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Trial by Qpids

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 Jean-luc Picard was not what the average Starfleet officer would call normal. Even for Starfleet standards. He certainly was brave, and intelligent, able to show compassion to any who crossed his path and had a spark in him that made him want to learn. But there was also something about him that made the younger cadets feel fear in his presence. The scowl, grumble, the words of anger. He was very kind after his moment, but the flashes of anger made no one wants to get on his bad side.

    Even Q.

    Q had to admit to himself, that Jean-luc was something else. He wasn’t really good at explaining things in a human manor, but he supposed it came down to the attractiveness of the captain. Certainly not his human attractiveness, the sad little flesh bag that he walked around in. No. It was his consciousness. Q had never seen anything quite like it among the rather crude human civilization. Well not never, but very very rarely. He seemed to glow, shining his ideas and skills onto those around him. It made even Q want to like him and his crew. Though he would never admit that to Jean-luc or his Q colleagues. That would be blasphemy.

    After he had saved Picard’s life, all he could think about was the man. His mind stirring with questions as he wondered what would become of the brave Starfleet captain. He had intervened in a situation maybe he shouldn’t have, given their history, but something about the way the human looked at him made him want to blow up nebulas. Currently he was forming a star pattern thousands of lightyears away from humanity’s explored space, making worlds and new species with the wave of his hand. Well if he had hands. He was currently residing as an amorphous space cloud of thousands of shimmering lights. It was a little closer to his true form, close enough for comfort.


    He sighed and felt his consciousness wander back to The Enterprise.

    Picard sat at his desk and sipped some earl grey. His thoughts differed to Q as they often did. He found himself with the most perplexing obsession with the entity after his stint as a human. Of course it was doubled down with the Vash situation. Things had been a bit stranger for a while but something about sitting between Q and Vash made his little bisexual heart beat a little faster. He had a type. Then of course the perplexing case of Amanda. He had treated her with a kindness that Picard could hardly understand. Every moment longer he spent with humans, the kinder and more behaved he became. If only he could learn about Q the way Q learned about him.


    And then time broke.

    Q woke up. Which was a peculiarity in itself because he had only done so on one other occasion in the brig of the enterprise. He was in a bed he thought. At least that’s where he assumed he was. It was warm and soft. Soft was when it didn’t feel rough right? Human descriptions were always a little confusing. Was he being punished again? Shit.

    Picard woke up in a bed, one that was not his own. It was too soft to be his standard bed. He stayed in a sleeping position, listening for any signs of life around him. When he didn’t hear any, he sat up.

         The room was on some planet, the window facing a garden. It wasn’t an earth garden though, the flowers were unrecognizable to the captain. He also wasn’t sure what was happening up in the sky, it a soft yellow with a planet visible in the sky. He got out of bed, tiptoeing around. There was a single door in the room, several shelves of things from his office, and a small wardrobe. He checked and was glad to see at least he had several outfits. He cautiously made his way over to the door, peeking out into the unknown.

         Q slowly made his way through the home he had found himself in. It was clear through attempt that he was unable to shapeshift. He had also tried to leave, but that didn’t work either. He was able to make food appear, as well as change his clothes. But that was the extent of his power. He was essentially a human with flashy power.

         The house itself was pretty standard for something out of the 20th century. It had a refrigerator and a stove to cook on. He had counted at least two bathrooms. It seemed pretty normal until you looked outside and the world ended 20 feet out. It was a small island of floating land and the bright sky.

         Q had yet to open the door to the other section of the house, mostly due to the fact he could feel a presence on the other side. He was a little too nervous to go and see who it was. Q only know who they decided he should be spending this torture with. For all he knew it was that angry brute on Picard’s ship.

         That’s when he looked dead into the eyes of Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

         What followed as a series of events one after the other. The first was Q opening his mouth in shock then to greet the other with a wide shit eating grin. The second was Picard quickly moving to protect himself from the Q and begin to berate him.

         “Q! YOU PUT ME BACK RIGHT THIS-!” He began, then suddenly there was a flash and Amanda was standing before them. She waved to the shocked captain and her adoptive father easily.

         “Good morning, gentlemen.” She started with a smile, the captain changes to something a little more professional. “I’m here as a neutral party in this matter.” She gave them the softest smile she could muster.

         “What is going on?” Q demanded, making Picard give him a stern glare that clearly wasn’t going to work in any shape or form. Oh well.

         “Well. Q. The Continuum has decided to take action to avoid any more potential conflicts of interests with your missions.” She winked at Picard. “You have been moping around the universe for nearly 300 hundred years! That’s not good! Not to mention all you talk about is ‘Enterprise this, Picard that.’ So. Here you are! We are kindly asking that you two would, as many humans say, sort your shit out.” She snapped and was gone, leaving Q to catch flies and Picard to stare at him like he’s lost his goddamn mind.

         What then happened was a little bit of a song and dance. Q stomped off to go fume, sparks falling off of his human visage. Picard was frozen, reling from the thought that Q had alterour motives to their encounters.

         “Q! I demand you tell me what is going on!” Picard yelled, causing Q to turn around in a huff.

         “Demand! Let me remind you who I am!” He puffed out his chest, red face with embarrassment and furry. “I am Q! An all powerful, all knowing entity!” He was very upset clearly.

         Picard took a deep breath, the captain turning his attention to go away. Clearly they couldn’t talk about this now. Q was far too upset to continue any sort of conversation of any kind.

         “Don’t you turn your back on me!” Q yelled, still storming. He watched the captain make a hasty retreat, the entity just slumping down onto a kitchen chair, head lolling back to look up into the ceiling. “Fuck.”

         Picard explored their bubble a bit more. There was a lovely bath with a large deep tub and many bath supplies, as well as lots of candles and flower petals. The makings of a very romantic evening in with a partner. He sighed, weighing the time he had been away from Q. Of course the other could be mad for centuries, but he tried to give him some space to calm down.

    He sat down on the rim of the empty tub, leaning his head against his palm as he tried to figure out what Q could possibly conflicted about. About him specifically at that. He had been moping for 300 years? About Picard? Did he want something from him? Did he want to be friends finally? In all of their more recent encounters, the entity had always seemed to try and help. In his own strange interdeimensional way, it showed kindness. He never told his crew, but he always had the feeling that Q really did care about the enterprise crew.

    Q fumed quietly, staring at the ceiling. At this point, he pretty much just had to confess and then get on his knees and beg Picard to love him. He needed to get out of here as quickly as possible because it was going to be hell if they pussyfoot around it the whole time. He wasn’t sure how much rejection he could handle.


    “Q, we need to talk.” Picard said as he made his way into the room, the captain seeing how wound up Q still appeared to be. “I’m assuming you have something to tell me?” He asked uncertainly. He had a feeling it wasn’t going to be bad, but either way he was preparing for the worst.

    “Assuming makes an ass out of you and me.” Q said simply as he stared up the ceiling and pointedly not at Picard. “But yes. I do have something to tell you.” He sighed, it surprising Picard he was showing so much emotion.

    “I..” He looked quickly to see that Picard was looking at him, a blush spreading onto his cheeks. “My vessel is getting warmer, is that a normal human response?” When Picard didn’t answer, he rushed on. “I.. Haven’t been completely clear with my intentions. I would like, to be with you. I would like… To be your friend.”

    Picard opened his mouth to respond but was quickly shushed as a hand came out to quiet him.     

    “I would like… To be your partner. In a romantic sense. Ok, you can laugh at me now.” Q said rather dejectedly, clearly waiting for Picard to make fun of him. Instead Picard was staring off into space, trying to formulate the best way to proceed from here.

    “I..” Picard started, slowly approaching. He pulled a chair up next to the other. “I also..” He was blushing now as well. “I also have that feeling for you…”

    Q was now the one frozen in time, sitting up to look at Picard in the eyes, slowly leaning close to touch Picard to make sure he was real.

    “I’m serious, Q. This is serious. It’s a serious matter. We need to set boundaries and make rules…” Q didn’t appear to be listening, pulling Picard by the back of his head into a passionate kiss that he returned in kind.

    They sat there, in an uncomfortable chair, kissing for some time, Picard’s mind racing with all the implications of becoming a partner to a Q.

    “Rules rules rules…” Q sighed as he rested his head against the other, gently taking his hand and pulling him back towards the couches so they could kiss some more. Picard followed after, feeling like a teenager again, clambering for the attention of his young lover.

    “We need them…” Picard sighed softly as he is pulled into the couch, and then onto Q, kissing him softly. Oh well. He couldn’t seem to focus on anything but the other’s hands on his waist, and his lips against his own. 

    They must have stayed like that for a while, the day growing long and suddenly it was dark. Q pulled away, the two laying in a comfortable silence for a while. 

    “Demands?” Q asked softly, not wanting to disturb the peace but also wanted to ask. 

    “No randomly pulling me away from my crew,” Q sighed, “No torturing my crew, don’t meddle with their business. Please be nice, I can’t have a partner who is constantly fighting with my crew.” Picard said softly, giving him a pointed look. 

    “Fine, fine.. Whatever you demand of me..” Q sighed as he tried to distract the captain with a kiss and a cheeky bum pinch. 


---- 2 weeks later ----

    “Sir, are you sure you don’t need some company?” Beverly asked for the 5th time that week. He had said he wasn’t up for their morning coffees anymore, she was worried about him. 

    Picard laughed, a rosy color in his cheeks as he shook his head. “No, I am quite alright.” He bid her farewell and entered into his cabin, shaking his head with mirth at the sight before him. 

    “Q this is ridiculous!” He wasn’t yelling, he wasn’t demanding, he was just laughing. Q was dressed in a women’s nightgown, curlers in his hair. 

    “Captain, I think you will find, I am a perfectly common house wife.” He said simply as he scrubbed a pot in a sink that didn’t exist. “You were meant to be home half an hour ago.” 

    “You of all beings should know things come up.” Picard shook his head again, moving to hug his love and press a kiss to his lips. The costume and props disappeared, Q dipping his love dramatically. They stumbled a bit into bed, Q happy to kiss and touch wherever he could.

    Picard ended up laughing in his bed, curled close to his love as Q recounted his day with the continuum. 

    “Oh by the way,” Q said cockily as he turned to his side and grinned like an idiot. “I’m winning the Picard dating pool. I’m the only one who put myself down.”