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English
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Published:
2019-09-04
Updated:
2021-01-18
Words:
8,161
Chapters:
16/?
Comments:
390
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954
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The Mbmbam Archives

Summary:

The Brothers McElroy start getting a series of strange questions regarding supernatural experiences.

Notes:

This was just a joke in the discord and I figured I'd write one of them for the fun of it.

Chapter 1: Angler Fish

Chapter Text

Justin: [reading] I’m a university student, living in Edinburgh, and I recently had an encounter with something a bit disturbing when I was walking home drunk one night. I was on my own...

Griffin : First mistake. Gotta have a buddy system when you’re drunk, my man, can’t be wandering the streets by yourself when you’re compromised in that way.

Travis: Oh you know, sometimes it’s nice to get out into the fresh air when you’re feeling a bit… you know…

Justin: [loudly] I WAS ON MY OWN, and I tripped and fell on a particularly steep street.

Griffin: As you do. As you do. You know alcohol is a poison, don’t you? Pollutes the body. It’ll poison you and make you do dumb things like walk home alone drunk and fall down hills like a baby.

Justin: Afterwards, being a little shaken up by my fall, I decided to have a cigarette, and as I was rolling I heard someone from the shadows asking me if they could have one as well.

Travis: Do people… still smoke? I thought we’d finished with that. I thought it was all Vaping these days. I thought it was all fat cotton.

Justin: Yes. Travis. People still smoke Travis. Some people haven’t heard the word of the Vape Lords yet. Some people are old.

Griffin: This guy says he’s at university!

Justin: Old people can still be at university! Ugh. Uniiiverrrsity. College. Old people can still go to COLLEGE Griffin. Old people are the only ones who can AFFORD to go to college these days.

Griffin: He smokes and he goes to UNIVERSITY and he walks home alone and drunk it’s a fucking wonder he’s alive to even send us a question.

Justin: I haven’t even finished reading the question yet.

Griffin: We’re not STOPPING you.

Justin: You are. You are LITERALLY stopping me from finishing this question you are…

Travis: I’d just like to point out, Justin, that at the moment the only person stopping you from finishing the question, is you.

Justin: [sighs heavily, then continues] The person asking for the cigarette didn’t come far out of the shadows, and only said the same phrase, over and over again “Can I have a cigarette.” Eventually I moved in a bit and saw that the… what? Jesus. Saw that the… oh my god. Oh my god. This is buck wild guys. This is… I can’t… The person’s feet were not touching the ground. 

Griffin: What the fuck?

Travis: Oh. Oh no.

Justin: I decided to leave. Brothers. Did I encounter a ghost? Am I good? From, Edgy in Edinburgh.

Griffin: Holy shit.

Travis: Why would a ghost want a cigarette?

Justin: I think you’re missing the point, Travis.

Travis: No, I think it’s a legit question, JUSTIN, because as far as I can remember ghosts don’t have lungs.

Griffin: Maybe it was a special lung ghost.

Justin: Both of you are missing the fucking point.

Travis: I mean, maybe he wanted a ghost cigarette. Maybe he just wanted the guy to finish smoking his cigarette so he could inhale the spirit of it. The Spirit of the Cigarette That Had Passed On.

Justin: That… that is not how anything works.

Travis: You don’t know that, Justin. You don’t know the science of ghost cigarettes.

Griffin: Both of you just need to shut up for a minute and listen.

Justin: There isn’t any science Travis, it’s a fucking ghost that wants…

Travis: We have to assume that the supernatural world follows its own rules Justin…

Griffin: SHUT THE FUCK UP BOTH OF YOU. Okay. So. My brothers are doing their best to stop us from actually doing what we’re supposed to do on this podcast which is give you advice. And so I’m going to do the fucking heavy lifting here the way I always fucking do and tell you, question asker, the answer to your problem.

Justin: Enlighten us, Griffin. Go on then.

Travis: Yes Griffin, since you’re the one doing the heavy lifting. Tell this poor soul what he needs to do.

Griffin: [takes a long, deep breath] Pack up. Pack your bags. Get out of there man. There’s a ghost smoker trying to kill you. 

Justin: Yeah. Yeah I hate to admit it but Griffin’s right.

Travis: Three for three. Run away dude. Otherwise you’re gonna get chomped.