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How To Be A Useless Bisexual: A Biography By Bessie Bass

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Bessie’s head shot up from where she was tuning she bass. Only one person in the whole world called her that.


Anna of Cleves smiled brightly at her friend as she walked over with a water bottle in hand.

“You did amazing.” The queen complimented. “Your playing is always flawless, but tonight your solo gave me chills! You truly are gifted.”

Bessie couldn’t help the blush that burned her ears bright red, but she tried to hide it to keep up she cool, calm demeanor.

“Thank you, Anna, but it’s only our third show!” She said as cooly as possible, “However, I think the real star was you. The notes you hit! Absolutely gorgeous!”

Like you.

Anna laughed, covering her mouth to hide her own blush. She quickly lowered her arm and beamed at her old friend, who she got to sit down with her on one of the steps.

“Silver-tongued as ever, Libbie.” Anna said. “I missed it. And you. I know I’ve said that a lot, but I truly mean it.”

“I missed you ever since I had to resign.” Bessie sighed. “But if I were gonna die anywhere, I would have wanted you to be the last thing I saw.”

No, Elizabeth, no! That’s not something you say!

Oh my god she wants me to be the last thing she sees.

“Oh, you,” Anna playfully shoved her. “Your health was more important than me.”

“Pfft! No way!” Bessie laughed out loud.

They both stared a light laugh before they quieted now, sitting in silence as their thoughts whirled.

Okay, just don’t think about her. Simple.

“How’s the others doing?” Anna asked, breaking the soft moment.

Dammit! How dare she speak again! In that beautiful, rough voice- No!

“Good! Good.” Bessie answered quickly. “Maggie is having some…issues, but she’s doing the best she can.”

“You worry about her?” Anna inquired.

“Of course,” Bessie chuckled lightly. “She’s just a kid. Needs someone to look after her. Especially after her diagnosis with ADD only a week ago…” She trailed off when she noticed Anna giving her a fond grin. She laughed a little. “Yes?”

“Nothing.” Anna shook her head.

“No, tell me!” Bessie urged, nudging her side.

“Alright, alright,” Anna said. “It’s just…you’re so wonderful, Libbie. You know that? You’re such a big softie.”

Oh, no no no. Don’t think about her don’t think about her don’t think about her- her beautiful eyes and the way she laughs and smiles at you and how she makes everything feel good again and- DON’T THINK ABOUT HER!

“What?” Bessie sputtered, “ME? A SOFTIE? You must be thinking about a different Bessie.”

“No other Bessie can replace you.” Anna cooed and the way their hands brush each other a little nearly sends Bessie into another plane of existence. She really doesn’t want to break the cool, collected demeanor she built up for herself, but it’s very close to crumbling to the ground because of this queen.

“Not my Libbie.”

Bessie coughed to hide the strange, wheezing noise she had made upon hearing this. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and hoped her face wasn’t as red as she feared it was.

“Anna. You are- you are the amazing one! I don’t deserve this at all and yet you-”

“Oh, shut up and just hug me.”

Bessie blinked before smiling and scooting over to hug Anna. And, good god, the queen was a lot more well built than she remembered. Seriously, her stomach was very toned! And she was warm. And her arms were strong. And she smelled very nice, like the forest. Also her hair was soft. And-

Oh my god, Elizabeth. Stop. Anna probably isn’t even gay. Don’t get ahead of yourself.

Man I hope Libbie is gay.

There had to be a way out of this hug because Bessie was starting to fear that the useless part of her bisexual brain would take over and she would start making real moves. If she did something quickly, there would be no gay feelings involved, and they would just be friends cuddling on a stage. Yes.

But no, apparently the queen wanted her even closer, as she found herself pulled further into the hug and pressed to the crook of Anna’s neck, lips only centimeters from her collarbone. If she just moved forward a little…

She then shook her head violently. She wasn’t in this kind of relationship with Anna (yet- no, don’t think about that, Elizabeth, it’s not happening no matter how gay for Lady Anna of Cleves you may be), and scaring off her friend was the last thing she wanted to do.
As warm and soft and perfect as the embrace may have been.

“Libbie?“ There was concern laced in the voice, and a slight melodic tone. Hearing Anna speak was always lovely. "You okay?”


Battling my gay feelings for you, you gorgeous dork.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

Anna nodded and then closed her eyes, just enjoying the hug, enjoying being back in the arms of her lover friend. It was wonderful, to say the least, being here with her again. Although she didn’t know what otherworldly force brought them to life once again, she would thank them all for bringing her melody back to her.

And when she confirmed that Bessie wasn’t a heterosexual, she would praise them on the daily.