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Spill Your Soul

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The streets were alive with the hustle and bustle of clubbing. Girls in short shimmery dresses lined the streets with heels taller than the length of their skirts with men eyeing them up. A typical Friday night in the nightlife district of Seoul. Pounding bass echoed through her ears as she stepped around the puddles of vomit already in the gutters. It was shaping up to be a wild night.

But not for (Y/n) as she quickly passed the clubs with the long lines and entered a different area of the city that was near silent. The roar of alcohol induced fun disappeared behind her as she opened the door to a hot pink building, the gentle ring above the door announcing her arrival. That wasn’t the only thing that greeted her. Upon entering she was engulfed in large arms. (Y/n) stiffened and then relaxed, the familiar smell of rose perfume wafting towards her from her best friend’s clothes.

“(Y/n)! You made it finally! How did you convince the idiot?” Her redhead friend exclaimed joyfully, pulling back to get a good look at her. (Y/n) rolled her eyes good naturedly and looked Blair over.

Blair looked good as always, even in the dim lighting that was provided only by the lights in the display cases of the bakery. Her style was quite…unique, often drawing on different eras to create her one of a kind outfits. That, along with her dyed hair and bold dramatic makeup, made her stand out from anyone else (Y/n) had ever met, let alone her perpetual habit to talk at the top of her lungs.

“I told him I was going to the library to research for a patient. I probably have at least 3 hours because he was going out clubbing and who knows if he’ll be back tonight even.” Her face fell as she realized that sad truth, that the guy she had been in love with for over a year was probably going to cheat on her tonight. To be fair, he had cheated on her already. But she just couldn’t seem to let herself let him go no matter how many pep talks Blair gave her or how many red flags and warning sirens popped up in her head.

“Well screw him girl! We have desserts to taste test, catching up to do and you have people to see.” Blair pulled (Y/n) forcefully to the counter. (Y/n) let herself be dragged, used to the girl’s energy and flair for dramatics.

“I have people to see?” At her words, the rest of the lights flickered on throughout the space, illuminating the other two people she had been dying to see. Without even pausing to gasp, (Y/n) was flying across the room and flinging herself at them, burying herself in the arms of the one with broad shoulders as he swung her up and around the room, relishing in her laughter. When he had finally set her down and her giggles had subsided, she grinned up at him.

“Jin! I didn’t know you were free tonight! I thought you had a get together with friends from school?” He laughed, making you start to laugh again because of how squeaky his laugh always was. Patting your head, he began to explain patronizingly as you dodged his attempts to mess up your hair.

“My friends decided to postpone til tomorrow because Namjoon had a breakthrough on his research tonight and was not going to stop feverishly pacing if we got together. All the better because I haven’t seen you in months lil sis!”

“Yeah, I’ve missed you so much. It’s been too long and I’m sorry for that. Bradley rarely lets me out of his sight, and you know how he is about you.” You gave him an apologetic look and reached for his hand, giving it a soft squeeze. His face fell at the mention of your boyfriend and you didn’t blame him. It was absolutely ridiculous to not be able to see Jin.

Jin had taken you under his wing during med school. You found his bakery, stumbling in one day after a grueling set of clinicals about ready to cry. When you ordered, he brought you your dessert before hesitating and sitting down to talk with you. That first day in the shop slowly but surely became a routine for the two of you. After a long day of school, you would come in and order some chocolate concoction and the two of you would discuss life. Over five years, he became one of your closest confidants and eventually started dating your best friend since kindergarten, Blair. Even though his hair color changed constantly, his friendship hadn’t, and you appreciated that immensely.

Looking for a way to change the subject, your gaze fell on his hair. “Your hair is pink? When did you do this?”

He sheepishly brought his hand up to it, fluffing the cotton candy color strands. “Blair did it a few weeks ago.”

You smiled. “You match your shop now! I love it!” He began to giggle again, your observation making Blair also laugh loudly from across the room.

“(Y/n), don’t I get a hello?” The words from behind you made you spin around, to see the other man that had been standing in the dark. His smile lit up the room even more as you rushed forward to him, your arms automatically going around his neck as you went up on tiptoe to hold him close to you.

“Of course you do Yoongi. I could never forget about you. You’re as sweet as the sugar in this place after all.” Ignoring Jin’s windshield wiper laugh from behind you at the joke and how Yoongi’s groan radiated through you, you breathed in his scent. He still wore that pine scented cologne that you loved.

Reluctantly you let go of the man, taking a step back to assess his health. You missed the suggestive glances that Blair and Jin were throwing across the room at each other. You had hugged him a little too close for friends, you knew that, but it had been MONTHS since you had seen him. You missed the grumpy cat.

Yoongi looked the same as ever, bloodshot eyes from staying up too late producing and swollen cheeks. His hair had changed color too you noted, his black mop now mint green. You had to admit that it suited him. It made him look softer and younger, unlike the grandpa he was on the inside. You had always admired his sense of style and you still did, his all black ensemble suiting him well. He was okay, if still overworking himself and not sleeping enough.

“What are you doing here though? What about your gigs?”

He rolled his eyes at you, bopping you on the nose. “A boring club that is full of inebriated teenagers is not half as important as seeing you, especially because they refused to pay my entire fee. So, I just decided not to show up.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. “I have another one tomorrow anyways and it’s a competition. Winner takes all, and you best believe I’ll be winning.” His self-proclaimed smirk said it all, the competition was full of amateurs that were no match for his skills.

“I would expect nothing less from THE Agust D.” You smiled up at him before turning in a circle to see all your friends.

“God, I missed you. We’re here for a reason though right? It’s taste testing season!” You couldn’t seem to keep the smile off your face as everyone rushed behind the counter to the kitchen, where Jin had set up trays upon trays of new creations for spring.

As you all talked and laughed and caught up, you realized how true your statement was. You had missed Blair’s playful flirting with you, missed Jin blowing kisses every time one of you complimented his dishes, missed having flour in your hair and all over your clothes from impromptu fights with the two, missed Yoongi begrudgingly admitting that something was good but not that good and Jin’s over the top reaction. You had missed Yoongi’s gummy smile, the way it took over his whole face and erased any stress or tiredness. You had missed Blair and Jin throwing pick up lines at each other til one gave in or Yoongi complained about the cheesiness. Quite simply, you had missed your best friends.

Sitting at a table in front of the windows of his shop, the four of you drew up decorating plans for the shop. The winter table toppers with baby blue snowflakes were to be ditched for fresh flowers in mason jars that would look perfect atop the wooden tables that were painted a light grey. Then, the naming process for the goods that had passed tasting by all of you (yes even Yoongi) began.

It ended too rapidly, the focus quickly shifting to you.

“(Y/n) how’s Bradley?” You glared at your best friend, her seemingly innocuous question anything but. However, the concerned looks from all three didn’t escape you. It only took one glance at Blair’s comically wide green eyes, noting the bold eyeliner behind her tortoiseshell frames, to start to break down your walls. Turning to Jin, you saw he was serious for once, dark eyes gazing at you and waiting to listen to every word like he had five years ago. Yoongi was the last straw, his full lips turned down in a pout and his beautiful onyx eyes trained on yours. You looked down, a soft sigh escaping you as you ran your fingers through your flour filled hair. It rained flour down on your outfit, but it was already ruined anyways.

“Bradley is okay. He’s been really sweet lately. He bought me a huge stuffed elephant last week ‘just because’. He makes me happy most days. I love that he lets me choose whatever music we listen to. He treats me like a gentleman should most of the time.”

“But,” Jin prodded gently. You met Yoongi’s eyes briefly before glancing back down at the table.

“We got into a big fight a few days ago. You remember that last time we all met up, we talked about me making sure I addressed my issues with him?”

Blair raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow, impressed that her friend had actually done something instead of running from conflict.

“Well it didn’t go so well. I said we needed to talk but it was nothing serious and he overexaggerated the entire situation. I wasn’t ready to talk but he forced me to by not letting me leave for my shift unless I talked. I was furious, half having an anxiety attack, and trying not to hurt him. I don’t think anything came out like it should have. And he got all defensive. You know what he said? Not exactly, but it intimidates him that I have my own opinions. And that he’s insecure because I’m making more money. And that being open minded isn’t necessary for life. On top of all of that, we went out on a triple date with his friends and I became a mute for six hours. They acknowledged my presence and then brought up all their old frat stuff for the rest of the time. I knew nothing about what was going on. And then they started making racist and sexist jokes-” Upon seeing Yoongi open his mouth in shock and anger, you paused before continuing. Blair remained unsurprised and Jin continued to listen stoically.

“Yes even the girls, and when I said it wasn’t right, they LAUGHED at me and went back to ignoring me. I confronted Bradley after the fact and he said he tried to change the subject so I could contribute. He started talking about cars. Cars! I know nothing about cars!” Stopping to catch your breath, the room remained silent. Your voice dropped in volume as you whispered, dropping your head into your hands.

“He’s cheating on me.”

The collective gasp from your friends did not go unnoticed as you softly began to cry, trying to explain through the tears. “I picked up his phone to start the music in the car and there was a text from an unknown number saying that she enjoyed last night. There was a text string between them. She was his booty call when he said he was going out with his friends. I’m not enough for him. He doesn’t love me.” Almost instantaneously, Blair was out of her seat and on you, lifting your head as you continued to cry. Jin wrapped his arms around you while Yoongi continued to gaze at you, taking one of your hands to intertwine your fingers with his.

Blair began to speak, eyes blazing. “(Y/n) look at me and don’t you dare look away.” Your eyes lifted to see her face contorted with rage, her cheeks red even through her makeup.

“Listen closely babe. You. Are. More. Than. Enough. He’s an idiot and a jerk and so he doesn’t realize that you’re as close to perfect as girls get. For crying out loud, you got a near perfect score on your medical exams, attended the top medical school in the country and now you’re a resident at a trauma center in one of the biggest cities in Korea. You don’t need him. He doesn’t deserve you and thank goodness he’s too blind to see it because if he did, I think you would never get free of him. This is unhealthy. You haven’t seen Jin or Yoongi in months because he’s scared you’re going to realize that he’s not enough for you. He’s scared he can’t be more important to you than your best friends because he has no personality! What does he even do besides geek out about cars and work?” You stay silent, letting her rant as you sniffle. “See? Absolutely nothing! (Y/n) you deserve so much better than a guy who forces you to stay home and keeping you away from your friends just so that he can go see someone else. This is enough.”

You were expecting Jin next but Yoongi spoke up. “She’s right. This asshole has torn you down long enough. It needs to end. And if you won’t do something about it, we will. He can’t cheat on you. You’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, not to mention that you’re crazy intelligent, kind, and good at almost anything you put your mind to. You don’t need this negativity.” You turned to the rapper, blushing at his compliments. His sincere gaze didn’t leave yours as he scooted his chair close to you, Blair and Jin stepping back. Brushing a tear from your cheeks, he bluntly stated what he thought to be truth.

“You deserve to be treated like a queen. You deserve someone who can match you. He’s just too average.” Your breath hitched as he nuzzled into your neck, mint green tresses tickling you as he pulled you into his lap. Welcoming the comfort, you folded around him easily, remembering the days when this was normal after he had spent all night locked in his studio, him stumbling through your apartment door for food, cuddles, and your couch. Sometimes you were comforting him, sometimes the other way around, but he always made you feel calmer. You were never more thankful that Blair and Jin were being the opposite of their loud selves than right now, allowing your brain to process everything.

“You’re right,” you said into the emptiness of the quiet room. “You’re all right, you’ve been right for months now, I’ve just been too scared. It’s time. I need to let go.” With dried tears on your cheeks, Blair and Jin gathered around the two of you, hugging you tight and whispering reassurance that you were doing the right thing. When you all finally broke apart, your heart was quiet for the first time in months.

“Well, time to break up with an asshole.” Yoongi’s dry statement broke your peace as everyone began to laugh.

It was all gonna be just fine.

. . .


“Listen Bradley. You’re a nice guy and all but this just isn’t working out. I’m sorry to do this to you but…I’m not in love with you anymore. We’ve grown apart in the last year and that’s okay. I just guess. I don’t know.” You glanced down with a sigh, fumbling with your fingers and refusing to look at the man across the table. It was always easier to hold in all the hurt he’d caused you. You repeated it over and over in your mind, not wanting to forget your reasons because you knew you would take him right back. It was unhealthy and hurting you more than you wanted to admit. So you went over the five reasons that you were breaking up with him, five main reasons that he wasn’t ever going to be your forever.

1. He didn’t let you see your best friends

2. He cheated.

3. He was so insecure in his relationship with you that even talking about any issues was a no go and made you aware that he was afraid of your intelligence.

4. He was just so…ordinary…and unchanging. Still waters did not run deep in this one.

5. He had slowly but surely shown his true colors as a homophobic jerk

Two years of heartache was more than enough.

You continued on breezily, sweeping your hair out of your face, pushing all the issues under the rug, knowing you would and could start listing them out. That wouldn’t do anything for either of you, just make you more upset. “And as you know my mental state hasn’t been the best lately. It’s not fair to you when I can’t handle a relationship right now.” He nodded in agreement, his eyes cold and unloving.

“I feel the same way. But I’m not doing anything for a while. Need some time to heal.”

“I hope you find the happily ever after you need.” With a girl that’s comfortable being average. You added silently in your head.

“I hope so too.” He didn’t even spare you a glance or wish you a good ending as well. Instead he just nodded and squeezed your hand briefly before picking up his Americano and exiting the shop.

You wished you could lie and say you felt fine but in reality, you were slowly being ripped to shreds. Your poor heart was shattering as you let your first love leave you alone in a coffee shop. You didn’t even like coffee for heaven’s sake. Why did you meet here? A chocolate muffin from your friend Jin’s bakery would have been more welcome to drown out your sorrows. Deciding you were going to go and do that instead of hanging around in this stupid coffee shop, you grabbed your purse and quickly texted your support network.

Y/n:
It is done

Blair:
Finally

Suga:
Hooray.

Blair:
How’d it go babe?

Y/n:
I’m going to drown myself in chocolate at Jin’s bakery

Worldwide Handsome Guy WOW:
It’s on the house today you deserve it

Sliding your phone back into your pocket, you left the curious stares of other patrons in the shop behind you. They would not see you cry, not today. You were sure that the baristas were more than slightly annoyed that you hadn’t bought anything but at this point, who cares what they thought. The jingling of the bell over the door as you stepped out the door reminded you that this was a new beginning. As you breathed in the fresh air however, you still couldn’t help but feel off. Your feet carried you to the familiar pink building on autopilot as your thoughts continued to wander.

Did you ever really love him? Or did you just say that because he said it first? You always knew he was a bit too normal, too average to be your forever. So why did you believe him when he desperately told you that he wanted to get married, have kids, live together til death do us part? But there were so many good memories. The winter formal when you ended up on the top floor of a music shop in a little town, snow falling, and feeling like you were in a cheesy Hallmark movie. Your first kiss after making a pillow fort in his living room. And it sounded so awful, but it had been two years and realizing that he wasn’t going to be there to text or call or go out with was…strange to say the least. You were going to miss his presence if not him specifically.

Stepping into the pale pink shop, you tried to wipe your face of any emotion. Glancing at the cases of mouthwatering treats, you knew exactly what you wanted.

“Hi welcome to Fluff n Stuff Bakery. What can I get you?” Jin’s voice cut off your reply.

“I got this one Heidi. Go and check on the scones ok?” With a nod, the petite cutie behind the counter disappeared and left you with the owner of the establishment. His eyes searched your own and frowned upon seeing sadness.

“Are you okay cupcake?” Not trusting yourself to speak, you shook your head. It was like because he was here it finally hit. No more Bradley at your friend gatherings being annoying and driving you up a wall. No more Bradley sampling Jin’s goods with you because you couldn’t be trusted alone with other men. No more Bradley kissing you on the forehead whenever Jin was around. And Jin’s eyes could catch every single bit of emotion. His own made you want to cry just because it was like having your older brother around. Jin basically was your older brother if you were being honest.

“Do you wanna talk?”

You again shook your head vehemently. “Um…can I just get one of your amazing lava cakes and a chocolate chip muffin?”

Jin nodded, scribbling the two down. “And a chocolate milkshake to go.”

Your eyes widened and you began to protest. “Jin I really don’t need-”

“It’s on the house (Y/n). And I know if you go home, you’ll just drown your sorrows in less worthy desserts like store bought ice cream.” His overly horrified expression made your lips turn up for a brief moment as you asked him the same thing you had asked him five years ago.

“Sit with me?”

Jin ruffled his bubblegum pink hair that matched the color of his walls with downturned mouth, pouting. “I would love to (Y/n) but as good as Heidi is, I need to help with decorating.” You nodded, trying not to show how desperate you were to not be left alone with your thoughts.

“But I think Yoongi is done with producing for the day. Why don’t you see if he’ll come? Blair already said she’s gonna be home late tonight. Tough day on set apparently.” He grimaced, knowing a tired Blair was not fun to deal with.

“She’s your problem not mine friend. You were the one who decided to date the ostentatious peacock that’s my unbiological sister.”

“So I did. And I don’t regret it.” He smiles, all sappy and lovestruck as you turn away. Too soon of a reminder that you were alone now for the foreseeable future. You wander your way to the fluffy chair in the corner of the shop that is, for all purposes, yours and lose yourself in your thoughts.

Slow clapping brought you out of your reverie as a familiar face smirked down at you. “Congratulations. Down one asshole, up two chocolate desserts.” Yoongi set down the sweets Jin had prepared and you jump on them, rolling your eyes at him and mumbling shut up through your first bite of delectable cuisine. Your mint haired friend simply rolls his eyes at you and grabs a chair to pull up beside you, turning it so he was leaning his arms on the back.

“Wow so cool Suga. Such a bad boy.” You tease him halfheartedly as you continue to savor the sugar in front of you.

“You know I thought you’d be celebrating instead of moping.”

“Who says I’m moping?”

“You ordered three chocolate desserts. That’s like over a thousand calories of pure sugar.” His deadpan expression meets your shocked one, before your mouth falls into a frown.

“Okay fine I’m moping.” Yoongi sighs, trying to avoid sputtering out how adorable you look with chocolate smeared on the corner of your mouth.

“I don’t understand. We all knew that guy wasn’t right for you. He cheated on you. You’ve known it wasn’t right for months. So why…”

“Yoongi I don’t know either. Just let me grieve the death of my relationship in peace.”

“You said you wanted company.”

“Well said company is not making me feel better.” You stare determinedly down at your desert, picking at the corners as Yoongi’s eyes soften.

“(Y/n), there’s someone out there for you. It’s just not him. And you get so much more time to do stuff with us. We can finally work on that track I’ve been begging you about.” Your head snaps to face him, eyes wide.

“You were serious about that?”

“Of course I was idiot.” You search his eyes for a moment, only to find truth as his lips split and he’s smiling that beautiful gummy smile at you, all teeth and crinkled eyes.

“In fact, let’s go work on it now. Take your mind off of things a bit.” Scarfing down the rest of your dessert, you take Yoongi’s hand although he grumbles and leave the shop. As you’re leaving Yoongi glances at Jin, who winks at him in return. Scoffing, Yoongi pulls you out of the shop. Today was not a day to tease him about the crush he’s had on you for five years. You were hurting for goodness sake! And he was nothing if not a loyal friend.

“Yah (Y/n) wait you forgot your” Jin stops, realizing his yelling is pointless. “milkshake.” He whispers quietly to himself while sipping on it. Couldn’t let good food go to waste.

. . .


“I want to do something a little softer than usual.” Yoongi explains as he lets you into his studio. The doormat and various threats posted on his door don’t even phase you anymore as you nod.

“Well I would hope so, seeing as I absolutely cannot rap.” Yoongi groans.

“Don’t remind me. Don’t ever subject me to that torture again.”

You roll your eyes. “Wow that really boosted my confidence. So…what are we doing?”

He fluffs his hair, taking the spot at his desk. You blatantly ignore him, knowing that Yoongi as a producer was too attractive for you to handle at this point in time, especially newly single. “I was thinking we could write together. Seeing how it goes, I was thinking of making an EP with a different vibe. Let’s just start with lyrics right now.” Your eyebrows raise.

“Min Yoongi soft? Mr. Tongue Technology? Mr. I can rap 114 syllables in 17 seconds? You want to do SOFT?” He looks down, a little shy.

“I just want to do something different. I haven’t been feeling as angry lately okay?” He crosses his arms and you just want to squish his cheeks as he pouts.

“Well I’m feeling rather angsty right now seeing as I just broke up with the guy that I thought I was going to marry. So, I guess I’m in a sad mood if you’re willing to write sad?” You missed the way his face fell even more as you admitted that you thought you were going to marry that jerk.

“Sad sounds good.” He tosses you a pen and notepad as the two of you begin to scribble out thoughts in companionable silence. As you begin to put pen to paper, the words just fall right from your head and you’re writing like a madwoman, trying to convey the emotions you feel right now. Yoongi seems to be doing the same across the room, losing yourselves in your own little world. You find that songwriting often does that for you, alleviating some of the pressure and stress that you feel on the daily.

It seems like mere moments later, but when you finally glance up it’s been over an hour. Unwilling to break the peaceful silence, you stretch up as Yoongi frowns at his paper.

“You wanna share?”

He shakes his head. “It’s not there yet.” You poke your head over the back of his chair, trying to read his handwriting as he flips over the pad of paper.

“Hey!” You let out a noise of outrage as you try and grab it from him, hair flying in your face as he holds it out of your reach. “Come on Yoongi please?” You make puppy dog eyes at him and he gives in, lazily throwing the paper your way as you unfold yourself from the back of his chair in a futile attempt to catch it. Unsurprisingly you fail, landing on the ground with a solid thud as he smirks. Grabbing the paper, you quickly scan the contents. Eyes softening, you gaze up at him from your uncomfortable position on the ground. “Yoongi this is so sad!” He shrugs as you continue to read the lyrics, sitting upright.

“This one hits hard. Caught in your riptide/ one minute I’m fine/ then you’re pulling me under again.” You gaze down again. “Can you sing what you want it to sound like for me?” He looks at you with that look, and you know he’s gonna say no. “Yoongi please!” He huffs, playing with his ear.

“Fine. Give it here.” His low voice surrounds you as he stumbles through the song.

Color changing eyes
The first time we met I thought you were magic
Sweet suga smile that softened me instantly
How can it be girl? You got me on my knees
I’m drowning for your love
But you don’t even see
Caught in your riptide
One minute I’m fine
Then you’re pulling me under again
Wish I could breathe
But there’s no air when it comes to loving you
Without you loving me back

Your breath catches in your throat. Who made him sing like this? Who made Suga into a soft lovesick boy instead of the hardcore rapper from Daegu? You brush the thought out of your mind and focus on the lyrics.

“I think you need more at the beginning. Like, did you know you were gonna fall for her? Did you try not to? What’s the story?” His eyes met yours and you could tell there was much more going on than you could see.

“I loved her and lost her far too soon.”

“So put that in! Maybe after ‘you got me on my knees’ something like ‘but you could never be mine to keep’ or ‘for a love that could never be’ or ‘and I see you smiling, the way you kiss him, the way you glance his way. Only got myself to blame.” He nods, jotting down your suggestions as the two of you continue to discuss. He grins, shifting the focus to you.

“Your turn (Y/n).” You groan, tossing him your notebook. The jerk catches it without even flinching.

“Don’t tease me for my writing skills. I’m not even half as talented as you.” Your cheeks begin to flush as he stares at the page for what seems like hours, glancing between your face that continues to redden and the paper. “Well?” You can hardly stand it anymore, as he looks back at you. Hiding your face in your hands, you wait for his verdict, wait for him to mock you, wait for him to say it’s awful.

“This is a bit dark. Is this how you were feeling today?” His eyes don’t leave your face as you begin to twirl a piece of hair around your finger.

“Yeah. I guess I just knew for a while now? But seeing him, seeing his eyes so emotionless, seeing him not caring and just trying to appease me…that hurt. And I don’t love him now, but I loved him once Yoongi. I loved him so much it hurts that I don’t love him anymore. I don’t know who I am without him because it’s been so long.” He opens his arms with a sigh, and you jump right up from the ground to bury your head in his shoulder and curl into his lap. He strokes your hair soothingly, trying to convince you it’ll all be okay as you finally let go and cry.

After a few minutes, your hiccupping gasps and sobs slowly start to slow down, becoming sniffles and shallow breaths. Yoongi pulls you out from his neck and narrows his eyes.

“Thanks for ruining my sweatshirt.” As your eyes begin to water again, he wipes the excess tears away. “Shhh sweetheart. I’d rather you ruin my sweatshirt than my couch. Or my chair. Or go home and cry on your own. You’re too good for him. One day you’ll find someone who will treat you right.” You laugh sob. It’s ugly and you’re a mess with puffy eyes and a red nose but he just chuckles and hands you a tissue.

“Will you sing it for me?” You take a shaky inhale, nodding as you reach for the paper, leaning over him more. You were already in his lap, what more harm could be done?

Tell me we can work it out somehow
The look on your face
It says so
But your eyes are cold
You’re clinging out of desperation honey
Cause your eyes they used to glisten
But they’re cold
Cause you know that it’s gone
The love that we once had
It’s gone up in smoke

You sniffle, turning back into him, unable to continue as his hands go back to your hair. “Hey (Y/n) it’s okay. You got to remember what you wrote last. It’s important. Keep reminding yourself of that.” He points at the paper where you had scribbled:

I don’t need you anymore
I don’t need your stability
And the love’s gone
You know you know it’s gone

He held you through the night, taking you back to your apartment and making sure you were okay, even staying until you fell asleep. And you thought ‘I wonder if things would have been different if I had fallen for Suga. He’s such a great friend’ before drifting off to sleep and putting your horrible awful no good day behind you.

And he thought ‘I wonder if things will be different now that she can see me as more than a friend.’

. . .


You hadn’t meant to go by his apartment, but you weren’t paying attention. The shift you had worked at the hospital was long, and it was quicker to pass his apartment than to avoid it entirely, which added ten minutes to your commute. You still weren’t over him (however much you swore to everyone else that you were), and it was better to completely disconnect now. Your mutual friends had mostly sided with him and wouldn’t speak to you, completely throwing you out of the loop that you used to be in.

Breakups sucked.

But at the same time, you tried to keep your head up. You were well on your way to becoming a gynecologist and residency was brutal- but you were doing good for the world, even if it wasn’t doing good for you. After the twelve-hour shift with two emergency deliveries, you just wanted to crash on your couch with some takeout and then sleep like the dead until you had to work again.

No one ever said chasing your dreams was easy. It had been part of the reason the two of you had broken up in the first place, him being too insecure to admit that you were smarter than him and that you would be making more money when the two of you got married. He absolutely wanted a traditional family; he wanted to be the ‘breadwinner’ and you thought that idea was outdated.

Anyways, there you were staring up at his apartment and trying to reason yourself into moving and going home. You were exhausted beyond logical possibility, squinty eyes and dark circles to prove it. Your hair was a rat’s nest from being in a bun all day and your legs felt like they were going to collapse. So you took a step forward, and another one, before pausing at the sound of feminine laughter drifting towards you on the breeze.

“Oh Bradley you’re so funny!” A familiar high-pitched voice reached your ears and you whipped around.

You had known better than to trust his promises of forever. So why didn’t you think better of his words that he needed to focus on himself? That he was breaking up with you so that he knew how to be alone? Of course, he broke up with you for that girl. That boy was a magnet for girls, they just came to him out of nowhere. And you recognized this girl on site. It was Sophie, his best friend’s twin. His arm was wrapped around her securely, protecting her from the cold breeze as they turned towards you and froze.

You had been frozen for some time but would never admit that to him. Would never admit that you missed him and the way he let you choose the music in the car even if he hated it. Instead, you simply spun on your heel and continued to your apartment. He didn’t even call after you. He didn’t say a word.

Slamming the door, a loud crash echoed throughout your living space as you threw your stuff on the counter and screamed into your hands. Your mini breakdown was interrupted by a gruff throat clearing. Jerking up from your spot on the floor, you saw Yoongi. His hair was a mess, mint green tresses looking like they had been through a hurricane. His bloodshot eyes were probably just as bad as yours and it looked like you had woken him up from a well-deserved nap at your kitchen counter.

“(Y/n) have your mental breakdown quietly please.” Was all he said before retreating to your living room. You blinked at him, once, twice, forgetting the reason you were freaking out. You were so shocked to see him there that your thoughts just slipped right out of your mouth

“How did you get into my apartment?” Upon receiving no response, you padded into the living room to find him sound asleep again on your couch. You poked him, his eyes opening quickly and glaring at you in response before cussing you out and turning over.

Unfortunately for him, you were persistent and jumped on top of him. He groaned loudly.

“What do you want?”

“Why are you here?” You demanded, crossing your arms and getting up.

“Jin gave me his key.”

“And why, pray tell, did Jin give you his key?”

“Because I was tired.”

“So?”

“(Y/n) I just worked at the studio for 12 hours straight and I wouldn’t have been able to drive home without falling asleep at the wheel.” Your mouth formed an O in recognition as he closed his eyes again.

“Just like old times, huh?” You whispered softly, lips turning up slightly. His lips quirked up slightly before whispering a soft yeah back. You got off of him, treading to the kitchen to rifle through takeout menus and order food for the two of you, before returning to the couch and nudging your way into his embrace.

“Are you okay?” His sleepy voice was right in your ear as you hummed softly, debating whether to tell him when his voice rang out again.

“Just tell me. What happened.”

“I saw Bradley with another girl.”

Yoongi shifted his body up the couch so you were cradled with your head on his chest. Blinking down at you, he took in your furrowed brow and messy hair from your long shift. You were not okay, but he would let you tell him that yourself.

Lost in thought, you sighed deeply. “He lied to me Yoongi. Said he wasn’t gonna date, that he needed time to heal. So many lies. I don’t even know where the truth starts and ends. I’m not sure if he ever loved me and it’s just so confusing you know? There’s no closure, just more questions. He’s out of my life which is good but I’m still crying over him and he doesn’t deserve it. I wish I could forget.” He was about to respond when the doorbell rang, causing you to get up and retrieve the food. Joining you in the kitchen, he hesitantly spoke.

“I think you’re going to take time to heal and I think that’s okay. Just remember he doesn’t deserve you and you deserve someone better.” You smiled gratefully at him, passing him a plate of steaming hot pizza.

“How are you Yoongi? Truthfully.” He took a seat at your counter as you jumped onto it, preferring to sit on the counter and face him instead of sitting next to him. Taking a bite of the pizza and moaning in appreciation, he dodged your question.

“Yoongi.” Your sharp tone made him glance up at you, taking in your furrowed brow as you poked his forehead.

He would never to admit it to you but he loved the moments like this, had missed them even. It was oddly domestic and not at the same time. This hadn’t happened in a year and a half and he had thought he was over his mild infatuation with the way you looked when you were exhausted after a shift. He was wrong. Why, why was sleepy and mentally dead (Y/n) so cute?

Okay, yes you had dark circles that were crazy deep and lines of exhaustion running across your face. But your messy hair was downright adorable, and the way your eyes closed for too long almost every time you blinked? Priceless, especially because he knew it meant that he was going to get good cuddles tonight. When you were too tired, your brain automatically clung to any and all warmth. Luckily for Yoongi, that meant him on nights like this. Slowly, he admitted to himself that his mild infatuation with you and with the way you looked had never gone away. It was more than mild at this point.

“I’m doing okay (Y/n), don’t worry about me. Just working too hard on my new EP. I need you to come in to record. And I want to write more. I think I want you to debut with me on these tracks.” Your eyes shot open at that, nearly choking on a string of cheese from your delicious meal.

“You want me to what?”

He shrugged, unfazed by your reaction. “I want you to debut with me. We make a good team. I think I might have a storyline and everything if our writing works out. If not, I’ll figure something out.”

(e/c) eyes sparkling, you could barely contain your excitement. “It’ll be insane but I want to do it so bad! I’ll make as much time for it as I can between shifts. Your producing and songs are nothing but the best. I know how much work you put into it…are you sure you want me to ruin that?”
He rolled his eyes at you. “Just follow my lead and you won’t ruin it most likely.”

“WoW thanks for the vote of confidence.”

He simply took another bite of his pizza as you pouted at him, nonchalant and unbothered by your inner Blair shining through.

. . .


Laying in bed curled around Yoongi, sleep should have come easy. He was warm and his scent calmed you, the masculine smell of his cologne usually shut your brain down, releasing oxytocin and generally making you happy. Not to mention that you had piled three blankets on top of yourself, the weight typically sending you straight to sleep. It was dark, quiet, and warm, the perfect conditions for a deep dreamless slumber. However, your brain always was on at the most inopportune of times. You were slowly being consumed by a need for more information, wanting to know any and everything about Bradley and Sophia. Was she the one he was cheating on you with? Had they kissed? Did he talk about you? Did he miss you? Did he regret anything? You shifted restlessly away from Yoongi, sitting up and deciding that tea might calm your mind. Who were you to be thinking about your ex anyways? Pathetic and useless, that’s what you were. Slipping from under your comfy silk sheets, you took a single step before your wrist was caught and you were dragged back into the bed, falling unceremoniously on top of your blanket pile.

“Stop thinking. Sleep.” Yoongi demanded gruffly, tugging you down to his chest and under the covers. You gulped, heart beating out of your chest as he wrapped his frame around you protectively, arms hugging your waist and legs intertwined. He was stronger than he appeared, especially when he was grumpy and tired. You had forgotten that. You wondered what else you had forgotten in the past year since he had crashed at your apartment.

“You’re thinking too loud.” He groaned, curling into you, pressing his nose to the top of your head. “Please sleep.” His plea was much softer this time, already drifting back into dreamland. You wanted to obey him but needed to calm down, needed to stop your thoughts.

“Yoongi?” Silence followed, so you continued. “I just don’t understand what I did wrong. Why her, why not me? How stupid do you have to be to not give yourself time to heal from a breakup? I have so many questions floating around my head, I can’t turn my brain off. Does he laugh, thinking that I thought he loved me? Did they kiss? Was she the one he cheated on me with? I just-I need-I need to know.” Yoongi cut you off with a hand over your mouth. Rude, but effective you suppose. You resisted the urge to lick his hand as he sighed in irritation.

“All you need to know is that the asshole is gone and not yours anymore. You need to find other things to think about. Now can we please fucking go to sleep damn it?” Removing his hand from your mouth, he squeezed you tighter. “Can’t believe you’re thinking about your ex when you’ve got another man in your bed.” He muttered under his breath as you giggled.

“Yoongi! It’s not like that.”

“It is.” He deadpanned right back.

“You’re…you’re not the same as him.”

“I would hope not. Sh. Go to bed.” He fell silent as you turned in his embrace, curling into his chest. One of his hands reached up to stroke your soft hair, marveling at how comfortable the two of you were after all this time. His brain couldn’t muster any further thought as he drifted off, barely hearing you whisper.

“I’m so lucky to have friends like you. Goodnight Suga, sleep well.”

. . .


The brightness blinded you as you opened your eyes that morning, wincing in the sunlight streaming through your blinds. You had definitely slept in…thank goodness there was no work today. Beginning to truly wake up, you took in your surroundings, still squinting as your eyes adjusted. At some point you had turned during the night and Yoongi was now spooning you, curled up against your back. He radiated warmth, and you didn’t think you would have been able to move even if you wanted to, he was as still as a statue. You craned your head, trying to catch a glimpse to see if he was still asleep. The little glance you got from straining almost took your breath away.

He was softer when he was asleep. Mouth slightly opened in a pout, his breath fanned the top of your head. His face looked more childish, more innocent, less grumpy. His messy hair was spread across your pillow, mint green on grey. He was…truthfully…beautiful like this, not that you would ever admit it. You were so grateful for his company and his affection, and that nothing had changed between the two of you. He was your best friend and you had missed him, that was all. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, once you got back into the swing of things and having Yoongi around, you would be fine.

Coming to this realization, you began to struggle out of his arms, trying your best not to wake him. After fifteen minutes you knew it was pointless, he wasn’t going to budge an inch. Huffing in desperation you stopped and grew limp. There was no point in moving if it wasn’t going to do any good.

“(Y/n)” Yoongi’s voice sounded from behind you, rough and low from such little use.

“Oh thank goodness you’re finally up! Let me up!” You demanded playfully, starting to wriggle in his grasp yet again.

“Mmmmmm no.” He only grabbed you tighter, tickling you with his tresses as he nuzzled into your neck. You struggled harder, laughing in his arms as he continued to be obstinate.

“I’m serious!”

“Hi serious I’m Yoongi.” He deadpanned back, ceasing his ministrations for a quick moment.

Groaning in despair you stopped struggling. “You aren’t Jin, no dad jokes today. Now I really gotta get up so please let me up.” Reluctantly, he released you from his warm embrace with a sigh, curling in on himself as you half rolled half fell out of bed. Through half open eyes, he watched you run your hands through your knotted hair, stretching up to the ceiling and exposing a little bit of your stomach.

She’s so beautiful like this, he thought to himself. And I am so lucky that I get to experience this again.

When you had started dating Bradley, he thought he was out of luck. Bradley, golden boy, the one that any girl would be lucky to marry, wasn’t so golden after all. And now here he was, trying to ignore the history, trying to forget that you weren’t over Bradley, hoping and praying that you would let him be everything you wanted.

But he also remembered the first time the two of you had tried to make this work and how badly that had ended.

When the two of you had first met it was instantaneous attraction. He had caught a glimpse of you, your smile bright enough to blind him from across the room. He was drawn to you, slowly but surely winning a place by your side in that crowded space. As it got later and people began to fade away, the two of you struck up a conversation about music.

That first conversation.

He would never forget how your eyes lit up when you talked about the things you loved. You were just as passionate about music as he was. The two of you chatted for hours about the music you liked, the music he liked, the music you didn’t (he swore he was going to convert you into a rap fanatic, you disagreed). Due to that, he had gotten your number almost instantly, the two of you texting day and night about music and slowly but surely about everything else in your life.
The problem with passion is that it never lasts.

He was crazy about you, you were crazy about him. You let him kiss you before the two of you had even been on a date. He still dreamt about the feeling of your lips that first night in the parking lot of a yacht club, how unsure and timid you were, the way you blushed all the way home.
He dreamt more about the consequent nights, that entire blessed month when the two of you talked til 2 am, made out on that grey futon in your living room, and napped together. If only he hadn’t ruined it, if only he hadn’t screwed you over, if only he hadn’t caused you to run into the arms of someone much more stable and safer than he was.

Yoongi hated to admit it, hated how it made him feel but he wasn’t emotionally stable when the two of you had dated. He rushed you into things you weren’t sure you wanted. He only wanted to tell you the good, spare you the hurt. And that is how the two of you found yourselves upset the most.
He wouldn’t admit that he wasn’t over his ex. Immediate infatuation and lust clouded his senses, he kept saying it wasn’t a rebound for him but it was. You were left in the aftermath, wondering if he really cared about you when all he could think about was her and how she screwed him over. In addition to that, he was borderline suicidal. He thought about dropping out of school, a voice in the back of his mind whispering that he wasn’t good enough for this beautiful girl, whispering that he didn’t deserve love or affection.

And that’s how he found himself hiding away from you, not telling you anything that really mattered. That’s how, one glorious month in, he broke your heart and left you shattered on the floor. He had been thinking about breaking up with you for a week because he didn’t think you shared his life experiences enough to understand his hurt. He told different versions of the truth to everyone.

You had done nothing wrong except fall in love. He convinced you that love was not in your plan, that love was selfish and awful and all it would do was leave you broken and hurting. You had just begun to trust him with everything when he threw your trust out the door, leaving you scrambling to find ways to trust anyone with anything.

Eventually he did drop out of school to become a rapper.

During that time, he only reached out to you when he felt okay.

You were there for him the entire time anyways.

He had broken your trust; he had destroyed your heart and you in return were a friend. You never wavered in friendship although you ran, running into the arms of someone that you thought would never hurt you like he had.

Sure, you didn’t love Bradley but over time he made you trust him and soon enough it felt like love. Maybe it wasn’t but who needed to know that?

Yoongi hated himself a little more every day he realized that he was the reason you ran to Bradley. Now over four years later, here he was. He was in love with you now, it wasn’t just lust or infatuation; he was more in love with you than he had ever realized as he watched you with sleepy eyes.

He loved how you scrunched your nose when you were displeased with something.

He loved how forgiving you were, that you would forget everything he had done and love him as he was, mistakes and all.

He loved the way your eyes shifted colors depending on the day, your mood, the weather, what you were wearing. He had spent years drowning in your eyes, trying to decide on the color. Yet still he came up blank. He didn’t mind, just would have to spend more time staring into your eyes.

He especially loved the way your voice drifted through the air to gently land in his ears, as if you were choosing each word special just for him.

He had missed you so much he was becoming a fucking poet. And it had been five years since the two of you had tried anything, maybe this time things would be different.

“Yoongi, breakfast!” At your call, he got up, remembering one tiny important detail.

You still aren’t good enough for her, and the timing will never be right for the two of you.

With that sobering thought, he resolved to love you from afar where he couldn’t hurt you again and followed the sound of your melodious voice into the kitchen.

. . .


I’m so sick of me
why won’t you let me hold you
and let it be
Next to me

Pen hovering above your journal, you drew away when a slip of paper was tossed over the desk displaying those words. With a quick nod at Yoongi you set the paper off to the side and began to focus once more. Today the words were being dragged from you brick by brick but you would be damned if you didn’t have anything to show for the four hours that you had been staring at this page.

I lost myself in loving you
You tore me to shreds
Searching for the pieces
Of self-confidence you wrecked

With a sigh you stopped, slamming your head against the table with a wince. “Good writing comes from pain good writing comes from pain good writing comes from pain” you reminded yourself, banging your head against the table with every repetition.

Yoongi looked up from his paper and keyboard, removing his headphones. “You okay?”

“My writing sucks.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” He chuckled, running his hand through his hair and ruffling it. You merely groaned and slammed your head down on the table again.

That adorable tired idiot. Wait, what? Cool flames flickered up your spine as you laid your head there, unable to comprehend the thought you just had.

“Hey it’s okay I’m sure its not that bad.” He dragged the book over to his side as you peeked your head up at him. His glasses were precariously perched on his nose, eyes squinting as he perused your lyrics. Without a second to lose, he took his pen and began writing, squeezing things into the margins and writing around your messy scribbles. And you sat there, gazing at him at work in awe. His serious persona never failed to make your heart skip a beat, it was one of the reasons you had fallen in love with him so many years ago in the first place. Wait, what? It had been five years, that wasn’t something to be thinking about. He was your best fucking friend. That’s all.

His voice lifted you out of your reverie as he began to explain what he had done. “Okay, so this can be the hook. And then I can write in rap around it. Sound good?” Blinking up at him from your position with your head down, you slowly nodded. “Okay, good. So much work to do.” He stole the paper from you and went over to his desk to begin mixing. You were always amazed by the way his brain worked, how he was able to create everything the two of you imagined. He made your dreams a reality.

. . .


“It’s the day you’ve been waiting for! The glorious start of something new! It’s…it’s…”

“(Y/n) stop monologuing in the door you idiot. We have work to do.”

You glared at Yoongi who was sprawled across the middle of the studio that you had just entered. “I was trying to make an entrance.”

“Cool, no one cares. It’s just me here.”

In mock offense, you dragged your reluctant feet over to him and proceeded to flop down on the floor next to him. “I hate you; you know that?”

“Sure you do.” He hummed back at you, blinking his heavy eyes. “Ready to write today?”

“Believe me I need it.”

“Oh okay. Grab that pad of paper over there.” You followed the lazy wave of his hand to the somewhat organized desktop where a pad of paper was precariously balanced on the edge, poised to fall into the garbage.

“Why can’t you get it?” The ground was so comfortable after a 12-hour shift, you realized. It was so nice to not move.

Without moving an inch, he replied, “I’m comfortable here.”

“Yoongi!”

With a groan, he slowly stood up and limped over to the lonely pad of paper. “I hope you’re happy now.” He moaned, collapsing back onto the ground next to you.

“You’re a drama king you know that?”

“No I’m not, it physically pained me to do that.”

“Mhm try working twelve hours on your feet and then your friend who has been writing music and sitting at a computer all day complaining about getting up to get a notepad. All that after he dragged you here to write out your troubles and pains.”

Silence ensued, Yoongi unable to come up with a retort. You somehow found the strength to move your hand the few inches it took to undo the tight bun that your hair had been in since five in the morning. Struggling to find all the bobby pins, you acquiesced and sat up. Before you could reach up again, a gentle hand was in your hair, fanning it out and picking out the few stubborn pins left.

Shocked and a little bit impressed, you managed a quiet “Thanks”, cool flames flickering through and setting you alight everywhere he touched. Had it always been like this? You brushed the thought away and leaned into his gentle caress, humming softly.

He paused for a minute in surprise at the affirmative noises from you. “I thought I was the cat in this relationship.” With that, he resumed petting your hair, deftly untangling the knots. Unable to respond because of the pure bliss you were experiencing, you simply lowered your head onto his lap.

His dexterous fingers worked your scalp, and suddenly the flames were back. They licked at your head and filled your entire body with a sense of peace. You couldn’t say it was warmth, for there was no burning, just a sense of complete ease as you turned your head to nuzzle into his thigh. And that was the moment you knew, that no matter what you told yourself, Yoongi was more than a friend.

Yoongi could barely breathe, struggling to maintain his cool façade of indifference as the darling little human that was you hummed in content and nudged his thigh in a search for more friction. His hands were hopelessly entangled in your hair and at that moment he realized that, no matter what may come next, he was just as hopelessly entangled in you. His own kitten with unbelievably soft hair and the most piercing eyes that turned upward as he stopped for a mere second. Your sleepy voice further paralyzed him as you fully turned inwards, arms clutching his middle.

“Hey Yoongi? Can we, can we please nap?” Your hesitant voice lilted over to him from where it was muffled in his sweater and he stifled a beaming smile. His head reminded him to take advantage of the time to write, record, perfect the new EP. But his heart, his heart told him to let himself rest and take a nap with his adorable kitten that was exhausted from a long day and had come just to see him.

“Of course kit.” Too sleepy to question the nickname, you nodded as he tugged you up onto the small couch nestled in the corner of his studio. Unlike that night a few weeks prior, you fell asleep almost instantly. The last thought you had before your weary eyes blinked closed: You feel like home.

Yoongi stayed awake, holding you carefully and wishing he could write a thousand and one songs about this moment, about a sleepy eyed messy haired girl that turned his insides out and made him softer than the whipped cream on that hot cocoa that you always insisted on getting in the middle of winter. He was committing this moment to memory, praying that maybe, maybe one day this could finally be his forever.

. . .


“So how do I do this?”

“(Y/n), all you have to do is sing.”

“But there’s all this crazy equipment and it’s so much pressure, what if I screw up…”

“Then we keep redoing it until it’s good enough.” Yoongi’s hard eyes met your gaze as he handed you the headphones. “Stop stressing out, we have work to do. This entire EP needs to be recorded.” With a shaky breath, you turned and headed to the microphone and sound booth. The door sealed behind you with a soft click, reminding you that yes, you were here and this was real.

You were releasing music with your best friend, maybe more than your best friend? The two of you hadn’t exactly touched on what everything meant. His touch gave you peace but also filled you with a sense of exhilaration. The long nights spent in the studio that ended with tangled limbs on your sofa meant more to you than he would ever know. Last night you could have even sworn that you felt the ghost of a chaste kiss on your cheek as you drifted off. Did it mean anything though? The two of you had always been close, maybe this was just an extension of that because you were spending so much time together. And Lord knows that you couldn’t have a repeat of what happened five years ago, it was evident from that that he wasn’t for you. No, you were just really close friends. Really close friends who shared a ton of platonic affection. That’s all you would ever let it be.

“(Y/n) can you hear me?” You nodded quickly, his voice coming through your headphones that were snugly over your ears. “Okay, let’s start with your solo song. I’ll be drifting in and out adjusting and telling you what you need to change. The intro should be coming through your ears now.” And indeed it was, the gentle piano melody lilting through the speakers. With a quiet intake of air, you closed your eyes and began to sing.

An hour later, you stepped out of the recording session and carefully handed the equipment to Yoongi. “Your turn Mr. Sunshine.” You teased him with a grin. His unchanging expression made you giggle. With a long-winded explanation, he was slipping into the booth and you were uncertainly working the large array of buttons and equipment he left behind.

Agust D was fire, but Yoongi singing was magic. His voice was soft against your ears as he made his way through his solo song, pausing and repeating again and again until it was perfection. As he stepped out of the recording booth, you gave him a bright smile.

“You know your voice is amazing right? I’m surprised you don’t sing more often, you’re sweet as sugar.”

“Not as sweet as you though kit. Also I’ve been thinking about your stage name, I think that you need to be named Aria, you sing so beautifully in comparison to me.” He reached for your hand and you let him, fingers interlocking naturally as you tried to brush off the nickname.

“Whatever you say but you lie.”

“No I really don’t.”

“Yes, you do. Your voice is far superior to that of a med student. This is your whole life! My life is patients and diagnoses and stupid computer systems that won’t order meds when I need it to.” As you rambled on, Yoongi leaned down and rested his head on your shoulder, loving how cute you were when you argued with him. Your eyes sparkled and the way your mouth opened in indignation? Adorable.

“Are we interrupting something?” A voice resounded through the studio as you whipped around, practically throwing Yoongi off your shoulder as he pouted in protest.

“Blair! Jin!” Excited exclamations came from you as you dragged Yoongi over, still connected. “I didn’t know you guys could make it! We just finished recording the solo songs! Isn’t this exciting?”

“In more ways than one.” Blair snarked, raising an eyebrow at Yoongi. He looked down at your joined hands and shrugged sheepishly. Reluctantly he let go as you threw yourself at Jin, still talking a million miles a minute.

“So, when did that happen?”

“When did what happen?” Yoongi asked, yawning.

“You and (y/n).” Blair quirked an eyebrow up, motioning between him and her best friend.

“I have no idea what you’re insinuating.” He avoided looking at her, eyes shifting to (y/n) as she happily chatted away with Jin, accepting the large box of pastries he brought.

“Please. You never fell out of love with her and you guys were just holding hands. How long have you been together now? Three months? All she ever talks about is you and how your EP is going. You and this music brought her out of her post-Bradley depression. I see the way she looks at you.” His eyes turned towards her, hopeful.

“Do you think she loves me?”

“I think she is never going to admit it.” A somewhat non-answer, but it was good enough for him as he struggled not to smile. (Y/n) and Jin practically bounced to the two, doubling over in laughter from some joke that Jin had told.

“Let’s go celebrate tonight after we’re done recording! I think it would be good for all of us.” Blair gave Yoongi a meaningful look as she turned to her boyfriend and sister in crime. “Say nine o’clock at that bar we all love?” Jin smiled as he turned to give Blair a quick peck.

“Sounds wonderful to me.”

. . .


Bass resounded in your ears as you chattered away with your friends in the corner of the bar. A sweet sugary drink in your hand, Yoongi by your side as the two of you excitedly talked about the EP, all was right with the world. He was explaining that the first live show was the day after the release and giving Blair and Jin details. You couldn’t take your eyes off him.

Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was his gummy smile as he turned to you in excitement, still going on about the show and your plans to release a secret track during it. Maybe it was the way the two of you had been dancing around cuddling and falling asleep together when both of you knew it meant more. Maybe it was the way his eyes always caused you to catch your breath whenever they landed on you. Without even thinking you leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek, lips lingering for a second before you pulled away.

His eyes were wide in shock as he covered his mouth. “(Y/n) what was that? Why did you?” You could have sworn you could see his smile peeking out from behind his hand as Jin and Blair stared at you in disbelief.

You shook your head. “The alcohol got to me, sorry.” Your head was swimming, in disbelief yourself. He was your best friend god damn it. Why did you do that? You dismissed it with a wave as Jin looked between the two of you.

“You mean you aren’t together?”

“Jin!” You exclaimed, appalled at his assumption.

“(Y/n) you’ve done nothing but talk about him and work for the past three months. I thought we were gonna see you more and you’ve practically disappeared into his studio or your apartment unless we’re doing testing at the bakery. Of course you’re into him.” Blair twirled her hair around her finger. She had that look on her face when she knew she was right, it was the look she had given you whenever you broke up with a previous boyfriend or denied your true feelings. Taking your hand she continued. “Just admit it.”

You glanced over at Yoongi who had fallen silent and was staring at the table. “Yoongi?” With a lack of response, you glared at the two culprits. “Look what you’ve done, now we’re all uncomfortable.”

Jin snickered. “I think the only one uncomfortable here is you.” With a huff you got up.

Your cheeks were red and you realized a second later that you were embarrassed. Why were you embarrassed though? It was just Yoongi. Yoongi wasn’t going to judge you for this, he understood that you might have gotten the wrong idea for a second after sleeping in the same bed for a few months, falling into his arms after a long shift, nights spent staying up late talking and eating pizza. Your head spun as you grabbed onto the counter in the restroom, unsure how you made it all the way there.

Good God, you and Yoongi did act like a couple. Blair and Jin did all those things together. Maybe it wouldn’t have been weird if you were the same gender. Maybe it wouldn’t be weird if your drunken self hadn’t given away your hand.

“You okay sweetie?” Blair’s voice resonated through the drafty bathroom at the back of the bar, shaking you from your thoughts. You nodded slowly, glancing into the mirror to see your face drawn with worry.

“Just needed a second.” You mumbled into the silence.

“You do like him though right?” Her hand was on your shoulder, spinning you to face her.

Looking away at the dirty bathroom tiles you responded. “Of course I do, he’s my best friend.”

Tilted your chin up, stared into your uncertain eyes. “You and I both know I didn’t mean like that.”

You closed your eyes, buzz of the alcohol causing the room to sway. “Of course I do,” you repeated more quietly.

“What’s the problem then?”

“We’re business partners! Best friends! You know as well as I do that we didn’t do well when we dated, it lasted three months and he left me broken hearted for six. It took over a year for me to just be able to see him as my best friend. I can’t do that again. I really can’t. He’s only my best friend, I can’t let him be more you know as well as I that it’ll be disastrous.”

Blair took a step back, taking your hand gently. “He isn’t the same as he was back then and neither are you. People change and your feelings can change with that. The two of you really click, you know that? Darling he looks at you like you light up the room. I think he might love you more than I do which is saying something bae.” She smiled down at you, twirling a piece of your hair messily around her finger.

“I think you should give it a shot but you’re obviously a bit too tipsy to give that any thought right now. Just enjoy the night with friends.” She pulled you back into the bar, tripping over your own two feet.

Stumble, stumble, dear goodness don’t trip over that stranger’s feet, don’t do it, don’t run into-

You hit a solid object with a soft oof, almost falling over when something caught you by reflex leaving you to cling to whatever it was. Everything was blurry, you couldn’t see straight but you knew that voice.

“(Y/n) are you okay?” Your vision seemed to clear the more you stayed still, blinking up from the wall in front of you to see a familiar face framed by fluffy green locks.

“Mhm I’m okay Yoongi.” You mumbled, curling your fingers into his black tee under his leather jacket. You weren’t ready to let go yet.

“I forgot how clingy you get when you’re drunk. Don’t worry about earlier (Y/n).” He grumbled, squeezing you into a proper hug.

You basked in the attention for a moment before pulling away to grab his arm instead. “Let’s go home my suga.”

“Of course kit.” He guided you to the street where the car awaited, pressing a chaste kiss to your head. You tried to ignore it and failed miserably, your face lighting up bright with a lovestruck smile. Blair and Jin watched in the background as the two of you faded into the distance with smiles on their faces.

“Shit she’s got it bad.” Blair shook her head with a smile. “Too bad she’s so stubborn.” Jin turned and grabbed her by the arm, dragging her out to the dancefloor.

“Whatever do you mean my love?” Blair flipped her hair back and pressed her body to Jin’s as she whispered in his ear.

“She’s in love with him but she’ll never let him love her back.”

. . .


am I imagining it?
cause I could swear you want me too
don’t take a breath
break this fantasy we stepped into
is it just a dream?
I think I might be falling
darling I’ll catch you if you’re falling
do you want me too?

You glanced up, Yoongi already staring back at you with those fathomless deep black eyes, something you couldn’t quite read hiding at the corners. You searched them, falling deeper into the trance that your songwriting, his songwriting, put you in. He was everything you had been missing, the fresh breath of air you needed and he was leaning in, your eyes were fluttering closed: the image of his full pouty lips flashing behind your eyes and it had been so long since someone had kissed you, someone had loved you the way that Yoongi did.

With that realization your eyes snapped open, millimeters away from your best friend’s face. Him with his perfect skin, and tired eyes and messy faded green hair. Him, the one that you still craved and dreamt about.

You had never really gotten over him, had you? It was clear in your drunken actions from the week before, was clear in your fantasies, was clear in the way you let him crawl into bed with you every damn night.

And as soon as the moment had come, it left. You could feel it as it rushed by you in a staggering cool breeze, tossing your hair as you returned to your seat, scooting all the way back in the chair. You could feel it as his eyes flickered open, mouth naturally turning downward in a pout as he leaned back, readjusting in his seat.

“That’s really something huh?” You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, unable to meet his eyes. “I think that might be it.”

“I think it’s still missing something.” He murmured, dragging his chair closer to you and taking the paper from you gently. With his signature black ballpoint pen he added another verse.

you always
step back from our reality
hit the brakes ignore green lights

and with that he stood up, the deafening scrape of his chair on the tile floor echoing through the room as he left you staring at those three little lines and an unfinished song that left you with more questions than you came with.

Was this really a good idea? After the history? You thought you had moved past that, thought you had forgotten the way it turned you on when his heady gaze fell on you during concerts. In those four long years you had forgotten so many things. The way his gummy smile lit up an entire room and made you fall apart every single time. You just wanted to be the reason that he could be joyous. Fuck, you wanted to make him soft. His steely eyes melted at the sight of you when you tumbled through his door at all hours of the day to record or write or just spend time together.
Yoongi was the moon. He was understated in his absolute brilliance; he was there and you never knew you needed him until he popped back into your life and made his presence known. He handled everything so gracefully. He let everyone else take the spotlight until his hard work paid off and it was finally his turn. Maybe, just maybe, he was everything you had been missing.

But how were you to know? The hurt and pain he had caused lingered below the surface. You knew that he was leaps and bounds beyond that boy who had hurt you. It was evident in his barely there caresses and his eyes.

Head in your hands, your eyes flicked once again to the lyrics he had written. The song was supposed to be a surprise for the first live performance and you wondered if you had royally screwed that up as well. Blair’s words about change still echoed in your head but you couldn’t believe them. He would never be more than your best friend.

With that you stood up too, wandering the studio to find him slumped at his computer staring blankly ahead.

“Yoongi.” You called his name softly with a knock on the door to announce your presence.

“(Y/n) go away you’ve made your position obvious.”

“What point did I make?” You ventured to ask.

He stood up abruptly, mind racing a million miles an hour. He had tried, hadn’t he? Held her hand every damn time he could, kissed her forehead whenever she was stressed, cuddled her til she fell asleep and it still wasn’t enough. He had given her so much fucking proof that he could be different; this time he could treat her right.

He would never be enough no matter what he did.

With a sigh, he growled out “You made your point that I’m not good enough for you even though you’re still attracted to me too.”

You took a step back, alarmed at the way his eyes closed and fists clenched. He took a single stuttering breath and you slowly realized.

He was trying not to cry.

“Yoongi, it’s not like that.” You began, only to be interrupted by him turning to you with watering eyes and more emotion than you’d seen from him in the five years you had known him.

“What is it then? Why would you pull away after all the nights when I held you? When I kissed your cheek? After the way everything has been going. You treat me like your lover but tell me you’re my best friend. What am I to you?” His voice quivered at the end as he settled forward, dropping back into the chair and staring intently at you.

You looked down and away. The tension in the room was so thick you could barely move, feeling yourself shutting down. “Yoongi, you’re so good. You’ve changed so much and for the better. We mesh perfectly, I find myself caught up in you all the time. Your hair and eyes and the way you smile at me is just…wow. So much of the time I feel myself falling for you just like I did five years ago.” You took a deep breath, steadying yourself. “But I can’t do that after the way you hurt me back then.”

“Why not?” His voice was flat as you glanced up for a second, ebony orbs trained on your own.

“I can’t let myself be hurt again.”

“Who says I would hurt you again. Everyone deserves a second chance.”

“Yoongi I…just can’t.” You felt like you were going to cry. Why was it so hard if it was right?

“Why not (Y/n)?” His voice rose as he stood up and grabbed your hands, cool flames flickering up your spine just like they did every single time. He pulled you close, tilting your chin up. You were pressed up against the length of his body, heart beating fast as you closed your eyes. This felt like home, why did it feel like home, it wasn’t right.

“You can’t possibly tell me that you don’t feel anything standing with me like this. I can feel your heart beating a million miles an hour.” His voice softened as he stared at you, eyes closed and face tilted up so invitingly as you drew in a stuttering breath.

“No.”

With those two little letters, he was sweeping you into a kiss that stole the little breath you had away. His lips were just as soft as you remembered five years ago, they meshed with yours perfectly. You were drowning in the love you felt, drowning in the way his hands fit perfectly on your waist. It was, it was everything you remembered.

He drew away with one last soft peck to your lips, breathing softly. And opening your eyes in the afterglow you remembered the one thing you didn’t want to.

You remembered the way he kissed you before he left and never came back, going off with his ex. You remembered the heartbreak after he had kissed you so passionately right before. It felt just like this kiss. It felt just like this.

So you pulled away from him even though his eyes promised never to hurt you. They were so lovestruck, pupils dilated and mouth open in a soft pout. You pulled away even though there were no warning signs you had ignored this time. You pulled away because you were afraid of repeating the past.

“Yoongi, no matter how I feel it can’t change the past. And no matter what, I don’t know how to trust that you won’t hurt me again. Please don’t ask anything of me besides to be your friend and finish the EP shows.”

You ran, leaving him with open arms and wide eyes that began to fill with tears.

. . .


“(Y/n) what the FUCK did you do?” Blair’s shriek coming out of your phone caused you to wince and draw away from the speaker.

“I told him we were just friends.”

“After you let him kiss you? You absolute idiot. You incompetent girl that can’t even determine your own emotions.” Her rage was evident even over the phone, clipped words and half sentences that seemed to cut you deep.

You sighed. “Blair I don’t love him I just love the idea of him.”

“Bullshit.”

“Excuse me?” Your brows furrowed as you stared in shock at the phone. “Why are you on me about this so much? I told you as much like a week ago. Let it go, he’ll get over it and we will be friends and it’ll be good. I just wish I could fall in love with my best friend.”

You could almost hear her roll her eyes. “Jin sees it too you know. Let’s see you try to survive without him til the comeback show, survive without his touch or precious words. He keeps you steady (Y/n). And even if you won’t admit it, the rest of us know you too well. You’ve been in love with him since the day you broke up with Bradley.” With that, the call ending, a resounding beep filling your apartment as your best friend in the entire world hung up without even saying goodbye.

The first few days passed okay because you were working, coming home only to scarf down some food that definitely was slowly killing you and sleep for eight hours.

The next day after that was torture. Any time anything happened, you found yourself reaching for your phone to text him, tempted to tap on his contact that you had saved with simply a black heart. You shrugged it off though. He was your best friend, not your lifeline. You would see him in a week when the comeback show happened and the world saw what the two of you had done.

It was bearable during the day but when you weren’t tired out from work you slowly realized it wasn’t. It was the third night without him and you couldn’t sleep. At all. You rolled over, unable to get comfortable when there was an empty space where he used to lie. With a groan, you glanced at the clock.

Four in the morning.

Only two more hours before you could get up, pretending you were up early to exercise.

Later that day you stumbled into Jin’s bakery with bloodshot eyes, ordering a brownie a la mode and sinking into your chair.

“Not so easy without him, is it?” Jin’s soft voice greeted you from above, startling you out of your reverie. You shoved your baseball cap further down on your head as you began to pick up the spoon for your desert.

“You have no idea. I didn’t think our lives had meshed that much. I went to the gym this morning and remembered him struggling to do pushups and then changing to lazily watching me. I took a walk to the mall for new scrubs and thought of his hand in mine. I couldn’t sleep because his side of the bed was cold. His side of the bed.” You shook your head in shock. “It’s my bed why does he get a side?”

“Because you’re in love. You two act like a married couple, I’m surprised you didn’t realize it sooner.” Jin took a seat and your hand. “He looks at you the way I look at Blair.”

Your tired eyes widened a fraction. “But you and Blair are ride or die.”

“Yoongi is that for you too. And I’m sure that you feel the same if you would admit it to yourself. He writes songs about you, you know.” Your tired mind began to spin.

“What do you mean?”

Jin let out a huff of disbelief. “You honestly didn’t know? All the music lately, it’s been for you even though it’s also with you. Maybe you should take some time to think about that.”

Taking another bite of sugary goodness, you hummed. “Jin I made a terrible mistake, didn’t I?”

His eyes met yours as you glanced up in desperation. He softened. “It’s only terrible if you can’t correct it. And I’m going to make sure you can.”

“Always looking out for me big bro.” You teased him halfheartedly as he ruffled your hair.

“Meet me at 8 tonight, we have work to do.” And with that he disappeared back behind the counter to frost some more delicious desserts.

. . .


His hair was bleach blonde and you thought you might pass out on the spot.

He was so soft and fluffy before, now he just looked downright dangerous with styled hair and a black leather jacket. He was completely decked out in black per usual but…damn he looked good.

Self consciously you began to play with your hair, unsure if this was the right decision, unsure if you could go through with Blair and Jin’s concocted scheme. You had never been known for your bravery, preferring to stay in the shadows and let others take the lead even though you were capable.

He was worth it though.

Your outfit was much less volatile and it made you even more self-conscious. A skater dress and sneakers with your own leather jacket made you feel like you were trying too hard to be scary. And you knew that the two of you looked good together, would sing on the stage like you were meant to be together. Maybe that’s why it bothered you so much. If you didn’t go through with this plan you wouldn’t ever have that, just on stage with a fake smile for tour.

So you walked over to him, placed your hand on his shoulder and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. You told him with a soft smile that you were sorry for the way things had gone the last time the two of you had spoke and that you were going to make it right, made him promise he would follow your lead at the end of the concert.

And with that the curtain was up on your first performance.

It went by in a blur, maybe because of your nerves. You closed your eyes as you sang your solo song, pouring in all the hurt and anger you had felt from your past relationships. A few tears fell. Honestly, you had no clue what the audience thought, you kept losing your focus on their reaction whenever you looked over at Yoongi.

His passion was evident in his face, spitting verses like he was made for it and drawing everyone in with his deep stutters. Now that you knew everything was about you it hit a lot harder. His song about unrequited love nearly made you run out onto the stage and kiss him right there, let him know that you really did love him back.

Yet, it was finally the end of the concert. The curtain closed, the two of you sharing excited glances as the lights went up and the crowd began chattering. You flew into his arms with a giggle and it almost broke your heart to feel his inner turmoil over whether to hug you back. Soon it would all be right you reminded yourself. Soon you would fix this.

“I can’t believe we actually did it.”

“Slow down we’re not there yet.” He reminded you. “In two minutes we’ve got one more song.”

“Everyone is going to flip when they see the hardcore rapper gently playing the piano.” You laughed, drawing back even though every atom of your body was screaming at you to stay where you belonged, in his safe embrace.

“Maybe for the next concert we can have you rap instead,” He suggested with a smirk, drawing away instantly. You had obviously lost the right to his personal space bubble.

“No way,” you vehemently disagreed, turning inward and hugging the leather jacket closer to yourself. “You’ve already said that I sound worse than Jin which is saying something.”

He held in a laugh, instead nodding to the sound crew. The lights dimmed once again and you could hear the confusion, hear the people who were leaving hurry to get back to their spots where they had been squished in by the crowd before.

You took a deep breath and parted the curtain.

“Hello everyone!” You greeted with a smile, trying not to panic. “I’m Aria and I’m so glad you could join me and my partner tonight. We have a secret track for you tonight so tough luck for everyone who booked it as soon as the concert was done.”

“If they were true fans, they would know that my concerts always have a surprise and that they need to expect the unexpected.” Yoongi’s amused voice resounded from behind the curtain and you laughed.

“Well on that note, I’m so sorry you guys were probably expecting more of his fire rap, right? I don’t know how to be gangster like that but enjoy this. We’ll be down for meet and greet 15 minutes after the show.”

And with that you ducked back behind the curtain to the roar of the crowd.

“This is it.” You whispered to Yoongi who was already sitting at the piano bench.”

“This is it.” He agreed with a stony face.

The curtain parted and he began singing.

The chorus almost had you ruining the plan right then and there. Sitting on top of the piano bench staring at him as he sang back to you, charcoal irises refusing to meet your gaze.

You wondered what would happen if you simply hopped off the piano and sat next to him, took his chin and kissed him in the middle of his lines. Instead you hopped off the piano and played to the crowd, unsure of how to bridge this gap. As the song began to wind down you made your way back to the piano, balancing precariously on the edge of the seat. His raspy voice brought you back to reality, finally turning to you with so much sorrow in his countenance.

am I imagining it?
cause I could swear you want me too

You took your free hand and messed with his hair a little bit, smiling gently in reassurance.

don’t take a breath
break this fantasy we stepped into

He turned away from you, your hand falling limply onto the bench.

is it just a dream?

You stumbled over the next line; all your feelings bottled up in your chest. He was the moon; he was everything you never knew you needed. He was everything they had told you was too much and here he was right in front of you, bleach blonde hair and all.

I think I might be falling

His eyes snapped back to you in concern, reading the panic in your eyes as he continued to play and finish out the song.

darling I’ll catch you if you’re falling
do you want me to?

A quick key change and his words echoed through the deadly quiet arena.

you always
step back from our reality
hit the brakes ignore green lights

You took a deep breath and broke the eerie sadness left behind by his words with a soft melody. The piano had faded, it was just your voice filtering through the silence.

I’m no longer ignoring the signs
If the light is green, I’m gonna go
I was scared of the tragedy before
before I trusted fully

You were looked everywhere but at him, fixating on an exit sign in the back of the arena that you could barely see.

You’re my dream and reality
Want you in my head day and night
please catch me I’m falling
I want you to

His hand was on your shoulder spinning you to meet his serious gaze.

Maybe you were in a venue filled with hundreds of people but he was the only one you saw.

“You didn’t write that out of pity or just to end the song on a good note right?” His eyes bored into you as you refused to look up, his hand on your chin insistently tugging you to meet his gaze.

“I wrote it for you. I was being foolish. You’re my moon, of course I want you, of course I want this.” Your voice lowered as you continued to gaze at his face that was becoming softer with every word you uttered. “I’m sorry for the way I left, you’re right. Things have changed, we can work this out.”

In the course of less than a minute you went from sad upset Yoongi to Yoongi with the brightest gummy smile you had ever seen. And in the next ten seconds, before you could truly appreciate it, he was sweeping you off the piano bench to stand in front of the audience.

“I appreciate you all staying. You see, I want to share a bit about this EP. Now I’m sure you are all confused because I’m a rapper. I roast, I rant, I am angry. However, this EP is about my personal life. More specifically, Aria who is standing right beside me.” You sheepishly waved at the audience, gaining a few chuckles.

“I met Aria when I was young and we fell in love right away. It was dramatic and passionate but I wasn’t ready for the depth of love she gives. I wasn’t mature enough to understand what I had and I ruined it. She’s been my friend this entire time and I’ve never truly gotten over her. She’s my moon.” He turned to you, taking your hand as he continued to speak to the crowd.

“I never believed she would love me back. She just got out of a relationship when we started this EP and that all started to change. The storyline is the change in our relationship, how things have progressed the last few months. Her part at the end of the last song was unscripted.” He smiled, all sunshine and softness. “So please excuse me for a minute.”

You could hear the audience going wild as he pulled you into his arms and tilted your chin up for a hard, deep kiss. You melted into him, grabbing onto his shirt to pull him closer. You broke apart to the cheers of the crowd and his goofy grin.

Backstage, Blair and Jin shared a celebratory kiss. “Told you it would work.” Blair declared triumphantly.

Jin mocked outrage. “My idea of puns would have totally worked.” Blair rolled her eyes.

“Yeah on you.”

He sputtered as she drew him in again, silencing his protest