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The Fuck You, Yoo Joonghyuk Club (not to be with the confused with the Fuck Yoo Joonghyuk Club)

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Sun Wukong throws amazing costume parties. It's a fact of life, like Uriel being a fangirl, Kim Dokja always finding a way to end up in the hospital, or Yoo Joonghyuk being a smug asshole. And since he has his own house, curtesy of his parent, he tries to enforce rules on who is and isn’t allowed at those parties. So, when he throws an open house, he’s expecting a few people he doesn't like to show up (he conveniently doesn’t acknowledge that that is everyone who isn’t Kim Dokja) and a few people he hates (Yoo Joonghyuk that smug fuck). Then there are people he wouldn’t expect in a million years.

“Why are you wearing a towel on your head?”

“It’s a veil.”

“Bullshit, its black. What, are you supposed to be a really shitty bride?”

It really is a shitty costume. The bastard literally threw on a black towel with holes in it and called it a day. SP (and what the fuck is with that? His brother’s name is Joonghyuk, neither syllable starts with an S or a P. Who the hell let this prick decide his own nickname) wasn’t even wearing nice clothes either, it was just his usual outfit, right down to the stupid fingerless gloves. This is a costume party and SP obviously isn’t giving a fuck to basic costume etiquette, so why the hell was-

“SP! You’re here!” Oh yeah, him.

Kim Dokja launches himself onto SP’s back and tries to wrap his legs around his waist. Sun Wukong sees SP’s towel twitch as his hands grab the other’s thighs and settles them on his hips. Kim Dokja giggles as he lifts the towel and joins SP underneath. One of his wings get caught underneath and his little red horns find a way to poke out. They look like a mutant Siamese twin under the rag. It’s disgusting.

“SP. SP SP SP SPSPSPSPSPSP!” Sun Wukong hears him whisper. “You have to hide me. Joonghyuk’s haaaaaangry at me.”

“Hangry?” What does hangry mean?

“It’s haaaaaangry, SP. Hungry-angry.”

“Why is Joonghyuk-ah hangry at you?” SP asks.

“Because I won’t let him eat me. I’m his boyfriend, not a ‘snack’!”

Kim Dokja is the boniest snack Sun Wukong has ever seen. Sun Wukong wants to eat him. SP wants to eat him. Hell, half his friend group has wanted to eat him at some point (except Uriel, but Uriel is an exception to most thing).

The very drunk Kim Dokja starts sliding sideways off SP back. Only the hands on his thighs stop him from hitting the floor. He gives a slow blink at Sun Wukong before breaking out into another big grin. “Heeeeeeey! Great Sage!”

Fuck, not the eyes! “Hey maknae-ya. Having fun?”

Kim Dokja nods his head vigorously. Unfortunately, this seems to be the final straw. He goes green and raises a hand to his mouth. SP must see something on Sun Wukong’s face because he immediately let’s go of Kim Dokja’s legs and dumps him into an empty chair.

“Maknae-ya, I’m gonna get you some water and food. Are you gonna be all right by yourself?”

SP give Kim Dokja his towel and Kim Dokja presses it to his mouth while giving Sun Wukong a tiny nod. Sun Wukong flashes him his most charming smile and grabs SP by the collar. He drags his uninvited guest out of the living room and into the kitchen, weaving between drunk students along the way.

SP finally manages to break free as Sun Wukong grabs a cup. “What?!”

“I’m not leaving you alone with him.” Sun Wukong hisses as he fills the cup.

“You’re not his boyfriend!” SP hisses back

“Neither are you. I guess we both have to suffer.”

SP scoffs and grabs some bread before walking out of the kitchen. Sun Wukong shuts the tap and runs after him, ignoring the twittering girls in the corner. When he gets back to the living room he sees a scene that shouldn’t be as familiar as it is. Kim Dokja must have slid off the chair at some point, he was passed out on the ground, towel still covering his face. Someone had found chalk while they were gone and had drawn an outline around him. A few of the soberer party goers saw the lines and gave the towel over his face wide looks. A sexy nurse claps Sun Wukong on the shoulder as she walks by and congratulates him and throwing a party so great its killed someone. SP is about to shake his shoulders when Sun Wukong hears a familiar voice.

“Dokja? Dokja!”

Sun Wukong make’s eye contact with SP and in that moment Sun Wukong feels a connection that transcends any and all past infractions. At this moment, the two of them are united in the cause of fucking with Yoo Joonghyuk. SP scoops up Kim Dokja and bolts up the stairs. Sun Wukong whips out his phone and within twenty seconds he’s sent out a mass text declaring the party now open to first and second years. He slides the phone is back in his pocket as Yoo Joonghyuk kicks the door in.

“Joonghyuk-ssi, been a while.”

“Where is he.”

Sun Wukong clicks tongue and grabs the glass of water. “Rude. Who’s this ‘he’?”

“Don’t play dumb, I saw him run in here.”

“Maybe he got bored of you and decided he wanted a better boyfriend.”

Yoo Joonghyuk gives him a look of pity. That’s just not cool. So Sun Wukong does the mature thing and throws the water into his face and bolts. He makes it outside without being accosted while Yoo Joonghyuk is blinded and peers through the window. The other man is furiously running around his house, opening doors and interrogating the very drunk guests. Eventually he makes his way to the stairs and goes up. Sun Wukong is getting ready to jump back in when he hears someone calling from above.

Looking up, he sees SP crouched on the roof holding a bundle. He only has a second to process that before SP swings what Sun Wukong can only assume is Kim Dokja over the side. SP is on his stomach at this point, slowly trying to lower Kim Dokja to the ground. Sun Wukong gets a flash of adrenaline and runs underneath with open arms. There’s a BANG and then Yoo Joonghyuk is looking out the window at his brother. SP doesn’t waste any time and drops the bundle before throwing himself off the roof. Sun Wukong cataches the blankets with little effort. Just what is Yoo Joonghyuk feeding Kim Dokja? He’s skinny but he shouldn’t be this light, its unhealthy. SP hits the ground with and roll and grabs Kim Dokja from Sun Wukong. He slings him over his shoulder and books it to his car. Kim Dokja is thrown into the back seat and he peels off down the street. Sun Wukong can only gape as he is essentially abandoned. Looking back up, all the blood drains from his face. Yoo Joonghyuk is staring down at him with murder in his eyes. Then he disappears back into the house.

Panicking, Sun Wukong tears his robes off and throws them onto a bush. He takes a running start and claws his way up the tree next to his house. He’s made it to the lowest branch when cars start pulling in and the front door burst open. Yoo Joonghyuk tries to exit but a flood of first years sweep past him and he’s pushed back into the house. Two minutes later he tries again only for a group of second years to pull up and repeat the process. This happens two more times before he gives up and crawls out the kitchen window. Sun Wukong watches as he sprints across the lawn and to his car only to find it boxed in. There’s a scream of rage before he takes off down the street on foot while pulling his phone out. His yelling can be heard long after he rounds the corner and disappears.

It’s enough for Sun Wukong to break and start cackling. He holds onto the trunk of the trees as he bends over laughing into his hand. When his phone goes off a minute later he’s still giggling. “This is the Great Sage the Equal of Heaven.”

“Is he gone?”

Sun Wukong bursts into another fit of cackles. “H-his car’s boxed in soooo he’s chasing after you on fo-foot, you can pffffrobably drive back and he wouldn’ nononoooootic-.” Its too much, he can’t finish the sentence before he’s lying on the branch and trying not to drop his phone or fall off.

There a pause before SP responds, his smug smirk almost audible through the phone. “…I parked around the corner.”

Sun Wukong’s sure someone in the house thinks he’s being murdered as he howls into the branch. There a rustle on the other side of the line and SP starts laughing as well. Soon, Sun Wukong is crying from laughter, and he’s pretty sure SP is as well if the hiccups he hears is anything to go by. Sun Wukong sighs when he finally calms down.

“Hey, monkey.”

“What?”

“Check on Dokja while I walk back.”

“What?” Sun Wukong sits up in surprise. He’s about to ask what SP’s talking about when it hits him. “You sneaky fucker.”

“Just make sure he hasn’t drowned himself in the tub somehow.”

“I got it, I got it.”

There’s a dial tone as SP hangs up on him. Sun Wukong climbs up and crawls across another branch until he can drop onto the roof. He slides across the tiles for a terrifying moment but manages to skid to a stop. Breathing heavily, he crab walks to the window and brushes his feet off before crawling in. He opens the door to his bathroom and has to shove a fist into his mouth. Kim Dokja is completely wrapped in towels, only is face is exposed, and sleeping peacefully in Sun Wukong’s bathtub. Holding back laughter, he picks him up and transfers him to the bed. Unwrapping him is a process, he’s only figured out how to untangle the first layer when he hears foot steps. Sun Wukong sprints across the room and braces his back against the door.

“It’s me.” A familiar voice calls.

“Prove it.”

“In first year you were almost suspended for leaving fish heads-“

“Okay! I’m convinced.”

He backs away and shoots SP a dirty look as he walks in. SP ignores him and makes a beeline for the bed. He does something and Kim Dokja is unwrapped and under the covers. SP lies next to him on the bed and closes his eyes. Sun Wukong narrows his eyes and throws himself between him and Kim Dokja. SP’s eyes snap open and he punches Sun Wukong in the gut. While he’s doubled over in pain, SP climbs over him and kicks him off the bed. Sun Wukong’s hand snaps out and grabs SP’s foot as he falls off, dragging him away from Kim Dokja. The two of them are trying to shove, punch, kick, and drag the other off the bed when SP’s phone goes off.

He kicks Sun Wukong away and swipes his screen. “What.”

Sun Wukong manages to drag himself back onto the bed in time to see SP flinch as whoever it was started screaming. SP hangs up. The phone buzzes again and he winds his up to throw when Sun Wukong gets a great idea. He snatches the phone from his hand opens the contact list.

“What are y-”

“Shut up, this is gonna be great.”

He finds ‘idiot brother’ and clicks message. Reaching out, he grabs the back of SP’s hair and manhandles him into position. Once he’s satisfied with what he sees he says, “cheese” and snaps a selfie and hits send. It's a perfect photo. Both SP and himself have their cheeks pressed against Kim Dokja’s, sandwiching his face between theirs. Kim Dokja’s shirt is slightly unbuttoned exposing part of his chest and his sweaty hair and red faced only makes the situation more dubious. The pièce de résistance is the shit eating grin on Sun Wukong’s face and the sinister gleam in SP’s eyes.

The phone immediately starts buzzing angrily. SP grabs it back and chucks into the open closet. The two of them start laughing again and Sun Wukong reaches across Kim Dokja to shove SP. SP shoves back and the two are soon play fighting around Kim Dokja.

“What are you doing?”

Sun Wukong freezes. SP is kneeling across Kim Dokja, hands on Sun Wukong’s shoulders pining him against the bed. Sun Wukong has one hand gripping a wrist and the other is pushing against SP’s cheek. Kim Dokja blinks at them for a moment. Then his stomach grumbles.

“I’m hungry. Is anyone else hungry?”

When Yoo Joonghyuk kicks the door down twenty minutes later, the three of them are long gone and enjoying pizza.