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Gay Hell

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          Caesar had hardly known Joseph for a week and was ready to kill him. On the very first day they’d met the big idiot had stuffed a pigeon into Caesar’s mouth, had gotten himself ‘married’ to two of their mortal enemies, and was just generally a complete uncivilized asshole. The promise that the blonde had made that first night, to introduce Joseph to his teacher and to help him in his Hamon training, was starting to feel like a worse idea by the day.

          Because Joseph, despite being physically imposing and on occasion frustratingly clever, toed a terrifyingly close line between brave and foolhardy. He was bold and brash, cocky and confident, and appeared to wear his heart on his sleeve. However, Caesar was getting better at determining when he was pretending to be stupid so an enemy would let his guard down, or just genuinely being actually stupid. Joseph was also quick to learn and annoyingly competent, already showing more progress with his Hamon over a single week than Caesar had shown in years of diligent, disciplined training. And the meathead was unrepentantly lazy, and unbelievably adverse to paying attention, or practicing, or taking Lisa Lisa’s instructions seriously. He just had a maddeningly strong raw natural talent and a surprisingly good head for strategy, that was allowing him to run circles around Caesar in some of their exercises.

          It really didn’t help that Joseph was built like the god Apollo, or that he had decided to copy Caesar’s affinity for wearing crop tops.

          They were standing across from one another in a big practice ring, Caesar wary and alert of his surroundings, Joseph leaning back and checking his nails nonchalantly. He wore that shirt before, thought Caesar, but he must have cropped it. There was definitely not nearly as much of those toned, tanned abs on display the last time he had seen Joseph in this shirt. Am I just paying more attention to his body? Caesar dashed the thought from his mind and glared at the offending Adonis with renewed malice. No. Fuck this guy. Get out of my head.

          “Today,” began Lisa Lisa, “you will be working on hand-to-hand combat. There are many different ways to use Hamon to your advantage in a fight. We will focus on applying it to enhance your natural strength at short range. No trickery,” she said pointedly looking at Joseph, who put a hand over his broad chest as if to say who, me?, “and no techniques.” She directed this at Caesar, whose jaw dropped.

          “Mama mia, do I really have to wrestle with this idiota?” he sneered, gesturing at the idiota in question who just waved back infuriatingly cheerfully.

          “What’s wrong Caesarino,” came the reply muffled by the mask, “afraid you can’t beat me without your fancy bubbles?”

          “Merda,” growled the blonde, “I’ll make you eat those words.” Joseph was a good few inches taller than Caesar and definitely bulkier, but he was inexperienced. He hadn’t been in as many fights and didn’t have the same wealth of knowledge to draw upon. What he lacked in brute force, Caesar was going to make up for with determination and a refusal to lose to this boastful, self-important moron.

          Lisa Lisa’s expression was unreadable, as she stepped back and brought a hand down in a sweeping motion. “First one to be pinned for a count of five is out. You have all day. GO!”

          Joseph immediately began pacing forward, slow and easy. He was in no rush, pose relaxed, wide shoulders back, palms out as if to say come and get me. Caesar was damn well going to come and get him. The blonde came sprinting forward, light on his feet, and leaped high to deliver a drop kick right into the middle of that smug face. Joseph dodged down and to the left, but Caesar was ready. He scissored his legs at the last moment, catching Joseph in the chest, and sent him reeling back.

          Joseph doubled over and wheezed, hands on his knees, and Caesar couldn’t believe how quickly the big idiot was winded. He came rushing forward, readying a kick to knock his legs out from under him, when Joseph reached out and caught one of his feet in a meaty fist. Caesar crashed to the ground, furious at himself for believing Joseph’s obvious trick. He quickly swept a leg out and caught the brunette at the ankles where he staggered and fell only inches away.

          Caesar pounced immediately, onto Joseph’s back where he was laid out on his stomach in the dirt. He snaked an arm around the other man’s thick neck and held him in a brief chokehold, before Joseph suddenly heaved himself onto his feet and slammed the both of them back into the dust.

          All the air left Caesar’s body with the force of the crushing blow. As he lay dazed, head pounding and all the wind knocked out of him, Joseph squirmed above him and changed position so the two faced each other.

          Merda he’s so HEAVY. Caesar had never allowed himself to imagine this scenario but here they were, Joseph’s huge body pressed against his own from collarbone to groin, splayed over him and pinning him to the ground. Their legs were open, Joseph’s thick thighs spread and hooked over Caesar’s. A position both compromising and embarrassing, all under the watchful gaze of his Maestra.

          “UNO,” came the call from the sideline.

          Huge hands held the blonde’s wrists fast above his head, that massive barrel chest heaving with the previous exertion.

          “DUE,” the countdown continued.

          There was no visible expression under the mask, but Caesar had become adept at reading what Joseph’s bright green eyes and thick dark eyebrows had to say. It was clear that the brunette was assured in his victory, allowing himself to settle his bulk down easily over the blonde and to lower his masked face inches away from a furious scowl.


          Through panting breaths, that cocky voice rasped close to his ear: “I’m sorry Caesar, were you used to being on top?”

          Caesar brought his knees up close to his chest and delivered a Hamon-kick to Joseph so hard the brunette went sailing ten feet into the air, and landed in a massive cloud of dust on the ground.


          The two students had spent the entire rest of the day rolling around in the dirt in a sweaty, grunting mess. They held each other in a long string of four-second pins, one never allowing the other to claim the day’s victory. The two became uncomfortably intimate a number of times, held against each other distractingly close, as the friction of their bodies and increasing slowness of their movements made Caesar feel warmer and warmer despite the chill of the ocean breeze.

          Lisa Lisa had called it a draw as the sun began to set, while she watched both of them lying flat on their backs prostrate on the ground, mumbling faint curses. Caesar had protested, Lisa Lisa had insisted, Joseph had laid in the dust an additional five minutes before hauling himself to his feet.

          Caesar had left immediately and spent a full twenty minutes in the shower, first hot as hell to get the sweat and dust of the day off his skin and to soothe his aching muscles. The last ten minutes under an ice cold spray was a futile attempt to chase away any and all feelings that had been festering for his sparring partner, simmering barely under the surface. After all, they had spent the last eight hours all but grinding against one another. He managed to calm himself down, put on the tank top and shorts he wore as pajamas, and finally retired to his room for a well earned night’s rest.

          Not even five minutes after he laid down, there was a knock at the door, and Caesar barely had time to sit up as Joseph sauntered into the room. He held most of a bottle of grappa in one big hand, definitely pilfered from the kitchens, and wore nothing more than polka-dot boxers.

          “What’s up Caesarino? Burning the midnight oil?” The brunette had taken the training mask off, easy grin spread over his handsome face. Don’t look at his handsome face.

          “Get out,” snapped Caesar. “We have a long day tomorrow.”

          “That’s right!” exclaimed Joseph. He decidedly did not get out, but instead closed the door behind himself and strode over to the bed. The brunette flopped down hard enough to pop Caesar a little bit up and off the mattress. “We have a long day tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the day after that!” He gestured broadly with the bottle, obviously not completely sober but together enough to be articulate. That dazzling grin fell into a grimace in the space of a heartbeat. “And if we’re very lucky, and work very hard,” he murmured, “we’ll get to watch each other die in less than a month. So a long day, becomes a long week, becomes a long month, and we finish off a pair of short lives.”

          Joseph was good at hiding his stress, but it was clear that he was starting to crack. Caesar was moved by pity, for the first time looking at him as the frightened young man he was and not the unstoppable juggernaut he pretended to be. The blonde sat up against the wall and held out a hand, which Joseph happily filled with the bottle of grappa. Caesar took a swig, grimacing as the bitter alcohol burned down his throat, and turned to look at Joseph. Stupid, sexy, uncomfortably close Joseph, who reached out to reclaim the bottle. The big man took a long pull and popped off for air, tongue sliding suggestively across his plump lips. Caesar looked away.

          “I’ve spent most of my life running from fate, and the rest running towards it.” The blonde murmured, looking over for a moment to capture Joseph’s brilliant green eyes.

          The brunette barked out a laugh, taking another sip of grappa and leaning in closer. “What does that meeeeeean?” A faint blush was beginning to dust his high cheekbones, a sure sign that the alcohol was working its dubious magic. “Why are you so mysterious, Caesarino? Open up, let me inside!”

          Caesar rolled his eyes, shoving Joseph away as he grabbed the bottle out of his hands. The blonde tried to keep his wandering eyes off his companions broad shoulders, his muscular chest, his toned stomach, his powerful thighs, all on full display in the moonlight. He took a swig and muttered, almost too low to hear. “You wouldn’t know what to do if you got that far, you sad virgin.”

          Joseph sputtered and turned bright red under his tan, grabbing Caesar by the shoulder with one strong hand and shoving him. “Hey!” he yelled, “I’m not a sad virgin!”

          Caesar put his free hand against Joseph’s mouth, shushing him and trying to not think about the plush lips and wet tongue against his palm. “You’re right,” he smirked, “you’re just a dumb virgin.” Joseph opened his mouth to protest but Caesar pressed down harder, feeling the effects of the alcohol and not particularly worried about how close their bodies were getting. “Shut up you oaf,” he chastised, “there are other people on the damn island.”

          The big brunette sniggered against his hand, and took Caesar’s wrist so gently it took the blonde off guard. He smiled, big and dopey and genuine, and it took everything in Caesar’s power not to shove him off the bed. Instead he handed over the bottle, which Joseph took gratefully. He drank down another long pull of grappa, as Caesar tried and failed not to watch his thick throat moving to swallow.

          Joseph slumped down supine alongside him on a bed that was barely large enough for Caesar. Inevitably they touched, everywhere, two big men on a too-small mattress. Joseph’s wide shoulders were comfortably tucked under his own, one burly arm slung over Caesar’s chest, thick thighs splayed open. Too close screamed a part of his brain. Not nearly close enough screamed another.

          “I know we fight,” began Joseph, “a lot. Like, a lot. But,” he craned his head up to look into Caesar’s eyes. It was so close, so disarmingly intimate, that the blonde was trapped in that green gaze. “But,” he continued breathlessly, “I’ve never felt so close to anyone before. Do you understand, Caesar?” The other man shifted to lie on his side, and Caesar had to grab the bottle right before it fell over and place it on the bedside table. Undaunted, Joseph put a heavy hand on the blonde’s chest and looked up at him earnestly. Warmth seeped up from the brunette’s hand and through Caesar’s thin top. He tried his best to ignore how nice the weight of it felt, how natural Joseph’s big warm body felt pressed against his own. “I know I give you a lot of shit but God Caesar,” Joseph’s bright eyes were suddenly clouded. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

          Caesar rolled over, sitting on the edge of the bed and leaving a disappointed Joseph behind him. “Dio mio JoJo, I never knew you were so sentimental.” Out of the corner of his eye the blonde saw the other man sit up and run a hand through his wild hair, before chuckling unconvincingly.

          “Yeah, I’m feeling real corny tonight.” The big brunette stood, and Caesar could only look for a moment at how the moonlight emphasized the dips and curves of his strong body. He turned and began to walk away, leaving the blonde feeling empty and cold in a way he never had before. Caesar realized with a pang that he had always been the one to leave a bedroom first.

          “You’re always corny,” he retorted, just for something to say.

          Joseph stopped on his way out the door and turned so his face was in profile. “Can we do this again Caesarino?” he asked, big hopeful grin on his face. “You’re the first guy- first person - I’ve ever really gotten to talk to, you know, as an equal. No expectations, no bullshit, just…. nice.”

          “Fine,” replied Caesar, lips pursed. “Bring wine next time, you get sloppy on grappa.”

Chapter Text

          Caesar and Joseph continued their odd little bonding ritual night after night. It always started the same way: after a long hard day of training Caesar would take a shower and retire to his room. He would then lay on the bed and tell himself that tonight Joseph wasn’t coming. That this was definitely for the best and that they shouldn’t grow too close, that he was a stupid stronzo anyway and not worth the headache of spending time with. And then like clockwork, a maskless and boxers-clad Joseph would burst into the room, brandishing a bottle of wine and chattering about how narrowly he’d escaped detection by the chef. Caesar would immediately feel an intense relief and a warm familiarity, that he would unsuccessfully try to squash. The blonde would make a snide remark about Joseph being about as subtle as a herd of elephants, and they both would laugh. Despite the fact that there were chairs in the room, every single night the two big men would cram themselves onto the narrow bed and relax against each other.

          They’d tried to play cards once, but just like last time neither could resist cheating. It had quickly devolved into a heated argument followed by a wrestling match on the bed. Caesar let Joseph win after only a few minutes, just to stop the torturous sensation of squirming skin on skin. It was one thing to grapple with him during training, being fully clothed and constantly watched was enough of a mood killer to get through a match without too much potential for embarrassment. This was quite a different situation; just the two of them, in the dark, half-naked, flesh warm and flushed from the wine, limbs tangled in the sheets, their panting and groaning echoing loudly off the stone walls of the small room. The blonde put a stop to that very quickly, before something catastrophic happened. 

          So instead they talked. Caesar was always tight-lipped about his past, but perfectly content to talk about anything else. Joseph had no such hang-ups, and clearly loved the sound of his own voice, so after only a few days Caesar knew absolutely everything about his companion’s upbringing. It was surprisingly sad. Despite the fact that Joseph was born into wealth and wanted for nothing his whole life, his childhood had been a solitary one. The larger-than-life persona he had adopted and his over-the-top antics made much more sense in the context of a lonely outsider, desperate for attention and friends. 

          They talked about all manner of things: Italian food, the escalating situation in Germany, fashion, the crushing terror of their inevitable battle with the Pillar Men, and girls (a subject about which Joseph had many theories but quite obviously no experience, despite his insistence to the contrary). After a few hours of soothing, easy companionship, Caesar would look at the clock and demand Joseph leave before it got too late and they sabotaged their training tomorrow. Joseph would whine and protest and lay down obstinately like a big sexy boulder. Caesar would kick him bodily off the bed, they would both laugh again, and the brunette would head begrudgingly back to his own room. This never failed to leave the blonde feeling frigid and unsatisfied. He would lay back down on his now empty bed and try desperately not to think about how long Joseph’s eyelashes were, or how warm his skin always was, or how comfortable his big body was to lean against. 

          About a week after they had started their nightly rendezvous, just like every morning, they came down to breakfast. Caesar made coffee, Joseph chattered and mostly just got in the way, and they ate whatever the long-suffering cook had prepared. There was a feeling of familiarity and domesticity, which in the past Caesar had considered nice enough in theory but something he could never have. It was frankly frightening how much he was starting to look forward to moments like these. 

          “We’re meeting Lisa Lisa on the dock today,” said Joseph through a mouthful of eggs. “What do you think we’ll be doing?”

          “Chew and swallow before you speak, cazzo.” chided Caesar. He sipped at his espresso thoughtfully. “I’m not sure. Maybe she’s going to bury us in sand again.”

          Joseph grimaced, and Caesar tried not to think about how attractive the brunette was no matter what faces he pulled. “Ugh, I sure hope not,” he complained. “It took forever to get the grit out of my hair last time.” Once they finished breakfast Joseph put the training mask back on, hiding his plump lips and warm smile. Caesar nearly convinced himself this wasn’t terribly disappointing.

          The two men ambled down to the beach where Lisa Lisa was already waiting for them, seated under an umbrella. Suzie Q stood alongside holding a drink tray.

          “You have progressed quite far, and this will be something of a test.” proclaimed Lisa Lisa from her perch on the dock, grabbing a spritz off the tray. “You have to run on top of the water, ten full laps around the entire island. No stopping, no resting, no sinking in. If I see wet clothes, you’re going right back down into Hell Climb Pillar.”

          Joseph gasped with exaggerated indignation “Again? Teacher, that’s just cruel!”

          Caesar swatted him on the back of the head, prompting a look of affected hurt from the mouthy brunette. “Segone, don’t question our Maestra!” He looked at Joseph slyly, through the corner of his eye. “What’s wrong, afraid you can’t do it?” 

          Joseph blustured and became defensive. “No need to get handsy Caesarino, a man is entitled to his opinion.” He suddenly turned and caught the blonde in sparkling green eyes. “But I’m absolutely going to beat you. I bet I can finish this way faster than you.”

          Caesar ground his teeth. “You’re on, cazzo, have fun losing.” There was something about Joseph that brought out his competitive streak, and he would be damned before he let this prick win at anything, ever, without fighting tooth and nail. 

          Evidently Joseph felt the same, because he immediately lowered himself into a three-point stance that made his round rump look unfairly tight in those jeans. Caesar tore his eyes away and focused on the horizon, that was far away and normal and boring and didn’t have a beautiful ass. 

          Lisa Lisa sipped her drink and gestured vaguely with a manicured hand. “On your marks, get set, GO!”

          The two took off immediately. Caesar used his Hamon carefully to keep himself on top of the water and Joseph raced forwards haphazardly, sinking in to his ankles almost immediately. Joseph was sloppy but he was fast, getting past Caesar almost instantly. The big idiot ran off, using up his energy for the sake of pulling to the front of what was clearly going to be an endurance race. Caesar wasn’t worried, knowing the brunette would run out of steam eventually. He kept a steady pace, making carefully sure to keep his shoes above the surface, knowing finesse was more important than anything else and that he would catch Joseph soon.

          It was arduous, keeping himself running on top of the water, never breaking the surface tension, with absolutely no Joseph in sight. He expected to catch up to, and indeed surpass, that fool before too long. However, only a few minutes after he passed Lisa Lisa at the dock and completed the first circuit of the island, he heard a splashing from behind. Caesar turned to see Joseph, running on the water just as badly and inexpertly as before, racing up to lap him. The big idiot gave him an exaggerated salute before running past. Caesar stopped dead in his tracks as Joseph pulled away, watching the brunette haphazardly launch off the water every single step of the way. 

          Absolutely not, thought Caesar through a head full of fuzz and rage. Absolutely FUCKING NOT. Joseph was obviously cheating, and it was up to Caesar to lie in wait and catch him in the act. Completely ignoring the challenge, or even the original assignment, the blonde walked up the beach and hid in a bush, hardly daring to breathe. He was going to catch that jackass, and make him wish he was never born. 

          What felt like years later, he heard a noise coming not over the water but up the beach. Looking down in disbelief, Caesar watched Joseph sprint along the beach over the sand. About fifty yards from where Caesar was hiding, the brunette raced back down to the water and continued to run on top of it using Hamon, as if he had been performing the challenge correctly the entire time.

          Caesar saw red. How DARE this idiot cheat on an important test, during his training to beat the Pillar Men! He’s only cheating himself! The blonde found himself racing out to where Joseph was still struggling to stay on the water’s surface. He didn’t care about the training at this point, the only thing on his mind was punishment for the crime. 

          “Vaffanculo!” he bellowed, crashing into a very surprised Joseph. “Vai a farti fottere!” He screamed while slugging the brunette in chest as he struggled to his feet, trying to keep up with the blonde’s punishing blows. 

          “What the hell man?” screamed Joseph, muffled through the mask, doing his best to keep above water even as he began sinking when his breathing and concentration failed. The other man was clearly not ready to fight on top of the water, as he had sunk nearly to his knees when Caesar furiously delivered a savage uppercut right to his stupid handsome cheating face. The brunette went sailing almost twenty feet away, cracking his head against a rocky outcropping before falling into the water and sinking down in an eruption of bubbles. 

          Caesar spent a long moment staring at the rock, before the blood drained from his face and he realized he might have just killed Joseph. “Aspettate, I’m coming!” he screamed to nobody in particular, before diving into the ocean. Caesar looked around frantically for a few heart-stopping seconds before seeing Joseph’s limp body sinking rapidly downwards. Caesar had never prepared for a situation like this but without a moment’s thought he was diving down to grab the unconscious brunette around the shoulders, and immediately struggled for the surface.   

          Joseph was easily six and a half feet tall, well over two hundred fifty pounds of pure muscle. This was all fun and exciting to be pinned underneath on dry land, but proved difficult to pull out of the ocean as dead weight. But Caesar was almost as big, and had the added benefit of terror and sheer determination. It took longer than expected to fight the current and bring the other man to the surface, and by the time the blonde dragged himself and his companion onto the beach he was panting like a bellows and terrified that he'd just killed Joseph during a fucking training exercise. 

          Caesar hauled the limp body out of the surf and promptly ripped the mask off his face. He isn’t breathing. He spent about five seconds listening for a pulse before frantically tearing his shirt off and giving a series of chest compressions. Without a second thought, the blonde plugged the other man’s nose and sealed his mouth over Joseph’s, blowing in with all his might and watching that massive chest expand. Joseph tasted like salt water, but Caesar was nowhere close to registering anything as he watched him suddenly sputter and cough and breathe on his own. He hacked up a spray of water directly into Caesar’s face and looked at him, bleary eyed, with an expression of confusion and shock.

          “Am… am I dead? Are you an angel?” mumbled Joseph thickly, before suddenly turning to his side and throwing up seawater onto the sand. 

          He called me an angel, thought the romantic part of Caesar’s brain. He’s puking, thought the sensible part as he slid off the other man’s heaving body and rubbed soothing circles into his broad back, watching the brunette projectile vomit saltwater. Joseph had rolled over onto his belly and was gasping almost normally when Lisa Lisa strode onto the beach, looking disdainfully at where the two men were splayed on the sand.

          “Care to tell me what just happened?” she asked, glaring pointedly at Caesar. He sat up straight and looked down at Joseph, who raised a feeble thumbs up in acceptance of his fate.

          “JoJo, ah, cheated, Maestra,” he admitted, looking down at the brunette. “He was running on land when he should have been running on the sea.”

          “Sure,” said Lisa Lisa, staring at them evenly, “but why does he look half-drowned?”

          “I, well, I was angry Maestra, and attacked him when I saw he was cheating,” confessed Caesar, while Joseph coughed out a laugh and struggled to his hands and knees. 

          Lisa Lisa stalked over and put a high heeled shoe on Joseph’s shoulder as he fought to rise, shoving him back down onto the sand. ‘I see. Thank you, Caesar, for telling me the truth.” She looked down at the struggling brunette, who rolled over onto his back again and prepared for his sentence. 

          “If you’re so afraid of the ocean Joseph, you must face your fears.” Lisa Lisa lowered her sunglasses and looked at him dangerously. “If you refuse to run on top of the water, you’ll just have to swim. Give me fifty laps of the whole island dressed in all your clothes.” She turned to look at Caesar, who was hoping to stay out of this but evidently to no avail. “Caesar,” she went on, “follow him in the motorboat. Make sure he doesn’t cheat or quit or fail.” 

          Joseph looked up, struggling to his knees. “R-really? I have to swim the whole island fifty times?”

          “Yes,” sneered Lisa Lisa, glaring at him. “You’re getting off lightly.” She kicked kicked her heeled shoe off the center of his broad chest and glared down at Joseph as he fell back onto the ground. “If you aren't going to take my training seriously,” she said coldly, “you can leave right now.” She turned and sniffed. “Otherwise, get swimming.” As Lisa Lisa walked away, Caesar noticed a boat she had left behind on the beach. He slowly made his way to the boat, watching Joseph lie on the sand until he started the engine up.

          “Okay, okay I’m coming!” spat Joseph, wading back into the surf and splashing gracelessly into the water. To Caesar’s shock, Joseph hauled himself up and over the side of the boat like a demented burly mermaid. He held Caesar’s eyes in a steady gaze, before looking away and flopping back into the water. “Thanks for saving my life,” he grumbled, affixing the mask back onto his face. “Sorry I cocked everything up so royally.” With that, the brunette fell back into the ocean and began his fifty laps around the island. 

          Caesar followed dutifully in the boat, not at all eyeing the muscles of Joseph’s broad shoulders working, or his strong legs kicking, or the soaked fabric of his jeans clinging to the curve of his ass. What followed was an entire day of watching the brunette swim progressively slower and slower. The sun made its way across the sky, and the only sounds were the rumble of the motorboat and Joseph’s laborious splashing. Hours later, he finally finished swimming his fifty circuits of the island and feebly crawled his way back onto dry land.

          “Caesar,” whined Joseph, making no attempt to get himself off the ground. “Take me home. Please?” The big idiot looked up at him with such pleading eyes that Caesar felt he had no choice but to laboriously hoist him up in a fireman’s carry and bring him back into the villa. He put Joseph down gently in the shower, and the brunette immediately began to strip out of his salty, waterlogged jeans. Caesar took that as his cue to leave. 

          That night Caesar performed his regular routine and waited for a Joseph that he knew probably wouldn’t bother to show up. I almost killed him today, why the hell would he come back?  

          Evidently Joseph had no issue with that, because he stumbled into the room at just about the regular time, in his regular state of near-nudity. Notably he had no wine, and fell immediately upon the bed where he remained face-down even as he began to speak.

          “I’m, uh, I’m really sorry Caesarino,” he mumbled into the mattress. “I was a real dumb jerk today. You saved my sorry ass.” 

          Caesar, who was pleasantly surprised and immensely relieved to see the brunette here in his room at all, decided to play dumb. “What, no wine?” he asked teasingly. “You won’t even bring me a drink in exchange for saving your life?”

          Joseph screwed up his face and reached out a strong hand to shove at Caesar halfheartedly. “No, I really couldn't face the stairs down to the kitchen. My legs feel like jelly.” He looked up guiltily. “I’m sorry, I’ll get it next time.” He sprawled back down onto the mattress, effectively taking up the entire bed.

          “I’ll forgive you,” said Caesar with a smile, “just this once.” His face fell. “Why did you cheat, anyway? Was it really that important to beat me in a footrace?”

          “I mean, yeah, it’s super important to be better than you at everything.” Joseph turned his head in profile, looking over his shoulder up at the blonde. “Being able to beat you is pretty much the only reason I’m in training at all.”     

          Caesar was taken aback. He ignored the warm little feeling of validation that glowed briefly in his chest. “Not to, say, defeat the Pillar Men and get those rings out of you?”

          “Oh sure, that too, but you get me out of bed in the morning,” he replied with a grin. “Seriously though, the only reason I cheated was because I’m fucking terrified of that Hell Climb Pillar.” Joseph put a big hand over his face. “I really don’t think I could do it alone, staring up at your ass for three solid days was the only thing that kept me motivated.”

        Caesar tried not to read too much into that statement. “You’ve improved so much,” he said encouragingly, desperate to change the subject. “I’m sure you’d be able to do it again.”

          Joseph blew a raspberry. “Thanks a lot, I’ll be sure to remember that advice the next time Teacher throws me into the greasy Hell pit.” The brunette sat up and grunted, stretching his arms luxuriously above his head. Caesar watched, captivated, as cords and tendons and bulky muscles slid over each other. Joseph really was built like the Farnese Hercules. But with a much prettier face. Caesar squashed that line of thinking. Merda, what’s wrong with me, I’m not even drinking!

          As if reading his thoughts, Joseph turned and looked coyly over a beefy shoulder. “Ugh, Caesar, I’m so sore!” he whined, reaching an arm up to run over his neck. He gazed up at the blonde from under those long eyelashes. “Give me a back rub?”

          Caesar allowed himself a single moment to imagine running his hands all over that broad back, straddling his narrow waist, watching the other man laid out underneath him… Dio mio, no! 

          “No.” He said quickly. 

          “Ugh, Caesar please ?” He turned to face the blonde, big green eyes pleading. “Why not?”

          Because I’m going to pop a fucking boner. “Because you cheated. You deserve to be sore.”

          “But Caesar!” cried Joseph. “I did fifty laps of the whole goddamn island!” He pursed that fat bottom lip, and the blonde felt his resolve crumbling. “You almost drowned me! What I deserve is a massage!” 

          This is a terrible idea. Caesar heaved a weary sigh. “Fine.” Joseph gasped and clapped his hands with delight. The blonde held up a finger. “But it’s going to be short.”

          “I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me,” the brunette replied, smug and satisfied. Mama mia cazzo, don’t say things like that. Joseph stretched out slowly onto his front, arms above his head. He turned to catch Caesar staring, and grinned. “How do you want me?”

          On your hands and knees. Caesar shook his head, desperately trying to clear the image from his mind. Merda, he has to know what he’s doing to me. Cheeky bastardo. “This is fine.” 

          Caesar slung a leg over Joseph and settled his weight on the small of his back. This was already a bad idea, the sight and sensation of the other man’s big warm body between his thighs was doing terrible things to the blonde’s self-control. He leaned forward and ran his hands from Joseph’s narrow waist up his broad back. Caesar’s pale hands contrasting with that toned, tanned flesh was strangely mesmerising. He desperately tried to push any indecent thoughts out of his head, and focused on rubbing those bulky shoulders. 

          Joseph’s muscles were unsurprisingly tight, and Caesar gripped hard and dug his thumbs into the meat of his shoulders. What was surprising was the other man’s loud, shameless groan. Determined to keep his cool and see this through, the blonde put all of his considerable weight behind the next movement and pressed the heels of his palms into those broad shoulder blades, pushing outwards. 

          “Oh, Caesar!” cried the brunette. “Do that again!” His loud voice echoed in the small room, and Caesar was immensely grateful Joseph couldn’t see his face because he was definitely blushing bright red. He obliged and repeated the motion a few times, pulling a long satisfied moan out of Joseph. The big man visibly relaxed under him, going soft and supple from the blonde’s ministrations.    

          “You can go harder, please go harder, you’re not going to hurt me,” whined the brunette, shifting his position on the bed and making Caesar rock above him.

          Merda, stop fucking teasing me. “Whatever you want,” he replied, redoubling his efforts and pressing down firmly. He was rewarded with a string of curses and extravagant groans, as Joseph grew malleable under his hands and warm between his thighs. Dio mio, don’t make it awkward.  

          The sight of Joseph spread out, relaxed and deliciously pliant underneath him, was exactly as catastrophically sexy as Caesar had feared. The wanton noises spilling from the other man's lips were just making a bad situation worse. Keep it together, don’t get hard, he’ll feel it right away. Caesar tried to think about soccer but just ended up picturing Joseph in long socks and nothing else, and that was definitely not helping. 

          “Fuck me, Caesar, you’re amazing!” wailed Joseph. “You have magic hands!”

          “Bastardo, shut up!” growled Caesar through gritted teeth, smacking the other man’s bulky shoulder. “What if someone hears you?”

          “So what?” he replied with a satisfied sigh. “I don’t care who knows I’m having a good time.”

          “Sei coglione, JoJo,” he chuckled affectionately. 

          “Mmmm, I love it when you speak Italian to me, Caesar,” the big man purred. “Say something else!”

           Caesar took a moment to get his breathing under control, getting all hot and bothered despite his best efforts to keep calm. He bent down right by the brunette’s ear, murmuring in his most seductive voice. “Hai una faccia da culo.”

          Joseph twisted beneath him and glared up at the smirking blonde. “I know ‘culo’ means ‘asshole’, you asshole! That was an insult!” he complained, and the sight of the big brunette twisting around to look back at Caesar bent over him was sending off fireworks in the blonde’s mind. 

          Caesar draped himself over his companion’s broad back and rubbed soothingly over his thick neck. “I’m just calling you cheeky, idiota.” 

          “Well, that’s fine then,” replied Joseph, settling down and resting his head on his muscular forearms. He stifled a yawn in his big hand and hummed pleasurably. “This is really nice Caesar,” he mumbled. “Thank you so much.”
          “Ah, don’t mention it,” the blonde replied. “I mean really, please, don’t tell anyone.” A hearty chuckle from the brunette under him shook Caesar’s entire body. He found himself drawing out the back rub, running his hands over Joseph’s shoulders and down his back and over his sides and along his bulky biceps. He dug his fingers in, working out knots, reveling in the feeling of having this mountain of warm lithe flesh all to himself.

          Glancing at the clock, Caesar realized with a pang that he had been massaging Joseph for well over an hour. Congratulating himself on keeping it under control, he sat back and delivered a light slap to the brunette’s broad back. “Alright that’s enough, you got what you wanted.” There was no response from the man under him, so Caesar grabbed a bulky shoulder and shook it hard. “Did you hear me, cazzo, I said it’s over!” Joseph’s head flopped over and he snored loudly, dead asleep. Caesar spent longer than he would ever admit sitting on top of Joseph, watching the steady rise and fall of his back and the serene expression on his lax face. He briefly entertained the notion of curling around the brunette and falling asleep with him, before carefully sliding off and padding over to the overstuffed armchair in the corner. He propped up his feet and fell asleep to the comforting rhythm of Joseph’s deep breathing.

Chapter Text

          Caesar had always set about love with the same strategy he used for fighting. Read the other party, determine the best angle of approach, go for the throat, leave behind a body. Move on. It was almost a falsehood to call his encounters loving at all, romance had nothing to do with it. For the countless notches in his belt Caesar hardly remembered any of them, and wasn’t able to recall a single name or face.

          Sex and love were entirely unrelated. He could certainly feel passion in bed, but it was always purely physical. Any feelings would drain away the moment he finished, and usually he would leave soon after. Caesar had never slept with the same person twice. He didn’t want anyone to grow attached to him, didn’t want them to look for a connection that he could never give.

          Women were easy, they practically fell at his feet. Tourists, locals, rich, poor, it didn’t matter who she was if she was attractive. Women wanted to be seduced by the suave Italian, and were ecstatic to get with a big handsome man like Caesar. Men were more difficult, and potentially dangerous to approach. It was just a matter of selecting the right mark however, and many a comely young man had fallen prey to his charms.

          Caesar knew that he was shallow and didn’t let it bother him. The targets he went for tended to be stupid, but he didn’t care so long as they were beautiful. Joseph was unbelievably stupid, and also absolutely gorgeous. In theory he ought to tick all of Caesar’s boxes: a brawny brainless beauty perfect for a quick fuck and a quicker goodbye. His bad jokes and infuriating personality shouldn’t matter if he was only there for the night.

          But Caesar would have to see him again in the morning, work and train and fight alongside him. Far more terrifying than that, he suspected it couldn’t be a one night stand.  Alarmingly he was starting to miss Joseph when he was gone. Every night, after the brunette said his goodbyes and left, Caesar’s room felt chilly and empty in a way it never had before. That one night when the big idiot had passed out in his bed had been the best night’s sleep he’d had in a while, despite the fact that Caesar was curled up in an armchair all night. He knew how dangerous feelings were, and had vowed long ago to never develop a strong attachment to anyone again. They would just end up leaving, what was the point? He was used to being solitary, but not at all used to being lonely. 

          There was more to the brunette than the cocky front he put forth, and Caesar saw more and more of the man behind the facade as they spent time together. While he was certainly impudent and arrogant and annoying , the mouthy fool was interesting and clever. Caesar quickly grew bored with most people, but there were so many layers to Joseph that the blonde just couldn’t resist coming back for more. Their rocky start had developed into a kind of vitriolic camaraderie, a relationship that Caesar didn’t want to jeopardize. So Joseph was romantically off-limits and Caesar was doing just fine, thank you very much.

          He wasn’t attempting to seduce Joseph, and the other man certainly wasn’t seducing him. Unless that moron actually was trying, and was just so staggeringly inept that Caesar didn’t realize. How was it that Caesar Anthonio Zeppeli, confident, charismatic, masterfully charming, able to read people like a book, was confounded by an inexperienced egotistical idiot? It could be his own obstinate refusal to acknowledge any difficult feelings, or maybe just Joseph’s tendency to stretch the truth and lie like a rug. Caesar had always been quick to take whatever he wanted, but denied himself of anything that made him actually, genuinely happy. 

          He hated how much he cared about Joseph, hated how much he looked forward to seeing the other man, and hated how close they had become. He especially hated that after throwing the brunette out of his room every night, he was inevitably all hot and bothered and couldn’t get to sleep without jerking off.

          Caesar hated most of all how he just could not get the big idiot out of his head. 

          This fixation was extending into his dreams. It was bad enough that Caesar had to spend the whole day and most of the night looking at Joseph’s stupid sexy body in various states of undress, he couldn’t escape that moron even in sleep. He dreamed vividly: about Joseph down on his knees, looking up in heady reverence with the blonde’s pale hand fisted in his wild chestnut hair. He dreamed about sitting plastered against Joseph on a motorbike and mouthing at the back of his thick neck, arms wrapped around to rub and tease him through his jeans. He dreamed about Joseph draped over him, brawny arms trembling from exertion, pouring sweat and gasping as Caesar clawed red furrows into his broad back. 

          It made breakfast a little awkward. Joseph either didn’t notice or didn’t care, so Caesar did his best to ignore these thoughts. He sat sipping his espresso across from the brunette, watching him jabber about how difficult yesterday’s training had been through a mouthful of toast. The stronzo was wearing one of those damned distracting crop tops again today, tanned six-pack on full display. Caesar had dreamed last night about bending Joseph over this very table, gripping him tightly around the hips, watching with satisfaction as the other man came apart at the seams, panting and groaning and screaming his name. 


          No, not like that. Loud and hysterical, nearly crazed.

          “Caesar!” The blonde looked up to see a concerned looking Joseph waving a big hand inches from his face. “You okay?”

          No. “Yeah,” he grunted, desperately pushing the image out of his head. 

          “Alright, if you say so,” replied the brunette. “Make sure you bring your A-game today Caesarino, Teacher mentioned some kind of challenge.” He grinned with an exaggerated wink. “Need a warm-up wrestling match before we get going?”

          Yes please. “No way cazzo, let’s finish up and go.”


          “Today will be another challenge, a double battle,” proclaimed Lisa Lisa from her perch atop a column by the practice ring. “Caesar and Joseph, we are testing your ability to work together. Think of it as practice for your final exam tomorrow. You will be facing off against Loggins and Messina.”

          No matter how many obscene thoughts Caesar might be having about Joseph, it never affected their performance. This was a blessing, because if it did then neither of them would be around to tell the tale. He felt a tap and turned to see the brunette raising a thick eyebrow. Joseph laid a warm hand on his shoulder and leaned in close to his ear. 

          “Here’s the plan,” he whispered conspiratorially, “follow my lead.”

          Caesar snorted. “That’s your plan?”

          “To be honest I’m still working on it,” admitted Joseph as they watched Loggins and Messina approach. “That’s just what I’ve got so far.”

          “Dio mio JoJo," teased the blonde, "you truly are the greatest tactical genius of the 20th century."

          “Oh no, don’t start being nice to me now!” cried the brunette in mock horror. “How will I know what to expect from you?” Their opponents stood on the opposite side of the field, waiting for the start. Caesar shifted easily into a fighting stance, light on his feet. He glanced over to Joseph and noted with approval that the big idiot had done the same. 

          From the column, Lisa Lisa raised an arm, sunglasses flashing. “Get ready,” she yelled, “and FIGHT!”


          They had been fighting for hours, and it was clear that Joseph was beginning to tire. Anyone else would’ve had no idea; his limbs didn’t tremble, his breathing was heavy but even, and he was still spitting banter. What tipped Caesar off was the fact that his usual barrage of insults and stupid terrible jokes had dwindled to a trickle, and the brunette was largely staying quiet and actually focusing on the struggle at hand. The last time the blonde had seen him like this was during their battle against the Pillar Men in Rome. It was almost scary to see him take something seriously.

         The brunette caught Caesar by the hand as he came flying backwards from a particularly brutal punch from Loggins, energy crackling between the two men to stick them together. The blonde looked up, struck by a sudden idea, and it was clear from the sparkle in those green eyes that Joseph had arrived at the same conclusion. He put a burly arm around Caesar and leaned in close enough that he could feel hot breath against his cheek, even through the mask.

         “You go high, I’ll go low, and we’ll meet in the middle for a finishing blow,” he muttered. The big brunette winked and turned on his heel, to shuffle with a sudden exaggerated limp towards their very confused opponents. About halfway there Joseph dropped to one knee as if in a swoon, one hand thrown dramatically against his brow. Mama mia, never become an actor. Loggins and Messina exchanged a bewildered glance, but Caesar knew a signal when he saw one. 

          The blonde came sprinting towards the brunette, who held his pose until the very last moment. With Caesar bearing down on him, in the blink of an eye Joseph shifted and held both big hands together at knee-height. The blonde sprang onto his hands and vaulted into the air, using his Hamon along with the extra boost from Joseph to sail higher than he ever had before. Caesar prepared a devastating kick as he came plummeting down towards Messina. As he approached, he could see Joseph had leaped to his feet and launched himself at Loggins. The two students hit their targets at the same time, sending off a shockwave from the impact. 

          While their opponents were momentarily stunned, Joseph and Caesar raced towards each other. The brunette extended a hand crackling with energy, and Caesar grabbed it immediately. A massive surge of Hamon came rushing up his arm and into his core, leaving the blonde vibrating with the force. He unleashed a barrage of rock-hard bubbles to pummel Loggins and Messina, along with the single largest bubble Caesar had ever produced. Staggered from the attack, their opponents could only watch as they were consumed by and trapped inside the giant bubble. 

          “That’s enough!” came the call from the sidelines. “I don’t want you actually hurting each other,” yelled Lisa Lisa as she came walking over to the group. Caesar quickly dissipated the giant bubble, and Loggins and Messina fell out of it gasping. She turned towards Caesar and Joseph with a smile. “Good job today boys, now I know you’re ready for tomorrow.”

          “Thank you Maestra,” replied the blonde with a bow. 

          “Woo! Yeah! Look at us go!” hollered Joseph, pumping his fists in the air and bringing Caesar’s arm up with him. The blonde realized he was still holding Joseph’s hand, fingers interlaced, now extended above their heads. He allowed himself to enjoy it for a few heartbeats before yanking his hand away. Joseph, flush with victory, appeared not to mind and just slapped the other man square the back with sparkling eyes.

Chapter Text

          Joseph showed up at Caesar’s door at the usual time, with his usual roguish grin and boxers and nothing else, proudly holding up two bottles of wine. He was like Caesar’s own personal mostly nude muscle-bound waiter, bringing him room service every night. The blonde realized far too late that he had failed to wipe the big dumb smile off his own face, and cleared his throat.

          “The chef will notice how quickly the wine cellar is depleting stronzo,” he scoffed, “what were you thinking?”
          “I was thinking,” exclaimed Joseph as he shut the door and flopped onto the bed, “that we had a long hard goddamn day, absolutely killed it, and deserve to celebrate a job well done!” He handed a bottle to Caesar, who took it sceptically. The brunette wiggled his thick eyebrows and grinned. “Your next line will be: ‘But JoJo, we have a final exam tomorrow!’”

          “But JoJo, we do have a final exam tomorrow,” the blonde pointed out, “is it really wise to get drunk the night before?”

          Joseph slapped a big hand over his sturdy chest and chuckled heartily. “I think it’s going to take more than a measly bottle of wine to get all of this drunk, no?” 

          Caesar tore his eyes away from the other man’s pecs and glared up into his dumb handsome face. “It’s remarkable how much of a lightweight you are, considering your size.” He held up his bottle and shook it. “Not to mention, this is very strong wine.”

          Joseph waved dismissively and popped the cork out of his bottle. “Whatever, the test isn’t until tomorrow night anyway. We have all day to sleep it off.” He held up the corkscrew with a knowing smirk. The blonde rolled his eyes but took it, popping his own cork. He clinked bottles with Joseph.


          They both took a long drink and relaxed back against the wall, Joseph lounging against Caesar. The brunette always initiated any casual contact, and their proximity seemed to become more and more intimate with each passing night. Caesar always allowed it without commentary, secretly reveling in a touch that was neither violent nor explicitly sexual. He would never admit to relishing the sensation of being held tight in the big idiot’s burly embrace every night, but missed it dearly when it was gone. 

          They drank their wine, laughing and chatting and squabbling as usual. Caesar allowed himself to rest his head on Joseph’s bulky shoulder as the brunette complained at length about something or other. It was easy, listening to his resonant tenor, making snide commentary, drinking and passing the time. Joseph really was a complete lightweight, and even the regular bottle the two usually shared was enough for him to grow loud and affectionate. By the time they’d made it most of the way through a bottle each, the brunette was positively cuddly. He was practically wrapped around Caesar at this point, huge body warm and pleasant where it pressed against the blonde. Caesar was feeling a nice buzz himself and had been more receptive to the touch than usual, letting himself entwine their limbs and allowing Joseph to pull him closer. The conversation had turned to a familiar subject: girls.

          “So Caesarino,” asked Joseph, face only inches away, “what kind of girls are you into?”

          “What, buffone, are you planning on putting on a dress and trying your luck?” Caesar gave him a lingering up and down look, telling himself he had an excuse this time. He met that beautiful green gaze and managed to fake a contemptuous scoff. “You would be a very unconvincing woman JoJo, a blind man wouldn’t buy it.”

          Joseph chortled and beamed, showing off his perfect white teeth. “Oh I know that, believe me, I’ve tried. They figured me out right away.”

          Caesar whipped his head around, nearly smacking his face against Joseph’s. “Mama mia, what does that mean?” he asked incredulously. “You tried to pass as a woman?” Caesar ran a hand up and over one broad shoulder for emphasis and no other reason. 

          Joseph flushed and suddenly became very interested in his bottle of wine. “It was in Mexico. I was trying to infiltrate a city past some soldiers to save Speedwagon!” He pouted at Caesar’s unconvinced expression. The brunette slumped against him. “I thought it would work, I put in a lot of effort! I spent almost twenty minutes on my makeup alone! I practiced a lady-voice! I stuffed my dress! I brought tequila!”

          Caesar was treated to an unbidden mental image of Joseph wearing a tight cocktail dress and in severe cabaret makeup, holding a cigarette in a long holder and draped over a chair. He violently pushed the image from his mind and put on a dismissive expression. “Idiota, who would believe that? You’re definitely taller than they were!” Tall, buff, and handsome. Mmmm. The blonde was having trouble pushing these kinds of thoughts down, which was only getting worse as he worked his way through the bottle of wine.

          Joseph looked dejected. “The Germans sure didn’t believe it,” he sighed, “I had to beat up the soldiers and sneak in with their clothes.” The brunette shrugged his broad shoulders. “And you’re right, even those didn’t fit!” He gazed at Caesar sadly. “I barely got that jacket on, and couldn’t even fasten the damn buttons.”  

          Caesar was treated to another mental image, this time of Joseph squeezing frantically into a too-small military uniform. He again tried to purge the sight from his brain, changing the subject. “Where- where did you get a dress that big?”

          Joseph shifted on the bed, settling himself over Caesar even more. Stop being so nice and warm and comfortable dammit. “It was actually a tablecloth,” he admitted. “I used safety pins to keep it on.” He turned his head to glare at the blonde. “You still didn’t answer my question!” 

          Caesar couldn’t for the life of him remember what Joseph had asked, head full of wine and visions of the brunette in various women’s outfits. The hardest one to dissipate was surprisingly the ball gown. “What question?”

          Joseph snorted and shook Caesar with one strong arm. He turned to face the blonde and leaned his face in impossibly closer. “I asked, what kind of girls are you into?”

          Caesar blinked in surprise, and looked away. “I don’t have a type, not really.”

          Joseph made a frustrated noise. “Come on , that’s not satisfying at all. Tell me,” he implored, “everyone has a type!” Caesar gave him a sideways glare. “A preference?” questioned the brunette, not breaking eye contact. 

          Caesar sighed. “Beautiful people,” he admitted. “I really don’t care about anything else as long as they’re cute.” Joseph hummed, and finally pulled his dumb handsome face and stupid sexy lips a few inches further away.

          “Suzie Q is pretty cute, isn’t she?”

          Caesar had always been fairly ambivalent towards Suzie, but suddenly found himself envious of the delicate little airhead. Don’t be ridiculous, he chastised himself. Joseph doesn’t have a chance with her. More importantly, it doesn’t matter because I’m not trying to get with him. “I guess,” he replied coldly, looking pointedly at his bottle of wine. “If you like dumb blondes.”

          “Oh yeah, I really like blondes.” Caesar turned to see Joseph eyeing him with a shit-eating grin. His stupid handsome face was quite pink, a telltale sign that the wine was really getting to him. “I guess they’d have to be pretty dumb to like me back, though.” The brunette wiggled his thick eyebrows suggestively, Caesar snorted and looked away.

          “You’ve got that right, idiota. It’s not your face that turns the girls away, it’s your big fat mouth.” Is he actually trying to flirt, or is this just another stupid game? Is he even into men? Caesar looked at Joseph out of the corner of his eye, as if the answer would magically appear. The other man was currently sprawled across the bed as usual, one burly arm thrown around the blonde’s shoulders, the other gesturing with his bottle of wine as he prattled away. Their sides were pressed firmly against each other, and one of Joseph’s thick thighs was hooked up and over Caesar’s leg. If not, he’s pretty handsy for a straight guy. Caesar pushed the thought away. Maybe he’s just touch-starved, he’s such a sad virgin I’m probably the only person to ever get this close with him.

          “We can’t all be hot Italian Cassanovas with a sexy accent and some kind of magic seduction power,” huffed Joseph, taking a swig of his wine. “You’re playing with a stacked deck man, it’s just not fair!”

          Caesar eyed him incredulously. “Seriously? Idiota, look at yourself.” Emboldened by the wine, he turned and splayed a pale hand over the brunette’s bare chest. “Body like a Michelangelo,” the blonde trailed a finger past his collarbone, up his thick neck, and cupped his strong jaw. “Face like a movie star. Nice voice, posh British accent.” Caesar caressed his cheek and looked into his stunned eyes. “Not to mention filthy fucking rich. Face it JoJo, you’re the one that’s playing with a stacked deck.” Caesar smirked at him impishly. “Which makes it all the more pitiful that you’re such a failure with the ladies.” 

          Joseph sputtered and looked away. He took a deep pull of his bottle of wine. “I’m not a failure!” he insisted, whirling back around to get right back in Caesar’s face. “Ladies love me!”

          “What ladies,” sneered Caesar, “your grandma?”

          Joseph stammered and squeezed with the arm wrapped around the blonde, a truly delightful pressure. “No!” he insisted, drunk and insecure enough to shift in and get ridiculously close. “Plenty of girls! Like, well, uh...” he went silent and glanced away.

          “The longer you can’t get laid, the more pathetic it’s going to be when you finally do,” sniffed Caesar. “I’ll bet you’ve never even been kissed.”

          “I have too!” he hollered indignantly, red blush creeping up his bronzed chest to his neck. “I’ve kissed like a hundred girls.”

          “Cazzata. You haven’t even held a girl’s hand. You haven’t even kissed one.”

          “I’m a great kisser!” he declared, with all the bluster of a braggart who knows he’s been cornered. The brunette slid his arm off of Caesar’s shoulders to elbow him in the ribs, and the blonde hated how desperately he wanted the warm weight to come back. “All the girls always say ‘Oh Joseph, you’re the best kisser ever, I love you ever so much, mwah mwah mwah’.” This was all in a ridiculous, poorly-executed falsetto. He puckered his plump lips and got dangerously close to Caesar’s face before the blonde shoved him away. Joseph delivered a wet sloppy smack right in the middle of his hand, laughed uproariously, and drained the last of his wine. Caesar sat quietly and tried to ignore the tingle the kiss left on his palm.

          Caesar hadn’t gotten laid since meeting Joseph. Difficult to find someone on an island populated by five people, and staffed almost entirely by gossiping old ladies loyal to his Maestra. In fact, he had been feeling the dry spell far more acutely as Joseph’s teasing got increasingly outrageous. Every time he had to look at that lithe, muscular, beautiful body without getting to really touch it was another wear on his sanity. The bottle of wine currently sloshing around in his brain compounded all these feelings, and drove Caesar to say something he definitely shouldn’t have. 

           “I don’t believe you. Bugiardo. Prove it.” He turned to look Joseph squarely in the face. “Kiss me.”

           The other man stared at him like a deer in the headlights, his pink face turning rapidly red. “What?” he squealed. 

           The blonde shrugged and looked away, swallowing his disappointment. “That figures. A liar and a coward.” Merda, what was I thinking? I’m lucky he didn’t take the bait, otherwise- 

          The next thing he knew he had a heavy lapfull of Joseph, thick thighs spread wide and long legs wrapped tightly around his waist. The brunette grabbed his face and lurched down, mashing his mouth against Caesar's. 

          It was surprisingly chaste. The big idiot was just pressing their faces together, eyes squeezed shut and brow furrowed in an adorable look of intense concentration. Caesar recovered rapidly, widening his thighs to give Joseph more room to settle against him. The blonde smiled and parted his lips to deepen the kiss, and the other man eagerly followed his lead. He tasted like the wine. Joseph was overly excited, messy and sloppy and inexperienced. It was just like Caesar had fantasized, only a thousand times better because this was real. He brought one hand against the small of his back and the other to the nape of his thick neck, carding his fingers up through wild chestnut hair. Caesar easily dominated the kiss, slowing the brunette’s frenetic movements to a languid, unhurried pace. He sucked hard on that fat bottom lip the way he’d longed to for nearly a month, breaking off with an audible pop before Joseph dove immediately back in for more. 

          The brunette quickly got greedy, trying to shove his tongue into the blonde’s mouth without any kind of buildup. Caesar brought his hand further up and gripped Joseph by the hair, forcing his head back and making him follow a steady, lazy rhythm. The big idiot was a fast learner, picking up quickly that force was less important than finesse. He focused on alternating gentler kisses with sucking and nipping at the blonde’s lips. As soon as Caesar took over, Joseph yielded and got handsy. He stroked his big hands down from the blonde’s shoulders and over his chest, splaying onto his pecs and giving them an experimental squeeze. Caesar had never been with anyone remotely interested in his chest and shuddered as the other man panted and hiked up his top. Joseph raked his strong hands up Caesar’s bare sides and cupped his chest as he gasped into his mouth.

          Caesar wrenched Joseph’s head back by his hair, chin pointing at the sky and broad chest heaving. He kissed gently at the hollow right under his jaw, and the brunette’s breath hitched with a gasp. The blonde ghosted down his thick neck and followed up another feather-light kiss with a sudden nip and hard suck. Joseph groaned wantonly, running his big hands down Caesar’s sides and gripping his hips hard enough to bruise. He would never have to worry about being too rough with Joseph, they had both endured far worse punishment at each other’s hands. 

          The blonde brought one hand up to run leisurely over Joseph’s meaty chest, as he kept the other fisted in his wild hair. It was almost surreal, to gently and sensually explore territory that before he’d only ever punched or kicked or slapped. He squeezed a firm pec and reveled in the groan from the man above him. Caesar nibbled gently down a little, before latching on to the brunette’s throat again and sucking another bruising kiss. Joseph moaned again, even louder this time, and ground his hips down into the blonde’s lap. The brunette really could not control his voice, shamelessly loud and obscenely lewd. Most men Caesar had been with were far less vocal, and it was surprisingly encouraging that Joseph responded so enthusiastically. 

          The blonde was getting hard and as he shifted it was clear that the other man was too. Caesar groped the brunette’s chest shamelessley while holding his head back to attack his throat. He nipped and sucked a line of dark bruises down his thick neck as Joseph groaned and writhed and gasped above him. The brunette suddenly slid his big hands up Caesar’s body to fist in his hair and yanked hard, pulling him off.

          Joseph looked down at him with glazed eyes, panting through pink kiss-swollen lips, before suddenly sliding off Caesar. He scooped the blonde up in the blink of an eye and laid him out on his back, splaying himself on top spread-eagle and pouncing down to steal another kiss. Caesar had been larger than all of his previous partners, unsurprising considering his height and build. But Joseph was so ridiculously huge that, pinned underneath him, the blonde’s big strong warrior’s body felt small. The brunette could lift him effortlessly, something he found annoying in training but ridiculously hot right now. People always wanted Caesar to take control, or top, or sweep them off their feet. This had suited him just fine in the past, he was a bit of a control freak. Crushed under Joseph’s bulk, bracketed by his beefy arms, he finally understood why so many others wanted this. It was surprisingly nice to be the one getting manhandled. It was surprisingly nice to let someone else do all the work, hot and horny and desperate for you

          Joseph kissed him breathless, more confident now and getting into his stride, forearms against the bed and big hands tangled in Caesar’s hair. Their position was similar to ones they’d encountered in training, thick thighs spread wide, mashed against each other, the brunette on top and the blonde fondling his broad body for purchase. Caesar ran his hands down from the other man’s wide back to grip his narrow waist. Joseph pressed down against him as they ground together, hot and hard, and even through the boxers it was obvious that he was big everywhere. 

          Caesar decided it was time he stopped denying himself, and slid his hands up and into Joseph’s boxers to grab two generous handfuls of his ass. He pushed up with his hips as he pulled down with his hands, drawing a shameless debauched groan from the brunette. They were so close, Joseph had lowered himself so now their bare chests slid against each other. They kissed furiously, licking and sucking and biting as they ground together roughly, the only barrier thin undergarments. Caesar teased his hand along inside the waistband of the other man’s boxers, hooking a thumb and starting to inch them down, and Joseph moaned loud and lustful into his mouth. 

          There was a sudden knock at the door and the spell was broken. Caesar’s mind, drifting in a warm sea of intoxicating pleasure, came crashing instantly back down to Earth. Dio mio, what am I doing?

          “Caesar!” came Lisa Lisa’s annoyed, sleepy voice from the other side of the door, “I don’t care what you do on your own time, but for the love of God shut that loudmouth up before he wakes the whole damned villa.”

          Joseph, who had frozen up as he heard the knocking, melted back against the blonde with a throaty chuckle. He looked down fondly, green eyes warm and hazy, evidently not having noticed Caesar go rigid underneath him.

          “That’s my bad,” he murmured, “I’ll keep it together.” He leaned in for another kiss.

          “No,” mumbled Caesar, turning his head to the side.

          “What?” Joseph sounded puzzled.

          “I said no. Get off me.” He pushed the brunette’s heavy body off his own and rolled to sit on the edge of the bed. Through the corner of his eye, the blonde saw Joseph’s eyes widen in shock as he scrambled to sit up and turn towards him.


          “Get out JoJo, you need to leave.”

          “What?” cried Joseph, taken aback. “But, why?” 

          “Because this was a bad idea and you have to just forget about it,” he snarled through gritted teeth.

          “What’s wrong?” The blonde looked away so he wouldn’t have to see the hurt and confusion on that stupid handsome face. “Caesar, talk to me!” Joseph was getting frantic. “Is it something I said? Did I do something wrong?”

          “No,” growled Caesar, still refusing to look at him. “It’s not your fault at all, it’s mine.” The blonde buried his face in his hands. “I shouldn't have instigated that, we shouldn’t have done this in the first place.”

          “But why, Caesar?” pleaded Joseph. “I’m enjoying myself, and I know you are too.” The blonde felt a big hand wrapping around his wrist as the brunette pulled his hands away from his face. 

          “That doesn’t matter!” Caesar snapped, shoving him away. “We can’t be doing this.” He glanced over and immediately regretted it, Joseph’s dejected expression making his heart clench. The blonde steeled himself. “Now get out,” before I beg you to stay, “before I have to throw you out myself.” 

          “Okay, okay, I’m going.” Joseph got up from the bed and padded over to the door. Caesar watched his broad back retreat, and pause as he put a hand on the doorknob. The brunette turned slightly to look back. “I just thought you liked me too,” he said in a small voice, before walking out the door and leaving Caesar in an overwhelming stillness and deafening silence.

Chapter Text

          Caesar hardly slept at all that night. In his insistence on not ruining their relationship and not making things awkward, he had ruined their relationship beyond repair and made things uncomfortably awkward. I let my dick call the shots and ended my only real friendship. 

          Caesar had cornered the other man in the bathroom that morning, and Joseph had looked absolutely over the moon. His eyes were bright and excited as the blonde reached a pale hand up to grasp his thick neck. His face fell as he felt the tingle of Hamon, and realized that Caesar was just healing the hickies sucked into his throat from the night before. The blonde turned away from his crestfallen companion and left without a word. Joseph’s strong hands had also left five big fingerprint-shaped bruises on either side of Caesar’s hips. The blonde had spent an embarrassingly long time looking at them in the mirror that morning, dark marks standing out starkly beautiful against his pale flesh, before ultimately deciding to leave them unhealed. He told himself it wasn’t worth the bother, if he wore a long enough shirt nobody would see anyway. He absolutely did not press on the bruises, imagining big hands running up and down his sides. 

          Joseph put on a very convincing facade of cheerfulness, laughing and joking just like always, as if he were totally unaffected by last night’s events. Caesar almost believed him too, except for the worried, furtive glances sent his way when the brunette thought he wouldn’t notice. Caesar had a far harder time putting on a pleasant face, but thankfully being moody and distant were fully expected of him. In one way it was a relief to have the brunette seem so calm about the whole thing, but on the other hand it was really damn annoying how calm he was. Joseph went out of his way to tease and annoy Caesar even more than usual and looked painfully pleased with himself when he finally got a rise out of him, culminating with a brief scuffle on the floor of the kitchen. The big idiot’s unrelenting bullshit was surprisingly comforting, and Caesar found himself feeling much better by the end of the day. 

          It was almost a blessing that they had their final exam tonight, it gave him something to focus on that wasn’t how much he missed the way they had felt before. 

          “Hey,” murmured Joseph that night, mask on and wild hair kept mostly in check with a woolen hat. “I know you don’t really need it, but good luck tonight Caesarino.”

          Caesar gave him a small, genuine smile. “In boca di lupo, JoJo.”

          Joseph blinked stupidly. “What?” 

          The blonde rolled his eyes and gave him a shove. “Good luck, idiota.”

          They parted ways and Caesar focused solely on the task ahead. Perched on a wire far above the ocean it was a long and grueling battle against Messina, but he ultimately passed. Pleased, Caesar couldn’t wait to talk to Joseph and find out how he had done on his test. 

          To his surprise, Joseph didn’t come stumbling tiredly back to the villa until nearly five the next morning, clothes torn and covered in blood. 

          Caesar rushed over immediately. “What the hell happened to you?”

          “ACDC attacked! He killed Loggins before I even got there, and then we had this crazy battle.” Joseph shuddered. “That guy is a freak.” He broke into a broad grin. “But I won! I killed that creepy undead bastard!” 

          “So, you survived a fight with ACDC,” muttered Caesar, coughing and turning away. “That’s good, you’re a lucky guy.”

          “Huh?” Joseph looked at him curiously as Caesar glared at the floor, blushing furiously. “Why thank you for the compliment Caesarino,” he replied with a shit-eating grin. 

          Evidently Joseph’s excitement in his victory had been premature. ACDC had survived, if barely, and had taken over the body of Suzie Q like a parasite. Caesar was somber, but knew that ultimately it was more important to kill the Pillar man than to save the woman. He prepared to flush her body with Hamon. Of course Joseph was as stupid and idealistic as ever, absolutely refusing to kill Suzie. Caesar realized they were going to have to work together. Closely. By using their Hamon in tandem, Joseph and Caesar managed to not only save the girl but also kill ACDC once and for all. Joseph was ecstatic, hollering and shaking the blonde by the shoulders with a huge dopey grin on his dumb handsome face. Caesar laughed in spite of himself, partially from the relief of finally killing a Pillar Man and partially from the return to normalcy with Joseph. 


          With the death of Loggins and the defeat of ACDC, they were on the road after the Red Stone immediately. It was certainly entertaining to be on a road trip with Joseph. The brunette insisted that he knew how to read the map (he couldn’t), and that he spoke perfect Swiss-German (he didn’t), and that he knew all the words to all the songs on the radio (only the English ones). He spent the entire drive chattering, and it was clearly starting to grate on Lisa Lisa’s nerves by the time they approached the Italian-Swiss border. Despite the big idiot being his usual annoying self, Caesar found himself enjoying both the beautiful landscape of the alps and the dubious company.

          Caesar was not expecting to see Nazis at the border, and absolutely not expecting Joseph to recognize one of them. After being “invited” to stay at an inn by the soldiers, they waited in the sitting room. “I’m hungry,” complained the brunette, glaring at the soldiers around them. “I’m going to faint if I don’t get some food and tea.”

          “Cazzo, you’re always hungry,” hissed Caesar, kicking at his shin under the table. “Keep quiet before your ‘friends’ here shut you up permanently.”

          Joseph had opened his mouth to retort when there was a sudden terrific crash from the other room. In the blink of an eye the brunette had leaped to his feet and taken off sprinting for the door. The Nazis watched, dumbfounded, before shouting at each other in German and taking off after him in hot pursuit. There was an awful lot of screaming and machine gun fire, and Caesar went running in to see what Joseph had gotten himself into. He was met with the sight of the German commander, chopped in half and somehow still alive, screeching from where he lay in the snow. Joseph was apparently engaged in battle with Kars, the terrifying leader of the Pillar Men.

          The blonde froze, watching Joseph sprint towards the edge of a cliff. Merda, is he going to jump? Caesar’s heart soared when he saw that Joseph had planned instead to kick snow into the vampire’s eyes, triumphantly grabbing the Stone. Caesar’s heart sank when he watched a blade sprout from the Pillar Man’s leg and hook Joseph over the edge into a death plunge. The blonde raced to look over the side at the furious mid-air battle between Joseph and Kars as they plummeted towards the ground. 

          Caesar didn’t think, he just acted. He knew on an unconscious level that nobody was stupid enough to hatch a plan this absurd, and nobody was foolhardy enough to expect his companion to guess it. So naturally he assumed that Joseph would be counting on him to let down an icicle-rope held together by Hamon. Naturally. I know exactly how his idiotic brain works. It was a terrifying thought.

          Caesar pulled Joseph, panting and bleeding, back onto solid ground. He almost shoved him back over the edge at the sight of other man’s smug smirk. 

          “I must be rubbing off on you, Caesarino,” he declared, wiggling his thick eyebrows. Caesar smacked the brunette upside the head before hoisting him up and carrying him back inside. 



          In the chateau, Joseph was shirtless on a bed while Caesar tended to his wounds. The room was cozy, furnished with a king sized bed and a roaring fire. Two pairs of wet boots lay dripping on the mat, and the remains of a meal lay forgotten on the sideboard. The brunette chattered excitedly about the battle with Kars, about how terrifying it was to fall down the gorge, about how Caesar had somehow managed to perfectly guess his ridiculous plan. 

          “I’m glad you know me so well,” sang Joseph with a big dopey grin. 

          “You’re just lucky. Stupidly lucky,” replied the blonde with a sniff. He finished cleaning blood out of the gaping wound Kars had stabbed into Joseph’s bulky shoulder and laid his right hand over to heal it. 

          The big idiot smiled wider, eyes sparkling. “I sure am! Lucky you’re here to watch my back! We make the ultimate pair you and I, it was meant to be!”

          “Bastardo, shut up before I choke you out,” growled Caesar, face getting warm. 

          “Ooh Caesar,” purred Joseph, batting his long eyelashes and fanning himself dramatically with a big hand, “don’t threaten me with a good time.”

          Caesar smacked him on the shoulder with his free hand, not terribly hard, and looked pointedly away. He was definitely turning pink. Dio mio now I want to choke him more. 

          Joseph laughed and relaxed, tucking his arms behind his head. “Thanks for saving my sorry ass Caesarino,” he murmured. 

          “Again,” teased Caesar with a smile. He was sitting on the bed, facing and leaning over the brunette who reclined on pillows propped against the headboard. They were dangerously close. Don’t think about how close he is. Joseph’s long legs were stretched out over the mattress, thick thighs spread wide enough to press against the blonde’s. Caesar could feel the other man’s body heat against his right thigh even through the fabric of their jeans, and the healing hand resting on the brunette’s flesh was also warming up rapidly. The blonde always had cold hands, but never when Joseph was around. He always runs hot, he’s so cozy. Caesar tried to push the thought out of his head. Don’t think about how nice and warm he is.

          “Again,” repeated Joseph. “How many does that make?” The teasing bastard had his arms up, hands clasped behind his head. The pose showed off his well-built chest and shoulders, beautifully highlighting his brawny biceps. Caesar could’ve happily spent all evening following every dip and bulge of that tight, sinewy body. Merda, don’t think about his big muscles.  

          “More than you’ll ever be able to repay,” chuckled the blonde airily. 

          “You don’t know that,” pouted the brunette. “I have an awful lot of money.” 

          “These things can’t be bought segone, not with cash,” chided Caesar. 

          “You’re right, dammit. Pleased with yourself?” Joseph gazed affectionately at the blonde with earnest green eyes and an easy grin. “Guess I’ll have to find another way to make it up to you.”

          In a heartbeat, the smile fell from the other man’s handsome face. “Caesar,” he murmured, “almost dying back there made me realize that I don’t want to snuff it with any regrets.” He looked up at the blonde man seriously, who was caught off guard by the sudden shift in tone. “I have one regret, a big one, and it’s not staying in your room the other night. Can we talk about that?”

          Caesar turned away. “There’s nothing to talk about,” he muttered. 

          “Come on, don’t be like that!” cried Joseph, pushing up against the palm on his chest and laying his own right hand on the blonde’s shoulder. He shook Caesar bodily. “You know we bloody well have a lot to talk about.” The blonde turned back to see him biting that plump bottom lip. The hand on his shoulder was a warm comforting weight. “I don’t want to upset you, I just want to clear the air.”

          This is an awful idea. “Okay,” spat Caesar. “Fine. Speak your piece.”

          The brunette looked up at him delightedly, before taking a deep breath. “Okay, let me start at the very beginning. When we first met, I thought that I hated you, I thought you were a real stuck-up prick. I’m not going to lie, you really annoyed the hell out of me.” 

          “What a coincidence. I hate you, I think you’re a boorish moron, and you annoy the hell out of me,” simpered Caesar.

          “Caesar come on!” He removed the hand from the blonde’s shoulder to gesture dramatically, and Caesar longed for the touch to come back. “Let me just explain myself. You can be snide all you want after I’m done.”

          “Whatever His Lordship desires,” muttered Caesar, rolling his eyes. 

          Joseph chose pointedly to ignore that. “Whenever I watched you with a girl it made me unnecessarily, ridiculously angry. I thought I was envious of you, and wanted to get with that girl.” He looked up sheepishly, stupid handsome face flushed pink. “It took me a while to realize it never had anything to do with the girls. I was having all sorts of weird feelings and I couldn’t get you out of my head! I wanted to be better than you, I wanted to impress you, I thought for a little while I wanted to be you.” He gestured at the blonde. “I mean, who wouldn’t? You’re impossibly cool, hot as hell, charismatic, an absolute ladykiller. But then I figured it out! I didn’t want to be you. I wanted to be with you.”

          Caesar tried and failed to push down the warm little thrill rising in his chest. 

          “I fancy you, Caesar,” murmured Joseph, gazing earnestly into his eyes. “The way a man is supposed to feel about a woman, I feel that way about you. But you’re also a man, obviously,” he continued, “and I didn’t know if it was okay to want you like… that. Maybe you would be uncomfortable. But then something happened that made me realize that I had to find out how you felt. So back when-” Joseph broke off and grinned sheepishly. “You probably don’t remember this, but ages ago Teacher had us do some wrestling.”

          I’ve jerked off to that particular memory many times. “Maybe. Go on.”

          “This is going to sound silly but when we were in that very first pin, and I was on top holding you down, Caesar I almost got a boner right then and there.” He gazed up at the blonde with hungry, half-lidded eyes. “The feeling of your body moving against mine, grinding against you, seeing you laid out on your back under me, it was incredible. I wanted to run my hands all over you, to tear off your clothes and kiss you everywhere, and-” Joseph broke off suddenly, realizing he was getting too worked up. The skin under Caesar’s hand was hot, and a dark flush was spreading up the brunette’s tanned chest. The blonde felt his own face growing warmer. 

          Joseph cleared his throat. “So anyway,” he went on with a lopsided grin, “I stole a bottle of grappa from the kitchens and tried to figure you out.” 

          “That’s why you started coming to my room,” murmured Caesar, unconsciously shifting in closer.

          “Yeah, exactly!” replied the other man breathlessly. “I really wanted to know more about you, and how you felt about me. It seemed to be going well. You let me come over every night, we talked for hours, you let me touch you all the time. You’re wonderful to hold, Caesar.” The brunette contemplated him with dreamy eyes, and shifted slightly to run a warm hand up the blonde’s arm and over his shoulder. Caesar allowed it. “You’re so big, and strong, and sturdy. You feel amazing when you’re in my arms or pressed against me. I can hold you as tight as I want, throw you around, be as rough as I damn well please, and you’ll turn around and give it right back to me. Not to mention,” he grinned, brushing the back of his hand against his cheek, “your skin is super soft.”

          “Yours would be too, if you ever moisturized,” teased Caesar.

          “Would you like that?” asked Joseph curiously. He shook his head and pouted. “Never mind damnit, let me finish! Where was I?” The brunette looked contemplative for a moment before snapping his fingers. “Right! The gorgeous man haunting my dreams. You definitely know this and probably get it all the time, but shit, Caesar you are stunningly beautiful.” He trailed that big hand up to cup the blonde’s chin. “You look like one of those marble statues in Rome, like you were carved by an artist and not just born. And I thought to myself, ‘What on Earth would Caesar, sexy, suave, face-kissed-by-the-angels Caesar, want with an average jerkoff like me?’”

          He has no idea how attractive he is. He must never find out. Caesar suddenly found himself nearly nose-to-nose with Joseph. Without thinking, while the brunette had been talking, he’d slowly moved in closer. By now he was sitting between the other man’s thick thighs with his own legs spread wide, practically in his lap. Flattery will get you everywhere. I’m such a sucker. The wound had been healed for some time now. Fuck it. The blonde slid his hands up the other man’s burly chest and laced his fingers behind his thick neck. 

          Joseph looked ecstatic at the contact, green eyes gleaming. He ran his big hands down Caesar’s sides and grabbed onto his hips, pulling him closer until they were flush against each other, chest to chest. It was comforting, an intimacy that the blonde didn’t realize how badly he’d missed. The heat of the other man’s broad torso seeped through Caesar’s shirt, warming him far more than the fire crackling in the grate. 

          “It’s not just your pretty face and smoking hot body, although don’t get me wrong that’s part of it,” murmured the brunette. “I love spending time with you. I love your company, I love your banter, I even love the constant shit you give me. It’s so easy, it feels so right to be with you. It’s kind of like-" at that he paused for a moment and ducked his head. “Kind of like how I’ve always figured it would be to have a girlfriend. You know,” he continued, looking back up into Caesar’s eyes, “like a person you care a lot about, and you get along really well, but also you fuck them.”

          The blonde snorted at that. “I wouldn’t know,” he admitted. “I’ve never had a girlfriend.”

          “Really? Huh.” Joseph sounded surprised. “So anyway, I tried to figure out what you were feeling. But God Caesar, you’re so hard to read.” His thumbs dipped under the blonde’s waistband and began to rub gently over his hip bones. “I had no idea if you were into me or not. I mean I was pretty sure there was something there, on account of all the cuddling. Well, that and the fact that you were constantly checking me out.” At that Caesar’s eyes widened and Joseph chuckled, bulky chest shaking against his own. “Don’t worry, I could only tell you were always looking at me because I was always looking at you.” The brunette furrowed his brow. “You have to understand, I’ve never really had any relationships like this. I legitimately couldn’t tell if it’s normal for men to be this close, or if you hated me, or if you actually felt the same.” He cracked a grin. “I was really hoping it was that last one, but even if you didn’t have feelings for me I was happy to just enjoy our time together.”

          “Remarkably mature for you,” muttered Caesar. 

          The brunette smiled wider. “Don’t get used to it. But anyway, there I was, carrying a torch for a man who may or may not hate my guts. And then,” Joseph looked at him with sparkling eyes, “and then you told me to kiss you.” Caesar could feel himself blushing. “I thought I was hearing things! I was too much of a coward to ever have made the first move, but you didn’t have to tell me twice.” The brunette flushed bright red. “That was my first kiss.”

          “One hell of a first kiss,” murmured Caesar, thinking back to the bruises he’d left running down the other man’s neck. He shifted his hips in a little closer.

          “I know, right?” chuckled Joseph good-naturedly. “It was better than I ever could have imagined. I was having the time of my life, and you obviously were too.” He wiggled his dark eyebrows suggestively, Caesar could have smacked him. “You were voracious. I get why you’re so popular with the ladies. I actually had you under me, and my God, you look so good laid out on your back. It felt amazing and I was ready to go as far as you were, and then-” at that the brunette’s face fell and he went quiet for a moment. “Then you changed your mind. Which is fine, you have every right to do that,” he said quickly. “But I’ll admit it was pretty disappointing. You went from taking my pants off to kicking me out in about ten seconds. You wouldn’t give me a reason why, and it really hurt.” Caesar looked away.

          “I went back to my room,” continued Joseph, “feeling like shit and with a raging boner that just would not quit.” The blonde looked back up at his dumb handsome face, with sad eyes and a wry smile. “So I thought about how it felt to have your lips on mine, to be pressed against you, to have your hands all over me, and I imagined what we would have done if you hadn’t stopped it. Prime spank bank material.” Caesar snorted. “That was the most conflicted wank I’ve ever had,” he admitted. “I was kind of mad at you, but also missed you desperately. And we’ve done nothing but run around and travel and have wild fights since then.” Joseph dipped his head forward, pressing their foreheads together. “So I want you to tell me if you’re actually into me Caesar, if that wasn’t just a drunken makeout,” the brunette ran his warm hands up the blonde’s sides and wrapped them around his waist, smirking. “I suspect that’s the case, going by the fact that you’re sitting in my lap. So tell me why you rejected me. Tell me why we aren’t sloppily making out right now.”

          Caesar sighed. “It’s not-” he broke off with a gasp as Joseph canted his hips forward, grinding against him. “Horny bastardo. Keep it in your pants for a damn minute or you’re not getting an answer,” he growled. He ran his hands from Joseph’s thick neck to rest on his broad shoulders, pulling back to look him squarely in the eye. “It’s not that I don’t want you, I do. Desperately.” The blonde licked his lips as the other man watched, captivated. “I want you every way. I want you under me, I want you on top of me, I want you inside me.” Joseph made an excited, strangled noise, as Caesar looked at him sadly. “But I have serious problems with commitment, and with emotional intimacy. I can’t bear to get attached to someone, just to have them leave me.”

          “I’m not going anywhere Caesar,” murmured Joseph, running his hands up and down the other man’s sides.

          “You don’t know that, JoJo!” snapped the blonde. He doesn’t understand. “What if you meet someone else? What if,” he stopped and slumped forward, burying his face in the other man’s thick neck. Muffled, he admitted what had been weighing on his mind. “What if you don’t come out of the battle alive tomorrow?”

          Caesar felt gentle fingers pushing up on his chin, and looked up into earnest green eyes. “That’s the best argument I’ve ever heard for hooking up. So what if I don’t come out alive tomorrow?” He slid a warm hand around the back of the blonde’s neck and pulled him close. “I’m alive right now,” he purred, “so kiss me.”

          “What, don’t want to die a virgin?” teased Caesar. 

          “I mean, I don’t, but that’s the least of it.” The brunette looked at him with big, genuine eyes. “What I want is you. He licked his plump lips. “It might be our last night together. Hell, it might be our last night alive." Joseph grinned broadly and raised a dark eyebrow. “Wanna fool around?”

Chapter Text

          Caesar pushed down on Joseph’s wide shoulders and dove in to kiss him breathless, and the brunette immediately ran his big hands down to grab his hips and squeeze hard. It felt just as wonderful as he’d remembered, and the blonde slipped his tongue past the other man’s lips with a groan while Joseph grabbed the hem of Caesar’s shirt and tugged it up. They broke their kiss just long enough for the blonde to yank it off his head and fling it away. Joseph slid onto his back, hauling Caesar down with him. 

          Being on top of the big idiot was nearly as fun as being crushed underneath him. The blonde spread his thighs and pressed down, kissing and grinding firmly against the other man. Their bare chests slid over each other, warm solid muscles moving flesh against flesh. The brunette groaned and writhed underneath him, arching up to meet the other man as he ground down. Joseph’s big warm hands trailed down Caesar’s back and over his sides, grabbing his ass and squeezing. He gasped into the brunette’s mouth, bucking his hips forward and fisting his hands in wild chestnut hair. Joseph slid his hands around to the front of Caesar’s pants and rapidly shucked his belt. In his haste and excitement the brunette popped the button clean off his jeans, and it flew away to hit something in the room with a gentle ping. 

          “Oops,” muttured Joseph, smiling against his lips. The blonde reared back and smacked him on the chest. 

          “Mannaggia!” laughed Caesar. “You big idiota, don’t ruin my clothes!” 

          The brunette raked his eyes greedily up and down the blonde’s body. “You’re lucky I didn’t tear them. Make no mistake, this is great fun,” he growled, reaching up to slide warm hands down Caesar’s sides, “but bloody hell, get those pants off.”

          “Eager,” murmured Caesar, shifting back and grabbing his own waistband. “You’re positively gagging for it.”

          Joseph’s eyes were glued to the other man’s open fly. “Can you blame me?” he choked out, “I have a smoking hot babe in my lap and he won’t stop teasing." 

          Caesar got a wicked idea. He slapped away the big hands that were grabbing at his hips and turned so his legs hung over the edge of the bed. “Teasing? Now that is rich coming from you. He slid off, despite Joseph’s protests, and stood on the floor. “Caro mio, you don’t know the meaning of that word,” purred the blonde. “I’ll show you a tease.”

          Caesar strutted away so he would be framed by the fireplace. Turning around, he saw that Joseph had scrambled to sit up and was making to follow. Putting a hand on his hip, the blonde pointed at the other man sharply. “You will stay right there on that bed Signore, until I am good and ready to come back. Otherwise, I’m walking out that door.”

          Joseph stopped in his tracks and gazed lustily up at him. “Okay, okay, I won’t budge,” he groaned, as big hands crept towards his own belt. 

          “No way JoJo,” he ordered, “don’t you dare touch yourself, you’ll spoil the fun before it even starts.” 

          "Fine.” The brunette swallowed thickly and braced his hands on the edge of the bed. 

          Caesar smiled coyly. He put his arms up, hands behind his head, and cocked a hip out. The blonde carded his hands through his hair and then slid them down his neck and over his shoulders. He swayed his hips gently from side to side as he ran his hands down and over his bare chest. He squeezed his pecs and bit his lip, thumbs rubbing slowly over his nipples. He looked at Joseph through half-lidded eyes to see the other man leaning forward, eyes wide, mouth agape. The blonde smiled and ran one hand up his chest and throat to bite a knuckle, and the other down his abs to slide over and cup his groin. He palmed himself through his jeans and groaned against his own hand, while Joseph made a similar noise from the bed. 

          Caesar slid the hand down from his mouth and over his torso, trailing down his chest and over his abs. He crept both hands to his waistband and gripped it gently. The blonde began to inch his jeans down little by little. He could see Joseph’s eyes following every tiny movement. Dio mio does he want it bad, he’s so fun to torture. Once the jeans were below his ass cheeks, Caesar fell back onto the armchair by the fire. 

          Spinning around he hooked his knees over one arm, back leaning against the other. Agonizingly slowly the blonde pulled the jeans down over his knees, toes pointed. He slid his ass forward to rest against the arm of the chair, legs in the air. Caesar grabbed the end of his pants and whipped them off all at once, leaving him in tight briefs that left very little to the imagination. He sprawled against the chair, hooking one leg over the arm and let the other splay out and slide down onto the floor. The blonde rested his head back against the other arm and ran his hands from his hips to over his thighs and down his long pale legs. 

          Joseph’s breathing was becoming audible even over the crackle of the fire. “Holy shit Caesar get back over here,” he groaned, “you’re killing me!” 

          “Mmm,” purred the blonde, sliding a hand back up his thigh, “and what are you going to do about it?”

          “Sit right here and suffer.” He shifted and Caesar could see the tent in his pants even from where he was sitting. 

          “That’s right,” smirked the blonde impishly, sitting up straight and spreading his legs wide, “you’re going to sit there until I’m feeling merciful.” Caesar ran a hand up from between his thighs, over his chest, around his neck and up through his hair. 

          He rose smoothly to his feet and finally hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his briefs. Joseph watched enraptured as the blonde stalked slowly and deliberately closer, tugging the fabric to just below his hip bones. Just a hair outside of arm’s reach Caesar spun around, arched his back and bent his knees. Looking coquettishly over his shoulder, he saw the other man’s eyes zeroed in on his rump as he slowly, teasingly, inched the fabric down. 

          This proved to be too much for Joseph, who lunged forward off the bed and grabbed two big handfuls of ass. The blonde whirled around and delivered a sharp open-palmed slap right across the other man’s face. “Cazzo! I told you to stay right there!”

          Joseph looked up at him worshipfully, green eyes round as saucers, bringing a big hand to his cheek. “God! D- do that again!” he choked out. 

          “With pleasure.” Caesar got right up in the other man’s face, grabbed him by the jaw, and backhanded him across the opposite cheek. Joseph groaned, turning back to the blonde and reaching up to put warm hands on his hips. The brunette suddenly yanked his briefs the rest of the way down. “You’re the prettiest goddamn thing I’ve ever seen. Get naked already!”

          Caesar shoved him hard right in the center of his broad chest, laying him out on his back. “Ladies first, stronzo.” The blonde pounced forward and grabbed Joseph’s belt, unbuckling it with one hand and teasing him through his pants with the other. The brunette threw a burly arm over his eyes with a long low groan. Caesar decided he’d tortured the other man for long enough, flicking his jeans open and yanking them down along with his boxers. Joseph’s dick sprang out and confirmed what Caesar had suspected after weeks of watching the man running around in his underwear. Dio mio he’s huge. 

          Before the blonde could really get an eyeful, the brunette grabbed him under the arms and hauled him up for a feverish kiss. They ground against each other nude for the first time, and the two men shuddered and moaned in unison. Joseph’s big hands ran down along Caesar’s back to cup his bare ass, pulling him down as he ground up. The blonde groaned wantonly, breaking off Joseph’s mouth to kiss and nibble a line down his thick throat. 

          “You’re evil,” growled Joseph. “You must be one of those seductive charmers from the Continent they warned me about.” He broke off with a gasp as Caesar nipped a particularly sensitive spot. "Are you after my properties and massive fortune?”

          “Nah,” purred the blonde, detaching from the other man’s throat and hovering over his lips. “I’m after your muscles and massive cock.”

          Joseph grabbed Caesar hard around the hips and rolled them over, pinning him to the bed with his heavy frame. Hell yes. The brunette braced one big hand against the mattress and ran the other over every inch he could reach of the other man’s naked body. They made out frantically, sloppy and toothy and needy. Joseph rutted down against him and felt him up, kissing all over his neck and jaw until they were both hot and hard and wanting. All at once, the brunette popped off and looked down at him with an eager gleam in his eye. 

          “Do you want to- er, are we going to, uh...” stammered Joseph, barely coherent and blushing a deep red. 

          “What, cat got your tongue?” teased Caesar. “Out with it.”

          “Can I fuck you?” asked the brunette breathlessly. “Or, would you rather fuck me?”

          Caesar laughed out loud, and the other man looked just about ready to die of embarrassment. “There’s that silver tongue, truly you have such a way with words.” Joseph opened his mouth to protest and Caesar put a finger on his lips with a smile. For a single moment he entertained the notion. He shook his head and remembered that they had shit to do in the morning. “No, neither of those are happening. For one thing, you’re definitely not ready for that. For another,” he continued, looking pointedly down, “there is absolutely no way you are putting that thing inside me the night before our final battle. I really don’t need a sore ass tomorrow.” He snapped his gaze back up to the brunette’s crimson face and looked at him under half-lidded eyes. “But believe me, if we make it out alive that’s on the top of the list.”

          “Right,” replied Joseph thickly, “so what do you want to, uh-”

          “Oh I'm definitely going to suck you off,” murmured Caesar, gazing up at a wholly enraptured Joseph. He pushed the other man up and off of him, into a seated position, and perched in his lap again. “You have two rules,” continued the blonde, rubbing his hands all over his companion’s warm chest. “One, you can pull my hair but no forcing me anywhere. Don’t shove it down my throat either, let me set the pace.” The brunette nodded eagerly, instantly running his hands up and over Caesar’s shoulders, clearly raring to go. “Two, give a warning before you finish,” the blonde grabbed his strong jaw for emphasis. “I mean it cazzo, remember that. It’s easy to get lost in the moment, but nobody likes a surprise mouthful of cum.”

          “Yeah, yeah, okay, that makes sense.” Joseph was obviously itching to get started, hands running all over the blonde and grinding up against him. Too bad. Caesar was going to take his sweet time. If this really was their last night together, he intended to damn well enjoy it and this impatient idiot was going to have to wait. 

          The blonde smiled coquettishly. “Good. Now lie back and relax.” He leaned in and caught Joseph’s lips in a languid kiss, grinding down against him at a torturously slow pace. The brunette slid his big warm hands down to cup Caesar’s ass, digging his fingers into the meat of his cheeks. The blonde gasped into the other man’s mouth, before detaching from his lips and starting the long leisurely journey of kissing down his big body. 

          Caesar mouthed along Joseph’s thick neck, sucking bruising kisses into spots that he knew were most tender. The brunette squirmed and groaned underneath him, sliding warm hands from the blonde’s ass up along his back and then down again. Caesar nipped on his collarbone before settling back on his haunches and grinding slowly down against him. He cupped one meaty pec, hand pale against Joseph’s tanned chest. Licking slowly over a nipple pulled a surprised gasp from the brunette above him. The blonde smiled against the warm flesh and gave the nub a gentle nibble. The other man gripped him hard under the shoulders and moaned brazenly, rutting his hips up, hard length rubbing against Caesar’s. 

          “Th-that’s incredible!” gasped Joseph, looking down and running his warm hands over the blonde’s shoulders. “I didn’t know those were good for anything!”

          Caesar looked up at him with hooded eyes. “There's a lot you don’t know.” The blonde reached up to grab the nipple between two fingers, rolling it. The brunette’s reaction was immediate, pressing up into his hand with a wanton groan. Caesar grinned. “I think you might be particularly sensitive though, this kind of reaction is pretty rare.”
          “Oh? Is that-”

          “That’s a good thing, it’s going to make this more fun.” Caesar smiled devilishly and leaned down to the other nipple, leaving his hand to tease the first. The blonde started with another long lick over the nub, before plunging in and sucking hard. The other man shuddered and cried out, big hands running all over Caesar’s neck and shoulders.

          “You know something,” panted Joseph, “I’ve always thought I’d look good with a huge pair of tits.”

          The blonde licked back over one nub before leaving a trail of toothy kisses back to the other. “You have a huge pair of tits, idiota. I’m sucking on them right now.” He bit down and pulled for emphasis, and the brunette groaned and bucked up against him. This went on for a while, Caesar switching back and forth to work Joseph over with his hands and mouth. He’d never been with a man this receptive before, in love with his own chest and comfortable enough to let another man explore it. The blonde became lost in the sensation of big warm handfuls of firm spit-slicked flesh, nipping and biting and sucking, grinding their erections together, while Joseph’s responses got increasingly intense as he became more tender. There was suddenly a hand fisted in his hair and the other man’s frenzied voice growled from above.  

          “God, Caesar I’m dying up here! This is torture!”

          The blonde sucked hard and released with a loud pop, looking up. “Che cazzo, shut your stupid greedy mouth. You’re rock-hard and loving it.” He glared up at the other man without malice. “How many times have you made love, hm? How many tits have you played with? How many cocks have you sucked?”


          “That’s right, zero. It’s called foreplay and most men don’t bother, so consider yourself lucky. You know nothing about this, now shut up.”

          “Wait, how many cocks have you sucked?”

          “That’s not important. What is important is the fact that you are going to gratefully take anything I give you. Capisci?”

          “Yes, okay, I’m sorry, I-”

          “No, you’re not sorry. Now shut up, unless you’re going to moan.” Caesar spent another long minute licking messily over the other man’s chest before shifting back and mouthing downwards. He kissed and nibbled his way down gradually, over the thick solid muscles of the brunette’s torso and over his chiseled abs, gripping his sides. Joseph’s big hands ran through the blonde’s hair and over his neck, breath hitching with each hard nip. Caesar paid extra attention to the prominent V cut into his hips, sucking a line of bruises down either side. The other man got louder and louder as the blonde inched his way slowly down toward his cock. 

          Caesar made it down past his abs, leaving a dark bruise on his navel, and there it was lying hard and heavy against his hip. Dio mio, he's bigger up close. He was once again tempted to just throw caution to the winds and get soundly fucked, sore ass be damned. No. Be strong. He looked up past Joseph’s heaving chest and into his lust-clouded eyes. “If we’re both alive once this is all over,” he purred, “you’re going to fuck me senseless.” He looked back down and licked his lips. “For now, you’re going to be quite a mouthful.”

          With that, the blonde went back to teasing. He gripped Joseph’s cock loosely, not nearly enough contact. Caesar began an unhurried journey along the inside of the other man’s thick thighs, sucking dark bruises into the tender flesh. The brunette’s legs twitched and trembled as he moaned unabashedly. I’m not going to heal these. A thought came, morbid and unbidden. I’m going to leave them for him to remember me, if I don’t make it. Merda, and if he doesn’t make it... 

          The blonde was broken out of his dark musings by Joseph’s whining. “Caesar, I’m going to blow before you even touch me if you keep this up.”

          “Like hell you are. I’ve been touching you this entire time you unappreciative bastardo.” He looked up at the other man’s pink face through his pale lashes. “Now what are you going to do, JoJo?”

          “Take anything you give me,” he gasped.

          “That’s right. Now pull my damn hair and scream for me.” With that, Caesar parted his lips and in one fluid motion took Joseph all the way to the back of his mouth. 

          “OH FUCK!” He cried out and fisted both big hands in the blonde’s hair, clearly fighting the urge to thrust. Caesar was grateful he could hold it together, this was going to take some work and he really didn’t need to gag right out of the gate. 

          The blonde bobbed his head up and down a few times, lips stretching obscenely, getting used to the size and weight. The other man’s flesh was burning hot against his tongue, and there were still a good couple of inches left whenever it hit the back of his throat. Sucking off a man this big would usually be a combination hand-and-mouth venture but Caesar was never one to back down from a challenge, and particularly not one presented by Joseph. I’m going to deepthroat this monster down to the base if it’s the last thing I do. 

          To his credit, the brunette was doing a great job of neither shoving his cock down the other man's throat nor wrenching his head down prematurely. Instead he raked his fingers over Caesar’s head and pulled his hair and made all manner of loud lewd noises. In between obscene moans, he looked down and caught the blonde’s eyes. 

          Joseph shuddured. “God, that feels amazing.” You think that this feels good? You haven’t felt anything yet. Caesar relaxed his throat and gradually began to push himself further down with each pass. He hollowed his cheeks on the next pull back, and was rewarded with trembling legs and a guttural groan. “Holy shit!”

          Caesar braced one hand on the other man’s thick thigh and cupped his balls with the other. He fell into a steady tempo, pulling all the way back then bobbing forward to take a little more every time. His jaw was starting to ache with the stretch, throat beginning to burn. Nothing I can't handle. The taste and smell and heat and shameless noises of the other man were more than enough to get him through. The blonde suddenly felt his nose bump against something solid and opened wet eyes he didn’t remember closing. I did it! Caesar hummed triumphantly around the cock in his mouth. He took a moment to breathe deeply through his nose and adjust to the feeling. The blonde looked up at Joseph to see his mouth open and panting, green eyes hazy and reverent. Caesar swallowed around his mouthful and pulled back to redouble his efforts. 

          Joseph was coming utterly apart from the blonde’s machinations. “Oh God, Caesar! You’re fantastic, you’re unbelievable,” he growled thickly, “you’re so goddamn pretty. The view from up here is breathtaking.” He clenched his hand down into blonde hair with a lewd moan as Caesar went down to the base again. “FUCK! God, I don’t know how,” he panted, “but you make sucking cock look good.” The blonde would have smiled if he could. You’re damn right I do.

          It probably hadn’t been necessary to ask Joseph for a warning before he came, it was pretty obvious as he got closer. He pulled harder on Caesar’s hair and his legs started to twitch, as his voice got impossibly louder. 

          “Caesar!” he panted, “I’m gonna- FUCK!” With a roar and a clench of his thighs, he came right down the blonde’s throat. Caesar slid off with a slick pop and thick strand of drool, swallowing the load while looking Joseph right in the eyes. The blonde turned and coughed wetly. I’d better not be hoarse tomorrow. 

          The brunette lay flat on his back, gasping. He peered lovingly up at Caesar over his huge heaving chest. “That was incredible. You’re incredible. I wish my brain was working so I could say something nice.” Your brain has never worked. He looked quizzically at the blonde’s mouth. “Did- did you swallow that?”

          Caesar licked an errant bead of cum off the edge of his lips. “Yes,” he croaked, voice gravelly and hoarse. “It was a lot, too. You’re welcome.”

          Joseph grinned, dragging himself into a sitting position and looking at Caesar lustily under long eyelashes. “Let me have a go,” he gasped. “I want to try!” Caesar had never received an offer for a blowjob quite so enthusiastic, but wasn’t about to turn it down. He reached out and ran a thumb along the brunette’s fat bottom lip. 

          “Okay JoJo, do something useful with that big mouth for once,” he rasped. He held the brunette cupped around the cheek a moment longer before he let the other man look down at his own aching cock. Caesar was fairly average sized, but knew that could be a lot on the first try. “Don’t kill yourself cazzo,” he warned affectionately. “Not all at once, take it slow, and no teeth.”

          “Yeah, okay, got it,” mumbled Joseph, looking at the blonde’s lap with determination. He glanced back up at Caesar’s eyes before leaning in for a lingering kiss. He broke off with a tug on his bottom lip and pushed down on his shoulders so the blonde was laid out on his back. The brunette settled his head between Caesar’s thighs and got to work. The blonde watched him carefully, bringing his hands down to tangle in his hair. 

          The other man gripped Caesar around the base and started jerking slowly. Leaning in, he licked experimentally at the tip. The blonde twitched, as Joseph leaned back with a puzzled expression. 

          “Huh, salty,” he muttered. Caesar chuckled, running his hands through wild chestnut hair. The brunette explored with his tongue while pumping with his hand, running along the length and over the tip until his cock was was shiny with spit. The blonde hummed contentedly, breath hitching whenever the other man found a good combination. Joseph pulled back and parted his plump lips to carefully take Caesar into his mouth. 

          The blonde gasped and tugged hard on the other man’s hair.  Encouraged, the brunette started to move further down the length, keeping his hand pumping all the while. Joseph’s mouth was hot and wet, his hand big and warm, and Caesar began to feel pressure coiling low in his belly. The blonde moaned and squeezed the other man’s dark head between his pale thighs. 

          All at once, Joseph went too far down and gagged. He reeled back, sputtering and coughing. 

         Caesar leaned forward and patted him on the shoulder.  “It happens to everyone, don’t feel bad.” 

          The brunette glared at him through watery eyes and pouted. “Ugh, I’m sorry,” he choked out miserably, wiping his mouth. “You made it look so easy!”

          The blonde ran his hand up the other man’s thick neck and brushed over his cheek. Because I’m a slut. “That’s because I have a lot of experience. Nobody’s an expert their first time.” He smiled and ruffled Joseph’s already messy hair. “Just use your hand and don’t take it too deep.” 

          The brunette looked back down with determination. “Right, okay then.” He took a deep breath and dove back down. More carefully this time, Joseph got to work. He set a good pace and soon was right back in the swing of things. Caesar panted and groaned, holding the other man fast by the hair and helping to direct his movements. It wasn’t the best head he’d ever gotten, but Joseph was trying his best and was already improving. Enthusiasm counts for a lot, and the brunette had that in spades. The pressure was building, and just as Joseph was really getting the hang of it and had a great rhythm going, the stupid bastard pulled back. He kept a hand on the base but slid his mouth off entirely.

          “What the hell are you doing?” snapped Caesar, panting. “You finally got it right!”
          “I’m sorry,” he looked up sheepishly, “but my jaw is starting to hurt.”

          “Coglione, how do you think my jaw feels? Or my throat?” The raw rasp of his abused voice served wonderfully to underscore his point. 

          “I know, I know! I have no idea how you managed that, you’re some kind of magic Italian blowjob king.” He massaged at his mandible and looked back down with renewed conviction. “Just give me a moment, I’ll get right back on it.”

          Caesar did not feel like waiting for any amount of time, and definitely did not want to hear any more bitching. It would only take a little extra something to bring him over the edge. He looked over at the tray of food he’d brought up earlier, and his gaze fixed on the bottle of olive oil. 

          Perfect. “I know what to do. Grab that oil.”
         Joseph looked up at him with eyes wide as saucers. “I thought you said I wasn’t ready for that!”
         Caesar rolled his eyes. “Relax segone, your ass is safe. This is for me.”

          Joseph looked starstruck. “Oh. OH. Sure, okay!” He leaped up, leaving the blonde painfully hard on the bed. He focused on watching the other man’s tight ass moving while he crossed the room and grabbed the bottle, hurrying back and flinging himself back onto the mattress. 

          “Okay, what are we doing?” asked the brunette excitedly. 

          “Do you know what fingering is?”


          “Don’t worry about it, the best way to learn is by doing.” He took Joseph’s hand and balled it into a fist, index finger out. Merda his hands are big. This is going to take a lot of slick. “You’re going to get nice and slippery, and then softly, carefully, stick a finger in my ass.”

          Joseph looked enchanted. “Yeah okay, let’s do it.”

          Caesar rolled his eyes. “Let me finish bastardo.” He held up a hand and mimicked wiggling back and forth, then sliding in and out while curling his fingers. “Move like this. Go slowly and gently. Start with one and when I say you can, put in another. Keep doing the same thing as before with your mouth and other hand.” The blonde unscrewed the cap and spread a generous amount of oil all over the other man’s fingers. He grabbed the brunette’s jaw and looked him squarely in the eye. “I’m going to go off like a rocket, so be ready for that. Be gentle.” He smacked a kiss onto Joseph’s nose and settled back onto the pillows. “Now take care of me, I’ve certainly earned it.”

          The other man swallowed visibly and situated himself once again between pale thighs. He had that same serious expression on his face that Caesar had only seen a few times before. The brunette wrapped his hand around and took him into his mouth again, bobbing up and down a few times. The blonde gasped and forced himself to relax. What the hell am I doing. Why the hell am I asking a virgin to finger me. He almost sat up and told Joseph to forget about the whole thing, to just jerk him off with a handful of oil, when he felt a warm wet finger pressing gently against him. Oh right, that’s why. 

          Joseph kept a steady rhythm, stroking with his hand and lathing up and down with his tongue. Without breaking stride, he breached Caesar gently. The blonde groaned and bucked his hips up, yanking hard on the other man’s hair. The brunette moved agonizingly slowly, clearly intent on not fucking this up for a third time. After a long buildup he finally had the entire finger up to the knuckle, and began pumping deliberately slow and soft. 

          “Add another,” groaned Caesar, “and go faster.” Joseph quickly obeyed, gently adding a second slick finger. He kept up the steady pace with his mouth, and had learned exactly how far back he could take it without gagging. The brunette bent his fingers and Caesar saw stars. He was in heaven, getting fucked and sucked at the same time was bringing him rapidly closer to the edge. Joseph’s fingers were long and thick and absolutely doing the trick, he was having a grand time, but still. I want more. 

          “Dio mio JoJo,” he groaned, “I really want you to fuck me.”

          Joseph popped off Caesar’s cock and grinned up at him, lecherous and adoring. “God, me too, desperately. I mean, if you want…”

          The blonde hissed in frustration and yanked the other man’s head back down. “Shut the fuck up and get my dick back in your mouth, cazzo. I’m so damn close.”

          “But Caesar,” he groaned, gripping his slick cock with a warm hand and crooking the fingers inside him, “just imagine.” Bastardo you have no idea how many times I’ve imagined that. “I mean yeah this is fun, but all I can think of is how good you feel under me, how hard and rough I want to use you.” He licked a stripe up Caesar’s cock and the blonde cried out wantonly. Joseph continued his unrelenting tirade. “And how beautiful you look right now, and the wonderful sounds you make, how much better this would be if instead of my fingers it was my cock-”

          Caesar was blindsided by his orgasm. He arched his back, cried out hoarsely, and came all over Joseph’s face. 

          “Holy shit!” hollered the brunette, reeling back. “Warn a guy!”

        The blonde was now far too placid to do anything but chuckle.  “I did warn you,” he rasped, watching the other man scrub his face with a corner of the duvet cover. “You just didn’t listen.” 

        Joseph pouted and huffed. “This stuff is gross. I still can’t believe you swallowed my load.”

          “Eh, it’s really not so bad once you get past the taste.” Caesar smiled up at Joseph and realized he had no desire to leave. If anything, for the first time in his life he wanted to cuddle. The blonde beckoned him over with a finger, and the other man flopped down onto his side a few inches away. Caesar reached out and grabbed the back of his thick neck, pulling him in close for a kiss. They made out lazily, Joseph running a warm hand slowly up and down the blonde’s side and around to trail along his back. He broke off and looked at Caesar questioningly. 

          “How did I do?” He was trying to sound nonchalant, but the edge of uncertainty was clear in his voice. 

          The blonde smiled, bringing up a hand to brush against his cheek. “You did great, and you’ll do even better next time.”

          The brunette looked ecstatic. “You think so?” Fuck me, he’s so damn cute. 

          “Oh definitely. You’ve always been a fast learner.”

          Joseph suddenly flipped Caesar onto his other side, pulling him against his big body. The brunette mouthed and sucked at the back of his neck while groping him shamelessly, cupping his chest and then running his big hands over his abs and down between his thighs, then around to squeeze his ass. The blonde was loving all the attention, feeling warm and relaxed and wanted. He decided to tease the other man, and slid his ass back to grind against him. What he was not expecting was for Joseph to be hard.

          “Merda, already?” Caesar turned to glance back at the brunette out of the corner of his eye, smirking. Joseph looked right back with gleaming eyes.

          “Well, you see,” he growled, “this sexy blonde just came all over my face and let me tell you, that was so ridiculously hot I got a semi right away.” He ground forward against Caesar’s ass. “Since then he’s been talking sweet and I’ve been feeling him up, which has only served to make matters worse.” It’s easy to forget, he’s still a teenager. 

          “Hmmm, I think I might have the cure for what ails you,” drawled Caesar. “Give me a minute, and then get the oil again.”


          Caesar was on all fours, panting, sweat running down his neck and adding to the mess on the sheets. He turned back to look at Joseph. “We should get to bed JoJo,” he gasped.

          Joseph was on his knees behind him, pumping in between the blonde’s slicked up thighs, big hands holding him fast around the hips. He moaned as Caesar pushed back against him. “You’re right,” he panted, “we really ought to get some rest.” He reached around to Caesar’s front to grab his cock, and the blonde bucked into his hand with a groan. “But I really don’t want to.”

Chapter Text

          The next morning, while preparing to face their ultimate foes in final climactic battle, Joseph decided to run his big fat mouth and said something careless and vile and offensive. Caesar was hurt, sure, but mostly he was furious. He knew deep down that the other man hadn’t really meant to insult his family and was just big damn idiot, but that certainly didn’t help in the moment. It also didn’t stop the blonde from screaming and hitting him and storming off. I can take them all myself, who needs that stupid bastardo? If he really cared, he’d follow me. He didn’t look back to check.

          Challenging Wammu one-on-one had been a spectacularly bad idea.  He’d been confident at first, or at least blinded enough by rage that he didn’t see the mistake he’d made. It seemed to be going well enough, but his miscalculation with the shadow turned out to be a fatal error. Caesar knew that his short temper was dangerous, but it looked like this was about to be the last fight he ever picked. Lying broken and bleeding out on the ground, the blonde felt his limbs going numb and heavy as his vision blurred. I can still help JoJo. Caesar shifted painfully to his knees. It’s not completely his fault. I should never have run off alone. 

          Striking out, the blonde managed to steal Wammu’s lip ring, containing the antidote that would save Joseph’s life. I can make a bubble. I can give him the last of my Hamon and he’ll have a fighting chance. He felt hot tears welling up behind his eyes. I’m sorry, JoJo. Just as Caesar was about to begin his swan song, he heard a shout from behind. Suddenly he was in Joseph’s lap, head cradled by a big hand, as the brunette screamed indistinctly from somewhere above. The blonde felt himself slipping away, but he could vaguely make out Joseph’s tear-stained face as the other man laid him gently on the ground.

          “Don’t you dare die on me, Caesar!” he heard hysterical yelling as if from far away. “I’m going to kill these bastards, and it’s going to be you and me!”

          You and me.


          Caesar awoke to blinding, dazzling white. His head was fuzzy, his limbs felt weak, and he was exhausted. As his blurry vision began to clear he could make out that his surroundings were a bright hospital room, and that he was lying on a narrow bed and covered with bandages. To his left was the unmistakable silhouette of Lisa Lisa. Her eyes weren’t visible behind the ever-present sunglasses, but the gentle rise and fall of her breathing told him she was asleep. 

          “Maestra?” he croaked. His throat was dry, tongue thick and numb in his mouth. She heard him all the same, awaking with a start and rushing over to the side of the bed. 

          “Caesar?” she gasped, before gesturing and screaming over her shoulder. “Nurse! Get in here, he’s awake!” Lisa Lisa put a cool hand on the blonde’s cheek and looked down at him with relief. “Caesar, I’m so glad you pulled through.” She bit her lip. “They told us you weren’t going to make it.”

          Two nurses came rushing in, speaking in rapid German. They took Caesar’s temperature and blood pressure and then poked and prodded him, asking in broken English if he could feel this or move that. It was a relief when they finally left, even speaking was tiring. He turned, worn-out, to Lisa Lisa and croaked. “What happened, Maestra?”

          She looked down at him, mouth set in a firm line. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

          He thought for a moment. “At Saint Moritz, I argued with JoJo and left to fight Wammu alone.” He shuddered. “I thought he killed me, the last thing I remember is taking a Divine Sandstorm full in the face.”

          Lisa Lisa nodded. “We thought he’d killed you too. The doctors warned us you weren’t likely to live. If JoJo and I hadn’t shown up, you would have certainly died.” 

          With a pang, Caesar was able to vaguely recall an angry Joseph, screaming above him through a haze of pain. “I remember,” he murmured, eyes prickling. He followed me after all.

          “Yes,” she replied, crossing her legs and leaning back. “JoJo was furious, I’d never seen him like that before. He challenged Wammu to single combat, put on your bandanna and wore the ring you stole, and said some fairly sentimental things.”

          Caesar tried to sound casual. “What sentimental things?” 

          “Mostly that the wedding ring was now a promise to you, to kill Wammu and avenge your death. That and an awful lot of screaming and crying.” 

          Aww that's sweet goddammit. “Well, did he avenge my death?”

          Lisa Lisa recounted the wild story of Joseph’s chariot match with Wammu, of her own struggle against Kars and his vampire army, of Speedwagon and the Nazis arriving to save the day. “Kars got the Super Asia and put on the mask. He became the Ultimate Being.” She shivered. “It was terrifying, I thought we were all going to die.”

          “What did JoJo do?” asked Caesar, making no attempt to hide his curiosity and concern. 

          “He turned tail and ran away.”

          The blonde rolled his eyes. “Classic.”

          Lisa Lisa shook her head seriously. “No Caesar, it was to keep Kars away from the rest of us. Now this part only Stroheim saw so take it with a grain of salt; but he claims that JoJo jumped off a cliff and got into a plane, and then rammed it into Kars and flew into a volcano.”

          Caesar sighed wistfully. “What a man." 

          Lisa Lisa raised a perfectly shaped brow for just a moment, and then continued. “Stroheim told us that still wasn’t enough to kill Kars, and JoJo used Hamon to make the volcano erupt and launched the both of them into space. Kars broke atmosphere, he will never be able to return to Earth.”

          “That’s incredible!” Caesar smirked. “I knew that crazy bastardo could do it.” He glanced around the room and then turned back to Lisa Lisa. “Where is he? Too busy being a hero to visit his best friend in the hospital?”

          Her face grew solemn and she looked away. Caesar’s blood ran cold. “Maestra,” he insisted, “where’s JoJo?”

          She put a hand over her face. “He didn’t survive the eruption,” she said stiffly. 

          The blonde was unbelieving at first. “What do you mean? He must have survived. This is JoJo we’re talking about, the man is nigh-indestructible.” 

          “He was shot out of a volcano. He was clever, but he was just a man. No man, no matter how powerful or how lucky, could survive something like that.”

          Caesar felt tears streaming down his face. “How can you be so cold Maestra?” he cried. “JoJo is dead, and you’re talking about it like the weather. You were his teacher!”

          “Because,” she snapped, taking off her sunglasses to reveal red-rimmed eyes, “I’ve been mourning him for nearly two weeks already. I wasn’t just his teacher, Caesar.” She looked away. “I was his mother.”

          The blonde blinked. “That sounds like a long story.” He furrowed his brow. “I’ll have you know that growing up without parents gave that man some strange coping mechanisms.” 

          “It is a long story, I’ll tell you later.” She sighed. “I don’t know where he got that personality from. It wasn’t his father and it certainly wasn’t from me.”

          Caesar was quiet for a long moment. “Now what?”

          “They never found a body. There’s going to be a funeral with an empty coffin in New York.”

          “I want to attend,” said Caesar immediately. “He saved my life.”

          “He saved us all. He died saving the entire world. You should be proud of him.”

          “I am,” he muttered hollowly

          Later that day after taking his first few hesitant steps out of bed, Caesar went to the bathroom and took a long hard look in the mirror. He had survived the fight with Wammu but was left forever changed, flesh marred with pink scars that would fade to silver in time. His face looked even paler than usual, his cheeks were thinner, and his hair was a mess. Only his eyes remained completely unchanged, as clear green as ever. I wonder if JoJo would even recognize me. I hardly recognize myself. He braced his hands on the sink basin and bowed his head, as hot tears ran down his cheeks. I knew it was a mistake to fall for him. He ended up leaving me too.


          New York was an interesting place. Now I know why JoJo talked about it so much, this is his kind of town. The calm and even pace of life in Italy felt like a distant memory amid the hustle and bustle of the city. All the people around him raced frantically, always in a hurry, vibrant and full of life, and Caesar felt like an outsider. He felt like he didn’t even belong among the living, let alone in the pulsing heart of the big city. 

          If Caesar thought he felt awkward in Joseph’s city, he felt a thousand times more awkward in his home. It was an entire floor of a fancy apartment building on the upper East side, furnished like an English nobleman’s manor house.  Joseph’s grandmother Erina was a stately old woman with kind eyes and a fake smile. 

          “You must be Caesar,” she said warmly, shaking his hand. “Speedwagon has told me all about you. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

          “Piacere mio, Signora Joestar,” replied Caesar, leaning down to kiss her cheeks. “JoJo spoke of you often, it is clear you are a someone he respected and adored.”

          The old woman looked thoughtfully up at the blonde. “I’m so glad he had a friend like you. I hope you kept him out of trouble.”

          Caesar smirked despite himself. “Not to disappoint Signora, but we both know that was an impossible task.” Erina smile was momentarily genuine, and she turned around. 

          “Let me show you where you’ll be staying. It’s just Smokey and myself here, so there’s plenty of room.” The old woman walked from the splendid entrance down a long hallway, stopping in front of a door halfway down. 

          “This is-” Erina paused and looked down, “was his room,” she whispered. Caesar looked away as tears glimmered in her eyes. 

          At dinner, Caesar felt painfully out of place. Erina and Speedwagon reminisced about the past while Lisa Lisa offered commentary, and he just sat in silence. This is his family. I was just his sparring partner. What the hell am I doing here? The blonde tuned out the conversation and pictured Joseph eating at this table. 

          The brunette had always eaten like he was starving, and could put away a frankly terrifying amount of food. Joseph was sloppy, absolutely no table manners, and would always get crumbs on his shirt and sauce all over his plump lips. I wonder if here at home he ate like a person and not like an animal. All this fancy food, waited on by servants, in front of his own grandmother, would even JoJo be a slob? Caesar shook his head. What am I thinking, of course he would. The man had no shame. 

          “Are you alright Caesar? You’ve hardly touched your food.” He was stirred out of his daydream by the concerned voice of Erina Joestar. 

          The blonde smiled tightly at the old woman, picking up his fork. “Yes Signora, I’m fine. I don’t mean to worry you,” he replied as he took a bite. The expensive steak was just as bland and tasteless as the food at the hospital, like all food had been since he’d woken up. 


          It was another week until the funeral. A whole week of awkwardly living in Joseph’s house, with his grieving family, constantly reminded of his dead companion. Caesar felt like he was losing his mind. He found himself staring at the family photos on the mantelpiece. JoJo was a really cute kid. He wasn’t always so big, it looks like he hit a serious growth spurt around fourteen. He shook his head. Mama mia, I have to get out of this house. 

          Caesar knew a surefire way to numb himself was through the art of man-whoring, and had spent every evening out in bars and dinner clubs looking for a partner. It was easy to slip back into his suave ladykiller persona, and the women in New York threw themselves at him. Maybe it was his accent, or his scars, or his utter detachment and indifference. Regardless the blonde went home with a different lucky lady each night, gave her the time of her life, and then left immediately after. It was difficult to find any real pleasure in the act, and usually felt far more like he was going through the motions. Pretty faces were blank and vapid, kisses turned to ashes in his mouth, and he found himself adding faceless bodies to his ever-increasing list of forgettable encounters. The entire goal of this venture had been to get over Joseph, but it appeared to be doing just the opposite. Inevitably Caesar ended up comparing whoever he happened to bed each night to that big beautiful idiot. Now that he knew what it felt like to connect with a lover, sleeping with all of these dull women seemed pointless. 

          Tonight, Caesar was currently sawing disinterestedly in and out of an exquisite little redhead he’d picked up at a fancy cocktail lounge. The woman was as truly lovely as she was staggeringly boring in bed, and the blonde suppressed a yawn as she gasped, unmoving, underneath him. What’s wrong with me? Get it together, you like this, it's supposed to feel good! 

          In an attempt to improve the situation he let his mind wander to whatever would actually feel exciting. Despite his efforts to ignore these thoughts Caesar wondered idly what it would’ve been like to have Joseph in this position. It was a delightful image: the brunette laid out on his back with his long legs wrapped around the blonde’s waist, throwing cutting remarks in between shameless moans. An even more delightful image came unbidden, of the same positions but their roles reversed. Caesar imagined himself sliding down that huge cock to sit flush against the other man’s hips, wonderfully deep and filled to the brim. The blonde was big and heavy, and he'd never had a partner who was strong enough to ride. Joseph would’ve been able to handle him easily, lift him effortlessly, spend all night beneath or on top of him without getting tired. He'd be holding Caesar's waist with those big warm hands, rolling his hips in time with his rise and fall. The blonde would have his own hands all over the other man’s broad chest, fondling him and feeling his breath hitch as they both groaned and gasped. He wanted to cum all over that chest even as Joseph kept moving beneath him, leaving him overstimulated and shaking and crying out.

          Unconsciously Caesar had started to move more energetically outside of his fantasy. The woman beneath him wailed in pleasure, a sound the blonde failed to hear over the blood roaring in his ears and the dead man moaning in his mind.    

          “JoJo,” he muttered as he thrust hard once, then twice, then finished. Caesar rolled off her as soon as he came and laid on his back for a moment to catch his breath. He pulled off the condom, tied it off and flung it into the trash.

          “Jenny,” piped up a high-pitched voice from the bed beside him. Still breathing hard and coming down from the high, the blonde turned to see the redheaded woman from the bar. He wasn’t expecting to actually see Joseph, but it was oddly disappointing nonetheless. 

          “What was that, Signorina?” he puffed.

          “That was great Caesar,” she looked at him with stars in her eyes and the blonde did his best to appear engaged. “But my name is Jenny. Who’s JoJo?” She giggled. “An ex-girlfriend you’re trying to get over?”

          Caesar sat up and sighed, running a hand through his hair. He lit a cigarette and watched the smoke rise. “Something like that.” He glanced at his wristwatch and moved to get his pants. “Sorry Signorina, but I need to get going.”

Chapter Text

          Caesar stood in the chilly breeze with Lisa Lisa, Messina, Erina, Speedwagon, and Smokey beside Joseph’s grave. There was a preacher giving a generic eulogy, going on about how he was alive in everyone’s hearts, what a shame it was that he’d died so young, what an upstanding and honorable man he had been. This guy never met JoJo. He was hardly  upstanding or honorable. He was a lying, arrogant, reckless idiot. The blonde fought back tears. I think I might have loved him. Caesar hoped desperately that the funeral would give him enough closure to finally move on. He watched as the empty coffin was lowered into the cold ground, and hoped he’d be able to go back to Italy and forget about Joseph. Maybe. Probably not. There was the sound of a car coming up the road, and the engine cut out right by where the group was gathered. Every head turned to watch, as an expensive sport car parked right next to the hearse and a big broad man stepped out. 

          “Hey there everyone!” called a cheerful voice that for the last month Caesar had only heard in his dreams. He couldn’t believe his eyes as Joseph came striding up to the gravesite, alive and well and just as devastatingly handsome as ever. Of all people, Suzie Q trailed along behind him. “I must say, it was bloody difficult finding you lot! Nobody was at home, I had to ask the doorman.” Caesar, along with everyone else, stared in shock with mouths agape. “What’s wrong?” exclaimed the brunette, hands on his hips. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” 

          One of the gravediggers came stalking up to the big man and screamed: “Fuck off you rude asshole, can’t you see these people are at a funeral?” Joseph grabbed him by the collar and plucked him easily off the ground.

          “Get out of my face! What the hell are you talking about?” The brunette glanced over to the headstone and stared for a long moment, face going pale. “Is this my grave?” He dropped the man onto the ground and turned to the group with wide eyes. “Is this my funeral?” The look of surprise turned rapidly to one of rage. “Suzie,” he yelled, rounding on her, “did you send that telegram?"

          She blinked her vacant eyes. “Telegram?”

          “YOU DIDN’T SEND THE TELEGRAM?” Joseph stalked forward even as she began to back up. “YOU STUPID BITCH! THEY THOUGHT I WAS DEAD!” He raced forward as she turned to run and hide behind Lisa Lisa.

          “Is that any way to talk to your wife?” she squealed.

          “Wife?” shouted Smokey and Speedwagon in unison, incredulous.

          “That’s right!” she sang, “meet Mrs. Joestar!” She held out a hand with the most gaudy and hideous diamond ring Caesar had ever seen. There was no doubt Joseph had bought it, nobody else had that much money and that little taste. 

          That smug prick has been alive all this time? He just never bothered to tell me? He fucking married Suzie? Caesar was more furious than he could ever remember being in his entire life. “Cazzatta," he shouted, "are you kidding me?”

          Joseph whirled around and saw Caesar for the first time. His face lit up like a Christmas tree, and the big idiot came running up joyfully to grab him in a crushing hug. “HOLY SHIT! OH MY GOD! CAESAR! You’re alive! I didn’t recognize you all in black!” Joseph’s breath hitched in a sob and he tightened his grip around the blonde. “You’re here, you’re really here, I can’t believe it! I thought you were dead!”

          Caesar absolutely did not think about how nice it was to be held in his strong arms again, and shoved the brunette away. The blonde glared up into his tearful eyes, wound up, and punched him hard right in his stupid handsome face. Completely unprepared, Joseph staggered back and crashed to the ground. Caesar was on him immediately, straddling his waist and grabbing two fistfuls of his shirt. He slammed the brunette back onto the ground as he tried to rise, screaming into his face. “Bastardo! How DARE you!” He punctuated the word with a vicious backhanded slap across the face. Joseph cried out and reached up to grab the blonde by the shoulders, tugging him down and holding him against his broad chest. He wound his long legs around Caesar and grabbed the back of his neck, effectively pinning them together. 

          “Caesar,” he pleaded, “what’s wrong?” The blonde could clearly hear the shock and confusion in his voice. He kneed Joseph in the balls and wriggled out of his grip while the brunette was momentarily incapacitated. “SON OF A BITCH!” 

          Caesar leaped to his feet and kicked Joseph in the ribs where he was curled up, groaning in pain. “What’s wrong, coglione, is that you just came waltzing back in here like it’s no big deal after being dead!” Joseph reached out a hand and grabbed Caesar by the ankle, yanking his legs out from under him and sending him crashing to the ground. The brunette was on top of him immediately, pinning his arms fast above his head.  

          “I’m so happy to see you, you goddamn asshole!” screamed Joseph. Caesar absolutely did not think about how wonderful it was to be crushed under his bulk again. The brunette’s voice grew softer, unsure. “Why aren’t you happy to see me?” The blonde surged up to headbutt him. 

          The two men rolled on the ground, wrestling and exchanging blows, until Caesar found himself suddenly weighless. He craned his neck around to see Messina holding him up by the back of his jacket, having just hauled him off Joseph. 

          “Caesar!” snapped Lisa Lisa, standing next to Messina. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Caesar watched Joseph heave himself to his feet and stagger over. The blonde slipped out of his jacket and dropped to the ground, taking off immediately in a flat-out sprint. He ignored a shout from behind and raced over to the car Joseph had arrived in. The big idiot had left the keys in the ignition, because of course he had. Caesar started the car and tore away, uncaring of the voices shouting behind him. I can’t believe this. With the squeal of tires he blonde went racing out of the cemetery, swerving around grieving families and driving on the grass. He heard another vehicle catching up from behind, and glancing in the rearview mirror saw that Joseph was following him in hot pursuit driving the hearse.

          What followed was a high-speed chase through the streets of Manhattan, blasting through red lights and careening up onto the sidewalk. Whatever stupid fancy car Joseph owned was fast, and it was only by the brunette’s reckless driving and knowledge of the terrain that he was able to catch up at all. Caesar could vaguely hear Joseph yelling something from the hearse, and responded with every rude gesture he could do one-handed out the window. The blonde pulled over in front of a massive skyscraper on sixth avenue. Let’s see you catch me here bastardo. He slid out of the car and sprinted to the facade. With a running leap, he attached himself to the side of the building and began to climb. 

          “If you think I’m not going to follow that sweet ass to the end of the Earth,” came a shout from below, “you’ve got another thing coming!”

          Caesar looked down to see Joseph clinging to the side of the building and rapidly climbing up towards him. There were screams from passersby below, which he ignored completely. 

          “Fuck off!” he spat. “Vaffanculo!” 

          “I know what that means now!”  hollered Joseph. “And I’m totally down! But only if it’s you!”

          “Dio mio stronzo, now is not the time for jokes!” Caesar turned to stare back ahead, never slowing his ascent. “Go away!”

          “I’m not joking and I’m not going away,” came the reply. “Let me talk to you, Caesar!”

          “You’re talking to me right now, and I’m telling you to fuck off.”

          “Caesar, why are you so angry?” shouted Joseph. “I’m so fucking thrilled to see you’re alive, it’s a dream come true! Why don’t you want to see me again?”

          “I don’t know JoJo,” he bellowed, “why don’t you go ask your wife?”

          “Is that what this is about?” cried Joseph. “Okay admittedly that was a bad call, but she doesn’t give a damn she just married me for the money. I was all kinds of fucked up over you! The Germans told me you died! I was sad and angry and lonely, I wasn’t thinking straight!”

          “You could have checked in! You could have fucking tried to contact me!” The blonde picked up the pace, trying desperately to get away from his companion. “It’s painfully obvious how little you care. Eat shit, coglione.”

          “Caesar listen to me!” He hollered above the wind. “I care so damn much, I was devastated! The only thing keeping me going was killing the Pillar Men, and when that was over I had nothing! I won, sure, but it was a hollow goddamn victory because I thought you were dead! I thought you were dead because of me! If I didn’t move on, I would’ve just curled up and died!”

          “I thought that you were dead,” growled Caesar venomously, “and somehow, I managed to survive, even though I didn’t marry the only other person I know!”

          “You were always the mature one!” Joseph shot back. “You know I’m needy and stupid and bad at decision-making! But Caesar, it wasn’t the same! It wasn’t even close!”

          “Surprising, considering you just up and replaced one blonde with another!” screamed Caesar, angry at how his voice trembled with hurt. “Why are you even chasing me? Go back to your wife. What’s wrong, did Suzie refuse to suck you off?”

          “Well, no, she wouldn’t,” he muttered, barely audible above the wind. “But that’s not the point! The point is that a fucking miracle happened and we both made it!”

          Caesar finally reached the top and hauled himself, panting hard, over the side and onto the observation deck. Dimly he registered the tourists on the rooftop screaming and running away. He turned to see Joseph scramble over the edge and come running up with arms outstretched. 

          “Caesar,” implored the brunette, “please come back to me!”

          “Stronzo, I’m not going to be your sidepiece!” he spat, folding his arms and turning away. 

          “No, Caesar, listen to me you don’t understand,” Joseph took a step forward, gesturing frantically. The blonde took a step back. “I don’t want a sidepiece, I want you!” 

          The big brunette clasped his gloved hands and dropped dramatically to one knee before Caesar, looking up with those damned beautiful green eyes. The blonde failed spectacularly at maintaining a cold, impassive expression. “Too bad. Maybe if you really wanted me, you shouldn’t have run off with someone else,” he replied softly, furious at the sudden crack in his voice. 

          “Caesar,” pleaded Joseph from his kneeling position, “I’m sorry for the hurtful things I said, and I’m sorry for the shitty things I’ve done. Please forgive me!” The blonde couldn’t break from his gaze. “You were my first, I had no experience! I didn’t know what I had until you were gone. It’s so natural and so easy and right to be with you, I didn’t understand how rare that is!” The brunette stared up at him imploringly. “I had no idea how lucky I was!”

          Caesar turned away. He wasn’t going to be able to refuse if he had to keep looking at this bastard’s stupid handsome face and listening to his earnest words. There was a noise from behind him and suddenly Joseph was right up in his face, their chests nearly touching. He grabbed the blonde’s shoulders with his big hands and looked at him with bright eyes. 

          “Caesar,” he murmured, “I love you.”

          I love you too. “Fuck off,” growled the blonde through gritted teeth, as his traitorous eyes welled up with tears. “Don’t lie to me, segone,”

          Joseph brought his hands down to take Caesar’s, interlacing their fingers. “I’m not lying. I didn’t realize that I loved you, not until you were already dead. Well, I thought you were dead.” His big green eyes were filled with fat tears, spilling out and running down his cheeks. “I thought you were gone forever, and God, it hurt so much. When we were together, I felt like a better version of myself. Without you, I didn’t even feel like a person.” He bit his fat bottom lip. “I tried to distract myself and fill the void because I’m dumb and short-sighted and selfish, but-”

          “I never thought I’d say this, but you’re right for once,” sneered Caesar. 

          “Dammit Caesar listen to me,” he snapped. Those big wet eyes were pleading, and the brunette stepped closer until they were pressed against each other. “It felt like a piece of me was missing, like a part of me had died with you,” he murmured, “and I was so afraid! I was afraid I would never feel whole again. That I would stay alive but never feel like I’m really living.” He wrapped his big arms around Caesar and squeezed him in a firm hug, resting his chin on his shoulder. The blonde had been freezing without a jacket on this windy rooftop, and despite his attempts to remain stiff he melted against the other man’s big warm body. “Then I saw you again,” murmured Joseph into his ear, “and it all came flooding back.” His breath broke in a sob, big chest hitching. “The sun was warm and the air was sweet and I felt like I could breathe again.”

          “Cazzo, you’re as corny as ever.” replied Caesar, trying not to think about how the big idiot had just put words to exactly how he had been feeling. The blonde let himself slip his arms around Joseph, clinging onto his slim waist and leaning into his sturdy frame. 

          “Yes, and you’re as stubborn and curmudgeonly as ever.” Caesar could hear the smile in the other man’s voice.

          “I hate you JoJo.”

          Joseph pulled back and pressed their foreheads together with an eager gleam in his eye. “Will you promise to hate me forever and always?”

          “You must think I’m as stupid as you to go along with that.”
          “I don’t, but I really hope you’ll pretend to be that stupid.” 

          Caesar reached up and grabbed the back of Joseph’s head, catching his lips in a ravenous kiss. The other man returned it immediately, gripping his waist and slipping his tongue into the blonde’s mouth. Caesar tangled his fingers in his wild brown hair and pressed firmly against him, pouring all the rage and pain and crushing loneliness of the past month into a furious makeout. Joseph ran his big hands down to feel over the blonde’s sides and squeeze his ass. One hand was warm and familiar, but the other was cold and hard and strange. Caesar broke the kiss for a moment and looked at the other man questioningly. 

          “JoJo what the hell is happening with your hand?”

          Joseph looked confused for a moment, before chuckling. “Oh, right! I lost a hand during that fight in the volcano, Kars cut it off. The Germans gave me a metal one, which is nice and all, but it’s not the same.” Joseph’s clear green eyes clouded with regret. He brought a gloved hand, clearly the real one, up to brush across Caesar’s cheek where the blonde knew there was a long nasty scar. “We both have battle scars. I’m so sorry about what Wammu did to your pretty face. You’re still unbelievably beautiful, obviously, but I’ll always be reminded of my greatest failure. Of the time I almost lost you, just because I was a stupid jackass.” His thick brows furrowed. “I wish I’d come after you sooner. Lisa Lisa tried to give me a history lesson or something after you left and I was nearly too late, a moment longer and you would’ve died. We have so much to talk about.”

          Caesar rolled his eyes and leaned in to murmur against the other man’s lips. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk later. Shut up and kiss me.” With that he dove back in for another long steamy kiss, bringing his hands to the brunette’s narrow waist and pulling him in. Joseph groaned into his mouth and nipped his lip, grabbing his sides and pressing firmly against him. They kissed hungrily, feeling around and revisiting the familiar contours of each others’ bodies. Caesar slid his hands down over Joseph’s hips and around to his ass, cupping and squeezing and hauling him in to grind. The brunette gasped into his mouth, spreading his thighs and moaning. 

          “Hey!” cried a voice somewhere close behind them. Caesar angrily pulled away from Joseph, breaking a strand of drool between their lips. He whirled around to see two police officers pointing guns at them, with white faces and trembling hands. 

          “What,” growled the blonde, “do you want.” The policemen visibly swallowed, and one announced in a shaky voice:

          “I dunno who the hell you magic faggots are, but you’re comin’ downtown!”
          “Go away,” snarled Caesar, sadly removing a hand from Joseph’s ass and bringing it around in a sweeping arc. A hundred swirling bubbles burst from his fingertips, impacting against the officers and blasting them backwards hard enough to crack the wall. He turned back to the brunette with a coy smile. “Now, where were we?”

          Joseph chuckled. “I’ve missed you, Caesarino.” He glanced around at the unconscious cops and windy rooftop, and grinned roguishly. “Let’s get a room.”

          Caesar raised an eyebrow. “What about your wife?”
          The brunette pulled him in by the back of the neck so their lips barely brushed. “What about my wife.” 

          Sliding a hand between his thick thighs, the blonde palmed him firmly through his jeans. “That’s the smartest thing you’ve said all day,” he purred as Joseph groaned into his mouth with a shudder. “I do believe that I made a promise once back in Switzerland, which I fully intend to keep.”

Chapter Text

          They got a room.


          “That was some damned shoddy construction,” muttered Caesar, glassy-eyed and hoarse, as they strolled into the elevator. “For such a fancy hotel, they sure don’t care about quality.”

          “No worries,” chuckled Joseph serenely, “I’ll get some sturdy furniture for our apartment.” He turned to the elevator operator, who eyed the two men suspiciously. “Lobby, please.” 

          Our apartment. Caesar had never felt so mellowed out in his life, warm and safe and comfortable. He’d never realized how much stress and anger was bottled up inside until it was all gone. He leaned back against Joseph as the elevator creaked downwards, and the brunette slung an arm around his waist with a knowing smirk. “Tired?”

          “Hell no,” murmured the blonde, resting his head against a bulky shoulder. “I’d go again if you could get it up.”

          Joseph pinched his hip, deliberately where he knew there was a bruise. “All that wasn’t enough? You’re insatiable!” He laughed and smiled down fondly. “I’m knackered, I need a hot meal and a nap. Give a guy some time to recuperate.”

          “Mmm, it sounds like you’re just making excuses cazzo,” purred Caesar, glancing up through half lidded eyes.

          “I’ll be ready for more later, trust me. We have plenty of time.” The brunette chuckled as they reached the hotel lobby and the doors opened with a ding, separating from the blonde and running a big warm hand over his back. “Hell,” he turned to look over his shoulder with a radiant smile, “we have the rest of our lives.” They meandered over to the front desk receptionist, a small man with thick glasses, who glanced up for a moment and then did a rapid double take. 

          “Hello,” called Joseph, leaning lazily against the counter, “I’m here to check out, my reservation is under the name-”

          “Joestar, I remember,” interrupted the receptionist in a thick French accent, looking at them over his spectacles with narrowed eyes. “Difficult to forget. You’ve only just checked in today, Monsieur Joestar.”

          Joseph shrugged. “Not a problem, I’ll pay for the whole night.”  

          The bespectacled man angrily jabbed a gloved finger at him. “Monsieur, there have been more complaints about your room over the course of the last several hours than I have ever received before during my entire career in hospitality.”

          “Thank you?” he replied, raising a thick eyebrow. Caesar had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. 

          The receptionist looked aghast. “That- that is not a compliment Monsieur Joestar!” The man was clearly growing agitated. “There were noise complaints from rooms above yours, rooms below, and every single room along the same floor!”

          “Well, I'm leaving,” said Joseph breezily. “So nobody else will complain, will they?” He thumbed through a monogrammed leather wallet full of hundred dollar bills. Mama mia, he’s so ostentatious. “Anyway I’ll also be paying for the room service, and the damages.”

          The receptionist’s sallow face grew even paler. “Damages?” he squeaked.

          Joseph towered over the bespectacled man even when leaning against the desk. He stood up to his full impressive height and looked down coolly. “Damages,” he repeated. “I broke the bed.”

          The receptionist looked just about ready to faint. “H-how did you break a bed?”


          It had happened at the end of the third round. 

          The moment the door was shut behind them, Joseph had grabbed Caesar around the waist and hauled him in for a feverish kiss. They’d been desperate at first, making out in a ravenous frenzy, knocking over furniture and tearing off each other’s clothes. Once they were both stark naked Caesar plastered Joseph against the wall, groping and mouthing over his chest. The other man carded through his hair, groaning as the blonde nipped particularly hard, and slid his big hands down to cup his ass. Dio mio, I can’t wait until we-

          Caesar suddenly popped his mouth off Joseph’s nipple and smacked him hard on the arm. “Idiota!” he yelled, glaring up at the other man’s stunned face. “We don’t have lube!”

          Joseph’s eyes got wide as saucers. “Oh shit! We don’t have lube!” He stared down in panic for a split second before breaking into a broad grin. “Wait, it’s okay, I’ll just order olive oil again.”

          Caesar rolled his eyes. “Buffone, they won’t just give you a whole bottle.”

          Joseph pressed a kiss to his forehead and squeezed his ass before pushing him off and walking over to the rotary phone on the table. “Sure they will! People will give you anything if you pay them.” He picked up the receiver and dialed the number for room service, glancing back over his bulky shoulder. “I’ll get a bottle of wine too, what kind do you want?”

          “This isn’t going to work,” huffed Caesar as he walked over. “What reds do they have? Show me the wine list.” 

          While they waited, the blonde shoved Joseph back onto the bed and sat in his lap, legs wound around his hips and arms wrapped around his shoulders. Caesar leaned in to capture his lips in a hungry kiss, gasping as the other man grabbed his ass and hauled them together. They kissed greedily, bodies humming with anticipation and eager for more. Joseph was nibbling slowly up his neck when there was a knock at the door and a timid “Room service?” Before Caesar could react the brunette leaped to his feet, spun around, and threw him back onto the mattress where he landed with a heavy thump. “Vaffanculo!” he yelled from the bed. “Jackass!” The brunette shot him a rakish grin and slipped hurriedly into a too-small hotel bathrobe, that barely closed and stopped distractingly far up his thick thighs. The blonde couldn’t help but smile. He looks like he’s wearing a minidress. I love this idiot. Joseph thanked the terrified little bellhop and gave him a dollar, slammed the door, dropped the robe, and pounced on Caesar. 

          After that the blonde had a lot of fun getting himself ready, and getting the both of them all oiled up and grinding together. Their bodies were warm and slippery as they moved against each other, hands everywhere, panting and groaning. He straddled Joseph and pinned him down to the bed with harsh stinging slaps and sweet sultry words, teasing the other man until he was threatening and pleading and barely coherent. When it looked like Joseph was just about to snap and flip the both of them over, Caesar sat back on his cock and went for a ride. After a little wine and a lot of downtime, Joseph decided it was time for round two. He picked Caesar up, gripping him tightly as he fought back, bent him over the bed frame, and took him roughly from behind. The brunette held him down, growling and spitting filthy praise, while the blonde wailed and moaned and screamed himself hoarse. 

          By round three Caesar was mild and pliant and completely relaxed, spread out flat on his back with Joseph’s big body draped over him. For a while now the brunette had been moving soft and slow, kissing him lazily and fucking him gently. The blonde had his legs hooked around the other man’s waist, running his hands all over his broad back, feeling the muscles move under his fingers.

          Joseph nipped on his lip and broke the kiss, gazing at him lustily. “God,” he murmured, “you’re gorgeous.”

          “Harder,” purred Caesar, gripping the brunette’s brawny shoulders. “Enough of this tender loving. Go harder, go faster!”

          The brunette looked down with hungry eyes and licked his plump lips. “Any way you want it sweetheart.” 

          “Go deeper, too. Harder, faster, deeper!” The blonde smacked him on the cheek and smirked. “What the hell are you waiting for? Put your back into it, big boy!”

          “You’re so bossy,” chuckled Joseph with a broad grin, “and I love it.” He pulled out for a moment, leaving Caesar achingly empty, and reared back to stand on his knees. He reached down to grab the other man’s ass and lift up his lower body, holding him steady so his torso arched down to his shoulders where they still lay on the bed. He slid right back in, hard and slick and deep, and the blonde felt his thighs twitch and his toes curl. Joseph started up a rapid pace, putting his full weight and power behind his thrusts while hauling Caesar flush against his hips. The room was filled with the loud creaking of the bed, the slam of the headboard against the wall, and the wet pornographic slap of flesh on flesh. 

          The blonde moaned shamelessly, grabbing at the sheets and squeezing Joseph’s waist with his quivering thighs. “Oh si, oh yes! Just like that, don’t stop!” Caesar had always enjoyed being on the bottom, but found it to be too much work for too little reward most of the time. His partner had always been too small, or had tired quickly, or had blown his load too soon, and the blonde usually couldn’t be bothered to make the effort of prep and cleanup. This was different. Something had awoken deep inside of him, something base and needy and ravenous. It was intoxicating, to be held in his strong arms and roughly fucked and utterly stuffed. Thankfully this big beautiful idiot was well equipped to give him exactly what he wanted. The blonde looked up through half-focused eyes, past his own quaking body, at the man who rocked his world. Joseph was oiled up and shiny, glowing highlights and dark shadows emphasizing the broad planes of his strong body. Bruises and bite marks ran from his thick neck down and all over his torso, courtesy of Caesar from their hot heavy make-out sessions in between rounds. His massive chest heaved and the cords of his brawny arms clenched, while he held the blonde steady and hauled him in to slam against his hips.

          From Joseph’s big vulgar mouth, in between the panting breaths and filthy moans, flowed surprisingly lucid flattery. “God, you feel incredible,” he growled, groaning as Caesar clenched around him. “Hot and wet and perfect. You always want more, you can take it all.” He broke off with a moan, looking down lecherously and biting his plump bottom lip. “Fuck, I’ll give you everything I’ve got.”

          Caesar was suspended in bliss, heat building steadily between his thighs, body pulsing with every powerful thrust. The heavy burning pressure inside was coming to a boil, building up fit to burst. Caesar reached up and grabbed his own dick, slippery and warm just like the rest of him, and began to jerk himself in time to the other man’s rhythm. “Dio,” he groaned, “caro mio, fottimi.”

          Even if he didn’t speak Italian, Joseph knew exactly what that meant. “Oh Caesar, I love watching you cum on my cock,” he groaned, keeping up his unrelenting pace, “it’s so goddamn hot.” The blonde met the other man’s gaze and blew him a breathless kiss, before throwing his head back and gasping as his body heaved. He pumped himself slick and quick and dirty, until he came with shaking legs and a loud lewd moan all over his chest and belly. 

          Joseph groaned and dropped back down to their previous position, laying his big bulky frame over the blonde as he continued to thrust hard and fast. Caesar was almost overwhelmed, mind consumed with pleasure and body boneless and sensitive. With immense effort he reached up and tangled his hands in Joseph’s hair, yanking him down to brush his lips against his ear. “Amore, cum inside me,” he gasped, biting down and sucking hard on the other man’s neck. Joseph bucked his hips and cried out wantonly, grabbing the blonde’s shoulders and finishing buried to the hilt.

          There was a moment of quiet when the only sound was their heavy breathing. Then the bed creaked ominously beneath them and Joseph, more brainless than usual post-orgasm, had a look of hilarious confusion on his handsome face. Caesar heard splintering wood and suddenly felt himself falling, slamming hard to the floor with a tremendous crash while the brunette landed heavily on top of him. “MERDA!” The blonde lay disoriented, wincing as Joseph pulled out and added to the mess on the already dirty sheets. The brunette sat up and peered up at the cracked headboard, then down at the mattress that was now lying on the floor. 

          He flopped back onto his side, laughing gleefully. “The bed couldn’t take it anymore,” he chuckled, “I think the universe is telling us to give it a rest.” Joseph slid back over to Caesar and ran his big hands slowly down his body, catching his lips in a gentle kiss. He pulled the other man in close and held him tenderly, stroking softly over his sweaty skin. The blonde hummed and returned the kiss, languid and lazy and and basking in the attention. They made out slowly, bodies nestled comfortably together, reveling in the warm heady afterglow. 

          Joseph nipped at Caesar’s bottom lip and pulled back to gaze at him lovingly. “This look really suits you,” he murmured, brushing a lock of hair behind the other man’s ear. 

          The blonde rolled his eyes. “Sweaty, covered in spunk, and fucked half to death?” he rasped, voice hoarse.

          “Yeah,” Joseph growled, running a warm hand down and over Caesar’s chest. “You’re glorious, beauty in debauchery.” He propped himself up on a thick forearm and glanced around the room, looking mildly distressed. “Shit, but we really trashed this place. It looks like a hurricane went through.” He trailed a finger through the mess on his abs. “They’ll have to bin these sheets. This oil is really fun, but it gets everywhere.”

          Caesar snorted. “Buy proper lube next time.”

          Joseph chuckled. “I should. I’m going to leave a really nice tip for the poor maids.” He looked down and rested a big hand on the blonde’s side, smiling warmly.

          Caesar ran a hand up the other man’s thick neck and brushed against his strong jaw. “Caro mio,” he purred, “go get me a cigarette. The pack is in my shirt pocket.”

          Joseph blinked down at him. “Why?”

          The blonde shrugged. “I don’t know, because it feels nice?”

          “No, I mean, why not get it yourself?” 

          Why the hell do I love him. Caesar rolled his eyes and slapped the other man’s chest. “Bastardo, because it’s the least you could do after rearranging my insides all day. More importantly, because you are an absolute monster of a man, I won’t be doing any walking right now. ” He trailed his fingers down the brunette’s sweaty torso, looking up at his grinning face. “You have no restraint, you’re a brute, you’re a beast.”

          Joseph looked smug. “Am I at least a sexy beast?”

          You’re my sexy beast. The blonde scoffed and smacked at him listlessly, weak as a kitten. “No, you’re a cocky idiot.”  I can’t believe I just let this fool raw me. He looked into those sparkling green eyes and could barely summon the mettle to glare. Dio mio I can’t wait to do it again. 

          The brunette laughed as he rolled out of range from a halfhearted slap. Caesar watched as the other man heaved himself off the mattress and padded over to the shirt lying flung over a chair. What a beautiful ass. One of these days he’s getting a taste of his own medicine. Joseph turned back around with a cigarette dangling from his plump lips, holding the hotel matchbook. He lit it and took a drag before settling back down onto the mattress, hauling the blonde over to pillow his head on his sturdy chest. He handed the smoking cigarette to Caesar, who took it gratefully and relaxed back against the other man’s big warm body. Joseph rested his head back against his metal hand and gently stroked Caesar’s damp hair with the real one. They enjoyed the calm for a long slow moment, passing the cigarette back and forth, the only sound once again their breathing.

          Naturally Joseph broke the quiet. “This is the best I’ve ever felt in my life,” he murmured, brushing his hand down and over the blonde’s cheek.

          Me too. “Not like you have a lot of life experience,” drawled Caesar, offering up the cigarette butt. The brunette took it and reached up to drop it into an empty wine glass on the bedside table, while he watched with a smile. “Thankfully you can keep up.”

          “I’ll thank my lucky stars for that,” chuckled Joseph, looking back down and grinning. “It’s a lot of work to keep you satisfied!”

          Caesar hummed happily. “Mmm, that’s right, and don’t you go anywhere because want more.” As soon as I can feel my legs again. He was suddenly highly aware of the cooling mess both around and inside him. “Ugh but not now, I’m disgusting.”

          “Well I guess since I’m the one who broke you, I’d better give you a lift.” The brunette heaved himself up off the busted bed, bringing Caesar’s limp body and carrying him bridal style. 

          The blonde hummed and reached up to brush a hand up Joseph’s neck. “Damn right, you owe me big time!”

          “Of course sweetheart, I owe you big time forever." Joseph smiled down at him affectionately as he strolled over to the bathroom and carefully laid the blonde in the claw-foot tub, turning on the tap and letting the warm water flow over him. Joseph looked down with a glint in his eye. “Lean over the edge,” he purred, “I want to clean you out with my tongue.” 


          “I sat down and the bed just broke, guess I’m too heavy,” said Joseph, breaking Caesar out of his reverie. The brunette flashed a dazzling smile. “Just tell me how much I owe, and we’ll get out of here.” The receptionist shifted his gaze between the two men warily. The blonde watched him eyeing the hickeys running down Joseph’s thick neck to where the trail disappeared beneath the collar of his shirt. Caesar’s throat looked far worse, but thankfully the scarf he wore covered the bruises. Am I standing too close to him? Evidently it was too late to worry about that, as the small man had made up his mind.

          “Do you seriously expect me to believe that?” squeaked the receptionist, voice trembling. “Everyone heard you! I could call the police right now and have you two degenerates hauled off to jail!” He raised an accusing finger. “Sodomy is a felony!”

          In the blink of an eye, Joseph had grabbed the small man by the lapels and hauled him up and over the desk. He glared down, green eyes blazing, roaring at the top of his lungs. “I BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON?”

          Caesar could tell Joseph was about a second away from bashing this guy’s face in. As fun and undeniably hot as it would be to watch the big idiot rough somebody up, he decided it was time to step in. “JoJo wait,” he barked, laying a hand over the readied fist. Joseph blinked and looked back at him. “Put him down, I’ll handle this,” insisted Caesar, and the brunette frowned but begrudgingly complied. The blonde turned to the now ruffled and ghostly pale receptionist with a suave smile.

          “Signore, we didn’t mean to lie to you,” he said politely, doing his best to keep the rasp out of his voice. He leaned in closer over the desk, partially to appear less big and threatening but mostly because his damned legs were about to give out again. “The truth is that my companion here is unhappily married, on a “business trip” away from his wife. We had a menage-a-trois with his mistress, and got a bit… carried away. That’s how the bed broke.” He eyed the small man conspiratorially. “You must understand, if word were to get out about this there could be trouble. Reputations are at stake after all.”

          “Oh, oui, I see,” said the receptionist, visibly relaxing. “I understand now, Monsieurs. I am terribly sorry about being presumptuous.”
          “Not to worry,” replied Caesar airily, “it must appear fairly damning to you.”

          “It certainly does,” the small man replied with a weak relieved chuckle. He looked around curiously. “Where is the mistress?”

          “Waiting in the car. We certainly can’t all be seen leaving together.”
          “Oui, of course.” The receptionist eyed the two men up and down, clearly performing some mental logistics, and whistled low. “Mon Dieu, that poor woman.”


          As soon as the valet dropped off the car, Joseph plopped himself down in the driver’s seat and turned to Caesar questioningly. “What does ‘menage-a-trois’ mean?”
          “It’s French for threesome.”
          “Oh.” The blonde could practically see the gears turning in his head. “Then why didn’t you just say threesome?”
          Caesar rolled his eyes. “Because he was French.”

          “Right, fair enough.” Joseph started the engine and pulled away from the hotel, still clearly deep in thought. ”Why was that guy suddenly okay with us breaking a bed, so long as there was a woman involved? I mean, for all he knew we could have been fucking while she sat in the corner and jerked off.”

          “Cazzo, why would I know that? People are strange.” The blonde snorted. “Also, you don’t call masturbation ‘jerking off’ if it’s a woman doing it.”

          “Well, what do you call it?”

          “I don’t know the word in English.”

          Joseph blew a raspberry. “Boring. Being a girl sucks, they can’t even jerk off!”

          Caesar chuckled. “Ladies certainly do have it tough, but that’s not a reason why.” 

          “Whatever. Let’s get some dinner, I’m starving.” The brunette licked his plump lips and turned with a grin. “There’s a diner right around here that does a great burger, how does that sound?”

          For the first time in a month, Caesar’s stomach growled . “Sure, I could eat.” The blonde watched the other man contemplatively for a moment, before reaching out and putting a hand on his thick neck. He could feel Joseph’s strong pulse and warm flesh against his fingers as he sent crackling energy to heal the bruises. 

          As soon as he realized what was happening, Joseph got whiny. “Why do you always do that?” he complained. “I love how you mark me up, it’s super hot, it makes me feel... I don’t know...” He waved a gloved hand in the air. “It makes me feel sexy!”

          “I like them too,” replied Caesar with a smile. “But JoJo, it doesn’t look good to show up in front of your grandmother, mother, and wife covered in hickeys.”

          Joseph smacked himself on the forehead, thankfully with his real hand. “Holy shit that’s right, I’m married! I have a wife!" He turned sheepishly to look at the blonde. “What the hell am I supposed to tell her? ‘Listen Suzie you were a hard rebound after I met the man of my dreams then got him fucking killed, and guess what now he’s back! I want a divorce.’”

          Caesar snorted. “I’m sure there’s a more tactful way to put that, idiota.” He looked at the brunette out of the corner of his eye. “Also, I don’t think you should get a divorce.”

          “What?” Joseph whirled around, incredulous. “I have to!”

          “Why?” asked the blonde jokingly, “are you planning to marry me?”

          “Yeah. You don’t have to take my name though, I know how much the family name means to you.” The brunette reached over and grabbed Caesar’s left hand, fanning out the fingers. “I’ll let you pick the rings of course, you’ve always had great taste.”

          The blonde allowed himself a brief fantasy. In the old church around the corner from his apartment in Rome, sunlight filtering in through the stained-glass windows, family and friends in the pews. Joseph would wear a black suit, and Caesar would be in blazing white. What would it look like, approaching the other man waiting at the altar? He shook his head to clear the image. 

          “No,” he said firmly, “that’s not going to happen.”

          “Oh.” Joseph released his hand and stared gloomily out the windshield. “That’s okay though, even if you don’t want to make it official I’m happy just to have you.”
          Caesar rolled his eyes. “Wipe that sad puppy look off your face, that’s not what I mean.” The brunette glanced over curiously. “One, it would be scandalous enough just to get a divorce in the first place. People don’t do something that big for no obvious reason. Two, nobody would ever officiate a wedding between two men. Hell, no church would host it. Third and most importantly of all, nobody can ever know about us. We can’t tell a soul, or be too affectionate in public, or-”

          “What?!” exclaimed Joseph, “why?” The brunette gestured wildly at Caesar. “Why the hell would I keep it a secret that I’m in love?”

          “Mama mia, are you stupid?” The blonde chuckled. “No wait, I already know the answer.” Caesar regarded him fondly. “It’s so obvious you’ve never dealt with this before. Use your brain, think about those policemen on the roof. Think about that hotel receptionist. Would they have been so hostile if one of us was a woman?” 

          Joseph thought for a moment. “I guess not,” he admitted. “But I can absolutely beat up anyone who talks shit! Goddammit Caesar, I defeated the Ultimate Being, I can take on a couple of jerks!”

          The blonde rolled his eyes, shaking his head. Idiota. My gloriously stupid knight in shining armor. “JoJo you know how people are, and you know what people think. It’s dangerous to be out in the open.” He looked at Joseph intently. “I wish it wasn’t the case, but this just isn’t an enemy we can defeat. The world won’t approve of us, and the only way we can live without constant harassment is if we keep our relationship a secret. You should stay married to Suzie because if someone were to make an accusation, you would have a good alibis.”

          Joseph looked ready to argue, but he sighed instead. He stared at the road for a long moment, frowning. “That sucks, I was really looking forward to introducing you as my husband.” He glanced over, thick brows furrowed in concern. “And what if Suzie doesn’t want to cover up for me, and outs us both? Do you really think she’ll go along with that?”

          “She married you, clearly she has terrible judgement and will go along with anything.” Merda, what does that say about me?

          The brunette pouted. “Words hurt too, Caesar.” He looked thoughtfully at the blonde for a long moment. “But you’re absolutely moving in with me, and won’t it look kind of… strange if I’m married to Suzie and not living with her?”

          Caesar laughed. “Believe me, you won’t be the first or the last couple who are married on paper but living apart.” He smiled coyly. “I know we can’t have a wedding, but we can absolutely still have a honeymoon.”

          Joseph nodded and grinned. “Okay, fine, you’re right as usual.” He looked pensive for a moment, biting his plump lip. “I’m still kind of nervous about this though. Not just dumping my wife, but having to face my Granny.” He gasped. “Oh my God, I have a mom now! I’ll have to face my mother.”

          Caesar laughed at his stricken expression and rubbed his bulky shoulder comfortingly. “Don’t worry caro mio, you have me now too.”

Chapter Text

          After an hour of watching Joseph demolish a burger and an astonishing amount of fries, they were back in the car and on their way to Erina’s apartment. Caesar looked over at the other man as he drove, whistling along to some jazz standard on the radio, noble profile cast in the glow of the streetlights. Caesar felt warmth rising in his chest, threatening to burst out in the form of something terribly sentimental. He loves me. What’s more, I love him too. He reached over and ran a hand up the brunette’s thick thigh and Joseph turned to him with a smile, putting his own big warm hand over Caesar’s. 

          Then they almost got sideswiped by a passing car, because that big idiot drifted into the other lane. Joseph swore and turned sharply, swerving and bouncing hard off the curb so that the car popped up and slammed back down. 

          “MERDA!” spat Caesar. “Eyes on the road segaiolo! You drive like a maniac!”

          “Are you okay?” asked Joseph, evening out in his lane and glancing over with concern. 

          “Of course I’m not okay, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck and you’re driving this car like it’s stolen!” He slapped the other man across the face, with the hand that had just been stroking his thigh.

          Joseph looked over at him excitedly. “Am I the truck?”

          “Wh- yes cazzo, you’re the damn truck. I’m sore as hell, and it’s all your fault!” Caesar smacked him on the arm. “Fuck you!”

          The brunette looked over with a shit-eating grin. “Here, now, in front of everyone? I didn’t know you were such an exhibitionist!”

          Caesar seethed and slapped him again. “Bite me, JoJo,” he growled. 

          Joseph gasped scandalously. “Why Caesarino, you’re already black and blue under that scarf!” He leaned in and grabbed the scarf, pulling the blonde in closer and licking his lips. “But it you insist…”

          Caesar fisted a hand in his hair and wrenched his head around to face the windshield, smacking the brunette on the arm and screaming. “Buffone! Eyes on the road! Hands on the wheel! Are you trying to kill us?” 

          Joseph laughed breathlessly as the blonde continued to slap and berate him, before grabbing his wrist. “Sweetheart stop,” he gasped, face red, “I’m getting all hot and bothered.” He turned to Caesar and grinned sheepishly. “Which normally wouldn’t be a problem, but we’re almost at my grandma’s house.”

          The blonde snarled and crossed his arms. “Stronzo, you’re so fucking annoying! I hate you!”

          The brunette was smiling fit to burst. “Aww, I love you too.”


          Joseph parked in front of Erina’s apartment building and killed the engine, taking a deep breath and turning to Caesar. “Okay, it’s showtime. Wish me luck.”

          The blonde rolled his eyes. “I’m going to be there too, idiota.” He smiled. “Good luck.” He laid a hand on Joseph’s shoulder and leaned over for a quick peck on the cheek. The other man evidently had different plans, and grabbed him by the back of his neck to pull him in for an eager kiss. Caesar leaned over the gearshift, running his fingers through Joseph’s hair and slipping his tongue into his mouth. The brunette hummed and slid his hand slowly up the blonde’s thigh, sucking and nipping at his lips. Caesar stroked slowly down his neck and shoulders to grope his chest, squeezing firmly and thumbing over his nipples. Joseph groaned into his mouth and slid his warm hand up Caesar’s shirt, trailing along his side. That hand had migrated down to his ass when there was a hesitant tap on the car. They sprang apart, and Joseph rapidly wiped off his mouth and rolled down the window to reveal the building’s doorman. 

          “Mister Joestar!” he exclaimed, “I’m sorry to… interrupt anything.” He glanced at Caesar and shocked recognition passed over his face. In an admirable display of professionalism he fixed his expression back to neutral very quickly. “Apologies, but your grandmother asked to let her know the moment you arrived, and that was,” he looked at his wristwatch, “not quite ten minutes ago.”

          The two exchanged a glance. “Ah, thank you,” replied Joseph. “We’ll be right in.” There was a blush starting to creep up his thick neck. They stepped out of the car and past the doorman into the lobby of the building. Once they were in the elevator, Caesar reached out to hold the other man’s hand. Joseph smiled and interlaced their fingers, when a look of dawning realization crossed his face. 

          “Oh shit, what the hell are we going to tell them? Granny Erina is going to want to know where we’ve been, and what we’ve been doing.”

          The blonde pondered for a moment. “In hindsight, we really should have discussed this at some point.”

          Joseph shrugged. “Okay so here’s the plan, we’re going to-”

          “You’re about to say “wing it,” aren’t you?” sighed Caesar, rolling his eyes. 

          The brunette looked as if he were simultaneously bursting with pride and irreparably scandalized. “Hey now, that’s my line!”

          “I’m right, aren’t I?” 

          Joseph smiled fondly. “You know me too well.” The elevator opened and they faced the front door to Erina’s apartment. The brunette took a deep breath and gave Caesar’s hand a final squeeze before releasing it and throwing open the door. The pair were greeted by the sight of Erina, Speedwagon, Lisa Lisa, Messina, and Smokey all sitting in the drawing room. Their intense conversation broke off the moment the pair walked in. 

          “Hey there everyone,” announced Joseph with an easy grin, “how’s it going?”

          Erina leaped to her feet and ran up to him at a truly impressive speed. “JoJo!” she cried, hugging him tightly, “we were so worried about you!” The old woman’s gray head came to about midway up his chest, as he wrapped his big arms around her. “Where have you been? We heard that you climbed thirty Rockefeller Plaza-”

          “Wait, how did you know about that?” asked Joseph, staring down at her incredulously.

          Speedwagon looked at him tiredly. “It was on every radio station. Two men clinging to the side of a skyscraper like lizards on a wall, screaming at each other all the while.” He grimaced. “It was clearly you.”

          “Ah. Okay, that follows.”

          “So,” said Erina accusingly, shoving back from the big brunette, “that was reported at two o’clock and it’s nearly ten. Where have you been all day long?”

          “Well,” replied Joseph, glancing over at the other man, “Caesar and I had a bit of a fight.” He slung an arm around the blonde with a radiant smile. “But we made up!” And we made out. 

          “What on Earth were you doing?” she asked, shifting her gaze between them. 

          “We had a talk,” replied Joseph.
          “For eight hours?”

          “We had a lot to talk about.”

          “Right,” said Speedwagon, “well, Suzie filled us in on what happened.” He got up and clapped Joseph on his broad shoulder. “It’s very impressive that you survived, JoJo. I’m glad you’re still with us.”

          “Ah, thank you Uncle Speedwagon!” exclaimed the brunette with a smile, releasing Caesar and giving the old man a heartfelt hug. The blonde was sure they were in the clear, until: 

          “Caesar,” said Lisa Lisa while eyeing him carefully, “are you alright? You seem to be walking rather slowly.”

          “I’m fine, Maestra,” he replied evenly, desperately keeping the pink flush from his face. “Just tired. From... climbing. The building was quite tall.”

          “Quite,” she deadpanned, with a pointed look at Joseph. The big idiot turned away, unsuccessfully hiding a smirk. I’m going to kill him. Before his mother and grandmother and God, I’m going to kill him.

          “Why didn’t you tell us where you went, JoJo?” complained Smokey plaintively. “You could’ve called at the very least, we waited here for hours!” 

          “Didn’t check my watch.” Joseph shrugged. “Time flies when you’re having fun.”

          Any retort by Smokey was interrupted by Suzie bursting out of the bathroom and squealing as soon as she spotted Joseph. “There you are, silly goose!” she exclaimed, running up to him. “You’ve worried everyone sick all day!”

          Caesar was struck by an unexpectedly ugly wave of jealousy. I saw him first puttanna. Nobody gets to give him shit and call him names except for me. 

          Joseph immediately leaned in and laid a hand on Suzie’s shoulder, muttering quietly. “Hey, can we talk for a second?” 

          She blinked slowly. “Sure, what’s up?”

          After watching the two of them go into a guest bedroom off the hall and close the door, Caesar excused himself to the bathroom. The blonde finished up and washed his hands, inspecting himself in the mirror. He looked a little tired, but otherwise didn't appear to have spent the day getting banged like a barn door in a hurricane. Pulling off his soft grey scarf revealed more damning evidence: a line of purple hickeys along his neck. Caesar knew he had a collection of similar marks that ran under his shirt, over his chest, down his belly and across his hips. The worst ones were lower, between his thighs, bruises standing out nearly black against the creamy flesh. He turned his head from side to side, admiring Joseph’s handiwork. Idiota. No control. The blonde covered himself back up and stepped out of the bathroom. 

          Caesar entered the living room just in time to see Suzie burst out of the guest bedroom in tears. She went running down the hallway and out onto the balcony, slamming the door, as Joseph walked out behind her with a puzzled expression. The blonde stalked up to him and jabbed an accusatory finger into his chest. “Stronzo, what did you say to her?”

          Joseph shrugged. “Uh, nothing too bad I thought…” 

          Caesar backhanded him across the cheek. “You never think!” Ignoring the shocked looks from the others, he grabbed the brunette by the collar and dragged him to the balcony doors. “Stay right here. I’ll bring you out when she’s ready to see your stupid face again.” 

          Caesar opened the door and stepped out onto the balcony, where Suzie was sobbing into her hands. He sat across from the little woman. “Suzie, listen to me,” he began softly in Italian, “Tell me exactly what JoJo said to you.”

          “Caesar,” she cried, looking up at him through tearful eyes, “he was so mean!” He fished a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her. Sniffling and dabbing at her eyes, Suzie continued. “He said he’s leaving me! We got married two weeks ago and now he’s leaving me! He called me a ‘rebound’, what does that mean?”

          Caesar sighed and rolled his eyes. A prime display of that classic Joestar tact. “He’s just a stupid asshole and doesn’t know how to approach delicate subjects,” he said gently. “He didn’t mean to be so rude. A ‘rebound’ is an English word for someone that you sleep with in order to get over an intense relationship.”

          “But,” she sniffed, “I don’t think he’s had a relationship! Why is he dumping me?”

          “It’s not your fault. He’s in love with someone else.”

          “Who? Who is she?” Suzie threw up her hands. “JoJo doesn’t know any other girls!”

          Caesar took a deep breath and looked into her confused, tearful eyes. “It’s me,” he murmured. “We’re in love.” It was simultaneously liberating and terrifying to say out loud.

          “Oh? Oh. Ohh.” Suzie tapped herself on the chin. “Oh, yeah, okay that makes sense. He was devastated when he thought you’d died. Of course I was sad too, but he was crying like a war widow.” A look of realization came sluggishly over her face. “That explains why he called me ‘Caesar’ a few times when we made love.”

          “Calling a girl by the wrong name in bed?” Caesar shook his head. “What a scoundrel. No shame.”

          “You know what, I really should have suspected something. He’s always been odd.” She leaned in with a conspiratorial whisper. “Did you know that one time I caught him wearing my stockings?” She threw up her hands in despair. “Seams burst, covered in runs, completely ruined!”

          Caesar was treated to a strong image of Joseph laid out on his back, long legs covered in soft silk, thick slick thighs bracketing his head. Merda, I’m making him buy stockings. I wonder if they make heels big enough. “Don’t worry Suzie, your undergarments are safe now.”

          “But Caesar,” she said, eyeing him scandalously, “I never knew you swung that way. So that’s why you two disappeared all day! Did you fuck him? Ooh, did he fuck you?”

          “That really isn’t any of your business,” he grumbled.

          “That means yes, I knew it! Ouch. You must be sore then, he’s so big.” She patted him on the knee sympathetically. “I was talking with Erina and Lisa Lisa, apparently it runs in the family.” 

          This is the strangest conversation I’ve ever had. “Suzie I know this is a bit of a shock, but we really didn’t mean to hurt you. Joseph doesn’t want a divorce either, we’d like to propose a deal.” He looked at her seriously. “You’ll still be his wife, and enjoy all the benefits that come with having a rich husband. You’ll have all the clothes and jewelry and fine food you could ever want, and your own apartment. You’ll attend fancy parties and galas with the rest of the New York elite, you’ll be on his arm at every event, you just won’t live with him or sleep with him.” He shrugged. “Unless you really want to, I suppose. You are his wife.”

          Suzie thought for a moment. “Maybe, I do want kids. That’s kind of a relief though, JoJo is a terror in bed.” She wrinkled her prim little nose. “He’s just too much, it’s exhausting! One time he asked for it twice in one day! Twice! I told him Mister, you’re lucky I ever put up with that thing at all.” She eyed Caesar. “I have no idea why you’d want that.”

           Taste is relative. He chuckled. “I’m sure I’ll manage.”

          Suzie nodded. “That sounds like a good deal to me. If you want to put up with his bullshit for the rest of your life, he’s all yours. I only married him because he has a great body and like, a million dollars.”

          Of course you did. “I’m so glad to hear that. I’ll bring him out to apologize.” Caesar turned to the balcony door and switched back to English. “JOJO!” he shouted. “Get out here!”

          Joseph had obviously been listening at the keyhole, and came out immediately with a sheepish grin. “Hey Suzie, sorry for making you cry.”

          “It’s okay JoJo, you’re just a stupid asshole.” She smiled. “You’re going to buy me an apartment!”

          He blinked. “I am?” Caesar smacked him on the thigh. “Oh okay. Sure, I’ve always liked house hunting.”

          Caesar stood up and steered Joseph towards the door, back into the apartment. “I’m so glad we’ve gotten this sorted out. Now go spend time with your family, they went to your funeral today.”

          The trio walked back into the living room to another intense conversation. All eyes were on them immediately. “JoJo it’s not that I don’t approve of you and Caesar,” began Erina sternly, walking up to him with her hands on her hips, “but you can’t just break this poor girl’s heart!” 

          Joseph’s eyes got huge. “Granny, how did you know?”

          “I told them,” said Lisa Lisa coolly from the armchair. 

          The brunette whirled around to face her, turning pink. “How did YOU know?” 

          Lisa Lisa looked at him incredulously. “I spent an entire month watching the two of you make eyes at each other, you're not subtle.” She rolled her eyes. “You aren’t quiet either, the entire island heard you back in Italy. I’m sure the entire nation of Switzerland heard you at Saint Moritz. You would have to be a complete moron to miss all that.” Caesar blinked and glanced over at Suzie. 

          Joseph opened his mouth to retort when he was interrupted by Erina. “I don’t care what your history is or what your intentions are. JoJo, you can’t just make a commitment like marriage and then run off with someone else!”

          “It’s okay,” piped up Suzie. “We worked it out and Caesar can have him, I’ll just fuck him for kids. I was a rebound!”

          Speedwagon sighed and walked over to the bar to crack open a bottle of scotch. “I need a drink. Anyone else?” Every person in the room raised their hand. 


          Hours later, after polishing off the entire bottle, everyone was relaxed and content. “I know I told you boys to get along better,” chuckled Speedwagon, “but this isn’t really what I meant.” He held up his hands. “Not that there’s anything wrong with the two of you getting together, it’s just kind of unexpected. I mean Caesar, you had a different girl on your arm every night.”

          Caesar was currently snuggled against Joseph on the couch, practically in his lap, head resting on his broad shoulder. The brunette’s burly arm was slung around him, big warm hand resting on his hip. The blonde shrugged. “The girls were boring.” He ran a hand up the other man’s thick thigh. “He’s much more interesting.” 

          “Is cuz Caesar likes it in the ass!” slurred Suzie from where she was slumped in a chair. She raised her glass. “That’s where they were all day! Fucking!”

          Joseph turned pink and Caesar smacked his leg. “Look at that idiota, someone who’s worse than you at holding their liquor.”

          Erina sighed and rose to her feet. “I think it’s time everyone got to bed. She turned to Joseph. “Do you want your old room, JoJo?”

          “No,” snapped Lisa Lisa from across the room, glaring over her scotch. “Give him the room at the end of the hall, otherwise none of us will sleep again.” 

          Joseph laughed and turned to Caesar. “Shall we?”


          In bed and cozy under the blankets, Joseph slid his strong arms around Caesar to hold him firmly against his big warm body. He rubbed over his chest and kissed along the back of his neck, murmuring softly. “I love you so much, you stubborn bastard.”

          Caesar took the other man’s hand, his real one, and pressed it to his lips. “I love you too, you stupid asshole.”