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You Were My Rosary

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Lydia was in bed staring out her window as the moonlight streamed in and shone on her bed spread. She rolled over, but that side of the bed still smelled like Stiles.

Lydia shut her eyes and let the memories wash over her. Stiles trying his hardest to climb up to her bedroom window. How much she laughed as he more or less fell through the window and into her room. She would remind him that they had to be quiet and he’d take his place on the unoccupied side of Lydia’s bed. Sometimes they’d talk, sometimes they’d cuddle, sometimes things went farther than that and other times they just slept with their arms wrapped around each other.

Lydia wiped the tears from her eyes and rolled over because all of her wounds were still raw and open and causing more pain than she could bear. She was trying to stay strong for everyone else, but she was alone and she didn’t have to be strong for anyone when she was alone.

The funny thing is that it wasn’t even anything supernatural. It was a drunk driver. A drunk driver who ran a red light and hit the driver’s side of Stiles’ Jeep. The paramedics said that it was all over in an instant and that he had felt no pain, but those words did little to comfort her.

Lydia had started screaming when Stiles’ jeep was hit and she hadn’t stopped screaming since. She didn’t know of any rules about how long a banshee was allowed to scream, but Lydia wanted to scream until her voice wouldn’t let her scream anymore.

Melissa McCall had held Lydia as they both sobbed in the hospital hallway. She stayed with Lydia until her parents came and picked her up. Lydia could hear Scott screaming as she left the hospital, but she was too lost and afraid to offer her friend any comfort.

The events of that night play over and over in Lydia’s mind. They were all so close to graduation and none of it was fair, but when was life ever fair to any of them? The odds had been against them from the beginning. She had already lost Allison. She should have known that it would only be a matter of time until she lost someone else that she loved.

Lydia picked her iPod up off the floor and plugged it into the radio beside her bed. She switched the radio over to play music on her iPod and she scrolled until she found the playlist Stiles had made for her for their six month anniversary. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

She knew it would be another sleepless night, but at least she had her music playing, trying to lull her into a relaxed state that she’d never be able to reach. They’d deserved more time. They’d deserved more firsts. They hadn’t deserved the hand that was dealt to them. Time is a funny thing and it was never on their side, was it?

Lydia placed her hand on her window like she’d done so many times before when it was time for Stiles to leave after spending the night in her room.

“I love you.”, Lydia said to the empty space where Stiles should have been.

Lydia slowly dropped her hand from her window and stared at the handprint on the outside of her window. The moonlight made it easier to see as it started raining down from the night sky.

“Love you more.” Lydia whispered to herself. Stiles’ usual response echoed in her head.

From the other side of her bed she was certain she heard a whisper that said “Hey, that’s my line.”, but she shook her head and closed her eyes and slowly she drifted off to sleep.

“Nice playlist.” a barely audible voice said as an unseen force shut her bedroom door.

Lydia slept peacefully that night. The first time she had in a very long time.

Lydia may have felt alone that night, but she wasn’t. She never had been and she never would be.

Time might not have been on their side, but life was and one day they would meet again. The time may still be undecided, but until then Lydia wouldn’t give up Stiles’ ghost. His spirit lived on through her and Lydia reminded herself that life was still on her side.