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What lucky loser parties are for

Chapter Text

Quigley has added Violet, Klaus, Isadora, Duncan & Fiona to the chat.

Quigley has named the chat "What friends are for"

Quigley: Good day folks!

Violet: Hey! Nice to have a group chat.

Klaus: Wish Sunny and Beatrice could join, but they have yet to learn to write!

Fiona: How is Sunny and Beatrice?

Violet: SunnyandBeatrice.jpg

Duncan: You can send pictures??

Isadora: Yeah, Duncan? Why couldn't you?

Violet: By the way, I think we need to make some funnier names for ourselves.

Isadora: Yeah! That's what group chats is all about!

Quigley: We will make it even funnier! The one who writes under my comment gets to write my new nickname for the chat! And the one under them gets to write their nickame, and so on!

Isadora: Dibs!

Violet: Dibs on Isadora ;)

Duncan: Dammit I wanted Isadora

Klaus: I will make you justice, Duncan!

Fiona: Hmm yeah I have an idea for Klaus

Quigley: Ok! Let's rename each other!

Quigley changed Fiona's name to "Triangle Eyes".

Isadora changed Quigley's name to "Explorer".

Violet changed Isadora's name to "Sassy Sappho".

Duncan changed Violet's name to "Purple Ed".

Klaus changed Duncan's name to "The informer".

Fiona changed Klaus's name to "Dictionary".

Triangle Eyes: Quigley what

Purple Ed: Duncan explain

The informer: You know how you used to be called "Ed"? Well, Violet is a shade of purple and... yeah.

Purple Ed: Ok that makes sense

Sassy Sappho: Am I the only one who feels like Klaus and Duncan's names are too similar

Dictionary: Gee thanks for this name, Fiona.

Triangle Eyes: ;P

Sassy Sappho: Guys am I the only one

Explorer: Thank you Isadora I now have Dora the explorer's theme in my head.

Sassy Sappho: But seriously guys AM I THE ONLY ONE

The informer: Q-Q-Q-Quigley! Quigley the explorer :D

Explorer: Fuck you

Sassy Sappho: I would like to have an answer

Dictionary: Isadora, me and Duncan are one of a kind.

The informer: <33

Sassy Sappho: So when Klaus types you react, but you ignore me.

Sassy Sappho: In fact, everyone ignores me.

Explorer: You are the new Carmelita

Purple Ed: OMG can we please invite Carmelita

Sassy Sappho: Fuck no

The informer: lol why

Triangle Eyes: Eh...

Dictionary: NO

The informer: NOOOO

Purple Ed: Ok. Chill. I'm only joking.

Purple Ed: Kinda.

Triangle Eyes: Hey, Quigley, you made this chat private, right?

Explorer: I think so, why?

Triangle Eyes: We don't want random people to come in here.

Explorer: Why would random people come in here?

Sassy Sappho: Spamming, saying hurtful things, spamming, sending inappropriate pictures, spamming, threathen to kill you, spamming...

Purple Ed: Wait, Isadora, has someone threatened to kill you?

Purple Ed: Isadora

Purple Ed: Isadora i'm getting worried

Sassy Sappho: You remember that chat I was in where people roleplayed Mean Girls characters?

Purple Ed: Aw, yeah! That was pretty boring, I left after a day or so

Sassy Sappho: Well, not long after you left, some new people entered the chat

Sassy Sappho: It was just two or three people I believe

Sassy Sappho: Anyway they start to spam A LOT.

The informer: Oh god

Sassy Sappho: So we told them to stop, but they didn't stop.

Sassy Sappho: Then... they wrote this

Sassy Sappho: trauma.jpg

Dictionary: Wow, I can barely look at the picture. Those comments are awful, Isadora.

Sassy Sappho: Like, they did threaten all of us instead of only one but it was still uncomfortable.

Triangle Eyes: What the fuck

Purple Ed: I don't know who that Max kid is, but I like how they roast the fuck out of those idiots

Sassy Sappho: Yeah Max was great. They and some other kids had really great comebacks.

Sassy Sappho: Wait you gotta see what this kid Richie said to them!

Sassy Sappho: Richie.jpg


Purple Ed: Can Richie

Purple Ed: Be my husband

Purple Ed: Or is he gay

Sassy Sappho: Gay or bi. I think it depends on how you interpret him.

Triangle Eyes: Ok same

Purple Ed: Fucking same

Dictionary: GOD SAME

Purple Ed: Have you asked him tho

Sassy Sappho: No. I left the chat shortly after, and I forgot his, and everyone elses user names.

Explorer: Well, maybe one of these days he, or anyone else, will show up...

Sassy Sappho: By the way, Quigley. I have a better nickname for you.

Sassy Sappho has changed Explorer's name to "Backpacker".

Backpacker: Perfect.

Chapter Text

Mike has added Will, Dustin, Lucas, El & Max to the chat.

Mike has named the chat "The party".

Mike: Hi! What do you say we all change our names?

Will has changed their name to "Cleric".

Dustin has changed their name to "Bard".

Lucas has changed their name to "Ranger".

El has changed their name to "Mage".

Max has changed their name to "Zoomer".

Mike has changed their name to "Palladin".

Cleric: Great idea to form a group chat, Mike!

Palladin: Thanks, Will.

Ranger: Yeah, this is gonna be awesome!

Bard: Finally, a groupchat! Great idea, Mike!

Palladin: Thanks, Lucas! Thanks, Dustin!

Zoomer: Alright, enough thanks.

Zoomer: Who has taken my skateboard?

Ranger: Why would someone take your skateboard?

Zoomer: I don't know! To mess with me?

Cleric: Well, I didn't take it.

Zoomer: Oh, don't worry Will. I don't think you took it either, you're too pure.

Bard: Why are you flirting with Will?

Zoomer: What-

Cleric: I-

Palladin: Dustin

Bard: What

Ranger: Dustin

Zoomer: excuseme.jpg

Bard: You can send pictures?

Bard: And why did you send a picture of a rainbow

Ranger: No one tell him

Palladin: No please no one tell him

Bard: Tell me what?

Cleric: ...

Bard: Tell me what GOD DAMMIT GUYS TELL ME

Bard: Hello????

Bard: Can someone PLEASE explain.

Zoomer: no

Bard: Is anyone going to- wait

Palladin: oh are you finally

Bard: I know how to get one of you to explain.

Cleric: Oh wait no

Ranger: Wait what

Cleric: I think he's gonna use the sacred weapon

Palladin: More like the sacred word

Ranger: Oh no


Bard: Can someone PROMISE ME to explain?

Mage: Will is gay.



Bard: Wait WHAT

Ranger: How. Did you not know this.

Bard: Will did you tell everyone except me

Cleric: I didn't tell anyone, it was just so fucking obvious

Bard: ??

Zoomer: Literally.

Palladin: I have literally known since before I knew what gay was

Palladin: Like, one time I remembered me and Will playing Star Wars as kids, and he decided his ship was going to be a rainbow ship

Cleric: Rainbow ship with rainbow colored clones... what a time

Palladin: Yeah.

Palladin: Anyway I just figured from that

Ranger: And I just asked him once like "Hey are you gay, just wondering"

Cleric: "Yeah."

Ranger: "Cool."

Zoomer: And I just knew lmao

Bard: "Just knew"?

Mage: Max just knew. She said that.

Cleric: Yeah, don't you understand, Dustin?

Bard: I don't understand how you can "Just know!"

Palladin: It's a mystery, and it will always be a mystery. Move on.

Mage: Hello, what's "happy screams"`?

Palladin: MAX


Zoomer: What would I tell her?

Palladin: El, promise me you tell where you heard those words.

Mage: Max told me those words when I asked her why Billy was screaming.


Zoomer: You're sounding like I introduced her to yaoi and yuri, or something

Mage: What's that?


Mage: Ok then

Cleric: Wait are Max and El hanging out?

Bard: Without us?

Mage: Yes. Max and I are at my house.


Ranger: Chill, we aren't interested.

Palladin: As long as you're not spying on us

Palladin: Do not spy on us. Again.

Mage: I promise.

Zoomer: Fuck

Bard: But out of curiousity, what are two girls doing when they are alone?

Zoomer: Oh you know, paint nails, looks at posters and gush about boys

Cleric: So just like the movies, then?

Zoomer: ...

Zoomer: What do you fucking think

Zoomer: NO! We're actually doing sacred witchcraft.

Palladin: Since El actually has magical abilities, I 100% buy that.

Ranger: Yeah that makes sense. Have fun.

Bard: Yeah have fun with your witchcraft! <3

Cleric: Sounds awesome!

Mage: Thanks!

Zoomer: And also we will practise kissing

Palladin: Wait what

Chapter Text

Bill has added Beverly, Richie, Stan, Mike, Eddie and Ben to the chat.

Bill has named the chat "The Losers chat".

Bill: Welcome, dear Losers!

Richie: Thank you, my boy. It is flattering to be here today!

Bill: So, do you want to keep your names or shall we change them


Mike: I'm fine with either

Eddie: Please keep or Richie's gonna name me something inappropriate


Stan: Ugh idk

Ben: Sure we can change names ^^

Bill: Then changing names it is!

Bill: But only I get to change them!

Richie: NOOO WHY

Bill has changed Beverly's name to "Winter fire".

Bill has changed Richie's name to "Trashmouth".

Bill has changed Stan's name to "Bird Whisperer".

Bill has changed Mike's name to "The Detective".

Bill has changed Eddie's name to "Softie".

Bill has changed Ben's name to "Little heart".

Bill: And of course, I need to have a mocking nickname too.

Bill has changed their name to "Stutter".

Stutter: Now!

Bird Whisperer: I like this name.

Softie: Can you explain this, big Bill?

Stutter: Nope.

The Detective: I feel cool

Trashmouth: Trashmouth's here to talk trash woop woop

Little heart: I think this nickname was very cute.

Winter fire: Ok I get it

Trashmouth: So what'cha all doin'

Bird Whisperer: Whispering to birds, obviously.

Trashmouth: Lmao Stanley be there like "Heyyo birdies im single"

Bird Whisperer: ...

Softie: Well, he's not entirely wrong, Stan. Birds are your only love in life.

The Detective: It's called being asexual, children.

Stutter: Not sure that's what it is

Bird Whisperer: It is alright, Bill, I am ace.

Stutter: It- what

The Detective: Yeah me and Stan are ace bros who watch birds together and have a happy life

Trashmouth: Get married, then.

Little heart: They won't marry until you and Eddie get married

Softie: Not until you and Beverly get married

Winter fire: Not until you and Richie get married


Bird Whisperer: Not what I thought he would say...

Winter fire: Ok let's marry! Tomorrow at four, the Barrens.

Little heart: But I thought you and me would get married :c

Winter fire: We can all marry each other and live in a happy relationship of 7.

Bird Whisperer: Wtf

The Detective: bird.jpg

The Detective: This bird reminds me of Eddie

Softie: Why?

The Detective: Because it's tiny and innocent

Trashmouth: Also it refuses to pick up worms

Trashmouth: What the fuck kind of bird is this

Winter fire: EDDIE BIRD


Softie: Can Bev and Rich start their own groupchat?

Winter fire: Already done!

Trashmouth: We call it "bisexual trashtalk".

Softie: I thought Richie was gay?

Stutter: Richie is what he is

Trashmouth: I'm only gay for you, Eddie-bear

Little heart: May I ask what you've wrote in the chat thus far?

Winter fire: distinguishedbis.jpg

Softie: You are far from distinguished bis.

Bird Whisperer has taken a screenshot.

Bird Whisperer: Sorry! Didn't mean to!

Bird Whisperer: I only take screenshots of birds!

Winter fire: It's ok Stan yo

Bird Whisperer: Did you accidentally send before finishing the sentence?

Trashmouth: bev

Little heart: Beverly

Trashmouth: Guys Beverly is typing something on our bi chat

Trashmouth: Oh

Stutter: What did she say


Trashmouth: whatthefuck.jpg

Softie: What

Bird Whisperer: Guys I can't see the pic my internet is bad, what does it say?

Trashmouth: "Hello. This is Beverly's father. I don't like the language i've seen you used in this group. If I find you using this language again, I will make sure my daughter don't spend any more time with you."

Bird Whisperer: What the fuck.

Little heart: Oh no I hope he doesn't see this conversation.

Winter fire: Hi guys

Winter fire: What's wrong?

Softie: Bev is your dad ok

Winter fire: Well

Winter fire: He just got to know i'm bi so

Stutter: What!

Winter fire: Yeah

The Detective: What did he say

Winter fire: "As long as you don't have an orgie in a sewer or something."

Trashmouth: hdmfgnugreorwiquwenxreyjk whAt

Winter fire: Ok no he didn't say that but I PROMISE that's what he was thinking

Winter fire: Lmao my dad is so weird he hates that I have guy friends but if I ever would kiss a girl he would freak out

Trashmouth: Lots of men are like that to their daughters tbh

Trashmouth: Like "No daughter of mine is gonna date a boy!"

Trashmouth: Then she starts dating a girl and he's like "what"

Winter fire: Lol he took it better than I imagined tho

Winter fire: My dad only approve Richie and Eddie because he thought Richie wasn't straight from the moment he saw him, and Eddie is too small and innocent.

Trashmouth: Well he just threatened to not let me hang out with you because of my trashtalk

Little heart: Aren't I small and innocent?

Winter fire: Apparently not lmao

Little heart: I take that as a compliment tbh

The Detective: Anyway, guys I gotta go now

Softie: Yeah same if my mom finds me chatting she will look through all the chats

Softie: If she finds out anything I don't want her to find out, then i'm dead

Stutter: You got our support, Eds!

Little heart: yeah I probably need to go too

Trashmouth: Bye guys see ya later

Bird Whisperer: Goodbye!

Chapter Text

Mike has added Augustus, Veruca, Violet & Charlie to the chat

Mike has named the chat "The lucky five"

Mike: Hi... you guys. Since i'm apparently the only one to know how to start a chat, here we are.

Augustus: Hello Mike!! How are you?

Mike: I'm fine...

Veruca: Hello. How's it been since the factory?

Violet: I'm less blue now, that's good.

Mike: I have shrunken to pretty much normal size, it's like when I grow I get shorter

Augustus: I'm eating less chocolate... got trauma

Violet: Yeah Augustus we got trauma too

Charlie: Good to hear you're all doing better!

Mike: Oh hey Charlie how did it feel to win

Mike: How does it feel to own a gross chocolate factory with a psychopath

Violet: Wow Mike you're a little angsty

Violet has changed Mike's name to "Angsty".

Angsty: Oh fuck you

Charlie: Don't use such a bad language!

Angsty has changed Charlie's name to "Angel boy".

Angsty has changed Augustus's name to "Candy man".

Angsty has changed Violet's name to "Blueberry".

Angsty has changed Veruca's name to "Squirrel".

Angsty: Fuck you all

Squirrel: Mike invites us to a chat, and then says "fuck you" to us all.

Blueberry: Told you he's angsty

Candy man: Hey Charlie how is Wonka to you

Angel boy: He is fine. He only really need some love, that's all

Squirrel: Doesn't the Oompa Loompas give him love?

Angsty: No he keeps them as fucking slaves

Angel boy: Of course! The Oompa Loompas are really nice!

Angel boy: It's almost like they have their own little society here!

Mike: Slaves.

Angel boy: There's even some children! Wait, let me show you.

Angel boy: babyoompa.jpg

Candy man: Is that a baby oompa loompa?

Angel boy: Yes!

Candy man: Cute!

Squirrel: Also Mike, what do you mean by slaves?

Blueberry: Wondering that too

Blueberry: Wtf Mike explain

Angsty: Do you remember how Wonka like, told me I was mumbling all the time?

Angel boy: Yes

Angsty: Wonka knew I had cracked the system

Blueberry: You know I have always wondered what he meant by the system

Angsty: The system - how and when the chocolate bars with the golden tickets come out.

Candy man: Oh!

Angsty: Yeah, I got to learn so much more besides that... and let me just say Willy Wonka is a very fucked up man.

Angel boy: I think Willy Wonka has a big brain

Angsty: Oh he's got a big brain alright. He fooled us all.

Angsty: Tricked us into traps. Even tricked Charlie

Candy man: Wonka told me to not drink from the chocolate river, and I did it anyway. It was my own fault.

Blueberry: He told me to spit the gum out, and I didn't. And now i'm blue.

Squirrel: I didn't listen when he told me the squirrels weren't for sale

Angel boy: And you didn't listen when Wonka said in the TV room

Angsty: I know... and I regret it.

Angsty: I wonder if there's anyone else in this world who has gone through some shitty stuff

Blueberry: I mean

Blueberry: Probably

Blueberry: I mean my mom fucking sucks

Squirrel: Yeah

Squirrel: Not that I know your mother but she seemed to be pretty shitty

Angel boy: Veruca!

Blueberry: No she's right. My mom is shitty. I wish I knew someone with the same problem

Angsty: Trust me, Violet. Lots of people in the world have shitty parents. You just gotta keep an eye out for them

Blueberry: Yeah i guess...

Chapter Text

What friends are for

Special message! You, together with three other chats have been selected to join a new chat of it's own! Time to make new friends and make peace and love! Hope to see you all there! To join, click here:

Sassy Sappho: What the fuck

Purple Ed: Sounds like VFD propaganda

The Informer: Quigley you can try it

Backpacker: Why me

Dictionary: Because it's VFD

Triangle Eyes: It's a cult, Quigley

Backpacker: Ok stop

Sassy Sappho: If someone shall join it, it's you

Purple Ed: Won't you do it, Quiggie? For me?

Backpacker: Oh alright. But if it's scam i'm blocking you all.

Sassy Sappho: Violet how do you make everyone fall in love with you

Purple Ed: A teenage adoptive mother is very sexy to some people

Dictionary: Violet don't ever type something like that again or i'm not letting Beatrice sleep in the crib you invented for her!

Purple Ed: I am very sorry, I regretted typing it as soon as I sent it.

Purple Ed has deleted a chat.

Backpacker: Alright guys, I'm ready.

Triangle Eyes: Go, Quigley!


The party

Special message! You, together with three other chats have been selected to join a new chat of it's own! Time to make new friends and make peace and love! Hope to see you all there! To join, click here:

Bard: Uh...

Ranger: How did... a message like that get in here

Mage: It wasn't me.

Mage: My powers can't do that.

Cleric: It is most likely a scam.

Zoomer: Mike, you were the one who created this chat. You have to examine it.

Palladin: But I don't want any viruses.

Bard: Mike please

Ranger: Do it for us.

Palladin: I don't know.

Zoomer: Michael Wheeler, for the love of god.

Mage: Mike, I would be happy if you did.

Palladin: I don't know...

Cleric: Mike.

Palladin: Oh alright.

Ranger: Yay

Zoomer: The power of the cleric Will Byers. Works every time.

Cleric: <33


The Losers chat

Special message! You, together with three other chats have been selected to join a new chat of it's own! Time to make new friends and make peace and love! Hope to see you all there! To join, click here:

Trashmouth: I promise I didn't do anything.

Bird Whisperer: I believe you. It's probably scam.

Stutter: I'm curious to see what happens when you press the link tho

Winter fire: You die a horrific death

Softie: Wait what

Winter fire: LMAO no.

Winter fire: I don't know what i'm writing.

Little heart: Who dares to click on it?

Stutter: Not me

Trashmouth: Pass

The Detective: I can do it

The Detective: I got nothing to lose anyway

Softie: Yeah, Mike! Go!

The Detective: Wish me luck

Little heart: Good luck!

Trashmouth: Luck

Winter fire: <3

Bird Whisperer: I wish you luck!

Stutter: Good luck!


The lucky five

Special message! You, together with three other chats have been selected to join a new chat of it's own! Time to make new friends and make peace and love! Hope to see you all there! To join, click here:

Candy man: What?

Angel boy: That is suspecting.

Angsty: Oh no is there popups on my chat

Blueberry: "Your" chat?

Angsty: Yes, my chat! I was the one who created it.

Squirrel: Mike, that doesn't mean it's your chat

Angsty: It does, too!

Candy man: Well, in that case, click on it

Blueberry: Yeah. Click on the link, to protect your chat.

Squirrel: Or are you afraid?

Angel boy: Please?

Angsty: I hate every single one of you.

Angsty: Fine.

Blueberry: We love you too <3

Angel boy: I don't hate you, Michael.

Squirrel: Hate is a strong word

Candy man: :-)

Angsty: fuckyou.jpg

Blueberry: That is the blurriest middle finger I've seen.


New chat - Unnamed

Backpacker has joined the chat.

Palladin has joined the chat.

The Detective has joined the chat.

Angsty has joined the chat.

Angsty: Uh... hello. Is is spam? In that case i'm reporting it.

The Detective: I have the same question.

Palladin: Me too.

Backpacker: Hm... I mean, all four of us have the same question, so... probably not?

The Detective: This is weird. Did you also get the message?

Palladin: Yep. Wonder how it came into my chat.

Backpacker: While we're all here... shall we introduce ourselves?

Palladin: Ok, let's say our names on

Palladin: 3

Palladin: 2

Palladin: 1

Palladin: Mike

The Detective: Mike

Angsty: Mike

Backpacker: Quigley

Backpacker: Fuck this is embarrasing.

The Detective: Lmao

Palladin: Three Mikes and a Quigley

Angsty: ...

Backpacker: So uh... do you have a backround for your names?

Backpacker: If you mind telling. I mean, this link said we would "get to know new friends"?

The Detective: I'm probably uninteresting, but I could tell you about the people in the groupchat the link was sent into.

Palladin: I'm sure you're interesting! Everyone is interesting!

Angsty: Oh fuck you're one of those guys, aren't you Mike

Palladin: Me or other Mike

Angsty: You

Backpacker: I can see why you're called angsty.

Palladin: If you want, I can happily tell you about my friends in my main groupchat.

Backpacker: Yeah, let's leave out our friends to strangers!

The Detective: Yay!

Angsty: They're not really my friends... but ok.

Palladin: In my groupchat there's Will, Lucas, Dustin, Max and El. Will is a really good artist, the sweetest boy you ever meet. Lucas is cool, he can aim with slingshots very well. Dustin is good with technology, though he doesn't have a lot of teeth because of a disease. Max is tough, she rides skateboards and roasts me really much. And El has superpowers, which is cool. You probably don't believe me, but she does.

The Detective: I do believe you. I have seen a lot of unexplainable things in my days.

Angsty: Well, I saw a girl get blown up into a blueberry, so I can kinda see this girl having superpowers.

Backpacker: I believe in the supernatural, so that seems completely ok.

Backpacker: Wait what Mike, you saw a girl get blown up into a blueberry??

Angsty: I... can tell you later. Someone else can go first.

The Detective: Aight. My turn.

The Detective: My groupchat consists of Bill, Beverly, Ben, Richie, Eddie and Stanley. We call ourselves the losers. Bill has a stutter, and is the general leader of the group. Beverly is the only girl, she smokes sometimes but she's cool. Ben writes poetry and is kind of an archeologist. Richie is a literal trashmouth, he always cracks inapropriate jokes. Eddie is tiny and afraid of everything. And Stanley likes to watch birds.

Backpacker: "And Stanley likes to watch birds."

Palladin: They sound awesome, Mike.

Backpacker: Also, I am SURE one in my groupchat has chatted with Richie before.

Backpacker: Like, we talked about someone named Richie

The Detective: not suprised.

Backpacker: Ok! My turn! If Mike doesn't want to go first?

Angsty: No, you can go...

Backpacker: So, my groupchat: My sister Isadora, my brother Duncan, and our friends Violet, Klaus and Fiona. Isadora writes sapphic poetry, and is generally sassy. Duncan is innocent and hopes to be a journalist when he grows up. Violet is an inventor and she's cool. Klaus is a walking dictionary, he's cool too. Fiona loves mushrooms and live in a submarine.

Backpacker: Also, Violet and Klaus have adopted a baby together with their baby sister.

Palladin: What

The Detective: Context, please.

Backpacker: We have gone through a real hell during the past years. Everyone has lost their parents, and that little baby's mother died in childbirth. Violet and Klaus, and their sister Sunny, were the only ones there to take care of her.

Palladin: Oh... i'm sorry.

Backpacker: You have nothing to say sorry for. It's very messed up, but we all went through it together. And we're fine now. Well, fine enough. Anyways. Other questions?

Palladin: How old are your siblings?

Backpacker: Both 13. We're all 13. We're triplets.

The Detective: Wow that's cool.

Palladin: Ohh it would be fun if you were identical

Palladin: Bet you and Duncan are identical atleast.

Backpacker: triplets.jpg

The Detective: Who is who omg

Backpacker: I'm the one making a salute, Isadora is the one sticking out her tounge and Duncan is the one looking suprised.

Angsty: It is impossible to be that identical if you're not all the same gender.

Backpacker: Well, we are that identical, and we are two boys and one girl.

Angsty: It doesn't work that way.

The Detective: Uh... it could

Angsty: No, it could NOT.

Palladin: There's literally proof of it on that picture.

Angsty: No.

Palladin: Should we tell him

Backpacker: No, I don't think so. Let him figure it out.

Angsty: What?

The Detective: Mike, can't you instead just tell us about your friends?

Angsty: Not until I talk to this Isadora or whatever. I want to explain to her how it's impossible to be so identical to her brothers.

Backpacker: I refuse to give you my sister's username just so you can explain to her it's impossible for her to be identical to her brothers. How would she even respond to that? I myself don't even know how to respond to that. You're just asking yourself for a block.

Angsty: ...

The Detective: Can you please tell us about your friends now, Mike?

Angsty: Fine...

Angsty: We're not exactly friends. We just won the same competition some years ago, and was brought on a tour to a factory. It was me, Augustus, Violet, Veruca and Charlie. One after one... we had to leave the tour early.

The Detective: Uh...

Angsty: Augustus fell into a chocolate river, and got sucked up a pipe. Violet got blown up into a blueberry. Veruca got attacked by squirrels and thrown into a garbage can. I... I got shrunk, and... it was the weirdest thing.

Palladin: Fucking what

Palladin: And what happened to Charlie?

Angsty: He lives in the factory now.

Backpacker: He's fucking what

Angsty: Yeah. He won the competition, which the prize was the whole factory.

Palladin: What

The Detective: I-

Angsty: It sounds unbelievable, I know

Backpacker: Every one of us has unbelievable stories. And i'm old enough to think people just don't make up random shit

Palladin: We should really invite our friends

The Detective: Oh you won't handle Richie

Angsty: You could invite your sister, Quigley. So I could explain.

Backpacker: ...

Palladin: It was nice talking to you, fellow Mikes.

Palladin: And Quigley.

Backpacker: Yeah. See you later. Gotta try to get someone I know to come in here.

The Detective: Yeah, same. See you!

Angsty: Eh, this was ok. Goodbye.


Chapter Text

New chat - Unnamed

Backpacker: Yo, should we invite our friends?

Angsty: Ugh, not all at once. Maybe one or two.

Palladin: Idk if i'm ready to let them in.

The detective: Me neither. It feels... strange.

Backpacker: I guess I could invite my friend Violet

Angsty: And invite Isadora. I need to explain...

Backpacker: Ugh fine.

Angsty: I maybe should invite one from my "friends" too.


What friends are for

Backpacker: Hello my friends and family! The group chat was not a scam. And I would like to invite some of you.

Backpacker: More specific, Violet and Isadora.

Sassy Sappho: Why us

Purple Ed: Yeah

Backpacker: Because I want Violet and there's a boy there who wants to know how Isadora can look identical to me.

Sassy Sappho: Oh boy

Sassy Sappho: Alright, send me in.


New chat - Unnamed

Purple Ed has joined the chat.

Sassy Sappho has joined the chat.

The Detective: Hello!

Backpacker: Mikes, this is Violet and Isadora.

Purple Ed: "Mikes?"

Backpacker: Yes, all of them are named Mike.

Sassy Sappho: WOOOOO that's sick bro

Angsty: I'm guessing you're Isadora, Sassy Sappho?

Angsty: Also, why are you named that?

Sassy Sappho: Why are you named Angsty?

Angsty: My name is Mike Teavee, and I am what my group of friends call "angsty".

The Detective: I'm Mike Hanlon. I am cool, I guess.

Palladin: I am Mike Wheeler and I love hanging out with my friends and play D&D

Purple Ed: Lmao no one asked you to introduce yourselves but i'm glad you did. I'm Violet Baudelaire. Adoptive mother of one. Inventor. Bisexual.

Palladin: Oooh you were that friend who had adopted a baby with your siblings!

Purple Ed: Yup!

Angsty: I know a Violet with a similar surname. Her name is Violet Beauregarde.

Purple Ed: That is freakishly similar.

Sassy Sappho: I'm Isadora Quagmire and I am a poet.

The Detective: A sapphic poet?

Sassy Sappho: You bet, Mike Hanlon.

Angsty: What's sapphic?

Purple Ed: One of these days, kid, you will learn.

Angsty: Isadora, Quigley told me you are triplets.

Sassy Sappho: Yep! Identical triplets!

Sassy Sappho: tripletselfie.jpg

Backpacker: I always love Duncan's frown in it

Angsty: How can you be so identical when not all of you are of the same gender

Sassy Sappho: Well

Sassy Sappho: Magic!

Purple Ed: Excactly.

Angsty: Magic doesn't exist.

Purple Ed: I see why you are called angsty.

Angsty: But it's... not how it works

Sassy Sappho: But that's what happened


Backpacker: Isadora should we tell him

Sassy Sappho: No I want to know if this kid can solve this

Angsty: It's very impolite to not tell.

Angsty: Isadora, I will be back.

Sassy Sappho: Good luck.


Blueberry has joined the chat.

Blueberry: Mike forced me to join.

Purple Ed: Which Mike

Angsty: Me

Purple Ed: Are you the other Violet?

Blueberry: My name is Violet, yes.

Purple Ed: Cool! Violet Squad

Blueberry: Uh I guess...

Sassy Sappho: Hello other Violet! My name is Isadora!

Backpacker: And I am Quigley! Isadoras triplet brother!

Blueberry: Ooh like identical triplets?

Sassy Sappho: Sure is!

Angsty: And that still doesn't make sense.

Angsty: I have thought about this the entire day and I don't understand.

Palladin: Oh boy

Palladin: Hi new Violet, i'm Mike Wheeler btw

The Detective: And i'm Mike Hanlon. I have nothing to say, just wanted to tell you I existed.

Blueberry: Hi Mikes

Angsty: Quigley and Isadora, how can you be identical. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. YOU'RE ONE BOY AND ONE GIRL

Sassy Sappho: Ok Quigley, do you think we should tell him now? It's fun to see him figure it out but I am also a very impatient human in heart.

Backpacker: Go on, sis.

Sassy Sappho: Mike, have you heard about something called trans

Angsty: Yes?

Sassy Sappho: Yes.

Angsty: What has that has to do with

Angsty: ?????????????????

Angsty: You mean you

Sassy Sappho: I mean I

Angsty: But you're a child

Backpacker: And?

Angsty: Only adults can be trans?

Sassy Sappho: Wtf who taught you that

Sassy Sappho: It's like saying I can't be gay because i'm under 18.

Backpacker: Or worse, say I can't be introverted because I "talk much".

Angsty: But

Backpacker: But

Sassy Sappho: But

Purple Ed: But

Blueberry: Butt

Blueberry: But*

Purple Ed: Lmao

The Detective: Kids can be LGBTQ+ , Mike.

Angsty: I

Angsty: I'm sorry

Angsty: But I am not thrilled to be wrong.

Blueberry: The angsty know-it-all strikes again.

Sassy Sappho: It's ok, Mikey

Purple Ed: Btw, we should change the name of this group.

Sassy Sappho: You're the inventor, Violet. So, invent.

Backpacker: And you're a very good inventor, too!

Sassy Sappho: Shut up Quigley Violet is mine

Purple Ed: I told you guys i'm fine with dating you both.

Angsty: Polyamory is not the social norm.

Blueberry: Michael, I think they know that.

Purple Ed: Ok, I got a good name!

Purple Ed has changed the chat to "What lucky loser parties are for".


Chapter Text

The party

Palladin: Hey guys! Remember that group chat I joined?

Zoomer: Yeah?

Palladin: So, there's two other dudes named Mike

Ranger: Wow, why does everyone name their kid Mike lmao

Mage: Mike is a very nice name.

Palladin: Thank you, El!

Palladin: Anyway, there was also a boy named Quigley, and later his sister Isadora and their friend Violet, who's like, an adoptive mother at age 15

Bard: Wait what

Palladin: Yeah, and then there was another Violet who knew one of the Mikes and she had apparently blue skin or something??

Zoomer: Ok this sounds very interesting

Zoomer: Can I join

Palladin: Please join, Max.


The Losers club

The Detective: Please join that groupchat that got sent to us before

Little heart: I'm too scared.

Winter fire: TBH same, Ben. Mike, we don't wanna get viruses

The Detective: Do I look like I got a virus?

Trashmouth: Ok Mike's got a point

The Detective: Richie can you join

Trashmouth: Why me

The Detective: There are cute girls there

The Detective: And boys

Trashmouth: Why the fuck would I join a groupchat because some people are "cute"?

The Detective: I don't think anyone is straight


Winter fire: Lmao


What lucky loser parties are for

Trashmouth joined the chat.

Zoomer joined the chat.

Palladin: Guys, this is my friend Max. Treat her with kindness.

Blueberry: Which one is Max?

Zoomer: Hello, I am Max.

Trashmouth: And I am Richard Tozier, good day.

The Detective: Richie, don't try.

Sassy Sappho: Wait... Richie Tozier? Have you been a roleplay groupchat before?

Trashmouth: ...maybe?

Sassy Sappho: Have you ever shouted at some dudes for being mean in a mean girls roleplay

Zoomer: Wait

Zoomer: Sassy Sappho, do you remember someone named Max in a mean girls roleplay

Sassy Sappho: Wait, "Movie-Janis"?

Zoomer: Uh-huh...

Sassy Sappho: OH MY GOD I roleplayed Musical-Janis!

Trashmouth: And both of you were great Janis-es, I should say

Zoomer: Omg Richie u were Aaron Samuels right

Trashmouth: No I was musical-Kevin

Zoomer: Ooooooh!!

Purple Ed: Uh, Richie? Hello, I'm Violet. A while ago Isadora, my dear friend, sent me some pics from that chat where you and Max roasted the crap out of some mean dudes and I just want to say. Big fan.


The Detective: Beep beep Richie

Zoomer: What's "beep beep Richie"??

The Detective: That's what we say to him when he's annoying in my friend group.


Purple Ed: Oh no what have you done


Purple Ed: Isadora are you ok

Sassy Sappho: Kiss me and I might be ok

Backpacker: Isadora if this is what you call flirting I think we need to get you back in therapy

Trashmouth: lmao Mike we need to invite Bev here

The Detective: We. Do. Not. Invite. Bev. Here. It will become chaos.

Zoomer: Well it already looks like chaos right now.

Zoomer: Also, can everyone say their name? So I can remember

Sassy Sappho: Isadora

Purple Ed: Violet

Backpacker: Quigley

Blueberry: Violet

Trashmouth: Richie

The Detective: Mike

Angsty: Mike

Palladin: Mike

Zoomer: Mike, you don't have to say your name but ok-

Palladin: :-)

Zoomer: Anyway I'm Max for those who missed


Trashmouth: I NEED PICS

Angsty: I am not comfortable with publishing pictures of myself.

Blueberry: My mother always tell me to not post pics of myself to strangers. I hate her.

Blueberry: me.jpg

Zoomer: ialsohatemyparentssoheresapic.jpg

Backpacker: handsomesttriplet.jpg

Purple Ed: teenagemother.jpg

Palladin: coolboy.jpg

Sassy Sappho: iamnotaboy.jpg

The Detective: I don't think you need a pic of me.

Trashmouth: I'm gonna be nice and send a pic of me too

The Detective: Please say it's not that half naked picture-

Trashmouth: sexyfather.jpg

The Detective: PHEW

Trashmouth: Also Violet you're hot.

Blueberry: Which Violet?


Sassy Sappho: Violet, Klaus isn't in this groupchat


Trashmouth: I meant the Violet with the rosy cheeks and bright smile.

Blueberry: ??????

Trashmouth: You know

Backpacker: We literally don't

Sassy Sappho: Anyway Purple Ed-Violet is mine, back off

Backpacker: She's mine, too

Angsty: But aren't you two siblings?

Backpacker: Me and Isadora are siblings, yeah

Angsty: And you are both dating Violet

Purple Ed: Correct.

Angsty: That's incest.

Purple Ed: The fuck, no

Angsty: Uh, siblings who date are incest

Backpacker: What the fuck dude do you think me and Isadora are dating!?

Sassy Sappho: We both date Violet. We don't fucking date each other dipshit

Angsty: But if you both date her you date each other

Purple Ed: That is literally not how it works

Blueberry: Guys I can kick Mike out of the group

Trashmouth: Which Mike?

Blueberry: Angsty Mike

Angsty: I'm just trying to explain to them how it works

Blueberry: Well nobody wants to hear your bullshit explanations, Michael.

Blueberry has kicked out Angsty from the chat.


What friends are for

Dictionary: Hey guys, how's it going?


Dictionary: Why?

Sassy Sappho: Please just do.

The Informer: If Klaus joins, I join

Sassy Sappho: Yes Duncan join

Dictionary: I don't want to join.

The Informer: Then I don't want to join.

Triangle Eyes: Yo what's up

Purple Ed: We want Klaus to join that groupchat

Dictionary: And I don't wanna

Dictionary: I feel like they want to get me in some drama

Sassy Sappho: We do. Join.

Dictonary: No.

Backpacker: Leave Klaus for now, girls. We can try to get him there another time.

Chapter Text

The lucky five

Candy man: Hello friends!

Candy man: Marry christmas!

Squirrel: It's "merry" christmas, Augustus, but yes. Merry christmas!

Candy man: Oh. Sorry, english is not my first language.

Angel boy: I haven't heard from you in a while. How is everyone?

Squirrel: Quite fine.

Candy man: Very good!

Blueberry: Yo, I am pleased this fine christmas.

Angsty: Still mad over Violet kicking me out of that groupchat...

Blueberry: I did it because you're questioning the other people too much.

Angsty: But I didn't get them? How can you be trans at such a young age? How can two siblings date the same girl but not date each other? How could that other Violet be a teenage adoptive mother? And why is everyone named Mike?

Blueberry: The last question is valid.

Blueberry: Btw, I will call you Michael from now on.

Angsty: Why?

Blueberry: Well, when there is three Mike's I know, I want to know who's who.

Blueberry: Plus, since you are literally the worlds angstiest know-it-all, I figured "Michael" was a good choice to call you.

Squirrel: I have no clue who the other two Mike's are, but I approve of calling him Michael aswell.

Angsty: Why are you like this

Squirrel: Because we were chosen by Willy Wonka. He obviously chose the most mean and brattiest kids in the world

Candy man: I am not mean or bratty. I'm just Augustus Gloop.

Blueberry: And Augustus.

Angel boy: And me? Am I a brat?

Blueberry: No, you're just Charlie Bucket. "The hero".

Angsty: Violet please add me in the group chat.

Blueberry: 1. Why do you want to be in the groupchat when you just annoy everyone?

Blueberry: 2. You're the skilled hacker of us. Why can't you just add yourself back in.

Angsty: ...

Angel boy: Can I join the chat, Violet?

Blueberry: Sure! I'm looking forward to see their reactions to the boy who lives in a factory.


What lucky loser parties are for

Angel boy has joined the chat.

Angel boy: Wait, you're still named the nickname they gave you in a chat?

Blueberry: Eyup!

Blueberry: Everyone, this is my friend Charlie. Be nice to him. He's the friend who lives in a factory.

Trashmouth: WAIT IT'S HIM

Sassy Sappho: FACTORY BOY


Blueberry: I said BE NICE

Purple Ed: Don't mind them, Charlie. They are the feral dogs of this chat.

Sassy Sappho: I identify more with cats than dogs, thank you.

Purple Ed: We know, you're secretly Marie from Aristocats.

Angel boy: Pleasure being here! What's everyone's names?

Angel boy: I know Blueberry, of course.

Purple Ed: I'm Violet Baudelaire.

Zoomer: Max Mayfield.

Trashmouth: Richie.

Sassy Sappho: Isadora.

Backpacker: Quigley. Quigley Quagmire. I'm Isadora's brother.

Angel boy: Ooh, older or younger?

Backpacker: We're the same age. We're triplets.

Trashmouth: And then there's the Mike's.

Trashmouth: Seriously, I don't know who's who. We need to make nicknames.

The Detective: Richie, you know very well I am Mike Hanlon. We have known each other for quite a while now. But for the rest, you're allowed to call me Mikey.

Palladin: And I am Mike Wheeler, and you may still call me Mike.

Angel boy: Pleasure meeting you!

Trashmouth: So Charlie boy, why and how are you living in a factory?

Angel boy: I won it as a prize! After Willy Wonka had that competition about five kids going to his factory.

Zoomer: Who's Willy Wonka?

Blueberry: You- you don't know?

Zoomer: No

Blueberry: Only like, the most famous candymaker in the world?

Angel boy: He had hidden five tickets in his wonka bars! It was a world wide hunt for them!

Trashmouth: Well I haven't noticed a thing

The Detective: I mean we were pretty busy with other stuff, Richie...

Palladin: Yeah, me and Max also had... stuff we focused on during the past year.

Sassy Sappho: Us too. Gosh, it's been a living hell.

Blueberry: I still have no idea what all of you have been through but me and Charlie won tickets. And Charlie won!

The Detective: So this Wonka just gave away his whole factory?

Angel boy: Yeah.

Palladin: I don't know, he sounds a little off-putting.

Blueberry: He is.

Blueberry: You know angsty, who I kicked out?

Backpacker: We don't forget about him that easily.

Blueberry: Well, he is more sure than ever Wonka has spied on us all along and gave us the tickets according to a system.

The Detective: And how did you react to that?

Blueberry: I mean, of course! I'm not suprised at all, actually.

Blueberry: And it's fun, because Michael (that's Angsty) thinks he is a genius for figuring that out!

Purple Ed: May I ask what Willy Wonka did in the factory with you?

Blueberry: Well, I got blown up to a blueberry because of him. Still have bits of blue skin.

Blueberry: ifyoudontbelievemeheresproof.jpg

Trashmouth: wtf

Zoomer: Uh, Charlie

Zoomer: Why did you say yes

Blueberry: I love how you just accept me being blue like nothing

Angel boy: I come from a very poor family, so this was a bit of a step up.

Purple Ed: I just want to know

Purple Ed: Willy Wonka

Purple Ed: Does he do things towards you?

Angel boy: No! He's very friendly towards me. I'm taking over the factory after him.

Trashmouth: Wow

Sassy Sappho: uuuuhh ok then

Angel boy: Eh, don't worry about me! It's christmas!

Palladin: It is!

Trashmouth: Feliz Navidad

Trashmouth: Oh I wish Eddie was in this then I could speak spanish to him

The Detective: Richie, Eddie doesn't know spanish. Eddie's family doesn't even come from any spanish speaking country. He has ancestors who three generations ago were conservative christians from Poland, but he doesn't even know that, because he isn't even religious nor know any polish. I don't even know why I know it.

Trashmouth: Yeah it seems like it's something someone wrote in a small paragraph in a long book where he was included...

Purple Ed: Uhh okay

Trashmouth: Anyway, how does the adoptive teen mother and her two partners celebrate christmas?

Purple Ed: We don't, because we are jewish.

Zoomer: Happy Hanukkah to you!

Zoomer: I did spell that right, right?

Sassy Sappho: Thank you, Max.

Trashmouth: Oh cool, Stanley should've been here.

The Detective: Richie, we will not invite any more of our friends until we really need one of them for something that requires them to join this chat.

Purple Ed: If you're wondering how we are celebrating, then we are celebrating with lots of food and lots of love!

Purple Ed: normalhappyfamily.jpg

Backpacker: I am the one with jelly donuts stuffed in my mouth.

Sassy Sappho: And I am the one doing bunny ears on the toddler

Blueberry: Oh, is that the child you adopted?

Purple Ed: No, the toddler Isadora is doing bunny ears on is Sunny, my sister. She made all the food.

Palladin: But she is so small

Zoomer: Mike, you and I know small things can make a lot

Palladin: Yeah, you're right.

Purple Ed: You want to see something really small?

Purple Ed: mylittlething.jpg

Angel boy: That baby is very sweet!

Sassy Sappho: She is the reason we all haven't just died of despair yet.


The Detective: Hope you all continued to have deligtful days yesterday. Me and Richie went to have a small christmas party with our friends, and I wanted to share some pictures...

The Detective: richiexthemistletoe.jpg


The Detective: Beep beep Richie the world needs to see you making out with a mistletoe because no one wanted to stand with you under it.

Trashmouth: michaelinthebathroom.jpg

Trashmouth: Revenge

The Detective: I don't mind people seeing a picture of me dancing in the bathroom, where you can only see my legs and feet anyway.

Zoomer: I ship Richie and the mistletoe.

Sassy Sappho: I second that

The Detective: Don't worry, ladies. Richie got his happy ending with a human later.

Trashmouth: Mikey no

Sassy Sappho: Mikey yes

Zoomer: But Richie x Mistletoe??

The Detective: richieshappyending.mpg

Trashmouth: YOU SENT THE WHOLE VIDEO?!?!?!?

Purple Ed: Waking up and seeing a young teen attacking another shorter young teen and then them aggressively making out while some girl is singing what is love off key is probably the best thing I've woken up to in a long time

Backpacker: But we had a pretty pleasant night too, Violet.

Blueberry: I forgot for a second that Purple Ed is named Violet too and I got so confused to why Quigley was talking about me.

Purple Ed: Oh, we had. Got double kisses.

Purple Ed: doublequagmirekisses.mpg

Zoomer: That is so satisfying to watch???

Zoomer: Violet kissing Isadora. Then kissing Quigley. Then Quigley and Isadora kissing Violet on each cheek.


Backpacker: Wait what

Sassy Sappho: Quigley do you know what I took without anyones knowledge last night?


Sassy Sappho: secretkisses.jpg



Purple Ed: Thank you for this, Isadora.

Angel boy: That reminds me of some oompa loompas who thinks no one can see when they flirt with each other!

Palladin: Do I want to know what an oompa loompa is

Blueberry: It's complicated.

Palladin: Well, I got a little kiss yesterday too... did not take a picture, but I did. Max can confirm.

Zoomer: I can. I also got a kiss last night, but Mike cannot confirm because he wasn't there

Palladin: Wait, when??

Zoomer: It was after I went home

Palladin: You went home with El... so El knows?

Zoomer: ;)

Palladin: Ok i'm gonna ask El.

Zoomer: Do that... ;)

Sassy Sappho: I wish Duncan could join, so we could have all the Quagmire triplets gathered.

Backpacker: Me too, sis. One day we will force him to join. Just you wait.

Chapter Text

The Party

Palladin: Hey, El

Mage: Yeah?

Palladin: Max said she got a kiss yesterday after our little christmas party.

Mage: Yeah, she did.

Ranger: Max, can you tell who that was?

Zoomer: I don't know Lucas, can I?

Palladin: El, you were the only one who went with her. Can you tell us?

Mage: I promised Max not to

Mage: Also, I don't want to tell. It's a secret between us.

Ranger: Dammit.

Palladin: But... can I guess?

Zoomer: You can probably try.

Bard: I want to try to guess too! Steve says I can often guess right when it comes to these things.

Zoomer: Good luck.

Cleric: Lmao

Zoomer: What are you laughing about, Will?

Cleric: Nah, nothing. I had idea, but I think that would only really be possible in my imagination.

Bard: Ok???

Palladin: Do we know the person

Zoomer: Yes

Mage: Yes

Ranger: Uhhhh I'll be back I will think about everyone I know who is in an appropriate age.

Zoomer: Ok good luck.


The Losers club

Little heart: Hello losers! Haven't heard from you since the party.

Winter fire: Hi Ben <3

Winter fire: I still have a headache from the party guys

Trashmouth: Me too

Winter fire: I bet your pants are aching too, Rich

Softie: Beverly please don't make this a thing

Winter fire: What? That you and trashmouth made out like two feral dogs on the floor?

Stutter: While Beverly sang off key

Bird Whisperer: I'm glad you're my friends.

Trashmouth: Fun fact: A Mike in that big groupchat also had a party with his friends

The Detective: Oh yeah, Max said she had kissed someone.

The Detective: I wonder how it went.

Little heart: I want to join the groupchat so badly. It seems fun

The Detective: No, Ben, you're too innocent

Trashmouth: Awesome! I'll send you a link right now!


What lucky loser parties are for

Little heart joined the chat.

Blueberry: Yay new person

Little heart: Hello i'm Ben. I like to write poems and my friends call me sweet.

Sassy Sappho: I like poems too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Backpacker: Jesus Isadora

Purple Ed: Isadora lmfao take it easy

Purple Ed: Also hi welcome we are nice here

Backpacker: Yeah that angsty guy is gone 

Little heart: Oh I have heard about that boy

Purple Ed: Never encountered someone more annoying than him

Blueberry: Actually, there is a more annoying person than him...

Sassy Sappho: Oh no

Blueberry: Oh yes

Blueberry: It's weird, because she is often forgotten... which there is a reason for, I guess.

Sassy Sappho: What's her name?

Blueberry: I can't say that.

Backpacker: Have you forgotten her name?

Blueberry: Oh no, I remember fully. It's just... if I say her name, she'll know.

Little heart: This sounds freaky

Trashmouth: I'm getting Pennywise vibes of this, Ben...

Blueberry: I don't know who pennywise is, but this is a human girl around our age. And she knows... everything.

Blueberry: Even Michael (that was angsty who we kicked out) feared her.

Angel boy: Hi Ben, welcome to this chat! Also Violet (blueberry-Violet), please don't remind me of her. I have nightmares about her.

Trashmouth: This is fucking creepy.

Palladin: Hi new person. This girl sounds scary. Anyway, I'll be taking part of this discussion later, I need to find out who Max was kissing.

Zoomer: Lmao we'll join you in a while


The Party

Ranger: Ok Max, i've got it!

Ranger: Troy Harrington!

Zoomer: That kid? Eww

Bard: Well I thought of him too...

Palladin: I haven't come up with anyone!

Palladin: Max wouldn't kiss any boys except for maybe Lucas, but Lucas was with us then

Mage: No, Max wouldn't kiss any boys 

Bard: Uh...

Ranger: Technically she has kissed boys

Zoomer: I think El refers to that night after she and I went home

Palladin: Though, when and where would Max kiss someone with El as her witness?

Cleric: :D

Zoomer: Yeah, Will figured it out btw.


Cleric: NOPE

Mage: Use your brains.

Zoomer: Come on

Ranger: Can you give us a hint

Zoomer: My hint is: I didn't kiss any boys that night

Bard: So you made it up

Zoomer: No?

Bard: But

Palladin: Wait

Palladin: Will

Palladin: How did you figure it out

Cleric: It's a special radar I have ;)

Ranger: Radar???????????

Mage: I have a hint: I was explaining to Max how Mike kisses me

Palladin: How did you explain it?

Mage: I didn't explain

Palladin: But then


Palladin: Wait

Ranger: Wait

Bard: What wait

Zoomer: It felt like someone was gonna eat up my insides. Jesus christ, Mike, how do you kiss girls?

Palladin: But I didn't kiss you- waIT WHAT

Mage: But Max tasted like strawberry as usual

Ranger: A S  U S U A L ? ?

Mage: Max and I practice kissing sometimes. I like kissing her better than Mike.

Zoomer: <3

Palladin: Uhh

Palladin: We will talk about this later, but right now I need to hear about that scary girl Violet told us about


What lucky loser parties are for

Palladin: I'm here again

Zoomer: This guy is oblivious. How's it going?

Sassy Sappho: I really want to know her name

Blueberry: Alright. I have her on my block list. Lemme send a screenshot

Blueberry: shesintheleft.jpg

Zoomer: I can't see the picture

Zoomer: It says it's blocked

Blueberry: What??

Little heart: That's strange

Blueberry: Ok but I can't say her name out loud she will immediately haunt me.

Angel boy: She will haunt US

Angel boy: I just asked mr. Wonka if he remembered her and he looked like he was going to faint

Trashmouth: Charlie I always forget you live in a fucking factory

Blueberry: Ok i'll spell it out... hopefully she won't haunt us.

Blueberry: Mir

Blueberry: Anda

Blueberry: Pi

Blueberry: Ker

Sassy Sappho: Ok

Miranda Piker has joined the chat.


Sassy Sappho: OK WHAT THE FUCK

The Detective: Hi I was busy today and read everything now and HOLY SHIT

Blueberry: Everyone. Hide. Now.

Chapter Text

What lucky loser parties are for

Miranda Piker: Hello.



Miranda Piker: I just wanted to join.

Sassy Sappho: U can't join this chat without an invite. No one here has invited you.

Miranda Piker: I invited myself.

Trashmouth: You can't do that that's illegal.

Purple Ed: Hi Miranda. I don't know a lot about you, but can you please tell us how the fuck you could join.

Purple Ed: Also, maybe tell a little about yourself?

Miranda Piker: I am what most people would call a "cautionary tale". Most people pretend I don't exist, because they are afraid of me.

Zoomer: Ok mood tho

Backpacker: What's you relationship to Charlie and Violet? They seem to know you.

Miranda Piker: I went to the same factory tour as them once...

Palladin: Wait, I thought it was only five people on that tour they told us about? Not six?

Miranda Piker: No, because six is a cursed number.

Angel boy: Willy Wonka doesn't really like to mention her, either...

Sassy Sappho: That's mean.

Miranda Piker: Yeah... you have probably heard what happened to all the other children... not me. What happened to me is not something people like to speak about.

Trashmouth: You're making it sound like you died or something.



Trashmouth: What?

Miranda Piker: Well...

Blueberry: Oh no oh fuck!!!!!

Miranda Piker: I knew every little thing about Willy Wonka before the tour. I knew all about the other children before. I made my research.

Miranda Piker: Charlie Bucket. Charming boy. He wouldn't hurt a fly. I knew he was gonna win. Willy Wonka has a specific taste for what children he likes.

Palladin: Wtf

Miranda Piker: Violet Beauregarde, Augustus Gloop, Veruca Salt. All three the brattiest children you'd meet. Every room was obviously designed for them, just them. And I helped them on the way... told Augustus the best place to drink the chocolate was where the edge leaned over the most. Encouraged Violet to keep chewing, even after she herself wanted to spit it out. Managed to keep the gate down to the squirrels locked until it was too late.

Blueberry: I hate you so much.

Miranda Piker has been kicked out of the chat!

Miranda Piker has joined the chat.

Miranda Piker: Now, that was unneccessary.

Angel Boy: You are the only person I generally despise.

Miranda Piker has been blocked from the chat!

Miranda Piker has joined the chat.

Miranda Piker: Don't try.

Sassy Sappho: What- we blocked you!

Blueberry: I told you she's worse than Michael.

Miranda Piker: Michael

Zoomer: Oh, we know three Michaels. But we call them Michael, Mike and Mikey to keep them apart

Miranda Piker: Mike

Blueberry: Max, stop speaking to her. Ignore.

Little heart: Hi, what did I miss?

Trashmouth: We are being haunted by someone who maybe died.

Little heart: Oh. Hi, maybe-dead person. I'm Ben.

The Detective: Hi! I'm Mike, but you can call me Mikey.

Miranda Piker: Mike

Backpacker: Is she ok?

Miranda Piker: MICHAEL


Blueberry: Omg... wait.


The lucky five

Blueberry: Michael, you can go back into the big groupchat.

Angsty: Oh, any specific reason for that?

Angel Boy: Michael... we need you. She's back.

Squirrel: Who?

Blueberry: Her...

Candy man: Wait... who?

Blueberry: If I say her name, she might enter this chat too. Please, Michael.

Angsty: Oh alright...


What lucky loser parties are for

Angsty has joined the chat.

Angsty: I am here because Violet said you needed me.

Sassy Sappho: Oh right your name is Mike too. 

Miranda Piker: Mike...........

Angsty: Oh fuck no

Angsty: I appreciate you calling me in, Violet. I'm the only one who can handle this bitch


Trashmouth: Imma screen everything and send it to my friendgroup.

Purple Ed: Saaaame maybe we can recruit someone more of our friends

Angsty: Good day, Miranda.

Miranda Piker: Mike Teavee

Angsty: That is me. Now, care to tell me what you are doing here?

Miranda Piker: I know you, Mike Teavee.

Angsty: Good. I know you, too. I know everything you did.

Miranda Piker: I despise you.

Angsty: Because I pushed you?

Angel Boy: Wait, when did you push her?

Angsty: Willy Wonka erased your memory, Charlie, because you fainted when you saw it.

Miranda Piker: I hate you.

Angsty: I see you haven't told them about what happened in the powder room.

Blueberry: I really want to know.

Angsty: You, Miranda Piker, were so horrible to everyone else that I decided to give you a taste of your own medicine. 

Miranda Piker: I hope you die.

Angsty: Just like you did?

Trashmouth: SO SHE DID DIE

Sassy Sappho: WHAT THE FUCK

Angsty: I just pushed you a bit so taunt you. It was yourself who walked towards the powder machine, and let the oompa loompas throw you inside.

Angsty: The whole room smelled like blood and mucus.

Angel Boy: Is is why the powder room is locked?

Miranda Piker: MIKE TEAVEE

Sassy Sappho: Seriously, how do you type the letters like that??

Angsty: We all may have been bratty at the chocolate factory, but atleast I got to make a mistake without you witnessing. You are a wicked girl, Miranda Piker.

Miranda Piker: Mike

Angsty: Yeah?

Miranda Piker has left the chat.

Blueberry: Holy shit it worked???

The Detective: I thought it would take much longer than it did.

Angsty: Perhaps you could let me stay here? In case she comes back.

Backpacker: Yeah, Michael. You're forgiven.