You really wished this guy would stop following you. You had no idea who he was, but he’d been tailing you from store to store for the past half hour. You just wanted to get some normal shopping done at your local mall, and then this douche had to come and ruin it. As much as you were trying to avoid thinking about it, you were getting really nervous about him. He looked a lot bigger and stronger than you, and you really didn’t want to end up as a pile of organs on the black market any time soon.
You were glancing around Game Stop trying desperately to get rid of your unexpected stalker. So far, no one else had seemed to notice your plight, and you were too scared to ask anyone for help in case they were working with him or just didn’t care. That would be just your luck. You were looking for a new pair of headphones, practically able to feel his eyes burning into your neck, when a very loud and happy sounding voice startled you out of your thoughts.
“HELLO HUMAN!” You jumped a bit and whipped around. You were understandably a little surprised to see a tall, grinning skeleton wearing a loud Hawaiin shirt and……are those booty shorts?
“I COULDN’T HELP BUT NOTICE YOUR VERY COOL SHIRT! I TOO AM A FAN OF THE ‘ZELDA’ GENRE!” You glanced down at your Legend of Zelda shirt and nodded dumbly.
“I Am Very Sorry To Interrupt Your Shopping, But I Couldn’t Help But Notice That A Strange Human Is Following You. Would You Like Me To Accompany You To Your Car?” You could have cried out of relief as he finished talking. You trusted monsters a lot more than humans. They’d been on the surface for around a year and a half, and you’d made several friends with them. They were apparently made out of love and kindness, so you doubted that this skeleton would be working with the creep. Plus, with an outfit like that? How could you not trust him?
“Yes please, I have no idea who he is, and I’m kind of scared. I still have a bit of shopping to do, would it be too much trouble to come with me for the rest of it?” you quietly asked, a little nervous that he would leave you to fend for yourself.
The skeleton beamed. “I Would Be Happy To Join You! I Don’t Have Anything Else To Do Today, And I Couldn’t Possibly Leave Someone In Distress!” You quickly grabbed the headphones you wanted, and the skeleton followed you to the front of the store. You noticed the man following you scowl as he saw you with your new bodyguard. You’d be nervous too if the huge, strong-looking (how????) skeleton wasn’t on your side.
“BY THE WAY, I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS!” He posed dramatically with a hand on his chest. “BUT YOU CAN JUST CALL ME PAPYRUS. WHAT IS YOUR NAME HUMAN?”
You introduced yourself with not nearly as much flair as he did. Then you noticed the plush toy in his arms. “Is that a Snorlax plush?”
The Great Papyrus glanced down, only now seeming to notice he was holding it. “AH YES. YOU SEE, I HAVE A VERY LAZY BROTHER, AND I HAVE HEARD THAT THIS CREATURE HERE IS ALSO VERY LAZY. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO GET THIS FOR HIM, ESPECIALLY SINCE MY FRIEND LOVES THIS GAME SERIES.” You giggled at his exaggerated disgust as his brother’s lifestyle choices.
You both got to the front of the line, and he waited while you paid, then you waited while he paid. You both walked out of the store, and to your relief, the stalker didn’t follow you. You let out a relieved sigh and Papyrus seemed to share your attitude.
“THANK GOD, WHAT A CREEP.” You snorted a little at the unexpected language. “WHERE TO NEXT, HUMAN?”
“Well, a new book that I’ve been looking for just came out, so probably the bookstore?” you replied as you led him the right direction.
“VERY NICE! I’VE BEEN LOOKING TO PICK UP A NEW COOKBOOK!”
“Oh, do you cook?”
“YES! MY FRIEND USED TO GIVE ME LESSONS UNDERGROUND, BUT IT TURNS OUT WE WERE GOD AWFUL, SO I HAVE BEEN TAKING A CLASS UP HERE!”
You and Papyrus chatted for a while as you went down your shopping list. You learn that he’s friends with the former king and queen, their adopted child, the ambassador, and is best friends with the ex-captain of the Royal Guard. You also learned that he has a brother, who is “ VERY COOL. ALMOST AS GREAT AS ME! Even If He Never Picks Up His Socks.” Apparently, he had also been the monster mascot for a brief time before he quit to become a firefighter.
The two of you passed a clothing store, and he stopped to look at the different styles. He was apparently fascinated by human fashion, and liked all the options up here. “HUMAN, THIS WOULD LOOK GREAT ON YOU!” You looked at what he was pointing at, a comfortable looking jacket in your favorite color with white stars stitched on.
“Oh, that’s really nice!” You glanced at the price tag. “Yeesh, nevermind.” That is way out of your budget. You sadly walked away from the jacket to help Papyrus find more colorful shirts, not noticing him looking thoughtfully back at the jacket.
After a few minutes of him giving his (very loud) opinions on some clothes, he grabbed a few and made his way to the cash register. You hung back and thought about your new skeletal friend. Wait, could you call him a friend? You’d met less than two hours ago, but you already felt incredibly close to him. Not to mention that the way he would grin at you would make butterflies erupt in your stomach.
You shook your head. Get your head out of the clouds. You’ll probably never see him again after he drops you off at your car. The thought made the butterflies in your stomach shrivel up and die. Your shopping was all done (you had even made a few unnecessary stops in order to spend more time with him), and Papyrus getting distracted was just a happy coincidence. You really didn’t want him to leave your life just yet.
The new Ice Cream place caught your eye. Perfect! You could offer him some ice cream for helping you out, and get to spend just a few more precious minutes with him! Papyrus finally got done paying, shaking you out of your thoughts.
“WELL HUMAN, I HAVE PURCHASED THE ‘CROP TOP’ THAT YOU SUGGESTED! I THINK I’M READY TO DEPART!” he announced for the entire world to hear.
You chuckled a bit at how excited he always was. “That’s great! Um, do you want to get some ice cream? As a reward for helping me with that creep earlier?”
You were pretty sure stars appeared in his eye sockets for a few seconds. “ABSOLUTELY!! I LOVE NICE CREAM! DAIRY IS GOOD FOR THE BONES, AFTER ALL!”
Nice cream? Oh, yep, that most certainly says nice cream. It must be a monster thing. They were infamous for their puns and uncreative names. The two of you strolled into the restaurant, where a blue bunny monster was scooping delicious looking ice cream cones.
“Welcome to my Nice Cream shop! What can I get you two?” he asked, flashing you an incredibly genuine smile.
You studied the board of flavors intently. There was so many flavors! And you hadn’t even heard of any of them! They weren’t the human flavors you were used to. They were all things like “Beautiful Blue”, “Glamorous Green”, and “Perfect Purple”.
“Hm...I might need a minute to decide. Papyrus, do you want to go first?” You glanced over and noticed that Papyrus was typing intently on his phone, an expression of intense concentration on his face. “You good?”
He quickly shot his head up. “OF COURSE! I WAS SIMPLY TEXTING MY BROTHER. THE LAZYBONES FINALLY WOKE UP FROM HIS THIRD NAP OF THE DAY AND WAS WONDERING WHERE I AM. HE IS ALSO GIVING ME SOME ADVICE ON A VERY IMPORTANT MATTER, BUT IS NOT TAKING IT SERIOUSLY! HONESTLY, WHAT WOULD HE DO WITHOUT SUCH A COOL DUDE LOOKING AFTER HIM?”
You laughed a bit. “Brothers right? Anyway, I think I’ll go with the ‘Razzle-Dazzle Red.’ What does it taste like?”
“IT TASTES RED OF COURSE!”
The two of you ordered and sat down. You had a brief argument about who was paying. You said that it was your treat, but Papyrus insisted that a gentleman should pay for his own. You eventually won when Papyrus got distracted by his phone chiming, and you were able to swipe your card while he was looking away. The nice cream guy had laughed and said that the two of you made a cute couple, to which you blushed furiously and stuttered out that you weren’t dating him. Nice cream guy had cheekily responded, “Yet,” and winked as he handed you your cones.
You and Papyrus sat down while chatting idly about Mettaton’s newest movie. “HONESTLY, I DON’T KNOW WHY PEOPLE ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT THE PLOT HOLES. IS IT NOT ENOUGH TO SIMPLY SEE METTATON ACT?”
“And maybe even his bootyass?”
He nodded sagely. “AND MAYBE EVEN HIS BOOTYASS.”
All too soon, your ice cream was gone (it really did taste red), although you kept the napkin with “Have a nice day!” written on it. You and Papyrus wandered out to your car, although you may have taken a slightly longer route in order to spend more time with him. Unfortunately, you can’t keep walking forever, and you eventually reached your car. On the walk there, Papyrus had gotten more and more nervous looking, wringing his hands together while orange tinted sweat (?) rolled down his bony brow. Now he had apparently reached his peak.
“H-HUMAN.” Wow, you had never heard him stutter. “CAN YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES FOR A MOMENT?”
You didn’t see the harm in it, so you complied. You heard some soft rustling and felt something soft being placed in your hands. “YOU CAN OPEN YOUR EYES NOW.” You did and gasped a little in shock. It was the jacket you’d been admiring in the store! That sneaky skelly had bought it for you when you’d been distracted.
You laughed a little bit. “As if you haven’t done enough for me today! Man, you’re way too sweet, Papyrus.”
He somehow managed to blush. He looked like an orange tomato! “SPEAKING OF SWEET THINGS, UM….” he pulled his phone out and frantically scrolled. “A-ARE YOU CAKE? BECAUSE YOU’RE WELL DONE! Wait That’s Not Right. IF YOU WERE A STEAK I’D WANT A PIECE OF THAT! Darn I Got Those Two Mixed Up. UM, I THINK I LOST MY NUMBER, C-CAN I HAVE YOURS?” Poor Papyrus had sweating running off his face like a waterfall and he almost looked like he was going to cry. “THIS IS GOING ALL WRONG!” He stomped his foot on the ground and shoved his phone back in his pocket. “ I SHOULD NEVER HAVE LISTENED TO SANS’ ADVICE!”
At this point, you couldn’t hold back your laughter if you tried. You doubled over on the ground with your hands on your knees, wheezing too hard to breathe.
“OH NO, I’VE BROKEN YOU! THIS WASN’T HOW I MEANT IT TO GO! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIX A HUMAN THAT SOUNDS LIKE A TEA KETTLE!” His panicked shouting made you only laugh harder until you finally were able to gather yourself.
“Oh man, Papyrus, are you trying to ask for my number?” He nodded nervously. “Pfft, you could’ve just asked! Here you go.” You handed him your phone, opened to the contacts page. You could’ve sworn you saw stars in his eye sockets as he punched his number in. He handed it back to you. He had put his name in as “THE GREAT PAPYRUS” with a skull emoji. You shot him a text with a simple message that said “Your hand looks heavy, mind if I hold it for you?”
You heard his phone go off, and he laughed an adorable “NYEH HEH HEH!” as he read your text. “WOW, MUCH BETTER DELIVERY THAN MINE! I GUESS I SHOULD GET GOING NOW. IT WAS LOVELY TO MEET YOU, HUMAN! I WILL BE SURE TO TEXT YOU SOON. WE CAN HANG OUT! I CAN SHOW YOU MY AMAZING SPAGHETTI!”
You felt like if you grinned any wider, your face would split in half. “That sounds amazing, Papyrus!”
He proudly put a hand on his chest. “OF COURSE IT DOES! IT WAS MY IDEA AFTER ALL! I MUST HEAD OUT HUMAN! LOOK FORWARD TO A MESSAGE FROM ME!” and with that, he sprinted away, flying around fifteen feet in the air, cackling all the way.
You happily hopped in the car, looking forward to your future meetings with your new friend.