down the stairs? No, scrap that, how do you plan on getting to the bathroom?"
"Dunno" I shrug. I can't put any weight on my sprained foot and due to one arm being broken and the other being sprained - I can't use crutches to aid me getting around.
"Me and Louis have agreed to take it in turns staying over, for a week or so, until you can get around a bit more."
"Thanks. I do appreciate it. It's just- I don't like change. Remember?" I mutter and he nods apologetically.
"It's just for a week or so. Now, do you have everything? I'll be on the couch, but shout me or ring me if you need anything and I'll be straight up"
"Can't you sleep up here? Have my bed, I'll take the floor" I frown. I wasn't overly keen on Harry stopping over, mainly because I was worried I wouldn't be able to control my sexual urges. But, the thought of him being here, but so far away from me, makes me sad.
"I am not taking your bed. For starters, I never would and secondly, Louis would skin me alive for making you sleep on the floor" he jokes, but I can see the honesty there and I agree. Louis would skin him alive.
"Sleep with me" I blurt out and immediately feel my face flush red as I slap my hands over my mouth.
"-Not sex. Just- like- um- share my bed" I add on, before he can tell me that I'm too ugly for him to ever sleep with. I know he's out of my league, but I will do and say anything I have to - to not have him say it out loud.
"Okay. I'd like that" he whispers, turning off the light and crawling into bed next to me.
It's only a single bed, so we do have to squash in a little, but it's fine. We make it work. I lay on my side as it's easier to breath and feel Harry lay behind me, but keeping a little distance between our bodies.
"Are you sleeping in jeans?" I frown a moment later.
"Yeah" he yawns.
"You don't have to, if you don't- um- want to. But you can take them off" I say, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible. But even I know that my voice was shaking and that my heart rate is increasing. I can also feel myself getting slightly aroused, which isn't ideal.
"Yeah?" he asks and I nod, knowing he can feel it on the pillow.
He shuffles around for a few minutes before settling back behind me.
"Can you do me a favour?" I ask, feeling bad that he's just gotten comfortable.
"Sure. What's up?"
"Can you take my jeans off- me? Um- so I can sleep easier?" I stutter and I feel him nod.
"Sure babe. I'll have to put the light on to see. I don't want to catch any of your injuries" he whispers and I feel him shuffling around before I hear him pad across the room and then the light is flicked on.
"Lay on your back" he instructs and I follow his command.
He pops the button and pulls down the zipper before sliding the jeans down my legs and pulling them off of my feet - all the time concentration is evident on his face showing he's being as careful as he can not to hurt me further. And I am using all the will power I have not to get hard- er than I am.
"All done. What about your shirt?" he asks, folding my jeans and placing them on my chest of draws. Whilst his back is turned, I quickly adjust my crotch to make my half hard erection, less visible.
"Um- yeah- will you help me get it off?" I decide, figuring that I usually don't sleep in one and will be uncomfortable through the night with it on. He once again nods and helps me get the shirt off, then places it folded up with my jeans.
"Niall? How- what are you going to do work wise? Will the agency still take the photos with all the marks on your skin?" Harry asks once he's turned out the light and is laid behind me. Once again, he's left a space between our bodies, but it's a smaller gap than it was before.
"I dunno. I'll have to see if you can tell they've been edited" I shrug, not really thinking about it too much as the medication is setting in and I can feel sleep take me.
"Niall? Niall? Niall? Niall? Nialler? Nialler? Ni? Ni? Ni? Niall? Niall? Ni-"
"-What?" I groan, rolling away from the voices intruding on my sleep.
"Wake up mate"
I sigh and roll over onto my back, then open on eye and glare at the offending voice. Louis.
"Where's lover boy?"
"Who?" I grumble.
"Harry. Where is he?" Louis asks, taking a seat on my bed and helping me sit up.
"I dunno. He was here" I yawn.
"He slept in your bed?"
"Oh, wait- the shower is running" he hums, standing up and going to the bathroom. He comes back a moment later nodding.
"Cool. Help me get dressed?"
He nods again, then helps me change my boxers and get into some loose joggers. He then pulls a shirt over my head and smiles at me, smoothing some of my hair down with his hand.
"Zayn wants to come over. Are you up to visitors?"
"Yeah. Love Zayn, I wanna see him" I nod.
Louis and Harry head off to college not long after and I head back to bed, feeling exhausted.
Harry, Zayn, Liam and I head over to see Niall after college. We've even brought his homework, so he doesn't fall behind.
Niall is sitting at the kitchen table, struggling to butter bread when we arrive.
"Niall! What are you doing? Do you not comprehend the word 'rest'?" I scold him, taking the knife off of him.
"I do, but it's for the girl's tea. Fish and chips with bread and curry sauce" he argues, nodding to the other side of the kitchen where he has the fish and chips on trays on the side, ready to put in the oven. The hob has a pan on it, with curry sauce in it and there is a pile of bread on the table in front of him that he is slowly making his way through buttering.
"Let me do it babe" I coo, taking the bread and knife off of him He sighs but lets me.
"The girls will be back soon" Zayn adds and Nialls face physically lights up. He needs them as much as they need him.
"So, I've spoken to the magazine, they won't take the pictures" Niall comments, picking at a piece of un-buttered bread and eating a bit of it.
"Really? Mate I- What's the plan?" I frown. I know for a fact he doesn't have any money in savings and he also needs to buy a new car.
"I don't actually have one" he sighs.
"We'll think of something together" Harry smiles, but it's tight- meaning he doesn't really believe there's a chance right now.
I go collect the girls from school, not long after and bring them back home for Niall. He wraps them all in a tight cuddle for over 20 minutes before letting them go as Elsa needs a wee and Tori is bored.
Harry and I get the girls ready for bed and help them with their homework whilst Liam and Zayn keep Niall company. They haven't seen Niall for a few days and personal tasks mean they won't be able to stay over with him, so their contact with Niall is limited. Therefore, we let them spend this time with him.
"So, I have a proposition for you" Liam says softly, once Zayn has gone to the bathroom.
"What?" I mumble, looking up from the textbook I'm skim reading.
"A business deal. A transaction if you will"
"What?" mumble again."
"Sleep with someone for me" he says calmly and I can't help it, I really can't, I laugh. He wants me to sleep with someone? And why for him? What does he gt out of it? What do I get out of it?
"Hahahahahahhaah. Go-good one Liam Hahahaha"
"I'm serious. I'll pay you!"
"I'm not a prostitute" I scoff, feeling incredibly offended that he would even suggest this.
"I know -but- please? Sleep with Zayn and-"
"-Wow! Hold up. Zayn? You want me to sleep with Zayn?" I frown, even harder, waving my arms for him to shut up.
"No" I glare as Zayn comes back in the room.
"What's going on?"
"-Get this, Zayn. Liam wants me to sleep with you. No, no. Better yet, he wants to pay me to sleep with you" I tell him, glaring at Liam.
"-I know you said you wanted to talk to him. But I thought I could persuade him for you-"
"-It wasn't your place" Zayn snaps.
"Wait? What? What am I missing here?" I snap at both of the. Neither of them are making any sense.
"Okay, Niall. I'll tell you everything. Liam and I are- um- we're dating. But- um- I want- I've loved you since third grade and- I want to sleep with you. Liam won't sleep with me until I get over you and to do that- well... um. Once we've had sex and proven there's nothing between us, me and Liam and be together and get intimate. I'll pay you. Not- not like a prostitute- but- for doing me a favour? Once I've slept with you, I can commit myself to Liam- and- that's what we both want. I know money is tight and I swear, we won't tell a sole! Name a price" Zayn says softly and I must look like an idiot with how far my mouth has dropped open and the fact my face must be as red as a tomato from the obsure proposal I've just been given.
"You and Liam? But- you're dating Sophi-"
"-I'm not. We broke up because I've been seeing Zayn behind her back. She agreed not to tell anyone the real reason why we split if I pretended we were together until after her cousins wedding. She wants me as her date, to make her cousin jealous of how fit we are together" Liam explains.
"Hold up. You want me to sleep with you? For money? But you don't want me to do it as a prostitute. The definition of prostitute, is someone who sleeps with people for money!" I snap.
"I know! But no one would know! And you can put the money towards the new car-"
"-Or food-" Liam adds.
"-Or stuff for the girls" Liam finishes and I'm in shock.
"So, you're saying if I don't do this- I'm not providing for the girls?" I whisper.
"Well- yeah. Pretty much. You don't have a job because of the crash and you can't work normal hours because of the girls. You need a quick cash injection which is what we're offering. To turn it down would be to deny providing for the girls" Liam shrugs and I've decided - he is no longer a friend of mine. A real friend, would not be making me feel shite about my life. They would not be blaming me for things that I have no control over. They would not tell me that if I refuse to sleep with someone- I am not providing for my family!
But he's right. I don't have a chance of getting another job that pays so much but has so little working hours- and hours that fit around the girls.
And the rent is due.
And the girls still need to eat.
And I do need a car to get them around.
Plus all the other expenses I have to pay out.
And Kimmie has just settled at this nursery. To pull her out would hinder her development further. I mean, let's face it, none of us have had a good start in life.
"£500 and both of your silence" I say finally.
"That's higher than we expected-"
"-That's my price Liam. Zayn you have me for 3 hours and we can do whatever you please. £500. Take it, or leave it"
"I'll transfer the money now" Zayn smirks and I swallow any dignity I had left.
Zayn decided to be 'nice' and wait for my injuries to heal before we have sex. He's been kind and agreed to give me the money up front to go towards a new car, which I do actually appreciate. But he knows me. He knows that when I make a promise, I never break it. I promised I would up-hold my end of the deal and that's what I will do.
The next few days are quite dull.
Harry or Louis do everything for the girls and me and I use the time to apply for jobs and recover from the crash.
I'm just looking at cleaning jobs when I receive a phone call.
"Hello, can I speak to Mr Niall Horan, please?" a deep female voice asks.
"Um- yeah. Speaking"
"Oh great. Hi Mr Horan. My name is DCI Boyes. I am the detective chief inspector investigating the crash you were involved in. Is now a good time to talk?"
"Yeah, now is- now is fine" I hum.
"Great. So, my team and I have been in touch with the insurance companies for both claimants and we are pleased to inform you that you have been covered by the crash. Based on the evidence we have collected, we can determine that the driver who crashed into you, was 3 times over the legal alcohol limit-"
"-he was drunk?" I frown.
"Yes. Incredibly drunk. He has had his license removed and will not be able to apply for a new one for at least 5 years. He is also liable to pay out for the repairs to your car and any money you would be earning whilst off sick"
"Really? That's amazing! That will help me out loads!"I smile.
"Yes really. And I'm pleased the money will be an asset to you. So, have you had the car damage evaluated?"
"Yeah. They said it would cost more to repair the car than it would to replace it. They've written it off" I sigh.
"That's no problem. The defendant will be liable to pay out the total cost of the car. How much was your car valued at before the crash?"
"£3,500.00. There abouts"
"Okay, what I need you to do is to email me all of the details for the car. I'll pop you an email now telling you what details I need and if you can get that back to me as soon as possible, we can start the claim and get you the payment. I it just basic things like the make and model of the car, the current millage, the engine size, your registration plate... that sort of thing. If you don't know the exact detail, put down your estimate and put a star next to it. This will signal it is a rough estimate. Now, how long will you be off work for?"
"I don't know. I lost my job due to the injuries"
"Okay, you may want to seek legal advise. An employer can't fire you because of an accident you have been involved in" Ms Boyes tells me.
"They can. It's in my contract. I'm a model and- I have to look the part" I inform her. I appreciate her advising me to speak to a solicitor, but Louis has looked over my contract as well as Harry and it's a no go. I can even understand the terms clearly state they have the right to reject my employment if my image is altered and I no longer fit their criteria. If three law students can clearly see it, I'm not wasting my money having a qualified solicitors confirm it.
"Okay, well, the defendant will have to pay you for 6 weeks worth of work, by law. This will cover the time you will have off for recovery and should be enough time for you to be employed elsewhere. How much did you earn per week?"
"I earned £50 per day, so £350 a week" I say.
"Okay, so we can arrange for the payment of £2,100 to be paid to you, from the defendants, for the time you've taken off work. Along with the payment for the car, once our team have confirmed the valuation"
"That's amazing! Thank you so much!"
"It's no problem. It will take 7 working days for the figure to be transferred to you and I will call you once we have confirmed the amount"
"Great! Thank you"
"No problem, Mr Horan. I'll be in touch"
I hang up the phone and nearly jump a foot in the air when Louis pops out from behind me and says "Who was that?"
"Cops, they're getting the other driver to pay out for damages and sick pay. It will help, for a month or two"
"That's good! And Harry called, he knows someone who is getting rid of a 7 seater car.. 60,000 miles on the clock and 5 years old. They wanted £4,000.00 for it, but Harry got them don to £3,000.00"
"No way! How did he manage that?" I grin.
"They're friends of his mum apparently" he shrugs "Shall I tell him you're interested?"
"Yeah! I'll have to see it first though and check it's passed the M.O.T" I hum, trying to remember the rules Louis taught me when buying a car. Always see it before handing over any money. Check the M.O.T. Check the tires and millage along with engine size and how fuel efficient it is.
"I'll get him to come over. He can take you to see the car and I'll watch the girls if you want?"
"Yeah. Thanks Lou" I smile and kiss his cheek.
I limp up the stairs and pull on some jeans and a clean shirt whilst Louis texts Harry. He comes up a moment later and helps me style my hair as I still can't use my sprained wrist properly. Luckily my foot has healed quicker than my wrist and I can just about walk, but it's sore and I'm quite slow at getting around.
Harry knocks on the door then lets himself in, as I told him to. It's annoying having to keep going and letting him in. He's a good friend of mine now and I trust him.
Louis makes the girls mac and cheese for tea and Harry takes me to see the car, in his white Mercedes.
"How the hell can a college kid afford a merc?" I scoff, looking at the fancy car in front of me.
"Rich parents" he shrugs from the drivers seat and I glance at him with a sympathetic look. Rich doesn't always mean attentive. I've learnt that from Louis, his parents are never around and just throw money at him to keep him compliant. They couldn't care less about him though and he would rather have their love and validation than the money.
Harry is a cool driver, I've decided. He has the laid back arrogance that makes him super hot and seem a little bit.... dangerous. His hair is blowing lightly from the wind coming through his open window and his sunglasses protect his eyes from the gleaming rays. He is every bit as cool as I didn't imagine him to be. When we first met in class, he was nerdy and dorky and very nervous around people. Now, he is the complete opposite. He is cool and reassured and composed. He is a completely different person.
"So, do you work?"
"I do. I work in a little bakery near my house on Saturdays. It allows me to pay for my phone bill and my playboy subscription" he smirks, but I can tell he means it and it makes me cackle a laugh.
"Will you bring me a cake or something?" I ask cheekily.
"Of course babe. We can head over after this if you want? They close at 6, so I can get you a cake then" he smiles.
"Thanks Harry. And thank you for sorting this"
"No problem. We're here" he mumbles, pulling into the side of the road.
The car is great! I can't believe they're letting me have it for £3k. That's insane! The M.O.T is still valid for 11 months and after having a quick look for insurance, it will only be £800 a month for me. Which is £67.00 per month. Well, just under. So it's ideal financially too.
I agree to pay for the car as soon as I receive the pay out from the driver who crashed into me and the current owners also have agreed to let me keep the car at their home until I am cleared to able to drive it. Which will be around 4 weeks.
True to his word, after taking me to see the car, Harry takes me to a small bakery.
"Harry! You aren't due in until Saturday!"
"Hey Barbara. I brought a friend in. I promised him one of my cakes" Harry smiles and goes to give Barbara a cuddle. She pinches his bum and he chuckles, kissing her cheek.
"Who is this handsome young man! He's beautiful, isn't he Harry?" Barbara smiles, holding me lightly by the shoulders as though examining me. She immediately expresses her approval by pulling me in for a cuddle.
"He is" Harry smiles and I feel my cheeks flush.
"Is he yours?" Barbara asks, wiggling her eye brows at Harry and then at me.
"He isn't. He's a new friend"
"I give it a month before you've fallen for this boy" Barbara mumbles, going back behind the counter. The only thing is, I can't tell who she is talking to. I glance at Harry to see if he knows and he looks just as confused as I do. Is she talking to me about Harry? Or is she talking to Harry about me?
After that very awkward statement, the bakery gets surprisingly busy and Harry offers to jump on the till to help out. I have a seat at one of the little tables and Harry brings me over a chocolate muffin and an Oreo milkshake.
I try and give Harry the money for the food and beverage but he won't take it. He shakes his head and walks away when I hold out a £5 note.
"Harry? Take the money. I don't want you to get into trouble because of me" I insist.
"Nope. I tried to pay because I wanted to treat you, but Barbara wouldn't take my money so she sure as hell won't take yours"
"-Nope. La la la la la!" he sings, plugging his ears and shakes his head at me as he walks away from me and back towards the counter. He's laughing and smiling so I know he doesn't mean it nastily.
"Harry?" I laugh but he just smirks at me then serves a young mum a bag of cookies.
The milkshake and muffin are really good! Like, crazy good.
As we're leaving, I buy a small chocolate cake from the bakery for the girls as a pudding for tonight. They haven't had a treat for a few months and this will go great with some custard.
Harry carries it back to his car, so I can focus on walking and not hurting my arms anymore than they are, by carrying stuff.
Once seated, Harry puts the cake on my knee and goes to the drivers side. He then drives me home.
Once home, Harry makes the girls some pizza and chips for tea whilst Louis picks them up.
"Hey girls! How was school?" I smile from the kitchen table, where I'm calculating my finances.
"Rubbish! I had the worst day ever-" Morgan shouts.
"-You had a bad day? I got shouted at by my teacher-" Tori buts in.
"-Only because you were being naughty-" Holly scoffs.
"Niall!" Kimmie yells, wiggling to get down from Louis arms. He puts her down and she runs to hug my legs. I pick her up and give her a big cuddle as the others keep complaining about their days.
"It was horrible-" Tori grumbles.
"-I had to do maths and it made me sad-" Elsa cries.
"-You're always sad-" Morgan snaps.
"-No I'm not-"
"Girls! I can't listen to all of you at the same time. Come and do your homework at the table and I'll talk to each of you about your days".
They all take a seat at the table and Louis sits on the floor with Kimmie colouring in some princess picture.
"Morgan? Do you want to start?" I ask, once they've all made a start on their homework.
"Sure. Ella and Natalie made fun of me in front of my entire class and I wanted to die"
"Wow, okay. Please don't say things like that. It can't have been that bad. What happened?"
"They made fun of me for having the same bag I've had since the start of the year and my shoes are tatty as hell and my phone is old" she complains, drawing little angry circles into her English textbook.
"Okay, hun. Look, I know you want new stuff. Hopefully I can get you some new shoes or a new bag in a few weeks. But I can't get both and as for the phone- um- have mine. It's not brand new but it's newer than yours. We can swap"
"I know you're doing your best. They just really upset me and I needed to tell someone" she smiles softly.
"Okay babe, I get that. You can always talk to me. Anytime about anything. How about, we get you some new shoes at the weekend?"
"Yeah really. Yous are tatty and I have been meaning to get you some new ones. And here, once you've finished your work you can swap all the stuff on our phones. You can have mine and I'll have yours" I smile, handing out my Iphone 7.
"Thank you" she grins, giving me a big cuddle. I don't mind having an Iphone 5.
"It's okay babe".
"Elsa? What's your day been like?"
"I had to do maths and I cried!" she sniffles.
"Maths isn't that scary-"
"-Yeah, but you don't understand it. I can't even ask you for help"
"I know babe- Uncle Louis is good at maths, maybe he can help you?" I mumble, more asking Louis than Elsa. Louis pops his head up and grins at me.
"Course I'll help out! Elsa, do you want to sit with uncle Louis now and I can help you?" Louis grins and when Elsa nods, he moves from the floor and sits next to Elsa at the table.
"Tori? What's been happening with you?"
"I got told off" she grunts.
"It wasn't even my fault! Kayden shouted at me about accidently standing on his foot. And it was an accident!"
"So, you were told off for that? I'm not buying it" I tell her bluntly.
"She threw a light bulb at him and told him to 'lighten the fuck up'" Holly butts in.
"You threw something at another child? And you swore?" I ask Tori firmly.
"Well, yeah but- in my defence- um- well. Okay! I didn't expect the teacher to come in the room at that point. She was talking to Anna in the hallway"
"That doesn't make it okay. You can not swear at other people and you certainly can't throw things at them! Are you trying to get social services on our case?"
"They won't care-"
"-They will. If your teacher tells the head teacher, which she will have to, by law. Then the head teacher will have to tell social services. Tori, babe. I know you get pissed off easily, but please try and reign it in at school. I don't want to lose any of you and if social services come round here, they will take all of you into care. I'm not 18 yet, so by law, I can't live on my own or care for any minors" I explain to her, not wanting to scare her, but needing her to understand the severity of her actions.
"Okay. I'll try and be better. Sorry. I'll apologise tomorrow to Kayden"
"Thank you" I sigh.
"Holly, you're up. How was your day?"
"Fine. I won first place in the art show, with my drawing" she shrugs.
"That's great babe! Can I see it?" I grin, giving her a big cuddle.
"Sure, here it is" she hums, passing me the picture.
It is amazing. And that's not me having brother goggles on, where I think that everything that the girls do is the best.
She has a picture that's been painted from her point of view, as if she's in bed looking out at the room. Kimmie is at on her boat bed, holding out a book for me to read and Morgan has her head over the side of the bunk bed, laughing. Elsa and Holly are sat tickling each other on the same bed and I'm stood leaning against the door, smiling like the luckiest man in the world.
"We all look so happy" I mumble.
"Well yeah. I mean, we are. Morgan is really happy with how you try and cater for our needs. Kimmie loves you like you hung the sun, Tori never shuts up about you at school and Elsa- well- Elsa needs you more than I think you realise. And me? Well, you're the best thing I have to a mum, dad and brother"
"Thank you, Holly. I needed to hear that" I sniffle, feeling myself well up at her honesty and kind words. She gives me a massive cuddle and I kiss her cheeks a few times, making her squeal and try to get away. I blow a few raspberries into her neck and finally let her go when she complains about needing a wee. She runs off to the toilet and I grab some strong double sided tape, then put the picture up on the wall in the hallway.
"You don't have to put it up"
"Yes I do. It's amazing! And the detail is crazy good" I smile.
Harry calls the girls for their tea and they all put their books away, wash their hands and sit back at the table. Louis and Harry pull up some garden chairs to sit on, as we only have 6 chairs and they are staying for dinner. It's a squash having 8 people around the table, but it works. Just about.
"Thanks Harry" I smile and he offers me a secret wink, making me blush.
Once dinner has been eaten the girls go play for an hour before I'm going to surprise them with the cake. Tori doesn't really deserve it after the light bulb thing, but I know she's sorry and I will make sure to tell her it's not a reward for her behaviour. It's a treat for Holly's award.
Louis offers to wash up as I can't get my arms wet and Harry insists on putting away so I can 'rest'.
I'm just applying for some jobs on my phone when Zayn texts me.
From Zee: 18:23
To Zee: 18:25
For the deal?
From Zee: 18:31
Yuh. 5pm. com to mine
To Zee: 18:38
"Hey Louis? Will you look after the girls tomorrow for me? Zee-Zayn has invited me round to- to his. Haven't seen him since the crash and we're gonna watch a film" I lie.
"Sure. I'll pick the girls up after college and stay with them Harry, fancy keeping me company?" Louis smiles and Harry nods.
"Yeah, sure. Hey, we can watch that new Fast and Furious film!"
"Great! Sorted Nialler, you have fun with Zayn" Louis grins.
The next day, I realise that I can't actually get to Zayn's house.
To Zee: 16:39
Can you pick me up? I can't drive yet.
From Zee: 16:45
"I'm off guys, be good and I'll see you later" I call out, giving the girls a quick cuddle.
I meet Zayn outside and he smiles as I get into the car.
"You look good" he adds.
"I'm supposed to, aren't I?" I scoff. I mean, he wouldn't want to sleep with me if I looked bad.
"Yeah, I guess you are. And you do"
"I have use of my left arm now, too" I add on, showing him where I was able to take the bandage off my sprained wrist. The hospital called me this morning to let me know I can take the support splint off and start using it properly.
At Zayns house, we go straight up to his room and he hands me a can of Coke Cola he got me, taking a mouthful of his own. I take a mouthful and set it on the side with a nervous smile.
"You've been with a guy before, yeah?"
"Yeah" I nod, grateful for the drunken one night stand with Louis. We both agreed it was purely sex and we're even closer than ever because of it. It was fun and messy but meant nothing to either of us. It was just sex. But I appreciated him being my first sexual partner.
"Okay, get on the bed"
Zayn drops me off afterwards which I’m actually grateful for because I forgot how much your arse hurts after being fucked. Not to mention the three rounds he wanted to go for.
“If you want to- you know- again. Let me know" he smirks as he pulls into my driveway.
“You’re with Liam. You and him can be together now” I frown.
“Yeah, but I’d still fuck you again. And I’d reimburse you for your time”
“Reimburse me? Meaning pay me? Like a prostitute?” I snap.
“Well yeah but I mean, it’s nothing you haven’t already done now" he laughs and my stomach drops. He’s right. No matter how I try and dress it up, I am a prostitute. I slept with someone for money. What kind of person does that? How desperate must I look?
I arrive at the front door and wipe my hands down my face from exhaustion, only then realising that I’m crying. Why the hell am I crying? Oh yeah. I’m a slut.
I unlock the door and see Louis in the living room watching TV with Harry. They both look at me and smile and I return it best I can, but neither of them are fooled. I head into the kitchen for a glass of water and Louis follows me in. I can already tell he told Harry to stay in the living room. We’ve gotten really close over this last week and I know that both of them are worried.
“Want to talk about it?” Louis coos, cuddling me from behind where I’m leant over the kitchen counter, hands braced either side of me. He’s only slightly taller than me so it’s a bit of a challenge when he hooks his chin over my shoulder.
“No" I lie. I do want to talk about it. But how do I tell him? How do I tell my rich friend that I’ve prostituted myself out to keep a roof over my head. Louis is an amazing guy and so understanding. But how could he possibly understand this? How do I expect him to accept something to him that I can’t accept myself?
“Okay babe. You know where I am, if you change your mind” he hums, kissing my back between my shoulder blades.
“I know. Thanks Lou. Did- did the girls go to sleep okay?”
“Yeah, they’re all fine. It’s you I’m worried about”
“No need to be. I’m fine” I lie.
“Okay. If you say so. But you forget, I know you better than you know yourself” he says with a pointed look.
“I just- I- Zayn and- I’m fine. It’s fine” I settle with.
Louis leaves not long after as his mum calls wanting him to go home for a ‘family meeting’. He rolls his eyes the whole time he’s on the phone to her but does leave, half an hour after she told him to.
Harry and I stay on the couch watching White Chicks for another 20 minutes before he finally speaks.
“I know you and Lou are close. Closer than you and I will ever be, probably. But you can talk to me. It might be easier. Louis has known you for so long and you’re worried you’ll disappoint him or make him mad at you. You don’t have to worry about that with me”
“We are close and- and I do consider you one of my closest friends already- but I can’t tell you. I can’t tell anyone” I sigh.
“Well I hope you find the courage to tell someone, even if it isn’t me. A problem shared is a problem halved. Whatever this secret is, I’m worried it’s too big for your little shoulders”
“I’m fine Harry” I lie again but offer him a small smile.
“Okay" he hums, clearly not believing me and not even trying to pretend he does.
“I’m gonna head up, I’m quite tired. You’re welcome to stay” I offer, standing up from the couch. He follows suit and smiles before we both head upstairs to my room.
It’s almost like routine now. I get undressed to my boxers in my room whilst Harry brushes his teeth, then we swap. Eventually we're both tucked into bed, with me being the little spoon.
I complained the first time Harry spooned me as I wanted to be the big spoon and was quite offended he took charge of delegating who was which spoon. After airing my complaint, we switched and soon realised that I am no where near big enough to be the big spoon with Harry. His waist comes up to my rib cage standing up. So laid down, my knees were miles away from him and didn’t bend around his knees and my head was in the middle of his back meaning I couldn’t see or reach the pillow and it was a nightmare. I could feel Harry’s smug smirk as he asked “Swap back?”.
“I can hear you thinking” he hums.
“Yeah. Lot on my mind”
“Try and get some rest" he hums, kisses the side of my head and smiles into my hair.
“Harry? What to you know about- about prostitutes?”
“Where in the world has that come from?” He choke-laughs.
“Just curious. It was on the TV- um- at Zayn’s” I lie.
“Oh. Erm. Well it’s illegal for a start. Could end up doing 3-5 years for soliciting. It’s quite unhygenic in my opinion but I don’t know much about it really”
“3-5 years in prison?” I frown. I knew it was illegal but assumed it would just be a slap on the wrist or a warning. I didn’t know it was illegal-illegal.
“Yeah. Apparently. My uncle is a cop. He tells me all these random facts” he yawns.
“Hmmmmm" he hums, rolling my into his chest so we’re face to face.
“You're a good friend” I smile. He smiles too and kisses my forehead. His lips are so soft and his breath is cool and minty against my skin. I feel my cheeks heat up and for the first time (100th if we're being honest here) I imagine what it would be like to kiss him again.
“You’re a good friend too" he hums, his eyes watching mine but ever so slightly flicking to my lips. Does he want this too? Last time we made out was amazing and we both got very- excited- from it.
“Is this okay?” He asks quietly and before I know what’s happening his lips are an inch at most from mine. I nod a little and he presses his lips to mine softly. I gasp a little from shock but also the immediate pleasure that sparks through my body. My lips are tingling from where he’s working them with his own and my heart is racing from the start of this make out session. He kisses me harder and I realise I haven’t really kissed back yet. I kiss him then. Working my lips against his, taking anything he will give me and giving him everything I have. I’ve never felt more vulnerable or safe in my life and I never want this moment to end.
He brings a hand up to cup my face and rests the other one against my hip as he rolls me onto my back. He hovers over me calmly, revealing nothing as to how he’s feeling. The only indication he’s giving me that he’s aroused, is his erection pressed into mine.
“Shhhhh baby. Don’t wake the girls” he chuckles at my loud moan and I curse quietly as he trails down my neck, leaving small kisses as he reaches my shoulders.
“Can I-" he trails off, grazing his teeth against my collar bone and sucking a little. He wants to make me. Do I want that? Do I want to be reminded for days, how good he made me feel. How alive and wanted I was? Hell yeah. I nod a little and it’s all it takes for him to sink his teeth into the junction where my shoulder meets my neck. I moan again, louder than the first time and he laughs into my skin as he sucks a bruise there.
My hips buck up into him out of instinct and I had no idea love bites felt this good to get. No idea I would be so turned on from Harry essentially being a vampire on my skin.
“Gonna have to be quiet” he smirks, pulling away from my neck so he’s hovering just above my lips. It’s too dark to see the smirk he has, but I know it’s there. I can hear it. I can feel it.
“Shut up. Stop making me feel so good then” I grumble.
“I want to make you feel good. Gonna make you feel so good, you won’t be able to be touched by anyone else without being disappointed” he growls quietly into my ear.
“Yeah? Is that a threat?” I challenge.
“It’s a promise darling” he hums, shuffling a little more so he’s fully hovering over my now and not just his chest over me. He kisses me again but it’s softer, calmer, more loving than the first time. He moves some hair off of my sweaty face and I grip my nails into his back when he presses his cock on mine. Hair is handing down from his shoulders and he’s never looked better than he does as this sweaty mess in front of me. This sweaty, hot, mess.
He pulls away a second and I can see him pull the hair tie off of his wrist, ready to tie his hair up and I whine a little. I like his hair down.
“I’m sweaty” he laughs softly at my frown.
“I don’t care” I grin, locking my fingers into his hair and pulling him back down onto me.
“Okay. But if I stink, that's not on me. It’s on you”
“I can live with that” I shrug.
We kiss for a little while longer before he rests his hand at my boxers, tugging the elastic slightly, trying to gage my reaction. I continue kissing him, moving my left hand to his right one, at my boxers elastic, and guide his hand to pull them down a little. Telling him to keep going.
“Off totally?” He asks gently and I shake my head. I can’t sleep that naked because the girls have a tendency to walk into my room whilst I’m sleeping and wake me up.
“Okay" is the only warning I get before his hand is pressed into my boxers and gripping my leaking (and very hard) penis.
“Geeez Harry. Warn a bloke!” I hiss rocking into his touch.
“Let’s play a game” he smiles, almost sweetly but I know it’s not. He’s been hanging around with Louis too much.
“No I’m not-"
“-You don’t know what the game is yet" he whines.
“I’m not a very kinky person. Just enjoy the standard stuff” I grumble.
“It’s not kinky. If you can keep nice and quiet for me whilst I finish you with my hand. I’ll then blow you”
“What do you get out if this?” I laugh.
“I love touching you and making you feel good. I’ll get my pleasure don’t you worry”
“Christ. Harry!” I moan, head tilting to the side a little from lack of oxygen to my brain.
“But, you’re limited to 5 words. Noises count as a word”
“5 words?” I ask, before nodding. He nods with me, confirming and I settle back into the bed properly.
He runs his tongue over the fresh love bite he's made and I shudder to keep in sounds. I dig my nails into his back and scratch down slightly as he works his hand over my length, at an agonisingly slow pace.
“Faster” I groan, thrusting into him and he squeezes the base of my cock as a warning.
“Ummmm" I whine as he continues at his slow pace. Does he not know how hard I am? Does he not know how close I am? Does he not know that I had sex with Zayn for 3 hours straight; consisting of 3 rounds of sex, me blowing him twice and letting him finger me when he’d finished and released inside of me. I didn’t cum. I was half hard and it was great but it was for all the wrong reasons and my body wouldn’t release. So this is torture.
“Harry, please" I whimper, trying to thrust up into him harder
“1 word left, use it wisely”
“Jesus!” I groan as he works me over the edge. I release over his hand he pumps me through my orgasm as I come down from my high.
“Couldn’t warn me?” He chuckles, wiping his hand on a t-shirt from the floor. He wipes up my cock and groin before pulling my dirty boxers off and replacing them with clean ones.
“What about you?” I pant.
“You can’t exactly get me off with a broken hand" he scoffs, glancing at my cast hand.
“I’ll blow you then" I offer. He’s just given me the most amazing orgasm of my life. The least I can do is give him pleasure too.
“Yeah? God okay" he grins pulling down his boxers and laying on his back.
All in all the Blowjob doesn’t take long. Not because I’m amazing at them, because I know I’m not, but because Harry is already on the edge when I start.
He’s rather large and I gag a few times because my gag reflex is shocking, but it’s not too bad. He’s releasing down my throat with his hands knotted into my hair before I’m fully aware of what’s happening. Luckily I manage to swallow the majority of it and only a bit dribbles down my chin.
“God that was good” he pants, collapsed onto his back.
“Good" I smile, dazed out and sleep very present on my mind.
“You look good with my cum on your face. Such a slut for me, huh?” He jokes and normally I would say something sarcastic like “sure you wish” or something quirky like “Only if you blow me next time”. I don’t say either. I frown at the wall as tears slide down my cheeks silently. I must be a slut. Harry thinks I am and he doesn’t even know what I’ve done.
Sleep doesn’t come easy.
“I’m dropping out" Niall says quietly as I call him during first break. He didn’t show up to college today and that is so not like Niall.
“What? Why? When? What?”
“I don’t have time to study Louis. I need money to support the girls and that means doing hours at work whilst they’re at school” he explains and I can hear him setting the laptop up in the background.
“I can lend you the money-"
“-Without a job I can’t keep a roof over our heads or food in our stomachs. I can’t afford to take the to school or for Kimmie’s nursery meaning I can’t afford to pay you back any money I lend” He snaps but I don’t take it personally. Pride is a big thing for Niall and money is a sensitive subject.
“Don’t be a stranger” I settle with, hoping he won’t distance himself too much.
“I won’t. Come over anytime” he hums and we say our goodbyes as I’m already 10 minutes late for a lecture.
I’ve applied for 25 jobs so far. Mainly waiter roles and cleaning jobs but I don’t car what I do as long as the hours fit around the girls and I can financially support myself.
I’ve had a few responses come back to me and already, saying I don’t have the relevant experience they’re looking for and some I’m still waiting here back from .
I’m just in the middle of preparing the lasagne for tea when I get a text message from Josh, who is in my old law class.
15:56 From: Josh Devine
Hey horan- wanta job? Heard you lookin
16:02 To: Josh Devine
Hey Josh, I am looking. What job?
16:06 From: Josh Devine
Entertainment at me partieeeee!!
16:11 To: Josh Devine
16:16 From: Josh Devine
Yah. Malik told me you’re skilled ;) me Justin r havin a few mates rlund. Wud only be 4 me and Justin thou &seprate
16:31 To: Josh Devine
No thanks. I don’t know what Zayn told you but it’s not true. Thanks anyway
16:37 From: Josh Devine
So Malik din’t have funn witb you?
16:46 To: Josh Devine
Nope. All lies
16:55 From: Josh Devine
Fairs. Offers there if you change yahh mind.
16:11 To: Josh Devine
Thanks, I think
16:12 To: Zeeeee
YOU TOLD JOSH!?!
16:14 From: Zeeeee
He wanned funnnn! Tryna get yu ££££
16:15 To: Zeeeee
IM NOT A PROSTITUTE AND YOY ARENT MY PIMP! DONT EVER TRY ANND SELL ME AGAIN!
16:20 From: Zeeeee
Wozz TRYING t help yuu
16:23 To: Zeeeee
I don’t need that kindaa help Zayn
16:31 From: Zeeeee
16:32 To: Zeeeee
Don’t tell anyone else or I’ll tell them about you and Liam.
16:44 From: Zeeeee
To thhink I was tryinnn ta do uyu a favar! I wont tell. Cum to mine fridayy @5. 4 rpund 2. ;) else I start tellin. £200 4 1 hour.
16:44 To: Zeeeee
16:46 From: Ian Jameson
Fancy blowin me? £25?
16:46 From: Andrew Lawson
HORAN?? YOU A FUCK FOR MONEY BUDDY NOWSS?! FREE THRUDAY?
16:48 From: Becky Christo
Hey Nialler ;) you do ladies too?
16:50 From: Bobby Fisher
Yesssss horan! £100£ an hour apparentgly? Im in. When you freeee??
16:51 From Jackson Lee
Your so hot I’d fuck you so hard and fast and long you won’t know what’s hit you I will look into your eyes as I pound into your tight asss ans-
I stop reading.
16:57 To: Zeeeee
STOP TELLINF PEOPLE! PLEASE!
16:58 From: Zeeeee
Friday? BTW liam is joining us. Were both fucking u
17:01 To: Zeeeee
NOOOOOOO! NIALL IS SPIRALLING!!
The rest of the week passes in a blur and before I know it Friday has approached.
Louis and Harry offer to watch the girls again whilst I go see Liam and Zayn. They are suspicious at first, as they still think me and Zayn had a full out, but I just tell them it’s a way to make up with him. Harry is over the moon but Louis doesn’t look convinced. Mind you, he’s known me since I was born. Hell, he was there! He had a pneumonia and was brought in to intensive care which is where I was from being so small. We were laid next to each other in incubators. Every time I cried, he cried. Its like he could feel my pain. We’ve been best friends ever since.
Louis drops me off at Zayn’s and offers me a safe zone. We call them safe zones as a sort of -safe space- to talk without judgement.
“This is a safe zone"
“I know Lou. I just- I have a lot going on"
“I know you do. Talk to me and maybe I can help-"
“- You can’t help me Lou-"
“- You don’t know that-"
“-Yes. Yes I do. Just drop it. Please?” I sigh. I want to tell him. Lord knows I do. I need my best friend more than ever. But can I trust that this won’t change things. That this won’t change us.
“Okay. Okay it’s dropped” he mutters, not even tying to hide his disappointment.
“Thank you. Did I tell you I’ve got a job?” I offer, trying to lighten the mood.
“No, you never said. Where? When? What doing?” He smiles, pulling the car into Zayn’s driveway.
“It’s at a cafe. Making and serving drinks and food. It opens at 8am and closes at 8pm. But if be working 9am to 3pm. 6 hours a day with the option to work longer if I want to.” I shrug.
“Is that financially ideal for you?” He frowns and I understand his worry. 6 hours a day isn’t a lot on minimum wage.
“Yeah. Kind of. I come out with a grand a month doing 6 hours Monday through Friday. I’d be working the odd Saturday to boost my wage and was hoping you’d watch the girls?”
“Of course. Any time babe” he nods.
“I might have to work the odd evening at a bar around the corner too. They've offered me 2 nights a week. From 6pm until 11pm. I haven’t accepted or declined yet”
“How come? Accept it” he says immediately and I wonder if he'd be so keen for me to work there if he knew what I’d be doing.
“I can’t leave the girls home alone-"
“I'll watch them. Any time Nialler. Or Harry would if I’m busy for whatever reason” he shrugs.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Accept it. You need more than a grand, a month, to support your self and the girls” he smiles and kisses the side of my head.
“No worries. Have fun and if you want me to pick you up, text me" he smiles as I climb out of the car.
I take a deep breath and make my way up to Zayn’s front door, waving to Louis as I do.
“You’re late” is the first thing say says when he opens the door. I huff and pull my phone out of my pocket. 17:02.
“By 2 minutes” I roll my eyes. This is the last place I want to be and his attitude is making me regret my decision even more than before.
“Fine. Don’t be late next time"
“There won’t BE a next time” I challenge and he smirks at me, clearly not buying a word of it.
“Hey Niall. Want a drink?” Liam smiles, handing out a can of coke for me. I take it with a light smile and sigh.
“Lead the way” I mutter a moment later when we’re all just stood awkwardly staring at each other.
Liam heads up the stairs first, followed by myself and then Zayn.
Once in Zayn’s room, I put my drinking the side and take off my jacket.
“Strip for me, baby" Zayn smiles, sat on the bed and already rubbing himself as his eyes take over my body. I feel vomit rise up my throat and into my mouth but force it back down.
I take a deep breath and strip.
I get a taxi home. It’s 9 at night and I don’t want to get the bus alone or call Louis. Liam and Zayn both fell asleep pretty much straight after. Leaving me to clean myself up as well as those two.
I limp over to the taxi and sit down gently, telling the driver my address.
The ride is short and quiet. The driver doesn’t try and engage in any form of conversation and I’m actually grateful for the awkward silence, for possibly the first time in my life. He pulls up outside my home and I hand him over the money with a small “Thank you”.
“Hey Nialler” Louis calls quietly when I enter the house. I toe my shoes off at the door and pad down the hallway into the living room.
“Hey Lou" I hum, sitting down carefully but not too obviously.
“How was it?”
“Fine” I hum, laying my head on his shoulder tiredly. He cards his fingers through my hair and kisses the side of my head as I feel my eyes drifting.
“Shall we get you to bed?” He chuckles softly.
“Hmmmm" I agree but make no effort whatsoever to move.
“Come on then babe” he coos, helping me stand and guiding me to my room. He tells me the girls went to bed with no issues and Harry had to leave not long ago as his mum called.
“I checked your accounts for you mate, the money for the car crash has come through. £5100”
“Sweet. I can get the car tomorrow then. Also might get a cheap bed frame. I’m tired of being on the floor” I mutter with a half laugh.
“You should! You deserve a comfy bed too babe" he sighs and kisses my lips lightly.
“I love you Louis”
“I love you Niall. Now, get some rest. I’ll pick up on my way out. Pick you up around 12 to get the car tomorrow? I’m sure Harry will watch the girls” he instructs, helping me out of my jeans and shirt.
“Yeah. Sounds good. Thank you” I yawn, sleep taking over as I hit the pillow.
The next few days are a blur.
I manage to be the new car, for £3k and it’s great. I also start work at the cafe and manage to get into some form of routine with looking after the girls and working.
Tori isn’t fighting as much at school and hasn’t been told off for weeks.
Morgan isn’t giving me attitude or making me feel like a failure.
Elsa isn’t crying all the time any more.
Holly won first place for another piece of art work.
Kimmie is preparing to move up into the next room at nursery. The 2-3 year old room, aka the butterfly room.
Everything is looking up.
I’ve booked in for my first evening shift at the bar for tonight and Louis is already here for the girls. I pull on some skinny jeans and a white t-shirt with my white converse.
“Wow Nialler! You look great" Louis whistles.
“That outfit is to die for. They’ll be after you not the drinks” he winks and I blush but try and shrug it off. I don’t tell him what I’m thinking: that’s the point.
“Girls I’m going. Be good, okay?” I call out and give them all a cuddle before leaving. Louis walks me out and pats my shoulder as a good luck symbol.
When I look at him as I’m reversing out of the drive way, he has a shit eating grin that says ‘I’m so proud of you’. If only he knew.
“Hey Rob” I smile as I enter the bar and greet my new boss. He grins at me, looking me up and down before waving me to follow him to the dressing room.
“Megan, darling? Make him look as good as he does now, but without clothes” he calls out to a young girl with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She’s stunning and a little intimidating despite her height being the same as me.
“Hey. Niall right? I’m Megan, I work on hair, Make up and outfits. Have a seat. Let’s glam you up" she grins. She comes across so cool and confident, but super lovely.
“Sorry, yeah. Nervous “ I stutter, plonking myself down on the seat she’s pulled out for me.
“I would be too in your shoes. That’s why I stay behind the scenes. Okay babe, so I have some short back booty shorts for you and some black converse in your size. I’m going to dose you in glitter on your chest, shoulders and back with your hair in a quiff. Little mascara to make your lashes longer and your eyes stand out and you’re good to go.”
“I won’t have a shirt?” I ask softly, already knowing the answer.
“No babe. Rob doesn’t believe in shirts. Besides, you’ll get way more tips topless" she winks and sets about doing my hair.
I walk out with a little more confidence than I first had. After seeing myself in the mirror, felt a little better. A little prettier.
As soon as I enter the dance floor, I see at least 3 men and 2 women checking me out. I stick my arse out a little more, puff my chest out and pretend I have a clue what I’m doing. I also pretend I’m actually old enough to be here.
“Hey cutie. Wanna dance?” a middle aged man whispers into my ear, grabbing my wrist to stop me in my tracks. I panic at first at being grabbed, but slowly calm myself down enough to say “If you want to, sir".
“Sir? Haha. I like that. Let’s go, twink" he grins, pulling me into the middle of the dance floor. He wraps his arms tightly around my waist, pressing his crotch onto mine before sliding one hand into my arse. At first he sways us lightly, hand groping my arse over my trousers and then he thrusts a little into my crotch, moaning brokenly into my ear. And then he slides his hand into my shorts, ribbing his index finger between my bum cheeks and pressing in a little. I can tell he’s grinning into my neck at discovering I’m not wearing boxers under the shorts. None of the boys are.
“You like this, slut? Like me to finger you on the dance floor? Right in front of everyone?” He huffs, working his finger harder to find my hole.
I breath of harshly and start pulling away from him. I don’t mind dancing. I don’t mind a little groping. But he’s literally trying to finger me right now.
“Come on slut. Take it" he laughs, grabbing my wrist and stopping me from moving.
“Sir, please let go of me” I request as calmly as I can manage.
“No darling. We’re having a little fun" he smirks, grabbing my wrist tighter.
“Please let go" I say louder and make a show of pulling away, knowing that security will remove him.
“You okay Niall?” Ashton, the main security guard asks as he stands next to me.
“I'd like him to get off of me" I whisper, not a fan of the mini crowd gathered around us. I don’t want future clients to think I’m pathetic and a baby who calls security every 2 minutes, but I needed him to get off and out of me.
“Colin. You’ve been warned before. Get off of him before I make you” he warns and Colin removes himself from me.
“If security have to tell you again, you’re barred” he tells the client who walks toward the bar for another drink.
“Fine. Thank you. He was, just a bit much” I stutter.
“He can be. Id like to say he's harmless, but he isn’t. Never go anywhere alone with him and if you find yourself alone with him, get away however you have to. He doesn’t play by the rules. Come on, have a glass of coke to raise your blood pressure. You’ve had a shock" he smiles and leads me to the bar. The lady behind the bar immediately gets me a pint of coke, I drink half down and she puts the rest behind the counter for me for later.
As soon as I head back out into the room, 2 ladies have draped themselves over me. One is pinching my left nipple and the other is kissing the side of my neck.
“We have a booth"
“Lead the way" I whisper.
I make £320 in tips alone from a 5 hour shift. Add that to my actually hourly rate and I come away with £370 for 5 hours work.
“How was it?” Louis calls from the kitchen when I enter the house.
“Alright actually. Rocky start but, not bad in the end” I offer out, trying to remain unfazed.
“That’s good. I have tea here for you. Is that glitter? Why the heck do you have glitter all over you? It’s everywhere” he laughs, picking bits off of my neck.
“Oh. It’s Rob, the bosses idea. To spruce it up a little, I guess" I shrug lightly, taking a sip of my tea.
“Fair enough. I need to shoot off, mum is bitching at me again” he rolls his eyes and I giggle, the kiss his cheek.
“No worries babe. Any time! See you” he calls
“Bye!” I call out, heading up to bed and taking my tea with me.
“Oh, you’re back. How was work?” Morgan asks as we bump into each other on the hallway, me going to bed and her going to the bathroom.
“Not bad thanks babe. Also, I have a surprise for you. You can go to Paris with your friends. Let me know when the instalments need to be paid and I can make a note of the dates” I smile softly at her.
“OH MY GOD! SERIOUSLY?!”
“Yeah, seriously” I smile.
She squeals, jumps up and down on the spot, gives me the mother of all cuddles and rushes to text her friends, whisper shouting “Thank you thank you thank you thank you”.
“You’re welcome” I whisper to the door.
The smile on her face is worth it.
A a 45 year old man fingering me on a dance floor
2 ladies rubbing me off and controlling my hands to rub their breasts and -lady parts
4 young men sexual dancing with me in the middle of the room, whilst another man spanked my arse and another rubbed my crotch.
Being bent over a table whilst 2 different 50 year old men grinded into my arse and came in their pants against me, one of them choking me slightly and the other pulling my hair
2 young women giving me a lap dance, one after the other, just so they could feel my cock against them.
Me having to give 6 different men and 3 girls a lap dance at different points in the evening
Ending with one middle aged woman sucking me off in the middle of the dance floor, for the entire club to see
All of this was in the main room where anyone could see anything.
My heart is breaking for Niall. Anyone else's?
The next chapter gets even worse as a face from the past pops up. - Who do you think it is?
The chapter after we see a little more into Harry's life.
The chapter after wee see a little more into Louis life.
Then we find out what Harry's hiding! - What do you think it is????
The next two weeks are pretty much the same.
I wake up, then wake the girls up, make them breakfast, drop them at School, go to work in the cafe from 9am until 3pm. After work I pick the girls up, help them with homework, make their tea, wash up and then get them to bed at their bedtimes.
Kimmie goes first at 6:30pm.
Then Elsa goes to bed at 7pm.
Tori and Holly go together at 8pm (giving Elsa enough time to go to sleep so she isn’t up talking to them all night).
Morgan goes to bed at 9pm.
On Tuesdays and Thursdays I work at the bar doing belittling things for money. It’s not fun. It’s not glamourous. But the pay is great so I have no intentions of quitting any time soon.
Louis looks after the girls when I work at the bar and I think it’s his way of trying to help me. He can’t financially help me as I won’t let him. He can’t mentally help me as I won't let him and he can’t emotionally help me as- you guessed it- I won't let him. That’s not me trying to be difficult, but the only way he can emotionally and mentally help me is by knowing the WHOLE story and I’m not ready for him to.
So this is his way of helping me.
“Hey Lou" I call as I enter the kitchen from an other night shift.
“Hey babe. How was it?”
“Alright. I have kebabs for us all. As a thank you” I smile, holding out the take out bag to show him the food.
“Hmm someone’s doing well” he jokes and I laugh, shoving his shoulder slightly. It’s an inside joke really, from when we went shopping at Tesco’s and he got a few beef steaks from the -expensive as hell end. The cashier scanned the food and went “Ugh. Someone’s doing well” as he read out the total at £398.56 (for three joints of beef!). Louis wasn’t even phased. Just handed over a wad of money and walked off with the food. Mind you, it was for the fancy meal his parents had planned with a load of high market people.
I take the food into the living room and Louis follows me in with the three cups of tea he’s made.
“Hey Harry” I smile, putting the bag of food down and handing Harry his kebab. I put Louis down in front of him then took into my own.
“Hey Niall, what's the bar called that you work in?" Harry asks a few minutes later. I glance at him and see him looking at all the glitter all over me.
“Um- not telling you” I mumble through the kebab in my mouth.
“Why not?” He frowns and Louis does too.
“You’ll come and see me at work- and distract me" I lie, then have a large sip of my tea.
“-That’s fair. I would totally do that” Louis agrees, cutting Harry off. I giggle a little from his honesty and eat the rest of my food.
“Thanks for the food Nialler” Louis grins, putting his empty tray in the bin.
“It’s Okay. Thanks for having the girls again”
“I don’t mind. You know you guys are younger siblings to me. I consider you my little brother and them my little sisters” he smiles, kissing the side of my head.
“Thanks for keeping him company Harry"
“It’s Okay. Thank you for the food" he smiles, closing the lid and putting the container on the side.
Two weeks later I have officially paid off Paris for Morgan and she is so grateful she offers to cook tea for the next month! I tell her it would be lovely but she doesn’t have to, I like cooking.
Elsa was able to go on a day trip with school to a farm, which is a little random but whatever. She loved it! Kept telling me loads of random fact’s about the animals and how happy she was she got to go. She also loves her bright red wellies that I bought her to wear there and wears them anytime we leave the house (regardless of what clothes she’s wearing and if they match or not). Louis mockingly holds a hand over his heart in offense whenever he has to go out in public with her and the bloody boots.
Tori and Holly have gone on a trip to the zoo with school and again, they loved it. They were over the moon when I handed the permission slips in with the money, as I wasn’t sure if I'd be able to afford it. They came back full of excitement, knowledge and £10 worth of sweets. (I gave them £5 each in case they wanted an extra drink or a toy from the gift shop). But no. They spent every penny on sweets. I wasn’t too mad though as they brought all of the sweets back with them to share with us all. It’s safe to say, I was glad I had work at the bar that night because having 5 sugar induced children is not fun. Trust me on that. I bought Louis a few beers in to apologise.
Kimmie has moved up into the butterfly room. She was sad to leave the room and got a little teary (she wasn’t the only one) but once she was in there she was charging everywhere. Talking to everyone. Playing with every toy. She loved it.
I also went out and bought all of the girls new school bags, new school shoes and a new coat. They deserve them and it was long overdue.
“Girls, do you want to go the beach tomorrow?” I ask as we're sat at the table enjoying the spaghetti bolognese Morgan cooked (I helped when she got stuck and when she couldn’t see from chopping the onions).
“Please Niall! PLEASE”
“Okay. We’ll be leaving around 10am then" I grin. We haven’t been to the seaside in a while but they always love going.
Tori washes up after tea and Holly dries the pots, handing them to Elsa who puts them away. Wow. Louis being here has really rubbed off on the girls.
Morgan sits and colours with Kimmie and for the first time in probably 9 months, I can sit on the couch and do nothing. It’s glorious. I have a cheeky beer and watch golf.
The girls come in a moment later and all pile on the couch next to me, so I switch the tv channel from golf to Scooby Doo.
“Put golf back on" Morgan frowns.
“You girls hate golf" I laugh.
“We did. But uncle Louis told us the rules and we like it now" Tori explains from where she’s cuddled into my side.
“Really? You’d rather watch golf than cartoons?” I scoff.
“Yeah. Now put it on! Tiger Woods was up next" Holly complains and well, who am I to object?
“Nice shot. You should have used the wedge club though” Tori mutters and I can’t help but laugh my arse off.
I get Kimmie into bed and read her a story about some dragons taking over the kingdom and blah blah blah. She loves it but is tired and is asleep in 10 minutes.
Elsa is tucked into bed next, with a shortened version of Frozen. She's still awake when I go down stairs but won’t be for long.
Tori and Holly give me a cuddle and kiss before taking themselves to bed, saying they’re too big to be tucked in. I tell them good night and bite my bottom lip at how fast my girls are growing up. It makes me both happy and sad.
Morgan goes to bed around half 9 as she was watching a film that finished then. I said she could stay up a little later with it being Saturday tomorrow.
I take myself to bed around 10:30, collapse onto my new (second hand) bed and frame and fall asleep.
“Niall! Niall! Niall!-"
“-The beach is calling my name-“
“- Niall, let’s go-"
“-Come on, come on, come on, come o-"
“-Get up lazy bones”
“- Come on we wanna go!”
“Okay. Okay. I’m up” I yawn, sitting up and holding Kimmie’s hand so she doesn’t fall off of me. Elsa is jumping a little on her knees on the bed and runs off to get dressed. Tori and Holly shove each other out of the way to get ready and Morgan holds her arms out for Kimmie.
“You got a bed frame" she smiles, picking Kimmie up and kissing her cheeks a few times to make her laugh.
“I needed one” I chuckle.
“Yeah. You really did” she laughs “I’ll get Kimmie ready. There’s some toast for you on the table” she smiles, leaving the room.
Who are these girls and what have they done with my sister’s?!
I throw some jeans and a shirt on before going to eat my toast.
Morgan comes down a moment later wearing some blue jeans and a black top with a hooded jacket over the top. She puts Kimmie on the floor and passes her a drink of juice.
“I’ve changed her nappy and got her bag ready. There are 4 spare nappies and wipes. I’ve also put in some spare leggings in case she gets those ones dirty” she smiles, nodding to Kimmie who is wearing green leggings And a pink dress with green and shite flowers on it. She looks adorable.
“Thanks Morgan” I smile.
“Shall I make some sandwiches?”
“Nah. Grab some crisps, chocolate and drinks for the car. We can eat there" I shrug. We rarely eat out as it adds up financially and I can’t usually afford it. They deserve a treat. We all do.
Elsa comes down next, wearing a purple dress and black leggings. Followed by Tori who is wearing a checked red skirt, leggings and a black top and Holly who is wearing blue jeans and a grey top.
“Let’s go!” Elsa giggles and I laugh but head towards the door.
I carry Kimmie out, so I don’t have to put her shoes on. She'll only want them taking off in the car.
Holly sits in the front and Tori is going to be sitting shotgun on the way back.
The journey is long but hilarious. We have practically every song ever known blasting through the speakers and all sing at the top of our voices. Little Mix, Jessie J, Pink, 5SOS, Drake. You name it, Morgan plays it.
We get parked up and head straight to the beach front where we all spend the next 3 hours running up and down the beach and paddling in the water. Holly and Morgan try teaching Elsa how to jump over the waves but she doesn’t quite get the hang of it and falls on her butt. Luckily I was keeping an eye on her and stood her up before a wave went over her head. We then make sand castles with Kimmie and manage to make her a large kingdom which she can actually walk around.
At around 2pm I tell the girls it’s lunch time.
We head back to the car and they all get changed in the back, into clean and dry clothes. I get Kimmie changed in the boot and then quickly change my jeans which are soaked in sea water.
We have fish and chips in one of the little cafes and all have warm drinks as it’s getting a little chilly.
“Chocolate!” Elsa shouts.
“Don’t shout babe. There are other people here" I scold her lightly as a couple nearby us glance over. I make eye contact with the woman who flicks her eyes over to her little boy sat on the chair next to her. She looks back at me. She glances at the girls one by one and I can feel her judging us. Judging me.
“Niall? Can we have cake?” Tori asks.
“Please?” Holly adds on.
“Sure, you two go get all of us a piece. What do you guys want? I’d like chocolate please” I smile, handing Holly a £20 note.
“Chocolate please” Elsa grins.
“Sponge cake please” Morgan adds, wiping Kimmies hands.
“Cake!” she laughs.
“Get her chocolate, please” I laugh.
I glance back at the woman and she smiles lightly at me.
I return the smile and wipe Elsa’s hands from Pease and curry sauce.
After the cake has been demolished, we head to the arcades for a few hours of fun.
“You dropped this” The lady with the child says as we leave the shop. I glance at her and see her hand out Kimmie’s coat.
“Oh! Thank you” I grin.
“I wasn’t judging you- I mean. I didn't mean to stare. You seem amazing with them. A real natural” she offers quietly.
“It’s Okay. I mean, yeah. They're my sister’s. They’re all I’ve got really” I shrug, picking Kimmie up and putting her on my back as she whines her legs are tired.
“You have a gift with them. I hope Alfie is as good with his little sister” she says softly, patting her tummy and riffling the little boy, Alfie’s, head.
“I’m sure he will be. A good start is a good mum" I add before leaving to join the others outside.
It's only when I’ve caught up with the girls on the bench that I wonder if that’s true. How did all of us turn out so amazing with our mum the way she is?
The arcades are fun. I give each of the girls £5 each to spend in there and we literally have hours of fun. I help Kimmie with hers and Morgan stays with Elsa for me. Tori and Holly are allowed to walk round without me or Morgan as long as they stay together, which they do.
It’s 5pm when we head home with bags full of useless junk that they’ll love for a week at most before it’s thrown in the toy box with the rest of their stuff. But they've all had fun and they’ve all been really well behaved, so I don’t mind.
Once we get home I make them all some apples and custard for pudding as they unwind watching Tangled on the couch.
“I’m getting a quick shower. I’ll be 10 minutes” I tell the girls as I head up stairs.
I strip quickly and turn on the hot water before stepping into the shower.
I wash my hair with shampoo and then conditioner, leaving it on whilst I wash my body. I then wash the conditioner off and get out. I pull on some grey joggers and a white shirt then towel dry my hair as I head to the stairs.
“Niall! Louis and Harry are here” Morgan calls and I grin to myself.
“Who are you?” Elsa mumbles at the door way.
I race down the rest of the stairs, dropping the towel as I go, and pull her away from the door.
“How many times have I told you not to answer the door? That could be anyone!” I snap, holding her by the shoulders.
“Niall, it’s fine. We’re right here-"
“-And what if she was taken Harry? What then? You don’t answer the door Elsa. Do you understand?” I snap.
She nods a little and I pull her into my chest. My heart pounding and my palms sweating.
“Niallàn? It’s good to see you” the woman at the door says promptly.
“It’s Niall. Not Niall-àn. Who are you?” I grumble, putting her straight in her place.
“Not his Christian name it isn’t. Niallàn is his birth name" she smirks.
“How would you know?” I mutter.
“Hello mother. What do you want?” Morgan glares.
“Get lost” Niall snaps before slamming the door shut in her face.
“Is that? Is she?” I stutter.
“Meet Jenny. Our mother.” Is all Niall says as he leads the girls into the living room.
“Can I see her?” Elsa mumbles.
“W-what?” Niall whispers and I feel like I can see his heart shattering through his eyes. I just want to kiss him better.
“Well, she’s our mum and I don’t even remember her” Elsa sighs.
“She hasn’t been there for us for over a year. She isn’t fit to be our mother-"
“-But she is our mother Morgan-"
“-Only by DNA-"
“-I want to see her-"
“- Niall is the only guardian we need-"
“-I want to!”
“Girls! You’re giving me a headache” Niall calls and when all the shouting stops I can hear the doorbell being pressed repeatedly.
“Please go to your room. I need to speak to her and- well find out why she’s here. Then, you can see her if you want to. But I won’t make any of you see her and I won’t stop any of you seeing her. Okay?” Niall whispers calmly.
There are 4 nods and Kimmie kissing his leg.
The girls all head upstairs and Louis pulls Niall into a bone crushing cuddle. I wrap my arms around both of them in support. Niall handled that so well. Despite how hard it must be for him, he’s still putting the girls first.
“I need a beer" Niall mutters.
“Or something stronger” I joke.
“If you want any spice, talk to Liam. Me and Niall don’t touch it but Liam deals” Louis comments and I store the information away for later. It’s valuable.
“Thanks. How do you know he sells, if you don’t buy?”
“He’s been our friend for the last 6 years. Long before he started dealing. We tried talking him out of it but, it’s Liam. He does what he wants.” Louis shrugs.
“If you do smoke or whatever, that’s fine, each to their own, but don’t do it around the girls. If you do, you won’t be able to come round anymore” Niall says gently, then heads to the answer the door.
“I don’t do drugs, but if I did, I wouldn’t do that around them” I tell him as I stand at the door with him. Louis stands on his other side and Niall? Niallàn? Niall- opens the door.
“-It's Niall. What do you want?” Niall snaps.
“Can I come in?” she laughs, taken back by his irritated stance.
“No. What do you want?”
“I’m not doing this in the middle of the street for all in London to see and hear. Let me in at least” she scoffs.
“Louis will show you to the kitchen" he mutters and steps aside. Jenny follows Louis to the kitchen. He doesn’t even try to hide his disgust with her.
“Niallàn? Is that your real name?” I ask confused.
“It’s my Christian name. No one could ever pronounce it and it used to upset me. Louis shortened it to Niall when I was 6. It stuck. She’s the only one who calls me Niallàn” Niall explains, taking a deep breath. I kiss the side of his head and he turns his face so my lips touch his. He kisses back softly and sighs.
“I don’t know what we are. But I’m happy" I sigh. I want him. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my life. More than I wanted my Mercedes. More than I want to climb Matcha Pichu in Peru. I need him. I need to feel the warmth of his breath on my neck as we sleep and feel his cold toes press on my leg to keep warm. I need his long and tight cuddles that make me forget the world and his smile that is brighter than the sun. His eyes are like starts and his heart is pure and I have never loved anyone as much as I love Niall. But I can’t have him.
“Me too" he grins softly, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He’s holding something back. A secret. A big one. But then again, so am I.
“I know we should talk about this, properly. But it can wait until after you’ve spoken to Jenny and the girls” I add.
“Thanks Harry. You’re the best, you know that?”
“I’m not” I scoff.
“You are. You’re amazing. I couldn’t do this without you. I need you Harry”
“You have me. You’ll always have me. You deserve the stars Niall James" I mumble.
“I don’t want the stars. Just you” he hums, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting is cheek on my chest.
We head into the kitchen after the little cuddle and see Louis glaring at Jenny who is sat at the table.
“A drink would be nice” she comments.
“A mother who doesn’t abandon her kids would be nice” Niall replies swiftly. He does make a drink though, for himself, me and Louis. Louis high fives him on the way for the burn he delivered.
Louis smugly drinks his tea and I hide behind my cup so no one sees me laughing. Louis hears me though and smirks at me.
“Niallàn. I’m sorry. Okay sweety? I really am. I thought you would all be better without me and- and I wasn’t in a good place. I needed to get myself clean before I could look after you all"
“It isn’t bullshit. I’m being honest-"
“- It is bullshit. And you know what’s worse? I got stuck raise 5 kids at 16 years old. I’m a kid myself. We needed you. I needed you” Niall glares.
“I’m sorry Niallàn-"
“-Fuck your apologies”.
“What happened to your arm?” she frowns, clearly trying a different tactic to get into my good books.
“Don’t pretend you care-"
“-I do care-"
“- No you don’t-"
“-Yes I do-"
“-Ugh. I was in a car crash. There. Happy!? Some drunk dude smashed into the side of my car and sent me upside down into a ditch” I snap.
“Oh baby! Were you hurt? Was the other driver hurt?”
“I dunno. He drove off” I glare. Of course she cares more about the other driver than me.
“What are you doing here? Why now? After all this time?” Harry asks Jenny. She looks at him unimpressed. If only she knew how much he meant to me. How much he has kept me together these past few months.
“Who are you? His boyfriend?” Jenny snaps at him.
“Harry is a friend. Don’t come into my house and snap at my friends. Or you can get out” I warn. I’ve had enough of her bullshit.
“No. He is a friend” I repeat, talking slowly as though speaking to a toddler.
“Niallàn. I want to see you and the girls again. I want to be your mother and take care of you all. I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry- so sorry! You’ve done amazing with the girls and the house and keeping everything afloat. I’m so proud of you and I’m so thankful for everything you’ve done and sacrificed. I want a chance to make things right. To be a proper mother. Please let me?” she says quietly and I almost believe her. I almost forget all the hurt and pain she has caused. Almost.
“I want to. For the sake of the girls, not you. I want to. They need a mother, but they need a reliable and consistent one. One who supports them and provides for them. One that makes their tea and helps with homework and takes them trick or treating at Halloween. Not one that does as she pleases with no regard for anyone else. I want to forgive you for their sake, but I don’t know how. I wouldn’t trust you to look after a goldfish, never mind 5 dependant children” I say honestly. I do want to trust and forgive her and give the girls a chance to get to know their mother- but she’s nothing but a disappointment and I don’t want them getting even more hurt or confused.
“Six" Harry mumbles and I squint at him.
“She has six children. You are a child. You’re only 17. You never class your self as a child or someone that needs caring for. You’ve had to grow up so fast to look after the girls, you don’t even realise you’re still a child who needs protecting. You're an innocent” he sighs.
Jenny leaves for a few hours whilst I take time to think over what she’s said.
Louis offers to take the girls out for ice cream whilst I have some time to myself to think.
“Do you want me to leave?” Harry smiles from the doorway of my bedroom. I took myself up and collapsed on my bed as a safe place to think and process everything.
“No. You can stay if you want” I shake my head.
He smiles and makes his way over, pulling off his jumper and throwing it on the floor before crawling onto my bed and collapsing next to me.
He tucks his hand under his cheek and lays on his side facing me, then lays the other hand on my tummy.
“Wanna talk about it?”
“About what?” I sigh.
“Everything you’re thinking a out”
“I can’t tell you” I sigh. I have so much going on in my life, I can’t cope with it all. But if I tell Harry the majority of it, he’ll judge me and leave me. I’m not ready for either of them to happen yet.
“You can tell me anything. I’ll listen" he coos.
“I- I have a lot going on-"
“-I know you do. You can tell me anything”
“I don’t like my new job. At the bar. There are pervy men that hit on me and- and the women aren’t much better" I sigh vaguely.
“Then quit. Baby if you’re not happy or feel uncomfortable then leave” he frowns.
“The money is good. £10 an hour plus great tips. I end up leaving with around £20 an hour.”
“But is it worth your happiness?”
“It helps keep the girls fed"
“Why haven’t you told me or Lou is this before? You need to leave babe"
“It’s not that simple. There are- things I’ve done and- I’m not proud of them"
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really” I sigh.
“Then don’t. I don’t make you. But if you ever want to, you know where I am. I’ll always be here fore you Niall. I really like you”
“I really like you too” I smile.
His eyes flicker down to my lips and the next thing I know, he’s pressing his chapped lips to mine. I kiss back immediately, using one hand to cup his cheek and the other rests on his chest as I roll slightly on top of him. He kisses back harder, running one hand down my back and the other tugs my hair slightly, then a little harder when he hears me moan from it.
“You like that?” He chuckles, kissing down the side of my neck and sucking a little bruise there.
“I really do. Ugh. Harder” I moan as he digs his teeth harder into my neck and sucks even harder.
“You’re a little kinky, hmmmm" he states, rolling on top of me and pressing me on6to the mattress with his body weight.
He massages my tongue with his and slightly on it as I explore his mouth with my own.
“Harry?” I pant.
“How- how far do you want to- to go?”
“I want- I want to- can I make love to you?” He whispers.
“Make love? Don’t you have to- to live someone for that?” I frown, heart beating a 100 miles an hour.
He nods softly, eyes never leaving mine.
“I love you Niall. I’m sorry if I’ve ruined anything we have- but I had to tell you. At least once”
“This is insane. We’ve only known each other 2 months” I scoff, but it’s not hiding the way I feel either “But, I love you too. So I guess we’re both insane” I add on.
He kisses me harder then, really pressing me into the mattress and taking off my shirt before removing his own. He admires my chest and stomache, pressing kisses down my neck and into my chest as he trails further down. He finally reaches my jeans and glances up at me.
“Do it" I grin. He removes my jeans and then his own, discarding them on the floor with our shirts. I then take off my socks and he laughs before removing his own, after taking off his shoes.
I took my fingers into his boxer line and pull them down, taking them down his legs and dropping them to the floor.
“Can I blow you?”
“Sure. God yeah" he moans and scoots further up the bed so he’s at the head rest. I may on my tummy and pump him lightly with my right hand, not being very good as I’m left handed- but my left hand is in a cast so that’s out of the question.
“Bit tighter baby"
“I can’t. I’m left handed” I chuckle and his eyes open wide.
“Shit! I didn’t know- ugh. Niall" he moans as I take him down my throat.
I bob my head slightly, using my right hand to pump the base that I can't reach. My gag reflex isn’t great but I am good at blow jobs, I just can’t take too much of him.
“Ugh. God Niall. Ugh baby. God- you’re gonna have to- to stop baby. I don’t last other wise” he groans and I pull off of him. I lick his cock a little to gather the saliva I’ve left.
He pulls me up by my arms and lays me on his chest, pressing me into his body. He presses his hands into my arse, needing it slightly so I’m rubbing my depth against his.
“I think we should lose these” he purrs in my ear, pulling my boxers slightly and I nod into his neck as he removes them.
The next think I know, he's flipped us over so I’m on my back and he’s hovering over me.
“Top or bottom?”
“What? You’re making out like I have a choice. You're obviously a top” I chuckle.
“Yeah. I love topping. But if you want to- I’ll bottom" he coos.
“Ugh Harry. Just fuck me. Please” I groan from the feeling of his hard cock against mine.
He opens me up, one finger at a time before stretching me out and making more marks on my neck and chest.
He then fucks me. Hard.
I moan loudly from the pain of him entering me. He’s not exactly small and it bloody hurts but as soon as he’s settled in, his cock hits my prostate the pain turns to pleasure.
“God Harry. You’re huge” I groan.
“You’re so tight baby. I’m not going to last” he moans, voting harshly into my neck. God he’s a fucking vampire.
“Me either” I moan.
“Cum for me babe" he whispers, rubbing my length rapidly and tipping me over the edge. He finishes inside of me a moment later.
He collapses on my chest and whispers “I love you” into my ear repeatedly. I’m used to being told someone loves me. I’m not used to feeling like someone loves me. It’s nice.
After a much needed shower and another cuddle with Harry, I feel a little better.
“I’m going to leave the bar. I’ll have to work there until I get another job, but should only be a few more weeks" I tell him lightly.
“If that’s what you want babe. If it will make you happy, you should leave” he agrees.
I head the door open and close downstairs before loads of talking and shouting fills the air. Louis and the girls are back.
“Time to face them" I sigh.
“Yeah. You stay here if you want. I’ll say you’re asleep”
“Nah. They’ll have questions. They deserve answers”
“Did you have a nice time with Louis?” I smile.
“-Probably abandoned us again-"
“-Don’t say that Tori-"
“-Well it’s true Elsa-"
“-She loves us-"
“- She always leaves us-"
“-Girls. Please stop arguing. Niall has a headache and you’re making it worse” Harry says gently, rubbing my back softly as he sighs.
“You do look tired to be fair-“
“-Are you ill?” Elsa asks.
“Yeah. Migraine” I mumble.
“In terms of Jenny, I think she wants to try again. So, if any of you want to see her, I won’t stop you. But I also can’t guarantee she won’t hurt us again"
“I don't want to” Morgan states and I nod, telling her that’s fine.
“I do!” Elsa giggles and again I tell her that’s fine.
“No! Want Ni Ni!” Kimmie mumbles and I pick her up, kissing her cheeks to make her laugh.
“I do. I think" Holly frowns.
“Nope. She’s dead to me" Tori says, taking off her shoes and making a drink of juice.
‘So, Elsa, Holly- I can get her to come round later. See you?”
“Yeah! Thanks Niall!”
The girls all head upstairs to play, Morgan going out with some friends. I gave her £20 to treat herself.
“So. Are you wearing a jumper because you’re cold, or to hide the love bites Harry gave you when he fucked you?” lpuis asks me once the girls are out of ear shot.
“I’m- um. I’m cold” I stutter, tugging the hood further around my neck.
“Hmmm. Sure. Was he good?” He wiggled his eye brow at me.
“Nothing happened” I lie.
“Oh please. For starters I can see a love bite and secondly you’re limping like you did the morning after I fucked you 3 years ago" he laughs.
“You and Niall fucked?”
“Yeah. We were 14 and drunk. It was fun. Got my virginity out of the way" I shrug.
“Mine too" Louis adds and I laugh lightly.
It was a good night. Well, from what I can remember.
Jenny comes round at 6pm. She was due at 5pm but who’s counting.
Harry and Louis take Morgan, Tori and Kimmie to the cinema so we can have alone time and they won’t even take any money for the tickets.
“Hi girls” she smiles.
“These two wanted to see you. The others aren’t sure yet" I tell her as we all sit at the table, ready to tuck into the curry I’ve made.
“Hi Tori. Hi Elsa"
“I’m Holly” Holly mutters. Typical Jenny. She can’t even tell her daughter’s apart. Holly and Tori are twins, but they aren’t identical.
“Oh. Sorry! Hi Holly"
The visit is awkward and the girls don’t really offer much to her questions, but they spend the time together. Which is what they need.
Jenny leaves at 9 as the girls should have gone to bed over an hour ago.
Once Jenny leaves and Holly and Elsa are in bed, Lou is and Harry come back with the others. I get them into bed before collapsing in my own.
Harry joins me a moment later.
“Louis locked up and had to go"
“Okay. Are you staying?”
“If that’s alright”
“Sure. Cuddle me" I mumble and he kisses my cheek, flopping down next to me.
“I love you Harry”
“I love you Niall. I shouldn’t, but I do" he replies and I know what he means. I shouldn’t love him. And if he knew about everything I’ve done – and am still doing- he wouldn’t love me.
NARRY I LOVE YOU'S !!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!
WHAT IS HARRY HIDING????
Jenny comes around a lot.
The girls are almost friendly to her now.
Morgan will just about be in the same room as her without glaring at her too much. Holly gives her little cuddles. Elsa and Kimmie call her mum. And Tori, well, she hasn’t thrown anything at her in like 2 days. So that’s an improvement.
And me? Well, I’m still calling her Jenny and want nothing to do with her. That won’t change.
“Niallàn, can I take the girls into school today?” she asks as we're sat around the breakfast table.
“You aren’t on their list as a drop off or pick up" I mutter through my toast.
“Can’t you call them? Please?”
“You can come with us. End of story” I challenge her. No way am I letting her take the girls anywhere alone. I’ll come home and she’ll have sold them for magic bloody beans or a quick fix.
“Great!” she says with a half arsed smile. Well it’s the best I’m offering her and to be honest, it’s more than she deserves!
We drop off Holly and Tori first.
“Jenny? We haven’t seen you for a while! How are you? Niall said you’ve been snowed under at work lately”
“I- yes. I have. Niall has been- looking after things for me" she stutters, clearly taken off guard at the teachers comments.
“Give me a cuddle girls. Right, have a good day and be good, alright?” I smile kissing both of their heads and wrapping them in a massive cuddle. They cuddle me back and Holly gives Jenny a small cuddle. Tori just walks off saying bye to me and it makes me laugh as we head back to the car.
“She doesn’t like me”
“She doesn’t know you” I counter.
“Or like me"
“Or trust you” I add on with a smirk. I’m done trying to make her life easier. She hasn’t worked to make mine any easier. Why should I always be the one to give?
We drop Elsa off next and she gives us both a massive cuddle, which makes Jenny feel like mother of the year (and act like it too).
“Niallàn, tuck in your shirt. You look scruffy”
“Shuddup" I glare. I’m not doing a damn thing she says. And I look scruffy? Hah! I have done for the past 15 months of my life! I can’t afford to look nice or anything above scruffy.
Morgan is dropped off next and we simply wait in the car, giving her a cuddle through the window before she heads off.
“Phone” I call out to her. She rolls her eyes with a smirk (it’s kind of a running joke between us) and hands it to me for later.
“Have a good day”
“You too Niall" she smiles.
We drop Kimmie off next and she doesn’t want Jenny to come with us, throwing the mother of all tantrums until she waits in the car. On the way into the room I give her a high five and a cookie.
So Jenny sticks around. It’s a surprise to us all, it honest to god is. Is it a good surprise? Who knows. I doubt it but for the girls sake, I hope so.
Work is just the same.
I work at the cafe with cute little old ladies and Jade who is my manager and is super lovely. She has frizzy ginger hair and a massive personality, but is lovely never the less.
I also work at the bar, telling myself I’ll work there until
A. I have a new job that pays well; and
B. I have at least £1,000 saved up for emergencies.
I have £500 saved so far and a few jobs I’m waiting to hear back from. So I’m half way there.
Harry has just been as lovely as ever. Has constantly around and helping me with the girls or with tidying up or making tea. It’s weird because I’ve always felt like their mother but at times I feel like Harry is their father. It’s weird.
Louis, on the other hand, hasn't been around much. His parents have been banging on at him to take over the business and therefore throwing him into meetings and business deals that he wants nothing to do with. It’s quite ironic how he’s working in a fraudulent business that’s severely illegal and he wants to be a lawyer.
I haven’t seen anything of Liam or Zayn. That’s by choice. They’ve both messages dozens of times but I can’t bring myself to face them. They just see me as a booty call and not their friend, which really hurts as I’ve known Zayn since I could talk and I’ve known Liam 7 years.
“Girls! Come on! Get up" Harry calls from where he’s making breakfast. He’s decided they deserve a treat and has made them all pancakes with various toppings. He even went to Tesco and bought all the stuff (after realising I have never made pancakes in my life and don’t have half of the stuff needed). He also wouldn't take any money for it, which I’m not happy about.
“Hi Harry. Hi Niall” holly grins as she sits Kimmie at the table, sleepy looks on both of their faces and still dressed in their night ware.
“Hi girls. Harry has made pancakes. Help yourself and get a drink" I grin.
Morgan and Elsa come down after that, closely followed by Tori who is already dressed with her hair done in plats.
The pancakes are eaten without complaint and the various toppings devoured before they head upstairs to get ready for school. Tori stays sat at the table colouring as she’s already ready.
I quickly wash up and Harry offers to put away so the pots are done just as the girls come trickling down stairs.
“Is mum coming with us?” Elsa smiles.
“I don’t know babe. She hasn’t text this morning” I tell her softly, pulling on Kimmie’s faux fur boots.
“I want her to" she whines.
“I’ll text her and ask. Okay? Don’t whine Elsa” I warn her.
Being the good big brother I am, I do text her.
07:46 To: Jenny
Are you dropping the girls off with me?
07:51 From: Jenny
Not tiday Niallàn. Fell roufh
07:52 To: Jenny
Meaning you’re hungover?
07:56 From: Jenny
Dont juge me Niallàn. I hada sesh now im aslep
07:58 To: Jenny
I am judging you. But I’m also judging myself for letting you into their lives again.
She doesn’t respond.
I take the girls to school then head to the cafe.
“Hi Jade” I smile.
“Hi Niall. Can you start on hot drinks?”
“Sure! What can I get for you sir?” I grin.
After a long shift, I pick the girls up and take them home. It’s Thursday, so I’ll be at the bar tonight. But I have tea with the girls and then head off.
Louis arrives around half 5 just as we're finishing up.
“You need to eat more. You’re too skinny" he comments as he takes Kimmie's empty plate from the table and puts it in the hot soapy water I’ve gotten ready. The other girls bring their own pots to the sink then head upstairs to play.
“They’ve all done their homework” I mumble, avoiding his comment and putting my hands straight in the water to wash up.
“Niall? Niall? Babe. Come on. Look at me? Don’t get upset. Please? Baby, I wasn’t criticising you or anything you’re doing. I just worry about you” he whispers, pulling my arms out of the water and around he’s neck. He puts his around my waist and kisses my forehead.
“I know. I’m fine. I'm always fine” I smile lightly. It’s such a robotic response even I don’t believe it any more.
“I know babe" he sighs and I know he knows it’s a lie.
He nudges me out of the way and finishes washing up so I can get ready for work. I pull on some clean jeans and a shirt, even though I’ll be changing once I get there. 2 more weeks. 2 more weeks. I can do this. If I keep telling myself I can do this, maybe I can.
I head over to the bar meet Rob in the office. He had a me over to Megan who gets my outfit ready. Sparkly red shorts and glitter. That’s it. Oh, I get to wear black converse. But that’s it. Glitter is not a sufficient shirt!
Harry comes over around 7pm and the girls are happily watching a film in bed so we can talk openly.
“Sure” he shrugs, making himself comfortable on the couch.
“Here. So, I have to ask. You and Niall?” I mumble, flopping down next to him and resuming the film I had playing. Guardians of the galaxy 2. Great film.
“Yeah. We’ve um- sort of done things and- yeah”
“Do you like him?” I challenge. The last thing I want is for Niall to get hurt.
“Yeah. I love him” he says simply.
“Have you told him that you love him?” I ask, my heart rate rising and palms going sweaty from the slightly jealous feeling running through my vains.
“Yeah. He said he loves me. We haven’t established a relationship or anything. Yet. But we will. Once all this with Jenny blows over and- once- um- yeah" he stutters.
“And once? Once what?” I frown.
“I just have- have personal -um- family things going on”
I’m not buying it. But I don’t say anything. It’s probably just my jealousy seeping through. I now to him with a light smile, drink my beer in 2 mouthfuls and get another.
Niall texts me around 11pm saying he’s just finished and is waiting for a taxi.
“How long babe?” I smile as I dial his number. Taxis are usually a nightmare around this time so I don’t mind going to get him.
“Um- they said around 20 minutes”
“I’ll come get you babe. Text me the address I’m on my way" I grin then hang up before he can say no.
An address comes through a few moments later.
11:06 From: Nialler<3
Lil_Jakes @ Greek West Street Thanks Tommo!
I didn't know he worked there. That’s so close to the Seedy bar over the road! Robs. Ugh. Prostitution city more like. I decide, in future, I’ll drop Niall off and pick him up, just to make sure he’s safe.
I jump in the car and drive over to grab Niall who is sat at a bus stop waiting for me. He grins at me as soon as he sees the car and I pull into the bus stop to let him in.
“No probs babe. Harry has the girls” I grin, knowing his next question would be ‘who’s watching them?’
We get home and I make Niall a sandwich for a snack which he eats quickly and washes down with a cup of tea.
“Thanks” he smiles, happy and content, patting his now full little belly.
“No worries. I need to go in a minute babe. My mum’s been on my case again” I grumble and he gives me a sympathetic nod, followed by a cuddle.
“I’ll lock up!” I call on my way out, knowing Harry will be staying. Why am I so jealous about that? Harry is a good guy and Niall deserves to be happy. So why do I feel so angry at Harry? He hasn't done anything wrong. But something isn’t sitting right with him. I get this uneasy feeling around him. Like he has an interior motive. But I don’t know what it could possibly be. And he’s been nothing but lovely to us all and especially to Niall.
So why do I keep wishing they’d never met?
“Stop shuffling” I grumble from where I’m laid on top of Harry. He giggles and kisses the side of my hair messily. I grumble at him for disrupting my sleep but can’t hide the smile that’s spreading across my lips.
“Are we getting up?”
“No" I moan, snuggling further into him and pulling the duvet higher so it's up to my head.
Harry kisses my neck a little, moving the duvet off of me so he has easier access and moves some hair off of my face. I mumble that I’m sweaty but he just laughs and kisses me harder.
“Niall? Psssst. We need to get up" he whispers, biting my ear a little and I giggle at him as he licks over my ear and then works kisses into my neck.
“Ugh Harry. Fucking tease” I mutter, willing myself not to get so easily affected by his touch. But little Niall is having none of my praying and is standing to attention. Traitor.
“Come on Haz. Show a little mercy" I beg and he runs his fingers loosely over my thigh then over my boxer covered crotch.
“Okay" he hums, sliding his hand into my boxers. Ugh. God. That’s more like it. That’s what I need.
“- Niall! What are you doing?” Elsa giggles from the door way and I swear to god I have never moved so fast in my life. I bolt upright and yank the duvet up to my head, making sure Harry is covered too before turning to look at her in the door way.
“Elsa! You know you don’t cone into my room" I snap.
“Yeah but mum’s here! She wants to see you! Here she is!” she grins and the next thing I know, Jenny is stood there in my bedroom doorway with Elsa and Holly.
“Ewe have you been kissing?” Holly laughs, like it’s the funniest thing in the world and I can feel my entire face turn bright red.
“Niall and Harry can kiss if they want to” Morgan snaps at her and oh great here comes the rest of the family.
Kimmie comes running into the room and pulls herself onto the bed, climbing on top of me for a cuddle but I pull away. Whilst I’m no longer in the mood and little Niall is quickly deflating, he’s still awake and cuddling my little sister with a hard on? Not happening.
“Kim, go see Morgan babe. She’ll get you some breakfast” I mumble, tears gathering in my eyes and threatening to fall from pure embarrassment.
“Yeah come on guys. I’ll make cheerios" Morgan adds and sends us a light smile. God she’s really turned a corner.
Tori races Kimmie to the kitchen to keep her entertained and Morgan leads the way.
“Girls? Why don’t you go get breakfast too" Harry suggests.
“Are you coming too Niall?” holly asks, head cocked to the side in confusion.
“In a minute”
“- Are you naked?” Elsa giggles and I can feel my entire face turn bright red in solid humiliation.
“-Why are you naked?”
“- Come for breakfast-
“- Did you kiss naked?”
“- Girls. Come on now. Go get breakfast and Niall will be down in a minute” Harry says a little firmer and they actually listen, leaving the room with giggles behind their hands.
“You can leave” I snap at Jenny.
“Niallàn. I don’t know why you're mad at me. I didn’t tell them to come in and interupt you” she mutters with a light laugh. I’m glad someone finds this funny.
“You didn’t encourage them to leave” I counter.
“Well no. But- what do you expect? You're having gay relations in front of them. They re bound to be confused-"
“-Oh here we go again! The girls love Harry! He’s done more for them in 3 months than you have their entire lives. Don’t be angry at my boyfriend. He stepped up to help me raise them when you fucked off to get high” I snap at her and I can feel Harry's arm around my waist tighten.
“Niallàn. It’s not- you know how I feel about this”
“Yeah. And you know how I feel about you” I glare.
“How do you both feel? I’m lost” Harry frowns and I sigh but glance at his adorable little confused face.
“I hate her. She’s never been there for us and she never will be. She’s a waste of a space junky and the girls are better off without her” I tell him but direct my hard glare straight at her so she knows I mean every word.
“He's a queer little gay boy who drove his own father to suicide, then forced me to breaking point so the only relief I get is from spice. He's the only child I regret having and I wish I’d had an abortion when I had the chance. The only reason I had so many kids afterwards is in the hopes of having a son I could actually be proud of. One worth sticking around for” she challenges. She raises an eye brow at me and I raise one back. Tears are gathering in my eyes but I refuse to let a single one fall. She will NOT see me cry again over this. She admits defeat and storms out of my room, then slams the front door a minute later.
I stare at the empty space.
“Niall? I’m so sorry! I never knew she would say anything like that- I-"
“-It’s fine Haz. I’ve heard it a hundred times before” I shrug, pulling on some joggers and a shirt before padding my way down to the kitchen, wiping the tears from my face as I go.
Niall is quiet for the next few days. I know it has something to do with Jenny, but I don’t pry.
When he comes down stairs after Jenny stormed out, tears gathering in his eyes and some having already fallen, I gave him a cuddle, kissed his cheek and he knew. He knew I was there. He knew he could tell me if he wanted but there was no pressure.
He didn’t offer anything.
So I left it.
Later that night he crawled onto the sofa next to me and cuddled as tight to me as he could. His body couldn’t physically get any closer to mine. It made me proud and slightly smug as Harry was on the other couch and who did Niall chose to snuggle with? ME! Hah! Suck on that Harry!
So that’s been going on for a few days.
He's been quiet and he’s been a little sad. But he’s been okay.
Harry and Niall are closer than ever and it makes me feel sick. Not in a ‘That’s disgusting’ kind of way, but in a ‘I’m jealous that isn’t me’ kind if way. I love him. I love him as more than a friend and I have done for 3 years and it’s killing me not being able to tell him. I want to be the first person he thinks of when he wakes up and the last person on his mind as he falls asleep. I want him to tell me all his secrets and to tell him all mine. I want to kiss him so hard it makes our mouths ache and crotches hard. I want to kiss him like we’re the only ones in the room and take him on cute little dates. I want to be with him when we’re old and senile and causing mischief in the nursing home. But most importantly, I want to love him like he deserves to be loved.
But, he’s happy and he’s my best friend so I want what’s best for him. I want him to be happy, even if it’s by not being with me.
He keeps working at the bar and I can tell he’s unhappy with it.
He hates it. But he keeps giving me the same robotic response when I tell him to leave - “It’s good money”.
“All set girls?” I smile as I wash Kimmie’s hands after breakfast. She has jam everywhere!
I’ve offered to take the girls in so Niall can have a lie in before work, as he worked until after midnight last night.
I take them in without any issues other than Elsa asking where her mum is, like 300 times. I tell her to calm down and Niall will text her today asking her to come see her.
I then relay it to Niall via text, who sends me an eye roll emoji.
Jenny comes round, at 8:20 – literally 10 minutes before I have to leave for the cafe.
“What?” I mutter, not moving out of the way of the door. She can stand in the cold. I don’t care. I pay for the heating and she isn’t using my money to keep warm.
“Niallàn? Can we talk? Look, we both said things we regret. Let’s just move on. For the girls sake"
“Nope. I haven’t said anything I regret and I know you meant every word too. The only thing I can’t work out, is why you’ve come back. Why now?”
“I- well- to see the girls. And you, believe it or not”
“Not" I state bluntly.
“Well it’s true. I miss you all and I love you all. I want to be a proper mum-"
“-You keep saying that but your actions say something totally different. You aren’t reliable or trustworthy and I won’t let you hurt those girls anymore than you already have-"
“- No. Just. Just no. I’m done. I have to go to work. Just- leave. Okay? If you really love the girls and you really want what’s best for them, leave and don’t come back. Actually give them a chance in life” I challenge her then walk out of the door.
“Okay! Okay I will. But I have some- um- some- Christmas presents for them. Can I leave them in the living room? Real quick? Then you can give them to the girls at Christmas? You can even say they’re from you!” she rushes out and I raise an eye brow at her. She’s never bought the girls a Christmas present in their lives. Why now?
“I’m trying to make amends Niallàn. Please? Then I’ll leave and I won’t come back. Just give me this” she begs.
“Fine. I’ll be in the car. You have 5 minutes then I want the key back" I mutter, handing her the house key.
I head over to the car and pull myself into the drivers seat, then move the car backwards slightly so I can see the front door of the house. I don’t trust her. Never have. Never will.
She goes to her car a moment later and comes out with 2 big card board boxes, then takes them into the house. A moment later she does the same again and again takes 2 big card board boxes into the house. She then comes out and takes one final card board box inside. She’s inside for a moment then comes out and locks the door.
She walks over and hands me the key with a small smile.
“Thanks” I mutter, putting the key in my pocket.
“Thank you Niall. For everything you’ve been amazing, working and supporting the girls and running the house. You are a good brother”
“Well, Jenny, someone had to step up” I challenge. That’s the kindest thing she’s ever said to me, but I’m never going to call her mum and I’ll never forgive her for what she’s done and the sacrifices she's forced me to make.
She nods again and heads off down the street, the same direction as me but I don’t offer her a lift. She can drop dead for all I care. I haven’t had a mother for the last year of my life. The day she walked out on us, she was dead to me.
“Hi Niall! Can you start on sandwiches?” Lisa grins as I go in.
“Sure!” I nod, then head over to drop off my bag and pull an apron on.
I head over to get Kimmie first, then Elsa. Then Tori and Holly from their class. Finally I grab Morgan from school before heading home.
“Can we have pie and mash for tea?” Morgan asks from the back seat.
“Sure” I nod, turning left.
“You’re still sad. Aren’t you?” Tori asks softly and I sigh but nod.
“A little babe. I have a lot on my mind, that’s all" I shrug, trying to down play it.
“Wanna talk about it?” Holly adds and I laugh a little but shake my head. They don’t need to know all of my problems. They have enough going on.
“I’m good thank you babe. But, if you girls want, we can go to the cinema this weekend?” I offer, trying to subtly change the subject.
“Okay, go get your pj’s on and come do your homework after. I’ll make a start on tea” I say softly as I open the door.
The go in and head straight upstairs, and I’m so relieved that they are finally helping me out and being well behaved. Just the little things, like going to get their pj's on when I ask, is a massive help.
I put the oven on and whack the 2 big pies in, then peel 12 potatoes before putting them on to boil. Finally, I get the gravy jug ready and put some veg in the microwave- turning it on for 7 minutes to start cooking.
I then head into the living room and freeze.
I literally freeze.
I'd forgotten about the presents that Jenny had left.
Only they aren’t presents.
“Niall! I'm Olivia! I’m five! This is Georgia and that’s rose. Mum said we're living with you now!” a cute little girl with long blonde hair grins from where her and two other girls are watching tv. The other girls only look around a year old.
“They're 1! Mum asked me to give you these” Olivia grins and hands me 3 pieces of paper.
I offer her a small smile, as to not show my confusion, and take the pieces of paper.
I silently read the pieces of paper.
"Hi Niallàn My name is Rose. You're my big brother and mum says you’re going to look after me and my sisters better than she ever could. My birthday is February 16th and I have just turned 1 year old! How exciting! I love you already and can’t wait to live with you and my other sisters! I don’t have any known allergies but I don't like water very much- it’s so scary! I love cake and listening to music on the radio but I love cuddles even more! I give great ones too! Ask Georgia!"
"Hi Niallàn. My name is Georgia. You’re also my big brother and mum says you're going to look after me and my sisters better than she ever could. My birthday is February 16th and I have just turned 1 year old! How exciting! I love you already too and can't wait to live with you and my other sisters! Rose and I are twins and don’t have any known allergies, although I don’t like the dark very much- it frightens me. I love having my tummy tickled and eating yoghurts. I love cuddles and give great ones too! Honest!"
"Hi Niallàn. My name is Olivia! You’re also my big brother and mum says you’re going to look after me and my sisters better than she ever could. My birthday is March 23rd and I have just turned 5 years old! You may wonder why I haven't lived with you before. Well, I lived with my daddy from birth and have never met you or any of my other sisters! But now daddy has to go away for a while, to prison, as he was naughty. I'm sad about that but happy to see you! I love you already too and can't wait to live with you and my other sisters! I don't have any known allergies, but spiders are terrifying! I love cuddles and give great ones too! Honest! Try it!"
“What’s for tea?” Olivia smiles and I freeze again.
“Um. Just- give me- um- one second Olivia” I stutter and leave the room as quick as I can.
I try calling Jenny but the phone has been switched off, surprise surprise.
I call the only person I could ever truly rely on.
“Lou? I need you. Like right now! Apparently mum had three more kids that I knew nothing about and has dumped them in my living room for me to raise!” I panic.
Okay, who else hates Jenny???
Harry wasn't in this chapter because.... THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL REVEAL HIS BIG SECRET!
Louis comes straight round.
He’s literally at the front door, letting himself in with the spare key I gave him, less than 10 minutes later.
This is why he’s my best friend. He’s always there when I need him. He’s always there when I don’t need him. He’s just there and that’s the best feeling in the world.
“Niall? What's going on mate?” He frowns, taking me by the shoulders and lightly shaking me out of my trance like state.
“I apparently have 3 more little sisters. Olivia, aged 5. Then the twins, Rose and Georgia aged 1. They're in the living room because Jenny thought I would look after them better than her" I explain vaguely, still feeling very numb from the newest event taking place in my life.
“You have 8 sister’s?!” he shrieks.
“8 That I know of. Who knows how many more there are put there! Think Jenny needs to buy a TV or some other form of entertainment because she literally has 9 children. Slut" I spit out through anger.
“I agree. She needs to find a better way to occupy her time” he mutters, then glances at the living room.
“I have no idea what to say to them. Olivia seems to know me already But the others two aren’t even bothered they’ve been left!”
“Okay! Okay! Calm down. Breathe Niall. Come on. Getting stressed isn’t going to help anyone. Let’s get the girls introduced to each other and then fed. Okay? Then we can get them to bed and work out a plan"
“We?” I ask quietly.
“We. You aren’t doing this alone”
“Thank you” I sigh out from slight relief. I’m still majorly stressed, but it’s eased slightly knowing I won’t have to face any of this alone.
We head into the living room and find Olivia sat colouring with the twins asleep on blankets on the floor.
“I didn’t want them to fall off the sofa" Olivia smiles when I frown at where they’re asleep.
“Yeah! Of course. That’s good work Liv. This is my friend Louis. He’s your uncle.” I smile and point to him.
“Hi Olivia. You alright babe?”
“Yep! I’m hungry though” she grins, offering me a smile with her little white teeth peeking out. She’s so similar to Kimmie it’s unreal.
“Okay! No worries. Food is cooking. Erm, how would you feel about meeting your other sisters?”
“Yeah!” she grins, excitement taking over as she does a wiggling little dance.
“Okay. You stay here with the twins and uncle Louis and I’ll go get them" I nod, silently asking Louis if that’s okay. I need not have bothered, he’s already laid sprawled out on the floor colouring with her.
I head upstairs to see the other girls.
“Girls? Can I have a word please?” I ask, knocking on the door and letting myself in their room.
“Sure” Morgan nods.
I go in and sit on Holly’s bed, pulling Kimmie onto my knee.
“So. Um- Jenny has left us a little surprise-"
“No Elsa. It’s not cake” I chuckle.
“Yeah, Hol. Kind of presents. So, basically, you have 3 more sisters. There’s Olivia, who is 5. She lived with her dad before so that’s why we didn’t know about her. And there are the twins, Rose and Georgia who are 1. Jenny thought they would be better living here, with us. I know it’s a lot to take in-”
“- Can we meet them?” Tori asks softly.
“Sure. Um- sure if you want” I stutter. Why aren’t they shocked? Or angry? Or surprised? Or angry?
“We’re used to her letting us down. At least we can all be together and help the younger ones adjust” Morgan adds on when she sees my confused face.
“That’s very mature of you Morgan”
“Well, I am going to Paris in 2 weeks. I need to be mature for that” she jokes.
“Yeah. You really do” I agree, slightly terrified. That means I’ll have 7 children under the age of 9 to get ready for school and look after, on my own, for a week. At least when Morgan is here she helps me with them.
The meeting goes well.
Olivia is over the moon to see her other sisters and the twins aren’t fussy whatsoever. They just smile and giggle as the others coo over them. Elsa takes a shine to Olivia straight away as they’re both pretty much the same age (baring 10 months age gap) but that means them I be in the same year at school – which should make the change easier for Olivia. Holly and Tori love the twins. They fuss over them and want to help feed them and everything which is great. Morgan and Kimmie seem just as excited, although Morgan does look a little concerned.
“You okay Morgan?” I ask as she sets the dinner table. The others are in the living room watching TV and talking.
She gets 2 jugs of orange juice and sets them on the table, with 5 plastic cups, 3 sippy cups and a glass for me. She then sets the plates and cutlery.
“I’m just worried. Financially” she shrugs.
“I get that babe. Try not to worry. Okay? I’ll sort it" I try and reassure her.
The girls come piling into the living room, Tori holding Rose’s hand and Holly holding Georgia’s hand, so they don’t fall.
I quickly plate the pie and mash out, Morgan doing he veg for me. Morgan then hands the plate to Holly who takes it to the table.
“This looks great!” Holly smiles as they sit down.
I’ve had to sit Georgia and Rose at a kids play table as there aren’t enough chairs, and Olivia is sitting in my chair. I stand out the counter top and eat my mash, talking quietly to Louis.
“Why don’t you have any pie? Or veg?” He frowns.
“There wasn’t enough” I mutter, eating a fork full of mash and gravy.
“- What am I going to do Louis? What am I actually going to do? Like, where are they even going to sleep?!” I stress.
“Well, Olivia and Elsa can share for now. Then have Rose or Georgia in with Tori and the other with Holly” He offers and I nod, that had been my short term solution.
So that’s what I do.
After tea, the girls all head to bed at their specific bed times and I collapse on the sofa in a ball. Too drained to even go upstairs to bed.
“Want me to call Harry?” Louis offers and I shake my head.
“I’ve tried him, 4 times today. Voice mail every time" I sigh, running my hands down my face in exhaustion.
“Yeah. He text though saying he’s tied up family wise and he’ll call later if he can" I add on. I can’t be mad at him really. He’s done so much for me and as awful as it is, I have so much going on in my life I sometimes forget that other people do too.
“That’s fair” he nods, then pulls my arm lightly. I groan in protest but let him pull me to my feet. He guides me up to my room, strips me to my boxers and tucks me into bed.
“I’m 17. I don’t need tucking into bed" I roll my eyes fondly at him.
“Sure you do! Everyone needs a bit of looking after. Now, get some sleep and we can sort everything fresh tomorrow with clear heads" he hums, stripping himself and cuddling me under the duvet.
The world is loud.
That is my conclusion.
The world is loud and I just want it to stop.
Just for a minute.
But it can’t. And it won’t. So I have no choice but to roll myself out of my warm and comfortable bed and make a start on breakfast.
I pad down to the kitchen in my dressing gown, not being bothered putting clothes on and make a coffee. I also make Louis a cup of tea as I felt him stirring when I woke up. He comes down a moment later.
“Thanks” he nods appreciatively and drinks half of the tea down in one.
“No worries” I mumble, putting 4 pieces of bread in the toaster and grabbing another 8 pieces ready to cook after. I need a bigger toaster, 4 pieces of bread at a time isn’t going to cut it anymore.
Not when Morgan, Tori and Holly have 2 pieces each. And the other 5 have 1 piece each. That’s 11 pieces of toast. Every morning if they have toast every morning. 12 if you count the piece I have.
Morgan comes down a moment later with Rose and sits her at the child table on the floor. I make a mental note to pick up 2 more chairs today so they can all sit together for meals. Holly and Tori come down after that with Georgia and Kimmie. Then Elsa and Olivia come down afterwards giggling to each other.
None of them are dressed but I didn’t expect them to be. It’s early and the rather eat first. So would I- because then if they spill something I don’t have to re-dress them.
The girls get dressed and Louis offers to watch Olivia and the twins whilst I take the others to school.
I speak to Elsa’s teacher and manage to get her to get Olivia into school. It’s a long winded story and takes a lot of work and lying on my part. But it will be worth it. I hope.
“Hi, so we have another sister, Olivia, who would be in the same year as Elsa. She lived with her dad but has come to live with us now. I'm just wondering how I'd go about getting her into school?” I explain quietly.
“Well, we would have a meeting with you and get her registered. It takes around a week to register her but she can start after that” the teacher explains.
“Great! Can we arrange a meeting?”
“Sure. Why don’t you come over at 4pm tonight and we’ll sort everything then"
“Amazing! Thank you” I smile, leaving Elsa in the class and heading off.
The only problem now is, I can’t take Olivia and the twins to the cafe with me, meaning I cant go to work. Meaning I won’t earn any money today.
I do go into the cafe to explain though. I also take the girls with me so she can see I have my hands full and aren’t being difficult on purpose.
“Hi, Jade? I’m really sorry- the babysitter has cancelled on me and I won’t be able to work today" I apologise to her.
“Niall? We need you, it’s a busy day" she frowns and I can see her taking in the angelic faces if three of my little sisters.
”I know. I’m so sorry-"
“- Niall I’m sorry, we need you in. If you can’t work, you’ll have to leave” she sighs and my heart stops. It actually stops.
“You- you’re firing me?”
“We need reliable staff Niall-"
“-I am reliable-"
“-Hard working staff-"
“-I work harder than any one else here does-" I try arguing but it falls on deaf ears. She knows it’s true. Anything that’s asked of me I do it, without questions, without complaints and with a smile on my face.
“-I’m sorry. Wait 5 minutes and I’ll get your wages up to date. I’m happy to give you a reference too" she smiles sadly and walks into the back up.
I take a seat at the table with Olivia next to me and one twin on each knee, with my arms around them, so they don't fall.
I’m not even upset.
I collect my wages up to date and leave with a polite “Thank you, Jade".
I head home with the girls and get them set up colouring in the living room, on the floor, whilst I sit at the kitchen table and cry. Silently of course, so they don’t hear me and get upset.
A number of things run through my head but the main one being, how do I provide for them now?
I’m brought out of my trance like state by my phone vibrating, signalling a text.
10:11 From: Zee
Haventt herd from u 4 A wile. You gud mate?
10:13 To: Zee
Not really. Lost my job & cash trapped. Your offer still stand?
10:16 From: Zee
Sleepiin wirh me?
10:24 To: Zee
10:27 From: Zee
Always babe. £100 p/h?
10:28 To: Zee
Lemme know when you want me
10:31 From: Zee
Wan me to get u more busness too? Oor just me?
10:43 To: Zee
U at the mo
I hate myself.
I hate myself for doing this AGAIN. But what choice do I have? My sister’s need feeding. So I’ll feed them. However I have to.
It turns out Zayn wants me today. He comes round an hour later.
“Hey, ready?” He grins but it’s not nastily this time, it’s with sympathy and I don’t know which is worse.
“Yeah, but the girls” I sigh then explain the situation to him briefly.
Luckily Olivia is old enough to be by herself for half an hour, watching TV and the twins are asleep on their little duvet piles on the floor.
“Liv? I need to see my friend for a while, okay? So stay here and be good. Any problems, come and get me or shout, okay?”
“Okay" she shrugs, not fazed.
“I’m- I’m not sure how good I’ll be. Not really in the mood" I sigh and he frowns but kisses my neck gently.
“Have this. It will help" he mumbles, holding out a little white bag of powder. Cocaine. He’s brought cocaine into my house. WITH MY LITTLE SISTERS IN THE NEXT ROOM!
“That’s- is that cocaine!?”
“It helps” he shrugs and I can feel myself wanting to punch him in the face.
“How dare you-"
“-Niall? Niall? Listen. You’re angry right now, I get that. You’re pissed off with the world and it’s completely understandable. But you know something? I know you better than to know this is anger. You’re scared. And that’s totally different. This? Right here? It’s confidence. It’s skill. It’s a little perk me up when you’re low. And you're low, I know you are. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It doesn’t have to be anything major. Just a bit of a perk me up”
“I don’t want drugs Zayn” I stutter, feeling as though I’m lying to both him and myself. I don't want them. But maybe I want the feeling he's describing they give?
“What do you want?” He asks softly.
“It’s so- loud. The world is so loud and I- I want it to- to-"
“-Stop?” He guesses and I deflate onto the bed with a nod.
“It makes my world quiet, maybe it could make yours quiet too”
“Do- so do I eat it?” I whisper. I really told myself I would never in a million years touch drugs, but I feel like I need them. In this moment, I’m too weak to deny myself the ear plugs any longer.
“No babe. Sniff it. Watch" is all he hums as he pours a thin line of it on my dressing table. He uses his bank card to make the line neat and then quickly sniffs it up with a straw.
He holds his breath for a moment before a chilled out smirk graces his face and he flops on to his bum on the bed.
“Want a go?” He asks, holding the bag out to me.
I don’t even register doing it. But I nod and the next thing I know, Zayn has a line laid out for me and I’m sniffing it up with the same straw he used less than a minute ago.
The loud noise in my head stops almost instantly. Like it was merely a setting. A means to an end. With everything that was going on around I hardly gave it a second thought. And that’s scary as hell.
Before I’d thought it was a bad idea. Now, I’m finding myself feeling a lot better about my life.
I wonder what I'll be like tomorrow? Hungover and sluggish? What even are the after effects of cocaine?
I feel weirdly tired; but know it’s probably because the mess of toxins running through my system.
I wish I didn’t need this. I wish I didn’t need this to make the noise stop and my head clear. But it’s obvious now that I do. Because the noise has gone and my head is focused.
I didn’t need anyone’s help. All I needed was to forget everything that was going on and get incredibly fucked up and high ass a kite for a little while.
My heart is already pounding When Zayn leans over to kiss me and I kiss back immediately, senses coming alive but constantly feeling as though I need more more more more more. I just need to feel alert and happy and to forget everything that was going on in my mind. That’s all.
I lay on my back with Zayn hovering over me and kissing down my neck. I feel him rub against my crotch with his own and moan lightly from the feeling of pleasure.
I flick my eyes to look at him and he meets my gaze. His eyes seem lighter and brighter and they seem to dance as I look at them in amazement. I breathe deeply as my heart speeds up in my chest, feeling as though it's going a million miles a minute.
“Fuck" I moan as he removes my jeans and boxers, leaving my shirt on.
“You should be blowing me" he laughs, but takes off his own pants and boxers.
“Later” I hum as he rubs us both together with one hand.
I swallow around my heavy tongue and groan as he gets us both closer to the edge.
My goal has been accomplished. I’m no longer thinking about my sister’s or my new financial stresses. Now I’m thinking about how this isn't what I’m used to experiencing and how it’s all too much but not enough at the same time. I stay laid down on the bed for a moment, with closed eyes and trying to concentrate on the blackness inside my eyelids instead of the bright lights in the room. I should have closed the curtains first.
I try and think what I’ll do once Zayn goes home, but there’s nothing. Nothing but non existent thoughts inside my head and wasn’t this what I wanted? Wasn’t this what I was trying so desperately to escape? I wanted silence and now I have it... but it feels wrong. Like I shouldn’t be here. Like I should be somewhere else.
I reach up to run a hand through my hair, and my fingertips tingled as the moisture from my scalp touches them. Ewe. I’m sweaty as fuck. But so is Zayn, who is still working to get himself off. Wow. When did I finish?? I don’t even remember, but looking down I see my spent cock against my thigh, cum over my waist and crotch.
I breathe heavily, not knowing what to do. Did it usually feel this way? Memory – gone. Heart rate – sky high. Breathing – laboured. Vision – blurry.
Surely there's some increased paranoia every time someone does cocaine? Surely there is. But now I'm beginning to feel overly afraid and vulnerable. Which I have to say, I don’t like. I feel worried about things I don’t normally care about, like if the postman enjoyed his trip to Barcelona or if Betty from next door found her cat.
I start to feel incredibly sick. Like I’m going to vomit everywhere. I don’t make an effort to move though, as Zayn finishes over my stomache. Instead I just lay on my bed, wondering how my life had gotten to such a point.
It should have been so simple. So easy.
I’d fall in love and move out and start a family. The girls and mum would coo over my kids and I’d be the cool big brother I always tried to be. But of course that didn’t happen. Why? Because the world sucks and Jenny sucks even harder.
My mind wonders to Harry. I wonder where he is right now. I wonder what he’s doing. I wonder if he misses me like I miss him.
My mind is taken off of Harry when Zayn opens me up, ready to fuck me.
“Niall? Niall? Niall?!”
“What?” I groan, rolling over onto my tummy and snuggling further into my pillow.
“I need to go mate. I’ve transferred the money and fed the girls some toast and juice" a voice tells me softly and I grin.
“No worries babe. Listen, I won’t tell anyone about any of this if you don’t? Okay?” He suggests and I’m slightly confused until I feel the dull ache in my back and arse and a pounding in my head
“I did cocaine” I whisper.
“Yeah. Did you like it?” be nods from where he’s kneeling over me on the bed.
“Yeah" I whisper, telling the truth. I wasn't bothered about the drugs but I must admit, I liked the silence.
Harry finally comes round to see me. Luckily all of the girls are in bed, so I can quickly explain the current situation that is my life.
“8 sisters? Not 5?”
“Yup. And they're just the ones I know about. How lucky am I?” I groan, sipping my coffee.
“What the fuck? That’s so not good-"
“-I know Harry. Calm down” I roll my eyes. Usually I’d be right up there with the panic, but I’m still a little high and the reality hasn't really sunk back in yet.
“How are you so calm?” He asks quietly, giving me a strange look.
“Dunno. Hasn’t sunk in I guess" I shrug.
“Hmmmm. Have you- have you taken anything? Your eyes are glossed over” he asks questioningly. Shit. How did he notice that!?!
“No" I lie.
“You’re lying. What have you taken?”
“Nothing” I snap.
“Niall. This is serious-"
“-I know that! Get off your high horse before I knock you off it" I snap again.
“What have you taken? The girls are upstairs! How stupid are you? How selfish can you be? Taking pills right under their noses! They need you and you’re off doing god knows what-"
“-Cocaine! Okay! I had a sniff of cocaine today because my life is a mess and I hate everything and everything is falling apart! I needed you and you weren’t here! Everything is loud and I’m so angry all the time! I'm so angry at the world and I’m scared Harry! I’m scared okay!? Next month I turn 18 and you know what happens then? Do you!” I shout, more like scream at him.
“You can’t lose the girls to child services-"
“-Yes I can! I can still lose them! Nothing changes when I turn 18. Absolutely nothing! My life doesn’t some how get easier. I don’t magically have less bills to pay or mouths to feed. The rent isn’t going down in price and guess what? I now need an ever bigger car to drive the girls around, which I can’t afford. The only thing keeping me going was getting to 18 years old so I could legally keep them. I just kept saying to myself 'make it till you're 18. Just till you're 18' and for what?! I’m still going to be in exactly the same boat, up this wretched creak without a mother fucking paddle, just another year older. Nothing changes!”
“And you thought cocaine was the answer?” He asks bitterly and I can tell he’s fuming.
“I wanted it to stop. I just wanted the world and the noise to stop. Just for a minute. The world is so loud. I couldn't- I couldn't take it any longer. I just wanted silence for one minute” I whisper, the first tear falling down my face.
“This changes everything though Niall. You have no case now! Before you could argue you were responsible and dependable and provided for them! Now this throws all of that out of the window-"
“-W-what are you talking about? Case for what?” I cut him off mid sentence.
“To- to keep the girls"
“Why would you be getting a case together?” I ask directly.
“I- to help you-"
“-Bullshit. Don’t you lie to me Harry. Why, would you be getting a case together?” I repeat firmly. I know he's lying, his nose twitches when he does.
“For- for my job" he sighs, admitting defeat.
“The bakery? Am I missing something here?” I frown, none of this making any sense.
“N-no. I only work there as a- as my undercover- disguise” he whispers, not meeting my eyes.
“Undercover? What are you some kind of cop? James Bond gone rogue?” I scoff.
“No. I work with- I work with the- the CPS"
“CPS?” I challenge. I know what it is. At least I think I do. But he better be lying. Or I better be thinking of something totally different.
“Yeah. CPS. You know...” he trails off.
“Say it" I demand.
“No. I- I can’t. Niall please-"
“- Say it!” I snap, tears streaming down both of our faces, making it blurry for me to see him.
“My real name is Harry Styles. I’m 24 and- and. Um- well I- I work for- for the child pr-protection service. I was called in to g-go undercover and- and investigate your f-family. To build up a case- case- against you to- to prove you weren’t- to- um- to take the girls into f-foster care”
Zayn being nice??
Niall taking cocaine??
Harry working for the CPS??
WHICH SHOCKED YOU MORE??
Also I toyed with Harry working as a cop for aaaaaages but I think it works better he works for the CPS.
Let me know what you think!
Sorry for the slow update! Bit of a longer chapter to make up for it!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“I hate you” is the only thing I can stomach saying to him. It’s said with a whisper and I wish to god I wasn’t crying so I could say it with the malice it deserves, but I can’t. Because I am crying and my throat is tight and my eyes are blurry and my nose is leaking but all I can do is stand there. Frozen at his admission.
“I don’t blame you. I- I hate me. For doing this to you-"
“-Was that the plan all along? Befriend me and learn all my family secrets to report back to your boss?”
“No- Niall. The plan was to- to make friends with people at school and ask about you when the time was right. My bosses didn’t- they didn’t think you’d let anyone in and thought I wouldn’t have a chance getting close to you”
“But I let you in. Must have been the highlight of their fucking year” I spit at him.
“They were happy, yes"
“And you? Initially, were you happy I let you in? Made your job easy?”
“Honestly? Yes. I thought you were going to be defensive and closed off and rude. But you weren’t. You were lovely and kind and honest-"
“- And naive” I add on for him.
“And trusting” he corrects.
“Naive, trusting, what’s the difference? I let you into our lives, my life and you’re a fucking spy!” I shout.
“I’m so sorry-"
“-Get out” I snap.
“No. Niall we need to talk about this-"
“- Get the fuck out of my house!” I scream. He refuses and I grab a cup from the draining board and throw it at his head to prove a point. He ducks and it shatters against the wall behind him before the broken pieces fall to the floor. Shame he ducked. That would have hit him straight in the face.
“Niall? Jesus! Calm down!” Harry hisses and I reach for a second cup.
“I’m sorry. I really am! Okay! I’m sorry I befriended you and I’m sorry I broke your trust and I’m sorry-"
“-Fuck your apologies! Shove them right up your arse. Now get the fuck out of my house before I kick your arse so hard you’ll be pissing out of your mouth"
“What the hell is all the shouting about!” Louis calls from the doorway and I frown. I hadn’t even heard him come in. He comes into the kitchen and frowns at us before heading upstairs. I put the cup back on the draining board.
“Where are you going?” I frown.
“To check on the girls. Morgan texted me you were screaming at each other and the younger ones were scared. Something about cocaine and lying. So, I’m going to check on them. And when I come back down, the three of us will talk QUIETLY like grown ups” Louis explains and my heart drops. I forgot. I forgot the girls were here and now I’ve scared them. To be honest I’d be scared to hear all this shouting and screaming. And throwing the cup didn’t help. That must have been so loud the them. I’m a terrible guardian. I don’t deserve them.
“I have nothing to say to him"
“Fine. Don’t talk to him. But Harry, you stay right there. Because you’ve upset my best friend and I want to know why”
I barge past Harry and clean up the broken cup before disposing of it in the rubbish bin. I then make myself and Louis a cup of tea. I automatically grab Harry’s leopard print cup, but then put it back. I’m not making him a drink.
Louis comes down a moment later and sighs.
“Are they okay?” I ask quietly, not wanting to hear they’re not. But needing to know.
“Of course Ni. Babe, don’t beat yourself up. Okay? They’re fine. I just told them you were a bit sad and angry and got carried away expressing it" he says softly, pulling me into his arms and wrapping his own tightly around me.
“I love you Louis”
“I love you Niall, more than you’ll ever know" he replies and kisses my cheek.
We stay cuddled like that for a few minutes before Louis pulls back and holds me by the shoulders, to look at me. He wipes the tears from my face with his shirt sleeve and kisses my forehead.
“Now, fill me in”
“Harry? Wanna take the lead on this one?” I challenge and he looks over at me and shakes his head.
“Fine. He’s 24 and works for the CPS. He's been spying on my family and making reports to take the girls into care” I say bluntly and I can see the cogs turning in his head as he tries to process it.
“You’re a spy?” Louis snaps at Harry.
“I’m a social worker” he corrects.
“Wait! You’re 24? Are you aware Niall is only 17? You’ve been sleeping with someone you’re investigating! A child you’re investigating” Louis frowns.
“I know. Conflict of interest is heavy” he sighs.
“Heavy? You’ve breached your job role! You had sex with a child”
“He’s legal. 16 is the legal age to have sex-" he argues.
“-Luckily for you! But he’s still a vulnerable child and you took advantage of your position-"
“-Louis. It was consensual” Harry says firmly.
“Under false pretences! He wouldn’t have slept with you had he known your real age or occupation” Louis scoffs and I have to admit, I wouldn’t.
“Niall, would you have?” Harry asks softly.
I shake my head. “No. I wouldn't. You’re older and more experienced and- I’d have been too embarrassed to. As for your job- had I known WHO you were investigating, no. The role itself wouldn't have bothered me" I mutter.
”What have you reported so far?” Louis asks firmly.
“What are you doing Louis? I want him out of my house-“
“-Damage limitation Niall. Trust me babe?”
I nod lightly. I trust Louis with my life. Always have. Always will.
“What have you told them?” He asks again, even harsher than before.
“Um- not much. Just- just emailed my reports” Harry mumbles, clearly not knowing how to handle Louis and his agitated state.
“Let me we the reports. Open your email” he demands and to my surprise, Harry does. He gets his phone out of his pocket and opens outlook. He then opens the 7 reports he’s filed so far, starting with the oldest and ending with the newest one.
It's silent whilst Louis reads. He’s carefully analysing every report and making notes on a pad of paper.
I make Louis another cup of tea and get myself an orange juice.
It’s a long and tedious wait. My hands and shaking and sweaty, my throat is in my stomache, my stomache is in my throat and I feel so nauseous it’s unreal.
“Okay. So. He hasn’t done too much damage. In the first report he was vague and said he was becoming friends with you. The second was basically how nice you are and that you’re getting closer. The third was that you’re helping out financially by working. The fourth was that you’d lost your job and been in the car accident, but are alive and well. The fifth was that Jenny seemed to be turning a corner and making more of an effort to provide for you all. The sixth was about how he doesn’t feel you’re at risk but could do with financial support and the last one is about how Jenny and you argued and she was quite harsh with her words” he explains and I nod along to each one.
“Not to bad then?” I mumble.
“No babe. By the looks of it, he hasn't told them that Jenny doesn’t and hasn't lived here for the last year and a half”
“Why? Surely that's a pretty big warning sign. Why wouldn't you tell them?” I frown at Harry. He makes no sense.
“Because I love you” is all he says. It’s simply and raw and under different circumstances I'd have been putty in his hands and melted into his embrace. But these aren’t different circumstances. They are what they are and they’re cruel and they suck. He’s betrayed me in possibly the worst kind of way and I don’t know how to forgive that. I don’t know if I want to forgive that.
“I can’t- I don’t know how to love you after this” I tell him honestly, a little annoyed that my voice cracks mid-sentence.
“I know. I know I fucked up and I wanted to tell you- I honest to god did! But I couldn’t. I’d have lost everything. My job, my home, my belongings, you” he whispers at the end.
“You can’t lose me Harry. You can’t lose what you never had" I say coldly. For some reason his latest admission doesn’t make me feel sorry for him or forgive him any easier. It makes me angry. It makes me want to hurt him like he’s hurt me.
“I deserved that. But-"
“-There’s no buts Harry. You don’t have the faintest idea how hard my life is. You don’t. You don’t see all of it. You just see clips of it for a few hours when you pop round. You don’t realise that, how much you see me do when you are here, is how much I do for the other 12 hours of the day when you leave. Looking after these girls is a full time occupation and I managed that, working and college for a year. You never had me because- the things I’ve done to provide for them- you wouldn’t even believe me and you wouldn't forgive me. But it’s fine, because I was nothing but a joke to you anyway-"
“- No you weren't-"
“-Yes I was Harry. You can dress it up in whatever Gucci suit you want. I was a porn in your game. You’ve been using me this whole time”
“I’m sorry Niall-"
“-I slept with other people. Just so you know. I never fully committed to you anyway because I slept around” I shrug and his eyes cloud over with anger and confusion before flicking over to Louis. But when he realises Louis is just as confused as he is, he looks back at me.
“You- who?” He stammers.
“A few people. And they’re just the ones I had full on sex with” I smirk at him, trying to come across as confident, may be even a little arrogant, but inside I’m dying from the hurt look on his face. I still love him, I know I do. I have done for the past 5 months of my life. But I don’t want to love him anymore. So as much as I’m punishing him, I’m also trying to punish myself for not being able to stop loving him. My head tells my heart it will take time. My heart wants to cry and curl up into a ball and die. My head wants to protect my heart and hurt Harry for hurting me. Hence – here we are.
“You’re hurting. I get that. But do you have to be so spiteful about this?” He asks quietly.
“About what? You lying to him and hurting him in the worst way you could?” Louis defends.
“Louis this is between me and Niall-"
“-Like hell it is. He’s my best friend and I warned you what would happen if you hurt him. Now get out before I do more damage than the top surgeon in the country can repair" he sasses and Harrys eyes go wide. He knows he means it. Harry takes another glance at me and I glare at him.
“Niall- I’m sorry” he whispers one last time.
“Harry- I hate you” I challenge.
“Wait. Before you leave” Louis snaps, then barges his way in front of Harry, blocking the front door.
“What Louis?” He snaps.
“You won’t say a word about Jenny leaving, Niall being a porn model or their current financial or living accommodations. You will only post positive reports of how NOT at risk this family is"
“And why would I do that?” harry laughs, clearly not seeing a reason to protect me any more.
“Because if you don’t, then your bosses will find about you sleeping with him for the last 4 months and your relationship.”
“You wouldn't” Harry scoffs.
“Watch me" Louis grins, but it’s far from friendly. It reminds me of the smile a murderer gives the innocent victim before stabbing them to death.
Harry pushes past Louis and leaves.
I collapse onto the kitchen chair and Lou is does the same on the one opposite me. We’re both silent, taking in the events from the last 24 hours.
“Thank you” I smile softly a few minutes later.
“It’s okay babe" he smiles lightly back, but I can see he has questions and I can tell he’s still worried Harry will tell them about Jenny.
“Are you- do you want to know?” I ask quietly and he glances at me. He knows what I’m asking and I’m grateful I don’t have to finish the question.
“Yes. But I’m scared I won’t like it" he says softly.
I nod a little. I can appreciate that. I don’t think he will either. But, I feel the need to be honest. I’m tired of all the secrets and all the lies. I need to be honest. At least with my best friend. He’s never judged me up until the point and I doubt he will for all the rest. He'll probably feel sorry for me more than hate me.
“I've been- I haven’t been working at Jamie’s beer bar. I’ve been working at Rob’s. The- the strip club" I sigh.
“You- Niall- baby. Oh babe, you aren’t even old enough to work there” he whispers and I can see his heart shattering through his eyes. Why is he so upset about this?
“I know. I lied. Said I was 18”
“O-okay. So I feel like there's a lot you haven’t told me. So I’ll stay silent and wait till you finish, then we can discuss everything. Sound okay?”
“Yeah" I whisper with a little grin.
So I tell him.
I tell him everything.
All the shit with Zayn and Liam. Then Zayn pimping me out. Then sleeping with them both (numerous times) for money. Then sleeping with just Zayn. I tell him about the strip club and what it was like there and all the people I touched and who touched me (well at least the ones I can remember- there were a lot). I tell him about losing my job at the cafe and then sleeping with Zayn again only this time, I was off my face on cocaine and that’s why Harry was shouting at me. And I tell him the whole argument with Harry.
“Finished” I add with a little forced teeth smile.
“Wow. What- why on earth didn’t you tell me? This is so much to cope with. I’m your friend, I would have supported you and helped”
“I was embarrassed and- ashamed. I’ve had sex with people for money Louis. Do you know how degrading that is?” I half challenge. I expected him to be upset, but not this much.
“I know. I know babe. I just- I love you and- I don’t like the thought of you having this life”
“I don’t want this life. I want the girls obviously, but, I don't want it like this” I whisper.
“We can fix this. We can. Leave it to me babe. I’ll fix everything, okay?” He coos, wiping the few stray tears from my face.
“O-okay" I mumble, kissing his lips gently. He’s taken by surprise, but kisses back a second later. Usually he’s the one that kisses me first, to comfort and reassure me but, it felt right to lean in and kiss him first. He certainly isn’t complaining.
That’s what I love about Louis.
Even after all of this, his still the same Louis I met 17 years ago. Kind, non-judgmental and honest.
And I love him for it.
He works his mouth softly against my own and I mean in closer, thankful he can read me like a book and knows to slide his tongue into my mouth. I work my tongue gently against his, allowing him to take charge and dominate. He wraps his arm around my waist and tugs me a little and I take the hint to move my body closer until I’m straddling his waist on the kitchen chair.
He cards one hand through my hair and uses the other to angle my head slightly, just where he wants it. He moves his left hand from my hair and drops it down to my waist. The next thing I know it’s kneading slightly at my arse and I can’t help but rock into him slightly with a moan.
“We- we should stop” he pants, bringing both hands to my waist.
“W-why?” I frown lazily, the blood not really rushing to my brain right now.
“You’re upset over Harry and all this with Zayn. Doing this- going any further will just give you more to deal with. I don’t want to be another complication in your life"
“You don’t want to go further” I sigh.
“No. I- I didn’t say that Ni. I don’t want to confuse you even more and- I want it to be for the right reasons” he stutters, choosing his words carefully.
“I- I know. Thank you for being the best” I smile and snuggle into his chest for a cuddle.
I wake up some time later in my bed, stripped to my boxers with Louis spooning me from behind. I grin and snuggle further into him.
“Love you babe” he hums.
“Love you too Lou”
I wake up a while later alone. When I roll over to see Louis he’s gone and there’s a note in his place saying his mum called “having a bitch-fit" and he had to leave but he’ll pop back later. He’s also have all the girls breakfast and they’re in the living room playing.
I get out of bed and open my door to shouting and crying.
“You shut it!”
“I want spongebob!”
“I want never get”
“Don’t you swear at me!”
“I’ll get you”
“Not if I get you first”
“Girls Nialls asleep, shut it!”
“-Don’t tell at-"
“- Not again-"
I close my bedroom door and hide under the duvet.
I can’t face today. I really can’t. I have so much going on inside my head it feels like a fly has stood in ink and is buzzing around my brain.
I pull out my phone and call Zayn.
“Hey. Have you- could I have some more?”
“Top draw, gift from me to you babe” he replies and I open the top dresser draw, and sure enough there is a small ish bag of powder.
“Home is loud?”
“The world is loud” I counter and he sighs sympathetically for me. We say our good byes and I line up a row of cocaine.
If I can make the world silent, I can look after the girls.
I take the line and don’t feel much different. Maybe this one is a weaker dosage? I convince myself that must be the reason I can still hear and take a second line of cocaine.
I wiped my hand down my face and notice blood win I pull away. My nose. I growl to myself and use a dirty t shirt to hold against my nose until the bleeding stops. It’s only a little bit so probably nothing to worry about.
I collapse into bed and cry. I can’t think of what else to do to make my life any better so I bad I my eyes out like a big baby. I curl up into a fatal ball shape and cry until my eyes are blurry and my head is fuzzy and the whole world is cloudy. It’s like being on gas and air. I just feel floaty. Like I’m not on the ground but not quite in the air.
Louis comes in a couple of hours later and I just pretend I’m sick. He doesn’t buy it and I know he knows I’ve taken something, but offers to watch the girls until I come down from my floaty state of mind. He does however take the rest of my cocaine and flushes it down the toilet, telling me he refuses to let me get addicted. And I’m actually grateful. I can’t take what isn’t there.
"Ni Ni!" Kimmie grins as holly sits her on the bed.
"Hey Kim. Hey Hol" I grunt.
"Get up?" Kimmie giggles, kissing my cheek.
"No babe. I’m not- I’m not well" I lie.
"What wrong?" She frowns.
“I'm tired and- I’m sad today" I lie again. But I can hardly tell her I’m as high as a kite and if I stand up I either vomit everywhere or fall over.
"Please get up? We need you. We miss you" Holly whispers.
"Not today babe. I’ll see you later. Okay" I sigh and turn away from them both.
"Niall? I made you a picture. Uncle Louis said You’re not well. Will the picture help?" Elsa mumbles as she climbs onto the bed and lays a picture on my tummy.
“I'm sure it will. Thanks" I half smile. I don’t even have the energy to fake a smile. Not even for the girls and that’s something I’ve been doing since I was 6 years old and mum wanted ‘special kisses’ with me and no one else.
"You seem sad"
"Oh. Okay. You need sleep then. Can we have pasta for tea?"
"Ask uncle Louis" I sigh, turning away from her.
"You’re selfish" Morgan snaps.
"Excuse me? Selfish? How the hell am I selfish?" I snap. I’ve had enough.
"We need you. We rely on you. We have no one else" she argues and it just makes me feel sad for them, that I'm the only person they have in the world. Me? Of all people? I’m just a joke. I can't even look after myself, what hope have I got at looking after 8 minors, 3 of them still being in nappies!
"Then I pitty you. I pitty anyone who is reliant on me to survive because I can't do this" I tell her honestly.
"- No I can’t Morgan. I’m tired and I’m a wreak and I’m done." I sigh. I am tired. I'm tired of working 12 hour days and being perved on by everything that moves. I'm tired of sleeping with strangers and prostituting myself around to pay rent. I'm tired of being the parent to 8 young children when I’m only 17 years old myself. I'm tired of being a parent to kids that aren't even mine.
"You're done? That's your choice? That's the one you’re making now? You’re done? That's not a choice you can make-"
"-Yeah? Because the day she walked out I quit having any choices!" I snap.
“You’re being selfish Niall. We need you so get your act together!"
“I'm tired Morgan. I'm just- tired" I sigh, roll over in my bed and face the wall.
"I hate you" she snaps before walking out of the room and slamming the door shut. I flinch and let the pillow below me soak up my tears.
"Niall?" Tori asks softly.
"What now?" I groan, really just wanting to sleep and cry and sleep. Why the fuck can’t they all just leave me alone!?
"Uncle Louis said you're sad. Can we talk?"
"Sure" I grumble.
“I’m sorry you're tired and I’m sorry you’re sad. I- thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for us. Thank you for being our mum, dad, brother and friend for the 17 months of our lives. I know you’ve worked so hard to keep us all together and to provide for us and we really do appreciate it. But- I know you’re tired. You’ve done an amazing job of protecting us and caring for us and providing for us. But- I don’t know how much longer you can keep doing this. You’re running your self into the ground and- we don't want that. We need you. But that doesn't mean we need you here with us, it means we need our brother. We always will. If you’re ready to let go, we'll support you. You’ve done so amazing for us and we all love you so much. We want you to be happy too. You deserve to be happy and looked after too. If you’re ready to let go, we're with you. 100%. We just need our brother back" she says softly and I know what she is saying. Through teary eyes I glance over to see the others stood in the doorway, all of them nodding to what she is saying. I know what they’re saying.
They're saying it's time to call social services.
"I don't want to lose any of you. But I’m not strong enough to keep you" I whisper.
“H-hi. Can I- um- please can I speak to s-s-someone? Um- our- our mum left and um- I can’t raise them on- on m-my own anymore” I stutter through the phone, Tori squeezing my hand and Morgan playing with my hair.
I stayed laid in bed. It seems fitting that this is where Harry fucked me and this is where I fucked up with cocaine. This should be the finale.
The girls of course piled onto the bed.
Morgan sat up with my head in her lap and carding her fingers through my hair. Tori holding my hand reassuringly. Holly covering me over with the duvet and kissing my cheek. Elsa and Olivia curled up and laying their heads on my tummy. Kimmie, Olivia and Rose not really understanding, but of course always up for cuddles.
“Of course hun! Can I take your name?”
“N-N-Niall. Um- Horan"
“Okay sweety. One moment please” she says softly and I know my name flagged up in big letters saying UNDER INVESTIGATION. But I also appreciate her being calm and not adding panic to my increasing anxiety.
“Hello, is this Niall?” A kind voice comes through the phone a moment later.
“Hi Niall. My name is Rebecca, but you can call me Becky if you like. I’m one of the social workers here and I'd like to help you, if that’s okay?”
“P-please. I can’t- I can’t anymore” I sniffle.
“It’s Okay Niall. It’s Okay. I’m here now. I’ll help you, alright? Shhhhhh. It’s Okay” she coos as I sniffle down the phone and I would normally be horrified someone had seen me as anything other than okay. The does not see me cry. Except now it does. And instead of using my vulnerability as a weakness; people are being kind to me.
“I just- they need s-stability”
“Of course. You all do. Can you tell me your address? I'd like to come and see you?”
And so I tell her.
10 minutes later someone is knocking on my door.
Morgan goes to let them in as I’m still numb and she kisses my head telling me she’s got it.
“Hi- oh. Wow. Hi, you must be Niall?” a pretty lady with blonde-brown hair smiles from the doorway. She’s dressed in smart black trousers and a blue top loosely tucked in and I decide that her name suits her. She looks like a Becky.
“Hi I’m Elsa!”
“Hi Elsa” Becky chuckles and I can tell she wants to speak to me alone but I can’t bring myself to move out of the cocoon of girls I’m currently cuddled into. She keeps trying to make eye contact and I keep doing everything possible to avoid it.
“He’s normally so much more friendly. He’s sad today and- he’s struggling” Tori tells her.
“It’s Okay darling. It’s a lot to take in”
“How does this work?” I whisper a few moments later, heart collapsing at the final nails going into the coffin, so to speak.
“Well, I’ll have a chat with you and then each of your sisters and take it from there. We can get some temporary foster placements sorted and have them in stable homes by tea time"
“Yeah. The placements aren’t designed to be long term. It’s usually for a few weeks until a permanent foster placement comes up or they’re adopted"
“O-okay. Girls- why don’t- why don’t you pack some clothes and toys? Then you can still have your things in your new homes” I suggest and Elsa is all set for throwing the mother of all tantrums. But luckily Olivia pulls her arm and asks her to help her pack.
“Morgan? Can you um- pack f-for the younger ones?”
“Sure” she smiles at me then turns to Becky “Hey. Look after him as well, yeah? He’s done a lot for us and he’s just a kid. He needs a home too"
“Of course Morgan”
“So Niall? Are you ready for a little chat?”
“Sure. Have to say I’m surprised how this is happening” I mutter but do sit up.
“You assumed we would drag them away kicking and screaming?” She asks softly and I nod. She laughs lightly “most people do, I don’t know why”.
So I tell her.
I tell her about all the early mornings and late nights. I tell her about working and having to leave college to provide for them. I tell her about Jenny showing up again and leaving Olivia, Rose and Georgia with me. I tell her about someone I trusted the most betraying me and making me scared of the world.
"She said she had a surprise for us all that, for Christmas that we’d love. She took the boxes in the living room and- left. I wasn’t expecting to find three kids sat on the living room floor watching The Tweenies" I sigh.
"You found them in your home?"
"Yeah. Three little girls and three notes"
"What did the notes say? Can you remember?"
"Hi Niallàn My name is Rose. You're my big brother and mum says you’re going to look after me and my sisters better than she ever could. My birthday is February 16th and I have just turned 1 year old! How exciting! I love you already and can't wait to live with you and my other sisters! I don’t have any known allergies but I don't like water very much- it’s so scary! I love cake and listening to music on the radio but I love cuddles even more! I give great ones too! Ask Georgia!"
"Wow. And- and the other ones?"
"Hi Niallàn. My name is Georgia. You’re also my big brother and mum says you’re going to look after me and my sisters better than she ever could. My birthday is February 16th and I have just turned 1 year old! How exciting! I love you already too and can't wait to live with you and my other sisters! Rose and I are twins and don't have any known allergies, although I don’t like the dark very much- it frightens me. I love having my tummy tickled and eating yoghurts. I love cuddles and give great ones too! Honest!"
"What about Olivia? Do you remember what her note said?"
"Hi Niallàn. My name is Olivia! You’re also my big brother and mum says you’re going to look after me and my sisters better than she ever could. My birthday is March 23rd and I have just turned 5 years old! You may wonder why I haven’t lived with you before, well, I lived with my daddy from birth and have never met you or my other sisters! But now daddy has to go away for a while to prison as he was naughty. I’m sad about that but happy to see you! I love you already too and can’t wait to live with you and my other sisters! I don’t have any known allergies, but spiders are terrifying! I love cuddles and give great ones too! Honest! Try it!" I recite word for word.
"You didn't know about Olivia?"
"Not until she was dropped in my living room. I didn’t know about any of them" I mutter.
She goes tot all to the others after that and I’m not allowed in the room with them. I understand why, it just sucks. It’s in case I try to influence what they say. It’s also to get an honest idea of how they’re feeling.
“You’ve done an amazing job with them. They're all a credit to you and I have no doubt in my mind that they’ll all be fostered or even adopted very soon" she smiles positively and my heart sinks. What if I can’t see them? What if they forget me?
"Can I still see them?" I whisper.
"Of course! All of the girls have said they want to see you as often as they can! We can arrange a set night if you want? Every week or so, all the girls come to your house for tea? How would that sound?"
"Yes, please. I really need them" I whimper.
"I can see that. But you know, they need you just as much" she says gently.
"I know. And I know how selfish I am for doing this, but I want them to have the best life possible. Even if that’s without me"
"Niall- that doesn’t make you selfish"
"Huh?" I frown. Of course I am! They’re my world and I'm handing them over to complete strangers because I can’t give them what they need! How doesn't she see how selfish I am!?
"If anything- it makes you the opposite. It makes you selfless. You’re putting the needs of the girls above your own desires. That doesn't make you selfish darling."
"I love them. All of them"
"I know and it shows. And they know. Believe me, they do."
"Giving them up is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It’s the hardest thing I will ever do. I don’t know how to function without them and- I don't know what to do with my time when they aren't there. I don't want to lose them. But I want them to have the best life possible and I can't give them that. I know I can’t. I’ve been doing this for over a year and a half and I’m so tired and stressed and- the things I’ve done to keep a roof over their heads- is- well- is unthinkable. These girls need more than I can offer. They deserve more than I can offer."
"You’ve done incredible to keep going this long. And, how selfless and mature you're being right now is astounding. I’m sorry that we can’t give you custody of the girls. I think you'd be amazing to keep going with this, but financially and long term it's not an option" she sighs.
"I know" I whisper, nodding through the tears. I did know that. This was never going to be a long term plan.
"Now Niall. We have some temporary foster placements set up for them until something more permanent comes along. We’d like you to meet the foster parents. Tell us if you think they’ll be a good fit for the girls?" Becky offers and I can tell that if I say no, she won’t make me. That will be the end of it.
But I won’t say no.
This is the last thing I can do for them.
"Yeah. Yeah okay" I stutter. My heart physically breaking at how set in stone this is.
"We have a lady willing to take Morgan, Kimmie and Elsa so they can be together. Try and make it a bit easier for the younger ones. We have homosexual couple willing to take Holly and Tori. And then a man and lady willing to take Olivia, Rose and Georgia. We also have a young man looking to give you a temporary home. How does that sound?"
"I don't need a home, just look after the girls"
"We are Niall. I promise you we are looking after the girls. But we’re also here to look after you. You’re only 17 and we want you to be looked after too. You deserve it"
"What if these homes aren't right for the girls? What if- what if they need someone else?"
"That might be the case. But they’re only temporary foster placements. They aren't designed to be long term. And, speaking honestly to you now, we’re lucky to have found families willing to take more than one child. Most will only take one. Two of them are willing to take three children and the other is willing to take two. That’s amazing on their part. And, of course the young man willing to offer you a home"
“I'm grateful to them! I really am. I’ll just miss the girls" I whisper and she nods sympathetically at me.
It turns out, meeting the families isn’t that bad. They're all lovely and I have no doubt that the girls will be looked after. Becky has done a great job of finding them and getting everything sorted for them to go straight to their new homes.
It’s putting them in the cars and saying goodbye, that’s hard.
“Niall come with me?” Elsa asks as I’m getting her Kimmie and Morgan in the car. She tugs on my hand and tries to bring me into the car with her. I pull back gently and her face drops when she realises I won’t be going with them.
“No darling. I need to get the others sorted, don’t I?” I smile at her. I know I’m not allowed to go with them, as it’s just prolonging them settling in. Kicking up a fuss will only make it harder on the girls.
“I want you to-"
“-I know babe. But you have a new home to get settled into. You don’t want me cramping your style" I coo, smoothing some of her wild ginger hair down.
“But we need you”
“I- I need you girls too. But, Derek and Claire are going to take amazing care of you. You’ll be so happy babe. I promise”
“But, we’ll still see you?”
“Of course. Of course you will babe. You be good okay? I love you Elsa” I whisper, cuddling her to my chest as tight as I can. She cuddles back tightly and then let’s go as a few tears fall. I wipe them from her cheeks and kiss her head.
“I will. I love you too" she smiles, climbing into the car. I then cuddle Kimmie as tight as I can and strap her into the car. “I love you Kimmie" I kiss her head and she just laughs at me. She doesn’t really understand, but I see her hold Elsa's hand. She does however frown at me when I don’t get into the car with them.
“I love you” Morgan rushes out and is clung onto me before I can even turn around. I wrap my arms around her and she squeezes hers around my waist.
“I love you” I smile softly, wiping the tears from her face.
“I’m sorry- for being such a brat and- I don’t hate you and I love you and-"
“-Sssssssh it’s okay love. It’s Okay. I know. I love you and everything will be okay” I coo, trying to calm her down but inside I’m dying.
I kiss the side of her face and run my thumbs under her eyes to gather the few tears that have gathered.
Morgan gets into the car and I put the bags in the boot before they set off.
“Olivia, Rose and Georgia are all set. Ready Niall?” Becky asks and I head over to their car with their bags and put them in the boot.
“Hey girls! You’re going on an adventure! How exciting” I smile and kneel down on the floor to be closer to them.
“Where?” Rose giggles.
“A place of dreams. If you can dream it, you can do it. You’re gonna be so happy and looked after” I smile.
“Want you” Olivia argues.
“I know babe. But, I hear they have a cat. You like cats don’t you?” I coo, trying to take her mind off leaving.
“I do” she sighs.
“He’s called Mr Jingle" I add on, wiggling my eye brows at her and she bursts out laughing, making Rose and Georgia laugh too.
“I love you, Olivia” I sigh and get her strapped into the middle seat. I then put Rose in the car seat on one side and Georgia in the car seat on the other side.
“I love you Rose. I love you Georgia” I smile, closing the door gently.
I wave them off until I can’t see the car anymore and then keep waving just to make sure.
“Niall? You’re doing amazing. Tori and Holly are ready” Becky whispers and places her hand on my shoulder.
“Okay" I nod quietly. I take a few deep breaths and tell myself I can break down after they’ve gone. But not before.
So once again I put on a brave face and try not to look ready for a mental breakdown when I get Tori and Holly settled in the car.
“I love you Tori. I love you Holly"
“I love you”
“Me too" Holly adds and I can see they’re both close to tears.
“You’ll have the best time. Yeah? They apparently love going out and doing things and have plans to take you to an adventure park next week. You’ll love that" I try and remain enthusiastic for them.
“But you won’t be there” Holly mutters.
“Ah you don’t want little old me there. I’m scared of heights remember?” I chuckle, trying to make them laugh.
“You got scared when I climbed the tree and got stuck. You had to come get me and was scared” Holly laughs as she remembers. I nod along with a laugh. What she doesn’t know, was she was sat on a dead branch and it was moments from breaking with her on it. I was scared she was going to die before I could get to her.
“I’ll still see you girls. Okay?” I promise.
When the last car has pulled out, I wave until I can’t see them then I collapse on the side of the road. It’s dramatic and people stare but I don't care and I can’t help it. I feel so defeated, so deflated and heart broken that they’re actually gone. It doesn’t feel real. But It’s not a dream. It’s not even a nightmare. It’s my reality.
“Niall? Are you ready to go to your new home?” Becky asks and I shake my head. I don’t want to leave my home. Because then it’s final. And there’s no going back.
“Oh Hun, you did amazing today. I know you’ll miss them, but they’ll be well cared for”
“I miss them" I whisper into the air.
My heart feels like it’s barely beating and the tears just won’t stop falling. My brain is numb and my hands are shaking and I have an overwhelming urge to vomit on the side of the road. There’s like a white noise ringing inside of my ears and my head is throbbing. The bottom line; I'm scared. I feel so confused and scared. What now? What do I actually do now? Now I don’t have to care for them and provide for them and get them ready for school? What do I do with all my free time?
I wanted the world to be quiet, just for a minute.
Now the world is quiet and I’m all alone.
I’ve never heard silence this loud.
What do you think!?!
Next update will be in the new year sometime!
SUP BITCHES!!!! ITS 2020!
HAPPY NEW YEAR AND ENJOY MORE OF NIALLS DRAMATIC LIFE!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
“So, I know it’s a lot to take in Niallàn and you must be quite emotional right now, but we need to get you settled into your temporary home" Becky says kindly from where she’s sat on the floor next to me. She gave me a few minutes to myself initially and then came over for comfort, not even hesitating to sit on the side of the road with me.
“It’s just Niall” I tell her with a whisper.
“Of course! My mistake, Niall” she smiles kindly and I glance at her, managing a half arsed smile. She beams at me and I know that she knows I’m trying. I’m not meaning to be moody or ungrateful, but my life has just been ripped to shreds and I’m barely holding myself together. There’s just a small, rational, part of my brain telling me it’s not her fault I’m in this mess and she’s doing her best to help me; so try not to make her job harder.
“I-um- I’ll go pack” I mutter, wiping my face clean from tears and heading into the house. I go to my room and throw everything I own in my rucksack. How pathetic is that? My entire life fits into a fucking rucksack.
I head back down stairs and I feel Becky question, with her eyes, where the rest of my belongings are but she doesn’t say anything, just leads me to the car.
The drive is only about 20 minutes and the first 15 minutes are spent in silence baring the radio playing softly in the back ground. Towards the last 5 minutes of the drive, Becky turns the radio down slightly and sighs softly.
“So, Niall. I can appreciate this is all a lot for you to take in and no one is expecting you to go about your life like nothing has changed, I just wanted to have a chat with you about where you’re staying”
“Okay" I nod.
“He’s a lovely young man, so you should have a lot in common and money is no problem as he’s rather well off. But I can tell you don’t care how rich he is" she adds with a light chuckle.
“Nope, money isn’t everything” I shrug. I proved that. I didn’t have money but I had the girls and that was all I needed.
“It isn’t. You’re absolutely right. Now, I’d like to warn you that it’s someone you know, but not in the right way. His name is Harry Styles. You may know him-"
“-From school but he’s secretly been working for the CPS and building a case on my family?” I guess with a mutter.
“He told you” she sighs.
“Regardless, he is a very suitable person for you to stay with temporary. He has more money than he needs and doesn’t work unsocible or long hours, only 6 hours a day which can be whilst you’re at college. I know you left but I’ve made revisions for you to go back. You start on Monday. By law every child must be in education until the age of 18 and with how hard you’ve worked, there’s no reason you won’t do well in your exams. I’ve also arranged for a private tutor to come and help catch you up in each of your classes so you aren’t struggling. You have two options, Liam Payne or Harry himself. He’s done the modules you’re currently doing and got A's across the board."
“-I know Liam and he’s a worse drop out than me” I grumble.
“Okay, I’ll let Harry know he’ll be helping you” she smiles and turns left.
“Is everything okay Niall?”
“Do I have to stay with him? Is there no one else?” I frown. He tore my family apart. The last thing I want is to be under the same roof as him.
“Niall, I’m going to be straight with you because, well you deserve it and I feel I can be honest with you because you’re so mature. Fostering and adopting isn’t as straight forward as people think it is. There are a lot of forms and tests and interviews and it’s a long process. And as hard as this may be to hear, people who do get through, tend to adopt babies. The younger you are when you go into care, the more chance you have of being helped. Sadly, the older you are, the less people want to help you” she says gently and I know what she’s saying.
“No one else wanted me" I finish for her.
“Not that they didn’t want you, they felt they couldn’t provide for your needs" she smiles sadly.
I sigh again.
“If you feel unsafe or at risk staying with Harry, please tell me. I can find you somewhere else, but it won’t be easy. Harry was a last resort because of how heavily involved he was with you and the girls. Finding you someone else, would mean moving you out of London" she says with a heavy sigh.
“What?!” I half snap, from shock. I snap my head up from where I was looking at my knees and glare at her for what she just said.
“The only other family able to take you is in Leeds. Which means you’d have to leave London, your school, friends and the girls. We’ve managed to get them all within 2 hours of each other and you. But you’d be 4 hours away from the closest girl and 6 from the furthest”.
“I’ll stay with Harry. If he wants me" I say quickly. It’s the best I can do in a terrible situation. I’d rather not stay with him, but if the alternative is being 300 miles away from the girls, I’ll man up and do it. I’ve done worse for them, let’s be honest.
“Okay. And you’re sure you feel safe?”
“Yeah. He’s never hit me or anything. I just- he was- we were really close. He was one of my best friends and- to find out it was all an act- um- it really hurt. He wasn’t who I thought he was" I sigh, but chose my words carefully. If I tell Becky about our relationship, there’s no way she’ll let me stay with him and I’ll be shipped off to Leeds. I also don’t want him to be under investigation for anything we did, because it was all consensual, but I know they’ll twist it and say I was a vulnerable child and he molested me.
“Okay, we’re here. Harry wanted you to have a key, so here you go" she smiles, handing me a key chain with 2 keys on it and a glittery N. It also has a picture of me and all 8 girls in a cute little green frame, that I have no idea when he took or how he got hold of.
“The code is ‘spill the tea 123’” she smiles and says it into the gate. The buzzer rings and the gate opens for her to drive in and up the drive to the house.
The house is a massive white Victorian, 3 floor home with what I’d guess is around 5 bedrooms. There is white gravel from the gate leading up the while drive way, with flowers bordering a path. There is a round circle at the centre of the house with a water feature of a lady in the middle, where cars can turn around. There four cars to the side of the house; a blue Range Rover, a yellow Jaguar, a white Porsche and his silver Mercedes. Why the hell does someone need 4 cars!?! It’s like being at Louis’ house all over again. He has 2 cars just to himself, but 4!?!
“Ohhh. So he’s Rich Rich” I hum.
“Yes" Becky chuckles.
“Becky, hi nice to see you. Please come in" Harry greets from the doorway of the house as Becky pulls up and steps out of the car. She gets my bag out of the boot and Harry opens the passenger side door.
“Hi Niall” he says tightly.
“Sup" I give a head nod and climb out of the car.
I rake my eyes over the 4 fancy cars and make a loud whistle noise of appreciation for his evident amount of money. I make sure Harry see's me and give him a dirty look when Becky is looking away.
He knows what I had to do for money, yet he sat back and did nothing? Said nothing? Let me pimp myself out to keep a roof over our heads whilst he had 4 cars sat at home doing nothing!? As a friend I wouldn’t have expected any help, but he was my boyfriend. We loved each other! He loved me! Didn’t he? Did he? Or was that just an act too? Just a ploy to get into my friend group and spy on my family?
I shake the thoughts from my head to avoid throwing up.
“Can I go to my room? I’m tired” I ask quietly as he leads me into his home. I ask loud enough that Becky hears me and she smiles sympathetically at me, once again.
“Of course. Let me show you where everything is first. If you need anything, just help yourself, okay? And if you can’t find it or I don’t have it in, let me know and I can order it” Harry says politely.
He shows me the lounge, the sitting room and the family room first (which is a fancy way of saying he has 3 living rooms). The kitchen is next, followed by the dining room and the downstairs bathroom. There are 5 bedrooms and 1 bathrooms on the middle floor and he tells me to pick whichever one I want as they’re all fully furnished and decorated. He then tells me his room is the whole top floor if I ever need him.
I pick the bedroom towards the back of the house. It’s smaller than the others and has a curved ceiling that makes me feel like I’m being hugged by the house. It also has a lovely view of his back garden which is massive and has yet another pond which a river flows into and various ornaments.
I collapse onto the bed and am asleep before I can think to take my shoes off.
“Niall? Wake up buddy. Come on mate, dinner is ready” is what I hear as my shoulder is shaken, trying to wake me up.
“10 more minutes” I grumble into the pillow.
“He’s so cute. It’s so kind of you to take him in" a female voice whispers and I jolt up from where I was laid. I rub sleep out of my eyes and glance at the people in front of me. Harry and some blonde lass who is all legs and boobs. She’s very pretty, I’ll give her that. She’s also got lovely blonde hair that’s in two French plaits going the whole way down her back.
“Come on bud, there’s a curry on the kitchen table” Harry says politely and I frown at him. ‘Bud'? What happened to babe? What happened to love? What happened to darling?
“Harry darling I don’t mind leaving you and Niall to have a boys night. Let you get acquainted. I’ll see you tomorrow babe" she coos and kisses his cheek before turning to leave but he grabs her arm and pulls her back in for a kiss. He kisses her lips gently and she kisses back immediately before leaving my bedroom and going downstairs.
“Who’s she?” I glare.
“She’s called Megan” Harry supplies.
“Girlfriend?” I guess and he doesn’t answer. He doesn’t have to.
“Does she know about us?” I ask, biting my lips together to keep from crying in front of him. I love him and he’s moved on so easily. It HURTS.
“No. She doesn’t” he says firmly and I get the impression it’s a warning to me not to say anything.
“Be a shame if she found out” I challenge.
“Do it. Tell her. You’ll only be shipping yourself to Leeds” He glares before leaving my room and going downstairs.
I hold my pillow tightly to my face and scream as loud as I can into it. I scream until my head hurts and my eyes sting and I run out of oxygen and have to move the pillow. The bright light from the window is unwelcome as it hurts my head even more. But I ignore it and go downstairs for a drink.
When I go into the kitchen Harry is sat at the table with a plate of food and there is another plate opposite with the place setting out.
“Are you done screaming into pillows?” he asks from where he’s sat.
“Are you done being a dick?” I counter, getting a drink of water.
“Come and sit down. The food is going cold"
“I’m not hungry-"
“-Niall. Come and sit down” He says firmer.
“I’ll eat mine later" I say firmer, matching his tone. I may not have any intentions of telling anyone about our relationship, but I have every intention of making his life a living hell.
“No. That’s not how it works here. We eat together. My food is already going cold, sit down” he snaps and when I look over I see that he hasn’t started eating yet. He waited for me.
I walk over in a strop and grumble as I sit down, putting my water on the cup mat in front of me.
We eat in silence and I hate to admit, the food is really good. It makes me want more. I’m so hungry my stomach actually hurts, has done for months, but he was good enough to give me a home and food. I won’t be asking for more.
“Help yourself to snacks in the cupboards. There’s more curry in the oven if you’re still hungry or get hungry later. I’m going for a bath" he mumbled, loading the dishwasher with his used things and leaving the kitchen. I get the spare curry out of the oven and have another plate of it. I said I wasn’t asking for more food, but technically I didn’t- he offered it. There’s a difference.
I open the fridge looking for some milk to make a cup of tea and find a few cans of beer. Well, cider. I take one and head up to my room. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
I keep the half full can under my bed out of sight in case he just walks into my room again and text Louis.
18:57 To: Lou
Guess where I am
18:59 From: Lou
18:59 To: Lou
Harry Styles house
19:02 From: Lou
Where??? What!?? OMG! Why?????
19:07 To: Lou
The ccps wanted me to have a safe home too
19:08 From: Lou
You deserve a safe home babe
19:10 From: Lou
How was today?
19:11 To: Lou
Really hard like, giving them up was awful
19:14 From: Lou
Want me to call babe?
19:11 To: Lou
No Ill only cry again ha. Can we text though?
19:14 From: Lou
Of course baby always <3
19:21 To: Lou
I love you lou
19:23 From: Lou
I love you Nialler
19:25 To: Lo
Cn you com round? Dont wanna b alone right noow
19:28 From: Lou
Sure! Harry cool with it or am I climbing in threw a window?
19:29 To: Lou
Hahahhha! You are not! Remember last time!? You broke my drain pipe!
I abandon my phone on the bed and head up to Harry’s room. I knock loudly on the door and call out to him.
“Come in" he calls. I roll my eyes and open his bedroom door. The sight makes me freeze. He’s laid on the bed on his back, reading some book and his glasses perched on top of his head. He’s only in his boxers. That’s it!
“Um- you said to- if I need anything to come up” I remind him, trying to look anywhere but at his body. I settle for looking at the floor.
“Sure, what’s up?”
“Can Louis come over? I’m- I’m a bit sad and um- I- I need him right now” I whisper, trying not to cry.
“Hey, Ni please don’t cry babe-" he coos, putting his book down and making his way over to me. He wipes a stray tear from my cheek with his thumb and rubs my arm gently with his other hand.
“-Babe? I thought I was ‘bud'?” I scoff.
“I- I’m sorry. I’m trying to just care for you as a guardian and it’s – hard. I still love you. Do you- do you still love me?"
“Unfortunately. For now" I mutter as harshly as I can, whilst dying on the inside.
“Invite Lou over. In bed by 11. He can stay over if he wants” is all he says before going back to the bed and picking up his book. He lays down on his back once again and continues reading.
“Just so you know, there’s nothing you can do to make this up to me. You’ve hurt me more than anyone in my entire life has. I’ll never forgive you for what you did" I tell him as I leave. J hear him sigh before I close the door and consider it a small victory for making him feel shit.
I head back to my room and pick up my phone that I discarded on the bed.
19:30 From: Lou
It was faulty plumbing! Not my fault your mum hated my guts and wouldn’t let me see you!! Had to get inventive to still get my nialler time ;)
19:43 To: Lou
He said come over and youre welcome to ssleep
19:45 From: Lou
Guess he’s finally doing somat right then
I message Louis the address and he gets here 20 minutes later. I meet him at the front door and grab another 2 beers from the fridge (one for each of us) before showing him to my room.
“This is fancy. Even puts my house to shame" Louis scoffs.
“Yeah. How do you think I feel?” I laugh.
We get stripped to our boxers and climb into bed, sipping our beers occasionally.
“I love you Lou" I whisper to the ceiling.
“I love you Ni" he mumbles, rolling on to his side and facing me, I do the same, using our elbows to prop our heads up.
He stares at me for a few minutes before lowering his arm and head and resting on the pillow with his arm under it.
I do the same so we’re eye to eye.
I don’t know why. I don’t know what possesses me to. But I lean in and kiss his lips carefully. He breathes in a little and gasps as I pull back slightly and kiss him again. He cups a shaking hand to my face and kisses back lightly, breath shaking. I’m not sure why he’s nervous. I’m not sure why I’m nervous. But it feels- different. Not like all the reassuring make out sessions we’ve had or the drunk fuck we had at 14. It feels nice and not rushed and safe.
He’s still working his lips against mine when I put my arm on his waist, tugging him a little closer. He half laughs half groans at me and pulls me on top of him with his spare hand. I use one hand to support my upper body so I don’t hurt him and work my tongue against his lips before prodding my way inside.
“Check you out- taking charge" he pants and I laugh a little but nod. It is strange me taking control. I love being a submissive. I love people taking care of me and taking control. But right now I want to take care of Louis and make sure he feels good.
“This okay?” I ask gently as I kiss his neck. I’ve kissed him enough times to know where his sweet spot is and waste no time sucking a small hickey there. He moans and I take that as an okay to make the hickey bigger.
“Fuck babe” he moans and I grind my hips into his, my own eyes rolling back into my head as I feel his erection pressing against mine.
“Lou? Kiss me" I whisper and he obliges immediately, pressing his lips firmly to mine and grinding up into my cock.
“You wanna touch me babe?” He whispers and I swallow harshly, because yes- I really fucking do. But no. Because I want it to be good and I don’t know how to make it food for him. I know how to make strangers feel good and get them off- but- he’s my best friend and I want him to enjoy this. I want to make him feel better than anyone has made him feel before . I don’t feel experienced enough to take charge when it comes to someone so important to me.
“You’re- you’re too important. I want it to be good! I don’t- I don’t know how to make it good" I pant out, wanting - no- needing- him to understand that YES! I want to touch him so bad but I don’t feel I know how. Luckily he’s my best friend and knows me well enough to know. A. I’m not lying. And B. I want him.
He flips us over and takes charge and it gets me even harder than I was, despite me thinking it wasn’t possible.
He licks my neck and across to the other side, sucking hickey after hickey as he trails down to my nipples. He sucks the right one between his teeth, fingers working on the other and I grind my hips up into him, hard.
His left hand cups my neck and he’s back to kissing me again, grinding into my thigh.
“Gonna cum" I whimper, trying to hold back because this is embarrassing. All we’ve do e is kiss! He presses his other hand against my crotch, over my boxers and hums into my ear.
“Cum for me babe. Wanna feel you nut for me" he whispers huskily into my ear and I’m cumming untouched in my boxer pants, moaning his name over and over again.
His hand never leaves where its pressed against my cock, doesn’t even move it, just holds it firmly against my cock. He kisses me though my orgasm, hips grinding into my leg before his hand goes down his boxers to finish himself off. He cums in his boxers a minute later with a moan of my name.
“Did- did that feel different for you?” I ask a few minutes later once we’ve calmed down our breathing and have had a few minutes to rest.
“Yeah. More- intimate” he agrees.
“Like before it was- it was for reassurance or to- when we fucked at 14 to get our virginities out of the way" I continue.
“Yeah. This felt- like more”
“I- I liked it. The more part I mean. Is- is that okay?” I whisper.
“I’m glad you liked it. Am I allowed to like it too?”
“I want you to" I nod.
“What are we?” he asks a moment later.
“I don’t know. But I can’t lose you as a best friend” I answer honestly.
“And I can’t lose you. No one else would put up with my shenanigans or dramatic antics” He jokes but the way he’s holding my hand and stroking his thumb over the back of my hand- tells me he means it.
“Would you go on a date with me?” he asks shyly after a moment of thinking.
“I- I’ve never- um- I’d like that” I whisper.
Who wants #NouisEnding?
Another update! How lucky are you guys!?
“Nialler? Nialler wake up. Ni come on haha"
“Whaaaaaat" I groan, rolling onto my stomache and rubbing my face into my pillow. Hmmm. When did my pillow get so firm? I frown at myself and pull my head up to see what’s going on.
He stares at me with such admiration and fondness it melts my heart. He giggles a little and covers his mouth with his hand, hating the giggle laugh he does. I love it. It’s so raw and adorable. It shows him when he’s vulnerable. I’m the only one he's ever giggles laughed in front of. I’m taking that achievement to the grave with me and plastering on the head stone as a record of achievement.
“Your hair is so crazy on a morning” he laughs, trying to smooth it down with one hand and supporting how he’s sitting with the other. He gives up a few moments later when it’s clear it won’t be tamed by his hand. I only just realise how we’ve been laid, him on his back and me on his chest- head mushed into his neck. Ohhhhhh. He was my pillow. Makes sense now.
“It really is. Morning” I hum lazily and flop into him. He grunts at the force of our bodies colliding but then laughs and sits himself up a little against the head rest with me still in his chest.
“We should shower” he comments softly a moment later.
“We should” I agree but make no attempt to move. I’m so comfortable right now its unreal.
“Later" I yawn.
“Been told you’re coming back to college” he says, running a hand gently through my hair.
“Yeah, start on Monday”
“Can’t believe it’s exams next month”
“Ugh. Don’t. Don’t even remind me. I’m so unprepared it’s a joke they’re even making me sit them" I groan.
“I could help if you want? Tutor you and such"
“Thanks Lou, I’d appreciate that. I also have study sessions booked with Harry, courtesy of the social worker. That’s going to be hilarious” I smile at first and then grumble by the time I’m talking about Harry.
“Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think” He hums but I know it’s to calm me down, not because he actually believes that.
“Maybe. What time is it?”
“You woke me up at 9am! Why?” I whine.
“We need to shower. We stink! I woke up and it was a great reminder for a minute but then it felt a hit gross"
“Oh yeah, we never washed last night” I yawn, memories of last nights make out session coming back to me in flash backs. Amazing flash backs.
“It was a good night” he whispers and I can tell he’s nervous all of a sudden.
“What’s up? Why are you nervous?” I hum into his neck, placing my hand on his face and rubbing his cheek with my thumb.
“Don’t lie to me Lou. Come on we’ve been through so much. You can trust me" I soothe him.
“Okay. Okay you’re right. I’m just- I really enjoyed last night and- what we said about it being- um- more- than usual? I didn’t- I don’t want to scare you off, but it was- I liked it being more" he stutters.
“Me too. That’s why we’re going on that date" I grin at him. He’s so cute when he’s nervous.
“You’re still up for that?” he asks shyly.
“Of course. I can’t wait. You have to take me somewhere fun though, not one of those fancy places”
“What do you class as fancy?” he scoffs lightly.
“Anywhere with giant plates, tiny food and stupid prices. I’m happy with burger and chips” I shrug and he laughs loudly at my honesty.
We cuddle for a few more minutes before deciding to shower. We really do stink at this point and the dried cum inside my boxers feels weird and itchy.
We shower together for ease and have another little make out session, but it doesn’t lead anywhere, we’re both tired and I’m too hungry to take longer than necessary in the shower. Food is calling my name.
I lend Louis some of my boxers, joggers and a t-shirt (thankful we’re pretty much the same size) and pull on some boxers, black Jeans and a shirt of my own before going down stairs.
Harry is sat at the table reading a newspaper and nursing a cup of coffee when we walk in.
“Morning” he mutters.
“Morning” Louis smiles sarcastically. He hates Harry for what he’s done to my family, and has no intentions of hiding that.
“Hi" I offer. He’s letting me stay here at least. This is Harry’s home and I can’t make him feel uncomfortable in his own house.
I make us both a cup of tea and some toast before we sit at the table, Louis opposite Harry (challenging him as the head of the table) and me at the side of Louis.
“Wjat are we up to today then?” Louis asks through a mouthful of toast.
“Um- dunno. We could go out to the cinema? Frozen 2 is out” I grin.
“You and your bloody Disney films” he scoffs, but I see him pull out his phone and look at the closest cinema to us and their times for Frozen 2.
“Disney is great” I protest.
“If you’re six" Harry mutters, so quietly I don’t think he wanted us to hear.
“Yeah well, not our fault you’re an old man who doesn’t know what the concept of fun is" Louis mutters then wedges a piece of toast half in his mouth whilst he types furiously on his phone. A moment later he bites the toast and catches the bit not in his mouth before putting it on the plate.
“Forgot how sassy you are” Harry glares.
“Forgot how ancient you are” Louis smirks.
“Forgot how annoying you both are in the same room. Come on Lou, let’s go out” I mutter, standing and washing my plate. I drink the rest of my tea and wash the cup up, before putting them away. Louis does the same and we both leave the kitchen, finding our shoes.
“Here, why don’t you treat yourself” Harry calls, following us into the hallway and handing me some money.
“I don’t want your money Harry" I roll my eyes and go back to pulling my trainers on.
“Please, take it-"
“-You can’t just buy my forgiveness. I don’t want your money” I snap.
“It’s from social services. You get an allowance each week to get things you need” he tries again.
I eye him up sceptically, flickering my eyes from the money to him and back again. Surely that’s not right.
“Why would they do that?”
“Well, kids with parents usually get pocket money to buy things, why should kids in care not get the same privilege?”
“I doubt they gave me all that” I mutter to the wad of cash he's holding out.
“They did. Just take the money” he sighs, puts it in my hand and goes to the living room.
I flick through the money he handed me.
“£300? No way did they-"
“-Nialler, just take it. He knows he fucked up and he knows he can’t buy your forgiveness. But he’s trying to give you nice things too. Say thank you and treat yourself” Louis soothes and I nod. He’s right. Arguing isn’t going to change what’s happened and it would be nice to have some shoes that aren’t falling apart.
I walk to the living room and hover in the doorway “thank you”.
“You’re welcome. Take the Mercedes if you want. Saves on buses” he offers, nodding to a little box on the wall behind the TV, that holds his car keys.
“Really?” I ask, rather nervous and excited. I’ve never driven a fancy car before.
“Sure. Try not to bump it” he nods, going back to watching TV.
“Thanks” I smile actually meaning it.
I take the keys and we head outside to the Mercedes.
“No fair! I wanna drive it” Lou whines.
“You have a fancy car. 2 actually!” I scoff, climbing into the drivers seat. I adjust the seat and mirrors to suit me and start the car as Louis gets into the passenger seat.
“I have a BMW that’s three years old and and Audi that’s two years old. This is like, 2 weeks old. This must be like- price wise must be like -"
“-Don’t even say it. I don’t want to know how much this thing costs. Selling this could probably buy the house me and the girls lived in.” I mutter, setting off down the drive.
“It could actually” Louis agrees and I shake my head in disbelief. How could someone spend so much on a car? He could literally have about like another 3 houses for the price of all his cars.
We head into the city centre and do a little shopping before going for lunch. It’s strange having money. People look at you for different reasons when you have money. For instance, I parked up and went into JD for some tops and the amount of people checking me out/ checking Louis out and checking the car out is unbelievable. I almost didn’t want to leave the car in case it got robbed. Then I bought 8 tops and some 2 pairs of Jeans, spend £240 and at first the cashier was snotty, making out like I’d have to put something back. I rolled my eyes at her and handed her £250. 2 £100 notes and 1 £50 note. Her face dropped. I’ve always been good with money. I’ve always made sure I have enough to pay for everything on checkout. Then people don’t look down their noses at you when it’s slightly over what you expected.
We go to McDonalds for lunch and I actually get to pay for Louis lunch. I’m actually able to pay for Louis lunch. He protests and I protest at his protests until I pinch his sides and make him find a table. He does so with a grin and blows a kiss at me. I pretend to catch it and blow one back.
“How long have you been together?” A young girl asks me. I glance at her and see she’s only about 9. I have no intentions of being rude to a 9 year old.
“We aren’t. He’s my best friend”
“How long has he been in love with you?” she presses.
“He isn’t in love with me” I scoff, rolling my eyes.
“How long have you been in love with him?” she challenges and I start to lose my temper.
“I’m not in love with him. He’s my friend. We’re best friends" I half snap.
“Mhm. Sure” she laughs then walks over to where her friends are near the self serving checkouts.
I grab our burgers and fries then head to the table Louis is at.
I hand over his big mac and fries then grab my own and he hands me the drink he brought over along with a straw.
He takes a bit of the paper wrapping off of the straw and puts the end in his mouth, blowing the paper at me. I laugh at him and kick his shin lightly. He covers his chips in ketchup and takes a mouthful if his burger.
I can’t help but stare.
I can’t help but think about what that nosey 9 year old said.
I do love Louis, always have. But am I IN love with him? Apparently there’s a difference. I know there is because I loved Harry and could feel myself falling in love with him. It felt different. But I’ve always loved Louis as much as I do right now. So how can that be right?
“What are you thinking about?” he mumbled through his chips.
“Just- nothing. Doesn’t matter”
“Talk to me. You can trust me” he whispers, using the line I used on him this morning. I laugh and roll my eyes fondly.
“I don’t want to scare you away" I settle for saying.
“You won’t. I’m in it for the long haul. You’re my best mate and- what ever happens with us that’s more- we'll always be best friends. Even if the more part ends, I’ll always be here for you”
“I don’t want the more part to end” I say honestly and he releases a heavy breath I didn’t know he was holding.
“Good. Because neither do I”
“Okay, I’m- I’m trying to figure out why it feels different with you than it did with Harry"
“Because you loved Harry” he supplies easily.
“I love you” I say just as easily.
“I know you do, but, it’s a different kind of love. You were falling for him and you’ve loved me as a friend or brother for the past 17 years of your life. There are different types of love I guess"
“I think I love you as more” I whisper, losing my appetite and putting my half eaten burger down.
“Yeah. I don’t- I don’t feel like I even know what love is anymore. Mum never loved me. Dad died before I knew what love was. Harry betrayed me but claimed he loved me and- you’ve always loved me. What if I’m just feeling your love for me and- and misinterpreting it?”
“You are love. That’s what love is. Love is you. It’s kind and soothing and reassuring. It’s putting someone else’s needs before your own and loving everything about them. It’s seeing their good parts and the bad parts too but still thinking they’re perfect. It’s putting their happiness above your own and doing anything to see them smile. It’s what you did every day for the girls. That’s what love is. Love is you” he says softly, reaching over the table and holding my hand.
“That’s how I feel about you"
“Then you love me. Simples. But we already knew that” he laughs.
“What’s it like to be IN love?”
“Being in love is subject. Every person experiences it differently and-"
“-Louis. Don’t give me a psychologists answer. Give me a proper answer” I groan then add a bit quieter “Have you ever been in love?”
“Yes" he whispers.
“Who with?” I frown. He never told me that! Who does he love!? Who has he loved!? Did they love him back?
“Doesn’t matter who" he says softly but I know that’s my cue to drop it.
“What was it like?” I ask instead.
“You think about that person all the time. You see their face in a crowd, even when they aren’t there. You hear certain songs and it makes you think of them. You want to be with them all the time. It’s terrifying and amazing at the same time. They have this- like control over you without even realising it. You feel safe when you’re with them. When they kiss you, you feel warm inside. You always think of them. All of a sudden, the decisions you make don’t just affect your life but also theirs. You’re sad when they leave, even though you spent the entire day together. You just want to squeeze them tight and never let go. Their smile makes you feel as if you were freezing cold and just sat down on a heating pad. It’s an instant warmth you feel from within, and it makes you smile too. Yeah, it’s pretty scary because you realise that you care more about this person’s needs than your own. When I realised I’d do almost anything for him I felt scared but also pretty good. It’s weird. It’s like going home on a Friday afternoon to enjoy your weekend. No stress, just relief, relaxation. Even better knowing spending it with someone who feels like most important thing in the world. It feels like a billion butterflies rushing through your body when they’re mentioned, when you randomly think of how they’re doing at this moment and it makes you smile, when he tells you she loves you and you feel safe in his hands. It sounds cliché as fuck, but if it does actually happen - you will know. There is no better feeling than falling asleep next to my them late at night and thinking how lucky you are to have fallen in love with such an amazing person. You realise all the other relationships you had before, didn’t work out for a reason” he explains, his eyes glossing over as he looks at his hands, deep in thought. He’s thinking of this person. This person he was or is in love with. It makes me crazy jealous. A lump is in my throat and I want to cry hearing him talk about someone so beautifully, knowing it isn’t me.
“It sounds amazing” I whisper.
“It is. It also hurts like hell at times but, it’s worth it. I know people say that but it is. All the pain and arguments and fights is worth the good feelings that comes from being in love” he hums.
“That sounds like with Harry” I sigh.
“Yeah. Well. He wasn’t himself during your relationship and- the things he’s done, I couldn’t forgive him for. But that’s your choice babe"
“I’m not- I’m not in love with him anymore, don’t think I ever was fully. Just falling. But, I do still love him. I can feel it. And as much as I wish I wasn’t, I am. I’m sorry if that hurts you or complicates things" I say honestly.
“I know you still love him. I’d be surprised if you didn’t. It doesn’t hurt me because I understand it’s a different type of love. Anyway, you don’t decide your feelings, they have a mind of their own" he smiles, popping a few chips in his mouth and I nibble my burger.
“Come on, Frozen is on in 10” he smiles a moment later and I laugh but get up and throw our rubbish away. I take my burger with me and eat it walking over to the cinema.
“Hey, two VIP tickets for Frozen, names Louis. They should be reserved" Louis smiles at the clerk. The tickets are handed over and he orders a large popcorn and large coke to share.
“You didn’t have to pay-"
“-Shhhhhh. Think of it as a pre-date" he winks and hands me the popcorn bucket.
The film is amazing! Of course. And after we go back to Harry’s house to watch another film, Fast and Furious 7.
“I love Jason Statham" Louis mumbles as he climbs into bed with me again.
“Is that who your big speech was about?” I tease and he comically widens his eyes, faking guilt.
We must have fallen asleep watching the film because the next thing I know, Harry is shaking my shoulder and waking us both up.
“What?” I grunt and feel Louis chuckle next to me.
“Social worker is coming round in an hour to see how you are”
I’m fine. Tell her that” I grunt, making no effort to wake up or move.
He sighs and I hear him play on his phone for a minute. “Are you finished behaving like a child?” he challenges.
“Are you finished ruining my life?” I challenge back.
“Niall stop it. Come on, can’t we at least be civil?” he half sighs half snaps.
“You’re the last person on the planet I want to be civil with" I snap, lifting my head from Louis chest to glare at him.
“Then fuck off to Leeds because I don’t want you here. I fucked up. Big time. I get that. But I was just doing my job. It’s what I got paid to do. I’m sorry you got hurt and I’m sorry your life was hard, but I can’t keep arguing all the time. Grow up or get out” he snaps then walks out of the room, slamming the door on his way out.
“What was all that about?” Megan asks quietly from the doorway of the bathroom she’s just come out of.
“-Harry. Talk to me”
“Okay. He’s the kid I was undercover to investigate”
“Oh. And you let him stay because you feel bad he lost his sisters?”
“Yeah. I guess” I sigh. That’s not all of it.
“That’s not all of it though. What else?”
“-Harry I can read you like a book. Tell me”
“It’s nothing!” I snap.
“How long have you been in love with him?”
I’m not in love with him" I scoff.
“You are. Or were at least. How long?”
“You’ve lost it-"
“-Harry. I’m not mad. I’m not screaming or shouting or fighting about this. I’m asking you as a girlfriend but I’m understanding you as a friend. Don’t lie to me. Please. We’ve been together 3 years. Forget the psychologist in me, I can read you so easily” she says gently but firmly.
“I don’t know” I answer her honestly “I feel like I fell in love with him the moment I met him. But I love you and I’m with you-"
“Harry. Forget about me for a minute. You love him and- he’s a child. He’s literally a child-"
“I think- we should call it a day. You’re in love with him and- I deserve to be more than second best. I hope you figure out what you want and how to get it. But- Harry? That boy in there, he isn’t it. He’s so in love with the gobby kid, HE doesn’t even see it. And the gobby kid loves him even more. You don’t- I want you to be happy, I truly do. But that’s not with him. He’s just a child" She whispers, looking me in the eye the whole time. She heads downstairs and I hear the front door open then close and know she’s gone. I sigh but don’t feel like it’s because she left. Well it is. I’m sighing because she left, but because I’m relieved she left more than sad. I love her, love her to pieces. But she isn’t Niall.