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I Love You

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Ava was fidgeting nervously as she waited for Zari to finish hacking into the database in 2213.

 

She was terrified. Terrified wasn't a strong enough word to describe how she was feeling. She was thinking about the worst possibilities and decided that the worst outcome would be that the clones were sex robots. She didn't know how she'd handle it if she found out that there were thousands of people that looked like her that were used for sex.

 

She shivered at the thought and cringed, resisting the urge to bite her nails nervously. She did feel a bit better now that her secret was out, and knowing that the legends still accepted her and supported her relationship with Sara meant everything to her.

 

But, she was still nervous about what she was about to find out about herself.

 

She watched Zari hack into the database from her tablet and felt her heartbeat spike. She didn't know if she could do this.

 

She looked down at the floor and inhaled shakily, tears blurring her vision. She felt almost frustrated with herself for getting emotional over this once again, she wanted to be stronger than that.

 

"I-I-I..." she tried to speak, but her words wouldn't come out, which only made her more frustrated.

 

"Baby?" Sara's voice broke through Ava's panic. "Should we do this another time?" She asked, seeing that Ava was clearly distressed. 

 

Ava shook her head. "N-no... I need to know. I'm just... I'm so scared." She choked out, too tired and nervous to care about Zari seeing her this vulnerable. "What if everything I feel towards you is fabricated? What if everything about me isn't real, even my personality and my feelings? I..." she shook her head, too panicked to continue.

 

She hated how she was so vulnerable to getting upset now, she missed when it took more than this to rattle her.

 

"You're real, Aves." Sara was quick to say. She wanted to reach out and hold Ava, but she wasn't sure the taller blonde wanted that.

 

"I..." Ava sniffed and turned around, her back facing Zari. She hugged Sara tightly and hid her face in her neck, grateful that she was wearing flats and Sara was in her heeled boots, for once liking that they were the same height.

 

Ava was shaking in Sara's arms, and Sara was worried that Ava would faint.

 

"Everything's gonna be okay," Sara whispered, "you're real. No matter what the results show us... you're real. You're uniquely you, no matter what. And no matter what... I'll still love you."

 

Ava sniffed and tightened her arms around Sara. "P-promise?" She whispered.

 

"Promise." Sara repeated. "I promise, baby."

 

Zari watched this helplessly. Needless to say, she'd never seen Ava like this before. Yes, she'd seen her panic about telling the Legends her secret, but she seemed more panicked than that now.

 

Ava took a minute to calm herself down and when she could breathe somewhat normally, she pulled away from Sara and turned around to look at Zari sheepishly. "Sorry... for that." She said, embarrassed.

 

Zari shook her head, "you didn't do anything wrong. It's okay." She smiled at her. "I was able to hack into the main computer system there and find some information. If you still want to know...?"

 

Ava nodded. "I do."

 

Zari let out a long breath, "okay so... from what I can find, the AVA corporation started in 2198 and it was originally created to bring order to the community. Each Ava was programmed to do a certain task or fill a role. There's... there's an Ava for just about anything. There's a Cooking Ava, Assertive Ava, Maternal Ava, and more..." Zari was cringing herself, this was a lot to take in. She couldn't believe this kind of thing happened in 2213, and that it was accepted as the norm.

 

"You're..." Zari hesitated. "Are you sure you want to know?"

 

Ava's anxiety only worsened when Zari said that. She was scared for what she'd find out about herself. 

 

"Y-Yes." Ava said and took Sara's hand, needing her support.

 

"Shit... okay so, you're the 12th Ava Sharpe to work at the Bureau. The other eleven where... purchased," Zari winced at the word, "by Rip and the Bureau. It says that they programmed memories of your childhood and upbringing so you wouldn't be suspicious... and that you weren't supposed to form any emotional attachments at all. From what I can tell, you're the only Ava to have real feelings and emotions."

 

Ava took a step back as she processed this. There were eleven other Ava Sharpes before her... she didn't know how she felt about that. She sat down on Zari's bed and sniffed. She was conflicted. On one hand, she now knew that her feelings for Sara were completely genuine and hers, and that her feelings are what set her part from the other clones. But, on the other hand, she didn't know when she'd started working at the Bureau and how long she'd been herself for.

 

Sara sat down next to Ava and took her hand. "What are you thinking, Aves?" She asked softly, wanting to help but it was hard to when she didn't know what Ava was thinking.

 

"I'm..." Ava couldn't think of a word that would adequately describe her feelings so she went with, "lost. I'm... I'm glad that my feelings are real. I'm so glad," she sniffed, "but there were eleven other Avas before me... I don't know when my memories start. What if it was another Ava when we met?" Ava finally voiced her fear.

 

Sara was speechless for a moment. She hadn't thought about that possibility, that the Ava she'd met and slowly befriended was a different Ava.

 

"I..." Sara bit her lip, "if that turns out to be the case, we'll get through it together."

 

Zari quickly chimed in, "Ava, you were... activated," She cringed, "two weeks before we met you. You've lived the longest out of all the other clones. We've only known you."

 

Ava let out a long sigh of relief and fell back onto the bed, looking up at the ceiling. "Anything else?"

 

Zari looked at the screen. "There isn't much, just that you were created from what they thought were the best genes from around the world... because they wanted to make the 'perfect woman'." She explained. "It doesn't say much else... but I can keep doing some digging if you want." She looked back at Ava.

 

Ava shook her head. "No... no it's fine. I think I'm good." She sighed. "Thanks, Z... for getting me that information." She said and tried her best to smile at Zari.

 

Zari smiled back, "anytime." She said before grabbing her phone and leaving the room to give Sara and Ava some time alone to process this.

 

"So..." Ava said and sat up, looking at Sara.

 

"I'm glad we know more about your past." Sara said and squeezed Ava's hand. "I can't imagine how this feels for you... I'm sorry if I'm not much help right now."

 

Ava chuckled tearfully. "Don't apologize. I'm just... I was so scared that my feelings for you were somehow programmed in me and well... I'm so relieved that they aren't. Because I've never felt this way towards anyone else but you." She sniffed.

 

Sara's eyes softened, "Ava..." she said, her voice softer than Ava had ever heard it.

 

"No, Sara. I need to say this." Ava squeezed Sara's hand. "You've been nothing but supportive of me during this... you're so patient with me and you don't push me to talk when I don't want to. I don't..." she tightened her grip on Sara's hand, "I don't know how you could love someone like me, especially now that you know what I am... but I'm so lucky to have you."

 

Sara cupped Ava's cheek and gently wiped away her tears. "Loving you is one of the easiest things I've ever done." She smiled at her. "Knowing about your past doesn't change that for me, because I know you. You're the same beautiful, stubborn woman I first met and fell in love with. Nothing would change that."

 

Ava felt her throat tighten with the distinct feeling that she about to cry.

 

"I don't deserve this." She whispered.

 

"You do," Sara gently ran her thumb over Ava's cheek. "You deserve all of it."

 

Ava averted her gaze. "There's something I want to say... that I've been wanting to say for awhile. I haven't yet because I wanted to know for certain that my feelings are all mine."

 

Sara looked confused. "What do you mean?"

 

Ava looked back up into Sara's eyes. "I love you, Sara Lance." Her eyes shined with tears as she continued, "I love you so fucking much and it killed me to not say it for so long. But, I just had to be sure."

 

Sara was speechless. Logically, she knew that Ava loved her back, but hearing her say it out loud caused an onslaught of emotions to rush through Sara all at once.

 

"You..."

 

"Yeah. I do." Ava smiled at her. "And I know this might not be the right time to say it... because we just found out a lot of things about me... but I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I'm sorry if it was the wrong time but—"

 

Sara cut off Ava's rambling by pulling her in for a kiss, the hand on Ava's cheek moving down to her neck. "Never apologize for telling me your feelings, baby." Sara whispered as she slowly pulled away.

 

"This was the perfect time. I'm just... I don't know what to say." Sara chuckled wetly as tears slightly blurred her vision before falling down her cheeks. "I thought you loved me too but hearing you say it... it..." Sara struggled to find the right words.

 

"It's different. It makes it more real." Ava filled in for her.

 

Sara nodded. "Yeah, it does." 

 

Sara smiled, even with red puffy eyes and dried tears on her cheeks, Ava was still the most beautiful woman Sara had ever seen.

 

She cupped both of Ava's cheeks. "God, Aves, I love you so much." She grinned. "I love you, I love you, I love you." She said and Ava giggled as she pulled Sara in for another kiss, the anxiety melting away and leaving a warm feeling in her chest.

 

She wasn't okay, the things she'd found out about herself still unsettled her. But, she knew that she would be able to get through it with Sara by her side.