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How Midoriya Izuku Went Down In History As The World’s Biggest Idiot

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It was any other day at Mighty Moo, the most famous ice cream shop in Musutafu.

 

It was a meaningless, simple existence. Midoriya Izuku worked at Mighty Moo every Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday after his junior classes at Shiketsu University. The green-haired man served delicious, yet overpriced ice cream that came in colorful flavors. He sprinkled fresh, savory toppings and argued with his coworker, Kaminari Denki, about the fact they couldn't play Kaminari’s Death Metal music on the speakers because they couldn't have songs like Dark Shadow and King Explosion Murder playing in a freakin' ice cream shop.

 

It was just past two in the afternoon on that fateful Thursday. Izuku was bored as heck. He was wiping the counter for the nth time when he came in.

 

By he, Izuku meant “perfection in human form”. Naruto would have ditched Hinata and gone gay for him—if he wasn't already. You could never know with how obsessed he was with Sasuke. Ron Weasley would have looked at Harry Potter and said, “Merlin’s Beard! That lad looks absolutely smashing!”

 

Basically—gosh darn, he was hot.

 

He had a small smirk on his face as his striking ruby eyes looked around Mighty Moo’s colorful ice cream shop. He was wearing a university jacket, and beneath the school emblem Izuku read, ‘Baseball'. The green-haired Mighty Moo employee instantly noticed from the school emblem that he was studying at Yuuei, the bitter rival of Shiketsu, Izuku’s university—but Izuku was more than ready to wave a flag and surrender at the sight of him.

 

Izuku wanted to run his hand through the guy’s spiky, blonde hair. He wanted to feel what those cheekbones felt underneath his fingertips, and he wanted to see those light scatter of freckles on the bridge of his nose up close.

 

Izuku wanted to do a lot of things to the ridiculously sexy blonde guy, and he subsequently wanted the blonde to do a lot of things to him, many that the green-haired man couldn't possibly dare to say aloud. But the only thing Izuku ended up doing was letting out a high squeak right before he ducked behind the counter. He pulled his knees close to his chest. He looked around for his coworker.

 

Where is he?

 

"Kaminari-kun!" Izuku whispered urgently. Kaminari was a few feet away from Izuku, refilling the jar of chocolate chip toppings as he hummed some demonic tune he liked. Oh wait, never mind, it sounded vaguely like the Pokémon theme song.

 

Kaminari was also studying in Shiketsu, but he was a freshman, so by default, he was idiotic and below Izuku.

 

Kaminari still wasn't paying attention to Izuku, so the green-haired man pulled one of his red Jordans off his foot and chucked it at his blonde coworker. It hit him just below the knee. "Kaminari-kun!"

 

"What was that for, Midoriya?" Kaminari finally whispered back, turning his head back to look at Izuku, still holding the jar of chocolate chips and the spoon in his other hand.

 

For a long moment, they just stared at each other in heavy silence, before Izuku jerked a thumb over his shoulder. He motioned to the counter. "Please take the order, Kaminari-kun!"

 

"What? It's your turn at the counter—“

 

"Kaminari-kun!"

 

"I'm not—"

 

"Kaminari-kun!"

 

"Fine!"

 

Kaminari twisted the lid back onto the jar and set the spoon down. He headed to the counter, making sure to kick Izuku’s bulky, red shoe far away from the green-haired man’s reach on his way there. Kaminari stopped right beside Izuku and he cleared his throat before saying, "Good afternoon! Welcome to Mighty Moo. What'll you be having?"

 

The ridiculously sexy blonde guy paused for a second. "Ah... I’ll have a vanilla ice cream on a cup.”

 

Izuku sighed dreamily from his hiding place. Oh, what a voice.

 

"Sure," Kaminari said, automatically taking one cup from the stack. "What toppings would you like?"

 

"Hmmm…" The guy mused, and because Izuku was hiding behind the counter, he unfortunately couldn't see what the sexy blonde was doing. Izuku pictured him leaning over the glass box that displayed the row of toppings, his pale eyebrows crinkled in thought, an excited smirk on his face. Izuku heard him chuckle and his skin tingled. "To be honest, this is my first time here, so I'm not fucking sure what to choose."

 

Izuku sighed. How honest of him to admit that. You can be the toppings on my ice cream any day, the green-haired man thought, in that completely not-sexual-but-kinda way paired with a small moan.

 

Izuku’s raunchy little thought bubble burst when he felt the back of Kaminari’s sneaker jab his side. Izuku’s hand shot up to cover his mouth when it hit him—he had actually said that out loud.

 

Oh, dear God.

 

Fortunately, there were times when Kaminari was not-so-idiotic, so he quickly tried to cover up for Izuku by clearing his throat and forcing an easy laugh. ”Uh... did you hear that? I think a bird hit the window—oh, what was I saying? Uhm, don't worry about it, man—choose anything you like!”

 

Izuku waited for the guy to respond, but he took a while to answer. The green-haired employee spread his arms out and pressed himself as flat as he could against the counter.

 

Holy All Might.

 

He heard Izuku. The ridiculously sexy blonde guy heard Izuku. Oh, God. He heard Izuku. Any moment the blonde was going to set his hands on the counter and look down and—

 

"I'll have a scoop of banana, almonds, and caramel."

 

Izuku nearly slumped against the counter in relief when he realized that the blonde would see his legs if he did, so he kept his knees pressed against him. Izuku kept still as Kaminari finished the hot blonde’s order, got his money, gave him his change, and only got up when he heard the blonde leave.

 

Slowly, Izuku rose from his hiding spot and set his hands on the edge of the counter, peeking just above it to make sure the hot blonde wasn't there anymore. Unfortunately, there was a kid standing right in front of him, waiting for his order, but Izuku shooed him away in the hopes he could still see the guy's retreating back. But no, he was gone. Stupid kid.

 

"He's gone."

 

Izuku looked up at Kaminari. "I know. I was just checking, Kaminari-kun."

 

Kaminari rolled his eyes at Izuku, and any other time the green-haired man would have rolled his eyes back at him—but it wasn't any other time.

 

That day was when Izuku first met—or, well, saw—Mr. VICBAC.

 

Mr. Vanilla-Ice-Cream-Banana-Almonds-Caramel. (Now officially the hottest combination ever.)

 

And it was on that day that Izuku began his downward spiral of meaningless sex, alcoholism, violence, and... okay, not really. But it felt close to something like that.


Since Izuku was quite the observant person (or as Kaminari once said—borderline obsessive but don't mind him, remember, he's idiotic and below Izuku), it didn't take long for Izuku to figure out Mr. VICBAC’s schedule. He would come to Mighty Moo every Thursday at around three, order a vanilla ice cream on a cup with banana, almond, and caramel toppings, drop his change into their donation box, then leave.

 

The blonde always ordered it to go, but Izuku really hoped that he'd have his ice cream in the shop just so the green-haired man could see the way he ate it. Izuku’s a good boy. It's not that he got turned on at the sight of people inserting things into their mouth—REALLY, HE DIDN’T.

 

It was more like Izuku wanted to see... bits of Mr. VICBAC’s personality. There wasn't much the green-haired man could see or know about the blonde when he was hiding behind a counter whenever he dropped by, right?

 

Did Mr. VICBAC mix the ice cream and the toppings together before eating? Or did he take bits of the toppings one at a time? Did he take huge spoonfuls and stuff it in his mouth? Did he eat his ice cream slowly and suck the tip of the plastic spoon to savor every bit of the deliciously sweet taste?

 

Knowing the sexy blonde guy’s pattern, it didn't take long for Izuku to adjust his own. He would get to Mighty Moo at two after his classes like usual. He would take orders, clean up the tables, make funny faces at kids whenever they were looking over their parents' shoulders... But at exactly 2:57, Izuku would duck behind the counter as Kaminari got Mr. VICBAC’s order.

 

On a particular Thursday, Izuku was leaning against the counter as he did his accounting homework. His head was propped up against his hand. He was so engrossed in his cash flow statements that he didn't realize the time.

 

"Hey, Midoriya. It's 2:59," Kaminari whispered from beside him.

 

Izuku looked up at the clock frantically, his emerald eyes flicking to the door as he heard the chimes above it ring. The green-haired man grabbed his notebook and calculator and fled to the storeroom where they kept all the toppings and the ice cream machine. He pressed his back against the wall and closed his eyes as he heard the front door close.

 

Holy All Might. That was close.

 

Izuku turned around and it dawned on him that he wasn't leaning on a wall, but on a tinted window. He could see everything from the outside, but someone from the outside would just see a dark pane of glass.

 

In other words... a light bulb practically lit up on top of Izuku’s head.

 

Mr. VICBAC opened the door for a woman and her daughter—What a guy!— and on his way to the counter, his ruby eyes turned directly towards Izuku.

 

Izuku froze. "Holy frea—“

 

Fortunately, Izuku’s reflexes kicked in and he ducked, his breathing fast, his heart racing wildly. He closed his hand into a fist and beat it against his chest, hoping to calm his heart from exploding.

 

Wait.

 

It was a tinted window. What was Izuku thinking?

 

He told himself to relax. It wasn't like Mr. VICBAC saw him. It was just a coincidence. The hot blonde was probably just glancing at his reflection on the window. Hey, if Izuku was as half as good looking as the blonde was, he would too.

 

Izuku stayed where he was and tried to regain control of his breathing. The green-haired man then picked off a yellow banana from its bundle and was starting to peel it when Mr. VICBAC spoke.

 

"Oi, are you the only one working during this shift?" The hot blonde asked Kaminari.

 

Izuku’s hand froze in its place, his fingers still holding onto the tip of the banana peel. Why was the blonde asking? He took a bite of the banana and gulped it down.

 

He didn't see you, he didn't see you.

 

Slowly, Izuku turned around and got back to his feet so he could watch what was happening.

 

"What?" Kaminari asked. He quickly glanced Izuku’s way.

 

Kaminari paused for a bit...

 

A little bit longer…

 

Then laughed.

 

Izuku wanted to chuck the banana at Kaminari, but stopped himself because he knew it would compromise his position.

 

Kaminari turned back to Mr. VICBAC and shook his head. "Nope. It just looks like I'm the only one, but there's actually two of us on this shift."

 

"Huh," Mr. VICBAC said, nodding slowly as he looked around. He smirked. "I only really see you, so I thought they were cost-cutting or some shit."

 

Kaminari laughed some more because it was so very funny. "My coworker’s extremely lazy. He just plays Candy Crush in the backroom nearly eighty percent of the time."

 

That was it. Kaminari was definitely going to get a banana to the face when Izuku got out of the storeroom.

 

Luckily, Mr. VICBAC was smart enough not to believe the words of the idiotic freshman. He laughed though, his voice all low and gravelly and sexy, and Izuku really wished at that point that he could just shove Kaminari away and pretend that Mr. VICBAC was laughing at something he had just said.

 

The blonde ordered his usual order, but before paying he paused as he pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket. "Ah, shit. I'll just get this," he grumbled, as he stepped away from the counter.

 

Since the blonde had his back to the counter and was out of hearing distance, Izuku poked his head from the store room door. "Psst. Kaminari-kun."

 

Kaminari turned around just as he was about to sprinkle the toppings on the ice cream cup.

 

"What now, Midoriya?"

 

Izuku quickly motioned for his blonde coworker to come over. "Come here."

 

"Why—“

 

"Come here!"

 

"What if I don't wan— "

 

"Kaminari-kun!"

 

Kaminari sighed at Izuku in the ’you're-a-sad-excuse-of-a-human-being' kind of way and walked toward the store room. Izuku yanked him inside and grabbed the ice cream cup from his hand.

 

"What are you doing now?"

 

"I'm putting the toppings," Izuku muttered. The green-haired man pulled a fresh banana from its bundle and sliced it. He opened the jar of almond slices and caramel. He sprinkled each ingredient into the ice cream cup, ignoring the way Kaminari was raising his eyebrow at him.

 

"Uh... Midoriya? You're adding more than the assigned amount."

 

"I know that."

 

"They’re gonna take that out of your salary—“

 

"Thanks for stating the obvious, Kaminari-kun."

 

Kaminari sighed for the nth time that day and turned his head to look out the tinted window. "Hurry up, man. He's already there."

 

Izuku turned his head and looked over his shoulder just as he was sprinkling the last bits of almonds. Mr. VICBAC was leaning forward, looking side to side to find out where Kaminari was. Oh God, that confused look on his face was adorable.

 

Izuku wiped his hands on his apron and handed the ice cream cup back to Kaminari. "There."

 

Kaminari sighed at the green-haired man once more before leaving the store room. When he moved back to the counter, he managed to place a smile on his face. "Sorry about that. I just got fresher ingredients."

 

"Whatever," Mr. VICBAC grunted, handing Kaminari his money and when Kaminari handed him his order, Izuku noticed the way his ruby eyes widened just a bit. Butterflies bloomed in the green-haired man’s stomach just by watching the little ways the sexy blonde guy reacted to things. "The fuck? This is more than usual!"

 

"Yeah, uh," Kaminari said, glancing towards Izuku for a split second. "We accidentally ordered a bit too much toppings. We need to use a lot of our ingredients so... err, we don't have any leftovers."

 

"Heh. Really?" Mr. VICBAC grin was so wide. What straight, white teeth. And, holy broccoli, was that a dimple?

 

The sexy blonde guy glanced down at the ice cream cup and smirked smugly to himself. "I guess I'm lucky as fuck, then."

 

When Mr. VICBAC left, Izuku’s face was practically pressed flat against the storeroom window, his breathing fogging up the tinted glass.

 

He was turning Izuku into an obsessive stalker and he was making the green-haired employee lose money.

 

Be still, Izuku’s beating heart.


Even though Izuku was losing nearly two hundred yen a week due to all the toppings he lavished on Mr. VICBAC’s ice cream, he didn't really care. Maybe Izuku was obsessed. Maybe he was in love. He didn't know. But there’s one thing he was sure of: those excess toppings made the sexy blonde guy come back every week. If two hundred yen was the amount that needed to be sacrificed so he could see Mr. VICBAC every week, Izuku was more than ready to give it up.

 

Fortunately, as the weeks go by, Kaminari stopped telling Izuku that he was sad and needed to seek professional help. He didn't protest anymore and even went along with the green-haired man’s act. Kaminari made up different excuses just so he could go to the storeroom and let Izuku add his extra toppings.

 

"Oh, wait. I think a cockroach was lying on top of this a while ago. I'll change it."

 

"Uh... I'll get you a new ice cream. This one’s kinda sour. I know, I tasted it."

 

"Wait right here. I need to fart. I'll do it in the store room where, fortunately, no one is in right now."

 

It was any other Thursday and Izuku was adding the bananas to Mr. VICBAC’s ice cream when Kaminari yawned. He was leaning against the store room door as he checked his watch.

 

"Seriously, Midoriya. I don't see why you can't just go out and talk to the dude yourself."

 

Izuku rolled his eyes at Kaminari as he reached for the jar of almonds. He glanced at Mr. VICBAC. He was leaning against the counter, his striking ruby eyes reading through their overhead menu and occasionally stealing glances at the storeroom. It felt like Mr. VICBAC’s really staring at Izuku, and the green-haired man wanted to die. Why was Mr. VICBAC so handsome? It was unfair.

 

Izuku turned back to his semi-idiotic, still-below-him freshman coworker. "Uh, hello? The reason I stay here is because I can watch him without him knowing of my existence. Jeez, Kaminari-kun."

 

Kaminari raised an eyebrow as he handed Izuku the jar of almonds. "... What?”

 

Izuku rolled his eyes again and pointed at the window with the spoon he was holding. "Kaminari-kun. Tinted windows equals perfect hiding spot," Izuku explained slowly, like he was talking to a five year old. "I see him, he can't see me. Do I need to make myself clear—“

 

"Uh... Midoriya, those aren't tinted windows."

 

Izuku nearly dropped the jar of almonds he was holding. Luckily, he quickly realized that if he broke it, he’d have to pay for it. If he added that expense to the money he was already losing because of Mr. VICBAC’s extra toppings, he wouldn't be earning anything anymore. The green-haired man’s voice grew small and he felt himself growing smaller and smaller.

"... W-what?"

 

Kaminari looked at him like Izuku was the idiotic one. "Not all dark panes of glass are tinted, you know."

 

Kaminari paused as he let that little, insignificant detail sink into Izuku’s already liquidating mind.

 

"He can see you, just as much as you can see him."


Izuku stopped working at Mighty Moo on Thursdays.

 

He thought about quitting the job altogether, but he still needed the cash to buy... food... All Might merch... and stuff. You know, to try to keep his life going... but really, Izuku was too embarrassed to function.

 

Izuku kept replaying it over and over in his mind. How stupid he must have looked, how he hadn't even bothered to fix his bird’s nest of a hair, how he probably had broccoli stuck between his teeth that time he had a salad for lunch, how obsessed he must have looked with his face pressed against the glass as he stared at him.

 

Izuku knocked his fist against his head and tried to forget about it, but he couldn't.

 

Kaminari spent the next couple of weeks laughing at Izuku and sharing the story to fellow customers. Apparently, they all found it funny. Some punk kid wanted to make a Facebook fan page just for Izuku before the green-haired man threatened that if he did, instead of chocolate chips, he would sprinkle cat droppings from the grumpy, purple cat of Aizawa Shouta, Mighty Moo’s manager and resident cat lover. How Izuku was going to do that, the kid didn't need to know.

 

Izuku didn't know how long he had been wiping the yellow and blue counter top when Kaminari cleared his throat. "The paint's gonna come off if you keep on wiping that, Midoriya."

 

Izuku blinked before looking up at Kaminari. The green-haired man then looked down at what he had been wiping. "I swear I thought there was strawberry syrup here."

 

"Yeah, there was." Kaminari pushed himself off the counter he was leaning on and started fixing the stack of ice cream cones. "Ten minutes ago."

 

Izuku’s shoulders fell. "Oh."

 

Kaminari spoke again once he was done arranging the cones. "I need you to be here on Thursday night, Midoriya."

 

Izuku rolled his eyes exasperatedly at his blonde coworker. "You know I don't work here on Thursdays anymore, Kaminari-kun."

 

"Yeah, but there won't be anyone else in the shop."

 

"Why?" Izuku chucked the wet rag over his shoulder and into the sink. "What are you going to do on a Thursday night that's so special that you need to take a day off—"

 

"I'm going out on a date."

 

Izuku was in the middle of continuing his mumbling spree when he stopped mid-sentence. "… What?"

 

"I," Kaminari fixed a smug look on his face. He waggled his eyebrows and puffed his chest. "Have a date for Halloween."

 

Oh, so it was Halloween on—

 

Wait.

 

All Might’s pink tutu.

 

Kaminari Denki had a date for Halloween.

 

Kaminari.

 

KAMINARI.

 

The guy who didn't even like ice cream and yet still worked in an ice cream shop. The guy who thought it was a great idea to show up to work wearing a heart costume made of cardboard last Valentine’s Day. The costume was so ugly, it made Mighty Moo lose a week's revenue because no one wanted to step in the store. The guy who—ugh, that just proved it. Izuku was definitely living a very sad life.

 

Izuku gaped at his blonde coworker like a fish. "I... I..."

 

"It won't be that bad," Kaminari said, rolling his eyes at Izuku before walking over to the counter. The blonde kept his back to Izuku as he continued. "I'm sure something's gonna keep you entertained at some point."

 

Sure.

 

Maybe some kid would get an allergic reaction to nuts that Izuku knew he wasn't supposed to put, but because he was wallowing in misery, he would totally forgot... Oh man, Izuku was thinking morbid thoughts about kids. He was at a new low.


Kaminari and Izuku agreed that the green-haired man had to get to the shop at five, early enough for Kaminari to prepare for his date, and most importantly, late enough so Izuku wouldn't have to see... that guy.

 

Yeah, look how great Izuku was in moving on. He already forgot the sexy blonde gu—

 

Yeah. He’s lying.

 

Just as Izuku had expected, nearly every couple that entered Mighty Moo that evening had either just came from a movie or a Halloween party. Some were even wearing matching Halloween couple costumes!

 

For about thirty times that night, the green-haired man repeated the line their manager, Aizawa Shouta, told him to say to every person who entered the shop.

 

"Welcome to Mighty Moo! Happy Halloween! We have a special flavor just for today called Boolicious Treat. It’s filled with spine-chilling chocolate brownies, Kit Kat, Oreo cookies, M&M’s, and topped with Halloween sprinkles! Would you like to try it?"

 

Twenty-nine times out of thirty, people said yes. Izuku didn't get it. It wasn't even that great.

 

Okay, so it tasted really, really, really good... but come on. A little originality on Halloween, people? They didn’t have to order the Halloween special. Mighty Moo got about forty different toppings they could choose from. Jeez.

 

It was nearing eleven and Izuku was just about ready to close up shop. No one had ordered anything for the past ten minutes, so he took the time to do his accounting homework. The green-haired man was in the middle of taking care of his merchandise inventory when he heard the chimes above the door ring. Darn it, he was almost done.

 

"Welcome to Mighty Moo," Izuku droned, a strained smile plastered on his face as he finished the rest of his inventory adjusting. If Aizawa was there, he would have scolded Izuku for being inattentive—but what the heck. He was stuck in the shop on Halloween evening. His emerald eyes were zeroed in a couple sharing one large Halloween special ice cream with those googley-couple eyes as they fed each other cavity-inducing chocolate.

 

Nope, he wasn’t being bitter.

 

"Happy Halloween," Izuku began. "We have a special flavor just for today called Boolicious Treat. It’s filled with spine-chilling chocolate brownies, Kit Kat, Oreo cookies, M&M’s, and topped with Halloween sprinkles! Would you like to try it?"

 

"Nah. I'll just have a vanilla ice cream on a cup."

 

Finally, someone sane enough not to order the Halloween special flavor aka Diabetes in a Cup.

 

"Okay then, sir. What toppings would you—“

 

"I don't see you on Thursdays anymore."

 

Izuku’s pen stopped in the middle of his inventory shrinkage.

 

He stared down at his notebook, his emerald eyes wide.

 

He didn't dare to look up.

 

"You can be the toppings on my ice cream any fucking day."