Chapter 1: S.O.S.
Ian is still trying to find Smosh a home, poor guy. Matt is also doing his best, but it’s hard pitching a YouTube company to a bunch of rich, lazy businessmen. Shayne and I were playing the latest chapter of Bendy and the Ink Machine at my place when I got the text.
Ian: Hey Damien, you’ll never believe who’s considering buying Smosh!
Damien: Just tell me, the suspense is killing me.
Ian: Mythical Entertainment!
Damien: Woah, that’s insane!
Ian: Can you and Shayne be at my house at noon tomorrow? There will be sandwiches! We’re going to meet with Rhett and Link.
I didn't check with Shayne until after I agreed, but that’s okay. He’s staying the night and will be here tomorrow. He flinched and whimpered, then rolled off the couch.
“Jeez dude, it’s just Alice Angel!” He gets scared too easily. We played for hours until I made some microwavable mac ‘n’ cheese cups for dinner.
“Let me guess, you live off of these,” Shayne supposed. I chuckled.
“You know me too well, Shayne.” The rest of the night was spent binging Stranger Things and shouting inside jokes at each other. We literally scared the cats!
I’m not sure when exactly we fell asleep, but I woke up in my bed, the cats lounging on my face, and Shayne was laying face-first on the floor. I groaned as I sat up and stretched.
“Ugggh, what happened last night?” Shayne queried, not moving an inch.
“You act as if we had a raging party and you’re still hungover!”
“Well, Mountain Dew and Stranger Things binging does that to people!” He protested, pushing himself up. “What time is it?” I look at the clock. Holy s**t, it’s 10:30!
“10:30, and we need to get ready fast! Remember, Ian’s place at noon?” Shayne scrambled to the shower while I made coffee and set out cereal, I cleaned the litterbox and put out food for Zelda and Freyja, and generally tidied up the place until Shayne was out of the shower and dressed. Then I got in and washed. When I returned, I set the coffee mugs in the sink along with our cereal bowls and put away the milk. We got in my car at 11:31. Unfortunately, we hit all the red lights. At one of the last few lights, it turned to red at the last second.
“C’mon!” Shayne yelled at the light. Then it hit. The car behind us didn’t slow down in time and crashed into my trunk. We heard the crunch and my car jolted forward. Shayne and I looked at each other. The time was 11:56. So we had to deal with the crash and get my car to the repair shop, and Shayne got an Uber back to my place (he has a key) to get his stuff and then to his place. So I stayed at the repair shop all day, and the prices were really high. I could repair my car or get a new one for about the same price, so I just got a new one. I did all the paperwork and got my keys and stuff, and drove home. I checked my phone. Oh, God.
There were tons of texts from Ian and a few from Shayne, checking in on me. I responded to Shayne’s first. Then I read Ian’s.
Ian: Dude, we start in like, 10 minutes! Where are you?
Ian: Dames, you HAVE to show up. Represent Smosh Games!
Ian: Do this for the company!
Ian: What time did you wake up this morning? ARE YOU STILL ASLEEP?!
Ian: Damien, 5 more minutes! If you don’t show up I’ll… I’m not sure yet. I may have to fire you, but none of us are employed right now… I’ll block you! On everything!
Ian: WHAT THE H**L! WE NEED YOU HERE!
Ian: Courtney’s worried. EVERYONE is wondering where you and Shayne are.
Ian: Wait, Shayne IS with you, right?
Ian: We’re going to start soon! HURRY UP, DAMES!
Ian: RUN A RED LIGHT
Ian: WAKE UP
Ian: Whatever the case is!
Ian: Damien, what the h**l? This doesn’t look good to potential buyers!
Ian: DAMIEN, IF THIS IS A PRANK I SWEAR TO GOD
Ian: Nevermind, we’re starting without you.
Oh s**t. OH S**T OH S**T OH S**T. I’m screwed.
Damien: OML Ian I am so sorry, we woke up at 10:30 (not bad for a late night) and we were driving, but we hit all the red lights AND a car crashed into our trunk, so I had to go to the repair shop, and by then it was too late. In the end, I just got a new car. I’m really sorry man.
It was a few more minutes before Ian responded.
Ian: It’s fine. They didn’t buy Smosh anyways. We’re done for. Matt isn’t helping anymore, Boze is leaving, half of Smosh Games is only part-time, and we all have other things we do too. Smosh is over, Damien. I’m sorry.
My whole body shook. I loved my job at Smosh, the shutdown had scared all of us s**tless. I knew for a fact that “the squad” wasn’t going to quit. They were going to stick around, unlike Smosh Games members do. I wondered if he’d already told everyone else. Well, if they were at the meeting, they knew we wouldn’t be a part of Mythical Entertainment. But did Ian tell them that Smosh itself was going to disappear? I turned on my computer and looked at my resume. I added my time at Smosh Games and generally revised it all. Maybe Shayne’ll want to do some gigs with me.
I woke up the next morning with texts from my group chat “Silly Gooses”, which is just Shayne, Courtney, and I.
Courtney: Hey damimimimien we goin to mcdonalds wanna comee
Courtney: Damimimimimien haaaaaaaaaas wake upp
Courtney: DAMIEN I SWEAR TO GOD GET UP OR WE’RE GONG WITHOUT YOU
Shayne: Did you forget you were on the group chat Court? YOU WOKE ME UP
Courtney: Sory shanye tope
Shayne: Autocorrect or lazy Courtney?
Courtney: M probably both
Courtney: Is this better, Shayne?
Shayne: Yeah. So are you coming or not, Dames?
I ignored Courtney’s silly typos. Luckily, Shayne’s text was from just minutes ago. I was excited to get to see my friends again so we can talk about our plans for the future. I’m going to try more acting, and I’m sure Shayne will too. Courtney, I’m not sure about. She could do a lot. She could be a comedian, an actress, she’s great at a lot of things. She could even be a gamer! Ian will probably settle for some business career or go back to school. I snapped out of my weird half-asleep condition and got ready for the day, but not before responding to the chat:
Damien: Be there ASAP
When I arrived at the nearby Mickey D’s, almost all of the tables were put together to form one large table, with Joven, Mari, Wes, Lasercorn, Olivia, Courtney, Noah, Keith, Shayne, Matt, Boze, Tanner, Ian, and a few others were all gathered at the large table.
“I just feel so bad, I mean, I let everyone down,” Ian lamented, “because, like, we said in our first video since Defy Media shut down, ‘this isn’t going to stop us, we’re still going to make content,’ but now, it’s all a lie.”
“But we can all still have individual channels, this doesn’t mean we’re all exiled from YouTube society,” Lasercorn commented.
“Of course,” Ian agreed as I took a seat in between Shayne and Courtney. “Oh, hey Damien.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the meeting yesterday, and I’m sorry if that has anything to do with us dispersing.”
“No, red lights and car collisions totally aren’t your fault, D,” Boze assured me. I smiled weakly at her.
“Yeah, we’re not sure why they scheduled a whole meeting and bought us sandwiches and stuff, maybe they felt bad,” Wes thought aloud.
“What’s everyone planning on doing now?” I asked.
“Gigs?” Shayne asked me hopefully.
“Yeah, maybe we can set up a time to look for stuff together, I’ve contacted your agent about maybe hiring him.”
“Sweet.” Courtney cleared her throat and looked down. Is she nervous? Why would she be nervous?
“I think I want to be a singer. I think this little known singer and rapper named Lizzo is my inspiration. She’s getting more popular. Anyone heard of her?” Everyone shook their heads. Joven spoke up first.
“That’s great Courtney, you have real talent when it comes to singing!” We all murmured our agreement.
“I’m going to try comedy or acting, whichever I get first,” Noah announced.
“I guess Courtney and I were thinking alike, I wanna be a singer too,” Keith chuckled.
“Who inspired you?” Courtney prompted.
“Well duh, Courtney!” Noah exclaimed.
“Michael Jackson!” We all knew it.
“I want to try modeling or photography,” Olivia open-mindedly spoke.
“Hm, something new! I like it, you’d be a great model!” Boze complimented.
“Thanks! How about you?”
“I don’t know, maybe I’ll go back to Twitch streaming or try some acting stuff. Y’know, I’m really into improv like we did on Smosh and Order. THAT was fun, with no punishments involved!” We all laughed.
“I think most of us are going to continue gaming on our own channels,” Mari spoke for the Games members. They all nodded but Wes, who objected.
“I’m going to go back to editing. I’ll edit videos for other YouTubers like I did for you all, before I joined as an actual member.”
“Yeah, great job, Wes!” We all clapped. He blushed and changed the subject.
“Ian? Matt? Tanner? Anyone else want to share?”
“Nah, we’re hungry!” Tanner snarled goofily. We all stood up and swarmed the cashier, all of us splitting the bill (Ian volunteered to pay the remainder, that nice guy). We ate and chatted like old friends. We promised to stay in touch and meet up often, even with our new crazy schedules.
Well, it’s been a while since Smosh officially announced it’s quitting of the YouTube industry. All the Smosh Games members mentioned their own channels and the rest of us just told the fans to keep their eyes on celebrities. Sure enough, “CoMill” and Keith Leak Jr. made it big as hit singers, Olivia is a popular clothing and makeup model, Shayne, Noah, Boze, and I are all well-known actors (and the one actress), Wes has even gotten into drag as a popular night show star “Lady Sugar”, we’re all happy with where we are and what we’re doing. But if Ian ever mentions getting Smosh back together, I’ll be the first in line to sign the contract.
Chapter 2: $1,000,000 But...
My name is Wes, and I’m falling for my co-worker Joshua, more commonly known as Joven. It’s a long story. I guess I’ll start from the beginning.
It started after Joven’s wedding. I remember seeing them kiss and thinking, she’s so lucky. Wait, what? I had no clue what had just happened, I just knew that I was jealous of her. I didn't know why. At first, I thought, maybe I’m just jealous that he’s married. I’ve got no one. Or maybe I’m jealous that he’s got a new best friend. Turns out, both of those were wrong. I realize now that I’m head-over-heels for the one and only Jovenshire. He’s nothing like Ned Fulmer from The Try Guys, he always mentions his wife. Joven rarely speaks of her. It’s almost like she doesn’t exist. But when I feel my hand uncontrollably reaching for his under the table, she’s there, in my mind, in my dreams, always keeping me in check. D*mnit. I’ve tried everything, from picturing him doing things that I consider turn-offs or things I hate, I’ve tried talking myself out of it, it’s no use. Every day I wake up, the dull ache of longing in my chest worse.
“Wes, get up! We’re playing $1,000,000 but!” Joven shakes me out of my thoughts, and his touch leaves my shoulders warm and tingly. I exhale slowly and get up from my chair. My vision is clouded with distraction as I trudge to the room. Every word Joven says is an echo in my ears. Every “but”, my brain screams It’d be okay if I shared it with you. Then I have to correct myself. And sometimes, when we lock eyes for a second, I wonder if he feels the same. I wonder if he secretly loves me too. But she’s there again, making sure I know that we’re just friends and nothing else. Besides, Defy has the whole “no dating co-workers” rule that really pisses me off.
“$1,000,000 but, every time you see a child…” Flitz starts. I look at my cards. One catches my eye. It says “the person you care about most is abducted by aliens, never to return”. That’s kind of how I’ve been feeling, so I put down that one. “$1,000,000 but, every time you see a child…” Flitz looks at the cards. “The person you care about most is abducted by aliens, never to return.” No one has a joke for that card. Everyone just stares at their lap. Tears form in my eyes and I sense Joven fiddling with his wedding ring. I turn away so no one sees my tears.
“Next card!” Joven encourages in an attempt to move on the situation, and for that I’m thankful. Sometimes, the smallest things, like saving an awkward situation, make me love him even more. Sure, he’s kind of weird and we pick on him a ton, but he’s really a sweet guy, even if there is a possibility that he’s a pervert.
“You don’t have to say that every time!” Boze complains. Flitz glares playfully in her direction, causing them to both laugh. He then continues.
“Your clothes become 3 sizes too small.” We all laugh at that one.
“Imagine being like, a teacher, and-” Sohinki starts.
“No, you show up for work and the principal’s just like, ‘Why are you wearing such big clothes?’ and you’re just like, ‘I’m prepared for the kids.’!” Damien finishes.
“No, no, no, no, no. You’re at your job interview and they’re like, ‘Anything else we should know before hiring you?’ and you’re like, ‘Um, my clothes shrink 3 sizes when I see kids’, and they just say ‘Get out!’!” Joven throws into the conversation. Just the sound of his voice makes the blood rise to my cheeks.
“But like, this could happen anywhere! You could be driving and a kid is in the car next to you! Or you might work at a Hot Topic and some emo teen mom walks in with her toddler or something.” Boze points out.
“Okay, the Hot Topic teen mom thing is super hilarious. I think this one wins already.” I voice.
“Hey! I’m the judge here! I say it wins.” Joven throws his hands in the air and I give him a high five.
“I had the other one,” I timidly reveal.
“Dude, that’s deep. You need a therapist? Someone to talk too? A friend?” Boze asks. I know she’s just being funny, but I think I really do need a therapist. But not for the reason she thinks. I’m too deep. I’m too deep in love. Until I Joven makes a move, we’re just best friends, and that’s all we’ll ever be.
Chapter 3: I Have to Do This
I have a secret. No one else knows, but they will. I have to tell them. I have to do this.
I shiver as I enter the air-conditioned office. D*mn, L.A. is so hot, I think. Today I’m going to tell everyone. It’s been a hard decision, hard to think about, but I’ve come to terms with it and accepted that it’s just a part of my identity. I wonder how everyone else will react. Will some people think I’m weird? Will anyone be repulsed by it? Or will they accept it? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Wait, let me rephrase that. There isn’t anything wrong with it, there’s no way there is. Anyone who doesn’t like it can get their a*ses out where I’m not. I set down everyone’s Starbucks order and Mari hands me a roll of cash for everyone else’s order.
“Thanks,” I mumble.
“You okay, Damien? Anything wrong?”
“No, I just, have something I need to get off my chest.” Everyone looks up. Boze turns around in her swivel seat, Lasercorn and Joven slip their phones into their pockets, Wes pops a Hershey’s kiss into his mouth, and the squad is sitting on the couch in the open-spaced lobby. I sit on an ottoman in the center of everyone and take a deep breath.
“We’re listening, Damien,” Shayen assures me.
“Whenever you’re ready,” Courtney states. I take in another deep breath. I’m so nervous and worried about their reactions that I need the extra calm to keep me from speeding and jumbling my words together.
“Guys, it’s taken a lot of thought, and I’ve considered lots of things, but-”
“If you have cancer I f***ing swear to God,” Olivia interrupts, making me laugh.
“No, not cancer. I’m just-”
“Gay? Damien, we don’t care.”
“Not quite, Court. I’m just-” One more breath! “Asexual.” Wes spits his chocolate into the trash can.
“Damien, I’m glad your willing to accept it as part of you. You’re still our friend, and we don’t think of you any differently!” He exclaimed. Shayne got up to give me a hug.
“Good job, man.” I look up at him.
“Thanks. I put blood and sweat into that speech.”
“Damien!” Joven yelled as he held up his coffee in cheers. Everyone else followed and we drank up before all going to our recording sessions. Boze pats me on the back.
“Proud of you, b*tch.” I punch her playfully. It really wasn’t as hard as I thought. It’s just me. No one else.
Chapter 4: In Your Arms
These were the best nights. The ones where Damien and Courtney stayed the night at Shayne's for cuddles on the couch until late at night. Those nights.
Whatever show was on, Shayne didn’t care. He was cuddling with his two favorite people, his boyfriend Damien and his girlfriend Courtney. An uncommon type of relationship, yes, but it was perfect. He was in the middle of the two on his couch. Damien, on his left, reached around him to stroke Courtney’s recently dyed brownish-orange hair. His head was on the now only blonde’s left shoulder, and Courtney’s on his right. Courtney hummed with pleasure at Damien’s touch. The boys chuckled a bit.
“What?!” She goofily asked, sitting up. The men shared a knowing look. She raised an eyebrow.
“Just you,” Shayne replied. She went back to her previous position and Shayne kissed her forehead. She blushed.
“Why am I getting so much attention tonight?” Once again, the other two shared a look. Damien beamed mischievously and the boys stopped paying attention to Courtney. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed again and again. “No, no, no! That’s not what I meant!” She playfully panicked, squeezing herself in between her lovers. They pulled apart to hug around Courtney. She nestled her head onto Damien’s chest. Shayne turned off the TV and the others stared blankly at him.
“What? I’m going to bed!” He got up and Courtney whined in protest. “Feel free to join me.”
“Oh you know we will!” The natural brunette hopped up as well, and Courtney sleepily stumbled to Shayne’s bedroom with a fuzzy blanket wrapped around her.
“You won’t need that, three of us in a king-sized bed with a blanket and comforter? That’s plenty of heat.” She giggled and balled up the blanket before throwing it out the open doorway.
“You’re picking that up tomorrow morning,” Damien informed her.
“I know,’ she mumbled. After dressing for bed, brushing their teeth, washing their faces, and whatever else they needed to do, the throuple climbed into Shayne’s bed and cuddled with Courtney in the middle.
“You know, that’s the hottest spot in the bed,” Damien pointed out.
“Do you want to trade?” Courtney sarcastically offered.
“Shut up and go to bed!” Shayne jokingly complained. They all giggled until the sound faded to soft, steady breathing. A sound Shayne enjoyed when it came from his favorite people. His boyfriend, Damien, and his girlfriend, Courtney.
Chapter 5: Hidden in Plain Sight
They haven't caught us yet. Yet.
Well, it’s been one h*ll of a week. We’ve almost been caught by Damien. Almost. There have been times that I have been pulled into the men’s bathroom by Shayne so we can hide and get away from work. We enter the Smoffice with everyone’s Starbucks. The only person in the room happens to be Olivia.
“So, why did you two get the Starbucks together? You know, it is Shayne’s turn.”
“I knew today was a big order so I helped him bring the drinks in.” Liv raised a brow but said nothing, taking her drink and sipping some.
“Everyone else is back there shooting the new EBE.”
“Thanks,” Shayne spit out before rushing back.
“That was close!”
“Well, duh! How long are we going to hide this?”
“However long we can! I think Damien’s spread his theory.” Shayne sighed agitatedly before we entered everyone else’s earshot. “Starbucks! Who ordered the…” So I called out orders and Shayne passed them around. We got quite a few suspicious looks, but it was fine. Damien, however, was a completely different story. He pulled us aside.
“So… for this EBE… you two are going to have to kiss… a lot.” We blushed, to our dismay. “Is that a pinkish tint I see?”
“We aren’t dating! Okay?!” Shayne had apparently had too much and he snapped. Damien stepped back with his hands up.
“Okay! Okay!” He turned around to leave but spun back and beamed. “Have fun kissing!” Shayne was furious, but since Damien had turned around I pecked him on the lips to prevent any sound from escaping. He grinned at me after.
“You could’ve gone longer.”
“I didn’t want to get caught.” He squeezed my hand. “Come on, we have to go kiss for the camera.”
Chapter 6: Pining Someone Like You
He's just so dreamy. Shayne Topp would never think of me, poor, little, pining, Olivia Sui the way I do him.
!!For Dominos P-P-Pizza!!
You may want to watch TNTL (Try Not to Laugh) #32 before you read this. It'll be pretty canon to the video.
I guess I should have seen it coming. Shayne is just the kind of person that everyone falls for. Even me, poor, little, pining, Olivia Sui.
“Hey, Liv!” Shayne greeted as he handed me the drink I ordered. His hand briefly brushed mine and I blushed. He either didn’t notice or didn’t care, because he continued handing out drinks. Courtney was staring at me. I think she noticed. She wore an amused expression but said nothing. Once Shayne was done passing out orders, he sat in between Courtney and Damien and started a conversation. I could go and talk to them, but I don’t exactly want to… Sh*t, I’m too deep.
TNTL #32. I’m so excited, I’m going to make Shayne laugh today! Maybe he’ll notice me more than normal. I’m going to try to stand out. I’m going to use this board thing. It’s going to be a mahalo board I stand on because the sand is too hot. Like Shayne. God, that’s weird. Courtney goes out and Shayne spits almost immediately with her dating app-lobster bit. Sometimes I wonder if they’re hiding something. Is one of them pining? Is it mutual pining? H*ll, I don’t know. Am I a yandere? Maybe. I'll have to find out. Courtney taps me on the shoulder, waking me from my thoughts.
“Hey, you’re on!” I schlepp onto the floor. Shayne looks almost mad sitting in the hot seat. He’s such a goofy boy, so he’s trying really hard not to laugh. I try to skateboard on. It fails. He looked genuinely worried when I almost face planted. I try again. He almost laughed at me just trying to skateboard when I did it the second time.
“I’m gonna be fine, we all know I’ve only had five concussions!”
“Has she forgotten about the other six?” Damien murmurs behind the folding thing. It feels so weird trying to make Shayne laugh. I normally can do it so easily, but TNTL is a little forced. My voice goes all weird and I stutter a bit. But it’s whatever, I normally make the person in the hot seat laugh anyway. I ask Courtney to push me on and she does. I take a breath before starting my bit for real.
“Mahalo! Welcome to Hawaii!” He shrinks back like he does when he’s keeping the water in. “So we can’t really step on sand anymore because sand is being turned into lava, that’s why we’re on these little boards called mahalo boards, and here, meet my friend Tom!” I hold up the lobster claw on my left hand. “Yeah, um-”
“Time!” Shayne barely spits out the water after time is called, and I smile. Then, I come up with the greatest idea I’ve ever had. Oh yeah. I put my leis on Shayne, and the look on his face is adorable. It’s as if he’s trying to say, “I look f***ing stupid, please take these off!”, but he can’t because his mouth is full of water.
After some time, I finally get to sit in the hot seat. I’m hoping Shayne does something like the weird Elmer Fudd character he’s done because, well, he’s shirtless and it’s so cute. Unfortunately, he does the unprepared performer character.
“Uh, I- I’m telling you, once again, I did not prepare anything, I don’t have my novel written, I don’t even know anything, I- please, I- I-” His recorded voice on his phone says something and he groans. “Oh God,” he stutters some more before finally continuing. “Alright, fine, I’ll do it.” He walks out to stand on my right. His silvery wig looks like Wes’ hair, but the wig isn’t on correctly and he doesn’t have a cap, normal for TNTL. He introduces his character, Demetri, and moves on. “I’m here to tell you about my new fantasy novel series, ‘The Chain Link… Criteria’.” Then I spit out the water from between my teeth. It’s not one of my favorites, but I had to show that he’s funny and that I appreciate his personality. Woah, that’s deep. But he walked back and the TNTL shooting continued as planned, but without the affection I planned to reveal ever so slightly. Pining is awful. It feels like I have Hanahaki disease in real life. My heart aches with longing. Pining is simply so awful. F*ck.
Chapter 7: Merry Spooky
Halloween party confessions from Shartney <3
You don't have to watch the Just Dance 2020 to understand this, it's merely mentioned.
The Just Dance competition was fun, but the real entertainment comes at the Smosh ‘spooky party’. Yeah, the big party we have Halloween night. We aren’t too old for trick or treating, we just don’t care for it. Why waste time in the cold hunting down candy when you could be in a warm house with booze? There is no other answer besides no. You go to the party. You get tipsy with your friends and co-workers. Like Shayne. Never get tipsy without Shayne because it’ll be boring. He is the life of the party. Literally.
“Did you get any candy corn?” Liv asks. I panic.
“THERE’S CANDY CORN?! AND I MISSED IT?!” She giggles at my overdramatic reaction.
“Yes. And candy apples.”
“Ooh, Shayne’s gonna want one for what he did for you in Eat It or Yeet It!” She gives me a knowing look.
“Oh, he already did. But now he’s by the giant candy corn bowl. He said he’s ‘waiting for someone’. Maybe you?” She grins and I blush slightly. It seems everyone knows about my secret pining. Except for Shayne. Shayne is aways oblivious. Damien threatened to tell him if I don’t try to do something, but I really am trying. We just know each other so well. I don’t want to risk our friendship. But of course, Damien says it won’t matter and he’ll still be my friend, but I can’t help but worry. What if…? What if…? Olivia grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me violently. I can faintly hear Shayne laugh in the background.
“Gah! What?” She stops shaking me and crosses her arms. He shakes her head and chuckles.
“Your head must be a crazy place to be.”
“OH YES, it is.” She glances away and back to me so quickly I wonder if she ever looked anywhere else.
“He’s looking at you.”
“STOP IT!” I cry to the ceiling as my face reaches new levels in pinkness. “I’ll go talk to him,” I mumble. She grins and squeezes my hand.
“Good luck,” she whispers as she walks away to sit with Damien, who looked quite lonely. However, he perked up when Olivia told him something and pointed to me. We locked eyes and he nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. I stick my tongue at him and go to get my precious candy corn. And to see Shayne. I guess. He smiles when I approach.
“Hey, Court.” I look up from scooping candy corn into a plastic cup as if I didn’t know he was there.
“Oh, hey, Shayne.” Then we were silent. I decide to get some punch because I want to wait for later to get booze. Maybe Shayne had a conversation planned, maybe he didn’t know what to say. But it was silent until he spoke again.
“Did you bring anyone here with you?” Like, boyfriend or girlfriend, co-worker, friend? What?
“What do you mean? I came with Olivia,” answered. His posture changed just enough to tell me that he liked that response.
“I thought you were back in the dating game?”
“I thought you were too. Got your eyes on any girls?” He shrugged, but he looked barely pinker than normal.
“Maybe one.” I raise my eyebrows. Sh*t. He likes a girl.
“What’s she like?” I ask, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. Sh*t.
“Well, she’s really funny and the most beautiful person I know. We’ve been friends for a really long time, I feel like we’re practically dating already.” He’s known her that long and I haven’t met her? He sighs and suddenly isn’t as animated as he was before. “But I don’t think she’d ever like me.” I pat his shoulder. Friendly, though, since he likes someone.
“Well, why didn’t you bring her?” He looks at me with a sad smile.
“Because she came with Olivia.” It felt like the wind was knocked out of my lungs. I pale several shades apart from the beet red tint to my cheeks. My knees buckle and Shayne catches me in his strong arms. He holds me close enough that I can kiss him if I use the rest of my energy. So I do. And he kisses me back.
“What the h*ll?” I breathe.
“You didn’t know I was describing you?”
“YEAAAAAAAAAAH!” Damien yells from somewhere behind. We hear clapping and cheering and turn around. Literally everyone is there.
“I KNEW IT!” Ian hollers. Shayne realizes that he still has me in a dipping position and hoists me up onto my feet.
“Thank you, “ I utter, burying my face in his chest. I’m so embarrassed.
“She’s embarrassed!” I hear Damien tell someone.
“Shut up! Just because you’re psychic doesn’t mean it’s right!” Sarah complains.
“Hey! Leave my girl alone!” Olivia orders. “Though, of course, she’s not my girl anymore.” She grins at Shayne.
“Not anymore!” I almost faint at the words. Not anymore. He said not anymore. He’s my Shayne.
“He’s Courtney’s Shayne now.” Stupid psychic.
Chapter 8: Stella
“Like the stars.”
Thanks for the idea! It was lots of fun writing an established relationship Shartney and although it took me around an hour straight, I completed it! Grammar may not be great, but, y'know, its good enough, right?
Court woke up in a puddle of sweat. Just a dream. Nightmare. Dream. Fake. Shayne wasn’t in the bed. He wasn’t in the bedroom. He wasn’t in the bathroom.
“Shayne?” Silence. She sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. The clock flashed in red lines. 3:09. Early. Tired. Bed. No. Shayne. She couldn’t make up her mind. Shayne. She wandered the small apartment in Seal Beach, California. “Shayne?” Nothing. He’s here. The whole place was empty besides her and their sleeping new puppy. Name. Meaning. Purpose. Name. The hallway was vacant. Fresh air. Shayne. “Shayne?” No response. She went out the back door and sleepily stumbled up the loud metal steps. Noisy. Awakening. Annoying. “Shayne?”
“Courtney?” She sighed with relief. He’s here. On the roof. At 3 in the morning. “I thought you were alseep.” She shrugged and sat next to him on their ‘outdoor blanket’ on the rugged concrete roof.
“Bad dream.” Her head naturally rested on his shoulder and his on top of hers.
“Tell me,” he sincerely requested. She took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair.
“We were back. At Smosh. That obviously wasn’t the bad part. We were shooting something we never actually did, it was ‘Every Murder Mystery Ever’. And of course, you were the victim. The first part wasn’t as bad as the second, but horrifying nonetheless.” He wrapped his arm around her and she inched closer. “Damien was the killer. He stabbed you, y’know, with ‘the knife’, except it wasn’t ‘the knife’, it was a real one. Right in your solar plexus.” She traced the area on him with her pointer finger. “And you would’ve died, had I not saved you. It was like in Tangled when Rapunzel cried on Flynn or Eugene, whatever his name really was, and it healed him. I cried so much, my tears filled the wound and solidified into flesh and skin and such. And you thanked me for saving you, I guess you were aware of what was happening as it did. Then I was the killer. I even checkd to make sure it was ‘the knife’, and it was. But it cut through your back and through your heart.” She choked, remembering the awful moment. “And I yelled and screamed and cried. Ian told me I had ‘backstabbed my boyfriend’, and it hurt. It so much. And I cried, I cried a river, an ocean, h*ll, I could have flooded all of China!” Courtney waved her arms to show the immense amount of grief, pain, and shame she’d felt. “But it didn’t help,” she contined softly, quieter than before. “You died nonetheless. Nothing I could do would save you. And Oliva just looked at me sympathetically. ‘Only his true love can save him’, she told me.” Courtney felt a tear fall onto her leg. It was Shayne’s tear. “‘Yes, that’s you, but you saved him already and besides, you can’t undo what you did yourself’, she added. It was awful. I almost took the knife and stabbed my own self. But you wouldn’t have wanted that.”
“I don’t.” Courtney blinked away the tears and Shayne wiped them off her cheek. She did the same for him.
“Empathy. I had a similar dream where you died and that day would repeat endlessly like Groundhog’s Day, and no matter what I tried, nothing helped, nothing changed, you always died. And I was aways left alone with my mason jars of tears, becasuse for some queer reason I collected them. I know how you feel.” He started to rub circles on her back but rhne stopped to pull her down to lay on her back. “Stargaze with me.” The city lights made it hard to see anything, but Courtney didn’t mind. She found Shayne and he undertsood, he listened, and that was just one of the reasosn she loved him. He cares. He’s sweet and special, he’s diffwrent than everyone else. “Do you ever wish we could go back?” She understood what he meant. Smosh.
“Yes. A lot. But it happened, and nothing we do now will change it.” They laid in comfortable silence as tiny shimmery specks appeared in Court’s vision. Stars. Space. Galaxy. Earth. Us. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Courtney Ruth Miller, never forget it.” The silence took over again.
“Her name. Stella Empathy Miller-Topp.” He finally seemd to understand that she meant the puppy.
“Like the stars.”
“Like you.” They giggled and Courtney rolled over to be on top of Shayne. They shared a chaste kiss and stared into each other’s enchanting eyes.
“Let’s go back to bed,” Shayne suggested. Courtney nodded her drowsy head and Shayne hlped her to the bed where he cuddled her under the wamr covers. She tucked her head into his chest and he rubbed her back, his chin resting atop her head.
“I love you,” Courtney mumbled lethargically.
“I love you too.”
Chapter 9: Missed You
“But what will they think? I love them all, platonically of course, but will things be the same as they were in, say, 2019?” Shayne stared at the ground as they walked.
“2019 was a good year. For Smosh.”
this one i had to find inspiration for, but im really ahppy with how it turned out! loved the idea, thanks!
P.S. i also ship shourtney for life <3
“Are you excited?” Shayne asked as he squeezed Courtney’s hand. She sighed and smiled.
“Um, I guess I’m ready as I’ll ever be.” She simpered. “But what will they think? I love them all, platonically of course, but will things be the same as they were in, say, 2019?” Shayne stared at the ground as they walked.
“2019 was a good year. For Smosh.”
“You guys headin’ to the meetin’?” Keith asked as he ran up to walk next to them. He caught the couple off guard, but after they recoverd, they were so excited and glad to see their old friend.
“Keith!” Courtney exclaimed. She spun to the other side of Shayne to hug Keith and Shayne pat him on the back.
“Has the world been good to you… lovebirds?” The blondes blushed.
“Yeah, we’ve been doing alright. I’ve been doing acting gigs and sometimes Courtney does a few too. You?”
“Well, right now I got a full-time job in a Marshal’s, I’m gonna stay there ‘til I can get something better, like commedian or actor. H*ll, I might try for a singer!”
“That’s great, Keith! You definitely have the voice for those.”
“Aw, thanks Court Bourt. But for now, savin’ up.” He patted his pocket. The trio reached the table under an umbrella where Noah, Olivia, and Ian were sitting. The waiter must have already brought their drinks as Ian was sipping a beer. Oh God, Ian. It’s too early, Courtney thought.
“Hey, guys!” Shayne exclaimed as he stepped over the fence separating the tables from the rest of the shopping area.
“We missed you guys so much! Welcome to the ‘Squad Reunion’!” Noah announced. Keith also stepped over the fence, but Shayne picked up Courtney and carried her over. Olivia whistled.
“Looks like you haven’t skipped the gym even for a day since I last saw you!” He set Courtney down and they took seats next to each other at the round, shaded table.
“Are the Smosh Games people having their own get together?” Courtney asked.
“They already did, I joined them,” Ian answered without looking up from the menu. “Courtney, are you and Shayne still in touch with Damien?”
“Yeah, we are, but not super close. We just kind of text sometimes and that’s it.” Courtney blanched with worry. “Why, was he not at the Games reunion?”
“No, he was, I was just wondering. He really misses you two. Which makes me wonder, do you guys live together?” Courtney nodded. “Are you…” Their faces signaled that he was close. “Together?”
“Do you even look at our social media?” Shayne chuckled, thinking it was a joke. However, everyone looked down at their laps.
“We all kind of stopped paying attention to each other after a while, once we knew it was over and we’d probably never see each other again. Not just you two, but everyone. I unfollowed all of you around a year ago,” Olivia shamefully admitted.
“So are you guys… together, or what?” Noah queried. Shayne and Courtney shared a look. I know it’s kind of normal to unfollow people who don’t matter as much to you as they used to, but we never unfollowed them. They’re still our friends. The couple turned back to their old friends.
“Engaged,” Shayne revealed as Courtney held up her hand to show off the ring. Everyone’s jaws dropped.
“An’ you didn’t tell us? We never deleted y’all’s numbers, y’know.” Keith exclaimed.
“Well it was on both of our Instagram and Twitter accounts,” Courtney jokingly scolded.
“Eek, I’m so happy for you two!” Olivia squealed, not caring that she wasn’t told immediately.
“It took you guys long enough to catch on to the mutual pining going on there! I mean, it was obvious!” Ian stated. “The meals are on me.”
“No-” Noah protested, but Ian waved him off and he went quiet.
“Well, what have you all been doing since Smosh?” Shayne wondered. Ian set down his menu.
“I kind of went back to what I did before you guys were hired, like Ian is Bored stuff. I guess my channel isn’t that different from Anthony’s.”
“I’ve kept up my own channel too. Courtney, you were on it shortly after we found out Smosh wasn’t coming back.” The blonde girl nodded, remembering the day of recording.
“I’ve honestly been reading old fanfictions. You’d be surprised as to how many people still write about us!” Keith chuckled and the rest of the squad - Can we still call ourselves that? - joined in. “But in all seriousness-”
“Hey, there’s our waitress, coming to take our order. Hurry, pick what you want!” Ian urged. Shayne and Courtney had to unlace their fingers under the table to hold their menus. They quickly and chastely kissed before looking at their options. Courtney smirked at Shayne.
“Oh God, what is it?” He goofily worried.
“I’m glad everyone agreed on Chili’s.
Chapter 10: I Won't be Drinking Tonight
“Is this what I think it is?!” Courtney nodded. “Oh my f***ing God. Really? I'm not dreaming?” The redhead nodded again. “Holy sh*t.”
i saw this and literally though 'h*ll yeah'! it's a long one, but it was super fun to write and just came to me naturally. your idea was the best, tysm.
Nausea. Tiredness. What about it? There’s nothing wrong! It’s just sickness. I’m sick, that’s all. I can just live through it until I get better! I can still go to work, I haven’t thrown up yet. I’m all good. No one will know a thing, I won’t throw up, I’ll keep to myself and be the Courtney they know. I’ll-
She dropped the test and screamed, then covered her mouth. Sh*t. The test is wrong. I’m sick, the test is wrong, there’s something wrong with me, it’s a prank test, it’s just… sh*t. No drinking tonight. Good thing I took the test, though. No period tomorrow. ...Yay…? She picked out a floral dress with greens, blues, pinks, and purples. Her makeup was light and cute as well, and her nude-colored low-heels were spot-on. Nothing too flattering. Simple but cute. The drive to the party was an odd one. She asked Siri lots of questions. What foods should I avoid? What should I buy? What do I need? The party seemed to have already kicked off when she pulled into the space between Olivia’s car and Shayne’s. I hate parallel parking. Olivia spotted her first, initially excited, but concerned when she noticed Courtney wasn’t super into it.
“What’s up, girl?” She spotted Shayne sitting at the bar with Noah, both holding an empty shot glass.
“Bathroom?” Liv nodded, setting down her wine glass and dragging her best friend by the hand to the secluded private room.
“Tell me everything.” Courtney sighed and ran her hand through her curled orange hair. Here goes.
“Remember how recently Shayne and I got together?” Olivia nodded, her worry becoming more evident. “We didn’t break up. H*ll, I would never break up with Shayne, he’s just so… perfect. It’s just…” She felt Olivia’s hand on hers. “I won’t be drinking tonight.” Olivia gasped.
“So you’re keeping it?”
“Of course! It’s just… how do I tell him? How will he react? Will he break up with me? Will he be happy? What-” Olivia put a finger to Courtney’s matte pink lips.
“He’ll be overjoyed. Trust me. On the Damien and Shayne show, when the played Mother Simulator, he said he’d like to have kids with the right person. And that’s you. He talked about kids on a squad vlog once, I think. He loves you, he’d never do anything hurtful!” Courtney smiled. “But like, did he forget, or-”
“No, we were probably just excited.” They giggled like obsessed fangirls. “Do I wait until he’s sober or what?”
“He won’t believe you if he’s drunk, and he won’t remember it either! Tell him now, and later, when he’s 100% sober and not hungover, tell him again. And record his reaction, you know we’ll all want to see it.” Courtney was about to thank Olivia for her wisdom when she continued. “Who all knows?”
“Just us two.”
“Know what?” Sarah asked as she walked in. She went to the mirror and touched up her makeup.
“Nothing!” Courtney interrupted. Olivia guiltily smiled. “Let’s go.” They went out and Courtney took the seat where Noah had been, next to Shayne. Olivia sat on the other side of her and they got rosé shots.
“Hey!” Shayne exclaimed. Courtney smirked at her best friend and then her boyfriend.
“Shanyé, I’m pregnant.”
“Yes.” She laughed. “Really?”
“Would I prank you like that?” Courtney asked as she wrapped her arm around him. He shook his head, then laid it on her shoulder.
“Cheyenne.” Courtney groaned. “Or Shanyé for a boy.”
“No Shayne Topp Jr.?”
“Ew. That’s like Keith Leak Jr.” And the night was filled with drunk dancing and little drinking.
Courtney turned on the recording on her phone and put it on a shelf in the kitchen. She made two frozen waffles with butter and syrup. Shayne, shirtless and disheveled, stumbled into the kitchen.
“Good morning, Shayne.” He grunted in reply. “Hungover?”
“It’s not that bad. What happened last night?” She chuckled.
“Not that bad? SHOULD WE TEST THAT?!” She yelled. He covered his ears and whined.
“It wasn’t until that! Besides, you avoided my question. What happened last night? I just remember doing shots with Noah.” I’m gonna tell him, even though he’s still a little hungover. It’s fine, he’ll most likely have the same reaction.
“We’re you teaching the ameteur how it’s done?” Shayne snorted.
“Possibly the other way around. That kid’s got experience!” They chuckled and Court handed him his waffle.
“Okay, I’ll finally answer your question. Everyone did a lot of dancing, spin the bottle, oh, you kissed Damien, Ian, and Olivia, then I think more shots, probably more dancing.” She looked up at Shayne to if he was catching on. He was. The suspicious look on his face said it all.
“You always drink more than me, how come you aren’t super hungover? How do you know what happened and I don’t?” Courtney shrugged and tried to look as nonchalant as possible, even though she felt he face heating up.
“I didn’t drink.”
“That’s hard to believe.”
“Well, I know exactly who you kissed, do I not?”
“Touché. But why?”
“I can’t drink anymore. Not for a while, actually.” He processed it and then blanched. However, his face reddened as he got excited.
“Is this what I think it is?!” Courtney nodded. “Oh my f***ing God. Really?” She the redhead nodded. “Holy sh*t.”
“I told you last night, and you were pretty spot-on with what you’d name them.”
“Cheyenne and Shanyé.”
“No Shayne Topp Jr.?”
“That’s what I said! You were like, ‘ew, like Keith Leak Jr.’, and it was great! But really, how do you feel?” They stood and Shayne wrapped his arms around Courtney.
“Like I got the wind knocked out of me. In a good way. I’m really happy.” He kissed her forehead. “But how are the fans going to find out?”
“How,” he reiterated.
“Ian will probably forget and say something, then Spencer won’t cut it out because Spencer’s an a*s, that’s how.” They snorted. “I love you.”
“I love you more.”
Chapter 11: Sweater
The hard rectangle in the pocket was pressed against his side by the seat belt. At a red light, he pulled it out. An iPod 6 touch? He doesn’t keep his music on his phone? And this marks where Shayne’s brain wasn’t in control of his body.
i loved the idea and the fact that your comment was very specific... it was something i'd never gotten before, i've gotten vague things like shartney, and i love those, but yours was... unique, tysm. okay, i'm done rambling now. sorry guys.
!!also thank you for almost 200 hits, makes me so happy uwu!!
Shayne shivered slightly. It’s not that cold, why am I shivering? Two bros, Shayne and Damien, were walking around mid-December. It’s literally in the 50s! Not that cold!
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just a bit chilly.” Damien started taking off his sweater. “What are you doing?”
“You’re cold. I’m not.” Shayne reluctantly took the sweater and put it on. Woah, this is really warm! That’s honestly kind of a weird thought, but okay. “To be honest, walking around is getting kind of boring. It’s a bit too silent for me. Wanna play Nidhogg or something?” He grinned.
“Dude, why would you even ask that? Of course, let’s go! Oh, wait…” Shayne pretended to fiddle with his pockets, then took off running. “Race you!”
“F*ck you, Shanyé!” Damien started running too, and they reached Damien’s apartment at about the same time. So the night eventually got to the point when they were sprawled all over Damien’s couch, tired and yet high on Pixie Stix, and barely even trying to win.
“I’m so tired.”
“Is that an order?” Damien frowned.
“Um, I guess?” Shayne set down the controller. “Does your controller smell?” Damien taunted. Shayne half-heartedly punched his temple and stalked off to the door.
“Bye Shanyé.” Shayne didn’t realize he never gave Damien his sweater back until he was half-asleep in his bed, under the bedsheets, and something hard was pressed against his hip bone.
----The Next Day----
Shayne did NOT wake up in time for work. Either he forgot to set his alarm or he slept through it, he didn’t know. So he quickly made coffee, took a fast, cold shower, got dressed and ran his fingers through his hair, and got in his car (no, he didn’t forget his coffee). Then he realized he had on Damien’s sweater. I guess this is what happens when I wear whatever I can find on my floor. The hard rectangle in the pocket was pressed against his side by the seat belt. At a red light, he pulled it out. An iPod 6 touch? He doesn’t keep his music on his phone? And this marks where Shayne’s brain wasn’t in control of his body. He took a look at the songs. Typical Damien stuff. Until he finds the playlists. There was a playlist with his name as the title. It was composed of sweet songs like Total Eclipse of the Heart , Sweet Caroline , and Cancer . What the h*ll? At the next red light, he plugged in the aux cord and played the list. There’s so much traffic, I’ll probably get through the whole playlist by the time I get to work. Wow, I haven’t heard many of these songs in a hot minute! So he rolled the windows down a smidge and started singing along to Everytime We Touch .
----Somewhat Short Time Skip----
They’re all love songs, Shayne realized as he parked his car. He set the iPod back to the state it was in when he found it and slipped it back in the pocket. I’m glad I have a shirt on under this, I need to give it back. Sure enough, when Shayne entered, Damien’s face lit up and he walked over.
“Oh good, I forgot to ask for it back!” He exclaimed as Shayne pulled off the sweater. The iPod slipped out of the pocket and luckily landed on Shayne’s foot, so it didn’t break. “Sh*t, I forgot that was in there!” Is Damien blushing?
“They’re good songs,” Shayne hinted. Damien looked up at him wide-eyed after retrieving the old device.
“Did you listen to them?”
“Yeah… why?” Damien exhaled.
“Nothing, I don’t know, I kind of have private playlists and stuff…”
“Playlists? There was only one.” Damien blanched.
“You saw it.”
“I did. Like I said earlier, they’re good songs.” Damien looked away.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the songs in the playlist, I’m sorry you found the playlist, I’m sorry I forgot to ask for it back last night, I’m-”
‘In love,” Shayne finished for him. Tears pricked at Damien’s eyes and Shayne brushed them away. “It’s okay man, I’m single.” Damien looked back at the blonde, clearly confused.
“What-” But the kiss was the perfect answer. It was simple, a quick peck on the lips. But it was perfect.
“By the way, you don’t seem like someone who would listen to Cancer .”
“But I do.”
“It’s a good song.”
“You’re a good boyfriend.”
“Is that where we are?”
“Yes. You don’t get a choice.”
“I think I like it that way.” And Shayne was telling the truth.
Chapter 12: Oh Sh*t
However, I also feel a pang of jealousy that I don’t understand. I said that, how and why did I make myself jealous?
nice name. i really liked the idea, it really seems like something olivia would do if she realized she loved shayne. thanks for your request!
yes i'm working on the others, they all came so suddenly and i'm happy to be busy doing something i love! thanks for the support guys! <3
also just realized after posting this that we have over 260 hits! gee thanks doods!
Time to start the day. I make pancakes for breakfast because why not. I get dressed, brush my teeth and hair, wash my face, and put on my makeup. I drive to work and get caught in the ridiculous L.A. traffic. I get to work and see all my friends… except one. That’s okay, he’s probably late.
“Hey, um, we were thinking about doing a video where we give one of the boys a makeover. Do you want to do that?” Courtney asked excitedly.
“Of course! Who will be our victim?”
“We could do Shayne, Damien, Keith, Noah… I could even try to get Garrett or Matt Raub! Personally, I want to do Shayne because I’ve done a Jeffree Star tutorial on Damien.”
“Shayne it is!”
“Great! I kind of already brought my makeup kit,” Courtney guiltily admitted. She leaves to go get coffee from the infamous Keurig and Damien enters the room.
“Shayne’s going to be late again today.”
“Spending too much time on his coffee?”
“Courtney and I are going to give him a makeover.”
“We haven’t talked about it, but possibly. I say we pick the most glamorous and vibrant James Charles tutorial and make him wear it all day.”
“Yes!” Damien agreed. “Oh my God, I’d love to see that!”
“You can sit behind the camera.”
“I would’ve anyway.”
“I know.” Damien exits to Matt Raub’s office, leaving me alone. Until Shayne comes in. We lock eyes and he groans.
“D*mnit, I thought I could get away with it today!”
“We do have a Keurig, you know.”
“Ian hates the Keurig. We all do, really, Courtney’s like, the only one who uses it.” His eyes twinkle in the sunlight filtering through the window curtains.
“We’re giving you a makeover first thing this morning, so get your a*s back there.” He sighs. “Damien will be by the camera if you need to squeeze someone’s hand,” I teased. However, I also feel a pang of jealousy that I don’t understand. I said that, how and why did I make myself jealous?
“Great,” he mumbled, “I’ll get my a*s back there ASAP.” I beam.
“Good boy.” I pat his messy hair and walk back to the Keurig without looking back.
----A Short Time Later----
“Okay, so Olivia and I found this James Charles drag makeup tutorial, but since we don’t have the same colors, we’re going all out with the most exotic look ever! And here we have our test model, the incomparable Shanyé Topp!” Courtney announced to the camera. Shayne walked into the frame and sat in between Court and I.
“I am scared.” Us girls giggled.
“He’s SO excited! Let’s get started!” Courtney did most of the talking and Damien just sat out of the frame laughing silently the whole time. Shayne is such a gorgeous boy, especially with makeu- what. The. F*ck. Did. I. Just. Think?! It’s true, I guess, but holy sh*t, I’m in love with Shayne! I guess it was always there, I just never noticed. I feel my face heat up suddenly. “Olivia, are you okay?” I must have a look between shock and shame on my tomato-red face.
“Yeah, she wears makeup all the time, let’s talk about how fine I am!” Shayne requests.
“Olivia, is Shayne fiiiiiiiiiiine?” I know she means it as a joke, but- and I’m sad to say- he is definitely ‘fiiiiiiiiiiine’. Like, more-than-friends ‘fiiiiiiiiiiine’. Sh*t.
“Um, yeah. Shayne’s totally fiiiiiiiiiiine.” They giggle and I’m glad it wasn’t too obvious that I was telling the truth.
“Olivia, will you do the honors?” Courtney hands me the matte lipstick. I can see my hands shake as I take it. Just put on the lipstick, don’t think too much about it. Just do it, and don’t shake so much! So I do his lipstick with minor shaking. Nothing that can’t be fixed with a tissue. But the lipstick makes me wonder, what would it be like to kiss those lips? How would it feel? But the moment is over as soon as it starts. Shayne moves to flash a model smile to the camera. “Well, I think Shayne is more than fiiiiiiiiiiine now!”
“Definitely! We should do this more often.”
“No,” Shayne overdramatically opposed.
“YES!” Courtney exclaimed. She did the ‘end-of-video-spiel’ and we were done. Shayne got up to go wash off the makeup.
“You know, Courtney and I stole and hid all of the makeup removers before we started.” He groans and tries to rub his eyes. I grab his wrists (which sends sparks through my heart) and pull them back. “Remember? Makeup! You have to wear this for the rest of the day, for all of your shoots!”
“Good thing I’m not doing any sketches.”
“Lucky indeed.” And thus marks the day I started planning to make Senpai notice me.
Chapter 13: Five More Minutes
i know, that's a weird summary. but it's a summary. wow, wamien was fun! thanks for your request, sorry it was short, but i feel like it was fluffy and sweet enough. now i need more wamien.
Damien woke up in the bed he shared with his boyfriend. Said boy rolled over and wrapped his arm around the brunette’s bare chest, the other hand playing with his hair.
“Your hair is fluffy,” Wes murmured. Damien grinned and Wes rested his chin on Damien’s shoulder.
“I get that a lot.”
“Are you cheating on me?” The silver-haired man teased.
“How dare you accuse me of such a treacherous deed,” Damien deadpanned. He got a chuckle in return. “You are magical.” Wes paused and Damien initially thought he’d fallen back asleep.
“Okay?” Damien rolled over and the lovers locked eyes. “You’re beautiful in the morning.”
“You’re always beautiful,” The brown-eyed one complemented. Wes blushed.
“That’s what I meant for you, but you're especially beautiful when you wake up and you’re still half asleep. Your eyes are droopy and you act like a child sometimes. It’s really sweet.” Damien buried his face in Wes’ neck. The alarm clock started to go off, but the ‘soft bois’ ignored it.
“You’re warm.” They snuggled for a few minutes until Wes broke the not-alarm silence.
“We should get ready for work.”
“Five more minutes,” Dames insisted, pulling Wes closer. Wes couldn’t bear to deny Dami.
“Five more minutes,” he repeated softly.
Chapter 14: Best Friends
Hi, I’m Shayne Topp from Disney’s So Random!...
i like this. i like this a lot. thank you. you have brought joy to my life.
can be taken platonically or romantically, i guess.
They’ve been fighting over me. Hi, I’m Shayne Topp, and Damien Haas and Olivia Sui are competing to be my best friend. These a few times I picked up on it.
“Shayne, come sit by me!” Olivia called. We were at a meeting, just shouting out ideas for sketches and stuff. Well, we weren’t pitching stuff yet, we were sitting down before the meeting.
“No, by me!” Damien was sitting across the table from where Olivia was, and they were both sitting on the end. Olivia glared at him. I knew she didn’t mean it 100%, but she clearly wanted me to sit by her. Damien didn’t seem like he was going to do anything, he just sat there. Olivia really seemed like she was going to fight Damien for me. Like, fight him physically. So I started to walk toward Olivia, but Damien cocked his head. I looked over and his hands came up in a ‘what the h*ll, man?’ gesture. Olivia did what Damien had been doing and just stared at me pleadingly. I only took a few steps toward Damien. He smiled, but Olivia cleared her throat. I looked back to her, and boy, she was pissed. I really didn’t want to choose, but I didn’t seem to have a choice.
“Shayne,” Olivia spoke. My eyes flew from her to Damien, back and forth several times. I think they could both see the pain in my eyes because it was there.
“Guys, I’m not going to choose,” I announced simply. I took a seat at the other end of the table and Courtney walked in, taking the seat next to me. Olivia and Damien both ignored me for the rest of the day, but it was all fine the next day.
“Hey, Shayne, do you want to go to In ‘n’ Out with me?” Olivia offered. She knows how much I love In ‘n’ Out. I would’ve accepted, but of course, Damien had to show up.
“Sorry, Olivia, but that’s our thing,” Damien stated as he defensively put an arm around my shoulder.
“I go to In ‘n’ Out alone sometimes…” I admit. If I can go alone, I can go with someone else. It’s not strictly a ‘Damien and Shayne’ thing.
“So, therefore, he can go with me!”
“But I was going to ask the same thing!” Damien whined. “Why can’t you go with your best friend?”
“You do realize you just said he could go with me, right?” Damien thought about it for a second before noticing Olivia’s hidden insult.
“No. You. Did. Not!” Damien tightened his grip on me.
“Both of you. In my car. Now. We’re going to have to compromise.” Damien groaned. He’s a really sweet person, but he and Olivia have one thing in common that drives them apart rather than together: their need to be my best friend. So Damien gets defensive. It’s not like I can’t hang out with anyone else, he’s just aware that Olivia is trying to claim his title. He’s not a fan of that. “C’mon, I’m paying for the three of our meals. We’re going to be civil American humans and I will see to it that you two are good friends.” Olivia sighed and opened the door to the passenger’s seat. “Uh-uh, you both are sitting in the back.” She rolls her eyes and sits next to Damien. “There. Now no one sits next to me, like the meeting last week.” They both sighed and look out their windows. I remember thinking, ‘is this what it’s like to have fighting children?’. It probably is.
So for SSG 2019, I got put on Toxicitea. That meant I was on Olivia’s team and not Damien’s. He acted cool with it, but I knew that deep down, he was jealous. And that was his main motivation to win. He had to beat us to show that he was the ideal teammate. He had to beat us to show that he was better than Olivia. He had to beat us to show that he could be competitive and that he could be more than just sweet little Damien. He had to prove that he was a tough man that knew what he wanted and how to get it. Unfortunately, his efforts were not enough and Toxicitea won! I was super excited to get my award. Damien was clearly proud of me, but he kept frowning in Olivia’s general direction that day. Not necessarily on camera, but I knew he was jealous. And though I knew it wouldn’t be great if Olivia found out, I asked Damien an important question after SSG.
“Hey, boy me In ‘n’ Out?” Damien beamed as if I’d made his day, which I probably did.
“I’m in.” So we went to In ‘n’ Out and had a great time, without Olivia. She never did find out, luckily. And, Damien was a good man about it. He wasn’t rubbing it in anyone’s faces, in fact, we never mentioned it unless we were alone. I still spend one-on-one time with Olivia, so she’s not missing out. Mm, that sounds wrong. But I’m making sure my two best friends aren’t starting the Hunger Games over me, one outing at a time.
Chapter 15: Sleepovers Suck
So we kind of switched bodies for a day. Not on purpose, it just happened. So these are kind of the instances where it was the most entertaining since some of the day was quite boring. Without further ado, here is one of the most stressful days in squad history.
loved the idea. at first this was hard to write and it took me a while, but when i stopped trying to write the whole day and focused on the important parts it was easier. hope you enjoy <3
also author's notes scattered throughout, DO READ THEM!
“F*CK!” Shayne screamed, causing Courtney, Noah, Keith, and Olivia to wake up.
“What the h*ll, man? I was havin’ a great dream! Keith protested.
“Are you sure you still aren’t? Look at me!” Everyone glanced around at each other and figured their eyes were playing tricks on them. But when they looked again, they knew it wasn’t a prank.
“Oh my God, you’re… me?!” Courtney screeched. “Well f*ck, now I’m in Shayne’s body!”
“Ugh, I’m in Olivia!” Keith groaned.
“And I’m Noah!” She replied frantically. “Sh*t. Sleepovers suck.”
“Guess who’s Keith?” Noah unenthusiastically asked.
“I wonder how long the magical gods of fate are going to give us to sort this out,” Shayne frustratedly satirized.
“No matter how funny this may be for you, it isn’t for me. I have to piss standing up!” Courtney freaked out.
“Me too!” Olivia agreed.
“And Keith and I have to go sitting down,” Shayne related.
“Okay, ground rules, no f***ing up other people’s lives. Don’t do anything stupid like do stuff or insult someone in their body. Go into the correct bathroom. Don’t react to your real name, react to your body’s name. Like, I have to look up when someone says Keith,” Noah (Keith) orders. The man in the example Olivia’s body) did look up, actually. “See, like that. You have to respond to Olivia.” She did not react. (A/N: so now we will be referring to them as their bodies. Shayne is now ‘Courtney’, Courtney is now ‘Shayne’, Keith is now ‘Olivia’, Olivia is now ‘Noah’, and Noah is now ‘Keith’. I’m using these ‘’ to show that they aren’t actually them.) ‘Noah’ got up to make breakfast; blueberry waffles, scrambled eggs, bacon, and orange juice.
“Honestly, Courtney’s house is just cursed,” ‘Courtney’ grumbled as she took a seat at the table.
“Hey!” ‘Shayne’ protested. ‘Noah’ shushed them and set down breakfast. “Do we have work today?” ‘Keith’ paled.
“Yeah… yeah, we do!”
“Sh*t, our voices the same as us, but not our bodies’! I still talk black!” ‘Olivia’ panicked.
“Look, I’ll tell Ian and everything will be fine. He’ll know, maybe we can work extra hard tomorrow,” ‘Courtney’ hoped.
“No, but Ryan Todd is staying over from Sacramento! I’d hate to make him be away from his family for longer than he needs to!” ‘Noah’ argued.
“Guys, I hate to say it, but, we gonna have to work today!” ‘Olivia’ pointed out.
“Ian, we switched bodies.” Ian did not want to believe ‘Courtney’.
“Pffff, Shayne’s just behind you talking.” ‘Courtney’ turned around.
“We’re gonna go to the backroom, you two work this out.” ‘Olivia’ ushered the rest of the squad out of the room. Ian raised a brow.
“Let me guess, Keith was talking for Olivia?”
“Nope. Listen, we all stayed the night at Courtney’s and woke up in each other’s bodies, not joking. Courtney’s in my body, so ‘Shayne’ left. It’s me, Ian. We wanted to tell you so you’d know and be able to defend us if someone was to catch on during filming.” Ian’s face slowly changed from disbelieving to sympathetic.
“Man, I’m sorry. I’m gonna call you Courtney now, okay?”
“Yeah, and Noah’s body is Olivia, Keith’s body is Noah, and Olivia’s body is Keith. And Courtney’s me.”
“Yeah, okay. I get it. Well, we aren’t doing any Smosh sketches, we just have a Two Truths One Lie With Mari and Damien v.s. Lasercorn, a Why We’re Bad at Dating with you and… ‘Shayne’, and… a podcast with me, Shayne, and Damien… or I can get ‘Shayne’ in it, if that’s easier… we can pretend we lost the footage and just upload the audio to YouTube to make things easier,” Ian suggested.
“Yeah, that’s great. Um, for the Why We’re Bad at Dating thing, we can make it seem like special effects. We’ll play it off like a joke and tell the camera that we switched bodies. Because God knows they’ll be like you and not believe it. So then the rest of the day we’ll just hang out.”
“Yeah, we don’t need Olivia, Noah, and Keith, so if they want they can go home.”
“I’ll go get them.”
“Should we tell Damien?”
“Honestly… I think so. But not before we prank him a little!” As if on cue, Damien walked in.
“Hello, Dames.” ‘Shayne’ greeted. Damien nodded and then stopped walking, looking back confusedly.
“What the h*ll?” He chuckled.
“What do you mean?” ‘Courtney’ wondered. Damien looked back and forth between them.
“Can someone explain to me what’s going on?!”
“Nothing’s going on, Damien, you’re being really weird. I just said hi, and you started freaking out. Get a drink of water, man, you aren’t feeling good.” Damien shook his head.
“You’re probably right, Maybe you guys just got insanely good at impersonating each other.” So then everyone laughed and explained the situation. “Wow. That’s f***ing insane.”
“Yeah, we just woke up at my place.”
So that night, everyone went to sleep in their own beds, gnawing on their fingernails, tugging their hair, and squeezing their eyes tightly shut, hoping they’d wake up in their own bodies. Shayne was awoken at around 2 a.m. when Damien was Facetiming him.
“What the h*ll, Dami?” Shayne groaned, squinting at the bright light beaming from his screen.
“You look good!” Damien complimented.
“Yeah, tha- what?!” Shayne hopped out of bed and ran to the mirror in his bathroom. Using his (empty) left hand, he touched his face, his chest, and his hair to make sure it was really him. “Oh my God, Damien, I’m me!”
“Yeah, you are!”
“Dude, were you just staying up to Facetime me?”
“No, I figured it’d happen after midnight, I mean, that’s always how it is in stories and stuff, so I woke up around 1 a.m. and Facetimed Courtney. I told her not to tell anyone. Then I went down through my contacts and now you are the last one. How are you, baby boi?”
Chapter 16: Setup
"Just walk up to her and say, ‘Boze Bozington, I, Damien Haas, am so in love with you that I can no longer hide it and must ask you, will you go on a date with me?'"
i loved this, the ideas came to me so easily, and it was just perfect. thanks!
OVER 400 HITS! WOAH TYSM EVERYONE!!!
POV switched throughout, read the bolded stuffs
“I’m not even sure what I like about her, everything, I guess,” Damien spilled to Shayne. God, he’s such a clueless idiot. They are soulmates!
“Then you need to tell her! Just walk up to her and say, ‘Boze Bozington, I, Damien Haas, am so in love with you that I can no longer hide it and must ask you, will you go on a date with me?’. Like just do it, man!” Damien groaned and ran his hands over his face.
“Fine, eventually. Maybe later this week.”
“I’ll keep you to that.” That got Shayne another groan from his best friend. Clueless idiot.
“He’s such a cute little dumb*ss, and he doesn’t realize it! God, why am I telling you this? You’re grinning like a little devil, and I know what’s gonna happen. Jesus f***ing Christ, I made a mistake,” Boze cried.
“No, I’m just so happy. My little shipping heart is exploding with passion for Bomien!”
“Oh, so that’s what we are, huh, Court?” The blonde just squealed in response. Boze snorted. “Bomien. Why not Doze? Or even better, Daze. I like Daze.”
“Daze it is.”
“Why did I even say anything about it? He doesn’t reciprocate my feelings!”
“Big word for you.”
“Shut up,” Boze grumbled as she half-heartedly slapped Court across the cheek. She grinned.
“Is that all you’ve got?”
“I’m saving my energy for when you tell Dames. Then you’ll be buried in my backyard.”
“Oof is right.” The brunette sighed. “But seriously, what the h*ll? I can’t do anything with him without my whole body shaking, I start stuttering, I blush with every sound that comes out of his mouth! And just picturing him in my mind, he’s so unbelievably cute! AHHHHHHH!” Courtney clapped a hand over Boze’s mouth.
“Shh! He’s in the Smosh Games room!” Talking about the same thing!
“I thought he and Shayne went to In ‘n’ Out for lunch break.”
“No, Shayne brought an extra salad and Damien wanted to vent.”
“Probably about me. They’re probably discussing what a pain in the a*s I am, how f***ing scary I am when I stutter and shake and blush and-”
“God, you’re acting like Damien!”
“Well sh*t, now I act like him!”
“No, you’re just freaking out over everything and you seem to be having anxiety. I’m going to ask Shayne how to cure it.”
“He does it for Damien all the time.”
“Lucky,” Boze mumbled. But Courtney heard it.
The boys were calmly discussing Boze’s beautiful complexion when Courtney barged in uninvited.
“Um, knock please?” Damien fearfully requested.
“Don’t worry, I know you’re talking about your crush.” He gasped and turned to Shayne, who shrugged.
“It’s obvious, Damien, everyone knows you have a crush on a particular petite lady.” Maybe she thinks I like Olivia. “Anyways, Shayne, what do you do when Damien had bad anxiety?”
“I make him chamomile tea and massage his hands until they aren’t numb. We cuddle a lot too.”
“Platonic cuddles. Why are you asking?”
“For a friend.” When Damien wasn’t looking, Court winked at Shayne and he nodded. The woman left the room and shut the door behind her.
“Look, I didn’t tell her. And yeah, it can be a little obvious, you get all flustered around her and try to show off.”
“Well, maybe she already knows and you don’t have to tell her!”
“But what if she avoids me? What is she doesn’t like me back? What if she hates me? What if she doesn’t want to be my friend?”
“Calm down! See, now you’re getting anxiety too! C’mon, I’ll make you your tea.” Damien shuddered and followed him to find Courtney and Boze cuddling. Sh*t, I never considered how close she and Court are. What if they’re together? What if Boze is gay and doesn’t like me? F*ck, there’s so many things I didn’t consider! “Damien’s having anxiety too, we’re gonna make tea. Did Boze have any?”
“No,” Courtney murmured. Shayne nodded.
“I’ll make some for them both.” Once the boys were out of the girls’ earshot, Damien asked a nagging question.
“Do we have to share the one cup of tea?”
“Pfff, of course not! You really are worked up, huh?” Damien held up his shaking hands in answer. “Jesus Christ.”
“I like platonic cuddles,” Boze whispered in Courtney’s arms. The couch was comfortable, but even better with her best friend.
“Good. Maybe someday, if you have the courage to tell him, you’ll get romantic cuddles from someone special.” Boze didn’t answer, she just scooted closer to the blonde. I like having time to relax without shouting out questions about Damien, without worrying about telling him, without thinking, really. Just peaceful cuddles between friends.
After a little while of silent ‘platonic cuddles’, Courtney heard the soothing sound of faint snoring. She carefully pried herself off of Boze and went to the backroom, where Shayne was cuddling an also asleep Damien. He saw Court and face-palmed.
“D*mnit, I was going to make Bozesome tea, wasn't I?”
“It’s okay, she’s also asleep.” Just in case Damien wasn’t 100% asleep, Courtney beckoned for Shayne to come to the Squad office with her. After a few minutes, Shayne came in.
“I had to make sure he was comfortable!”
“Okay, so how do we set them up?”
“We could ask them to meet us at one of our houses and then lock them in,” Shayne suggested.
“I know Boze, she’d break the window.”
“But we could tell her she’d have to pay for it, we could threaten to sue, and we could also put hidden cameras, like security cameras!”
“What about something similar, we could ask them to come with us to a restaurant or something at a fancy restaurant and we could bail at the last minute, so they’re at a date at a nice place!”
“Oh my God, it’s perfect!”
“The Cheesecake Factory.”
“Okay, so the reason we’re going can be…”
“It’s Boze’s birthday in a few days, we can say it’s a late birthday treat! Or because we’re all single.”
“But then we’d have to invite the others since most of them are single.”
“No, we can pretend they’re doing their own thing, which they probably are.”
“I like Boze’s birthday.”
“Agreed. When they wake up, we’ll tell them to meet us there… Saturday night, 6:00 sharp.”
“Got it.” This is so perfect, I can't believe I came up with most of it myself! We’re actually gonna set them up! They’re finally gonna stop pining each other all the d*mn time! Yes!
‘Hey, are you excited for tonight?’, Damien texted Shayne. The text he got back was quite surprising and a bit alarming. ‘I’m sorry man, I’m throwing up a lot and I can’t come. Really sorry dude’. F*ck. Good thing I’ve already picked out and put on my outfit. Man, Cheesecake Factory! And I have to go anyways, it’s Boze’s birthday! Besides, Courtney will be there, and she knows I love Boze, so that’ll help. He showed up to the mostly full Cheesecake Factory and asked if there was a table for an Ericka Bozeman. He was directed over to a table where the beautiful little woman was sitting alone.
“I figured Courtney would be here already,” he mused as he sat across from Boze. She shrugged.
“She has a fever and can’t come. How about Shayne, I honestly expected you two to carpool.”
“He’s throwing up. A lot too, he can’t make it either.” F*ck. It’s just us two.
“Aw. I hope they both get better.”
“Yeah, same.” They sat in awkward silence for a bit. “You look beautiful.” Damien started blushing as soon as the words escaped his mouth. F*ck. She blushed too. There’s no way she likes me back.
“Thank you, Damien, you look very handsome.” He blushed even harder.
“Happy birthday. I got you a gift.”
“Dames, you know I told you not to!”
“Well, it’s hard not to when you see the perfect thing!” Damien pulled the slim box out of his coat pocket. She gasped and lifted the lid off carefully, revealing the beautiful earrings Damien had bought for her.
“Damien, these are… f***ing incredible! I-” She didn’t finish her sentence, she couldn’t help but lunge forward and plant her lips firmly on his. F*ck. F*ck. He doesn’t love me back. But then it happened. Damien Haas is kissing me back. When they stopped for air, he stared at her, bewildered.
“Was that a ‘no-strings-attached’ thing, or what? Like, platonic kisses exist-”
“I’m in love with you, idiot.” He blushed crimson. “See, that’s really cute.” He looked down at his lap. “Up here.” He looked back up. “I f***ing love you, say something back!”
“Boze Bozington, I’m deeply in love with you!”
“I like that.”
Chapter 17: Why Don’t You F***ing Believe Me?!
“And then Keith and Noah can go together ‘cause they’re single,” Olivia pointed out.
“Not anymore, I do have a girlfriend.”
it's short but sweet. here ya go, i wrote this with passion and hard work!
also happy thanksgiving to all americans!
“And then Keith and Noah can go together ‘cause they’re single,” Olivia pointed out.
“Not anymore, I do have a girlfriend.”
“Yeah, right, Keith, everyone gets turned off when you start talking about Michael Jackson. He did do it!” Ian argued.
“You’ll see her there!”
“Oh yeah, what’s her name?” Noah wonders. Everyone snickered and waited for him to choose a name for her that he likes. “And just so you know, invisible people don’t have names.”
“Her name is Michele Von Brooner.”
“I never knew Keith was into formal ladies!” Courtney teased. “What color is her hair?”
“Platinum blonde. She’s the palest girl I’ve ever seen, she’s like the moon: beautiful, pale-”
“Big,” Shayne added. Keith playfully punched his arm (it kind of was a hard punch though). “Does she have an accent?”
“She’s not Scottish, but she was born and raised in Scotland and has a Scottish accent.” Courtney hummed.
“Wow, that’s cool.”
“How come we’re just now finding out about her?” Olivia asked, still not feeling certain that Keith was telling the truth. Why would he date a girl paler than the moon? She wondered. That just doesn’t seem like his type.
“There really wasn’t a reason to walk in and be like, ‘hey guys, I got a girlfriend!’, like that’s just stupid.”
“Not when you’re forever single, then it’s an accomplishment!” Damien protested. That got laughs from Ian, Courtney, and Shayne.
“Agreed,” Ian confirmed.
“Well clearly I’m not forever single, ‘cause I got me a girlfriend!”
“What color are her eyes?” Damien wondered.
“Blue, exactly like Shayne’s, if not brighter.”
“So she’s just got neon signs for eyeballs,” Ian deadpanned. “It’s not possible to be brighter than Shayne, and I will stand by that until I die.”
“Well, she is brighter.”
“What’s her bra size?” Olivia smirked.
“I don’t know! We’ve only been on a few dates!”
“Then she’s not a serious girlfriend!” Courtney announced.
“Yes, she is! She is my perfect girlfriend, and I love her!”
“Guys, Keith is officially crazy, he’s in love with some invisible girl named Michele Von Brooner who’s from Scotland!” Noah yelled so the whole Smoffice could hear. Soon after, they all could hear chuckling coming from Matt Raub’s office.
“Shut up, Matt!” The chuckling got louder. “F*ck y’all b*tches, I’m outta here.” Keith got up and walked to the back room.
“I think we broke him,” Ian stated.
“Yeah, maybe,” Olivia agreed.
Chapter 18: Revenge
"I say we lock them in the squad office alone and see what happens.”
!!SEQUEL TO PREVIOUS CHAPTER (17), 'Setup'!!
i had to do it. and for some reason, i put lots more emotion and detail in this. idk, maybe it's something about shartney. also, it's a lot shorter and gets to the point quicker. but here ya go!
“Do we even know if they’re in love?” Damien whispered to his girlfriend, Boze. She shrugged.
“I’m 99.99% sure, but if we try hard enough, they will be 100.00%. I say we lock them in the squad office alone and see what happens.”
“But what if Ian, Keith, Olivia, or Noah need to get in?”
“We tell them Shayne and Courtney kicked everyone out,” Boze suggested. Damien raised a brow. “I could even say Shartney on accident and then correct myself.” That got a laugh out of her boyfriend.
“Or we can lock them in my house. They both know I will not hesitate to sue if they damage my property or try to break out.” Boze nodded.
“Perfect. Um, I can pretend we’re all going to get dinner and I’ll pick up Shayne first, then Courtney, then I’ll tell them to go get you and you invite them in, then slip out and lock the door from the outside. Do you have a way to do that?”
‘I’ll figure something out.”
He’s kind of cute. Courtney sighed as she watched Shayne talk about some anime Damien showed him. She wasn’t paying attention to what he was saying, just staring at his lips as they moved, forming words that she tuned out subconsciously. She chuckled, catching her attention. His hand moved to beneath her chin and he tilted her face up.
“My eyes are up here, silly.” She blushed and instead stared into his seemingly endless eyes. He sighed happily and shook his head. “You are unbelievable.” He’s blushing too. “Damien, Courtney isn’t listening to me! I’m telling her about…” Courtney stopped paying attention then because she looked back and Damien and Boze were walking toward them. Boze winked. Were they watching us?
“Courtney, he’s obsessed. I personally don’t think it was as good as some other animes Shayne and I have seen. You don’t have to listen to him.” Shayne glared open-mouthed at his best friend as if to say, ‘how dare you? You were supposed to defend me!’.
“Anyway, we’re going to dinner tomorrow night, you two are coming,” Boze commanded.
“But-” Courtney tried objecting even though she knew she wanted to go.
“No buts, Boze and I decided it. She’s going to pick up Shayne, then Courtney, and lastly, me.”
“Fine,” Court gave in. Dinner with three of my best friends, how bad can it be? Besides, it’s also dinner with Shayne.
“Yeah, I’m all for it!”
“So… when are you going to tell Shayne?” The question clearly caught Courtney off guard. The girls were spending their lunch break at McDonald’s because it was a short walk away and they didn’t want to go too far. Courtney choked on her Sprite.
“Wha-what do you mean?” She coughed. Boze smirked.
“Oh, don’t act like it’s not obvious!”
“Well-well if it’s so obvious, I shouldn’t have to tell Shayne!” Boze rolled her eyes. Exactly.
“You’re right. But you b*tches are so f***ing oblivious to the- and I hesitate to use fanfiction terms- mutual pining going on around here at Smosh.” Courtney giggled weakly at Boze’s antics. “I’m so excited for dinner tonight!” Courtney narrowed her eyes.
“You aren’t doing what Shayne and I did, right?” Courtney and Shayne had revealed how they set Damien and Boze up shortly after they came out as a couple.
“No! Besides, I can’t just suddenly be like, ‘sorry, I have a really bad fever’ since I’m here at work today, fine and dandy. Our date was on an off day.”
“But seriously, I’m helping you get dressed tonight.” Court sighed with relief.
“We need to make Shayne want you so bad that he verbally says, ‘screw nerves, she’s sexy and I love her’.” Courtney laughed out loud. “See? Perfect.”
“Where are we going?”
“But then I don’t know how to dress!”
‘I’m helping you! Via Facetime.” Court Bourt roller her eyes. So close.
“Get in, you crazy a*s b*tch.” Boze pointed to the back seat.
“Well, this is going to be an exciting night, I can tell already.”
“Oh, too much profanity for your poor little Disney brain?” The blonde laughed. Well… “F*ck Disney.”
“You’re right.” After a short ride, they were at Courtney’s house. Courtney tried to get in the front passenger seat. No, no, no! Sh*t.
“Hey! Back seat, Miller!” Shayne wasn’t looking, so he didn’t see her blush or Boze’s wink.
“Hi, Shayne.” Woah. F*ck nerves. I love her and I need to ask her out. She had on a simple outfit. Maybe it was the lighting or something because Shayne didn’t know why she looked so d*mn good. Her slightly oversized, long-sleeved Queen shirt and white jeans paired with black Vans, her blonde hair curled so it looked like she got electrocuted, it was hot. Somehow really hot. Angelic, even.
“Hey- Court!” His voice sounded a little higher pitched. F*ck, what the h*ll am I doing? She gave him an odd glance.
“Fine! Never been better! Actually… no, I’m really hungry.” The girls chuckled.
“Whatever you say, Shanyé.” After another short but more awkward drive, they were at Damien’s place. Boze parked on the side of the road and her phone started ringing.
“Can you two get Damien? It’s important…” Shayne was hesitant, but Courtney grabbed his wrist and sent electricity through his veins. Let’s go. Court rung the doorbell, her fingers still wrapped tightly around Shayne’s wrist. Calm. I’m perfectly, 100% calm. Very calm. Damien opened the door and grinned.
“Hey! Go ahead and come in, I just have to feed the cats before we leave.” Without thinking much of it, the lovebirds stepped in. They didn’t notice the security camera on the ceiling or the extra lock outside the door. Damien bolted outside and quickly locked the door. Sh*t. How did I not realize Damien was going to make me confess? This is a very Damien and Boze way to do it. Very Daze indeed. Courtney grabbed the door handle and tried tugging. It was no use.
“Are we just going to stand here?!” Courtney panicked. Shayne looked around.
“Uh, duh! If we damage anything, Damien will force us to pay for it. And then probably make us watch more anime. Which I guess I’m down for, but…” He trailed off. After a moment of silence, Courtney spoke.
“I know why we’re here. And it’s my fault.” What? No, it’s because I love you… “I-I-” she sighed and sat on the floor, leaning against the door. Shayne cautiously joined her, their shoulders touching. “Shayne, I-”
“You can tell me anything.”
“I-” She exasperatedly chuckled. “I’m f***ing in love with you, Shayne, and Boze knew.” It was like the wind was knocked out of him.
“I- wow. I f***ing love you too.” Next thing he knew, Courtney was sitting on his lap, kissing him, her fingers tangled in his hair.
“This is nice. Very nice,” she breathed. They giggled shyly. “Those b*tches knew what they were doing.”
Chapter 19: Dear Birthday Diary…
There are 19 days until my birthday, counting today. I’m at Starbucks right now, and not even joking, Shayne and Olivia are sitting together in the corner, all by themselves. I think they may be dating.
i did it like diary style. idk why, i just did. i make spontaneous decisions like that. enjoy!
There are 19 days until my birthday, counting today. I’m at Starbucks right now, and not even joking, Shayne and Olivia are sitting together in the corner, all by themselves. I think they may be dating. I’m not going to go over there and talk to them, I’m going to wait until they do something romantic . Or until they leave. So I’m here, drinking my coffee, trying not to stare at Shayne and Olivia. They seem to be hunched over something and they’re whispering. Well, speaking softly. It’s really cute. Occasionally they look over at each other and giggle, and it’s so f***ing precious! I’m just going to sit here and stare. But not exactly stare. Okay, that’s enough for today’s ‘pre-birthday diary’ thing. I don’t even know what this is.
So during lunch break, I went to In ‘n’ Out with Damien. Guess who we saw there? Shayne and Olivia. I had no clue they were going there! So I legitimately turned to Damien, who was in my front passenger seat, and asked, ‘are they dating?’, and he just shrugged. I was like, ‘dude, you should know, you’re Shayne’s best friend!’. He just exclaimed, ‘I don’t know, I still let him have his private stuff! What about you? You’re Olivia’s BFF!’. And then I realized, why haven’t I asked? Well, to be honest, I’m going to wait for them. When they’re ready, they’ll tell everyone.
I asked Shayne if he wanted to join me for lunch, but he said he was busy. Not 5 minutes later. He walks out the door with Olivia, whispering and not looking back. I just wanted to spend time with my man! Well, not mine, he’s most likely Olivia’s boyfriend. So as I somewhat sadly watched them leave the Smoffice, Damien walked up and stood next to me, slightly behind me. ‘Ditch you?’, he asked. ‘Nah, he’s just busy ’, I replied. He nodded. ‘Well, you know, I’m free’. So I hung out with Damien during lunch break. So when Shayne came back (I didn’t see Olivia), he was like, ‘how was your break, lovebirds?’ and I just responded with ‘I could ask you the same thing’, and he just looked at me like he had no clue what I was talking about! I didn’t push it though, I changed the subject. Okay, I have to get ready for work today, I’ve been stalling in bed, writing in my ‘pre-birthday diary’ or whatever this is.
Shayne and Olivia spend so much time together, it’s kind of weird. I’ve been literally so busy, I have not written for the past 2 days! We’ve been shooting ‘Why We’re Single’, and it feels weird because Shayne talks about how single he is and I’m 99.99% sure he’s dating Olivia. They spend so much time together, they’re always whispering, they haven’t said anything about their relationship, they giggle together and stuff, I’m waiting to see some blush when they talk.
I know, there’s still 12 days until my birthday, but I’m so excited! Here’s the thing, I want to not say anything and see if they remember, but I feel like I’d get mad, but it wouldn’t be their fault since I never reminded them! God, that was such a run-on sentence. Well, I don’t have much time, so… I guess this is it!
Well… been 2 days again. Sorry. Who am I even talking to? WHAT EVEN IS THIS? WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING A DIARY? SO IT CAN BE EXPOSED AND PERFORMED FOR ENTERTAINMENT ON YOUTUBE?! But seriously, Shaylivia.
So… Shaylivia. Sorry I left yesterday’s entry unfinished, I had a shoot. I’ve seen them in stores too! Like, they shop together! I haven’t seen what they bought, I just see Shayne pushing an empty cart and Olivia looking at a list. Sometimes the list is paper, sometimes it’s on her phone. Actually, sometimes it’s on Shayne's phone.
(This is like, a continuation of yesterday’s entry.) Like, when are they going to move in together? When are they going to announce their… together…ness? JUST TELL THE WORLD THAT YOU’RE DATING!
I F***ING FORGOT ABOUT SAM! Olivia’s boyfriend, Sam Lerner! I forgot he even existed! So today I asked Liv Liv how he was doing, and she was just like, ‘yeah, he’s good’ and then she moved onto whatever Keith and Noah were talking about. Shayne was doing something with Damien, so I was stuck (I love them!) with the rest of the squad.
I kind of feel like Shayne’s avoiding me. Did he notice that I’m seeing them in public and at the store? What the h*ll? Olivia doesn’t really talk much about Sam, she doesn’t talk much about Shayne either, really. Noah, Keith, Ian, and pretty much everyone else, like, no one seems to be noticing Shayne and Olivia spending more time together. They don’t think they’re being suspicious or anything. HOW? HOW DO YOU NOT NOTICE?
So yesterday I drove down to see my family and I’m with them now. Well, not literally, I’m in my hotel room. But I’m nearby. So that’s kind of why I didn’t write. I won’t be back until the 18th. Back in L.A., I mean.
Neither Olivia nor Shayne have texted me! I leave to go back to L.A. tomorrow! Damien has been texting me. He’s been a great friend through this… what is this, growing apart?! I’m honestly kind of scared. What if I lose 2 of my best friends?
Birthday tomorrow. Shayne and Olivia seem nervous today. They’re acting really strange. I honestly think we’re scared of each other now. WHAT THE F*CK HAPPENED? WHY ARE WE SO TENSE?
They weren’t dating. Those f***ing sons of b*tches were planning a birthday surprise! And Damien was super nice to me because he knew Shayne and Olivia were worried about me finding out about the surprise! Everyone else didn’t notice Shaylivia because it wasn’t there! Olivia was avoiding speaking about Sam because she was acting present and not thinking about the surprise! She wanted to seem normal! They’ve spent all of Gemini season working on this! Okay, I’ve gotta go! I can’t write about the party, it’s just super intense! BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE