Yoongi and Taehyung lay on the grass in their backyard. The sun was barely shining through the clouds, but the gray contrasted the greenery around them perfectly. Up above them were tall green trees towering over them. Yoongi had never experienced bliss until he let Kim Taehyung convince him to buy a house out in the country.
He had never planned for it to turn out this way. One day Yoongi was hiding away in his condo somewhere in Seoul, writing music and only occasionally leaving his residence if he really needed to. He never guessed he would grow a deep bond with the younger man after Bangtan had ended. He guessed they would have kept in touch. Maybe an occasional phone call on their birthdays and meeting up when the rest of their friends did but never did he guess that Taehyung would one day hold him in his arms and kiss him with so much feeling behind it.
He never would have guessed he would be lying in the backyard of their farmhouse in this small, quiet town in the more rural countryside of Daegu. He never would have guessed it but he wouldn’t change it for anything else.
“What do you think?” Taehyung asked. His deep voice bringing him back down from the clouds he was floating on.
“The song. It’s called springtime by Faulkner,” Taehyung said. Yoongi focused on the beautiful piano and violin being played softly in the background. It mixed in perfectly with the sounds the trees were making as the wind blew through the green leaves. It made him feel hopeful and optimistic, kind of like Taehyung made him feel.
“I like it. It reminds me of a movie that has a happy ending.” Kind of like the story of us, Yoongi wanted to say but he held it in. No matter how many years went by, he never grew accustomed to expressing his feelings out loud like that. As if they don’t carry so much weight to them. Leaving himself bare and vulnerable.
“Yeah, maybe you can learn it on the piano and play it for me?” Taehyung asked. He reached out and ran his fingers gently against Yoongi’s hand until their hands clasped together like they always did.
“You think too highly of my piano skills,” Yoongi chuckled. He closed his eyes and focused on the music playing and the distant shouts coming from their neighbors' children and the dog barking down the street. Yoongi never thought he would love those sounds. He only ever imagined himself in the city. Cars honking and the drunk men walking around at night making a scene.
Yet there he was, trying to keep this all in his memories for when he’s a small old man passing down stories to his god children. He wants to remember them for when he’s in a retirement home so he can tell his nurses just how right it felt to hold Taehyung’s hand right now. He wants to describe in detail how he felt on that Tuesday afternoon spent with Taehyung doing absolutely nothing but listening to his classical music and holding each other.
“Maybe one day...” Taehyung trailed off. They were left in silence but by now Yoongi could hear when Taehyung was thinking too loud. The air around them would get too thick and too tense. Yoongi opened his eyes and turned to look at Taehyung.
The younger man had his eyes trained straight up at the sky and his mouth was still slightly opened. Yoongi turned on his side to see him better. So many years have passed since they were young and touring the world. Different city ever other night. They didn’t have stylists anymore. No one to do their make up or style their hair or even pick out the trendiest clothes. But Taehyung remained beautiful. Even at age 52, Taehyung had beauty in every fiber of his being. A few wrinkles were visible around his eyes. A sign that he had laughed and smiled a lot in his life. A life lived across the world, meeting new people and exploring so many places with his friends. He remembers his grandmother saying that wrinkles should never be shameful. It shows how well the person had lived.
And Taehyung, the brightest person he had met, had definitely lived his life well.
“Maybe one day... you could play it at our wedding?” Taehyung asked. His voice was small and gentle, as if Yoongi would say no. But by now Yoongi is surprised that Taehyung would have to worry about Yoongi ever saying no to him. He could never say no to him. That’s what got them here after all.
“Our wedding?” Yoongi asked, although it sounded more like a statement.
Yoongi never thought of weddings. He never had much interest in them. He had attended Seokjin’s wedding, Namjoon’s wedding, and Hoseok’s wedding. Both were lovely and he cried like a baby but Jimin’s was the best out of all of them because he had an open bar. Jungkook had been smart to just elope in Paris on a whim. But thinking of a wedding now, one that was for him and Taehyung. Especially at their age. Yoongi had just turned 54 two months ago. Their friends started teasing Taehyung that he was dating a very old man now. He thought about it. He found the appeal to it. Him and Taehyung surrounded by their friends and family being happy and eating cake. He liked that idea.
“Yeah, I think I can learn it by then,” Yoongi said. He watched as a boxy smile grew on Taehyung’s face. His wrinkles were more prominent and Yoongi was endeared by them.
A life well lived.
“Your mom would cry,” Taehyung said. He kept his gaze up to the sky, “Jungkook would be sobbing the entire time.”
“And Jimin would get drunk and grind on Hoseok like he did at Seokjin’s wedding,” Yoongi laughed out. He could picture it already. His friends all together again and his parents, already old and grey, giving them marriage advice. He had never thought of marriage before this day but now he was pleasantly surprised by how easily the image of his and Taehyung’s wedding unfolded in his mind. It was small and probably in their backyard but Yoongi liked what he imagined.
“Do you want to put a song on?” Taehyung asked after their giggles had stopped. Yoongi reached for his own phone and scrolled through his playlist. After such an intimate moment, he should have put on something romantic, but he was too much of a coward for that. Despite the fact that they had just talked about getting married for the first time. The fact that they are both on the same page about spending the rest of their lives together just like this.
Yoongi quickly picks one from his playlist and puts his phone down on the grass. He watches Taehyung’s smile return as the music begins playing from his phone’s speakers.
“No More Dream?” Taehyung says between giggles. Yoongi smiles wide at the pure joy on Taehyung’s face.
“It’s old but it’s still a good song. Those boy scouts were ahead of their time, I tell you!” Yoongi says with the most serious voice he could make. He turns on his back and closes his eyes after he breaks and laughs.
“Musical geniuses those boys were,” Taehyung says. Yoongi can hear the smile on Taehyung’s face. He doesn’t even know how that’s possible. He wasn’t sure how science could explain how they could always know each other’s emotions. And at that moment, Taehyung was beaming with happiness.
“Maybe we can even have them perform it live,” Yoongi suggests. He imagines all of them struggling to keep up with the choreography at the age they are. He imagines Jimin pulling up his shirt, but instead of abs being revealed, it was Jimin’s soft plushy tummy.
“Oh god. You were already close to breaking a hip back then as it was, imagine if you tried it now,” Taehyung says in between fits of laughter.
“Hm, I'll write it down in my notes. If we all just start taking the stairs like Namjoon-ie tells us to, maybe we can be fit enough to dance by then,” Yoongi says. They laugh for a while after, both of them imagining putting together a performance at their wedding. Maybe he and Taehyung can do a cypher of their own. Surprise everyone with their ability to rap even years later.
“I can’t wait.” Taehyung says when the quiet settles back down around them.
The wind is blowing. The leaves rustle against each other. He hears the toddler two houses down refusing to go back inside to have lunch. He imagines Taehyung in white, a flower in his hair smiling down at him.
He can’t wait.
“Where were you?” Taehyung asks sternly.
It’s one in the morning already and the streets are quiet, but his boyfriend is barely stepping foot into the house after being gone all afternoon. His dinner is already wrapped and put in the refrigerator. Taehyung is already in his pajamas and he’s already done his skin care routine. He’s supposed to be in bed already but the impending worry about where the hell Yoongi is wouldn’t leave his mind. Years spent with Yoongi by his side has made him uncomfortable to sleep without anyone sleeping beside him.
“Out.” Yoongi doesn’t sound angry. He doesn’t sound tired either. He sounds indifferent. Almost robotic as he takes off his jacket and his shoes next to the door. He doesn’t greet Taehyung who sits on the couch directly in front of him. It irritates him that Yoongi passes by him to get to the kitchen without so much as a glance.
“What’s your problem?” Taehyung shouts. He springs up off his butt and stomps childishly to the kitchen after him. Yoongi sits on the counter with his food already cold. He doesn’t even bother heating it up as he digs in with a fork.
“I don’t have a problem. I just needed to get some stress off, so I took a walk,” Yoongi says around a mouthful of rice. He makes a face that tells Taehyung that it probably tastes like shit now that it’s not fresh anymore.
“Until one in the morning?” Taehyung says exasperated.
“I lost track of time,” Yoongi shrugs at him. He continues shoveling food into his mouth but hasn’t looked up at him once. It leaves an uneasy feeling in his stomach because Boyoung noona three houses down said that this was how she started becoming suspicious about her ex-husband's affair. He imagines Yoongi out with someone younger than Taehyung. Someone who isn’t about to turn 50 years old and still has fresh dewy skin without wrinkles or a few grey hairs here and there.
He gulps down nervously and he wishes they weren’t fighting. He needs Yoongi to hold his hand and keep him on the ground. He needs Yoongi to tell him he’s being ridiculous and sleep beside him.
“So, you were out. Walking. In the dark... until one in the morning,” Taehyung says. Yoongi nods already halfway done with his cold meal.
“That’s what I said.”
Taehyung kind of wants to slap that fork right of his hand, along with his plate of cold ass food. He’s about to explode with how frustrated he feels with the older man in front of him. He wants to shake Yoongi by the shoulders and demand a proper answer, but he lets it go. He lets it go because he doesn't want to argue so late at night. He doesn’t want them to go to sleep angry at each other from fighting while they’re both tired. His parents always told him that the key to a happy marriage was to never go to bed angry at each other. But both of them staying up to argue while they’re both tired won’t do them any good. If anything, it would worsen the situation.
“Yoongi, I don’t want to fight right now. Just tell me what’s going on,” Taehyung says while trying to remain calm.
“I don’t want to fight either and I told you, nothing,” Yoongi says. He puts the plate in the sink and walks past him and starts walking up the small flight of stairs to their room. Taehyung takes a few deep breaths as Yoongi’s heavy footsteps drift further and further away from him.
He eventually follows him upstairs and finds Yoongi sitting at the end of their bed. He sits facing the door like he was waiting for Taehyung to follow him.
“I’m sorry,” Yoongi mutters out. His cheeks are pink, and he works hard to make his hair cover his eyes, so he doesn’t have to see the disappointment in Taehyung’s face.
“Tell me what’s wrong,” Taehyung says. He sits beside Yoongi and rests his hand on the elder’s back, smoothing it up and down gently. He hears Yoongi sniffle and Taehyung knows that’s a bad sign.
“I wasn’t taking a walk. I sat at the park until it got dark and then I sat outside on the grass because I wasn’t ready to come inside yet,” Yoongi finally says. Taehyung breathes a little easier knowing that his boyfriend wasn’t out having sex with a random stranger.
“I would follow you anywhere you go,” Yoongi says after a long silence. Taehyung is surprised by his words. He stops his hand from moving and instead reaches for Yoongi’s chin to turn his head towards his own.
“What’s going on?” Taehyung asks.
“I talked to Jin Hyung this morning. He said that you haven’t called him back after he pitched the idea about the two of you making a cooking show together,” Yoongi says. He mentally curses Seokjin for having a loudmouth and telling Yoongi about it before he was ready. “He told me the pitch and it sounds perfect for you two. It’s something you would love and be good at, but I don’t understand why your hesitating.”
“I’m not hesitating,” Taehyung mutters.
“He said he called you last week about it,” Yoongi says as he focuses at looking anywhere but Taehyung’s eyes. “I went out to think. And I think you don’t want to take it because you’re accustomed to living here, and what’s even more stupid is that you probably were going to turn it down to stay here with me... but Taehyung, if you had to go to Seoul for a few months to film for your show, just know that I would follow you wherever you go. You don’t have to stop doing what you love just because of me. Especially because of me! Anywhere. I’m there with you.”
Taehyung mentally curses himself because damn why does Min Yoongi always have to be right. He didn’t want to take it because he already technically retired. He walked away from the spotlight in favor of a quiet life in the countryside with Yoongi and he loves it. But the call from Seokjin was too good to be true because all of a sudden, he felt nostalgic. He suddenly missed life in Seoul, and he missed interacting with fans. He loved his life, but he had stupidly thought that his life here with Yoongi couldn’t be mixed with life in Seoul.
“You would come to Seoul with me?” Taehyung’s voice came out almost as a whisper.
“I said anywhere, didn’t I? I don’t care if it’s Seoul or down in Busan with Jimin or if you want to live overseas in the west,” Yoongi says. He is finally looking into Taehyung’s eyes and it’s too intense for him that he starts crying. Maybe it was the lack of sleep or the hours and hours of worrying that made him hit his breaking point, but the tears start coming down fast.
“I like it here with you,” Taehyung says over a hiccup.
“We don’t have to sell the house. We can live in Seoul for your show and come back here right after,” Yoongi says. And of course, Yoongi would come up with a solution so easily. He feels stupid for jumping to conclusions that he would lose this life if he would go back into the spotlight. But he can’t be blamed for it. After all, when he was an idol, he didn’t really hang around Yoongi too much. It was almost impossible to put the two together without feeling a gap between them.
Though this time it’s different. This time they’re in a committed relationship with a nice little house on a hill in the countryside of Daegu. This time they’re so devoted to each other that they would go anywhere with each other. They’re not idols struggling with their fame and self-identity anymore. They’re not the two members that rarely agree on anything anymore. They’re the couple that don’t go to bed angry at each other. The kind that works through their problems together.
“And you’ll call Namjoon Hyung about working on a few songs together?” Taehyung asks after the tears have stopped. Yoongi is curled around him in a tight hug.
“How did you know?” Yoongi asks.
“Jinnie Hyung told me,” Taehyung says.
“God dammit Jin, and his big ass mouth,” Yoongi says. Taehyung couldn’t agree more. He may just have to end up buying him a gift basket though, for getting them to talk about it instead of letting Taehyung keep it to himself.
“I’m so tired. Let’s go to bed.”
“So, what do you say?” Namjoon asks.
Yoongi is rudely interrupted from his thoughts by his best friend. He snaps his eyes away from Taehyung who is currently hugging Jimin so tight while looking at something on Jungkook’s phone. Taehyung looks happy when they’re all together again. And to be honest, Yoongi also feels whole when all of them are together again.
“Say what to who?” Yoongi asks. Namjoon rolls his eyes as he looks behind him to find what had Yoongi’s attention. He smiles when he sees that it was Taehyung laughing on the floor, not even showing his age from the youth coming from his eyes.
“We should make a mixtape together. I have a few beats I want you to listen to and I don’t know. I miss working with you I guess,” Namjoon says. He leans back in his chair and sips at his lemonade. Both men sit on the patio dining table. Somewhere behind them at the grill, Seokjin and Hoseok are arguing about whether the meat is properly cooked or not.
Yoongi considers it. He thinks about being back in the studio and working on music with Namjoon. Just like old times. He imagines them smiling when they find a style that flows with them well. He imagines them butting heads when they disagree on a song. He hasn’t stopped working on music. That’s just something that would never happen. But creating music with his long-time best friend sounds very good to him.
He’s reluctant to say yes when he hears Taehyung shouting at Jimin that pinching nipples is against the rules. He watches as Taehyung runs away from Jimin who has on an evil smile while pinching his fingers together as he chases him. Jungkook is unbothered laying in on the grass as the two runs around him.
His heart grows fond of that familiar boxy smile that makes the butterflies go crazy in his stomach. Whoever romanticized butterflies deserves to have their toes stubbed because Yoongi doesn’t like the feeling. It makes him feel funny, like he wants to throw up. But Taehyung is too god damn wonderful that he accepts them when they come. Like now and he’s about ready to throw the lemonade he’s drank back out on Namjoon’s shirt.
“That would be good...” Yoongi says. There’s a but there but he doesn’t know what to say. Namjoon catches on quickly and smiles.
“You like it here, huh,” He says. His voice isn’t teasing. They’re friendship hasn’t changed a bit but Namjoon still knows when not to tease at something like Yoongi's feelings.
“It’s alright,” Yoongi says. On the inside he’s gushing about going on walks with Taehyung and gardening with Taehyung and getting to wake up next to Taehyung every day.
“Who would have thought huh. You and Taehyung,” Namjoon says. He sips from his lemonade and laughs. “I remember when we were trainees and you two would argue about the dumbest things. Like that one-time Taehyung pulled a prank on one of the staff and he got in trouble and you scolded him right after as well even though Taehyung insisted that it wasn’t that bad.”
Yoongi remembers that. He remembers scolding Taehyung and telling him to be more mature. He remembers Taehyung’s face falling at his words. He also remembers coming back to him two hours later and listening to Taehyung’s explanation and soothing him and then later going with Taehyung when he apologized for his actions. The truth is that Yoongi had always been weak for Taehyung. Maybe not in a romantic way like he is now but he knows he’s had a soft spot for the boy.
“I like living here with him. I just - I just want to spend a little bit more time in silence. It’s nice to not have cameras shoved in my face. Here no one cares who we are. We go on walks and we play in the park. We go out for ice cream and- I don’t know. I’m not ready to go back just yet,” Yoongi says.
“I get it, man. Take as long as you want,” Namjoon says in understanding.
“Oh good! You’re awake Hyung!” Taehyung says cheerfully.
Yoongi stands frozen in the hallway as he watches one Kim Taehyung randomly cooking breakfast in Yoongi’s kitchen. In his home. To which he was not invited to.
“I hope you don’t mind that I let myself in. I used the spare key under the mat. But don’t worry. I put it back!” Taehyung says as he checks on the rice.
Yoongi shakes his head and rubs his eyes just to make sure but no; Taehyung is really standing in the middle of his kitchen wearing an apron that he’s sure he stuffed somewhere deep in the closet. He watches as Taehyung moves around the kitchen, getting plates out and setting up the table as if he does this all the time. As if it hasn’t been a couple of months since they last saw each other with no source of contact besides Jimin playing messenger to make sure the other is still alive.
“Dig in, Hyung!” Taehyung says. He sits down and begins eating, not even waiting for Yoongi to sit down with him.
“So, Taehyung-ie... I don’t mean to be rude or anything but uh- why are you here?” Yoongi asks. He sits across Taehyung, waiting for him to swallow his food and explain himself. Taehyung avoids eye contact and shrugs.
“I had a bit of a disagreement with Soo-Young, so I needed a place to stay,” Taehyung says. He's stopped eating and looks down sadly as he plays with his food. Yoongi feels bad for even asking.
“So you came here?” Yoongi asks.
“Jimin and Jungkook are in Japan. Namjoon is in New York and Seokjin is somewhere in the Mediterranean. Hoseok wouldn’t pick up his phone. So, I came here yes but don’t worry. I’ll be out of your hair soon,” he says. Yoongi studies his face. Something isn’t adding up. He looks too sad for someone who just had a disagreement with his girlfriend.
“So you’re going back to your condo?” Yoongi asks. Taehyung gives him a small smile and shakes his head.
“No. We actually uhm – we broke up last night and I don’t have anywhere else to go. But I’ll make few calls and I'll get out of your space,” Taehyung says. Yoongi feels the sadness coming off in waves. He wants to reach out and pat him on the back. Yoongi never really stayed too long in a relationship like Taehyung had. He never got to the point that he had lived with any of his partners.
He doesn’t know the kind of sadness Taehyung must be feeling but he does try to sympathize. Key word: Try. He also feels offended that Taehyung is acting so civil towards him. That he’s trying to hide his emotions when he knows that if it were any other member, Taehyung would already be cuddling up to their side and pouring out all his tears.
It kind of hurts to know that Taehyung doesn’t trust him like that. They spent most of their young lives together and they still have this weird glass wall between them that Yoongi wishes he could tear down in that moment.
He thinks it over for a moment. He doesn’t really like living with other people anymore. He’s learned to like the quietness of his home. But he also can’t get the gut feeling that's telling him that Taehyung needs him right now to go away.
He takes a chance.
“You’re an idiot if you think I’m gonna make you leave while you’re in this state,” Yoongi says. Taehyung looks up with his puppy eyes that he’s mastered so well after so many years. His bottom lip starts quivering. Yoongi had never been good at comforting people when they were down. “You’re staying here until you find your own place.”
“What?” Taehyung asks. His eyes grow bigger and shiny from unshed tears. Yoongi rolls his eyes at him and nods.
“I’m not gonna kick you out after you got dumped,” Yoongi says.
“Why do you think I'm the one that got dumped?” He pouts at him. Yoongi finds it cute and endearing. Taehyung has always been cute without even trying. He also knows that Taehyung had been fighting with his girlfriend for months already. After talks with Jimin on the phone with him blabbering about everything that’s been going on with him. Eventually he let it slip about Taehyung wanting to settle down and his girlfriend not being ready for such a commitment yet. She wouldn’t even invest in a home for them together after four years. It took a while for Taehyung to convince her that he should move in only last year. But of course, Taehyung was too much of a hopeless romantic to break up with her and unfortunately, she had to be the one to break his heart.
“You’ll find someone who will want the same things that you do,” Yoongi says. Taehyung gives him a watery smile and looks back down at his plate.
“Thank you for letting me stay,” Taehyung says shyly. He begins to eat again and Yoongi finds that he can breathe easier.
“Stay as long as you want. You’re no bother,” Yoongi says. He begins to eat as well. At least one good thing came from Taehyung’s newly ended relationship. She was a chef after all and taught Taehyung a thing or two if the not horrible taste of the food Yoongi was eating was anything to go by.
He finds that it’s sort of comfortable to do so with Taehyung. The silence isn’t awkward, it feels natural despite them not being in touch with each other too often.
Maybe they’ll become closer while Taehyung stays with him. He wouldn’t mind developing a strong friendship with him. He glances back up at Taehyung and smiles before putting a spoonful of eggs in his mouth.
Taehyung groans as he pushes his face into the pillow under him. He arches his back and moves closer to Yoongi’s tongue, making it go deeper into his hole. He had heard rumors around the idol world. Talks about Yoongi being good with his mouth. He never knew how true it would be now that he is sprawled out in Yoongi’s bed with the elder’s tongue thrusting into him.
“Yoongi - more!” Taehyung moans out. It’s slightly muffled from biting and drooling all over the pillow. His hands are scrambling to find somewhere to hold onto. It’s too good, Yoongi is too good and his body feels like it’s shaking from the pleasure the elder is giving him.
Taehyung wasn’t even supposed to stay this long. After his breakup he and Yoongi had agreed that he would stay as long as he needed. And then days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. More and more of Taehyung’s possessions made their way to Yoongi’s penthouse from the storage unit Taehyung had rented out. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, but Taehyung didn’t care because Yoongi was now pulling his tongue out and adjusting Taehyung’s hips to his liking.
“Fuck Taehyung-ah. Are you sure?” Yoongi asked him. Taehyung keened at Yoongi’s sex voice. It was making his dick twitch and his mind fog up deeper from so much want.
“Yes, yes, yes. Just put it in, Hyung,” Taehyung whined.
He heard Yoongi shuffling around behind him. The sound of the condom wrapper being opened not too far behind. He turned his head to the side waiting. Yoongi’s photos on his bed side table came into view. There were several.
There was one of Seokjin passed out on the grass while Jimin and Jungkook posed next to him. Big happy smiles on their faces as if they didn’t hold permanent markers in their hands and Seokjin didn’t have a penis drawn on each one of his cheeks.
Another one was a family photo. His parents and his brother standing next to him in front of The Arc De Triumph. How Yoongi thought it would be appropriate to have those two photos next to each other was beyond him.
There were two more pictures. One of Holly who was long passed away. And one of just the two of them in Hawaii. Yoongi’s idea for the group to go back there. No cameras, no waking up early to keep up with their schedules. Just them wandering around enjoying the scenery. The two hadn’t yet voiced out their growing sexual tension at the time.
Taehyung’s last thought is how happy they look. Taehyung is on Yoongi’s lap, throwing up a peace sign while Yoongi does his gang sign from behind him. They’re terribly drunk in the picture. It’s kind of out focus because they asked Hoseok, who was even more drunk, to take the photo but the happiness burns bright on their faces.
They look so happy. He’s so, so happy.
“Fuck,” Taehyung is pulled out from his thoughts. He turns away from their smiling faces and steadies himself on his elbows as Yoongi slowly pushes himself into Taehyung.
Taehyung is 41, Yoongi is already 43. Yet they fuck like teenagers that night. Taehyung reveled in how good Yoongi made him feel. Every push inside made Taehyung lose control. They kept rolling the other over after a few minutes as they both tried to claim dominance. It was funny. Taehyung giggled into Yoongi’s lips only for it to leave as soon as Yoongi slammed right back into him.
Eventually, his age caught up to him and he got too tired to wrestle around. He let Yoongi hold him as he created a slower pace. Yoongi kept leaving open mouthed kisses on his neck. They didn’t have obligations to be in the public eye anymore, so they had the freedom to mark each other up.
And boy did Yoongi really mark him up that night.
“Yoongi,” Taehyung moaned. Yoongi reached out to lock their fingers together. It was strange to look up and feel so much passion coming from Yoongi being directed towards him. Yoongi’s eyes looked like he was trying to swallow every inch of Taehyung into his memory bank. But then their eyes met, and everything grew soft.
Yoongi leaned down and kisses his cheeks softly. Too softly for someone who was balls deep inside him.
“Tae,” Yoongi whispered breathlessly.
Taehyung didn’t think about how Yoongi says his name differently now. He says it like means something. His name never carried so much meaning until Yoongi said it.
He tried not to think about things becoming awkward after that night. He tried to erase thoughts of how much Jimin is going to beg for details later.
He doesn’t really want to think about anything but the feeling of being so close to Yoongi.
So he does just that. Hours later Taehyung is being held down onto the bed by Yoongi. The elder’s arms and legs wrapped around him tight as he snores into Taehyung’s ear.
Fuck consequences, he thinks.
They hold hands as they walk down the calm streets of the small town. The town mostly consists of elderly people. Yoongi doesn’t know if he should lump himself with that age group. He never realized that this was pretty much a retirement city.
A few kids are still out playing and going to by ice creams. Most likely here to visit their grandparents for the summer.
“The dinner was good,” Taehyung says. Yoongi smiles instantly at the sound of his voice.
“The black bean noodles were outstanding,” Yoongi says.
Truth be told, they always have this conversation. If one could even call it that. They go out every Friday night to the fanciest restaurant in the entire town. It’s their designated date night destination. It reminds him of the one’s back in Seoul.
The crickets are out at this time of night, they create music to his ears. The sound of tranquility and calm. His and Taehyung’s steps patting softly on the pavement. He loves it. He loves that he and Taehyung have a place like this to be in.
The waiters already know them by name. The merchants in the shop wave at them from the windows. It’s such a cookie cutter kind of life but Yoongi loves it so much. Him and Taehyung are settled down. They do old couple things like having date nights on Fridays and thinking their walk back home is the highlight of the date.
It’s everything he could have asked for.
“So what’s going on between you two?” Hoseok asks. Yoongi shrugs at him, not really in the mood to talk all that much. He’s focused on Taehyung. Him and Jungkook are in front of them, skipping and laughing about god knows what.
It’s a Friday night and they’re out in Hongdae. They’re all in their early fourties except for Jungkook who still holds on to his last year in his thirties with dear life. They don’t really fit in amongst the young people mingling around. All the kids with their weird space looking clothing that looks much too bright under all the lights.
Yoongi thanks the gods that at least he isn’t an idol anymore. He imagines himself being stuffed into those atrocious garments to dance around on stage. He shivers as he imagines himself in opaque jackets and see through shoes. He shutters at the thought of Namjoon wearing that too.
“He’s still living with you,” Hoseok presses on. Yoongi wants to tune him out but he knows there’s no avoiding Jung Hoseok trying to fulfill his best friend duties.
Why the hell he chose Hoseok as his friend is a wonder.
(A wonder why they didn’t meet sooner.)
“Yeah,” Yoongi says. He knows Hoseok is looking right at him. A couple pushes them apart to pass through the crowd giving Yoongi a chance to escape but Hoseok quickly reaches for his arm. He hears Taehyung laughing ahead of them. He’s wearing a classic black peacoat and a red barrette. He looks like someone from a painting. The snow is falling slowly all around them and Yoongi kind of wants to learn how to paint just so he can paint this right now. Taehyung in his cute outfit as he reaches out to catch some snowflakes.
“What’s that about?” Hoseok asks. Yoongi looks down at his shoes trying to avoid the conversation. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk about Taehyung.
“I don’t know. I guess he just doesn’t like to live alone?” Yoongi says.
“But you like living alone,” Hoseok points out.
“Well it’s not as bad as I thought living with another person,” Yoongi says. He turns just in time to see Hoseok’s annoying ass smirk slowly spread on his face.
“Or is it that you just like living with Taehyung?” Hoseok suggests. Yoongi scoffs at absurdity. The audacity the man has to suggest that Yoongi likes living alone but loves living with Taehyung even more.
Because he would be absolutely right.
“So what? Yeah living with Taehyung is cool, so what?” Yoongi shoves Hoseok as they come to a stop. Jungkook and Taehyung are waving at them to follow them inside a random café.
“You’re getting really defensive for someone who totally isn’t making heart eyes at a certain Kim Taehyung,” Hoseok smirks. Yoongi snaps out of his daze, not even noticing that he had been staring. He turns his head back to Hoseok and glares.
“I just think it’s nice that you two are getting along so well. Out of all of us, I was sure Jungkook would have ended up moving in with Namjoon at most, but I like this too,” Hoseok jokes. He holds tight onto Yoongi’s coat, making him stay in front of the glass window where Taehyung and Jungkook were in line to order.
“Are you done?” Yoongi mutters. Hoseok lets go of his sleeve but comes in closer.
“You both look happier. You look happier. The way you sort of orbit around each other... it feels natural to be around you two like this. I like seeing you like this,” Hoseok says quietly as to not let the people walking past them. They may have giant beanies on their heads and puffy coats, but it only takes one person to recognize them for everyone to suddenly glue their eyes on them.
“You think so?” Yoongi can’t help but ask. He often wonders if Taehyung only stays because he just gets lonely. If he only stays because they’ve been having sex for a few weeks now. He can’t imagine Taehyung, sweet beautiful Taehyung, wanting to stay with him because he feels happy with him.
“You’ve worked hard your whole life, Hyung. You’re allowed to do something for yourself. I can’t think of anyone better than Taehyung. Since I've known you, you like things that are familiar. And Taehyung is familiar,” Hoseok says.
Yoongi can hear his voice but he isn’t sure if he’s processing the words all that much. Taehyung is sitting with Jungkook at a booth. He’s smiling at them and waving for them to come in already. Yoongi sees the whipped cream stuck to Taehyung’s nose. It makes Yoongi’s heart ache.
“Do you think he’s happy?” Yoongi asks. He isn’t sure if he’s asking Hoseok or if he’s asking himself.
“He looks so happy, Hyung,” Hoseok says. Yoongi feels his heartbeat pick up. His entire life he’s been all about work. He drowns himself in work. He enjoys little things in life. He likes staying home and building furniture. He likes making music that 9/10 won’t even make it to the general public. He likes to go to luxury furniture stores to see all the pretty wood designs. The people at the music stores know him as a regular. He literally goes on walks to the nearby supermarket for fun.
He has this irrational fear that blowjobs and sex are the only thing he has to offer Taehyung. What else can he give him? Since he’s known Taehyung, the younger has been fun and spontaneous. Everyone in the idol world wanted to be his friend. Even the actors wanted a piece of him. All of them had exciting things to offer.
They would take him out to dance or take him on a ride in their yachts. How the hell was he supposed to show him a good time?
But he also knows this Taehyung now. The one with grey hair peeking out from under his fringe. He sees the one with a million stories behind his eyes. The one who silently let’s Yoongi talk his heart out. This Taehyung is different. He’s calm and collected. He’s not as busy and full of wonder like back then.
This Taehyung looks happy and content. Like he’s done looking around. Like he knows what he wants. Almost like he’s ready to sit now and watch the world around him.
It’s almost like their stars are aligning together. Like fate took it’s time and brought them together when the time was right. He dared to think that Taehyung is happy with him. That maybe Yoongi is the one Taehyung wants to sit back with, to watch the world with.
The night passes like old times. Hoseok is loud and bright. Jungkook is eating all the food as he listens to Taehyung and Hoseok babble about nothing and everything. Yoongi isn’t as chatty as other days. He can’t seem to focus when Taehyung is sitting next to him looking like that.
Like he’s the person that holds Yoongi’s heart in his hands.
The night ends hours later. Hoseok and Jungkook live the opposite way. They bid their goodbyes though Yoongi knows the two will come to his in-home studio sometime this week when they get bored. He and Taehyung watch the two walks away in silence.
“That was fun. I missed Jungkook. I forgot how not annoying that kid could be sometimes,” Taehyung laughs. And then Yoongi feels Taehyung’s mitten covered hands slip into his. He looks down as suddenly their closer together. Taehyung keeps talking, maybe not even noticing that he’s doing it.
He can’t help but remember what Hoseok had said. That they move naturally together.
“Do you want to go for dinner?” Yoongi suddenly asks. Taehyung stops mid-sentence and turns to him confused.
“We just ate four hours ago,” Taehyung says. Yoongi feels his heart in his throat. Like it’s struggling to fight its way out and hand itself over to Taehyung right there in the middle of Seoul.
“No. I mean as in, not dinner but maybe a late-night snack?” Yoongi tries again but cringes. Taehyung giggles anyway.
“You should have told Jungkook to save you some of those pastries!” Taehyung laughs. Yoongi stops them, making people scowl at them as they have to walk around them now.
It’s snowing a little harder. Yoongi pulls Taehyung to face him.
“I mean do you want to go for a snack. As in like on a date. I’m trying to ask you on a date,” Yoongi says. He hopes to god Taehyung can’t see past his poker face and sees the fear and insecurities. Taehyung gapes at him. It isn’t the reaction Yoongi was hoping for but it’s the one that seemed most likely.
“I mean. If it makes things weird you don’t have to say yes. We can forget about it. I just thought that... you know... Never mind-”
“Min Yoongi. I have waited this entire time I've been living with you for you to ask me out, we are definitely not going to forget about it,” Taehyung huffs. Yoongi looks up at him. Taehyung, the man he pretty much grew up with.
“Really? The whole time?” Yoongi whispers. Taehyung rolls his eyes and scoots Yoongi back in between two brick buildings. Yoongi feels his back hit the cold wall.
“You can’t tell me that you haven’t noticed,” Taehyung says. He’s leaning in closer, his arms caging Yoongi into the wall. Yoongi gulps.
“I haven’t noticed,” Yoongi whispers truthfully anyway. Taehyung is looking at his lips and Yoongi wants to reach out and pull him in already.
“Well now you know. So now you’re going to kiss me. And then you’re going to take me on that date. A snack, dinner, breakfast, I don’t care,” Taehyung’s voice is barely above a whisper. Their noses are brushing against each other. Almost as if Taehyung is purposely giving him an eskimo kiss. “And you’re going to hold my hand the entire time.”
Yoongi smiles wide and closes his eyes and nods. He’ll agree to anything Taehyung requests of him. Absolutely anything.
They’ve never kissed outside of sex. The only intimacy they’ve had was through sex. Yoongi is almost afraid that it won’t be the same. Or better yet, he hopes it isn’t the same. He hopes it’s not lust. He hopes that it’s feelings and butterflies and whatever else dramas describe it as. He wants it. He wants all of it.
They lean in and kiss.
And Yoongi smiles against Taehyung’s lips.
It’s everything he hoped for.
Yoongi and Taehyung moved around each other in their small home naturally. Their bodies were attuned to each other by now. Years later, way after they got together in Seoul and they still fit perfectly in such a way that they can be in the same room doing their own thing but still have it be intimate.
They had a routine of sorts.
They woke up at 9am together. Yoongi surprisingly was easier to wake up than Taehyung. All the years made Taehyung sleep like a log. Taehyung planned his outfit meticulously, laying out different options on the bed while Yoongi would watch from the bathroom as he was brushing his teeth. Yoongi would go out and grab the newspaper and helped Taehyung make their meals. Neither of them talked during breakfast usually, they enjoyed their meal in silence. Yoongi read the morning paper while sipping on his coffee and Taehyung would have his headphones on to watch the latest episode of his current anime. It was blissfully domestic, and it made Yoongi’s heart feel full. Not that he would ever admit that.
Next they would bundle up and head out for a walk. Both already in their 50’s, they were always encouraged to walk a lot. Taehyung would have to drag Yoongi outside to get some sunlight, but they would happily walk around their neighborhood holding hands. Sometimes they would stop at the park while kids were at school and go on the swings together.
“It’s your turn to push me!” Yoongi would say. He used his pout for his advantage, knowing full well that Taehyung would cave.
“No, it’s your turn!” Taehyung would say back, not backing down. They would sit on their respective swings until one of them won. Yoongi, who hated people making fun of his short legs when he was younger, would use them in his defense.
“Babe! My legs are so short, and they get tired faster than yours do,” Yoongi would whine. It would only take that for Taehyung to stand up and push Yoongi on the swing. Letting Yoongi swing for as long as he wanted until they would switch.
Yoongi liked how young Taehyung made him feel. Even if they were in danger of breaking a hip, Yoongi smiled as he and Taehyung competed on who could jump the farthest off the swing. Taehyung would laugh when he would win and Yoongi would complain that he has more advantage because of his long legs.
After that they would come back home and Taehyung would go watch a drama while Yoongi went back into the studio. Their garage that he had turned into a studio before they even moved into the house. He wasn’t making music to perform anymore. He released mixtapes now and then. Yoongi occasionally helped produce for upcoming artists to give them a boost. He was particular in who he helped with his fame. He had to see the passion in them. The love of music that he had back when he was half of their ages. But he still liked to spend hours making songs, just because he genuinely liked making music.
Then Yoongi would come back into the house to see what Taehyung was making for lunch. Usually they had ramen or whatever recipe Jimin had sent Taehyung to try out. They sat outside on their deck in the backyard to eat if it was warm enough. They would talk about anything. Something they saw on the news or an old commercial from 13 years ago that no one else remembered but them. The conversation was light. Yoongi loved talking with Taehyung because it never felt forced.
In the afternoon Yoongi would call his brother and talk with him for a while. Taehyung would make a few calls and return emails. He was technically retired but he still kept up with projects here and there. That took up most of his afternoon before Yoongi began making dinner. Taehyung took this opportunity to take a walk on his own. He liked to go into town and chat with the other locals. It was a small-town life that he dreamt of when he was constantly flying all over the world to perform with his friends. Now he could take his time to know his neighbors, the people at the bakery, check out a few books from the library. Yoongi would take his time making dinner and listening to his favorite songs. It was comfortable that way.
After dinner they held hands outside on their porch with a soft blanket draped over them. They talked and laughed together and Yoongi couldn’t imagine a life without his best friend. Taehyung was his world. They were in love. Albeit having known each other since their teens but getting together in their 40’s, they worked together.
Love takes time and Yoongi didn’t mind that the universe took it’s time to bring them together.
“Taehyung-ie? Did you eat the sushi I just left here?” Yoongi asked. He brought his hands up into fists to rub his eyes. He had been working on Jimin’s next single and also working with a new artist Namjoon had just signed to his label. He had been busy lately and had to make sure it wasn’t the lack of sleep that was making him see an empty sushi plate.
“Hmm?” Taehyung walks into the kitchen. Taehyung walks in with his pajamas and a towel wrapped around his hair. “Did you say something?”
“You know I love you, sweetheart, but if you keep eating my food…- “Yoongi rubs his stomach sadly at the thought of having to wait even longer to eat something.
“I didn’t eat your sushi. I already ate dinner with Hoseok-ie Hyung-ie,” Taehyung says. Yoongi recalls him being gone for a few hours that evening.
“Then who ate my sushi?” Yoongi whines. He’s tired and hungry and doesn’t have it in him to care that he’s whining. Taehyung throws his towel on the counter much to Yoongi’s pleasure. He pokes Yoongi’s cheeks and scoops him in his arms.
“Maybe you’re just sleepy. You’ve been working a lot even though I’ve told you so many times to rest. No offense but you’re not as young as you once were,” Taehyung says with caution. Yoongi never expected himself to be defensive about his age like Seokjin was but he found himself becoming more sensitive about it when Taehyung looks a whole twenty years younger than him.
“And before you go and self-deprecate yourself. We literally look the same age. Your skin literally looks better than mine!” Taehyung says. Yoongi grumbles and tries to push himself away but Taehyung uses his freshly manicured hands (his claws) to really pull him back in.
“I’ll order you some more if you’re still hungry,” Taehyung says. Yoongi tries to stay moody. Taehyung must have eaten his food. He had to have eaten it. He knows he didn’t eat it. His stomach is on the verge of eating itself. But then Taehyung is giving small licks to Yoongi’s neck just the way that leaves goosebumps all over his arms.
“Tae,” Yoongi breathes out.
“I’ll order you food and then I’ll give you a massage after so you can sleep well,” Taehyung says. He’s using his deep voice. The one that tells Yoongi that Massage is code for eating him out.
“Fine,” Yoongi says. Taehyung gives him one last kiss to the neck and goes to find his phone to order the food as soon as possible.
Yoongi looks back down to his plate. Not even a single grain of rice is left over. It’s as if the plate was licked clean. He looks around the kitchen trying to figure out if a robber broke in to their place solely to eat his food. Nothing else seemed to be missing. Just a chrome black kitchen and the windows opened to let in a slight breeze.
“Min Yoongi get your sneaky butt in here now!” Yoongi jolts out of his skin. Taehyung doesn’t even let him get the chance to stand up and walk over to him before he’s barging into his office, stomping his feet and a big pout and everything.
“It’s a cute butt, but a sneaky butt. Whatever,” Taehyung says. He walks right up to Yoongi who is sitting on the ground, ignoring the various pieces of wood scattered around him.
“Can I help you?” Yoongi asks raising his eyebrow at him. Taehyung points his finger at him menacingly as if it’s a weapon he can use against Yoongi.
“What did I tell you this morning before I left?” Taehyung asks. It’s like one of those questions that are asked on children’s shows. It makes Yoongi feel like he should know why Taehyung is upset but he can’t figure out why.
“Uhm?” Yoongi sets down his screwdriver, “You said I love you. You asked me if I remembered the words to the song from that Mentos commercial from the 90’s, and…”
Yoongi racks his brain to remember what Taehyung had said. Yoongi was still half asleep at the time so he knows he must have filtered everything out.
“I told you not to eat the last slice of strawberry shortcake! I wanted to eat it for when I got back from my meeting and imagine my absolute heart break when I came home and found the container knocked over on the counter and the cake completely gone! My heart broke! It would hurt less if you broke up with me!” Taehyung huffs.
Yoongi recalls Taehyung being very stern about something. It must have been about the cake. Though even without hearing Taehyung, he hadn’t dared touched it. It was Taehyung’s favorite and he didn’t want to be responsible for the sadness on Taehyung’s face.
Much like the one on Taehyung’s face now.
“I’m kidding by the way. Please don’t break up with me. But I'm still upset,” Taehyung says quickly.
“I didn’t eat it,” Yoongi says. Taehyung rolls his eyes and crosses his arms.
“And now you have the audacity to lie to me,” Taehyung has to clutch his chest like the drama queen he is.
“Taehyung, I really didn’t eat your cake,” Yoongi says. “I’ve literally been trying to build this goddamn impossible coffee table the entire time you’ve been gone!”
Yoongi makes a point to gesture at the clearly unfinished table parts all laying around him. Taehyung scans his eyes around the room. His eyes falter but his mouth keeps into a stern line.
“Then who the hell ate it? I’m so tired and I’ve been looking forward to it all day!” Taehyung says sadly. Yoongi finally stands up, shaking off all the dust that’s accumulated on his lap from all the wood.
“I don’t know. Maybe the ghost that ate my sushi last week?” Yoongi says as he is still not over his sushi disappearing out of thin air.
Taehyung’s eyes widen. “You think we have a ghost? Really?” He throws himself on Yoongi as he pushes them towards the wall to make sure the ghost won’t sneak behind them.
“There’s no such thing as ghosts, babe,” Yoongi rolls his eyes. He walks out of the office with Taehyung clinging to his back in fear. They walk down the hall until they round the corner to the kitchen. The plastic container is knocked over, the lid on the ground, and once again, the plastic container looks to be licked clean. Not a single strawberry or cake crumb in sight.
“We have a ghost!” Taehyung whispers loudly. Yoongi turns to look at him like he’s crazy.
“A ghost that likes to eat sushi and strawberry short cake?” Yoongi snorts. Taehyung shoves him offended.
“I don’t know what ghosts like! And neither do you!” Taehyung says. Yoongi picks up the lid and sets it back on the counter.
“Maybe let’s call Jimin. He’ll know what to do,” Taehyung says already taking his phone out to dial Jimin.
“You literally only want an excuse to have Jimin come over,” Yoongi says. Taehyung taps away on his phone anyway. Yoongi turns to put the container in the sink when he feels a chill. He looks up finally noticing the window opened a little way. He didn’t remember having it opened at all.
“Did you leave the window open?” Yoongi asks. He walks over to it and pulls it back shut. Only then does he notice the latch to lock it is broken.
“No. It was closed when I left,” Taehyung says. Yoongi turns back to look at his boyfriend. Taehyung with his nice cream suit that most likely costs more than his parents' house.
“Are you tired?” Yoongi asks. Taehyung glances back up.
“Okay, good. We’re having an all-nighter,” Yoongi says. Taehyung walks over to the window to see what Yoongi is on about. One look at the broken lock is enough to explain the plan.
“I’ll go buy doughnuts and coffee,” Taehyung nods to him. He leaves a kiss on Yoongi’s head.
“Okay… I’ll just,” He looks back to the window a little frightened. “Try not to die then.”
They stay up all night.
Or, most of the night. With Taehyung being busy with the galleries he’s expanding overseas and Yoongi with two projects at hand and three more pending, they hadn’t found time to have sex in a month. That may not seem like a long time for people at their age. But for the two of them it felt like a century.
It was supposed to be some innocent cuddling. But then Taehyung began to make these sexy moans when Yoongi peppered kisses on his jaw. It wasn’t his fault that their bodies reacted the way they did. They were both touch starved and once Taehyung’s pajama top started slipping down his shoulder to expose soft golden skin, Yoongi was gone.
“Yoongi lay back,” Taehyung moaned into Yoongi’s mouth. Taehyung was sprawled on his back, laying on the bunches of blankets they laid out on the kitchen floor. His pants were long gone leaving him only in his blue silk pajama top. Yoongi was sucking a hickey on his neck as he quickly pushed his own pajama bottoms down and pulling out his dick hurriedly.
“Babe,” Yoongi moaned as he tried to jerk them off together. Taehyung whined when he didn’t get what he wanted.
“For fucks sake, Hyung. Lay on your back so I can sit on your face!” Taehyung whined loudly. Yoongi froze in spot not expecting to hear those words. Taehyung took the chance when Yoongi was caught off guard and pushed him onto his back.
“Just let me ride your face, please,” Taehyung said with a shaken breath. He didn’t even wait for Yoongi to say anything before he crawled all the way up Yoongi’s torso until he was perfectly aligned with Yoongi’s face. He hadn’t expected for Yoongi to come back to life so suddenly when he was pulled down and felt Yoongi’s tongue already circling his rim.
“Hyung!” Taehyung shouted. He let his head fall back, moving his hips to try and get Yoongi’s tongue inside of him. He could hear the slurping sounds coming from Yoongi. He loved the way he sounded so eager, his hands gripping him up tightly.
“Oh shit, why are you so good at this?” Taehyung groaned. He was finally fully riding Yoongi’s face. He felt Yoongi’s tongue licking in and out on all the right places.
Neither of them noticed as the window creaked quietly as it was pushed open.
Taehyung woke up drenched in sweat. The kitchen didn't have direct ventilation. That and the fact that he had talked Yoongi into fucking him twice last night. He hummed in satisfaction only for it to die down fast.
The light was shining in through the wide open window. And on the counter, the plate they had left out last night with one single doughnut was left clean.
“Fuck!” Taehyung shouted. He scrambled out of the tangle of blankets and sprung up to his feet, ignoring the kitchen towel they had shamelessly used as a cum rag. He walked to the window and shut it closed. He was irritated but it was hard to stay that way when he still felt the small tingles from last night washing over him.
“What the fuck?” Yoongi screeched. Taehyung jumped and turned around. Yoongi was scrambling to sit up with horror written all over his face.
“He was licked my face!” Yoongi shouted as he rubbed his face in disgust as if Taehyung had not just been sitting on it last night.
Yoongi shot up and ran to hide behind Taehyung. On the pile of blankets where they were asleep not of minutes go was a black tuxedo cat who was snuggling back into the warm blankets not looking very pleased that Yoongi had woken it up.
And right next to it was the doughnut they had left out. Only now it was half eaten. The culprit very obvious from the cream and crumbs on its whiskers.
Taehyung and Yoongi looked at each other not knowing what to do next.
They had finally found it.
It started gradually.
It was late summer when things started to change. Taehyung’s 57th birthday was coming up.
A few things here and there were a little off. Too small details to be considered worrisome. Taehyung would forget their keys when he and Yoongi went on their morning walks. He would forget to refill the bird feeder in the afternoons even though he was the one who would constantly check in case it was empty. He once forgot to take out their sheets to dry outside leaving them to sleep on a bare mattress and no blankets. Though it had them laughing instead of worrying.
It was too early to see the signs. They couldn’t have known.
But then Yoongi noticed how serious it was getting. Taehyung’s forgetfulness. It wasn’t a quirk or endearing anymore. Taehyung would forget which way to go when they went on their morning walks. He would get confused a lot more. He asked for the date a lot and often asked Yoongi to bring him a KitKat from the store even though they had stopped selling them fifteen years ago.
Yoongi knew something was wrong when Taehyung didn’t come home in time for dinner one night. Taehyung would only be gone for 40 minutes on most days. Taehyung always came back just as Yoongi was setting up the table. He didn’t waste any time, Yoongi fetched his keys and went out to look for him. He walked around the neighborhood, asking neighbors if they had seen him. They all pointed him to various directions, as if Taehyung had been wandering around the entire town. Until finally one direction took him to a convenience store a few blocks away. Yoongi ran there like his life depended on it only to find a crying Taehyung sitting at the side of the road looking terrified.
“Taehyung!” He shouted. Taehyung looked up and relief washed over the younger when he saw Yoongi. He stood up and crushed himself against Yoongi’s body and held him as close as possible.
“Hyung? I’m so happy you’re here!” Taehyung sobbed. Yoongi rubbed soothing circles into his back.
“What happened?” Yoongi asked. Taehyung pulled away and looked down at Yoongi ashamed.
“I was walking but then I wanted a snack, so I came here to buy a KitKat, but the man said they didn’t sell them anymore and I was so confused. I was going to walk home but I-I … I forgot which way home was,” Taehyung’s voice was trembling. Yoongi couldn’t wrap his head around how Taehyung had just forgotten how to get home. They walked these streets every day, he couldn’t have forgotten that easily.
Yoongi held Taehyung close as they walked home. An ache forming in his chest. Not the kind that reminded him of how much he loved Taehyung. This time it was the kind that gave him dread.
When they got home Yoongi concluded that Taehyung must have been coming down with a cold or a flu. Taehyung nodded and said he probably should sleep it off. They went to bed early that night. Neither of them ate dinner. Yoongi didn’t even notice how hungry he was. He held onto Taehyung tight as the taller man slept in his arms. He feared what it could have meant. But nothing could have prepared him for what would happen next week.
A week had passed, and things were back to normal. They went back to their schedule and Taehyung didn’t have any more incidences like that one. They waved it off like it was nothing and proceeded with their lives.
They went on their walks and played in the park.
Things settled as normal.
Yoongi walked out of his studio, expecting to see Taehyung through the large windows in the kitchen. Though the closer he got, the more he started to realize that the kitchen was completely empty.
“Tae?” He called out as he entered through the back door. He was right, the kitchen was empty. Though he quickly noticed the black smoke coming from the pot on the stove. “Fuck! Taehyung!”
Yoongi ran to stove and turned it off before grabbing the burning hot pot with his bare hands and throwing it in the sink. The soup was scorched, barely even passable as soup.
Yoongi was panicking more and more as he ignored the burns on his hands and kept calling out for Taehyung all around the house. Taehyung was nowhere to be found. Yoongi wanted to be rational and was thinking if he may have gone next door to ask for some salt or pepper. He was sure they stocked up when they went grocery shopping on Tuesday.
He was about ready to grab his keys and run outside, almost fearing that Taehyung had gotten lost like the last incident. Before he could, Taehyung walked in without a care in the world. He held a grocery bag in his hand and smiled at Yoongi.
“Where the hell were you? The stove was on! It could have burned the house down!” Yoongi said. His voice was getting loud, but he tried to calm himself. Taehyung was here and safe and their house hadn’t burnt down. He should be calm.
“I did?” Taehyung asked. His eyes widened as he peeked over Yoongi’s shoulder where there was still smoke coming from the kitchen. “I’m sorry, I-I just. I kept looking everywhere for some cans of tuna for sushi, but I couldn’t find any. I could have sworn we had just bought some. B-but I forgot I left the stove on...”
Yoongi looked down at the bag again and made out two cans of tuna. The smiling mermaid in the sea that was painted on the cans looked almost evil to him. The reminder that something wasn’t right. Taehyung wasn’t right.
Sushi, the stray cat that would hang out on their balcony back in their old condo in Seoul. The one that they made sure went to a good home when they moved to Daegu, both worried that the next tenant wouldn’t treat him right and hand him over to the humane society.
He hadn’t seen some of those in years now. But somehow, in his boyfriend’s head, they still bought them every week. And apparently had recently stocked up on them too. He looked back up at his confused boyfriend. He willed the tears to stay away but the pang in his chest stung. The confusion in Taehyung’s face hurt like hell. Something was wrong and Yoongi was too afraid to even think of what it was.
“You know, I'm really tired. I could use a nap. Will you cuddle me?” Yoongi asked him. He vaguely remembered watching a documentary on something like this.
Don’t tell them they’re wrong. Avert the conversation.
He kept his voice calm and neutral. If he panicked, Taehyung would panic too.
“Okay, let me just put these out for Sushi.”
Yoongi waited for him to finish. He watched Taehyung mindlessly open a can and place it on the kitchen windowsill.
They walked back to their bedroom holding hands. Taehyung was first to flop down on the bed and pulled Yoongi on him. He was the same Taehyung, giggly and over affectionate. Yoongi wrapped his arms tight around his boyfriend and prayed for everything to just go away.
Taehyung fell asleep faster than he did. Yoongi couldn’t stop the pain in his chest. He didn’t sleep either. He waited until he heard the soft snored coming from Taehyung and tip toed out of the room. He marched right up to the can of tuna and tossed it in the garbage can.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Except it kept nagging at him. That something was happening to Taehyung. All he could do was walk back to their room and lay with him.
When they woke up, Taehyung hadn’t remembered the incident.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Fall came too fast for Yoongi.
The summer passed him and Taehyung too quickly that Yoongi felt like he was running out of time.
In September they went back to Seoul for Namjoon and Jungkook. Their birthdays being so close that they decided to join them together to make it easier on their friends. Old age made traveling a lot more tiresome. Yoongi was already pushing 62 and he could only imagine how the others were feeling.
“You should try out doing morning yoga. It does wonders for my back. I feel a whole 20 years younger,” Namjoon said as they sat around the table.
“Sweetie let’s not get carried away,” Heejin said next to him. They all laughed at the couple. Namjoon and Heejin being married for thirty years already. They balanced each other out. Yoongi had a suspicion that Namjoon would have been a pretentious old hipster had Heejin not stepped into Namjoon’s life and pulled him back down to earth. The two husbands were right for each other. Teasing and making fun of each other. Yoongi felt blessed that his best friend found a husband that was perfect for him.
“I’ll keep that in mind. Taehyung ie and I already go on our morning walks and we’re still kicking,” Yoongi says. Taehyung pays them no attention. He’s sat faced away from them as he and Jimin gossip quietly amongst each other.
“Seokjinnie and I have enough exercise with taking care of the grandkids all the time. Those little brats are a handful, huh babe!” Sang-Chul says. Seokjin nods and rolls his eyes.
“I swear, the reason I got white hairs was because of you kids but my entire white head of hair is because of those little monsters,” Seokjin says as he reaches over to pick up some meat off oh Sung-Chul's plate. Yoongi believes him. The two got married young. They were still in Bangtan when they got together and adopted not too far after. Between having to deal with the members, long tours while trying to maintain a marriage and run a restaurant, Yoongi knows that Seokjin has lived a stressful life.
They all continue talking. Exchanges banter back and forth. Each of their husbands complaining about them while everyone else nods and agrees. It’s easy being around them. It feels like coming home for Yoongi. Hoseok isn’t as bouncy as before but he makes up for it with his constant laughs that brings the entire room a light. Seokjin and Jungkook still bicker and fight even though they literally live right next to each other and see one another every single day.
The day would have gone perfect if reality hadn’t come crashing back down on Yoongi. Just one more minute of feeling young with his brothers again would have been amazing. But his chest began to hurt again.
“Taehyung ie wait!” Was all Yoongi heard before Taehyung sprang up off his seat and excused himself. Jimin was the first to run after him then Yoongi followed along, leaving the few traces of the amazing lives they’ve built behind. It was almost symbolic in a way.
The moment Yoongi stood up and turned his back on everyone, that was the moment Yoongi knew he was saying goodbye to it all.
“Taehyung ie just wait!” Jimin pleaded as Taehyung shook him off and proceeded to throw on his coat and a scarf having been an unusually cold September in Seoul.
“It’s just a ten-minute walk Jiminie! And no one will recognize me without my make up on anyway,” taehyung laughed.
“What’s going on?” Yoongi asked. Jimin turned to him with a worried expression.
“Uhm. Taehyung ie is wanting to walk back to his apartment to feed Yeontan real quick. He says he forgot to do it before he left,” Jimin said with sad eyes. Yoongi stood stock still in the hallway. He looked between Jimin and Taehyung. One looked happy and chipper while the other looked absolutely devastated.
“He’ll end up crying and the neighbors will complain again,” Taehyung explains.
Yoongi swallows the lump in his throat. How was he supposed to tell the love of his life that he had sold his apartment ten years ago, right before he moved to the countryside with Yoongi? How was he supposed to explain that Yeontan had passed away almost twenty years ago?
“Baby?” Yoongi said. His voice was breaking and Jimin noticed it right away. Taehyung on the other hand gave him a bewildered look.
“Baby? Watch out for Boyoung hearing that, I don’t think she’ll like her boyfriend calling other people pet names when she just gets called by her name,” Taehyung giggled.
Boyoung, his ex-girlfriend. He hadn’t seen her in almost 26 years. She married off to a CEO of some sort the last he heard of her. But apparently, Taehyung believes Yoongi is still with her.
“I actually need to buy some ice. Seokjin sent me. I’ll walk with you,” Yoongi says. It takes all of him to hold back the tears. His boyfriend in front of him no to recognizing him for what they are. “Tell the others we went out. We’ll be back in ten minutes.”
Jimin has a few tears slipping out but he is quick to brush them away before Taehyung sees.
“Ten minutes? Okay old man let’s see you try and walk that fast with those small legs,” Taehyung teases from behind them.
It takes five minutes of them being out in the fresh air and few random rambles for Taehyung to snap out of it.
“What the hell are we out here for again? It’s freezing, babe! I’m pushing 60 and you’re making me walk in the cold,” Taehyung pouts down at his boyfriend. Yoongi wants to be relieved. Taehyung came back to him. Though all he can feel is dread.
“Yeah I forgot why we’re out here too,” Yoongi fakes a laugh. “Let’s head back. Jungkook will throw a fit if we keep them from cutting the cake any longer.”
“They’re old, Hyung. They probably already cut the cake and Seokjinnie is probably already down for a nap,” Taehyung laughs out.
They clasp their hands together as they walk back towards the luxury apartments in Seoul. The air is crisp all around them and Yoongi feels young again. Somewhere in a different lifetime, Taehyung and Yoongi are in their early twenties again. They aren’t together yet but Yoongi feels happy for them. They still have the whole world in their hands. They still have the whole city to conquer.
They still have an eternity to fall in love.
But in this lifetime, Yoongi isn’t sure how much time they have left.
“Yellow is disgusting,” Yoongi says. He sets down more newspaper against the walls as Taehyung makes sure to tape them down. They’re in their new little house in Daegu. It was small compared to what they had grown accustomed to over the years but the big backyard and just the genuine feeling of love and comfort the entire house and neighborhood gave off made them purchase it.
Yoongi had to admit that they bought it mostly on a whim. It was probably one of the first three houses they looked at and didn’t even consider that they could find a better one. It was kind of fixer upper. The lawn needed maintenance and the inside needed some updating in its décor, but they had fallen in love with it so quickly.
He was floating on a dream bubble when he and Taehyung finished the deal and began to move stuff in. That bubble was quick to pop and leave him falling to the floor once he found out that he and Taehyung had to agree on how to decorate.
It’s been years and Yoongi knows he loves Taehyung with his entire heart, but they still can’t agree on most things. He appreciates Taehyung’s different way of thought but the minute Taehyung suggested they paint their kitchen yellow was where he drew the line.
“Yellow is happy! It’s the color of the sun!” Taehyung says.
“It’s a fire ball. It has no color,” Yoongi mutters. Taehyung sighs loudly, becoming annoyed with Yoongi for ruling out any sort of color that isn’t black or white.
“But white is so boring!” Taehyung knocks the newspaper out of Yoongi’s hands in favor of holding them.
“It will make the kitchen look more open. Why make it smaller than it already is with weird colors clashing against each other?” Yoongi says as he rolls his eyes. Taehyung tries to sit back but ends up landing on a box full of books.
“I don’t want to live in a black and white world. I’m not cut out for monochromes. I need some color in my life, Hyung!” Taehyung says. He sits on the bile of books not even bothering to get up. But judging by how his knees had cracked, Yoongi thinks it’s more because he’s stuck that way.
“How about we each get our own room to decorate. Neither of us can influence the other on the final decisions,” Yoongi suggests. Taehyung shifts up a little. He looks like a little cartoon bird perching up in interest.
“Okay! We can do that! I’ll take the kitchen!” Taehyung said, “I saw this cute cottage looking kitchen online that I want to replicate!”
Yoongi tried picturing himself in a small old fashioned yellow kitchen like the one in snow white. He imagined himself looking like one of the dwarfs.
“No, we don’t get to pick. Let’s leave to chance,” Yoongi stood up to rummage through several boxes until he found one of Taehyung’s sketchpads and a pencil.
“I’m going to write every room in this house,” Yoongi said as he began making a list. “And we are going to rock, paper, scissors for it.”
“That’s not fair! You know I’m no good at it!” Taehyung shoved Yoongi. They both knew they were bad at the game but they both also knew that Taehyung was the worse player between the two.
“You got any other suggestions?” Yoongi quirks his eyebrow at him. Taehyung scoffs but pulls out his fist to begin the game. The first one on the list is kitchen.
“One, two, three!” Yoongi says confident in his chances of winning. Somehow the universe plays against him and next thing he knows, Taehyung hits his fist to Yoongi’s scissor’s.
“Oh my god! That’s the first time I’ve ever won anything!” Taehyung says in disbelief. Yoongi can’t believe it either. It was proven time and time again that Taehyung loses every single time at this. He looks up at his boyfriend waving his arms around happily.
“You literally won a Grammy but okay,” Yoongi mumbles displeased.
“That was just a warmup! Let’s go again! Living room, let’s go!” Taehyung pulls out his fist again. Yoongi looks down at his boyfriend’s large hands. He has a bad feeling about it already.
In the end, Taehyung wins all of the games. Literally every single one ends with Yoongi becoming more and more deflated.
“Look at the bright side, Hyung! At least you still get to have me whenever you want!” Taehyung says cheekily.
They begin with the painting at first. The bathroom a teal blue to replicate the Irish sea in the rain he once saw on his trip to Dublin with his friends. The guest bedrooms all resembled those of luxury they’ve visited to many times. Just so Jimin could feel extra important when he came over to visit.
When they were almost done with everything. Yoongi had stayed behind in Seoul to finish up some work before officially moving to Daegu. Taehyung had stayed in their new home to finish the decorating. It was when he came back that he was reminded how kind and considerate taehyung was. It’s not that he forgot at all, but he was quickly reminded why his heartbeat for him.
“What is this?” Yoongi said once he stepped into the house. Taehyung walked in behind him smiling. The living room was a sleek black and white. White walls and black furniture. All very modern and minimal. It was exactly Yoongi’s style. The classic paintings on the wall consisted of the color schemes and they were all from some Taehyung’s current favorite artists. It was the perfect blend of the two of them.
“You like it?” Taehyung asked him. He let Taehyung bring him into his arms. All he could do was nod and admire their new living room. The condo Yoongi lived in was completely him. The only trace of Taehyung was his shoes scattered at the front door and all of his beauty products laying around in the bathroom.
But seeing the living room like this, like the two of them. It made his eyes grow hot. Maybe it was his age that made him a sap, but he found that he didn’t care.
“Wait until you see the kitchen!” Taehyung says. He pulls Yoongi towards the kitchen behind him. Yoongi almost trips over Taehyung as he walks behind him. Taehyung switches the lights on when they enter.
The kitchen was much of the same as the living room. All modern and sleek designs. Black and greys everywhere with white walls. Except with a touch of vintage that Taehyung loved so much. Like those American movies from the fifties he loved to watch. Bright red pieces stood out. Like the stools at the breakfast bar and the coffee maker. The spoons and spatulas. And probably the worst feature but probably Yoongi’s favorite as well, a big light up neon sign that says Home Sweet Home right above the dining table. It was the cutest thing Yoongi had ever seen.
It was their home together. They were finally home.
“Do you like it?” Taehyung asked. Yoongi hadn’t noticed when the younger had stood behind him and wrapped him in a big bear hug from behind. It felt good to be in Taehyung’s arms in that moment.
“I love it.”
Yoongi had been reading in the garden when it happened. He looked up at Taehyung, wondering if he had spent more time outside than he thought. He thought maybe he was late to get dinner started. But one look at Taehyung’s face and all the blood drained from his face. He was sure of it.
“Taehyung-ie?” Yoongi asked worried.
Taehyung stood next to the apple trees. Two medium sized ones that they planted a few years back. Taehyung had been so happy to have his own trees that he named them.
The one on the left was named Honey. And the one the right was named Bear.
Taehyung looked between horrified and devastated. His lip wobbled; his eyes moved to anywhere but on Yoongi. If Yoongi thinks back to it. He thinks that’s the moment the dread permanently set in. That was when the mourning started.
“What’s wrong?” Yoongi stood up quickly and rushed to Taehyung. They stood next to their apple trees. Once a happy memory would soon be tainted but the sorrow in Yoongi’s heart.
“Hyung. I-I didn’t know where I was… I was in sketching in the living room and then I didn’t know where I was- I was so scared, Hyung. I couldn’t recognize anything. I couldn’t call out for help I-“Yoongi watched with an ache in his chest as he took in the fear in Taehyung’s eyes. One tear falling down his cheek. Yoongi tried to steady him. His hands were shaking and Yoongi didn’t hold the power to make it stop anymore.
“Something’s wrong, Hyung,” Taehyung said. It was the first time anyone had admitted it. Yoongi figured they could stay in bliss for a little longer. But it caught up to them.
“It’s okay, baby,” Yoongi said trying desperately to swallow the lump forming in his throat. “It’s going to be okay.”
That was the last time the apples on Honey and Bear had looked so red.
“Close your eyes and I’ll kiss you, tomorrow I’ll miss you,” Taehyung sang in his deep voice. Yoongi rolled his eyes on the sofa as he scrolled through his emails. “Remember I’ll always be true!”
“You’re going to be gone for two weeks and you’re acting like you’re going off to war,” Yoongi said. Taehyung laughed and began to move his hips to the beat of the song, shook his head like they’d seen in all those movies from the sixties.
“And then while I’m away, I’ll write home every day. And I’ll send all my loving to you,” Taehyung sand beautifully. Even with years of almost no practice, he still managed to hit every note correctly.
“All my loving, I will send to you! All my loving, darling, I’ll be true!”
“We both know Jimin would cut someone’s arm off before he let anyone flirt with you,” Yoongi said. Taehyung giggled and hummed to the song. Yoongi sat back into the soft cushions of their sofa. They had already changed into their pajamas and brushed their teeth. Both weren’t sleepy yet to go to bed and not in the mood to do anything else but listen to some toons in the comfort of their home.
Taehyung should be asleep. He had an early flight in the morning. A vacation Jimin had planned for the two. Ten days in London together. Taehyung had been so excited; he couldn’t stop talking about the trip for weeks. Only to become sad at the last minute when he realized he would be away from Yoongi for ten whole days.
“And you’ll be alone,” Taehyung pouted. He jumped onto the sofa next to Yoongi. How his knees didn’t hurt from that was beyond him.
“You know I’ve never minded being alone,” Yoongi shrugged. He put his phone down on his lap and pulled Taehyung into a kiss.
“But that was before you had me. Admit it, Hyung. You’ve grown as clingy as I am!” Taehyung laughs.
“I will admit no such thing.”
“Tell me you’ll miss me so much that you’ll be begging me to come back home before the trip is over,” Taehyung joked. Yoongi was crushed into a big bear hug from Taehyung.
“I will be begging Jimin to keep you for an extra day or two,” Yoongi laughed.
“I won’t listen. I’ll swim back to you if I have to,” Taehyung says. They laugh together each time the other crushes them harder into the hug. Yoongi gave in first. Shouting for mercy from his boyfriend’s surprisingly strong arms for an old guy. Taehyung finally released him from his death grip.
Yoongi didn’t even catch his breath. Taehyung jumps up and pulls Yoongi with him. He gives Yoongi a dramatic spin before pulling him into position. He has to force Yoongi to slow dance with him. Coaxing him to do the 1,2,3 steps.
“Dance with me, Hyung!” Taehyung pouted. Yoongi let himself be stubborn just to tease Taehyung.
“Please! It’s a good song! See!” Taehyung exaggerated his moves to the music, enough for the two of them.
“I’ll pretend that I’m kissing. The lips I am missing!” Taehyung sings loudly with an obnoxious British accent to match Lennon. Yoongi laughs with his entire body that he has to lean on Taehyung. They laugh together that Yoongi forgets that they must look ridiculous slow dancing in the middle of the night. Two men almost in their fifties dancing and laughing like children together.
“And then while I’m away, I’ll write home every day. And I’ll send all my loving, to you.”
Taehyung picks up on the fourth ring.
“Hyung!” Taehyung shouts. His face is slow to appear on Yoongi’s phone. It’s sometime around 4am. He tossed and turned, wondering if he should call Taehyung himself before finally giving in and doing it. Taehyung shakes his black hair away. When he flips it back like that, the grey peeks through. Yoongi doesn’t know why he finds it hot. His smile is big and happy, his eyes warm and kind.
“Hey, Tae,” Yoongi says. He’s almost embarrassed by how small and shy his voice sounds.
“Isn’t it late over there?” Taehyung asks. Jimin is rambling about something in the distance to Taehyung.
“No,” Yoongi shrugs. He wraps the blanket around his shoulders tighter, feeling insecure. “It’s only 4 in the morning.”
Taehyung gapes at him. “What the hell are you still doing up?”
Yoongi picks at a loose thread on the corner of the blanket and shrugs again. Taehyung looks concerned on the screen.
“Are you feeling okay? Are you sick?” Taehyung asks. The younger moves from his spot on the bed and walks outside to the balcony of his hotel room for more privacy. Yoongi can feel the blush starting to creep up.
“No. I feel fine,” Yoongi says. Taehyung doesn’t look convinced and presses on.
“Are you sure? You look a little pink,” Taehyung says. It makes the blush spread deeper. Yoongi tries to cover his cheeks with the blanket. He looks at Taehyung, his beautiful Taehyung. All the love and care a person can carry in them is being directed at him and Yoongi can’t take it anymore.
“You forgot to call today so I just called to say goodnight. Or good morning. Whatever.” About five different emotions set in on Taehyung’s face, one right after the other.
“Min Yoongi. Did you stay up all night waiting for me to call?” Taehyung asks. Yoongi tries to bury his nose deeper into his blanket.
“You couldn’t sleep because I didn’t call?” Yoongi shrugs again. Taehyung lets out a long laugh and coos at his screen.
“Min Yoongi! Have you gotten clingy?”
“Who’s gotten clingy?” Jimin says from behind the screen. It’s almost muffled to Yoongi’s ears.
“Yoongi Hyung is! He couldn’t sleep because I didn’t call him all day!” Taehyung gushes to Jimin. All of a sudden one Park Jimin pops up on the screen with a mischievous smile.
“Hyung! Old age has made you grow soft!” Jimin giggles. Taehyung is laughing right behind him. Yoongi suddenly feels like telling his heart to suck it up and hanging up on them.
“I’m hanging up,” Yoongi says.
“No wait!” Taehyung manages to shout behind Jimin’s very loud laughs. “Jimin, give us some privacy! We’re trying to have a romantic talk here.”
Yoongi waits for Taehyung to finish shoving Jimin back into the hotel before they are back in silence with only the sound of the traffic below.
“I miss you too, Hyung,” Taehyung says. Yoongi glances back at the screen, he sees only sincerity from his boyfriend. “Jimin and I were out all day and we only got back an hour ago. I was going to call but I thought you would be asleep. I’m sorry I kept you up.”
“It’s okay,” Yoongi says quietly. Taehyung still has a big smile to which Yoongi can’t help but return.
“Do you really miss me, Hyung?” Taehyung asks. Yoongi can’t believe the absurdity of those words. As if Yoongi didn’t wear Taehyung’s cardigan all day because it smelled like him.
“I really do miss you, babe,” Yoongi says. It’s become so easy to be so open with his feelings with Taehyung. When the jokes are left to the side and Taehyung takes him for who he is.
“I miss you too.”
“Hurry back home. The house is cold without you,” Yoongi says. Taehyung let’s out a light laugh.
“I’ll be home soon. I promise.”
They sit on their porch. Having just arrived back home from the doctor an hour ago but neither of them was willing to go back into their house. The house they filled with memories of laughter and kisses and love. They wanted their house to remain that way before reality intruded in it.
Tears were still streaming down Taehyung’s face and his hand was still painfully clutching onto Yoongi’s. Their neighbors were getting home, all of them looked so normal. They went about their day like it was any other day to them. While Taehyung and Yoongi’s world was just flipped upside down.
Yoongi’s chest ached so much that he couldn’t even turn to look at his boyfriend. He didn’t want to cry no matter how big the lump in his throat felt. He wanted to stay strong for Taehyung, but it was easier said than done.
He could still hear the voice of the doctor explaining what Alzheimer's was and how it affected a person. He still felt his heart crushing into a million pieces. The sight of Taehyung breaking down inside was still burned into his mind. The hopelessness wouldn’t fade.
“It’s okay, Tae.” Lies. Nothing felt okay anymore. It felt like Taehyung would disappear at any moment. It definitely was not okay.
“We’ll get through this together.” Yoongi wasn’t sure if he could process it thoroughly to even get through it.
“I love you, Tae.” Yoongi loved him. He loved him so, so much.
They flew back to Seoul a few days later.
They didn’t have a clue why. It felt like if they went away, it wouldn’t catch up to them. That they would leave it in Daegu and run away from it forever. But that’s not how the world worked. Taehyung’s confusion progressed a little. It terrified him so much.
They went to see Jimin first. Jimin was all smiles and affectionate hugs. He looked so happy. He lived in a condo with his husband. Both looked so happy and healthy. It almost felt wrong to step foot into their life.
“I’m so happy you came to visit. Usually we’re the ones that have to visit you,” Jimin laughed. He was carefree.
“I missed you a lot. I begged Yoongi for us to come until he finally agreed,” Taehyung said. His smile was big and friendly. He was a good actor, always was. He knew how to hide his problems under a mask. This was his greatest act yet. Their world was falling to shambles, but he still looked calm and collected.
Yoongi didn’t know where to go from there. They stayed at Jimin’s house for a few days. Jimin and Taehyung were attached at the hip like they always are when they are together. He makes small talk with Jimin’s husband here and there. He’s a quiet guy with not a lot to say but Yoongi thinks that’s why he likes him so much.
Taehyung laughed until he cried, he took photos of everything and everyone. He went shopping with Jimin and ate so much ramen than was healthy for a man of his age. He was Taehyung in those few days. There wasn’t any impending disease waiting to drop all its weight on him. There wasn’t any indication that there was anything wrong. It was just Taehyung smiling happily. Taehyung trying his best to keep it together until one he won’t be able to anymore.
“Can’t sleep?” Jimin asks one night. Yoongi is sat on the sofa facing the large window. A beautiful view of the ocean in Busan faces him. Lights form the city glittering in the dark water.
“Just not tired,” Yoongi says. It’s a lie. He’s so tired. He’s mentally tired. His heart is tired. He’s tired of keeping it all together for his and Taehyung’s sake. Jimin sits beside him with a soft knitted blanket wrapped around him.
“Something’s wrong with him isn’t there,” Jimin says. He says it like a statement. Like he’s come to accept that something is going on with his best friend. Yoongi doesn’t know why that makes him break. He has to fight to keep the sobs down as tears spill out. He covers his mouth to keep any noise from escaping.
“Is that why you two are here?” Jimin asks. He scoots closer to Yoongi and opens the blanket to give him a warm hug. He lets Yoongi cry into his shoulder.
“I don’t know what to do,” Yoongi says in between gasps. Jimin begins to cry with him.
“I wish I could tell you what to do. I wish I had all the answers for you two,” Jimin says honestly.
“The doctor said it’s still early on. He’s still in the early stages. He says it will take years, but I know that eventually… one day he’s not going to recognize me. One day he won’t know who I am or what he means to me- “Yoongi’s voice hicks as a sob threatens to escape. “And I’m so scared. I’m scared that one day he’ll still be here but Taehyung- my Taehyung will be gone.”
For the first time, Jimin doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t have it in his power to fix it. It’s been years and the world still hasn’t found a cure for it.
Though Jimin does what Yoongi needs the most in that moment. He holds Yoongi and listens. He listens to Yoongi’s fears and he lets him be. Yoongi will put on a happy face the next day. He’ll be strong for Taehyung because he knows that the younger is twice as scared as he is.
But there he lets go so he can wake up tomorrow and hold on tighter.
They return to Daegu.
The small town is the same. The restaurant is still there. The park is still there. Their little house is still there. It’s like it all froze in time for them. In a memory of happiness that Yoongi was just waiting to crash down once they get back.
But that doesn’t happen. The world doesn’t end, and his love doesn’t disappear. He holds Taehyung’s hand as they walk back into their home. He gives Taehyung a kiss as they bring their suitcases back inside and begin to unpack.
Life goes on. That’s what scares Yoongi the most.
Will it feel like this? When Taehyung doesn’t remember him. Will life move on past them? The neighbors down the street will move on while Yoongi will fight to hold onto the last few pieces of his boyfriend?
“I love you,” Taehyung tells him. Yoongi looks up into his eyes and wonders what it will feel like when all traces of the warmth and kindness he knows so well disappear.
“I love you too.”
“Close your eyes and I’ll kiss you. Tomorrow I’ll miss you…”
Yoongi is woken up. The speaker in the living room plays the happy tune loudly as Yoongi struggles to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He picks up his phone on the nightstand. It’s only two in the morning.
“Tae?” He reaches behind him to the empty spot. Taehyung is gone from his side of the bed. He sits up, paying closer attention. He can hear small whimpers almost drowned out by the music. He rushes to the living room to find Taehyung curled up on the sofa, holding a his hands to his mouth which are doing nothing to cover the sobs.
“Baby!” Yoongi runs to him. He gathers Taehyung in his arms. “What’s wrong? Tell me what’s wrong!”
Taehyung is shaking so hard that it frightens Yoongi. He doesn’t know what to do. He’s never seen Taehyung in such a state for as long as he’s known him.
“Taehyung. Please talk to me.”
They sit there in the dark. The very happy music playing on. Taehyung’s sobs start to die down after a while. Two songs play by with them holding on to each other.
“What’s going to happen when I can’t remember you one day?” Taehyung asks. He looks at Yoongi terrified. Yoongi feels his heart break. He never dreamed of ever seeing him like this. He doesn’t know how to answer Taehyung. That’s the question that haunts his mind every day.
“I don’t know,” Yoongi says. Taehyung’s sobs quiet down. Yoongi doesn’t know how long they sit there with the music playing on. Everything passing by them while they seem to be stuck.
Springtime by Like Faulkner falls into loop. The once optimistic sound feels like a slap in his face now. It mocks Yoongi just like the universe is doing. It gave him Taehyung only to take him back right away. He feels hopeless and lost. He doesn’t know what will happen.
He doesn’t know if he can be strong for the two of them either.
The tension builds between the two as the weeks go by.
“Wait! Where are you going?” Yoongi asks. Taehyung stands in the doorway, half of his body already out the door. Taehyung turns around with a big trash bag.
“I’m taking out the trash,” Taehyung says. Yoongi shakes his head at him, walking forward to take it out of his hand.
“I can do it. You go back and rest on the sofa,” Yoongi says. Taehyung’s eyes narrow at him, his jaw locked firmly.
“I said I can do it,” Taehyung says again. This time his voice grew deeper, colder.
“You don’t need to. I got it,” Yoongi insists. He pushes Taehyung back in the house not missing the angry look on Taehyung’s face.
Yoongi walks out the door but he doesn’t even get to the trash can when he sees Taehyung pulling on a light jacket as he heads out passed Yoongi.
“Where are you going?” Yoongi drops the bag and rushes to Taehyung. He cradles the younger’s face when he catches up to him.
“I’m gonna take a walk. I need some air,” Taehyung says. He slaps Yoongi’s hands off of him and tries to walk away.
“I’ll come with you! Let me just get my jacket!” Yoongi says.
“I want to go by myself.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Yoongi says carefully. He sees the tension rising in Taehyung. His shoulders grow stiff and the veins in his arms start to bulge out from how hard he’s balling his hands into fists.
“I don’t need a babysitter, Hyung!” Taehyung says. Yoongi watches as the air turns uncomfortable around them. Taehyung with so much anger and distress.
“I know you don’t but- “
“But what? You think I can’t do anything anymore just because… I have a memory disease, I’m not handicapped!” Taehyung fumes at Yoongi, making the elder feel even more small.
“Baby that’s not at all what I’m- “
“Hyung, just back off, okay? This entire time you’ve been treating me like I’m a child. You’ve always treated me like a child! I can do things on my own and I can take care of myself! I don’t need you or your help!” Taehyung shouts. He finally hit a breaking point after weeks of Yoongi coddling him and hovering over his shoulder every second of the day.
“I’m trying to be a good boyfriend, Taehyung.” Yoongi feels the anger in himself rise as well. Weeks and weeks of noticing his boyfriend forgetting little things, not wanting to mention it to him so he won’t be embarrassed. He thought he was doing the right thing except apparently Taehyung doesn’t appreciate it very much.
“Well you’re failing at it right now! What kind of man wants to be treated like this by the person they love?” Taehyung is still shouting at him on their front lawn. Where everyone can see them and listen in on what is going on.
“You don’t need my help?” Yoongi finally says after a beat of silence. Taehyung glares at him. “Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want then. All I’m trying to do is take care of you!”
“I don’t want you to take care of me!” Taehyung shouts even louder. Taehyung never yells. For as long as he’s known him, he’s never yelled at anyone. Not even when Jungkook and Jimin shaved off one of his eyebrows during their trainee days.
“Then go on your walk by yourself!” Yoongi says, feeling satisfied that he got the last word. He storms back to the front door and slams it shut behind him.
The house that once brought him comfort suddenly brought him feelings of annoyance. Yoongi thought of all the things that Taehyung did. What he once found endearing was making him angry. How forgetful he was naturally was being cranked up even more. Suddenly Yoongi felt like a mother. Having to remind Taehyung to do his house chores. And if Taehyung inevitably forgot to do it at all, then Yoongi had to do it himself. Finish the laundry, water the house plants, take the dishes out of the dishwasher. Little things that shouldn’t be hard at all for someone to do yet Taehyung failed to do any of it.
He hated the extra work, he hated that he had to repeat things to his boyfriend, or even remind him to turn off the stove when he’s cooking. Telling him to check his emails as if he’s Taehyung’s assistant.
He wanted his boyfriend not a god damn man child that didn’t realize how much he did for him.
He dragged himself to their bedroom and threw himself on the bed. Too tired for life at the moment, he fell asleep.
“Hello?” Yoongi coughs a couple of times to clear his throat after seemingly sleeping the entire afternoon away. The curtains were still open as the moonlight shone in.
“Hey, Mr. Min! It’s Jaehyung from the restaurant,” The friendly voice said on the phone. Yoongi yawned loudly before nodding his head.
“Yes, I remember you,” He says awkwardly.
“Great! So uhm, the reason I called is because Taehyung-ssi is here. He’s at your usual table and he keeps saying he’s waiting for you, but it’s been hours and he’s getting kind of worried so,” She says.
Yoongi is immediately awake after her words. Taehyung was at their restaurant. The one they go to every Friday evening for their date night. Except, it’s only Tuesday.
He suddenly realizes why Jaehyung sounds so worried.
“Can you make sure he stays there?” Yoongi says. He jumps out of bed and slips on some shoes quickly. He runs out the door before he even ends the call.
“Yeah, I’ll tell him you’re on your way?”
Yoongi nodded even though she couldn’t see him.
“Yes, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” He says.
Yoongi walks into the restaurant all sweaty and out of breath. He doesn’t even greet the staff like he always does. He rushes towards the back where their regular table is at. And sure enough, Taehyung comes into view. He’s nibbling on a bread sticks as he looks over the menu.
The younger snaps his head up. Once his eyes meet Yoongi’s, a warm smile grows on his face. Taehyung looks nothing like he did a few hours ago when they were shouting at each other. He looks likes he’s completely forgotten the entire thing.
“There you are! What took you so long? Did you forget date night?” Taehyung asks him. Yoongi feels his heart ache again. A feeling he’s grown accustomed to now. Something that doesn’t fade even after weeks.
He smiles the best he can at Taehyung.
“I’m sorry. I got caught up with a song and…” Yoongi says. Taehyung chuckles at him.
“We’re not even idols anymore and you still work the hours of one,” Taehyung shakes his head at him. Yoongi laughs nervously. Taehyung looks like he did before everything happened. He looks happy and in love. If only the haunting fact that everything is wrong could be put aside for now. They’re out for “date night” on a Tuesday.
Yoongi holds on to the last thread of happiness. He walks over to Taehyung and gives a soft kiss to Taehyung’s hair. The younger hums in comfort and leans into him.
He sits across from Taehyung as the younger starts talking about what they should order even though they both know that they’ll end up ordering the same thing that they always do. Yoongi reaches out his hand and rests it on top of Taehyung’s.
“I love you,” Yoongi says. Taehyung looks up from his menu, caught off guard. A boxy smiley reveals itself on Taehyung and for those few moments, Yoongi really can forget everything for a while.
“I love you, too, Hyung.”
Taehyung tries his best. He goes about their regular routine. They go to the park and go to their date nights. They hold hands and kiss each other with all the love.
Somewhere in between, Yoongi grows frustrated.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Hyung. It’s messing with my head,” Yoongi says into the phone. Taehyung is sulking in one of the guestrooms.
“You have to be patient with him. It isn’t his fault,” Seokjin sighs. Yoongi shakes his head.
“I’ve been patient with him. If I have to explain to him one more time that Sushi doesn’t live with us, I’m going to go crazy,” Yoongi says. His rational side is telling him that he’s having a temper tantrum and that he’s taking it out on Taehyung. But his head is also angry at everything that he can’t see passed that cloud of negativity.
“And this is just the beginning, Hyung. He’s literally in the very, very early stages. If this is how he is when it hasn’t even fully taken over, do I even want to be here when it does?” He hears Seokjin gasp on the other line. Yoongi is even surprised by himself at his own words. Does he still want to be there when it happens?
“You love Taehyung, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Seokjin says bewildered. Yoongi pinches the bridge of his nose feeling the stress.
“We’re not talking about that,” Yoongi says. Seokjin doesn’t say anything for a long time. Yoongi takes deep breaths, trying to calm himself. He isn’t even sure what set him off. Sure, Taehyung had set out another tuna can for Sushi making flies swarm to their window. But that wasn’t enough to make him react this way. He just couldn’t help the explosion of anger that set off within him.
It started an argument. One where He shouted at Taehyung that they were in Daegu, where Sushi was not. He watched the confusion and then the embarrassment in Taehyung’s face. He had to watch as Taehyung apologized and ran off to cool down himself.
They had been so good a few weeks back. After the date night incident.
Yoongi wishes they could go back to that.
“Maybe you just need a little break. Why don’t you come to visit for a little bit? I can call Jimin and Hoseok to go over and stay with Taehyung-ie for a little bit while you clear your head.”
Yoongi hates the way his excitement grew at the thought of leaving this house. Their small town and just having some space. He hates that he was so happy at the idea but also couldn’t stand to be there anymore.
“How soon can I go?” Yoongi blurts out. Seokjin is surprised. He hesitates before saying he’s welcome to come whenever he wants.
Yoongi ignores the guilt as he books his train tickets as soon as he hangs up the phone.
“He won’t mind if we’re a little late,” Yoongi says as he proceeds to lick into Taehyung’s mouth. Taehyung is in the driver’s seat trying to hold on to Yoongi tightly as the elder straddles him in the little room they have between the seat and the steering wheel.
“He will literally make sure we don’t get any meat by feeding it to Jungkook,” Taehyung says. Yoongi doesn’t listen. He’s too busy leaving open mouth kisses down Taehyung’s neck.
“Doesn’t matter. You can still have my meat,” Yoongi whispers into his ear.
“That was the worst thing you have ever said,” Taehyung groans after one particular hard thrust from Yoongi. He’s in a frenzy, trying to create friction to get them off. They’re both hard. Taehyung is a given. There is no way that Yoongi ever fails to turn him off. And the sight of Yoongi grinding down his hips to Taehyung’s desperately was enough to set him off.
“Just a quick one,” Yoongi begs. Taehyung is pulled back into a deep kiss. One full of tongue and too much saliva but he loves this side of Yoongi.
“Just from seeing me drive?” Taehyung closes his eyes, anticipating what’s happening. Yoongi moving quickly to unbutton Taehyung’s slacks and then taking off his own pants.
“You look so hot like that. When you grip the steering wheel and the muscles look more defined on your arms,” Yoongi says. He isn’t wasting anytime. He leans back over to the passenger’s side and rummages through the glove department until he finds the small tube of lube, they keep there in case of emergencies.
Kind of like the one they’re in now.
“And you suddenly developed an exhibition kink during the drive too?” Taehyung teases. Yoongi ignores it, opting to pull the handle at the bottom of the seat to move head rest down. They find a comfortable position that way. Taehyung is lying flat while Yoongi hovers over him, too impatient to go slow so he shoves two fingers into himself all at once.
“Oh my- fuck,” Yoongi moans. Taehyung notices the windows beginning to fog up. The darkness around them is enough to hide them and the condensation helps a bit, but he isn’t sure he’s all that comfortable with fucking his boyfriend on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.
The road stretches on for miles without a single soul in sight. Only fields after fields of wheat welcome them. It gives him a horror movie vibe and he almost tells Yoongi that maybe it isn’t such a good idea. That maybe they might get murdered by a serial killer out here but then Yoongi is sinking down on his cock and Taehyung forgets all about it.
“Yoongi! Slowly!” Taehyung says surprised by the warm pleasure spreading through him. Yoongi doesn’t care one bit. He plants his hands on Taehyung’s chest and starts moving his hips up and down gently.
“Can’t. Need this so bad,” Yoongi moans. He still has on a fancy button down shirt. One he only wore because Seokjin threatened to kick him out of his house if he showed up in pajamas like last time.
The deep red paisley looks so good against Yoongi’s pale skin. Yoongi looked like the definition of sex on legs. His hair already sticking to his forehead from the heat they were creating in the small space of the car.
“You’re going to be limping when we get there,” Taehyung tries to warn him half heartedly. He digs his nails into Yoongi’s hips. The smooth skin surely turning red and bruised. Yoongi is speeding up causing the whole car to move. Anyone driving by would know exactly what they were doing.
“You can help me get around, right? So strong, Tae. You could probably carry me everywhere,” Yoongi says with a gasp. Taehyung is amused that his boyfriend turned himself on by his own words. It was no secret that Yoongi was in love with their size difference half of the time. Sometimes he liked being taken by Taehyung. They never established a strong preference.
Though today seemed like one of those days that Yoongi wanted Taehyung to devour him.
“Yoongi!” Taehyung whined, the pleasure becoming to much, the car becoming too hot. He was basically caged in his spot, unable to do much else but take what Yoongi was giving him. He watched Yoongi jumping in his lap so prettily.
Fuck Seokjin and his dinner party. Yoongi looking so pretty, half naked on top of him was worth it.
“Fuck, Hyung. Get off, get off!” Taehyung whined. Yoongi only slowed down a bit to peer down at him, trying to see what was going on. Taehyung tried pushing his hips off of him.
“Move to the back. I need more room,” taehyung said. He swore he saw Yoongi drool a bit before moving to action fast and climbing over Taehyung to the back seat of the car. Taehyung shoved his pants off completely and crawled over the driver’s seat and landed right on top of Yoongi.
“Hurry,” Yoongi whined. He was already in position. On his back and his legs wide open. Or, as wide open as he could manage with the small space they had to work with. Taehyung lined himself back up and pushed himself in quickly.
“Tae! Tae!” Yoongi was moaning so loud. Taehyung set a fast pace.
Taehyung’s hip was starting to ache a little bit but somehow, he managed to readjust himself and ends up hitting Yoongi’s prostate. The elder’s voice was starting to sound hoarse from how vocal he was being. His deep voice bounced off the windows making them shake.
Taehyung barely managed to make out Yoongi under him from how dark it was. He could see his silhouette outlined but he wished he could see the fucked out expression on his boyfriend’s face.
“Say my name, Tae,” Yoongi gasped. Taehyung could feel the burn on his back from Yoongi’s blunt nails trying to claw at something. Cat jokes aside.
“Hyung- “Taehyung moaned but Yoongi reached down and grasped his ass roughly.
“No, my name!” Yoongi said again. Taehyung groaned at his antics. Yoongi was close to coming and he wanted to get off on Taehyung’s praise.
“Yoongi, baby. You’re so hot. So tight and good. Fuck, we’re going to show up to dinner with my cum leaking out of you. You’ll show up with hickies on your neck and no one will know a thing- “
Yoongi was arching his back, trying to get his neck on Taehyung’s mouth. He bit down for Yoongi’s satisfaction. They’re skin clapped against each other loudly, it mixed with the sound of Yoongi squirming around on the seat.
“Yoongi, Yoongi,” Taehyung said into the elder’s ear. Yoongi dug his nails into Taehyung’s shoulders deep. To the point where it was only pain instead of pleasure.
“haa shit, oh shit,” Yoongi spasm each time a wave of pleasure hit him until he eventually remained boneless on the seat. Taehyung held him close making sure to kiss each freckle dusted on Yoongi’s shoulders. There were only about five but Taehyung each and every one of them.
“You didn’t finish,” Yoongi said quietly. Taehyung nodded and sighed. “Well what are you waiting for? Keep going!”
Yoongi attempted to push Taehyung back on his forearms but was too drained of energy to make him move. Taehyung shook his head in the elder’s neck. It was already hot in the car, but the blush still found a way to heat up his face even more.
“I’m okay,” Taehyung said. Yoongi scoffed and really tried to force Taehyung up.
“You’re still hard. What do you mean you’re okay?” Yoongi asked. Taehyung finally peered up at Yoongi. His face was filled with insecurities. It wasn’t hard to miss how their bodies had changed since they were younger. Some parts hung looser and stretch marks liked to appear no matter how much cocoa butter you slather yourself in. He knew Yoongi had an odd fear that Taehyung would one day find him gross to look at. The thought of Taehyung ever thinking such a thing was laughable. He and Yoongi would grow old together. Turn 70 and wrinkly and Taehyung would still think his boyfriend is the hottest piece of ass he’s ever laid eyes on.
“It’s not anything you’re thinking. It’s just- It’s kind of embarrassing,” Taehyung mumbled. He could almost make out the frown perfectly in the dark. Having seen it so many times he could even hear it.
“What?” Yoongi pressed on. Taehyung buried his head back in Yoongi’s neck to muffle his voice.
“My leg got cramped up and I-I think I’m stuck,” Taehyung says.
Nothing but the sound of crickets greets them in the darkness. Yoongi stays quiet for a minute. Or an eternity. Taehyung isn’t sure. He lost the concept of time once he admitted that some car sex made him cramp up.
“You’re. Stuck?” Yoongi asks. Taehyung nods.
Yoongi bursts out laughing. His real laugh. The one that makes Taehyung feel twenty years younger. Yoongi’s whole body shakes with laughter as he struggles to catch his breath. Especially in the hot ass car they’re in.
“Oh my god, Taehyung-ah. Open a window, I’m gonna suffocate!” Yoongi says in between loud fits of laughter. Taehyung extends his arm over Yoongi’s head and presses the down button for the window to open it a crack.
“You’re hurting my feelings,” Taehyung pouts. Even though his heart is giddy with how much he’s made Yoongi laugh.
“Fuck. Babe, when did we get so old?” Yoongi asks once he catches his breath. He feels Yoongi’s fingers card through his hair. It feels so nice that he feels like he could probably fall asleep like that if it weren’t for his painful boner, still deep inside Yoongi. Taehyung grumbles and hides further.
“It’s not a big deal, Tae-ah,” Yoongi reassures him. Taehyung can’t help the embarrassment that is still flushing through him. His god damn thigh is aching, and he hates old age.
Fuck his forties. Why couldn’t he stay twenty forever.
“If it makes you feel any better. The other day when I took ages in the bath, the day I told you I wanted to try out all my new bath bombs?” Yoongi says. Taehyung nods when he realizes Yoongi is waiting to see if Taehyung remembers what he’s talking about.
He remembers falling asleep on the sofa while he waited for Yoongi to finish. They missed their nightly program because of it too.
“I wasn’t trying out anything. I was desperately trying to get the cramp out of my hips so I could get the hell out of the bathtub, but I was too ashamed to call you for help. I had to use google for help,” Yoongi says. Taehyung finally lets up. He looks down at Yoongi’s face. He’s smiling. It’s small and barely there but Taehyung knows Yoongi’s smiles. All of them. Whether it’s his “I’m so happy” smile or his “I’m going to kill you” smile. Even down to his “I think this person is a weirdo, but I want to be polite” smile.
“You get leg cramps too?” Taehyung asks meekly. Yoongi hums and nods.
“I’m like a decade older than you, Tae. And less active than you too. I’ve been getting them since my late twenties,” Yoongi chuckles. Taehyung smiles wide.
“You’re only two years older than me,” Taehyung says.
“You’re in your fourties while I’m already in my fifties. We may as well be a decade apart,” Yoongi says as he leans down to place a kiss on Taehyung’s nose.
“I’ll catch up in two years. Just wait a little bit for me and then I’ll be old with you,” Taehyung says. His heart is growing warm. The way it does when he suddenly remembers how much he actually loves Yoongi.
“Now I’m going to sit you up and then I’m gonna blow you and hopefully by the time we’re done. The cramp will be gone, and we’ll hopefully make it to Seokjin’s house by dessert.”
Yoongi is successful with his plan and Taehyung end his day Yoongi in his arms and his heart full of love.
Yoongi ignores the hurt in Taehyung’s voice and the ache growing in his chest. He has his back turned to him as he packs his bag. He can feel the heavy weight of Taehyung’s eyes on him. He knows he should walk over and say anything to make the sadness go away but Yoongi is much to terrified to look at his boyfriend in the eye.
“Only for a little bit,” Yoongi says. He folds his shirts extra slow, so he won’t have to see it. The devastation on Taehyung.
“When are you coming back?” Taehyung asks. Yoongi also ignores how high Taehyung’s voice goes. The sign that he’s trying to hold back a sob. He wants to reassure him that he’ll be back in no time but Yoongi isn’t sure when he’ll be back either. He doesn’t want to break up or anything, he just needs time.
Yoongi doesn’t have an answer for him. So, he doesn’t say anything at all.
He can hear Taehyung sniffle behind him, but his useless legs don’t carry him to Taehyung instantly like they used to.
“Did Jimin say what time he was coming?” Yoongi opts out to ask. He would rather feel numb than let everything finally come crashing down on him.
“He said around noon,” Taehyung says. The silence between them is deafening. He doesn’t know when it got to this point. Where Yoongi felt uncomfortable to be in the same presence as him.
Just as he is zipping his bag, he feels Taehyung wrap his arms around his torso and lean his head down on his back.
“I love you,” Taehyung says with a shaky voice.
Yoongi feels the wall between them, He wants to so badly to reach out to him and tell him he misses him, but he doesn’t know how.
“I love you too.”
Yoongi is surprised how it feels like he never even left the city.
He arrives in the afternoon right when the night life was beginning. He was never one to even go out but something about the freedom made him feel brand new.
“Do you wanna go watch a movie?” He asked Seokjin. The elder looked at him surprised.
“Are you feeling okay?” He asked. Half as a joke, half serious.
“Yeah I’m fine. I just feel like doing something, you know?” Yoongi said. Seokjin was dumbfounded but tagged along as Yoongi ate greasy street food and slept through the movie.
It was exhilarating to him.
Though it all came crashing down on their way back to Seokjin’s place. Yoongi pulled out a mitten covered hand. He hadn’t even realized he had done it when Seokjin pulled their clasped hands up at eye level. Yoongi blushed and pulled away, desperate to pretend that hadn’t happened.
It didn’t dawn on him until he was settled into bed that he figured out he was looking for Taehyung’s hand to hold.
He didn’t know if his heart ached more in that moment than ever before.
Yoongi and Taehyung don’t speak for a week.
Yoongi is pulled right back into the busy life in Seoul. The busy streets and the culture surrounding it. The takeout and city views. He remembers why he had fallen in love with the city. He loves it there. He loves going to Namjoon’s company and working on music in a real studio. Not just the one in his backyard. Having so many people around him wanting to work with him. Bouncing off of other ideas.
Yoongi is in bliss for brief moment.
One minute he’s shaking hands with the most promising up and coming artists and the next he’s sitting on a bench looking at all the young couples so in love. He feels happy in Seoul. But there was something about it that didn’t suffice to him anymore.
“You seem like you’re doing well,” Namjoon tells him one night. Yoongi is still in the studio, he’s playing a melody that won’t leave his head. His fingers danced across the keys as something in his memory poured out.
“I feel great,” Yoongi says honestly. He does feel great. He feels refreshed and young again. For that one week, he starts to wonder why he ever left Seoul in the first place.
“How’s Taehyung?” Namjoon asks.
The bliss crumbles at the mention of his boyfriend.
“He’s okay,” Yoongi says. He can feel Namjoon’s eyes on him. He can feel the judgment all the way from where he’s sat in.
“Look, Hyung. I respect your decisions and how you live your life but… I want to be honest with you,” Namjoon starts. Yoongi almost wants to groan but he’s actually missed Namjoon’s long philosophical talks.
“This whole thing with you and Taehyung… He’s in Daegu and you’re here and well…” Yoongi finally turns to look at the younger. Namjoon is waving his hands around as if trying to find the right words.
“Spit it out, Joon-ah,” Yoongi says.
“I think you’re running away from your feelings,” Namjoon finally says. Yoongi almost wants to laugh.
“Yeah, I know. That’s the whole point of me coming here. I wanted to get away for a while,” Yoongi says. Namjoon purses his lips unapprovingly.
“And how long is a while?” Namjoon asks. Yoongi avoids the youngers eyes.
“I’m not sure yet.”
“Well what about Taehyung?” Namjoon asks.
“What about Taehyung?” Yoongi asks.
“Well. It seems like you’ve already moved on. Are you planning to break up with him?” Namjoon asks. Yoongi’s heart drops.
Namjoon shrugs at him but stands his ground. Yoongi is shocked at the question. He’s never even considered breaking up with Taehyung. The thought of leaving Taehyung for good was ridiculous. He’s almost offended at the question.
“No! I’m not breaking up with him. The hell?” Yoongi says.
“It kind of seems like you already have,” Namjoon says. Yoongi shakes his head at the absurdity.
Yoongi just needed time. He needed time away. He hasn’t left Taehyung. He knows that Yoongi loves him. He knows that he’ll never even think of leaving him.
And it dawns on him that he already has.
He looks around him as if he’s only now realizing where he is and what he’s doing.
He’s not only running away from his feelings. But he’s running away from Taehyung as well. He’s running away from the fear of the unknown of what’s yet to come.
It finally clicks in his head of what it must look like on Taehyung’s end. His boyfriend leaving him after his diagnoses. He abandoned Taehyung in his time of need.
Yoongi was annoyed and angry. But he was never any of that with Taehyung. He was angry at the disease. Annoyed that a simple memory disease would cause such a rift in their relationship. And through all of it, he let it get the best of him. And he gave up.
Namjoon excuses himself not long after, leaving a heart broken Yoongi alone in the studio.
“Taehyung,” Yoongi whispers into the phone. It’s probably three in the morning when he receives the call. There’s no point in whispering since Namjoon and his husband sleep like logs but he feels like it’s too intimate to say out into the world.
“We met in September,” Taehyung whispers over the phone. Yoongi curls up under the sheets, covering his whole head to hide away from everything that isn’t Taehyung’s voice.
“I remember you were so pale and skinny, and I had seen you in videos before, but nothing compared to how handsome you were in real life,” Taehyung whispers. Yoongi feels a lump starting to form in his throat.
“You smiled at me and introduced yourself and I think I had the biggest crush on you, amongst the other trainees. It was a childish crush, never thought anything too serious about it but I liked you so much.”
“And you were always so cool. Everything you did was so cool, and I remember wanting to be like you. Or be with you? Something along those lines. You were always indifferent to everything and unbothered. So when I saw you at your worst. Back when we were thinking of disbanding that one time. It’s like a saw you in a different light. I saw you vulnerable and call me crazy, but I think that made you even cooler. It made you real.
And you helped me after my breakup. You were there for me. And you were the same Yoongi, but you were still different somehow. I think at that point, it was already set in stone that we were meant to be.”
Yoongi lets out a laugh that sound more like a choked sob.
“Like fate?” Yoongi asks.
“Something like that.”
The sounds of car horns and dumpster cats fill the silence for them.
“You came in with a red coat the first time. It was that fancy brand, North Face. You smiled so big I thought, it can’t be real. It’s not genuine, it has to be fake. I thought you were a rich kid, some pretty face that was talentless but then I heard your voice. It stood out from everyone else’s right off the bat. I could tell you weren’t confident in your voice, but all the other trainees looked terrified of you. That same day I told Bang that I wouldn’t participate in any group that you weren’t in. I thought you were weird, but you were so talented. You still are so talented.” Yoongi says. He can almost hear Taehyung’s smile over the phone.
“You always praised me, and you acted like I was the best person in the world. I didn’t know how to handle it so I kind of just acted like it didn’t affect me.”
“You would blush and hide your face, Hyung. You did a terrible job at hiding it.” Taehyung says. Yoongi laughs but cuts himself off before it can turn into a whimper.
“You showed up at my place out of nowhere. You just showed up in my life out of no where but something about it made sense. And somehow, we made sense. And I think the years spent with you, in Seoul and in Daegu have been the happiest years of my life.”
“I miss you, Hyung,” Taehyung says. Yoongi finally feels a tear slip out.
“I miss you too,” Yoongi says. He can hear Taehyung sniffling on the other line.
“Come back home?” Taehyung asks. Yoongi doesn’t have to be told twice.
Yoongi sees him again two days after.
He makes it through the front door to a quiet house. It’s still the same house. Filled with love and memories that he will cherish forever. It doesn’t feel empty like it did before. It feels like home again.
Yoongi doesn’t have to look for them to know they’re outside in the garden. He can hear Hoseok’s bright laugh from a mile away.
Yoongi walks to the back door and steps outside. The trees are green again. The leaves are rustling against each other creating a beautiful melody with the wind. The song keeps playing in his head. The one from Seoul.
“Hyung is that you?” Jimin asks. He can see Jimin poking his head out from behind a bed of tall flowers.
“Where’s Taehyung?” He asks. Hoseok says something about Yoongi not greeting them.
Taehyung pokes his head out as well. They look at each other. There’s no slow motion sequence or his heart skipping a beat.
It’s just Taehyung and his beautiful smile. Yoongi starts walking towards him as Taehyung picks himself off the floor and does the same. And when they reach each other, Yoongi pulls him into the biggest hug he can give. It doesn’t feel like how it’s described in the books. It feels like coming home.
“I’m happy you came back,” Taehyung tells him. Yoongi closes his eyes and takes in the moment. Having Taehyung hold him so carefully and precious.
“Taehyung,” Yoongi breathes out. Taehyung still smells like his expensive cologne mixed with the scent of flowers from their garden.
“I don’t want you to leave. I get annoyed that you baby me now when all I’ve ever wanted was for you to see me as your equal,” Taehyung says to him. Yoongi nods in understanding.
“I get angry when you hover, but I hate it when I forget things too. I know it’s because you care but Yoongi, it’s so annoying and hurtful and I hate that all of this is happening.”
“Tae. I hate that I have to remind you about everything. I hate that we have to readjust to life because of this. I hate all of it. I get angry at it. I get angry at you when you throw a fit. I just feel so stressed sometimes. But please know, Taehyung. That when I get angry, it’s not at you. I could never be angry at you for more than two seconds.”
Yoongi pulls back once he hears Taehyung’s sniffles. He looks up into Taehyung’s glassy eyes and smiles sadly, though the ache isn’t as strong anymore. He feels a strange settlement. Acceptance.
It’s going to be okay.
“Please know that I would never leave you. I may get annoyed and we may fight and take it out on each other, but I could never leave you. There will be times when I will get overwhelmed and I may need to take a breather, but I’ll try my best to be strong for us. Because, Tae, you’re worth it. You’re worth everything. And if that means staying by your side through the whole thing, then I’ll do just that.”
Taehyung crumbles to tears, his face contorting to ugly crying. He holds onto Yoongi’s shirt in fists. Yoongi doesn’t even realize that he has been crying too.
“We’re not perfect. Our relationship won’t be perfect. But you’re strong Taehyung, and you’ll make it through this. We’ll both make it through this. I love you babe. I’m not leaving your side. We still have years and years to make memories. Let’s not waste it with all the angst,” Yoongi says. Taehyung wipes at his eyes and starts laughing.
“I’ll get through this?” Taehyung asks. Yoongi leans in to kiss his lips.
“You’ll get through this,” Yoongi states confidently.
“And you’ll stay?” Taehyung asks.
“I’ll always stay. Never doubt that.”
Taehyung leans in to kiss him soft and slow. The winds blow against them. The sky bright and the flowers just beginning to bloom due to it being spring. The melody in his head plays on.
The feeling of hope is high in the air. It’s telling Yoongi that they’ll be okay.
One day Taehyung’s mind will be begin to deteriorate but that’s years from now.
Right now, they’re okay.
He’ll be okay and Taehyung will be okay.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”