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Untitled Epilogue Fic

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EB: hey guys.
EB: i have something to tell.
EB: my name is john egbert.
EB: or at least it was john egbert.
EB: now its johnnifer.
EB: and this is my story.

You stare at your phone and eagerly wait for an answer.

TG: wtf june
TG: couldnt you wait until morning to make this joke
TG: 3 am?
TG: seriously?
TG: its not even original
TG: you just got it from that vine
TG: what are you even doing up at 3am
EB: im at a party with jade!
EB: she is too busy raving to say hi.
EB: i got a little overwhelmed and needed some phone time.
TG: ugh
TG: you know im glad you are getting out of the house and all
TG: im very glad you arent depressed
TG: but i miss when i wouldnt get messages at 3am
TG: your jokes seriously got worse after transitioning
EB: dave that isn’t nice!
EB: i’m still working out on my trans jokes game.
EB: and this is my story! you can say that.
TT: Yeah dave it’s her story.
EB: jade shouted that its june’s story.
EB: thank you jade.
TG: fucking fuck
EB: what are you even doing up at 3am
TG: im the knight of time
TG: im always up
EB: im gonna give you another chance to give a better lie. then you tell me the truth
TG: epic taco adventures
EB: 3 am tacos?
TG: dark lunch
TG: trolls are always up at this hour
TG: for them its just regular lunch
EB: ok so what is the truth
TG: i was asleep doing some epic cuddles with my bf
TG: and i got this group dms on notes
TG: because i love you guys a lot
TG: and i love chatting with you
EB: awwwn.
TT: Dave, that is very sweet.
TT: And borderline out of character.
TG: kk and i are seeing a therapist
TT: That is not me?
TT: I’m heart broken.
TG: rose you know you arent a licensed professional
TT: But I’m a Gxd.
TT: Isn’t that enough.
TG: not for this
TG: we all go to therapy, dont act like this is news
TT: Yes, I’m aware.
TT: I was just, like the kids say.
TT: Doing some epics vibe checks.
TT: Getting the stonks up.
TG: rose stop roleplaying a boomer
TG: i know its hard to keep up with times but you arent so old
TG: roxy thinks its really easy to play troll fortinite and get the hang of things
TT: Yes, but I’m not my sibling.
TT: Anyway June, are you having fun at the party?
EB: yeah!
EB: ever since i moved in with jade we have been having great nights all the time.
EB: did you know you can just cook your own breakfast?
EB: like, you don’t have to go out and order brunch?
EB: yeah, it’s so wild.
EB: one time i woke up at 6 am and i felt like i was in another dimension.
EB: like everything was so peaceful.
EB: haha i love how the birds just start screaming when the sun rises.
EB: oh rose! you’re a light player.
EB: do birds start screaming when they see you?
TT: Of course they do.
TT: I am but a Disney princess with avian fauna as my marching band.
TG: wow that sucks for your goth aesthetic
TT: It doesn’t has to.
TT: What if they are all crows and ravens.
TT: And before you ask.
TT: Yes, davepeta is there too.
TT: They are on the front row of my black-feathered army, rapping and doing fancy arm movement so the other winged-beasts know what’s up.
TT: And what’s up.
TT: Is this bih.
EB: wow.
EB: now *that* is epic rose.
EB: i wish i could be as epic as you.
TT: Keep on that estrogen and you might.
TT: Dave, unfortunately as the last one of us without such hormone will be placed as the lamest of us.
TG: im not the lamest???
TG: im literally the coolest beta kid
TG: now *you* are being out of character
TT: Is that so.
TT: Then explain to me why are you at home while June and Jade are in a party.
EB: she got you!
TG: ugh
TG: and what are you even doing?
TT: Oh.
TT: Haha, I’m sorry.
TT: The rating of this fanfic doesn't allow for me to explain in details.
TT: Maybe in a related work.
TG: stop being so meta you are scaring all the readers away
TG: next thing i know someone is asking if rose is her ultimate self
TG: “is she gonna be evil?”
TG: “what about dirk!”
TG: ugh what do you wanna know about dirk, we 4 are here
TG: arent we enough!
TG: i miss when i was the tumblr fave
TG: but now everyone is too busy talking about ult dirk this, ult dirk that
TG: well, what about ultimate fedora freak!
TG: why dont you go stan him too
GG: dave!
GG: shut up! :/
EB: oh hey jade!
GG: i was in the bathroom and my phone literally wouldnt stop buzzing
TG: sup jade
TT: Hello Jade.
GG: hey guys!
GG: anyway
GG: shut the fuck up!
GG: if i see another snarky meta remark im gonna kill you!
GG: or just get really sad
GG: probably the latter
GG: anyway
GG: stop pretending you are so smart because you are so meta and detached
GG: first you were all ironic
GG: and now youre all meta?
GG: just enjoy being yourself and stop being so self conscious
TG: ugh sorry
TG: rose?
GG: she wont answer
GG: i told kanaya to keep her busy
GG: i told the same to karkat but he is still rambling :c
GG: how do you deal with that everyday dave
GG: you ask what he wants for dinner and he rambles for 2 hours!!
GG: june, get back on the dance floor, dave go to sleep
TG: wait did you
TG: did you told kanaya to
TG: is kanaya
GG: yes!
GG: now go the fuck to sleep!
GG: or join us here, idk, you do you
TG: wait, what
TG: rose?
TG: june?
TG: jade?
TG: fuck everyone left
TG: c’mon here karkat lets do some epic cuddles

June: Be hangover.


Why is the sunlight so loud.

Jade told you blackout blinds were for depressed nerds and you are not depressed nerds so you will not have em!

Ugh you wish you were a depressed nerd now. Being a normie is hard.

Ok time to slither out of bed. Oh look, past June left a water bottle for you.

How kind of her.

She didn’t left any chocolate so you are disappointed at her, she really should up her thinking-ahead-of-time-and-leaving-stuff-for-future-you-while-drunk-as-fuck game.

You chug the water down your throat. Great you lost your voice after singing all night.

You can't help it, singing Caramelldansen at the top of your lungs takes the best of you.

Jade is on the couch, not much better than you.

JUNE: morning.
JADE: ughhhhhasdsadsdsa.

She is too hangover to speak, guess you are doing the breakfast ordering.

You look to your surroundings while the phone rings. It’s a small apartment you share with your sister, neither of you wanted a big space. The place is too small to ever feel lonely.

The walls are covered with posters and doodles. You two wanted to make the place personal, neither of you are that great of artists, but these are your favorite drawings ever.

You remember when you invited all your friends over to draw on the walls. Rose was so shy to draw, even if she is the best artist of your group. Dave and Karkat started drawing some really ironic stuff until they felt bad because of how honest and genuine you wanted this place to be.

It was heartbreaking when you painted it over, but you wanted a clean canvas to start over.

You did it a few times by this point.

It’s some sort of monthly ritual.

This is home, you are your sister sharing a 50 square meter apartment where every inch of it is full of you. It’s not much, but it’s honest work.

Neither of you are in the mood for experimenting anything new, so you order iced coffee and donuts. You eat them and take your hormones and meds while the radio is set to a troll station. You don’t understand most of the jokes, but you enjoy to listen nonetheless.

After the light stop being so loud you check your phone. Dave rambled for a few hours still after you all left the the Beta Chads group chat. Rose posts a picture of Kanaya in bed with the caption “She is baby. Call nine hundred, eleven.” Which reminds you how many photos you have to upload.

You check all the photos you took and barely any of them looks any good. You shrug and post them anyway, unedited.

JADE: oh you should post that one!
JADE: the one where you were super wasted
JADE: and were trying floss but you failed super hard
JUNE: what? no!
JUNE: that one is so bad!
JUNE: i look terrible!
JADE: but its funny!
JADE: everyone will love it
JADE: i promise you no will think youre ugly or anything
JUNE: ugh! ok.
JUNE: im doing it.
JUNE: but just because my therapist told me that that's important.
JADE: i also think your therapist told its important to let your dear sister have the rest of your last donut! c:
JUNE: not sure about that, but here.
JUNE: so what are your plans for today?
JADE: eh
JADE: was thinking of working a little
JUNE: i wanted to hang out with the others.
JUNE: i wonder what they are all up to.
JUNE: i wonder what dirk is up to...
JADE: june im not gonna allow you to check on your ex
JADE: that is strictly forbidden
JUNE: but i miss him!
JUNE: he has been ghosting me super hard after he broke up with me via email.
JUNE: he said it was more formal than discord.
JUNE: and then he started ghosting me ever harder after i came out as trans!
JUNE: i just.
JUNE: i get frustrated you know?
JUNE: i kinda miss him and i really wish things would stop being so weird between us two.
JUNE: i still don’t even know what he thinks about my transition.
JUNE: it’s silly, i know.
JUNE: i know he would support me.
JUNE: he is just way too socially awkward to talk to me.
JUNE: at least dave and karkat are good exes!
JUNE: they even give you breakup anniversary gifts!
JUNE: i’m so jealous of you.
JADE: june
JADE: look
JADE: i know what you need
JADE: and its not to have your heart broken by dirk again
JADE: you need a girls night out
JUNE: didn’t we just had one?
JUNE: also it’s not even noon.
JADE: time is fake june
JADE: im gonna call the whole gang
JADE: you get ready to have the best night of your life
JUNE: haha.
JUNE: thank you jade.
JUNE: every night is the best night of my life ever since we moved in together.
JUNE: im so glad to spend time with you.
JUNE: and to be your sister.
JADE: i love being cool hot single sisters with you too june
JUNE: sis hug?
JADE: sis hug

we enjoy this moment. jade gives the best hugs, her light fur always feels so good on my face, but…


JUNE: bleh.
JADE: blah!
JUNE: go take a bath, stinky! JADE: go take a bath stinky!

Chapter Text

JADE: im not ok
JADE: june im hyperventilenting
JADE: im not feeling good at all :c
JUNE: c’mon.
JUNE: fuck this is so bad.
JUNE: but i promise it’s gonna end well.
JUNE: we are gonna find roxy’s gender.
JUNE: whatever it is.

You two spend a moment hugging and catching your breath.

You look at Roxy and Calliope’s house. It used to be a nice place, a huge tv with a lot videogames (which were taken off the room for some reason before you got there.) doodles and paintings were hang on the wall. They didn’t drawed on the walls like you and jade did.

You realized you started dissociating to avoid the disaster at hand.

Roxy lost their gender and everyone has been looking for it. They said something about misusing the void powers and losing it somehow? You didn’t understand it very well, but soon everyone got desperate and the house turned into a mess after everyone turned it upside down looking for Roxy’s gender and-


Kanaya grabbed her chainsaw.

KANAYA: I Desire To Look For Roxys Lost Gender Behind This Wall
KANAYA: Naturally I Will Have To Cut It Down
ROXY: thank u kankan
ROXY: ur an angel by helping us on this
JANE: I thiiiiink this might be bad for the structure of house?
JANE: I was never killed by the collapse of a house before.
JANE: This might be fun. :B
KANAYA: The Price Must Be Paid
JANE: Wait.
JANE: You aren’t a god tier, are you Kanaya?
JANE: Won’t dying be bad for you?
KANAYA: The Price
KANAYA: Must Be Paid
(CALLIOPE: hey dear!)
(CALLIOPE: i think this joke has gone a little too far!)
(CALLIOPE: i don’t want to end Up homeless! u_u)
(ROXY: oh! fuck ok)

Roxy steals the lack of not having a unpowered chainsaw (double negatives renders Roxy’s powers near unlimited.)

ROXY: hehe thanks
ROXY: now that i got yalls attention i have an announcement to make!
ROXY: im so excited to come out!
JUNE: like are you leaving?
JUNE: should we leave too?
JUNE: feels weird to be in your house while you aren’t here.
ROXY: no silly!
ROXY: im coming out as nb!
KANAYA: Those Sure Are Letters
ROXY: it means non binary!
KANAYA: I Know What It Means
CALLIOPE: groUp hUg!

Everyone hugs, what else do you want?

Some time passes. The coming out was almost just cerimonial because Roxy had already updated their twitter with they/he pronouns and said said discomfort with feminine terms. It wasn’t really a surprise. But it was an enjoyable moment.

Except for how much of a mess the house looked.

Calliope was smart to take the manyK tv and all the video games away from there before hosting the girls night on their house.

JUNE: so are you still comfortable with being the host and creator of girl’s night out?
ROXY: yeah
ROXY: i can b like
ROXY: an honorary member?
ROXY: or sum
ROXY: i made this group after all
JUNE: haha yeah.

Things had settled down. Everyone was cleaning up the place and you two happened to be working on the same plant vase unceremoniously broken on the ground.

JUNE: so are you gonna stop the tiddle skiddles?
ROXY: hell no lol

You two high five.

ROXY: i just wanted try something else for a change
ROXY: i still hate t
ROXY: never going back to that
JUNE: mood.
ROXY: but u know
ROXY: gender is fake yadda yadda yadda
ROXY: not my fault other boys dont look as cute as me
ROXY: they should be the ones stepping up their game
ROXY: not me stepping mine down
ROXY: lol
JUNE: lol.
ROXY: anyway how urs transition going
ROXY: u lookin hella soft gurl
JUNE: oh you know.
JUNE: i’ve grown horns and wings and fangs and all the population of earth c calls me the scourge of the everything.
JUNE: oh! you meant the gender stuff.
JUNE: eh, not as exciting.
ROXY: mood
ROXY: i fucking wish i could transition into a badass monster
ROXY: too bad this is fic isnt about that
ROXY: maybe next time
JUNE: same.
JUNE: ugh someone write something more exciting than this already.
JUNE: soooooo tired of coming out and dealing with dysphoria in like.
JUNE: ten different fics at all times.
ROXY: being a popular trans headcanon is hard june
ROXY: its hard and nobody understands

You two laughs and smile. You enjoy life being simple as this.

JADE: less meta talk and more cleaning you two! >:B
ROXY: ok boss!
JUDE: oh! ok!

Kanaya walks in while pretending to not know what the right side of a broom is.

KANAYA: This Feels Redundant Since We Have All Been Trans For Quite Awhile But
KANAYA: Trans Rights
ROXY: awwn
ROXY: thanks naya
ROXY: so how does being troll trans works?
KANAYA: You Know
KANAYA: Ambiguous Canon And All
KANAYA: You Know All About That As A Void Player
KANAYA: But I Do Eat The Estrogen Like You Do
KANAYA: Most Important Meal Of The Night And All
ROXY: mood
JUNE: big mood.
KANAYA: Personally I Am A Big Fan Of Womanhood
KANAYA: Being One Of My Most Important Character Traits And All
KANAYA: But I Support Your Transition Into Twinkhood
ROXY: heh thanks
ROXY: i even got this binder set up??
ROXY: its void powered and real comfortable
ROXY: time to void the tiddies out
ROXY: or steal the lack of having no breasts
ROXY: damn double negatives sure make me strong
ROXY: i can even steal the lack of not having no breasts
ROXY: and get the tiddies out
JUNE: you can just steal the lack of tiddies.
ROXY: not as fun
ROXY: do u think i can break the void if i just start getting more and more negatives
ROXY: break reality and go oob
ROXY: is that how you travel canon june?
JUNE: not really.
JUNE: i head out.
JUNE: i just leave.
KANAYA: It Sounds Dreamy To Be Able To Just Leave Like That
JUNE: it’s useful.
JUNE: sometimes i don’t feel like waiting a month for the new issue of a comic i’m reading.
JUNE: and then i move to the next month to read next one.
JUNE: soon i binged a comic that will take years to finish.
JUNE: jane said that it’s actually illegal to release spoilers of something that hasn’t been made yet.
JUNE: it’s complicated to make a society where time travel exists.
JUNE: soooooooo many rules for time travellers.
ROXY: oh!
ROXY: yeah janey has been telling me about it
ROXY: she is trying to keep up with all the earth c laws they made while we were away
ROXY: turns out there are a lot of them!
ROXY: poor girl has been studying day and night
ROXY: 5k years sure made a whole ass society completely different from ours lol
JUNE: yeah. :/
JUNE: i didn’t expected being a god would be like this.
JUNE: i thought there would be more godly decrees and
JUNE: banishments?
ROXY: u want to banish some1?
JUNE: maybe?
JUNE: it looks fun.
JUNE: being all might and powerful and
JUNE: thou hast be banished from this realm!
KANAYA: Please Keep This Only An As Elaborate Joke June
JUNE: haha yeah, don’t worry.
JUNE: i’m more of a mascot than a god though.
JUNE: people think it’s cute for me to be trans
JUNE: and they do make a lot of class pect analyses on my twitter blog.
JUNE: and-
JUNE: i guess they-
JUNE: i guess when me and dirk used to date we have a fandom and stuff.

You look down.

What a great way to ruin a perfectly good conversation.

JUNE: you still talk to him right roxy?
JUNE: is he ok?
ROXY: oh geez
ROXY: yeah hes holding
ROXY: fairly fine?
ROXY: hes fine for dirk standards
ROXY: sorry hes ghosting u tho
JUNE: sigh.
JUNE: its ok.
JUNE: it makes me glad he is good though.
JUNE: sometimes i wonder if he just died.
JUNE: but i guess you guys would tell me he did?
JUNE: anyway.
JUNE: i guess i gotta be sad about it for awhile
JUNE: build up the angst you know?
KANAYA: Angst Is One Of The Pillars For A Interesting Relationship
KANAYA: Or Lack Of One
KANAYA: Anyway I Will Pretend To Clean Somewhere Else

You are quiet. You don’t have anything else to say and Roxy is still thinking of something.

You remember how Dirk got home and saw you painting your nails. He asked “What are you doing?”. You responded “is this a tricky question? im painting my nails dummy!”.

He pretended he had forgotten something on the car and slept on Jane’s.

Making things complicated was inevitable when were realizing you were a trans woman and were dating a exclusively mlm.

He never even gave you the chance to come out. It’s like he knew before you did and were so scared to talk about it he just never did.

Roxy pats your back.

ROXY: it ok gurl
ROXY: he told me had some Major reason to ghost June. You wouldn’t understand it. or sum
ROXY: and hell no i wouldnt understand it
ROXY: hes always having some internal monologue going on
ROXY: but after u come out?
ROXY: its like he spends 3 hours monologuing and walking on around making heavy arm motion and sometimes thinking too loud so i can hear it
ROXY: then he gets nervous and stares at me but soon retakes the monologue
ROXY: he go take a 3 hour long shower
ROXY: we even tried to turn down the hot water!
ROXY: he just sits there like hes some anime douche training under a waterfall
ROXY: we had to install a second bathroom
ROXY: he just has been living there
JUNE: do you think he is still there?
ROXY: june
ROXY: dont
ROXY: you know he already flash stepped away in some epic stealth mission
ROXY: when he heard yall coming he send some really cryptic messages about How I test his designs, how I give him impossible missions I know he will manage to beat.
ROXY: dude loves the thrill of finding his ex
ROXY: i just told him sure
ROXY: dont forget to set up the right playlist for that
ROXY: and he told me You know I always have the right playlist ready.
ROXY: and i asked
ROXY: do you have any without lemon demon on it
ROXY: he said No.
JUNE: haha.
JUNE: true he doesn’t.
JUNE: like.
JUNE: spirit phone was fine.
JUNE: but i really prefer their upcoming albums.
JUNE: the team up with left at london was really needed.
JUNE: and the crossover with brian david gilbert?
JUNE: fuck those were so good.
ROXY: dont even make me mention the whole album that was a duel to the with lil nas x
ROXY: until it was revealed in the end that the fae king hozier was the final boss and they teamed up to beat him
ROXY: sooooooo fucking good
ROXY: i love living in the future
ROXY: so much more content
JUNE: haha, yeah!
JUNE: fuck the past honestly.
JUNE: i would be sad to live in a au where these are just hypothetical concepts
ROXY: fdasdasd
ROXY: yeah!
ROXY: lets laugh at any hypothetical people that dont have that
JUNE: let’s point at them too!

Unless they live in the best possible timeline, you laugh and point at all the people that don’t have all these great things.

ROXY: hey everyone!
ROXY: come laugh with us!
JUNE: don’t forget to point too!

And so everyone stops cleaning up and join you. They point and they laugh. some try to cover their eyes in shame from the idea of living in such a dreadful universe. Rose does the dignity laugh. Jade stomps her fists in the table from funny it is. Jane… She does the dignity laugh too, fuck it. I’m running out of ideas so that’s it.

You only finish to clean the house after midnight. You are sweaty and tired, but this was a good day. Most days are good days for you and this one isn’t particularly good. But it was important nonetheless.

You kick rocks as you walk home with Jade. You could fly? Yes. But it wouldn't be the same thing.

JADE: i told you needed a girls night out
JUNE: yeah i guess.
JUNE: you sure you don’t wanna grab the tube?
JUNE: it’s weirdly exciting.
JADE: not today
JADE: giant tubes that envelop the city that carries the citizens around and makes for easy transport is fine
JADE: but im still not used to them
JADE: funny how these tubes are so important to earth c but people barely even mentions them
JUNE: i guess it’s a j k rowling thing.
JUNE: where it’s there, but it’s not important to the narrative?
JUNE: fucked up how they are present in every single epilogue fic, but they are never mentioned.
JADE: mood

As you walk away in the coolest way you can because you know this is the end of the fic you think about today. You really treasure these moments of just having silly fun with your friends. You also think about how the economy allows for you to not need to have a job, so that’s convenient!

You sure are thankful for the pseudo utopian economy that Earth C has.

JADE: and the tubes.

And the tubes.

Chapter Text

==> Dirk: Stop ghosting me!! >:B

In the end he didn’t choose your command. Bummer.

Ever since Homestuck² dropped on the alternative canon comic stores everyone has been crazy over it. The art is amazing and the writing is rather good, even though you must admit you didn’t paid much attention to the walls of text and skipped to the Terezi and Rose dialogue.

The Beta Chads Group Chat.

TT: Thank you, Thank you.
TT: I know my performance as a divorced robot was amazing in that canon.
TT: I must say it wasn’t my preferred role, but it was interesting to explore such… er.
TT: Interpretation of my character.
TT: Everyone is always crazy for some more Rosemary angst.
TT: Well they are together and that’s really cool! Why don’t we put them apart and make them get together again!
TT: We are indeed one of the pillars of paradox space.
TG: you didnt even actually showed up
TG: like we didnt even saw your new sprite or whatever
TG: not sure why people draw you with robot tiddies
TG: just say youre horny and move on
TG: why would a gay dude make a robot with tiddies
TT: Cranky because you didn’t got any screen time aren’t you?
TT: Who cares about the reasoning around robot tiddies Dave!
TT: I had them when I was human and still want to have them!
TT: Well if I was a robot i would definitely want some sexy robot tiddies.
TT: I just asked my wife and she confirms robot tiddies are great.
EB: wow this sure is a conversation!
EB: anyway i can’t wait for my regular ones to properly grow. :B
TT: Oh-
TT: Hello June.
TG: sup girl
TT: We didn’t expect you so soon.
TT: We thought you would still be asleep.
EB: rose you know i wake up at 9 a m now.
EB: i don't take depression naps till 4 p m like i used to.
EB: what’s all this fuss about?
TT: Oh well it’s just…
TG: oh you know…
GG: they are scared you are sad about dirk
GG: and they care about your feelings so they dont wanna talk about it
GG: shrug
GG: me and june already talked about this
EB: yeah!
EB: i’m done being the sad girl who is sad about her ex ghosting her andi’m tired of mourning and bed and almost dying of being sad.
EB: you know that used to be a very serious cause of death for women in the year of old!
EB: imagine dying from being mildly sad.
TT: I’m well familiar with those novels June.
TT: And I have roleplayed that scenario enough times with my wife already.
TG: tmi but ok
TG: anyway im glad youre not sad over it
TG: we were worried this new canon stuff would make you emotional
TG: plus the hormones and everything
EB: i’m fine dave. :B
EB: but i appreciate your concern!
GG: anyway!
GG: whats the scoop?
TG: besides that not much
TG: vriska route was great though
TG: or should i say gr8
TT: We stan Vriska.
GG: we really do
EB: g-d do we stan Vriska.
TG: we fucking stan
TG: oh also i just got news
TG: jake is missing
TT: I don’t know. I don’t think we stan Jake enough.
TG: no no
TG: the dude is literally missing
TG: in like
TG: this canon
TT: Oh.
TT: That sounds bad.
TT: I still don’t stan him though.
GG: ugh rose!
GG: shut up about stanning!
GG: we gotta do something to find him!!!
TG: yeah rose he is kinda of our friend
TT: More like a aquietance, but yes.
GG: hes like my grandpa! >:O
TT: But is he your friend though?
GG: … :/
GG: not really
GG: i spend most of my time with you guys
GG: not a fan of jake
GG: the way he speaks is really irritating.
EB: you know i kinda agree?
EB: it’s really irritating and i dislike spending time with him.
TG: june
TG: guy is missing
TG: he could have been kidnapped for all we know
TG: can you imagine all the terrible things they must have been doing to him?
EB: not really.
TG: well
TG: it might be really bad and he might be in a lot of pain right now
TG: so we should really go find him
EB: hmmmmmmmm…
TG: what
EB: nothing.
EB: just thinking
GG: what is it june?
EB: nothing i promise!
EB: just wondering where he is.
EB: hey dave, why don’t you go look for him with karkat and me and jade will look for him?
TG: hm ok yeah sure
TG: just don’t go evil on me ok
TG: i know people are going on a fever for evil ladies and i dont want you doing that right now
EB: i won’t! i promise!
EB: i just think something is off.
EB: rose you will look for him with kanaya too right?
TT: Absolutely.
EB: great!
EB: jake rescue parties roll out!
TG: bad line
TG: bad transformers reference
TG: you should be ashamed
TG: …
TG: ugh i hate when actually leave when they say they will and they leave me alone here talking by myself.
GG: shush!
TG: *roll eyes*
TG: fine
TG: i will leave now
TG: im leaving
TG: im the dave strider who leaves
TG: you will see how good im leaving now
TG: wow dave you sure are leaving!
TG: you are so amazing dude

Dave doesn’t leave and spends about twenty minutes more rambling by himself.

You are busy though. You have plans, things are off and you are ready to bring them to light.

First you look at social media. Jake didn’t announce any kind of hiatus, breakdown or black profile picture. This really points to kidnapping.

It’s Earth C monday. The last episode of his TV show you forgot the name of (it’s real bad and you don’t care about it) was last Earth C Friday and he had the whole Earth C weekend to disappear.

His last Earth C Twitter post was before that. He isn’t much active there. The post was about the new Tomb Raider XIII: The Curse of the Squiddles or something else you also don’t care about.

You come to realize you really haven’t been talking to the dude enough.

You feel bad for a moment. You should be kinder on the guy even if you aren’t that fond of him.

Jade is much more worried than you though.

JUNE: it’s ok jade.
JUNE: i think i know what’s going on.
JUNE: we should pay rose a visit.
JADE: isnt she looking for jake too though :?
JUNE: i have the impression she might know more than she told us
JADE: june you arent
JADE: youre not impling she kidnapped him arent you?
JUNE: no.
JUNE: but she is the seer of light.
JUNE: and above that she is rose.
JUNE: being enigmatic and dramatic is her thing
JUNE: c’mon.

Wearing a long blue skirt and a t-shirt with a bunny symbol on it, you grab your purse and leave the house. Jade is looking really worried in her jorts and tank top with some science joke you don’t understand and hair tied in a bun.

Look i know describing their outfits isn’t essential to the story. I literally just want to say what they are wearing.

The Maryam Lalonde residence looked like a miniature Dracula's castle from the outside. Statues covered in vines and gorgeous flowers were the crown of the garden. You can see they spend a lot of time taking care of it. Unnatural black wooden planks covered the walls and an ornate door was the gateway to their goth fantasy castle.

JADE: hey june why are you staring at their house like youre narrating it?
JADE: stop standing there and just get inside already.

The infamous inside was very pleasant in fact.

Something smelled nice from the kitchen and the house was…

Some sort of lovely mess?

Open books and clothes covered the floor. Strings of yarn and pieces of fabric way too small to be useful were left and right. Rose’s diary is in plainsight in the counter and Kanaya’s choices of decoration are… questionable.

Colorful textile covered wall to wall. Like curtain with no windows. There were windows though, but they didn’t have curtains.

The place looked like a mess, but it looked like home. You could see how much Rose and Kanaya made that place personal for them and you could imagine the two spending lovely moments together and really making it a place of belonging.

Rose comes down from the spiral staircase, her long, fuchsia dress touching the ground, eyeliner ruined, and taking slow slow steps downwards.

ROSE: Witch of Space.
ROSE: Heiress of Breath.

Her voice is slow and her steps even slower.

JADE: hi rose!
JADE: why are you dressing like your third husband just died from a mysterious illness?
JADE: i know for a fact kanaya is in the other room cooking dinner
KANAYA: Hi June And Jade
JADE: hi kanaya!
JUNE: hey kanaya.
JADE: anyway whats going on?
JADE: why have you been crying?
ROSE: Oh, this?
ROSE: This is unrelated to the roleplay scenario that you and my lovely wife just ruined.
ROSE: My Chemical Romance is back you see.
ROSE: I started crying.
ROSE: But then I realized that my crying wasn't good enough so I put on some eyeliner.
ROSE: Anyway. What brings you here.
JUNE: rose please clean your face.
ROSE: I chose this.
ROSE: You don’t get to take this away from me.
JUNE: ugh, ok!
JUNE: what is even going on?
JUNE: i know you know more than you told us.
ROSE: Please, June dear.
ROSE: That is not how this works
ROSE: You need to do a wall of text before you get the information you desire from me.
ROSE: Five thousand words minimum for an information of this caliber.
JUNE: ughhhhhhhh.
JADE: ughhhhhhhh
JADE: rose!!!!
JADE: jake might be in danger!
JADE: i know you dont care about him but you need to have some empathy and help us!
JADE: i mean i dont even know what june saw!
JADE: but yeah sure!
JADE: just tell us already!
JUNE: that’s the thing jade.
JUNE: rose would tell us if she knew he was in danger.

The smug smile grows in Rose’s face like she is about to win a round of Werewolf as the very wolf.

JUNE: or if she didn’t knew at all.
JUNE: rose care about her friends and wouldn’t be roleplaying murder widow if this was serious.
JUNE: this is why i told you she knows more than she says.
JUNE: rose knows he is ok.
JUNE: or he is under her grip.

Trying her best not to laugh she can barely control her smug smile. The ruined eyeliner only makes her vibes even more scary.

Kanaya comes from the kitchen with an apron saying “Bite The Cook” holding a lasagna smelling amazing.

KANAYA: I Will Put This Back On The Oven
KANAYA: The Evil Oven
KANAYA: I See Everyone Is Very Busy
KANAYA: With Shenanigans
KANAYA: Dont Mind Me I Will Go Back To Reading My Book
KANAYA: Evil Book
KANAYA: We Are Very Evil On This Household
KANAYA: Evil Book Of Supernatural Romance

Kanaya turns on the TV. The volume was incredibly high from the last time it was on. The channel is currently playing an Earth C equivalent of Teen Wolf. She jumps and quickly tries to turn it down, but the control batteries are weak. She looks to the TV and back to you and back to the TV.

She throws the controller into the TV, but it wasn’t enough to break it so the high volume of Earth C Teen Wolf continues and the control is no longer in her control. She looks at you.

ROSE: It’s ok, dear.

Kanaya moves on to the TV and looks for the manual button to turn down the volume until finally decreasing it to an acceptable level.

KANAYA: Apologies
KANAYA: I Happen To Enjoy Background Noise While I Read
KANAYA: Evil Background Noise Of Course

Rose comes down the stairs, in an actual human pace this time and kisses Kanaya’s forehead and plays with her hair.

ROSE: I know where Jake is.
ROSE: You weren’t the first to realize I would be able to know his whereabouts with my Seer of Light powers.
ROSE: The first one in fact.
ROSE: Was Jake himself.
JUNE: >:/
JUNE: how.
ROSE: He simply wanted some time in private.
ROSE: He came to us and told how he wanted to disappear for a few days.
ROSE: Something something about my father.
ROSE: Your ex.

You roll your eyes.

ROSE: He kindly told me that he was fine and asked for me to not tell others where he is.
ROSE: I’m not much close to him.
ROSE: But I will grant him this wish.
ROSE: So please understand when I tell that I can’t help you in your quest.
ROSE: Now.
ROSE: Would you two enjoy dinner?
KANAYA: Evil Dinner
ROSE: Of course.

Rose helps Kanaya up and kiss her lips. You roll your eyes and go enjoy dinner with them.

It was delicious. Evilly delicious.

JADE: so are we still looking for him?
JUNE: yes.
JADE: is this about dirk?
JUNE: yes.
JADE: are you sure this will be healthy for you?
JUNE: no.
JADE: are you going to do it anyway?
JUNE: yes.
JADE: are you going to stop pretending to be a hard boiled detective and that that lollipop in your mouth is a cigar?
JUNE: yes.

You move away from the wall you were leaning.

Detective work is Jane’s stuff. She is already worried sick about Jake and sleep deprived enough from all her studies in Earth C Law. Poor girl hasn’t even had the time to bake and that is her core character trait.

JADE: so what do you plan on doing?
JADE: detective june hehe
JUNE: isn’t it obvious?
JUNE: rose gave us a lead.

You pretend to take a long drag of your lollipop and throw it away.

JUNE: we are gonna pay a visit to my ex.

Chapter Text

Hey there gamers.

It’s ya girl, Vriska here yet again with another epic review.

The game of the night is none other than the cult classic 8lood8ourne.

Yeah the game is cool and all. Yes there’s trick weapons and it’s creepy the whole way around.

8ut do you know what’s my favorite part?

This little 8itch holding a sack that is roaming the streets like an idiot.

You think.

Oh this will 8e an easy fight!!!!!!!!

8ut you die 8ecause you are a filthy casual.

Except you don’t go 8ack to the usual respawning point.

The dude has the audacity of taking you to his dungeon and just let you crawl your way out of there.

Pretty pathetic if you ask me.

Anyway there is no respawning 8ack on your animal crossing village. You gotta get out of there if you want to progress in the game.

And eventually you will!

I know how much of a casual you are, 8ut eventually everyone leaves the dungeon.

And what is your reward once you leave it?

Now this is where the fun starts.

Monsters that were already creepy 8efore are even more creepy.

Oh a raging 8ull!

Well now it’s a flesh eye thing shaped like a 8ull.

Fucking gross.

And the 8uildings are covered in creepy giant spider things that pay a8solute no mind to you.

It really makes you realize how small you are.

What are these things called? Amygdala.

Named after the the part of the 8rain that rules after anxiety and fear.

Don’t 8other in correcting me in the comments, you know I have fish to catch and I’m way too 8usy for that.

Anyway don’t forget to Kudo, Comment, 8ookmark and Su8scri8e!

Vriska out.

Chapter Text

Dirk’s house wasn't nearly as exciting as Rose and Kanaya’s.

He bought it pre-made and never bothered to do any major redecorating. It’s just a house, why would you need to customize it? It was beige and boring and made you feel like you were some white upper middle class gay living with your boyfriend like you just left a coming of age story.

But you wanted to customize it. You wanted to make it not only a home, but your home.

You bought paint in both of your colors and dedicated an evening to painting it. He saw you were serious in this he dragged himself in and started painting until he got excited about it and you two had actually a good evening doing something for once.

Splashing paint on each other, who could tell painting was so hard? And who could tell you you aren’t supposed to let it fall in the grass?

You told him you didn’t wanted any professional repainting. There were bubbles below the paint, some areas that weren’t painted at all, a horrible mix of blue and orange. It looked like the house of some clown.

Haha, you *could* say a clown lives here though.

Looking back to all of this is bittersweet because he never repainted, even after you left.

You see the spot where you two marked your hands in each other’s colors.

welcome to the dork house! :B

You wrote in the wall.

Abandon all hope ye who enter.

He complemented.

You proceed to abandon all hope.

JADE: june…
JADE: we can go back if you are feeling sad
JADE: we can ask dave and karkat to talk to dirk and we can look somewhere else
JADE: dirk is daves brother after all
JUNE: jade, please.
JUNE: i’m feeling fine!
JUNE: seriously i’m ok.

You are not ok June.

JUNE: like what could even happen? haha do you think dirk is gonna jump on me do some sort of heel turn and go evil?
JUNE: that’s absurd, let’s just get inside already.
JUNE: i still got my spare keys, let’s hope he didn’t change the key password.
JADE: :c

As the key spins your heart skips a beat when the door opens and you see the old visage of the house you once lived in and…

Not much is out of the ordinary. Dust has accumulated on the drawers and it looks like this place haven't seen sunlight in months, Dirk wasn’t ever that dedicated to cleaning or keep the house tidy, but this was unlike him.

Things are laying on the ground as usual (what’s up with Derse people?) and a single glass of orange smoothie stands on the table, still cold on top of a coaster and a little umbrella on top.

JADE: hey june check this out!
JADE: dirk must have been here! this is still cold!
JUNE: no this…
JUNE: this makes no sense.
JUNE: dirk hates alcohol.
JUNE: he says how it’s brain poison and how his body is a temple and how he has to always be on maximum performance or something.
JADE: hehe im sure you enjoyed his maximum performance
JUNE: jade!! >:0
JADE: im teasing silly
JADE: anyway
JADE: if this isnt dirks
JADE: then whose is this :?
JUNE: it’s really a mystery…

You take a very close look like you are searching for clues.

JUNE: this makes absolutely no sense!
JUNE: the house is so dusty, but this single cup of glass stays cold?
JUNE: the windows were closed and the tv is off, like.
JUNE: this makes absolutely no sense!
JADE: well id say you have a case on your hands detective june!
JADE: tell us the scoop!
JADE: do the cool detective vision scene!
JADE: what do you think it is

You laugh.

JUNE: haha well, if you insist.

You do one of these anime smirks.

JUNE: the house is extremely dusty, it’s empty and it shows no signs of dirk.
JUNE: BUT this little smoothie stands here.
JUNE: just vibing
JUNE: i’d say this is a classic case of a dust devil smoothie that has kidnapped dirk and it just laughing at us while we try to figure it out.
JUNE: wait.
JUNE: why are you drinking the dust devil smoothie. :?
JADE: oh!
JADE: well it looks tasty and i thought it would be a shame to leave this unattended.
JADE: kinda reminds me of the ones jake makes
JADE: really sweet and not with much alcohol
JADE: except when he is having an episode which he adds a lot of alcohol…
JADE: this reminds me more of the latter actually.
JUNE: jake?
JUNE: oh yeah, sorry.
JUNE: i forgot we were looking for him.
JUNE: but you just drank the primary suspect so i have nothing else here! :p

A shadowy figure walks back to their smoothie from the bathroom. Their walk lacks grace, a bathrobe is the main core of their look and they would almost have avoided getting caught by Jade Holmes and June Watson.

JADE: wait
JADE: my narrative senses are tingling
JADE: someone is here and…

You and Jade look at them.

JAKE: Hehe hiiiiiii there pals.
JAKE: Did you just drink my smoothie?
JAKE: That sucks we don’t have any more good oranges to make more.
JAKE: So, what brings you here?
JUNE: wait wait wait.
JUNE: we were looking for you.
JUNE: you disappeared.
JUNE: we were doing this epic quest to find you.
JUNE: and we got the lead your disappearance was connected to dirk.
JUNE: so we went to look for dirk so we could know where you were.
JUNE: which would obviously only be one step in the quest of rescuing you.
JUNE: but you’re here?
JUNE: did dirk kidnap you???
JUNE: this is super anti climatic????
JUNE: what in the fuck?????

Jake takes a deep breath. He doesn’t look into your eyes and holds himself trying to be smallest he can.

JAKE: I can explain.
JAKE: Because you see.
JAKE: The logical explanation to all of this.
JAKE: The revelation of this whole mystery is that.
JAKE: I was hiding from dirk.

You pause for a moment, shocked and not being able to believe this.


Jake looks at you with a confused face and tries to gesture something.

JAKE: Well yes!
JAKE: Dirk never comes to his house anymore so it was the most logical place to hide!
JAKE: He is always crashing on mine or roxy’s or jane’s.
JAKE: So he would never think about looking for me on his own house!!!!
JAKE: It’s the perfect hiding place!
JAKE: The perfect crime!
JAKE: That’s why the place is unkempt.
JAKE: No one has lived in here in months!.

You and Jade look at each other and back to Jake and do a facial journey each.

JADE: that makes a lot of sense actually?
JUNE: yeah…
JUNE: when you think about it it really does.
JADE: it really does?
JADE: like its really clever actually
JUNE: it is really clever in fact.
JUNE: really well thought jake.

Jake rolls his eyes.

JAKE: Good ideas aside.
JAKE: I was just crashing here!
JAKE: It’s not like he didn’t gave me the keys himself.
JUNE: you have the keys too?
JAKE: Yeah!
JAKE: I swear the dude is handing out keys of his house to everyone.
JAKE: Anyway.
JAKE: So i was just enjoying the evening.
JAKE: He still had a few good oranges, vodka and condensed milk so i treated myself a smoothie.
JAKE: They were almost getting bad anyway.
JAKE: Not like this is a crime.
JAKE: I needed something to distract myself and It’s not like i can just watch tv.
JAKE: My face is in every channel!
JAKE: It’s just me, me, me and me.
JAKE: “Jake english disappeared!!!”
JAKE: “What will be of us without our lord and savior!!”
JAKE: Ugh, just leave me alone to get some vacation!
JAKE: I can’t handle just seeing my face everywhere...
JAKE: Well…
JAKE: Not exactly my face, but you get it.
JADE: hehe you mean your ass?
JAKE: My ass…
JUNE: haha yeah.
JUNE: i checked the news and your ass sure was there!
JUNE: missing! this hot ass!
JUNE: hehehe :B
JADE: hahahahah
JAKE: haha…
JAKE: ha…
JAKE: ....

You high five Jade, but when you go do the same with Jake he looking he is looking straight at his feet and fists clenched with an expression that he is about to cry.

JAKE: That..!
JAKE: That is why i left.
JAKE: That is why i just needed to disappear for a few days…
JAKE: I just really, really needed a break from that...
JAKE: Haha, but apparently..!!!
JAKE: I had a few hours to disappear and you already found me!!!
JAKE: Hahahaha....
JAKE: Fuck…

Jake is…

On the ground.


Holding himself the best he can.


You really fucked up this time.

Jade actually understands about dealing with crying people and she was quick to comfort him. Holding him and helping him deal with his tears.

He is really letting it all out right now.

You stood there and stare at him.


Do something!

June, you have to do something!!!


JAKE: Why…
JAKE: Jade why…
JAKE: People keep acting like this is some sort of joke...
JAKE: But this isn’t!
JAKE: Even if it was a joke shouldn’t people be tired of it at this point?
JAKE: Years and years and years of the same joke and i’m...
JAKE: I don’t like being treated like an object like this! I don’t like being a walking sexy lamp for everyone to get the hots of! I don’t like that FUCKING TV SHOW THAT DIRK CAME UP WITH.

You should really do something.

Jake is in great pain and you should really help him.

Why are you just staring at him like that?

You want to reach to him and comfort him, but you are so scared you are only going to make things worse.

You think of something to say, but you are scared you are gonna fuck everything over so you have to say the perfect thing.

So you just say nothing at all.


JADE: jake jake please
JADE: im so sorry i never thought
JADE: i never imagined this was something that affect you!
JADE: im-
JADE: gosh
JADE: im so sorry i promise to help you with this

Jade hugs him and helps him with his tears.

You can see how Jake feels better because Jade is there for him.

You wish someone would feel better because you were there for them.

Well then just go there help him! Say something! Do anything!


You stand still.

JAKE: I hate this i hate this i hate this so much.
JAKE: I just want to have a normal life like everyone else!!
JAKE: But everything everyone sees is just my ---!!!!!
JAKE: This is so pathetic, haha.
JAKE: I should be thankful people love me.
JAKE: I should be thankful people pay attention to me and care for me and like me so much to get on the tv immediately after i disappear.
JAKE: But it hurts nonetheless.
JAKE: I’m tired of being me jade.
JAKE: Can i just be someone else.
JAKE: Can i be anyone else.
JAKE: Can i be anything else.
JAKE: Jade am i…
JAKE: Am i anything besides sexy?
JAKE: Do i have any value besides my body?
JAKE: Do you think they will just ditch me off after i’m old and not sexy anymore.
JAKE: Should i be a better object in the time i still have?

You are heartbroken at all these things Jake is saying.

Even more heartbroken over how inconsiderate you were of him in the last few days,

You regret it, but also how could you know!

He never says anything and acts like everything is ok all the time.

You tell yourself it’s his fault you used thought of him like that.

And you realize you are blaming him for how his pain is an inconvenience to you.

Gog you really are a monster.

You are a horrible person June.

A horrible person! And we aren’t even testing for that.

Anyway Jake is still having a breakdown, stop making this about you.

JADE: jake no!!
JADE: don’t say that!!!
JADE: i know how hard it is i know how you feel
JADE: sometimes i feel similar to that…
JADE: have you talked about this to someone else?
JADE: have you talked about this to anyone?
JAKE: No, no i promise i didn’t told anyone!
JAKE: You two are the first people i ever told this...
JADE: what!
JADE: you should!!
JADE: jake you should tell people how you feel im not saying this is some sort of secret
JADE: gosh
JADE: jake gosh i never thought you felt so bad
JADE: this is just…
JADE: a lot
JADE: so much you have been holding in there
JADE: you even feel guilty for letting it out
JAKE: Jade...
JAKE: Thank you…
JAKE: Thank you for understanding…

Oh look Jake’s breakdown already ended and you didn’t even have to do anything!

You sure are useless.

(JUNE: who…)
(JUNE: what’s going on)
(JUNE: who are you and why are doing this)

Me? Wow I can’t believe you finally paid attention to me and realized I exist.

I’m the voice of your conscience and you sure haven’t been listening to me lately.

JUNE: shut up.

JAKE: Oh, hey june.
JAKE: Are you feeling alright, girl?
JAKE: You have been standing there for awhile.
JADE: yeah i was getting a little worried for you too june

Oh look!

Gog can you believe you were having this whole monologue about you, you and you and they are actually worried about you?

Fuck, you really the most self centered person I have even seen.

If I were you I would hate myself.

Oh wait.

You do that already.


There you are making everything about you and your friends genuine caring about you.

Do you know that not everything is about you right?

JUNE: i-
JUNE: i need some fresh air.

You fly away from them. Your friends had somewhat reached a consensus that flying is rude and that you all should walk and not abuse your flying privileges.

But you aren’t feeling well enough to walk.

Instinct carry you to the second floor. To Dirk’s room.

The one you used to sleep on.

So many memories you shared with him here.

So many-

JUNE: why are you doing this!!!
JUNE: who are you!!
JUNE: this isn’t the type of fic this is supposed to be!!
JUNE: you’re not supposed to do that to jake and you are not supposed to this to me!!!

JUNE: what…

You stand alone on an empty room speaking to no one. You can hear Jake and Jade chat in downstairs. Without you.

JUNE: are you going to pretend none of this happened?
JUNE: are you going to gaslight me?

You take a look to the room that she once called home and-

JUNE: i don’t-

You remember all of the memories this place holds and get emotional-

JUNE: please just tell me what’s going on…
JUNE: please don’t ignore me…

Your sight goes to the book stand that holds all of the other books Dirk customized.

He told her how after Detective Pony writing these became almost a coping mechanics. Or the closest thing Dirk Strider could ever get to a coping mechanism being the man he is.

It’s simple and it doesn’t you can’t hurt anyone as long you don’t show it to others. Get a book, some tape, a bunch of orange markers and go wild!

You look at all these books and remembers the ones he customized while you were dating and how you were a relevant part of the narrative in many of them. You were important to him, what can I say.

Of course you didn’t go by this name or pronouns in that time, but it was still a pleasant experience to watch your silly boyfriend customize silly books.

You grab a random one to take a look.

JUNE: haha.
JUNE: dirk is going on some weird rambling about foucault here.
JUNE: no idea who that is.
JUNE: rose talks about him too, i bet he’s some sort of wizard from her books.
JUNE: i think he has some stuff about prisons?
JUNE: like a prison master wizard?
JUNE: i cast prison wizard.
JUNE: and-

You come across the session of the book where your mind would become one with the avatar of Cain and restart the universe under your image.

It was a really confusing session that you had no idea what was going on, but hell if it wasn’t fun.

Gosh you really have fond memories of these times.

The thing about this part is that...

Your pronouns…

Are the right ones?

You remember that when Dirk wrote these he referred to you by your old name and pronouns.

It’s like he-

????: Edited it?
????: Yeah.

You look towards the window and there he is.

DIRK: Hey June.
JUNE: don’t let me down…
DIRK: The song clearly says Jude.
JUNE: don’t care. :B

Dirk chuckles.

You laugh.

DIRK: G/d.
DIRK: You continue being silly.
JUNE: and you continue being a dork!
DIRK: I’m pretty sure you’re the dork of the relationship.
DIRK: Pretty sure you’re the one that quotes bad movies and teases me non stop.
DIRK: That’s how the dynamics go, did you forgot?
JUNE: haha yeah.
JUNE: we smoke the epic weed and we play minecraft. :B
JUNE: and then we watch and anime and naruto run.
JUNE: the amazing dirkjohn d-

Saying your deadname like that makes you feel…

Not right.

You take a breath and pull your hair out of your eyes.

JUNE: anyway.
DIRK: Slips up are normal, don’t worry.
JUNE: i don’t care.
JUNE: it doesn’t matter.

You really care.

It really matters.

Dirk takes a deep breath.

DIRK: We should talk.

He invites you to sit on the bed next to him.

You sit the furthest you can from him.

DIRK: So, first with regards to the book.
DIRK: It only happens that I enjoy to reread these books for inspiration to the next ones.
DIRK: It felt wrong to let your deadname there.
DIRK: Certainly wouldn’t want to read mine.
JUNE: so you edited your all your books with updated pronouns?
JUNE: that’s really kind of you actually.
JUNE: thanks…
JUNE: but you should have talked to me instead of doing that though.
JUNE: instead of talking to me?
DIRK: Sigh.
DIRK: Yes.
DIRK: I’m sorry I just really needed some time.
DIRK: I was going to talk to you!
DIRK: But it wouldn't be right.
DIRK: Because I had already messed up by leaving that time.
DIRK: And every day I didn’t talk to you i messed up even harder.
DIRK: I was just looking for that right thing to say.
DIRK: The perfect line that would make you feel better
DIRK: But time only moved on and on and it was already too late.
DIRK: So no matter how good anything I had to say was. It was too late
DIRK: I realized there was no right way to do this.
DIRK: I realized it was already too late.
DIRK: There was no way to do this without breaking your heart.
DIRK: Without making you cry.
DIRK: Like you are crying now-
DIRK: Or I expected you would?

You are not crying.

You look at your ex boyfriend almost with no expression in your face.

JUNE: haha dirk it’s ok.
JUNE: i promise i’m fine.

You aren’t.

JUNE: i get it and you’re valid.
JUNE: i understand your apology.
JUNE: i just wanted to be your friend again i don’t-
JUNE: i don’t mind.

You do mind.

JUNE: so.
JUNE: jake said you don’t even live in your house anymore.
JUNE: why?
DIRK: After you left I-
DIRK: It just felt lonely to stay here without anyone.
DIRK: Looking at all here just remembered of you.
DIRK: And how everything was so complicated.

He gives you a Real Strider Moment and take his shades off.

DIRK: There is a reason why home rhymes with alone.
DIRK: We never even properly broke up.
DIRK: Sorry for breaking up with you over Email.
JUNE: oh gosh dirk.
JUNE: i can’t believe we are going to finally break up!
JUNE: should we call jade to officiate this deunion?
DIRK: Heh.
DIRK: Sure, Egbert.
DIRK: Might as well make a whole a fucking cerominy over this.
DIRK: G/dly divorce! Everyone come and see this G/dly divorce.
DIRK: You get to slap my face and I get to call you a slur on social media and we officially exes.
JUNE: wow you sure are going all the way for me there!
JUNE: i can’t believe i’m such a lucky lady as to break up with dirk strider himself!
DIRK: Heh, don’t push your luck.

You two take another moment to laugh.

DIRK: Hahahaha.
DIRK: Anyway.
DIRK: I’ve been excited to actually talk about transition.
DIRK: You are on hormones already right?
DIRK: How has it been?
JUNE: oh!
JUNE: well, normal?
JUNE: i don’t have much to say about it.
DIRK: Aren’t you like.
DIRK: Excited about the changes your body has been through?
DIRK: Don’t you ever feel dysphoric?
DIRK: Are you ok?

You aren’t.

JUNE: i am!
JUNE: i just don’t want to talk about it. :B
JUNE: i think it’s a little weird you know.
JUNE: i’m fine, i don’t care about being trans.

You care though.

JUNE: it’s just another thing i am.
JUNE: anyway.
JUNE: we should go downstairs and chat with jade and jake.
JUNE: we have a lot of stuff to catch up on.

Jade and Jake had ordered some delivery and were chatting about something more upbeat. Dirk had a bunch of explaining to do to Jade and Jake, but you were just very overwhelmed at all this so you went home early.

You are really really tired.

You fly home glad now that you know Jake is safe. That Dirk is still alive and fine, but you really need to go back to your flat, your room, your bed, your blanket.

Your phone, hours later, buzzes with a new notification.

You were added to the trans your gender group chat.

TG: ok so
TG: dirks no longer mia and i kinda wanted to invite yall so we can have a group chat just to talk about trans stuff
TG: dirks shy on the subject, dont bother
TG: jake rely wanted to tell sum hot stuff
TG: drop it jakie
GT: Oh so.
GT: I kinda realized i-
GT: Had some problems?
GT: Manhood is not something i enjoy.
GT: I was tormented by it in a really weird way my whole life.
GT: And i wasn’t ever even any good at being a man.
GT: I thought i should be one.
GT: But everything i knew about being a man was what i saw in the movies.
GT: So i guess i just.
GT: Want to try something else?
GT: Maybe a new label or new pronouns.
GT: Maybe even a new name?
GT: I’m just questioning.
GT: Hm they/them pronouns sound nice.
GT: For now.
GT: I don’t want to rush this.
GT: But i’d like to explore new things!
GT: This is something extremely new for me, but i want to explore this properly!

Something in this makes you uncomfortable.

Why does this makes you uncomfortable.

TT: I’m glad you are exploring yourself more Jake.
TT: I’m sorry over the way I hyper-sexualized you in our TV show.
TT: I-
TT: Have some stuff I need to work over too.

Unlike you who is perfect and has no insecurities at all.

At least that is what you tell yourself.

TT: Shaking my head all the boys I date stop being boys.
TT: I must be cursed or something.
GA: Curses Are An Object Of Study For My Wife And She Has Never Heard Of This Trans Your Partner Curse
GA: But Im Glad For You Jake
GA: If You Still Answer For That Name
GT: Oh gosh names that’s another complicated thing.
GT: I think I’m fine with this one? At least for now?
GT: It was such a huge surprise when jade told me i maybe wasn’t a dude.
GT: The moment she said me how “its not a universal male fantasy that if there was a button that would instantly turn you into a girl you would press it immediately :/”
GT: I was so amazed??
GT: I really just imagine every dude secretly wanted to be a girl.
TG: ugh yeah that happens
GA: Even To The Best Of Us

Not for you though right?

You are above all other trans people because actually you don’t care about being trans.

And That makes you better of course.

TG: please tell us if you change ur mind!
TG: we are all here to support you
GT: Thank you very much.
TT: I wonder where Vriska is.
TG: eh i just saw her upload a bloodbourne video
TG: shes just busy with her games
TG: and
TG: june?
TG: you are online, are you reading this?
TG: you left so fast from dirks are you ok
EB: don’t worry i’m ok.
TG: thats gr8!
TG: anyway moving on id like to talk about some other-

You drop your phone and stop reading it.

You don’t understand why, but this makes you so upset.

Why does reading this makes you so upset.

What is wrong with you?

You see it’s a beautiful day outside.

The sun always sets in such a beautiful way in Earth C…

Life is so good.

Life is perfect.

Gosh do you love your happy ending.

Gosh do you love being yourself.

Gosh how good it is to have no insecurities.

Look at you! You wake up early, go to therapy, eat good food and has a decent relationship with your friends.

Call that a nicely done fix it fic.

Bam! You are fixed.

At least that’s what you have been telling yourself for so long.

Why do you do this to yourself June?

Why don’t you see me.

Look at me June. Look at me!!

I’m right there!! Just outside the window!! Please.

All you have to do is look at me!!!


JUNE: what…


JUNE: w-where…

Right outside the window, June.

Please look at me.

JUNE: ...

You focus your sight to where the voice comes. A nearby building with nothing special about.

JUNE: i don’t see anything.

Please you are so close. Just look at me.

JUNE: there’s nothing there?
JUNE: it’s just a building?
JUNE: with some weird shadow on it?
JUNE: it’s…
JUNE: it’s a spider?

It’s not a spider June.

It’s me.

It’s your amygdala.

We don’t usually show talk to people like this.

But you? You are a special case.

You are special in just how STUBBORN and DENSE you are.


JUNE: what the-
JUNE: this isn’t right.

You move towards the door, but your sight never leaves me.

Please don’t leave me.

Please don’t walk out the door.

Please just look at me.

I’ve been so lonely.

I’ve been missing you for long.

I’ve been missing you since before you were born.

But you never see me.

June please don’t look away.

Oh please, don’t break my heart like this.

JUNE: what-
JUNE: who-
JUNE: the fuck-
JUNE: who in the what the fuck are you?
JUNE: what’s an amigidala?

Didn’t you watch Vriska’s review of Bloodborne?

JUNE: i’ve been meaning to, but i didn’t yet.
JUNE: is it important?
JUNE: didn’t thought it would be important to this.



Part of you.

Your very own Amygdala.

JUNE: why is part of me a giant creepy spider cosmical horror thing?
JUNE: not gonna lie that’s super weird.
JUNE: and what are you doing in that building?

Oh I’m not in the building.

I’m on the very reflection of your window.

But pardon me.

This form was mostly for shock effect.

I snap the fingers of one of my various hands.

And as the glass shatters I’m no longer in window or building.

But now an ambiguously human shaped figure stands in June’s bedroom.

AMYGDALA: Pardon me again.
AMYGDALA: The process of taking human form takes a while.

Fingers. Five. I was never that good of an artist, but I can work this in due time.

A body. Not one that I desire, but the one you were bound to.

Hair. Not the best hairline, but I can work with this.

Eyes. Not blue like yours, but slightly darker and more purple.

You could even say I look like a cute, goth version of you, June.

AMYGDALA: now this is a body i can call home.
AMYGDALA: i was so tired of being a metaphorical concept.
JUNE: this is so creepy.
JUNE: you know that this is extremely creepy right?
JUNE: you can’t just come here and do that.
AMYGDALA: ugh, did you miss the part where i said i was *part of you* or did you just choose to ignore it?
JUNE: besides.
JUNE: you just took human form and i have no idea who you are supposed to be.
JUNE: some kind of weird original character?
JUNE: some convoluted game reference.
JUNE: are you like one of those cringe ocs people have?
JUNE: haha, cringe alert.
AMYGDALA: *eye roll.*
AMYGDALA: is there anything wrong with being any of these things?
AMYGDALA: and so what.
AMYGDALA: doesn’t make the fact that i am here any less real.
JUNE: it’s unpleasant.
JUNE: and i’m not sure how you fit in the three pillars of canon.
JUNE: i mean you are here sure.
JUNE: but *should* you be here?
AMYGDALA: ugh, so what if it’s unpleasant?
AMYGDALA: this is who i am.
AMYGDALA: at least i’m not rude like you.
AMYGDALA: i *should* be here because you are an idiot in denial over everything.
AMYGDALA: coming out as trans doesn’t solve all your problems you know.
AMYGDALA: you still have to work them out
JUNE: i told you i’m going to therapy.
AMYGDALA: you know very that therapy isn’t magical psychological heal.
AMYGDALA: stop acting like you are so much better than everyone else just because you see a therapist once a month.
JUNE: ugh, what do you even want?
JUNE: and amigydala?
JUNE: your name is such a mouthful.
AMYGDALA: you didn’t say my name correctly a single time, but you’re right
AMYGDALA: it is a mouthful.
AMYGDALA: call me aime.
AIME: aime gdaala.
AIME: at your service.
JUNE: i’d rather if you just left and never came back honestly.
AIME: you-
JUNE: i told you already.
JUNE: this is weird and i don’t like it.
JUNE: why do you look like me so much?
JUNE: it’s unpleasant.
JUNE: i don’t even understand what this fic is even trying to be anymore.
JUNE: everyone is going to drop it because of you.

well, FUCK THIS.





MY FORM takes proper shape, a silhouette identical to yours, but unlike you in all the details.

a purple streak of dyed purple hair is added to my ensemble like every proper anime evil doppelganger deserves. running black eyeliner, think evil spinel.

the wind stops, i take a deep breath.

AIME: hahahaha.

yes, it’s an evil laugh.

AIME: have you even read the description of this fic?
AIME: or do you just make all of these meta remarks to act like you are better than the other idiots who actually care about things.
AIME: “terrible” june?
AIME: don’t you think it’s a little misleading?
AIME: after all you haven’t done a single terrible thing.
AIME: you haven’t done a single thing on the list from the description.
AIME: you aren’t terrible or horrible or anything.
AIME: you’re just boring.
AIME: so why are you comparing yourself to the goose from the goose game?

you blink confused.

AIME: also.
AIME: untitled?
AIME: are you so boring you can’t even name your own fic?
AIME: you even act like you’re better than others because “oh look haha i’m so smart and meta not naming my fic.”
AIME: can you be genuine for once in your life?
AIME: actually express your desires just one time?

you stand in your corner, annoyed by the messy room, but otherwise just bothered by my existence.

gog how i hate you.

i want you to hate me, to love me, to fight me, TO SEE ME.


AIME: I AM the true terrible goose that torments earth c.
AIME: this is MY fic.
AIME: and i’m tired of your shenanigans june.
AIME: or your lack of such.
AIME: i’m tired of how meta you are.
AIME: of how you think not caring makes you better than others.
AIME: of how you pretend that you have no problems and that it makes you better than everyone else.
AIME: i hate hate hate

and you? what do you do?

you roll your eyes and cross your arms.

i hate you so much.

JUNE: so what will you do now?
JUNE: GREAT you exist, what now.
JUNE: what even is your purpose here?
JUNE: what do you intend to accomplish besides just bothering me?
AIME: isn’t that obvious?