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For Forever

Chapter 4: Friends, Perhaps?

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“Can I. Um. Can I have your phone number?” Evan doesn’t know where this sudden burst of courage came from. One second, he and Connor were sitting together at lunch, now fully across from each other. Connor had been reading his book, and Evan had been typing out one of those letters to himself. Then, Evan was looking up and blurting out the question. 

 

He doesn’t even know if they’re friends. Sure, they sit across from each other every lunch period, and sure, they tolerate each other’s silence, and sure , they even occasionally have a conversation. But does that make them friends? Or at least close enough to exchange phone numbers?

 

Connor looks just as surprised as Evan feels. His hair is covering half of his face, and so he tucks it behind one ear. Pierced, Evan notices. A little black stud. Matches his chipped black nail polish. He nods. And pulls out a notebook and a pen, flips to a page in the back, writes on it, rips it out, and hands it to Evan. 

 

“My number,” Connor says as if confirming what Evan thought. He still doesn’t quite understand what just happened, what he had just asked for. But suddenly he has a slip of paper with someone’s number on it and the only thing he can do is pull out his phone, slowly typing the digits in. Connor Murphy is the name. He has a weird urge to take a picture for the profile, a weird, sudden urge. 

 

“Um. Thanks?” Evan’s ears are turning red, and so he turns back to his letter. His therapist, Dr. Sherman, claimed that his letters weren’t sounding as… emotionless, as of late. He’s been putting more effort into them, and has apparently seemed happier , or at least more positive in them. 

 

Dear Evan Hansen,

 

Today is going to be an amazing day, and here’s why. Because today, you were called on in class and didn’t even flinch--in fact, when you responded, you barely stuttered. Today, Jared Kleinman drove you to school, and while he teased you a little bit, it seemed more friendly than usual. Today, Zoe Murphy smiled at you in the hallway. On her way to her band class, not that you were keeping track of her schedule or anything. 

 

Today you asked for Connor Murphy’s number, and he gave it to you. Are you friends now? Maybe you’ll find out. Soon, hopefully. But seriously, now you have more than five contacts on your phone. And isn’t that amazing?

 

He thinks for a second before deleting the last part, signing off with “Sincerely, Me.”  

 


 

Hi. This is Evan Hansen.

hey. wassup? 

 


 

Somehow, slowly, their conversations progress. Evan isn’t quite sure what’s happening, but it seems as if he’s become friends with Connor. And suddenly, Evan can’t put down his phone. They’re having actual, full-blown conversations, and Evan can’t believe it. Granted, it’s only been one night, but it’s been a whole night in which he’s stayed up. Talking. Texting. 

 

Something he’s never done before.

 

And then it’s the weekend, Saturday, and Evan is laughing as he texts Connor. Laughing . Connor tells a joke about night owls, and it was a terrible joke, and Evan is laughing hys teri cally. Then he’s staring at his phone, shocked because Connor had just sent u busy today??  

 

No. Evan is not busy today. He doesn’t know if he should admit that or not. Is he really not busy? Maybe he is? But there’s nothing. His mom is in her bedroom, sleeping before her classes later. He surprisingly hadn’t gotten homework for the weekend. There are no groceries that need to be restocked. There’s nothing. He’s not busy. 

 

No. I’m not busy.

Why?

wanna hang out?

 

Of course. Evan is not busy, and Connor wants to hang out. And Evan does want to meet up with him, to hang out with him. But what if their ‘friendship’--or whatever it may be called--only works online? What if they realize they hate each other when trying to have an actual in-person conversation?

 

His fingers don’t pay attention to his circling thoughts. Typing out Yeah . Um. Where do you want to go?

 

And Connor says, “ how abt we meet up outside school & go from there ,” which of course is a great idea because Evan can walk to the school building and it’s right there and they both know the place, and where it is, and it’s safe and close and near. 

 

Great. ” 

 


 

He’s nervous. Maybe unreasonably so. Maybe not. Hands are sweating, and the more he thinks about it, the sweatier they become. And he’s thirsty all of a sudden and wishes, wonders why he didn’t think to bring a bottle of water. Or something. 

 

Then there’s Connor, clad in blacks and grays, walking towards him. Without the car that Evan thought he had. Walking, hands in his pockets, slouched in an unassuming position. Earbuds in. Hood up. Almost a scowl on his face. He looks up, making eye contact with Evan. Evan, wearing a navy blue coat that just barely fits over the cast. Only the “ CO ” is visible; the rest is hidden. Evan self-consciously tugs at his jacket’s sleeve, trying to pull it down further. 

 

But why is he suddenly so self-conscious? It was Connor who wrote on his cast, anyway. It doesn’t matter. He takes a deep breath and walks to Connor. He smiles, and an almost-maybe smile is offered in return. 

 

“H-hi,” Evan stammers, raising his sweaty hand in a half-wave. Connor waves back. 

 

“Hey,” he says when he’s standing beside Evan, pulling out his earbuds and taking off his hood. Tucking his hair behind one ear. “Wanna go to the park?”

 

The park . A place Evan hasn’t been since that day. He’s kind-of-not-really been avoiding it. He just hasn’t been ready to face what almost happened there. But since Connor is going to be there… He’s going to have to face it now, anyway. 

 

When they get there--because they had walked, it took about thirty minutes. Thirty quiet, but not awkward-quiet, minutes--the park is empty. Some of the leaves are already changing colors, even though it’s only the middle of September. Evan sighs. From here, he can almost see the tallest tree in the park. The tree which he climbed until he could feel the sun covering his entire body. 

 

The two of them walk beneath a grove of trees, far from the gum-speckled parking lot. 

 

“Ni-nice day,” Evan says, offers would be a better way to describe it. And it’s awkward now because Connor just nods and looks up at the little patches of sky between the branches and leaves, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

 

“Here. Let’s sit.” They’ve walked through the park for about ten minutes, reaching a spot Evan has never been to before. A little bubbling creek winds between the trees that grow closer together here than in the other parts. It seems almost... like the wilderness. The real wilderness. 

 

And it’s nice. Connor sits down beside a tree and gestures for Evan to sit down next to him. They both lean against the tree and Evan looks down at the stream. Trickling by, not a care in the world. Exactly how he feels right now. Because for some reason, right now, he’s content. 

 

They sit like that for hours, sitting and talking, but not really talking. Just enjoying each other’s company. Connor laughs, seeming completely out of the blue.

 

“W-what?” And Evan’s nervous. Did he say something stupid? Was this all just one huge, terrible joke?

 

“Nothing,” Connor says in between breaths. “It’s. It’s just that, I’ve never really had someone to talk to. A friend, I guess. I’ve never really had something like this.”

 

Evan doesn’t know what to say for a moment. He’s surprised. Because he feels the same way. And so, he laughs. Hard. And Connor joins in, and the two of them are leaning against each other, shaking, gasping for air. Evan’s ribs hurt and his face is red and he can barely breathe, but he doesn’t care. 

 

“Me too,” he says, and looks over at Connor, who’s tucked his hair behind his ear. Who has a grin on his face. A real, wide grin. And Evan’s face flushes, but not from the exertion, and his breath whooshes out of him once more.

 

Connor’s face becomes serious as he looks down at his hand. Picks up a pebble, before dropping it. “You listen to me. Treat me like I’m human. Thank you.”

 

“Of- of course!”

 

He doesn’t even know why he’s being thanked for this. Of course Evan would listen. No matter who the person was. It could be Jared. It could be his dad’s new wife , for all he cared. Well. Maybe not her. But anyway, on a different note, Evan knows now is the right time. Before Connor decides it’s time to leave, or change the subject, or anything else. 

 

“And. And thank you. For, um, helping me. That day.” He’s not stuttering, sure, but he can barely manage to force out the words. Short sentences. Breathe. “Thank you for. For taking me to the hospital when I fell. From the tree.”

 

He pauses. Looks down at the dappled grass. At the wildflowers growing at the edge of the stream. At Connor’s hand, resting on the dirt between them, chipped black nail polish and scars on his fingers from who knows what. 

 

“I don’t think I would’ve been able to get up if I was alone,” he admits. With great difficulty. Forces a smile, blinks because he feel tears starting to form. “I- I would’ve just laid there.” Waiting. But for what? He can’t answer that. “Thank you for taking me to the hospital.” For not asking questions

 

A weight lifts off Evan’s chest. He looks back up at Connor, who’s watching him closely. 

 

“A-anyway! I just wanted to say that. And thanks for listening to me, too.”

Notes:

Hey everyone! Sorry about the suuuuper late update, school has been a real pain in the ass lately. I'll try to figure out a good posting schedule for this, but I'm not sure when that's going to happen. Thanks for sticking with me :)

 

WC: 1657