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The Grassy Knoll

Chapter Text

They had a new plan much to Gerald’s delight.

A most genius plan that was sure to be rid of that other human, that sheep imposter Edward whom their Master Jopson seemed so obsessed with.

First the plan required Kevin.

As the second youngest Cotswold of their small little group, Kevin wasn’t the brightest of their flock, in fact he had always been quite dumb even as a lamb. Especially as a lamb.

The damn fool often getting his head stuck in the fence because he wanted to eat the grass just out of reach of the pasture. Jopson would have to free him a good couple dozen times every day, always cooing patiently and comfortingly at the idiot even when he would get his head free and shove it back through the fence which would cause Jopson to let out that noise that humans made when they were amused.

No, Kevin was not smart, stupid really, but if there was anything he was good at, it was causing a distraction.

All of them knew what it was Master Jopson and this Edward were doing inside the human’s house.

Unfortunately they knew, because they’d seen the two men do exactly that out in the middle of the pasture on a blanket spread underneath the big willow tree.

Such horrible… horrible disgusting noises they heard.

Their master crying as the other human mounted him like an ewe, even though they were both male, wet squelching noises, and slapping sounds of that pale hairless skin hitting each other, and Master Jopson making most indecent noises and spoke words that seemed to encourage Edward to be more through as the men tried to breed each other, didn’t they know that male creature’s bodies can’t produce spawns. Only females give birth to young.

Gerald was positive that humans were the stupidest creatures on earth.

Perhaps that man the Jopson had come by to remove the bits off of Kevin, Richard, and Dave so they couldn’t do their business with the two ewes, and have him remove them off of this sheep impostor Edward.

They could all hear them awful noises coming from the bedroom on the west side of the house through the window that let a nice gentle breeze blow through the curtains.

“E-Edward… oh… yes… o-oh god...”

“Mmm, now there’s a sound I have missed very much, indeed.” came the wretched human’s voice in a low purr.

Kevin looked up at him from where he stood beside the house below the windowsill.

He bobbed his head enthusiastically and Kevin went ahead and bleated loudly beneath the open window.

“What in hell’s name?!” they heard Edward’s voice after a grunt.

Their master let out a small whine of displeasure. “Ooh Edward don’t… don’t stop….”

The younger sheep looked up at him from his place below the windowsill, eyes searching for confirmation that he’d done a good job and whether to continue.

Gerald let out a small bah, all the answer Kevin needed.

“BAAH!” Kevin shouted, standing up on his back legs and poking his head to look into the bedroom where the two men were on top of the flat thing within it, their master on his hands and knees with the evil one, Edward, draped over the top of him as he bred with the other man.

Their master started to giggle loudly he hid his face in the strange wrinkly flat things that looked like the towels Jopson would dry them off with after a bath, but much lager, his shoulder shaking as he laughed into the thing he slept on most nights.

Edward however let out a loud cry, his head darting up to look at Kevin and shooting the young sheep a mean look.

“Thomas!! Those damn sheep are-”

“Hahahaha, oh Edward… it’s harmless!”

Jopson finally lifted his head from the bed and looked at Kevin with a gentle expression but his eyes became firm. “Shoo, you great fluffy beast.” he laughed the demand with a wave of his hand.

Kevin turned to him with hopeless eyes and trotted off, obeying their master’s words like a foolish sheep.

Goat Gods be damned! He would take care of this himself.

He trotted down the hill and made his way up to the window.

That man NEEDED to go.

He was NOT welcome.

That was THEIR Master Joposn.

“BAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” he put as much power as he could into his bleating call and while Jopson began to laugh, more so when he stood on his back hooves to poke his head into the room, Edward met his eyes.

The human’s big brown eyes stared into his. Narrowing in challenge.

He knew who his enemy was.

“You.” the man growled.


He, Gerald was no ewe!!

He was a ram god dammit!!

Did he not see these magnificent hanging testicles?

“Ahah.. oh Edward… you’re so rattled my love an- hehe.. what are you doing?” Master Jopson giggled as the man raised two fingers up to his lips.

“Getting rid of a distraction love.”

As soon as he spoke the words he blew air and a loud shrill noise that hurt his poor sensitive sheep ears emerged from behind his mouth.

The insolent human smirked at him and it was now that Gerald could hear the faint clacking of horse hooves, before he could turn around he felt a nip to his back end that pulled a big chunk of wool out of his beautiful coat.

“Baah!!!” he cried and startled, he ran full speed back up the hill and he could hear the large stallion, that dreadful Bill chasing him.

As he ran, the rest of the flock dipped their heads into the water bucket as the noises from Edward breeding the other man continued.

They all bleated in amusement as they watched the large horse chase him all the way to the other side of the knoll.

Bill didn’t stop until he was on the bottom of the other side of the hill and when Gerald turned around he was mortified to find that the large black stallion had big tufts of white wool between his teeth.

His beautiful wool!!

Bill snorted at him, tossing his mane before trotting in a small circle and then back up the hill and laying beneath the large willow tree like a silent sentinel.

His plan had been foiled this time, but Little would not win this war.