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*hacks twitter in space*

Chapter Text

lance @blueboii
no but seriously is no one in this family straight

keith @heypup
are you joking?

rover died @pidgeon
what is straight

stress cooking @yellowboii
not in the least, buddy

lance @blueboii
okay, just checking

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
i dont know any of you but i already stan HARD

keith @heypup
dont. shiro just got dared to heat a piece of toast with [his robot arm] a hair iron.

keith @heypup
and he's DOING IT

eugene @ayybbay
nice

keith @heypup
no, NOT NICE. DONT ENCOURAGE THEM.

lance @blueboii
come on babe, live a ltittle

keith @heypup
not with [the galra war] exams coming.

tired @spacedad
keith, lance is right. we only live so long

tired @spacedad
we should enjoy the moment while it lasts

that is not correct @bcaccording
thats really deep @spacedad

tired @spacedad
i suppose thats true

rover died @pidgeon
its because hes old

tired @spacedad
pidge, im 26

lance @blueboii
nah youre old

keith @heypup
you adopted me, youre Old™

stress cooking @yellowboi
not to alarm you but you're pretty old shiro

tired @spacedad
i feel attacked

tired @ spacedad
this is because of the white hair isnt it

bibabe @bibabe
omg you have white hairs?

lance @blueboii
honey it goes beyond the levels of 'white hairs'

tired @spacedad
lance.

rover died @pidgeon
eyup
attached img [hesold.jpeg]

but still good @lessbien
is that real?

eugene @ayybaby
what is?

but still good @lessbien
his. his whole frontal hair. its just. white????

eugene @ayybaby
wait really?

eugene @ayybaby
HOLY SHIT IT IS

tired @spacedad
PIDGE

rover died @pidgeon
YOU CANT TOUCH ME DAD

tired @spacedad
why do i even bother

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
o H mY

bi babe @bibabe
holy shit, i..... im gay??? WhAt

lance @blueboii
we been knew, dude. we know.

bi babe @bibabe
nonononono you dont understand.

bi babe @bibabe
like

bi babe @bibabe
i know we all make jokes about "oh this is gay i stan" and stuff

bi babe @bibabe
but shiro. @spacedad. dude.

bi babe @bibabe
you could destroy me with those pecs of yours and id thank you

keith @heypup
see shiro im not the only one to think you were hot

bi babe @bibabe
AKXJDBSOSKAFBBS

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
jfc ur own dad?

keith @heypup
brother. im 20.

pan witha plan @hotnmessy
oh alright carry on

lance @blueboii
babe i thought we agreed i was the hot one here

bibabe @bibabe
oadjsnzorks

rover died @pidgeon
you keep keysmashing

bi babe @bibabe
imgay.jpeg

rover died @pidgeon
fair enough

keith @heypup
oh no, you are, hands down, the hottest thing ive ever laid my eyes on

stress cooking @yellowboii
and hands (´⊙ω⊙`)

bi babe @bibabe
IT GOT BETTER

keith @heypup
but shiros legendary

lance @blueboii
lmao i cant argue with that

stress cooking @yellowboii
same

rover died @pidegon
cant relate

bi babe @bibabe
why?

rover died @pidgeon
ace

bi babe @bibabe
ah understandable

tired @spacedad
i

tired @spacedad
i need a nap

stress cooking @yellowboii
he went straight for the common room and curled up beside me

rover died @pidgeon
wow a mood

bi babe @bibabe
rt

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
big rt

tim @fairies
everytime i come back here its to some new tea pipin' hot

eugene @ayybbay
dont i know it

Chapter Text

rover died @pidgeon
lmao you know what shiro's inspirational quote reminded me of?

bi babe @bibabe
that moment thing?

stress cooking @yellowboii
i think i know what youre talking about

tim @fairies
ooo more tea

eugene @ayybaby
lmao youre always just here for the tea

tim @fairies
and you arent?

eugene @ayybaby
i didnt say that

rover died @pidgeon
okay good hunk you be lance ill be keith

stress cooking @yellowboii
sure

bi babe @bibabe
owo is that name only for show

stress cooking @yellowboii
yes

lance @blueboii
NO ITS NOT LOOKIT THIS GREAT HANDSOME BOI
attached img [steponmedaddy.jpeg]

bi babe @bibabe
what the fuck he looks,,, stronk,,,, i could be cuddled in his arms,,,,

lance @blueboii
hunk hugs are best hugs!!

lance @blueboii
and also

lance @blueboii
PIDGE WHAT THE FUCK

keith @heypup
seconded. pidge, whatever it is youre about to do, stop.

rover died @pidgeon
lmao what re you gonna do about it, tell shiro?

tired @spacedad
go for it bud

keith @heypup
oh fuck off

lance @blueboii
aldkskajfiaisbr

rover died @pidgeon
rip klance

eugene @ayybaby
okay now i really want to know

rover died @pidgeon
okay so lance gets concussed, right

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
im,,, concerned™

rover died @pidgeon
yea so were we but anyways

rover died @pidgeon
lance is with shiro, keith bursts into the scene

bi babe @bibabe
what scene

rover died @pidgeon
uhhh gang fight ig

bibabe @bibabe
whAT THE FUCK

rover died @pidgeon
yeah we pissed off the wrong people

eugene @ayybaby
fucking hell

stress cooking @yellowboii
its all good, keith wiped out like, all of them except for the boss

keith @heypup
they werent that good

bi babe @bibabe
im terrified but also god thats hot @blueboii u lucked out

lance @blueboii
i know (*´∇`*)

rover died @pidgeon
HAHAHAH THE FUCKINF IRONY

bi babe @bibabe
why??

stress cooking @yellowboii
okay so we all finally get to lance keith and shiro right,we all gang up on the boss, yadda yadda yadda, lets get lance to the [cyropod] hospital

eugene @ayybaby
right

rover died @pidgeon
lance recovered pretty quickly and we treated him to breakfast

stress cooking @yellowboii
and then lance starts talking shit

bi babe @bibabe
what about

rover died @pidgeon
see, when fighting the gang keith was kinda cornered

rover died @pidgeon
one of the only reasons he won was because lance woke up and pretty accurately nailed the leader in the head

rover died @pidgeon
like, deadass accurate

tim @faries
why was he concussed anyway

tired @spacedad
a bomb

eugene @ayybaby
wHAT THE FUCK

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
yo what the fuck you didnt call the police????

rover died @pidgeon
never occured to us lol

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
right...

stress cooking @yellowboii
lance brought that up as like, a jab to keith, way back when they still thought they hated each other

bi babe @bibabe
they what?!?!

lance @blueboii
lmao

keith @heypup
lance assumes a lot, i dont know how to talk and emotion. see: disaster

bi babe @bibabe
omg

rover died @pidgeon
when lance shit talked keith, do you know what keith did?

tim @fairies
aahhhh tea spil spill spill

rover died @pidgeon
ill be keith, hunk is lance

rover died @pidgeon
"wE hAd A bOnDiNg m O m E n T"
"i CrAdLeD yOu In My ArMs!!"

eugene @ayybaby
AKKDKSKZFJSIS HAHAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT DID HE REALLY

bi babe @bibabe
WE STAN A DUMBASS GAY

rover died @pidgeon
so then lance goes

stress cooking @yellowboii
"nope, cant remember, didnt happen"

bi babe @bibabe
biTCH WHAT

keith @heypup
im still kinda salty about that

lance @blueboii
if i give you alk the bonding moments will you let it go

keith @heypup
what the fuck no u have to bond with the fam

stress cooking @yellowboii
wow lance i feel unloved

lance @blueboii
AKFHSKDJE OKAY IM SORRY

tim @fairies
Pure™

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
yea true

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
but im still really concerned

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
do you need some kind of intervention?? spider man's just around the corner

tired @spacedad
thanks, but no, we can handle this.

eugene @ayybaby
youre not doing anything illegal are you

lance @blueboii
pfffft no

keith @heypup
thats really fucking funny to me you dont understand

rover died @pidgeon
last i checked the govt databases, no, nothing we're doing is illegal

spoopy @spookyskeleton
you got involved with a gang war, im pretty sure thats illegal

stress cooking @yellowboii
okay @princess you may want to take this one

Allura @princess
I assure you on behalf of [Voltron] my team, we are not doing anything that infringes on the laws of your land! So please do not worry.

bibabe @bibabe
...wait. are you guys not in america or something?

tired @spacedad
or something.

eugene @ayybaby
that answers NONE of my questions, you realize

rover died @pidgeon
lmal yeah we know

rover died @pidgeon
but we dont want to talk about it that much

rover died @pidgeon
i really only brought this one up bc i have a mission

lance @blueboii
pidge wants to make it a meme

bi babe @bibabe
i can do that. you got a picture?

rover died @pidgeon
angrygay.jpeg

bi babe @bibabe
b e a u t i f u l

bi babe @bibabe
alright here u go
attached img [bondingmoment.jpeg]

tired @spacedad
do you think krolia would like this

keith @heypup
SHIRO DONT YOU FUCJIBG DARE

lance @blueboii
lmao she would she loves any photo of keith

keith @heypup
LANCE

Chapter Text

keith @heypup
Lance wheres my jacket

rover died @pidgeon
how do u even know he has ur jacket

keith @heypup
because his ass gets cold fairly easily

tim @fairies
I mean, mood

keith @heypup
but i also get cold and he shouldve just asked me to sleep with him

eugene @ayybaby
hahahaha holy shit

tired @spacedad
keith, buddy, you wanna maybe try that again

keith @heypup
what? I know what i said.

ned @guyinthechair
wow @peteparker why arent we like this

peter@peteparker
DO YOU WANT TO BE AJDIFWJAODKDBFBS

michelle @ladybossjr
Rip peter. He wont be missed.

lance @blueboii
being sweet and soft is a keith and me thing!!!! :(

rover died @pidgeon
dont believe him, theyre gross and mushy and i hate it

keith @heypup
liar

keith @heypup
when u got drunk on nunvill the other day you literally blackmailed me into reserving u as the flower person for lance and i's wedding

tired @spacedad
I'm sorry, what?

rover died @pidgeon
I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE YOU FUCK

lance @blueboii
aweeee, pidgey wants to be a flower person

rover died @pidgeon
Shut ur fuck

tired @spacedad
Pidge, you're underage. Just where did you get Nunvil?

rover died @pidgeon
I have my ways, spacedad

stress cooking @yellowboii
Coran gave you some when u said u needed it for an experiment

tired @spacedad
WHAT

eugene @ayybaby
every time i see you guys mass tweet at the same time its like watching the avengers handle stupid and weird shit while on twitter

lance @blueboii
lmao i think we get the weirder shit literally all the time

keith @heypup
LANCE

rover died @pidgeon
LANCE COME THE FUCK ON

stress cooking @yellowboii
LANCE.

tired @spacedad
Lance, we've discussed this.

lance @blueboii
Oadkwnxkdkxne they wont get it my dudes its fine™

winnie @windexx
wanna bet

lance @blueboii
Ya better be ready to cough up the cash

keith @heypup
lance you dont understand the internet has Ways

rover died @pidgeon
how would lance even pay

tim @fairies
I like how were all automatically assuming @blueboii will lose

lance @blueboii
I WILL NOT. KEITH I THOUGHT U BELIEVED IN ME

keith @heypup
In any other scenario, maybe i would, lance

keith @heypup
but this is the internet

eugene @ayybaby
doesnt that sound delightfully ominous

Chapter Text

lance @blueboii

:( i wish i was there at the cafe i couldve seen captain america put down homophobes

mel @cofeekid

okdsjxbwk it was glorious i wish everyone was there to witness it

lance @blueboii
whose everyone?

mel @blueboii
everyone

lance @blueboii
lmao fair enough!

keith @heypup
lance its 3 int he fuckinbg morninkskd what r u sofojng out kf bed

keith @heypup
ocmdne baxkkkkk

mel @coffeekid
uh oh ur boyfriendvs here

lance @blueboii
lmao hes not my boyfriend

mel @coffeekid
oh he's not? im sorry, i shouldnt have assumed

rover died @pidgeon
lance is fucking with you. keith's his fiancè.

mel @coffeekid
WAIT REALLY THATS SO GREAT

eugene @ayybaby
BUT KEITH SAID HE WAS 20 THATS LIKE, STILL IN COLLEGE

keith @heypup
didnt stop me

rover died @pidgeon
lets just say they got drunk on lance's birthday and ended up really far away with candy rings on their fingers and an official certificate

mel @coffeekid
holy shit thats amazing

rover died @pidgeon
a week later they got each other matching rings and legit got engaged

eugene @ayybaby
thats wild

mel @coffeekid
it really is

mel @coffeekid
ah but you should probably listen to your s/o @blueboii. sleep is good!

lance @blueboii
i cant sleep

mel @coffeekid
oh no, uhhhhhhh idk @heypup come get your man

lance @blueboii
no shh dont sisofbskaddifajns

rover died @pidgeon
lol keith just dragged keith inot bed with him under the blankets

mel @coffeekid
akkdsnnzifwis thats really soft

rover died @pidgeon
i know its kinda disgusting to watch sometimes

mel @coffekid
excuse me?

rover died @pidgeon
not in a homophobic way. im a flower person for their wedding or im stabbing them

rover died @pidgeon
im ace is why. doesnt sit too well with me

mel @coffeekid
oh, that makes sense!!

mel @coffeekid
if you guys live near each other shouldnt you be asleep too?

rover died @pidgeon
medical condition. cant function properly if i get more than 4 hours of sleep. i power nap around the [castle] house

mel @coffeekid
well alrighty then

ice @icebaby
akidsjbdjeiw @coffeekid MEL LOOK AT THEIR PREVIOUS TWEETS

mel @coffeekid
ITS LIKE SOME KIND OF SLOW BURN ROMANCE FIC WHAT THE HELL

ice @icebaby
klance klance klance #klance

mel @coffeekid
its like a sitcom

ice @icebaby
lmao could you imagine

ice @icebaby
their aesthetic is space right??? since "spacedad"??

mel @coffeekid
yeah?

ice @icebaby
so i was thinking, if they were a sitcom, this shiro dude could have been kidnapped in space then crashed back on earth as an escaped prisoner or someshit

ice @icebaby
and going by lance's thing (and his best friend's??), they all have colors. i looked into it and it looks like keith's the red one so hes the leader

mel @coffeekid
how do you know keith is red?

ice @icebaby
they have a twitter thread purely full of heart replies. lance uses the blue heart, keith uses the red one

mel @coffeekid
OH MY GUCKING GOD THATS SO??? PURE? AND SAPPY????

ice @icebaby
LOL IKR?!?! I JUST ABOUT DIED SEEING IT THEYRE SO SOFT IT GAVE ME HEART PALPITATIONS

ice @icebaby
so anyway like traditional power rangers the red ones are always the leader ergo keith is the leader

eugene @ayybaby
lol nope its shiro

ice @icebaby
oh alright then BUT IT STILL FITS

ice @icebaby
so i was thinking, but hear me out: SPACE POWER RANGERS

eugene @ayybaby
thats a little out there

ice @icebaby
lmao i know, but if it were a sitcom itd probably be that

mel @coffeekid
what would they even do in space?

ice @icebaby
i dont know, spearhead a ten thousand long year war?

mel @coffeekid
thats never going to happen

mel @coffeekid
but i dig it

eugene @ayybaby
yeah its not likely to happen, as awesome as that would be. the avengers already handle everything spacey i think!

ice @icebaby
my god i need to write a fic about this

mel @coffeekid
DO IT

rover died @pidgeon
...holy shit

winnie @windexx
;)

rover died @pidgeon
@yellowboii HUNK WE HAVE A PROBLEM

Chapter Text

eggs @deviled
Hey @yellowboii i have a question and you seem like the right person to ask

stress cooking @yellowboii
I have so many protests to that but go ahead

eggs @deviled
Ive been looking thru all your activity and it looks like you 5 are like

eggs @deviled
in cahoots?

eggs @deviled
like

eggs @deviled
i know that both lance and keith are dating

stress cooking @yellowboii
lmao yeah if you miss that youre kind of a dummy

eggs @deviled
akkddnskfk youre so sweet but anyway

eggs @deviled
you guys seem to have a friend group??? of sorts??

eggs @deviled
i dont mean to pry but is there a story behind that?

stress cooking @yellowboii
what makes you think theres a story?

eggs @deviled
please, no one is ever friends with an adult unless theres some kind of backstory

stress cooking @yellowboii
well you arent wrong

tim @fairies
OwO whats this? i smell the tea

stress cooking @yellowtime
story time, i guess. pidge, you wanna help out?

rover died @pidgeon
sure, i guess

eggs @deviled
what the fuck

eggs @deviled
have u been here this whole time?

rover died @pidgeon
yep

stress cooking @yellowboii
we dont question it anymore, pidge is terrifying

rover died @pidgeon
i could kill you in your sleep

keith @heypup
bet youre like 5"

rover died @pidgeon
meet me in the fucking pit, [£¢√π£...%]

rose @andthorns
woah what the fuck

winnie @windexx
ah so that explains that then

eugene @ayybaby
explains what now

winnie @windexx
shhh im a conspiracy theorist let me do my thing

eugene @ayybaby
okay valid but what the fuck for?? @pidgeon has made themselves fairly well known in twitter bc of their constant retellings of klance hijinks

keith @heypup
id be offended but i looked back at every single one of pidge's tweets and i cant say that youre wrong

lance @blueboii
and this is just one of many installments

winnie @windexx
you'll see ;)

stress cooking @yellowboii
ONTO THE STORY

eggs @deviled
oh boy

stress cooking @yellowboii
so lance is screaming about girls, as usual

rainbow @covertt
i thought he was dating keith?

stress cooking @yellowboii
lmao they hated each other before didnt we mention that

eggs @deviled
WHAT

ned @guyinthechair
this is...news.

eugene @ayybaby
lmao some of us knew we've been following their tweets since forever ago

bi babe @bibabe
i can confirm that they did, in fact, hate each other. @yellowboii sent me a couple of videos of @blueboii ranting about @heypup's ass

lance @blueboii
HE WHAT

keith @heypup
hunk showed me those they were pretty intense

stress cooking @yellowboii
yeah so lance is screaming about girls and he wanted me to come with him to skip

ice @icebaby
so he's a fuckboi?

keith @heypup
hes MY fuckboi

ice @icebaby
holy shit

dying @blackcoffee
get you a man who clings to you even when ur being ridiculous

stress cooking @yellowboii
so along the way we see pidge staring at the stars like some angsty teen

rover died @pidgeon
bitch i know where you live

stress cooking @yellowboii
you know where ALL of us live pidge, you were there, theres no point to this

stress cooking @yellowboii
anyway

ice @icebaby
WHAT THE FU K GHT SOUNDS SO OMINOUS

stress cooking @yellowboii
we caught up with pidge and we like, chatted

rover died @pidgeon
and then we see this weird looking...car

eggs @deviled
how weird?

rover died @pidgeon
hella

rose @andthorns
skksjabfsjao thats valid

rover died @pidgeon
so out of the car comes a drunk off his ass shiro

rainbow @covertt
who??

rover died @pidgeon
@spacedad

rainbow @covertt
W h a t

tired @spacedad
what are you all up to

tired @spacedad
oh no not this again

rover died @pidgeon
shhh shut up shiro were telling a story here

tired @spacedad
fine. if this blows up on your face lance isnt the only who cleans the ..cars

rover died @pidgeon
you say that like its a bad thing

tired @spacedad
didnt you have a story you wanted to tell?

stress cooking @yellowboii
so we all collectively see shiro, but we all know shiro doesnt drink so he was probably drugged

eggs @deviled
what the fuck

eugene @ayybaby
this is mildly less concerning that the whole bomb incident

eggs @deviled
BOMBS?!?!?

peter @peteparker
yo, i just saw this, do you need mr stark's help??

keith @heypup
little late for that

rover died @pidgeon
you wont be able to find us anywhere dudes

ned @guyinthechair
wanna bet

keith @heypup
lmao its not a computer thing

lance @blueboii
its WAAAAAY more complicated than that

eugene @ayybaby
so why wont you tell us

lance @blueboii
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we dont want to

stress cooking @yellowboii
so at this point the three of us are debating whether to help him or not, bc, hello, lance had this huge ass gay crush on shiro

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
i dont blame him bc hot damn,

rose @andthorns
why? whats he look like?

bi babe @bibabe
[crushme.jpeg]

rose @andthorns
OKAY I GET IT NOW HOT DAMN THAT IS ONE PIECE OF FINE ASS

tired @spacedad
can you stop messaging my kids for my pictures

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
aksifjajdje your kids?????

tired @spacedad
shit i didnt mean

tired @spacedad
...i mean at this point they probably are,,

stress cooking @yellowboii
i should probably mention he was being hoisted up by strange people

ned @guyinthechair
strange how?

stress cooking @yellowboii
dont worry about it

rose@andthorns
UM??? UR DAD COULD HAVE BEEN POSSIBLY KIDNAPPED WHY SHOULDNT WE WORRY

rover died @pidgeon
bc this is where keith comes in

stress cooking @yellowboii
keith was pretty decked out in hermit clothing at the time, none of us recognized him

stress cooking @yellowboii
except for lance.

rover died @pidgeon
loverboy lance here recognized keef by his fucking MULLET.

bi babe @bibabe
AJIDISBCKDSKHAHAHAHAH THATS GREAT

lance @blueboii
IT HAS A DISTINCT SHAPE LET ME LIVE

keith @heypup
he has a thing for my hair, if you didnt notice

arlo @zoombitch
ahahahahhaahahaha this is fucking gold

rose @andthorns
oh my god i ship it

rover died @pidgeon
@princess MOOOOOOM KLANCE IS BEING DISGUSTING AGAIN MAKE THEM STOP

stress cooking @yellowboii
aksksnfbsjs youre bringing the princess into this?

eggs deviled
woah what

eggs @deviled
princess?

rose @andthorns
omg they have a ship name

but still good @lessbien
i stan #klance

Allura @princess
What is it, Pidge?

Allura @princess
Oh! Keith, Lance, please restrain yourselves. You have a time and place to be gross and sappy with each other.

Allura @princess
Preferrably where none of us can see.

michelle @ladybossjr
i already love this woman

Allura @princess
Thank you. I hope I can endeavor to make a good impression on you all.

rose @andthorns
holy shit god isnt dead there are still nice people

lance @blueboii
lmao, princess allura, nice? lemme tell you abksocjekdkke

Allura @princess
Please disregard anything Lance says about me.

but still good @lessbien
oh my god is @blueboii dead

bi babe @bibabe
lol ms princess allura killed him

Allura @princess
I not sure I quite know what you're talking about.

but still good @lessbien
ive found a new queen.

stress cooking @yellowboi
buddy, you dead?

lance @blueboii
lol arent we all

keith @heypup
no dying on my watch

lance @blueboii
suddenly I feel very alive and happy!

rover died @pidgeon
lol ur so whipped

rover died @pidgeon
so lance recognizes keith right? hes like "oh no fuck this guy were getting to shiro first" like a dumbass

rover died @pidgeon
if any of you call lance a dumbass i will personally hunt you down dont fucking test me

eggs @deviled
sensing strong friendship vibes here

rover died @pidgeon
ill rant about that later BUT ANYWAYS

rover died @pidgeon
so were all tailing lance and we see the tail end of keith absolutely wrecking shiro's uh. kidnappers

tired @spacedad
you literally could have said it any other way and you chose that

rover died @pidgeon
i didnt choose this life, it chose me

stress cooking @yellowboii
lance goes over to greet keith and just basically establishing a rivalry then and there

rose @andthorns
should we be glad theyre dating now?

rover died @pidgeon
oh hell no. the rivalry got worse. and gross. sappy.

tired @spacedad
they broke a wall during training

eggs @deviled
Wait really? training for what?

tired @spacedad
they entered this martial arts class and it devolved from there

stress cooking @yellowboii
so lance is pretty incensed by keith, but keiths just all "uhhhhhh im sorry who are you?"

bi babe @bibabe
keith, honey,

keith @heypup
IM NOT GOOD WITH NAMES OKAY I REMEMBERED LANCE BUT NOT HIS NAME

lance @blueboii
suuuuure keith suuuurrrreee

keith @heypup
im going to kill you in your sleep

lance @blueboii
⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ make sure to clean the sheets in the morning

keith @heypup
thats not what i meant,

rose @andthorns
omg i get it now i get why klance is iconic

bi babe @bibabe
SEE!!!! SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?!?

stress cooking @yellowboii
after that the rest of us just booked it to keith's car with an unconcious shiro

stress cooking @yellowboii
and thats how we all met

eggs @deviled
Okay so I'm counting, thats 5 of you but you also tagged this allura person who seems to know you guys personally?

Allura @princess
That would be me, correct?

eggs @deviled
Yes Ma'am. Nice to meet you?

Allura @princess
I'm delighted to make your acquaintance! My name is [Princess Allura of Altea] Allura Altea.

eggs @deviled
djkaifndksdow

rose @andthorns
Aren't you worried someone might use your name to hunt you and your family down?

keith @heypup
allura can take men down twice her size. she deadlifted shiro and benchpressed him.

but still good @lessbien
AIODKWKSCFJWKA CAN I MEET HER

keith @heypup
no.

but still good @lessbien
THATS FINE I WONT BE ABLE TO HOLD MY COMPOSURE IN FRONT OF SUCH A POWERFUL WOMAN ANYWAY

michelle @ladybossjr
i need to tell pepper about this

peter @peteparker
oh no that seems like a terrifying idea

michelle @ladybossjr
not terrible?

peter @peteparker
nothing you do is terrible mj just really really intimidating

michelle @ladybossjr
thanks loser :)

peter @peteparker
!!!!! NED SHE USED AN EMOTICON

ned @guyinthechair
good job, babe

Allura @princess
Not to worry, everyone. I am perfectly capable of defending myself when need be.

Allura @princess
And yes, I have, to quote Keith, 'deadlifted Shiro and benchpressed him'. It was quite the refreshing workout!

tired @spacedad
if i wasnt gay i would date allura hands down after that

keith @heypup
oh right, adam

tired @spacedad
keith you lived with us how in the name of all that is holy did you forget

keith @heypup
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i had my priorities

rose @andthorns
?? who is adam?

tired @spacedad
ex fiancé

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
why, whatd he do?

keith @heypup
shiro seems willing to talk about this but dont pry too much alright

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
!! of course! im sorry, i didnt mean to overstep

tired @spacedad
its alright. im treating this like a therapy session.

bi babe @bibabe
oh boy @PlantKing get your ass here

PlantKing @PlantKing
im here, what u need?

Plant King @PlantKing
o okay @spacedad lay it on us

tired @spacedad
haha, thanks.

tired @spacedad
one thing you should know is that adam didn't really do anything.

rose @andthorns
alright

tired @spacedad
I was the one who left in the first place

tired @spacedad
I was assigned to accompany this father and son duo on an expedition.

tired @spacedad
thing is, it was a long journey. i likely wouldn't be returning for over a year

tired @spacedad
and i couldnt contact anyone aside from the control center during that span of time

tired @spacedad
so if you couldnt tell, adam was a bit mad

keith @heypup
"mad", he says. you locked me in my room so i wouldnt hear you guys argue.

tired @spacedad
shhhh

tired
so adam gave me two choices

eugene @ayybaby
i think i know where this is going

tired
stay with him and leave my career behind, or go through with it and lose him as a future spouse.

tired
my final decision wasn't pretty.

tired
and thats how i lost my fiancé. i came back after a year but i cant find him anymore. thats all.

Plant King @PlantKing
alright, do you want my input?

tired
go right ahead

PlantKing @PlantKing
i dont think it was fully your fault

PlantKing @PlantKing
what your case was was a series of misunderstandings and bad timing.

PlantKing@plantking
like, i get why youd think its your fault. but its not that arbitrary. this adam person should have never given you two choices at all. what he shouldve done was give you a set of options

PlantKing @PlantKing
options you both could compromise on.

plantking@plantking
i dont want to say that the little expedition you went on wasnt important, but you and this adam were engaged. thats something to ponder on.

PlantKing@PlantKing
ive never experienced an engagement before, so I wouldnt know, but im going to tell you that you trying to find adam is a huge indicator that you need closure.

PlantKing
does that make sense?

keith @heypup
sorry, he's crying on the kitchen stove right now. but i think he gets it.

lance @blueboii
thank you @PlantKing !! weve been trying to get shiro to tell us about it but it wasnt going so great

Plant King @PlantKing
no problem. gotta get that experience somewhere haha

Plant King @PlantKing

im just glad i could help. i hope your space dad feels better.

Chapter Text

keith @heypup
allsfksjaof !!!! lance!!! lance LOOK

lance @blueboii
:0 babe u never keysmash in public this must be super important

lance @blueboii
oH mY gOd?!?!?! @pidgeon PIDGEY COME SEE

rover died @pidgeon
this is amazing

rover died @pidgeon
sorry matt dr bruce banner is my idol now

winnie @windexx
interesting...

eugene @ayybaby
you really have gotta tell me why youre so intent on figuring them out

winnie @windexx
if they tell me to stop ill stop

winnie @windexx
so far, they havent

winnie @windexx
besides, i have a bet i need to win

eugene @ayybaby
jfc alright then whatever floats your boat

tired @spacedad
for once in my life my faith in humanity has been restored

keith @heypup
YEAH NO KIDDING

keith @heypup
LANCE STOP LAUGHING YOU DONT KNOW WHAT SHIRO WAS LIKE

tim @fairies
oh? spill the tea

eugene @ayybaby
i guess thats your thing now

keith @heypup
most people think shiro's like god incarnate, think he's some golden boy who grew up to be a tired but good space dad

keith @heypup
which he is!

keith @heypup
what shiro ISNT, in fact, is the so called 'golden boy' everyone kept telling me about

keith @heypup
do you know how fucking mean and downright cynical shiro could be?

keith @heypup
i was so confused when everyone kept telling me that shiro was such a nice human being for adopting me into his family

eugene @ayybaby
lol 'human being' u say that as if you werent one

keith @heypup
mayhaps

eugene @ayybaby
what the fuck

keith @heypup
shiro kept deflecting everytime i asked him about it

keith @heypup
he might seem really fucking nice to you all right now but trust me that display name is the entire reason why

tired @spacedad
i know where you live, keith

bi babe @bibabe
you know what really amazes me is that he typed that all up in 5 minutes

lance @blueboii
he's got really dextrous hands!!! if he was any good at hacking hed be the fastest out of all of us. boi has long fingers

rainbow @covertt
you would know, hm?

lance @blueboii
THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

lance @blueboii
KEITH YOU HAVENT CUT UR CLAWS GET THOSE PAWS AWAY FROM ME

stress cooking @yellowboii
dear god above lance

shane @bombshell
hang on...? paws?

tired @spacedad
oh how the turntables

keith @heypup
NO. NOT PAWS. LANCE WAS KIDDING.

rover died @pidgeon
you know he meant paws, man, stop trying to hide

keith @heypup
FOR THE LAST TIME, WEVE DISCUSSED THIS

mel @coffeekid
discussed what exactly

keith @heypup
I AM NOT A FUCKING FURRY

mel @coffeekid
O H M Y G O D

eugene @ayybaby
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

eggs @deviled
that escalated quickly

rose @andthornes
it would explain why keith is so prickly

ice @icebaby
THAT IS SO TRUE HOLY SHIT I NEVER RELAIZED IT UNTIL TODAY

spooker @ryann
this just in: keith is a furry

keith @heypup
but im not a furry!

lance @blueboii
no, but your mom was

keith @heypup
LANCE

ice @icebaby
IT GOT BETTER

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
you inherited her genes

eggs @deviled
everytime i hear from you guys its another weird thing thats as ridiculous as the avengers smh

eggs @deviled
and its okay @heypup we all love you inner furry and all

keith @heypup
shiro i hate you

tired @spacedad
what did i do?

keith @heypup
i dont know, but i know this is probably Your Fault

rover died @pidgeon
i hope you all know that shiro snorted while drinking water and he blew it out of his nose like a fountain

spooker @ryann
thats beautiful

winnie @windexx
hmm...

Chapter Text

Plant King @PlantKing
hey @spacedad you can tell me to fuck right off but i have a question

tired @spacedad
go ahead

Plant King @Plantking
are you transgender?

tired @spacedad
is this because of my pecs

Plant King @PlantKing
mayhaps

tired @spacedad
theyre rather large, or so i was told. but no, im not.

bi babe @bibabe
listen,,,, this may seem disappointing to you but FUCKING IMAGINE LAYING ON THAT CHEST

tired @spacedad
you just have to ask

bi babe @bibabe
kakdsksnaoAKSIDKROADJEN

eugene @ayybaby
you broke wez @spacedad be proud

tired @spacedad
theyre broken every other week tho

eugene @ayybaby
aifidjajdkw fair enough

bi babe @bibabe
WOW WHAT A CALLOUT

ice @icebaby
is it time for horny on main?

eugene @ayybaby
no, his kids are around

rover died @pidgeon
i am not a child

lance @blueboii
yea but u tiny

rover died @pidgeon
i can kick ur ass

lance @blueboii
id like to see you try

rover died @pidgeon
meet me in the fucking pit

tim @fairies
ah, tea. how i missed you

tired @spacedad
tag team battle this time

lance @blueboii
YESSSSSS

rover died @pidgeon
GODDAMN IT SHIRO

eugene @ayybaby
whats so bad about tag team battlees

rover died @pidgeon
nothing, tag teams are fun

rover died @pidgeon
ITS JUST THAT KLANCE SOMEHOW ALWAYS WINS

lance @blueboii
GOOD TEAM

keith @heypup
BEST TEAM

tired @spacedad
once it was like, the two of them versus the rest of us

stress cooking @yellowboii
klance won

tired @spacedad
they won by a landslide

bi babe @bibabe
oh my god so theyre really an iconic couple?

rose @andthorns
jaizofnakskdw thats so Valid

rover died @pidgeon
anyway im the one whos trans. genderfluid really.

Plant King @PlantKing
in this house we love our genderfluid friend @pidgeon

winnie @windexx
ah.

eugene @ayybaby
SERIOUSLY WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY CGAIN FROM THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE GENDERFLUID

winnie @windexx
oh no, i know

winnie @windexx
but you gotta remember the specific details

winnie @windexx
and tbh i already have some theories wjere being genderfluid can fit in

ice @icebaby
what, like breaking into a facility and staying there as a completely different person, including the gender?

rover died @pidgeon
mother fuck

winnie @windexx
;)

tired @spacedad
we're doomed

Chapter Text

rover died @pidgeon
HAHAHAHAHAAHA HOLY SHIT KEITH

keith @heypup
PIDGE SHUT UR FUCK

tired @spacedad
please pay your respects to our beloved brother, Keith, dead on this day

rover died @pidgeon
press f or say nothing at all

eugene @ayybaby
f

rose @andthorns
f

mel @coffeekid
f

Plant King @PlantKing
f

shane @bombshell
f

spooker @ryann
f

rainbow @covertt
f

dying @blackcoffee
f

striding @applejuice
f

keith @heypup
i fucking disown every single one of you

eggs @deviled
f, but whats the occasion?

stress cooking @yellowboii
pidge and shiro are too busy laughing on the floor, weve established keith is dead and lance is taking a bath

stress cooking @yellowboii
but to answer your question, keith died bc he was too gay to function

bi babe @bibabe
thats already a fucking mood, but what happened??

stress cooking @yellowboii
lance. lance and gymnastics.

Plant King @PlantKing
AODOFJWJXIREIJR REALLY

ice @icebaby
HAHAHAJAJA WAS LANCE FLEXIBLE IS THAT WHY KIETH IS A PILE OF GAY MUSH

keith @heypup
stop telling people im dead

tired @spacedad
sometimes we still hear his voice

keith @heypup
fuck you shiro

rover died @pidgeon
hey keith @heypup hey

keith @heypup
what.

rover died @pidgeon
[short video of lance twirling and flipping while suspended on a rope] ;)

keith @heypup
SkoafjjwidjajJEIEXIEHAODOEJWOAIWIFHHWBB

bi babe @bibabe
holy shiiiiiit those are some sick moves

winnie @windexx
damn the face is never shown you good @pidgeon

rover died @pidgeon
i know

rover died @pidgeon
but look at keith
[img: sappyidiot.jpeg]

eugene @ayybaby
im fucking losing it that looks too good

mel @coffeekid
is that drool???

ice @icebaby
IT IS THIS IS GOLDEN

tim @fairies
THIS IS THE BEST TIMELINE EVER ILL NEVER WISH FOR IT TO CHANGE

Plant King @PlantKing
tbh mood
.
.
.
lance @blueboii
so...did you think i was hot @heypup?

keith @heypup
jesus fucking christ ITS 2 AM LET IT FUCKING DIE ALREADY

tired @spacedad
how about...no?
.
.
.
stress cooking @yellowboii
so shiro, keith and pidge arent allowed to get on twitter today...

lance @blueboii
quick everyone i wanna be thirsty on main

stress cooking @yellowboii
more news!! everyone is banned from twitter, they're all gross and need to Calm the Fuck Down. see you guys in a bit :)

Chapter Text

lance @blueboii
HUNK I NEED YOUR IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE

stress cooking @yellowboii
i dont have the materials to make delicious la croix, stop asking

rover died @pidgeon
he literally hasnt even said anything yet

stress cooking @yellowboii
he doesnt need to

stress cooking @yellowboii
being his best friend means i know exactly what he thinks, feels, and wants

keith @heypup
so...

stress cooking @yellowboii
if you want to know how many times he's gone on hours long rants about you and your stupid soft mullet and pretty purple eyes the answer is always too fucking much

rainbow @covertt
i mean, mood

stress cooking @yellowboii
back to my point, no, lance i cant fucking make you la croix im sorry dude but right now we dont even have enough rations to last a month

stress cooking @yellowboii
how many of us have even slept properly, like does pidge even sleep at all

rover died @pidgeon
occassionally

stress cooking @yellowboii
exactly

stress cooking @yellowboii
allura's been pretty worried about a little of everything recently and coran's holing up in the main area

stress cooking @yellowboii
last week's incident was NOT a fun time for any of us if you couldn't tell

stress cooking @yellowboii
i dont think im in the right state of mind to be making much of anything right now

tired @spacedad
hunk, do you need a break?

lance @blueboii
i made relaxation cream recently too

rover died @pidgeon
since i connected us to the net i can hook you up with spotify

stress cooking @yellowboii
that

stress cooking @yellowboii
that would be nice, yeah

lance @blueboii
alright-y today is a day for hunk appreciation!!!!! sorry starlight my time is now reserved for hunk

keith @heypup
its ok. im worried about the big guy too.

 .

bi babe @bibabe
oh my god they really are a family arent they

eugene @ayybaby
i thought that was fairly obvious?

bi babe @bibabe
yeah but seeing it like directly in front of you is an Experience

luna @starpower
yeah no kidding im only now seeing these bc you kept screaming about #klance 3 times a day but to see them in action is...something else

carlos @oleole
have you guys seen @blueboii's spanish tweets though

bi babe @bibabe
holy shit he's spanish??

carlos @oleole
cuban, actually! but yeah the guy speaks it

carlos @oleole
and man his tweets are like, really out of this world

mel @coffeekid
i read those, i took a bit of spanish lessons befkre and i have to say theyre pretty mind blowing

bi babe @bibabe
dont keep me hanging what does he say?

mel @coffeekid
well for one thing he is 200% sappier with tweets concerning keith

bi babe @bibabe
a man after my own heart

mel @coffeekid
but he also tweets about his family. its really sweet!!

luna @starpower
in this house we stan a sweet home boi

carlos @oleole
they have insta too you know

eugene @ayybaby
they DO?!

carlos @oleole
they dont post much but yeah. sadly every one of their accounts are private so unless you get a free pass from them you arent seeing any of their posts.

eugene @ayybaby
and youre...one of those who can see?

carlos @oleole
lmao lance and i go way back he hasnt unfollowed me yet.

mel @coffeekid
cant you tell us what theyre posting

carlos @oleole
sorry, no. im not about to risk the ire of an entire squad, you understand

mel @coffeekid
oh i see i see

bi babe @bibabe
IM SO CURIOUS THO

carlos @oleole
i CAN tell you that they all are, in fact, one big family.

lance @blueboii
@oleole carlos???????

carlos @oleole
hi loverboy lancey lance

bi babe @bibabe
AKSIAKFBSBKAR W H A T

lance @blueboii
CARLITO ESTRADA JOCINTO

carlos @oleole
MAMA LA PINGA, LEANDRO

keith @heypup
preferrably mine, please

lance @blueboii
JAOOAZNAjdkskzsjaodkeajias ?!?!?!?!

lance @blueboii
YOU UNDERSTAND CUBAN?!?!??

keith @heypup
i wanted to learn,, yknow, for future purposes

bi babe @bibabe
you know i keep assuming #klance wouldnt hit me with any more gay feels after everything

bi babe @bibabe
BUT HERE WE ARE

lance @blueboii
redundancy and routine are overrated

ice @icebaby
I NEED TO GET THAT QUOTE ON A TSHIRT

mel @coffeekid
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CAPTAIN AMERICA ONE

ice @icebaby
I HAD MIND DELIVERED YESTERDAY BUT ITS ON SALE RIGHT NOW

lance @blueboii
i would like to take this time to declare how much i love both my families

lance @blueboii
my famila back in varudero who probably think i fucked off somewhere: im still alive yall please maybe check your instagram i literally TAG YOU IN EVERY SINGLE ONE

eugene @ayybaby
the fact that you have to assure them that youre alive has me concerned

lance @blueboii
sshhhhhh only good vibes today

rose @andthorns
im sobbing thats so valid, carry on

lance @blueboii
to the space dad shiro, my god you are an icon and an idol and youre always pretty much there for me. for all of us.

tired @spacedad
That means so much to me, Lance. Thank you.

lance @blueboii
pidge you little gremline im always in awe over the shit you can pull off like??? you could be hanging upside down over a pit deadly chemicals and youd still be able to hack your way into a system no sweat

eugene @ayybaby
that sounds oddly specific

rover died @pidgeon
i dont need your compliments but???? they are powerful??? what is this feeling

lance @blueboii
coran you beautiful gorgeous man youre like a second father to me and you always know what to say to make me feel better about myself

ice @icebaby
who the fuck is coran

Coran @AdvisorMechanic
That would be yours in the truest form of stardust!

ice @icebaby
this guy reminds me of a weird mix between clint and tony and...someone.

Coran @AdvisorMechanic
Lance, my good man, I give you my sweetest gratitutde from the bottom of my life-essence. You mean as much to me as I do to you!

mel @coffeekid
what the fuck is he talking about

luna @starpower
uhh "thank you, you too"?

dying @blackcoffee
how in the ever flying shitbrick does that mean "thank you, you too"???

luna @starpower
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

lance @blueboii
allura, wonderful, wonderful queen. if i didnt have a man id have swept you off your feet myself. or i would let you sweep me ❤❤

Allura @princess
Thank you ever so kindly, Lance. I would gladly sweep you off your feet should you ever desire me to, "boo".

bi babe @bibabe
help im so fuckibg gay

eggs @deviled
what else is new

lance @blueboii
hunkie, hunketh, my man, my bro, my cuddle buddy, you're the absolute BEST FRIEND i could ever ask for, i love you you beautiful big man dont ever change

rover died @pidgeon
hunk's sobbing on the kitchen floor and hes clutching his phone. you broke him lance, good job.

lance @blueboii
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

mel@coffeekid
oh boy

carlo @oleole
here we go

lance @blueboii
my beautiful, gorgeous, sweetest star in the universe I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. i want to keep you in my arms and i never wanna let you go

lance @blueboii
you and your stupid soft mullet and sparkly purple eyes and your strong af arms,,,, i would let you crush me any day,,,,

bi babe @bibabe
man you really werent kidding when you said he got sappy

carlo @oleole
told you

lance @blueboii
light of my life, sun to my moon, light of the dark I dont know how the FUCK i landed you but you???? are here??? with me???

lance @blueboii
youre so fucking special to me you have no idea dude i love you. i just. love. you.

lance @blueboii
I love you, Keith [£~%¥•£]£~]. I really, really do.

bi babe@bibabe
is it...is it over? my heart cant take much more fluff....

lance @blueboii
yep 😊 im all done, thnx everyone, now im gonna go back to being a fucking troll k cya

eugene @ayybaby
oh my god hes a man i aspire to be

mel @coffeekid
does anyone know where keith is

tired @spacedad
[img: twosappyidiots.jpeg]
ヘ( ̄▽ ̄*)ノ

luna @starpower
THATS SO CUTE HOLY CRICKLE STICKS

bi babe @bibabe
SHIP SHIP SHIP #KLANCE #KLANCE #KLANCE

ice @icebaby
AAAHHHHHHHHH

carlos @oleole
:') is it bad that ive seen so much of this that all im doing is shedding a tear?

mel @coffeekid
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF IM FUCKINL NG SOBBING IN MY BED AND ITS THREE AM THESE GUYS ARE TOO MUCH FOR ME
.
.
.
.
peter @peteparker
we missed out on such a cute moment 😢😢😢

michelle @ladybossjr
im glad i wasnt there i honestly would have shed a tear and im am not About That

ned @guyinthechair
you think they'd let us follow their insta?

tired @spacedad
no, sorry. family friends and close relations only.

keith @heypup
ill believe that if you follow matt or adam back

tired @spacedad
ksjjsjfhsode KEITH

keith @heypup
HEY IM NOT LYING

tired @spacedad
i need a nap. again. wake me up never.

eugene @ayybaby
relatable

Chapter Text

eugene @ayybaby

so @blueboii how does it feel to witness spiderman masacarring the entire avengers team in a series of live tweets?

lance @blueboii
very exhilirating

rover died @pidgeon
keith hasnt laughed this much in months

keith @heypup
IM FUCKINF WHEEZING

stress cooking @yellowboi
im pretty sure shiro died

bi babe @bibabe
okay but what about @princess?

Allura @princess
I do not get it. The "Avengers" are clearly alive why is everyone saying that Spider-man has killed them? Is Spider-man such deplorable a person?

eugene @ayybaby
what the fuck no!!

lance @blueboii
sorry we havent caught her up in the latest news or memes yet she only knows the bare basics of earth's defenders but not enough to get the jokes

Plant King @PlantKing
but the avengers are pretty much a universal thing??? how doesnt she know???

rover died @pidgeon
shhhh dont pry into things you dont know the answer to

winnie @ windexx
you guys are giving me a lot to work with

rover died @pidgeon
ah, i forgot about you

winnie @windexx
what are you

winnie @windexx
WHAT THE FUCK?!

winnie @windexx
OH YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLE

luna @starpower
why what happened

winnie @windexx
THEY HACKED INTO MY PC AND DELETED EVERY FILE I HAD ON THEM

luna @starpower
WHAT THE SHIT

mel @coffeekid
every file?

winnie @windexx
EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

eugene @ayybaby
JFC THATS TERRIFYING

winnie @windexx
thanks for not touching my manuscripts tho

rover died @pidgeon
im not that much of an asshole we just dont want u snoopin around

winnie @windexx
its,, its not even snooping its practically public knowledge

bi babe @bibabe
its what

rose @andthorns
IS IT REALLY

eugene @ayybaby
so all we need to do is find a solid connection???

rover died @pidgeon
GODDAMN IT

winnie @windexx
pay back ;)

rover died @pidgeon
oh its fucking ON, bitch, come at me

lance @blueboii
pidgey are u actually mad or

winnie @windexx
theyre not

rover died @pidgeon
im not

lance @blueboii
wokie cool ill just go back to cuddling my fiancé

Plant King @PlantKing
@blueboii getting out of cuddle time with his fiancé (!! congrats!!) just to check if @pidgeon needs brotherly intervention has me LIVING

keith @heypup
lance is the best thing thats ever happened to all of us, period

tired @spacedad
we know, keith, it isnt like you constantly remind us of that during every meal together ever

stress cooking @yellowboii
and during training

Allura @princess
Don't forget the meetings!

rover died @pidgeon
i sometimes hear you guys through the walls and its gross

ice @icebaby
BITCH THATS SO FUCKING PURE????

dying @blackcoffee
Keith constantly reminds the world his s/o is the bestest thing ever, pass it on

keith @heypup
damn right you should

bi babe @bibabe
AKSIFJJAKSFJE VALID?!?!?!
.
.
.
.
spider-man @actuallyspiderman
oh no

mermaid @oceanography
what happened?

spider-man @actuallyspiderman
mr. stark saw those tweets with the person who asked me about avengers secrets

spider-man @actuallyspiderman
mpre specifically, @princess 's tweets...about me.

eugene @ayybaby
she doesnt know you exist tho

spider-man @actually
i know ofc but mr stark isnt buying it

Allura @princess
I'm sorry to cause so much distress. I can send a private message to Sir Tony Stark explaining my side, if he'd be open to.

spider-man @actuallyspiderman
!!! of course, ms. allura! but let me calm him down first he gets really...protective.

Allura @princess
A good trait to see in a father.

spider-man @actuallyspiderman
AKIFDJNSDIRJS FATHER?!?!?!?!

eggs @deviled
yo i think i saw spider-man on the rooftops. he's, uh, sobbing pretty hard. maybe you can schedule it another time?

Allura @princess
Yes, of course. I'll leave you to it then.
.
.
mermaid @oceanography
i???? am awed???? in shock????

eugene @ayybaby
we know.

mermaid @oceanography
can i meet her???? shes like goddess given form (right beside my queen pepper potts ofc)

ice @icebaby
weve been informed that we cannot, in fact, meet the elusive allura.

mermaid @oceanography
thats kind of disappointing, but thats okay i understand

eugene @ayybaby
none of us get why we can meet her but we respect them

bi babe @bibabe
jjaocosnalfe exactly.

Chapter Text

eggs @deviled
hey @pidgeon i have a question

rover died @pidgeon
what is it?

eggs @deviled
just who is rover? and how did he die?

rover died @pidgeon
uhhh...rover was...he was a drone i hacked?

eggs @deviled
YO WHAT

rover died @pidgeon
what

shane @bombshell
YOU HACKED A DRONE?!?!

rover died @pidgeon
yyyyeah?

keith @heypup
i think you need to give them a little context

shane @bombshell
NO SHIT I NEED TO KNOW WHY @pidgeon HACKED A DRONE

rover died @pidgeon
i mean i just saw him around and took him along with me. thats literally it.

spooker @ryann
so you just. casually strolled up to this patrolling drone, HACKED IT IN A SHORT SPAN OF TIME, and LEFT?

shane @bombshell
named him rover too

spooker @ryann
THATS NOT REALLY THE POINT HERE.

rover died @pidgeon
what, like its hard?

eugene @ayybaby
AJOSODCNRIAIDE IS THERE ANY OTHER SECRET THING UR FAM KEEPS UP THEIR SLEEVES

rose @andthorns
wait so howd he die?

rover died @pidgeon
he shut himself off bc this dude that was chasing me was holding onto him

rover died @pidgeon
and they both fell down the uh. they fell of the...balcony?

spooker @ryann
why do you sound so unsure about that is that not what happened

rover died @pidgeon
no comment

spooker @ryann
AKSKFJDNENCKD

mel @coffeekid
wait why were you being chased and why didnt your fam help you

rover died @pidgeon
oh lmao this was when lance was concussed, shiro with him and allura and keith were locked out of the house

eugene @ayybaby
WAIT SERIOUSLY

rover died @pidgeon
yep.

shane @bombshell
why couldnt the ones locked out just find another way in?

rover died @pidgeon
the house was built REALLY REALLY big. defences were also....impossible to get past.

ice @icebaby
lmao i bet the black widow could get in

dying @blackcoffee
or the hulk

L @snakeperson
oh, no, i know what this person's talking about. trust me no one would have been able to get in except for maybe thor and stark, if he tries.

eugene @ayybaby
ARE YOU SERIOUS JUST HOW TOP NOTCH ARE THESE DEFENSES

tired @spacedad
you get in the middle of it in the process of blocking entry and youll find yourself chopped in half

eugene @ayybaby
im beginning to think you enjoy us freaking out over your collective asses getting hurt or otherwise affected

eugene @ayybaby
are you guys just overexaggerating your summer hijinks???

carlos @oleole
take it from someone who follows their insta, theyre definitely NOT making this shit up

tired @spacedad
we'd never lie to any of you

eugene @ayybaby
jfc now im even more concerned

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
SEE I TOLD YOU THERE WAS SOMETHING TO GET ANXIOUS OVER AND YOU DIDNT BELIVE ME

eugene @ayybaby
IM SORRY OKAY IM A SKEPTIC AT HEART YOU KNOW THAT
.
.
.
shane @bombshell
so, recap:

shane @bombshell
user pidgeon apparently has the skills needed to hack into a patrolling drone (those are like military exclusive???) and just leave with it

shane @bombshell
the drone, named rover, died tragically as he was somehow sentient enough to shut himself off to save @pidgeon

shane @bombshell
this all happened apprarently during the incident where user blueboii was concussed (WHAT THE HELL)

shane @bombshell
and this all happened in their supposedly huge ass and tightly secured house where "keith" and "allura" were locked outside.

rover died @pidgeon
thats right

lance @blueboii
you got it

keith @heypup
basically

tired @spacedad
theres more to it than that, but yeah, you got the gist of it.

eugene @ayybaby
im fucking done making sense of your lives nothing will surprise me anymore

keith @heypup
lance is a sniper

eugene @ayybaby
WHY WOULD YOU NEED TO POINT THAT OUT

keith @heypup
i cant be proud of my fiancé for having skills??

eugene @ayybaby
normally no BUT WHY WOULD YOU POINT THAT OUT IN THIS CONTEXT

keith @heypup
bad timing?

eugene @ayybaby
BULLSHIT

rose @andthorns
i think the question is how @snakeperson has met them and we???? havent????

L@snakeperson
on a completely unrelated note i took a bunch of trips to midgard in my free time.

tired @spacedad
i dont know whether to thank you or throttle you.

L @snakeperson
im not adverse to both my dear ;)

bi babe @bibabe
akkdjjdkwjjxejs LUCKY

mel @coffeekid
that answer seems really simple that it has me really suspicious

Plant King @PlantKing
right? ive seen a lot of things in my short span of life and it has taught me that things are never quite as simple as they seem

ice @icebaby
so, either were reading into this too much and loki did actually meet them on some unknown land in the world, or,

ice @icebaby
he was trying to mislead us with a nicely timed tweet that really has nothing to do with the first set of tweets other than to Fuck with our Brains.

Plant King @PlantKing
stop, please, i got a migraine just reading that

mel @coffeekid
akksjdidirehwjs same

Chapter Text

L @snakeperson
it will never not be funny to me how midgardians take things completely out of context

L @snakeperson
and make completely correct assumptions they themselves dont believe to be true but in reality it is quite accurate

lance @blueboii
dude, come on, we gave you cake what more do you want

L @snakeperson
im not doing anything, im just describing an observation i find utterly hilarious

lance @blueboii
yeah but youre giving shiro war flashbacks of slav,,

tired @spacedad
goddamn bullshit alternate percentage reality timeline spouting dickwad

rover died @pidgeon
he does look like a human dildo doesn't he?

tim @fairies
a...a what?

lance @blueboii
STOP WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY THAT

rover died @pidgeon
you cant say you didnt see it

lance @blueboii
I WISH I FUCKING DIDNT GODDAMNIT PIDGE THATS GOING TO SHOW UP IN MY DREAMS

rover died @pidgeon
arent your dreams usually of keith

lance @blueboii
I REFUSE TO LET MY FANTASIES OF MY FIANCE GET SOILED BY A HUMAN SIZED CENTIPIEDE DILDO CHICKEN

ice @icebaby
what??? the fuck?¿??¿?

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
c e n t i p e d e d i l d o c h i c k e n

carlo @oleole
thats going to be my new wedding quote, you realize

dying @blackcoffee
you ever just wonder what the fuck is going on with That One Fam™

mel @coffeekid
is that what we're calling them now

dying @blackcoffee
yes and we've amassed an army for klance

KLANCE @die4klance
theyre going to be our mascots for pride month!!

eugene @ayybaby
thats great, and all, congrats to you guys

eugene @ayybaby
but what the fuck kinda person looks like a centipede dildo chicken?

rover died @pidgeon
slav

lance @blueboii
slav

keith @heypup
slav

stress cooking @yellowboii
slav

eugene @ayybaby
well alright then

tired @spacedad
stop fucking reminding me

rover died @pidgeon
no :)

Chapter Text

rover died @pidgeon
lance :real shit how old is spidey?
me :u fucking hypocrite

lance @blueboii
I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING I WAS JUST CURIOUS

zach @cornchild
what does that mean????

mel @coffeekid
lance is 20 presumably

zach @cornchild
...yeah??

ice @icebaby
o you poor innocent child

eugene @ayybaby
he really doesnt know does he

zach @cornchild
what are you talking about??

irondad @TStark
id like to know as well

spider-man @actuallyspiderman
mr staaaaark stop bothering normal civillians

irondad @TStark
so then tell me why a few months ago you begged me to track this @blueboii's location only to find out we couldnt fucking track him??? at all??

zach @cornchild
what the fuck?!??

eugene @ayybaby
oop.

lance @blueboii
NO I PROMISE ITS NOTHING BAD

eugene @ayybaby
nothing bad, he says. does a bomb count as "nothing bad"??

zach @cornchild
YOU DEALT WITH A BOMB?!

lance @blueboii
WE REALLY DONT NEED TO HAVE THIS DISCUSSION TONIGHT

irondad @TStark
in light of everything, i really sure as shit think we do.

irondad @TStark
ive read through your tweets. you guys have been dealing with very serious threats from what it sounds like, and you guys are dealing with it ALONE?

irondad @TStark
give me one good reason why i shouldnt be concerned.

tired @spacedad
we can handle it ourselves, sir.

irondad @TStark
can you? can you really? then why was @blueboii concussed? why did a hacked drone have to save @pidgeon's life?

irondad @TStark
if you ask me, none of that reassures me that you've got things handled, "shiro".

tired @spacedad
i...

rover died @pidgeon
shiro you suck at this, let me handle it

rover died @pidgeon
What we do with our personal lives is absolutely none of your business. Don't ever try to pry into something we don't want you to butt into.

irondad @TStark
or what?

rover died @pidgeon
Or what, what? Nothing you'll do will ever affect us, currently. You can't hack our accounts. You don't know who we are. We're just a bunch of names on a screen.

rover died @pidgeon
And that can't get you far, can it?

rover died @pidgeon
I understand that as an Avenger you guys want to know to keep us safe. I get that.

rover died @pidgeon
But you don't have the right to invade our privacy. Not if we haven't even broken ANY international laws. And you know this.

rover died @pidgeon
If you're smarter than I am the first thing you would have done is run a world-wide crosscheck concerning the events we told.

rover died @pidgeon
You never found anything about us, did you? Now you're stuck trying to fish the answers out of us. You don't even know if we're telling the truth.

rover died @pidgeon
But we won't tell you. Not yet. Not when we still need to handle it ourselves.

irondad @TStark
and who gave you that responsibility?

rover died @pidgeon
That's for you to know once we finish.

irondad @TStark
I could ask Loki.

rover died @pidgeon
Cut yourself some slack, Tony Stark. We both know that idea's trash.

rover died @pidgeon
now leave it the fuck alone and let us enjoy your dad moments with your kid.

irondad @TStark
fine. just be sure to call if you absolutely need the help, alright? we'll come. no questions asked.

rover died @pidgeon
:) we know. thats why youre one of our favorite avengers.

keith @heypup
but make shiro feel like that again and im going to slap a bitch

irondad @TStark
noted
.
.
.
Plant King @PlantKing
holy shit

eugene @ayybaby
my thoughts exactly. hot damn, pidge

mermaid @oceanographer
i love tony stark and all, but goddamn that felt like such a powerful beatdown. with words

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
im just really fucking concerned, like seriously are they okay?

eggs @deviled
we may never know for now. i think all thats left to do is wait until theyre ready to tell us.

zach @cornchild
sPEAK FOR YOURSELF I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHATS GOING ON

eugene @ayybaby
[image compilation of tweets]

zach @cornchild
i. this. ????????????

zach @cornchild
i need a fuckibg nap, excuse me
.
.
.
ice @icebaby
...hey, mel...

mel @coffeekid
akdkfjsdjj i KNOW but leave it i dont want to break my brain today

winnie @windexx
@pidgeon do you still want me to pull through with my theories

rover died @pidgeon
oh yeah, go ahead. well tell you when to break the news though

winnie @windexx
do i still get my money?

rover died @pidgeon
i mean. if you can figure out the conversion rates, sure.

winnie @windexx
cool

eggs @deviled
???? just look it up on google???

winnie @windexx
hahhahahaha thats funny

eugene @ayybaby
jfc can we stop getting ominous tweets????

lance @blueboii
nope!

eugene @ayybaby
i guess this is the life i live now

Chapter Text

lance @blueboii
hey shiro a thought just occured to me

tired @spacedad
yes?

lance @blueboii
who in the seven hells taught keith how to fight Like That?

deadpool @deadpoolbaby
that would be me!

tired @spacedad
that would be him

lance @blueboii
uh...who exactly are you?

deadpool @deadpoolbaby
im deadpool! deadpool the merc with a mouth

lance @blueboii
...so youll kill people if we pay you?

deadpool @deadpoolbaby
i used to, but i made a promise not to

lance @blueboii
its alright, dude.

deadpool @deadpoolbaby
though if you REALLY want to "poison" that snooty prince on your tails, you might want to order a side dish jalapeños. lots of 'em.

lance @blueboii
SHIRO WHY DOES HE KNOW

tired @spacedad
ive learned to stop questioning it, honestly.

deadpool @deadpoolbaby
space dad BEST DAD

tired @spacedad
thank you

keith @heypup
wade get the fuck away from my boyfriend

deadpool@deadpool
aweeeee :( but you never visit

keith @heypup
YOU KNOW WHY I CANT VISIT YOU YOU WALNUT
.
.
.
lance @blueboii
...so apparently spicy stuff is a poison??? here??? thats so fucking wild

stress cooking @yellowboii
what a nice thought :)

keith @heypup
yes :) nice :)

deadpool @deadpoolbaby
you know author, your readers must be terribly confused you unreliable narrator. ill clear things ups for them

deadpool @deadpoolbaby
see, lotor is actually a dick in this one. sorry lotor lovers. and he tried to flirt with lance. in frknt of keith. and hunk.

so! both red and yellow want to kill him. lance was asking me if i could kill lotor for them, but im in a sacred pact with your friendly neighborhood spiderman!! sadly no spideypool, but we are respecting people here and tbh this pete just aint my type. not as fun as the others :( But thats okay, hes a sweet kid!!

so there you have it!! exposition!!

lance @blueboii
who the fuck are you talking to, and how the fuck did you break the character limit?

lance @blueboii
hello????

lance @blueboii
...where are hunk and keith?

tired @spacedad
its fine, dont worry about it

lance @blueboii
YOU KNOW STATEMENTS LIKE THAT ONLY MAKE ME WORRY MORE

lance @blueboii
@heypup keith??? @yellowboii buddy???

lance @blueboii
for fuck's sake

Plant King @PlantKing
wait where would spicy food be considered poisonous???

keith @heypup
here?

ice @icebaby
yeah no fucking shit but where is HERE?!?!?!

rover died @pidgeon
hmmmm

eugene @ayybaby
oh holy shit. what the fuck???? thats not... @coffeekid ????

mel @coffeekid
stop thinking about it i dont want to break twiter today

eugene @ayybaby
fair enough

eugene @ayybaby
but holy shit

Chapter Text

keith @heypup
so i just woke up and went to the kitchen

tim @fairies
thats what normal people would do once waking up, yes

keith @heypup
i found a gremlin
[cryptkidcorner.jpeg]

ice @icebaby
jfc what are they eating it looks like soiled milk

keith @heypup
are you sure it isnt

ice @icebaby
PLEASE GET HEALTHY FOODS OH MY GOD

keith @heypup
im kidding. thats a special kind of vegetarian food the princess has

keith @heypup
not like we have much else

dying @blackcoffee
thats nice and all, but why the FUCK ARE YOU UP AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR

keith @heypup
its?? 6 am???

dying @blackcoffee
UNGODLY. HOURS.

mel @coffeekid
why is there a person on that counter pls get them down

keith @heypup
okay
.
.
.
lance @blueboii
Which one of you fucks sent Keith to disturb Pidge.

lance @blueboii
Don't do that. We don't disturb the gremlin for a reason.

lance @blueboii
keith has a broken arm and pidge is sulking and hovering

mel @coffeekid
IM SO SORRY I DIDNT KNOW

lance @blueboii
Please don't do it next time I've had enough seeing my fiancé getting hurt HE'S STILL HEALING FROM THE LAST STAB WOUND

keith @heypup
IT WASN'T THAT BAD

stress cooking @yellowboii
yeah hi id like to call bullshit you were in critical condition

waffles @waffleman
YOU'VE BEEN STABBED?!

keith @heypup
oh, yeah, definitely

lance @blueboii
Keith.

keith @heypup
right sorry

waffles @waffleman
no but seriously ARE YOU OKAY?

eugene @ayybaby
is this vaguely better than lance being concussed

lance @blueboii
no

keith @heypup
yes

Plant King @Plant King
two kinds of people

rover died @pidgeon
not if i can help it

mel @coffeekid
three. three kinds of people.

stress cooking @yellowboii
please stop no one should be getting hurt in the first place

ice @icebaby
and THEREs the hufflepuff

stress cooking @yellowboii
uwu
.
.
.
lance @blueboii
ive calmed down somewhat, and have to ask, what are yalls hogwarts houses?

lance @blueboii
keiths a typical griffindor, pidge is the hiss hiss person, hunkie is the uwu house and im the bird

Plant King @PlantKing
what the fuck did i just read

tim @fairies
brilliance

that is not correct @bcaccording
inch resting...

mel @coffeekid
what about shiro

keith @heypup
faculty. hes old.

mel @coffeekid
lol yeah fair enough. im a hufflepuff btw!!

ice @icebaby
ravenclaw for some unknown reason im a dumbass why am i in the smart house

lance @blueboii
hey im a mega dumbass too!! bros bitch!

ice @icebaby
BROS BEFORE BITCHES

keith @heypup
lance weve talked about this.

lance @blueboii
talked about what?

keith @heypup
youre super smart. i will fight everyone on this. and i will win. bc you are smart.

lance blueboii
HAHAHA NO IM NOT DONT LIE TO ME

keith @heypup
im bad at lying. you know this.

lance @blueboii
kaddicjsbcdjksdnbw NEXT PLEASE

keith @heypup
:/

rover died @pidgeon
oh thank god that was over BUT BITCH IM RAVENCLAW??? I CANT BE SNEAKY TO SAVE A LIFE

tired @spacedad
you snuck around the [castle] house...

rover died @pidgeon
YEAH AND I GOT CAUGHT WITHIN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES SHIRO, GET WITH THE PROGRAM

keith @heypup
agreed. pidge is just really fucking slippery when they want to be.

rover died @pidgeon
damn right

lance @blueboii
bur ur green so with the snakes you go

mel @coffeekid
thats,,,, thats not how it works

lance @blueboii
too bad, it does now.

Chapter Text

d30 can suck my dick @tangnamopre
@yellowboii glad to see you alive and kicking, asshole

stress cooking @yellowboii
!!!! JUNIOR SORRY  NAWALA SA ISIP KO

d30 can suck my dick @tangnamopre
GAGO IILAN LANG KAMI DITO SA PINAS

stress cooking @yellowboii
AKAKFJRJSR IM SORRY OKAY

d30 can suck my dick @tangnamopre
whatever. here, what u missed for like, the last 2 years [googledrive link]

lance @blueboii
juni my man hi hello how you doin

d30 can suck my dick @tangnamopre
better than you apparrently

lance @blueboii
;v; true true. what do you mean theres only a few of you back there??

stress cooking @yellowboii
🙃🙃🙃 wow okay i think i feel better being gone

tired @spacedad
what's wrong hunk, whats

tired @spacedad
...i see your point.

lance @blueboii
:0 is it bad are you all okay

d30 can suck my dick @tangnamopre
its chill we're fine. mostly. but uh.

d30 can suck my dick @tangnamopre
@pinkie ate chay help

tee hee @pinkie
ha? 

tee hee @pinkie
OH HUNK HII MISS NA KITA BILI KA PASALUBONG AH

stress cooking @yellowboii
ate chay please. what happened.

tee hee @pinkie
jun ur such a wuss. napa ospital ung bunsoy mo beshie.

stress cooking @yellowboii
HE WHAT. JUNIOR.

d30 can suck my dick @tangnamopre
TIS BUT A FLESH WOUND KUYA

stress cooking @yellowboii
NO THE FUCK ITS NOT

keith @heypup
hey so i dont know what happened here but hunk had to let go of his phone bc he was breaking it. lance is trying to calm him down

mel @coffeekid
whats going on?

rover died @pidgeon
i skimmed through that doc. uh. ph political climate's looking pretty shitty.

keith @heypup
how bad

rover died @pidgeon
not as bad as some places but like. it hits the bottom.

keith @heypup
oh no

tee hee @pinkie
:( yup a bunch of us just high-tailed outta there. mama jun and i are just here bc jun's a dumbass and recovering still.

keith @heypup
i hope he feels better...sorry if i dont know your names

tee hee @pinkie
its fine bro just call me chay or Alissa. 

d30 can suck my dick @tangnamopre
junior at ur service but my name is oswald

keith @heypup
nice to meet you?

keith @heypup
@blueboii lance is hunk okay

lance @blueboii 
not at all but hes coming back

rover died @pidgeon
rant incoming

STRESS @yellowboii
i hate this. i hate what's happening. why is it happening at all? what the fuck, ph what the hell happed to you people

STRESS @yellowboii
i knew before that my country was slowly going down the drain, but this? this is insanity. whp the fuck decided it was okay? ITS NOT

STRESS @yellowboii
HEY WAR-MONGERING ASSHOLE, I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU. STOP TELLING PEOPLE YOURE MAKING THE COUNTRY BETTER.

STRESS @yellowboii
SPOILER ALERT, YOU'RE NOT.

STRESS @yellowboii
if you want to get rid of the problem, mass killing isnt the way to do it. dont fucking tell the police to have free reign over who they "think" is guilty without a fair goddamn trial.

STRESS @yellowboii
you're just wasting lives. for what? a utopia that exists in mere fantasy? grow the fuck up.

STRESS @yellowboii
i used to be so proud of being a pinoy, but lately all there is about the ph is everything im ashamed of. im so disappointed.

STRESS @yellow
at kung nababasa nito ng mga pinoy diyan, lalo na ang sumusuporta sa ginagawa ni d30, ayusin niyo nga sarili niyo.

STRESS @yellowboii
tatanga na nga, diktador pa yung ginawa niyong presidente. where is the freedom? nasaan yung pinaglaban ng kkk?

STRESS @yellowboii
i need a nap. sorry for the outburst, everyone.
.
.
.
eugene @ayybaby
:( lately a lot of political bullshit keeps affecting a lot of good people.

mel @coffeekid
i didn't even know the ph got this bad...

tired @spacedad
this is why you should always pay attention to the news. it doesnt have to be tv, as long as youre aware of the things that have been happening.

allura @princess
Indeed. My [planet] country had its fair share of political disputes as well. Everyone was aware of it, and since where I'm from, diplomacy is primary, we didn't have much problems.

ice @icebaby
your country sounds so cool

allura @princess
It was! Lush mountains peppered with flowers, mounds and flat areas were rich with vegetation.

ice @icebaby
was?

allura @princess
Unfortunately, the place I called home was destroyed in a devastating war. One that I still have to pick up the pieces of.

ice @icebaby
shit, that sucks. that really really sucks.

ice @icebaby
...wait... @coffeekid MEL

mel @coffeekid
I KNOW I SAW

allura @princess
Oh my, had I revealed too much?

ice @icebaby
ms allura, honey...you basically just chunked a huge puzzle piece at us.

allura @princess
I do not have any of these puzzle pieces though?

mel @coffeekid
aodoodixenskfd where the hell did the fam find you

Coran @MechanicAdvisor
Why, we were encountered by the team quite a few quintents ago! Spitting flameburst and hay did I manage to tell.

eugene @ayybaby
@starpower pls translate

luna @starpower 
"We met them some time ago, and they were very lively in my perspective."

ice @icebaby
how the fuck can you figure it out

luna @starpower
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

mel @coffeekid
that doesnt even answer the question

Coran @MechanicAdvisor
They popped up just as we let the dust clear from our eyes in, oh, about 10 decaphoebes.

mel @coffeekid
do i want to know what a decaphoebe is

luna @starpower
you really fucking dont.

Chapter Text

Allura @princess
As much as I do adore people trying to squabble around figuring out what Coran is trying to say, I feel the need to tell you. 

Allura @princess
He's been 'fucking' with you this entire time.

tim @fairies
I FUCKING KNEW IT IM TELLING WANDA

ice @icebaby
but why?????

Coran @MechanicAdvisor
Because I simply can, my good person! I do need that daily sodium chloride over my consumable objects.

Plant King @PlantKing
so i stan a legend,,

carlos @oleole
@blueboii mr coran is my favorite person now

lance @blueboii
thats fine, hes my fav person too

Allura @princess
You're quite lucky Keith doesn't see this.

lance @blueboii
oh no he is lol hes right beside me

lance @blueboii
[hepouty.jpeg]

Allura @princess
I suppose you don't want to be separated from the next assignment then?

lance @blueboii
nope. can we do it together?

Allura @princess
You both are actually 20% more effective when paired together, so yes.

lance @blueboii
WE'LL GO GET READY

Coran @MechanicAdvisor
Ah, I remember those days where I, too, loved being with my partners while working.

Allura @princess
Coran, you and Dad never got anything done.

Coran @MechanicAdvisor
Details, details! We had the most rejuvinating experiences in all the cycles I've had awareness.

Allura @princess
Whatever you say, Coran.

Chapter Text

Allura @princess
Can anyone help me?

Allura @princess
Please. My friends, Lance and the others, they're acting quite oddly.

eggs @deviled
what's up, @princess?

Allura @princess
We just came across this highly condensed dust particle cloud. Pidge took one look at it and tugged Lance's arm.

Allura @princess 
And then they began chanting?

eggs @deviled
what the fuck were they chanting

Allura @princess
"All hail, all hail". Do any of your people have rituals that concern shouting hail at a colorful bright cloud of condensed dust particles?

tim @fairies
hold on, bright?

Allura @princess
Yes? Its also quite colorful. Keith, Hunk, and Shiro are also partaking in this rather odd ritual.

Allura @princess
And Shiro is usually my measuring stick for my...er, cultural differences to you all.

eggs @deviled
shit. uh. is the cloud poisonous???

Allura @princess 
Not that I know of. It simple is pretty colorful.

Coran @MechanicAdvisor
Not necessarily, princess! Readings dictate a strange type of energy being emitted by the cloud.

eggs @deviled
shit uhhhh @actuallyspiderman

spider -man @actuallyspiderman
i cannot fucking believe

eggs @deviled
do you know what it is

spider-man @actuallyspiderman
YES ITS THE FUCKING GLOW CLOUD

mel @coffeekid
AKAKDNDSKX HOWD THEY FIND A GLOW CLOUD THATS AMAZING

eggs @deviled
??? Glow cloud???

tim @fairies
night vale

eggs @deviled
WHAT THE FUCK HOW DIDNT I SEE THAT

Allura @princess
What is this Glow Cloud?

mel @coffeekid
all hail the glow cloud

lance @blueboii
all hail

rover died @pidgeon
all hail

keith @heypup
all hail

STRESSED @yellowboii
all hail

tired @spacedad
all hail

Allura @princess
??????????

Chapter Text

rover died @pidgeon
so, allura's been a little stir crazy lately

tim @fairies
why is that

stress cooking @yellowboii
keith and lance are gone

eugene @ayybaby
gone, gone?

tired @spacedad
no we just cant find them

stress cooking @yellowboii
THAT ISNT REALLY MAKING IT ANY BETTER

rover died @pidgeon
how sure are we that theyre not fucking somewhere

stress cooking @yellowboii
because lance is a screamer

tired @spacedad
did... did we really need to know that

stress @yellowboii
its not even strictly about sex he just. screams.

dying @blackcoffee
valid

tired @spacedad
have you tried the hangars

mel @coffeekid
arent u guys worried everyone's gonna find out what youre up to

rover died @pidgeon
i think the rest of us collectively agreed that we just plain dont give a shit anymore.

also shiro theyre not here

Coran @MechanicAdvisor
Oh, didn't I tell you all? Numbers 3 and 4 headed down for a little together time. Their words, not mine. They left vargas ago. @princess is worried about something else!

tired @spacedad
which is...?

Coran @MechanicAdvisor
Something about fermented reserves and poison, actually.

stress cooking @yellowboii
OH NO DONT LET HER TOUCH THOSE

rover died @pidgeon
PLEASE CORAN WE WORKED SO HARD ON THOSE

Coran @Mechanicadvisor
I'm so sorry, you two, if you're referring to that clear container the size of two bipedal avians, then I'm afraid she already tossed those out the airlock.

stress cooking @yellowboii
OH MY GOD

tired @spacedad
what did you two do

stress cooking @yellowboii
booze

tired @spacedad
shit

rover died @pidgeon
dad currrseeeed

stress cooking @yellowboii
shiro said the shit word

tired @spacedad
why are you all like this
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ice @icebaby
hey @blueboii is there anyone you're horny for

lance @blueboii
is this a trick question

keith @heypup
if it isnt im killing anyone lance names that isnt my name. or hunks.

lance @blueboii
shiro?

keith @heypup
bold of you to assume he wont welcome it with open arms

lance @blueboii
oaoxndoaofje fair

bi babe @bibabe
where are you two currently

keith @heypup
on a??? date??

bi babe @bibabe
would you be open for a qna

keith @heypup
i didnt think we'd be popular enough for that

eugene @ayybaby
have you,,, seen tumblr?? looked #klance up? at all?

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
i hear klance whats up

eugene @ayybaby
they arent aware of the space fam conspiracy thread

keith @heypup
oh, that.

rover died @pidgeon
bold of you to assume we werent the ones who started it

eugene @ayybaby
AKKSKFKSODIWJJ

ice @icebaby
BULLSHIT

over the hills @motherduck
no way

cant believe @itgotreal
shit seriously

tim @fairies
SPILL SPILL SPILL

klance life best life @KLANCE
y'all cant do me dirty like this

WE STAN @spacefam
why dont u know who your fans are

lance @blueboii
well.....

keith @heypup
normally conspiracy threads dont get qnas,,,,

ice @icebaby
ffs you guys are ALIVE and EXISTING what else are we supposed to do

keith @heypup
wait?

eugene @ayybaby
sounds boring

lance @blueboii
keef just rolled his eyes and is sulking

keith @heypup
I am NOT SULKING

rover died @pidgeon
yeah you are

stress cooking @yellowboii
yeah you are

tired @spacedad
you're sulking kiddo

Allura @princess
Yes, you are.

Coran @MechanicAdvisor
You most certainly are, Number 4!

lance @blueboii
get rekt, babe

keith @heypup
i hate this fucking family

lance @blueboii
bae's lyin, he just snuggled closer to me

keith @heypup
LANCE I TRUSTED YOU

lance @blueboii
a horrible decision, really

dying @blackcoffee
you two are fucking adorable, the discord server's losing their collective shit

WE STAN @spacefam
its pretty wild

winnie @windexx
okay, NOW will you all stop shitting me about not using r/spacefam? @heypup and @pidgeon are LITERALLY THE ADMINS?!?!?!

tim @fairies
sorry winnie

winnie @windexx
thank you

Chapter Text

Allura @princess
I need something explained.

Plant King @PlantKing
whats up?

Allura @princess
Why the quiznak do you all insist on poisoning yourself with gigantic amounts of ethanol?

Plant King @PlantKing
wait, what? who said we were poisoning ourselves??

Allura @princess
With Ethanol! Ethanol is a highly concentrated chemical that, when ingested, severely disrupts an individual's cognitive processes to the point of incoherency! Sometimes to a deadly degree!

mel @coffeekid
WHAT. WHO SAID WE DID THAT.

Allura @princess
The paladins. I was told they wanted gallons of ethanol, and I was told they wanted to ingest it themselves so I firmly disagreed on this matter. Now they are sulking in the common room.

eugene @ayybaby
does ethanol do anything else?

Coran @MechanicAdvisor
Indeed! A few vargas after consumption, one will feel quite inebriated, often with nausea, vertigo, and often times severe cases of fatigue.

ice @icebaby
...wait, that sounds...awfully like a hangover doesn't it?

eugene @ayybaby
lemme look it up

eugene @ayybaby
Common Hangover Symptoms
Constitutional: Fatigue, weakness, and thirst.
Pain: A headache and muscle aches.
Gastrointestinal: Nausea, vomiting, and stomach pain.
Sleep and Biological Rhythms: Decreased sleep, decreased deep sleep and increased slow-wave sleep.
Sensory: Vertigo and sensitivity to light and sound.

holy shit

mel @coffeekid
wait what

ice @icebaby
mel, the space fam was talking about booze

mel @coffeekid
WHAT THE SHIT

Allura @princess
I'm still waiting for an explanation? Why are my paladins so insistent on ingesting such a vile poison?

spider-man @actuallyspiderman
because its not actually a poison where we're concerned miss princess allura!!!

Allura @princess
Excuse me?

irondad @TStark
ethanol is one of those chemicals that humans can safely ingest up to a certain degree, and responsibly.

Allura @princess
I don't understand why, however. Ethanol makes you inebriated to the point of incoherency, to repeat myself!

irondad @TStark
thats the point. we WANT to get inebriated. and if your "paladins" or whatever are as stressed as i think they are...they really might need it.

lance @blueboii
PLEASE ALLURA WE CAME OF AGE

tired @spacedad
princess i promise we'll make sure we dont ingest too much. let us have some

keith @heypup
you mean i will.

tired @spacedad
yep

pan with a plan @hotnmessy
??

keith @heypup
shiro's going to get wsted as fuck. im not.

eugene @ayybaby
why not?

keith @heypup
i dont like drinking. never have, never will.

mel @coffeekid
but i thought shiro doesn't drink?? @yellowboii said as much?

stress cooking @yellowboii
yes but that was before i found out shiro only drinks when the stress becomes too much. and if we're in a safe setting.

mel @coffeekid
so....you're in a safe setting now?

rover died @pidgeon
the Castle's as safe as can be, yeah

ice @icebaby
CASTLE?!?!?!?

rover died @icebaby
don't forget to emphasize the c

ice @icebaby
w h a t

Allura @princess
Are you SURE you'll still be able to function after this?

keith @heypup
trust me they will be very functional. if a bit grumpy.

Allura @princess
Then...against my better judgement, I SUPPOSE you all may indulge in this...quite frankly, horrifying ritual.

Allura @princess
Honestly, out of all the [aliens] unique people have met to this day, NONE of them compare to [humans] you people and your strange habits.

tim @fairies
and THAT'S the mother fuckin TEA

Chapter Text

keith @heypup
theyre so fucking wasted holy shit

keith @heypup
[holyshit.mp4]
[A video of Shiro twerking and shouting "AREEEEEEEBAAAA!". Pidge throws rocks and fur.

"Pidge that's not confetti," Keith says behind the camera.

"It can be if I throw it hard enough!"

"PIDGE NO"

"Blueeeeeee," the camera pans over to Lance curled up on the floor. "Where's Blue? She's...she's not heeeeeere" Lance whines, wriggling.

A sigh. "Lance, Blue is in the hangar like the others," Keith says exasperated.

"But Keiiiiith,"

"Jesus christ get off the floor and on the couch,"

Lance perks up. "Are we fucking on the couch?"

"Oh my god," Keith mumbles. "Wait, where's Hunk?"]

Plant King @PlantKing
Oh dear god

mel @coffeekid
oh no where's hunk????

luna @starpower
Oh damn.

winnie @windexx
...Oh? ehuehuehuehue

eugene @ayybaby
you're kind of fucking terrifying @windexx not gonna lie

winnie @windexx
thank you (:

eggs @deviled
no but is that shiro

bi babe @bibabe
indeed it is

eggs @deviled
oH mY gOd?!?!?!

tim @fairies
so im not the only one. good to know

eggs @deviled
11/10 would fuck holy shit do you see those thighs???

bi babe @bibabe
you're strangely horny today. i mean, same, honestly, but like. wow?

eggs @deviled
listen im a decent person on a good day but even i have my limits for resisting insanely hot people

bi babe @bibabe
FUCKING MOOD

tim @fairies
what kinda room is that?

keith @heypup
the common room. allura's dad had weird tastes

rover died @pidgeon
hellz fkin yehsj they ade theeedes a jaxuzze in ethe kitchesdn

keith @heypup
get off twitter

rover died @pidgeon
UREnsn bkt the bsjoss of nne!!

keith @heypup
yeah but your actual boss is as wasted as you, hand over the phone

rover died @pidgeon
fknin MKEAKE ME ASSHOLE
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stress cooking @yellowboii
heyyyyyyyy pdiges here!!!!!!!! 0hiiii pidgeyyyyyy

stress cooking @yellowboii
oooiiiiiik keefs heerretoooooo
[keg.jpg]

ice @icebaby
omg is that lance on keith's back

stress cooking @yellowboii
yuûh
[kllcnce.mp4]
["Where is she," Keith storms into the kitchen, panicked. The camera jolts, and an off-camera Hunk is heard slurring.

"hhhhhhheeeeeeyyy keith," Hunk says, drawing out his vowels. "How're yaaa?"

Keith grimaces and glares at the camera. "Fuck off," he grunts.

"Whoooose Ohf?" Lance mumbles drowsily from where he was doing an impression of a koala against Keith's back. He whines into the crook of Keith's neck. "Nnnu, Keith can only fuck meeeeeeeee, no one else. Mi cariño, mi cielo, estrellita, mi amoooorrrr" a number of spanish words tumble out of Lance's mouth. The camera catches every second of Keith's reddening face.

"He lllllliiiikes youuuuuuu," whispers the vents, cackling like a hyena seconds later.

Hunk screams loudly making Keith jolt and Pidge, behind the vents, bang her head on the metal. Immediately, moans of pain echoes throughout the room, giving it a more eerie feeling.

Lance, off camera since Hunk dropped it in the middle of screaming, wails in distress and a few seconds later what can only be Keith choking on air is heard, accompanied by the stilted words of "Lan - ghk! Babe, too tighkght—" before the video abruptly ends.]
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ice @icebaby
...wasnt that the kitchen

luna @starpower
for the entire 5 minutes of concerning development this video brought us THATS what youre most concerned about?!?!

ice @icebaby
hell yes i want to know why the fuck there was a jacuzzi in the goddamn kitchen

tired @spacedad
thats for boiling people

eggs @deviled
hey ho what now

tired @spacedad
shhhhhhhhh

eggs @deviled
you cant shush me, you're drunk!

tired @spacedad
watch me

bi babe @bibabe
...eggs? dude its been 20 minutes

bi babe @bibabe
@deviled eggs?

tim @fairies
om god spacedad killed him

tired @spacedad 
;)

luna @starpower
fuck thats terrifying
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eugene @ayybaby
no but for real anyone else notice that window??? 

mel @coffeekid
we're trying not to

ice @icebaby
you're not helping
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beter >> stank man

beter : MR STARK I KNOW WHERE THE SPACEFAM ARE NOW

beter : THEYRE IN SPACE MR STARK 

stank man : ...theyre what?