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Hate That I Love You

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HTILY – 10




“I was talking about what happened in my apartment last night.” Then Seungwoo looked me in the eyes. “From the hallway to my bedroom.”

Oh. Shit.

My heart suddenly started beating fast. He remembers!

I sat there quietly, with my hands on the water bag, hoping for the medication to work right now so that I’ll fall asleep and I won’t have to go through this confrontation.

“Remember last night?” Seungwoo asked. I continued looking at my hands and didn’t respond to him.

“We have all night, Yoonhye. I can be very persistent if I want to. “

I hate how his persistence can sometimes be the cause of my embarrassment.

“Nothing. I remember nothing.” Of course that is a complete lie. I clearly remember how his hands roamed around my body. How his lips ventured from my lips to my cheeks, jaws, neck and shoulders. How close we’ve come to almost actually doing the deed.

Seungwoo’s hand was suddenly on my chin and he turned my face to look at him.

“Say that again while looking into my eyes and not blushing.” He looked at me straight in the eyes.

My heartbeat suddenly became so erratic. I hope he can’t feel how much his stare and touch is affecting me right now.

I looked away. Anywhere else aside from Seungwoo’s searching eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I suddenly looked back at him again when he said that. “I’m sorry for kissing you.”

I hate that his words always manages to break my heart.

I’m just waiting for the words ‘it was a mistake’, and I might just start bawling my eyes out in front of Seungwoo. It was so cliché and I never thought I’d get to be at the receiving end of those words.

“It was a mistake.” I pulled my face away from his touch and looked away.

“Just go back to your apartment, Seungwoo. Forget whatever it is that happened and let’s act like nothing happened.” He needs to get out before the tears start to form in my eyes. I can’t let him see me like this.

Seungwoo stood up, and I looked down again. I heard the sound of the door of my room close. The tears suddenly started falling freely as they ended up on my hands. My shoulders started shaking as I sobbed.

I was suddenly pulled into a pair of very familiar arms as he hugged me tight. He didn’t leave. I guess the shock caused my tears to suddenly stop. Even my sobbing stopped.

“Don’t cry. I’m so sorry.” Hearing Seungwoo say those words caused my tears to fall again.

I just clung onto him and cried onto his shoulder.

“Don’t. You did nothing wrong.” I said in between sobs.

Because in reality, he really did nothing wrong. It’s not his fault he broke my heart unknowingly. It’s not his fault that I fell in love with him. It’s not his fault that he couldn’t love me back.

Seungwoo pulled away a bit, but not too much. I was still sobbing as the tears continued falling. He reached out and wiped the tears that were falling down.

“I swore to your parents that I won’t ever let you cry. That I will kill the bastard who made you cry.” I closed my eyes as I relished in the feeling of his hands on my cheeks as he wiped the stream of tears falling down. “But can I just break that promise for now? I can’t die by my own hands. It’s hard to strangle myself to death. I’ll just look like a crazy person.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle when he said that.

I hate that he can always lighten my mood whenever I feel so down.

“I hate you.” I told him.

Seungwoo nodded. “I know.”

He let go of my cheeks and I was suddenly pulled into his lap.

“YA!” I looked at him incredulously as he put his arms around me, perfectly caging me in his arms. “Let me go.”

“Why are you always telling me to let you go? I just told you last night that I’m not letting you go because you’re mine.” Seungwoo gave me a serious look. There was no mirth in his eyes. No indication that he was just joking right now.

He sighed and leaned his forehead on my shoulder.

“You crying is not part of how I envisioned this conversation to go.” I remained silent in his arms. He groaned. He sounded so frustrated. At himself? At me? I don’t know. “I thought you’d punch me or slap me. I never expected to make you cry.”

“Ya. I’m okay. It’s probably my hormones too. I’m on my period, remember?” I told him and he looked up.

There it was again. That look. I had to look away.

Seungwoo sighed as he hugged me tighter. “I’m sorry—” I cut him off this time.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Stop apologizing. It’s not your fault. It’s probably just because of the alcohol.”

“No. It’s not okay.” I tried struggling from his hold. I was starting to get frustrated. How am I supposed to talk to him like this? With him this close to me!

“It’s not okay that I kissed my best friend while I was drunk and jealous.” I stopped struggling when I heard that and I looked at him. Were my ears deceiving me?


“You heard me.” Seungwoo loosened his hold around me and adjusted my position so I was facing him. He held my face in his hands and looked straight into my eyes. “I’m apologizing because I kissed you while I was drunk and angry because I was jealous. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry the situation wasn’t so ideal. My emotions got the best of me. I was so mad when I saw you do that love shot with that Minhyuk—”

“Minhyun.” I corrected him.

“Whatever.” Seungwoo rolled his eyes. “And then while I was on my way to you when I got down from the stage after doing the ‘Havana’ performance, you were dancing with your friends to ‘Señorita’ like some girl possessed by Aphrodite. I saw that friend of Baekhyun Hyung suddenly eyeing you and you returned his gaze. My jealousy clouded my logic and when you asked me why I was doing those things, I wasn’t able to answer you properly. I was so confused. You asked me if I was jealous. You hit the mark like how you hit all those 10s in archery. I was filled with so much jealousy, yet I answered with ‘I don’t know’.”

He was jealous. Mt ears weren’t deceiving me! What am I supposed to do with this information?! My heart started picking up again. Way faster than before.

“When you pushed me away, my jealousy suddenly turned to anger. My anger towards my indecision got directed at Kai, who was suddenly in my line of sight. I punched the bastard. Just remembering how he looked at you made my blood boil. Then that other guy, Minhyuk tried to stop me but I just punched him as well. I remembered how he did that love shot with you and how he always gave you that look whenever you were in his radar. He fought back and that’s how I got this on my cheek. Our friends suddenly came to stop us.”

He punched the two guys I interacted with last night because he was jealous.

Han Seungwoo was freaking JEALOUS!

“His words still ring in my mind ‘til now. ‘You’re stupid for lying to yourself’. Those were his exact words.”

So maybe that was why everyone called him stupid last night.

“And I couldn’t ask him what he was talking about because you suddenly came back. Then we got back to the apartment. You smelled so nice last night, I couldn’t help myself. I was just supposed to tease you while you were opening the door but–”

“YAH!” I frowned at him and I couldn’t help but pout. I remembered how he nuzzled my neck by his door. Ugh!

Seungwoo’s lips suddenly swooped down on mine and gave me a chaste kiss again.

I immediately covered my lips with my hands and frowned at him. He pinched my cheeks as he smiled cheekily.


“Yah!” It sounded so muffled because I was still covering my lips as I said it.

“As I was saying, before you pouted and tempted me.” I was about to argue that I didn’t tempt him in any way, but it would be too hard to talk with my mouth covered so I just continued scowling at him.

Seungwoo had the gall to chuckle with my dilemma. Ugh!

I hate that he’s enjoying my embarrassment.

“Sorry. You just look cute when I’m teasing you.” He removed my hands from my lips. “I promise you I won’t kiss you again. Not unless you ask me to.”

I nodded. Prodding him to continue with his explanation as to why the things that happened last night happened. My heart was beating so fast and he’s currently holding my wrists. I’m sure he can feel how fast my heartbeat was right now.

Seungwoo suddenly looked somber.

“I’m sorry but I can’t forget about what happened last night. We can’t go back to being just best friends after this. Not when I’m always feeling territorial with you like I’m some alpha male. Not when we’ve kissed like that last night.”

I blushed again after remembering what happened last night. I tried to look away, to hide my embarrassment, but Seungwoo held my face in place.

“There’s no need to get shy with what happened last night.” He smiled at me. That Snoopy smile of his moving to its place. “And I just want to clarify why I apologized. I’m sorry that I kissed you out of my stupid jealousy. I’m sorry that I kissed you under those circumstances. But I never regret kissing you because I like you.”

My heart must’ve faltered because I think I stopped breathing. I blinked a couple of times. Digesting what he just said.

I never regret kissing you because I like you.

“Hey, you okay?” Seungwoo asked, slightly shaking me.

I still can’t believe my ears.


“I like you, Park Yoonhye.” He answered my unspoken question, then he kissed my forehead.

“I thought you said you won’t kiss me unless I asked you to?” I whined. Because I was about to absorb everything he said when he suddenly kissed my forehead. Now my mind is a mess again.

Seungwoo hugged me and buried his face on my neck. He took a deep breath and shuddered when he released it.

“I’m scared of losing you, if that’s what you’re thinking.” He said, still remaining in that position.

Actually, I was still in the part where you kissed me in the forehead and told me you liked me.

Seungwoo suddenly chuckled.

I frowned because he was so weird. He was so serious one moment then he chuckled the next.

“I think the pain meds are starting to work. You just said those words out loud.”

Seungwoo released me and moved the covers. He helped me lie down, placed the water bag on my abdomen and tucked me under the covers.

“Let’s continue this tomorrow.” Then he looked like he suddenly remembered something. “Maybe the day after tomorrow.”

He probably said something else, but the medicine must’ve really started working because I couldn’t keep track of what he was saying.

“Goodnight.” Seungwoo laid down beside me, but on top of the covers.

I turned to my side and snuggled close to him. I used his arm as my pillow, sighed comfortably and finally gave in to sleep.

“Night.” I mumbled and I vaguely remember Seungwoo kissing my forehead, but I wasn’t so sure it really happened.


To be continued…