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A Million Dreams

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CHAPTER ONE: 

 

Clarke could sense the oncoming heat before it was even visible. The death wave, still miles away from her location, was producing enough heat even from that distance that Clarke was finding it hard to breathe.

In her current situation, this is proving to be a problem. It proved that the wave was coming in fast, much faster than she could outrun.

But still, she fought against the pain in her lungs as she tore through the woods, not following any path, just in the general direction of the lab. The voice in the back of her head pleading for her to run faster, to make it, to live.

It's the same voice that's always been there, begging her to stay alive in any situation that puts her in danger.

The voice of Bellamy Blake.

The real Bellamy probably already thinks her dead. Or close enough to it, there was no way for him to think any different. He was the one to close the door, the one who sat with his head in his hands as he left the Earth's atmosphere, leaving behind the one person who means just as much to him as his only sister. So, To him, Clarke Griffin was dead, and it was his fault.

Still, Clarke ran for him. stumbling through the greenery, accumulating cuts and bruises from tripping over and running into loose branches, not stopping for a moment to duck out of the way, or to wipe the blood tricking into her eye from a gash on her forehead.

"Just a bit farther- don't be weak... you can do this!" Clarke was yelling to herself, her voice coming out in raspy wheezes. It was becoming painful for her to breath now, causing her to stumble and fall more often than she liked.

The heat was stifling, the trees in front of her were swaying dangerously as if they were melting under the extreme temperature. If Clarke wasn't running so fast, she would see some of the leaves smoking to a crisp.

"Do it for Mom..." Clarke was crying now. Her footfalls becoming clumsy and slow.

Clarke wasn't sure what her mother would do if in five years she has to learn her only child has been dead. Sure, Clarke was aware that Marcus would be there for her mother, but the idea of causing that pain, the same pain she felt when she lost her father, to her mother, it was almost as unbearable as this heat.

Suddenly, a gust of boiling wind knocks into Clarke's back, sending her sprawling into the mud and rocks.

Turning in horror, Clarke looks up to see thousands of birds flying high in the sky, some of their feathers falling off behind them as they (like Clarke) frantically try to outfly the flames.

They are having better luck than she is.

The wind from before is back, and Clarke is forced to curl into a ball to try and protect her skin from the boiling heat. However, her hands are left open and vulnerable.

The pain is so severe that Clarke screams louder than ever before. She could feel blisters erupting on her skin and blood pouring down her arms, soaking into the fabric of her clothes.

The feeling was indescribable, and if it were someone weaker, they would've given in at that moment. Just lay there and allow the flames to take her.

But Clarke still had something to live for.

"Bellamy... please-" Clarke forces her hands to grasp the dirt beneath her, ignoring how the small stones and twigs tear at her ruined hands. Her eyes were almost blinded by her tears. She couldn't die now, she had to survive the five years. She had to see him again- to tell him-

A loud crack fills the air and for a moment, Clarke stops in fright, her train of thought lost as a sudden large weight crashes down on her back.

She couldn't turn to see, but it was clear by the smell and the rain of debris that rained down on her, that a large branch had given up and snapped from one of the wobbling trees.at

It was game over.

Sobs break their way out of Clarke's mouth, great, body wracking sobs that leave her chest throbbing with pain along with her hands and back.

It was clear at that moment, Clarke wasn't going to get out of this one, judging by the lack of pain in her legs, where there once had been. Something had broken, something that let her feel her legs.

"I'm sorry- Bell- Bellamy I'm so sorry!" Clarke wasn't sure if anything could hear her anymore, she was alone, but it didn't stop her from screaming apologies into the sky. Wishing somehow, although it may be impossible, that Bellamy would hear her and forgive her for giving up.

Clarke closed her eyes and hid her face in the dirt, not caring that mud was getting into her mouth. She lay there crying into the Earth, trying hard to imagine that the people she loved and lost were there with her now... sitting with her as she died.

Clarke thought of her father, holding her hand in both of his, of her mother soothingly pulling her hair into a braid, of Wells reading her a story of some long-forgotten land, of her friends Raven, Monty, Harper, and even Murphy, sitting by her feet, not saying anything but just being there for her in these last painful minutes.

The last person who comes to Clarke's head is Bellamy. He is sitting by her side, on the other side of her father, his hand on her cheek, whispering how it was all okay, that she could rest, his thumb brushing away her tears of pain and loneliness, promising her that he will be there while she falls asleep.

Promising her that things will be better, wherever she goes next, he will always be there for her.

Always love her.

Clarke was aware that it was all a stupid dream, but it stopped the sobs, even if the tears kept falling. It gave her one last piece of comfort as she lay here dying all on her own.

Bellamy loving her.

Her loving her.

It was the last thought that Clarke Griffin ever had.

As a mere 5 seconds, later a wall of flames takes over her body.

Ending her life in a matter of moments.

Miles into the sky, the heart of Bellamy Blake breaks even more.

He knew she was gone.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER TWO:

 

Clarke jolts up with a scream building in her throat, prepared for the continuation of that brief moment of pain she felt as the death wave hit her.

Only, the only thing she could feel was the warm temperature of the evening sun on her skin, the cool feeling of grass in-between tingling fingers.

She opens her eyes only to snap them shut once more against the blinding light she was met with. She brings a hand up to rub her eyes slightly before using the same hand to shield herself against the sun as her eyes reopen.

She was faced with the most unfamiliar place. It looked like any meadow on Earth, but there was also something off about the place.

The Trees surrounded the edge of the forest were too full with thick, overly green leaves, all perfectly still despite the cool breeze. They all seemed too perfectly spaced out, to evenly grown to seem real. But Clarke could smell the slight scent of nature, which had her believing that, despite the clinical way everything seemed to have grown, this was, in fact, real.... but where was she?

Once Clarke's eyes adjust to the great light, she lets her hand fall to her lap. That's when she feels the silky material of her clothing. Snapping her head down, Clarke can see that she is no longer wearing what she was before. Instead of battle-worn clothes, she is wearing a pure white, stainless dress that reaches down to her knees. The boots Clark swore she was wearing a moment ago, were no longer there, in fact, she was wearing no shoes at all.

Wiggling her toes, Clarke could feel-

She could feel.

Reaching forward, Clarke runs her knuckles down her cold legs, testing the feeling she had once lost. A bubble of laughter erupts from her throat, taking away the scream that seemed to get stuck there moments ago.

She could feel her legs again! could she even ever not move them, or was the shock following the heavy pain on he back the branch gave her just enough to convince her that she was paralyzed.

Not believing her luck, Clarke also brings her hands closer to her face, expecting to see large open blisters brought on from the boiling hot wind, only to find them smooth and soft. No scars that she had once acclaimed in her time on Earth still lingered. It was like everything that had happened the past couple of months had been erased.

A sudden noise from Clarke's left drew her attention away from her hands.

Looking up, she could see two people close to the trees, holding hands and resting their foreheads together.

Clarke scrambled to her feet, desperate to see who these people were and if they could tell her why she was here.

After a couple of steps, Clarke felt a hand gently press onto her shoulder, startling her.

Spinning around, Clarke was met with the last person she ever thought she'd see. "Dad?"

He, too, was dressed in mostly white, apart from his denim trousers. He looked healthier than the last time Clarke had seen him. He had fewer grey hairs, the lines that decorated his face from the stress of the job had all but gone.

"Hello, sweetheart." He smiles at his daughter.

"What- how are you here?" Clarke asks, taking a step closer to her father, feeling familiar tears stinging behind her eyes.

"Clarke, this is where people go when they die..." Jake Griffin gestures to the meadow around them. "There is so much more here than you see now. Everyone you ever knew and lost end up here. An eternity of peace for as long as we wish it."

Clarke follows her Dad's hands as he gestures around them. The tears now freely flowing down her face.

Her father's words suddenly bring back the feelings of her death. Not the pain, no, that wasn't as bad as the crippling loneliness she felt as she realized that this was it. Also, the complete and utter crushing feeling of failing her mother, of failing Bell-

A wave of pain takes over her and suddenly she is falling to her knees. The sobs that she releases, grab the attention of the two people at the edge of the meadow.

Jake was quick to kneel and take his daughter into his arms, just like he would when she was just a girl.

"Dad, I failed them! I tried to fight- I had to fight for Mom and Bellamy... I failed them!" Clarke grips onto the soft fabric of her father's jumper.

Jake could feel his tears in his eyes. Never really having the chance to experience his daughter's adult life, to see her pulled away from it all so early, without the chance to fully experience what it could bring her. It broke his heart as much as it did when Wells Jaha first turned up all those months ago.

"Darling, you could never fail your mother. She will just be happy that you are somewhere better, somewhere safe and without the fear of violence." Clarke could feel her father stroking back her hair. "And as for this Bellamy... darling, I may not know who he is, but I know that you couldn't do anything to fail him, if he cared about you truly, there's nothing he wouldn't forgive you for."

Clarke pulled back to look at her father in the face. "Do you forgive Mom?" the words take Jake by surprise, but what's not surprising is his reply.

"Of course I do." Clarke blinks in shock. "Don't be so surprised my love." Jake touches his daughter's cheek. "Everything she did. From telling on me to Jaha, for letting Wells take the blame... it was all to keep you safe." He laughs. "And that was way more important to me than anything else. Your happiness means more to me than my own life."

Clarke shakes her head. "I wasn't happy Dad! they locked me up, on my own, for months!" She grips her father's hands. "They sent me to the ground, I had to take the responsibility for the deaths of so many- it was horrible Dad, how could I be happy-"

Jake cuts her off. "Clarke. Listen to me. Yes, there were a lot of bad things that happened to you down there. However, I am also guessing there was plenty to make you smile... how else did you meet this Bellamy fellow?"

That pulled Clarke up short.

He was right, Of course, there was more to Clarke's time on earth, than just the death and destruction. The people she met along the way. Bellamy, Raven, Monty and Jasper, Murphy, Miller.

Clarke's eyes meet her father again.

He knew he had won this.

"Are you ready to get out of here?" Jake asks his daughter, getting to his feet and offering his hand to her.

Clarke looks down at her hands and legs again, as if she were afraid that leaving here would make her forget what led her here in the first place. The pain and suffering that led her to this moment of peace with her father.

In the end, she looked back up at her father and took his hand.

Chapter Text

CHAPTER THREE:

 

As Clarke and her Father walked out of the meadow, it didn't escape Clarke's notice that the couple from before had vanished. Perhaps, she thought, they had left to give her and her father some privacy.

Shaking her head slightly, Clarke pushed the thought to the back of her mind for the moment.

"I have a room set up for you at home, I wasn't sure if you were going to need it when you arrived." Jake pulled Clarke's attention back to him. "I thought you wouldn't arrive here for a very long time and I wasn't sure who you would meet in your future, maybe they would be here before you and that they would be who you needed most to greet you." Jake sounded sad as if this was something he worried about often.

Clarke wondered how she would feel in his shoes. Living in this place, knowing there was no way to contact the people you loved, and to know you were missing out on all the events that have happened in their lives. It must be especially bad to leave behind a child. To know that they would meet their first love, find a home without you, create a family without you in it.

Clarke realizes that she is no longer referring to her father's feelings, but her own.

She held her father's hand a little tighter.

"What is this place like?" Clarke asked. She wanted to change the subject before she got lost in her mind. Wondering about all the things she would miss from her friend's life.

From Bellamy's life.

Her dad chuckled lightly, bringing Clarke back to the present. "It's amazing," Jake shakes his head as if he still couldn't believe this place. "It's nothing I could have imagined in my wildest dreams." he pauses for a moment. "There must be billions of people here, yet it never seems crowded."

Clarke looks up at him and squints. "How so?" she asks.

Jake shrugs. "The place is set out in a way that everyone is in their little places as if the people we have interacted with, or experienced in our lives are here... we have our little sector. You will never run into someone who lived a thousand years ago, even though they are also here, somewhere in their little bubble." Jake explained, but it still sounded confusing to Clarke.

"So," she starts, watching her dad's face. "what if my great grandmother lived in a time where I didn't experience her... but I wanted to meet her... is that possible?"

Jake laughed at the question. "Oh, yes. It's very possible. I think everyone new here has had the same thought." He pulls Clarke down a path as they make it to the trees surrounding the meadow. Immediately bringing them into the darkness of the woods. "I wanted to know what the earth was like before the bombs. You can visit anyone you like, but most of us like to stay in our little places."

Clarke was silent after that. Wondering herself if she would like to know what life was like. Before the bombs, before the creation of the sky people and the grounders. Was it more peaceful? Did humans get alone easier than what she, herself, had experienced?

She finds that not one part of her yearns for that information. Hanging onto the past never seemed like a high priority to her, not when the present was so important to her overall survival.

She did, however, have one wish.

The one thing she has yearned for since the day he had died. Without the chance for her to say goodbye after she had barely made up for how cruel she had treated him.

But that would have to wait.

There seemed to more light breaking through the trees, leading Clarke to believe that she was about to witness the place her father just spoke of. She found herself holding her breath, as sudden anxiety built up inside her.

Jake seemed to sense his daughter's distress. "It's okay, sweetheart. I know it's a lot to take in at first." He pulls Clarke to a stop. "We can take this whole thing slowly. We just need to get you home first." He pointedly looks down at Clarke's bare feet. "Even though we have died, cold's are still common here... I think it's to remind us we are still human." Jake pulls Clarke to a stop, just at the edge of the trees.

Clarke takes this moment to take a deep breath and let go of her father's hand. After everything she has had to deal with, this should be something she does on her own.

As if sensing this, her father takes a step back. "You can do it darling."

Clarke turns from him, knowing that if she keeps him in her sight, she wouldn't be able to do this alone.

Closing her eyes, she thinks of the last important step she had taken into a new world.

In that world, she had a cocky stranger holding her back, much to her annoyance, so that the girl who only ever experienced one room her whole life, could get the chance to stretch her legs and experience the world.

How she wished that cocky stranger was here with her now.

Throughout her reminiscence, Clarke had taken the next couple of steps that led her out into a bright world, filled with sounds, smells, and sights that she had never experienced before in her life.

Opening her eyes, Clarke takes it all in.

Instead of finding trees in front of her, she finds buildings. Small houses, large towering structures, tiny cottages covered in a range of colorful flowers.

There were also, fields of rolling grounds, filled with people, strolling around, talking with friends and loved ones, children playing with balls and riding things Clarke had only ever seen in books, such as bikes. They were all dressed in light-colored clothing that radiated happiness, unlike the dark brown and black's that Clarke was used to seeing people wear on Earth.

Clarke could also see art everywhere. Some landscapes are drawn that she could recognize from her time. Someone had even drawn the mess hall on the Ark.

Feeling her father behind her. Clarke starts to walk. Her bare feet taking her forward. Towards a house that sits beside a few houses similar to it. From the outside, she could tell it was empty, but there was something about it, almost like it was just waiting for its owner to collect it.

She reaches out to touch the fencing around it.

"He was right." Jake comments from just behind her.

Clarke turns to her Dad, keeping her hand on the worn wooden fence as if letting it go would make it disappear. "Who was right?" She asks.

Jake just hums and walks up to the gate. "Another thing we have found out about this place is that it knows us." Jake motions to the house and the similar ones around it. "These houses and the little community that live in it, all belong to a group of people." Clarke looks at the house next to the one she was drawn too.

"Who are they?"

Several houses down, Clarke could see a blonde girl picking apples from a tree. The girl couldn't be older than thirteen. There was something about this that brought a small pain to Clarke's stomach.

"They keep to themselves," Jake tells her. "Not all of them live here. Some of them chose to stay with their families. But those who don't have anyone to go home to, stay here, living their lives until they find who they are looking for." He points to a house across from the one he and Clarke stand at. "The houses appear to them, draw them in and that's where they belong."

Clarke's head snaps back to her father. "I thought you said you made a room up for me where you live?" Jake smiles sadly.

"Yes. I did, but it appears that you have grown up. You don't need your father as much as you used-"

Clarke launches herself at her father. "That's not true!" Jake brings his arms up around her as Clarke buries her head in his neck.

"It is my darling. I will always be around. This would always happen. Even if we were alive you would have moved on, met someone and left to live your own life." He pushes Clarke away gently. "If that was the case, would you have never spoken to your mother or me again?"

Clarke pouts like a child. "Of course not." She mumbles, ignoring the smile on her father's face.

"Well, it's just the same here." He laughs gently. "You can come to see me any time, Clarke. You just have another life and people you love. That's okay, it's part of life and being a parent."

Jake steps back from his daughter and motions up at the house. To Clarke, it was a beautiful house. Something she would have loved to have back on Earth if life had permitted her peace.

It was made of soft grey stones and a light charcoal colored roof. There was a winding red plant that covered most of the side and a little of the front. The windows were large and inviting. Clarke could imagine herself sitting with the windows open, a pad of paper on her lap, and having all the time in the world to draw whatever she could think of.

A small wistful smile appears on her face.

"Go on sweetheart, we have all the time in the world now." Clarke looks back at her father as she reaches for the gate, leading to the small garden.

"I love you, Dad." She whispers, the stinging of tears back in her eyes. "I will not need you." Jake smiles back at her.

"I know." He reaches forward to push her gently. "Now. Go on, live your life... I don't imagine you'll get much peace before they come knocking at your door." Jake winks at his daughter then turns away.

"Who?" Clarke yells after her Dad, but he doesn't answer.

She could hear him whistling as he walked away.

Clarke watches him for a little longer. Not quite believing that this was all happening.

Once her father's figure started to become blurred, Clarke turns back to the house- her house.

It was something she could never have dreamed of as a child. Back on the Ark, it would be lucky if she got an apartment with two bedrooms. Maybe she could, considering who her parents were. But it would be nothing like what she is looking at now.

Pushing open the Gate, Clarke takes the few steps down the stone path that leads to the door. It seemed so surreal that this place belonged to her, that it was physically made for her.

She rests her hand on the doorknob, and as if by magic, the door swings open.

Clarke gasps in shock.

Chapter Text

 

CHAPTER FOUR

 

Two things registered in Clarke's mind.

One: She was standing in what seemed to be the most beautiful place she had ever seen. Everything was decorated in warm colors. All the furniture was made of dark and light brown woods, that radiated warmth. Nothing like Clarke had been used to as she grew up. Everything was very open, with no natural light, cold metal surfaces, and overall a clinical feel. Everywhere Clarke looked, there was light. Streaming through the large windows, coming from a fire roaring in the fireplace, and what seemed like thousands of tiny little lights that streamed across the wall like stars. In a particularly well-lit corner of the room, Clarke could see a desk, covered in art supplies- some of which she had only ever seen in books and dreamed of using.

The second thing Clarke noticed, were the two people standing by the wood staircase.

One with a familiar mop of black hair and a cheeky smile, one that got her in trouble since the moment she first saw it. And the other, with those brown eyes that always sparkled when the light hit them.

Wells and Finn.

"Welcome home, Princess."

Clarke opens her mouth, the sound of that nickname, the one that once belonged to the spacewalker who first took side the moment they landed on the ground. The one who dragged Monty and Jasper into her life. The one she killed in cold blood.

A shiver goes through her, as she realizes that the word no longer belonged to him.

"I-" The word barely escapes Clarke before she feels her feet flying forward.

Finn and Wells automatically bring their arms up to catch her as all of Clarke's body weight crashes into them, dragging both boys into a hug,

"We missed you too," Wells says before turning his head and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Although, we did hope we wouldn't see you for a lot longer," Finn adds.

Clarke notices something about his voice. It seems different. Lighter even. She suddenly wonders if something has happened to him in the short amount of months he has been here.

Wells elbows Finn around Clarke's body. "Shut up, Collins," he hisses. "It's not the time for that, let her settle in first." Clarke shakes her head. A bubble of joy bursts inside her, there was something so comforting about Wells being there, sticking up for her and making sure she is happy and safe.

"Wells, I'm so sorry!" Clarke pulls back, focusing all her attention on her long lost best friend. "I'm sorry you were alone when you died, I'm sorry I didn't forgive you sooner- maybe if I had..."

Wells brings his hands up to frame Clarke's face. "Don't think that way." He forces Clarke to meet his eyes. "Yes. I wish I hadn't died so young and with so many things left unsaid... but despite what some people may think, death has been good for me."

Clarke gives a dry laugh. "How is that even possible?"

A sudden look crosses Well's face. It was something Clarke sometimes saw in other people. People who were in love.

"I would have never done well on the ground, Clarke," his voice comes out in a whisper. "Sure, it's everything I wanted my whole life, but the war and loss that came with it... I would go mad."

"We all lived through it. Even if many of us died, we all still had something we fought to live for!" A blush rose to Clarke's face as she remembered her reason to fight. What would the two boys in front of her think if she let that information slip? "You would have had someone, a purpose to fight."

The whole time Clarke spoke, Wells was shaking his head. "No.," he says softly, still not letting his eyes move from hers. "Not me. I'm happier here than I have ever been in my life. Here, I have a comfortable home. Friends. A life. Someone I love." A small smile appears on Clarke's face as her theory proves right.

"I knew it." She mumbles.

Wells laughs. "From what I hear, you had a couple of loved ones too." His eyes flick to Finn beside her. He looks like he is trying his hardest to look like he is not there. "I heard about this Lexa, too."

The sudden hard edge to Well's voice takes Clarke by surprise.

"What's with the tone?" Clarke snaps at him.

Well's never truly stated how he felt about same-sex relationships, so for him to sound this way, it wasn't hard for Clarke to feel slightly worried.

Finn tenses beside them.

Wells just shakes his head with a sad smile. "She's just not who deserves you." Clarke can't help but think his voice sounds cryptic. "Not because she's a woman, but... because this place, it allows you to see more clearly." Wells takes Clarke's hand and motions to the room on their right.

She allows herself to be gently pulled into the room and placed on the couch. Wells sits next to her, whilst Finn sits directly across from them, kicking his feet up onto the table.

Wells sighs, seemingly preparing himself for a rough conversation. "Look, Clarke. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to see Lexa again, I would too if I were you." Wells squeezes her hand. "I heard how she died, that must be tough on you. I just don't want you to be hurt again when you see that... well, Clarke, she's moved on."

Clarke's heart thudded in her chest.

She wanted to stop Wells, to let him know that Clarke's longing to see Lexa was purely just to see her. To Clarke, as long as Lexa was happy, she could live with that. If that meant that she had moved on, then all the better as Clarke had done the same thing.

Well's however, didn't give her the chance to talk.

"When we arrive in this world, we all have a person designed for us," he explains. "There have been many tales of something like it in all of Earth's history. The most common way to explain it is that we all have a soulmate." a soft smile grows across his face. A tight pain grows in her stomach suddenly. It felt as if she was missing something.

"They may be here already like my soulmate was... or Finn's." Clarke's head snaps towards Finn. He seems to be very interested in a specific spot on the floor.

Clarke makes a mental note to ask about it later.

"If they aren't here, I've heard that in those cases, the person who first arrives can feel a nagging feeling of forgetting." Wells looks her up and down.

A small exhale comes from Clarke's lips as she remembers the missing feeling from her stomach. Does that mean her soulmate isn't here?

Of course, he isn't!

A voice in Clarke's mind screams.

She ignores it, as there was no way to know if it truly was Bellamy.

Even if Bellamy turned out to be her soulmate here in this afterlife, it might not even matter.

Tears fill Clarke's eyes.

Bellamy still had his entire life to live. Clarke knew that it wouldn't take long before some special girl picked him up. She knew he was a traditional guy at heart, so she wouldn't at all be surprised if he arrived here with a wife and a couple of children.

"Clarke?" Wells shakes her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

She meets his eyes for a second then flicks them over to Finn. They both look concerned.

"Oh, it's nothing. Just, whoever you heard that from, Wells. Turn's out it's true." An intense look of sympathy appears on both of their faces. It made her want to look away.

Finn breaks the short moment of silence. "Do you have any idea who it could be?" Wells shoots him a look that screams Shut up. "What? I'm just curious! It's not like either you or I knew who ours were, and one of them was in the hundred."

The more Well's and Finn speak about their apparent soulmate's the more curious Clarke becomes, but she has too many things she wants to say before she can even get around to asking them who they are. "I think so."

This makes Well's turn back from her, dropping his angry gaze at Finn. "You do? Who is it?"

Finn leans forward, now completely focused on her. "You might not like it." She warns, putting her hands up in front of her in a defensive manner.

"Clarke, we have already faced death. I think we can handle this." Well's laughs.

Clarke is a little more worried about Well's reaction. He died before she even became allies with Bellamy, let alone friends. At least Finn saw something, he saw more of our budding relationship before he died.

She could feel them getting impatient.

So with a deep breath, she meets Well's eyes and opens her mouth.

"Bellamy Blake."

Chapter Text

 

CHAPTER FIVE: 

 

 

In the following hour that proceeded Clarke's confession, she spent the majority of it telling Wells and Finn the story of her falling headfirst for Bellamy.

At first, Wells didn't believe it. It was understandable. The brief time he had known Bellamy, he was the snarky asshole who only thought about himself and his sister. He didn't get the chance to see how he changed. He also only saw Clarke and Bellamy who fought tooth and nail about everything and anything.

Finn was silent for the most part. He couldn't understand what had changed so much. Sure, before he died, there was a considerable shift in their relationship, but not enough for him to believe that Clarke would fall for him.

They both turned deadly still when Clarke started talking about the day she died.

"I thought I would get to say goodbye to Mom..." Clarke shakes her head. A large lump had begun to grow in her throat at the thought of her mother. "She's not going to know that I've died. It'll be five years until she finds out." Wells reaches out to take hold of Clarke's hand. He felt for Abby, even though he wasn't sure he was her biggest fan anymore, he could sympathize with her. His father probably didn't know he had died until a significant amount of time after his death.

"Knowing Raven, she is probably up there now, putting together a way to contact the ground," Finn adds in after a tense silent moment.

Clarke and Wells could both hear the fondness in his voice. Clarke wondered what his feelings towards the girl was now that he was happy with someone.

There is a brief silence after Finn's words before Wells clears his throat, in prompt for Clarke to continue.

A faint blush spreads across the Blonde's cheeks. "It seems silly and childish to think... but I swear something had changed between us then." She brings an arm around her stomach, holding it tightly. "After he told me the connection was lost, that I couldn't speak to my mother... he hugged me, it was so different from any other time. I didn't want him to let go as if some part of me knew that I had so few moments with him left." Clarke could feel the tears falling down her cheeks again.

Wells and Finn didn't know what to do. They had no idea of how intense the history between the two former co-leaders of the hundred was. But they could sense that it was more than what Clarke was telling them.

"It's like a piece of me missing now... I'm not going to see him-" A sob escapes her lips. "I need him."

Suddenly the air in her home seemed too thin for Clarke. It was as if without Bellamy there with her, she didn't know how to exist. He had been so constant in her life now that not having him here was like removing one of her lungs.

She tears her hand out of Wells and stumbles to her feet.

"Clarke!" Both boys shout in surprise as they watch her sprint out the front door into the new world outside.

Clarke didn't care if they followed her or not. She just needed to breathe.

How is she supposed to live for at least another seventy years without Bellamy by her side? They were just beginning to truly feel- if Clarke had been in that ship with them, she had no doubt she would be returning five years later, so completely in love with him and him with her.

She doesn't know how she knows this, but she can feel in her soul that it is right. That they should be together.

Clarke feels stones pressing roughly against her still bare feet. Surely that shouldn't hurt in this world where she is already dead?

But she welcomes the pain, it distracts her from the pain in her heart.

Arms suddenly grabbed her from behind, pulling her against a body no smaller than her own, but she has no will in her to fight back.

"Clarke?" Someone is in front of her, but the lack of oxygen is making it hard for her to see. "What happened? How are you here?" The questions bring Clarke up short.

It can't be Finn or Wells, she already explained the story to them.

She feels a sharp tap to her cheek, shocking her eyes into focus.

Standing in front of her, is someone she should have thought of the moment she arrived here, the one person who died the same day she did. "Jasper," she almost sobs.

"What happened? Did you all not make it to the ark?" He asks, his eyes scanning behind me, looking for someone. Whoever is holding her, gently loosens their hold.

Clarke Brings her hands up to her hair, grabbing fistfuls of it before sinking to her knees. "It's only me- just me!" There are still fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. More people appear by her side. Finn and Wells, they have finally caught up to her.

Wells pushes Jasper out of the way slightly until he is in front of her. "Clarke, it's okay, it's okay-" "What's wrong with her?" Jasper is demanding.

Finn is gently pulling Clarke's hands from her hair, bringing them into both of his own.

"I'm alone- I need him, Wells!" Everything is coming out of her mouth so quickly, it's hard for the people around her to understand.

But suddenly, Jasper realizes what the problem is.

As if getting his own back, he pushes Wells out of the way, not unlike how Wells did to him.

Despite everything that happened on the Earth, Jasper still cares about Clarke. The person behind her now is the reason he realizes this. He understands what she did, and would've done the same thing, or at least probably wouldn't be so angry about it if he hadn't lost the one person in there he cared about.

He puts his hands on Clarke's cheeks. "Hey, listen to me!" He demands, shocking Clarke into looking at him. She was surprised as everyone who was speaking to her had been so gentle. "I know I lost my head, I did reckless things when I lost Mia." Clarke is shaking in his hands.

"I didn't get the chance to love him, Jasper!" Clarke cries, the reality of that settling on her shoulders.

"Shh, I know you didn't." He shushes her. "But you will, I know you will. He is your soulmate, anyone who has been around you two long enough could see that- well those who have been around the past few months." Jasper couldn't help but side-eye Wells who just sends him a glare in return.

"But-"

"No, Clarke. Think back on everything you have done, good and bad." Jasper moves his hands to her shoulders. "He was either there with you or forgave you for whatever you did, there was nothing you could do in his eyes that he wouldn't forgive you for, and that's not nothing, not everyone finds someone like that in their life." everyone could see that she was calming down now.

"He loves you, Clarke." Finn suddenly speaks up. "Looking back on it, on those first days down on Earth, he did everything to get under your skin, like a little kid teasing his crush." The notion makes Jasper laugh. How different Clarke and Bellamy used to be. Back then annoying each other was just another day, but he doubted either of them could stand seeing the other upset. "He's always gravitated towards you."

"You gravitated towards each other." Jasper corrects him. "We all know, that you weren't the one who put your name down on that list." Everyone but Jasper and Clarke seem confused by that statement, but a small watery smile appears on Clarke's face.

"He wouldn't let me put his name down unless I was on there too." She whispers.

"Exactly, he loves you." In a move Clarke wasn't expecting, Jasper pulls her into a tight embrace. "I don't care if he arrives here in fifty years or two. I don't care if he is married, divorced, single for the rest of the time, or a father. He will come here and fall at your knees, begging to love you for the rest of eternity." Clarke whimpers quietly. "As I said. You are soul-mates, and here that literally means forever, and he is your forever." Clarke is silent.

She allows Jaspers words to soak in, to reach deep into her soul, where she knows the words will stay until the moment she sees him again.

It all sounds so true, everything Jasper and even Finn said. Bellamy and Clarke were almost opposite to each other, but only in some ways, and not all of them bad.

Head and the heart.

They both agreed on that what seemed like only hours ago.

He will always be her heart. She just hates that it took her so long to see that.

It almost seems selfish for her to be acting like this. She should be happy for him, he gets the chance to live now. It shouldn't matter that she won't be in it.

She loves him and she gave him the one thing any person in love should give their person, a chance of a happy life.

She can be happy with that.

As long as he is happy and healthy... she will live with it.

She pulls back from Jasper.

Her breathing is even now, her tears no longer falling. She still feels empty, as if one of her major organs is missing.

What Clarke first thought was her lungs, now is so clearly her heart.

Her chest feels empty.

But she forces a smile on her face, to show the people around her that she is okay.

Even if inside, she is breaking apart.

 

Chapter Text

 

CHAPTER SIX:

 

 

Clarke doesn't remember much of her first few days of death.

After her panic attack over Bellamy, the boys took her home. She remembers them helping her up the stairs, despite her telling them that she didn't need help.

She couldn't remember much about what she saw in her new home, what things decorated the walls or the small end tables. Her eyes were too blurry to see. 

After she was escorted into her room and tucked into bed like a child, she remembers only Wells staying behind while she lay facing away from him, staring at the wall, pretending to be asleep. 

It didn't take long for him to also leave her alone. After all, he had someone to go home to.
 
That night, Clarke cried herself to sleep, surprising even her. Who knew that you could sleep in the afterlife? 

She couldn't bring herself to get out of bed in the morning. 

Or the day after that... or the following week after that. 

The longer Clarke didn't eat, didn't get up, didn't socialize, the number she felt. 

She couldn't bring herself to speak to those who visited, Wells, Finn, her father. The only person she felt remotely comfortable around was Jasper. 

But Clarke had already told him to go and spend time with Maya. It was selfish of her to make him miss out just because she was spiraling. However, his distance didn't last very long;

          On the eleventh day Clarke had been here, she heard her front door open at the same time it did every day. Each time it was someone different. Someone coming to check on her. Clarke didn't understand why they needed too, considering she couldn't die again.

However, this time, Clarke could hear more than one pair of footsteps and there was more than one voice floating up the stairs. 

This causes a flare of fear to rise in her. Clarke wasn't sure why, but she had a feeling this was going to be someone she didn't want to see. 

The voices begin to climb their way up the steps leading to Clarke's room. They were talking in hushed whispers as if they didn't want Clarke to hear them. 

But she did. 

Pushing herself up, Clarke leans back against her pillows, pushing her greasy hair out of her eyes. She didn't care what she looked like, didn't care what they thought of her. This was her own home, she could do what she liked. 

A gentle knock on the door sounds before it slowly pushed open. Clarke isn't surprised to see her father standing there. 

"Dad," Clarke greets weekly. 

Jake walks into the room, sending a silent look to whoever was behind him, out of view. "Sweetheart, I've brought some people to see you." He walks to his daughters' bedside and kneels beside it. "I'm worried about you and I think they can help." 

Fear sparks in Clarke again. "They're not doctors are they?" Her voice comes out shaky. She can remember the few people who came through the hospital on the ark, sitting there, vacant look in their eyes as they dealt with a lost loved one or a floated child. They were treated like dirt. Doctors expected them to just get over their losses, to accept the justice system that deemed their child, their parents, partner, etc... worthy of death. No matter how small the crime, it was forgiven and forget or find yourself meeting the same fate. 

Jake notices the look in his daughters' eyes and immediately understands her hesitation. He reaches out to take her hand in both of his. "No, darling." Clarke's eyes find his, tears brimming in them. "These are friends, the day you arrived, I realized that something might not be right... so I went to look for them, I got some help from your friend Jasper.

After a moment of silence from Clarke, Jake stands up and makes his way to the door.

Clarke leans forward as he opens it and allows a tall woman with long dark hair and familiar brown eyes and freckles steps carefully into the room. The moment she sets eyes on her, there is a stabbing feeling in her chest, and she can't figure out why. When she opens her mouth to speak, the next person comes into the room, leaving her speechless. 

"Lincoln?" Her voice breaks on the name. 

Lincoln bows his head slightly, eyes raking over Clarke as if taking her in. "Clarke, I would say it is nice to see you, but I wasn't expecting you here for a while." That comment makes Clarke laugh. "With my life, I'm surprised I wasn't here sooner." 

Jake clears his throat, trying to stop this train of conversation, knowing it was not going to achieve the goal of helping Clarke. "I thought you could have a chat?" Jake tucks a strand of Clarke's hair behind her ear. 

Clarke looks over Lincoln, a deep sadness filling her guts as the thought of Octavia pops into her head. She wanted to say something to him, to let him know that Octavia is okay- well, as okay as she could be, that she is the leader, she will be the one to bring the human race back up to the ground. 

However, the woman who came in with Lincoln decides to speak up first. "Hello, Clarke." She steps further into the room. She was smiling, but Clarke could see tears were brimming in her eyes. "Lincoln has told me so much about you." She holds a hand out towards Clarke. 

After sending a worried glance from her father to Lincoln, Clarke slowly raises a hand and takes the woman. "He told me that Bellamy cares for you." The woman settles down to sit beside Clarke on the bed. "I was so happy to hear that both of my children had found love."

Suddenly, it all made sense. 

"You're Bellamy and Octavia's mother!" Clarke gasps, her hand automatically tightening on the women.  

Lincoln chuckles. "Clarke, meet Aurora Blake." He moves over to the other side of the room and takes a seat at a desk in the corner of the room.

Clarke could only stare. 

Each of those familiar things she saw when the woman first stepped into the room, she could place on her children. Her eyes were the same as Bellamy's, she had the same slight curl to her hair like his, but it was the same texture and color as her daughters. Her smile brought tears to Clarke's eyes. It held the same gentle kindness as her son's. 

Aurora reaches out to stop a tear that had slipped from Clarke's eyes. "Please don't cry my love, Bellamy would hate it if he knew you were in pain." Aurora sighs, "always wore his heart on his sleeve. Always becoming stupid when it comes to his loved ones being happy." Clarke breaks a small smile. "Idiot." Aurora winks at Clarke and for the first time in days, Clarke finds herself laughing. 

"There she is." Jake touches Clarke's cheek. "I knew you two meeting would bring my daughter back." He pushes himself up. "Well, I'll leave you three to chat, I invited everyone around for a dinner and if I don't get started soon, I'll have a bunch of angry and hungry teens coming for my neck." Jake presses a kiss to Clarke's forehead before walking out of the room, closing the door soundly behind him. 

"I like him," Lincoln mutters, fiddling with a pencil found on the desk. 

Clarke smiles at him, still unable to find her voice. 

Aurora gently squeezes Clarke's hand, bringing her attention back away from Lincoln. "Now, Clarke. Do you want to tell me why you are hiding up here on your own?" Aurora pulls Clarke into a half hug. "You are still young, and even though you are dead, you still have a life." She points at Lincoln. "Friends who you have lost are here, people who love you, want to see you happy-" 

Clarke stops her. "I don't feel like I can be happy and it's selfish... I should just be happy that I'm the only one that arrived here." she stops to rub the tears from her cheeks. "I want to happy that Bellamy gets to live a long life, meet someone he can love, have a family and enjoy some peace instead of endless wars-" her voice breaks. "But I can't, because I know that he belongs to me, and it's incredibly selfish." Sobs burst from Clarke's chest. 

Aurora pulls Clarke to her chest immediately. "Oh no, sweetheart... it's completely normal to feel like that, he is your soulmate and it's hard for you to be here knowing that he's the other half of you." Clarke sniffles. "But I have zero doubt in my mind that my son loves you just as much, he may not know you are destined for him, but he does believe in destiny, and one day he will know that his destiny is you." 

A sudden shift in the room indicates to Clarke that Lincoln had come closer. "Clarke, what if I told you that I feel the same way about Octavia?" Clarke's head snaps up at that. "I believe that she will never know that she is my whole being... now that I'm dead, I'm terrified she will find someone different."

Clarke pushes herself away from Aurora. "That's ridiculous! You and Octavia are meant for each other, everyone knows that." Lincoln chuckles at that. 

"If you could only see you and Bellamy through my eyes, you would see that everyone knows that you are Bellamy is two halves of the same soul." He nods towards the door. "Ask anyone that comes here today, I'm not the only one who thinks so... and it's been a subject of speculation for much longer than you may think." There was something in Lincoln's words that made Clarke pause. 

"What do you mean by that? What do you know?" Lincoln smiles. "During those first days on the ground, when I was doing some spying, I heard a few of your people, a very young group of girls and boys, talking about the two of you." 

That takes Clarke by surprise. "We hated each other back then!" She protests. "There was no way anyone thought of us like that, not when every conversation we had was an argument." 

Lincoln holds up a hand. "Not from what I saw and heard, yes you both disagreed on everything, argued over every small thing, but it's because you are too alike, you weren't ready to be faced with each other... it's sort of beautiful when you think of it." 

Clarke's breath comes out in a shudder. "He was an asshole he- he was only thinking-" 

"About his sister, the young girl who he had taken care of, loved, sacrificed his life for, one of the only two people he ever loved... only to be met with someone, who challenged him, protected and almost befriended his sister, was so alike to him that it was confusing, someone who he realized he cared for and was scared to lose."

Tears were falling Clarke's cheeks again, this time she left them there. "You scared him, Clarke, he didn't expect to find you on the ground, the fierce princess, ready to take on the world to keep a small bunch of criminals safe from a situation the adults should have protected them from." Aurora chimed in. "I know Bellamy, and he loves more fiercely than anyone else I've ever met, if he knew that someone he loved was hurt or unhappy, he would blow the whole world to pieces to find out why." 

The ironic comment made Clarke chuckle slightly. 

Lincoln nodded his head. "That's why you need to live for him, even if you are technically dead." He takes Clarke's hand. "Go out, talk to your friends, experience peace for the first time in years, live again. So when Bellamy comes here, regardless of whatever life he lived before, both of you will be ready to be what you never had the chance to be on the ground." Clarke meets his eyes. 

"What's that then?" she asks. 

"A couple of stupid kids in love." 

Clarke burst out laughing, tears streaming down her cheeks. 

And at that moment, Clarke knew she could do this. She could live however long it took for her Bellamy to come back to her. 

As long as she had her friends, her father, Aurora, and Lincoln. 

This all seemed possible.

 

Chapter Text

 

CHAPTER SEVEN:

 


The following months of Clarke's afterlife felt like a whirlwind. It hardly seemed like she had been dead for over six months. To her, it felt much, much longer. 

After voicing her feelings to the others, Clarke was met with a mystic sounding explanation from a small, wispy looking girl, who faintly reminded Clarke of one of those pixies she had seen in an old fairy-tale book.

"We all feel like that, during the beginning of our death," she had said softly, her eyes twinkling in the fairy lights decorating Clarke's room, "our soul is still new, still feels attached to our physical being, each month we pass here, is a year in the physical world." 

Her name was Winter Emmers, and she was Well's soulmate. That was also the day Clarke learned how time passes differently. 

So she had been dead for over six years. That meant that Bellamy should be back on earth, that all the people she had given her life for, should have been living in peace for a year. 

It hurt Clarke more than it should.

No one but Winter noticed when Clarke started to shut down again. It wasn't like how it was in that first week. Clarke hid it better. Only showing her tears in the middle of the night, where no one could see. 

But there was something about Winter, she knew things, things that couldn't be seen. She always had been. 

Winter Emmers had been dead for almost fifty years. 

She was in a small village of people, no more than seventy residents, that had completely vanished long before the one hundred landed on Earth. 

However, they were well known to the other villages and clans because of Winter herself. Her ability to know and sometimes predict things had caused her to be well known. People would come from all over the place to get answers to their questions, beg her to help their sick relative, to figure out why they couldn't have a child, where had a missing loved one gone, and, most popular, what happened to the souls of their loved ones after they had passed. 

Winter was assassinated one night when she was just twenty years old. It was to her belief that she was killed because of her power over the people. 

There was no way for her to find out for sure, but she believes the commander at the time hated how much power she had and decided to eliminate the threat by killing her and then slowly killing off the rest of her clan. 

The story of Winter's life had Clarke completely transfixed. It sounded like something that belonged in a tragedy book. 

However, Clarke had never truly gotten to see Winter's power in action until one morning, almost seven months into her death life. 

Everyone was over at Clarke's home, sitting out in her garden, eating breakfast and enjoying the sunshine. 

Winter was in the middle of talking Finn and his Soulmate, Rosie.

Clarke was sitting by them, trying to get as much information from Rosie as she could. Clarke didn't know much about the girl, as they had never truly spent time together. Most of that was her fault, being around Finn was difficult, and she didn't want to get any signals crossed with Rosie, especially because Clarke was lonely.

Suddenly though, Winter's head shot up and began to stare off down the street of houses, her eyes slightly unfocused.

"Something is going to happen." She said, in a loud, clear voice.

It brought everyone to complete silence. Jasper was staring at the girl in shock, as was Clarke herself. 

It was strange, no one had ever heard her speak like that before. Usually, she was so soft-spoken and kind that it was sometimes hard to hear her. It almost felt like they were hearing a different person now.

Well's rushed to her side, putting his hands on her face and bringing her head around to meet his eyes. "Winter? hey?-" 

The sudden unfocused look in Winter's eyes disappeared and she suddenly slumped forward into Well's hold, as if she was suddenly completely exhausted. 

Wells and Finn had a strange look on their face. 

"What is going on?" Rosie asked, her head snapping from Winter to Wells to Finn, her short curly hair bobbing wildly. Clarke suddenly thought of how much opposite Rosie looked to Finn's other girlfriends. She had fair skin like Clarke, but her hair was jet black and her eyes were as green as the forests on Earth. Nothing like Raven or Clarke herself. 

The thought was pushed from her mind by Finn's next words. "The last time she said something like that, Clarke and Jasper arrived." 

Suddenly everyone was either looking at Jasper or Clarke.

A sick sense of hope suddenly filled Clarke up inside. 

What if it was Bellamy? 

Clarke immediately scolded herself. No- she didn't want it to be Bellamy, it had only been six years, five of those he spent trapped in space. He needed to live a longer life than this. 

But part of her, a part she was determined to ignore, still begged for it to be him. 

"Should we go see who it maybe?" Maya asks, her hand clutching tightly to Jasper's. "I mean, people arrive here every day and Winter has never acted like this, but if she did with Clarke and Jasper... we must know this person?" Rosie was nodding her head to Maya's words.

However, Clarke shakes her head. "We don't know for sure if it's someone arriving, we can't know unless Winter tells us, or we see with our own two-" 

Clarke's eyes are suddenly drawn to three people coming to a stop outside a house just feet away from where they all sat. The way they were standing, close together, hugging and holding hands- it reminded Clarke of the day she arrived here with her father. 

Winter was right. 

"Who is it?" Rosie asks, placing a hand on Clarke's shoulder to balance on as she stands to get a better look. "I don't recognize any of them..." 

Clarke was trying to get a good look, but they were all still hugging so it was hard to find a familiar face. Something was nagging the back of her mind. This whole area of houses belonged to the people of the one hundred, or their soulmate's. It either had to be someone she knew or a stranger coming into this environment of close-knit people. 

"I'm going to go say hello," Finn says. "It would be nice for someone to greet them." He stands up, taking Rosie's hand.

He barely takes a step forward when the group of people moves away from each other, causing Jasper to gasp.

Clarke still couldn't see who it was from the position she was in, but it was clear by the lack of unruly curls, it was not Bellamy-

"Murphy!" Jasper suddenly stands, his voice coming out louder than expected. 

The three people turn to look and Clarke's heart stopped. 

Jasper was right. 

It was indeed John Murphy. 

 

Chapter Text

 

CHAPTER EIGHT:

 

 

 

Clarke's body went suddenly numb.

She watched as both Finn and Jasper pushed their way past the people crowding Clarke's garden, heading straight for Murphy, and the two others who could only be his parents.

About a million thoughts were circling Clarke's mind at that moment. How was he here? what happened? Did she have to be worried about the safety of the others? 

The thought clenches at her heart.

"Are you okay, Clarke?" Rosie asks you could tell by her voice she was still not entirely sure who this was or what was going on. 

Clarke could only shake her head, not trusting herself not to burst into tears if she spoke. 

In the distance, Jasper and Finn had arrived beside Murphy, who was giving Jasper a weird sort of hug, almost as if he was testing Jasper was real. 

In the next second, however, he hits Jasper over the head. Clarke could see Maya tense but not move.

Tears were welling in Clarke's eyes now. She didn't even think of any of the others showing up, her mind was so focused on Bellamy that she didn't even entertain the thought. Now, she was rigid with worry and fear and sorrow. Murphy had been through nothing but pain, and sure, his response of lashing out whenever he was hurt sure added to his list of woes... but he was a good man and didn't deserve to die this young.

Rosie had now moved to sit next to Clarke, her arm coming around her shoulder to gently guide Clarke into a hug. Clarke went with it, ending up with her head resting on Rosie's shoulder. Despite not knowing the girl very well, this felt nice.

"I take it Murphy is not how I remember him?" Well's asks, his tone slightly joking. 

It managed to make Clarke smile. "No, he is how you remember him... but also different." Clarke raises her head to look back at him and Winter (who now seemed more alert), "but he is my friend, and I wanted more for him than six more years stuck in space and only one on the ground- it's not what I died for." 

A tear slid down Clarke's cheek, but she was quick to wipe it away. 

She couldn't break down, which was not fair on Murphy. It was selfish of her to be acting like this when he was the one who was new here, was just torn from his life and the people he loved. She could not be the one to cry. She had to be there for him.

She brings her head forward again, her eyes finding Murphy, Finn, and Jasper making their way back over to us. Clarke could no longer see Murphy's family and she briefly wondered if she would ever meet them as she did with the other's parents. 

Meeting Jasper's mother was strange. Jasper and his mother were almost the same people, although, she was a lot more positive than her son about the bad things. The day Clarke met her, she was out enjoying the beach with Monty's mother. Clarke can remember the whole group going to the beach, and finding the two mothers making fun of their son's and all the embarrassing things they used to do. It took less than a minute for Jasper to run over and quiet his mother down, his cheeks flaming red.

As the boys reached closer to the house, Clarke shook Rosie's arm from her shoulders and stood up. She brushed down her white sundress and squared her shoulders before walking through the garden to the gate. 

As she approached, Murphy took his eyes from Finn to briefly look at the person approaching.

It takes a second for him to place who he was looking at, but then it clicked. 

"Holy fuck- Clarke?" His mouth drops open wide, his eyes raking all over her. 

Clarke couldn't help herself much longer. She ran the last few feet and threw herself at Murphy in a tight hug. "Oh, Murphy! how are you here?" She was fully crying now, unable to help herself now that she had one of her friends here with her. 

Murphy's arms came up to hold Clarke against him, not fully believing this to all be real. It was weird enough seeing Jasper and Finn, two people of his past that he had mourned and moved on from. Clarke, however, just like everyone else from the past six years on the ark, he had never forgotten, had never stopped mourning. They felt her loss like a physical weight. 

Especially Blake.

"It's a long story, Princess." He jokes, trying to stop Clarke's tears. 

Suddenly though, Clarke pulled back and placed her hands on his shoulders, forcing him to look at her. "Please-" her voice breaks, "please say that you are all okay, I've been so scared that I didn't do enough, that I-" 

Murphy shakes her gently. "Clarke, you saved us all." He couldn't believe that she didn't know just how much she saved them. Not just in getting the oxygen up and running, but the thought of her memory kept them all fighting to make it through, especially in those early months. "We would have never made it up there these past six years without you." 

A hand appears and lands on Clarke's shoulder. "Come on, Clarke, why don't we sit down to let Murphy talk?" Finn says softly to Clarke. "We have so much to inform him on, and I'm guessing he has much to tell you about..." Finn lets his voice trail off and that catches Murphy's attention. 

It seemed like there was something they both knew of that he did not.  

Clarke takes hold of Murphy's hand and uses it to guide him back to her house, with Finn and Jasper trailing along behind them.

 


_____________________________________________________________________________________________________


Finn was determined to introduce Murphy to everyone first. He took great pride in introducing Rosie to him, he had to ignore the look Murphy flashed at Clarke after introducing Rosie as his soulmate. 

Things got a little tense when Finn introduced Winter. 

Murphy was about to step forward to greet her when he noticed who was holding her tightly. Murphy then took a big step back, knocking into Finn and Rosie. 

"Oh-" His voice faltered. 

Clarke immediately knew what was going on. She always wondered if Murphy felt any guilt towards how he treated Wells in those early days. If he had ever suffered from the whole ordeal with Charlotte (this was also going to be a problem the first time Murphy and Charlotte run into each other here)," 

Well, 's suddenly stands up and walks over to Murphy. "Look, Murphy... I can't say that I feel any good feelings towards you, but here- there is no room for grudges and anger." He holds out a hand towards Murphy. "Clarke seems to think you are a better person, so I'm willing to put the past behind us and move on, only if you are?" 

Everyone was now watching them. 

For about twenty seconds all Murphy does is stare before bringing up his hand and placing it in Wells.

A sudden breath escapes from Clarke as the boys pull back. Winter then steps up to give Murphy a brief (but kind) welcome. 

After that, Murphy gets quickly introduced to Maya properly. Once Maya had sat back beside Jasper, who was staring lovingly at her, Murphy turned to her with a faint roll of his eyes. 

It made Clarke stifle a laugh behind her hand. 

Murphy ended up on the bench beside Clarke, a glass of orange juice in his hand, that he seemed to be sipping slowly as if this may be the last time he had something so sweet. 

"Well," Finn speaks, leaning across the table towards Murphy. "How did you die?" 

Murphy's eyes suddenly became clouded, not unlike Winter's just minutes before.


"We were late," Murphy admits, the place stays silent. 

"It had only been three years in space when Raven realized that we didn't have enough fuel to make it home." Clarke gasps. "Going home was one of the only things keeping us going- helped us get through the endless days and nights." the words were once again met with silence, so Murphy carried on. 

"We all began to suffer, it got especially bad when five years came and went... we all began to deteriorate. Emori and I didn't last, she and I couldn't find that ability to find comfort in each other. Emori moved in with Echo, they were both struggling with the effects of being away from the ground- their bodies were suffering more than the rest of us." 

"Raven and I got closer, we used each other to get our anger and pain out... she was the only one who would hit enough to cause me pain- but she needed someone to lash out on, and it had to be me." Tears slipped down Murphy's cheeks now. "Everyone was counting on her, and she failed- she took is so hard, felt like she betrayed us, betrayed the people on the ground waiting for us to come home... like she betrayed Clarke's sacrifice." 

A small sob sounds from Clarke. 

"I tried to tell her that there was nothing she could have done that would have angered Clarke, she's just so fragile behind that strong front she puts on." Murphy rubs at his eyes. "God I hated to see her in so much pain-" his voice breaks off. 

The look on Murphy's face makes Clarke realize where he was about to go-

"I loved her... I still do love her, so I sat there and took every beating she gave while we were sparring, held her through her breakdown and endless apologies after the fight had gone because he needed it." 

"Monty?" Jasper asks suddenly. 

A small smile graces Murphy's face. "He locked himself in the farm for hours on end, but has Harper, and Harper has him. They're not fully okay but together they are strong," He chuckles slightly. "They want to settle down, I heard them talking about children once, I think they had a bit of a pregnancy scare four years into our time in space." 

Maya rubs Jasper's arm. "He would be a good father, the best father." 

Murphy nods his head. "He had to step up and be the leading figure for the first few months." 

Clarke takes a sudden intake of breath.

This is what she had been waiting on.

A hand suddenly closes around Clarkes, looking to the left, Clarke sees that is was Winter. The little bit of comfort offered help in keeping Clarke grounded for the next part.

"Bellamy- god, Bellamy was a mess." Murphy's eyes flicker to Clarke's, pain laced in every corner of his gaze. "He could not get over losing you how we did." A loud sob escapes Clarke's chest and her free hand comes up to cover her face. Murphy pulls her head to his shoulder. "He was so angry at himself for leaving you behind that he refused to eat, refused to drink until Harper knocked him out and almost all of us force-fed him." Murphy gives a dry chuckle. "It took some strong words from Raven to get him up off his ass, saying that 'This is not what Clarke would've wanted for us, for you!'" 

"He's such an idiot!" Clarke sobs. "I miss him so much." Her heart was throbbing painfully and that missing piece of her that she had felt the moment she got here, only seemed to open wider. 

"You meant as much to him as Octavia- no one has ever got their grips into his heart than you. I swear it's split in half between you and Octavia." 

Clarke felt like she was bleeding, loosing more of herself with every beat of her heart.

"He got better after that, everything he did you could hear him mutter to himself, what would Clarke do, would Clarke approve of this, or Clarke would love this." Murphy laughs. "The only time I think he did something by himself and his choices is his thing with Echo." 

Clarke's heart felt like it had stopped. 

Jasper's eyes flew to Clarke's face.

No one here but himself and Murphy knew of Clarke's past with Echo.

And here we find that her soulmate is dating a woman who had tried to kill her.

Worry filled Jasper to the brim as he watched Clarke shake and quietly sob into her hand. 

"I guess it was also his decision to jump ship and raid the Eligius craft." 

"Who?" Finn gasps. 

"A prisoner ship, sent off to do some mining long before Earth ended the first time, they returned to find their home a wasteland." Murphy brings a hand up to his neck. "We waited until they made their way to Earth, leaving their ship empty for us to board. We at first only wanted to maybe steal enough fuel to get us home but, we heard them taking on their radio's about finding traces of a huge source of life underground." 

"The bunker." Jasper sighs.

"The bunker," agreed Murphy. "They had been trapped underground this whole time, and we heard the crew saying what things they could use the people for, including slaves to help aid them in the clean up of the upper ground." Murphy shakes his head. "Bellamy suddenly didn't care about consequences now, not when Octavia was in danger. But for us to go down, someone had to stay behind." 

He suddenly takes a deep breath. "And that had to be Raven, of fucking course, although Bellamy wasn't very happy about it... he had to because it was the only way to protect Octavia... but there was no way I was going to let Raven stay there alone, so I stayed behind." 

"What!" Clarke yells. 

"I wasn't going to let Raven leave herself alone on a ship in space, not when we had no idea if she would get down again." Murphy snapped back at Clarke. "I guess it didn't matter anyway, the stupid fucks had people locked away in cryo chambers, asleep until they were needed. Well, with us there, they were needed, and we were suddenly being rushed away to a lovely torture chamber-" his voice cuts off and his hand comes back to rest on his neck. "I took all of it, every beating, every harsh, spat word aimed at us, I took it, as long as they left Raven alone-"

"That's how you died...  you died protecting her?" Finn asks, his voice thick with unshed tears.

Murphy nod's his head. "They took it one step too far, they hit me too hard and left me in pain for hours, Raven was beside herself with fear. I didn't mind because it meant she wasn't in any pain." He smiles softly. "It was that night that a peace deal was agreed on, as long as Abby helped treat their radiation sickness, they would live in peace with us." Clarke leans forward to rest her head on Murphy's shoulder, her eyes closing in sudden peacefulness, at least she knew her mother was sort of okay. "But, that whole night, I couldn't get over the pain. Raven and Harper stayed up, trying to soothe me and treat me with pain medicine as best they could, but by early morning they had to call in Abby." 

Murphy's voice was so low and thick now that it was hard to hear him. 

"Before Abby even came into the room, I knew that I was going to die. I kept falling in and out of the darkness and the pain was incredible." He began to wring his hands together. "Internal bleeding in two places of my body, I had been bleeding for hours, it was a surprise to Abby that I hadn't died yet." he chuckled dryly. 

"Harper made a mad dash to find everyone and she brought them to my bedside, where Raven had refused to move from. We both knew I wouldn't make it through the next hour. The guys opened all the windows to the room, allowing the morning sunlight and sounds of the Earth into my room, so it didn't feel like I was trapped." Tears had begun to fall down his face again. "I remember promising Bellamy and Monty that I would look out for Jasper and Clarke when I got here, and how much I loved them all and-" 

He goes quiet for a moment. 

"And then my parents were shaking me awake like the whole thing was one big dream."