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The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts

Chapter Text

To His Excellency Hanguang-jun and Wei-gongzi,

Qiu Xinyi humbly greets you both. Please accept my heartfelt congratulations for your wedding! If I may be so bold as to say, I felt from the day I met Wei-gongzi that the two of you would have a love story for the ages. I wish you both good health and many years of happiness. 

Physician Li also sends her congratulations, as well as her hope that in Hanguang-jun’s care, Wei-gongzi will be stabbed less in the future. (I’m so sorry, Hanguang-jun and Wei-gongzi, she made me write this! Please forgive my rudeness.)

Again, all the best wishes for your life together,

Qiu Xinyi


Wei Wuxian-gongzi,

How naughty of you, Wei-gongzi, to not tell us who you really were when you visited the Chrysanthemum House! Had we known you were the real Wei Wuxian, we would have treated you to dinner, at least! But out of consideration for your upcoming wedding, we’ll forgive you.

We’ve even sent some gifts for you and your handsome new husband-to-be. The perfumed oils are the finest in Qinghe, and can be used for massage as well as other, more intimate activities. The books are for if you would like some inspiration, to keep things interesting in the bedchamber — not that we think you two will need it, of course! And the ribbons we used to tie the package are made of pure silk, and make for excellent blindfolds and restraints. Please see the purple book if you’d like some ideas about that kind of play. 

We’re so happy for you and Hanguang-jun. We hope you’ll visit us again one day, and please bring your husband! We’d love the opportunity to draw you both!

With great fondness,

Jing Yang and Xu Hong

 

P.S. This is Mingzhu. My sisters refused to let me see what they sent you, but knowing them, I would like to apologize in advance for any embarrassment they may cause. My sisters mean well, I promise. We really are so happy for you both.


To His Excellency, Hanguang-jun,

Please accept my congratulations on your wedding. As I’m sure you know, Wei-xiong visited Qinghe shortly before returning to Gusu. I hope it would not be presumptuous of me to be glad that my advice might have contributed, however insignificantly, to this happy occasion. 

I hear you might be looking for a wedding venue. May I humbly offer the Unclean Realm as a potential candidate? My home is, admittedly, somewhat severe in appearance, but I am certain that it would look splendid dressed in red. It is also strategically located between Yunmeng and Gusu, and would be politically neutral territory, should that be one of your concerns.

I would be happy to meet with you in person to discuss further details. As Wei-xiong is a dear friend of mine, I would put my utmost effort into ensuring that your wedding day is a joyous and memorable event. 

Faithfully yours,

Sect Leader Nie Huaisang


Wei-gongzi,

Congratulations on your wedding! I’ve been telling all my friends that I met the real Wei Wuxian, and that he’s as handsome and kind as the story says. A-Mei sends you her congratulations as well, and would like to gift you and Hanguang-jun her stuffed toy rabbit. We know he will be safe and happy in your care.

Xia Cuifen

 

Hanguang-jun,

His name Tu-gongzi. Please take care of him for me. 

Thank you.

Xia Mei


Lan Wangji,

Well, he’s your problem now. I’d offer congratulations, but considering the choices you’ve made, I’ll just wish you luck. It’s a good thing you have a thick face; you’ll need it, with him. 

And I know he’s reading this over your shoulder as we speak, because he’s a shameless idiot with no manners. So tell him to get his useless ass back to Lotus Pier one of these days. He has over a decade’s worth of crap in his room that he still needs to clear out, including Suibian. I’m not wasting any more sword oil on that blade. If he doesn’t come back soon, I’m throwing everything he owns into the lake and giving his room to Fairy. 

Jiang Wanyin


Wei-qianbei and Hanguang-jun,

Jin sect sends its congratulations for your wedding and best wishes for a long and happy marriage. But will you two please visit Lotus Pier sometime? Preferably soon? Jiujiu is so mad that you’re not getting married here; he’s been going around yelling all day. I think I overheard some disciples talking about defecting to Jin sect and I’m not sure that they were entirely joking. So please come, okay? 

And bring Jingyi and Sizhui with you! Fairy misses them. 

Sect Leader Jin Rulan


Wangji,

I’m so happy for you both. Our uncle, from what I hear — daily, loudly, and at length — is perhaps less than delighted. In some ways, I understand him; he believes in his heart that he is right, and that is a difficult thing to change. You will need to be patient with him, as you have been patient with me. 

I would be honoured to attend your wedding, though I will resume my seclusion afterwards. But know that your joy brings a sorely needed balm to the wounds that scar my heart. Love has not always been good to our family. I am grateful that at least for you, it has decided to be kind. 

Your loving brother,

Lan Xichen


To Hanguang-jun and Wei-qianbei,

We wanted you to have the first copy of the first printing of the second edition of our book. It contains an epilogue about the happy ending to your story. We believe that this edition will be even more popular than the previous one. 

We have also decided to give the book a new title, in honour of the two of you. We hope you will enjoy The Absolutely True Love Story of Hanguang-jun and the Yiling Patriarch.

Most respectfully yours,

Lan Jingyi, Ouyang Zizhen, and Lan Sizhui

 

P.S. Thank you for not punishing Jingyi. He has promised to be more restrained with the descriptions this time.