Actions

Work Header

dearest love

Work Text:

1997 grievously set apart the dream couple of the J-Rock industry. It's formidable to put the blame completely on Yasunori Sakurazawa-- or as we know him as just Sakura, considering he was ratted out after all. 

Just left a bad taste in everyone's mouths-- they were already dropped open as is, from the sheer shock that he was abusing drugs. Some speculate that Sakura's exposure and arrest was a set up by the company, who clearly were perturbed by his alleged relationship with Hyde. Some agree-- he himself included in that demographic-- that he needed to be ratted out or he wouldn’t otherwise of been able to properly focus on rehabilitation and intervention. 

Nobody ever came to terms with how Hyde took it, though he did fight to the death to keep Sakura there. In actuality, it was him and Ken against the persistent Tetsu; who's only motive was to keep his band together as professionally and briskly as he could muster. There was no choice but to find a quick replacement, and Hyde was unable to see Tetsu the same following Sakura's departure. Besides, he wasn't offered any sort of consolation, he sat in solitude. He was infuriated, hurt, forsaken-- heartbroken, mostly. The words "the show must go on" bit him like a venomous snake, sucking the life out of his body and robbing his well deserved time of healing from him, without haste and leaving him rendered powerless.

It's not like he was mean to Yukihiro, in fact he's like family--the group knew him from the rock scene, he was a pretty chill guy to be around. But he wasn't Hyde's rock, nor best friend and would ever be in either caliber, frankly. Being the compassionate person he is, he clung to Yukihiro to ensure he felt comfortable and welcome, even. Doesn't take away from the fact that Hyde was still behind closed doors pouring himself out in forms of letters, anxiously awaiting Sakura's replies while he served his time. All while that was going on, he was having to cope with the loss of a beautiful fellowship between the group. Tetsu had grown quite nonchalant and aloof, Ken's attempts to lighten the mood failed most of the time. It always made it seem like Hyde was the one overdoing it because of how mum they were during rehearsal. He yearned for the frolic and banter that they'd once all played off each other. Sure, they had their moments, but nothing came close to what had been.

Inevitably there's came a time when Hyde had an epiphany-- it was time to move on. Even after Sakura's treatment and release from jail, he decided to take him in for a while to watch over him and make sure he was still on the straight and narrow, wasn't tempted and subsequently relapsing.  But after a few months, it all had come to a halting stop, as they both watched their affection for each other crumble and scatter into a million pieces, trying to pick them up resembled trying to collect glass shards without injury. The remorse from the newly heightened fame struck him, though-- he was well aware that Sakura wasn't keen on fame, but for some reason, to have it to quickly after he left, he oddly felt malcontented without him being there to share the splendor.

Sakura moved on shortly after with a mental shrug. Life goes on, even if they were each other's first love. That’s not to say his qualms didn’t get the best of him. In retrospect, they were evolving as people, serving as the preface to the evolution of their relationship. Opening up more, trying not to put on a facade, just.. being authentically themselves. He kicked himself for not just taking Hyde's help to sober up and instead creating an alibi that he'd do it on his own accord, when he knew that was seldom going to happen. Both were aware that despite his persistence, Sakura found his solace in trying with every fiber in his being to hold onto their relationship. And Hyde penned a few songs to express his freshly battered heart, one of which became what we know now as the heart-wrenching "forbidden lover".

Hyde kickstarted his solo career a few years later, that's when Sakura snuck into his psyche again, as he penned the song "Shallow Sleep" with his first lover in mind. He'd never admitted what the meaning behind the lyrics was, but it was beyond question. Much like he did with recording "forbidden lover", he bawled like a baby while recording-- that was raw emotion stitched into his voice, his thoughts of the raven-haired drummer were frequented enough to leave him agonizingly pouring out in seemingly soft lyrics. All of the repressed emotions had surfaced, and he truly found himself wishing that everything had worked out and his efforts had been benefitted.  He wouldn't be long away from his idealism manifesting into a reality.

Oddly enough, Tetsu was the one that brought them back together. 

He'd invited Sakura to do a gig with them-- just for old times' sake. Hyde being ignorant to the fact, showed up and didn't realize what the evening would bring, considering he was just aware of the band, not the members. Tetsu had simply mentioned them all jamming with some band, but failed to disclose who exactly.. not only because of his habit of brevity, but for the singer’s surprise. Hyde wanted to get out the house, so he naturally obliged.

When the occasion had arrived where they’d cross paths for the evening, it was almost as if the world had come to a screeching halt—they had tunnel vision, it would appear.

They just stood in solitude, Hyde dropped the bag he was carrying, lackadaisical to the contents spilling on the floor in a frenzy. There they stood, tuning everything out while staring at each other as if blinking would cause them both to disappear.

Sakura had aged a bit. Hell, he was no spring chicken anymore, but nonetheless still strikingly stunning and as vibrant as the moon shining at full. Crows feet and wrinkles still had yet to etch into his supple skin, and Hyde was tickled by how much the drummer was beginning to favor his father. His hair fell past his chest, stomach slightly protruding in an endearing sort of way, and again, there wasn't a whole lot of visible aging, but his face was starting to round out. The singer was still mesmerized, nonetheless. 

The eternally gorgeous Hyde had aged gracefully, not yet sagging or wrinkling, but for lack of a better word, gorgeous. Still limber and slightly frail looking. His hair tasted the color auburn, the color growing out shyly from his roots. His features looked to be the same, those giant, deep-set eyes, plump lips, perfect button nose. Sakura was intimidated, perhaps because he wished he'd aged like that, or that he didn't persuade Hyde to stick around with more persistence some years back so he could indulge in the manifestation that was the maturity of this glorious figure that was in front of him.

They stuttered, struggling to scavenge words to break the ice, ice that was seemingly so vastly hardened from the past odd-number of years they’d be separated. Exchanging shy glances, and their cheeks even burned. They would appear to be that of a resemblance to a pair of pre-schoolers experiencing their first mutual crush. Hyde timidly held his arm and looked to the side, giggling when their eyes would meet-- Sakura’s mouth remained ajar from the state of awe.

Sakura fell in love with every move Hyde made, heart falling into his stomach when the little man opened his mouth to utter a few nervously sloppy words. His voice hasn't changed— always so chipper and melodic, mannerisms seemed more endearing than ever— what had aged on this man, exactly? 

Eventually, they came to their senses and began chattering about their families, and where they lived, stuff that people in their thirties yap on about. Sakura couldn't meet Hyde's eyes-- which was.. rather au courant, as he never had a problem with doing that in their youth. Perhaps it was because Sakura realized once more that his ex was the poster child for the fountain of youth. And with age delivered maturity and class, he felt inferior to him in some shape or form.

The singer had ascertained that Sakura hadn't been in a relationship since they broke up. Sakura found out the same thing. Of course, it was tempting when there was that striking model Hyde crushed on for a while. He never gained the courage to pursue her seriously, even with resources to do so properly. He'd adopted a mantra that if someone wasn't meant to be in his life, there would be no point of pursuing the issue at stake with persistence. Though, he did wonder how someone as devilishly handsome as the drummer had managed to stay on the market for so long without persuit.

They were plucked out of their Daisy-Gatsby reunion moment forcefully when time came for them to perform. By that time, both would agree that they'd really give a damn about the performance at this point. And it seemed that way on stage, evident with how Sakura couldn't keep his eyes off the limber and unreservedly youthful Hyde. Nothing had transposed, he was simply glowing. A true performer as he was years back, status now untouchable with his current iconicism. Without mention, Hyde himself snuck a few glances when he could and indulged in walking over to the drums and singing the lyrics to the raven-haired, which nearly threw him into cardiac arrest, he was so taken aback by the singer’s beauty once again.

Sakura knew that if he didn't muster up the courage to ask Hyde for his number, he'd probably not see him for another ten years. By that time, he could be some foreigner's husband or be shacked up with some younger guy as he settles. He didn't want to take that chance, and Hyde looked at him like he had asked the most obtuse question known to mankind. Instead of a sarcastic comment, he feverishly whipped out his phone to eagerly punch in the digits, which without doubt left the drummer in shock. Not that he'd say no in the first place, but the fact that there were no hard feelings after all these years. He'd figured it was one-sided and Hyde was still displeasured with how their break-up came about, even if it was a mutual agreement.

He became even more jarred upon Hyde blowing up his phone just an hour later, asking if they could grab a bite to eat later in the week. It had thrown the drummer for a loop. Surely, Hyde would've been more discreet and tried to play it off. At least, that was the Hyde he knew. He obliged in the invitation, and soon they were macking up at some hole-in-the-wall curry place down the street from an old abandoned building-turned grocery store they used to smoke in when they were younger.

If anything, age had settled them into a happy medium, an amalgam of childish and profoundly intellectual. Quite the contradiction, but it works. They’d laughed and even gotten lost in each other’s eyes for a few seconds once the laughter settled, searching for the gaze they’d fallen in love with from each other.

They'd gotten sick of the taste of spice on their tongues and headed out into town to seek some alcohol to get a bit dirty with and cleanse their palates. By the second round, they were already brimming with arousal. The walls of shyness had crumbled and they were soon sharing their bodies once again after eight, solitude-filled, mind-wrenching years. Fuck, that Tetsuya, he's so clever with his mind constantly pushing him to create brilliant situations. His foreseeing never fails. But he definitely couldn't foresee the way Sakura still knew Hyde's body, every move was matched, still keen to his Hyde's favorite method of being opened up, he knew right when to climax, right when to allow himself deeper. They were in perfect sync, as if picking up where they'd left off. Hyde was still so heavenly when being made love to, begging and tugging, whining until his every need was met. Beseeching to be filled up until a mess of Sakura's come painted strokes on his supple skin. This solidified things-- within a few days, they were dating again. Hyde knew he'd never get fucked like that again.

It didn't take long for Sakura to become completely whipped for the singer again. Hyde's never been one to be keen on phone calls, but the drummer made it his personal vendetta to call Hyde ever chance he got, to the point that the singer made his playful annoyance public and allowed no discretion by allowing the general public in the know about how many calls he was receiving by the group's ex member.

Shortly after The Great Sakurathon of 2004, they'd moved into a house outside the city together in a reticent, peaceful area. It's almost as if they could taste the domesticality upon arrival; no doubt that Sakura's whiff became a bit more pungent than his short companion's, as he proposed to him on his birthday the following year. 

Hyde cried for three days following the sudden engagement.

That was four years ago, and the couple have yet to tie the knot, in no rush to jump the broom considering they're contented with the fact that they're  least committed. They've always been aware that they're soulmates, so there's room for delay when they're secure in their relationship. 

For now, Sakura is preoccupied with his three bands he belongs to, and his fiancé's not really doing shit as always, but as of this moment, he's violently ill.

"I think you need to go to the doctor."

Hyde groans. He's been sick off and on for about two months now-- it's always a combo of a fever, chills, and vomiting. Sounds like your run of the mill food poisoning or influenza, but for it to be prolonged, the prognosis can't be either of those.  Sakura’s got him drinking electrolyte beverages and eating nothing but vegetables, soda crackers, and club soda in hopes of providing some comfort to his angered digestive system. Because of his great deal of concern, he’s done pervasive research on his boyfriend’s condition, but all he’s come up with is “food-borne illness. But Hyde, always falling victim to his stubbornness, has found it a challenge to get up and check it all out. Besides, he's not a fan of machines and blindingly bright rooms, which is exactly why he's strayed away. 

“I think I should cut meat out of my diet or something, that’s probably what’s messing me up. There’s that vegetarian fad going on right now, right?”

Sakura blinks a few times, sometimes Hyde’s hardheadedness often leaves him feeling completely powerless, which sounds odd, considering his persistent and nonchalant demeanor. “Nooo, I think you should just go. I would go with you, but I’ve missed too many practices this week.” He stretches his head through the neck of his shirt, then smooths the fabric over himself, “Please promise me you’ll go.” He turns to face the little man on the comforter, who just stares off at the wall in annoyance as his reply.

“…Hide.”

Said Hide sucks in a breath and a wave of nausea nearly knocks the consciousness out of him. “Okay, fine, I’ll go.” He sighs and collapses on the pillows beneath his body, which leaves him to nearly gag. He closes his eyes and swallows, the faint scent of Sakura’s soap washing over him gingerly as the drummer places a small peck to his full lips. Hyde moans a little into the kiss, his arm reaching to take the back of Sakura’s head to deepen the kiss a little. 

“See you when I get back.” The younger breaks the kiss, then squeezes Hyde’s hand weakly before shoving his hands in his pockets and heading out the bedroom door, leaving Hyde to his detriment of being seriously ill and bathing in the nausea he can’t seem to keep at bay.

He lets a few minutes pass after hearing their front door close, hand pressing itself to his stomach which carries nothing but a few soda crackers and water-- all he can really keep down. It’s not his fault he’s been getting so thin, and he’s notorious for his eating skills, so whatever is hindering him from being able to function normally even in his digestive system must be grave. 

“Ah,” Hyde sighs, “Maybe he’s right..” He sets his tongue between his teeth, then sits up placidly and proceeds to fish out something to put on that won’t bring too much attention to himself. He takes a glance in the mirror, nearly flinching when he makes sight of himself. “Jesus, Hideto.. what’s up with you?” He’s pale, nearly green. Evidently exasperated with the way his eyes have formed designer bags camping out beneath them. His once slightly succulent lips are broken and chapped..and he’s definitely visably decrepit and lethargic. At this point, his body is shouting at him to go seek medical help. Without any more delay, he releases a heavy, shaky sigh and heads out per his fiancé’s request.

“This was very last minute, Takarai-san, what seems to be the issue?” In actuality, it’s only noon, and this is a private practice, so Hyde could’ve gone without the snide comment from his primary care doctor. But alas, he must pry his lips open and push his offended thoughts to the back of his head to revisit later. 

“Well,” Hyde begins, even with a long-sleeve on, it’s still frigid as hell, and a sneeze creeps its way to and out his nose. “I’ve been sick for around two or so..months. Like, flu-like symptoms. Chills, sometimes a fever, but mostly I’ve been having to battle nausea. It’s excruciating, and I can’t keep down anything but crackers and water.. sometimes vegetables.” His eyes flutter about a dozen times out of habit, eyes following the tiles on the ceiling as he tries to recount all the information. 

The doctor crosses his arms and gawks intimidatingly at the singer, eyebrows knitting as he begins to ponder why Hyde has neglected his health for this long. Being his doctor for several years means that he’s well aware and more than used to the short man’s tendency to put his work before his health, even if his condition is grievous. 

“If it’s been going on this long, Takarai-san, I’m not sure it would be the flu. You’re still alive. If it was indeed the flu, you wouldn’t be alive..” His tone comes across as a bit patronizing, but everyone is privy to Hyde’s airheadedness. “Let’s do a few blood work tests and urine testing, and we’ll figure it out.”

Hyde nods, slightly bowing his head once assured. The young professional proceeds to gather all the samples he needs, and whisks off once completed, abandoning Hyde to begin the journey that is 10 minutes of debilitating and swallowing dark thoughts. Surely it’s nothing that serious, but knowing how much he’s wrecked his body with alcohol and cigarettes, he never knows..

Time seems to be dragging along at a glacial pace, Hyde’s ears fill with the rhythm of his heartbeat as his hands become clammy in apprehension. He drops his head between his extended legs and sighs, peering at the squeaky-clean linoleum floors while his eyes explore down there. 

Okay.” He’s startled by the doctor’s entrance, overcome with the bass in his voice; but is relieved that the process seems to have been expedited and in return sits up straight. “After doing some conducive testing from your urine sample, as well as some blood work, it actually turns out that you’re pregnant.”

This statement without a doubt, renders the thirty-nine year old speechless. Evident with how his mouth simply gapes open as if some sort of human fly-trap preying on its bait. His once neatly intertwined hands grip the table with such an encumbrance that his circulation might as well cut off and leave them cold and dead. There’s a burning sensation in his throat and his eyes stay stationary, wide and concerned. 

“Oh..”

“Eight weeks.. Let me know what you’ve decided on once you’re ready, and if you so choose, I’ll be taking care of you at my obstetrics office. ” The doctor nods confidently, then hands Hyde the test results and bows, leaving him to his own reaction of the news. And his reaction… well, it’s not that this isn’t good news— because he’s sure that he’ll come to accept and embrace it, just that the time is inconvenient and as a result, this is worrisome for him.

With L’Arc~en~Ciel’s new tour, L’7 Trans Asia Via Tour kicking off in just a few short months, it would be nothing short of a shame for him to show up and be waddling, all breathless and shit because he’s pregnant. Nobody wants to see that anyway. Who would pay to witness that when you could just watch Free Willy on demand for $2.99? 

No, but in all sincerity, the thought of having a child with someone he’s more than firm in saying is his soulmate, is a thought that frolics around in his mind much like one of those scenes in a 70s movie where they run through poppy fields. A baby, he thinks, and he’s not getting any younger. This time next year, he’ll be celebrating his fortieth birthday, he might as well just get ‘er done. But there’s a lot to think about, a headache of a lot to discuss, and that’s what’s causing his discontentment and unassuredness. 

He lays in the bed with his eyes exchanging glances with the chandelier, which sparkles back at him in a hazy iridescence. A hand greets his flat stomach as he sits numb. Just a short while ago, he emptied out his stomach contents in reaction to how dizzy he became by the thought of all the conversations that needed to be had. Would he even go through with this? There’s no way in hell he’d postpone the tour, but in a way, he needs break. He longs for the fantasy he’s always had, escaping off to Paris or Los Angeles and living out the rest of his life with Sakura at his side. But he knows, very tragically, that it won’t be an option to him for several years to come. Therefore, sitting here and having to endure the dizzying thoughts that storm into his brain like a hurricane is, simply put, his reality as of right now. For this moment, he’s trying his best to idealize realistic scenarios with each announcement he has to make— parents, the group, he freezes— Sakura. 

There’s no way of deciphering what the drummer’s reaction would be, but with everything in himself, he holds on to hope that news of carrying their child will deliver nothing but a radiant smile and state of being to him. Sakura has always talked about having a family, even adopting a kitten when Hyde’s taciturnity became nearly deafening. But he can’t be sure, he knows him to be the guy who harbors his true emotions within himself and that has a history of manifesting into improper coping, so he can’t dare be completely sure if he’ll just wake up one morning and up and go— but no, he’s so wrong. Sakura would never leave him, why would he? Yet again, he’s allowing the worst of his thoughts to get the best of him, but who can blame him? How is he supposed to react to all of this. He begins to salivate as the frenzied words rush through his head and cause lightheadedness.

He closes his eyes, a virus of anxiety spreading throughout his body, violently injecting a shakiness to course through him. He trepidates and holds onto a stuffed animal a fan had given him just a year or so prior with dear life, hoping that these dizzying thoughts will escape if he’d only fall into unconsciousness.

Sakura doesn’t get home until late, and Hyde can tell as he’s rudely awakened by the smell of burnt meat and a plethora of curse words coming from down the hall. He sits up on his elbow, and it dawns on him that he’s going to have to tell him. His heart begins to race, even after a few hours of deep sleep and relief from his daunting qualms, he’s having to relive it all over again. He raises from the bed, then shoves his feet into his slippers, proceeding to pad down the hallway to check up on his man. When he reaches the kitchen, he’s in complete shock as he sees the members of one of Sakura’s many groups sitting casually on their barstools. He waves, but makes his way over to the taller man to place a hand on his back. “Hey..we need to talk..”

Sakura’s distracted, he’s racking a sponge across the skillet in hopes of cutting the ash from bottom and continue cooking. “Uh-huh..” And Hyde doesn’t want to be pushy, but this is killing him, and he needs to tell Sakura, he’s not even sure what the perfect announcement is, but he at least needs to know that Sakura wants to hear what he has to say. Granted, he does have company, but they can also wait. “Okay, lay it on me, angel.”

“Can we go in the other room and talk?” 

Sakura looks up for a second, then over and down at the little naïve man, “I have company. Clearly you can see that, right? And I’m cooking.. I’m not trying to be an asshole, but can it wait?”

Hyde’s an amalgam of disgruntled and anxious, he inhales, annoyed, then walks out after grabbing a water bottle from a the case on the counter. His stomach is empty, but the way his body has been plateauing and climaxing all day, he’s not so sure that he wants to feed himself. Back in the bedroom, he’s frustrated. Sure, Sakura can have guests, but sometimes his tendency to act like he’s not a priority bugs him. More than another reason for them to have the baby, maybe he’ll start being a little less selfish and a little more selfless. The blatant baritone “no”s Hyde gets always irks him to his core. He turns on the TV and boredly switches through the channels. He yawns and settles back into the pillows and before he knows it, is off to sleep again, only to toss and turn in his dreams, battling what he knows to be is sheer fear eating him up and appearing in his dreams to spite him and leave him restless. 

Morning rolls around, and at this point, Hyde is under the impression that Sakura is actively ignoring, and his opinion won’t change until proven otherwise. He’s been trying to get Sakura’s attention for the better part of the morning.. “Honey, I have to tell you something~” doesn’t prove to work during breakfast. When Sakura’s shaving, a simple “Hey, we need to talk when you get the chance” doesn’t suffice either. And by the time it’s hit the 24 hour mark, Hyde’s fed up.

"Yachan.."

Sakura scurries around the front room, tearing up the desk tucked into the corner of the front room as he hurriedly scavenges for a pair of drumsticks and some papers he'd left there, but it's such a hoarding mess, he'll be rendered helpless in a second. He doesn't respond to Hyde again, and it's starting to frustrate the small man, considering the fact that it's been a day, and Sakura's still keen on not paying him any mind to whatever he has to say, and it can wait, surely.

"I have to go, let's talk later..." He retrieves the items and sticks them in his bag sloppily, then flees for the door. He slips on his shoes stupidly, one heel poking out of the sneaker lazily, the other with the ties slapping the hardwood as he takes a few steps down.

YachanI'm pregnant.

It's out. Maybe not the way he wanted to go about it, but at this rate, it's absolutely grueling him, and sleeping was a chore yesterday with it being so fresh on his mind and he's not willing to endure another night of freshly squeezed anxiety. Not to mention Sakura’s hardheadedness has never quite peaked like this before.

Sakura just turns. Maybe he didn't hear him right. "What did you say?" He knits his brows in his usual intimidating fashion, nose scrunched up. He watches Hyde shrink into himself, and the singer isn't scared of retaliation, but rather, maybe a little remorseful that this is how he's decided to break the news.

“Remember, you made me go to the doctor.. it's not my diet, let alone the flu, it's.. well, a baby." He begins to rub his arm and look off to the side in anguish. Oddly, his stomach begins to tie into a knot and a lump rises in his throat. He wants to…. cry? Sakura can sense that Hyde feels very vulnerable with the fact that he's not responding, so he manages to gather his thoughts rather quickly despite the fact that he’s unsure of the authenticity of his emotions. His mouth just stays open as he softens his expression. Disbelief encourages itself to dance around on his strong features.

"Oh my god.." Sakura blinks a few times, then nearly throws his bag across the room, startling the gently carved angel in front of him. "No way... are you serious?"

Hyde's eyes still don't meet Sakura's, as he himself is still in a state of disbelief, almost as if he's been told to carry some sort of burden on behalf of someone important. He stays still for a moment, jerked out of his solitude when Sakura hastily rushes over and steals his little arms in those lean, yet vigorous fingers. He watches as his fiancé sniffles, downturn lips sadly twitching as he stretches a somber smile onto them. The man with the space-black tresses curses himself, fuck he’s so pretty even when he’s crying. His eyes go glassy and his nose reddens, he becomes much like a Victorian painting, or something. “Yes..we’re going to have a baby..if you want, at least.”

Sakura stuffs a thick strand of hair behind his ear, “Of course I want to..!” He’s chokes out, overwhelmed in this moment, aloof to anything other than the tiny man who comes up to his chin. His gaze takes in Hyde’s body frantically as he tries to scope for any new changes. Nothing is apparent now, but he’s sure of what’s to come, and he knows it’s going to be the most breathtaking sight he’ll ever witness when it comes to Hyde. “You’re.. you’ve got…you’ve got..” Hyde doesn’t think he’s ever seen Sakura this giddy, “You’ve got our baby inside of you..”

“Yeah..” Hyde gloomily acknowledges, sliding his hands beneath Sakura to bring him into an embrace. In an instant, Sakura begins to feel hiccuping in his chest—Hyde’s bawling, and a small still voice in his head notifies him that it’s not..out of joy. He raises a hand to begin patting the small back, the warmth from Hyde’s body meshing into his own. 

“Hideto..” Sakura’s voice deadpans, screwing his face up as he tries to come to a conclusion as to why Hyde’s bawling out of control. “What’s up? Do you not want this baby, or something? Let’s talk..” He guides the inconsolable singer to their loveseat just adjacent to their legs. Once seated, Hyde is nearly beet red from the lack of oxygen.

“God, it’s not that...” Hyde’s voice is dripping wet, soaked, his nose is runny, and his lips have swelled from all the blood in his face from his sobbing. “I want the baby, just..” He wipes his nose, “The tour. If it was any other time…but, the tour.”

Ah.” It hasn’t even dawned on Sakura that yep, Hyde is going to be hauled around cross-country and internationally in a matter of months. What a pain it would be to be massive and having to entertain hundreds upon thousands in this condition. Everyone knows, just as Sakura knows, that with Hyde assuming the position as stubborn as a mule, it’s not going to work out in his favor. He sure as hell can’t foresee what Tetsu’s going to have to express about this entire thing, but from the looks of it and given his history, doesn’t appear too acclamatory. Naturally, he can discern Hyde’s debilitating qualms he’s most likely enduring right now. “What can you do? What are your options?”

“I would either have to cancel, which is the last thing I want to do, or.. just..show up.”

This is the only thing holding Hyde back. He’s sure his parents will be thrilled, his mother often calls to recount stories of him as a baby, he can be sure the only reason for that is due to the fact that she’s longing for a grandchild to bring her joy. He’s not sure why he stressed over Sakura’s reaction, as he looks to be over the moon with the news. However Tetsu is going to react is.. something he will just have to deal with when he gets to that bridge. It’s about the fans, more than anything. And his privacy, of course. Being pregnant and in the spotlight will guarantee a host of questions along with a rolodex of rumors, pushier fans, heightened security.. there’s nothing quite like the gyration of thoughts swimming within the crevices of his head.

“So show up..” Sakura shrugs. “You’re thirty-nine. They should be well aware that it’s long overdue that you’ve settled down. As long as you’re not pushing your physical limits, I don’t think it should be too bad. Fans have to put a halt to those fantasies one day, right?”

Hyde smirks for a second, just because he’s engaged and now expecting doesn’t guarantee that he’ll be freed from the hell that is fangirl fantasies. In all honesty, he’s a bit uneasy on account of, this’ll only add more gas the fire. His fingers lace through his stands as he sniffles damply. “Show up..like a surprise? I mean, this is a very big deal…right?”

“Of course it is. But you don’t want to cancel the tour, and it might be impossible to try to hide once you start showing, so..I guess that’s your only option as of right now. And if I can be frank, don’t let anybody fuck with you and tell you what to do about this. If there’s anything in your life that you have complete control over, it’s your body.”

The look Hyde gives Sakura is that of overwhelming gratitude. Sakura’s way of words is never sugar-coated, never squirted with hot fudge syrup, and no, there’s never a cherry on top. He’s blunt and has never created space for Hyde himself to make excuses for his lack of accountability nor has he condoned when Hyde has allowed people to walk all over him. Always at his side to aid him in his decision-making processes, or to hold him when he’s down but is able to guide him to get back up. In a moment like this, Hyde cannot fathom who else would be the perfect person to raise a child with. 

 

"You're what?"

Tetsu's not pleased with the news, for now at least. To him, Hyde is the star of his cast of actors known as his band. To even be settled in their careers and recently recognized as legends, he still doesn't want Hyde resting on his laurels, let alone be heavily pregnant while touring around the continent.

Hyde sputters, "It's not like I'm thrilled with the timing either. I just had to let you know before the tour begins." He sits back and allows Tetsu to gather his thoughts. He doesn't think he's seen the leader this frenzied since perhaps seeking a replacement for Sakura years back. Even still, he looks so manic and harried, his eyes keep growing more and more helpless; he mumbles and moves frantically on the loveseat as he ponders, and when he finally does meet Hyde's gaze, the singer jumps, on account of how neurotic he appears.

"Oh..kay..." He finally sighs out defeatedly.  "...How do you want to go about this?" He swallows and presses the pads of his fingers together, finally settled. The ball is really in Hyde's court, and they've never been the group to formally sit down and announce things, anyway. But they're older now, and with age inevitably comes responsibility, so there's no way around that without becoming scrutinized and destroyed by online forums and the media, but it’s not like they care about that, it’s more about the company.

"I thought I could just..show up." Hyde shrugs. He's given it a lot of thought, and wanting to just show up with a baby belly and singing his ass off seems like the right move from his point of view. "There's no point of me announcing it, it would interfere with ticket sales, thinking from a revenue standpoint. If I show up visibly pregnant, I don't think there will be repercussions."

"You don't even wanna consider announcing it?" Tetsu's brows knit beneath his frazzled fringe, his round eyes nearly burn through the singer's gentle ones as he tries to get a read on what he's going to reply with. Hyde has a degree in Airheadedness & Naivety, so one can only imagine the eye roll Tetsu wants to hand out, simply because Hyde is being a bit idealistic and maybe just a tad bit…reckless? 

The singer blinks. "I've been talking about it with Yasunori, and I’ve come to the best conclusion I think which would be to just kind of...talk about it during one of the MCs each night. Like a, 'in case you were wondering..' kind of thing." Hyde slicks a shoulder length auburn strand behind his perfect pixie ears, and he's got a small hopeful smile teasing his cheeks that leaves Tetsu's stomach churning since he doesn't want to be the bearer of bad news when his best friend is experiencing such a monumental event in his life.

But Tetsu isn't compelled to put up a fight, it's not like it's the worst idea ever. He's more concerned with having his precious singer not putting his best out simply because he'll be large and being rendered breathless because of a pregnancy. He kind of resents playing cupid right now, he needs Hyde to have a cohesive plan even when it boils down to his vocals being at their best, but it just sounds like Hyde is a bit apathetic about entire thing. Tetsu's clear responsibility is to make sure everything in the group is operating smoothly. This is no simple pothole he can just fix up smoothly, especially considering this isn't his mess, it's Hyde's.

But alas, Hyde is persistent per usual. If the ball is truly in his court, then Tetsu must respect the fact that he wants to go about it this way. Besides, he can tell that this is the only thing hindering Hyde from his otherwise beautiful news. He may be a bonafide notorious asshole, but nothing is worth shitting on a close friend’s monumental chapter in their life.

"Ah." Tetsu settles back into the cushions, "Well, if this is how you truly want to announce this, I can't stop you. It's your news, after all...but I mean, wouldn't you rather push the tour back and go on hiatus? You want everyone to know about this?"

Hyde's conflict of interest is undoubtedly that he's such a private person, but he's also not interested in hiding something that's going to become quite obvious, and he has no problem showing off something he and Sakura made together. Besides, it's not like he's going to allow anyone to see the baby when they're born, he'll just be pregnant Hyde, that's all. With that in mind, he still has an obligation to their fans to show up and put on a performance that'll leave a lasting memory.

"I'm content with my decision, I think. I've stressed about it so much, I've literally craved cigarettes for the first time in maybe seven years." He blanks, a forced chuckle pushed out of himself as his hands fumble. Tetsu doesn't want to further stress him out, he's aware that Hyde's emotions are already turbulent as is about this entire ordeal. Tours are such a priority for him, so this is a risk he's willing to take, and besides, they're at the age where they should be having children anyway, it had to be one of them. Subject change.

The bassist exhales deeply after nodding his head about a dozen times as he gives a final mental shrug. "Congrats. I'm seriously happy for you." Tetsu finally slides a smile out from the corners of his mouth. He then reaches over the glass table to obtain Hyde's stubby fingers into his own with an accent of sincerity. "It's about time, you know? Yachan's really excited, then?"

Hyde hums, the corners of his pouty downturned lips raising into a signature face-cracking smile. “Un, he's trying to hold it all in for the sake of my emotions, but..he's over the moon, I can tell." 

He's found receipts from bookstores as proof that Sakura's been buying name books and manuals on pregnancy, even in his search history he's failed to clear, he's been looking up symptoms week by week, it is very clear that said "Yachan" is elated with the news and jumps at the opportunity to prepare himself for this endeavor, even so early on.

So much so, he's cooked Hyde some sort of broth for dinner. Upon arrival. Hyde's nose might as well of walked off and shriveled up, the odor is so foul. It's a wonder he's able to even stomach it. At first he figured Sakura had passed gas or simply had indigestion and was at war with the toilet, but then it occurred to him that for once, the drummer was home and cooking, which was implausibly rare...

“So... what.. is this?" Hyde scoops at the broth, his giant eyes following the questionable consistency of whatever mystery vegetable his partner had thrown in his bowl for "garnish". He notes that he should probably raid the fridge when he's sleep and dispose of whatever the unidentified vegetable is. Frankly, Sakura shouldn’t be allowed into the kitchen, period.

The drummer claps his hands together and places them beneath his squared chin. "That is bone broth." He winks almost comically, "Drink up!” And you should see him. Bored eyes finally showing an inkling of emotion, bemused with awaiting Hyde’s reaction. He’s spent the majority of the afternoon whipping this up. Before his mother’s passing, she’d split her best recipes among him and his older siblings, he got the soups and broths, considering he was always the child getting sick. He supposed, why not get in the kitchen and make use of some of her finest dishes?

“What's it for?" The singer interrogates as if to forearm, allowing himself to place a hand beneath the dripping spoon before going to open his mouth. Sakura nods quickly to encourage in anticipation, but his face drops once Hyde pours the soup back in the bowl. "No, I'm not going to drink it unless you tell me what it's for."

"It's for nutrients and stuff.. like electrolytes. Collagen for your skin and hair too.. you don't want the baby to suck your beauty away, you want the baby to enhance your beauty." He drags out the last few words as if to mock someone with a posh accent, which of course, eventually earns him a chuckle. "And, it's made with love." He contorts his face in some expression to read that he's being cheesy and he feels a little awkward about it, but beyond beseeching once again, Hyde indulges (after smelling it a few times and bracing himself).

His eyes simply stay stationary as he swishes the liquid around his mouth, contemplating on his final ruling, then he swallows. "It's so good." He reveals, scooping more into his lips. "I don't know if stuff tastes better now that I'm not stressed, or if it's actually good."

Sakura smooths his hair back with a smoulder written across his face as he's simply not amused. "It's actually good." He prepares to broach in hopes that Hyde will shut up and eat. "And anyway, how did that little meeting with Tetsuya go? I know he had to assume normal form as a nagging asshole."                                           

"No, actually." Hyde tosses his hair out of his face. "He was actually not persistent for once. Surprisingly cooperative and willing to work with me. This isn't really his experience, so he told me I could handle it however way I wanted to." 

Sakura raises a brow and grunts a bit in shock, then sucks his teeth and occupies his eyes with the rest of the kitchen. "Crazy, you'd think he'd go into a conniption about something like this." It's not like he has beef with Tetsu, even if he was a pain in the ass during the duration of his time in L'Arc, but he knows Tetsu is notorious for his control freak antics, and Hyde was bound to get a dosage of that during the meeting… at least in Sakura's eyes.

"Well I mean, he did suggest we go on hiatus or push the tour back, but I'd rather do it, I've been looking forward to the tour, anyway." He firmly states and raises the bowl to his chin to polish off the rest of the broth. His eyes sparkle a little as he raises a thumb to indicate that he enjoyed his meal. Sakura takes it as a cue and reaches gently to take Hyde's hand to press to his thin lips. He caresses the hand gently as he makes eye contact with the little man, and Hyde nearly melts. Sakura is so fucking madly in love with him, his mesmerizing disposition is so distracting, Hyde narrowly forgets the inquisition he was partaking in.

"Why are you so good to me lately?" Hyde raises his chin in fake suspicion, lips curled up slightly into a smirk. "Is it the baby?” He knows the answer, no.. Sakura’s been subject to corniness for a while now, and Hyde’s best guess is that he has no shame in doing so. To walk in his own truth and love on his man feels liberating. He doesn’t really give a fuck anymore, he’ll kiss Hyde whenever and wherever he wants. 

Sakura shrugs, "Or it could just be I'm happy to see you, lion." He reaches to mess with Hyde's hair a bit, prompting for his hands to hold his forearm in protest. 

"Lion? Why are you calling me that?" Hyde's fond of Sakura's random spur of nicknames, he always comes up with the cutest ones, admitedly. He's a sucker for cheesiness, which he'd admit it's adorable to see older Sakura participate in, considering he'd be repulsed to show any sort of blantant, flat out mushiness when they were in their twenties. 

"Because you look like a lion with that hair color. You know, their mane is like the color of," He pauses when he realizes he might sound a bit too childish, but if Hyde was in the know, he'd encourage him to continue the cute antics. Instead, he shrinks back into the chair and watches as Hyde shoves his empty bowl in his face.

"Okay, well.. lion wants another bowl of broth."

Sakura sucks his teeth. "Lion has two legs capable of getting up and fetching some himself."

Hyde narrows his eyes gently, bringing his hand to swat Sakura's arm. "And lion's cub needs their nourishment, so you go 'fetch'." The singer protests, undulating his voice in almost indistinguishable Sakura fashion. Playfully offended, Sakura grumbles and snatches the bowl from in front of his face and goes “fetch”, he has a feeling he’ll be doing a lot of that during the next six months. 

__

 

"Don't you think this baby is growing a bit too fast?"

"Why do you say that?" 

Taking into account Hyde's stature and predisposition to carrying weight easily with his ripe age, he starts showing in almost record time. He's not so bodacious yet, but he's feverishly finding it difficult to fit into the better part of his wardrobe, and when he's promoting on occasion or on some show appearance. he's cautious not to allow anything to snag on his shirt that could reveal his otherwise obvious baby belly.

"Just.." Hyde grunts, his little arms reaching around his body to pull up his jeans and attempt to fasten them. "I can't fit into anything, it seems." His eyes take a trip over to Sakura, who's found himself comfortable indulging in the grilled meat they sloppily prepared for lunch together. 

"Me too, though." The drummer shrugs, then reaches to grab his own stomach much like a hunk of risen dough. "I think I'm gaining sympathy weight. We can be soft together." For whatever reason, Hyde's increased appetite and weight gain has only heightened Sakura's enfatuation with carbs and lounging, resulting in his own protruding body. He's convinced that neither of them are going to be able to hold each other properly if it continues, their midsections will render them separated.

The singer lets out a disgruntled noise and throws a flowy black top over his jeans along with a vest, defeated with trying to get them to fit and buckle, besides-- he's late, and the least of his concern should be his jeans, however the thought of having to request his stylist to sew panels into the waist temporarily leaves him feeling a bit disquieted.

"You're still able to fit into your clothes.." Hyde pants, defeatedly collapsing on the edge of the bed. He grabs the duvets and begins to take off his nearly painted on jeans. He's exasperated by the thought of swelling up any bigger than he is at four months. He can easily testify that this baby must be a food hoarder or something, because he's growing by the minute, it feels like.

Sakura places his chopsticks and the plastic ware of grilled meat on the nightstand and comes over to stare at the overcome singer, who's chillingly gorgeous eyes look to be pleading in contrition. "We'll get you some new clothes, and no, they don't have to be maternity. Just chill, wear something simple, we're just going to the doctor."

"And then I have that meeting with everyone, I want to look like I have my shit together."

Sakura's nose wrinkles, "Since when have you ever cared about that, Haidie?" He reaches to smooth the singer's hair from his gently carved face, allowing for the gorgeous features to glean on full display. Hyde sighs and places a hand behind his head in support.

"I dunno, I already feel bad that I'm going to be so pregnant and out of it during the tour, I feel like if I present well, they'll have more reason to trust me rather than me showing up in some sweats."

Sakura's well beknowing that his fiancé's pregnancy brain is already beginning to surface. He's not prepared for it, though he's done pervasive research, but this is a little insane. "You've known them for like..I don't know, seventeen years. I don't think they give a damn about how you present, they just want to know what's going on."

"I guess. I'm just worried. And you know what? I'm sick of worrying about so much, I'm supposed to enjoy this." Hyde confesses, struggling a little to sit up properly, and once he does, peels off the bed to scavenge for some less constricting jeans. 

"And what, you think they're going to react negatively? I've got no doubt in my mind that they're just gonna scratch their heads and ask if you really dragged them all the way to our house to talk about something like that."

"Something like what?" Hyde blinks a few times while hiking the less form-fitting jeans up his thighs. "This is a big deal for us, at least for the tour."

Sakura heads to the closet to fish out a jean jacket. "Of course, but it's nothing you can't just say over the phone." 

"That doesn't seem right. Tetsu gets to know in person, and they get it over the phone? That's nuts." The singer deadpans, now Sakura's the one with the pregnancy brain. He's never been one to be completely considerate of people's emotions, always felt like humans and their emotions often can be observed as disposable, so their feelings simply do not matter in regards to things like this, It's mostly about Hyde's comfortability and whether or not he's feeling up to the concert, anyway.

But they bicker for a bit over the same topic until they realize the appointment was at 3:45, not 4:45, but the receptionist has no issue with their tardiness and they make it to the office before it closes its operations for today.

"Hmm.." The strapping doctor with eyes the color of amber looks up from his laptop, index rubbing against his stubble. He's the same private doctor Hyde’s had for years now, and coincidentally has his own obstetrics practice. 

Sakura has always had a contrareity for him, but it truly chalks up to his lumbering jealousy for him, and the fact that he looks at Hyde like he's some sort of flourless chocolate lava cake or something, decadent and worth the shameless indulge. He can't comprehend why Hyde won't just go to his doctor, who in contrast is an older woman with a hunch in her back and bad breath.

"Everything looks good so far. I don't think I can say there's anything abnormal other than you being still a bit underweight."

Hyde swings his legs on the exam table, mouth ajar as he cocks his head to the side in utter bewilderment. "Underweight? You mean I have to eat more than what you've told me to?" He scoffs a little to himself, and here he thought he was becoming completely bloated for his own good. 

The doctor nods and swiftly stands up to grab something from a cabinet near the drummer, who grimaces at the aroma of the young professional. Too cloying, he wonders why young guys insist on wearing such heavy cologne.

"Just a little more, and you'll be steadily progressing each week. You don't want to slow the growth of the baby, nutrients are vital." He motions for Hyde to lift his shirt, which Sakura jumps at. He's more than observant today, since they have yet to come for an ultrasound, just simple testing every couple of weeks. All this equipment makes him feel a little nerve-wracked, and he's kind of sweltering even with the room being cool, he's breaking out in a sweat. 

Hyde's more than familiar with lifting his shirt for more reasons than just one, but in this case, it's because Sakura has insisted on listening to his belly every night before bed. Instead of taking into consideration that the noises he hears are indeed Hyde's digestive system, he's keen on believing that the baby is actually communicating.

"Alright, let's take a look." A monitor rolls across the linoleum and is placed perfectly in front of the two men for preferred viewing. The doctor places the sensor over the protruding belly, beginning to move it around to find the best perspective to look at the baby from. He narrows his eyes and waits for the picture to appear on the screen. When it does, Sakura's eyes begin to water, and while he's still in complete placidity, he feels like wailing loudly, ironically like a baby.

Hyde simply smiles, overcome with warmth. The figure on the screen is so tiny, but very clearly a baby. It's moving around so much, turning and twisting with every blink they make. Nonetheless, he's too fuzzy and fond for words. Never in a million years did he think he’d be carrying a child within himself. He’s always had an affinity for pregnancy, but to experience it firsthand, he might have some remorse for his former statements about the matter.

"Very active, that's good..and oh, I can see everything perfectly, would you like to know the sex?"

Though gender has been something neither of them have ever cared about, and have discussed that they'll raise their child in a more gender-neutral approach, they still have come to a consensus that they'd like to know, just to know. And..Hyde’s mother keeps blabbering about how much she wants a granddaughter, so..wouldn’t hurt to know.

"Un, please." Hyde nods casually, his hand absentmindedly placing itself over his side. Sakura stretches a little thin-lipped grin on his face, watching his own child vigorously move around on screen. Perhaps they'll be a dancer of some sort.

The doctor interrupts his thoughts with a bony finger placing itself over the observed screen, invoking Sakura to crave jumping over the table and strangling him if he doesn't move his stupid finger from his precious view of his child.

"It's a girl. I can see riiiight here." The young man nods seriously, then removes his finger to push his glasses up from resting on his narrow nose bridge. 

Hyde nods, then slightly bows his head once the doctor finishes taking some screencaps for them to take home. He takes that as his cue to check on Sakura, who couldn't look more tickled pink. Then reaches to take the man's face into the palm of his hand.

"I can't believe it." Sakura laughs in disbelief, eyes still stained glassy with tears. "I'm going to have a daughter soon, this is blowing my mind." He looks at the nearly sparkling Hyde, who's other hand is still perched over his stomach. Sakura's not sure, but this might be one of the most beautiful moments he's ever experienced.

"I know..." Hyde sighs out happily. "It doesn't even feel real yet.. even though I can barely fit in my jeans." He tips his head up and watches as the drummer stretches a sad smile on his face, then it vanishes and he begins to space off. "Hey, what's wrong?"

He stays silent for a moment, allowing the noise of machines heating up to fill the place of dialogue. He opens his mouth for a second, but the words don't escape. He looks a little overwhelmed and shocks Hyde when a lonesome tear falls from his sharp eye. He wipes his eye off without a beat passing, then clears his throat and looks deeply into Hyde's eyes as if he's searching for something precious in them.

"Just, this is my dream. To have and raise a child with you. It's beautiful to see.." He looks to be nothing short of moved, a bit cutely disheveled as he tries to compose himself but can't seem to halt the tears from slowly waltzing across his cheeks.  Hyde tenderly places a hand over the drummer's head, then leads it down to his chin to hold it. 

"This has been something I've thought about too, so I'm glad everything is finally happening the way we want it to finally.." And while pregnancy is something Hyde has always thought of as abstract and nothing he would ever be proud of doing, in this moment that belief seems to vanish, he's walking in beauty that he's seldom ever flourished in before.

Sakura swallows, then sits up straight and primos for a second. He allows the thought to settle into his mind. Hyde.. his Hyde, his crazy, naive, loving, talented, devastatingly gorgeous treasure is now carrying their most coveted gift-- their daughter. The anticipation of bringing his little girl into the world begins to manifest in the form of butterflies in his stomach and he lets out a deep, shaky sigh as if satisfied.

Hyde just grins to himself, fingers gently caressing his stomach as he begins his own reverie of what his daughter will be like. He's dabbled with the idea of how their child would be, but now he's wondering what this girl is going to be like, personality, music taste.. will she be like Sakura, let alone either of them at all? 

"We need a name. Soon."

"Soon?" Hyde knits brows, still distracted by his own questions in his state of contemplation. "We have five months left, Yachan..." He reaches over to the stand next to him to grab a wipe and slide off the gel from his midsection.

Sakura slumps back into his seat. "Maybe I would want to have her name written on a necklace or bracelet or something... you never know." He's not going to choose on Hyde's behalf without counsel, of course, but Hyde is victim to his long-winded indecisiveness and tends to not make a decision at the last moment unless it's priority one. Which, it is, but not right now.

"We'll talk about it...." Hyde trails off as the doctor returns from the other room. He looks eager to hand the pictures to his most treasured patient, as he’s visibly sparkling. Sakura chokes on the glitter, brimming with tears as he’s flushed down with the overwhelming redolence that is the doctor’s cologne. He swears, it’s like walking by that one American clothing store downtown— he always wonders if before they open the store if they douse the entire place with cologne. That’s what this guy smells like. Anyway, he gives a deep bow and exits, notifying Hyde to let the receptionist know about when his next appointment can fit into his schedule. 

As soon as he leaves, the anxiety pumps into him once again. Fuck, he’s still got tonight to worry about. He’s not really sure he’s ready to face the two-headed dragon. Surely, Yukihiro will shrug his shoulders, Ken will be mad that he didn’t get to know before everyone, and then there’s Tetsu, who will be there acting pissy and ready to go as if he has somewhere, anywhere, important to be at and everyone’s inconveniencing him and his precious time. But much like his disquietness with Sakura’s reaction last month, he’s not able to invoke any sort of clairvoyance, and that’s bothering him. Nonetheless, he’ll just have to see. For now, he and Sakura are on cloud nine with the thought of what their precious cherub of a daughter will be like. Precious is the consensus so far.

 

"...Well, congrats..." 

Oddly enough, Yukihiro is the one who breaks the silence after Hyde lays it all on thick. Ken just sits stunned, hair rebelling against gravity a bit and fingers twiddling with the pack of cigarettes stored in his hands. 

Hyde clearly is showing, which is how Yukihiro sort of figured it out at the door, but Ken went straight in without really staring at Hyde that precisely. Now all he can do is stare at the baby bump parked perfectly on his close friend's middle. 

"I... can't believe this.." Ken chuckles out, he stares up at Sakura, who munches obnoxiously on some potato chips next to him on the couch arm. "Surely you guys could've told me first, I'm your best friend!” He’s fake offended, of course.. Well, maybe there’s some authenticity stitched into his words. 

"You're actually disappointed we didn't tell you before everyone else?" Hyde blinks. More than anything, he's a fair person and already feels deep remorse for not just meeting with everyone when the time came for him to tell Tetsu and subsequently management. 

Yukihiro is becoming swallowed up by his sweater as he begins to sink back into the couch and bringing his hand to his chin, sweater pawing it out while his eyes dart around to everyone's faces. In times like this, he prefers to assume normal position and stay out of it, no matter how benign the situation proves as.

Ken licks his lion-maw like lips, "Well no, but I think you could've told us when you told the managers and Tetchan... but it's fine... I'm so happy for you guys." He throws his head back and stares up at Sakura again once his eyes have grown tired of staring into Hyde's cloyingly sweet eyes, "Who would've known that my Ya-cha-cha-chan would be somebody's dad.." He pinches said Yasunori's cheek only to earn a swat and a grumbles something along the lines of 'You make it sound like this is a shock, I had sex..'.

"Super sperm Sakura~!" He teases, but Hyde seems less than amused and is still stuck on the fact that he might've not been considerate enough, but he digresses and sits back next to Tetsu, who would much rather be at home than be around this bunch, Yukihiro excluded, considering he barely makes a peep.

"Oh--but what does this mean for the tour?" Ken interrupts himself, still poking Sakura's ribs and physically teasing him in any way he can, yet his eyes switch seriously between the leader and his beloved singer. 

"I'm still going to do it, I'm just going to be...pregnant." 

"Isn't that kind of risky?" Yukihiro questions in nearly a mumble. "I don't think any of us would agree that a tour is more important then your health."

Tetsu sighs, he's just about ready to get the hell out. Ken is wearing his patience thin with his antsiness, and he's undoubtedly not fond of being in company of Sakura, despite the fact that he is their cupid and to thanks for all of this. "It's fine so long as he's able to rest onstage as needed. He doesn't really do anything strenuous, so everything should fine.

"But.. I mean, isn't this something you'd want to keep private? This is an extremely big deal, not just a rumor or something you can ignore. This is another life..." Ken's demeanor shifts, "You're not going to announce it?"

"That's what I want him to do, but it's not my decision..." Tetsu cuts his eyes a little, irked. He leans into a couch cushion and borely stares around at the awards paraded on the shelves and the stupid elated grins on the couple's faces in the assorted pictures from over the years on the coffee table. 

Hyde fills with angst, but he's under the belief that he's making the best decision and he's well aware that the fans are the priority. He can't let them down, considering it's a world tour and it's obviously highly anticipated. "I know, it's all at a very inconvenient time, but I've decided to have her, I'm getting old now... the fans will be fine, I'll be fine. And as much as I wish I could try to hide everything, it's going to be very obvious come tour time. And..." He exhales, "I'm not so sure I want to hide this, either..I'm about to get married and start a new chapter in my life, I have nothing to hide."

"Wow.. about time you grew some damn balls.." Ken slaps Sakura on the thigh, "You've got him bolder than ever, brother.” Quite apropos for Ken to be reckless at the mouth and acting a fool during such a serious conversation, but everyone takes it as him lightening the mood.

"Well, I'm not going to disclose who I'm with, I'd rather them speculate for the sake of his privacy. I don't want him getting stalked and people finding out information like that when he's more accessible to the public. Stating I'm pregnant and getting married during the MC won't be too informative, I don't think."

"And you didn't want to announce it before the tour?"

Tetsu interjects. "After consulting with management, and his own feelings about that, we figured from a revenue standpoint that it wouldn't be logical to announce the pregnancy, as it could interfere with the sales."

"Huh." Ken raises a brow then proceeds to shrug his shoulders. "Well, alright.. I guess I'm somebody's godfather now.” Sakura shoots him a smirk, then pushes him in the face and smartly remarks that he "wouldn’t let him godfather even a pet fly”.

"I guess if it all is worked out, then there's nothing really to say but congrats to you guys.. I hope the tour can be as accommodating as possible for you guys."

Hyde is speechless, that didn't take as long as he anticipated, and to top it all off, he's technically good to go as far as the tour goes. His parents cried upon him confiding in them, for the first time in years, his father was pouring tears out much like a faucet, his mother was like a thunderstorm of emotion, she squeezed her only child until he couldn’t breathe. Sakura’s father, who is already a grandfather just stated that it was about damn time, Sakura’s not getting any younger...Nothing left other than announcing to hundreds upon thousands of fans cross-continental that he's expecting, but that's inevitable, and he'll cross that bridge when he gets there.

 

For now, as their company for the evening have made their respective exits (Ken had taken longer than the other two who left with haste, and just stared at Hyde at the door, asking if he could feel), he's occupied with Sakura nearly adhered to his stomach as they both nearly nod off to an old movie they both fell in love with as youth. Quite on point with what they’re going through, as there’s a new father on the screen catering to his newborn daughter.

"She's going to be so cute..."

Hyde hums, eyes crossing— lidding nearly— as he gently strokes Sakura's back soothingly while he's plastered to his side. "Who?"

"Our daughter.."

The older simply exhales deeply, his chest falling as he raises a hand to stoke his stomach with a fondness sewn into his soft and unique features. “Oh, yeah...She’s going to be beautiful..." He imagines a tiny little girl donned with the most beautiful features from each of them gracing her face. There is no doubt in his mind that the littlest Sakurazawa will be undeniably and otherwise otherworldly stunning.

Sakura presses his lips to Hyde's belly, “You have to promise me something..you better look like Haidie and not me.” And trust, Hyde’s the definition of exhausted, but he manages to squeeze his future husband’s arm like he’s trying to get the last bit of toothpaste from the very bottom of the tube. 

Ow..”

“Don’t do that..she’s going to look like the both of us, if anything. Why would you want her to look just like me?”

Sakura shrugs. He’s a decent looking guy, but maybe his features wouldn’t fit well on his child’s face. And without inquiry, Hyde is undoubtedly one of the most sought after, treasured, and crushed on people in the world, why wouldn’t he want his daughter to match the beauty of the one he’s only ever had eyes for?

“That’s just..what I want for her. And besides, it’s inevitable. You look just like your father, he looks like his, which means your genes are undeniably strong. You’re basically carrying a mini-me, and that’s backed by science.” 

Hyde’s too fatigued to physically roll his eyes, but mentally, he does. If Sakura feels like Hyde is the most beautiful man on the planet, then of course the feeling is mutual. He doesn’t care what features he passes down to their daughter, simply because the most important part about her very existence is that she’s made from love, a love that took time away to grow in absence, to flourish and strengthen more than ever, an evolution of love that eventually manifested into her. Their baby is the definition of love, so whatever features she gets, he’ll be in love with her either way. But maybe he’s just got the mind of a hopeless romantic. He’s always battled with what love truly is, as has Sakura, but there’s something tingly within himself that has reason to believe their daughter will teach them the true and authentic meaning.

“However she looks doesn’t matter, because she’s going to be ours. Let’s just be content with that.” 

Sakura presses his lips together and snuggles closer into Hyde’s supple skin. He has a point, but still, he wants her to look like his world. He’s not going to feel bad about that one bit. “Today’s been kind of stressful for you, huh?” After a few minutes pass, Sakura sighs deeply on behalf of the tiny man on his left.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m trying to sleep now.” Hyde replies, fingers raking gently through Sakura’s raven hair. “If anything, I hope she has your thick hair. Mine is starting to catch up with me from all those years of bleach. It’s an issue.” Sakura just laughs. He’s always been au naturel, so he simply can’t relate. He’s warned the singer for years to leave his hair alone, but the entire time they’ve known each other, his hair has only really been dyed, so..proof that he’s truly Hyde the Hardhead.

“Mmm…anyway, she’s gonna be a real precious. I’ve decided to call her ‘angel’.” Sakura’s baritone voice states as if he’s announcing a final decision, hellbent. Hyde pouts in jest.

“Angel…? That’s my nickname.”

“Yeah? Well, you’re gonna have to give it up. It’s hers now.”

Sakura shrugs his wide shoulders and grabs the remote to turn the volume down just a tad, and Hyde perks up for a second to pull the duvet over himself more. He could never be jealous of his baby, but the fact is, it has been his nickname since 1993. 

They’d been walking around, observing some…sigh, hills…per Hyde’s request. Out of nowhere, Sakura said, “Look at that hill over there, angel. What do you think?”, 24-year-old Hyde nearly fell out, he was so thrown off. They’d just started dating at that time, and nicknames were such a no-no, it would seem. Dating young Sakura was definitely a daunting task at first, he could never tell if being romantic was something he wanted, or if he preferred things being casual.

 That being said, the nickname spurred from fresh love, so it’s actually an honor to pass it on to his child.

“Kay, she can have it.. I’m going to bed..” He presses a hand to his swollen lips and presses it to the younger man’s cheek. Sakura turns his head slightly and blows Hyde a kiss nonchalantly, then rests his head back on the older man’s abdomen with a contented grin. He begins to whisper what can be passed off as sweet nothings, and he makes this a habit almost every night. He firmly believes that she’ll develop a close bond with him if he tells her how blessed he is to have the baby— to have Hyde, and how he’s going to do everything in his power to give her the world to the best of his ability. He has his doubts about himself, but overall, he’s sure that he’s capable of doing one thing right, and that’s being her father.

In the morning, he whispers to Hyde these sweet nothings, a more modified and..adult version, if you will. Hyde decides to join the mushiness as they both quietly mutter sweet things to the baby, and in return, she gives her very first kick, eager to return the love back to her cute little old parents. It becomes real to the both of them in that moment, that they are, undoubtedly, complete with her as their close of the circle.

--

Being seven months pregnant and touring is just about the most challenging thing Hyde's probably had to face. It's the first day of the L'7 Tour, and he's been in the mirror off and on for close to three hours, nitpicking over everything he feels is out of place, but in actuality, nothing is. He's so noticeably jittery and apprehensive about the whole thing, he's surprised the baby hasn't woken up and kicked him for his uneven heartbeat from being calm to antsy. interrupting her usual even-beat lull.

"You look fine, why do you keep fixating on everything..?" Sakura from the peanut gallery blinks a few times, taking a ring off and on as he boredly observes his lover moving his hair from behind to in front of his ear repetitively. He can wrap his head around Hyde being a bit antsy about the entire ordeal, but this is kind of ridiculous.

Hyde simply doesn't answer, instead he turns a blind eye and moves from his hair to his outfit. He's wearing the most beautiful and frilled sheer top, the color of champagne; with ripped fringe, sleeves wrapped around much like bandages around his arms, signature flared jeans and platform boots. His countenance allows room to assume that he's not pleased with the outcome, and he's being over critical of himself in result of his nerves about the fans.

"Hideto." Sakura monotonously sighs out, watching as his fiancé places his hands on his back and turns to the side. Hyde looks to be sulking under his breath, eyeliner-clad eyes stuck on his belly. If only he'd occupied himself with a video game or hell, even a nap, he wouldn't be deliberating so obsessively on his body and look, but just in his usual fashion, he's allowing his insecurity to get the best of him.

The drummer actually had a client tonight, but for moral support, and to watch out for Hyde, he decided to cancel and be with him. Because of his fixation over his qualms, Hyde had insisted he'd go, he knew Sakura would be grilling into him if he were to find out he was scrutinizing himself. 

"What's going on with you? You're like a child, sit and watch a show or something."

"I just don't know about this." Hyde stays still, beautiful face tugged down in weary. "Look at this.." He places his hand over his belly, "This baby has completely taken over, don't you think I need to put on something less.. tight?"

Cue Sakura sighing and hauling himself up to walk over to the slightly shorter man, then places his hands over the narrow shoulders. "I think you look so gorgeous, and I think the fans are going to fall in love with you just like this."

Hyde sighs, melting into Sakura's embrace. "Yachan..I'm sorry, I'm always making you reassure me and save me from myself lately.” And rightfully so, Hyde’s hormones have gone into overdrive, it’s a wonder Sakura hasn’t chucked the deuces and seen himself out. All he’s been doing lately is crying, or yelling, or being overly loving..and without question, Sakura enjoys the latter, but everything else has been driving him nuts. 

Sakura shakes his head and places it on Hyde's shoulder. "No, that's my job. I've been doing that for all these years, and I'm not planning to stop any time soon, so." 

Hyde pauses, looking at himself once more. He does look delicious, if he's really thinking about it. Even if he's the size of a full spa and resort, he doesn't think he's ever been this radiant. His demeanor seems a little negative, and that's the last thing he needs before a concert. He's never enjoyed singing, but the thrill never seems to leave him dissatisfied.

"Hidechan, whi-" Tetsu strolls in, his inquisition cut abruptly upon his intrusion. He thinks it's kind of adorable that Sakura and Hyde are still sick and lovey some 10 odd years later. "Oh. Are you guys about to eat each others' faces? Should I come back..?"

Hyde shakes his head vigorously, his tresses bouncing beautifully. "Not at all, what's going on?"

Tetsu backtracks, pausing for a moment as he recollects why he's come in. He looks like a regurgitation of different trends. Hair contorted and screwed around with cornrows on either side with feathers and clips accenting them, chains hanging from his belt loops that belong to a pair of vivid skinny jeans, all of this clad with a pair of gator skin loafers. 

"Just uh, did you decide on if you wanted a stool or a bench on stage?"

Hyde gently lowers himself into a chair next to the vanity, "Well, I think I'll be able to make it through without having to sit." He reaches for a bottle of water and begins toying with the bendy strip.

Tetsu deadpans. "You're already kind of a liability, if your legs give up and you don't have anywhere to sit, then..."

"Stool's fine." The singer blinks a few times, envisioning how either options would mesh with the aesthetics of the stage, as well as his own comfort. The leader nods firmly, turning on his heels to exit the room as if he has some sort of emergency that needs to be sought after without haste, but in this case it's to distance himself from the bimbo and his prince charming.

"Yachan.." Hyde gulps down his mouthful of water, then presses his hand to his full cheek with his eyes nearly digging into Sakura's with the most pleading expression etched into them. 

Said Yachan moves his eyes while he continues fidgeting with the material of his pants. His lips turn up in a smirk, he's always so smitten when his boyfriend morphs into some rounded-eyed clinger. "Hmm?"

"Distract me." Despite the adorable reading expression, Hyde looks to be a bit distressed, and Sakura can't have that on his consciousness, so he pulls up a chair and takes Hyde's hands into his own.

He hums, eyes meeting the ceiling as he contemplates on something that'll meet Hyde's need. The singer releases one of his hands for a moment to move his sleeve a bit to the side, still vaguely primping. 

"Remember that time we all went to Nara like a week before we debuted? And how you kept nagging me and I snapped on you? I thought it was so peculiar how you didn't really seem to care, you just wanted to be around me."

"Un, and you were so annoyed with me. Why did you always act like you hated me when we first started hanging out? Playing hard to get?"

Sakura scoffs, scooting to the edge of his seat as he recalls his post-adolescence-- mostly just a bitter young man, extremely fractious and hostile at the world for whatever reason. He wasn't sure how to articulate his love for Hyde at first, since it was love at first sight and Sakura was astounded-- considering he'd always thought that was a bunch of bullshit-- he stood corrected. "Not playing hard to get, since I pursued you, anyway. I think it was just different to see someone so different than myself. Soft and kind..I was opposed to that, but you sure do know how to steal a heart."

"Hmm.." Hyde smirks, lines etching into his skin like delicate, yet intricate strokes. "Soft and kind, huh? Now I eat your food unapologetically. because you don't intimidate me."

"That sucks. Aging sucks." Sakura pretends to be defeated, raking his head into his hands as he pretends to sulk. "I wish I still intimidated you."

"Did I intimidate you?

"When?"

Hyde presses back into his chair and sets his swollen feet on Sakura's lap.  "When we saw each other again after all those years... you know, the reason why we're like this right now."

"Oh." Sakura's thin lips curve into an 'o' and he lets his head hang and begins to chuckle to himself. "I don't know that I would call it intimidation, I think I was just blown away that you were still youthful."

Hyde screws his face up. "But I was in my early to mid thirties, why wouldn't I be? I'm almost forty and I'm still gorgeous."

"We all know that, just. I was more so in shock, I think.. and, " He swallows the mushiness he was about to regurgitate to save himself from embarrassing himself. "Whatever, it wasn't intimidation. You're very pretty, maybe that intimidates people."

Hyde shrugs, absentmindedly tracing gently patterns on his stomach. "Well, I remember I was intimidated..You're always going to be. If looks could kill."

"Then I would've been gone a long time ago. I'll never forget the first time I saw how striking you are." He reaches to Sakura's cheeks as they begin to burn, and he would confess that made him a little bewildered in some shape or form. He squeezes Hyde's hand, he has a way with words unlike any other, always finding some way to make Sakura feel as beautiful as he makes him feel in collateral. Somehow with all of that, Sakura remains seemingly expressionless besides the tiny tug at the corner of his mouth alluding to his flattered state of being.

“Mm, Haidie…remember I thought you were White?”

Hyde rolls his eyes, to this day he gets mistaken, curse his gene pool for deciding to give him a very confusing, ambiguous face. It's gotten him very far in life, in more ways than one, but being White is the last think he'd ever want to be. He recalls Sakura's very broken English, mustering a sloppy "Nice to meet you." to the curly-haired Hyde. At the time, Sakura had sworn it was a shame that Hyde was a beautiful White woman, as he didn't quite swing that way, but then being dumbfounded that no, this was a man, and he wasn't white at all.

"Of course I remember..I’d like to forget, actually..” He eventually breaks into a beautiful grin, and Sakura is taken aback by how unreal he is. He’s marrying a doll, without a doubt in his mind. It doesn’t matter that he has a pound of makeup on, because he often brags that he’s absolutely astonishing with and without it, that’s why he walks with his head held high when it comes to claiming his fiancé. 

They sit in reticence for a while, hands being clutched as Hyde adjoins his eyes and tries to compose himself for the opening night. This never-ending cycle of anxiety seems to of been haunting him for months now, the belief now being that once he gets through tonight, the news will break, and he won’t have much to surprise fans with going forward. The anticipation is lacking, because frankly, there’s nothing truly adrenaline-rushing about announcing something that has the potential to crush fans’ hearts, but he can only hope that they’re receptive to the news and mostly.. happy for him.

Tetsu pops in a quarter til the show starts to grab Hyde to get him all wired up and ready to head on stage. Takes a while, because he was in deep sleep, and didn’t want to leave Sakura, who parted ways with him via a kiss to his cheek and a “good luck”, he’ll be watching the concert from the monitor in the dressing room for the sake of confidentiality. 

“Oh wow,” Yukihiro’s munching on a bagel, eyebrows furrowed as he does a once-over of Hyde. “You look really great.” And he’s right, they all do, actually. For once, they look like a group and not four individuals who showed up with no sense or coordination as far as their apparel goes. Ken struts down the hallway with his guitar strung across the middle of his body as he fixes his collar. Hyde shakes his head in fascination— Ken is always doing something revolutionary, meaning it doesn’t matter how atrocious his outfit is, he never lets it wear him.

“Alright, are we ready?” Of course, that question is less about everyone else than it is about Hyde. Always a pro at masking even his most stifling thoughts, but they’re all very much unaware that Hyde’s resilience has become an all-time high with this entire experience, he’s had to face things over the course of his nearly forty years, and this entire process, though it worries him to his core, is something he just has to.. persevere through. He has to just do it. So he nods confidently, and they do a quick mantra before heading off to the stage and opening up the show. 

Upon arrival, the deafening screams serve as a slightly terrifying, slightly lulling harmony to his ears, he can feel his heart thumping in his ears, and he swallows, eyes alert as he waves to each of the four sections of the stadium. The music begins and he starts to belt out “Revelation’, more screams being thrown at him as he sashays across the stage, dazzling the fans with how he’s the true epitome of a star. 

They proceed with “Drink It Down”, “Daybreak’s Bell”, “winter fall”, “Caress of Venus”, and “get out from the shell”, and just before “Kasou”, Hyde starts the MC with the pang of uncertainty rushing through his stomach.

"Everyone, we are L'Arc~en~Ciel.." Hyde begins cooly, though from the inside he feels as if his anxiety is going to shred him into little pieces, he's that apprehensive. To top it all off, the baby's up, she's got VIP all access box seats to the concert and has decided to jump around inside of him, so he's a little distracted. "I want to thank everyone for your support, always. Without you, we would not be here." He gently bows, allowing the crowd a few brief moments to applaud.

Ano...I’m sure you're all wondering, so I'm going to address the obvious. This year is such a milestone for me as I'm expecting my first child." To his surprise, the stadium erupts in applause and gleeful cheering. He moves his hand to his stomach. "So, I hope everyone won't worry too much, I promise I have the option of sitting down if I need to. So then, let's all enjoy the show!" He looks around to all quadrants once again and belts out, "Are you fucking ready?"

After the ear-numbing cheers, he starts “Kasou", with a weight lifted off his shoulders. Granted, he will have to carry out this announcement every tour date, but having one down is better than none, at least. And to his fondness, the members are cheesing it up after his announcement, with Ken giving a tight-lipped thumbs up as the ash from his cigarette dusts his shirt. Tetsu winks, and Yukihiro simply smiles and nods. Hyde is sure to make his rounds with each member and throw his arm around them as the concert goes on.

The first concert is a success, Hyde manages to have a blast with the crowd, and his vocals are surprisingly better than ever, steadier and soft as honey as the lyrics drip from his tongue gloriously. He wonders if the baby even aids him with his singing besides her usual magic of making him more striking than he's ever been. 

After the concert, Hyde is whooped, as he refused to take any breaks with 16 songs and a 6 song encore. He’s praised by all the staff for his hard work, and he in return gives them praise for their elbow grease and participation in the creation of the concert and set (more than aware they were subject to Tetsu’s bitching). 

Sakura hands him a bouquet in the dressing room and pins him down on the couch. They make out for a few minutes, and Sakura even attempts to pry off the singer’s jeans to give him a little bit of an after-concert fuck to soothe his fatigue, but that’s just it— he’s fatigued and wants nothing to do with fucking.. despite the fact that he’s very clearly something of a megalomaniac.

It’s about to be the same shit every day, and neither of them are well-prepared.

--

 

Hyde's up. Well, it's definitely against his will, the baby's apparently having an after party inside of him, and it's almost as if she's insisting on seeing to it that the singer gets zilch sleep, because he has to be the witness. 

His beautifully gentle eyes remain open as he places his hand gingerly to his stomach, rubbing soothing circles. He would normally serenade her to lull her back into her peaceful slumber, but he's been doing that all day, and Sakura's bound so wake up if he so chooses to go through with it. Instead, he quietly mumbles to his stomach, asking the baby if she's alright, and it's time for bed. 

"Angel, it's definitely past your bedtime.." He begins, "I have to to this for another month, you're gonna have to save your little parties until after you're out.." His frown deepens once she delivers an especially strong kick beneath his hand as if to rebel. She really is a Sakurazawa.

Hyde gently traces gentle patterns onto his stomach, then slowly transitions into soothing circles. But the baby doesn't let up, she's not allowing him to crash her party. She's seldom like this, usually up when he's up and sleep when he's sleep, but what's a child of Sakura's without rebelling?

He sits in silence for a few minutes, wincing once her kicks grow stronger, then he begins to cry out of frustration. She's been giving him a hard time today, distracting him on stage, making him extra bloated, not to mention, he can barely sleep comfortably. He's going through hell and back right now, and he's not looking to continue enduring this.

"I hate to do this, Yachan.." Hyde begins, sniffling and gently pushing his fiancé's shoulder. At first, he groans and pulls the covers over himself, but when he hears the sniffling, it occurs that maybe he's missing something. He raises his head and looks over his shoulder.

“Mm..” His voice is buried deep in sleep, “What’s going on?” He’s almost intelligibly speaking, but musters to get his words out. 

Hyde wipes his nose, he can’t believe his baby is capable of making him cry with just her tiny pair of feet. “The baby..she won’t stop beating me up and nothing’s working. Can you help me?” He pleads, little hands resting on Sakura’s forearm to further the adorable nature of his begging.

It’s not something Sakura necessarily wants to do, but he doesn’t decline because 1, he doesn’t want Hyde in pain and otherwise whiny and cranky in the morning from his lack of sleep, and 2, because he’s a decent person. Without further bellyaching from the five-foot-three superstar, he winds around to face the teary-eyed and places his slender fingers over the large midsection. He chuckles— and he sounds unbearably sexy when his voice is deeper than ever— he’s quite smitten by his daughter’s tendency to give her all or go home when she wants to show off her strength. But it’s annoying to Hyde, so he gets it. 

The drummer then lowers himself so he’s leveled with the stomach, then cradles it gently as he slowly blinks, recovering from the bleariness that he’s gained from waking up abruptly. “Angel..sleep..” He gently reprimands, hand slowly moving around in the likeness of a windshield wiper, “You know, to meet us, you have to get your beauty rest..” He reminds, tugging at the heartstrings of the sniffly man just above him. He has a feeling their daughter will most likely be keen on listening to him, maybe it’s because Sakura has so much bass in her voice, maybe she feels more protected by him.

It doesn’t take long before she stops her little party and settles down, and Hyde leans down to take Sakura’s face in his hands and kiss him before tilting their foreheads against each other. “Thank you.. I wish she’d listen to me. But I think she’s going to be a daddy’s girl.” And he has no shame nor is contrited by that.

Sakura smirks and sits back up to rest on his pillow, but not before leaning in to bid their baby a goodnight kiss, and a big smooch to Hyde’s swelled lips. “Now you need your beauty sleep.. night..”

__

 

The megalomanic he is only heightens with his current endeavor, so naturally, Hyde is hornier than ever. He typically gets fucked three times bi-weekly, but now, it’s almost as if he’s close to addiction, but Sakura’s not complaining. After the Taipei show, Hyde’s oozing with arousal, he’d begged until he was blue in the face via text for Sakura to hurry up at Ken’s mini-bar and just come fuck the living daylights out of him. Sakura’s not one to protest that, even if fucking around with Ken is his source of entertainment.

He gets back to the room, finding Hyde spread eagle, completely nude with his hair still in that sexy, messy updo, lips agape as if a forest fairy who fucks for wishes. And..Sakura wastes no time, peeling off his garments and nearly pounces to his outrageously sexy excuse of a fiancé, scooping him up to press him against the wall, holding him by his thighs to tease him. “You wanted this so fucking bad, didn’t you?” He withdraws his grip a little, allowing for the supple, thickened thighs to take up his palms. Hyde bites his full lips, fingers digging into Sakura’s back as if to egg him on to commence what he’s craving the most.

“Yasunori....” Hyde growls, nails leaving a trail of crimson on the pale skin. He scrambles around, then points to the bed for Sakura to begin his dirty work. He’s gentle, being considerate of the fact that Hyde’s in no position to be roughly tossed around, any other day he’d fuck in into the four corners of whatever room they’re in. Sakura grabs the thighs once again, shadowing over Hyde like a pavilion, only to have the tiny man press a hand into his chest in objection to the abrupt action. Sakura gulps.

 “Uh..what’s wrong?”

“You..can’t fuck me like this. I’m going to have to ride you.” He laments, having lost his appetite for violent fucking rather quickly once he’s come to the realization that he’s limited as of this moment. “And..I’m sorry, can we just..make love?” His horniness is toned down expeditiously as he has come to the epiphany, eyes still locked into their glossy, dazed appearance. He in destitution, he so urgently is in exigency of Sakura’s body, but can’t help but feel like maybe…love making is okay too, sometimes. Singing songs that they created together after making love has seldom left him not wanting to be made love to. 

“Alright,” Sakura shrugs and falls back on the pillows he’s sure have witnessed this endeavor countless times from countless guests. He guesses Hyde was well prepared for tonight’s unexpected turn, as there’s a bottle of highly-decorated lubricant sitting pretty to his left. He grabs it and swirls it around his fingers, the heavy aroma of mango-strawberry, or whatever variety it is, filling the room with the fruity redolence. His finger pry open within Hyde’s opening, scissoring open and closed, cycloning around and up the entrance, the singer’s voice rising from his throat as he moans, his naturally fucked-out voice making its way to belting out as the younger man continues his method of preparing for his show-stopping cock to fill up his walls.

 After Hyde’s dripping with the lube, which he typically prefers, as it acts as a buffer to the vapidly rock-hard dick of Sakura’s, he positions himself atop the girth. Slithering his way down with ease, he begins to slide up and down in perfect rhythm, much like he’s riding a bull, hands meeting Sakura’s as he brings them to his wide lips to peck, He holds them to his chest, then guides them down his waist and back to his thighs, squeezing them on his behalf. 

Sakura bucks his hips, steadying himself with the weight of Hyde on top of him, matching every rock Hyde gives out, they’re gentle, but hell, are they getting the job done. More than anything else that’s going on that might be implausibly distracting, it’s Hyde’s soft features and love in his bedroom eyes that deliver a pang to Sakura’s fast-paced heart. His breath is labored as he grabs ahold of Hyde’s waist. “Mmm..” He meets every move of Hyde’s eyes, who’s legs are nearly giving out and buckling beneath his weight, but he’s in such a trance, he’s choosing to be oblivious against his own body. 

“Jesus, you are so beautiful.” Sakura confesses, breath evaporating against Hyde’s softened chest. No reply, just a tilt to Hyde’s head and a striking, breathless chuckle escaping his BJ lips. 

He throws his head back and uses the bed frame to steady himself as he works up to getting balls-deep, squealing when he reaches the sought after destination. Tender fingers lacing into Sakura’s, who comes almost immediately, making a mess of the white pour as is spills onto both of their thighs. Hyde’s seeping, dripping with the substance, a finger sliding against Sakura’s thigh to sample; and there goes a cute, smug grin gracing his lips once he sucks it off his index. He slides off, the cumslut he is, to slurp the rest off Sakura’s slim thighs, then looks deep into him as if staring into his soul. “Reverse cowgirl..” He prompts Sakura to sit up slightly and hold him from behind.

Hyde assumes position on his knees and spreads them, ass jiggling as he nearly bounces himself on top of the length. Sakura’s got the best dick he’s ever gotten, only dick he’s gotten, really. In fact, Sakura took his virginity back in September '93, that was a messy, painful episode. But now, Hyde knows the man’s dick like the back of his hand; the way it contours to whatever position he’s in, what makes Sakura climax, how to tighten around it and result in the explosion that would result in Hyde becoming an overflowing bucket of his cum. Basically how Hyde got into his current predicament. 

He sways at first, then begins sliding in and out, gripping the sheets for support as the gorgeous view of his plump ass becomes the only sight to the man behind him. As much as Sakura would love to hold onto that peach, Hyde’s movements are far too fast and calculated to even get a squeeze in. Instead, he grabs ahold of Hyde’s hips to swerve him around the girth for more of a variety. Hyde looks back at Sakura with a piercingly provocative expression, flipping his collapsing hair, his messy updo now just falling into the hair’s natural state. He’s so fucking hot, arched eyebrow sitting high and plump lips parted as his tongue hotly licks the corner of his lips. His eyes sit in their usual libidinous nature. The man exudes sex as is, so to actually make love to him is an fortune of which Sakura’s only had the pleasure of experiencing.

“Damn,” 

Sakura bites his tongue, working Hyde’s hips to arch his back more, “Why are you such an expert..” He bites the little lip he has and moves his hands to caress Hyde’s thick thighs, enjoying every last bit of their newfangled ply. 

Hyde snatches his hands and leads them to his own member, “Tell me how hot I am..” Hyde voices out, he sounds so much like a celebrity heiress, voice like that of a simple-minded dumb blonde with daddy’s credit card. “And I’m a bad boy, huh?”

“You just know you are.” Sakura slams into the wide ass, “You know you’re so fucking hot, just sitting there drenched of my cum..full of my baby, and sluttier than ever.” He raises a hand to deliver a smooth over the soft cheeks once the rhythm has slowed, then smacks with vigor, leaving a patch of red over the pale skin. Hyde shakes a little in ecstasy, a chill running down his spine, he’s contented with Sakura’s reply to say the least.

“You have to let me fuck you now, I don’t want any more of this riding shit. We’ll make it work.” Having worked his way up to kind of wanting to be fucked, Hyde obliges, he’s the pillow princess supreme, after all. He swaps positions, and it’s not so bad and his belly isn’t too much in the way. This time Sakura gets to do the honor of shadowing over the tiny man like he’s Godzilla or a likeness to him. He accesses Hyde once more, fingers acquainting with the brunette’s, Hyde’s body bouncing and creating a burning friction with the sheets beneath him. He grabs ahold of them with dear life, trying to catch his breath as the man above him expertly supplies him with soaking wet dick, making his way deeper and deeper, 

“Oh..!” Hyde’s eyes fly open for a brief moment, only to find themselves slightly lidding per usual. He’s focused, eyes adhered to the ceiling as his chest speedily rises and falls with every pump into him. Every thrust, every inch leads him closer to busting on Sakura’s own chest, he reaches up to grab Sakura closer to him by the neck, gasping and nearly salivating as he gets closer, “Yasunori~!” He hyperventilates, fingers grasping the silky hair that falls from the man slipping out and in from his rim. Hyde tightens himself around said Yasunori’s dick, back arching as he leans up to make out with him, sharp teeth biting into his lips. Once appeased, he begins to paint purple marks, bunny-like teeth pressing into his long, intricate neck. 

Sakura moans, taking a stab at digging his own nails into Hyde’s back; shocked by the sudden arousing pain, Hyde makes a mess of himself all over the both of them. He collapses on the pillows, fingers at his ears. Sakura slides out and follows suit, chest trying to keep up with his each breath.

“Fuck, no wonder I’m pregnant.” Hyde jokes, he’s breathless in more reasons than getting properly piped on this Thursday evening. Sakura serves up a tightened smirk, then leans in to tongue Hyde, fingers reaching down to finger him for a few seconds, Hyde nonchalant to the matter that he can barely breathe. 

The singer’s in heaven, his sex drive is in well, overdrive, and if performing songs that he wrote while having sex makes him this horny and rewards him this well, he’s not sure he ever wants to retire.

 

In Paris, Hyde's new dilemma unanticipatedly becomes naming his daughter. Touring the city and taking otherwise corny pictures with the members, sneaking out with Sakura during the evening to precious coffee shops filled with kitschy furniture and decor seem to fail in their means to distract his psyche from his burning desire-- to find a name for his baby. 

Even before Paris, Hyde decided he wanted to give his daughter a foreign name. Not for any reason other than the fact that he thinks it's cool, he wishes he wasn't born with dated old "Hideto", so to give his daughter a name that she could walk proudly knowing no one else in her country has, would bring him joy.

There is somebody, as always, who has to refuse and protest his idea.

"I can't even begin to pronounce any of these names...." The bloated complainy doofus with the long black hair and notoriously bad attitude whines while his eyes scan the list next to the newly-purchased French baby name book on the hotel room's bedstand. "And I know you can't.." He looks up from the wrinkled paper, fingers moving across the texture of the folds. "Is there a reason you want to name her something foreign?"

Hyde naively blinks. No thoughts pass through his psyche..the air conditioning blows across his neck, he's cold. "Well, not really.. I guess I don't have a reason. I want her to be unique, I guess.." He begins to trail off, raising his hands to his cheeks as he seeps into a state of chaos. He doesn't have much time before the imminent arrival of their baby, and she still has no name. He feels more than disconcerted regarding that, so he'd rather just find a name and quell his anxieties.

"Haidie, why don't we just name her when she's here? We'll see if the name fits her, even."

It's not even worth putting up a fight, but Hyde has stressed himself out and in return, this is a hill he's willing to die on tonight. "No, like, we need a name by the end of this trip." He makes his way over to the bed and exhales with the sweet scent of Parisian chocolate sitting on his breath. 

"You don't like any of the names I picked out?" Sakura has his own collection of names, and they aren't bad, but they're also not unique in any way, some of them are dated, and some Hyde without question cannot stand. 

The younger glances at the list once more, "Fleur... let me guess, it means flower?" It's not a bad name.. Fleur Sakurazawa.. quite a flowery name, but it's also in no shape or form, anything he would ever want his daughter to be named. He's not so opposed to her being named something out of the ordinary, she's not an ordinary child with the parents and life she's set up to have, after all. Just.. Hideto, Yasunori, and... Fleur?

Hyde looks defeated despite the fact that he's got the claws out about this. He snatches the list from Sakura's frigid hands, allowing shock to smear across the man's face. "What should we name her then, Yasunori? I'm not going to leave this country without a name picked out."

"Fine." Sakura plucks a memo pad from his left along with a highly decorated pen a maid left behind. "Let's brainstorm, then. We'll both write five names each, narrow the ten down to five, and then we'll see which one we like the best." There's without a doubt no gain in arguing with pregnant Hyde, he's invariably on edge and will put up a hassle. Sakura didn't think he had the balls to snap at Tetsu about his attitude, but proved everyone wrong when he put him in his place about something yesterday. He's not to be fucked with currently.

The auburn-haired begins to jot down the names he has in mind, four of them being foreign, one being traditional, and the pitch-haired easily scribbles sloppily down five traditional names. On the count of three, they exchange lists and both grimace. Of course, it’s beyond exception considering that Sakura’s not a fan of foreign names, and Hyde’s disgusted by these particular traditional names, simply because they’re so 1969. 

“I don’t think this is going to work.” They mutter in sync, but they can’t give up with Hyde’s ultimatum on the line. After all, it is a pressing issue that might even creep up into Sakura’s own anxieties eventually.

Sakura looks over and can’t help but notice how powerless Hyde looks. He knows that he’s always been one to consider Sakura in his decision making, but right now it seems like neither of them can guide each other to a proper consensus. They sit against the headboard, brainstorming and suggesting whatever name comes to mind after a long ponder, with either themselves or each other declining. It wouldn’t be a fair game if just one of them came up with the name, it has to be meaningful, that being said.. they both have to come up with it.

“I have an idea. You write down one character, I’ll write down one character, and with those we can come up with something.” Hyde suggests, his voice presenting crackly and strained with the lack of rest he’s enduring. 

Sakura passively nods, pen returning to pad as he intricately inscribes the characters on the white sheet. Hyde takes a bit longer, as he’s the master poet, a way with words beyond this planet.

They place their sheets together, smitten by the name that they’ve come up with, and it’s perfect. Such a genius to come up with such a precious idea, Hyde is. His curious eyes take a vacation to Sakura’s from their hands, 

“What do you think?”

Sakura tilts his head to the side, neck cracking as his strands rest and fall over it. “I think.. it’s the most definitely a perfect name..” He nods a few times, and begins to contemplate why he’s starting to get misty-eyed.

Nonetheless, he writes his last name down, then the name they’ve come up with, then doodles little flowers on the outside of the paper. Folds it up, then shoves it in his pajama pocket. He plans on getting it tattooed in the morning, but Hyde won’t be aware until months from now.

The creative geniuses they are when their heads come together. Their daughter has a name after a matter of twenty minutes. Paris.. the city of love and milestones.

 

 

After the first month of shows, Tetsu seems to it that Hyde goes to see his obstetrician just for a routine wellness check-up. Hyde protests several times, seeing as Tetsu is not his mother and he's perfectly healthy, but the bassist insists, considering he's seen Hyde as a true liability walking around in his current state with little to no break every show.

"Well, whoever sent you is right. You need to take it easy. You weren't even supposed to be flying last month, let alone walk around for a few hours with no break. I hate to remind you, Takarai-san, but this is a geriatric pregnancy. Please keep that in mind."

“I'm sorry?" Hyde's eyes have been the size of the equator for the last few seconds as he takes in the scolding, which is really going in one ear and out the other, because his professionalism is a priority, so screw Tetsu and this doctor. But this, this catches him off guard.

"Geriatric?" Hyde gulps, "What, like, doesn't that have to do with people being old?" He blinks a few times out of habit, then shrinks back into the table when the doctor nods profusely.

"That's exactly what that means. You're almost forty. That makes you a geriatric mother, so you have the be very careful with your body and your limits for the sake and safety of yourself and this baby." The doctor raises a groomed brow, "I'm allowing you to do this tour with the agreement that you'll take it easy, but if you're pushing yourself, that's another story."

Hyde's still stuck on the fact that he just basically got called an old mother. Forty cannot be that old, right? He smooths his hand over his large belly, then lets out a defeated sigh, eyes somber and a little blush of embarrassment dragging across his face. "Alright, well.. I'm sorry. I'll try to take it easier.” It’s clear he’s lying through his teeth, he has another two weeks before the tour ends, and he doesn’t plan on changing his work ethic for anything. The baby’s fine, anyway. All that bothers him are his feet, and that’s from wearing boots every night with swollen feet.

The doctor stands against the white counter behind himself, "And please be mindful of your diet, you've gained fifteen pounds in just the last few weeks. I know foreign cuisine is tempting, but let's find healthier options, alright?” His tone.. is tone is gushing with patronization, and Hyde feels contempt in the regard that the doctor is losing respect for him simply because he’s not in tip-top shape. Besides, Sakura’s in love with his curves, his ass looks incredible, they’ve been fucking like rabbits.

Hyde feels like he's been squashed by a 300 pound weight. His heart sinks into his chest a little, and it's taking everything in him not to bust out in tears, but he won't. Not now, at least. He bows abashedly, then watches as the doctor struts out of the room after giving his verbal lashing. In a way, he feels like maybe he’s putting his daughter’s health at risk, and himself, but he cares more about her. This tour’s a blast for him, and it’s the last time he’ll ever tour without a child to worry about, so he’s trying with everything in his power to find thrill in it all. But still.. it’s unsettling to have a doctor hint at how much weight you’ve gained, how much you’re brimming with age, and how Tetsu’s actually proven right— he is a walking liability.

Hyde returns home shortly after staring at the hardwood floor of the room and letting regret deep into his psyche. He can't help but feel like he's not doing his daughter justice by touring around like a maniac when he's in no top shape to do so. But he's so dedicated to his fans, he can't bring himself to give up anything.

"What's wrong?" The first question Sakura interrogates after turning his back from pouring sauce into a microwave bowl slightly, to see the oddly reserved and wistful singer behind him leaning against the dishwasher with his jaw slacked.

Hyde is feeling a range of emotions, somber, rage, regret... its very apparent on his face, so he sees no point of not speaking his mind. "Just, Tetchan and management sent me to see the doctor for a check-up, and he basically alluded to me being a bad parent, I'm old, and oh, I'm extra huge and need to eat nothing but salad for the next month."

Sakura's eyes darken. "I'll kill that bastard. I've been waiting for the perfect moment. like I have been itching to say something to that fucking assho-"

"Yachan," Hyde pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "While I appreciate your drive to want to seek revenge, I don't need that right now. I just hate the fact that all of these things are collapsing on me at one time.."

Sakura swallows and presses the minute option on the microwave. "I know. I'm sorry.. tell me exactly what he said. I'm sure he didn't flat out call you a terrible parent."

"No, but.." Hyde's feet begin to grow tired, in turn he pads over to a chair at the table and grimaces when he nearly knocks something over with his stomach. "I'm a mess." He seats himself and begins to let a shaky sigh out, tears threatening to escape his pretty, doe-like eyes. Sakura's heart drops and subsequently without a second passing he comes over to wrap his arms around his fiancé.

"You're not a mess at all. Tell me what he said, you'll feel better once you let it out, Hide."

Hyde takes a second to compose himself. It's times like this where he feels like the world is on his shoulders. "He was just telling me how I am risking a lot with this touring, and how I need to stop pushing myself which is true, of course.” He admits.

Sakura hums, "Mhm."

"And..” Hyde furrows his brows, "I'm apparently a geriatric mother, so I'm old and need to make sure I'm being as accommodating to the baby as I can, and also not pushing myself… and of course, most obviously, that I've gained like, 15 pounds in the last month."

The drummer rolls his eyes. "The food in Paris and Hong Kong were incredible, so he can fuck off. And as for everything else, you do have to be more careful with concerts and sit when you need to, rest when you need to. You're being considerate to the baby, you just have work right now, which is a decision you made.” Sakura doesn’t mean to basically say “you made your bed so lay in it”, but he’s always been keen on holding Hyde accountable. Still, he strokes him head and drops a kiss to the top of it, prompting him to nuzzle his head in his chest. "And you're not old. But remember we're not in our twenties anymore."

Hyde sighs out, breaking away to look off and wallow in his apprehensions once again. "I just don't want to hurt her, more than anything."

"And you're not.. she's perfectly happy. You've just gotta make sure you're okay. I just know I've had to massage your feet every night for the past month, maybe I wouldn't have to if you just... sat." 

The singer looks up at those sharp, elegant eyes before stretching a smile on his chubby face. "I'm sorry.. but your massages are incredible.."

"I sometimes enjoy doing them.” It’s like they’re on automatic now, Hyde will come home from a concert, or they’ll be at the hotel when in another country, and Hyde’ll throw his feet into the man’s lap and Sakura’s hands magically start massaging them instantaneously. "But also, you're pregnant, not really sure why he would mention your weight gain."

Hyde raises a signature perfect brow, then motions to his belly. "Have you not noticed how big I am?" He chuckles to himself in the most adorable fashion, "I'm surprised I don't have stretch marks..or at least noticeable ones..” He has a few tiny ones on his back, he tends to dig his fingers into them and is somehow wildly entertained by the little squiggles.

Sakura sets his hands on either side of his fiancé's midsection. "Mhm.. of course. The baby's having her dome tour at the Hyde Dome, he needs to let up on you." He jokes, which does earn a chuckle from the little gorgeous man. 

"No, seriously.." Hyde looks down at his stomach and frowns, "I should just stop eating so much.. it's not good for her anyway. The average person in this country gains around fifteen pounds during pregnancy, I've gained forty." He slouches back in the chair and places his hands over Sakura's somberly.

"Eat as much as you want. That's not the real problem here, anyway. I'll just make us more vegetables to balance everything out. But don't worry.. just try to sit more during performance and take breaks." The drummer assures gently, voice still rough but as gentle as crushed velvet. Maybe he’s only saying that because he’s more than helped himself to the snacks in their pantry, sat with Hyde himself and pigged out on whatever, simply because now he has an excuse to. It’s “sympathy weight”, but in he’s gotten teased to no end from a few band members cause it’s not that, he’s just lazy with excuses. 

Hyde looks down at his hands, then into Sakura’s eyes, deeply. "Thank you.. you're so good to me.. why?"

Sakura lowers his face to Hyde's and cups his round face in his frigid hands. "Because I love you, duh.. and I don't want you to be sad. That doctor's an asshole.” Even though Hyde resisted his offer to end the doctor’s shit, Sakura is still fuming and wants to seek revenge somehow. Anyone who dares messing with the man who is his universe doesn’t get away with it and will receive punishment. You should’ve seen him at a industry party before the tour when Gackt found himself trying to mack up and flirt with Hyde in front of him. That busted lip Gackt so nonchalantly talked about the other day on TV was not productof a “bad fall”.

Hyde looks down worriedly, then back into Sakura's eyes and pokes out his swollen lips, beseeching for a kiss. Sakura obliges, fingers gently pressed against the supple skin. "Mmm..." 

It's not a wonder why they've been so lovey-dovey. They are well aware that their eye-rolling, ralphing-inducing occasionally mushiness is a manifestation of them craving closeness and affection as a means not to lose each other ever again. And with the baby, they absolutely won't, they're finally bound as one.

_

 

"Alright, I'm heading out.." 

With the tour having ended, it inevitably left a very pregnant Hyde to be stuck at home, and while that's nothing too irksome, it's ironically Sakura's turn to do some concerts for a few of his bands, which makes for an extremely clingy Hyde. who's already clingy as is.

Hyde's sunken into a nest of pillows, a bag of chips perched on his hip, pint of ice cream on the other. He pouts up at the man with the locks as dark as pitch. allowing his humongous eyes to do the pleading on his behalf. 

Sakura sighs defeatedly, "I don't like leaving you either, but it'll be quick. I'll be right back and I'll bring you leftovers since there'll be catering, alright?"

It sounds promising, but it's quite obvious that's not going to hold Hyde over. His eyes wander worriedly around the bed, then he flickers his eyes back to Sakura, "Is it gonna be like this for the rest of the month? I mean, I understand, bu--"

"No." Sakura nearly grits his teeth, jaw slacked as he raises his gaze from the pathetic pouting man in front of him, fixating his eyes on a painting on the wall. It's very evident Hyde is wallowing in his clinginess, he's just being hormonal, probably. And it's not like the drummer isn't prepared for this, just that, Hyde's thirty-nine and he's acting like he's four. "We only have one big gig tonight, just three hours, that's it."

Hyde fidgets with his fingers for a while, then shrugs it off. The corners of his mouth twitch a bit, but then he settles with mirroring his fiancé, a slacked jaw and an aloof, glazed look in his eyes. "Kay, well. I'll be waiting for you." He reaches to turn the volume up on the TV and sinks deeper into the pillows, his large stomach dwarfing him as he does so. 

Sakura turns on his heels to walk down the hallway, shaking his head as he reaches the front, he feels undoubtedly irked and contrited as he slips on his shoes.  

"Did he throw a tantrum?"

Sakura cuts his eyes at the figure in front of him, fingers burning against the material of his shoes as he tries to stick his foot in the hole. "Of course he did, but that doesn't mean you should run away."

"What am I, a pacifier? Don't you guys have a bunch of those?"

"Shut up." Sakura stands up straight, fingers lacing through his strands briskly as he takes a final glance in the mirror, then back at the five-foot-seven bassist, who looks like a mess with his checkered shirt and sweatpants, his hair in seven hundred different directions via some at a premium priced hair wax. "You're his best friend, he'll forget about me for a while if you're here."

Tetsu places a hand on his back, the sound of his ten or so bracelets jingling from the sudden motion, he lets out a weary sigh, then points to the door. "Alright. Go. But hurry, I've only ever promised to babysit your daughter, not the shrieking angry looking elf in the other room."

It's almost as if Sakura cannot resemble to muster enough energy to burn a hole through the quick-tongued leader as some sort of rebuttal with his sharp eyes, he instead inhales and rhythmically steps down and marches out the door, leaving the ill-mannered, firecracker of a bassist to find his way down the hallway to peek in on the star of his group.

He's stunned, Hyde's seldom in rare form at home-- stunning with the beautiful glow of leisurely mitigation settling over him like a comforter. But Hyde is, well, sulking. His lips form the most perfect upside down 'U', curving downwards as he shoves a spoonful of neopolitan ice cream in his swollen, full lips. He barely looks up, his newly distended cheeks filling wider and wider the more he shoves. Tetsu wants to shriek, he can't believe some guy who wears all black and maybe showers twice a week if even that, has the capability of making one of the world's most treasured beauties shrink into a melancholy, lachrymose pity fest.

"Are you going to do this all night, or should this be my cue?" Tetsu startles the auburn haired, fingers caressing the doorway as he watches the tiny man jolt from his pillows. He studies Hyde for a moment, only prompting him to become more pouty, he's already deeply in his feelings, and Tetsu always knows how to scrutinize at the worst moments.

"..What are you doing here?" He clutches his tub of ice cream closer to him as if to protect, then takes a moment to cringe at his friend’s…. innovative...hairstyle.

"I was beseeched by your lover to come keep you company, seeing as you'd assume the position of your unborn daughter and cry for hours over not getting any attention." He pads over to the bed with steady steps, In some odd shape or form, Hyde's jealous, nowadays all he can do is waddle around-- it's almost as if he's dragging the baby around.

The singers blinks a few times, "In my defense, I am in love. Speaking of which, your love life is..?"

"Let's not delve into my love life seconds after even acknowledging each others' presence. Clearly yours with food is going well..my god, what have you been eating since the last time I saw you?"

Hyde's genuinely offended, but he has gotten pretty healthy, he can't necessarily fault Tetsu for his shaded qualm. "I just eat whatever I want."

"At this rate, she's going to be the size of a teenager if you don't feed her a vegetable."

Hyde narrows his large eyes, he's nearly sparkling-- nevermind the occasional look to the side and deep pout when he once again comes to the realization that Sakura isn't home. "Are you here to lay with me or insult me and my baby?"

Tetsu exhales and proceeds to swing his eyes up to the flatscreen with a knit to his brows. "Is this....American Pie? Why are you watching this?"

Hyde pummels his spoon nearly right through the tub, trying to haul a hunk of chocolate from the bottom. "It's funny. Be quiet and watch it with me, please." He leaves the spoon hanging from his mouth, a hand gently raising to stroke his stomach. "We like to eat snacks and watch movies, Yachan usually passes out, but it's kind of relaxing."

Tetsu has to admit, it's adorable, but still. "Relaxing from what, exactly? Rest?"

The singer purses his lips, giant eyes burning a hole through the bassist's naturally shocked eyes on behalf of his fiancé. "No. I'm going to be quiet, you're all negative and condescending and I'm having fun, so." He sticks his tongue out playfully, then finishes off the ice cream and places his free hand on his head to support himself. He appears to be a bit distressed, and maybe Tetsu is taking into account he's being a bonafide asshole, Hyde always seems to worry about Sakura anyway, his fear of losing him again to drugs or something obscure seemingly haunts him. 

"Sorry. How have you been?"

Hyde shrugs, "Fine, I guess. Not really doing anything besides writing." He blows his cheeks out, "Kind of just been napping and eating. A ton. I feel like I'm a baby. Yachan even wakes me up to feed me, it's so weird."

If being honest is being asked of him, Tetsu is relieved that the singer is finally settling down, even if it deems a detriment to the progression of his group. Not to mention, wanting to dabble in a different areas by starting new projects. He'd rather see Hyde move his life forward, rather than stay stagnant and stifle his acceleration.

"At least he still pampers you. You should probably tell him to shower more, though. Cologne only masks so much."

He receives a well-deserved glare from below his gaze, a tight-lipped grin etching away at his face. He pats Hyde on his head, taking in how devastatingly stunning he is, despite his perturbed disposition. "Seriously, if someone like him, who has the same pairs of clothes in rotation every week with greasy hair and a scowl can manage to get you marry him, maybe I have luck."

"He showers every day..and in his defense, he only likes wearing black. You're just hating on him 'cause you couldn't manage to date me."

The bassist collapses back on a few highly decorative and annoyingly itchy pillows, raising the throw over his thighs. "Persistence doesn't work in my favor as much as I would like it to, but you're happy, so."

"We'll find you someone in no time. Whatever happened to that guy we met down in Osaka a few months ago?"

Tetsu scoffs, "That was just a hit it and quit it sort of deal." He moves a strand of loose hair from his eyes, clearly not wanting to reminisce about the one night stand that couldn't even hit it right.

Hyde swallows, the shockingly superlative amalgamation of potato chips and ice cream still dancing away at his tastebuds. "We're a little too old to be still doing that, don't you think?"

"Says the pregnant thirty-nine year old."

There's certainly no protesting that, but Hyde would rather not waste energy defending himself and decides to move on for the sake of his own sanity.  "Well.. I just want the best for you. You know that."

Tetsu can't fight the urge to blush and pull his best friend closer and in his embrace, he can be such a stubborn asshole to him, and yet, he always speaks kindness back into him regardless. Hyde slaps a giant smile that takes up his entire face and nuzzles his face into the crook of Tetsu's neck, then cheeses up at him as if expressing gratefulness like that of a child who begged for a toy and their parent finally gave in.

"I know you do, and for the record, I'm really happy for you... and Yasunori, I guess. You guys deserve to be happy."

Hyde stifles a belch, regrets it when he's inevitably thrown into a fit of heartburn, then takes a few deep breaths to alleviate the uncomfortable sensation. "Yeah, thank you.. But no, you'll find someone. You're a cutie pie, there's no denying that.." He pinches the bassist's cheek teasingly, shocked when he doesn't receive a form of physical protest in reply.

"In due time, I guess.. Ken's got all these girls he's talking to right now, I have absolutely no idea how he keeps that up..he's a true casanova."

Hyde doesn't want to admit it to his face, but Tetsu's attitude problem and controlling tendencies seem to be the only thing that has proven time and time again why he's not quite a sight for sore eyes personality-wise. He's a cute guy, someone you'd probably like to look after in companionship, but then there's that mouth. Even still, Hyde has never been one to feed into discretion when the receiving party is in desperate need of a reality check.

"I think you would be too if you weren't so mouthy." Hyde finally chokes out. "Most of the time it's alright to be an asshole to us.. because you're like family as we have a higher tolerance, but if you want longevity in a relationship, that's not going to cut it."

Tetsu furrows his brows. "I'm not looking to be a cassanova. And well, if you're not going to love me for me, then you can see yourself out, that's how I feel about my past flings." Always the defenses, and Hyde comprehends why Tetsu is so keen on not taking his advice, but he also will persist as much as he can muster so the leader can properly find love.

"Granted, but you do want to find love and stay in love, right?"

Tetsu shoots him a hasty glare, "You can say this all because you've had this all made for you. If it wasn't for me, you would've never met Yachan, let alone would you have taken the initiative to get back together."

Hyde raises a brow. "Maybe so, but that doesn't mean that I can't offer any sort of advice based on observation." Tetsu's assuming the usual position of being annoyingly defensive and hardheaded, and the pregnant singer gets the short end of the stick, as always. But Tetsu blinks a few times, falling back once he comes to the conclusion that Hyde does have a point and he's just safeguarding for no reason.

"You don't have to be a cassanova like Ken if that's not what you're looking for. I think he prefers to date without being tied down right now, and that's him.." Hyde continues, glancing at the TV now and again, "But you, you have to just tone it down. You can be overwhelming.."

"Why must I change myself for the sake of others? What the hell is that about?"

"Tetchan, you don't need to change yourself.. just, take it down a few notches. You can't just come out the gate all naggy and pushy.” He longs for the days where Tetsu had the most disgusting infatuation with him, and in some way feels a bit remorseful that he rejected him if he knew it was going to harden him. But like, Tetsu shouldn’t of had Sakura join the group if he didn’t want them to fall in love… Either way, the bassist in his youth started off as a persistent, yet fair person, kind of two-faced in the way he was very much an asshole in seclusion and a bubbly, nodding mess when in public. The only reason Hyde dares blame his own relationship had an affect on his attitude would be that he had to watch his crush be snatched up by someone he introduced to him. Seems so juvenile, but it’s a theory.

“…Everyone says that!”

“Because it’s true! I genuinely believe you’re a kind person, I know you are. Just, you can’t be so defensive and hardened all the time. People say I’m hardheaded, but it takes a whole new form with you. I want you to be in love and stay in love. It hurts, I know it hurts badly to face so much rejection. But the moment you begin to soften up and allow your love life to run its course, you’ll open a door for opportunities to meet the one.” He takes the sweaty hand into his own, then winks. “I promise..”

Tetsu begins to break down— and he didn’t anticipate coming to Hyde’s and having a breakthrough, but here he is. His lip quivers as a stream of tears flood down his cheeks. He places his face in his hands, then wails for a second, the comfort of Hyde’s warm hands providing consolation to his barren state of mind. He lets it out, he can’t always be strong, and he indubitably can’t be carrying himself like he hates everything and everyone, but who could blame him when he’s so clearly got nothing to look forward to, no joy in his life. Because of this, he clings to his group, but at times, despite their accolades, he can’t help but feel that he fails in that endeavor as well.

“You’re amazing, Tetsuya. I don’t think any of us are fair enough to tell you that enough. But.. you have the most incredible mind, always have been so precocious.. a genius in your own lane. You care, otherwise you wouldn’t be so bossy and demanding, at least that’s what I think. But you have a heart, you have drive.. and I look up to you for that..” Tetsu has never been one to be of a cowardice nature, always has followed his gut and it works. He’s never fizzled and backed down, and that takes true moxie. Anyway, enough about him.

“Thank you..honestly speaking, I don’t know what I would do without you.” 

So, Tetsu sobers up, then heads to Hyde’s bathroom to splash his face with some water. Hyde holds the duvet up for him to join him once he’s back. “God, I understand why you guys sit in the bed all day, this is one comfy ass bed."

Hyde rolls his eyes, then cuddles tighter to Tetsu, his hand splaying over his large stomach, then he looks down at it, "I get it, I'm your punching bag, right?" He chuckles lowly, then allows his hand to rub around in hopes that he'll quell the baby's protesting kicks. He can tell she just wants attention, and she’s probably pissed at the fact that he’s talking to someone who called her mother a liability. 

Tetsu looks over and glues his eyes to the spherical abdomen, then at the glowing singer beneath his arm. "That must suck, having to house a small infant inside of you."

"No, it's a really wonderful thing to experience, just, I know she's going to be extremely picky." He stretches on a smirk, "Definitely Yachan's daughter."

Tetsu scoffs, then allows the thought of starting his own family to quietly settle into his psyche-- he's screwed around for years trying to chase down someone, but he's not quite found the one yet. And he wants to feel joy much like Hyde does, for once he's envious of the height deficient guy-- maybe having little ones and a partner would make him feel a wholeness that's unmistakably a paramount in his life.

"Ah," Hyde winces, changing the position he's laying in, he gently sets a strand of hair behind his ear, "It's all so painful sometimes, I would not recommend this to anyone, especially being that I'm so old." He allows his head to rest on the feathered pillows once more, his hands gently cradling his midsection as if protecting an angel meant to be in hidden from all that harbors evil.

Tetsu reaches over to pull the duvet over himself more, "Yeah, well, I guess kids seem fun to have. Although I would be a true disciplinarian, I can say that for sure."

Hyde takes a turn to sneer, "Yeah, you might want to humble yourself a few years before settling down. I'm already afraid you'll discipline my own daughter for messing up your tour, as you so thoughtfully put it."

Tetsu bites, "That's not what I meant, for the last time! The baby didn't do anything, it was her stupid parent who decided to walk around in platform boots and refuse to sit down, and inevitably leaving reason for me to label you a liability.." He narrows his eyes and allows for them to stay stationary on the television, “You're so headstrong, I swear to god, I didn't want to cut down the setlist, but Jesus."

Hyde has no regret, of course, considering that he aims to entertain, and that goes without saying, so he decides not to reply. He closes his eyes for a moment, then blinks them open to stare deeply into his friend's eyes. "I actually think you'd be a great parent, no bull. You may be a pain in the ass, but at least I can count on the fact that you always have things in order."

That tugs at his heartstrings a bit, even if it's a backhanded compliment, after all. He tilts his head and allows his thin lips to carve in a small smile. He pulls Hyde closer to him gently, then mouths a 'thanks' and presses a kiss to the singer's temple. Hyde raises his head and chuckles, their dynamic has always been outrageously entertaining, but they always end up hugging and making up in the end. 

"I'm so hungry." Hyde breaks the silence after a beat, "Make me something, I know Yasunori bought groceries earlier..."

The bassist deadpans, "You're hungry? Again?" He gulps and assumes his normal disposition of disapproval and wildly enlarged eyes.

Hyde nods, eyes looking back at him inquisitive and gentle with a sprinkle of naïve. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be? It's dinner time."

"Maybe cause it's not and you just ate like an entire family bag of chips and some ice cream, I think that's a... decent enough meal to fill you up.” It’s actually midnight, but Hyde’s perception of time is off considering all he does is sleep and eat, for the most part.

"I need real food.." He protests, not so much whining, but mumbling. "And I would make it, but I'm not that great at walking right now.."

Tetsu blinks. "How did you get the chips and ice cream in here? What, did it just walk in here itself?"

"Don't be a smart-ass, Yachan brought it to me." He shifts his position again, then pleads once more, "Can you please make me something? I have a child to feed.. if you're gonna complain about my eating habits, help!"

Tetsu has always been one to fall completely into Hyde's child-like pleads, and of course seldom can anyone say no to those eyes, so naturally he gets what he wants much like that of a spoiled child, more like, the spoiled child he is. Tetsu groans and lifts himself up from his spot, instantly losing the warmth he'd accumulated while cuddling with the pregnant brat. He returns after about twenty minutes, ten of which were filled with Hyde repeatedly pleading for him to hurry and asking him when it would be ready.

"Oyako-don... oh my god." Hyde salivates, freaking Tetsu completely out as if he's from another planet. He slurps the noodles with such an exuberance it is a wonder he doesn't choke, and by the five minute mark, Tetsu is still staring at the blissful Hyde who continues to make love to the chicken and egg as if tomorrow is going to guarantee a disaster that'll leave humans doomed. For a second, the bassist is in anguish when he comes to the realization that he indeed did not film this.

"Oh wow," Hyde slurs, a loud tap to the nightstand once he places the bowl down. "That was... that was amazing." He places a wet, savory kiss to his friend's cheek, prompting a grotesque look back shot back at him. He sits back and cuddles back up to the appalled Tetsu, who sighs and throws an arm around the little shoulders.

"Please tell me that's it. I don't know if I can whip you up a cake on the spot."

Hyde grimaces, "No, I've had enough sweets this week. I think this baby is gonna come out made of cake and ice cream." A shiver works it's way down his spine as he contemplates the amount of sweets he's probably consumed the entire pregnancy. 

He sighs, fulfilled and pumped with a bit more energy than before. In all honesty, he wishes he hadn't been such a brat when Sakura was leaving. Besides, it's not like he wanted to go anyway, Hyde's privy to Sakura's impendance when it comes to leaving his "two babies" home alone. Especially since he's confided to him that all he can ever think about is him and the baby during rehearsals and gigs. It's not like Sakura complained during the tour, in fact, as if he couldn't of been more abetting, he showed up in full support every night possible. One night wasn't going to kill him, in hindsight.

Tetsu looks over, "What's up with you?"

"Hmm," He hums in response, fingers gently fixing themselves over the slope of his large belly. "Just, I can be a real pain in the ass with Sakura and his whereabouts."

"You can be a real pain in the ass in general." Tetsu corrects braggartly, then softens once again as he comes to the realization that Hyde's serious. "Well, don't worry. He knows why you're that way, and you should be. I would be concerned if you weren't, actually."

"Just, I'm always snapping on him, or clinging to him.. I don't want that to work in the opposite of my favor and push him away." He knits his signature brows, a line lodging itself between them as he creates a frown. 

It's clear Hyde's in his head once again. "I think he likes that in some shape or form. He's always had his chest puffed out when it comes to you, you're like his trophy."

"Well, does that mean he wants me all concerned and smothering all the time, then?" Hyde swallows, eyes following his fingers as they rhythmically twiddle around anxiously. 

"He's not going anywhere, Hide." 

"I know.. I mean.." His eyes widen as he searches for any sort of consoling thoughts within his own psyche. "It's hard not to think negative thoughts with him. I'm very vulnerable right now, I think. So more than ever, I worry that he won't come back."

Tetsu actually feels sorry for his prized singer, not that he's never felt any sort of compassion, but the fact that Hyde is a master at hiding his emotions, in spite of the prominent fact that he cannot act to save his life. Mostly, he came in the house with Hyde being all mopey and blue, he doesn't think he can muster any patience to watch his close friend drown in sorrow once more.

"He will never ever leave you, I can tell you that much. He has nothing to gain, he is madly.. grossly-- in love with you and that baby." He smirks, "You should've heard him on the phone, he was so distraught that he had to leave you alone, he'd called everyone he trusted to see if they could stay with you, even if for a few hours."

"...Are you serious?"

"Yeah. That dude seriously thinks of you as his entire world, I think you need to give yourself a little bit of a break. There's no way in hell he would leave you guys without fighting his damn self.”

Tetsu’s right. After spending all those years apart, and four, nearly five years engaged, what reason would he have to go..? Especially in a time like this where Sakura will come home with a bag full of baby wipes and an arm full of new stuffed animals -- half of their child’s room is made up of those suckers. The drummer finds solace in his new home life, he’s domesticated more than ever, just.. he has to go out and work. Clearly, Hyde is the breadwinner, but that doesn’t mean Sakura doesn’t possess any sort of pride or motivation to go out and do things outside of their relationship. With Hyde bearing that in mind, he sighs. He just worries— when Sakura’s mother passed away, they had become tighter than ever, Hyde seeing to it that he never left his side, never once called a dealer to get him stuff to hold him over, made sure, even now, that he’s healing properly. But he knows that sometimes that threshold wears thin and the world can come crashing down on you. That is what he fears.

“Yeah.” Hyde sighs out, the negative thoughts draining from his head like an abscess. He quietly settles himself on the pillows once again, this time closing his eyes and thinking back to the chaos that was the peak of his lover’s addiction and how debilitating that was— to watch Sakura hold on so tightly to him before drowning completely. Years of Hyde feeling at fault for his fall, but he catches a break from his flashback, watching as if a movie in his head, them reuniting much like nothing else in the world mattered, to now.. he’s forgiven himself and he’s at the highest point in his life. He stretches a little smile to his lips with that thought, and passes out.

Sakura returns home shortly, not aware of what an emotionally adventurous night its been for the pair of friends. When he enters, Tetsu is wide awake, fascinatingly tapped into some documentary about gazelles in the Sahara or something. He presses a finger to his lips without looking up from the screen and points to the adorably sleeping Hyde, who holds a Rilakkuma bear to his chest and the head of the bear beneath his own. The drummer chuckles, a little tipsy from the celebratory drink he’d shared with the members, but now he’s just so smitten by the tableau in front of him. Tetsu slides out the bed and winks at Sakura before seeing his way out to rush home before the documentary ends. But not before telling Sakura he’s the luckiest man on the planet.

Once he’s departed, Sakura freshens up and gets in the bed with Hyde. Much like he’s always been, he’s extra loud and obnoxious in his movements, so he wakes Hyde up, who wonders what did he do to deserve an interruption of sleep constantly, whether it be from his energetic daughter, or his sometimes-nonchalant fiancé. Sakurazawas, he thinks. But he keeps his eyes shut and pretends he’s still sleep, despite the fact that he can feel Sakura’s breathing on his face and is privy to the fact that he’s watching him sleep.

"I'm sorry for being so clingy.." Hyde croaks, startling the younger man as his fingers lacing into Sakura's frigid, slightly calloused ones. “I know you have a life outside of me, I just want to feel secure in the fact that you’re alright."

"I know you worry about me, and I haven't always made it easy on you either.” Sakura eventually replies, well aware that Tetsu’s right, he is the luckiest man in the world. “And I’m sorry. “ 

Hyde places a hand on the drummer's chest. "I'm just always worried, that's all.”

“That’s why I always feel bad. I’ve made you worry for nearly twenty years, and that’s not something I’m proud of. But I’m fine, I always am. I’m not making up bullshit alibis so I can do something irresponsible. I can thank you for aiding me in breaking that habit.” He moves Hyde’s hair away from his eyes, he sees his world before him, the gorgeousness that is Hideto Takarai— or soon to be Hideto Sakurazawa. Not at superficial value, at everything in who he is on the inside, he is perfection, he is his medicine, his warmth, his solace. He makes a mental note that as soon as the baby comes, he must waste no time in finally marrying him. He can’t stand to see Takarai as his last name on documents any longer. 

“I trust you.” The singer purrs into his softened chest, both of their soft midsections pushing them apart slightly, but Hyde wraps his arms around him, and Sakura is sure that he’s never felt Hyde so….warm. It’s almost as if he’s a furnace, magnetically pulling him to bask in the warmth further, as he in collateral places his arms around Hyde.

They’re sickeningly infatuated, they’re at peace, they have trust. They have love.

 

___

With the baby coming any day now, Sakura and Hyde come to the realization that it'll no longer be just the two of them from the point she’s born on. And they do get tired of each other...sometimes, so it's nice to have a new addition, but they'll be left without many date nights after the arrival of said new addition. Naturally, Sakura decides he wants to have dinner with the tiny guy.

Hyde is well aware he won't be getting dolled up and spoiled for quite some while, so he goes all out. He ordered a stylist to come to the house and fix up his hair, groom what needed to be groomed, took the liberty of brushing on a gorgeous face of makeup, beautiful outfit donned on his gently curved body. He's confined to the top level of the house, per his fiancé's request. But he's not complaining, allowed for him to prepare to stun him like never before.

A knock on the door indicates that Sakura's got all the finishing touches in order, and Hyde takes a single glance at himself in the mirror before opening the door-- he looks absolutely angelic, albeit his swollen well, everything. Hair gently pressed into loose waves, fringe sweeping across his right eye.  Shirt caressing his body suggestively. He'd probably fuck himself if given the option.

Sakura nearly tumbles backwards once he takes an immediate glance after the door opens. He stares in awe at the epitome of divinity that is his man. Hyde has a glow settled around him in his aura. Even still, Sakura decides to play it cool and clear his throat, still attempting to muster with every fiber in his being not to blush. He's got that tingling sensation he got when he first met him, like he didn't think it was possible for someone to be this beautiful.

"Hey, uh.. everything's ready if you are."

Hyde nods, "Un, I'm all ready.." He pokes his head out of the door, "I can smell it from here...smells good, you actually cooked."

Sakura deadpans, "Of course I cooked..what, you thought I would plate up some takeout and act like it's mine? I used a recipe your mother gave me."  He assures sternly, eyes hooding as his brows begin to knit in defense. Hyde blinks a few times, then cocks his head to the side innocently. 

"You cooked my mother's recipe? You didn't have to do that.." 

Sakura runs his fingers through his hand through his hair, "I wanted to. Now, let's go eat and see if I did a decent enough job." He takes the gentle fingers in his own, his back now facing the older man, so he's able to fondly etch a fond grin on his face on account of the fingers being so soft, then rough at the tips from his years of as he likes to call it, "grinding".

He leads Hyde to their candlelit living room, which he's transformed into a beautiful ambience clad with soft French music playing gingerly in the background. Hyde is stunned, this is well beyond his expectation. He's got to give it to Sakura, he has some serious skills up his sleeve that are so unexpected, you wouldn't be thinking he was capable.

"Yachan, this is incredible." Hyde chokes out, sitting himself down across from the more debonair than ever Sakura, who seems to of borrowed some of Hyde's glow-- he beams under the candlelight, he appears so alluring. In this moment, they reach the summit of their beauty.

Sakura hums, "Thank you.. took me forever." He gently lifts the top from the plate, revealing julienned chicken drizzled with some sort of cream sauce with fresh vegetables and what looks to be pasta. Hyde nearly salivates, its piping hot and braced for his devouring, and he doesn't hesitate taking the first bite without his fiancé. Besides, he's been waiting all day, he's glad he didn't hold his breath.

He’s rewarded a chuckle from the drummer, who in return takes a taste, but nearly spits it all out when he hears Hyde moaning seductively into another bite of his food. It's almost as if the singer makes love to whatever he's receiving nourishment nowadays, and he sounds sooo turned on. Sakura being jealous of food might be one of the strangest emotions he's felt.

"Why'd you get all dolled up if we're just staying in the house?"

"Are you complaining?” Hyde looks up from his fork, surely the man across from him isn’t whining about his looks, he knows he was checking him out. But in all honesty, Yasunori is a bonehead at times, like completely oblivious.. sometimes Hyde will walk in the kitchen butt naked— the hoe he is, let’s not pretend — and drop something on purpose to get Sakura’s attention only prompting him to just ask him why he’s got his flapjacks out and will ask him to go get decent. Sigh. Hot men….

“No, but I just wondered. I know you did it to make me horny, but still.”

“I definitely wouldn’t be asking me that question if I were you, just be glad I got this sexy for only you to see.”

Sakura presses his cheeks and presses his lips into a line, fork banging against his plate as he sets it down. “Yeah, cause Ju-ken and friends are dying to see you all voluptuous and shaking your ass everywhere because now you have one.” The banter continues, but neither of them are looking for a casual dinner, so Hyde rolls his eyes, accompanying it with a smile and continues his food-lovemaki— eating.

“You did a really good job on this. Tastes like 1987.” Hyde sneers, his mother was going through some sort of diet fad when she first cooked this meal, and somehow his partner has upgraded it where it’s more seasoned and carb-loaded, too. He longs for a glass of wine, oh how a Pinot Grigio would adorn this meal. 

“Good.”

They stay in silence for a while, most of which they spend filling their cheeks and collapsing their arms into their laps, staring into each others’ eyes as if hypnotized. They cannot believe that they’ve gotten this far, the pinnacle of their relationship stands in this moment. The pair look devastatingly gorgeous and can feel their souls immesh, they’re truly soulmates. 

“Hideto..”

“Hmm~”

“You’re so beautiful.. I’m so glad I got you again.” Sakura confesses. If there’s any time to be cheesy, gooey, gross and to mooch, it’s now. But there’s no intent to flatter, just a simple confession. 

Hyde’s cheeks squeeze against his rounded eyes as he calmly grins, “You’re beautiful too..I’m glad we came back together..” He reaches over to take one of Sakura’s frigid hands to put in his own slightly stubby one. “I don’t know what I would do or who I would be with if we hadn’t come together again.”

Both can only imagine either hoeing it out, or being committed to some woman they can’t actually stand and probably having some rowdy children with them to “spice up” their relationship. But this..this feels natural, this feels like heaven on earth, actually.

“Neither do I. You have to let me marry you now.” The younger flatly announces, swirling his noodles with his free hand clad with a fork. “You can’t be Takarai Hideto forever.”

“I don’t want to be..I have to match angel, too. No fair that she gets to be a Sakurazawa before me.” Tonight, Hyde’s wearing his engagement ring. He never gets the liberty of wearing it in public, and he barely wears it around the house because he doesn’t want to risk losing it while doing even the most mundane activity, but tonight he dons it with pride. It’s nothing but a simple silver band with diamonds cresting the perimeter. Even though his hands are as swollen as sausages, the ring manages to enhance the appearance, and Sakura’s a bit sentimental at the gesture.

“You’ll deal..”

Dinner finishes hastier than Sakura anticipates, so instead of dragging it along, he has another idea that he’d scrapped for some casual date night they’d had a few months back.

“I made some dessert..” He picks up Hyde’s plate, “Go sit on the couch and I’ll bring it to you.”

Hyde shrugs, pushing himself up with a bit of a struggle, then makes his way to the couch and begins to lounge. In actuality, he wants to get out of this outfit, it’s gorgeous and he succeeded in his measure to make Sakura want to fuck him, even if it was just a tease, since for once in his life, he’s not in the mood to fuck..maybe cuddle fuck, but not full-on fucking. “Yachan!” He belts out.

“Yeah?” 

“Do you think you could bring me my pajamas..and get in yours?” Hyde beseeches, his request arriving out of his mouth more endearing than he expected. Sakura stays quiet, only to return in a pair of sweatpants and a black wife beater, clutching a pair of grey pajamas Hyde’s father had handed down to him. 

Hyde changes on the spot, and Sakura’s witness to the full view that is Hyde’s new body. Surely he’ll shed the pounds off in record time, bounce back with a tight body and a chiseled face, but for some reason, the Nerima native is basking in the glory that’s for his viewing. Hyde’s thighs are protruded and rounded out, supporting the globular ass he carries on the back of them, legs slightly thicker in the calves, and their precious gift blossomed fully in his middle. He’s a beautiful mess of curviness, and frankly, Sakura didn’t know he was even capable of carrying weight like this. Hyde Kardashian, dare he consider.

After Hyde’s through with wooing his partner of some eight or so years, he settles between Sakura’s legs, who then presses play on the television in front of the glass table. Hyde raises a brow, coaxed when his soon-to-be husband starts brushing his hair— something he’s been doing since they were young, he usually doesn’t miss a night doing so.

On the screen is a very young Hyde, the time stamp reading 1993/10/13, just around the time they’d started dating. Sakura had been bored in Akihabara just a week prior to this being filmed and purchased a VHS camera as a keepsake for the memories to come. In the video, Hyde appears faultless and innocent, and caught, as it’s not Sakura, but Ken behind the camera. He’s caught the pair making out in the closet of a dressing room. Sakura yells at him and tells him to get a life, and asks how he was able to retrieve the camera, anyway.

“You were so mad!” Hyde giggles, still in shock that Sakura still has these recordings, he was sure he’d tossed after the events in 1997 transpired. “So easy to embarrass back then.” He’s fond, reaching up to squeeze Sakura’s cheeks in attempt to get him to say something, but Sakura’s just mesmerized by how much they’ve evolved. 

The video jumps around to different time frames, most of the videos are of Hyde, who typically just peers wide-eyed at he camera and waves, or even throws up a middle finger occasionally. So limber and innocent, not yet subjected to the toll that fame can come with, at least Hyde was. Various photoshoots, including their Carnival of True photoshoot, Ken took the liberty of assuming the position of cameraman there too. You can see Sakura in rare form, holding onto Hyde’s arm and even pantomiming kissing him. These photos unfortunately didn’t make the cut, but he knows he’s got copies of them somewhere. Hyde looks both darling and opulent in his trendy outfit, what looks to be earmuffs over his healthy bed of brown hair. 

“I miss when my hair was thick and pretty..” Hyde sighs out, he doesn’t really find joy in watching videos of him in his youth, but he can openly admit that this was a really monumental point in his life, and he was extremely beautiful. “I never listen..I dyed it red after that, I think.”

“You did. I remember the smell of bleach sticking to the bathroom wall for weeks.”

 The rest of the video isn’t all that entertaining, just snippets of them kissing and clips from the beach, Sakura drunk as a skunk, musing about the story behind "good-morning Hide”, in which Hyde just cackled like a witch behind the camera. There is one last clip, just a few days before Sakura’s arrest, that catches the heart of the older couple.

“If there is anything I can tell you, Hide, it’s that navigating in this world for me is not easy. It’s a daunting task, it’s horrifying to walk this world and not comprehend why I am who I am, why I am so hardened, why I feel unworthy of everything I am given. The one thing I can truly hold my head high and feel worthy of having.. is you. You are why I wake up in the morning, you are the reason for my willingness to try to get better, and be a better man, challenge myself even when I’m comfortable in a state of stasis. I may be an ass, hell, even stupid. But I know, more than anything, that I am deserving of having you. So help me god, I will never let go of you. You are my reward among all my suffering.” It’s a video that Sakura recorded with the intent of showing Hyde on their fourth anniversary, but with the events to follow the creation of that video, and the hostility and suffocating air of their environment when he came to stay those few months following his release, he never got the chance to.

So, here they are, eleven years later, and a now thirty-nine year old Hyde is washed over with the most heart-wrenching emotion splashing him like cold water on a slumbering body. He feels as if his heart is in a wringer, eyes stained red from the rubbing he’s doing to them. Sakura has always seen him as his world, seldom has he ever resented him. But to hear that coming from that Sakura.. feels… unspeakable.

“Yasunori..” Hyde chokes out. And god, he feels like it’s been a never-ending cycle of crying for the past nine months. “You really love me.” He flatly states, despite the potential nature of his voice being shaky. “I mean you really, really love me.”

Sakura gently wraps his arms around the shorter man, bringing him to his chest to pepper gentle kisses to the tear-stained chubby cheeks. “Of course I do. Even then, in such a dark place, you were my light. You always will be my light. He takes his index and wipes Hyde’s freshly fallen tear off his face, he feels as if they don’t belong there literally ever.  In a moment like this, he can’t help but pour out the rest of his emotions that he’s been harboring.

“And our angel, too..” He sighs, “She, combined with you makes that light shine brighter. I am whole.” He reaches to gently perch his hand over Hyde’s stomach, the warmth almost like a power line to his heart, as it races with his very thought that she’ll be here soon. “I know you’re getting impatient, but you’ll be here very soon, and I’ll make it my duty to give you the world.” He’s firm in his words, but they sound so poetic to the man in his lap, who throws his arms around his neck and presses a deep kiss into his lips. 

“You are my reward too, Yasunori. Our reward.”

 

__

 

It’s not long before Hyde’s scheduled delivery date arrives, just about a week after the sap-fest. He couldn't sleep the night before, the anticipation and fear repleted him to the point where he became suffocated by it. Sakura cried a good dozen times in the privacy of the bathroom, so needless to say, despite their efforts in preparation, they are more than a wreck. But with time comes the moving along of events, so they can’t change the fact that today is the day. 

“I think we have everything..” Hyde’s voice is a bit shaky as he holds a teddy bear to his side, eyes snapped onto the list he’s made. He’s got his bag over his shoulder, which leads him feeling a bit unsettled with the fact that he’s going to be spending the next few days in a hospital bed as he rehabilitates from the laborious process that is healing from a cesarean. 

Sakura agrees. He feels a bit empty, but is comforted by the fact that he’ll be returning home with his baby girl, clad with the ability to finally show her the room he’s been so painstakingly working on for the past half a year. On the walls; a beautiful warm beige, fairy lights strewn across the entirety of the room, stars painted on the ceiling. There’s a chandelier with glass carved into feathers hanging from the ceiling, stuffed animals snuggling in a neat pile against the northernmost wall. Her crib white with a single Korilakkuma bear awaiting her cuddling. The room is heaven themed, there’s even a neon sign with angel wings adjacent to her crib. There’s a beautiful gloss to the black hardwood floor, with a fluffy, feathery rug taking up most of the space. Pardon the carrying away— just, needless to say, he can’t wait to bring his angel into her palace.

Hyde loosely takes Sakura’s hand as he guides them out to the garage, hands tremoring as his eyes waver around. His nerves are so shot, the nine months leading up to this day have been nothing too far from chaotic for him, and now it’s coming to an end. Which..is something he should be thrilled about, right? Well, something in him is stabbing him, he can’t help but want to protect his daughter from the evils of the world. He’s realizing it now, but her being wrapped up tightly inside of him is the last time she will ever be shielded. The precautions he will have to take to ensure her safety will only be lasting for so long and— he doesn’t want to think that far into the future, but it’s disturbing how very ensconced she is for only such a short time before entering the world in all its spectacle of unpredictability. 

The ride to the hospital is filled with an abundance of taciturn, neither of the pair seem to have a single word to utter. Both in rooted contemplation, jaws slacked and hands woven together. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, but it’s an obvious transition into the next phase of their lives. The car ride is the median between their life before and after their child, and that’s what’s so chillingly meaningful about the noiselessness. 

When they arrive, it’s like they blink and they’re already checked in and Hyde’s in a gown.

 Sakura just laughs, finally breaking their hour-long silence. “Aw,”

He raises his camera so snap a photo at the jittery man before his eyes. He just thanks god that Hyde isn’t having any contractions or anything close to painful, as he doesn’t wanna hear the very cliché “you did this to me, I HATE you!”. Instead, he watches a team of nurses help him onto the operating table and proceed to sticking a bunch of machines to him, needles into his veins without warning, Sakura only wishes that were him enduring that, ‘cause Hyde looks like death with how he’s wincing and tearing up every few minutes. He’s uncomfortable, he has been for the past nine months, but he this gives a whole new meaning.

“Takarai-san!” And Hyde’s also not thrilled to see his obstetrician while he’s in such pain from the plucking and pushing he’s been subject to the past ten minutes. This guy has basically called him every name in the book, alluded to him being a beached whale at several times, nearly cancelled his tour on his behalf, and called him a geriatric mother. He’s not just considering switching to a different doctor after the baby’s born, he’s affirmative in his action. “Ready to have this baby?”

Hyde looks up at Sakura, who’s nervously chewing on spearmint gum, nearly dizzying the man with how vigorously he’s chewing it. Fuck, it’s almost as if Sakura’s last meal is that damn piece of gum. He squeezes Hyde’s swollen little hand, a kiss being dropped to it once he slightly nods at the doctor. He’s numb to his core, literally. Drugged up, but somehow he’s still got tunnel vision for two people: Sakura, of course, and his baby girl. So spaced out and faded, he barely can recollect time passing. 

Sakura doesn’t dare peek over the barrier, it’s there for a reason, he figures. Nothing more disturbing than seeing Hyde’s innards. He can hear the nurses unprofessionally whisper about how they didn’t know it was Hyde that would be coming in to deliver his baby, and how their baby is bound to be a star— well, he finds that cute amongst their otherwise lack of decency and professionalism. 

Hyde mouths “love you” to Sakura, he’s so out of it and prays that whatever the hell’s in his system will wear off before the baby comes out. Sakura winks at him, sucking his teeth flirtatiously. He looks over at the doctor, who’s eyebrows furrow as he complains under his breath about how slow his assistants are. After a long while, he meets gaze with Sakura, clearly cheesing beneath his surgical mask, then pulls out this itty-bitty baby with a full head of hair, who simply shatters the heart of her parents once her gentle, yet strong voice pierces the silence of the room.

The couple’s large eyes grow wider than ever, tears springing to them as they hear their daughter’s first whines. Much like the moment they’d reunited, their world stops. Whatever voice that can be heard are distorted, only completely coherent when it’s vital information like, the fact that she was born at 5:31 PM. She quiets down hurriedly, as if embarrassed by her own whining. She reduces them to sporadic whines, which Hyde wishes he could record and play on repeat for the rest of his life. Already is his baby girl a better singer than he is. 

“Ah..Saku..forgive me, what is it…Sakura…ah,” The doctor might just be presenting as petty, or he truthfully is unaware of Sakura’s last name, which prompts Hyde to weakly correct him.

Sakurazawa.”

“Ah! Right, thank you. Sakurazawa-san, would you like for one of our staff to cut the baby’s umbilical cord, or would you like to do the honors?” 

Again, a simple ten second strangle to the doctor’s neck is all it would take for Sakura to feel fulfilled and move past his affinity for the doctor. What an obtuse question, this baby is the very meaning of his life, why the fuck wouldn’t he cut her cord? Actually, he encourages Hyde with more persistence than ever to seek another doctor’s practice, because what the fuck.

He’s not going to allow this man’s clearly emptied out brain subject him to a distraction from stepping up to clamp his daughter’s cord and cut it. It’s so cinematic, she’s so squirmy and tiny. He can’t see her face on account of a nurse wiping it off and clearing out her nose, but he can tell by how short her legs are and how surreally tiny her toes are, that she’s a little fairy. He chokes up, but only allows the tears to burn his eyes, he needs to save his tears for when he actually gets to bask in her beauty. Which..he knows she has, considering when one of the nurses takes her to get bathed and properly primped, they all chuck compliments at her, oohing and ahhing, the entire demographic coming to a consensus that she’s the most beautiful baby they’ve ever seen, and she resembles a doll, how she’s got the face of a baby model. So yeah, Sakura’s daughter is gorgeous after all.

“How is she?” Hyde slurs, trying to remain as coherent as possible. The doctor proceeds to stitch him up and wrap him up tightly before he switches him to another bed and unites him with the baby. He’s far too medicated to practically..emote. 

“I can only tell that she’s tiny, that’s about it.” He confides, then lowers himself to press a kiss to Hyde’s temple. He can only wish that Hyde was more lucid in his emotions, considering this is the most monumental milestone in his life so far, but maybe it’ll just take a few minutes for the altered state of mind to revert back to normal. He pokes his lips out for a kiss, he’s well coherent enough to do that, as when he’s under the influence he’s done that and more. 

“Alright. We’re gonna wrap the baby up, wheel you to your suite, and we’ll be right in there to give her to you.” A frail, middle-aged nurse with thin, pulled back hair and kind eyes expresses as she proceeds to nod about thirty times in her short sentence. Sakura bows on Hyde’s behalf, who’s being transferred to another bed now. He’s starting to come back to himself after about ten minutes go by, so he’s properly disposed for his meeting with Princess Sakurazawa.

He’s wheeled off down the hall, but not before trying to peek at the nurses’ stations to catch a glimpse of the little girl who whines a few times when the nurses go to weigh her. He arrives with his fiancé to a suite the size of their living room and kitchen combined, clad with a bed and even a kitchenette. The hospital bill’s about to be something ridiculous, without a doubt.

They wait what feels like dizzying hours, eyes anxiously darting around the suite, every few seconds voyaging to the door in hopes of a nurse bringing the baby in will appear.

Hyde nearly cries, he's anxious, the nurses already presented as if they wanted her for themselves, cooing and awwing, alleging she's the prettiest baby they've ever seen, so she could be long gone, for all he knows. Sakura is growing impatient with the timing, they promised they'd be right behind them, but he considers maybe they forgot to do a test or something. Either way, both of them are on pins and needles as they anticipate the nurse's entrance.    

Finally, the door clicks. They look up, eyes frantic and more attentive than ever. The woman holds their child tenderly, her eyes adoring as she checks on her every few seconds. "Who should I give this angelic baby to?" She calmly questions, slightly starstruck by Hyde, but allows her intimidated demeanor to shed for time being. Before Sakura can even answer, Hyde holds his trepidating hands out, he's the one who had to carry her all that time, it's only right and the latter can’t really say he’s deserving.

"She's exactly seven pounds.. congratulations..I hope you don't mind me saying..she's very beautiful." The nurse bows, receiving a little bow on her end as gratitude. She exits and allows for the new parents to experience their first moments with their dream come true.

Hyde is smitten at the sight of her being too tiny for her blanket, he's more than assured she will take after him in the size department. He gingerly moves the blanket away from her face and unexpectedly proceeds to break down, Sakura leans over and is instantaneously taken aback. They're shell-shocked, if you need context. 

"Oh wow..” Hyde’s reddened nose gives out a new sniffles, soft voice beginning to dampen as he shakily brings the baby closer to himself. "She's unbelievable.." He wipes his eyes with record breaking speed, an abundance of tears pouring down his cheeks like harried waterfalls chasing after each other. 

Sakura halts the predisposition his own bewailing, eyes laden with giant tears, blocking his vision, however he begins to soak them up for the sake of keeping composed for the both of them. Still, he sees his meaning of life before his eyes, it is the most precious moment he will ever live through, he wishes he could live it over and over again, though, this moment will suffice. This baby is love, she's beauty, powerful as she's attained the power of gifting her parents with their true meaning of their lives. 

They both marvel at her features, already so prominent and gorgeous, only to become more breathtaking with time. Very obvious with her eyes even closed that she's taken Hyde's signature eyes, those eyes that have a million stories behind them, compassion, adoration, solace, and stolen the hearts of many worldwide. Her lips belong to him, too, and quite honestly the feature Sakura prayed to the heavens for the most, as he's lacking and wouldn't be doing her justice if she got his. But she did get his elegant nose, it's little for now, sort of tiny and much like a button like Hyde's in size and width. She has brown hair, gently framing her face and a gentle swirl at the ends. She's so tiny, too. If they weren't up close, they'd believe she was a porcelain doll made to handle with care.

"She's a dream.." Sakura quietly murmurs, hesitantly stroking her head as if he's disquieted about breaking her or something along that. "My greatest gift..."

Hyde stays in his state of reticence. He can feel his soul almost regenerate and cleanse, she's the missing puzzle piece to his life, and he feels finally at peace. Without a doubt, this little girl carries the capability of bringing him serenity.

The baby opens her gentle eyes, blinking a few times before opening them all the way, sending her parents into their own respective awwfest. Her eyes are bigger than Hyde's, expressive and framed by gentle lashes that sweep her cheeks when she blinks. She looks confused, but somehow they're under the impression she's always going to look innocent and a bit dazed. When she looks up at Sakura's he nearly collapses on the bed, his heart races at the speed of light. He is in sheer disbelief that his daughter is the definition-- the epitome, of beauty. It's almost as if the infant created it herself, but there's no question why, she spent nine months growing inside of the most gorgeous person in existence.

"Hi, beautiful.." Hyde pouts tearfully once he puts her little hand in his, then melts at the warmness of her little fingers. She parts her lips as if she's in shock, and he likes to play with the idea that she's shocked that she came from him, and finally she's able to see the voice behind that dark underwater cave she was in for so long. "Remember me?" He chuckles to himself when her already wide eyes vastly begin to grow.

Sakura watches her grab onto Hyde's gown and make a precious little noise. He starts tearing up again, as if on cue, but once again decides to rescind the action of crying. He takes the liberty of sliding his index finger into her palm, acting as if it’s the most astonishing thing he’s ever witnessed when she grips it tightly. Her eyes waver to the man with the long hair, and even with her blurry vision, she reaches up and yanks his hair with perfect precision. But he doesn’t mind, instead just holds onto her little hand against his strands. “Haidie, she’s your mini-me.” He frowns, “I won’t be able to say no to her, she’s going to be unreasonably spoiled.”

Hyde gently supports her head and sniffles, eyes glassy and a bit puffy. “Mmm, very lucky girl. He says no to me, so you win.” He leans in to press a kiss to her glossy hair, and he can just about die with how lovely she smells.. unfair that babies get to smell like paradise and adults get to.. well, wreak or attempt to mask it.

“Stop hogging her,” Sakura fake-whines, face still cooling off from the magnitude of how hard he was crying just moments ago. He feels such a magnetic force to hold her, but to observe for the moment; the elegance that is his most precious gifts being held by each other, is adequate for the time being. 

“I just want to marvel at my best creation for a second..” Hyde mutters, tickled by the baby’s precious expression, she’s the poutiest thing he’s ever seen, grabbing everything in her blurry little sight. She truly is just an even tinier version of him, it’s like watching a compressed, 100-times-cuter version of himself in the mirror. She looks up at him again, and he sees love. Love visualized, right there before his annoyingly problematic eyes. His vision may be flawed, but he’s in belief that for the first time in his life, she’s being viewed with perfect vision. 

The baby grabs his nose, her little fingers already keen on exploring the tangible things life has to offer. So innocent and fresh to the world, not yet privy to how wide and vast. “She’s so delicate, I suppose her nickname is very fitting. She’s heavenly, just an angel’s incarnate.”

Sakura’s heart is about to leap out of his chest. He can’t help but start up the waterworks finally, and Hyde looks up at him with those planets for eyes, clearly not ignorant to why his man is so touched. An unforgettable evening that results him crying off and on, and now Sakura’s ready to— are new parents really supposed to be this emotional?

“Here..” Hyde gently places her in Sakura’s arms, who holds her head in his hands shakily before composing himself once again, carrying her in front of himself. She’s got the eyes of a doe, he can’t stop thinking about it. So expressive, not in that “yikes, your baby can’t control its fucking face” sort of way, but she’s serene, so calm and aware of her surroundings. Her demeanor is so unmatched, he’s never seen a newborn relax the way she did in the delivery room, nor has he seen one just lay quietly and comfortably without squirming everywhere, and trust and believe, this girl did not know how to sit still during he stay at the Hyde Hotel, Resort & Spa.

Hisae.” Sakura’s voice cracks, then he clears his throat and applies more bass to it. “Sakurazawa Hisae.” To finally say her name, the most beautiful name that yes, the both of them had come with months back in the city of love, feels like apart of himself is being reborn. As if shedding old skin and revealing anew. 

Hisae, meaning “eternal blessing” is the epitome of what she is. Maybe it’s not Fleur, nor is it unique to the others in Japan, but it’s a name that she undoubtedly can wear proudly with her fluffy little head held high with. Forever a blessing in her parents’ lives, as she’s given them a purpose and drive like never before. A reason for them to hold their heads up high and be proud to walk in pride and their truth upon waking up and walking into the world every day.

“Such a beautiful name for a such a beautiful girl..” Hyde muses, nuzzling Hisae’s cheek with his index bent. She’s so much like a little kitten, melting into the contact. Sakura then cradles her, settling in his arm and bringing her close to his face to press a kiss to her forehead, overcome with emotion— she’s clearly everything perfect in both of them, their predictions were right after all.

“Mmm..Hide,”

Hyde tears his eyes away from the little bundle of perfection to conjoin with the sharp gaze. “Hmm?”

“Thank you. My entire life has been leading up until this moment right here. I have two reasons to live now, thanks to you. I don’t think you understand. You are my angel. She’s my angel, and I seriously cannot thank you enough for going through so much hell.”

Hyde is such a sucker for sappy Sakura, “I don’t regret a single moment of this at all, I felt so beautiful carrying our child, I don’t think I’ll ever feel that way ever again. She’s part of you, so beautiful that it radiated from the inside out..and you, you supported me through everything, even in my most hormonal fits, or outrageous cravings, you stuck by me. You’re my angel too, you know.”

And with that, Sakura slips into a pit well of his own emotions once again, fresh tears escaping his eyes like droplets from a drippy faucet. He just can’t help it. Here he is, engaged to the love of his life, holding the tangible manifestation of their everlasting love, their eternal blessing, sober, loved, and living through the bar none, most breathtaking moment of his life. The word to describe his current disposition is, well, blessed.

 

Not long after, Hyde’s parents arrive, Sakura’s father and siblings are to come tomorrow. Hyde’s mother nearly lost her marbles— oh how she’s always wanted to have a girl to spoil, and how perfect is it that she’s been given a granddaughter as her first and possibly only grandchild. She’d marveled about how much of a doll Hisae was, held her little hands and kissed them repeatedly until the baby girl began to whine. His father, more reserved than his cheery-teary mess of a wife had held the little girl to him while situated near the window and watched her every move fondly. He’d shaken his head, nearly inaudibly mused about how she exuded beauty and she was surely plucked fresh from heaven. 

Not to mention, they’d doted over their only child, Hyde himself consecrated with kisses from his mother to his cheeks, forehead— everywhere, and his father tenderly held his hand and confided quietly that he was proud of him, and watching him raise his child will be something that as a father, he would be so overjoyed in witnessing. Sakura didn’t stand idly by of course, Mrs. Takarai had left scarlet kisses on his cheeks and a fond tug to his cheek; unspeakably grateful that her “Hidechan” had finally settled down and that they’d brought to the world the most beautiful baby girl she’d ever seen. Seeing that she’s always had a special place in her heart for the raven-haired beauty, it’s not a surprise that she doted over him and bursted out crying when she saw him hold the baby next to Hyde on the bed. And of course, the elderly couple couldn’t just leave without taking a picture of the new family. They resembled them, nearly forty years ago, holding their first and only child. They’d bid them goodbye as Hisae began to fall asleep in Hyde’s arms, which the gesture provided another choked out sob from the short woman as she closed the suite door.

But now they’re settled, with friends including the members promising they’ll visit the rest of the week, they’re left to just..relax. It’s been an excruciatingly long nine months. Hyde’s been sleep for quite some while, but a nurse very abruptly awoke him to have dinner, so he’s just now finishing up. The baby’s still sleep, being held to Sakura’s chest as he watches over her like she’s one of the rare treasures of the world— in his world she is, so. 

“How are you feeling?” Sakura looks over at the singer, who’s cheeks are chock-full of rice. Just because he’s no longer eating for two doesn’t mean his appetite has completely vanished, and he’s not splitting the nutrients anymore, anyway. He shrugs, careful not to make any sudden movements that’ll pry his bandages from his body. 

“I guess I’m alright. It just feels so weird to go through that for so long, and now she’s..out..” He’s a bit pouty in his tone, albeit he’s thrilled he can finally get back to being the tight-ab king he’s always been. He’s grown so tired of his chubby face, though he can easily and openly admit how precious he’s looked. “How are you?”

Sakura takes a glance at the baby, then back at Hyde, “I can’t explain it, I don’t even feel like the same person, I don’t think.” While its true Sakura has never been one to be overly sentimental, he can’t help but feel like his daughter has opened his heart completely, even if only being in the world for three hours. To be in absolute awe and fondness of even her little lips parting in his sleep, proves that she indeed is going to be inseparable from her papa, he can foresee her wearing earmuffs and strapped to his chest during rehearsals.

Hyde’s smitten, he reaches over and gently strokes Sakura’s head, he would gift a kiss to the tall forehead, but he’s rendered stagnant as he’s in no condition to do so. He takes a glance at the sleeping beauty, astonished with how the tiny child is able to make such a drastic change to the both of them in just hours. Well, Hyde’s a natural-born sweetie, it’s the grump with the drums that needed a bit of softening. “You two are so cute.” He sets his tray to his left and slumps back slowly onto the pillows. Looking up from the blankets, his gaze settles on the love of his life fixing Hisae’s blanket, the both of them thawing into a puddle when she lets out a yawn and outstretches her arms. Once settled, Sakura gently places her tiny arms back into the blanket, and settles closer to Hyde as he bestows him a kiss to his head. 

“You need rest..I’ve got her.” He requests, free hand brushing the stray pieces straying from the fringe from the singer’s eyes back into the clip holding them back. He can tell the singer is worn,  no doubt that Hyde will never go through nine months of hell like that ever again. If anyone deserves R&R, requiescence, and relief, it’s Hyde. And the singer doesn’t resist the suggestion, he’s ready to damn near go into hibernation, he’s so whooped. The baby is worth it, of course. He can’t stop staring at her, his heart clutches and releases butterflies into his stomach whenever he does, it’s like looking at her for the first time, repeatedly. He presses a peck to the baby’s cheek from Sakura’s arms, then a quick peck and a “love you..” to his partner before nodding off for the night.

So here Sakura is. He’s been holding it in all day, quite honestly. He’s seldom been one to be completely visibly candid with his emotions, even with his child being born, he couldn’t bring himself but to cry once. But here he is, alone with her and vulnerable. With Hyde fast asleep, he doesn’t feel silly letting tears slip from his eyes. By now, he’s sitting on the window sill, fingers gently caressing the rosy cheeks his child dons. The color dances across her pale skin, adding a gorgeous vibrance to the face. The moonlight illuminates on both of them, soaking their skin up and creating a iridescent glow to them. Because of the light, Hisae’s sensitive eyes alarm her to open them, and her first sight is her father, who is touched beyond words that she’s his.

“You’re here..you’re finally here..” This is a time where Sakura can’t help but feel indebted to himself that he didn’t succumb to his addiction, for here is the meaning of his life before him. He picks up her little hand, marveling at the beautiful little face he’s waited so anxiously to see. Granted, he’d figured years apart that if he ever had a child with Hyde, they’d be precious, but she’ beyond definition.  Her wide eyes meet his as she squeezes his chin. He traces his finger over her little nose— he can already feel and conclude that yes, that’s his nose. She parts her lips, a little noise escaping her mouth as she grips his chin with more strength. No doubt she’ll have issues grabbing toys off shelves.

“Hisae,” He continues, hand meeting hers as he pries it tenderly from his chin and she latches her fingers onto his index. “I will see to it that your every need is met, that you are without days of crying and somber..that you are always smiling.. you’ll be so wonderfully happy with me as your father. I can admit, I’m not a perfect person, nor will I ever be. But there is one job I will not neglect and leave, and that’s being by your side and being your father..." He confides quietly in a deep, hushed voice. He can't shake how serene she is, she's just staring at him with those planets for eyes. 

He begins to break down as the realization seeps into his psyche, he's finally a father, he's finally got another reason to live. Hot tears burn down his cheeks like trails of fire, he's wary of them not dropping on the little face beneath his. Hisae grabs ahold of his shirt, not aware that she's prompting him to tear into pieces. He sniffs, then holds her head to his cheek, soaking in the warm embrace of a father-daughter bond. He’s not sure, but the baby might just be evolving him into the best version of himself. And that, that’s why she’s his savior.

 

Hyde’s discharged from the hospital four days after Hisae’s arrival.

He’s sore, been visited by a host of friends and family, and missed being at home in his freshly scented house with all of his favorite goodies. He’s well over tired of soup and vegetables delivered by some overly-chipper nurse and her stupid clunky shoes. Not to mention, he’s grown tired of the nurses acting like his daughter is such a celebrity, though she’s a princess in his book, he’d just much rather be home, so when he’s released, he’s jumping for joy.

Hisae’s clutched to his chest upon arrival, she’s been quite sleepy the past few days, Sakura teases that it’s on account of, she didn’t get any rest while she was inside of him, but Hyde chalks it up to being that it takes a lot out of someone to be a princess. Her parents are cornballs.

“Sae, we’re home..” Hyde presses a kiss to his daughter’s head, slippers slapping against the wood of the floor as he leads them both to the master bedroom. He passes by her room, the thought of him singing "Nemuri Ni Yosete" to his belly in there a few times a week while pregnant warms him up, he’s so eager to sing it to her now in attempt to see if she recognizes him and the song. Once in the bedroom, he’s aided by Sakura in lying down on the comforter, and he takes place beside him. 

This, this feels more like it. Sure, laying next to Hyde for eight years has seldom ever become vapid to him, but to have their newborn finally joining them feels like heaven on earth. Hyde sets her between them, eyes pumped with love as she reaches up and grabs both of their lips in her slumber. The couple exchange glances, taking her hands and kissing them in perfect sync. She flies open her eyes and stares confusingly between them, her eyes stopping on Hyde as she throws him a pissed off glance.

“Hey! Don’t fault me by myself, Papa kissed your hand too..” He points at his right, her eyes follow and she begins to fill her face with a large smile, her little face seems to work mechanically as Hyde’s does too, considering her smile takes up her entire face. But she’s in loooove with Sakura, she hates being away from her father for any more than about five minutes. She whines more than she cries, so when she cries, it’s due to the fact that he’s stepped out for a moment. He’s preparing himself for the reality that he’ll most likely have her strapped to her chest during concerts. Hyde’s not envious at all, he knows for a fact Hisae was sent into their lives for a reason, so she’s just doing her job.

Sakura’s a bit nerve-wracked by the idea of his child choosing him as the parent to cling to, only thanks to the fact that he faces a lot of impending doubt, but that even affects Hyde. Right now, he looks so gorgeous, now he’s taking a turn in glowing. If Hyde wasn’t sure, he’d be interested in investigating if pregnancy glow can transfer to the other partner postpartum. He can’t keep his eyes off of him, and he hasn’t been able to for the last few days leading up to now. Watching Sakura just naturally waltz into fatherhood rips him to shreds. He’s so hot and..also? An amazing father? Major brownie points for Team Sakura. Being a doting father is something Hyde never thought he’d live to see, but to actually witness it in all the glory makes him feel winded, like a sinner in church.

“Hm, you know something, Hisae?” Hyde presses a kiss to the baby’s gently curved cheek. “You just have no idea how much I love Papa..” Raising to her face while supporting her head, he holds her to his face, unknowingly putting on display their precious resemblance. “I think he’s an angel, seriously, you have to believe me.” And Sakura melts, Hyde’s been using that cloying baby voice since they first fed her first bottle, it’s a chore not to use that voice when she’s so tiny and doll-like. But alas, he should be more focused on what’s being said.

“Look at him, he’s so pretty..eventually you’ll grow to look more like him, but for now, I want you to be proud that your last name is Sakurazawa, sweet angel. Always walk with your head held high, because there’s nothing you should be more proud of than being his daughter.”

What a vapid expression, but Sakura can finally state that he’s complete as a man. Astray is no regret, no agony, no longing to cope, to numb, to escape. For he’s present in this moment, keen to stay indebted to his man and their most precious gift to their existence. 

The once stumped Sakura is now in full bloom, with nothing to occupy himself with now but simply bask in the paradise that is spending the rest of his days raising his eternal blessing with his universe.