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The Gays of 1-A

Chapter Text

Class 1-A Group
Status: ACTIVE

Homomorelikenomo: lol silence bottom haha

Dekuuu: listen here
Dekuuu: I may be a bottom

HitTheRoadJack: damn he snap

DuckyMomo: honestly what do you expect when hes been so viciously exposed

Oolala: i thought you guys were verse?

Frozone: im letting him have his fun

Ki-To-Success: and honestly who here doesn’t like it up the ass every once in a while

Longboi: dude denki there are children here!

Oohlala: exactly where

Longboi: Hagakure!

Toooruuu: literally eat my entire ass sero

Longboi: wow okay
Longboi: I dedicate my entire life to our lord and savior jesus christ and this is the thanks i get?

Hardass: lol hagakure is a s a v a g e

HitTheRoadJack: what you think the boldest thing shes done is fight naked?
HitTheRoadJack: you have no idea how much shit we have on you guys thanks to her

Dekuuu: Toru does not fight naked
Dekuuu: its a specially made suit

Toooruuu: admittedly i think i was the third person to know deku was a power bottom

Dekuuu: brb gnna go find a cliff to jump off of

Deidara: Bet

Frozone: istg ill stomp on your dick you Naruto villain ripoff

Ki-To-Success: oof ouch no fucking for u

Leo: i call bullshit

Poe: bakugo is obviously a power bottom you fools

LightishRed: how could i have been so blind

HitTheRoadJack: yoy do realize that you still would not fuck with a stomped on dick either way


Hardass: im staying out of this for the sake of my life and my dick

Frozone: pardon

Dekuuu: did you not know they used to fuck

Frozone: oh yeah
Frozone: i repressed that memory

HitTheRoadJack: well that just confirms it

Oohlala: baku likes it up the ass add him to the list

DuckyMomo: welp we got denki, aoyama, izuku, todo, bakugo

Toooruuu: in that order?

Longboi: how exactly was aoyama second to denki

Oohlala: denki was spotted first somehow

HitTheRoadJack: honestly im willing to bet that aoyama was late that day because he was sucking dick

Sporkle: youd be correct!

Longboi: jfc that took 0 persuading

Sporkle: i am not ashamed and it brings back fond memories!

Poe: god i hope its not anyone from our class

Toooruuu: i kinda hope it was
Toooruuu: i live for drama

Sporkle: *gasp* never!
Sporkle: okay that was a blatant lie but
Sporkle: it was a friend from middle school!

Longboi: oh ya sure no homo bro be seeing you

Sporkle: it was entirely homo i sucked his dick

Longboi: understandable have a good day

Ki-To-Success: sero what is going on quit acting like a straight

Longboi: babe wait

Ki-To-Success: Youre not the man i married

Frozone: well on that matter
Frozone: yall know how great dick sucking is?

Ki-To-Success: y a l l

Dekuuu: lets not?

Hardass: yes! I do!

LightishRed: no i dont and i never intend to
LightishRed: you know how great carpet munching is

Sporkle: ....

Poe: ....

Leo: ....

Hardass: ....

Frozone: ....

Dekuuu: hey ashido quick question
Dekuuu: yeah what the actual f u c k

Oohlala: she doesnt like the p word because she feels like its too harsh a word

DuckyMomo: and honestly its really derogatory

DatBitch: just typing it makes me feel like a fuckboi

Ki-To-Success: ew gross im so sorry

HitTheRoadJack: the phantom sensation of a snapback and the whisper of a phrase on your lips
HitTheRoadJack: a soft “smile more beautiful” crept from your lips as you hold in the “now go make me a sandwich”

DatBitch: im having an aneurysm

Toooruuu: i want this on my fucking grave

Nitro: you should copy/paste this in your will then

Toooruuu: bitch im like 12 i dont have a fuckin will

Nitro: none of us should be 12!!! We are in high school!!!

Dekuuu: ??? And we had to write a will and have it signed to come here?

Ki-To-Sucess: what the fuck

Hardass: no we did not?

Oolala: deku-kun are you okay???


Dekuuu: welp
Dekuuu: still alive for now
Dekuuu: bitch

Deidara: if theres a will theres a way

s h o u t: ( ゚д゚)

Frozone: koda its okay
Frozone: i’ll protect him with my life

HitTheRoadJack: thats funny because if i remember correctly
HitTheRoadJack: midoriya had to get surgery after his fight with you

DuckyMomo: yes i believe he was trying to prove a point to you and broke his whole ass body

Dekuuu: false
Dekuuu: only my limbs

Oolala: false again
Oolala: your arms and fingers were broken
Oolala: i think some were even...double broken???

Dekuuu: well sorry I’ve broken so many bones i mix up the incidents

Oolala: you dirty bitch dont make me feel bad for roasting you

Deidara: its not your fault that he has shitty control

Dekuuu: shut up its your fault i have anxiety so you can kiss my left ass cheek

HitTheRoadJack: holy fuck

s h o u t: (・Д・)

Poe: are they finally gonna resolve their issues

LightishRed: get a camera!!!

Deidara: this is a phone screen dumbass

Frozone: well are you gonna answer him you walking disaster

Leo: guys....

Diedara: fuck you half and half
Deidara: dont blame me for your weakness shitty deku

Dekuuu: oh im sorry, i must have mistaken you for the asshole who bullied me my whole life
Dekuuu: ironically, he was my first friend, and vice versa
Dekuuu: but when i didnt develop a quirk?
Dekuuu: this person stopped talking to me
Dekuuu: he even bullied me and became friends with other people who liked to bully me
Dekuuu: and even then, i still wanted to be friends with him, but he kept pushing me down over and over again
Dekuuu: and when i found some way to cope?
Dekuuu: this particular bitch burned it
Dekuuu: he sorta leaves me alone now but like, its too late that was my whole childhood
Dekuuu: but i suppose that isnt you, huh
Dekuuu: it must be some other Naruto villain rip-off with the same name
Dekuuu: actually fuck the vague shit how about telling me to jump off a fucking roof?
Dekuuu: you can bet your sorry ass that you’re lucky i didnt tell your mother
Dekuuu: i/m wait til she hears about this fucking shit
Dekuuu: its getting late, im going to bed

~”Dekuuu” has logged off!~

Oolala: holy fuck

DatBitch: bakugo you fucking prick
DatBitch: if i didnt believe Deku would do it some day then i would beat your ass right now

Poe: this is bullshit
Poe: i didnt know it was like this but like
Poe: people like you can say you grew out of this shit
Poe: but that sticks with you forever
Poe: habits youll never get rid of
Poe: insecurities youll never see the end of
Poe: and you were the only person he trusted more than his own mother

Icha Icha: i never planned to talk in this group chat but jesus christ

s h o u t: (°_°)

LightishRed: is anyone else worried that most of the Dekusquad is quiet

Ki-To-Success: i saw Tsuyu trying to calm Uraraka

Longboi: momo took todoroki outside for a minute

Toooruuu: iida is talking with deku through the door

Homomorelikenomo: need a distraction ladies?

DatBitch: i would literally rather drink bleach and burp the entire alphabet than speak another word to you you peice of shit gremlin

Oolala: love my görlfriend <3
Oolala: and I love deku :’( (feel better honey)

DatBitch: rt if u love ur görlfriend and you love deku

DuckyMomo: rt

HitTheRoadJack: rt

Longboi: rt if you love your böifriend and Deku

Ki-To-Success: rt

Poe: rt

Icha Icha: rt

e n e r g y: rt if you dont have a s/o and you love deku

LightishRed: rt

s h o u t: rt (^ω^)

Leo: rt

Sporkle: rt!

Nitro: rt

Homomorelikenomo: thats gay and gross

Toooruuu: rt
Toooruuu: you dirty fucking shit stain

*Toooruuu has removed “Homomorelikenomo” from the chat!*

Nitro: we should all go to bed
Nitro: i heard from a reliable source that we may have an essay tomorrow

LightishRed: FUCK

~LightishRed and 15 others have logged off!~ @ 12:30

Chapter Text

@ 7:21
Nitro: todoroki considering the circumstances i will let it slide but dont let me see you coming out of midoriya’s room again

Frozone: so next time dont get caught

Ki-To-Success: basically

Frozone: got it

Nitro: No! Do not sleep in another student’s dorm room!

HitTheRoadJack: literally everyone had broken that rule except for that unmentionable diaper bitch

Nitro: Everyone?

DuckyMomo: yes? I did not know that was a rule?

Longboi: hey everyone name one room youve slept in other than yours

Ki-To-Success: sero

Longboi: denki

LightishRed: Momo!

DatBitch: Ochako

Toooruuu: Momo

Oolala: Tsuyu!

Leo: tokoyami

Poe: shoji

Icha Icha: koda

s h o u t: shoji as well (〃ω〃)

Frozone: do i even need to answer
Frozone: well Izuku has been in my room as well

HitTheRoadJack: bakugo and kirishima are self explanatory

e n e r g y: momo as well

Sporkle: midoriya

Nitro: well uh
Nitro: continue then i guess

LightishRed: koda why did you sleep in shojis room

Icha Icha: there was a bug in his room and Tsuyu was asleep

HitTheRoadJack: cant you control them

Oolala: do you really think he would

HitTheRoadJack: tru


@ 4:12
HitTheRoadJack: um
HitTheRoadJack: you guys
HitTheRoadJack: midoriya needs our help

Nitro: What?!
Nitro: Jirou-san what happened?!

Poe: i saw the whole fukin thing
Poe: and not to be gay but uhhhhh

Nitro: Somebody please explain? Id like to help our friend as soon as possible!

HitTheRoadJack: okay well
HitTheRoadJack: m*neta was blabbing to other classes about zuku and his situation
HitTheRoadJack: and if that wasn’t enough he was also using words like ‘f*g’ and ‘p*ssy’

Icha Icha: what the fuck

HitTheRoadJack: ik
HitTheRoadJack: and mina and i were fuming
HitTheRoadJack: mina was quicker to stand up for him
HitTheRoadJack: and he goes
HitTheRoadJack: “cmon babe dont be like this!”

Longboi: motherfucker

HitTheRoadJack: thats not all
HitTheRoadJack: “when are you gonna stop all this fake lesbian business? Or maybe you could put on a show?”
HitTheRoadJack: and he tries to put his hand up her skirt

Ki-To-Success: WHAT THE FUCK


e n e r g y: WHAT THE FUCK

HitTheRoadJack: ik
HitTheRoadJack: but zuku shows up out of nowhere
HitTheRoadJack: and he has this bitch by the neck, its hand is obviously shattered
HitTheRoadJack: and to see the fear in his eyes was a personal highlight

Poe: y e a h

HitTheRoadJack: he slams m*neta into the wall
HitTheRoadJack: scratch that
HitTheRoadJack: Through The Wall
HitTheRoadJack: and hes turning purple
HitTheRoadJack: So midoriya lets him go
HitTheRoadJack: and by let him go i mean threw him to the ground
HitTheRoadJack: and m*neta is crying and gasping
HitTheRoadJack: and zuku just
HitTheRoadJack: steps on his wrists
HitTheRoadJack: before whispering “if you touch any of these girls ever again, just remember i could do a lot worse”
HitTheRoadJack: and mimes kicking him in the nuts

Poe: it was so awesome
Poe: ik i have a mans but like
Poe: damn mido
Poe: id be a thottie for u

Icha Icha: i should be mad but like
Icha Icha: Its midoriya so

HitTheRoadJack: you shoulda seen the look in his eyes i honestly thought he was gonna kill that fuck

Nitro: I understand this is how you all are coping but aren’t you going a bit far

Longboi: absolutely not

Nitro: thats fair

Longboi: where is everyone tho

Ki-To-Success: yeah i was wondering the same
Ki-To-Success: and not to be a thot but id let midoriya plow me within an inch of my life

HitTheRoadJack: theyre trying to argue with Aizawa and Principal Nezu about what to do with the situation

Nitro: I will make my way there post haste.
Nitro: i will do what i can but i cant promise much.
Nitro: its is against the rules to use your quirk and he caused property damage
Nitro: not to mention how injured m*neta must be


Longboi: I love u sweetie

Ki-To-Success: <3

Poe: wtf is this 2004?
Poe: use emojis you weak asses

Ki-To-Success: ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Longboi: ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Nitro: (i dont feel sorry either, but ua doesnt like discord as a whole but individually they love it those dramatic bitches)

HitTheRoadJack: (but its such a good song)

Leo: (wow jirou ur a bronie)

HitTheRoadJack: (how do u kno that its bronie ojiro)

Leo: (i have a fuckin tail jirou)

e n e r g y: (its actually bc of h*mestuck)

Longboi: (holy fucking shit)

Leo: (i fukin trusted you diabetes ass)

e n e r g y: (diabetes ass is better than a vriska stan)

Leo: (fuk u i was going thru a phase)
Leo: (ill fackin Burst ye’)

e n e r g y: (yer pushin me o’er the fAckin LINE)

Leo: (no im not!)
Leo: (u)
Leo: (r a wizardd)

e n e r g y: (...)
e n e r g y: (im a wot)

HitTheRoadJack: (this is making me shit)


@ 5:52
Dekuuu: guess who just got expelled

LightishRed: are you fucking serious

Dekuuu: as a heart attack
Dekuuu: you’re welcome

Sporkle: nani the phuq

DuckyMomo: really?
DuckyMomo: like really really?

Dekuuu: ?
Dekuuu: yes?

HitTheRoadJack: holy fuck
HitTheRoadJack: im dropping out of this school

DatBitch: drop out?
DatBitch: I’m gonna wreak so much havoc they expel me

Dekuuu: what

LightishRed: dude deku im so fucking sorry
LightishRed: if you hadnt protected me

Dekuuu: what the fuck are you guys talking about
Dekuuu: m*neta is the one who got expelled

Oolala: oh thank fuck
Oolala: i was gonna commit murder

LightishRed: oh
LightishRed: holy shit

HitTheRoadJack: hey izuku full offense but i would die for you

LightishRed: rt

Leo: rt

Frozone: rt

Oolala: rt

DatBitch: rt

Nitro: rt

Poe: rt

DuckyMomo: rt

Sporkle: rt

Icha Icha: rt

Ki-To-Success: rt

Longboi: rt

e n e r g y: rt

s h o u t: rt

Toooruuu: rt

Dekuuu: i will go out of my way to make sure you dont but I appreciate the sentiment

HitTheRoadJack: noted

Toooruuu: there was an izuku appreciation earlier and i missed it? Bummer

Longboi: yeah it got real thottie in this peice

Ki-To-Success: im not sorry

HitTheRoadJack: thorsti

(“Ki-To-Success” changed their name to “thorsti”!)

Longboi: y

thorsti: like i said
thorsti: not sorry

LightishRed: i mean
LightishRed: youre not wrong

HitTheRoadJack: if i wasnt gay tho

LightishRed: rt

DuckyMomo: rt

DatBitch: rt

Dekuuu: guys

Frozone: his thighs are thicc and so are his abs

Dekuuu: shouto why are you getting involved

Frozone: izuku loving hour is every hour for me im just assisting

thorsti: OH

(“thorsti” changed “Dekuuu”s name to “BitchRecognize”)

HitTheRoadJack: y tho

Frozone: i see

HitTheRoadJack: what

thorsti: whats the first thing you think of when you see that

HitTheRoadJack: uhhhhh several things

Longboi: i think about that one song

LightishRed: yeah yeah!
LightishRed: that one from vine!

Leo: oh

DuckyMomo: yes i see as well

HitTheRoadJack: pm me the answer and save me the embarrassment

DuckyMomo: :)
DuckyMomo: no
DuckyMomo: :)

DatBitch: i gotcha man

HitTheRoadJack: okay i remember the song vaguely but im still lost

Sporkle: “Bitch recognize, I got these thick thighs~”

HitTheRoadJack: oh
HitTheRoadJack: thats like, so deep for no reason

BitchRecognize: i kinda like it

Leo: He Hath Spoken


@ 6:33
Deidara —>BitchRecognize {private message}

Deidara: hey, shitty deku
Deidara: we need to talk

BitchRecognize: shitty deku cant talk but yknow
BitchRecognize: midoriya or izuku can

Deidara: ...
Deidara: izuku, can. we talk face to face

BitchRecognize: ......
BitchRecognize: yeah ill see you in five

Deidara: out front?

BitchRecognize: sure


@ 6:40
Hardass: hey guys!
Hardass: woah all that shit happened?

thorsti: my fav part other than the evil being vanquished was when aizawa not only physically removed us from the office but also threatened us with extra homework and extra exercises in class to keep us away

Longboi: yea my fav was when tokoyami and shoji admitted being so gay for midori

thorsti: arent we all tho

Longboi: well if there was ever any doubt before theres none now

Hardass: yeah def
Hardass: wish i coulda been there

Longboi: well it shouldnt be too hard to get the security tape now that its sorta blown over

Hardass: sero its only been a few hours

Longboi: and?

thorsti: speaking of, where have you been dude
thorsti: havent seen or heard from you since last night

Hardass: spent the night talking to bakugo
Hardass: and some of the morning
Hardass: but then i had a dentist appointment

thorsti: hmmm ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
thorsti: in bakugos room all night and morning?

Hardass: ew
Hardass: no
Hardass: he’s my best friend dude
Hardass: and really? been there done that

thorsti: so? Seros my best friend

Longboi: aw thanks baby

Hardass: i mean its not wrong because he’s my best friend
Hardass: i guess thats not like. the general issue
Hardass: i mean, i also have feelings for someone else

Longboi: dude you didnt have to tell us that
Longboi: i mean, just dont force yourself
Longboi: obviously we, of all people are not grossed out.

Hardass: yeah, no, i get it
Hardass: its fine

thorsti: in that case,
thorsti: who is it?

Hardass: oh no i think i left my lasagna in the dryer

~”Hardass” has logged off!~

Longboi: verdict?

thorsti: hes crushing on us

Longboi: hmm then hes upset because theres two of us? Its okay kiri we’re up for a three

HitTheRoadJack: nice try but you’re both wrong
HitTheRoadJack: that means its someone from our class

thorsti: oh shit

Chapter Text

@ 7:17
LightishRed: guys what the fuck
LightishRed: bakugo and midori just walked in beat the fuck up

Nitro: sigh
Nitro: do you know what happened

LightishRed: not a fucking clue
LightishRed: they were headed to the infirmary

Frozone: omw

Deidara: its fine calm the fuck down

Oolala: what the fuck did you do katsuki

BitchRecognize: guys its fine
BitchRecognize: really
BitchRecognize: we had a talk and everything’s fine now

Deidara: shut up deku

BitchRecognize: make me bitch im right here

Deidara: ......

BitchRecognize: thats what i fuckin thot

Hardass: i like this new izuku

thorsti: you liked the old izuku dude

Hardass: well
Hardass: yeah

BitchRecognize: im glad!
BitchRecognize: sometimes its hard for me to believe people like me

Deidara: me too

LightishRed: dude literally like the whole class confessed to having feelings for and/or wanting to smash you and you have a loving boyfriend

BitchRecognize: yes well

Oolala: no buts! We love and lust for you deku just accept it

BitchRecognize: fine but only because i dont take you guys for liars

Deidara: disgusting
Deidara: i dont see why people like you either

BitchRecognize: fuck you thats why

Leo: okay guys lets not get out of hand

Poe: no i.....
Poe: i think,,,this is friendly banter

Deidara: shut your fuck birdbrain

Oolala: bitch is that a voltron reference

Deidara: what the fuck
Deidara: of course not do i look like im 7

Hardass: he has a crush on shiro

Deidara: im gonna strangle you

Hardass: harder daddy

LightishRed: this just in kiri has a daddy kink and so does baku

Oolala: um well while we’re here
Oolala: when is lance gonna be outed i want representation

BitchRecognize: dont talk to me about this please my brain still hurts

Frozone: why
Frozone: who hurt you

HitTheRoadJack: we were really deep in a headcanon and it was brutally murdered right in front of our eyes

Hardass: please not shallura

HitTheRoadJack: eh we were more into shatt for love and shallura for aesthetic but no

BitchRecognize: pls jirou
BitchRecognize: light of my life
BitchRecognize: fire of my loins

HitTheRoadJack: quote lolita at me one more time and i tell everyone about that day

BitchRecognize: NO IM SORRY

HitTheRoadJack: deal

(“BitchRecognize” changed “HitTheRoadJack”s name to “AlphaLesbian”!)

DuckyMomo: is this the upset about hunk not having lesbian parents

AlphaLesbian: i tried honey im sorry

BitchRecognize: its okay
BitchRecognize: i was more trying to make you forget that other thing

AlphaLesbian: oh yeah

thorsti: yall were really that upset over that

BitchRecognize: no i was just so deep in it that I got whiplash
BitchRecognize: broke me damn neck

Frozone: izuku doesnt have many secrets but the ones he does are very well kept

BitchRecognize: not another fuckin word
BitchRecognize: love :)

Frozone: fear

DuckyMomo: i didnt mean to cause a scene

AlphaLesbian: its okay love there was gonna be a scene regardless

Longboi: so
Longboi: favorite characters?

AlphaLesbian: @everyone just dont we’re not having this argument

Longboi: daddy lotor

(“AlphaLesbian” has removed “Longboi” from the chat!)

thorsti: break my arms too daddy

(“AlphaLesbian” has removed “thorsti” from the chat!)

AlphaLesbian: try me

Poe: i would like a hug from hunk

BitchRecognize: wow tokoyami who told you you were allowed to be so cute

AlphaLesbian: rt

Frozone: rt

Icha Icha: rt

Nitro: rt

DuckyMomo: rt

e n e r g y: rt

s h o u t: rt

Sporkle: rt

Hardass: rt

Leo: rt

LightishRed: rt

Oolala: rt

DatBitch: rt

Toooruuu: rt

Oolala: should we add them back

AlphaLesbian: absolutely not

(“Oolala” has added “thorsti” and “Longboi” to the chat!)

Longboi: uraraka ur the only bitch i trust

thorsti: rt

AlphaLesbian: @Oolala [Your_Betrayal.mp3]

(“Longboi” changed their name to “Uraraka is My Savior”)

thorsti: she ascended through the air like a defensive angel!

Oolala: speaking of defensive
Oolala: werent we concerned about deku and bakubitch


(“Oolala” changed “Deidara”s name to “BakuBitch”!)

BitchRecognize: we had a talk
BitchRecognize: but we all know kacchan doesnt use words to talk so


BitchRecognize: we didnt have all night
BitchRecognize: and now all of your feelings are sorted

BakuBitch: your face is sorted you fuckin broccoli head

(“BitchRecognize” changed their name to “Fffuckin,,,BroccoliHead”!)

BakuBitch: fuck you

Fffuckin,,,BroccoliHead: WAIT

(“Fffuckin,,,BroccoliHead” changed “BakuBitch”s name to “UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead”!)

UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead: you’re in arms reach

Fffuckin,,,BroccoliHead: not with those ugly ass ffffuckin,,,,
Fffuckin,,,BroccoliHead: noodle arms

Hardass: dude my bff is buff

Frozone: not as buff as my izuku

Fffuckin,,,BroccoliHead: hold on
Fffuckin,,,BroccoliHead: kacchans are bigger but mine are denser so

AlphaLesbian: how do you know that

Fffuckin,,,BroccoliHead: recovery girl knows all my stats by heart and well

Hardass: god i wish that were me
Hardass: i mean! Yknow like, looking at dudes muscles all day!
Hardass: comparing them an stuff!

(“Oolala” changed “Hardass”s name to “Craig”!)

Fffuckin,,, BroccoliHead: ochako pls let this mean something else

Oolala: nope

Craig: who is craig

Oolala: oh you know

Fffuckin,,, BroccoliHead: ochako please

Frozone: kirishima, do you plan to have twin daughters and another younger one
Frozone: also do you plan to be their softball coach and a workout junkie

Fffuckin,,, BroccoliHead: STOP THIS

Sporkle: you are talking about Dream Daddy, non?

Craig: oh! I wanted to play that game a while back but didnt have the money!
Craig: but how do you guys know about it?

Oolala: deku shares his steam account with me and todo

Fffuckin,,, BroccoliHead: SHUT UP OR YOU WILL REGRET

Oolala: craig and damien were his favorites
Oolala: WAIt im sorrrndnn
Oolala: plebdf wait Im is to y to be a better

Uraraka is My Savior: what the fuck

thorsti: marty
thorsti: im scared

Nitro: she seems to be clicking on the predictive options to create an unintentional message

LightishRed: oh god what is he doing to her

Craig: he wouldnt hit a girl,,,right?

Frozone: of course not
Frozone: she was going to expose him
Frozone: if only the subject of his secrets weren’t so dimjshlwj

thorsti: another one bites the dust

AlphaLesbian: yo rs im scared
AlphaLesbian: what is he trying to hide?

Nitro: oh!
Nitro: midoriya, could this be what you told us about on tkehbdojejdu
Nitro: KmfkenjdiJjajejn

DuckyMomo: oh fuk
DuckyMomo: he could’ve killed me when I revealed his secret about voltron

Fffuckin,,, BroccoliHead: :)

DatBitch: dont you all have homework to be doing

LightishRed: some of our classmates are dead, tsuyu
LightishRed: no time for homework

DatBitch: you guys are fussing over something that doesnt concern you
DatBitch: well, most of yoshrlndnckkeh djbdHHhgNejagHjd

Craig: midoriya whatever this is is fine! I mean whats so bad about this secret that you have yo kill anyone who talks?

Fffuckin,,,BroccoliHead: you must never know

UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead: i know what you dumbasses are talking about
UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead: let me give you guys a fuckin hint

(“UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead” changed “Frozone”s name to “Damien”!)

Craig: idk how thats a hint but your not safe dude!

UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead: he cant do shit to me
UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead: fuckin nerdikahnfme
UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead: FuCK WIDHRHJDKWBRB

Uraraka is My Savior: i cant believe midoriya just merced half his squad


@ 6:47 AM

DuckyMomo: another life lost....

AlphaLesbian: what? No i mean holy shit midoriya i get it

thorsti: damn
thorsti: if only the rest of us weren’t stupid

DuckyMomo: bold of you to assume that i didnt get it
DuckyMomo: also bold of youbto assume i didnt already know

Damien: why are you fuckin yelling izuku is ASLEEP

Uraraka is My Savior: holy shit youre alive

Damien: ofc i am
Damien: he loves me too much

thorsti: thats gay

AlphaLesbian: todo is midoriya still asleep i want to tlak to him

Damien: yeah
Damien: he made sure we were alright before going to sleep
Damien: nvm his alarm went off

Fffuckin,,, BroccoliHead: whats up fuckers
Fffuckin,,, BroccoliHead: jirou we can talk after we shower

thorsti: mido and jirou are gonna shower together?!

AlphaLesbian: i already showered

Fffuckin,,, BroccoliHead: and shouto and i have not
Fffuckin,,, BroccoliHead: l8r gaytors

Leo: its too early for this

Icha Icha: we have to let them express themselves ojiro

Poe: must we

Icha Icha: look would you rather they text it or hear it irl

Leo: ...

Poe: ...

Icha Icha: thats what i thot

Sporkle: y the ruckitty fuckitty are yall up so early

Leo: what the fuck are you from kentucky

Sporkle: only when im tired yall

Oolala: i just want rest

Craig: wow mido really shameless in the morning huh

Oolala: hes been worse
Oolala: idk what caused it but one day it was like 2:40 am and he texted me about how much he wanted to suck dick

thorsti: holy fuck???

LightishRed: wow mido really that bitch huh

DatBitch: that would be me

Craig: why tho

Oolala: no
Oolala: but he did shut up pretty soon after so i assume he either passed out or got his fix

AlphaLesbian: he got his fix

Toooruuu: oh I remember that day
Toooruuu: izu is not as innocent as you are all convinced he is

Poe: is this when you found out he was a pb

Toooruuu: no, he was close to getting his fix in the kitchen so i had to get them to leave
Toooruuu: i know what the big deal is but im not telling for anything less than 7

Craig: hundred?

UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead: thousand, shitty hair

LightishRed: you drive a hard ass bargain

DatBitch: not really

Oolala: you know what happened to those of us who came close to sharing dekus secret

thorsti: actually?
thorsti: we dont?

Uraraka is My Savior: tell us what happened, o sweet angel

Oolala: nothing

DatBitch: nothing

UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead: nothing

Nitro: nothing

Damien: nothing

LightishRed: thats...ominous


@ 7:12
Fffuckin,,, BroccoliHead—> AlphaLesbian {private message}

Fffuckin,,, BroccoliHead: what did you want to talk about

AlphaLesbian: if my findings are correct
AlphaLesbian: you have a crush on kiri

Fffuckin,,, BroccoliHead: i can neither confirm nor deny

AlphaLesbian: holy fuck!!!

(“AlphaLesbian” changed “Fffuckin,,, BroccoliHead”s name to “The Gayest™”!)

AlphaLesbian: does todo know? And iida? And uraraka?

The Gayest™: what do you think

AlphaLesbian: so half the class knows
AlphaLesbian: got it

The Gayest™: thats comforting

AlphaLesbian: probably not but like 3/4 of the class knows kiri has feelings for you so y not do something?

The Gayest™: where is shouto in this? He doesnt have feelings for kiri and i dont think he has feelings shouto either

AlphaLesbian: you know they dont have to date each other?
AlphaLesbian: they could just date you?

The Gayest™: i cant do that to them
The Gayest™: it doesnt feel right

AlphaLesbian: hmmm
AlphaLesbian: then lets set them up

The Gayest™: pardon my juicy ass?

AlphaLesbian: you heard me
AlphaLesbian: lets set them up
AlphaLesbian: yknow, make them spend more time together “coincidently” and yknow
AlphaLesbian: throw in the right amount of shirtless encounters and heartfelt convos and youve got gays

The Gayest™: hmmm
The Gayest™: you may be onto something......
The Gayest™: but change my name so they wont get suspicious

(“AlphaLesbian” changed “The Gayest™”s name to “Mars”!)

AlphaLesbian: done and done


Mars: Bringer of War

LightishRed: whomstdve

AlphaLesbian: noice

UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead: fuckin nerd

Mars: if you understand its nerd shit then you a nerd
Mars: sorry i dont make the rules
Mars: bitcchan

Uraraka is My Savior: holy shit

LightishRed: what did you guys even talk about

AlphaLesbian: not telling but i will say izuku really said “pardon my juicy ass?”

Nitro: if you dont come downstairs right now im gonna eat all the mcfreakin food

thorsti: yeah he aint Fuckin around

Mars: already had breakfast

thorsti: todoroki doesnt count

Mars: i have not had breakfast

Damien: sigh
Damien: y u such a thot in the morning 😩

Mars: who are you and what have you done to my shouto

Damien: wat u mean babe iss me
Damien: kiri u look mighty fine today

Craig: thanks todo!
Craig: looking pretty *hot* yourself!

Mars: i know its you jirou

AlphaLesbian: flase im rgiht heree

Mars: no no i can see you now
Mars: well, i can see shoutos bedazzled phonecase

Damien: fuck

Craig: oh
Craig: well, my compliment still stands!

AlphaLesbian: his does too honey trust me

Oolala: wait how did you know before you saw it

Mars: you think i dont know my husband

Damien: tbh im a slut for unabashed izuku

Oolala: ok so ik its still jirou but he really is
Oolala: oh fUCK the PanCAKES

Nitro: succ

AlphaLesbian: wow izu is powerful enough to take some from succ unflinching

(“Nitro” changed their name to “succ”!)

succ: yes well
succ: he yote my ass yesterday so he can take all the pancakes he wants

Mars: thanks boo 😘
Mars: here ochako, here shouto!

Oolala: nya~!

Damien: nya~!

Mars: good kitties

Uraraka is My Savior: nani the fuck

DuckyMomo: i wonder if shinsou can erase midoriyas secrets from my brain so i cant accidentally put my life in danger

Mars: he can

DuckyMomo: noice

shikamaru: but i wont

DuckyMomo: noicen’t

AlphaLesbian: when?

shikamaru: ive always been here

Mars: i added him this morning at like 4

succ: why were you up

Mars: ...

succ: midoriya
succ: why. were you up

Mars: because.... i was studying?
Mars: yeah

Oolala: 20 on hoedoroki

AlphaLesbian: 30 on someone else

Mars: you’re on thin fuckin ice, jirou


Damien: 80 on shinsou

Shikamaru: 90 on me

DatBitch: you cant bet on yourself

Shikamaru: juss did froggy

Mars: 20 on shinsou
Mars: no take backsies pay up losers

Oolala: ok but we still dont know the why?

Shikamaru: we had a talk

AlphaLesbian: again, why at 4

Mars: we both happened to be up


Shikamaru: i have insomnia

Mars: i needed to take my vitamins

thorsti: full offense but what vitamins do you need at 3 am

Mars: that vitamin Dick

thorsti: again full offense but youre my personal hero and a fuckin legend

AlphaLesbian: rt

Chapter Text

(@ 11:26)

Shikamaru: hey mido are you coming to club tonight
Shikamaru: we got a big ass haul

AlphaLesbian: shinsou you useless homo this is the group chat

Shikamaru: ya

DuckyMomo: i wasnt aware you were in a club, midoriya

Shikamaru: so is jirou
Shikamaru: might as well fuck all of us over


Shikamaru: oh fuq

(Shikamaru has logged off!)

DuckyMomo: i am confused? What club is it?

Mars: its not a school club
Mars: it technically not even a club
Mars: we use it as a cover

AlphaLesbian: WTF IZU

Mars: shouto already knows
Mars: communication is key jirou honey

Damien: dont listen to him i found out by accident before we even started dating

Mars: you’re on thin fuckin ice babe

Damien: bet

thorsti: midoriya and todo horny on main

Poe: we get together late at night and get high af

DuckyMomo: kyouka is this true

AlphaLesbian: okay look like
AlphaLesbian: yes
AlphaLesbian: but TO BE FAIR, im usually the most sober

Mars: yes, she was, but after shouto started guiding us back to campus we all just got fucked up

Poe: and bless him he always shows up with food
Poe: yknow one time we had burger king for like a fucking month bc it was 10 nuggets fro a dollar
Poe: he would buy like 500 nuggets and then watch us eat in the living room like we were fuckin ants fighting over a breadcrumb

Damien: that was until you told shoji and he would wait in the living room for you so all we had to do was take jirou back

AlphaLesbian: can you assholes let me talk
AlphaLesbian: okay i used to be the most sober
AlphaLesbian: and when Present Mic found out i told him upfront and he said it was cool as long as we were safe
AlphaLesbian: plus, we arent doing it on campus so
AlphaLesbian: i promise we’re safe
AlphaLesbian: and its just a few of us, some kids from 1-B and shinsou

DuckyMomo: its fine love




Mars: listen
Mars: life’s rough

Damien: amen to that

LightishRed: todoroki smokes too?!

Damien: no
Damien: i get high off of love and affection
Damien: i dont need drugs

Shikamaru: weed aint a drug but go off i guess

Mars: shinsou let him meme
Mars: and that was cute as hell wtf?
Mars: i love my boyfriend???

Damien: awe yeah thats some good shit

Poe: what a mad bouquet of darkness

thorsti: midoriya you hang with shinsou an awful lot

Shikamaru: thats cuz we’re bone buddies
Shikamaru: humpin homies
Shikamaru: copulation compadres
Shikamaru: ass-smash associates
Shikamaru: sex subordinates
Shikamaru: cum chums
Shikamaru: fornication friends
Shikamaru: lovemaking locals
Shikamaru: fucking fellas
Shikamaru: pounding partners
Shikamaru: ramming radfellows
Shikamaru: banging bois
Shikamaru: smashing schoolmates

Mars: shinsou

Shikamaru: you’re right
Shikamaru: that last one was weak

Mars: one month shinsou
Mars: it was only a month

Shikamaru: best month of my gd life

LightishRed: owo?
LightishRed: a dark horse joining the race?


Shikamaru: oh hell yeah

Mars: hitoshi you will be exposed in the event you keep this shit up

Shikamaru: i am not in the running
Shikamaru: but i know you guys are curious *suggestive eyebrows*

Oolala: 👀

LightishRed: 👀

Mars: after sports festival we were fwb until just before shouto and I started dating

thorsti: zuku is really That Bitch dude holy hell

DatBitch: why do i even have this name

Oolala: tsuyu honey dat and that are separate

DatBitch: i see

Mars: yall dont know shit about me and i intend to keep it that way

Shikamaru: one time i said “detroit smash my ass, zuku” and it was dare i say immediate

Mars: ONCE

Shikamaru: ypu may smack it
Shikamaru: ONCE

Mars: look ok i kicked ass in training that day leave me alone

Shikamaru: you’re damn right you kicked ass

Oolala: wow and i thought i was ypur bff

Mars: im friends with almost everone here but liek
Mars: being great friends and knowing the exact proper way to fuck somebody are two different levels of friendship

thorsti: izuku might become the strongest hero of us all....

AlphaLesbian: he knows no shame anymore

Oolala: we were under the illusion of innocence

succ: this is highly inappropriate!

Shikamaru: boo you whore


AlphaLesbian ———> Mars {private message}

AlphaLesbian: izuku honey
AlphaLesbian: not trying to intrude but uh
AlphaLesbian: does shinsou have a crush on you

Mars: no

AlphaLesbian: are you sure about that

Mars: its like when your mom calls and you tell everyone to shut up and they start moaning

AlphaLesbian: so....

Mars: he has a crush on sero and denki

AlphaLesbian: so hes overcompensating

Mars: ya they’ve never really talked to him before so hes not trying to push ot or anythn but he wants to lay his cards on the table

AlphaLesbian: gotcha


Shikamaru: @thorsti lemme tell you, that night he fucked me within an inch of my life, and he would exceed your expectations

Mars: jesus h christ hitoshi

Damien: its true

Mars: dont fucking encourage him shouto

Oolala: I thought he would be more jealous tbh

LightishRed: ^^^

Shikamaru: sometimes he comes to me for advice

UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead: dumbass doesnt even knkw how to fuck his boyfriend right
UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead: deku has gotta be the easiest to fuck are you kidding me

Shikamaru: youd be surprised

Damien: you would be surprised

Mars: im not hard to please ;(((

Damien: not hard to please, dear
Damien: just not easy to fuck

Shikamaru: he lasts long as shit dude

LightishRed: so we just gon ignore how bakugo has thought about fucking izuku before


Uraraka Is My Savior: i come in here yo this

UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead: did you have to potty train him too
UglyAssFuckinNoodleHead: did you brainwash him into fucking deku

Mars: bakugo katsuki, shut the fuck up

Shikamaru: oh and a tip,
Shikamaru: if you had just fessed up and admitted to liking izuku you probably could havr fucked him before it was too late

“Shikamaru” has logged off

Mars: you’re starting to get on my fucking nerves, Katsuki

“Mars” has logged off

LightishRed: why cant we just be a normal family

Poe: yet another fucked up situation

AlphaLesbian: hey yeah “bakusquad” or w/e you need to talk to him
AlphaLesbian: its not fair to always leave it to kiri to fix him just bc they used to fuck
AlphaLesbian: if you guys are his little buddies you need to talk some sense into him

Uraraka is my Savior: i get it but why us? I know we’re his friends but

Poe: it is 100% likely he will not listen to us.
Poe: you guys, about 95%

Uraraka is my Savior: right okay but a whole 5%
Uraraka is my Savior: the whole group is essentially bakugo me and the chaotic dumbasses

Oolala: yeah but if a bunch of chaotic dumbasses have to tell you to get your shit together then you know you fucked up
Oolala: now will you go yell at him

Uraraka is my Savior: o ya we were talking to him the whole time
Uraraka is my Savior: you didnt notice that i was the only member of bakusquad responding?
Uraraka is my Savior: especially to the whole chaotic dumbass thing

thorsti: uh no we saw that
thorsti: its not 2008 we can switch chats to read
thorsti: but we were more concerned with helping our friend?

Uraraka is my Savior: im pretty sure he hates me and he calls me boring

LightishRed: youre more rational than these dumbasses their argument needs you tape face
LightishRed: that was bakugo he took my phone

Uraraka is my Savior: omw

Chapter Text

Suddenly Parents
Status: ACTIVE

MAMAAA uwu: shouta are you like, alright

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: what gave you that impression

MAMAAA uwu: dont sass me when im trying to care for you

faint of everything: Why? What’s happened?

SecksyWitch: one of his students was expelled after getting beat to a pulp by the resident problem child, half the school witnessed it and is enamored by him now, and he and explosion asshole just hobbled out of recovery girl’s office,

faint of everything: What? I find it hard to believe that Midoriya shounen would cause all of this trouble in the three days I was gone.

VladimirMonarch: i find it hard to believe you find it hard to believe

SecksyWitch: I find it hard to believe it was just those things

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: im sure there was more

faint of everything: Okay but.
faint of everything: Was it within reason?

MAMAAA uwu: he beat up Mineta so

faint of everything: Ah

SecksyWitch: ah

VladimirMonarch: ah

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: yeah

SecksyWitch: okay but what happened with him and explody

MAMAAA uwu: apparently they needed to sort out some issues and bakugo doesn’t knwo how to use words
MAMAAA uwu: and now Midoriya is 58% more savage bc he fears no gods

VladimirMonarch: i refuse to believe that smol green child can be rude

SecksyWitch: congrats, you just made aizawa laugh the hardest hes laughed since high school

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: midoriya izuku is an asshole in sheeps wool you fool

MAMAAA uwu: “dont touch me you fucking rat” midoriya, @ mineta

SecksyWitch: “we expected a butterfly, yet out came a strange hobo moth man” midoriya, about aizawa

mickey mouse but a Bastard: he suggested this username to me


SpookyScarySkeleton ———> BonelessRabbit [Private Message]
SpookyScarySkeleton: Midoriya shounen please tell me that you Didn’t suggest the PRINCIPAL chnage his username to “mickey mouse but a Bastard”

BonelessRabbit: why would i lie to my mentor liek that

SpookyScarySkeleton: …

BonelessRabbit: if it makes you feel any better
BonelessRabbit: i have a better idea for a name

SpookyScarySkeleton: Midoriya shounen please dont make any crude name suggestions to the principal when you seem keen on getting in trouble this week

BonelessRabbit: not all of those were my fault!

SpookyScarySkeleton: you make it sound like more than 2 incidents Midoriya shounen

BonelessRabbit: oh boy would you look at the time
BonelessRabbit: gotta blast

SpookyScarySkeleton: sigh

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: “i had hoped he was like charmander” midoriya, when asked why he drenched endeavor in water

faint of everything: Doesn’t a charmander die if its flame goes out?

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: yes

VladimirMonarch: christ i take it back
VladimirMonarch: your kids a monster

SecksyWitch: actually, he only does gods work

THWOMP: Yes. Angels are often merciless, for it is God’s job to be merciful.

(“mickey mouse but a Bastard” changed their name to “ricky rat”!)

ricky rat: he had a better suggestion just now

VladimirMonarch: define better

ricky rat: is this not more concise?

THWOMP: Sometimes, things that are more concise, are worse.

faint of everything: I didnt raise him like this

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: if you’re not quiet todoroki will hear you

VladimirMonarch: this is a text conversation


Damien: my DadMight senses are tingling


LightishRed: Damn todo
LightishRed: back at it again with the DadMight theories

thorsti: i think you mean Damn Damien

AlphaLesbian: please fall off the couch

thorsti: push me off yourself pussy


BonelessRabbit——>SpookyScarySkeleton [Private Message]

BonelessRabbit: idk what you did but you caused this
BonelessRabbit: {screenshot sent!}


faint of everything: {screenshot forwarded!}

MAMAAA uwu: fear

SecksyWitch: wow 2 whole minutes
SecksyWitch: a bit slow tonight isnt he

VladimirMonarch: is your entire class a nightmare or

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: cant have nightmares if you dint sleep

MAMAAA uwu: pro gamer move

THWOMP: [stop it; get some help.png]

faint of everything: Aizawa please take care of yourself I can’t raise two of you

VladimirMonarch: bitch please i think you mean two of you

faint of everything: please im already frail i dont need to be bald too

SecksyWitch: Maybe you’re scared of Midoriya bc you see yourself in him

VladimirMonarch: As savage as I am I can not dream to have started so early

faint of everything: the boy used to be a noodle this is his only defense
faint of everything: he isnt at all convinced of his strength

SecksyWitch: surely you jest

THWOMP: The Boy is built like a tank.

MAMAAA uwu: is he just. The Boy now

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: im sure the “problem child” title is too well known now

(“sMALLmIGHT” changed their name to “The Boy”)

The Boy: no complaints here

VladimirMonarch: nani the fuck, kid

SecksyWitch: Lol i added him forever ago

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: why am i not surprised in the least

faint of everything: Midoriya Shounen, literally everything about this chat indicates that you shouldn’t be here

The Boy: yeah well everything about your body indicates you shouldn’t be alive yet here you are bone man

SecksyWitch: HOYL FUCK

(“SecksyWitch” changed “faint of everything”s name to “bone man”!)

VladimirMonarch: oh. my god


THWOMP: Yes. We can hear you. The students are concerned.

ricky rat: midoriya you know that there happen to be laws against murder?

The Boy: oops

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: Midoriya we’ve talked about this
stressed, depressed, in need of rest: we do NOT say oops when we break the law

The Boy: my bad
The Boy: i meant to say uh oh spaghettios

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: no

SecksyWitch: wait rewind
SecksyWitch: what students?

THWOMP: The students in detention.

VladimirMonarch: wasn’t that supposed to end an hour ago

THWOMP: perhaps

MAMAAA uwu: haha losers

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: they probably deserve it

The Boy: well monoma does probably but not sero

VladimirMonarch: im not even gonna ask how you know who’s in there but know that i fear you

The Boy: ive done time there and really itd be a miracle if he Wasn’t there

ricky rat: i find it interesting that you refer to detention as “doing time”

bone man: Midoriya Shounen
bone man: please don’t insult the school

The Boy: ricky wont kick me out
The Boy: i keep these fools in line when you guys arent around
The Boy: which is how i earned my place in this chat

THWOMP: A God among men.

MAMAAA uwu: Im starting to worry about your unhealthy obsession with Midoriya

THWOMP: I assure you, it is a healthy appreciation.

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: and i assure you it isnt

SecksyWitch: ease up guys
SecksyWitch: it’s hard not to appreciate him after witnessing his fight with todoroki up close

MAMAAA uwu: it WAS pretty rad

SecksyWitch: a religious experience is what it was

THWOMP: Indeed

bone man: What happened during the fight that isn’t openly observable from the stands

The Boy: things were said
The Boy: bonds were formed
The Boy: and now i can blaspheme endevwhores filthy name whenever i like

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: please tell me this isnt saying what i think it’s saying

SecksyWitch: pretty sure it is

The Boy: interpret it how you like
The Boy: either way you’d be correct

THWOMP: Tiny God



*screams in homosexual*: you guys wanna join my new religion

AlphaLesbian: Im intrigued but also afraid

LightishRed: i honestly forgot he was in here

thorsti: FEAR

AlphaLesbian: shut the fuck up losers i wanna hear about this new religion

*screams in homosexual*: {screenshot sent!}

Craig: im interested

Oolala: Kirishima your gay is showing

Uraraka is my Savior: wait
Uraraka is my Savior: is the religion Cementoss being obsessed with Midoriya or Midoriya himself
Uraraka is my Savior: because I’m up for both honestly

succ: I feel as though there are rules against this but I’m not opposed

(“Damien” has changed “Mars”s name to “Tiny God”)

Damien: i wholeheartedly support this

(“Oolala” changed “Damien”s name to “Endevwhore’s Personal Blasphemer”)

Endevwhore’s Personal Blasphemer: ochako if i wasn’t gay

Oolala: i would still be a lesbian but i appreciate it anyway

Tiny God: yknow i wanna make it clear that i didn’t start this cult

GarbageMan: “ricky won’t kick me out, i keep these fools in line when you guys aren’t around which is how i earned my place in this chat” midoriya, like an hour ago

thorsti: whom the fuck is ricky

*screams in homosexual*: ask Midoriya

Tiny God: yknow for a guy who proposed a cult about me you sure turn on me fast

*screams in homosexual*: sorry little dude but i live with him i have to pick his side

Tiny God: excuses excuses
Tiny God: i suggested that principal nezu change his name to ricky rat in the teacher gc

GarbageMan: and the other one?

AlphaLesbian: this is very fun to watch

Uraraka is my Savior: other what exactly

LightishRed: its like watching a tv drama

Tiny God: idk What your damage is sensei or what you hope to accomplish from this but okay
Tiny God: the name i had suggested before that was Mickey Mouse but a Bastard

Craig: fuck wheres that gif about being scared and horny


LightishRed——->Craig [Private Message]

LightishRed: kiri kiri
LightishRed: telling lies?


LightishRed: you are literally So transparent


GarbageMan: ignoring that
GarbageMan: i have no idea how a teacher can be removed from the chat admin list yet here we are

Tiny God: what a coincidence sensei
Tiny God: neither do i

Shikamaru: this is endlessly entertaining

GarbageMan: Hitoshi, button it

Shikamaru: alright damn

GarbageMan: dont play me for a fool Midoriya
GarbageMan: you may not know how, but your little friend Hatsume sure does

Tiny God: you can’t prove anything

succ: While it is commendable that you seem to have such faith in your fellow students I think it’s best that you are made aware that if asked Hatsume would sell you out immediately due to the fact that she is incapable of lying

Tiny God: shut the fuck up
Tiny God: sorry Tenya that was rude of me and i love you and you were simply being informative not to mention you are 100% correct

succ: Apology accepted and affections returned

GarbageMan: iida you do know we’ve been here the whole time right
GarbageMan: you dont have to act so rigid

Endevwhore’s Personal Blasphemer: he’s just nervous because you’ve been here the whole time
Endevwhore’s Personal Blasphemer: also hes nervous about izukus disregard for manners when he talks to you

*screams in homosexual*: todoroki maybe you should reconsider who you think is related to All Might

Tiny God: don’t encourage him sensei

*screams in homosexual*: i would agree with you but it is literally my job

Tiny God: yknow being the god of this newfound cult doesn’t have as many perks as i thought

Oolala: what more do you want from us deku
Oolala: nobody here is stroking your dick

Tiny God: i respect your rebellion but you have no way of knowing if thats true or not

*screams in homosexual*: SUPER GROSS IM LEAVING NOW

Oolala: sensei your husbands a child

GarbageMan: i am aware

Oolala: not sure if thats better or worse

thorsti: DUDE

(“thorsti” changed “Oolala”s name to “JJ”!)

JJ: do i...want to know?

thorsti: yknow i would explain it but because of cringe culture im gonna opt out

Tiny God: thats fair but know that im onto you static boy

thorsti: terrifying and also uncalled for but understandable

Tiny God: that is how i reached deity status

GarbageMan: dont get a big head midoriya

JJ: dont worry sensei
JJ: while he acts like tough shit he actually has a criminally low self esteem

Tiny God: wow ochako

Endevwhore’s Personal Blasphemer: and recently we all learned why but we’re supposed to just accept it now bc there was a little fist fight in the parking lot

Tiny God: WOW shouto

Shikamaru: someone call the authorities before this man DIES of exposure

Tiny God: shut the fuck up Hitoshi before i expose YOU

Shikamaru: violence for violence is the rule of beasts

Tiny God: you didn’t seem to mind that “beastliness” when you were on the receiving end

LightishRed: WIG

GarbageMan: and that
GarbageMan: is my cue to leave before i projectile vomit
GarbageMan: go to bed you savage animals



GarbageMan: what the fuck
GarbageMan: you take away my admin status but leave Hizashis?

Tiny God: he was super chill about the weed
Tiny God: Why do i get the feeling that you’re doing that thing where you activate your quirk out of anger?

GarbageMan: detention for a week you little weasel


Chapter Text


succ: It was too late to do it last night but this is what happens when you fuck around with the school midoriya
succ: now you have to spend 3 hours with monoma every day
succ: suffer for not heeding my warnings

Shikamaru: iida “i warned you about them stairs bro” tenya

Tiny God: i see you have yet to learn fear
Tiny God: we’ll have to fix that

Shikamaru: you know damn well what that sentence does to me you bitch

JJ: good morning i already hate this

AlphaLesbian: so we just gon ignore that iida said fuck

JJ: he says it more often than youd think

DuckyMomo: i didnt raise him to ciss :((
DuckyMomo: cuss*

Tiny God: no this is better
Tiny God: i didnt raise my kids to cis either

JJ: i would say he doesnt have any kids but he Fucks so :///

Uraraka is my Savior: pretty sure we all knew midoriya was fucking before yesterday but ok

AlphaLesbian: yeah but knowing he fucks and knowing he Fucks is different

DuckyMomo: as indicated by the capital letter f

Uraraka is my Savior: yes i see that now

AlphaLesbian: anyway why are so many of us up so early?

Tiny God: had nothing better to do last night since somebody closed the chat and most of us were too pissed with each other to leave our rooms (lest we bump into someone and start a fight) so we just went to bed

Shikamaru: that seems very specific and likely doesnt apply to everyone

JJ: no thats pretty much how it went on my end too

AlphaLesbian: same here

Shikamaru: damn yall are confrontational

succ: you get used to it

Tiny God: you find out soon im sure

Shikamaru: fuck how do you go from threatening my life to emotionally supporting and motivating me so fast

Tiny God: its a talent of mine
Tiny God: but i wasnt really attempting to be motivating
Tiny God: i was kinda just spitting facts tbh

Shikamaru: WHAT

JJ: really?!

DuckyMomo: thats so exciting!

succ: congratulations, shinsou!


Tiny God: dude im in the teacher gc
Tiny God: m*neta’s gone and theres an opening in class
Tiny God: i may have made a small recommendation to principal nezu and aizawa sensei backed me up

Shikamaru: DUDE I
Shikamaru: IM SO FUCKIN
Shikamaru: :’’’)))))))
Shikamaru: i just wanna say thank you
Shikamaru: not only to god but to jesus

Tiny God: yw boo


Uraraka is my Savior: BEKFIST

AlphaLesbian: must you do this every morining

thorsti: hey we held off on it for like three days

AlphaLesbian: wow three whole days

Uraraka is my Savior: satou asked us to this time though

AlphaLesbian: oh then lets eat

DuckyMomo: yes we dont want to keep him waiting

thorsti: i see the type of person you are

LightishRed: anyway where’s todo?

Craig: right he hasn’t been on the whole time

Tiny God: he read like the first few messages and decided against it

JJ: fair
JJ: also kiri you’re one to talk
JJ: you sent like 2 messages yesterday and then only appear now to ask about shouto

LightishRed---->Craig [Private Message]

LightishRed: *eyes emoji*

Craig: please

LightishRed: ;)))


Craig: oh boy breakfast time right lads?

AlphaLesbian: transparenttransparenttransparent

Craig: please have mercy

AlphaLesbian: [does_this_look_like_the_face_of_mercy.png]

DuckyMomo: the waffles are getting cold

JJ: losers get cold waffles

Tiny God: im positive that we all have enough hand-eye coordination to walk and type

LightishRed: some of us are emotionally compromised
LightishRed: not naming any names

Craig: i hate this fucking family

succ: i wont warn you again but i dont have this name for nothing

LightishRed: everybody watch out for iida “dick suckle” tenya


Tiny God: F

thorsti: f

Uraraka is my Savior: F

JJ: f

Craig: F


stressed: depressed, in need of rest: midoriya you fucking blabbermouth

SecksyWitch: already? Its so early

The Boy: what did i do this time

MAMAAA uwu: do you know how worrying it is to see hitoshi crying?
MAMAAA uwu: all he could say was your name

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: i know you told him

The Boy: ok so the man cried happy tears and you’re mad at me?
The Boy: also its 5 million times more worrying to see shouto cry so get on my level nerd

THWOMP: :’’’))))

VladimirMonarch: good god he’s devolving

SecksyWitch: never knew a man to stan so hard

bone man: its what he deserves

The Boy: dont you all have classes to teach?

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: dont you have classes to attend?

The Boy: bitch i been in class for at least 5 minutes

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: fuck

SecksyWitch: i shouldnt laugh right?
SecksyWitch: i definitely shouldnt laugh at this

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: detention all of you

VladimirMonarch: aizawa we arent your students
VladimirMonarch: we’re your coworkers

stressed, depressed, in need of rest: you think i give a shit?

bone man: aizawa please calm down before you take this out on the students

MAMAAA uwu: jokes on you
MAMAAA uwu: he doesnt have the energy to take this out on them
MAMAAA uwu: he’ll probably just nap

The Boy: yeah he just came in and glared at me before falling asleep on the floor
The Boy: hey vlad king can we come over and bother you guys

VladimirMonarch: if i said no would you listen?

The Boy: of course i would
The Boy: cant speak for the others though

VladimirMonarch: i accept my fate

The Boy: great! The rest should be here in 5-10 minutes

bone man: what terrifying power…



Endeavwhore’s Personal Blasphemer: whats up sluts

succ: todoroki i understand that you are bored without midoriya but please dont call us sluts

Endeavwhore’s Personal Blasphemer: sorry skanks

succ: no

Endeavwhore’s Personal Blasphemer: hussies

succ: absolutely not

Endevwhore’s Personal Blasphemer: lame

succ: bitches or no dice

AlphaLesbian: if first week us could see us now they would shit

Tiny God: middle school me could see me now he would cry

JJ: in a good way or a bad way

Tiny God: yes

thorsti: hey arent you in detention?

Tiny God: yea

Uraraka is my Savior: then how are you on your phone?

AlphaLesbian: cementoss does detention so he’d let Midoriya do anything

Tiny God: first of all,
Tiny God: despite his worship of me he’d NEVER let that interfere with his job
Tiny God: secondly,
Tiny God: i know how to be sneaky on my own i dont need favoritism for that thanks

Uraraka is my Savior: plus vlad king is doing detention today

AlphaLesbian: how do you know

Uraraka is my Savior: cementoss told us yesterday

LightishRed: Oh yeah why did you have detention yesterday sero?

thorsti: because he stole and sold the video of Midoriya killing m*neta

(“AlphaLesbian” changed “Uraraka is my Savior”s name to “The Merchant”)

The Merchant: noice

Tiny God: this fool fronts his power to you!
Tiny God: vlad king is half asleep! He isnt being sneaky at all!

LightishRed: what

JJ: 700 says thats monoma

Tiny God: it was
Tiny God: bitch took my phone

(Tiny God added “Outsider” to the chat!)

Tiny God: now leave me alone

Outsider: hello 1-a!

AlphaLesbian: if you’re here to heckle us then dont bother

Outsider: i would never!

succ: previous experience begs to differ

Outsider: i know i have been rude in the past but after spending time with both sero and midoriya i have come to realize the error of my ways!
Tiny God: he’s lying he just wants aoyama’s number

Outsider: bitch

Tiny God: youre not gonna get kicked out for being yourself and youre not gonna get anywhere with aoyama by lying so

Outsider: alright so maybe im not sunshine and rainbows but i did gain some respect for you after watching that video midoriya

Craig: fair

JJ: transparent kiri

Craig: i honestly dont care anymore

JJ: :(((( youre no fun

Outsider: hey midoriya just left the classroom

Tiny God: i have to pee and vk is asleep

Outsider: and who’s fault is that?

Tiny God: idk kaminari? Mina?

thorsti: rude! I didnt even do anything!

AlphaLesbian: you electrocuted half the class but go off ig

LightishRed: im not gonna claim i didnt do anything but i feel called out

JJ: bc?? you were??? by name?????

Outsider: he looked tired as soon as you messaged him about coming over

Tiny God: its not my fault sensei was asleep

*screams in homosexual*: it literally was but ok

JJ: i expect nothing less but i want details

*screams in homosexual*: {screenshot sent!}

AlphaLesbian: izuku is a force of nature

Tiny God: why are you here? To expose me? Get a life

*screams in homosexual*: first if all? rude
*screams in homosexual*: second of all? i was bored and if i look busy i wont have to help hitoshi pack when they get home

The Merchant: pro gamer move

Tiny God: such a shame
Tiny God: i would come help but i cant leave this room :///

*screams in homosexual*: you arent supposed to be on your phone either but that doesnt stop you

Shikamaru: im telling dad about your betrayal

*screams in homosexual*: NO

AlphaLesbian: [Your_Betrayal.mp3]

Outsider: i think im starting to see why sensei is afraid of this class


*screams in homosexual*: oh shit oh fuck

GarbageMan: midoriya…

Tiny God: wait before you freak vk just woke up and let us out early you can ask him yourself

LightishRed: how convenient

GarbageMan: fine. Hizashi youre packing hitoshis room by yourself

*screams in homosexual*: NOOOOOOO

Tiny God: f

succ: f

thorsti: f

The Merchant: f

Craig: f

AlphaLesbian: F

LightishRed: f

JJ: f

Shikamaru: f

Outsider: F



Tiny God: hey did we alrwsy
Tiny God: did we have diner

Shikamaru: did? Do you guys have made?
Shikamaru: a maido
Shikamaru: cheff?

AlphaLesbian: SATOU
AlphaLesbian: BABE CAN YPU

Tiny God: hungy

Shikamaru: oh yea
Shikamaru: how food again?
Shikamaru: i fel over couch
Shikamaru: help?

Tiny God: oops
Tiny God: google how to get shinsou out of ceiling

AlphaLesbian: FOOD!

Tiny God: kyou toshi is stuck :((


Tiny God: behinf couch on hte flor
Tiny God: toshi fell on me bc he smell food :///

Shikamaru: you sed yiu owuld catch e

Tiny God: i wasn ready

Shikamaru: and i was
Shikamaru: food time food time
Shikamaru: zuku can i stayover

Tiny God: okay



The Merchant: you guys are wild

Outsider: what happened? Who got stuck in the ceiling?

Shikamaru: club meeting ;))))

Tiny God: hitoshi got stuck in the beams last night



Endevwhore’s Personal Blasphemer: i left for like 15 minutes
Endevwhore’s Personal Blasphemer: to get mcdonalds

AlphaLesbian: i know i was high when i asked but please make sato a maid outfit

DuckyMomo: i can only guess his measurements but i will do it

Outsider: you guys were HIGH?

thorsti: i know they told us but its SO different witnessing it in chat

The Merchant: explain again how shinsou was THROWN INTO THE CEILING

Tiny God: listen
Tiny God: HE’S the one who fell over the couch and asked for help
Tiny God: its not MY fault i cant control my quirk when im high

LightishRed: im tempted to join you guys in these meetings
LightishRed: bc this shit is too funny

Tiny God: he was clinging to the beams like a cat stuck to the ceiling
Tiny God: as long as you put in you can come

LightishRed: sweet! Expect me next meeting :))))

GarbageMan: did you break the ceiling

Tiny God: no dad, just very nearly broke my ankle

Shikamaru: you SAID you would catch me

Tiny God: that was before food was mentioned
Tiny God: and YOU said that you were too scared to jump

Shikamaru: that was also before food was mentioned

Tiny God: so we’re even

Shikamaru: i guess

GarbageMan: please just get to class befoe you make me too tired to teach again
GarbageMan: hitoshi will be joining us next week so get used to him if you havent already

Craig: its so cute that midoriya is visibly excited

LightishRed: eyes emoji

Tiny God: dont expose me like this

succ: he’s like 5 seconds away from happy flapping

Tiny God: know that if this smile wasn’t stuck on my face i would be embarrassed rn

LightishRed: hes squealing this is literally so cute

AlphaLesbian: this is almost cute enough to make you forget how evil he is

GarbageMan: if any of you are on your phones when i get there you get detention

Tiny God: jokes on you i already have detention

GarbageMan: ill give you more detention

Tiny God: fine geez

Outsider: thats BDE if ive ever seen it