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Part 1 of a chuisle mo chroí - the pulse of my heart
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Irondad Creators Awards 2021 - Nominations, Irondad Creators Awards 2021 - Runners-Up, Irondad Creators Awards 2022, Best, One word. Aweeee, Peter Parker’s Rare Bio Family Tree, Adopted/Homeless/Orphaned Peter Parker, BAMF Peter Parker, Peter Parker Identity Reveals, Everything so far, Lyndsey’s marvel faves, Thomas' Fics to reread when complete, Peter Parker Stories, You haven’t lived if you haven’t read this, My Entire History, Peter Parker's Alternate Living Arrangements
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Published:
2019-09-25
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2022-02-04
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102,383
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33/33
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why can't the past just die

Chapter 27

Notes:

trigger warnings for past physical and sexual abuse and discussed loss of a sibling and parent

my awesome beta is Astro_cat13

my tumblr is @enchantingwriting

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“That picture of you on the band Instagram got over half a million likes before they deleted it,” Ned says. “I saw Betty Brant showing the screenshot to her friends in English.”

Peter tries to ignore his growing irritation. Betty Brant, the bookish girl who does the morning announcements, never gave him a second look before his aunt and uncle took him in. Now, she is one of the many Midtown students who give Peter surreptitious looks in the hall, or have furtive conversations that die as soon as he walks in a classroom. 

Rather than give into the newfound attention, Peter doubled down on his loner behavior. He and Ned still sit in their forgotten corner of the cafeteria. The only people he will pair up for class projects are MJ, Ned, and a couple other Decathlon kids. 

Leo’s experience has been pretty similar. The older boy has a small friend group that he tags along with. They are not nearly as close as Ned and Peter, but they text occasionally and sit together at lunch. They are tentative friendships between the geeky outcasts, built on shared interests more than anything--Daisy Sky wants to go to SciTech for computer science, Moira MacTaggert’s mom is from Scotland, Erik Selvig likes engineering. Leo has always been tight-lipped about his personal life, so Peter can’t imagine that his friends have managed to pry any details out of him.

Ned is a different story.

The day after the press conference, Ned threw his arms around Peter and hugged him tightly. “I’m so, so sorry,” his friend said. “I had no idea about Quentin--”

Peter’s reply was direct: “Of course you didn’t. I didn’t want you to know, so I never told you.”

Ned gave him a baleful stare, brown eyes swimming with tears. Fuck. Peter buried his hands in his pockets and stammered out in a much gentler tone, “It’s got nothing to do with you, Ned. That’s the way I grew up, how we were taught to think. There is more to the story--a lot more, honestly. I’m still making sense of it--but once I do, I will tell you about it. About everything.”

Ned balled his fists, let out a deep breath. “Okay. Okay. I trust you.”

Peter clasped his friend’s shoulder. The words felt unfamiliar, and maybe they weren’t entirely true-- yet --but he choked them out: “I trust you, too.”

Those words were what Ned wanted to hear, what he needed to hear. Peter wished he meant them, but maybe saying them out loud was the first step. 

Things are not perfect, though. Even now, as they wait for their rides to pick them up after Decathlon practice, Ned’s eyes dart up and down, desperately trying to gauge Peter’s reaction to his earlier statement. He has been doing that a lot over the past week, like when Peter changes in the shower stall before gym, or when Peter stiffened up after Mr. Harrington leaned over his desk to correct a math problem. 

I’m not a victim , Peter wants to tell him. He is in prison. I’m getting therapy, my siblings are safe. I’m better .

“Don’t lie to the people around you just to make them feel better,” Dr. Dumont said after Peter confessed to telling Ned he trusted him. 

Peter shifts back and forth. “You were in that picture, too. I think Betty has a crush on you.”

Deflection, deflection, deflection. A Band-Aid solution, really, but how else is Peter supposed to survive?


Harley wakes up, and he cannot get out of bed.

Usually an early riser, he stares up at the ceiling. The sun creeps higher and higher into the sky. A phantom weight keeps his limbs buried into the memory foam mattress. Harley presses his tearstained face into his satin pillowcase. His shoulders tense up when the door creaks open.

“Tony, I’m not in the mood,” Harley mumbles, not caring about being polite. Not now. Maybe he is a selfish asshole, but he does not care .

“Good thing I’m not Tony,” a voice says coolly.

Sharp little knees dig into Harley’s back. Hands shove at his shoulder playfully. “Happy birthday, loser.”

Harley twists around and shoves the little intruder off his back. She flops onto the empty side of the mattress, a pleased smirk plastered on her face. In a fight over which Star Wars movie to play, Leo had snapped that Reese always knew the best way to piss people off. Harley appreciates that statement, now. 

Harley grinds out, “Why are you in here, Reese?”

“I’m not supposed to be in here. I lied and said I had to go to the bathroom.” Reese studies his snot-smeared face, her expression now unreadable. “Everyone’s waiting in the kitchen.”

Harley glares back at her. He might as well give her a taste of her own medicine.

“Is this about your mom and Celine?” Reese asks. 

Her question is painful but not unexpected. Despite being sarcastic and closed-off, Reese is always direct with people. Even though he is sensitive, Harley can appreciate her honesty. After dealing with so much bullshit over the course of his short life, bluntness is a nice change of pace.

Harley nods, unable to say much more than that.

Reese reaches out, the corners of her mouth pulling into a frown. Her small fingers wipe the tears away. “I can recite my list of Dr. Dumont’s platitudes.” 

Harley chokes out a surprised laugh. “Please, don’t.”

“Yeah, that would be uncomfortable for both of us.” Reese flops against Harley’s pillow. “I don’t like my birthday, either. We were poor, and one of my siblings would cry because they missed our parents. Usually Will and Peni.”

“You didn’t cry?” Harley asks.

“I don’t remember them. Not the way the rest of them do. I only remember May, Peni, Leo.” Reese’s jaw tightens. “Ben, too, I guess. I do cry, believe it or not. I cry for my parents, but I don’t cry about them . I cry because I can see the effect they had on my siblings, and I will never get to have that. I cry for all the missed opportunities. That’s what happens when you lose a parent too young.”

“Yeah,” Harley says.

“I never lost a sister--well, Philippa--but not the way you did.” Reese wipes away a few more of Harley’s tears. “When people die, especially when they’re young, you don’t just lose the person you loved. A whole bunch of possibilities die with them. And that sucks. 

“This probably wasn’t the birthday you wanted, and we might not be the people you really wish you could spend it with. That’s okay. That’s normal.” Reese mulls over her next words. “I don’t like my birthday, but I like my siblings. I like spending time with them. You like us, don’t you?”

Harley nods.

“Hate your birthday all you want. Get mad that your mom and your sister aren’t here. You should, because it sucks that they’re dead. Today sucks, but you can still have fun. Our family… I’d like to think we’ve added to your family, not subtracted from it. I’d like to think you have four sisters--me, Celine, Morgan, and Peni, even if all of us aren’t here with you. You’re allowed to have fun today. But you can also hate today if you want. Or you can do both. I dunno.”

Harley frowns. You can do both

Mom and Celine are his family, but so are the Starks, the Parkers, and the Fitzpatricks. The Avengers, too. Harley screamed for his mom while clinging to Pepper like a child clings to his mother. He has sobbed in Leo’s arms like Peter and Will do. 

After the fire, Harley labelled his relationships obsessively--Pepper is his guardian, Rose Keener is his mom, Darren Keener is a fucking asshole who shares half his DNA, Tony is his guardian. Morgan was born shortly after he moved in with the Starks. Harley loved her fiercely, latched onto her immediately. She called him her brother and Harley didn’t correct her. 

At thirteen, when Tony and Pepper finalized their guardianship, Harley asked the lawyer to change his name to Harley Keener-Stark. At the time, he had to prove a tangible connection to Morgan. Sharing a name, at least in part, made it make sense. Harley wanted to justify his betrayal of Celine.

Then came a pack of kids who upended the life of a grieving boy obsessed with routine. ‘Cousins’ was what Tony and Pepper and Morgan called them. Harley went along with it, even though Tony and Pepper aren’t his parents. As the weeks passed, those labels changed. Will was his brother, Peni was his sister.

Harley pictures his mom--beautiful, troubled, wild. She worked in a diner all day and partied all night. She was a reckless, dazzling woman, and Harley knew they might not be able to keep her long. Rose Keener was a shooting star, a whirlwind of energy whose life ended in a bitter supernova. 

His mom never belonged in Tennessee. Harley thinks she would have liked New York City.

Rose always teased him for being too uptight. Relax, sugar . She’d wake him up from a nap to dance to Johnny Cash or Pink Floyd, take him on a midnight drive when his dad started tweaking. Anytime Harley said no , she would push and push and push. Jump into the pond, sweetie. Climb that tree. Watch this scary movie

Pepper Potts and Rose Keener are very different women. It’s not fair for Harley to compare them, given the circumstances.

He still does.

Rose--complicated, messy, adoring. 

Pepper--ambitious, calm, gentle.    

And Harley knows who he would spend his birthday with in a heartbeat. Maybe he is selfish, or maybe he is a realist. But in the end, his mom isn’t here, and Pepper is--has been for almost five years, now. Harley won’t call himself her child, has even thrown that in her face in his lowest moments. Despite that, Pepper loves him just as much as Morgan. 

Celine and Rose aren’t here, but there are nine people who are excited to celebrate Harley and love him unconditionally. They are not who he wants, but they are who he has. And, fuck, he is lucky to have them.

Losing his family was the worst thing that happened to him, and finding a family to take care of him in their absence might have been the best thing to happen to him. 

Harley reaches for Reese, hugs her the way he hugged Celine. She pats his back, a little awkward and stiff beneath his hands. They are two flawed, broken kids who have lost a lot. Different personalities, different genes, different baggage. She’s not Celine, and Harley doesn’t pretend that she is. She is Reese. His stubborn, sassy, spitfire of a sister. 

Celine’s not here, but Reese is. Tony, Leo, Morgan, Will, Deke--they’re all here , and that is something worth celebrating.

“You want to go to the kitchen?” Harley asks, pulling away.

“Yes.” Reese rolls off the bed. She points at him, eyes dark and dangerous. “Come out in ten minutes, so no one knows I barged in here. I don’t want a lecture.”

“Pepper’s lectures can be rough,” Harley chuckles.

“I meant Peni’s lectures, but yeah, Pepper gives ‘em to me, too. No one ever told me how annoying it is to have your mom constantly up in your business.” Reese heads towards the door. “Ten minutes, Harls!”

Reese flounces out the door, unaware of Harley’s dropped jaw and frozen limbs.  

Mom.


Leo grits his teeth, shifting back and forth. Harley’s birthday fell on a Saturday this year. The morning started off strong with omelets and French toast. The teenagers went to get coffee from Harley’s favorite coffee shop, which caused a ruckus with the people in the shop. Harley and Will even took a couple selfies with a group of girls. The photos went viral on Twitter and Instagram within an hour. A photo of Deke with Peter’s arm slung around him is floating around on Tumblr.

In the afternoon, Happy, Tony, Pepper, and all the kids loaded up in the Duggar van to make a trip to the Avengers compound. Which means that Leopold Alastair Fitzpatrick is standing in the same room as Robert Bruce Banner for the first time in his miserable existence. 

Leo is himself, so he hovers next to his twin sister and watches Dr. Banner out of the corner of his eye. Years of avoiding Ben’s strikes taught him how to observe from a distance. His scientific brain, that engineer’s mind he inherited from Alastair, clinically analyzes his childhood hero. 

Banner wears bifocals, the thin wire types that Leo’s dad used to wear--probably still wears. He seems apprehensively curious about the motley crew of kids that Pepper and Tony toted to the Compound. The scientist keeps his distance from them, chatting with Clint and Sam, but his dark eyes light up as he watches Morgan wrestle with Steve and Colonel Rhodes. He gave Harley a quick hug after wishing him a happy birthday. Banner offered Leo and his siblings warm smiles when Tony introduced all of them. 

Leo had hovered for a minute, but he caved and trotted after Peni and Deke when they went to explore the snacks. Pepper grabbed Deke and introduced him to Natasha Romanov. His brother is still rambling to the two women about his Macintosh, cagey and twitchy as ever.  

There is a reason the six of them have few friends. Leo smiles faintly.

“Talk to him,” Peni says. 

“Shut the feck up,” Leo mutters back. He has read a dozen papers theorizing that Banner has enhanced senses. 

Peni’s lips curl into a smile. “He’s your favorite person. Besides me, of course.”

“You aren’t my favorite person. Not anymore,” Leo says. “Deke is my new favorite person.”

“Deke cracked an egg over your head this morning.”

Making the birthday omelets had gotten a little rowdy. Leo half-expected Tony to slap Deke across the face for making a mess, but their uncle simply took a handful of the yolk dripping off Leo’s scalp and smeared it across Deke’s shirt.

“Kit, then,” Leo says. 

“You’ve been pissy ever since he killed your cleric off,” Peni reminds him.   

Leo and Peni joined their siblings’ weekly D&D sessions. Kit is a merciless Dungeon Master. He had no qualms about killing a character Leo spent hours designing. His older brother revived the cleric within five minutes, but Leo stayed angry out of principle.

“Harley, then. He is the birthday lad, after all,” Leo says.

“You talking trash about me?” Harley asks, coming up to the snack table. He grabs a handful of baby carrots.

“Always. What sort of freak eats vegetables on his birthday? Must be a Southern thing.”

Harley takes a big bite of his carrot. “At least the South never stuffed a sheep’s stomach full of oatmeal.”

“Haggis isn’t just oatmeal--”

“I’m trying to convince Leo to talk to Dr. Banner, but he’s being shy.” Peni reaches up to ruffle Leo’s curls. He ducks away, swearing under his breath.

“He has enhanced senses , you bloody loon,” he whispers.

“Let’s go say hi. He’ll love you, Lee,” Harley says. “Tony has told him a lot about you, already.”

Peni shoves at her brother’s shoulder. Leo digs his heels in, refusing to budge. Harley joins in. Leo only gives into his siblings’ manhandling to stop the Avengers and Pepper from throwing them bewildered looks. Thankfully, Morgan is still preoccupied with pummeling Steve’s chest with her tiny fists. She would wrap herself around Leo’s legs and hobble him for the rest of the night.

Dr. Banner, Clint, and Sam Wilson are clustered by the wall of windows that spans the entire rec floor. Leo feels like a man being marched to his execution. Peni has her arm thrown around his shoulder, while Harley keeps a firm hand on the small of his back. Leo lost his chance to run away.

Harley says warmly, “Hey, guys! I know Tony and Pepper introduced everyone earlier, but I thought you might want to get the chance to hear some wonderful Scottish accents.”

“It might be your bloody birthday, but you’re still a goon for wanting to show me off like some wee beastie in a zoo. I ought to skelp you upside the napper…” Leo trails off when Sam chokes on his beer.

“And they say my New Orleans accent is bad,” Sam says. “I think I understood about a third of what you said.”

“You get used to it,” Harley assures him.

“Bloody Southern solidarity,” Peni mutters.

“Tennessee and Louisania have completely different accents,” Harley squawks. 

“Sounds all the same to me, ” Leo says, just to piss his brother off. 

“Are you from Edinburgh, Leo?” Bruce asks.

Leo mulls over his answer for half a moment: “Aye, but after we were eight we spent summers in Glasgow and the school year in Queens. I feel like I sound more and more American every year.”

“Luckily, I don’t have an accent,” Clint mutters.

“I don’t want to hear it, Mr. casserole-eating, ‘ope’-ing, nasally-ass Midwesterner,” Sam says.  “What kind of loser is born in Iowa ?”

Before Clint can snark back, Bruce says, “I got a PhD from the University of Edinburgh. It’s a gorgeous city. I would love to go back one day.”

“Health physics, right?” Leo blurts out before he can stop himself. 

“That’s right,” Bruce says. “How did you--”

Peni cuts in, “Oh, he’s been obsessed with you since he was five. He’s always wanted to know if you were named after Robert the Bruce--” 

By then, Leo has a hand clapped over Peni’s mouth. Something wet touches his hand, and he lets out a yelp. He wipes his hands on his jeans, swearing under his breath. “You licked me, you wee scrote!”

Leo’s face burns when the others burst out laughing. He says in a rush, “That’s not true at all, Dr. Banner. My brother Christian, he goes to the University of Edinburgh and he told me to apply. I saw you on the notable alumni page. Health physics is so interesting, the applications of it for cancer treatment are mind blowing…”

“You were right about my name. My mom loved history,” Bruce says, “and her grandparents were from Scotland. She was a bit over the top. Or ‘extra,’ as Harley and Wanda would say.”

“My mum named me after Leopold Bloom from Ulysses-- I’m Leopold Alastair, not Leopold Bloom, thank God-- , and Peni is Aspen Joyce after James Joyce,” Leo says with a grin. “I’ve read Ulysses --it’s a good book, but not worth inspiring two of your wains’ names. She definitely was a little extra.”

“Leopold Alastair Fitzpatrick definitely sounds like a name you’d read in a textbook. Fitzpatrick has a good ring to it. You know, like Planck’s constant or Einstein’s theory of relativity. Tony said SHIELD SciTech is your first choice--is that still true?” Bruce asks.

Leo nods, hardly able to breathe.

“I used to be on their board of directors. I’m not anymore, but if you’d like, I can tell you all about the admission process and how to make yourself stand out from the other applicants. Perhaps somewhere a bit more quieter--would you like to see our R&D lab?”

“Aye, that would be great,” Leo says.

Even though today is Harley’s birthday, Leo feels like he just got the best present ever.

Notes:

My wonderful beta is Astro_cat13.

If you want to, go take a look at my new project “Night Closes In.” It’s a Shameless-inspired Spider-Man AU.

my tumblr is @enchantingwriting. (sorry it's a mess, im currently losing my mind over tfatws)

Thank you for taking the time to read this! The support for this fic continues to shock me. I love reading your amazing comments and hearing your thoughts on the story and the characters. As always, feel free to further educate me in the comments as I navigate writing about sensitive topics. I love hearing from different perspectives and gaining access to new information. I do my best to research and be as accurate as possible, but there is always room for improvement.

Some notes about this chapter:
- Harley and Reese interacting might be my favorite scene I've written so far, they have such different personalities and I love them both so much.
- I tried so hard researching accurate Scottish slang but it probably still sounds so stupid to actual Scottish people, I apologize in advance
- this was my attempt at writing a more fluffy chapter and it ended up being angsty anyways fml
- in chapter 28 we will be moving into the final story arc!! I am so excited to share it with you all
- my dig at Midwesterners was me calling myself out, I've had green bean casserole for lunch 3 days in a row now