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>Homestuck: meet Hiveswap [INACTIVE]

Chapter Text


>Tyzias: get pestered 


TIRONA: TYZIAS
TIRONA: H33Y .
TIRONA: TYZIAS
TIRONA: TYZIAS
TIRONA: H33Y
TYZIAS: wwwwhat
TIRONA: DID YOU H33AR. NEW COWORK33R
TYZIAS: i'mmmm fully awwwware
TYZIAS: arent you supposed to be mmmmaking mmmmore propaganda for trizza
TYZIAS: get back to doing that
TIRONA: NO BUT DID YOU H33AR
TYZIAS: hear wwwwhat.
TIRONA: TH33Y'R33 SUPPOS33D TO B33 TOP OF TH33IR F33ILD
TYZIAS: wwwwowwwie.

Tyzias goes back to clicking on her keyboard, taking a sip of water from her cup.
tyzias couldn't give even half of a shit about what was going on with new co workers or such. she was doing what she did best: working.
the door creaked open and another nuisance ran in.

TEGIRI: TYZIAS HO/Y FUCK NEW COWORKER
TYZIAS: wwwwhy are you twwwwo over here. i never invited either of you

tegiri takes this as an open opportunity to rant about whatever dumb shit he's been watching.

TEGIRI: DO YOU THINK THEY'// /IKE EAST A/TERNIAN FI/M? IVE BEEN CATCHING UP ON TRO// GURREN /AGAN
TIRONA: TH33Y'R33 PROBABLY WAY COOL33R THAN THAT

as tegiri is about to respond, the sound of a door opening from another room clicks- Tirona and Tegiri nearly bolt out of their spots, and a few seconds later a very grumpy Tagora walks past her door muttering something about "beauty sleep *_____"
Tyzias rolls her eyes, gets up, and follows.
a girl is standing in front of the doorframe.
there are red blotches smeared across her face that are too light and too textured to be blood- her next best guess would be chalk?
she is licking the doorframe.
top of the field. huh.

STELSA: HELLO TERZI DEAR IT'S SO NICE TO WELCOME A NEW TROLL INTO THE OFFICE
TEREZI: Y43H Y43H WH4T3V3R
TEREZI: 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO 34T TH4T
STELSA: UM
STELSA: MY LIPSTICK?
TEREZI: D1D 1 FUCK1NG STUTT3R

Stelsa, confused, gives the girl her lipstick. she responds by eating it whole.

TIRONA: HOLY SHIT

Tirona, now enthralled with this lipstick eater, now extends her hand.

TIRONA: I'm Tirona

Terezi turns around and accidentally whacks Tirona in the head with her cane, which looks... eerily familiar to Tyzias. the cane, not the concussion.

TEREZI: H3LLO

she robotically turns her head towards tegiri, and inhales.

TEREZI: YOU SM3LL L1K3 OL1V3 BLOOD

Tegiri freezes, like he's just been caught doing something.

TEGIRI: No,

Terezi , ignoring his stutters, turns to tyzias and tagora in turn.

TEREZI: W3LL
TEREZI: WHO 4R3 YOU LOS3RS
TYZIAS: i'mmmm Tyzias

the girl scrunches her face up at Tyzias' accent.

TYZIAS: wwwwhat
TEREZI: NOTH1NG
TEREZI: YOU JUST SOUND L1K3 TH1S DOUCH3B4G V1OL3T 1 KNOW

the room goes silent.

TAGORA: im sorry
TAGORA: you socialize with what caste now. *______

did she just talk about a violet like they were a rust blood? you can't do that. right. right?

TEREZI: 4R3 YOU GONN4 34T TH4T

Stelsa, who was silently taking out another lipstick from her bag, freezes.

STELSA:
STELSA: OF COURSE NOT MY DEAR HERE HAVE IT ALL YOU'D LIKE

she sort of tosses the lipstick in the blind troll's direction. she grabs it out of thin air and shoves a paper coated in glitter towards tyzias' hands.

TEREZI: YOU PROOFR34D TH3 P4P3RS RIGHT
TYZIAS: yes
TEREZI: DO M1N3

the paper was written in chalk, with large bite marks taken out of it here and there. glitter coated the paper in a thick layer.
she skims the page.
this is the most detailed and well-written paper she's ever read.
she turns to ask Terezi a question, but she's already disappeared around the corner.
the rest of the trolls stare at the wake she's left, looking on in a mix of horror and amazement.

TIRONA: I call b33ing h33r fri33nd

Chapter Text


>Equius and Karkat: go to an art gallery

EQUIUS: D---> i feel as if
EQUIUS: D---> you arent understanding the magnitude of this
EQUIUS: D---> im bringing you to an art gallery
EQUIUS: D---> this is of the highest award i can give unto someone
KARKAT: WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST FUCKING BRING NEPETA?
EQUIUS: D---> ok well, one, Karkat we've gone over the no swearing rule. no swearing no e%eptions.
EQUIUS: D---> and two she is currently sick
EQUIUS: D---> you are my only other option
EQUIUS: D---> dont ruin this for me

the two arrive at a small art establishment and silently enter, karkat grumbling as he walks in.

REMELE: welcome!! I truste youe are here to viewe my fine artes?

she eyes Karkat's grey sign.

KARKAT: YEAH. ART. YEAH. YAY. SO SUPER PSYCHED. ART BONER OVER HERE.
EQUIUS: D---> excuse my friend
EQUIUS: D---> I heard you were doing this art gallery with another creator? a b100 b100d?
REMELE: whye yes, of course. would youe like me to bring youe to her?
EQUIUS: D---> that would be nice

remele leads them down a tiny path, towards a corner of the room full of crimson drawings. Karkat seems to freeze when he sees them. the little troll in charge of the corner turns her head.

AMISIA: are youu okay? youu look like youu're gonna puuke.
KARKAT: YES
KARKAT: I AM PERFECTLY FINE

remele gestures to the small troll, ignoring Karkat's squeamish looks.

REMELE: ande what's amazing aboute little amisia's arte here is thate it is paintede entirely withe bloode!

at this, Karkat nearly goes into a coma.

KARKAT: WHOSE
KARKAT: BLOOD
REMELE: dide you not heare?
EQUIUS: D---> hear what
REMELE: there's a little aliene running acrosse towne! a wondere they haven'te been culled yet.

Karkat goes full on catatonic.

he grabs amisia by the shoulders.

KARKAT: COULD YOU
KARKAT: PERCHANCE
KARKAT: TAKE ME TO THEM
AMISIA: I have them on call buut if youu're gonna report them to a drone i won't tell youu anything- they're kind of my muuse.

EQUIUS: D---> karkat is something wrong

KARKAT: NO
KARKAT: AS IT WOULD APPEAR IM PERFECTLY FUCKING FINE THANK YOU

he takes a moment to gingerly remove his hands from amisia's shoulders and stand up straight, making an attempt to seem completely sane. this attempt only kind of works.

AMISIA: hey
AMISIA: what's with youur sign

Karkat, for the umpteenth time in this fucking (excuse my language,) chapter, freezes.

KARKAT: I LEFT MY SWEATER IN THE CLOTHWRANGLER FOR TOO LONG
KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT IT
AMISIA: nothing abouut it
AMISIA: youu just seem to be worked uup abouut muutant colors.....
KARKAT: WELL I AM INDEED NOT A MUTANT FOR YOUR INFORMATION
KARKAT: AND I WOULD NOT DO ANYTHING TO THIS ALIEN
AMISIA: whatever youu say.

Amisia takes a nearby pen and writes the alien's chittr handle into his palm.

KARKAT: THANK YOU
KARKAT: NOW. IF YOU WOULD-
???: <3- hey losers. whats happening over here <3- we <3 exchanging numbers? <3

they turn around to see two indigo bloods standing behind them- a sleazy little man with his greasy hair in a ponytail, and a suprisingly buff nerd in glasses.

GALEKH: excuse my friend Zebruh here [1] he didn't mean to intrude[2] (1: imagine air quotes around the word "friend". 2: he absolutely did mean to intrude. sorry.)

EQUIUS: D---> no worries
EQUIUS: D---> but if i may this corner is getting rather crowded
EQUIUS: D---> if we could see some more art from the fine establishment
KARKAT: UH HUH. YEAH. LET'S.

they begin to walk around, Zebruh sliding up to Karkat.

ZEBRUH: like to keep your colors on the down low, huh? <3 i'm into that <3

before karkat can respond, Galekh grabs Zebruh and forcefully places him on a nearby shelf, abandoning him with no way to get down.

ZEBRUH: GALEKH!!!!!! <3- WHAT THE FUCK! <3- GET ME DOWN FROM HERE

GALEKH: I'm going to be honest I have no idea why I came with you [1] (1: actually just wanted to make sure you weren't harassing people again.)

Karkat nods his approval at Galekh.

KARKAT: THAT GUY WAS KIND OF A NOOKSUCKER ANYWAYS

EQUIUS: D---> Karkat if you are going to swear i might as well too. then you'll see how disruptive you are being.
EQUIUS: D---> ahem
EQUIUS: D---> f
EQUIUS: D---> fiddlesticks
EQUIUS: D---> do forgive me that was some rather crass language

Galekh looks over at the two, beginning to go his separate way but still amused by them.
Equius and Karkat make their way out of the parlor.

KARKAT: WHY ARE WE LEAVING SO SOON
EQUIUS: D---> you were causing a scene
KARKAT: A SCENE? REALLY?
EQUIUS: D---> really
KARKAT: YEAH? WELL? HUH? WHAT KIND OF FUCKING SCENE WAS I CAUSING, HUH?

multiple trolls have turned their heads to stare at the screaming boy.

EQUIUS: D---> ok im just bringing Nepeta next time
KARKAT: PLEASE DO.

Equius and karkat part, off to their hives on the opposite sides of town. Karkat looks down at the smudged number written on his palm. he's got someone to talk to first.

 

Chapter Text

>Sollux: take that call

ring
ring
ri

SOLLUX: what do you WANT.
SOLLUX: iim iin the MIIDDLE of 2omethiing
ERIDAN: get ovver yourself
ERIDAN:I havve some newws about that little mutant you call your friend
ERIDAN: heard he's got a deathwwish
SOLLUX: well. fiirst off, we're not friiend2. 2econd. why do you care?
ERIDAN: wwell if he happened to die i'd havve to deal with all you wwhining about it 
SOLLUX: ii dont thiink that anyone'd cry over kk. e2peciially me. two be hone2t iit'd be niice two get hiim out of my haiir
ERIDAN: yeah ok
ERIDAN: tell that to your hatecrush diary
SOLLUX: II AM N-
SOLLUX: FUCK YOU
ERIDAN: immitating his quirk noww are you?

nearby, a goldblood  is alerted to the tantrum and recognizes something (or rather, someONE,) her moirail has been fawning about since she's met him. or at least she thinks it's him?

FOLYKL: is that the        fucking     psionic

without her moirail around, she grabs the nearest person and forces them to crouch down next to her.

GALEKH:  EXCUSE ME-
FOLYKL: shut      the fuck        up
FOLYKL: do you know          who the         psionic is
GALEKH: ,,,,what.
FOLYKL: give me your          palmhusk 
GALEKH: I will NOT-
FOLKYL: thank   you   .   you can leave       now
GALEKH: i- if i knew better i'd be calling in a culling drone[1] right now- (1: i don't like it when blood is shed)
FOLYKL: shut    UP bitch

she dials a number into Galekh's palmhusk and puts it to her ear.

KUPRUM: >whos this
FOLYKL:   dude
KUPRUM: >tfw you pick up some random fuckin number and its your moirail
KUPRUM: >sup
KUPRUM: >did you steal a palmhusk? lololol dubs
FOLYKL:  the psionic       is here
KUPRUM: >thats the most half assed bullshit prank ive ever heard in my life
KUPRUM: >thought u were better than this fol
FOLYKL: no       im       serious 
FOLYKL: but       hes like a kid or        something
KUPRUM: >pics or it didnt hapen 

she turns to Galekh, who is waiting very patiently, crouched in the trash, for his palmhusk back.

GALEKH: are you done.
FOLYKL: no
FOLYKL: how do you     turn on      facetime


Galekh's face scrunches up, like he's considering beating this troll on the head with the nearest object. after a moment, he sighs, the look passes, and he examines the palmhusk for her.

GALEKH: here [1] (1: you're welcome)
FOLYKL:     thanks

she swivels the camera around to the boy, who is now calmly talking to his palmhusk, albeit with a flushed expression on his face.

KUPRUM: >HOLY FUCKING SHIT

this yell catches the ear of the boy, and Folykl quickly tackles Galekh into the nearest pile of trash so they aren't spotted.

ERIDAN: sol
ERIDAN: you there
ERIDAN: i dont care but
ERIDAN: i like talking about howw amazing i am
ERIDAN: are you ok
ERIDAN: i once again dont care in the slightest
SOLLUX: iim here , drama queen. ju2t thought ii heard 2omethiing. 

Galekh sits up and stares at Folykl, enraged.

GALEKH: this is my FAVORITE SUIT [1] (1: WAS. my favorite suit. the smell won't be able to come out- i know from experience unfortunately.)
GALEKH: what was the REASON-

Folykl slaps a hand over his mouth.

FOLYKL: if thats     really the     psionic
FOLYKL: we wouldve been         wiggler food
GALEKH: I still have no idea [1] who the psionic is. (1: uncommon)
FOLYKL: tell you     later
FOLYKL: you better       stay quiet   too

this second line is directed at Kuprum, whose face is now twisted in an extremely suprised expression.

FOLYKL: hello   ?
KUPRUM: >that w
KUPRUM: >tfw
KUPRUM: >y 
GALEKH: is he usually like this
FOLYKL: no
FOLYKL: give him     a minute
FOLYKL: kup    stop freaking out        you look like a     normie
KUPRUM: >shit sorry
KUPRUM:> just
KUPRUM:>tfw
KUPRUM: >mfw
KUPRUM:> reblog if dont think
FOLYKL:      reblogged

KUPRUM: >one secnd
KUPRUM: >im gonna tell him
FOLYKL: tell     who

realization sets in on her face again, and she grins.

FOLYKL: hahaha   holy    shit     thats hilarious
KUPRUM: >i know lolololololololololol 
KUPRUM: >be right back
FOLYKL:  later         loser

the line disconnects and folykl looks over just in time to see the boy-psionic starting to walk away.

FOLYKL: you.   whatever your name     was
GALEKH: galekh.
FOLYKL: i didnt ask     but k
FOLYKL:     can you carry      me
GALEKH: excuse me?
-----

Kuprum was reeling. holy SHIT was he reeling. he just saw the fucking KID-PSIONIC. what was it, his wriggling day? a dream? the only way this could get better is was if Trizza magically showed up in front of him.

even though, it was about to get a liiiittle bit better with what he was about to say to who he was about to talk to.



he opened up chittr and started to type.

-- HackermaN started a private message with xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx--
HackermaN: > hey loser.
HackermaN: >i've got news for you you fucking normie
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: |||oh my god what is it now|||
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: |||im in the middle of something |||
HackermaN: > what, am i interrupting your anime club group chat?
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: ||| ha ha, have your laughs.|||
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: |||yes. you are.|||
HackermaN: >great
HackermaN: >you know how you proclaim yourself to be the king of the goldbloods like some abslute fucking tool
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: ||| i am not a tool|||
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: |||but yes i know what youre reffering to|||
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: |||watch your tone. i can kill you with only a fraction of my power|||
HackermaN: >oh my god shut up
HackermaN: >you've got some competition.
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: |||yeah. for you, you're gonna say? ha ha.|||
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: ||| now stop fucking bothering me|||
HackermaN: > no im serious 
HackermaN: >you know the psionic
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: |||of course|||
HackermaN: >look

a video file shows up on Azdaja's screen. he clicks it, unimpressed, and then nearly falls out of his chair in alarm.

xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: ||| holy SHIT|||
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: ||| WHAT THE FFFFUCK|||
HackermaN: > exactly

he almost expodes out of his chair,before he reconsiders who he's talking to.

xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: |||wait|||
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: |||how do i know you're not fucking with me|||
HackermaN: >what
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: |||anything can be that realistic with a little bit of grubshop and editing.|||
HackermaN: >tfw youre telling the truth but some weeb thinks you have enough money to get grubshop
xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: |||what|||
HackermaN: >i waste my material on you
HackermaN: >whatever
HackermaN:> we got a location he's at
HackermaN: >fol's got eyes on him
HackermaN:>if you're interested of course

Azdaja grins as he looks at the screen.

xXxGOLDBLOODPRINCExXx: ||| why not.|||

Chapter Text

Chapter Text


>Goldbloods (and Galekh): follow the boy-psiioniic!


Galekh walks casually behind the boy-psiioniic (out of sight, of course), wondering why he's doing this.

GALEKH: why am I doing this
FOLYKL:   shut      up
FOLYKL: they're  here

Kuprum floats down to them, Azdaja at his heels.

AZDAJA: ||| ready to see this supposed boy- psiioniic. |||
KUPRUM: >why do you doubt me
AZDAJA: ||| I know you |||
KUPRUM: >fair
FOLYKL: wait     shut up   there he  is

everyone turns their heads to where she's pointing, and Azdaja  is instantly paralyzed.

AZDAJA: |||th|||
AZDAJA: ||| ps|||
AZDAJA: ||| helmsm|||
KUPRUM: >lololollolololololollol
FOLYKL: you reacted     the exact same way       dumbass
KUPRUM: >well yeah but like I did it with style
GALEKH: I still have no idea what we're looking at.

nearby, the object of everyone's attention finishes his call.

SOLLUX: 2ee you Eri
ERIDAN: you promise you'll check that loser out, though?
SOLLUX: iif iit get2 you off my back

the line disconnects and Sollux turns around to see a myriad of goldbloods and one VERY tired looking indigo staring right at him.

SOLLUX: 
SOLLUX: Do ii know you guy2

Kuprum and Azdaja instantly freeze up, like they've been caught stealing.

FOLYKL: you  can see      us  ?
SOLLUX: you're hiidiing behiind a potted plant. there'2 four of you. 
SOLLUX: of cour2e ii can fucking 2ee you
SOLLUX: are your friiend2 okay

Kuprum and Azdaja have gone catatonic at this point, Kuprum actually starting to drool at the mouth.

GALEKH: they're fine [1] (1: probably)
FOLYKL: yeah.    are      you  the        psiioniic
SOLLUX: uh. who?
FOLYKL:     psiioniic
SOLLUX: ii dont know anyone named that. ii dont know why anyone would want to be named that.

they stand in a deadlock, staring at each other.

SOLLUX: iim gonna
SOLLUX: iim gonna go 
SOLLUX: bye
GALEKH: wow! I came into this knowing nothing, and came out of it knowing nothing. eventful.

he idly checks his watch and instantly drops Folykl onto the pavement.

FOLYKL:  OW  !   ASSHOLE
GALEKH: I HAVE FIVE MINUTES UNTIL I HAVE TO GO TO WORK 

he takes off running, almost falling into traffic as he skids out of sight.

FOLYKL:
FOLYKL: does   he know we       still have his    palmhusk 

__
Galekh arrives to the teal/indigo workspace, covered in sweat. after Trizza had spent most of the indigo workspace's funds on trollchat emojis and pretty necklaces, they'd been haphazardly shoved into the same building that barely even resembled an office.
 
TYZIAS: wwwwhat took you so long
GALEKH: don't ask.

he directs his attention to a small, yelling figure covered in chalk.

GALEKH: who's that?
TYZIAS: newwww hire
TYZIAS: don't open mmmmarkers around her

Galekh catches his breath and straightens himself out.

GALEKH: ty[1], aren't you a history buff? (1: nickname that pisses off Tagora)
TYZIAS: yeah. wwwwhy?
GALEKH: do you know who the 'Psiioniic' is?

Tyzias spits out the contents of her cup and looks up at him in disbelief, an emotion he hadn't seen on her face before.

TYZIAS: ...that's on the mmmmore.....illegal side of history......but, yeah..
TYZIAS: wwwwhy?
GALEKH: there were these goldbloods yelling about seeing,uh- some sort of kid version of him?

he can feel Tyzias' stare on the flat of his back as he turns to make coffee.
when he turns back around, the stare turns to shock.

TYZIAS: ....I KNEWWWW i'd seen that cane sommmmewwwwhere before...
GALEKH: ...can you tell me who the Psiioniic is or not?

she squints at him, sizing him up.

after mulling it over, she seems to accept him as not-a-threat, and pushes him over into her office.

TYZIAS: I can bring the book over frommmm mmmmy house tommmmorrowwww.
TYZIAS: but i'mmmm gonna need a favor in exchange.

she looks him in the eye with an intensity that makes him wince.

TYZIAS: you're gonna help mmmme investigate whatever's going on here. 

__

the next day, Tyzias brings in a book thicker than her head and shoves it into Galekh's hands. he sags under the weight.

GALEKH: you didn't say It was going to be...this heavy...
TYZIAS: I did. didn't you get mmmmy text?
GALEKH: your....
GALEKH: oh. shit.
TYZIAS: sommmmething wwwwrong?
GALEKH: my phone was stolen.

Tyzias raises an eyebrow at him.

TYZIAS: and you're only remmmmemmmmbering this nowwww?
GALEKH: I was in a rush yesterday.

Tyzias shrugs at him and goes to work while Galekh flips through the pages.

TYZIAS: start at the beginning.
GALEKH: what? why?
TYZIAS: it's mmmmore of a.....story book.

This confuses Galekh, but he does as he's told and flips to the beginning, where a drawing of a figure in a large gray cloak took up most of the page. he hardly recognizes it, but the troll's sign seemed to be similar to chains they tie up lowbloods with when they head off to get executed. The man was labeled "the Sufferer". he adjusts his glasses and begins to read: "a mutant wriggler, cast aside by all else, is picked up by a jadeblood; the Dolorosa. she will take him in and raise him until he reaches adulthood.our story starts here."
as he reads, he finds it more and more intriguing.

as the day goes on, he becomes fascinated with the stories- The Sufferer, The E%ecutioner, The Summoner....The Psiioniic.
twelve trolls. eleven representatives for each cast, and one representative for...not a caste, but...an idea. a dangerous idea.
an idea that he started to agree with more and more as he read the Sufferer's sermons.
the more the sermons continued, the more frantic the words became. The Sufferer and his allies went into hiding. But under the watchful eye of the empire, no one hides for long.
They took them. The Psiioniic, the king of the goldbloods, captured and reduced to jet fuel. The Dolorosa, sold into slavery. The Condesce, gaining the disciple's powers as they fell at her feet. and then, bittersweet victory- they'd captured The Sufferer.
as they prepared to publicly execute him, he spoke one last sermon. he opened his mouth to deliver the words, and-

GALEKH: .....where's the last page?
TYZIAS: I don't knowwww. It wwwwas ripped out wwwwhen I got it.
GALEKH: but.. the last sermon....

he turns to Tyzias.

GALEKH: are there any other books we can find the sermon in?
TYZIAS: i'mmmm afraid that's the last copy. rest of the books wwwwere outlawwwwed and burned for spreading the Sufferer's wwwwords. He wwwwas very good at convincing people to join his side. sommmme say he never knewwww wwwwhen to shut the fuck up. 
GALEKH: why did you show me this?
TYZIAS:....eh.not to be cliche, but I sawwww sommmmething in you.  not a big deal.

Galekh, for the first time in his life, has nothing to say.
he doesn't know how to react. he stews over this for a minute, before asking another question.

GALEKH: are they still alive?
TYZAIS: the unkilled ones should be adults nowwww

a shiver went down Galekh's spine, followed by a wave of realization hitting him like a wall.

GALEKH: wait. if there's two of them as kids, in theory, all twelve should be kids right now, right?
TYZIAS: wwwwell, yeah, but-

the same realization hits her a second later, and she sits up in her seat.

TYZIAS: go on.
GALEKH: if they're all kids now.... and adult them were able to cause an entire rebellion.....
TYZIAS:....then KID themmmm should be able to do the sammmme thing. 

she says, completing his thought.

GALEKH: where could we find the others though?

they sit in silence for a minute, before Tyzias hits the desk, alarming Galekh.

TYZIAS: the jadebloods keep very strict records of every grub and caste to commmme out of / be executed frommmm the caverns. If wwwwe mmmmanage to get in there, wwwwe should be able to figure out wwwwhere they wwwwere sent to after they wwwwere old enough to leave the caverns.
GALEKH: .....we'd need someone who excels in stealth, though. [1] (1:do you know anyone like that?)
TYZIAS: stealth..............

a sour look crosses Tyzias' face.

TYZIAS: wwwwe'd have to get on his good side first, but...
TYZIAS: howwww wwwwell versed are you in east alternian animmmmation?

Chapter Text



[INTERMISSION: BEGIN]

your name is JACK NOIR. you also go by SPADES SLICK. you don't remember ever being called Jack Noir, but things have been different lately.
and you don't like change. change makes you angry.
a lot of things make you angry. the color GREEN, for instance.
god, you fucking hate the color green. which brings you back to the present moment: wrecking the felt's shit to high fucking heaven. you've killed a lot of them. that one that goes by, uh. death, was it? and the slow one. the shark guys. and. the green one.
to be honest, you never really... learned their names? you identify them by height and how dumb they are. you only know one of their names, two counting Snowman- some maroon guy named Crowbar. he's the only one of the felt that you respect, next to that, uh. the guy that makes the clothes? got life-size plushies. switches?swatches? you couldn't give less of a shit.
you snap out of it and direct your attention to the task at hand- killing this asshole. the yellow one. bitchy? no. it was something different than that.
who cares. you thrust your knife in his direction and it comes back red- your favorite color. you kick him in the gut, and plunge the knife into where his heart should be. that's where it should be, you think. it is.
you're about to set him on fire for good measure, but something catches your eye.
something. weird.
you phone Hearts.
Hearts, you say. get the fuck over here, you might want to see this. 
Will do, sir, Hearts replies. But Clover's telling me some bullshit riddle to open the safe.
you have to hold the phone away from you for a second. GOD, you hate riddles.
Hearts, knowing this all too well, waits patiently for you to get back to him.
Well, fuck the safe, you say. Get your ass over here. 
Clover's still here, though, Hearts replies.
WELL, THEN GET RID OF HIM, you say.
the line goes dead and the next thing you hear is clower-or-flover-or-whatever-his-fucking-name-is get punted across the Felt mansion like a football.
you hope he broke some bones, but the way your luck's been going, probably not. 
you dial up Droog. he's the only one who you allow to call you by your first name. you don't know why. you've always respected him though, in a weird, professional, we-murder-people-together kind of way.
Droog, you say. Come over here immediately.
then, he says something in that weird deadpan voice you can never follow. he's so serious. he should take a lesson from you and stab more.
a lot of people should.
you catch on just as he finishes talking- he's got the gist. 
after this, you move on to Deuce. Deuce. he's.....very annoying, to say the least. kind of a pansy. but he gets the job done.
Deuce, you say. Get over here.
a rustling movement comes from the other end of the line, and you sigh.
Deuce, what did I say about nodding when we're on a phone call? you ask. You know I can't hear you.
another rustling movement sounds from the other end of the line.
DEUCE, WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT NODDING WHEN WE'RE ON A PHONE CALL, you yell. YOU KNOW I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
Deuce mutters something hurriedly and ends the call before you can ask him if he knows where he's going. Hearts and Droog know where you are, of course, it's in the plans. but Deuce? he's kinda...he's not the sharpest knife in the deck, if you know what you mean.
within not even a minute, your goons are there. Hearts even managed to grab Deuce on the way. convenient. well, not convenient for Deuce- since Heart's hand is roughly the size of his head, you wouldn't imagine it to be that comfortable of a ride.
you're getting ahead of yourself.
back to the task at hand.
Look, you say, shoving your goons haphazardly towards the sight.
Why are you showing us a house and some tubes? Deuce asks.
No, it's like, don't you feel the... the vibes??? comin off it? you ask.
your gang looks at you like you just grew a second head.
THE VIBES. DO YOUSE NOT FEEL THE VIBES COMIN OFFA THIS FUCKIN THING? you yell, unsheathing your knife.
Hearts steps back, Droog staring boredly at your weapon.
Droogs says, No,Spades. We don't feel the... "vibes"...comin' offa "this fuckin thing". 

__

your name is CROWBAR. and right about now, you're wondering why Slick's men are huddled around something you can't see.
it's not like them to huddle. they usually just.....fuck around and kill people. that's kinda their thing. That's also kinda your thing too, but that's beyond the point.
suddenly, Slick pulls out a knife- very in character for him-and the big lug steps back, revealing what they were all huddled around. a lil.. broken house symbol. with lil'.... red n green tubes surrounding it? you feel like there's...some sorta. vibes. vibes, comin off it, you think.bad vibes. you clear your throat.

__

you are SPADES SLICK again. you're dangerously close to stabbing someone, which is normal, when you hear some shmuck clear his throat.
you whirl around to see Crowbar. He looks confused. that's not like him.
Uh, he says, Whats with the vibes on that fuckin thing, he mutters.
SEE, you yell at your men, SOMEONE AGREES. 
you could almost swear Droog rolls his eyes. if it weren't for his brains, the man'd be dead.
you're about to yell even more, when the symbol starts to glow and shutter.
That's not good, you say. 
upon seeing this, Droog backpedals and backs up against the wall. you wonder why, and then quickly realize- the thing's started to suck you in.
the next thing you hear is a FWOOMP, and it all goes black.
__
your name is DIAMONDS DROOG. you just saw your boss and co. get sucked into a strange, glowing symbol.
now it's only you and Crowbar here.
his face shifts from confusion to frustration. Will we have to go dig em outta there? He asks.
You dunno, you say. Seems like a lot of work.
you stand there in silence with him, before he clears his throat again.
I should, ah, get the lady, She'll probably.. know what to do, he mutters.
You mean Snowman? you ask.
he becomes flustered at the mention of the name, nods a yes, and then shuffles off.
huh.
you wonder if he knows that that dame only likes girls. 

Chapter Text

[I] >Vriska: be confused



your name is VRISKA SERKET, and you've been really confused for the past few days. recently, you had found a journal belonging to your ANCESTOR, MARQUISE SPINNERET MINDFANG, the last entry dated to only FIFTEEN SWEEPS AGO. 
that wasn't right. and so, you'd began to investigate, books strewn around you in a rather untidy pile. 
you packed your bag with the tools needed to go, when a large red hole opened up in your wall. it puked out three chess guys in suits.
huh.
___

You are CROWBAR again. you come into the room, shufflin' nervously behind the dame.
it's not like you to be nervous, but the dame's something of a marvel.
Droog is there, a bored look on his face as he points lazily to the symbol Spades and two of his goons got sucked into a few minutes ago.
The dame walks towards it and bends down to examine it, before snapping up straight like somethin' inhuman.
there were a lot of inhuman things about the dame.
not that you're any less inhuman. 
The dame spins around and gives you and Droog the down-low:
- she doesn't know what the fuck this thing is. why did you think I would know, you dumbasses.
and then, she puts her hand directly into it-- on purpose-- and gets sucked into it as well.
god damn it, today has just been a clusterfuck, huh. 
now it's only you and Droog in here again. he steps over to the symbol and pauses.
You comin with? he asks.
Excuse me? you reply.
I said, are you comin with. he repeats.
No. you say.
Droog rolls his eyes, grabs you, and smacks the symbol with the flat of his hand.
___

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and you believe there is a fellow mutant right around the corner in that old watch tower over there. all you have to do is climb.
yeah, climb.
climb.
you can climb. you know how to do it. 
just, you gotta, you...
you have NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DOING. AT ALL.
you can climb, yeah!! UP THE FUCKING STAIRS, THAT IS.
WHAT IS THIS, A FUCKING MOUNTAIN? YOU'RE NOT A PROFESSIONAL GODDAMN LEDGE SCAPER.
you barely manage to calm yourself down, and unsheathe your scythe, digging it into the rocky surface.
you can use this to climb. there, a solution. 
___

don't worry, you're still KARKAT VANTAS. I just sorta... did us all a favor and saved me from writing three full hours of this bastard crab man trying to scale a cliff.

you finally reach the top, frantically rushing into the watch tower to look around.
there's....
there's no one here.
YOU CLIMBED ALL THIS WAY
FOR FUCKING NOTHING???
OH, AND THE EXACT MOMENT YOU DECIDE TO MEET SOMEONE THEY'RE OFF DOING WHO FUCKING KNOWS WHAT. YOU'RE AT YOUR FUCKING LIMIT. YOU CAN'T TAKE THIS. YOU'RE GONNA SNAP.
you start kicking random shit in your anger, stubbing your foot digits on the nearest object.
this does not help you with calming down from your tantrum.
you're about to flip over a table (despite the fact that you're way too weak to flip over a fucking table) when a thud sounds from another room.
oh my god. you didn't even look in the other rooms. you're such a dumbass.
you cautiously make your way over to the sound, then open the door to the room.
what you find is two.... people... who are DEFINITELY not the alien you saw in the pictures.
you might even go a far as to say they're.....adults?
the green one with the fancy hat gets up on his feet and starts to yell at his chess accomplice.
they seem not to have noticed you. maybe if you can just...
you hear a whimper from behind you and whirl around to see . THE ALIEN. THE ONE FROM THE PICTURES. HOLY SHIT.
Uh, they ask, What are you doing in my hive?
the two adults instantly snap their heads in your direction.
okay,
okay,
OKAY, YOU'RE NEVER VISITING ANYONE AGAIN, EVER.
___

your name is SN0WMAN.
and right now, you're standing in what can best be described as a beach house.
a little fish boy is staring up at you with the most disgusted look you've ever seen come across anyone's face.
"wwho the FUCK are you?"
you don't respond. you don't have the time. instead, you go rifling through his shit. he begins to throw a tantrum. like a baby.
"EXCUSE ME! WWHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY STUFF? GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HIVVE!"
you pick him up and put him on top of a cabinet.
he suddenly freezes, too scared to come down. good. this gives you more time to dick around in his stuff.
you find a nifty harpoon gun. you hold it from afar, examining it in awe. he shouts something along the lines of, 'hey, that's mine, givve it back, wwhat the fuck, I am wway higher than you in status. do you knoww wwhat my caste is?'
you don't care. you really don't. you hate children, in fact. too tiny. too stupid. also, you don't know what a caste is.
you captchalogue your new weapon and walk into the next room.
the next room holds a giant thing filled with goop, and a computer sat neatly on a desk.
you sit down in the computer and read what's on the screen. some sort of chat client.

cuttlefishCuller[CC] began trolling caligulasAquarium (CA)

CC: ---Eridan!! )-(ow are you? 38D
CA: fine. you?
CC: GR---EAT!!

that's all it says. you guess the other one was busy or something. you begin to type.

CA: Hello
CC: u)-(
CC: )-(i?
CA: What planet is this
CC: ...--Excus--E m--E? who ar-E you? what did you do with ---Eridan?
CA: The fish boy is currently on top of a cabinet
CA: He was annoying
CA: now. Tell me about this planet.

Chapter Text

Teals : plan your break in

TYZIAS: can you help us or not?
TEGIRI: I wou/d never go against the set ru/es of the empire.
TYZIAS: wwwwell, then. there goes Galekh and I's plans for the wwwweekend....
TYZIAS: p/ans? what p/ans?
TYZIAS: wwwwe wwwwere just gonna wwwwatch east alternian filmmmm all day....
TEGIRI: you were gonna do what?
GALEKH: we were gonna what?

Tyzias elbows Galekh in the gut. he almost doubles over, but gets the message.

GALEKH: yeah. we love east alternian film[1] (1: not a lie at ALL)
TEGIRI: you do, do you? we//.... name one character from tro// naruto.

Galekh, having researched east alternian literature vigourously the night before, had retained absolutely no knowledge whatsoever. it was so boring and he was so tired that he just fell asleep on a pile of books. so, he had to guess.

GALEKH: troll... naruto??
TEGIRI: ............./ucky guess.

Tegiri twiddles his thumbs and stares directly at Galekh. if this was supposed to be threatening, it wasn't working. it was more like being stared at by a purrbeast who hasn't been fed yet.

TEGIRI: you were... REA//Y gonna watch anime today? rea//y?
TYZIAS: yes. and you knowwww, you could've joined us if you helped us get into the caverns.
GALEKH: yes. a shame, really.
TEGIRI: ....
TEGIRI: i'// get my equipment.

____
VRISKA: ........

Vriska stands in front of the chess men. the medium sized-one has already pulled out a knife. he's pointing it at her with a dulled malice.
he speaks, but it's not the way she does. she doesn't feel like it could be representing in the same way hers is, i.e [NAME]: [TEXT]. she feel his voice would read in a more... literal sense.
you can still hear him,though.
the tiny one mumbles something about "hey, boss, this looks like a child." to which the 'boss' replies with something along the lines of "does it look like I fucking care?"
a thought hits her. these guys being chess related..... good to use as pawns.

VRISKA: are you guys just going to fucking st8nd th8re or???????? K8ll me already?
VRISKA: you're. so annoying. 8y the way. t8lk regularly.

the medium chess man seems to understand this, and starts to focus on his words.

SPADES SLICK: who......the fuck. are you...where the FUCK are we???
VRISKA: you are on Alternia and you will STOP pointing that fucking knife at me this g8d8mn instant.

rage slowly fills the chess man's eyes. Vriska gets the vibe it's a regular feeling for him.

SPADES: or fucking WHAT?

Vriska smiles.

VRISKA: now n8ce of y8u to 8sk!!!!!!!!

a familiar blue m appears as an icon on the chess man's forehead. in an instant, he begins to angle his knife towards himself and take a large gash out of his face. his two goons leap to action, pointing their weapons at her. the smaller one grabs Slick's hands. this does absolutely nothing. due to his size, she imagines he weighs about as light as a feather.

VRISKA: now! who wants to 8r8k into a facility????????

the chess men exchange looks and Spades turns to you.

SPADES: .......what
__

kanaya stands in the caverns, tending to her duties as she hears steps behind her.

KANAYA: What Is It, Lynera?
lynera freezes, taken off guard by kanaya's intuition.

LYNERA: -well. i was just here to check on your work.
KANAYA: And?
LYNERA: -and what?
KANAYA: You Seem To Have Something On Your Mind.

Lynera squints, her knife meter raising to two.

LYNERA: -and who are you to think you know what i'm thinking about?

she says, stumbling over her words again.

KANAYA: Is It About The Alien
LYNERA: -th- you know about the alien?
KANAYA: Yes. They Are Impossible Not To Notice Don't You Think?
KANAYA: As White As A Lusus And Three Times As Loud
KANAYA: That's Them. Is It Not
LYNERA: -....
LYNERA: -yes. I haven't gotten a call from them today. odd. they always check on me.
KANAYA:- Perhaps They're Busy
LYNERA: -......that must be it.

Lynera's knife meter lowers to one, and then sharply rises to three as Lanque stumbles out of his respiteblock.

LANQUE: hey
LANQUE: there's been a problem With the lusii
LANQUE: stampede. mind lending a hand?

Kanaya rolls her eyes and gestures for Lynera to follow along.

Chapter Text

>Azdaja: inspect palmhusk

 

AZDAJA: | | | .... | | |
AZDAJA: | | | hey, who owned this thing again?| | |

Azdaja is holding the blueblood's palmhusk in his hand, off to a distance, like he doesn't want to catch any diseases from it.
Kuprum looks over to him.

KUPRUM: >wasnt it that talky indigo
KUPRUM: >gickel or whatever?
AZDAJA: | | | no it was a different name | | |
KUPRUM: >gimble
AZDAJA: | | | no | | |
KUPRUM: >gingio
AZDAJA: | | | stop guessing you're making it worse | | |
FOLYKL: check the contact

Azdaja does so, flipping through the phone's contents.

AZDAJA: | | | Galekh Xigisi | | |
KUPRUM: > i was so close
AZDAJA: | | | you had the first letter down and nothing else | | |

the trio continues to bicker near the edge of the town square- a place that isn't exactly populated, but not completely empty.
someone notices the object Azdaja's holding.

TAGORA: is that Xigisi's?

the trio freezes. they can now see something just vaguely at the edge of their vision.
a small noise can be heard, like a cash register.
it dawns on Kuprum first.

KUPRUM: > ARE YOU FUCKING PAYING US TO TALK TO YOU?
TAGORA:
TAGORA: no * ___________
TAGORA: allow me to get back to the point at hand. why do you have his phone?

azdaja inches closer to the other two, and lowers his voice so that only they can hear.

AZDAJA: ( | | | should we book it | | | )
FOLYKL: ( no he looks like he'd call the drones on us)
KUPRUM: (> mfw a highblood calls the drones on me :pensive:)
AZDAJA: ( | | | folykl can you translate for me | | | )
FOLYKL: ( no )
KUPRUM: (> mfw the "prince of mustardbloods" is actually just an anime nerd)

Azdaja rolls his eyes, and straightens himself. he's a prince. he can do this. he stares down tagora.
all he's gotta do is work his legendary Knelax charm.

AZDAJA: | | | some nerve you have talking like that so such a high profile psiionic as myself. i could snap you in half in a second. | | |

Azdaja chuckles, adjusting his viewfinder to just the right angle to where it does that anime-shades refection thing.

AZDAJA: | | | it'd be foolish to challenge m

Tagora suddenly has him in a strangle hold on the ground. he's effectively knocked Azdaja out. he looks over to Kuprum and Folykl.

TAGORA: phone. now *__________
TAGORA: explain why you have it

Kuprum and Folykl will eventually tell Tagora what happened.
they just have to stop laughing first.
_______

TAVROS: wHY ARE YOU CALLING ME AGAIN,,,,,,
VRISKA: I need cannon fodder of course!!!!!!!!
TAVROS:,,,,,,,,,,cANNON FODDER?
VRISKA: looook tavvy i'm not gonna keep repeating myself!
VRISKA: the jade caverns are guarded. i need someone to.... you know........
TAVROS: ,,,,i DONT KNOW, aCTUALLY,
VRISKA: distract em while we 8r8k in! you're 88, is what i'm trying to say here.
VRISKA: there, you fuckin dragged it outta me. you happy????????
TAVROS: i DONT KNOW VRISKA, iT SEEMS REALLY DANGEROUS,,, cANT YOU JUST ASK KANAYA
VRISKA: we haven't 8een on very good terms since she went 8ack to the taverns like a little coward. so no, tav. i can't ask Kanaya. plus. Vriska Serket does NOT ask for help, ever!!!!!!!!
TAVROS: wHAT IS THIS THEN,,,
VRISKA: this isn't asking, this is telling. don't act like you have a choice in the matter. are you coming or not????
TAVROS:,,,,,,,,yEAH I GUESS,,,,,
VRISKA: GR8!!!!

the line goes dead as tavros wheels himself out of his house.
this is going to be a long day, he feels.

Chapter Text

>Karkat: freak the fuck out

Karkat looks on in total and utter confusion as three freaks stand in front of him.
well, he's not trying to be mean (yes he is,) but these people....are weird. even for Alternian standards.

KARKAT: ARE YOU
KARKAT: ????????????????????
KARKAT: G

it takes him a moment to register what exactly is happening.
the first thing he registers is blood.
a splatter. a *RED * splatter, on the chess man's suit.
not rust. red. HIS red. his hand instinctively goes to his side as he takes out his sickle. fighting stance.
the small white alien- the one he came here for in the first place- tenses up, and scrambles to get a stick on the ground. they point it between Karkat and the two adults menacingly. it comes off as more sad than intimidating.
the green adult pulls out a crowbar, while the other pulls out some sort of cuestick. The little white alien pales even further.
uh, they say, we may have gotten off at the wrong!! foot! or paw! so uh,
the alien pauses, thinking.
maybe we can all calm down,.....and be friends? they reason.
the chess man smacks his lips, as if deciding how to speak. he rolls the cuestick over in his hand as he does so, a practiced motion.

DROOG: mm
DROOG: yes
DROOG: it does seem we've gotten off on the wrong foot

The green adult looks at droog in silent judgement, crossing his arms. it takes him a moment to figure out how to word his sentence too, like he's not used to it.

CROWBAR: what is this

he seems to remember something, and puts his hand to his chin in a thinking motion. he takes it upon himself to answer his own question.

CROWBAR: hm
CROWBAR: this is alternia
KARKAT: UH
KARKAT: YEAH
KARKAT: OF COURSE THIS IS ALTERNIA, DIPSHIT
KARKAT: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU THINK YOU WENT

karkat's palmhusk pings as he gets a call. the adults level their weapons as he slowly removes it from his pocket and shows it to them.

KARKAT: IT'S LITERALLY JUST A PALMHUSK
KARKAT: CALM DOWN

he picks up.

KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU WANT
KARKAT: I'M DOING SOMETHING
SOLLUX: heard from eridouche youve got liike
SOLLUX: he 2aiid iit wa2 a deathwii2h or 2omethiing
KARKAT: WELL I FUCKING DONT SO Y-
SOLLUX: what
KARKAT: I SAID-
SOLLUX: what are you 2ayiing
SOLLUX: where are you riight now whys the receptiion 2o fuckiing bad
KARKAT: I WILL GUT YOU
SOLLUX: CAN YOU 2PEAK UP
KARKAT: BYE

a click sounds as Karkat hangs up.
he faces the other inhabitants of the room, who are all yapping in some sort of way he can't really wrap his head around.

KARKAT: HELLO???

they all swivel their heads towards him. suddenly feeling the pressure of public speaking, he starts to sweat.

KARKAT: CAN WE
KARKAT: ASSESS THE SITUATION PLEASE

the adults share looks as the little white alien taps their foot, thinking.

CROWBAR: sure
CROWBAR: I'm Crowbar.
DROOG: Droog.
DROOG: do you have any idea where my crewmates may have landed
KARKAT: CREWMATES?
DROOG: yes. they look relatively like me. angry, stupid, and stupider.
MSPAR: are we talking like this now?
CROWBAR: apparently. who the fuck are you?
MSPAR: uh
MSPAR: most people just call me dumbass
KARKAT: AND YOU'RE ALL
KARKAT: ALIENS. AND YOU BLEED RED.
CROWBAR: everyone bleeds red, kid. the fuck are you on?
MSPAR: well-
KARKAT: NOT EVERYONE BLEEDS RED, DIPSHIT.
CROWBAR: why not
KARKAT:
KARKAT: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW
MSPAR: uhhhhhhh

while they argue, Droog takes a step back to examine his surroundings. cups are littered on the floor, random shit strewn about in erratic patterns. the place is a dump. there isn't even a proper bed.

DROOG: do you live like this?

mspar looks over, tilting their head.

MSPAR: sometimes I crash at friend's houses
MSPAR: hives, I mean
DROOG: do you leave all of them this unkempt?
MSPAR: uh
MSPAR: no I'm a nice guest. at least i'm not a host. those guys can be such assholes.
DROOG: god, isn't that the truth.
MSPAR: uh, yeah
DROOG: so.
DROOG: what can you tell me about this place?

--------------

cuttlefishCuller [CC] started pestering twinArgageddons [TA]

CC: sollux! you can sea t)(e future, rig)(t?
TA: iit'2 been
TA: fuzzy lately
TA: but ii miight be able two help you out
TA: what'2 up
CC: w)(ale, t)(is strange lady is messaging me under eridan's account! i'd just like two sea if s)(e )(as any ill intentions before i give )(er information?
TA: what happened two eriidan
CA: i don't know 38( s)(e won't tell me
TA: let'2 a22ume for hope2 2ake that he ii2 dead
CA: sollux 38|
TA: yeah yeah
TA: uh ii don't 2ee any "iill iintentiion2" but once agaiin ii've been fuzzy lately 2o don't tru2t me two much
TA: hey, can ii tell you 2omethiing weiird that happened two me earliier today?
CC: of course! and t)(ank you for t)(e information
TA: yeah yeah no problem
TA: ii wa2 ju2t takiing a walk and
TA: ii looked behiind me and the2e guy2 were ju2t . followiing me?
TA: three goldblood2 and an iindiigo
TA: froze when they 2aw me n 2tarted calliing me 2ome weiird fuckiing name
TA: p2ychonaut or 2omethiing
CC: )(u)(... t)(at's
CC: really weird.... maybe bring some pepper spray next time you walk?
TA: good iidea
TA: welp ii've gotta go. kk'2 beiing 2potty and ii thiink he miight be horrendou2ly fucked
CC: ok! good luck! bye 38)
TA: thank2
TA: 2ee ya

cuttlefishCuller [CC] stopped pestering twinArgageddons [TA]