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The Avengers' Not-So-PG Discord Servers

Chapter Text

Tony created a Server

Tony named the Server: Avengers Assemble

Tony Invited Everyone

 

Tony: Avengers! Assemble!

 Tony: In the kitchen!

 Steve: that's my line

 Peter: why do we need to assemble in the kitchen?

 Tony: because I'm hungry

 Steve: I don't see why that requires us all to be in the kitchen

 Nat: FUCK OFF ASSHOLES ITS 2 AM.

 Tony: We woke the beast

 Bruce: Why are we going to the kitchen at 2 in the morning?

 Steve: Because Tony is hungry

 Carol: On Another planet. Can't help you. Lol sorry not sorry

 Rhodey: Tony go get food and leave us alone

 Tony: I would but I don't want to move

 Nat: TONY STOP BEING LAZY AND GET IT YOURSELF. IM TRYING TO SLEEP

 Peter: yOu'Ve aNgErEd NaTaShA

 Tony: Be quiet Peter it's past your bed time

 Wanda: Why are we all awake at this ungodly hour?

 Vision: Wanda my dear, according to my data the required amount of sleep for a human is at least eight hours. Therefore I request you turn off your phone and come back to sleep.

 Tony: gags

 Tony: @Vision Please save your disgusting cuteness for another server

 Sam: @Tony Please Save your annoying antics for another Server

 Tony: Shut up Bird Brain

 Sam: @Tony caw caw motherfucker

 Tony: LANGUAGE!

 Wanda: LANGUAGE!

 Bruce: LANGUAGE!

 Steve: Really guys?

 Steve: Seriously though. Stop fighting. There are children here

 Bucky: no no. Please continue

 Sam: @Bucky no one likes you. Go to bed

 Bucky: Steve likes me right?

 Steve: Of course I like you Bucky, you're my best friend. Why wouldn't I?

 Bucky: @Sam suck it Wilson

 Sam: Cap you're officially out of the bird squad

 Clint: Cap is in our squad?

 Sam: NOT ANYMORE

 Sam: ITS JUST YOU AND ME BARTON

 Clint: Why was Cap in our squad tho?

 Sam: Because he WAS my best friend

 Clint: wow. I thought I was your best friend

 Nat: you're MY best friend

 Clint: I'm your ONLY friend

 Nat: Rude

 Clint: ily

 Nat: ily2

 Nat: AS FOR THE REST OF YOU

 Nat: GO. TO. SLEEP.

 Tony: Easy tiger

 Scott: T'Challa is the tiger

 T'Challa: I'm a panther

 Scott: Same thing

 Strange: No it's really not

Tony: Hello Better Steve

Strange: Hello Stark

Steve: @Tony Hello Coke Can

Scott: DAAAAAMN! Who knew Cap had it in him?

Peter: Tony just got recycled

Tony: Peter you're grounded. Scott be quiet

Peter: RIP

Vision: Why are we ripping things?

Wanda: It's an acronym Vis

Vision: For What?

Wanda: Rest In Peace

Nat: Which is what we ALL should be doing right now

Nat: I see you with your phone Bruce! I'm not blind, I'm literally right next to you!

Bruce: I've been thwarted

Loki: "The Downsides to having Natasha as a girlfriend"

Loki: A memoir by Bruce Banner

Clint: I'd Read

Nat: @Loki @Clint Fuck you

Clint: Love you too

Vision: lAnGuAgE

Steve: Oh My God let it go

Vision: My apologies Captain, Wanda stole my phone

Steve: It's all good😊. Wanda go to sleep.

Wanda: No

Bucky: @Nat we don't use that speak around children

Peter: what children?

Bucky: @Peter You

Peter: I go to high school. I USE that word

Bruce: Help! Natasha's trying to take my phohshsnsjsk

Thor: The mighty Hulk has been defeated

Loki: @Thor Your irrelevance is giving me a headache

Thor: @Loki My deepest condolences brother

Thor: Now I bid you all a good night

Nat: Finally. Someone with some sense

Thor: @Nat Thank you

Wanda: I'm out. Night losers

Vision: Be nice. But Sleep well. I love you❤️

Peter: Vision=Cinnamon Roll

Peter: Anyway, I've got a test tomorrow. Peace!

T'Challa: I have a country to run. I don't have time for this

Scott: Goodnight

Scott: Actually, more like good morning for some of you but whatever

Sam: @Bucky Goodnight loser

Bucky: @Sam goodnight bird brain

Steve: @everyone Goodnight Friends

Tony: guys?

Tony: GUYS?!

Tony: Is no one going to acknowledge the fact that I'm still hungry?

Chapter Text

Peter Created A Server
Peter named the Server: 1234 I declare a meme war

Peter invited Everyone

 

Peter: 1234 I declare a meme war

 

Peter: It's THORsday my dudes


Carol: How @Thor be feeling

CaptainSpaceJam: How @God of Thunder be feeling

 

Bucky: lololol

 

Bucky: @Carol your memes are out of this world

 

Carol:

Better Asgardian:

 


Loki:

God of Thunder: Loki you have a cat?

 

Thor: Loki you have a cat?

 

Loki: Correction brother, I have TWO cats

 

Wanda: @Loki give me your cats

 

Loki: No

 

Wanda: @Vision Vision I want cat

 

Vision: I will acquire cat

 

Sam: Whipped

 

Vision: Anything for my beautiful Girlfriend

 

Sam: I thought we were having a meme war?

 

Peter: We are

 

Sam:

GingerSnapUrNeck: lol


Nat: lol

 

Bucky:

ImABird: Asshole

 

Sam: Asshole

 

Sam:

Captain Spangles: Oh it's on bird boy


Steve: Oh it's on bird boy

 

Wanda: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

 

Steve:

GingerSnapUrNeck:

 


Nat:

GingerSnapUrNeck:

 


Sam:

GingerSnapUrNeck: I love how this has turned into Sam and Steve insulting each other with memes

 


Nat: I love how this has turned into Sam and Steve insulting each other with memes

 

Tony: #friendshipgoals

 

Nat: @Peter

GingerSnapUrNeck: @Spideyboi

Tony: MY SON

 

Bruce:

Paprika: AWWW KITTY!!!!


Wanda: AWWW KITTY!!!!

 

Vision: Why is Wanda only 97%?

 

Vision: I am offended

 

Wanda: It's just a meme Vis

 

Scott: Baby T'Challa

 

T'Challa: Wrong Cat

 

Nat: It's okay Vision. Technically Wanda IS the 100% because she's basically a soft kitty.

 

Vision: yes yes  I agree. My Wanda is adorable

 

Wanda: I AM CUTENESS 100

 

Scott: @Strange

Papa Strange: I can't tell if that's a compliment or an insult?

Strange: I can't tell if that's a compliment or an insult?

 

Tony:

Papa Strange:

 


Strange:

Papa Strange:

 


Clint: lololol

 

Clint:

Better Asgardian: I'll let you have that

 

 

Loki: I'll let you have that

 

Loki:

Better Asgardian:


Thor:

Better Asgardian:

 


Loki: ..........

 

Nat: and i oop-

 

Bucky: Wow...That's just....wow

 

Peter: Thor has delivered the killing blow.

 

Peter: I declare @God of Thunder the Champion

 

Peter: This concludes our war of memes

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Wanda Created a Server
Wanda Named the Server: Wanda is Gr8

Wanda Invited Everyone

 

Wanda: It's my birthday. Appreciate me.

 

Nat: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEST FRIEND

 

Wanda: THANKS BEST FRIEND

 

Peter: Happy Birth

 

Vision: @Peter she's 24?

 

T'Challa: @Vision It's a meme. Shuri is a bad influence on Peter

 

Peter: @T'Challa Shuri is awesome stfu

 

Vision: I see

 

Vision: Also

 

Vision: @Wanda Happy birthday love❤️

 

Wanda: 💖💖💖

 

Tony: affection

 

Tony: gross

 

Clint: @Wanda Are you having a good birthday so far?

 

Wanda: YESSSS!

 

Wanda: Vision got me a cat!

 

Wanda: Her name is Muffin

 

Nat: I wanna see!

 

Wanda:

GingerSnapUrNeck: BABY!

 


Nat: BABY!

 

Nat: lil muffy is going to have the best aunt in the world. I will spoil that cat to death!

 

Nat: look at that face!

 

Peter: So precious💖

 

Peter: She can have play dates Ansel And Harald!

 

Vision: Who are Ansel and Harald?

 

Peter: Loki's cats

 

Thor: You've seen Loki's cats?

 

Peter: He lets me play with them

 

Thor: YOU GET TO PLAY WITH THOSE SNUGGLY CREATURES?! BROTHER WHY DON'T I GET TO TO PLAY WITH YOUR CATS?!?!

 

Loki: Because out of all of you Peter is the only one I actually tolerate

 

Vision: I don't know if I want Muffin to be playing with Loki's cats

 

Wanda: They could be a bad influence

 

Loki: DON'T INSULT MY SONS YOU DULL CREATURES

 

Peter:

Spideyboi:

 

 

Steve: @Loki They kind of look like you and Thor a bit 

 

Loki: Shut up

 

Steve: @Wanda did you like the cupcakes Bucky and I made?

 

Wanda: @Bucky @Steve They were amazing! Thank you!

 

Vision: My gift was obviously superior

 

Tony: Obviously you haven't seen what Bruce and I got her

 

Vision: Was it a cat?

 

Bruce: No?

 

Vision: Then it will clearly be inferior

 

Nat: I'm giving you my gift later tonight.

 

Wanda: am much excite

 

T'Challa: Did you get the new Jacket Shuri and I sent you?

 

Wanda: Yep! I've yet to try it out.

 

Vision: My gift is still better

 

Wanda: Lol Vision Stop

 

Sam: Don't forget that the bird squad is taking you for lunch later

 

Wanda: Where?

 

Clint: Wherever you want

 

Wanda: I love my dads

 

Clint: We love you too❤️

 

Tony: What about me?

 

Sam: Fuck off Coke Can

 

Bucky: lol

 

Peter: I love you Mr Stark

 

Tony: My loyal son. I always knew I could trust you

 

Nat: lol although no one can love Tony as much as Tony

 

Rhodey: This is a true statement

 

Tony: Well you know what they say, Self love is the key to success

 

Loki: I don't think Narcissism falls under that category

 

Clint: Hypocrite

 

Peter: Uncle Clint be nice to Uncle Loki

 

Nat: My Boy. So soft. So pure💖

 

Wanda: Look at Muffin!

 

Wanda:

GingerSnapUrNeck: My Heart💖💖

 


Nat: My Heart💖💖

 

Thor: So Pure

 

Peter: Cuteness Overload

 

Nat: @Bruce We need a cat

 

Bruce: Dogs are better

 

Nat: @Bruce There's the door

 

Tony: @Bruce I'll get you a puppy

 

Clint: We already have a Loki. We don't need anymore pets causing trouble around here

 

Loki: @Clint Rude

 

Scott: I have ants as pets

 

Thor: I had a horse

 

Tony: Pets for all?

 

Steve: NO!

 

Nat: But cats.....

 

Tony: But dogs....

 

Scott: But ants....

 

Bucky: We already have a cat AND A Loki.

 

Carol: Fury likes cats

 

Strange: We have a cat? Since when?

 

Bucky: Yes. T'Challa is the family cat

 

Tony: screms

 

T'Challa: I......

 

T'Challa: These chats make me question my friendships

 

Peter: Okay but can I still get a puppy?

 

Bucky: No

 

Steve: No

 

Tony: Yes

 

Wanda: But then Muffin would have friends

 

Steve: You heard the kid. She can just play with Ansel and Harald

 

Loki: No

 

Nat: But see, If I got a cat then she would have a friend

 

Bruce: Or a dog....

 

Nat: Out of the question

 

Steve: No

 

Steve: No more pets.

 

Bruce: yeah, about that...

 

Steve: what did you do?

 

Bruce: well, see, I'm out and about right now....

 

Steve: Go on...

 

Bruce: And I passed this shelter....

 

Bruce: And there was this little ginger kitten....

 

Bruce: And I may or may not have just gotten Natasha a cat

 

Nat: REALLY?! I LOVE YOU!

 

Wanda: Send Pics

 

Bruce:

GingerSnapUrNeck: OMGSHSHJFTDQTWGJ

 

Nat: OMGSHSHJFTDQTWGJ

 

Nat: BRUCE I LOVE YOU

 

Sam: Take notes Cap

 

Steve: WHAT DID I JUST SAY?! DOES NOBODY LISTEN TO A THING I SAY?!

 

Carol: Don't worry Cap. They heard you. They just don't care

 

Steve: Cap it Carol

 

Carol: Well I am a captain.

 

Tony: So does this mean I can get everyone pets?

 

Carol: Yes

 

 

 

Chapter Text

A/N: Credit to my Sibling for giving me the Dragons on Roller Skates idea.


Scott created a server

Scott named the Server: So last night....

Scott invited Everyone

 

Scott: @everyone I just had the weirdest dream

 

Nat: You created a server solely to tell us about your strange dreams?

 

Scott: Yes

 

Scott: So anyway, In the dream I got invited to this top notch party

 

Sam: Who would invite you to a party?

 

Bucky: Quiet Wilson, the man is trying to talk

 

Bucky: @Scott carry on

 

Scott: Okay, So I go to the party right? And I get there and It turns out the party is at Stark Tower

 

Steve: Oh boy

 

Nat: Do I want to know anymore?

 

Scott: Yes. It gets better

 

Scott: So we go in and up to the top floor. But It ain't stark tower. It's a roller rink. Filled with DRAGONS

 

Scott: Out of everything I could have dreamt up, Fucking DRAGONS ON ROLLER SKATES

 

Nat: LMAOOOOOO

 

Wanda: @Scott What are you on?

 

Tony: And where can I get some?

 

Rhodey: Not gonna lie though, that honestly sounds like Tony's kind of party

 

Tony: ;P

 

Carol: Scott why are you like this?

 

Carol: Stop watching Game of Thrones before bed

 

Nat: lol carol that sounds more like an anime plot than GOT

 

Clint NATASHA WATCHES ANIME!! QUICK QUICK SPREAD THE WORD!!!!!!!!!

 

Nat: @Clint No I don't. stfu you instigator

 

Sam: You heard it here first folks

 

Peter: @Nat Please tell me it's not Naruto

 

Nat: I DON'T WATCH ANIME

 

Nat: @Wanda help me out here

 

Peter: There's nothing to be ashamed about. Some anime is good

 

Vision: Anime? Is it anything like Disney

 

Tony: Yes. You should watch it. Especially Citrus

 

Peter: MR.STARK NO! HE'S TOO PURE FOR THAT!!

 

Tony: Peter I am both extremely disappointed and extremely proud that you know what Citrus is

 

Peter: @Vision watch Pokemon instead. That's more your style.

 

Vision: I See.

 

Peter: XY is the best generation to watch

 

Vision: Okay.

 

Vision: Wanda would you like to watch Pokemon with me?

 

Wanda: No Vision. I don't want to watch Pokemon with you.

 

Vision Why not?

 

Wanda: because Pokemon is for kids

 

Vision: So is disney

 

Wanda: ......

 

Wanda: Okay fine. Move over

 

Thor: I wish to see these roller skating dragons Scott

 

Thor: And Stark, why wasn't I invited to your top notch party?

 

Tony: No no Thor, it was just a dream. The party wasn't real

 

Scott: There were no Dragons...I was just dreaming

 

Loki: He's adopted

 

Thor: YOU'RE adopted

 

Loki: CLEARLY

 

Bucky: Ouch, Thor you need some Ice for that burn?

 

Thor: What do you mean? Loki is in a different room. How could he have burned me?

 

Bucky: .......

 

Bucky: I'm 100 years old and even I know what that is

 

Loki: Like I said. Adopted.

 

Bruce: @Nat How do I get Sasha to stop crying

 

Nat: Why is she crying

 

Bruce: I don't know

 

Bruce: I think she wants you. Cats don't like me too much

 

Carol: lol

 

Clint: Natasha stop texting and go take care of your cat

 

Nat: you're not the boss of me

 

Clint: What are we five?

 

Nat: You are

 

Sam: @Clint I think the real question we should be asking it what kind of plant Scott's been smoking. I mean last week it was Unicorns, now we've moved on to roller skating

dragons?

 

Steve: @Scott I demand you give up your stash

 

Tony: And I demand that you share it

 

Carol: lol I always knew you smoked something Stark

 

Tony: Not me. Scott

 

Scott: I swear, I'm not smoking anything. I just have weird dreams

 

Vision: Only I will know the glories of not needing sleep

 

Tony: lol Vision go back to watching Pokemon

 

Vision: It's a very strategic show actually. You should watch it Mr. Stark

 

Wanda: Yes. Lot's of Technology and Explosions

 

Vision: You would like it too Dr. Banner. It's very Scientific

 

Nat: OMG Bruce watching Pokemon. I love it

 

Bruce: I'm gonna take a hard pass

 

Clint: What? You don't like watching anime with Nat?

 

Nat: OH MY GOD CLINT I DON'T WATCH ANIME

 

Nat: FUCKING LET IT GO

 

Steve: LANGUAGE

 

Clint: LANGUAGE

 

Bruce: LANGUAGE

 

Tony: LANGUAGE

 

Carol: LANGUAGE

 

Steve: Shut Up Carol, you weren't even there for that

 

Bucky: FUCK OFF CAROL! IM NOT GOING TO YOUR FUCKIN BABY SHOWER

 

Peter: The correct quote is Fuck off JANET

 

Bucky: But her name's Carol

 

Peter: Why do i even try?

 

T'Challa: .......

 

T'Challa: What did i just walk in on?

 

Wanda: Scott's High

 

Spideyboi: Vision's watching Pokemon with Wanda

 

Carol: Tony Smokes

 

Clint: Natasha watches Anime

 

Nat: Clint's a child

 

Tony: Peter knows what Citrus is

 

Steve: Nobody likes Carol

 

Loki: Thor's Adopted

 

T'Challa: ......

 

T'Challa: I'm sorry I asked


 

A/N: My dearest Children, Please never watch Citrus. My friend was mean and tricked me into it. She told me it was a sweet High School Romance Anime. It was not

 

Chapter Text

 

Steve Created a Server

Steve named the Server: Movie Night

Steve Invited Everyone

 

Steve: So have we all decided on a movie for Family night?

 

Wanda: Nope

 

Nat: No

 

Clint: N O

 

Vision: Disney

 

Loki: Disney is for Children

 

Nat: Well in that case Loki can join Peter and Vision for Disney movie while the adults watch something else

 

Loki: Why must you insult me this way?

 

Sam: I suggested IT but no one else agreed.

 

Clint: Because clowns are fucking scary

 

Nat: So you can battle otherworldly beings to the death but you can't watch a horror movie?

 

Nat: Does not compute

 

Carol: My vote is on Men in Black

 

Peter: That's a wondrous movie

 

Bucky: Never seen it

 

Peter: It's a Sci-Fi Comedy about these two agents who are a part of a corporation that get rid of aliens

 

Bucky: Sounds too realistic

 

Vision: we can watch the Lion King with all our cats

 

Wanda: Vis we've watched that movie at least 100 times now

 

Vision: That's because it's a good movie that involves cats

 

Wanda: Ever since Muffin he's been obsessed with cats. I swear he loves that cat more than me.

 

Vision: LIES

 

Nat: How is my little Muffy baby?

 

Vision: Still almost as adorable as Wanda

 

Peter: Vision=Cinnamon Roll

 

Steve: Guys! Focus! Movie!

 

Peter: Well I saw this movie on Netflix about this incompetent ten year old kid who discovers time travel and he builds a time machine inside his stuffed bear

 

Strange: ......

 

Bruce: Well, That sounds good! Let's watch that!

 

Tony: So basically if Steve built a time machine

 

Loki: @Tony Yes

 

Thor: I side with vision in this dispute. Disney is good for the heart and soul

 

Sam: I guess that means we can add Thor to the kiddy room

 

Thor: Kiddy room? Hah! I am older than all of you!

 

Carol: MIB

 

Strange: Peter's movie sounds the best to me. Disney puts me to sleep

 

Peter: YES

 

Carol: But Men In Black....

 

Rhodey: if you hadn't noticed already we basically are the men in black

 

Tony: HERE COME THE MEN IN BLACK!

 

Clint: MR. M. I. B!

 

Steve: Since most people agree on Peter's movie we'll watch that.

 

Carol: Laaaaame

 

Nat: Its Okay Carol, I'll come watch Men In Black with you.

 

Carol: YES BITCH

 

Carol: BRING THE WINE

 

Nat: AND THE CAT

 

Wanda: Room for one more?

 

Carol: GIRLS NIGHT!

 

Nat: NO BOYS ALLOWED

 

Steve: This was supposed to be a family night?

 

Nat: And sometimes families have to compromise

 

Steve: Whatever, go have your girls night

 

Wanda: YAAASSSS

 

Wanda: I'll bring the snacks

 

Vision: @Thor Do you want to have a Disney night with me?

 

Thor: Can we watch Alice in Wonderland?

 

Vision: Yes of course. And the Lion King as well

 

Thor I'm in

 

Scott: Can I get in on this too? I've got 101 Dalmatians on DVD

 

Thor: What are dalmatians?

 

Scott: @Thor big spotted dogs

 

Thor: I NEED IT

 

Vision: You are Very Welcome to join our Disney night

 

Steve: I guess the rest of us are watching Peter's movie

 

Bucky: Im down

 

Sam: As long as I don't have to sit next to tin can 2.0

 

Bucky: Rude

 

Tony: We're coke cans Wilson. Get it right

 

Peter: I'll set it up

 

 

LATER..........

 

Tony: Peter that movie was so unrealistic and dumb

 

Strange: I thought it was decent

 

Tony: @Strange They put a radioactive "Time Core" inside a stuffed bear and handed it off to a fourth grader

 

Bruce: It's hollywood bro. Chill.

 

Peter: I enjoyed it

 

Sam: Of course you did Peter. You enjoy everything

 

Bucky: lol who else thought the ugly sidekick looked like Wilson

 

Sam: Kindly Fuck Off

 

Peter: tHeRe aRe cHiLdReN iN tHiS cHaT

 

Tony: Yeah Wilson. Don't say "Kindly"

 

Peter: lol @Nat how's girl's night going

 

Nat: Carol is an intergalactic dumbass

 

Wanda: lol She's sooo drunk

 

Carol: Wendy lej mer loooooov uuu

 

Wanda: lolol

 

Carol: the rom id spernign

 

Clint: Someone Put her to bed

 

Carol: Hiiiiii Clipp!...!

 

Nat: She's gonna have a massive hangover

 

Wanda: The movie was good tho. I thoroughly enjoyed my MIB experience 

 

Vision: Mr.Lang, Thor, and I are in the middle of 101 Dalmatians Loki and his sons have joined us

 

Thor: ANSEL LOVES ME!!

 

Thor: LOKI LET ME CUDDLE ONE OF HIS CATS BECAUSE HE ONLY HAD ROOM FOR ONE ON HIS LAP AND VISION STOLE MUFFIN FROM WANDA!

 

Thor: I MUST AQUIRE ONE OF THESE FLUFFY ANGLES

 

Loki: Thor shut up and watch the movie

 

Thor: Of Course, Of course, My apologies everyone.

 

Scott: Did you know there's an animated movie about Ants?

 

Vision: We're watching that next

 

Scott: @Wanda Im stealing your boyfriend

 

Wanda: As long as you give him back 

 

Scott: Okay 😊 

 

Wanda: 😊😊😊

 

Steve: Unpopular opinion, Peter's time travel movie was good

 

Steve: Alright, I'm off to bed

 

Tony: Why? Because the movie secretly bored you to death?

 

Steve: No

 

Steve: Because I don't feel like staying up to ungodly hours with you lot

 

Tony: Whatever happened to "I could do this all day?"

 

Steve: Yeah, all day. Not all NIGHT

 

Tony: Loser

 

Tony: Last one to bed is not a loser

 

Steve: I'm okay with being a loser if it means getting a good night's sleep

 

Tony: Okay

 

Sam: Night Loser

 

Bucky: Night Loser

 

Vision: Good night Captain Loser

 

Clint: Vision!

 

Wanda: Im dying lol

 

Tony: That's my boy

 

Vision: Mr. Stark, you do realize that I will be the winner of this little game because I am the only being with in this household that does not require sleep?

 

Tony: New rule. Vision, you don't count

 

Vision: Scared of defeat?

 

Tony: @Vision kindly shut up please

 

 Vision: As I thought

 

Wanda: lol vision you're killing me

 

Vision: 😁

 

Tony: I just want to make it clear though

 

Tony: Next time we watch a movie, I'm choosing

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Sam Created a Server

Sam Named The Server: Bird Squad

Sam Invited Steve, Clint

Sam: Bird Squad Assemble!

 

Clint: SQUAWK

 

Steve: Can I invite Bucky?

 

Sam: N O

 

Clint: What's on the agenda Bird Boss?

 

Sam: We need to figure out what we're doing for dinner tonight

 

Clint: We having a Bird's Night only!

 

Sam: Caw Caw

 

Tony: lol so this is where you hold your bird cult meetings

 

Sam: @Tony Stop hacking my servers

 

Tony Invited Bucky

 

Tony Invited Wanda

 

Tony Invited Nat

 

Tony: guys they're planning a Bird Night

 

Nat: lmao that's so lame

 

Nat Invited Carol

 

Carol: iM hEre iM qUeEr gEt oVeR iT

 

Steve: We're over it

 

Carol: 😒

 

Sam: Yo, Can a bird get some privacy here?

 

Clint: Yes, get out you ungodly creatures!

 

Tony Invited Thor

 

Thor: I'm a God. Can I stay?

 

Clint: N O

 

Wanda: @Clint I'm your daughter. Can I stay?

 

Sam: wAnDa uR aDoPtEd

 

Clint: Yes Wanda you can stay

 

Bucky: Im confused though. Why is Cap in the bird Squad? He's not even a bird

 

Sam: Caw Caw Motherfucker that's why!

 

Bucky: I feel attacked

 

Steve: Be nice to Bucky guys

 

Clint: cAw CaW

 

Tony invited Peter

 

Peter: screeeeEEEE

 

Peter: Bug Bois Assemble!

 

Peter Invited Scott

 

Scott: Assembled!

 

Peter: @Nat where u at?

 

Nat: I want no part in this

 

Peter: jOiN uS

 

Scott: JOIN US

 

Thor Invited Loki

 

Thor Invited Vision

 

Thor: @Loki @Vision We hang out right? Do we have a squad name?

 

Loki: I would rather burn in Hel than be in a squad with you brother

 

Vision: CAT CREW

 

Loki: ......

 

 

Loki: I have reconsidered

 

Thor: CAT CREW FOREVER

 

Thor Invited T'Challa

 

Thor: @T'Challa CAT CREW FOREVER

 

T'Challa: No

 

T'Challa has left the server

 

Wanda: Can me and Natasha join?

 

Thor: No. You make fun of our Disney movies

 

Vision: Wanda and Nat can join

 

Thor: @Vision Push over

 

Sam: WHIPPED

 

Clint: CRACK

 

Tony: lol

 

Carol: @Wanda @Nat Whatever happened to the Girl Gang?

 

Sam: What ever happened to BIRDS ONLY!

 

Steve: @Sam Tony

 

Nat: @Carol That was never a thing?

 

Wanda: And you're always in space whenever we want to hang out

 

Carol: Wow guys. I'm really feeling the love

 

Carol Invited Gamora

 

Carol: Gamora do you want to start a Girl Gang with me and terrorize the intergalactic Forces of Evil?

 

Gamora: HELL YES

 

Carol: GET IN LOSERS WE'RE GOING SHOPPING

 

Tony: Where are my science bros?

 

Tony Invited Bruce

 

Tony Invited Strange

 

Bruce: Why are we here?

 

Sam: Yes, why are you here?

 

Strange: What is this server?

 

Peter: DADS!

 

Strange: Hello Science Son

 

Sam: @Strange This Server is SUPPOSED to be a PRIVATE server for the BIRD SQUAD

 

Sam: BUT TONY WON'T STOP HACKING MY SERVERS

 

Strange: Put a lock on it

 

Clint: This is discord not a diary

 

Steve: @Bucky wanna go get Coffee?

 

Bucky: sure

 

Gamora: @Carol we need more members

 

Carol: Well I asked Natasha and Wanda but they wanted to join the cat crew instead

 

Gamora: wait wait wait

 

Gamora: There's a cat crew?

 

Carol: Yes

 

Gamora: SIGN ME THE FUCK UP

 

Tony: @Gamora is no longer a badass

 

Vision: Gamora you are very welcome to join our crew

 

Carol: But the Gang...GAMORA DON'T ABANDON MEEEE

 

Gamora: Don't worry Carol, I would never. I just have duel membership

 

Carol: Oh Okie

 

Carol: We could ask Nebula to join

 

Gamora: YES! AND MANTIS!

 

Carol: I think Mantis might be better suited for the Cat Crew

 

Gamora: What are you talking about Mantis is terrifying

 

Gamora Invited Nebula

 

Gamora Invited Mantis

 

Gamora: Guys Wanna Join our Girl Gang of intergalactic terror?

 

Nebula: YES

 

Mantis: sure

 

Peter: MANTIS JOIN THE BUG BOIS

 

Mantis: OKAY!

 

Nat: @Gamora On second thought I'll join the Girl Gang

 

Wanda Me too. DUEL MEMBERSHIP!

 

Nebula: LET US INFLICT TERROR AND CHAOS UPON THE UNIVERSE

 

Carol: lol nebula 😂

 

Gamora: Only on the bad guys tho

 

Nebula: yes yes only on the bad guys

 

Sam: @Loki you better run

 

Sam: Now Can you all please leave?

 

Tony: N O

 

Sam removed Tony

 

Tony: Rude

 

Sam: TONY GET OUT

 

Clint: TONY STAHP

 

Sam: I'll just make a Private Group Chat

 

Clint: He's gonna hack that too

 

Sam: FUCK OFF STARK

 

Tony: N O O O

 

Clint: Y E S

 

Sam: G E T  L O S T

 

Clint: B I R D S  O N L Y

 

Carol: IM A BIRD MOTHAF! IM A BIRD!

 

Peter: LOOK AT ME MOTHAF! IM A BIRD!

 

Nat: Proud Spider Mom

 

Tony: Peter! Watch your language! Don't Say "Bird"

 

Peter: lol

 

Scott: Parenting at it's finest

 

Tony: You would know

 

Scott: Cuff it asshole

 

Sam: Adulting 101

 

Sam: A Shit Parenting Manual by Tony Stark and Scott Lang

 

Loki: lol

 

Thor: CAT CREW LETS LEAVE THESE FIENDS TO THEIR BICKERING AND GO WATCH A DISNEY MOVIE

 

Nat: LAME

 

Thor: BANNED

 

Thor: Go Hang out with your girl Gang

 

Wanda: guys who wants to watch chorror movies with me

 

Nat: be there in 5

 

Carol: BRING THE WINE

 

Wanda: lol

 

Nat: NOT AFTER LAST TIME CAROL

 

Gamora: lol

 

Gamora: Mantis Nebula and I are coming to join

 

Carol: You guys are on earth?

 

Gamora: YE! we came to visit!

 

Wanda: BRING GROOT

 

Gamora: OKAY!

 

Nebula: on our way

 

Sam: @Clint @Steve I made another Bird Server. Come Join

 

Tony: Please excuse me while I go hack that one too :)

 

Chapter Text

Carol Created a Server

Carol named the server: The Space Girlz

Carol Invited Nat, Wanda, Gamora, Nebula, Mantis

 

Carol: My Fellow Space Girls UNITE

 

Nat: Hello from earth

 

Wanda: Hi

 

Carol: Where are the others?

 

Wanda: Probably out doing guardian stuff

 

Carol: Laaaaaaame

 

Nebula: I'm not lame. You're lame

 

Gamora: lol tell 'em Nebula

 

Carol: wHeRe aRe yOu?

 

Gamora: iN sPaCe

 

Nebula: wiTh mE

 

Carol: cOoL

 

Mantis: wHy aRe wE tAlKiNg LiKe tHiS?

 

Nebula: iDk

 

Nat: lol what're you all up to?

 

Nebula: Kicking Gamora's ass in cards

 

Gamora: Seriously! How did she get so good at Cards?

 

Nebula: Life is a gamble sister

 

Wanda: lol Gamora, let her have it

 

Mantis: I was napping but now Im awake

 

Wanda: How was your nap?

 

Mantis: It was very nice thank you

 

Gamora: What are you guys doing?

 

Wanda: Suffering

 

Nebula: lol why?

 

Nat: Vision and Thor are having a Pokemon Marathon and Wanda was forced to join

 

Carol: lmaooo

 

Gamora: what's pokemon?

 

Wanda: It's a CHILDREN'S SHOW

 

Gamora: Im so sorry

 

Wanda: Come Save me!

 

Nebula: Sorry, we're like 17 jumps away from earth rn

 

Nat: Why don't you just leave?

 

Wanda: Because Vision was so excited about it

 

Carol: WHIPPED

 

Wanda: SAVE ME

 

Mantis: @Carol I have a question

 

Carol: ye

 

Mantis: Why are we the space girls if half of us are on earth?

 

Carol: because we're like the spice girls, but the space girls

 

Mantis: What are the spice girls?

 

Gamora: that girl group peter listens to

 

Mantis: ohhh

 

Mantis: I like them

 

Nat: lol our peter listens to them too

 

Mantis: Can we add your peter? i like him. He's nice

 

Nat: lol let's convert peter to the dark side

 

Carol Invited Peter

 

Carol: @Peter you wanna be a Space Girl?

 

Peter: what's a space girl?

 

Wanda: Like the spice girls only better because we sometimes go into space

 

Peter: HELL YEAH!

 

Peter: Shuri says she wants to be a Space Girl too

 

Peter Invited Shuri

 

Shuri: Did you know that if you took loki's face and put it on the mona lisa it would literally look the same?

 

Peter: Shuri Why?

 

Carol: lol a true masterpiece

 

Nat: I fell over laughing and Bruce looked at me like I'm insane

 

Wanda: Thats because you are

 

Shuri: You're welcome

 

Peter: Hi Shuri

 

Shuri: Hi Peter

 

Shuri: Im surprised Tony hasn't hacked this yet

 

Carol: He's probably to scared to

 

Nat: lololol

 

Nat: IM DYING

 

Gamora: Why?

 

Nat: Cap just texted me asking if I could hold down the fort tonight because he's got a date.

 

Nat: And I just fucking realized Cap is a 99 year old virgin some one save me Im dying of laughter

 

Carol: LOL SAVED

 

Carol: BUT DON'T SHOW STEVE!!!!!

 

Nat: I had to go into the other room because Bruce kept asking me what i was looking at

 

Nebula: lmao don't tell him

 

Carol: I just memed that

 

Carol: Literally making it my wallpaper rn

 

Nat: That's amazing

 

Peter: lol Mr. Stark just saw my phone and asked why he didn't get invited to be a space girl

 

Shuri: lol he is offensed

 

Peter: much offense

 

Nebula: lmmao

 

Gamora: @Nebula typo

 

Nebula: no

 

Gamora: wut?

 

Nebula: lmmao

 

Nebula: laughing my metal ass off

 

Gamora: ohhhh

 

Gamora: I get it now lol

 

Nat: lol self deprecation jokes

 

Wanda: FINALLY

 

Carol: WHAT

 

Wanda: ITS OVER

 

Wanda: IM FREE

 

Carol: RUN FAR RUN FAST

 

Nat: QUICKLY! BEFORE THEY ROPE YOU IN AGAIN

 

Wanda: IT WAS AWFUL

 

Carol: Did Thor at least enjoy it?

 

Wanda: OMG he got so into it

 

Wanda: The only thing that kept me sane was Thor screaming at the tv

 

Gamora: i love

 

Gamora: Well now Vision can watch it with Thor instead of you

 

Mantis: I just watched the first episode

 

Mantis: The little animals are so cute

 

Carol: lol Wanda run

 

Peter: AND I KEEP RUNNIN RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING!

 

Shuri: RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING!

 

Carol: RUNNING FROM MY HEART!

 

Wanda: WHAT IS LOVE?

 

Nat: BABY DON'T HURT ME!

 

Shuri: DON'T HURT ME! DON'T HURT ME!

 

Peter: NO MOOOORRRREEEE!

 

Shuri: screeeEEEE

 

Peter: reeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEE

 

Carol: SHOT THROUGH THE HEART

 

Wanda: AND YOURE TO BLAME

 

Gamora: HONEY YOU GIVE LOVE

 

Nebula: A BAD NAME!

 

Nat: lol what's wrong with us?

 

Shuri: Well

 

Shuri: Nobody's perfect

 

Shuri: Except Carol

 

Carol: 💖💖💖

 

Nat: Wanda How you feeling after like 10 hours of Pokemon?

 

Wanda: Like death

 

Carol: Honestly, Steve is like a fully evolved pokemon 😂

 

Nat: LMAOOO

 

Shuri: I LOVE THIS

 

Gamora: SO ACCURATE

 

Wanda: THIS GIVES ME LIFE

 

Tony: It's about to give you death after I show these to Steve :)

 

Gamora: ......

 

Nebula: We're safe in space right?

 

Shuri: Called it

 

Wanda: .......

 

Nat: .......

 

Carol: ..........

 

Carol: Fuck

 

 

Chapter Text

Nat Created a Server

Nat named the Server: Sheer Boredom 

Nat Invited  Everyone

 

Nat: I'm bored

 

Nat: Entertain me

 

Clint: You have a Cat

 

Clint: You Have a boyfriend

 

Clint: You have a whole ass Ninja girl squad

 

Clint: Go bother them

 

Nat: Why bother them, when I could bother you instead?

 

Wanda: Hi :)

 

Wanda: I'm bored too

 

Wanda: @Nat wanna do something?

 

Vision: I'm right here?

 

Nat: Whats there to do? It's raining.

 

Steve: If you're really that bored Natasha you can go run errands for us

 

Nat: Okay

 

Nat: Wanda wanna come?

 

Wanda: Sure

 

Wanda: what do y'all need?

 

Peter: A new notebook for school

 

Bucky: We're out of plumbs

 

Steve: I just bought some?

 

Bucky: Yes

 

Bucky: That was BEFORE Wilson ate them all

 

Sam: Get over it

 

Bucky: Those were MY plumbs

 

Wanda: I'll buy you more plumbs Bucky don't worry

 

Carol: Peanut butter

 

Carol: And bread

 

Bruce: Cat food

 

Tony: Coffee

 

Strange: Vegan Ice Cream

 

Tony: Gross

 

Strange: It's good

 

Vision: If it's ice cream? Then how is it vegan?

 

Strange: Magic

 

Steve: And whatever else you guys want I guess

 

Nat: got it

 

Nat: @Wanda GET IN LOSER WE'RE GOING SHOPPING!

 

Paprika: Coming

 

Clint: Natasha's driving?

 

Clint: RIP

 

Clint: Come on Sam! Time to plan a funeral

 

Sam: Why?

 

Clint: Have you seen Natasha drive

 

Clint: Plus it's raining which makes it even worse

 

Sam: RIP

 

Wanda: Natasha says "Tell Clint and Sam to Fuck off"

 

Clint: Classy

 

Wanda: she Also says to ask Loki if he needs more food for his cats

 

Steve: @Loki Do you need anything from the store? Specifically Cat food?

 

Loki: A New Brother

 

Wanda: Sorry, Can't get that at a Supermarket

 

Loki: Tell Natasha I don't require any cat food as i was a responsible parent and got it myself last week

 

Wanda: Natasha says "Get Out"

 

Clint: Are you guys still in the car?

 

Wanda: Yep

 

Clint: Has she crashed yet?

 

Wanda: Nope

 

Wanda: Don't worry. she's only going 80

 

Wanda: in a 65

 

Vision: NATASHA

 

Clint: I swear to God Natasha if you kill my kid....

 

Wanda: Okay we're here

 

Nat: Unscathed

 

Clint: Thank God

 

Sam: lol you guys should see vision 

 

Wanda: what

 

Wanda: tElL mE

 

Sam: He got so pissed at nat for speeding with you in the car

 

Sam: @Nat I hope you know a good lawyer

 

Vision: She could have been hurt!

 

Nat: But was she?

 

Wanda: lol vis I'm fine

 

Vision: Wanda I forbid you from ever getting in a vehicle with her again

 

Wanda: Them how am i supposed to get home?

 

Nat: lol

 

Nat: Walk

 

Vision: I'll fly over and come get you

 

Wanda: Awe thanks

 

Wanda: If it makes you feel better, I'll drive back

 

Nat: Okay Wanda help me find the cat food

 

Wanda: on it

 

Sam: Don't get lost

 

Bucky: Inevitable

 

Nat named the Server: Natasha and Wanda's Grocery Store Adventures

 

Wanda: @Nat Found the cat food. Where are you

 

Nat: Produce

 

Wanda: Where's that

 

Nat: Near the entrance

 

Wanda: ......

 

Wanda: Where's that?

 

Bucky: Told you

 

Bucky: @Nat did you get my plumbs?

 

Nat: Yes. I got enough for you and sam to SHARE

 

Bucky: Thank you

 

Wanda: Found Produce

 

Wanda: Still don't see you

 

Wanda: lol wait there you are

 

Nat: Off to find Peanut butter and Bread

 

Wanda: MUST AQUIRE FOR CAROL

 

Carol: Thank

 

Nat: Also @Peter we got your notebook

 

Wanda: It has puppies on it

 

Tony: lol

 

Nat: Blame Wanda

 

Peter: @Wanda I LOVE YOU

 

Wanda: I LOVE YOU TOO

 

Nat: Okay Peanut Butter and Bread have been acquired 

 

Carol: You're the best

 

Nat: I know

 

Strange: What about the Vegan Ice Cream?

 

Wanda: Yep. I Think all that's left is the coffee 

 

Nat: Yep. Anything else guys?

 

Peter: Can you get some more cereal before you go?

 

Thor: The Sugary kind with the Disney characters on it

 

Nat: Lol you and Disney

 

Wanda: wait a second

 

Wanda: Hold up

 

Clint: yes child?

 

Wanda: I lost Natasha

 

Bucky: Again?

 

Wanda: I looked down to respond and when I looked up she was gone

 

Wanda: The cart's gone too

 

Vision: Irresponsible 

 

Scott: The Mysterious Black Widow strikes again

 

Wanda: She probably went to get the cereal

 

Scott: Please get extra cereal. My Ants enjoy it very much

 

Tony: gross

 

Tony: we don't need more Ants in the house

 

Scott: :(

 

Wanda: HOLY SHITDJNKJJSHLSKHV

 

Clint: I think Wanda malfunctioned

 

Wanda: FUCKING HELL NATASHA!

 

Nat: LOLOLOLOLOLOL

 

Nat: I SHOULDN'T BE LAUGHING BUT I AM!

 

Peter: @Nat @Wanda What happened?

 

Wanda: NATASHA LEFT ME TO GET THE CEREAL AND CHECK OUT AND THE PROCEEDED TO THINK IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO COME UP BEHIND ME AND SCARE ME!

 

Steve: .......dare I ask what happened next?

 

Wanda: I accidentally threw her into a Mac 'N Cheese display

 

Nat: It was righteous 

 

Wanda: IN MY DEFENSE IT WAS SELF DEFENSE!

 

Wanda: I WAS ATTACKED!

 

Nat: Long story short we got kicked out of the store

 

Carol: Did you at least get your items

 

Wanda: That's about the only successful part of this trip

 

Nat: Don't worry carol we got everything since it was already paid for

 

Bucky: Good. Because I was having withdrawal

 

Loki: From plumbs?

 

Bucky: THEY'RE VERY ADDICTING LOKI LET ME LIVVVVE!

 

Loki: No

 

Steve: You two can't go anywhere unsupervised

 

Carol: I'll go with them next time

 

Steve: You'll only make it worse

 

Wanda: We're leaving the store now

 

Wanda: You're welcome by the way

 

Clint: For what? Getting us banned from shoprite?

 

Wanda: Natasha says "Fuck you"

 

Clint: Clint says don't die

 

Nat: Don't ruffle your feathers Clint, Wanda's driving

 

Clint: For some reason that scares me even more

 

Nat: lol we're almost home

 

Steve: Please make it back in one piece

 

Tony: Yes, I don't want to spend the night making extra body parts for you to because pf your idiocy

 

Nat: LIFE IS A HIGHWAY

 

Nat: IM GONNA DRIVE IT

 

Peter: ALL NIGHT LOOONNNGGG!

 

Nat: THEY SEE ME ROLLIN'

 

Peter: THEY HATING

 

Shuri: PATROLLIN' AND TRYIN' TO CATCH ME RIDING DIRTY!

 

Peter: Hi Shuri :)

 

Shuri: What up Peter? :)

 

Peter: Nat and Wanda got kicked out of Shoprite

 

Shuri: Doesn't surprise me

 

Peter: But they got me a puppy note book

 

Shuri: BLESS

 

Nat: We're back

 

Wanda: @Clint Did you miss me?

 

Clint: Wanda?

 

Wanda: Yes?

 

Clint: You're grounded

 

Wanda: 8>0

 

Wanda: what about Nat? She started it!

 

Nat: IT WAS UNINTENTIONAL

 

Steve: Natasha you're also grounded

 

Scott: RIP

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Peter created a server

Peter named the server: The Super Secret Secret Solvers

Peter Invited Everyone


Wanda: Peter what is this?

 

Peter: Today we are not the Avengers

 

Steve: ???

 

Steve: Tony? Translate? I don't understand your science son

 

Peter: TODAY WE ARE DETECTIVES

 

Shuri: What are we detecting?!

 

Peter: Loki is hiding something

 

Peter: MUST DETECT

 

Loki: @Peter MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS

 

Tony: I smell trouble

 

Nat: I smell tea

 

Wanda: Quick! Get the popcorn!

 

Clint: Munch Munch

 

Peter: Who wants to help me detect his secret?

 

Shuri: ME

 

Thor: ME

 

Peter: YAY

 

Peter: SUPER SECRET SECRET SOLVERS

 

Shuri: SSSS UNITE

 

Sam: Why do I get the feeling that this isn't gonna end well?

 

Bucky: Should we join them or relish in their failure?

 

Sam: ......

 

Sam: Wanda pass the popcorn

 

Thor: LOKI

 

Loki: WHAT

 

Thor: I DEMAND YOU TELL US WHAT MISCHIEF YOU ARE PLOTTING SO I CAN THWART IT!

 

Loki: I REFUSE!

 

T'Challa: I have extra forces if you need them

 

Shuri: Brother! Join our Detective team!

 

Shuri: Then we'll have MAXIMUM STEALTH!

 

T'Challa: I'm to old for this

 

Shuri: Oh yes, you've totally got one foot in the grave at 32

 

Peter: lol omg Shuri I love you

 

Shuri: @Peter #bestfriendsquad

 

Steve: Loki, whatever you're planning, does it involve explosives?

 

Loki: No

 

Carol: Death?

 

Loki: No

 

Tony: Will it destroy the compound in any way?

 

Loki: .........

 

Loki: Yes

 

Steve: LOKI

 

Thor: BROTHER YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO COME OUT OF YOUR ROOM AND HAND YOURSELF OVER BEFORE I BREAK DOWN THE DOOR AND STOP YOU MYSELF

 

Loki: LEAVE ME BE!

 

Loki: I'LL NEVER SURRENDER TO THE LIKES OF YOU

 

Clint Please no more mind control

 

Loki: No

 

Clint: Okay thank god

 

Carol: Sips tea

 

Peter: I'm going to go INVESTIGATE

 

Shuri: Wait for ME!

 

Peter: hUrRy

 

Tony: @Shuri Aren't you in Wakanda?

 

Vision: No Mr.Stark. She came over for the afternoon

 

Shuri: Nakia is visiting family so we came to New York to cover for her. My brother gave me the day off, he's running the New York Facility today so I could hang out with Peter.

 

Steve: You wouldn't know because you and Banner have been holed up in the lab for the past two days

 

Strange: Such Anti-Social Beings

 

Tony: @Strange Says you

 

Peter: @Shuri you go right, I'll go left

 

Shuri: much sneak

 

Loki: You know I can see the chat right?

 

Scott: Hush Loki, Let the children have their fun

 

Loki: rolls eyes into the next realm

 

Thor: Are you two in position?

 

Peter: 👍🏻

 

Shuri:👌🏾

 

Nat: Shit's about to go down

 

Tony: Steve, Natasha said a bad language word

 

Steve: LET IT GO

 

Shuri: CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE

 

Thor: My hammer is ready. I'm going in

 

Loki: Surely you're not serious

 

Bucky: I'm watching him right now Loki, he's standing outside your door with Peter and Shuri

 

Sam: Hammer's at the ready

 

Vision Might I suggest running?

 

Wanda: lol Vis

 

Vision: 🙃

 

Loki: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I'LL TELL YOU!

 

Loki: IT'S NOTING BAD I PROMISE!

 

Tony: Then why were you hiding?

 

Loki: Because it was supposed to be a...how do you call it...Spontaneous Surprise

 

Peter: I'm not buying it

 

Wanda: HOLY SHIT PETER JUST KICKED THE FUCKING DOOR IN!

 

Thor: Quick Man of Spiders! Go in and stop him! I'll block his escape!

 

Nat: THAT'S MY BOY!

 

Clint: Natasha=Proud Spider Mom

 

Shuri: Omg

 

Peter: ITS A PUPPY

 

Thor: WHAT?! WHERE?!

 

Steve: I SWEAR TO GOD

 

Steve: LOKI WHY DO YOU HAVE A PUPPY?!

 

Steve: I THOUGHT I MADE IT VERY CLEAR! NO. MORE. PETS!

 

Carol: lol this is too good

 

Wanda: shoves popcorn into mouth

 

Vision: Don't choke please

 

Wanda: appreciates vision for being a soft protective boyfriend

 

Loki: Thor keeps trying to steal my cats. So I got him a dog to make him stop

 

Thor: YOU GOT ME A DOG?

 

Loki: Yes?

 

Thor: I ALWAYS KNEW YOU LOVED ME BROTHER!

 

Loki: I DIDN'T DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I DID IT BECAUSE I LOVE MY CATS!

 

Loki: HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME THIS WAY?!

 

Tony: Proof that Loki has a heart

 

Peter: Loki may seem like a villain, but deep down he's secretly a softie

 

Shuri: Yes yes. That's why he hangs out with Thor, Scott and Vision

 

Bruce: What type of Dog

 

Loki: A Golden Retriever they call it

 

Bruce: DOG!

 

Nat: BABY!

 

Wanda: What's it's name?

 

Thor: I SHALL CALL HIM MELVIN AND HE SHALL BE MINE

 

Loki: Now that Thor has a dog, can we kick him out of the cat crew?

 

Vision: No

 

Vision: He has duel Membership

 

Bruce: @Thor I like dogs. You have a dog.

 

Thor: I think I see where this is going...

 

Thor: Dog Squad?

 

Bruce: Dog Squad.

 

Peter: This concludes the Super Secret Secret Solvers's first official mission

 

Shuri: lol Good work team

 

Peter: You know what this calls for?

 

Shuri: Celebratory Ice Cream?

 

Peter: And Sandwiches?

 

Shuri: YES

 

Peter: YOU READ MY MIND

 

Shuri: Vine compilations after

 

Peter: Only if it's quality content

 

Shuri: Only the dankest memes for you peter

 

Wanda: #friendshipgoals

 

Shuri: LETS GO GET ICE CREAM

 

Peter: AND SANDWICHES

 

Thor: Can I come?

 

Peter: Only if pupper joins us

 

Thor: MELVIN MY SON, WE'RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!

 

Peter: ULTIMATE BEST FRIENDS

 

Nat: lol Thor has reverted into an excitable child

 

Steve: Loki what have you done?

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Thor Created a Server

Thor Named the Server: LOKI!!!!

Thor invited Everyone

 

Thor: LOKI!!!

 

Loki: Yes brother?

 

Thor: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!

 

Loki: 🙃🙃🙃

 

Thor: DO NOT MOCK ME BROTHER

 

Nat: lol Loki what did you do?

 

Thor: HE CONVINCED STEVE AND VISION TO HIDE MY HAMMER AND MY CAPE IN DIFFERENT PLACES!

 

Thor: IT TOOK ME HOURS TO FINALLY FIND THEM!

 

Steve: Thor, chill it was joke

 

Thor: I DID NOT FIND IT FUNNY

 

Vision: I Did

 

Thor: THIS MEANS WAR BROTHER!

 

Nat: @Thor Don't worry I'll help you get him back

 

 

IN A PRIVATE CHAT WITH NATASHA, WANDA, AND CAROL

 

Natasha: Help me get them back

 

Natasha: They really upset Thor

 

Carol: I know, I feel bad

 

Wanda: I'm actually kinda mad at Vis for it. Thor is like a puppy. You can't do stuff like that to him

 

Carol: So what do we do?

 

Natasha: idk but it has to be something good

 

Wanda: I have an idea....

 

 

 

BACK IN THE DISCORD SERVER

 

Tony: @Vision Proud dad

 

Clint: I have a feeling that Vision is going through the Rebellious Teenage Stage

 

Thor: @Loki @Vision  You two are banned from the Cat Crew

 

Sam: RIIIIIIIP

 

Bucky: Dude, the look on Thor's face right now is priceless

 

Sam: lol he's texting so aggressively, I can't

 

Thor: DO NOT MOCK ME YOU SMALL HUMANS

 

Peter: Uncle Thor are you okay?

 

Scott: Loki, Vision, and Steve were being mean to him

 

Steve: IT WAS A JOKE

 

Clint: They hid his hammer

 

Peter: Don't take other people's things with out asking. That's mean

 

Thor: @Peter Thank you Tiny human. I appreciate you

 

Peter: I appreciate you too

 

Thor: 😊

 

Peter: 😊

 

Nat: @Peter We've raised you well

 

Clint: @Loki Natasha has returned,  you'd better run

 

Loki: I am a God, I do not fear the spy

 

Wanda: Vis?

 

Vision: Yes?

 

Wanda: I have bad news

 

Vision: What is it?

 

Wanda: Muffin's missing

 

Vision: ........

 

Vision: .................

 

Vision: .......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Clint: Vision .exe has stopped working

 

Peter: Mr. Stark, I think Vision is malfunctioning

 

Tony: ???

 

Tony: What's he doing?

 

Peter: He's just standing there staring at his phone.

 

Peter: He's not moving

 

Peter: He's not even blinking

 

Tony: @Peter Give it a minute

 

Vision: HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!

 

Wanda: Idk, I went into our room and she wasn't there

 

Nat: Muffin is MISSING?

 

Nat: HOW?

 

Wanda: I don't know, but I guess the door got left open and she snuck out.

 

Vision: DON'T WORRY! I WILL FIND HER!

 

Wanda: Okay

 

 

IN A PRIVATE CHAT WITH NATASHA, WANDA, AND CAROL

 

Wanda: lol 

 

Wanda: guys he bought it

 

Carol: The Space girls strike again

 

Paprika: He'll be searching for hours

 

Wanda: I can't

 

Natasha: And I'm literally in Cat Heaven right now omg

 

Carol: Time to get Loki

 

 

 

BACK IN THE DISCORD SERVER

 

Loki: HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?!

 

Loki: MY DOOR WAS CLOSED!

 

Loki: I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

 

Steve: What happened?

 

Loki: ANSEL AND HARALD HAVE GONE MISSING AS WELL!

 

Loki: WHO TOOK MY SONS?!

 

Carol: Nobody?

 

Vision: I still haven't located Muffin either

 

Loki: I swear whoever took my sons shall feel the wrath of Loki!

 

Steve: I'll help you look

 

 

IN A PRIVATE CHAT WITH NATASHA, WANDA, AND CAROL

 

Natasha: I'm surrounded by cats

 

Natasha: How can we make this last all day? I'm in heaven

 

Wanda: lol

 

Carol: I just got Steve

 

Natasha: Now we wait

 

 

BACK IN THE DISCORD

 

Steve: @Loki @Vision The door to my room is open, maybe they ran in there

 

Steve: I'm going to check

 

Vision: Please do

 

Vision: I've searched half the compound

 

Steve: ..........

 

Vision: What is it?

 

Loki: Did you find them?

 

Steve: CAROL!!!!!!!!!

 

Carol: How may I be of assistance?

 

Steve: WHY?!!

 

Sam: lol what did she do?

 

Carol: 😉🙃😁

 

Steve: She spray-painted FUCK YOU, LOVE CAROL on my shield!

 

Steve: IN BLACK SPRAY-PAINT

 

Tony: lololol

 

Clint: That's Amazing

 

Carol: bows dramatically

 

Loki: The cats have yet to be located

 

Vision: I'll keep searching. We'll find them

 

Loki: What if they ran outside?!

 

Bruce: You mean your guy's cats?

 

Loki: YES! MY SONS ARE MISSING!

 

Vision: So is muffin

 

Bruce: They're with Natasha and Sasha

 

Vision: ?

 

Bruce: Yeah, I walked into our room and she was cuddling with all four of them on the bed

 

Loki: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!

 

Nat: 🙃

 

Carol: 🙃🙃

 

Wanda: 🙃🙃🙃

 

Vision: Wanda, why did you tell me muffin was missing?

 

Wanda: @Vision idk, why did you take Thor's hammer?

 

Vision: ......

 

Vision: Lesson Learned

 

Loki: NATASHA I WILL DESTROY  YOU FOR THIS!

 

Nat: I'm not too worried

 

Clint: No wonder the girls were so quiet

 

Scott: Yeah, I was like "Where did they go?"

 

Thor: HAHA! KARMA HAS STRUCK IT'S FATAL BLOW BROTHER!

 

Nat: @Thor I told you I'd help you get them back

 

Thor: Thank you my good lady

 

Thor: Your assistance is much appreciated

 

Nat: @Wanda @Carol Good work ladies

 

Tony: As entertaining as this whole thing has been, I'm hungry

 

Tony: Who wants shawarma? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

 

Peter created a server

Peter named the Server: Hey Everyone

Peter invited Everyone

 

Peter: Hi hi

 

Tony: Peter where are you right now?

 

Peter: Dr. Strange and Clint took me and Wanda out for ice cream

 

Peter: Didn't I tell you?

 

Tony: no, you failed to mention it

 

Steve: Or maybe you just failed to hear it Tony

 

Tony: @Steve Cap it Cap

 

Peter: Oh yeah, and Thor came with us too

 

Peter: He brought Melvin

 

Clint: The kids needed a break

 

Clint: Sorry, I thought peter told you

 

Peter: I got strawberry swirl

 

Peter: It's really good

 

Steve: Which place did you go to

 

Clint: The new Vegan Ice cream place down the road

 

Tony: You're eating vegan Ice cream?

 

Tony: It's not real ice cream then

 

Clint: It's actually pretty good

 

Strange: Tony it all tastes the same, give it a rest

 

Wanda: He's not lying, It's the best ice cream I've ever had!

 

Thor: MELVIN HAS ICE CREAM ON HIS NOSE

 

Nat: Awweee So cute

 

Nat: Also

 

Nat: @Clint 1. Why wasn't I invited? and 2. Why would you willingly give Thor and Peter sugar?

 

Clint: 1. Because you weren't

 

Clint: 2. Because it's hot and peter wanted ice cream

 

Tony: You know what happens when you give peter sugar

 

Clint: @Tony Yeah, but you can't say no to that face

 

Strange: We'll just walk around for a while until the sugar wears off

 

Thor: Melvin needs a walk anyway

 

Loki: I am cuddling with my sons and you all are disturbing me

 

Peter: Kitties!

 

Peter: Harald taking a nap is wholesome. He's so cute when he sleeps

 

Loki: My Sons are the best

 

Vision: My cat is obviously superior

 

Wanda: Lil' baby 💖💖💖

 

Nat: Muffin is adorable 

 

Vision: I rest my case

 

Wanda: lol Peter don't eat so fast, you'll get a brain freeze

 

Peter: BUT IT'S SO GOOD!

 

Peter: IT'S VANILLA AND STRAWBERRIES! MUST CONSUME!

 

Carol: That sounds really good

 

Carol: @Wanda What did you get?

 

Wanda: It's cinnamon crunch

 

Wanda: The most glorious thing I have ever tasted in my life

 

Carol: Ice cream is good for the soul

 

Peter: A wholesome meal indeed

 

Tony: We all know that chocolate is the best flavor

 

Steve: That's a lie

 

Steve: It's vanilla

 

Tony: ........

 

Steve: .........

 

Carol: lol

 

Nat: My cat is being adorable

 

Wanda: aww

 

Peter: BABY CAT

 

Vision: I have something even more adorable

 

Carol: Not Possible

 

Vision: <Inserts Wanda Here>

 

Wanda: hides

 

Nat: THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!

 

Carol: I stand corrected

 

Wanda: lol, we just left the ice cream place and Thor and Peter are skipping down the side walk with Melvin like maniacs 

 

Peter: wAndA

 

Peter: Come join our fun!

 

Clint: DON'T TEXT AND SKIP AT THE SAME TIME!

 

Strange: You're going to fall

 

Scott: Such wholesome parents 

 

Clint: Wanda joined in

 

Clint: They're skipping through the park singing "We Didn't Start the Fire"

 

Strange: What bunch of five year olds

 

Steve: kids will be kids

 

Wanda: we aRe NoT cHiLdReN

 

Peter: i aM a sPiDeR-MAN

 

Thor: yOu aRe A sPiDeYbOi

 

Clint: PETER GET OFF THE FOUNTAIN!

 

Tony: lol, ten bucks says he'll fall in

 

Strange: Well, he didn't fall in

 

Wanda: But he did fall off

 

Peter: MMM WHATCHA SAY

 

Thor: What else is there to do in New York?

 

Peter: Me and Shuri normally go for sandwiches whenever we hang out

 

Wanda: we just had ice cream tho

 

Peter: I think there's some sort of carnival nearby, like a block from here

 

Wanda: WE SHOULD GO THERE

 

Thor: I AGREE

 

Peter: DADS LET'S GO TO THE CARNIVAL!

 

Wanda: WE'LL BE GOOD I PROMISE!

 

Clint: .......

 

Nat: lol, regretting your decision there?

 

Bruce: @Birb @Strange Don't worry, next time Nat and I'll take 'em

 

Nat: @Bruce Don't rope me into this

 

Strange: We might as well, they can burn off their sugar highs

 

Peter: YAY

 

Peter: IM GONNA RIDE ALL THE RIDES

 

Wanda: AND PLAY ALL THE GAMES

 

Thor: AND WIN ALL THE PRIZES

 

Sam: This is such a wholesome conversation

 

Bucky: I for one am glad they're gone. It's much quieter 

 

Sam: Agreed

 

Bucky: Wait...

 

Bucky: @Sam Did we just agree on something?

 

Sam: I believe we did

 

Scott: Yay Progress!

 

Wanda: WE'RE HEEEERRREEEEE

 

Wanda: Peter Come with me on the ferris wheel!

 

Thor: I'm going to walk around with Melvin

 

Clint: @Strange what do we do?

 

Strange: Lurk

 

Clint: okay, I can do that

 

Wanda: RIP

 

Wanda: Line's too long

 

Peter: Thor where you at?

 

Thor: one of the ring toss games

 

Wanda: I see you!

 

Wanda: @Thor Move over loser, I wanna play!

 

Peter: lol, Wanda's using her powers to win a giant stuffed cat

 

Wanda: Peter don't expose me

 

Thor: yOu'Ve bEeN eXpOsEd

 

Wanda: Got it tho

 

Wanda: Giant cat is acquired 

 

Tony: Good work

 

Steve: @Tony Don't encourage it

 

Tony: Well you know what they say capsicle, If you can't win fair, cheat

 

Steve: No one says that Tony

 

Bruce: Apparently Tony does

 

Clint: @Wanda @Peter @Thor Where are you three?

 

Wanda: Peter found a cotton candy stand

 

Thor: THIS FLUFFY MIDDGARDIAN SUBSTANCE IS NOW MY NEW FAVORITE FOOD!

 

Carol: lol you kids have fun

 

Nat: @Clint Just when you thought it was over :)

 

Clint: ......

 

Strange: ......

 

Strange: Clint?

 

Clint: Strange?

 

Strange: Never taking the kids for ice cream again

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Thor Created a Server
Thor Named the Server: Cat Crew
Thor Invited Vision, Loki

Thor: GUYS GUYS GUYS

 

Vision: Yes?

 

Loki: You don't have to shout.

 

Thor: IVE JUST HAD THE BEST IDEA

 

Vision: Do tell

 

Thor: WE SHOULD GET CAT CREW SWEATERS

 

Loki: NO

 

Loki: ABSOLUTELY NOT

 

Loki: IDEA REJECTED!

 

Vision: I'm indifferent

 

Thor: HA HA THAT'S TWO TO ONE!

 

Vision: Majority wins

 

Loki: I hate these middgardian rules

 

Thor: YAY SWEATERS!

 

Tony: lol you guys have a Server too?

 

Vision: Hello Mr. Stark

 

Thor: Welcome Stark

 

Loki: Get out

 

Tony: Wow. So much nicer than the others.

 

Thor: Stark help me convince Loki to let me get him a cat crew sweater. Vision already agreed but my brother is being stubborn about it.

 

Tony: Loki

 

Tony: In a club sweater

 

Tony: Now this I must see.

 

Thor: SEE BROTHER! EVEN STARK AGREES!

 

Tony: I think it's a great idea. In fact we should add the others to help you design it.

 

Thor: Yes Yes!

 

Tony Invited Everyone

 

Bruce: What is this?

 

Nat: I'm so confused

 

Sam: ?

 

Wanda: Hi Vis❤️

 

Vision: Hello Wanda❤️

 

Bruce: @Nat how come you're never that happy to see me Natasha?

 

Nat: what are you talking about? I'm always happy to see you. I'm just awful at expressing any sort of emotion ever

 

Strange: Why do I keep getting added to these random chats?

 

T'Challa: you and me both

 

Peter: Hey Everyone

 

Thor: Ah good! Spider child is here. Peter help me design a sweater for Loki.

 

Nat: Did I read that right?

 

Steve: A sweater? For Loki?

 

Thor: Yes! We're making Cat crew sweaters.

 

Wanda: OMG THATS ADORABLE

 

Carol: make Loki's pink

 

Nat: lol yes

 

Nat: It'll bring out the green in his eyes

 

Loki: You're an evil women Carol Danvers

 

Carol: What can I say?🙃

 

Clint: lol

 

Clint: put a pun on it too

 

Peter: Ooh Ooh I got one!

 

Tony: Hit me

 

Peter: Keep It LOKI

 

Tony: Yes

 

Scott: lol just read this, that's perfect

 

Wanda: you should definitely do that

 

Loki: .......

 

Loki: I hate you all

 

Peter: Even me?

 

Loki: No

 

Thor: LOKI IM GETTING YOU A SWEATER AND THAT IS FINAL!!!

 

Loki: NO!

 

Vision: Too late. They've just been ordered.

 

Loki: I can't even....

 

Loki: This is so humiliating

 

Wanda: Lol @Thor What did you get for Vision

 

Wanda: dare I ask

 

Thor: It says "Property of Wanda" on it

 

Wanda: A true work of art

 

Vision: Yes you are

 

Wanda: hides

 

Thor: Now onto more pressing matters

 

Loki: Which are?

 

Thor: What Film are we watching tonight.

 

Thor: My vote is on Hercules

 

Vision: We watched that last week

 

Thor: It's a good movie

 

Visio: So's the Lion King

 

Thor: Hercules is history of the Gods

 

Vision: The Lion King is Shakespeare with cats

 

Thor: Hercules is more epic

 

Vision: Lion King has the better plot

 

Thor: Says who?

 

Vision: Says me

 

Nat: lol

 

Nat: You guys and your Disney

 

Loki: Disney is wholesome, don't judge

 

Bucky: Never thought I'd hear that from Loki

 

Thor: Hercules

 

Vision: Lion King

 

Thor: Hercules!

 

Vision: Lion King!

 

Thor: HERCULES

 

Vision: LION KING

 

Loki: ENOUGH!

 

Loki: YOU HAVE TORTURED ME ENOUGH TODAY

 

Loki: It's my turn to pick the movie tonight and I say we are watching the Aristocats because we've seen Hercules and The Lion King at least 10,000 times

 

Thor: ......

 

Vision: .......

 

Tony: lol Thor and Vision have been told.

 

Vision: I'll start the TV

 

Thor: I'll get the snacks

 

Loki: I'll get the cats

 

Wanda: lol, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em

 

Vision: You are always welcome to join us Wanda.

 

Wanda: That's not what I was saying.....

 

Wanda: but I'm down

 

Vision: 😊

 

Tony: Well, my work here is done

 

Tony: Another Day, Another Server hacked

 

Loki: @Tony

 

Loki: Piss off

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Carol Created a Server

Carol Named the Server: Space Girls Reunion

Carol Invited Gamora, Nebula, Mantis, Wanda, Nat, Shuri, Peter

 

Carol: @Gamora are you guys here yet?

Camora: 15 min away :)

Wanda: I'm so excited to see you guys!

Nat: Thor's been so excited about seeing Groot and Rocket again.

Carol: lol he can't contain himself

Gamora: lol

Gamora: gotta be sure to thank Stark for letting us crash at the compound

Wanda: We need to have a girl's night while you're here

Peter: Since I'm a Space Girl, can I get in on this?

Nat: of course

Nebula: does this mean we have to watch a pg rated movie

Nat: Fuck no

Nat: we just don't tell Tony

Peter: @Shuri Are you still in New York?

Shuri: Yes

Peter: What are the chances you can convince T'Challa to let you leave the facility and come hang?

Shuri: 0 to none

Peter: What are the chances that you're going to ignore that and come hang anyway?

Shuri: 101%

Peter: see you soon!

Mantis: hi peter

Peter: hi mantis

Carol: you guardians need to hurry up and save me

Carol: The capsicle is being an annoying piece of shit

Nebula: well you know....

Nebula: we did form to terrorize universal forces of evil

Carol: 🙃

Shuri: I smell mischief

Mantis: we're here!!!

Carol: coming to greet you guys now!

Peter: @Shuri when are you coming over?

Shuri: idk when do you want me over?

Peter: how long does it take you to get here?

Shuri: Like 10 minutes

Peter: Then I'll see you in 10

Shuri: 👌🏾

Carol: SOS

Carol: Cap's still being a jerk to me

Gamora: I noticed that. Why?

Carol: He's pissed that I let thor eat the last of his pasta🙄

Wanda: that's what it was?

Wanda: lol vision just asked me why I'm texting you all if we're all in the same room together

Gamora: "Because we're plotting world domination." - Wanda 2019

Nebula: The look on his face was priceless

Mantis: who's at the door?

Peter: Probably Shuri

Shuri: Steve sounds very protective of his pasta.

Nat: I don't blame him. Wanda's Mac 'N Cheese is bomb.

Wanda: Aww Thanks Nat❤️

Nat: You're welcome love💖

Nebula: Vision better watch out, Natasha's coming for his girl

Wanda: lmao

Wanda: Vision would like to ask Natasha to kindly back the fuck up

Nat: lol it's okay. I only want you for your Mac 'N Cheese

Wanda: gee thanks

Mantis: I must try this Mac 'N Cheese.

Nebula: though I do love a good bowl of Mac 'N Cheese. Gamora's Bacon Ravioli is far superior to any kind of pasta

Gamora: 💙

Gamora: Nebula is my favorite sister

Nebula: I am your only sister

Carol: My dudes, I love you both, but Spaghetti and meatballs is always the way to go

Gamora: @Carol you can spagooter your way out of this chatroom

Carol: @Gamora I made this chatroom?

Gamora: 😂

Carol: 😂

Carol: anyway, back to the task at hand

Nat: Which is?

Carol: A counter attack to Steve's jerkiness

Peter: orrrrr.....

Peter: We could have some fun and just prank EVERYONE

Nat: EXEPT THOR

Wanda: yes yes. You know what happened last time

Wanda: besides, he's having fun with Groot. Let's not ruin their night.

Mantis: What happened the last time?

Nat: Loki, Steve, And Vision stole his cape and his hammer and hid them. It took him hours to find them

Wanda: he was so upset 😢

Gamora: We should DEFINITELY Prank the boys then

Nebula: I sincerely hope that revenge was taken on them for hurting that soft man

Wanda: don't worry

Wanda: Natasha hid with their cats and we pretended they were missing

Nebula: good

Nebula: so what's our play?

Shuri: Never fear, for Shuri is here!

Peter: Listen to Captain Shuri!

Shuri: Thank you Co-Captain

Shuri: I propose we play personalized pranks on each one, or on groups of them

Carol: I like the way you think princess

Gamora: lol, we could get Rocket to steal Bucky's arm

Nebula: And Switch Quill's tape with heavy metal

Gamora: YES!

Carol: I can vandalize cap's sheild again

Wanda: lol no you already did that

Nat: WAIT WAIT WAIT

Nat: Carol, please turn the star on his uniform into a pentagram

Carol: lmao will do

Peter: @Shuri Help me lock Bruce and Tony in the lab?

Shuri: Wouldn't miss it

Nat: We can switch Clint and Sam's costumes 🤣

Carol: That leaves Loki And Vision

Gamora: do we have to prank Vision? He's such a bean. I feel bad

Wanda: .....

Gamora: ......

Nat: ..........

Wanda: Vision is also excused

Nebula: WHIPPED

Wanda: last time I pranked him he deprived me of cuddles for a week.

Nat: lol

Wanda: I barely survived

Mantis: What if we hid Loki's helmet?

Nebula: good thinking mantis

Peter: lol they're gonna hate us

Shuri: but it's so worth it

Nat: too bad Scott's not here

Carol: yeah, that would have been fun

Carol: Remind me to recruit Hope to the space girls

Wanda: Lets go girls

Wanda: And Peter

Nat: And then Wanda's Mac 'N Cheese after

 

 

IN ANOTHER CHAT

Carol created a Server

Carol Named the Server: BOW DOWN B*TCHES

Carol Invited Everyone

Carol Invited Gamora

Carol Invited Mantis

Carol Invited Quill

 

Clint: Why does Sam have my stuff?

Sam: Clint give me back my wings

Clint: Give me back my bow

Sam: Okay

Clint: Okay

Quill: whoever is responsible for giving me a headache I will find you

Gamora: Love you❤️

Quill: ........

Steve: CAROL!!!!!

Carol: 😊

Bruce: What did she do?

Steve: She spray painted the star on my uniform into a pentagram. The little shit

Tony: LANGUAGE

Bruce: I've got a solution for that hang on

Shuri: wait for it.....

Peter: 😉😉😉

Bruce: PETER! SHURI!

Tony: What's wrong?

Bruce: The darn kids hacked into FRIDAY's system and locked us in

Tony: Peter you're grounded.

Tony: No cartoons for a week

Peter: I'm cry 🥺 

Tony: Fine, No cartoons for a day

Loki: YOU MEWLING QWIMS!!!!

Loki: WHICH ONE OF YOU STOLE MY HELMET!

Bucky: My arm's off

Bucky: Get the rat to give it back

Mantis: he says no

Steve: I'll get it for you

Bucky: thanks bro

Steve: You're welcome bud

Nat: BROMANCE

Carol: well ladies

Carol: our work here is done

Wanda: Pasta?

Nat: Pasta.

 

Chapter Text

Tony Created a Server

Tony Named the Server: Please tell me Peter and Shuri aren't dead

Tony invited Everyone



Wanda: They're not dead

Peter: I'm not dead

Carol: Tony, this is like the third server in thirty minutes

Carol: STAHP!

T'Challa: Yes, how are the children?

Carol: Currently watching a movie with Loki

Carol: They've introduced him to Harry Potter

Peter: @Tony We being good bois

Shuri: Yes, don't worry brother. I haven't caused any explosions

Shuri: Yet.

T'Challa: 👀

Shuri: 👀

Wanda: Go back to watching your movie

Peter: It finished

Loki: I quite enjoyed that actually

Peter: SEE?

Shuri: THEY ARE GOOD MOVIES

Nat: I hope you kids are behaving yourselves while we're gone

Peter: We haven't gotten into too much trouble

Vision: @Tony @T'Challa Don't worry, I have provided them with all the necessary requirements for keeping a child occupied

Tony: At least there's one responsible one in the house

Tony: And don't forget we have Strange as back up

Strange: They haven't called me yet so I assume they're doing a fine job tony

Peter: @Vision wE aRe nOt cHiLdReN

Vision: I brought coloring books

Shuri: ...!

Peter: ....

Shuri: wE aRe cHiLdReN

Wanda: Im dying

Wanda: Vision got them Avengers coloring books

Sam: This is going to end very badly

Tony: I take back what I said

Tony: There are no responsible people in the house

Nat: All the adults have left

Steve: Seriously? Do we need a baby sitter for all of you?

Clint: Probably

Bruce: It seems we can't leave the house for five minutes without something going wrong

Thor: Relax my friends. I'm sure they will be just fine while we're gone. They're under my brother's supervision as well.

Nat: @Thor Think about what you just said

Clint: Oh God, That's even worse

Tony: Barton you hid your arrows right?

Clint: @Tony of course I did

Peter: UNCLE LOKI COME COLOR WITH US

Shuri: ITS FUN

Loki: As much as I would love to vandalize the others with you, my sons are in need of attention

Peter: Rip

Shuri: I love your sons

Thor: HE LETS YOU PLAY WITH HIS CATS TOO?

God of Thunder: BROTHER WHY DO YOU NEVER LET ME PLAY WITH YOUR CATS?

Loki: BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF THEIR PRESENCE

Loki: Besides, you have a dog

Thor: This is true

Thor: But how do I become worthy?

Loki: Only my sons decide who is worthy of their presence

Peter: yes yes

Shuri: My brother won't let me get a cat

T'Challa: Shuri you don't need a cat

Vision: Everyone needs a cat

Shuri: peter stop taking all the blue crayons

Peter: I'm not

Shuri: Yes you are, they're ll in a pile right next to you

Shuri: I need the dank blue

Peter: It's too dank for your clutches

Shuri: Give me the dank peter

Peter: no

Shuri: I WILL BLAST YOU

Peter: I WILL WEB YOU

Tony: YOU BREAK ONE THING IN THAT COMPOUND AND I WILL END YOU

Bucky: Hey no fighting.

Sam: We all have to be nice to each other

Peter: You insult Bucky all the time?

Shuri: Bucky throws things at Sam?

Bucky: .....

Sam: We're adults. We don't count

Nat: Have the children eaten yet?

Carol: Wanda and I are making them Mac 'N Cheese

Peter: claps hands excitedly

Nat: .....

Nat: @Wanda YOU'RE MAKING MAC 'N CHEESE WITHOUT ME?

Wanda: The kids wanted noodles

Shuri: careful chirren that's a lot of sodium

Peter: lol

Steve: What did we say about excessive memeing?

Shuri: 👀

T'Challa: I'm just glad I don't have to deal with Shuri this week

T'Challa: it's always a relief when she comes to stay with you

Shuri: FUCK YOU

Peter: FUCK YOU VERY VERY MUCH!

Shuri: CAUSE WE HATE WHAT YOU DO

Peter: AND WE HATE YOUR WHOLE CREW

Shuri: SO PLEASE DON'T KEEP IN TOUCH!

Steve: PETER!

T'Challa: SHURI!

Carol: lol I'm loving this. They're running around the foyer screaming the lyrics

Carol: We've taught them well

Nat: shakes head

Bruce: is slightly disappointed

Clint: is slightly proud at the same time

Wanda: @Shuri @Peter Your Mac 'N Cheese is done. Get in here!

Peter: Okay we're coming

Wanda: @everyone Dinner is served, get your asses in here

Steve: Language

Scott: What have I just walked into?

Bruce: The OGs are out and about right now so well left the others to babysit the kids

Steve: Why didn't we just call Scott? He's a responsible adult

Clint: No

Scott: Thanks

Clint: You're welcome

Strange: Am I still not needed?

Wanda: No. We good here

Peter: Hi Magic Dad

Strange: Hi Science son

Peter: I'm eating Mac 'N Cheese

Strange: Good for you

Peter: Are you coming over?

Strange: Only if things start blowing up

Shuri: @Peter you have so many dads

Peter: I know.

Shuri: How many dads you got?

Peter: Iron Dad, American Dad, Magic Dad, Mad Dad, Bird Dad, and Spider Mom

Nat: 🖤🖤🖤

Shuri: Careful chirren, that's a lot of dads

Peter: Careful chirren, that's a lot of memes

Peter: They're your dads too

Thor: Yes, @T'Challa We're adopting Shuri

T'Challa: Gladly

T'Challa: She's all yours

Wanda: PETER! NO WEBBING IN THE HOUSE!

Tony: What did he do?

Peter: Shuri tazed me! I got scared!

T'Challa: Shuri!

Wanda: Oh shit. Now he's on the ceiling

Steve: PETER GET DOWN! YOU'LL FALL

Peter: No! She's gonna taze me again!

Tony: Don't make me call Strange

Strange: Yes, please don't make him call me. I don't want to deal with children tonight.

Vision: Peter, Get down from the ceiling and come finish your Mac 'N Cheese before it gets cold

Shuri: Otherwise I'll eat it

Peter: NOOOOO

Peter: I'm coming!

Wanda: Thank you

Steve: Where are Sam and Bucky in all this

Carol: I don't know. Probably off doing bro stuff

Wanda: They don't really like each other?

Carol: Nah, they bros

Wanda: Welp, I think we're gonna need to call in back up

Wanda: It's become a food war

Wanda: PETER I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU FLING THAT AT ME I WILL END YOU

Vision: Peter, please do not throw your pasta on Wanda

Strange: Alright, alright I'm coming

Tony: Gotta put those kids to bed Strange

Wanda: Oh Shit

Carol: Loki has decided to join in the fun

Wanda: We're fucked

Wanda: Strange, Save us

Tony: Is he there?

Wanda: Yeah, he's making them clean it up and then they have to go to bed

Clint: Shoulda done that hours ago

Peter: We've been thwarted

Shuri: Worth it

Loki: I still don't understand why I have to go to bed too

Clint: Because you're one of the children

Loki: Why must you insult me this way

Peter: @Strange will you come read us a bedtime story?

Strange: No

Shuri: Peter is the big sad

Strange: .....

Strange: Fine

Peter: @Strange My favorite Dad

Tony: I will read you bedtime stories every night

Steve: I will make you milk and cookies

Bruce: I'll let you get away with blowing stuff up

Clint: i'll let you meme excessively

Nat: I'll let you watch R rated movies

Peter: @Nat Really?

Nat: no

Shuri: lol

Shuri: Look at all those chickens!

Shuri: They all competing for peter's favoritism

Strange: I'm obviously the superior dad

Peter: can we have our story now?

Strange: Yes

Sam: lol, look at Strange being a domestic dad

Wanda: SHOW

Sam: Come see for yourself

Wanda: OML THAT'S ADORABLE

Strange: @Tony They're Asleep. Can I go now?

Tony: Yes

Steve: Thank you Strange

Clint: Next time just have Strange watch them

Strange: I would prefer to remain a last resort

Strange: Anyway, goodnight everyone. Try not to die

Nat: Thanks Strange

Nat: @Wanda We're on our way back from the meeting now

Wanda: 👍🏻

Tony: Those kids better be asleep when I get back

Peter: hehehe

Tony: Otherwise I'm gonna have to WHOOP THEIR ASSES INTO BED

Shuri: 👀

Peter: zzzzzzZZZZZZ

Thor: We're good parents right?

Nat: Yeah. Definitely.

Scott: No

 

Chapter Text

Tony created a Server

Tony Named the Server: Have at you!

Tony Invited Everyone

 

Tony: I'm in a meeting

Wanda: I'm in my room

Shuri: I'm in Wakanda

Peter: I'm also in Wakanda

T'Challa: @Tony Take them back

Tony: @T'Challa No

Tony: Now you know how I feel whenever you send Shuri over for the week

Carol: lol co-parenting.

T'Challa: Just for that I'm sending Shuri back with Peter for another week.

Steve: Do they at least have a suitable babysitter?

T'Challa: Okoye is watching them.

Nat added Pepper

Pepper: Tony Why are you on your phone during a meeting?

Tony: Natasha Why?

Nat: 😉

Bruce: Yeah Tony Get off your phone

Tony: Why is everyone bullying me?

Pepper: Tony I am the CEO of this company and if I ask you to come to a meeting I expect you to be present and alert.

Tony has left the server

Wanda: Good day sir!

Nat: pepper is salty lmao

Scott: lol tony has just been recycled

Tony: I will step on you Scott

Carol: 👀

Thor: Are there anymore pop tarts left in the kitchen?

Loki: No brother you ate them all

Peter: Wait Thor, you ate all the pop tarts?

Thor: It appears so

Peter: Even the strawberry ones?

Thor: ......Yes?

Peter: 😟😟😟

Shuri: No Peter! Don't cry! It's gonna okay!

Loki: You've done it now Brother.

Nat: THOR YOU OAF HOW DARE YOU EAT MY SPIDERSON'S STRAWBERRY POP TARTS?!!!

Nat: I BOUGHT THOSE SPECIFICALLY FOR PETER!

Thor: IM SORRY!! PETER I WILL GET YOU MORE POP TARTS!

Peter: And let me cuddle with Melvin whenever I want?

Thor: YES

Peter: You are forgiven

Shuri: lol I actually thought he was gonna cry for a good moment there

Peter: it's very hot in Wakanda

Peter: Halp I am melting

Shuri: dumps ice on peter

Shuri: There. Now stop complaining

Peter: And now I'm cold

Shuri: SCREEEEEEE

Peter: REEEEEET

Clint: SQWAK

Sam: The Bird Squad has arrived

Steve: I was already here?

Bucky: Sam ur late to the party smh

Sam: Caw Caw mf

Tony: For gosh sakes, watch your language!

Clint: THE BIRD SQUAD DEMANDS A SACRIFICE

Scott: Not it

Bruce: Also not it

Peter: I'm in another country. Does this mean I'm safe?

ImABird: Are circles square?

Clint: Does chocolate belong on bacon?

Steve: Is Carol sane?

Peter: no?

Sam: Then there's your answer

Carol: you're not wrong tho

Thor: What do you desire oh mighty Bird Squad?

Clint: ......

Clint: Pizza

Scott: Yes Pizza is good

Wanda: I could go for a pizza

Vision: I just asked you if you wanted that and you said no

Wanda: I changed my mind

Vision: In a matter of two minutes?

Wanda: Yes

Carol: Since Tony's in a meeting I can grab it. What do y'all want?

Steve: I'll eat anything that doesn't include anchovies

Carol: Extra anchovies. Got it.

Steve: 🙄🙄🙄

Tony: I'll eat anything

Bruce: Same

Wanda: Get Veggie

Nat: And Cheese

Thor: Don't forget Pepperoni and Bacon

Sam: The Bird Squad demands a Margarita Pizza

Steve: Margarita sounds good.

Carol: you want anchovies on that?

Steve: No Carol, I do not.

Captain: okay so Cheese,  Pepperoni And Bacon, Veggie, And Margarita. On it

Peter: Shuri And I are getting pizza too.

Shuri: Yes, after Peter introduced me to Pizza in New York, I established a pizza joint here in Wakanda.

Peter: We should get ice cream too

Strange: I'd advise against that after last time

Bucky: Strange being a good dad

Wanda: Domestic dad Strange

Nat: Papa Strange being Papa Strange

Strange: Really?

Peter: Please Magic Dad?

T'Challa: They're under the warrior supervision of Okoye and myself. We will make sure nothing happens. I always take Shuri for ice cream in Fridays

Shuri: A forced Sibling tradition established by yours truly

Strange: @T'Challa It's your funeral

Peter: ICE CREAM

Tony: Peter is such a wholesome son

Peter: I love my dads

Steve: I find it amusing that you only love us when we give you things

Peter: Sorry if it puts you in a pickle stove, but you're just gonna have to dill with it

Shuri: Peter with a Pinch of Salt

Loki: That actually made me laugh

Scott: Hold up

Scott: PETER MADE LOKI LAUGH?

Peter: Magic

Bucky: That's Strange's thing

Tony: He can share

Carol: I'm back and I have the goods

Clint: PIZZA

Thor: FOOD

Carol: And I got more pop tarts too.

Carol: @Peter I refilled your stash

Peter: Thanks

Shuri: Peter we gotta go get our pizza now

Peter: Okay

Tony: Be good!

Nat: We love you!

Strange: Don't make them call me

Clint: @Strange We having pizza over here, you want some?

Tony: He's VEGAN

Strange: 🙄

Strange: I'm actually a bit busy right now

Clint: Maybe next time

Strange: Probably not

Wanda: @Nat  Are the Guardian girls in town?

Nat: No 😢

Carol: Come Get ur Pizza before Thor and I consume it all

Bucky: 😟

Tony: Meeting's over, comin' to get my food

Peter: lol @Shuri WHAT ARE THOSE!

Shuri: THOSE ARE MY T'CHANCLAS

Shuri: Hakuna T'Challa

Peter: What does it mean?

Shuri: I DON'T CARE!

T'Challa: Why?

Tony: Yeah kid, respect your elders

Peter: T'Challa's not that old?

Shuri: Therefore we can meme him

Clint: This pizza is some good shit.

Wanda: I can confirm that Vision likes Pepperoni and Bacon Pizza

Vision: Whoever thought of this is a god in my eyes

Thor: Why yes. Yes I am.

Loki: This is why the Cat Crew is superior

Clint: lol Sam just dropped his pizza. 

Sam: That's a bold statement Loki

Loki: bites pizza aggressively

Sam: glares intensively

Nat:  assumes role of referee

Bruce: watches suspiciously from the sidelines

Bucky: places bet on Loki

Carol: goes to break up a fight "Hold my beer"

Tony: sits back and lets potential fight happen

Loki: aggressive chewing

Nat: sips tea

Wanda: spills tea

Vision: refills tea

Wanda: lol vis

Peter: watches discord server from the shadows of shuri's room

Tony: You're in a girl's room?

Tony: use protection

Shuri: ......

Peter: ........

Carol: makes mental note to spread rumor that tony encourages incest

Tony: ends carol

Peter: Dad I can assure you that my relationship with Shuri is strictly platonic

Shuri: I'm offended that your dad thinks my standards are so low.

Peter: ......wow

Shuri: kidding

Nat: you'd better be

T'Challa: @Nat If you come to assassinate my sister I won't stop you

Nat: 👍🏻

Shuri: 👌🏿

Peter: Natasha If you assassinate Shuri then you will be at the receiving end of all my antics

Nat: @T'Challa Never Mind

T'Challa: Damn

Shuri: You can't get rid of me that easily

T'Challa: Be quiet and eat your ice cream children

Scott: Speaking of Ice cream, Ben and Jerry's anyone? I'm literally 5 min from the compound.

Carol: what kind?

Scott: half baked

Wanda: BRING

Scott: Hope's with me

Carol: BRING

Scott Invited Hope

Hope: So this is where you hide yourselves?

Wanda: Hi Hope

Steve: Welcome

Peter: Hope's coming over?

Peter: Rip Peter, I'm in  Wakanda rn

Hope: Next time Pete

Peter: 😊

Hope: We're driving over now

Tony: The door's open, just come on up

Hope: ok

Shuri: Did y'all know cap has an ice cream flavor?

Shuri: Peter and I found a bunch of it stored in his freezer

Steve: Shuri Why?

Peter: @Shuri Why can't you be nOrMaL

Shuri: lmao

Loki: If you'll please excuse me I have cats to attend to now

Thor: Loki let me play with your cats

Loki: You are not worthy

Thor: My hammer thinks I'm worthy

Nat: .........

Clint: lol 

Sam: SAVED

Sam: @Carol Where did you get that pizza. It was some good shit

Carol: That new place down the street. Jerry's I think it was called

Sam: Noted

Sam: BIRD SQUAD

Sam: JERRY'S IS OUR NEW NESTING PLACE

Clint: SQWAK

Tony: Big sqwak

Tony: Pepper's threatening to take my phone because I was "bad" in the meeting today

Wanda: oof

Tony has been disconnected

Shuri: Big Oof

 

Chapter Text

Peter created a Server

Peter Named the Server: Food

Peter Invited Everyone

Peter: I would just like take this time to say that the current love of my life is Wonder Bread.

Sam: Peter wtf?

Bucky: Gosh Sam, watch your language!

Sam: @Bucky I'll have you know that I'm not amused

Wanda: But my Mac n' Cheese....

Wanda: How could you betray me like this?

Shuri: lol 

Wanda : excuse me

Wanda : screams

Thor: wOnDeR

Peter: 👀

Shuri: plays careless whisper in the back ground

Nat: Get yourself a man that looks at you the way Thor looks at pop tarts

Tony: You will never find such a thing in this world

Carol: Thor is the greatest hunter in all of Asgard, yet he only eats pop tarts

Thor: DO NOT MOCK ME FOR MY LOVE OF POP TARTS!

Sam: lol. But while we're at it, is nobody gonna mention Natasha's committed relationship with peanut butter sandwiches?

Nat: @Sam I see no shame in my appreciation for peanut butter and bread

Peter: 👀

Peter: The wonder bread is MINE

Nat: I DON'T EVEN LIKE WONDER BREAD PETER!

Peter: HOW DARE YOU INSULT IT!

Carol: Hello, yes. Welcome to our discord server. We have food fights.

Steve: You're not innocent Carol. Just yesterday you were arguing with Clint over what shape of pasta was superior.

Steve: THE SHAPE!!!

Carol: THE SHAPE MATTERS!

Clint: PENNE!

Carol: SPAGHETTI!

Clint: I SQWAK AT YOUR SPAGHETTI!

Carol: I BLAST MY PHOTON BLASTERS AT YOUR PENNE VODKA!!!!

Wanda: MY MAC N CHEESE IS THE BEST, YALL CAN FITE ME!

Shuri: Peter What have you started?

Loki: A Civil War it seems

Peter: screms

Bucky: Steve? Nah. Plumbs? Yaaaaaaa

Carol: Hdhsjjddj IM DYING! SAAAAAAVED!

Steve: I have no words

Scott: Bucky you can't deny that Oranges are the best fruit.

Bucky: denied

Scott: And to think I called you my friend.....

Bucky: I didn't.

Scott: ......

Scott: Fair enough.

Rhodey: This reminds me of Tony and Strange going at it about Strange's damn ice cream

Tony: IF IT DOESN'T HAVE CREAM, THEN HOW THE FUCK IS IT ICE CREAM?!

Strange: OH MY GOD TONY ITS A SUBSTITUTE! GIVE IT A FUCKING REST!

Nat: gasp

Nat: Oooh Steve! Strange said a big boy word!

Steve: Watch your language!

Shuri: But how can you watch language?

Steve: .......

Vision: Since I don't have to eat I have no idea where I stand in this server....

Wanda: My cooking has been insulted

Vision: WHO

Vision: Appreciate Wanda's cooking! Although I don't eat I'm sure its delightful.

Vision: Peter Wonder Bread is in no way superior to Wanda's Mac N Cheese.

Nat: I second

Peter: activates instant kill

Tony: deactivates instant kill because we can all have our own opinions, but makes it known that cheeseburgers are superior

Loki: insults cheeseburgers

Tony: reactivates instant kill. Never mind

Bruce: happily munches on dried blueberries while staying away from the chaos

Nat: tries to steal said blueberries

Bruce: hides blueberries

Nat: natasha used puppy eyes

Bruce: It was super effective

Nat: happily munches on blueberries with bruce

Clint: This is random but I kinda want fried chicken

Carol: Make it two

Clint: bring the drinks and I will

Carol: you've got yourself a deal

Shuri: @Peter I'm sorry to have to tell you this Peter, but I've been secretly cheating on you with pizza

Peter: gasps dramatically

Peter: I always knew you were a two timing grease lover!

Shuri: I'm sorry! It was just too tempting! I couldn't help myself!

Peter: lol @Shuri Why is the pizza box square if the pizza is a circle?

Shuri: if tomatoes are a fruit is ketchup a smoothie?

Peter: if I weigh 99 pounds and i eat a pound of nachos, does that make me 1% nacho?

Carol: Oh my god kids, stop smokin crack

Scott: Stay in school, don't do drugs

Strange: @Carol It's not crack, it's ice cream.

Tony: Damn it Strange! I always knew that vegan ice cream had crack in it!

Steve: I doubt Strange would give your kid crack Tony.

Carol: Just like anyone else would doubt your undying love of hotdogs. Yet here we are.

Steve: I can't tell if that's a food joke or a grown up joke

Tony: It's whatever you perceive it to be

Steve: I swear to god you two.

Peter: Cap: yeets himself off a cliff

Shuri: plays titanic theme on a recorder in the background

Carol: celebrates

Steve: comes back from the dead and ends carol

Strange: uses the time stone to bring you both back so I can lecture you about getting along

T'Challa: walks into server

T'Challa: leaves server 

T'Challa: This is no place for a King

 

Chapter Text

Clint Created a Server

Clint Named the Server: Wal-Martians

Clint invited everyone


Sam: Clint tf is that server name?

Clint: Don't insult my creativity Sam

Bucky: But why?

Clint: Because I'm going to Walmart. What do y'all need?

Nat: A ride. I'm coming

Tony: Is that really a good idea?

Steve: I love you Nat, but you did manage to get kicked out of Shoprite.

Nat: Hey, that wasn't just me. Wanda was the one who threw a human into a pasta display

Wanda: Don't bring me into this

Peter: I wanna come!

Strange: No

Peter: Why?

Strange: I do not trust you and Barton alone in a Walmart of all places

Bruce: I swear, we call Strange once a week for back up

Strange: And I'd like a week off

Nat: All the more reason for me to go

Clint: Field Trip!

Thor: Get Pop Tarts!

Clint: What kind?

Thor: All of them!

Bucky: Chocolate chips. Sam wants more cookies.

Carol: I thought you two don't like each other?

Vision: Mr. Wilson only seems to like Mr. Barnes when he's giving him food

Carol: That's classic

Clint: To the Bird Bus!

Sam: NO!

Sam: YOU ARE NOT TAKING THE BIRD BUS BARTON!

Clint: Too late

Peter: Gotta Go fast!

Nat: I've really got my hands full haven't I?

Strange: ......

Steve: So are we seriously just letting Barton, Nat, and Peter go to Walmart unsupervised?

Wanda: Yes

Carol: @Tony you know how to hack security footage right?

Tony: Yes?

Vision: Why would you require security footage from Walmart?

Carol: Because I wanna see this shit

Scott: Am I the only responsible parent in this chat?

T'Challa: Yes

Hope: Tony why would you allow this?

Tony: It's okay Hope. we have Strange on Speed Dial

Strange: Why do you hate me this way?

Clint Named the Server: Clint Goes To Walmart

Clint: We have arrived on the premises

Clint: TO THE VENTS!!

Wanda: That's not how Walmart works

Nat: Clint I swear to God if you go in those vents-

Nat: And He's gone

Peter: My turn!

Nat: No Peter. We will enter like civilized humans

Peter: Are we though?

Nat: .....

Nat: To the vents

Strange: Oh God

Carol: Quick! Wanda! Get the popcorn!

Peter: Dad guess where I am!

Tony: if you say the vents I'm selling your Star Wars movies

Peter: Have I ever mentioned that Cap is my favorite Avenger?

Tony: I take it back

Wanda: Don't text and crawl

Clint: SQWAK!

Shuri: Whatever it is I have just walked into...

Shuri: I LOVE IT!

T'Challa: Don't encourage them sister

Nat: Clint how do we get out?

Clint: With Style

Peter: HE FUCKIN KICKED THE VENT SCREEN OUT I'M DYING

Tony: Rhodey get my wallet

Rhodey: I'm so sorry

Peter: Clint let us slide down one of his wire arrows

Peter: I'M A REAL SPY NOW!

Clint: Hell Yeah

Shuri: You're a super secret spider spy

Peter: plays mission impossible theme

Clint: We have safely landed in the snack isle

Nat: The looks on these people's faces are priceless

Peter: Can we get stuffed puffs for my hot chocolate

Clint: Y E S

Nat: We need a cart first

Clint: Cart first. Then Snacks

Tony: At least Nat has a brain

Bucky: Does she though?

Clint: We have acquired a cart.

Peter: TO THE SNACKS!

Clint: They have peanut butter crackers

Nat: G I V E

Peter: @Bucky We got your chocolate chips

Clint: And a shit ton of Junk food

Nat: What else?

Thor: Don't forget my Pop Tarts!

Peter: I'll get them!

Nat: PETER NO WEBBING!

Nat: CLINT!

Nat: They're having a fucking swinging race to see who can get there first

Carol: lol

Scott: I need this documented

Hope: Remind me to NEVER let Scott go anywhere with those two

Scott: Don't spoil my fun!

Hope: Consider it spoiled

Tony: We need a bird cage for Barton and the Kid

Sam: Or a leash

Clint Named the Server: Oh Shit

Clint: Nat......

Nat: What did you do?

Clint: I lost peter

Wanda: Oh no

Wanda: Prepare to be banned

Tony: YOU LOST MY KID?!

Clint: I tried texting him but he won't answer!

Tony: BARTON YOU BIRD BRAIN THAT'S MY KID!

Tony: I'm calling Strange

Strange: Please don't

Tony: Strange this is no time for dramatics! Our son could be in danger!

Strange: Our son? He's your son!

Bruce: He's everybody's son

Nat: Found Clint but Pete's still missing

Peter: Tee hee hee

Peter: You'll never find me!

Nat: Peter I'm not playing hide and seek in fucking Walmart!

Clint: But I am!

Nat: Bruce we're never getting kids

Bruce: We already have one

Nat: Sasha doesn't count. She's a cat. Cats are wonderful

Bruce: I was talking about Barton

Nat: lol

Clint: I SQWAK IN YOUR DIRECTION!

Nat: Hold up. Clint crash landed in Isle 20

Steve: This is why we don't text and fly

Clint: I thought I saw him, but he's gone now. I found the Pop Tarts though!

T'Challa: How have you not been kicked out yet?

Clint: Magic

Strange: That's not how Magic works

Clint: It is now!

Nat: Peter seriously, where are you?

Peter: I'll never tell

Nat: Hold on, I think I see him

Peter: I'm a super secret spidey spy now! You'll never catch me!

Clint: Oh this is wonderful

Carol: T E L L

Clint: Natasha found him

Clint: Now she's chasing him through all the isles

Wanda: Carol would reply, but she can't contain her laughter. The Mighty Captain Marvel is actually crying

Carol: Fuck off Wanda, don't expose me

Vision: Be nice to Wanda

Wanda: Yes, be nice to Wanda

Clint: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tony: Dare I ask?

Clint: Peter webbed Nat to the floor and scampered off

Nat: When I get my hands on that little boy, I'm going to Ginger Snap him in half

Tony: Please don't kill my kid

Bruce: Nat we've been over this. You can't kill children

Nat: I'm gonna kill Barton too

Bruce: Correction: You can't kill children that aren't your own. It's illegal

Nat: rolls eyes into the next dimension

Nat: Nothing's illegal if you don't get caught

Scott: No, I'm pretty sure it's still illegal

Clint: I got him!

Nat: Good

Clint: Strange showed up and dropped him through a portal. He face planted into a cheeze-it display

Strange: Why is it always me that gets stuck baby sitting?

Shuri: please tell me you have video of that

Clint: No, But about 20 other people do

Peter: I've been thwarted

Clint: And now we're gonna feed you to natasha

Steve: Well....This has certainly been an eventful day...

Loki: BARTON!

Clint: Oh shit, what now?

Loki: THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE GOING TO WRECK A STORE WITH MY FAVORITE NEPHEW, YOU'D BETTER TAKE ME WITH YOU!

Tony: And here I thought Loki was a responsible adult who was going to yell at him

Bucky: I don't think we'll ever be that lucky

Steve: Thanks for the reminder Buck

Strange: @Tony Tony come collect your children

Tony: Why?

Clint: To make a long story short

Nat: We're banned

Peter: From like every grocery store ever

Rhodey: figures

Tony: Barton?

Tony: No more field trips

Steve: And Peter, you're grounded

Peter: No!

Tony: No Star Wars for a month

Peter: How could you do this to me Dad?

Tony: Because now I have to fucking buy a Walmart

Steve: Language!

 

Chapter Text

Steve Created a server
Steve Named the Server: Movie Night 2.0?
Steve Invited Everyone

Steve: Anyone up for another movie night?

Peter: Y E S

Sam: Can't

Steve: Why?

Clint: He's got a date tonight😏

Nat: 😉😉😉

Bucky: With who? His suit?

Sam: Very funny Barnes

Bucky: But I also will not be there for the same reasons.

Sam: ew who would want a date with you?

Carol: whispers

Carol: Wanda Get the popcorn

Bucky: Plenty of people

Sam: Oh yeah? What's your imaginary friend's name?

Bucky: Not sure. Carol set me up on a blind date. I guess we'll find out.

Clint: @Sam didn't Carol do the same thing to you?

Tony: @Clint why do you know all this?

Clint: I have my resources 😏😏😏

Scott: Natasha?

Wanda: Natasha

Steve: Natasha

Rhodey: Natasha

Peter: nAtAsHa

Nat: Fuck you

Wanda: lol when

Nat: 🙃

Vision: @Nat I'm sorry to inform you, but she's busy tonight and every night after.

Carol: 😂

Shuri: Vision is salty

Peter: careful children that's a lot of sodium

Shuri: 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sam: Y'all are fuckin weird

Bucky: You're telling me

Carol: lol stop insulting us and LeAvE

Nat: Yeah don't leave 'em waiting.

Sam: Anything to get away from you weirdos

Strange: This is why I thank the gods everyday that I don't live with you lot

Loki: You're welcome

Thor: I don't think he meant you brother

Sam: Okay. I'm leaving

Bucky: And on that note. We're out.

Peter: Have a nice time!

Carol: @Loki How long do you think it will take them to notice

Loki: We shall see.

Scott: 👀

Tony: What are you two planning?

Steve: And why am I not surprised that Carol teamed up with Loki?

Peter: Because they're slippery slither noodles.

Tony: Peter nobody understands your pop culture references.

Shuri: I do

Scott: I do

Thor: I do

T'Challa: I do

T'Challa: Unfortunately

Strange: Correction. Tony doesn't understand your pop culture references.

Peter: That's because you never let me show you my memes Mr. Stark

Tony: Because I've got important shit going on

Peter: more important than me?🥺🥺

Tony: ......

Tony: alright fine you can show me the memes

Carol: lol Domestic Tony being a Domestic Dad

Tony: shut up Carol

Loki: @Carol Wait for it.....

Sam: CAROLLLL!!!!!!!!

Carol: There it is

Bucky: Carol you asshole

Bucky: Fuck You

Carol: request denied

Steve: what did she do this time?

Sam: The Fucker set us up on blind dates with each other!

Clint: ......

Clint: HAHAHAHAHA

Wanda: THATS AMAZING

Nat: FUCKING COMEDY GOLD

Scott: lol

Steve: Carol Why?

Loki: The lovely Captain's exact words were "Because they need to get over whatever fucking sexual tension they've got going on and get their asses together already."

Wanda: PREACH

Sam: WHY TF WOULD YOU THINK I HAVE A THING FOR BARNES?!

Bucky: SEXUAL TENSION? BITCH WHERE?

Wanda: @Sam lol don't we all?

Vision: 👀

Steve: My best friend with my other best friend

Steve: Strangely I'm okay with that

Sam: Why is everyone okay with this?

Bucky: Why is everyone insisting we have a thing for each other?

Peter: you don't?

Sam: N O!

Carol: I think you mean *N O?

Bucky: .......

Bucky: Actually, I will neither confirm nor deny these allegations

Scott: 👀👀👀👀👀

T'Challa: And I oop-

Shuri: whispers

Shuri: did my brother just make a meme reference?

Peter: also whispers

Peter: yes

T'Challa: I regret it already

Nat: Is nobody going to acknowledge the fact Barnes just declared his love for Wilson?

Bucky: I don't think that's what happened

Wanda: So far in denial he can't think straight

Carol: Could he ever?

Tony: You know Barnes, the first step to acceptance is acceptance

Sam: ...............................

Sam: .......................................

Sam: ............................................

Carol: Falcon.exe has stopped working

Sam: Flattery Accepted

Carol: Falcon.exe is rebooting

Sam: Acceptance Accepted

Carol: Falcon.exe is now functional

Carol: I KNEW ITT

Carol: @Clint you owe me $20

Clint: sighs

Clint: Okay

Tony: On a scale of 1-Steve how awkward is the atmosphere right now?

Bucky: <Steve

Steve: Thanks Tony

Tony: You're Welcome.

Bucky: Welp. Imma go

Sam: Imma join you on that

Wanda: Have a nice night🙃😉

Bucky: 😒

Bucky: Oh and Carol?

Carol: bats eyelashes innocently

Carol: Yes?

Sam: You're still an asshole

 

Chapter Text

 

Tony Created a Server

Tony named the Server: Responsible Adults are NOT allowed

Tony Invited everyone

 

Tony: So Peter….

Tony: Anything you want to tell us?

Peter: Nope! Nothing!

Strange: Peter

Strange: What did you do

Carol: @Strange get out you’re too responsible for this chat

Strange: Clearly 🙄

Nat: He has a school trip to the compound today

Peter: NAT

Peter: WHY

Clint: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Clint: Prepare for trouble 

Wanda: And make it double

Peter: I was afraid of this….

Peter: Steve, tell them not to embarrass me

Steve: ……

Peter: I have lost all faith in my family

Shuri: F

Wanda: F

Thor: F

Vision: ?

Carol: lol

Carol: We are going to embarrass the shit outta you

Peter: Please end me

Wanda: Oh don’t worry. We will

Peter: Fuck

 

———————————————————————

 

Peter: Dad please tell me you turned off Friday

Tony: Why would I turn of my AI that happens to be all of my security system?

Peter: Because I don’t want her to announce my clearance level

Tony: Bruce, please make sure Friday is functioning at maximum volume

Bruce: 👍🏻

Peter: I’m surrounded by idiots

Peter: Damn it Bruce! Now my entire class is staring at me

Shuri: I would come and save you

Shuri: but I have better things to do

 

———————————————————————

Peter: Anyone want to explain why Clint just fell out of the vents with a an iron man lunch box

Clint: You forgot your lunch?

Peter: Bullshit

Carol: No, that’s what Steve eats

Steve: You know what?

Steve: Fuck you Carol

Tony: WHOA WHOA WHOA STEVE

Nat: You gotta watch your big boy words Steve

Carol: request denied

Bucky: Tony put him up to it

Clint: Wow, way to expose me 

Peter: That’s it, Thor is now my favorite uncle

Clint: How could you hurt me this way?

Peter: BECAUSE YOU FELL OUT OF THE FUCKING VENT AND HANDED ME A FUCKING IRON MAN LUNCH BOX FOR FOURTH GRADERS YOU DUMB FUCK! 

Steve: And you all jump on me about my language

Peter: WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT THING?!

Clint: It was in your room

Clint: In a box labeled “Dad’s Trash”

Tony: I’m Offended

__________________________________________________________________________

 

Sam: @Peter On your left

Peter: You’ve got to be shitting me

Peter: You are literally the worst

Sam: Don’t be ungrateful

Bucky: Yeah we made you cookies

Peter: But did you have to parade through the lunch hall with them?

Sam: Y E S

Peter: I swear to god if you two sit down

Sam: What was that? I can’t hear you from across the table

Peter: Do you not see the forty people whispering behind me?

Carol: lol, Bucky fuckin pulled a smile ’n wave on peter’s classmates

Peter: oh? and How would you know?

Wanda: Because Tony’s live streaming it on the TV

Peter: sjdghsdnfwehgn

Shuri: F

Loki: F

Nat: F

Nat: But also, this shit’s amazing

——————————————————————————————

 

Peter: If I see any of you, ANY OF YOU, at our next stop, I will personally ban you from star-wars night

Nat: That almost stopped me

Nat: Almost

Peter: Not you too

Carol: lol Make it three

Wanda: Correction, four

Peter: hides

Wanda: @Carol, you got the goods

Carol: i gots the goods

Peter: …..

Peter: i can’t believe this

Scott: What are they doing?

Peter: They’re in the training room 

Peter: And they brought the wine

Peter: Why?

Sam: lol that’s fucking gold

Strange: What?

Sam: Carol just threw a bottle of apple juice at Peter and said to his teacher “Don’t worry, he only has vodka on the weekends”

Peter: I hate my life

Tony: You love your life

Tony: You get to wake up everyday to our smiling faces

Peter: WANDA

Peter: STOP TELLING STORIES ABOUT ME AND THE CATS

Peter: ITS NOT FUNNY

Nat: It’s very funny

Peter: Dr. Strange, please help

Strange: F

—————————————————————————————

 

Steve: @Tony we are in position

Bruce: guns at the ready

Peter: 😟

Bruce: Actually No guns, no guns

Steve: Just a metaphor

Bruce: come see what we have for you in the lab

Peter: RIP

Peter: My life has been thwarted

Peter: Bruce be asking me to make stuff explode while Steve tells them about the time I threw his shield and it came back and hit me in the face

Peter: I’m Cry

Peter: I’m now covered in foam

Peter: Why?

Bruce: Consider it payback for infesting my lab with children

 

—————————————————————————————

 

Peter: oof 

Peter: the museum 

Peter: What could be hiding there?

Loki: I’ll never tell

Peter: I have entered

Peter: ……..

Peter: Alright. now I’m just confused

Peter: Why is Thor carrying a shit ton of pop tart boxes?

Loki: For the cats

Bucky: I’m crying

Sam: This is too good

Clint: HAHAHAHAHA

Tony: the answer is no

Carol: Thor

Carol: Did you just fucking invite peter’s class to Disney night?

Thor: Well why not?

Vision: Disney is good for the soul

Peter: lol

Peter: Now they want to meet Loki’s cats

Loki: hissss

Loki: They are not worthy

———————————————————————————

 

Peter: No

Strange: Yes

Peter: No

Strange: Yes

Peter: Dr. Strange we do not throw children in portals, flash included

Strange: That is not a child. That is a vermin

Tony: Im getting the suit

Steve: I’ve got my shield

Clint: I’m in the vents

Clint: The Pest shall hear my battle Sqwak and be afraid

Nat: Avengers are assembling

Loki: Cats at the ready

Peter: Fuck me

Shuri: no

 

———————————————————————————

 

Peter: Well, I hope you all had your fun because my life is officially over

Peter: And to put a cherry on top, Dad fucking came al the way down to the lobby with Pepper to inform my teacher that I won’t be going back with the school because they are “taking their little boy out for ice cream”

Shuri: F

T’Challa: F

Pepper: F

Tony: F

Scott: F

Peter: I hate you all with a burning passion

Vision: I had no part in this

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

 

Peter Created a Server

Peter named the Server: The Adventures of Peter Parker and The Space Girlz

Peter invited Everyone

 

Steve: No

Steve: You are not going ANYWHERE with those madwomen

Carol: too late :)

Steve: Peter where are you

Peter: hee hee

Peter: in a spaceship

Tony: CAROL

Tony: BRING HIM BACK

Peter: NOOO

Peter: I’m floating around

Peter: On ecstasy 

Carol: SO DON’T STOP ME NOW

Steve: You’re doing DRUGS? WITH THE KID

Steve: CAROL ARE YOU INSANE

Nat: Steve Chill, it’s just a song

Nat: We’re not snorting crack in here

Wanda: Yeah, we wouldn’t sink that low

Carol: Yes. We are being responsible adults. No drugs. Just Vodka

Tony: that’s not any better

 

Peter invited Gamora

Peter invited Nebula

Peter invited Mantis

Peter invited Shuri

 

Peter: Tell my Dad that I’m fine and we most definitely are not in space right now

Gamora: Peter is fine

Nebula: And we are most definitely in space right now

Peter: Nebula!

Shuri: wtf

Peter: You weren't supposed to tell him!

Shuri: We’re so dead now

Gamora: F

Nat: F

Wanda: F

Carol: lol

Tony: …….

Tony: ……..!

Clint: @Nebula You broke Tony

Tony: inhales

Tony: CAROL WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TAKE ME KID INTO SPACE?!?!?!?!!!!!!!

Carol: Official Space Girlz business

Nat: AKA The guardians were in town and Peter wanted to experience zero gravity

Gamora: we couldn’t say no to that face

Nebula: I could

Tony: Why didn’t you?

Nebula: I was overridden

Tony: Damn it Peter

Steve: Are the rest of the guardians there at least?

Wanda: nO

Peter: It’s Nebula’s ship

Tony: Fuck

Rhodey: @Tony It’s time….

Tony: Time to pull out the big guns

Peter: There are no guns that could reach me in SPACE!

 

Tony added Pepper

 

Peter: oh shit never mind

Pepper: PETER BENJAMIN PARKER!

Pepper: YOU ARE VERY VERY GROUNDED!

Peter: Run

Carol: HOH

Nat: lol Peter’s done for

Pepper: Oh no. 

Pepper: YOU ARE ALL IN TROUBLE

Nat: Hey Nebula

Nat: Does this ship go any faster?

Nebula: Why

Nat: Because Pepper Potts is fuckin terrifying 

Nebula: reaching Speed 100

Shuri: Gotta go fast

T’Challa: I’m sorry

T’Challa: But did I just hear that my little sister is in space under the supervision of Carol?

Tony: Yes

 

T’Challa added Okoye

 

T’Challa: Ready the troops

Okoye: Troops have been readied

Okoye: But really 

Okoye: This is the third time this week

Peter: lol

Peter: @Shuri He’s a comin’

Shuri: Rip

Peter: F

Nebula: F

Peter: But….

Peter: WE’RE GOING ON A TRIP IN OUR FAVORITE ROCKET SHIP!

Shuri: ZOOMIN THROUGH THE SKY!

Thor: LITTLE EINSTEINS!

Wanda: CLIMB ABOARD, GET READY TO EXPLORE!

Nat: THERE’S SO MUCH TO FIND!

Carol: LITTLE EINSTEINS!

Peter: See? Think of it as a scientific experience

Tony: NO

Tony: Carol, bring him back. Final warning

Peter: Dad don’t ruin my fun

Pepper: Peter, it’s dangerous

Steve: Yes, especially if you’re unsupervised

Nebula: Rude

Peter: But Dad does dangerous and stupid stuff all the time? Why does he get to and I don’t?

Tony: Because I’m an adult

Strange: ……

Strange: Are you though?

T’Challa: F

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Wanda Created a Server

Wanda Named the Server: I’m Hungry

Wanda invited Everyone

 

Wanda: When is food?

Wanda: I’m hungry

Peter: i also honger

Shuri: We are growing children

Peter: who require a fEaSt

Clint: Pizza

Sam: We had pizza last night

Clint: Your point?

Wanda: I require food. I don’t care what form it’s in

Tony: If you’re that hungry Wanda go make yourself some mac and cheese or something

Wanda: That requires effort

Nat: simply existing requires effort

Carol: oof

Carol: now we’re getting philosophical 

Peter: i hated philosophy

Shuri: its so boring

Peter: but you know what I do like?

Shuri: whispers

Shuri: what

Peter: whispers

Peter: dino nuggets

Wanda: DINO NUGGETS

Bruce: If you think about it, any chicken nugget is a dino nugget because chicken are related to dinosaurs 

Peter: My mind has been expanded today

Shuri: Bless

Thor: Pardon me but did someone say DINO NUGGETS?

Wanda: @Steve the cult has spoken. we want dino nuggets tonight

Peter: please?

Steve: Sure, I’ll make you your dino nuggets

Bucky: You cooked last week. It’s my turn

Steve: And?

Bucky: And my cooking is hella better than yours

Tony: and i oop-

Peter: …….

Nat: ………

T’Challa: I don’t have time for this

Sam: @Bucky get ‘em soldier

Steve: Did you just insult my cooking?

Bucky: No

Bucky: I simply stated that your skills were inferior to mine. 

Steve: ………

Steve: I never thought I’d see the day that you would betray me like this

Peter: F

Tony: F

Carol: ha

Scott: All I know is that if there are dino nuggets, I’m there

Bucky: @Scott I would be happy to make you some homemade Dino Nuggets

Scott: …..

Scott: I love you cap

Scott: But i’m not saying no to that

Steve: So

Steve: You think your cooking is better than mine?

Steve: I require proof

Bucky: I will give you proof

Clint: We should have a cook off

Sam: For once I agree with you Clint

Clint: It’s twice the food

Peter: twice the feast

Rhodey: Twice the nuggets

Nat: Rhodey likes dino nuggets?

Rhodey: The question isn’t “Rhodey likes Dino nuggets?”

Rhodey: The question is: “If you don’t like Dino nuggets then what are you doing?”

Rhodey: One does not simply “like” Dino Nuggets

Rhodey: One worships the dino nugget

Carol: #RespectTheNug

Thor: I respect a man with good taste

Thor: Especially if that man has good tastebuds

Bucky: @Steve I accept your challenge

Steve: Homemade Dino nuggets

Steve: The others will be the judges

Bucky: may the best nugget win

Vision: Does this mean I win?

Tony: ?

Vision: Wanda calls me a nugget sometimes

Vision: Assuming there is no nugget that is superior to me, I win right?

Wanda: Omg Vis

Wanda: You’re such a nugget

Tony: I think I just threw up

Strange: Why? Did you look in a mirror?

Tony: …….

Strange: ……..

Peter: 👀

Strange: 🙃

Tony: Actually no, I looked at a picture of you

Carol: lol

Carol: I fully support all this roasting

T’Challa: Of course you do

Wanda: Speaking of roasting

Wanda: Let the baking of the Nuggets begin!

Loki: I heard Peter screaming about dino nuggets👀

Loki: I am intrigued

Thor: I am hungry

Peter: I am also hungry

Tony: Hi hungry, I’m Dad

Peter: Hi Dad, I’m “Not Amused”

Tony: Nice to meet you

Tony: You’re grounded

Peter: ….

Peter: you can’t ground me…

Peter: If I’m on the cEiLiNg!

Shuri: inhales

Steve: Bucky give me the paprika

Bucky: nO

Steve: wHy

Bucky: Because I’m using it

Steve: the whole fucking thing?

Tony: LANGUAGE!

Sam: Yeah Cap, Don’t break your own rules here

Steve: In war there are no rules

Steve: only victory 

Clint: lol

Clint: We got a real World War Chew going on here

 

——— A Little While Later————

 

Steve: the nugs are complete

Bucky: It is time to decide the winner

Carol: lol #RespectTheNug is trending on twitter

Steve: Carol put your phone down, I’m about to win a very important battle that will go down s a moment in history

Bucky: Quick Carol, make sure you record his look of despair when he loses

Carol: 👍🏻

Rhodey: Are the nugs done?

Bucky: Yes, come grab a plate, we warmed up the left over mac and cheese too

Rhodey: Dino Nuggets and mac n’ cheese

Rhodey: This is art

Peter: I like the spicy nuggets

Peter: And I like the honey mustard nuggets

Peter: I can’t pick

Thor: I just like nuggets

Tony: I will be honest. 

Tony: These are good

Nat: I have never tasted something more glorious in my life

Bruce: The Dinosaurs would be proud

Nat: lol Bruce just really likes dinosaurs

Bruce: Don’t expose me like that

Sam: We need Dino Nuggets more often

Scott: These Nuggets are welcome in my life anytime

Steve: so

Bucky: what is the verdict

Wanda: The verdict is nobody wins and we 100% encouraged this just so we could have quality nuggets

Wanda: Because now Wanda is fed and everyone is happy

Thor: You are both worthy

Peter: Alright! We’ll call it a draw!

Rhodey: Peter, pass the nuggets

Rhodey: I need more substance

Carol: lol

Bucky: @Steve What have we created

Tony: Crack

Chapter Text

Peter Created a Server

Peter Named the Server: I am in need of entertainment 

Peter invited Loki, Clint, Shuri

 

Peter: hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMM

Peter: ASSEMBOL

Shuri: We are assemboled

Clint: SQWAK

Loki: I’m so confused

Peter: I’m feeling adventurous

Peter: I’m feeling MISCHEVIOUS

Peter: I wanna do something BAD

Clint: You have come to the right place

Shuri: What are we doin?

Peter: Shuri

Shuri: Yes

Peter: Do you still have those vibranium Handcuffs?

Shuri: Yes

Loki: Do I want to know where this is going?

Peter: yEs

Peter: I have a plan

Clint: What is said plan?

Peter: Steve kept getting on my case about Training today. He said I had to train or he’d take my legos. 

Shuri: Oh no

Loki: ?

Peter: Naturally I refused because legos are more important, but he took them anyway and when i went down to find them they were disassembled all over the table

Clint:  gasp

Clint : How dare he!

Peter: A whole three hours of work…..gone….I cried

Loki: …….

Loki: HE CAUSED YOU TO WEEP?!

Loki: YOUR HAPPINESS SHALL BE AVENGED!

Shuri: I second. He shall not get away with this horrible deed!

Clint: Tell us what we have to do

Peter: I knew I could count on my friends😊

Peter: Welp, Steve and Carol both fell asleep on the couch with the other Avengers. I say as punishment for breaking my Legos, we break his sanity

Peter: BY HANDCUFFING THEM TOGETHER

Peter: AND HIDING THE KEY

Shuri: Y E S

Clint: I always knew you had it in you Peter 

Loki: Where do we start

Peter: In the vents…

Clint: At your service

Peter: But we need to be quiet or else everyone will wake up

Clint: 👍🏻

Clint: I’ll keep it real LOKI

Loki: Fuck off bird brain

Clint: With pleasure

Clint: Shuri

Clint: The handcuffs

Shuri: Here you are

Peter: Oh this is gonna be good

 

—————————————————————————

 

Steve Created a Server

Steve Named the Server: You [REDACTED]

Steve invited Everyone

 

Steve: YOU BASTARDS

Steve: WHICH ONE OF YOU HANDCUFFED ME TO CAROL

Clint: I’ll never tell

Steve: WELL IT WAS FUCKIN ONE OF YOU!

Wanda: Steve watch your big boy words

Tony: There are children in this chat 

Carol: Hey Captain Americrap do you have to scream in my ear?

Steve: Fuck off Carol

Carol: If you hadn’t noticed wise guy, kinda can’t

Peter: AHEM

Peter: Let this be a lesson Steve

Peter: That this is what happens when you mess with my legos

Steve: This is what this is about?

Loki: You have committed the unforgivable act of making Peter cry

Clint: This is your personal hell

Nat: …..

Nat: Does this mean Steve is joining us for Four O’Clock Wine Club?

Carol: ……

Carol: Y E S

Steve: N O

Wanda: But we’re fun Steve

Steve: I refuse to join your drunken film club Carl

Carol: You have no choice in the matter Stove

Nat: Don’t worry Steve, you’ll love it. It’s Hallmark Night

Bucky: Cap?

Sam: Watching a Hallmark Movie?

Bruce: can we live stream this?

Tony: On it

Thor: what is a Hallmark Movie? Why are they so bad?

Rhodey: They’re  a sappy ass movies about love where everyone shits rainbows and butterflies

Thor: Why is that bad? Love is a beautiful thing

Peter: Because it is

Thor: @Carol I would like to experience these Hallmark movies for myself

Carol: You are always welcome to our movie nights

Thor: how come you never let me come on fridays then?

Nat: Because you are too innocent for that.

Steve: Is anyone going to further acknowledge the fact that i am currently handcuffed to the terror of the Galaxy?

Peter: No

Steve: Where did you even find Vibranium hand cuffs?

Peter: Shuri

Shuri: You’re welcome

T’Challa: @Shuri I leave you alone for FIVE MINUTES

Carol: lol

Carol: this is gonna be a fun night

Tony: Quick Friday! Set up the Live stream! I wanna watch this.

Wanda: I’ll grab the popcorn

Carol: I’ll grab the wine

Nat: I’ll grab the cats

Steve: Gag me with a spoon

Nat: 👀😉😏

Carol: whispers

Carol: "wanda get a spoon"

Bucky: lol Steve you dug yourself a hole today

Steve: I didn’t know he’d get this mad over me taking his legos

Steve: Honestly, they’re just legos

Peter: They are my JOY IN THIS WORLD

Shuri: What are we then?

Peter: Also my joy

Loki: ☺️

Thor: Everyone stop talking the movie is starting

Wanda: lol Thor you’re so excited

Thor: I love happy movies

Thor: Especially when they have happy endings

Tony: I just love live streaming shit around the house

Rhodey: lmao Cap’s face 

Rhodey: I’m dead

Nat: We get the up close experience

Carol: We just need a documentary that consists of a compilation of Steve’s face in uncomfortable or unpleasant situations

Carol: Call it: Steve’s discomfort

Wanda: A documentary by Carl Danvers

Thor: I do not understand why you don’t like these movies

Thor: This is very sweet

Thor: Look, he’s giving her flowers

Nat: It’s so unrealistic tho

Nat: that’s why we make fun of it

Thor: How is giving someone flowers unrealistic?

Nat: Bruce never gives me flowers

Clint: Oof Bruce, you’ve been called out

Bruce: Nat you’re allergic to like every plant possible

Bruce: WHY WOULD I PUT YOU IN THAT SORT OF PAIN

Nat: See what I mean? Unrealistic

Peter: The unrealistic movies are the ones where the guy hates the girl because he secretly likes her

Peter: that’s not how love works at all right?

Clint: 👀

Nat: 👀

Wanda:👀

Shuri: 👀

Tony: 👀

Carol: 👀👀👀👀👀

Tony: I mean….Steve would you know about that

Steve: No

Steve: Someone pass me a bucket so i can vomit at the thought

Carol: Rude

Steve: Someone end me

Clint: lol we already have

Rhodey: Okay Peter, I think you’ve tortured the poor man enough

Steve: Yes, I promise I will not take your legos again

Rhodey: Unlock the poor man, I assume you have they key?

Peter: That’s the thing

Peter: I lost it

Clint: ……

Clint: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tony: Someone call Strange

Strange: Well Fuck

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Thanos Created a Server

Thanos Named The Server: Join Me or the Universe Dies 

Thanos invited Ronan, Ultron, Red Skull, Dormammu, Hela, Doom

 

Thanos: I have gathered you today because the fate of all life is in our hands

Hela: ?

Thanos: That’s why I’m inviting you all to join my Environmental Saver’s Club

Ronan: …………

Ronan: This is what you called me in for?

Thanos: Yes

Ronan: I can get behind that

Red Skull: What does an ‘Environmental Savers Club’ do?

Doom: Yes we’re villains, we destroy things not save them

Dormammu: But if there’s no universe left, then we can’t destroy stuff anymore

Dormammu: And then I couldn’t collect anymore worlds

Thanos: Exactly!

Hela: okay but what does our club do?

Thanos: We raise awareness, raise money for campaigns with bake sales and stuff, try and help make the universe a cleaner place

Ultron: Bake sales?

Ultron: whispers

Ultron: I get to make cookies?

Thanos: y e s

Doom: We can have coffee and donuts at our meetings

Ronan: Y E S 

Doom: I can supply

Hela: When do we meet?

Thanos: We’ll have to work out the details i suppose

 

Tony Joined the Chat

 

Doom: Fuck

Doom: I forgot he can hack Shit

Tony: lol what even is this server

Ultron: It’s our Environmental Savers Club

Ultron: Now fuck off Stark

Tony: That’s no way to speak to your father

Doom: RIP

 

Tony Invited Everyone

 

Steve: what?

Red Skull: Steve you son of a bitch you’re still alive

Steve: You’ve gotta be shitting me

Carol: lol 

Peter: REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD!

Thanos: STARK

Thanos: STOP HACKING SERVERS

Ronan: Maybe if we just ignore their presence they’ll go away 

Nat: You have an Environmental Saver’s Club?

Nat: Like do you just sit around and talk about trees

Ultron: No

Dormammu: We occasionally hug them too

Peter: Be nice to the trees

Peter: I support this

Thanos: At long last

Thanos: A sensible Avenger

Peter: I like trees

Peter: can I join your club?

Tony: PETER NO

Steve: YOU CANNOT JOIN A CLUB FULL OF VILLAINS

Tony: Strange help us out here

Strange: what do you want me to do?

Tony: Magic some sense into peter

Ronan: Rip Dormammu

Ronan: He’s a comin to bargain

Dormammu: Stop you fiend!

Dormammu: I can still hear it in my dreams

Thanos: Yes Peter you can join our club

Peter: YAY! 

Clint: Peter why?

Peter: Because helping trees is nice

Peter: We don’t want a realistic version of the lorax

Wanda: Peter you’re too pure for this universe

Doom: My cat can be our mascot

Peter: yOu hAvE a cAt?

Doom: I have many cats

Doom: they were all strays that I took in off the streets

Loki: This man is a respectable villain

Peter: can i pet your cats?

Doom: Yes

Doom: Stark I’m converting your son 

Ronan: To the dark side

Peter: wait you watch Star Wars?

Red Skull: of course

Ronan: They’re only the best movies in the galaxy

Peter: huuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH

Peter: I have finally found my people!

Shuri: Peter no don’t leave me here!

Peter: Shuri come join the Environmental Saver’s Club

Shuri: Okay!

Tony: Shit

T’Challa: Honestly, I’m kinda okay with this

Bruce: No

Bruce: They cannot have Peter

Steve: Strange Make it stop

Strange: Dormammu I’ve come to bargain

Dormammu: ……..

Thanos: ……….

Ultron: ……….

Red Skull: ……..

Hela: And I oop-

Doom: he said the words

Thor: I don’t see what’s so wrong about helping trees?

Tony: With your sister?

Thor: Oh

Thor: Now I see something wrong with that

Ultron: Okay

Ultron: I'm banning all of you from this server

Peter: Except Peter!

Ultron: Right. Except Peter

 

Ultron has Blocked the Avengers

Ultron Invited Peter

 

Peter: What is our first plan of action to help the trees and the bees?

 

Tony Joined the Server

Tony Invited Everyone

 

Ronan: FUCK OFF STARK!

Tony: @Peter There is no plan of action because you’re not joining their super secret boy band

Hela: AHEM

Tony: *Super secret death metal band

Hela: thank you

Ultron: Stop hacking the server Stark

Doom: We’re just trying to save the trees over here!

Red Skull: Yes. Let us drink our apple juice in peace

Peter: Apple juice?

Thanos: It’s space apple juice.

Ronan: Made from space apples

Nat: Rip

Carol: Welp

Sam: we’re never getting him back now

Bucky: The lure of space apples was just too great

Thanos: F

Ronan: F

Doom: F

Ultron: @Thanos we should make posters 

Peter: I have a bunch of coloring supplies

Peter: I can bring them

Thanos: I guess we’re going to earth boys

Thanos: And girl

Peter: Maybe I can convince MJ to join. She likes plants

Hela: Another girl

Hela: Please do

Hela: I’m surrounded by idiots

Ultron: Can I still bake cookies though?

Thanos: Yes

Thanos: Food is always welcome

Peter: Uncle Bucky will you bake cookies for my first Environment Club meeting?

Bucky: I…..

Tony: Think wisely Barnes

Bucky: I can’t say no to that face

Tony: …….

Steve: that’s fair

Strange: Peter do you realize what you’ve done?

Peter: Made new friends?

Strange: ....

Strange: Stark your son is too pure for my stern words

Strange: I can’t

Bruce: Peter you just invited a hoard of villains to earth

Peter: yes

Peter: To bake cookies and color

Doom: And play with cats

Ronan: And talk about Trees

Thanos: What else did you think we were going to do?

Tony: Kill half the population?

Ultron: That’s not on the Agenda at all

Carol: 👀

Dormammu: Sometimes you need a break from being a villain

Doom: yeah it gets exhausting after a while. Always getting your ass handed to you by the good guys

Hela: Sometimes you just need a bottle of space apple juice and a coloring book

Ultron: Otherwise you'll burn out completely

Peter: Even superheroes need mental health days

Tony: ……

Tony: I don’t even….I can’t

Tony: I have no idea how to react to this

Clint: Domestic Villains?

Tony: Wh….what even is this

Clint: So next time Villains come to destroy earth we just introduce them to Peter right?

Carol: He has a secret domestication power

Nat: yeah. look what he did to them

Bucky: lol look what he’s done to us

Wanda: He’s actually packing his crayons and markers right now

Wanda: This is both beautiful yet terrifying at the same time

Peter: I need go get more apple juice

Thanos: We’re bringing you apple juice

Peter: But you haven’t tried earth apple juice

Red Skull: This is true

Red Skull: They have not

Peter: We need to introduce them

Red Skull: Yes

Peter: NOW LETS GO SAVE SOME TREES!

Thanos: YEAH!

Steve: I……

Steve: We’re fucked

Thanos: whispers

Thanos: language

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Hey everyone. Just a quick thing before I get on with the next chapter, I wanted to be a nice author. I've gotten so much positive feedback on this story which makes me really really happy, and to keep on sustaining you wonderful people I wanted to ask if anyone had any specific requests of anything they want to happen. Literally anything at all. Let me know!

(And don't be shy, I credit everyone for their ideas. WE DO NOT SUPPORT IDEA THEFT IN THIS WHOLESOME SERVER!)

- Angie ^^

Chapter Text

 

Peter Created a Server

Peter named the Server: Peter Parker Pranks the People

Peter invited Shuri

 

Peter: My Friend

Peter: I am in dire need of assistance

Shuri: What do you require assistance for?

Peter: I went on the field trip to the Avengers Compound last week and the Avengers embarrassed me in front of everyone

Shuri: lol, that’s amazing

Peter: no

Peter: no it was not

Shuri: I’m still confused as to why you need us though

Peter: Because

Peter: I’m plotting to take my Revenge

Peter: But I am in need of assissTANCE

Shuri: will there be Pizza?

Peter: …..

Peter: yes

Shuri: I’m in

Peter: There’s a bunch of really important official people coming to the compound today. I fully intend to take advantage of this

Shuri: Y E S

 

Peter Cleared the Chat

Peter Named the Server: Peter Parker Informs the People

Peter invited Everyone

 

Tony: wut

Peter: Dearly Beloved

Peter: I have gathered you here today to announce that I am having a friend over

Steve: who?

Shuri: Me

Strange: Peter no

Peter: Peter Yes

Nat: Peter we have important people coming today, I don’t think it’s a good idea to have the world’s biggest science nerds running around as well

Peter: Rood

Shuri: Don’t worry. We’ll stay out of your way

Peter: you won’t even know we’re there

Sam: I have a bad feeling about this

Bucky: You have a bad feeling about everything

______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Peter Created A Server

Peter named the Server: Peter Parker Strikes Back

Peter Invited Shuri

 

Peter: It is time

Shuri: Let the pranking commence

Peter: Apple Juice at the ready

Shuri: Buckle up kids

Peter: Let’s go girls

 

______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Peter Created A Server

Peter named the Server: Get Rekt

Peter Invited Everyone

 

Tony: Peter I hate you

Peter: hee hee

Steve: Why are we hating Peter?

Tony: He reprogrammed FRIDAY to call me Stank Dad

Tony: In front of all the officials

Tony: I AM TRYING TO DO A TOUR HERE!

Shuri: And I helped!

Sam: That’s glorious

Tony: Only to you Wilson.

Nat: OMG that’s gonna be everywhere tomorrow

Tony: Don’t fucking remind me Natasha

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Steve: I….

Steve: I have no words

Clint: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Carol: Bitch i’m dyin

Carol: W H E E Z E

Tony: lol Peter I don't hate you any more, I take it back, this is too good

Steve: Where did you even find these videos

Peter: School archives

Bucky: Steve why are all your PSA videos playing on loop on our Kitchen TV?

Peter: Not just there

Peter: It’s eVeRyWhErE

Tony: literally on every screen

Steve: …..for everyone to see

Carol: This is an important moment in American History

Natasha: Rest in peace Cap’s dignity

Bruce: F

Shuri: F

Loki: lol

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Nat: Bruce how did your informational presentation for all the interns go?

Bruce: It lacked information

Tony: why?

Bruce: BECAUSE SOMEBODY SWITCHED ALL MY SLIDE WITH MEMES I DON’T UNDERSTAND

Shuri: bows

Peter: thank you, thank you very much

Bruce: ………..

Bruce: Peter what did I ever do to you?

Peter: You foamed me

Peter: In front of my entire class

Peter: And my teacher

Bruce: …..

Bruce: Touché

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Tony: Okay, this one’s actually brilliant

Clint: PETER 

Clint: WOULD YOU LIKE TO EXPLAIN WHY THERE IS CANOLA OIL IN THE VENTS?

Steve: lol whatever keeps you out of ‘em

Wanda: I’m actually dying

Wanda: He fell out of the vents

Wanda: And fuckin slid down the hallway like a slip n’ slide

Wanda: RIGHT INTO THE VISITING SCIENTISTS

Nat: It was beautiful

Nat: They fell like dominos

Clint: I SWEAR TO GOD YOU TWO WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOUR SOULS THEY’RE G O N E

Shuri: lol

Peter: You’re too slow old man

Clint: I SQWAK IN FURY

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Bucky: I have a new mission

Bucky: I’m sorry to tell you this Stark

Bucky: But Peter’s got to go

Tony: Eh, after today….i’m kind of okay with that

Tony: I'm sure we could find a good buyer somewhere

Peter: gasp

Peter: you wouldn’t

Sam: Would anyone like to tell me why Bucky is stuck to the wall?

Peter: Nope

Shuri: We totally didn’t implant magnetic devices in it or anything like that.

Bucky: This is so embarrassing

Peter: gOoD

Clint: lol he just ripped the wall panels off trying to get unstuck

Tony: Nice going Barnes

Sam: RIIIIIIP

Sam: And he’s stuck again

Bucky: I hate you guys

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Peter: @Shuri you got the goods?

Shuri: I got the goods

Tony: What are you doing now

Peter: Something that required all three of your printers

Shuri: And a vast amount of tape

Tony: why

Loki: ……………………………………………………..

Loki: jdfgniefinvlshgi

Loki: HOW DARE YOU SPIDER BOY

Loki: AND I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

Thor: Brother why are you yelling?

Loki: Because Peter has put posters of me watching Disney with my cats all over the hallways

Thor: Come now brother, it’s endearing

Loki: It’s demoting is what it is

Loki: One of these days Peter

Loki: You’re going to wake up and find a million spiders all over your room

Loki: AND NOBODY WILL BE COMING TO SAVE YOU

Peter: Bug Spray

Loki: ………

Loki: Don’t think this is the end Peter

Loki: You have yet to see the last of me!

Vision: Well, considering what’s on these posters

Vision: I believe we just did

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Sam: MOVE!

Steve: wut

Sam: GET OUT OF MY WAY BITCH

Steve: Why are you yelling at me?

Steve: And why are you texting and running?

Sam: BECAUSE MY DRONE HAS BEEN HIJACKED

Wanda: Peter hijacked Red Wing?

Sam: YES

Nat: Is that why you’ve been running through the halls screaming like a maniac

Sam: Y E S

Carol: Oh, so that’s what broke Tony’s sound system. I was wondering what that was.

Tony: It did what?

Bucky: @Sam you’d better go catch it before Tony does

Sam: YEAH, NO SHIT HONEY!

Shuri: Did Sam just yell at Bucky in vine?

Peter: I believe he did

Shuri: cries

Shuri: I’m so proud

Sam: PETER YOU ARE SO DEAD!

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Nat: Let the manhunt for Peter commence

Bucky: So he finally got you

Carol: We're going to kill that little boy

Wanda: With our bare hands

Steve: Isn’t that how you usually do it?

Nat: Shut up Steve!

Nat: I’m sweating

Nat: I’m tired

Nat: And I’m covered in Fucking molasses!

Carol: We are never showing another child The Parent Trap ever again

Wanda: He hid bowls of molasses on all the mother equipment so when we turned it on it spilled all over us

Nat: And then who has to conveniently show up?

Carol: Nick Fucking Fury

Steve: LANGUAGE

Tony: …………….

Tony: I’m sorry

Tony: but I can’t not laugh at that

Nat: I have been lots of things in my life time

Nat: But humiliated is never one of them 

Bucky: Fuck

Bucky: He took all the molasses

Bucky: you know what this means?

Steve: We buy more molasses?

Bucky: No cookies tonight

Sam: ……

Sam: Let the manhunt for peter commence

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Peter: Well

Peter: I think this has been a productive day

Peter: Even though I’ve been grounded, banned from just about every computer, and threatened in more than one way

Peter: I see this as a success

Shuri: You know what time it is?

Peter: Pizza Time

 

Peter Has left the Server

Shuri Has left the Server

 

Bucky: Sam?

Sam: What?

Bucky: We’re never getting kids

Chapter Text

 

Shuri created a Server

Shuri Named the Server: It’s time...

Shuri invited Everyone

 

Peter: Pizza time

Shuri: nO

Shuri: My friends

Shuri: The time has come

Shuri: To storm area 51

Steve: ……

Steve: Why?

Bruce: We’ve already confirmed that aliens are real

Bucky: Thor is exhibit A

Peter: I think it’s a great idea

Tony: Of course you do Peter

Sam: You thought sticking bucky to a wall was a great idea too

Carol: I fully support this storming Area 51

Strange: You’re most likely going to get caught 

Carol: Which is exactly why we should do it

Steve: It’s ludicrous 

Carol: I know

Wanda: lol, round up the crew, we goin to Nevada

Tony: No, no one is going to Nevada. we are not storming area 51

Clint: 👀

Clint: whispers

Clint: I’ll get the supplies

Peter: We will need apple juice

Peter: Lot’s of apple juice

Carol: And Vodka

Clint: And Fruit loops

Nat: Clint you’re such a child

Bruce: Hey, leave the man alone, he can be five if he wants to

Clint: what he said

Sam: Are we really storming Area 51?

Wanda: Y E S 

Wanda: gotta see them Aliens

T’Challa: And maybe they’ll abduct my sister and leave me in peace while you’re at it

Shuri: Not a chance brother

Shuri: I would outsmart them in seconds

Peter: lol

Scott: I want to come

Scott: But Hope threatened to tie me to a chair and leave me in the basement

Hope: I will do it

Hope: Don't think I won't

Scott: you never let me have any fun

Tony: Rip Scott

Peter: Rest in Spaghetti

Shuri: Never Forgetti

Sam: Area 51? The Fuck?

Bucky: 👀👀👀

Bucky: who’s driving

Wanda: mE bItCh

Vision: You can’t actually be serious

Wanda: I’m dead serious

Vision: You’ll get arrested

Wanda: Wouldn’t be the first time

Vison: ……

Vision: I do not condone these “Get Togethers’ with Carol

Vision: She seems to be  a bad influence 

Nat: lol 

Nat: rip Carol

Sam: @Bucky You’re actually going with them?

Bucky: Yes

Sam: No

Bucky: you never let me do anything fun

Sam: …….

Sam: Fine we can storm area 51

Bucky: YAY 💕👽

Steve: Domestic Bucky...

Steve: My heart

Steve: I can't

Clint: TO THE BIRD BUS

Tony: are we going to try and stop them?

Steve: No

Steve: We have Strange on Speed Dial

Strange: Fuck you all, I’m going with them just for that

Steve: I stand corrected, they are royally screwed

Tony: We are the only responsible adults left in this household

Steve: Even you don’t qualify for that

Tony: rood

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Clint: Peter pass the sour patch children

Peter: nO

Clint: I need sustenance 

Peter: Get your own

Clint: I ate them all

Peter: Well that’s not my fault

Strange: We’re nearly there. 

Shuri: The aliens await us

Tony: Vision Quick! Turn on the News! I want to see if they get arrested

Clint: We’re pulling up to the club

Nat: How do you even plan on getting in there?

Clint: tHe vEnTs

Carol: My dudes we’re still like a half an hour out

Peter: Rip

Peter: We should sing a song

Wanda: ……..

Wanda: THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND

Carol: Rip

Strange: Press F to pay respects to my ear drums

Tony: F

Shuri: F

Steve: You have brought this upon yourself

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Peter: inhales

Peter: whispers

Peter: we’re here

Clint: Okay

Clint: We gotta be super sneaky

Shuri: Like Spy kids

Wanda: lmao spy kids

Shuri: Are 51 is hiding thumb thumbs

Peter: Confirmed

Carol: Someone play the mission impossible theme

Clint: We need to get over the fence first

Nat: I swear if he tries to jump that thing

Bucky: He’s such an idiot

Sam: LMFAO HE FUCKING WENT FOR IT

Tony: Did he make it?

Strange: No

Clint: @Strange I hate you

Steve: Why?

Clint: Because he waited until after I’d jumped to use a portal to bring everyone else over

Tony: lol

Strange: I would do no such thing👀

Tony: Ya’ll gotta watch your backs

Tony: Strange Ain’t bargaining today

Clint: whispers

Clint:  to the vents

Strange: Why?

Clint: Because that’s the fun way to do things

Tony: Yeah, he doesn’t speak pop culture Barton

Clint: ??

Tony: Strange wouldn’t know the definition of fun even if you hit him with a dictionary

Strange: That’s not true

Strange: I sort my fruit loops by color every morning with Bucky

Strange: That’s fun

Bucky: …….

Sam: ………👀

Bucky: Why you gotta do me like that?

Sam: I can’t contain myself rn jsboshbkgbogjk

Strange: What? I thought that was common knowledge

Clint: Rip

Peter: Okay team

Peter: It’s time

Clint: To the Vents!

Peter: To the vents!

Strange: Portal time

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Clint: I am upset

Steve: Why

Clint: Because Strange would’t let me climb through the vents

Strange: I am NOT letting you roam around an air force base by yourself

Clint: I wouldn’t be

Clint: peter was going to come

Tony: Do you honestly think that’s any better?

Peter: 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Peter: I hear something 

Shuri: What do you hear 

Peter: Voices

Wanda: We must hide

Carol: We need to find them aliens before we can get caught

Peter: I think we’ve been discovered.

Peter: OH SHIT

Carol: RUN

Tony: Aliens?

Sam: Worse!

Tony: wHo

Peter: Uncle Rhodey!

Bruce: ....

Tony: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Tony: I'm WHEEZING

Rhodey: You Assholes!

Rhodey: I didn’t think you were actually going to do it!

Peter: RUN FASTER! RUN FASTER!

Rhodey: Strange don’t you dare portal me or I’m eating all you’re vegan Ice cream

Strange: Are you willing to in turn lose your dino nuggets?

Rhodey: Y E S

Strange: Oh wow, he’s not playing around

Rhodey: You can run, but you can’t hide!

Rhodey: I have eyes everywhere 👀👀👀

Tony: 👀

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Peter: I think we lost him

Carol: that was actually the most terrifying thing I have ever experienced

Wanda: I have to agree

Wanda: Colonel Rhodes chasing after you with a banana is fucking terrifying

Steve: Rest in Peace

Tony: You are all so royally fucked now

Nat: Don’t remind me

Nat: Also

Nat: Quick question

Nat: Does anyone else smell cookies?

Sam: …….

Sam: Actually yes

Peter: It’s time to investigate

Strange: Peter no

Peter: Peter yes

Clint: Peter we just got chased after by Stark’s best friend with a banana

Clint: How much more trauma do you expect us to take?

Bucky: Oh rip

Carol: We’re dead now folks

Peter: I’m going In

T’Challa: F

Tony: F

Vision: I’ll write your eulogy 

Peter: I……….

Peter: My eyes

Shuri: What do you see?

 

Peter invited Thanos

Peter Invited Ronan

Peter invited Ultron

Peter invited Hela

Peter Invited Red Skull

Peter Invited Dormammu

Peter Invited Doom

 

Carol: Peter why is this necessary?

Peter: Come in and you’ll see

Sam: And I oop-

Strange: Oh God

Strange: My worst fear has come true

Steve: What is it?

Strange: I’m surrounded by idiots

Thanos: Rood

Wanda: what are you even doing here?

Ronan: Having our first ESC meeting

Red Skull: plotting world domination

Dormammu: Eating cookies

Doom: Moral support

Thanos: Saving some trees

Hela: Suffering

Ronan: We brought your apple juice by the way peter

Peter: YAY

Ultron: Want a cookie?

Strange: why are you having your meeting here?

Thanos: because it’s area 51

Ronan: Yeah, where else is an alien to go when they visit earth?

Shuri: So all this time…..

Wanda: Area 51 was not hiding Thumb Thumbs

Hela: no

Peter: How did you even get in here

Doom: Oh that’s easy

Ronan: We stormed area 51

Peter: …….

Ultron: what are you guys doing here?

Carol: Same as you

Dormammu: Eating cookies?

Carol: No

Shuri: Storming Area 51

Bucky: To see them Aliens

Hela: Well sorry to disappoint

Hela: wait

Hela: My brothers didn’t come?

Peter: no

Hela: How unlike them. I would have thought this childish nonsense was right up their playing field

Wanda: They’re back at the compound watching Disney

Thanos: What’s Disney?

Shuri: gasp

Clint: I am shook

Vision: I am offended

Clint: Well

Clint: You know what that means

Carol: what?

Peter: What does it mean

Clint: We gotta introduce them to the Lion King

Red Skull: Where can we see this Disney?

Peter: You can come over and watch them with Me and Shuri!

Ronan: Will there be apple juice?

Peter: yEs

Doom: ………..

Thanos: Get ready bois

Thanos: We storming the Avengers Compound next

Chapter Text

So It's come to my attention that people can't access the discord server because Angie was a dumbass and forgot to edit the link expiration. Here is the new link that DOESN'T expire: https://discord.gg/mR4RFHk

Sorry about that folks.

Next Chapter soon!

-Angie^^

Chapter Text

 

Clint created a Server

Clint Named the server: I have a theory….

Clint invited Peter, Sam, Bucky, Tony, Nat, Wanda,

 

Clint: Alright Frems

Clint: Here’s the thing

Peter: what’s the thing?

Clint: Quiet child!

Nat: Be nice to Peter or I’m adding Pepper

Clint: 👀

Sam: Can we just appreciate how that’s a threat in this house?

Wanda: What is the theory?

Clint: I have been doing some venting

Clint: and By venting I mean vent-watching

Clint: And by vent watching I mean I’ve been looking with my lookers from the vents

Nat: Ew. that’s gross

Clint: NOT LIKE THAT

Tony: Really? Because that’s what it sounds like

Clint: I have been observing someone 

Clint: more like someoneS

Clint: But they don’t know about it because I am a sneaky spy

Peter: sNeAk

Sam: Are you going to get on with telling us what this is about?

Clint: Y E S

Clint: So as I was saying….

Clint: I’ve been watching all of you

Clint: Like a hawk :)

Clint: But mostly Steve and Carol

Bucky: I hate to break it to you Pal, but I don’t think they’re interested

Clint: NOT LIKE THAT EITHER

Clint: I SQWAK AT YOUR STUPIDITY BARNES

Clint: I KNOW THEY’RE NOT INTERESTED BECAUSE I THINK I KNOW WHO THEY’RE INTERESTED IN

Tony: Alright Cupid, slow down there

Nat: But do tell

Wanda: Yes, so then I can tell Carol who Steve’s been looking at

Sam: Oh, she’d give him so much shit for it

Tony: I know this sounds awful, but I live for that 

Bucky: Wow, no we know where your friendships lie

Tony: You know what Barnes? Look me in they eyes and tell me it’s not funny

Bucky:

Bucky: Okay, It’s funny

Clint: NO

Clint: THERE IS NO TELLING CAROL OR STEVE ABOUT MY THEORY 

Peter: lol why? They’d go after each other so much about it. It would be great.

Clint: WE CANNOT TELL CAROL OR STEVE BECAUSE IT IS CAROL AND STEVE

Peter: Carol and Steve like themselves?

Peter: I’m confused

Peter: Are you saying they’re narcissists?

Sam: Dear god we only need one of those in this house

Tony: …..

Tony: I’m going to allow that

Clint: YOU’RE ALL BLIND

Nat: Why are we blind?

Clint: I mean….

Clint: Have you seen the way those two look at each other? And how Steve always yells at her for doing Stupid stuff? And how Carol messes with him for no reason

Nat: 👀

Wanda: 👀👀👀

Bucky: Yes, with complete hatred

Sam: Dude, they fucking hate each other

Tony: Yeah, I don’t think any attraction between those two is possible in any way

Peter: ………

Peter: It’s like those unrealistic hallmark movies!

Nat: All hallmark movies are unrealistic Peter

Peter: No no! The ones where the two people hate each other but they secretly don’t they just act like they do because way deep down they have feelings

Nat: Again, they hate each other

Peter: Have you met Sam and Bucky?

Sam: …..

Sam: I’ll give him that

Tony: I’m sorry to burst your bubble Clint, but Carol has the emotional span of a rock

Wanda: ….

Nat: Wanda

Nat: You can’t seriously think…

Wanda: I mean

Wanda: Now that he says it

Wanda: It kind of makes sense

Peter: See? Some hallmark movies are realistic 

Nat: No Peter

Nat: No they’re not

Clint: I know it to be true

Clint: You must observe

Clint: Like me

Wanda: Rip

Tony: ?

Peter: Why are we ripping?

Wanda: Because Clint is fucked

Clint: ….why?

Wanda: Because a Captain in question has looked over my shoulder and seen my phone

Sam: F

Bucky: F

Tony: F

Peter: Here Lies Clint Barton….

Wanda: Carol would like me to inform you that we are having roasted hawk for dinner tonight right after she finishes vomiting

Clint: hides

Sam: More like roasted Steve

Bucky: Lmao

Bucky: The amount of reds he’s turning right now is amazing

Nat: oml why

Sam: Do you not hear Carol screaming at Clint about his conclusion?

Peter: Exposed

Natasha: This is infuriatingly funny

Sam: lol we should handcuff them again

Sam: Find out if Barton’s theory was right

Peter: Welp, If they way they’re acting right now doesn’t confirm it, then i don’t know what does

Tony: I’m with Sam on the handcuffing though

Nat: Why

Tony: Friday night entertainment

Nat: This is true

Bucky: What is it with you too and feeding off the pain of others

Nat: What can I say? We’re horrible people

Peter: I’ll call Shuri

Wanda: you realize we’re all dead right

Tony: That’s why you gotta go out with a bang

Tony: If I’m dying i’m dying from embarrassing Steve

Nat: There are worse ways to die

Clint: She’ll never find me

Clint: I’m too sneaky

Nat: Don’t worry Barton

Nat: I’ll save you

Clint: Really?

Nat: No, you’re on your own bitch

Peter: Here lies Clint Barton. Brutally Slain for exposing Carol and Steve. May he rest in many pieces

Sam: F

Bucky: F

Nat: F

Wanda: She also says that Pepper is now her favorite Stark

Tony: F

Peter: F

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Tony Created A Server

Tony named the Server: Someone talk to me I’m bored

Tony invited Everyone

 

Steve: Hello

Tony: Hello Steve

Steve: How’s your day

Tony: eh

Steve: same

Carol: Stove you wanna know a secret?

Steve: what Carl? 

Carol: whispers

Carol: no one cares

Nat: lol

Nat: No One:

Nat: Not One Fucking Person

Nat: Steve: breaths

Nat: Carol: SOMEONE TURN THAT DAMN STOVE OFF!

Carol: Damn straight 

Rhodey: @Carol Seeing as you’re so focused on him, why don’t you do it yourself?

Scott: The only way to turn of his breathing is by covering his lips

Tony: What ever could you use to cover his lips😉

Carol: Tape

Carol: DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY TAPE?

Steve: Super Soldier Serum means tape doesn’t work

Steve: Not that I’m suggesting any alternatives

Peter: Captain and Captain, sitting in a tree…

Carol: Peter Parker sitting in a grave if he finishes that sentence👀

Peter: You lay in graves captain

Carol: How would you know where I sleep?

Carol: I could live in your air vent and you’d never know

T’Challa: You glow brighter than the north star…

Carol: 👀

Steve: hah

Carol: silence stove!

Carol: grabs tape

Steve: I already told you it won’t work Danvers

Carol: Science cannot defeat the likes of tape!

Steve: My shield can cut through the toughest metals on earth. 

Steve: And I know you don’t have anything more than packing tape in your office 

Carol: 👀👀👀👀👀

Carol: How would you know whats in my office Stove?

Peter: You poking around Auntie Carol’s Office?

Steve: Quiet Peter

Steve: I read over the supply delivery manifests

Steve: The strongest tape in the facility is in the laboratories and it’s glorified duct tape

Steve: No offense Bruce

Bruce: ….

Bruce: I am offend

Carol: But if it’s vibranium tape…👀

Peter: @Shuri

Shuri: I’ll get right on it

Tony: Here we go

T’Challa: Sister I beg of you, do not encourage this

Bruce: @Shuri Send some my way if you can please

Shuri: It’ll be on Amazon within the month

Carol: We can tape Steve’s shield to the ceiling

Steve: Parker wanna make fifty bucks?

Peter: To crawl around your bedroom? You’d better have a better starting bid than that

Tony: My son takes after me. I’m so proud

Wanda: @Peter I am disturbed by that statement

Carol: I don’t think I want to know

Steve: You all are disgusting

Nat: Are we?

Steve: Don’t get me started on you Romanov

Carol: @Steve it’s already common knowledge that she has a bigass Backstreet Boys poster on her wall.

Nat: You’ve got nothing on me Rogers

Steve: Actually 

Steve: After you dumped all of the S.H.I.E.L.D files a few years back, you’d be surprised

Steve: Reddit made a list

Wanda: Rip Nat

Wanda: You’ve been played

Nat: Well

Nat: If you’re gonna play that card then I guess I’ll tell Carol about that time you ate her pasta👀

Carol: inhales

Steve: There wasn’t a name on it

Steve: Therefore I am not responsible

Tony: Funny, I swore it was in Carol’s Tupperware that I saw you throwing out after eating

Carol: YOU WERE THE ONE WHO ATE IT?!

Carol: THIS IS TREASON!

Steve: I am locking the door to my office

Carol: NO DOOR CAN STOP ME!

Tony: Captain Danvers, you are authorized to destroy whatever parts of my facility are required to enact revenge for your linguine

Clint: lol he thinks locking the door is going to do anything

Steve: I guess I’m going on vacation then

Carol: I will find you

Steve: I spent years in western Europe during the war. Good Luck 

Carol: I won’t be needing it

Steve: P.S. Hitler’s bunker is not where the internet claims it is

Peter: Oh! Oh! I remember learning that in school last year!

Peter: It’s actually in Southern Italy!

Steve: …..

Carol: ……

Carol: Parker is now my favorite

Steve: You suck Parker

Nat: Don't insult my spider son you heathen

Carol: You are so in for it Steve

Steve: Come out and get me night light, I’ve knocked out the bad guys over two hundred times

Carol: Is that a challenge?

T’Challa: American courting procedures are so…

T’Challa: Violent

Wanda: I know right?

Thor: What ever happened to giving people flowers and telling them they look pretty?

Wanda: is that what they do on Asgard?

Thor: Oh no, we too are quite barbaric when it comes to courting. I just think everyone is pretty and flowers are nice.

Nat: Thor…

Nat: You are too pure for this world

Steve: I could also come take refuge in the royal Wakandan Palace

Carol: There is nowhere you can hide from me

T’Challa: …… 

T’Challa: no you most certainly will not

Steve: Guess I’m on my own then

Steve: ……

Steve: Okay who took the handle bars from my bike?

Natasha: I’ll never tell👀

Tony: Oh you know those old Harleys are always breaking down Cap

Carol: HAH

Carol: THERE IS NOWHERE FOR YOU TO RUN ROGERS!

Carol: YOU’RE MINE NOW!

Nat: Yes

Nat: Yes he is

Bucky: He’s trying to take the quinjet

Steve: Really buck?

Carol: YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE ME ROGERS!

Tony: I’ve remotely disabled his voice recognition access

Steve: You gotta be shitting me

Nat: Language!

Wanda: Oh Steve

Nat: You are so so very screwed

Carol: breaks down garage door

Carol: You can run but you won’t get far!

Steve: I’ve been running a long time Danvers

Clint: Can I have Steve’s leftovers when he’s dead?

Carol: Only because I’m in a sharing mood

Clint: I mean…

Clint: I was gonna eat them anyway, but I want dibs

Sam: On your left

Sam: I tripped him on the bridge

Sam: He fell in the water

Bucky: ‘atta boy

Nat: lol Sam

Nat: He can run but it’s only a matter of time until he comes back

Nat: If ya know what I mean…👀😉

Clint: 👀👀👀

Clint: This is such a great team bonding experience

Wanda: @Nat Correction. If Steve leaves it’s only a matter of time before he dies alone

Nat: …….👀

Nat: Who put your mind in the shadows?

Clint: lmao

Wanda: I’m simply stating the facts

Clint: Savage

Carol: I’m so confused

Carol: Wanda stop being cryptic

Wanda: Carol stop being oblivious

Tony: Ms. Maximoff is simply stating that Steve will need someone to help him dry off Danvers. Those cosmic fists of yours sure do look mighty warm

Sam: this man is soaked

Bucky: The one thing his shield can’t solve

Bucky: Being wet

Carol: He can freeze

Carol: It won’t be the first time

Clint: He need some milk for that burn, damn

Carol: It’s what he deserves for eating my pasta

Steve: It was fairly bland pasta all things considered

Peter: Here lies Captain Rogers….

Peter: Murdered in Cold Blood by Captain Marvel

Bucky: lol

Carol: How dare you insult my pasta?

Clint: Does he have a death wish or is he just too sexually frustrated?

Nat: I think it might be both

Carol: We're gonna fight Steve 

Nat: And she's gonna win

Steve: I could do this all day

Tony: I thought that saying was only for when you’re getting profusely beaten

Tony: Which happens quite a lot on just about every mission might I say

Clint: At the very least he obviously has a thing for getting beaten up

Nat: They’re perfect for each other

Clint: They really are

Nat: Steve needs someone to boss him around

Clint: Now if they would stop focusing on each other enough to notice their feelings

Loki: I’d take a bet that Captain Rogers has a secret thing for women ordering him around. He tends to find the bossiest of them and chases after them like an errant school boy

Wanda: lol

Clint: I wouldn’t take that bet because I agree with you

Nat: Should we tell them?

Nat: Or should we just let this destruction play out?

Clint: Would they listen to us if we told them?

Nat: Maybe?

Carol: I answer to nobody 

Carol: Except for Fury

Carol: And occasionally Nat

Carol: But only because she lets me play with her cat

Bucky: Carol, when you are moving forward with murdering Steve please be careful

Bucky: I’m helping him find dry clothes and I don’t want to be baked alive

Carol: Don’t worry Bucky

Carol: No harm shall come to you

Sam: Don’t hurt my metal man

Steve: I’m taking you both down with me

Carol: No harm shall come to the bird bois

Carol: Only Steve shall perish

Peter: @Steve I will put your handle bars back on your motorcycle if you take a selfie with my best friend Ned

Steve: Deal

Tony: Wait a minute

Tony: ….The kid took the handle bars

Tony: He really is my son

 

Chapter Text

 Previously in the same Server: Steve's trying to run far far away after eating Carol's pasta and Peter offers his help.....👀

 

Nat: Alright well now we gotta tell them

Clint: cackles from the vents at what’s about to go down

Nat: And Peter, I swear to God if you sink our ship I will throw out all your Star Wars movies

Peter: I digitalized them all Auntie Nat, so go ahead

Nat: Welp

Peter: Your bike is ready Captain America 🇺🇸

Nat: The kid leaves me no choice

Clint: Oh no

Wanda: Idk if Carol can handle it…

Nat: We’re about to find out

Nat: inhales

Nat: CAROL STEVE LIKES YOU

Clint: What are we, five?

Nat: Yes

Clint: That’s fair

Steve: I do not

Carol: …….

Sam: @Steve yes you do

Clint: he does

Bucky: C’mon man you totally do

Wanda: I can confirm that Carol.exe has stopped working

Wanda: Nat you broke carol

Steve: you are all delusional

Wanda: I’m pretty sure that’s you

Clint: Should we tell him too?

Nat: Yes

Nat: Because we are awful people

Clint: Of course

Clint: I got this one

Nat: 👀

Steve: I don’t want to know…

Clint: inhales

Clint: STEVE CAROL LIKES YOU

Wanda: Vis come help me get Carol back online

Vision: I don't think that's how that works

Carol: inhales intensely

Wanda: Oh wait

Wanda: I think I got it

Clint: chuckles

Clint: I’m in danger

Carol: HJJKJDJDKFBDJWSKSKWKS  WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT WHAT THE FUCK CLINT I SWEAR TO GOD WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU IM GONNA FRY THE BRAINS YOU DON’T HAVE JDSJDFJDFJDJ

Clint: fuckfuckshitfuckshit NAT MADE ME DO IT

Clint: NAT HELP

Carol: I’M SURROUNDED BY ASSHOLES

Nat: @Clint You’re on your own bird boy

Clint: Nooooo

Clint: Betrayal

Steve: Why is the sky glowing?

Clint: That’s death coming for me

Carol: SAY GOODNIGHT FUCKERS!

Steve: Language

Carol: Don’t tell me what to do you heathen

Clint: Tell my leftovers I love them

Wanda: @Carol You know if you destroy the compound I can’t make you pasta anymore

Carol: I…….

Carol: sighs

Carol: You live to see another day Barton

Clint: Oh Yay!

Carol: for now….

Tony: shit

Nat: What?

Tony: FRIDAY has confirmed, Steve is off the premises 

Clint: ….

Clint: Not so yay

Nat: Find him

Nat: This ship ain’t going down before it’s sailed

Nat: Not while I’m still the Captain

Wanda: lol

Nat: lmao

Nat: I’m the Captain now

Wanda: STEVEN

Wanda: ACCEPT HER LOVE

Steve: I can see her glowing above the compound behind me. I don’t want to accept anything she’s offering right now

Nat: Nah Nah Fam

Nat: We got her under control

Nat: Its all good

Steve: Oh wait that’s Tony

Clint: climbs up onto the roof

Clint: Spotted the runner. Heading East towards the treeline

Rhodey: moving in from the South to intercept

Tony: Live-streaming all of this to the home TV

Peter: AND I KEEP RUNNIN RUNNIN RUNNIN RUNNIN

Shuri: RUNNIN FROM MY HEART!

Rhodey: Just like in Romania

Bucky: Please don’t remind me

Clint: Rip dude

Carol: I think….

Carol: I think I need a nap

Carol: This is a lot to process

Carol: All this being angry has made me a bit tired

Wanda: have a good nap

Nat: @Steve The first step to acceptance is acceptance

Steve: all this over some damn linguine

Carol: It’s sacred!

Carol: Also

Carol: @Nat can I cuddle with your cat?

Nat: Sure

Nat: Now Steve

Steve: No

Nat: Get back here before I hunt you down myself

Steve: See above

Nat: I did

Nat: And I’ve elected to ignore it

Steve: Then I hope that cat suit of yours has hiking boot add ons

Nat: Oh it does

Rhodey: I can confirm, he's ditched the bike

Rhodey: He just rode his shield down a hillside

Rhodey: I recorded the noise he made as he went down

Steve: With all due respect Colonel, your rank won’t stop me from knocking your ass out of the sky

Nat: lmao Steve used a big boy word

Tony: Wow Rhodey, he nearly hit you just then

Rhoday: Shut up Tony

Wanda: Peter pass the popcorn

Wanda: And Nat you gotta come see this sksksjhsfj 

Nat: What?

Wanda: Tony is live steaming this shit

Loki: Wanda pass the popcorn

Wanda: complies

Loki: thank

Tony: Steve I’m only an onlooker, please refrain from throwing that at me

Clint: pops out of the vents to join wanda peter and loki

Steve: All is fair in love and war Tony…

Tony: Wow, those should be your vows to Carol

Wanda: She’s sleeping rn but I’m pretty sure Carol would hit you for that

Rhodey: lol excellent aim Captain

Steve: Thank you Colonel

Clint: sneaks some popcorn

Wanda: You know you could have just asked right?

Clint: Sure, but I’m a spy

Clint: It’s what I do

Clint: Also Loki’s holding it and he’s territorial

Loki: He isn’t coming anywhere near the popcorn. He’ll eat it all

Clint: See?!

Carol: I smelled popcorn and woke up

Carol: g i v e 

Loki: hANDS oFF

Tony: Hello again Carol

Tony: Steve is shopping for your engagement ring

Carol: Fuck off Stark

Steve: Fuck Off Tony

Clint: lmao

Tony: awwwwwww

Nat: Did they just agree on something?

Steve: ……Shit

Clint: They did and it was adorable

Wanda: My Heart, I can’t 

Loki: Isn’t this sweet

Rhodey: His aim is more ad more off the angrier he gets

Bruce: I can recommend a good therapist Steve

Nat: lmao Bruce no, he's gonna need more than that

Wanda: Did you get him yet?

Wanda: The feed cut out

Tony: I can’t see

Loki: Oh dear, my amusement :(

Clint: Oh Shit

Rhodey: He knocked out my foot repulsers, I have to hover after him with my auxiliary jets

Peter: the suspense….

Nat: Welp

Nat: Time to pull out the big guns

Loki: munches on popcorn

Loki: Oh this is getting good

 

Nat invited Fury

 

Fury: Who rang?

Steve: What the hell

Nat: Steve’s on the loose

Rhodey: Oh Shit y’all 

Fury: this party’s over

Clint: inconspicuously scoots behind loki

Clint: Carol go get your mans

Loki: I think not mortal

Rhodey: Fury has apprehended the Captain

Nat: Okay guys, engagement party’s over

Clint: scrambles over to wanda

Rhodey: mofo came out of nowhere

Steve: Damn it

Wanda: Nat has been attacked by Carol for her “engagement party” comment 

Wanda: lol it’s like watching two cats fight 

Clint: This turned into a train wreck real quick

Nat: Love makes you do strange things Barton 

Loki: How dare he ruin my entertainment, that pathetic excuse of a pirate

Loki: unhand the Captain at once

Carol: No no

Carol: he’s much easier to hit if he’s not moving

Fury: Listen Captain Glowstick, I’m bringing back your man, which is a very painful task might I add, so ease up off my ass

Clint: ooooOOOOO

Carol: Whatever you say Furry

Fury: You owe me a drink for this one Carl

Steve: I am not her man

Fury: uh huh

Nat: Yes you are

Clint: You totally are

Loki: Of course you are

Wanda: 100%

Clint: I like how Carol didn’t comment on Steve being called her man

Nat: Because what is there to comment on?

Clint: You right. 

Clint: I just expected her to stay in denial longer

Nat: I think her nap helped

Wanda: She just needed to sleep on it

Clint: That’s fair

Carol: carol has declined to comment

Steve: Fury where did you even get these hand cuffs

Fury: The Skrulls

Steve: The what now?

Fury: Don’t you two Captains discuss anything on dates?

Steve: …..

Carol: …. 

Nat: They will now

Carol: Nat why?

Nat: its for your own good

Peter: Yeah, sexual tension makes me anxious

Clint: agrees

Nat: It’s for the good of the team as well

Tony: Peter please don’t ever utter the words “sexual tension” ever again

Peter: 👀

Nat: how sweet

Nat: Tony your son has been corrupted

Tony: That’s not sweet 

Tony: That’s terrifying

Fury: Not as terrifying as I'm gonna be if y’all can’t work your shit out

Peter: just handcuff them together agin until they admit they like each other

Nat: or lock them in a closet

Nat: either works

Fury: I vote closet

Steve: you have to be kidding me

Steve: Stuck in a small space?

Steve: With Carol?

Steve: I’ll be dead in seconds

Wanda: Well at least you won’t be dying alone

 

An hour later after being locked in a closet against their will….

 

Nat: Did it work?

Wanda: Idk but they finally stopped yelling at each other

Peter: Thank God

Peter: It was giving me a headache

Tony: If this didn’t work then they can sleep outside until they get their stubborn asses together

Sam: I second

Bucky: I third

Wanda: @Carol what’s the verdict?

Wanda: Carol?

Wanda: CAAAARROOLLLL

Steve: FUCK OFF SHE’S SLEEPING

Nat: 👀

Clint: opens closet door

Nat:   dies from cuteness overload

Wanda: can confirm that fury is a genius

Tony: HAHAHA

Tony: Success!

Thor: ……

Thor: I love happy endings


 

 

Chapter Text

Bucky Created a Server

Bucky Named the Server: Caution, Froot Loop Sorting in session

Bucky Invited Everyone

 

Bucky: I would just like to make it known that the Froot Loop sorting is in session and to take caution when walking through the sitting area

Peter: This has been your PSA

Steve: Then what did I just step on?

Steve: It’s green

Peter: Rip Steve

Peter: You have committed the ultimate crime

Steve: Do I even want to know

Peter: You have crushed Carol’s loops

Bucky: Oh shit

Bucky: Dude, you’re so dead

Peter: She spent like an hour sorting those

Steve: I stepped on like 1 or 2

Steve: What’s the worst that can happen

Bucky: …..

Peter: ……

Strange: ….

Steve: …….

Steve: Oh…

Steve: That’s right…..it’s Carol

Carol: inhales

Steve: Doctor, may I borrow a portal?

Carol: STEVE YOU ASSHOLE

Carol: THOSE WERE MY L O O P S

Steve: Strange, please….

Peter: Here lies Captain Rogers….

Steve: Carol…you have another box of loops in the pantry

Carol: I spent an hour sorting those

Steve: But you only left my office forty minutes ago?

Steve: I mean

Steve: Shit

Bucky: Language

Nat: I heard an abundance of screaming

Nat: But now I’m not sure I want to know

Tony: No, no

Tony: Please continue

Steve: Strange I need that damn portal right now

Strange: Captain, I’m afraid I’m about to give a lecture at NYU and cannot assist

Strange: It’s as we’ve said

Strange: Run

Steve: I am so sick of running away from this compound

Peter:  a d d d r e s s   y o u r   w o m a n   S t e v e

Shuri: Why are you runnin?

Peter: WHY ARE YOU RUNNIN?

Wanda: Probably because it’s Carol

Steve: She’s yelled at me enough this last week

Steve: And she broke my TV

Nat: Yep

Nat: Sounds like Carol

Carol: Okay, that was a misfire and you know it 

Steve: Just because Tony owns a company that makes TVs doesn’t mean….

Carol: Choose your words wisely Captain👀

Sam: Are they arguing again

Bucky: Yep

Sam: Wow

Sam: They’re worse than us

Steve: You two never fight

Steve: And neither of you has explosives in your blood

Sam: My point exactly

Bucky: Yeah man

Bucky: What is it with you and getting beat up?

Sam: Or stealing Carol’s food

Steve: Well now she smirks at me whenever I take her pasta so...

Steve: I see that as a win of sorts

Carol: Listen here capsule

Steve: I’m listening glow stick

Carol: There is a difference in the sacredness of pasta and froot loops

Steve: Why do you spell it like that…?

Carol: Because

Carol: That’s what it says on the box

Nat: And the box never lies

Steve: Plenty of boxes have lied to me

Carol: Well that sounds like a you problem

Steve: According to the team, my problems are now our problems

Steve: So I defer to to your good judgement c a p t a i n

Steve: Is that how one memes?

Carol: I….

Carol: I blame you peter

Peter: How is this my problem now

Carol: You have corrupted him

Steve: Peter is this the point when I dab?

Carol: I swear to God Steve, if you start dabbing it’ll be the last thing you ever do

Carol: And quite possibly the last time I let you eat my pasta too

Steve: Fourth time you’ve said that today

Bruce: I swear you two argue like an old married couple

Bruce: About literally everything

Steve: Well we are the oldest on the team

Steve: ….

Steve: I regret what I’ve just written 

Tony: hwbdfhjvdh

Tony: Cap just called himself old

Carol: He’s insufferable

Carol: I rest my case

Wanda: Then why do you put up with him?

Carol: Don’t question my emotions Wanda

Steve: Carol the day you rest a case on anything, i will toss my shield into the Hudson

Carol: Well I just did

Carol: So ya better start walking

Nat: It’s like a sitcom with these two

Nat: I love it

Clint: I’m still intrigued about the office

Steve: Carol watches it

Steve: She said something about a Jim and a Pam

Clint: Not that office

Steve: I don’t quite get it

Nat: lol Yes Steve

Nat: Tell us

Nat: What happened in the office?

Steve: She said someone named Michael reminded her of Tony on his bad days

Steve: I don’t presume that was a compliment 

Wanda: Wow

Wanda: Either he is very skilled at dodging questions

Wanda: Or he is even more oblivious than Carol

Steve: Maximoff, the first time I took you for a real american cheeseburger you proceeded to eat the vegetables off it first, then the meat and the bread

Wanda: I have a system, sue me

Peter: So I’m guessing it’s the first

Steve: I’ve negotiated to go buy more fruit loops for Carol. Does anyone else need anything?

Tony: I think blackmailed would be a better word captain

Sam: lol what’d she do?

Carol: I have threatened to spray paint his shield again if he fails to compensate for the property that was destroyed

Bucky: Carol

Bucky: It’s only froot loops

Nat: Yeah but we all know he probably would have done it anyway

Nat: He’s literally infatuated with that woman

Steve: Did I just hear a whipping noise?

Steve: Shut up Natasha

Nat: Never

Vision: Has the Captain been whipped?

Wanda: I hate to say it Vis

Wanda: But he’s worse than you

Steve: Tony your tech is blocking my bike

Tony: I’m busy

Tony:  I’m sure Carol can move it for you

Carol: You make the mess Stark

Carol: You clean it up

Tony: Captain, get ahold of your woman’s attitude

Tony: It’s rivaling mine and it has me shook

Steve: I still don’t know what shook means so i’m ignoring that

Peter: lol Steve

Sam: He means contain your woman

Carol: I am uncontainable

Sam: We’ve noticed

Bucky: He sure is trying to though

Bucky: Poor guy

Loki: He has brought this wrath upon himself

Clint: You gotta admit though

Clint: It’s fuckin funny watching them bitch about useless shit

Steve: I did not start this fruit loop nonsense Clint

Steve: But I’m sure as hell paying for it

Carol: You were the one that stepped on my pile

Steve: I stepped on three

Carol: And now you pay the price

Carol: Or I will not be paying you any more trips to the office

Clint: 👀

Nat: 👀👀👀

Steve: Last call for groceries

Nat: Don’t get kicked out

Clint: The Avengers don’t really have the best shopping record

Tony: I am not buying another Walmart

Steve: Someone just asked me to follow them on instant gram

Steve: What does that mean

Peter: You’re not ready for that yet?

Sam: Peter if you allow him to to experience the terrors of teenage girls on the internet I will murder you

Nat: Don’t threaten my spider child

 

Steve attempting (and failing) to message Carol directly

 

Steve: Carol what’s instant gram?

Steve: Ah fuck

Peter: Cap if you can’t manage discord…you can’t handle…instant gram 😂

Carol: For the record Stove

Carol: Never letting you hear the end of that one

Steve: When do you ever

Carol: Once

Steve: Alright I’m back

 

Steve failing yet again at another attempt to DM Carol

 

Steve: your cereal is in the special place

Carol: STEVE

Carol: Fuckin STOP

Carol: You’re shit at this

Nat: Now I really want to know

Steve: Please don’t invade our relationship Romanov

Nat: Wanda get the cats

Nat: And the cider

Nat: We are so getting this out of her

Carol: My lips are sealed

Carol: ….

Carol: Wait cats?

Steve: No no no

Wanda: And cider

Steve: No no

Carol: 👀

Steve: I’m putting a stop to this

Carol: But Cats…..

Steve: NO

Wanda: But Muffin loves Carol

Steve: Muffin loves everyone Wanda

Carol: BRING ME CAT PEASANT

Wanda: Alright Nat

Wanda: We got detective work to do

Steve: FRIDAY Please deny all access to West Wing, Subsection 13A

Peter: Wtf that’s my room!

Steve: Oops

Steve: West Wing, Subsection 3A

Carol: Joke’s on you Stove

Carol: I’m not currently in my room

Steve: Shit

Carol: Nothing can stop me from obtaining cuddles from cats

Nat: Cider and Cats

Wanda: At your service

Steve: Please no

Steve: Don't tell them Carol

Peter: lol Cap you’re so screwed

Carol: Cats are worth it

Shuri: Peter and I are watching the Captain debate leaving his room on camera

Peter: It is glorious

Shuri: Awwww he disabled it

Peter: I got you fam

Peter: SpiderCam!

Peter: I choose you!

Steve: Parker don’t you dare

Nat: Now

Wanda: Spill the tea

Carol: I’ve already told you ladies

Carol: I don’t spill the tea

Carol: I throw the whole damn Kettle

Peter: Cap is running for the Space Girlz Headquarters!

Nat: Quick! Lock the doors!

Clint: sips tea

Bruce: Cap just tried to sneak past me

Bruce: He’s headed your way

Bruce: With his shield

Nat: Carol

Nat: Talk faster

Clint: He’s evaded to the pantry

Carol: You touch my loops Steve…

Carol: You know the consequences

Steve: Try me sparky

Carol: Oh I have

Carol: You stand no chance

Nat: 👀

Peter: He’s in the kitchen!

Shuri: He has the box!

Carol: Welp.

Carol: Gotta go

Nat: Hoh Shit Rogers

Nat: She’s coming for you

Steve: I’ll be okay

Carol: Not for long fucker

Carol: UNHAND MY LOOPS!!!

Peter: Rip

Peter: Who knew Carol could tackle the Captain?

Clint: lol They’re like two squirrles fighting over who gets the last acorn

Scott: Well this sounds violent

T’Challa: Americans

T’Challa: They have strange customs

Steve: Okay, that was cheating Carol

Carol: If you can’t win fair, cheat

Nat: What’d she do this time?

Carol: It’s not my fault he has shitty aim

Steve: No I don’t you liar

Steve: You distracted me with your mouth 

Carol: What can I say?

Carol: I’m a very distracting person

Wanda: Oh we’re aware

Vision: 👀

Vision: Wanda why?

Nat: Because have you seen Carol?

Steve: Yes

Steve: And she’s mine

Nat: Well

Nat: Someone’s getting possessive 

Carol: Update: I have obtained the loops

Steve: I have contained the Carol 

Carol: Crisis averted

Steve: Now can you please give them to me so I can put them back on the shelf?

Carol: hisssss

Carol: You shall not take my loops

Steve: You’re too short to reach

Carol: Don’t make fun of my height you heathen

Steve: You act like they’re your prized possession or something

Bucky: Hey 

Bucky: You heard the woman

Bucky: The loops are sacred in this house 

Carol: Bow down mortals

Loki: I am no mere mortal

Thor: Are any of us?

Scott: Wait....

Scott: I’m confused 

Scott: So what happened in the office?

Steve: .......👀

Carol: Use your imagination

T’Challa: .........

T’Challa: You know 

T’Challa: Sometimes this chat makes me question the universe

Chapter Text

Alright frems, I'm gonna be real with you for a good second here. I know this isn't a chapter, but it's worth the read.

I just want to say that you all are the best readers in the world and thank you so much for all the support you have given this story. It makes writing it really special and enjoyable for me. Thanks to you all wonderful people I've been able to pump out 32 chapters with more to come (I plan to keep writing this as log as y'all want me to). Honestly when I first started this thing I didn't think anybody would be interested but you all have been so kind and supportive even when the chapters weren't really that great. So thank you, really, from the bottom of my heart. It makes me feel so special and so good about myself when I wake up every morning after posting a chapter and see all the nice things you have to say about it. I love hearing from you and what you guys would like to see. This story has allowed me to meet so many great people (discord group I'm looking at you👀) and it's just been a joy to write. I'm so happy you all love it so much, and thank you for dealing with my thirty something chapters of utter chaos. Also thank you to Help, Clip, and Stove for helping me come up with the existential terror that is a good portion of this story as well as everyone else on the server for pitching in their ideas too :) You're all the best, every single one of you❤️

- Angie^^

Chapter Text

(Quick Note: Superior IM is Superior Iron Man, I was just to lazy to type the whole name out)

 

 

Tony Created a server

Tony named the Server: Tony Appreciation Day

Tony Invited Everyone

 

Tony: @everyone It is Tony appreciation day

Tony: Love me

Nat: No?

Loki: No

Steve: That’s not a thing?

Carol: It’s Carol appreciation day

Wanda: It’s Carol appreciation day every day because you are a gift from the gods

Steve: 👀

Steve: Hands off Maximoff

Tony: Spotlight’s on me now Danvers

Clint: Tony Stop being a narcissist

Tony: I do what I please

Peter: I appreciate you Mr. Stark!

Tony: I love my wholesome son

Peter: You are the best iron dad ever

 

Superior IM joined the server

 

Superior IM: no

Tony: wh-

Tony: This is a private server

Superior IM: Nothing is private when it comes to me

Sam: HAH

Sam: THAT’S HOW IT FEELS

Nat: who tf are you?

Tony: Yes who invited you

Superior IM: I invited me

Scott: Tony, He’s like your double

Superior IM: I AM THE GREATEST IRON DAD

Tony: YOU’RE A COMPLETE STRANGER

Superior IM: I’M YOU

Superior IM: from another uNiVeRsE

Superior IM: And better

Clint: Where’s the popcorn

Peter: So does this mean I have two dads now?

Carol: Peter, you have like seven dads. What’s one more?

Strange: If you’re from another universe then how did you get on our timeline’s server?

Superior IM: Magic

Peter: You’re a wizard Harry

Superior IM: My name is Tony? Also I'm not a wizard?

Tony: Strange is a wizard

Strange: For the last time tin can I’m not a wizard, I’m a sorcerer

Superior IM: …….

Superior IM: I feel like that’s the same thing tho

Strange: I assure you it’s not

Bucky: Wait so we have two tin cans now?

Bucky: I’m so confused

Superior IM: No no

Superior IM: I am an Iron MAN

Superior IM: Your Tony is a tin can

Tony: Fight me bitch

Superior IM: I will

Tony: You’ll lose

Superior IM: No

Superior IM: I don’t think I will

Steve: Lol Stark he really is you

Carol: Someone get the pesticide we have three narcissists in the house now

Scott: Wait, who are the other two? I thought it was just Tony?

Carol: Tony and Steve and now this guy

Bucky: lol

Steve: I thought you were supposed to like me?

Carol: Maybe I do, maybe I don’t

Carol: You’ll never know

Steve: Sure Carl

Carol: Fuck off Stove

Steve: Wow, love you too

Carol: hisssssss

Superior IM: ……

Superior IM: I’m not a narcissist

Superior IM: I simply have an abundance of self confidence

Tony: …..

Tony: THAT’S WHAT I SAID

Clint: Great minds think alike lol

Superior IM: silence bird man

Superior IM: How dare you suggest that this excuse of a Stark is my equal?

Scott: oof

Nat: lol Tony

Wanda: You’ve been recycled

Tony: alright 

Tony: That’s it

Superior IM: what are you going to do tin man?

Tony: I’m gonna kick your ass 

Superior IM: How dare you threaten my ass

Steve: Technically it’s your ass too Tony

Tony: Yep, and its a mighty fine one

Tony: I hate to have to damage it

Tony: you know, since I’m perfect and all

Carol: How does one combat hives?

Steve: Why would you have hives?

Carol: I’m allergic to narcissists

Clint: cronches on popcorn

Nat: lmao

Nat: is it bad that I kind of want to see these two go at it now?

Clint: passes nat the popcorn 

Clint: Join me

Superior IM: You can try to defeat me Stark but I assure you you won’t get very far. I am the greatest of my time and I shall not be snuffed by the likes of you

Steve: Now you sound like Carol

Wanda: sksksksks I love you Carol but that’s so true

Carol: …………..

Carol: @Superior IM Can you beat Steve up while you’re at it?

Superior IM: ……

Superior IM: I like this one

Tony: Strange

Tony: I need you to yeet me into the next universe

Strange: I’m sorry but did you just ask me to “yeet” you?

Tony: Yes

Tony: Let me at him

Strange: No

Tony: yes

Strange: N o

Tony: y e s

Thor: wait

Thor: I’m confused

Thor: If they are both Tony Stark

Thor: and Tony Stark is the Best

Thor: Doesn’t that mean they are both the best?

Thor: So technically there’s noting to fight about?

Nat: Thor=Genius

Superior IM: No

Superior IM: There can only be one

Sam: Oh shit

Sam: Tin Can’s suiting up

Tony: Strange give me the portal

Strange: No

Wanda: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

Vision: It concerns me that you condone this sort of behavior

Steve: it shouldn’t

Steve: She’s friends with Carol

Nat: Tony I’m getting an alert that someone has broken into the building under your clearance

Tony: Who

Superior IM: Who else

Tony: Alright

Tony: Listen here you big bitch

Wanda: Quick Vision! Put this on the live feed!

Nat: He’s heading up to the pent house

Bucky: You guys might want to take cover

Tony: It’s time to blow some shit up

Sam: Fuck

Sam: We’re doomed

Steve: Language

 

Pepper has joined the chat

 

Pepper: Why is the power out?

Pepper: And why do I hear spontaneous combusting?

Pepper: Peter what are you doing?

Peter: It’s not me mom I swear

Nat: Tony and his evil twin are currently rampaging the kitchen

Nat: They have resorted to throwing bottles of champaign at each other

Wanda: Rip

Wanda: There goes the coffee machine

Loki: If I may, I believe they’ve already damaged more property in ten minutes than Barton and Peter in a hour 

Nat: Wow

Nat: That’s a record breaker right there

Pepper: I’m coming up

Tony: Shit

Superior IM: What?

Tony: I’m screwed

Superior IM: Giving up already?

Tony: I’m guessing you’ve never experienced an Angry Pepper Potts before

Carol: Rip

Carol: Should’ve grabbed the pesticide while we still had the chance

Superior IM: Your errand runner?

Tony: Errand runner? What universe do you live in? No, she’s my wife dumbass

Superior: See in my universe, I am happily married to the mysterious Dr. Strange

Strange: I am insulted

Strange: And mildly disgusted

Nat: Yeah, I don’t see how that could ever be a happy marriage 

Pepper: Alright bitches

Pepper: I’m putting an end to this

Wanda: lol

Wanda: it was nice knowing you

Superior IM: I now know what you mean by an “Angry Pepper Potts”

Superior IM: being chased with a mechanical destabilizer is most unpleasant

Tony: Ya think?

Nat: lol where did she even get that thing

Pepper: I found it

Tony: That’s the last time I leave my lab unlocked…..

Superior IM: Welp

Superior IM: I’m out

Tony: Seriously?!

Tony: And leave me here to deal with this?

Superior IM: …….

Superior IM: Yeah

 

Superior IM has let the server

 

T’Challa: Press F to pay respects

Peter: f

Nat: f

Wanda: f

Rhodey: Happy Tony appreciation day y’all

Tony: ….

Tony: Shut up

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Carol created a Server

Carol named the server: The Space Girlz Return

Carol invited Nat, Wanda, Gamora, Nebula, Mantis, Peter, Shuri

 

Carol: We’re back bitches

Gamora: And better than ever!

Nat: lol

Nat: I missed these chats

Nebula: Miss us no more

Mantis: Hello

Wanda: MY FRIENDS

Wanda: IT’S BEEN TOO LONG

Gamora: WANDA

Wanda: GAMORA

Peter: PETER

Shuri: PETER

Nebula: SMALLER STARK

Peter: I feel appreciated

Gamora: How’s everyone been? It’s been ages since we last talked

Nat: 👀

Wanda: 👀

Carol: Nothing new👀

Shuri: cough

Peter: that’s a lie

Nebula: Why are we looking suspiciously off to the side like Carol is hiding something?

Nat: because she is

Nebula: Secrets secrets are no fun 

Gamora: What are you hiding Carol?

Wanda: The fact that you owe me 50 bucks

Gamora: …….

Carol: ……

Gamora: !!!!

Gamora: NO!

Wanda: Y E S

Carol: I’m confused

Nebula: lol they made a bet on whether or not you and Steve would ever get you oblivious asses together

Carol: ……

Carol: Fuck you Maximoff

Wanda: w h e n

Carol: n e v e r

Nebula: Yep

Nebula: I missed you guys

Carol: !!

Carol: That reminds me

Carol: We have two new members to introduce

Gamora: oooh newbies

Gamora: Nebula be nice

Nebula: No promises sister

Carol: lol

 

Carol invited Hope

Carol invited Hela

 

Carol: Show yourselves

Hope: So this is the legendary space gang

Hela: Hello Mortals

Nebula: ….

Nebula: I like her

Wanda: lol you would

Hope: lmao

Hope: what do you guys even do in here

Carol: we brew tea

Nat: and then we throw the whole damn kettle

Wanda: and we also plot world domination

Hela: ……

Hela: I like it

Gamora: lmao

Gamora: I’ve got some good tea

Peter: s p i l l

Wanda: WAIT

Gamora: WHAT

Wanda: I gotta actually get my tea

Gamora: hudsghu fine

Wanda: okay. we’re good

Nat: skskhfhfd she got the cat too

Nebula: I know what you’re going to say sister, and I’m not sure that it qualifies as “tea”

Gamora: shjkfz be quiet Nebula I’m gonna tell them anyway

Carol: What is it

Shuri: t e l l

Mantis: We’re coming back to Earth!

Mantis: …..bitches

Mantis:

Mantis: did I say it right?

Gamora: oml Mantis

Hope: She’s too pure for this world

Wanda: THATS NOT TEA BUT THAT’S BEAUTIFUL NEWS AAAAAAAAA

Wanda: I MISSED MY BEST FRIENDDDDDDDD

Gamora: I MISSED YOU TOOOOOOOOO

Carol: YAAASS 

Nat: REUNION

Hela: Hi, excuse me, yes

Hela: I have question 

Carol: I may have an answer

Hela: Why can we only spill tea?

Hela: What if you only drink off-world ale?

Nat: …..

Nebula: …..

Carol: …..👀

Hope: Carol I think we found your other half

Nat: Oof Stebe better watch out

Gamora: lmao Stebe, Hela’s comin’ for your woman

Carol: 👀

Wanda: Then she’ll have to get in line

Hope: lol Wanda why is Carol on your list, you have a boyfriend?

Nat: She’s on everybody’s list

Wanda: I’m just saying…if she asked I wouldn’t say no….

Carol: I’m in a relationship with Steve, but in an alternate universe of our own design I’m married to Wanda

Wanda: Exactly, she’s my metaphorical wife

Carol: and nat’s my metaphorical wife too

Hope: …..

Hope: I’m so confused

Gamora: its okay Hope

Nebula: Nobody understands their strange friendship

Nat: We do

Peter: We need to have another reunion

Carol: Yes

Carol: Where are you all going to be?

Gamora: At a landing sight upstate-ish, but not far from you

Hope: Why not at the compound?

Nebula: The Space Girls have been banned from being in the same living space at the same time for long periods of time

Hela: Why

Wanda: World domination

Hela: I believe you and I are going to be very good friends Ms. Maximoff

Wanda: Do you like cats?

Hela: Do humans need oxygen to breath?

Wanda: …..

Wanda: Carol can we keep her?

Carol: Yes

Peter: @Shuri, what are the odds you will ignore your brother and come visit for the weekend?

Shuri: What are the odds that I’m already in the process of doing that?

Wanda: YES

Wanda: THE SPACE GIRLZ SHALL STRIKE TERROR INTO THE HEARTS OF EVIL ONCE MORE!

Wanda: And eat an abundance of Pizza

Carol: And watch hallmark movies

Nat: And pet cats

Hope: And make cookies 

Gamora: And play cards

Peter: And spill tea

Nebula: And kick ass

Hela: Am I invited?

Carol: Yes

Wanda: yes

Nat: of course

Gamora: We can always use more females with a burning passion for destroying things

Carol: HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAAAAAA

Nat: sdjkjdshg WTF Carol

Carol: I just realized something and felt the need to cackle about it

Nat: Directly in my ear?

Carol: Yes

Carol: Sue me

Wanda: What was your realization?

Carol: Y’all It’s spooky season

Gamora: 👀

Hela: 👀

Nebula: 👀😈🎃

Mantis: What’s spooky season?

Carol: The time for terror

Nat: And chaos

Peter: Halloween

Mantis: OOOOOOOOOOH

Mantis: I like spooky season then

Mantis: You get to dress up as things you like

Mantis: Like puppies

Hope: Mantis….

Wanda: I can’t….too pure….

Nat: Whatever did we do to deserve a cream puff such as this?

Nebula: My Iron heart

Nebula: I believe it’s melting

Peter: I don’t know what I’m going to be for halloween

Shuri: Be Carol

Carol: Yes, let’s everybody be me

Carol: Give the others a heart attack

Nebula: …

Nebula: Sounds fun

Peter: WAIT

Shuri: WHAT

Hela: WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?

Peter: Our Reunion…..

Peter: SHOULD BE A HALLOWEEN PARTY!

Carol: inhales

Carol: Y E S

Carol: Space Girlz only

Carol: We can take over the penthouse

Wanda: WORLD DOMINATION

Hela: I’m in

Carol: Lol call it The Space Girlz’s Spooktastic Takeover

Wanda: Featuring us

Hope: Oh yeah!

Carol: gAmoRa

Gamora: cArOl

Carol: When do you arrive?

Gamora: Tomorrow

Carol: Alright ladies

Carol: I have some serious plotting to do

Nebula: what are we plotting?

Carol: This penthouse’s ultimate demise…..👀

Hope: ….

Hope: Why

Carol: Because I’m the Captain now……..👀

Carol: 👀👀👀👀👀

Nat: inhales

 


 

 

Angie: The Space Girlz Will Return.....

Carol: Wait, who tf are you?

Angie: 👀

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Carol created a Server

Carol named the Server: The Space Girlz Spooktastic Takeover

Carol Invited Wanda. Nat, Gamora, Nebula, Mantis, Peter, Shuri, Hope, Hela

 

Carol: Wanda

Wanda: Carol

Carol: Do you have the goods?

Wanda: I has the goods

Nat: We literally got every brand of chocolate in existence

Carol: g o o d

Gamora: Did you all pick a movie to watch yet

Nat: Pumpkin Pie Wars

Gamora: hjdksh that’s my favorite

Nebula: Never seen it

Peter: It’s literally the story of Steve and Carol

Carol: Fuck off Parker

Peter: 🙃

Nebula: lol

Mantis: Should I bring anything?

Hope: Just your beautiful self

Mantis: Okay☺️

Peter: Are we still getting Pizza

Carol: Of course

Nebula: So….

Nebula: Now onto the only part of this I am actually looking forward to

Carol: Which is?

Nebula: How exactly are you planning on taking over the penthouse?

Carol: basically we’re storming the theatre room and nobody can stop us :)

Nebula: g o o d

Nebula: I’ll bring the blasters

Nat: ….

Nebula: Just in case

Hela: I like her

Nebula: I like you too

Hela: Is this what is called making friends?

Wanda: Yes

Carol: Alright losers, if you’re not here with in the next fifteen minutes We’re starting with out you

Gamora: 👍🏻

 

 


 

 

Carol Created a server

Carol named the Server: Spooktastic Take over 2. 0

Carol Invited everybody

Carol invited Gamora, Nebula, Mantis, Hope, Hela

 

Tony: Carol

Tony: What is this?

Bruce: And why has your weird ninja squad assembled in the kitchen

Loki: And why is my sister trying to pet my cats?

Wanda: Because siblings have to share sometimes

Hela: This is true.

Loki: hisssss

Steve: Carol

Carol: Steve

Steve: What are you up to?

Carol: What makes you think I’m up to something? 

Carol: 👀👀👀

Steve: you’re always up to something

Nebula: Outta the way bitches

Nebula: We’re taking over

Scott: ???

Scott: Why is Hope here?

Hope: I’m a part of the Space Girlz now

Scott: Oh no

Scott: They’ve corrupted you too

Peter: Did you get the pizza?

Carol: Y E S

Tony: What are you even doing? 

Wanda: Plotting world domination

Hela: ⬆️⬆️⬆️

Strange: Well this is going to end terribly

Nat: lol the gang’s all here

T’Challa: Even my sister managed to slip from my sight

T’Challa: I apologize in advance

Shuri: You’re no fun brother

Shuri: Why do you think I hang out with Peter so much

Peter: 👀

Wanda: and I oop-

Thor: Did I hear Pizza?

Wanda: And Hallmark

Thor: 👀

Thor: I want in

Hela: No

Thor: yes

Hela: No

Thor: yes

Thor: Hela

Hela: Thor

Thor: Hela

Hela: Thor 

Peter: Peter

Shuri: Peter

Nat: Pizza?

Carol: Yes

Carol: Alright Ladies

Carol: It’s time to invade the theater room

Bucky: 👀

Bucky: Sam and I are watching a show in there

Carol: Well your time is up

Sam: Dude it’s NCIS night

Sam: you know this

Nebula: You can leave on your own accord or we will gladly have you removed

Sam: Try me robo-bitch

Nebula: Don’t tempt me bird brain

Wanda: Move or be moved assholes

Hope: I’m dying

Hope: Wanda has just “Yeeted” Sam out of the room

Tony: hjdguhjs beautiful

Sam: Alright, That’s it

Sam: Bird Squad Unite

Clint: SQWAK

Steve: Do I have to?

Sam: Y E S

Clint: We must defeat these forces of evil

Bucky: lol you three against all of them

Sam: J O I N  U S

Bucky: O K A Y

Tony: lol Sam I’ll join your team

Sam: 👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾

Tony: Oh and Rhodey, you’re going down with me

Tony: You too vision

Vision: Why do I always get roped into these things?

Loki: I too shall join your team Wilson

Scott: ……👀

Scott: imma be the ref

Strange: I think I’ll join you

Bruce: yeah me too

Mantis: I do not wish to fight either

Nat: @Mantis you're not ALLOWED to fight

Hope: You are to pure for the rage of battle

Thor: I shall fight with My loyal cat crew

Nat: lol this is war

Tony: Bring it on

Gamora: Oh we will

Sam: CHARGE!

Scott: plays avengers theme on the kazoo

Clint: HEAR MY SQWAK AND QUAKE IN FEAR MORTALS!

Scott: Ladies and Gentleman Welcome to the first annual Theatre Games

Carol: Wanda Quick! Use the food as ammo!

Peter: Food Fight!

Tony: Ow shit Peter stop

Nat: lol Tony has been webbed

Peter: One Tin Can recycled, two more to go

Steve: Hey

Steve: Show your fatter some respect

Nebula: @Sam you missed

Nebula: @Sam you missed again

Nebula: @Sam you have shit aim

Sam: I'M DOIN MY BEST

Scott: lol, Thor and Loki have a family feud going on with Hela over there

Hela: You will not defeat me mortal!

Loki: I am no mortal

Hela: Well neither am I

Bruce: Oh shit

Bruce: She drop kicked him

Nat: rip Loki

Hela: For the amount of bragging he does

Hela: ....

Hela: He Loki sucks

Nat: ...

Carol: ...

Wanda: Jkskskshjfd

Wanda: @Carol we're keeping her

Clint: Hope you fiend

Clint: Stop making yourself small so I can h i t you

Hope: come and get me bird brain

Sam: Caw Caw Motherfucker

Nat: C'mon Bucky

Nat: You can do better than that

Bucky: Don't push your luck Romanov

Gamora: lol Carol and Steve are going at it

Gamora: Like *hard*

Wanda: Eh

Wanda: That's nothing new

Tony: lmao you right

Rhodey: Tony we have a problem

Rhodey: My right repulser's out

Tony: We can tag team 'em then

Peter: You will not escape the clutches of Spidey

Tony: sure kid

Peter: I'm unstoppable

Tony: Hi Unstoppable

Tony: I'm dad

Peter: peter.exe has stopped working

Shuri: MMMM WHAT'CHA SAAAYYYY

Strange: I'm just waiting to see what happens when Pepper shows up

Tony: We'll deal with that later

Nebula: Gamora go for the wings

Sam: Paws of my wings you beast

Thor: This is your final warning sister!

Thor: I am not afraid to hit you with my hammer

Hela: I'm not afraid of no hammer

Hela: Bring it

Bruce: lmao there's chocolate and pizza everywhere

Hela: I'm so glad I tagged along

Hela: This is my kind of party

Tony: I'm not so sure I want my kid hanging around you

Peter: Have at you!

Wanda: lol, peter trying' to fight Vision

Nat: Wholesome brotherly love

Hela: Wait

Carol: what

Hela: When do we watch the movie?

Carol: After we kick their asses

Hela: Ohhh

Hela: Got it

Carol: HAH

Carol: I HAVE WON

Carol: STOVE HAS BEEN DEFEATED

Steve: You cheated

Steve: Again

Carol: Wasn't it you who said all is fair in love and war?

Steve: ......

Nat: there are no rules in war captain

Hela: ONLY VICTORY

Sam: I will end you

Hela: I took over Nine realms with nothing but a hammer and an oversized pupper

Hela: What makes you think you can defeat me Peasant

Hela: If anything you should kneel

Nat: kNeEl

Shuri: Bow down bitches

Loki: ......

Loki: That's my line

Clint: Sam

Clint: I hate to say this

Clint: But I think we might be fucked

Sam: NEVER

Sam: WE WILL NEVER SURRENDER TO THE LIKES OF THEM

Tony: Dude, we're losing

Tony: Just let them have it

Sam: BIRD SQUAD FALL BACK!

Carol: HAHAHA

Carol: SUCCESS

Sam: this isn't over

Sam: I'll be back

Bucky: lol no you won't

Sam: how do you know?

Bucky: Because you'll be bitching about something else in an hour

Sam: ......

Carol: Now

Carol: On to the important stuff

Hela: Hallmark?

Carol: Hallmark.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Thor Created a Server

Thor Named the Server: We all hate each other and it needs to stop

Thor Invited Everyone

 

Carol: lol 

Carol: IT’S TIME TO STOP

Nat: IT’S TIME TO STOP OKAY?

Wanda: WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?

Thor: Ahem

Thor: It has come to my attention that nobody can seem to get along

Thor: And there is constant “roasting”

Tony: lmao Thor that’s just our dynamic

Thor: SO

Thor: Today we are all going to be nice to each other

Tony: No can do

Thor: I propose a challenge

Thor: Or as you like to say

Thor: a game

Sam: ….

Sam: I’m listening

Bucky: what’s in it for us?

Thor: Food

Carol: What is this game that you speak of?

Thor: I propose…

Thor: A compliment war

Wanda: ….

Wanda: lol Thor you’re so pure

Nat: So soft…So pure

Carol: Please never change you beautiful human

Vision: I predict that I will be the winner of this challenge

Wanda: Oh really? 

Nat: I predict that Thor will be the winner of this challenge 

Nat: There is not a mean bone in his body

Thor: My friends

Thor: Let the games, BEGIN!

Peter: @Shuri YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND BEST OF ALL BEST FRIENDS

Peter: DO YOU HAVE A BEST FRIEND TOO?

Shuri: Yes. You ☺️

Peter: ☺️

Thor: Peter and Shuri in the lead with one

Sam: Oh it’s on

Sam: @Bucky Of all the assholes in the world, you’re my favorite

Bucky: Oh yeah? Well if you die, I’m dying with you!

Sam: gasp

Sam: How dare you be so kind

Bucky: Oh I dare

Nat: lol @Thor in a world full of bagels, you are a donut

Thor: @Nat If I had to pick between you and pop tarts, I’d pick you

Nat: You are a gift to this world

Vision: @Wanda all the beauty in the world could never compare to how beautiful you are

Wanda: Well you’re so adorable I want to throw rainbows and sprinkles at you

Vision: Your smile is my salvation

Wanda: Everything would be better if we had more people like you

Nat: lol It’s getting intense

Wanda: I will prevail

Vision: You are a work of art

Vision: The most beautiful work of Art

Wanda: You’re my saving grace

Vision: There will never be a star that shines as bright as you

Wanda: inhales

Wanda: I don’t know how to counter that

Nat: lol There will never be a star that shines as bright as carol when she's angry

Carol: I take that as a compliment

Bucky: @Sam You are a candle in my eternal darkness

Sam: @Bucky You are a beautiful human

Bucky: Not as beautiful as you

Sam: Be quiet! You are the sun that My world revolves around

Shuri: @Peter you sustain me

Peter: @Shuri I love you more than wonder bread 

Tony: @everyone you all have amazing taste in friends

Tony: i.e. Me

Steve: …..

Strange: ……

T’Challa: ……

Scott: That’s not how that works

Carol: @Nat @Wanda You significantly raise the average of human goodness

Steve: @Carol you’re my favorite person

Wanda: @Carol you are a ray of sunshine

Nat: @Carol your eyes shine brighter than the sun

Nat: quite literally

Carol: @Steve You are my favorite person to annoy

Steve: Thanks?

Shuri: @T’Challa you are my favorite person to annoy

T’Challa: @Shuri No matter how much you annoy me, you’re still my partner in crime

Thor: @everyone You all deserve kittens and ice cream

Bruce: @Thor The world does not deserve you

Wanda: @Carol you’re a 10/10

Steve: There is no scale to rate Carol on because she is infuriatingly perfect in every way possible

Carol: I feel appreciated

Thor: That means the game is working

Loki: @Peter You are not beneath me

Peter: @Loki You give me life

Sam: @Bucky I'M NEVER GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU

Bucky: YOU ‘OUGHT TO BY NOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU

Bucky: @Sam YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE, BUT I LOVE YOU!

Sam: ❤️

Bucky: ❤️

Tony: @Peter you are the best son and I love you

Peter: I’m cry

Peter: Dad loves me

Strange: Peter I also consider you my son

Carol: Peter is everybody’s son

Clint: @Nat You are my favorite source of entertainment

Nat: @Clint ditto

Clint: @Steve You are a righteous dude

Steve: Much appreciated 

Tony: @Strange Thank you for being the world’s best emergency contact

Strange: *sigh*

Strange: I suppose you’re welcome

Scott: Wait who’s winning

Wanda: Nobody knows lol

Vision: You’re happiness is my happiness

Wanda: You are the reason for my happiness

Scott: Oof, they’re back at it

Vision: The easiest thing to love in life is you

Wanda: You are the purest cream puff on the face of this earth

Vision: Not as pure as your heart

Wanda:  inhales

Wanda: I will win this war

Wanda: the mighty maximoff shall not be defeated

Vision: you can try

Wanda: aggressivly searches brain for an effective compliment

Sam: lmao

Sam: @Bucky LOVING YOU THE WAY I DO

Bucky: I KNOW WE’RE GONNA MAKE IT THROUGH

Sam: AND I WOULD GO TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH

Bucky:  CAUSE DARLING TO ME THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE WORTH!!!!

Carol: lmao

Carol: Sam and Bucky over here having a romantic sing along

Shuri: The best way to show appreciation

Thor: Musical numbers get bonus points

Shuri: @Peter you are the lipstick to my Valentino white bag

Peter: @Shuri You are the Avocado that I want for Christmas

Shuri: If you were a croissant I’d make sure not to drop you

Peter: With out you my heart would not go on

Shuri: There is no Chrysler more merry than you

Peter: You are the only chicken I want to look at

Steve: ……

Steve: The fuck?

T’Challa: We don’t speak meme sister

Shuri: Rip

Peter: You need to educate yourself then

Steve: I’d advise against that

Steve: the internet is a dark and scary place

Bruce: the last person that went in unprepared tried to destroy all humanity

Thor: …..

Steve: …..

Bruce: ……

Tony: …..yeah

Clint: Thank you Tony for almost destroying humanity

Nat: Multiple times

Bruce: your efforts were much appreciated

Tony: You are most welcome

Wanda: Haha!

Wanda: I got one

Vision: Oh?

Wanda: I love you more than cats

Vision: ……

Wanda: …..

Tony: …..

Thor: …….

Thor: the killing blow

Thor: I declare Wanda the champion

Wanda: Hell Yeah!

Wanda: BOW DOWN BITCHES

Thor: ….

Thor: Aaaand now we’re back to square one

Chapter Text

Carol Created a Server 

Carol named the Server: I require attention

Carol invited Steve

 

Carol: inhales

Steve: Oh boy

Steve: What now?

Carol: I require attention

Steve: I’m literally across the country

Steve: doing YOUR job

Steve: I don’t know what you expect of me

Carol: 👀

Carol: It’s not my fault fury sent me to deal with Kree Chaos

Carol: But now I have the sudden motivation to bother you

Steve: …..

Carol: Don’t you forget about me

Steve: I assure you there is no way I would forget about you🙂

Carol: I would be much offend if you did

Steve: You’re much offend when I steal your froot loops so….

Steve: What else is new

Carol: Listen Stove, the loops are sacred, we’ve been over this

Steve: Yes, I know, You’ve addicted me to them. The other Holiday Inn guests were quite surprised to see me eating them this morning

Steve: I’m fairly certain there are photos on TMZ of it

Carol: I have corrupted another

Steve: That was before the loops

Carol: Also may or may not have sent those photos to Nat👀

Steve: I’m not surprised

Carol: Wanda says she’s going to frame them around the house

Carol: I wouldn’t put it past her

Steve: Better than photos of Tony doing backflips off the empire state building

Steve: By the way, he also told me that the compound airspace passcode has changed

Carol: 100% played no part in that👀

Steve: Oh and Peter nearly let it slip to the media about…us

Carol: Fuckin kids man

Steve: So any extra press questions are his fault

Carol: 👀

Carol: Eh, I’ll still find someway to make it your fault

Carol: Just for fun🙃

Steve: I can handle that

Steve: Somehow I don’t think your punishment will be too bad

Carol: You have no idea what I’m capable of sir👀

Steve: Actually…

Steve: Blowing up a Kree warship was kinda high up there

Carol: slinks into the corner

Carol: I’ll think of something…

Steve: You always do Bright Eyes

Carol: inhales

Carol: not the name you heathen

Carol: my emotions cannot contain themselves

Carol: retreats farther into the shadows

Steve:  But…you liked that name when…Oh, Bruce is telling me I can’t finish that sentence

Carol: 👀

Carol: You must choose your words more carefully Captain

Steve: I’ll say. The U.N. grills me more than they do you

Carol: That’s because they know I don’t give one fuck two fuck red fuck blue fuck

Steve: If they mention Sokovia one more time, I won’t either

Steve: Speaking of which, there’s this show that Bruce recommended about some nuclear accident from the 80’s. Churn Noble

Steve: Oh whoops

Steve: Chernobyl

Carol: lol Wanda watches that

Steve: Soviet and nuclear energy, what could go wrong?

Carol: Nat says she is exhibit A

Steve: Wait, does she have superpowers that I don’t know about

Steve: I’m pretty sure powerful batteries and engines are the reason the Avengers even exist

Carol: EXCUSE ME

Carol: FURY FORMED THE AVENGERS BECUSE OF ME DUMBASS

Steve: djsbgkelhejfb

Steve: I’m captain americaaa and I love captain maefrjel

Carol: I…

Steve: Sorry. Parker stole my phone

Carol: That kid

Steve: lol But Fury kick started it when Tony shoved blue lava in his chest


Tony joined the Server 

 

Tony invited Everyone

 

Tony: It’s more than just blue lava Captain

Steve: I’m aware tony, I’m being facetious

Tony: Oh look the old man can use big boy words

Carol: lol

Steve: You’re five feet away from me, come and say it to my face

Steve: Wait, lol no not yet

Steve: the Prime minister wants a word

Carol: Steve, you’re old

Bruce: Steve I saw what you were typing and I’m really damn glad you didn’t send it

Carol:

Carol: Halp, I’ve been abandoned

Wanda: DIBS

Nat: lmao Wanda

Steve: incorrect

Tony: The Captain and I were only a minute Danvers

Nat: How dare you abandon our precious Carol

Steve: She’s the one who’s five systems away

Steve: I’ll be back at the compound this after noon

Steve: At ease Natasha

Carol: hjsfs fight me Steve Imma be back tomorrow you needy bitch

Carol: Fucking Nebula

 

Carol invited the Guardians

 

Carol: Ur not funny

Nebula: I’m hilarious

Steve: hahahaha

Carol: Paws off my phone

Tony: Nebula you’re god mother to my children

 

Nebula has been disconnected

 

Tony: No no no

Tony: no no

Carol: yes

 

Tony invited Nebula

 

Nebula: I prevail

Carol: 👀

Carol: Gamora help, I’m being attacked

Gamora: 👀

Steve: Because she totally can’t stand up for herself

Gamora: I have the big grape on speed dial

Steve: No you don’t Gamora

Gamora: BEWARE

Carol: lol It’s okay, I’ll just go back to earth and kick his ass myself

Steve: Thor, I need to borrow your hammer again

Thor: Will you promise to bring it back?

Steve: yes

Carol: Don’t trust the pretty man Thor

Carol: He lies

Steve: I haven’t lied since I was 15

Tony: That’s a lie

Carol: See what I have to deal with?

Wanda: whispers

Wanda: I still call dibs

Vision: 👀

Steve: Dibs denied

Vision: I give up at this point

Steve: I second

Carol: 👀

Wanda: lol no Vis, I promise I love you

Bucky: Damn, why is everyone so thirsty for Carol?

Nat: lmao I think it’s just Wanda

Wanda: 🙃

Thor: it is not

Nat: Thor you’re to pure for that kind of thirst

Sam: Nah fam, Queen of Asgard was asking my man all about her at the conference last night

Carol: 👀

Steve: Really Sam?

Nat: Stebe you better watch your woman

 

Bruce invited Valkyrie

 

Bruce: See?

Wanda: Get in line Val

Valkyrie: Beg your pardon Maximoff?

 

Valkyrie has been disconnected

 

Steve: Bruce Why?

Nat: lol

Bruce: I am a scientist, inherently when I see two combustible elements I must see what happens when they collide

Tony: and this is why we’re best friends Banner

Bucky: Stebe you better take your woman and run

Steve: On your left

Carol: lol y’all can’t get me I’m in space

Steve: Dispute

Gamora: lmao if anything I have dibs

Steve: Doctor I need a portal

Strange: I charge by distance now

Steve: How much?

Steve: This ones worth it

Gamora: Nebula go faster

Gamora: They coming for Carol

Nebula: Gotta go fast

Carol: lol I’m being abducted by aliens

Strange: 150

Steve: Done

Steve: Beam me up

Carol: the fuck?

Steve: INSIDE THE SHIP! INSIDE THE SHIP!

Strange: Whoops

Nebula: Shit

Steve: Christ Doctor!

Nebula: Hide the hostage

Steve: I may not have my shield 

Steve: But none of you can stop me

Wanda: lol pass the popcorn

Carol: I am amused

Gamora: Nebula give me the blasters

Steve: I’m not scared of you greenie

Star-lord: Why does the scanner show there’s an intruder aboard?

Stor-lord: And wtf is this chat?

Steve: Quill it’s just me. Chill

Star-lord: I barely know you Rogers. How do I know you’re intentions are good?

Gamora: He wants to steal Carol

Steve: I’m here for my Carol

Nebula: lol he really is a needy bitch

Carol: hdgkjs I’m WHEEZING

Peter: Steve, some important figures want to speak to you…

Steve: I’m busy

Tony: I got it covered

Carol: Nebula I cannot contain my laughter

Steve: Aha

Steve: I know that Laugh anywhere

Carol: Fuck

Star-lord: Don’t break the ship please

Nebula: Rip.

Gamora: New hiding spot

Steve: Tell that to the cosmic superhero running across the upper deck

Steve: there you are

Carol: Nebula help

Carol: I’ve been cornered

Steve: Nope

Steve: Gotcha

Steve: Strange, portal

Strange: You owe me double

Carol: NEBULA I’M BEING STOLEN

Gamora: I’LL SAVE YOU

Steve: Strange NOW!

Strange: Fine

Nebula: Welp

Gamora: ….

Nebula: Like I said, he’s a needy bitch

Steve: …..

Steve: Wait Doc, where’d you put us?

Carol: The hell?

Strange: Alaska, Anchorage to be exact. Outside some sort of sushi joint

Strange: you two need a date or something

Steve: I hate sushi

Strange: That sounds like you problem Captain

Nat: lol 

Nat: I’m dyin

Nat: that’s gold

Strange: you didn’t pay me to scour restaurant listings

Carol: whispers

Carol: Nebula come save me

Nebula: whispers

Nebula: too lazy

Steve: Carol you can fly faster than any ship

Steve: If you really didn’t want to be here, you wouldn’t be here🙂

Tony: Check, and mate. Nice one Steve

Carol: ahem

Carol: You have me in a death grip if you hadn’t noticed

Steve: You’ve stopped a punch from a titan, I think super soldier serum is slightly below your pay grade

Carol: Guess I’ll just go then…

Steve: Ow

Steve: that was rude

Carol: hehehe

Carol: I’m free!

Steve: And now I’m here

Steve: In Alaska

Steve: Alone

Steve: Without a sweater

Carol: Stop guilt tripping me you heathen

Steve: I just wanted a date

Steve: But I guess that’s too much to ask

Carol: ……..

Carol: Dude you hate sushi

Carol: So do I

Carol: stop playing with my emotions

Peter: QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART!

Steve: There’s a pizza joint down the road

Carol: 👀

Wanda: I’ll do you one better

Wanda: I have cats

Carol: 👀👀👀

Drax: I’ll do you one better! I DON’T have cats

Carol: Cats…👀

Nat: lol

Nat: Carol weighing her options

Steve: But I guess I’ll have to go alone

Carol: lol

Carol: I’m literally right around the corner

Steve: Oh

Carol: Did you really think I’d leave you there

Steve: Bruce says yes

Carol: Bruce can fuck off

Bruce: No no that’s not what I said

Nat: Be nice to Bruce

Nat: He is soft and pure and I love him

Bruce: That is NOT what I said

Steve: But you did

Carol: Steve stop being a jerk to Bruce

Steve: I’m not! That’s what he said!

Bruce: Is not

Steve: Is

Bruce: Not

Carol: Stop being a child that’s peter’s job

Tony: lol Steve, you do realize that you have just blown off Russia and France for Carol

Tony: And now Bruce

Tony: I’m disappointed

Carol: What can I say?

Carol: I corrupt every one I meet

Nat: lol joke’s on you I was already corrupted

Bucky: Yeah, get in line

Carol: Good God you guys, How many lines are there?

Wanda: many

Vision: About 23 at my last count

Nat: 👀

Nat: Carol may or may not be on my list

Carol: I’d better fuckin be on your list Natasha

Wanda: lol

Bucky: What even is your friendship?

Steve: @Tony Just for that, no pizza for you

Nat: Carol is more important, leave her be

Wanda: Such a protective wife, we stan

Carol: lol

Carol: steeeeeeebeeeeeeee

Steve: What?

Carol: Where did you goooooo?

Steve: went back inside for the pizza

Wanda: Quick Carol! Make your escape!

Star-lord: ahem

Star-lord: Alaska is much different than I thought it would be

Steve: Oh no

Nebula: he he he

Steve: Doctor!

Strange: No

Carol: lol you guys are so extra

Nebula: I tried to stop her

Gamora: No you didn’t 

Nebula: lol no I didn’t

Steve: why?

Nebula: Time to swoop in and cause chaos somewhere

Star-Lord: Oh Sweet! Dairy Queen is still around!

Nebula: I have located my best friend

Carol: lmao

Carol: reunited at last

Steve: Really? In the middle of a rural pizzeria in Alaska? Your robotic face has to pop in?

Nebula: Yes

Gamora: Quick! Get her before he finds us

Steve: I’m four feet away

Gamora: Run! Run! Run!

Nebula: But leave the idiots

Steve: Not the Pizza too!

Carol: hehe

Carol: You want it? Ya better come and get it from my cold dead hands

Steve: You’re on Captain

Nat: Oof

Nat: Tony can you live stream this

Tony: On it

Tony: Activating CapCam

Steve: What?

Tony: I have eyes everywhere

Gamora: Shit! He’s coming after us

Nebula: You’re so awful to your male companions

Nebula: I love it

Rhodey: @Star-Lord why did you get ice cream? It’s Alaska

Star-Lord: I haven’t  had dairy queen since I was six. Let me live

Carol: Shit

Nebula: Rip 

Carol: I have been contained

Wanda: Lol Carol you’re shit at this

Tony: She’s weak for her stove

Carol: Fuck you Wanda 

Wanda: ok

Peter: He Melts her nonexistent heart 

Peter: And then some

Wanda: lol

Steve: Do I want to know?

Carol: In other words, you’re really warm and I’m really cold

Nat: Good save Carol

Steve: Well that’s true

Steve: I’ll always keep you warm

Nebula: Is it normal for one’s heart to be melting?

Gamora: I’d say so

Star-Lord: Shit Gamora, you say something like that to me, I’d melt too

Gamora: Don’t push your luck

Star-Lord: Yes ma’am

Vision: Whipped

Tony: I…

Gamora: lol

Tony: I’m speechless

Tony: Vision wth?

Wanda: You’re one to talk Vis.

Vision: I believe my dear Wanda, that Captain Rogers is far worse than I

Steve: Not yet

Bucky: Oh no Steve

Bucky: You’re so much worse

Carol: lol

Steve: At least I have Carol after all this

Bucky: Not if you destroy her loops again

Nat: Or eat her pasta

Wanda: Or deny her cats

Steve: I have been allowed to eat her pasta, I value loops like she does, and I’ve yet to deny her a cat

Carol: See? I’ve trained him well

Vision: whipping noise

Wanda: lol vis I can’t

Vision: I am proud that I learned to use that me-me properly

Tony: ?

Nat: chokes

Nat: wheeze

Nat: I can’t with you guys today

Gamora: shhhhhhhhhhhh

Gamora: Don’t disturb the cuteness

Nebula: You’re such a sap

Gamora: You can’t tell me that’s not cute

Gamora: Look at them all cuddled together

Nebula: lol

Nebula: Gamora’s fucking gone

Nebula: aaaand so is Carol

Steve: You scared her off

Steve: Thanks

Nebula: Nice going Gamora

Gamora: I was just stating the obvious

Carol: Gamora turn around

Gamora: And now I have a face full of snow

Carol: Price paid

Tony: applause

Gamora: I’ll let you have that Carol

Gamora: But my Ravioli is still superior to your spaghetti

Carol: How dare you

Gamora: Oh I dare

Steve: Wait Carol, put the snow down, she’s unarmed

Carol: That is the least of my concerns

Carol: I must teach this heathen a lesson

Bucky: Alright, all F’s in the chat boys

Carol: 👀

Sam: F

Peter: F

Tony: F

Steve: ……F

Carol: the list of people I have to end today just keeps getting longer

Steve: Well this is intense

Steve: I’m going back for more pizza

Carol: Pizza?

Carol: I like pizza

Carol: And I like Stove

Carol: I’m coming with

Steve: Oh

Steve: Alright

Nat: And just like that Steve has managed to turn Carol into a literal kitten

Tony: Now ain’t that cute

Carol: hisssss

Peter: lol Tony this livestream better be private

Peter: Cuz them holding hands walking down the street will end the world

Tony: oh. y’all wanted private?

Wanda: lol

Tony: I was trying the whole twitch thing out

Tony: Gotta expand our medias

Peter: What, instant gram wasn’t enough?😂

Steve: …..

Steve: Really Peter?

Bucky: F

Sam: F

Peter: F

Wanda: F

Nat: F

Carol: …….

Tony: F

Carol: lmao

Steve: ……..

Carol: Tony that’s hilarious

Carol: But also I’m going to end you for it

Tony: ……..

Tony: I’m in danger

Nebula: yes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

Peter Created a Server

Peter Named the Server: It’s time

Peter invited Everyone

 

Peter: Dearly beloved

Peter: I have gathered you here today

Peter: Because the age of the Girl Gang has ended

Tony: wut?

Nat: the fuck?

Peter: And it is time for a new group of terror to arise

Carol: Excuse you spidering

Nat: But we are,

Wanda: The Trio of Terror

Nat: Yeah, name’s taken

Peter: I present to thee

Shuri: The Quartet of Chaos

Scott: The what now?

Peter: Hey Shuri!

Peter: That was my line!

Shuri: Whoops

Peter: AHEM

Peter: THE QUARTET OF CHAOS!!!!

Clint: Oh boy

Thor: New Friends?

Nat: Thor you’re so pure

 

Peter invited Ned

Peter Invited MJ

 

Peter: Behold

Ned: I’m in a chat with the Avengers?

Ned: Um

Ned: I mean…Fear me!

Ned: Aaaah..?

MJ: lol loser

MJ: Y'all are losers

Tony: Shut up, you’re like, 5

MJ: I’m 16

MJ: I thought you were supposed to be a genius or something?

MJ: Simple math should come easily right?

Carol: I like her

Wanda: @MJ Join our girl gang

MJ: Nah I’m good

Tony: Now hold on a damn second

Clint: You should respect your elders

Steve: Yes, respecting adults is good

MJ: lmao when y’all stop acting like children I will

Scott: She is on fire damn

Thor: OUR DEAR NEW FRIEND IS ON FIRE?

MJ: Lol Peter he’s so pure

Peter: I know

MJ: I’m gonna roast him

Peter: Don’t you dare!

Nat: There is one rule and one rule only in this server

Bucky: We do not mess with Thor’s happiness

Sam: It is against regulations

Shuri: Yes. Thor must be protected at all times

Shuri: The rest of you however….

Ned: Shall be roasted like a rack of lamb

Peter: ….

Ned: What? It’s all I could think of

Shuri: lmao

Shuri: Roasted and toasted to perfection

Ned: The golden brown crispiness of the roast

MJ: The glorious cronch of morale being broken

Peter: such a glorious feast

Clint: Okay, I’m so confused

Clint: I thought we were ordering Pizza tonight?

Steve: I don’t think anyone understands

MJ: Yeah, sorry Steve I think you have the wrong time period

Steve: Is it one of those me-mes?

Shuri: lol Peter I can’t

T’Challa: I do not condone this behavior sister

MJ: Soft kitty

Shuri: Warm kitty

T’Challa: Don’t you dare

Ned: Little ball of fur

Peter: Happy kitty

MJ: Sleepy kitty

Shuri: Pur

Peter: Pur

Ned: Purrrrr

T’Challa: I swear to all the Gods

Loki: Yes, so sorry, but I’m off duty today 

Thor: You can always swear to me

Nat: NO! NO YOU MAY NOT!

Wanda: WE ARE NOT CORRUPTING THOR!

Vision: I think it’s a bit too late for that dear

Carol: We must protect 

Nat: she protecc

Wanda: she attacc

Nat: but most important

Wanda: she a snacc

Steve: Damn it Wanda! Stop going after my girl!

Carol: lmao 

MJ: There’s nothing wrong with options

Peter: lol MJ no

Strange: I do not approve of this child

MJ: I do not approve of your sorcery

Strange: I do not need your approval

MJ: Neither do I

Ned: lmao MJ making enemies faster than Peter entering a lego store

Peter: dude

Peter: Not cool

Ned: Oh…

Ned: Are we not still roasting?

Peter: No we are

Peter: Just not me

Ned: Oh okay

Ned: Got'cha

Shuri: All you mortals shall bow down before us!

Loki: I am no mere mortal

MJ: Yet you are still a mortal

Ned: Bow before the lego gods!

MJ: lol Ned ur shit at this

Shuri: BOW DOWN BITCHES!

Carol: No

Sam: You tell her Carol

MJ: Listen captain night light

MJ: We’re the captains now

Vision: According to the data I’ve collected on Captain Rogers’s rising levels of annoyance from the name "Captain Night Light", I’d say you’re in trouble MJ

Vision: Or…how do you say it?

Vision: Oh yes! I remember now!

Vision: You’re really rolling up shit’s creek

Wanda: ….

Tony: …..

Steve: …..

Peter: …..

Vision: What?

Vision: Did I say it right?

Wanda: Vis. omg

MJ: See? this is why I like Robots better than people

Vision: I am a synthezoid. 

Vision: AI

MJ: I’m aware

Shuri: Her mind be stronk

Ned: Strong like Peter-man

Ned: All hail Peter-Man

Clint: Contact officially changed to Peter-Man

Peter: I’m starting to think this should have been a 1 man show

Ned: rip

MJ: Bird man has arrived

Clint: I SQWAK AT YOUR INSULTS

MJ: Tortellini is better than Penne

Clint: How dare you?

Clint: Peter why would you teach her my weaknesses?

MJ: Because roasted birds taste wonderful

Ned: Oh yeah, my mom makes the best roasted chicken

Shuri: Roast duck is better

Peter: Agreed. I’d go for duck

MJ: I could go for some duck right about now

Ned: Do I smell a need for take out?

Shuri: We have the need to feed

Peter: I’m down

Shuri: Y E S

Peter: Let us feast and grow our power

MJ: Until next time losers!

MJ: I’ll be back

 

Peter has left the server

MJ has left the server

Ned has left the server

Shuri has left the server

 

Scott: ……

Scott: What just happened?

Sam: I don’t...

Sam: I don’t even know.




Chapter Text

Tony Created a Server

Tony Named the Server: Y’all….

Tony invited everyone

 

Tony: We need groceries

Tony: Not it

Sam: Not it

Bucky: Not it

Bruce: Not it 

Steve: I did it last week

Carol: I’ll do it

Tony: No you won’t

Clint: I’d say yes but I have things to do

Sam: Oh yeah? Like what? Sit in the vents and watch The Office?

Clint: Bird….things….👀

Sam: Just send Strange

Strange: I object

Peter: I’ll go

Tony: Peter, you’re worse than Carol. I can leave Carol unsupervised, but you I can’t

Carol: Rude

Peter: :(

Tony: Steve?

Steve: No

Tony: Thor?

Steve: He can’t drive

Tony: Lmao I guess that leaves Wanda

Wanda: What?

Tony: Groceries

Clint: After last time?

Clint: I can’t tell if that’s better than Carol or worse

Wanda: ……

Wanda: That was one time Clint. ONE TIME!

Nat: I’ll go with her

Sam: Like that’s any better

Wanda: We’ll bring Carol. She can supervise

Carol: Hehehe

Tony: I’m asking for more vodka sauce, not another Walmart

Nat: I’ll get the keys

Carol: Fuck you, I’m driving

Nat: Why?

Carol: Because you’re a shit driver

Strange: @Tony You should have just gone yourself

Tony: You’re probably right

Tony: But that’s too much work

Vision: I swear Captain Danvers, if I’m down a girlfriend because of you I will not be happy

Nat: Vision, you’re to good for this world

Carol: Come on losers we’re going to Walmart

Bucky: This is going to end badly, I can already tell

Bucky: @Steve @Bruce @Vision I don’t know how you three deal with them

Bruce: Practice 

Vision: Cats

Steve: Me either

Carol: Fuck you stove

Carol: Just for that I’m staying with Wanda tonight

Wanda: 👀😉

Steve: No.

Steve: No you most certainly are not

Vision: I second

Carol: Watch me asshole

Steve: No.

Wanda: Carol is currently driving and can’t answer but would like me to tell you that she’ll do as she dan well pleases

Sam: Well that’s a safety hazard.

Wanda: You know what else is a safety hazard?

Sam: What

Wanda: Peter and ice cream but you don’t see us complaining

Tony: Hey, leave the Spiderson alone

Peter: …..

Peter: She’s not wrong though

Strange: No. She’s really not

Loki: I am offended

Sam: What this time

Loki: Why is it that whenever anyone goes of to wreak havoc somewhere I’m never invited

Peter: You can come with me to the ice cream shop

Peter: According to Dr. Strange that’s considered causing trouble

Loki: ……

Loki: I accept

Bruce: Well

Bruce: The girls have been awfully quiet…

Steve: I know. It’s terrifying

Bucky: Assume the worst

Nat: You people have no faith

Sam: No

Sam: We really don’t

 

Nat Renamed the Server: The Trio of Terror Conquers Walmart

 

Carol: Update

Carol: We have obtained the loops

Carol: We have also lost Natasha

Tony: Welp

Tony: It looks like I’m buying yet another Walmart

Bucky: Quick! Someone turn on the news

Carol: And Wanda has managed to convince half the customers that the store is haunted

Bucky: Wut?

Carol: Lmao she keeps using her magic to lift things from people’s carts

Vision: Wanda dear, please don’t terrorize the poor people

Wanda: But It’s fun

Nat: Good God. I leave you people for five minutes

Carol: Found her

Carol: Aight

Carol: What does one do to cause absolute chaos in a Walmart?

Steve: Carol no

Carol: Carol yes

Wanda: Lol

Wanda: Well

Wanda: We could always throw nat into another pasta display

Nat: Please no

Carol: Lmao that was your finest moment 

Nat: I’ve had finer ones

Wanda: If I were to cause Chaos in Walmart

Wanda: What would I do?

Carol: Well

Carol: I did see those giant pool noodles a little ways back

Steve: Whatever you’re planning please don’t do it

Carol: But see that just makes me want to do it even more

Wanda: lmao you grab the noodles, I’ll get the tricycles

Nat: Oh yes

Nat: This is going to be good

Bucky: I’m being serious Sam

Bucky: Turn on the fucking news

Sam: Fine fine

Bucky: This is gonna be all over. I have a feeling

Nat: I can’t 

Nat: I fucking can’t with these two

Peter: What are they doing

Nat: Riding around the isles on tricycles walking each other with pool noddles

Nat: Lol Wanda fuckin’ fell off

Carol: Aight Nat, you play winner

Nat: Oh hell no

Nat: I’m not doing that

Carol: Loser

Nat: inhales

Nat: Wanda give me the sword

Wanda: Mi’ lady

Wanda: Oh shit

Wanda: Nat ain’t holding back

Bruce: It surprises me that no one is doing anything about this

Clint: They work at *Walmart* banner

Clint: They live for customer entertainment

Wanda: Lmao They’ve no alluded to riding up and down the produce Isle singing the Veggie tales theme song

Peter: IF YOU LIKE TO TALK TO TOMATOES!

Shuri: IF A SQUASH CAN MAKE YOU SMILE!

Peter: IF YOU LIKE TO WALTZ WITH POTATOES!

Shuri: UP AND DOWN THE PRODUCE IIIIIIISLE!

Peter: HAVE WE GOT A SHOW FOR YOU!

Sam: lol

Wanda: It’s a whole damn musical number

Wanda: Who knew Carol could tap dance

Wanda: And on top of a register too

Strange: How have they not been banned yet?

Wanda: Oh no, the managers out here

Wanda: But he’s encouraging it

Peter: lmao

Peter: The Avengers Musical

Peter: Starring Carol Danvers and Natasha Romanov

Wanda: Well

Wanda: You know what they say

Wanda: If ya can’t beat em’

Wanda: Join 'em

Vision: Well this is rather perplexing

Steve: I’m debating on whether or not we should go down there and put a stop to this madness or just let them sink their ship

Bruce: I feel like either way, their just going to do it again

Carol: Well that was entertaining

Steve: Have I ever told you that you’re a madwoman?

Carol: Yes.

Carol: Many times

Steve: Well you’re a madwoman

Carol: I wouldn’t be playing giant jenga with boxes of Mac ’n Cheese if I wasn’t

Nat: Wanda! No powers!

Carol: Yeah, that’s cheating

Wanda: If you can’t win fair...

Wanda: Cheat

Peter: lol

Thor: Could you lovely ladies by any chance get more pop tarts

Nat: New mission: Obtain the pop tarts

Wanda: In position

Carol: We’re going in

Wanda: insert pink panther theme here

Wanda: Gotta be sneaky

Nat: We must sneak

Carol: Am much sneak

Wanda: I sneak like snek doin’ a sneak

Carol: Yesss

Tony: Peter

Tony: Translate

Peter: Even I don’t know what that means

Carol: Mision complete

Carol: Pop tarts obtained

Carol: New mission

Wanda: Actually check out like we were going to do half an hour ago

Nat: We gotta go out in style tho

Bruce: I’m terrified for the employees

Bruce: And everybody who is witness

Nat: Okay

Nat: We have checked out

Nat: Carol give me the cart

Carol: Okay

Nat: Aight

Nat: Wanda You gotta blast the titanic theme while we do this

Tony: Activating NatCam

Nat: The fuck?

Tony: I wanna see this shit

Bucky: FINALLY

Tony: Gather round friends

Sam:

Bucky:

Steve: I….I haven words

Peter: hfdghfkdfh

Peter: OML THAT’S BRILLIANT

Vision: What now?

Bruce: Do I want to know?

Peter: Carol and Wanda are standing in the cart playing the Titanic theme and nat’s pushing them through the store

Bruce: Oh God

Bruce: Someone get my medical kit

Bucky: Tony please tell me you can save this footage

Tony: Yep

Nat: Rip

Tony: Rip indeed, the feed cut out

Strange: What did you do romanov?

Nat: Nothing too bad I promise

Steve: Spit it out

Nat: Well I may or may not have pushed the cart down a hill once we got outside

Nat: And they may or may not have crashed into a lamp post

Nat: And I may or may not have gotten the whole thing on video

Carol: And it was fuckin awesome

Wanda: Bro lets do that again

Nat: Lol we need to come here more often

Steve: No

Steve: No, I don’t think you do.

Chapter Text

Sam created a Server

Sam Named the Server: Y’all need to shut up

Sam invited Everyone

 

Sam: WHOEVER IS PLAYING CHRISTMAS MUSIC Y’ALL NEED TO SHUT IT OFF!

Clint: No

Carol: No

Nat: No

Loki: No

Peter: No

Wanda: No

Sam: IT’S NOVEMBER!

Sam: WHY?

Bucky: Because Fuck you, that’s why

Sam: Not you too

Bucky: blasts straight no chaser’s christmas album

Sam: I hate you

Nat: God Sam, what do you have against Christmas music?

Sam: It’s not December yet, that’s what

Carol: Who Cares?

Sam: The sane people in this house

Tony: Does some want to explain to me why I just walked into a house full of Christmas music?

Thor: Because it’s the most wonderful time of the year

Sam: Oh God they’re quoting it now

Tony: You animals

Nat: It’s never too early to get into the Christmas spirit

Steve: I didn’t know you were physically capable of experiencing the Christmas spirit

Nat: I didn’t know it was physically possible for a human to be as square as you, but you’ve royally proved me wrong

Carol: Ooh BURN

Wanda: Lol

Carol: You’re gonna need some Ice for that one

Carol: Oh Wait...

Steve: Don’t you dare. That joke has lost its humor 

Carol: Oh trust me

Carol: That joke will never get as old as you

Steve: I thought you were supposed to love me

Clint: Apparently you thought wrong

Sam: Clint I swear to god. TURN IT OFF!

Clint: Sorry what was that?

Clint: I can’t hear you over the wonderful music

Bucky: I think he said to turn it up

Clint: Turn it up?

Clint: WILL DO

Sam: @Bucky Kindly fuck off please

Bucky: @Sam Love you

Vision: I for one enjoy Christmas music. They’re always such happy songs

Wanda: ❤️❤️❤️

Wanda: You’re so pure

Thor: And Christmas movies. We can not forget the Christmas movies

Carol: Hallmark has released their Christmas movie list

Carol: My eyes are ready

Steve: You and your hallmark

Carol: Don’t think I’m not dragging you down with me

Bucky: Rip Steve

Nat: lol he secretly loves it

Nat: He has a whole secret stash of them that he watches whenever Carol is away

Steve: Yeah.. well...Nat has a...a...A BACKSTREET BOYS POSTER IN HER ROOM!

Wanda: We been knew 'bout that poster

Clint: Lmao Steve. Dude that's hilarious

Tony: Old cap going all soft on us. Who would have thought?

Clint: SQWAK

Clint: HELP

Clint: PETER QUICK! HIT HIM WITH THE PLATE!

Tony: Tf? Who are we hitting with a plate?

Clint: SAM KEEPS TRYING TO TAKE MY STEREO

Bucky:  zooms to clint’s aid

Bucky: UNHAND THE STEREO YOU FIEND!

Sam: WHY ARE YOU ON HIS SIDE? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY BOYfRIEND!

Bucky: I LIKE CHRISTMAS! SUE ME!

Nat: Wanda! Pass the popcorn!

Wanda: Nah. Vis wants to watch a Christmas movie

Vision: ❤️

Carol: Whipped

Wanda: Hey, at least I’m not afraid to admit it

Nat: 👀

Bruce: 👀

Carol: Choose your words wisely Maximoff

Wanda: Oh don’t worry. I did.

Peter: Hey, don’t ruin the Christmas mood

Loki: SAM UNHAND THE MUSIC DEVICE OR YOU SHALL FIND CAT EXCRETIONS IN YOUR BED TONIGHT!

Tony: Too late kid

T’Challa: It’s November?

Sam: That’s what I said

T’ Challa: Why are they going on about Christmas in November?

Sam: Because they’re insane

T’Challa: Shuri has been blasting Mariah Carey’s Christmas songs since September 

T’Challa: I know your pain

Peter: She swore it wasn’t obsession Mr. Black Panther sir

T’Challa: She hooked it up to the palace sound system

T’Challa: I blame you Peter

Shuri: I DON’T WANT A LOT FOR CHRISTMAS!

Peter: THERE IS JUST ONE THING I NEED!

Bruce: Yes, some peace and quiet

Scott: oof 

Scott: Who let the grinch in?

Bruce: Is that a green joke?

Scott: yes

Bruce: …..

Bruce: A decent burn, I can appreciate that.

Scott: Why thank you

Scott: I happen to have a PHD in Christmas Burns 

Tony: OH GOD

Steve: What?

Tony: WHO TF SPIKED THE EGGNOG!

Clint: We have eggnog?

Nat: I thought you weren’t a Christmas in November kind of guy?

Tony: Eggnog is my one exception

Steve: It was probably Carol

Carol: Not Guilty

Steve: That’s like your thing though

Carol: Excuse you

Steve: Carol

Steve: You spike literally everything

Carol: We’ll I’ll have you know that I saw Loki creeping around the kitchen with a bottle of asgardian rum

Scott: @Loki Nice going Captain Jack

Loki: How dare you expose me like this?

Tony: LOKI YOU DO REALIZE THAT KIDS DRINK THIS STUFF RIGHT?!

Loki: Yes. That’s what makes it funny

Peter: Is that why I kept seeing a pink unicorn in a speedo around the house yesterday?

 

Tony invited Pepper

 

Pepper: Why am I here?

Tony: Scroll up

Pepper: …..

Pepper: YOU’RE DEAD LOKI!

 

Pepper has left the chat

Loki has been disconnected

 

Tony: Peter no more alcoholic drinks

Strange: Tony I’m getting you a parenting manual for Christmas

Tony: ….

Tony: I don’t know whether to be offended at that statement or flattered at the fact you considered getting me something

Strange: I’m also adding a sarcasm translator into the mix

Tony: Don’t worry Stephen, I appreciate you too

Wanda: Steve you better get your girlfriend a cat for christmas

Carol: inhales

Steve: Wanda why?

Wanda: Because cats

Steve: There are four cats in this compound already not counting T’Challa

T’Challa: Captain Rogers, I’m going to give you a piece of advice

T’Challa: As you Americans would say, “Fuck Off”

T’Challa: And get this woman a cat

Carol: Christmas Kittens

Carol: My heart

Steve: I….

Steve: I can’t say no to that face

Clint: Update

Clint: I still behold the Stereo

Tony: We know

Tony: It’s not like its still BLASTING ACROSS THE HOUSE AT FULL VOLUME!

Peter: LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU MY HEART!

Shuri: BUT THE VERY NEXT DAY, YOU GAVE IT AWAY!

Bucky: hehe

Bucky: Sam agreed to submission if I made him cookies.

Clint: lmao make him Christmas cookies

Bucky: I will be sure to blast Christmas tunes

Bucky: Clint gave me the link to his spotify playlist

Sam: Clint you asshole

Clint: Caw Caw motherfucker, that’s what you get

Sam: @Strange I’m moving in with you

Strange: @Sam Absolutely not.

Strange: I will not have your demonic madness disrupting my home

Sam: Says the guy who summons literal demons

Clint: Ha.

Clint: Suffer

Sam: Oh you will old man. You will.

Thor: At peace my friends. It is Christmas time. There is no need to fight. Let us put on our Christmas sweaters and watch Christmas movies

Sam: It’s not even Thanksgiving yet

Thor: Thanksgiving? What is that?

Sam: Its a holiday where you make a shit ton of food and then you eat it

Thor: There is a holiday dedicated to food

Steve: There are many holidays dedicated to food

Thor: I love Midgard

Carol: Fuck thanksgiving, I’m watching “The Polar Express”

Nat: I’ll bring the wine

Peter: I’ll get the pizza

Wanda: I’ve got the cats

Vision: But we’re watching a movie?

Wanda: And now we’re watching “The Polar Express”

Vision: I..

Steve: Don’t question it Vision, just do as she says.

Thor: CHRISTMAS MOVIES?

Carol: Yes

Thor: I’ll get the giant Christmas blanket 

Clint: If I bring hot chocolate, can I watch?

Carol: Clint you absolute legend, please do

Thor: I love christmas

T’Challa: ……

T’Challa: It’s still November 

Chapter Text

Thor created a Server

Thor named the Server: Please Educate Me

Thor invited Everyone

 

Thor: My friends

Thor: Your holidays confuse me

Thor: What is “Turkey Day”?

Peter: The best day

Thor: Yes you’ve said that tiny human but what does this day of turkeys entail?

Thor: Is it a day of worship to the turkeys?

Tony: Yes Thor.

Tony: That is exactly what it is

Wanda: Don’t lie to the poor bean you heathen, that’s not what it is

Nat: It’s another word for thanksgiving

Clint: It’s a day where you pretend to be thankful for everyone and then eat a shit ton of food

Nat: Wounded

Thor: You have a day

Thor: Dedicated to food?

Sam: Thor we’ve been over this

Sam: We have many days dedicated to food

Thor: Dedicated only to food

Tony: Yes

Tony: Which reminds me

Tony: I’m hungry

Thor: So it’s a day of thanks?

Bucky: Yes

Thor: With food included

Loki: FOR ODIN’S SAKE THOR, YES THERE IS FOOD INCLUDED

Nat: Be nice to Thor

Peter: Or I’ll take your cats

Loki: You’ll do no such thing puny insect

Tony: You’ve insulted the Spider Son

Nat: mama spider mode: activated

Vision: I know what I’m thankful for

Tony: I swear if you say Wanda one more time, I’m going to vomit

Vision: With all due respect sir, there’s a garbage can in the corner

Vision: Might I suggest throwing up in that?

Wanda: I love my savage nugget

Wanda: More than Steve’s Dino Nuggets

Vision: I love you more than cats

Wanda: ❤️

Wanda: I’m thankful for you too

Tony: Affection

Tony: I hate it

Tony: Get out

Wanda: The door is that way Stark

Wanda: Leave my soft bean alone

Bucky: @Sam Why do you not appreciate me this way

Sam: Fuck off, yes I do

Bucky: See what I mean?

Steve: @Bucky Try waking up to the smell of burnt vibranium because you accidentally ate the last of your girlfriends fruit loops

Carol: And I hope you learned your lesson

Thor: Well I am thankful for you my friends

Thor: Even you brother

Loki: hisssssss

Loki: I reject your affection

Tony: @Loki join the club

Loki: I am only thankful for my cats

Loki: And occasionally Peter

Peter: Aww I love you too Uncle Loki

Loki: Well lets not make a show of it shall we

Peter: I’m thankful for Mom and Dad and all my aunts and uncles and my friends

Shuri: Best Friend

Peter: Best Friend

T’Challa: This is a cursed friendship

Nat: But we’re here for it

Tony: I would say I’m thankful for my friends

Tony: If I had any

Bruce: Well

Bruce: I guess you can finish that self-sustaining formula by yourself then

Tony: Wait no Bruce I didn’t mean it

Bruce: Too late

Nat: I appreciate you Bruce❤️

Bruce: At least someone loves me

Thor: So

Thor: Back to the important question

Steve: Which is?

Thor: Do I get to experience this food?

Bucky: @Thor What to you think Sam, Steve, and I have been doing in the kitchen for the past three hours?

Thor: Hanging out?

Bucky: Thor, why would we hang out in the kitchen?

Thor: Because there’s food

Tony: OML you and food 

Thor: IT IS IMPORTANT

Thor: ALMOST AS IMPORTANT AS DISNEY

Nat: You prioritize disney over food?

Vision: Yes

Vision: Disney is very important

Vision: Almost as important as Wanda

Wanda: hides in the corner

Wanda: I...I'm more important than Disney?

Vision: By far

Carol: Damn Vis, Why so smooth today?

Vision: Because

Vision: It’s a day of appreciation

Vision: So I am appreciating the wonderful gift to this world that is Wanda

Nat: Lol

Nat: If Wanda gets anymore red I think she might implode

Carol: @Sam you haven’t burned the kitchen down have you?

Sam: Rood

Bucky: lol no he’s just on Clint duty

Sam: Speaking of Clint, where is that fucker?

Clint: hehehe

Sam: Lysol at the ready

Clint: Oh shit

Clint: I can’t believe you’d do me wrong like that

Sam: It’s for your own good

Sam: And my entertainment 

Sam: And maybe the promise of cookies later

Bucky: See? You only appreciate me for my food

Sam: That’s not true and you know it

Sam: Just yesterday I went out and got you those pretzels that you like

Sam: For no reason

Sam: I just felt like doing it

Sam: BECAUSE I’M A GOOD BOYFRIEND!

Bucky: Whatever Pretzel boy

Sam: 😒

Bucky: 💖

Peter: Wow

Peter: I feel lonely

Peter: hugs stuffed animals

Peter: At least I still have you

Shuri: Ahem

Peter: sighs

Shuri: AHEM 

Peter: If only...

Shuri: I SAID AHEM ASSHOLE!

Peter: Oh yeah

Peter: And Shuri

Peter: I have her too

Shuri: I feel appreciated

Peter: lmao

Peter: @Shuri if we’re still single at 25, lets just get with each other🤣

Shuri: lol deal

T’Challa: No

T’Challa: NO NO NO NO NO!

T’Challa: I do not approve of this

T’Challa: THE CHILDREN YOU TWO WOULD HAVE WOULD BE MONSTERS!

Shuri: lmao no they’d be internet sensations

Peter: 🤣

Shuri: 🤣

T’Challa: I’m watching you from now on Peter

Peter: 👀

Shuri: 😅

Peter: whispers

Peter: he knows we’re joking right?

Shuri: whispers

Shuri: idk

T’Challa: Oh yes Spider-Boy

T’Challa: When we get there, I’m going to be watching you very VERY closely

Peter: Wait, you’re coming here?

Shuri: YEEEEEEEEEEE!

Shuri: For Thanksgiving

Peter: FREMSGIVING!

Shuri: FREMSGIVING!

Bucky: Fucking finally!

Bucky: I thought that turkey would never cook all the way through

Shuri: AND I’M BRINGING CORNBREADDDDDD!

Peter: LET’S GET THIS BREAD!

Peter: AND MOM MADE HER SPECIAL PIE TOO!

Peter: I’m so glad I have such awesome friends

Vision: You know what else makes me glad?

Tony: Don’t you dare

Vision: …..

Tony: I swear to God, if you say it Vision you become the bucket

Vision: Wanda

Tony: That’s it

Tony: I’m disowning you

Wanda: eeems

Vision: @Tony I can’t help it, she’s too precious

Sam: I’m sorry

Sam: But did we just hear vision use the word precious?

Bucky: In that context?

Clint: I think we did

Wanda: I…..

Wanda: My soft bean

Wanda: So soft

Wanda: So pure

Vision: ❤️

Wanda: 💖

Vision: ❤️

Wanda: 💖

Vision:❤️❤️❤️

Wanda: 💖💖💖💖💖

Clint: This feels like a hallmark movie and it disgusts me

Carol: Insult hallmark one more time, I dare you

Clint: Hallmark is disgusting

Carol: Forget the turkey, we’re having roasted hawk instead

Clint: You can’t get me

Carol: Watch me bitch

Steve: Carol what did we say about burning holes in the ceiling?

Carol: Don’t miss?

Steve: That's my girl

Clint: @Steve I feel betrayed

Peter: Do you know what this Thanksgiving needs?

Peter: Dino nuggets

Rhodey: On it

Peter: Uncle Rhodey is now my favorite uncle

Clint: !

Steve: ….

Strange: Eh..

Rhodey: In your face assholes!

Clint: I have been hurt in more ways then I have ever thought possible

Bruce: Good to know that all I have to do to win you over is bring you dino nuggets

Tony: Or apple juice

Strange: Or ice cream

Shuri: @Peter Sound the trumpets friend

Shuri: I has arrived

Peter: YEEEEEEET

Bucky: ALRIGHT PEOPLE

Bucky: DINNER IS DONE

Bucky: SO GET YOUR ASSES IN HERE OR ELSE

Thor: Food?

Sam: Food.

Thor: I love Midgard