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Drop The F Bomb

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Ardyn called Prompto over to the dinner table so he would sit down and have his lunch.

As always, Prompto did not kick up a fuss. He didn’t whine and say he wanted to play with Cerbie or his toys for longer. With a smile, he wandered over to the table and sat at the place where Ardyn had placed his meal. Today he was having tomato soup and bread, and as par usual Ardyn had cut the crusts off and cut the bread into triangles for his little sunbeam. Prompto said a merry thank you to his dada, who was sitting at the table with him and began to eat his lunch with Cerbie who was sitting at a reasonable distance away from Prompto, definitely not begging for any food. (Just waiting for any crumbs that happen to fall on to the floor) Ardyn shook his head at his beloved dog and when Prompto wasn’t looking, Ardyn fed all three of Cerbie’s hungry mouths a slice of bread each. Both Cor and Ardyn had told Prom that he wasn’t to give Cerbie his food because the daemon dog had his own. But… if Ardyn did it in secret it didn’t really matter. Just as long as Prompto didn’t see him do it and think it acceptable for him to do the same. And when Cor finds out that Ardyn has been feeding Cerbie like this, he was going to be in a heap of trouble.

Ardyn missed doing this. Simply, sitting and chatting with his son at lunch time, whilst entertaining himself with a challenging word puzzle. Because Prom was now in school, it meant he only got to do this on the weekends and try not to feel sad that Cor was working. His husband was working none stop again and only ever had the few weekends off. Unfortunately, this weekend was not one of them. Ardyn tried not to think too much about that, as he knew he would only end up making himself upse…    

“Fuck!”

Ardyn’s eyes widened upon hearing the word that had just come out of his son’s mouth. The immortal daemon snapped his head around to look at Prompto, who now had the remainder of his lunch all over his top and the bowl was currently on one of Cerbie’s heads.  

“I beg your pardon, young man!?” Ardyn said in shock.

“…fuck?” Prompto questioned innocently, clearly not understanding what he was saying was wrong.

“Prompto Leonis do not ever say that word again!” Ardyn demanded, taking the bowl off Cerbie’s head and getting a clean top out of his armiger for Prompto to wear. There was not a lot that shocked Ardyn anymore but hearing his darling little sunbeam of a child saying that word right in front of him worried and shocked him. His child was only 6 years old, he should not be saying anything like that!  

Prom removed his dirty one top and put the clean one on while asking: “Why?”

“Why?! Because it is a naughty word to say and it is rude!”

“But how? What does it mean?”

“I am not telling you that!” Ardyn practically shrieked his words out.

This was not happening to him today! And Cor wasn’t even here to help him either!

Ardyn had already agreed with himself to leave that side of things for Cor to deal with. And Prompto was far, far, far too young to be saying that word, and to be hearing such a vulgar word. Therefore, he was certainly far, far, far, far too young to know the meaning behind it. Now, Ardyn regretted making fun of Somnus whenever he freaked out after hearing one of his many grandchildren come out with something just as shocking. Because when it wasn’t your own child it was funny to hear them swear and watch their guardians get all flustered and embarrassed but when it was your own it felt like the ground was going to swallow you whole.

Cerberus was not helping things, as one of the dog’s head’s was laughing at Ardyn’s discomfort and the other two were fighting over who got to eat the soup that had fallen on them.  

“But… I don’t understand why it is rude. And I won’t unless you tell me.” Prompto said, a little unsure as to why his dada was behaving so scatty.

Okay, Ardyn calm down… You can do this… You can do this…

Ardyn cleared his throat and turned all the way around so that he was properly facing his son. “Sunbeam, there are certain things that people, like yourself, are too young to understand. The meaning behind that word is one of them. So, therefore, you should not say it.”

“Oh… okay.” Prompto nodded, seemingly satisfied by that explanation.

Phew. Ardyn thought to himself. That wasn’t too hard to explain after all…

“Does that mean I shouldn’t use the word ‘shit’ either?”

“Yes! You should not say that word either!”

“And that means that I can’t say words like: ‘ass’ or ‘diplomatic’ or ‘coc-”

“Okay that’s enough!” Ardyn said in an alarmed tone, quickly placing his hands in front of him to get Prompto to stop talking.

Ardyn honestly thought he was about to have a mini heart attack with all these vulgar and inappropriate words his son was using. How in the name of Bahamut’s hopeful and much needed death did his son learn all of that? Well, they did send him to a public school but even Ardyn knew that at Prom’s age the F bomb would not be thrown around so carelessly. Because if Prom had picked it up from there and said it, Ardyn would have got a call from the school for his son’s use of inappropriate language. Wait a second! If Prompto had been using it, he may have said it to Noctis…

Ardyn was going to be in so much trouble with Regis if his youngest nephew started saying that!

 Prompto remained silent while Ardyn took a moment to dramatically think about the words his son had just used, to see where he could have possibly picked them up from. Somnus was his first choice but the Founder King was good at holding his colourful tongue around the boys. But where else would Prom hear the word diplomatic from?

That wasn’t a rude word. A heart-stopping one for whoever had found themselves in the career of politics but not a rude one.

Ardyn took a deep breath in and spoke to his very confused son again. “You can say diplomatic.”

“But I don’t know what it means.” Prompto replied, being even more confused than before. Why did grown-ups always say one thing and mean another?

Prompto was too smart for his own good sometimes. Ardyn rolled his eyes and explained. “It means to deal with issues in a calm and delicate way.”

“Oh.”

“Prompto that is not important. I need to know where you heard all of the other words from?”

“Why?” Prom asked sheepishly looking away from Ardyn.

“Because whoever said it, should not be saying it around you”

“Are you going to tell them off?”

“Yes.” Ardyn said without hesitation.

Whoever this person was, who thought they could say things like that in front of his child was getting the scariest, aggressive, most patronizing lecture of their entire life. Ardyn hadn’t decided if he was going to use the scourge to his advantage yet. Because seeing him turn would scare the individual so much that they would never want to say a swear word ever again.

Prompto remained silent and it forced Ardyn to let out a breath of frustration. 

“Prompto Leonis. Tell me who said it.”

Prom gulped and kept his eyes to the ground “…daddy.”

“Why am I surprised?” Ardyn rolled his eyes slumping back into his chair.

Of course, it was Cor.

Ardyn knew he should have invested in a swear jar after they had adopted Prom.


 

When Cor found out he burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

Cor had already had a very good day. First off, he was late into work and Clarus and Regis didn’t care. Than Somnus fell down the stairs and Cor got to see it. Then he got a complaint from a member of the glaive about the guards, but Drautos told the glaive to ‘shut the fuck up and stop being a pansy’. Again, Cor had the pleasure of witnessing that. And then Clarus dropped one of Regis’s collectible cookie jars and Cor got to witness Regis shout at Clarus for a good half an hour, while he and Clarus laughed at the enraged King. When Cor came home Prompto gave him a hug, Ardyn cooked them lamb for dinner and for once Cor got to help Prompto with his homework, which was a nice change. And now he had just been told that Prompto had spoken like a sailor and he had no idea what the hell he was saying.

This was one of the best days ever.

“This is not funny.” Ardyn said, clearly annoyed at Cor’s reaction.   

“No. You’re right.” Cor bit his lip trying not to laugh. “Do you know where he heard it from?”

“Yes. You.”

“Me? I don’t swear in front of him.” Cor said confused as to how Ardyn had come to that conclusion. Cor didn’t have the cleanest mouth in all of Eos but at least he buttoned it around Prom.

“Well, he has come out with words such as: ‘fuck’, ‘shit’, ‘ass’, and I believe he was about to say ‘cock’.  And he said that he heard it from you, and all those words are a part of your daily vocabulary Cor.”

Ardyn sounded pissed and he had called him Cor instead of ‘my darling’, ‘my dear’ or ‘My Marshal’ meaning that the Marshal was definitely in trouble. Cor didn’t like it when Ardyn told him off, especially when he hadn’t done anything wrong.

Cor defended his innocence. “Huh? I have never said any of those words in front of hi-…Okay, I said ‘shit’ in front of him once, but that was when you went to Niflheim with the intention of skinning someone alive. Other than that, I have never accidentally or actively sworn in front of him.”

Ardyn continued to give his husband a stern look and Cor thought for a second that Ardyn wasn’t going to believe him. But instead of getting shouted at, Ardyn’s face saddened. Okay… Cor was even more confused now.

“Ardyn what’s wrong?” Cor asked, trying not to sound too worried.  

Ardyn sniffed and looked up at Cor looking like a kicked dog. “Our Sunbeam lied to me.”

“Get over it, its about time he lied.” Cor fought the urge to groan at Ardyn’s sensitivity.

“But to me!”

“Noctis lies to you too.”

“He does!” Ardyn exclaimed looking more heartbroken.

“Six above… Yes. Children do that. When I was a kid I lied to my parents. And why are you upset? You lie all the time.” Cor said now getting annoyed. Ardyn was being a hypocrite. This was nothing new. Ardyn had been alive long enough to know that all children had the ability to be devious little liars. He really should not be shocked by this, even if it was Prom who told the lie.  

“But not to the people I care about.” Ardyn raised his voice, now defending himself.

Was he for real?

Cor cocked his head to the side, rubbing the back of his neck, before speaking to Ardyn like a child. “Ardyn… you lied to Regis yesterday. Remember? About what happened to his crown.”

“That wasn’t a lie I was merely stretching the truth. And Somnus told on me, so it wasn’t really a lie.”

“Than Prom must have stretched the truth. Let’s just go and talk to him.”


 

When the pair went into their son’s room, Cerberus jumped up on the bed and proceeded to lick Cor’s face as he was happy to see him again, even if it had only been 20 minutes, and Cor did not appreciate the kisses he was receiving from the daemon dog.

“Cerberus get down.” Cor commanded using the daemon’s full name to try and strike a little fear into its heart.

“It’s okay daddy, I don’t mind him on my bed.” Prompto laughed as he watched Cerbie slobbering all over Cor’s face. The dog did not take any mind to the warning he had just received.

“I’m not on about the bed. No! Do not lick my face.”

Cor grumbled, taking a step away from the bed so that Cerberus couldn’t attack him with affection anymore. The action made Cerbie sad. The daemon dog bowed all three of its heads and laid down on Prom’s bed moping as he had just been told off. Cor relaxed and wiped the slobber off his face finally being free from the dog’s attention.   

Ardyn placed his hand on his heart at how sad his baby dog looked and went to pet Cerbie and gave him as much fuss as he could. “Poor Cerbie! Is daddy picking on you?! Is he? Yes, he is, cause daddy can be so mean sometimes, can’t he? Yes, he can.”

“Give Cerbie a hug to say sorry.” Prompto ordered, wrapping his arms around one of the dog’s necks to further comfort him.

“Say sorry, My Marshal.”

Cor was getting evil looks from his son and husband, as well as puppy dog eyes from his forcefully adopted dog. This wasn’t the reason why Ardyn and Cor had come to Prom’s room. Or maybe this whole thing was a farce to get Cor to bond with the daemon dog. He would not put that passed Ardyn at all.

Reluctantly Cor stroked one of Cerberus’s heads. “Sorry dog.”

Cerbie barked happily and only licked Cor’s hand to tell him he was forgiven. From there the dog started to lap up all the sympathy Prompto was giving him and wagged his tail as Ardyn continued to stroke him. He was such a happy little daemon doggy.  

“Now, that’s out of the way. Prom, you know we talked about not saying those rude words earlier?” Ardyn smiled, making sure he was still giving Cerbie attention.

“Yeah.”

“Where did you hear them from again?”

“Daddy.” Prompto said pointing at Cor.

Cor shook his head at Prom’s bad habit that he knew he had picked up from Somnus (He wasn’t going to tell Ardyn that) and gently lowered his son’s hand. “Mate, I have never said those words around you.”

“Not around me, but I have heard you say them.”

Right…

Now both Cor and Ardyn were confused. Cor always made sure that Prompto was either in bed or asleep before he relaxed and removed the filter on his language that he forces himself to use. There would be no way that Prom would have ever heard Cor use the F Word.

“How exactly?” Ardyn asked curiously, not really sure were Prom was going with this.  

“A couple of nights ago. I woke up to go to the toilet and you were shouting them at dada.”

“Shouting them?” Cor repeating the words wondering why he had been doing that.  

Why was he shouting at Ardyn a couple of nights ago- oh fuck!

At the same time both Cor and Ardyn realised what night their son was referring too. The Marshal turned a light shade of pink and diverted his eyes from his son as quick as he could. Whereas Ardyn started to laugh his head off. He had to cover his mouth because he was laughing so loudly, and he could hardly breathe at the sudden realisation as to what his son had actually heard.  

Prompto had no idea why his dada was laughing or why his daddy looked as though he had just been told off. “And you said the words faster and har…”

“Right, that’s enough!” Ardyn raised his voice over his son’s words and put a finger to his own lips to make sure Prom knew to be quiet. This was just… brilliantly funny! Ardyn turned to Cor, who was looking anywhere but him and Prompto, and it just made the atmosphere so much more enjoyable for the immortal royal. “Okay, how about we never talk about this again and you, young man, are not to say any of the words that you heard daddy say.”

“Yes, dada.” Prompto nodded and looked at Cor with concern. “Daddy, are you okay?

“Yep. I am going to get myself a drink.” Cor said, turning around quickly and left Prom’s room to get himself a big glass of whatever alcohol they had left in the house. Cor did not care if he had to drink Ardyn’s wine. He needed a drink this second.  

“Did I say something wrong?” Prompto asked with all the innocence this world had to offer.

“No.” Ardyn sniggered. This was going to be such a funny story to tell Prompto when he was older and was able to understand what they were talking about. Ardyn smiled and gestured to Prom’s TV. “Let’s not mention this again though. I will go downstairs and get us a hot chocolate, while you set up one of your games for us to have a go on.”

“Yeah, sure! Cerbie help me pick a game.” Prom cheered jumping off the bed to sort through his games with Cerbie following close behind him.

“Don’t let him chew up any of your games.”

Ardyn left Prom’s room and could not stop laughing to himself as he went downstairs to find Cor. This was so funny that Ardyn could not find the words to express his amusement. Ardyn poked his head around the opened kitchen door to find Cor drinking out of a very large glass of his red wine. Cor was still a little flustered the poor dear.

“My Marshal? Are you alright?” Ardyn teased as he walked into the kitchen so he could make a start on his and Prom’s drinks.

“Fantastic.” Cor coughed after he had down the glass of wine. He never liked wine but by the Gods, that was what he needed right now.

“This is funny.”

“No, it’s not. He heard us having sex!” Cor said harshly trying to keep his voice down.

Cor was certain Prompto was asleep that night. Cor even went to check on Prom before he got into bed. The Marshal hadn’t felt so embarrassed in such a long time and Ardyn’s sniggers were not helping him. He could only imagine how much teasing he would get from Clarus if he found out, not to mention what Regis would say.

“It’s a little bit funny.” Ardyn continued to snort as he put the mixtures into the mugs.

“No, it isn’t! It’s embarrassing!”

“You do know what this means right?”

“Yes, it means he is going to need more therapy.”

Ardyn stopped what he was doing and placed his hands on his very flustered and uncomfortable husband waist. Cor was so cute when he got like this. Ardyn pulled Cor closer to him and smirked in delight. “No… it just means we have to be quieter. Well, you have to learn to be quieter anyhow.”

“ARDYN!”