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(Don't) Look Before You Leap

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Logan was never one to take risks.

Whenever he was faced with a problem, he would weigh up the options available, and choose the most viable one. This was his routine, his ordinary. Whether or not it was for the best, Logan never questioned, didn’t need to. Logan’s life stayed within his preferable parameters, and never strayed.

He liked it that way.

If you’d asked him if he’d ever change, he’d flatly deny the possibility. Even the day he bumps into a bubbly man on the street before rushing off to his 9 to 5, his mind is set on the normal. So when he comes home at the designated time, and sees the man moving in next door, he simply looks the other way.

And if you’d enquire as to whether he remembers the dejected look on the man’s face when he ignored his lively greeting, he’d surely protest.

 

 

The man tries again a few days later and Logan yet again refuses. He falters before telling Logan his name. Logan shuts the door, but the name sticks itself into the deep crevices of his mind.

Patton.

Logan curses how the name twists his insides with guilt.

For the first time he can recall, he doesn’t sleep soundly through the night.

 

 

When Patton next tries, his eyes almost bulge out of his skull when Logan apologises. The radiant smile on his lips brings a smirk to Logan’s own. Somehow, he doesn’t mind.

They go to a lot of places together after that. Patton’s new to the area and takes advantage of that fact to drag Logan around constantly. He begins with various complaints, but his attitude softens over time.

He instead takes the time to observe Patton’s numerous quirks. Whether it be the way he smiles at everyone he sees, or how he’s remarkably intuitive to others’ emotions, or even the odder things, like how he always has to know the weather forecast. Even his obsession with puns; it intrigues Logan, more than he’d ever believe possible.

Logan feels his world slowly shifting, contorting on its axis. It’s like his world is ending. He’s watching the apocalypse, with no way to stall the impending doom.

He can’t bring himself to care.

 

 

When they next meet, tears flow freely down Patton’s cheeks from his place on Logan’s doorstep. Logan stands in shocked alarm before he’s inviting the sobbing man into his home. He notices the tremble in Patton’s shoulders, and how he instinctively curls into himself. His concern is palpable.

Logan’s in such an internal panic, he nearly misses a flinch from Patton. It’s then he catches on, finally hearing the rain and the distant rumbling of the oncoming storm. He lets out a relieved huff, and Patton’s watery eyes shift to meet his. “You know, it’s quite a common fear, to be afraid of thunderstorms.” Patton lifts an eyebrow in question, but his eyes look straight through Logan. Logan’s gaze drifts, hoping to hide his hidden sincerity. “Astraphobia. Studies show it’s the third most prevalent fear, can occur at any age.”

He wants to stop there, it doesn’t need to be personal. 

Logan is never one to take risks.

But he’s ready to change. The happiest of us are the ones who don’t look before they leap, after all.

He’s ready for the free-fall.

“You’re not any lesser for being afraid. It doesn’t matter to me. I like you, eccentricities and all.” He fills his declaration with as much emotion as he can muster, but it’s gentle and delicate. Patton’s whole appearance seems to soften, an amused breath being pulled from him.

Logan can’t hear the storm anymore. His heartbeat in his ears dominates it.

“I appreciate it, Logan, but I’m not afraid of thunderstorms.” 

A pause.

Logan’s cheeks flare into colour. “Ah, I see.” his voice cracks. Laughter rings out, and the burning embarrassment swallows him whole.

He waits for Patton to calm down before talking again, but he’s beaten to it. “You’re precious sometimes, you know that, Lo? I should probably explain everything…” He trails off, but Logan’s expression is imploring, still stained with a red blush. “The storm definitely made me flinch, but it only happened because I was already stressed. You see, my brother, he- well, he’s missing.” Logan’s eyebrows knit together in worry. “I just got a call from his boyfriend, and he’s just vanished. He was fine before I moved away…” He once again trails off, but Logan’s grasping onto his forearms in an instant.

His stare is determined, and it steals away the uncertainty on Patton’s tongue. “This isn’t your fault.” is all he says, but the words sit heavy in the silence after he releases Patton. 

The quiet stretches out for a long while, and Logan prepares for Patton to get fed up and leave.

“It’s habit.” Logan’s attention, which had been lost in the expansive silence, snaps back to him. “My brother, Virgil, has bad anxiety, and he’s afraid of thunderstorms, that’s why I check the forecast so much.” His face is tender, sharing a weakness with Logan that he would have never expected from the high-spirited man. “I’m just so worried, during storms he has me or  his boyfriend, but he can’t find him.” As if on cue, Patton’s phone chimes and he fumbles with it for a second before he answers the call. He gasps, then lets out an intense sigh. “Thanks, Ro. Talk to you later.” He hangs up and bores holes into the phone.

Logan watches on earnestly. 

“He found him.” Patton states bluntly. “He was asleep in the attic. Didn’t even know about the storm.” 

Logan blinks.

Patton breaks into wild giggles, his eyes still wet, and he crushes Logan into a hug. Logan doesn’t laugh along, but his grin is gleaming.

They stay like that for a while, before Patton decides he should go home. Logan walks him to his door, then he remembers Patton never gave him a response. “Wait.” Patton glances back, taking in the once again pink dusted cheeks of Logan. “About what I said before… I meant every word, even if you aren’t afraid of storms.” 

Patton chuckles fondly. “I know that, Logan. I feel the same way.” A weight is lifted off of Logan’s shoulders. 

And for the second time in his entire life, he takes a risk. The feeling of Patton’s lips, curving up into a smile, on his is all the satisfaction he needs.

He’s going to be taking a lot of risks from now on, and he couldn’t be more content.