He woke up face down in a puddle of whatever the fuck was spilling out of the near by garbge can. When had he blacked out outside of the McDonalds parking lot? What time was it? Face still down in the liquid, he tried to remember what happened last. It must be early Saturday morning! Before however he got here, he was dancing in some shitty night bar Prosciutto owned. It was a cool venue, too cool for Prosciutto to own, an old church with stained glass windows. He refused to play any of the really cool shitty edm that Melone cared about. But even his dumb discography could be made bareable with some extacy he stole off some poor guy he had robbed the other night using just his glossy purple switch blade knife and over exhuberant attitud. Something rustled from behind him. Melone gathered himself off the wet cement and began to look for what scurried past. It could just be a rat or...
His dampened hair swayed back and forth as he tried to spot the creature, or worse, a person that was around. He could sense them. Something was circling him when he was at his most hungover. It was a situation Melone didn’t like being put in but it wasn’t his first rodeo, he was prepared to McFreakin lose it and cut up a bitch. Then he spotted it.
Melone couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Was he still high? Was it something other than molly he had taken because these were some strange visuals! Maybe he had used some of that horse tranquilizer he’d been saving…
But there lurking at the end of the bright street light was some creature that had morphed out of his handy dandy laptop. He gave a single laugh in bewilderment. His prized computer with all of his unspeakable downloads, photographs that could be used as blackmail, and bonzai buddies was now a living breathing thing!
“Come here, come here little guy. Daddy wants to check his AOL, come here little BB!”
As much as he motioned with his hands to ‘come hither’ it, the thing didn’t approach. It stood on all fours, menacingly. Melone was confused but then after a moment the thought crossed his mind that, if he was indeed tripping balls, which he must still be, then his laptop probably wouldn’t come over to him, it was probably still lying on the ground.
Melone laughed and talked to himself out loud.
“Of course…. You’re not really a monster…. I’m pretty lucky no one stole my laptop if I had seen some man passed out I’d have taken it from him!”
The laptop then unexpectedly ran at him, on all fours, without blinking. The unnerving occurrence sent a chill down Melone’s spine and he made a break for the inside of the safe and secure Mickey D’s. This wasn’t cool, this wasn’t right, this was a bad trip and he wanted the protection of the Almighty American Cheeseburger Clown, with his lackys the hambugler and well…. He could only remember the hamburglar and the big purple one those were the only henchmen that mattered.
Melone rushed inside and was pretty surprised to see Prosciutto there eating some fries. Upon noticing he was there he hid said fries in the trash as to say “I don’t eat fast food and you could never prove that I do, I’d deny it if you ever brought it up again”. It didn’t matter, Prosciutto’s diet and ego were the last thing concerning Melone right now. He was barring the doors with his entire body weight hoping that the creature rushing him wouldn’t get inside. Prosciutto could tell Melone was having a bad day and walked over to him.
“Do you need a sedative Melone… or are you—--jesus christ, what is that thing!”
Prosciutto brought out his gun to which the McDonalds employee ducked behind the counter and started calling the police. He let out 3 bullets that went out through the glass doors and into the computer monster outside. The bullets made their mark.
Melone gasped, covered his mouth, and screamed as blood burst out of his left leg and right arm.
“PROSCIUTTO don’t do that!”
His friend gave him an irritated look.
“I’m trying to get that thing out of here!”
Melone began to hear the sound of police sirens. Seeing as this could not be real, and a figment of some hallucination, he began hobbeling to the PlayPlace Area™.
“W..why would my laptop… do this to me….” he said, limping.
Prosciutto had heard the sirens too. They would have to escape. He pulled his friend by his spandex lilac suit.
“Come on, we gotta get out of here”