Tahani Al-Jamil, Sister of Kamilah Al-Jamil, Found Dead in Canadian Bar Under Mysterious Circumstances
by Sike Mchur
Tahani Al-Jamil, the wealthy socialite philanthropist best known for being Kamilah's sister, was reported deceased by Canadian authorities early yesterday morning. Her body, along with those of three others, was discovered by one of the proprietors of The Puking Moose Saloon, a bar located in rural Canada, when he arrived that morning to open up. The bar itself was reportedly destroyed, suggesting some kind of fight or attack took place, although sources indicate there were no clear signs that the deceased parties were involved in a physical altercation. While the cause of death for the four victims has yet to be determined, it can only be concluded that the circumstances surrounding the event smell suspiciously of foul play.
The other three victims have just been identified as Chidi Anagonye, a Senegalese-born philosophy professor recently fired from his teaching position at St. John's University in Australia; Eleanor Shellstrop of Arizona, U.S.A., who left her environmentalist job over a year ago to travel and supposedly never returned; and Jason Mendoza, a Florida man. No definitive connection between Al-Jamil and the other victims has been found at this time, although some sources suggest they may all have been in Australia around the same period, prior to the rapid engagement and break-up of Al-Jamil and lesser-known Hemsworth brother Larry.
Tahani Al-Jamil dropped out of the public eye about a year ago, following the release of her book Get Out of the Spotlight. Many speculate that the shame of her encounter with her sister at Kamilah's Hall of Fame event in Cleveland, Ohio a year before this drove her into seclusion as she finally came to terms with her inadequacy in the shadow of Kamilah's stardom. Of course, now we may never know the truth about this darker side of the Al-Jamil family, except that it clearly sent the eldest sister spiraling into an untimely demise. Kamilah was not available for comment, but was photographed last night at a promotional event in Los Angeles celebrating the release of her latest single 'Ovoid', the follow-up to her recent art exhibition in Budapest. It is reported that she recited a set of impromptu poems in partial honor of her sister during this event. The Poetry Society of America has already begun preparations for an award ceremony.
The Puking Moose proprietor, Cim Jarrey, is also reporting that his co-owner Gyan Rosling has been missing since the day of the presumed murders, although no body has turned up on or around the premises. Could Rosling be another victim of this mysterious attack, or is he perhaps the one responsible? Remain alert for more details on this case as they develop.
"Yikes." John Wheaton swiped out of the news app and clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "She died in rural Canada? How embarrassing."