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The Whimsy of Haruhi Suzumiya: Before Meeting Haruhi

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Once upon a time there was a guy named [classified information]. However, everyone just called him Kyon. He just wanted to have a normal life, free of any fantastic nuisances. but unfortunately, he lived in the magical world of Whimsica.

But one day, after reading an inspirational book, Kyon decided he wanted to become a professional rap battler and to defeat the rap master one day.

Therefore, Kyon made sure to attend a middle school that offered a rapping course.

Little did he know, the life of a rap battler was a very, very strange one.

Also, did I ever mention that in Whimsica, rap battlers had magical powers and their raps were like spells? But not Kyon.

Kyon didn’t seem to have any sort of power whatsoever. He was as normal as could be. Many kids his age had unlocked a bit of their own magic already. Some of his peers had already even fulfilled themselves.

To fulfill oneself means to triumph over an important obstacle or to have a similar meaningful moment. They then are able to unlock their magical transformation, complete with a special outfit and weapon. A person’s powers can grow more than tenfold in the state when they are transformed.

On Whimsica, the average age of fulfillment is sixteen years old. Kyon was only eleven and a half, so he was convinced in the back of his head that he had plenty of time.

To make up for his lack of any sort of magic powers, Kyon studied extra hard to get accepted into Bouken Academy, a prestigious academy for 6th graders and up. It was the only school around to offer a rap class. And if you think that’s weird, there was also a competitive eating class, a yodeling class, and a class all about creating big explosions. However, the explosions sometimes woke up the students who were having nap class.

Kyon’s new school was very extraordinary. It has seventy-five floors, a great number of rooms, and each one had a different genre and/or setting. Yes, that’s right, the rooms had genres. There was a medieval room, a steampunk room, a sci-fi room, a rainbow-cupcake-land room, a room that didn’t exist, and even a room where everything was backwards and students sat on the ceiling in order to learn.

All sorts of humanoids and creatures went to Bouken Academy.

Among all of them, Kyon was the most normal one of them all. He just didn’t fit in. Everyone thought he was weird, but he just thought they weren’t normal enough.

Even though Bouken Academy’s student body included vampires, talking cats, reptile people, fairies, capybaras, robots, teddy bunnies, flying pigs and even talking potatoes, Kyon personally thought that the strangest specimen in the entire school was the plain-looking human girl who sat next to him. Her name was Yuki Nagato.

Yuki Nagato was so quiet, that her sound level was in the negatives. The expression on her face was so blunt and expressionless, it could barely be called an “expression” at all. She also seemed to have no emotions. She could make a chair look like an emotional wreck just by standing next to it. Yuki Nagato could spend an entire day without looking up from her book, provided it was thick enough. Rumor has it that she read the entire “History and In-Depth Analysis of Physics and Intergalactic Astronomy: Extensive Edition” in one sitting without looking up even once. Most kids fell asleep after only reading the title alone. The book was much too thick to fit through any door, even vertically. So Yuki Nagato sat outside in the rain with a single giant umbrella shielding her and the immense, towering paperback behemoth. She apparently also once sat down and read the entire Terms and Conditions for when she installed her dictionary. And then she read the entire dictionary.

Kyon could remember how he first met Yuki. The memory also incidentally took place on the day Kyon’s life took a turn for the wacky.

Only one other friend from Kyon’s old elementary school was attending Bouken Academy. His name was Kunikida. The rest of Kyon’s elementary friends all went to a different middle school.

Kyon hoped that he would have Kunikida in at least some of his classes. However, since the school was such an enormous place, the two ended up having zero class periods in common.

Kyon felt defeated. This meant that he was going to have to make new friends if he wanted to survive. So the next day, in rap class, Kyon pushed himself to be sociable and talk to people. Maybe he’d start with the quiet-looking girl next to him who he literally didn’t even notice the day before. She was quietly reading a very intimidating-looking novel. She seemed very engrossed in it.

“Um... Hey! Whatcha reading?” Kyon forced a smile and said awkwardly.

The girl peeked up from the thick novel and eyed Kyon with a serious expression. She didn’t speak. Instead she lifted the book up to show Kyon the the cover. The book was titled “A Cosmic Odyssey.” Kyon could tell there was gonna be no pictures in it. There wasn’t even as much as a illustration on the cover. It looked like a very daunting read, especially for an eleven-year-old. The girl’s name was also written in sharpie on the bottom corner of the book. Yuki Nagato.

“Oh. I’ve never read that before. Is it any good?” Kyon replied, trying to hide discomfort. Was this conversation even going to go anywhere?

“Fascinating.” Yuki spoke in a quiet, flat voice and went right back to reading. Despite her answer, she didn’t seem very enthusiastic. However, she seemed very focused while she was reading the book.

“Uh, yeah.” Kyon said. “Any good parts?”

“All of it.” Yuki quickly turned the page of her book. Although quiet, the sound of the rustling paper was louder than her voice.

“Oh. That’s great. You sure like books, huh?” Kyon answered back with an awkward chuckle.

“Relatively.” She answered.

“Oh. Uh... yeah. Enjoy your book then!” Kyon smiled back at Yuki and dismissed the conversation.

There was silence from both of them.

“Yeah...” Kyon thought. “This girl totally lives in her own boring little world.”

From then on, Kyon couldn’t help but wonder why Yuki was so aloof. He also wondered why Yuki was even in rap class with him anyway. She was so quiet. She probably didn’t sign up for it, and was only thrown in there because there was extra space in Kyon’s class.

One day Kyon was walking down the hallway to synchronized swimming class, wondering what went on in Yuki’s head. He decided to make an improvised rap about her. No hurt in earning extra credit, right?

That Yuki, she’s so spooky,
She only looks at books.
Tell it to me, she’s so gloomy,
With her distant outlook.
How many pages does she read every day?
She probably knows more words than I could ever say.
But she never talks, so how could I know?
That’s the end of this rap, goodbye and YOLO!

“Yo, Kyon! You rap like a potato!”

The person who just spoke right then was Taniguchi, the most annoying kid in the whole school. He was also in Kyon’s rap class, and loved to annoy Kyon. Especially by improvising raps about him.

Kyon can’t rap, he makes me want to nap.
One day I’m gonna snap, and steal his favorite cap!

Taniguchi playfully snatched off Kyon’s favorite dinosaur hat and started running down the hallway.

“Hey! Don’t you dare run away with my dino cap!” Kyon yelled.

Kyon followed Taniguchi down the stairs. However, he didn’t even take two steps before he placed his foot wrong and began tumbling down the staircase!

Kyon thought it would be the end... until he felt a pair of arms catch him.

“Hey.” Said the mysterious person who caught Kyon in mid-air. “My name is Itsuki Koizumi. What’s yours?”