Work Header

Space Gays

Work Text:

Pidgey added Allurable, Shito, Sir Lancelot, DoorMatt, CoranicMechanic, Mullet, and Hunk-a-Love to SpaceFam™

Pidgey- Welcome SpaceFam™

Shito- Pidge, what is this?

Sir Lancelot- Aww, Space Dad™ doesn’t know what a group chat is

Shito- Lance, I know what a groupchat is, I just don’t see why it’s necessary

Allurable- I would like to know that as well

Pidgey-Well, I thought it’d be easier for communicating, and team bonding, if we had a chat we could easily access

Mullet- Why is my name Mullet? I didn’t pick this

CoranicMechanic- I think it’s quite fitting

Hunk-a-Love- I think we could do better

Sir Lancelot- Pidge didn’t give me time to make a better one

Mullet- You did this?!?

Sir Lancelot- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Pidgey- Who else would risk the wrath of Keith Kogane?

Shito- I mean, I would

Hunk-a-Love- That doesn’t count, you and Keith have that weird brother/mentor thing

CoranicMechanic- Yes, it is quite curious.

Allurable- Indeed, I’ve often pondered it. Would you care to explain why you two are so close?

Shito- Oh, Keith was my fiance’s charge in the Garrison Guardian program.

Mullet- Only after you recommended him for the job

Shito- I didn’t know who else would be able to put up with your stabby self

Mullet-Now I’m curious, who’s stabbed you more, Adam or me?

Pidgey- Wait, Adam Waller? As in, Matt’s friend Adam?

Shito- Yes, Matt actually introduced us

Hunk-a-Love- Wait, Shiro had a fiance?

Sir Lancelot-Does Shiro is gay?

Pidgey- I wonder if they were roommates

Sir Lancelot-Oh my god they were roommates

Shito- We were not roommates until a few months after we started dating

Mullet-Being in space made me realize how quiet it is without Adam

Shito- Did you just call Adam loud?

Mullet-Shiro, he was louder and more flamboyant than Lance

Sir Lancelot-Hey! I am not loud or flamboyant

Hunk-a-Love- Buddy, I hate to tell you this, but you’re kinda not quiet

Pidgey- I’ve seen you break glass because you thought you saw a spider

Allurable- Why did he hit the glass?

Pidgey- He didn’t. His scream was so high pitched that the glass shattered

Sir Lancelot-I came here to have a good time and I am honestly feeling so attacked rn

Mullet-We’re not under attack?

Pidgey- Keith, honey, sweet little smol innocent bean filled with rage, do you not know what a vine or meme is?

Mullet-A vine is a plant, and a meme is…..I dunno

Sir Lancelot-Shiro, you have failed at raising Keith

Shito- In my defence, Adam was raising him, not me, we got him half feral

Sir Lancelot-What do you mean half feral?

Mullet-Shiro, if you’ve ever loved me, you won’t do this

Shito- My love for you is why I must

Pidgey- It is an older brother/guardian’s duty to embarrass their charge

Mullet-Pidge, I trusted you

Pidgey- That was your first mistake

Sir Lancelot-Hunk, do we have anything similar to popcorn?

Hunk-a-Love- I already made a batch, now hush

Mullet-I regret all my life choices

Shito- The story of how I met Keith is long and weird, so I’ll only tell you about the parts that will embarrass Keith most. I met Keith after he had been living alone in that old shack near the Garrison for at least a few years. He had gone into town for food, and saw a group of middle schoolers waiting for their turn in the simulator. He was curious, so he stayed to watch. None of the teachers noticed that he wasn’t one of theirs until after he did the simulator and passed with flying colors, then they all got angry and scared him off. He hijacked an official Garrison dune buggy, and tore out of the parking lot we were using with a surprising amount of skill. It was my car. I tracked it, got him to tell him his life’s story, got him into the garrison’s foster program, and recommend my fiance to foster him. Adam taught him not to stab random things when he was hungry, and I taught him how to dive off a cliff on hover bikes without dying

Sir Lancelot-Keith, I apologize for every rude thing I’ve ever said to you. None of this is your fault, it’s all Shiro’s

Mullet-Apology accepted. I’m glad someone finally sees my side of it

Pidgey- Poor little desert baby

Hunk-a-Love- For shame Shiro! And to think, I thought you were a good parental figure

Shito- In my defence, that wasn’t all I taught him

Mullet-He also taught me to burn water and sneak out of the house

Sir Lancelot-So like 90% of Keith’s delinquency can be traced to Shiro’s bad parenting?

Pidgey- Seems like it

Hunk-a-Love- Don’t worry Keith, we’ll teach you how to be civilized

Mullet-I’ve waited all my life for someone to say that

Shito- I hate this family