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A Long Way From Whole

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His eyes flutter open slowly, lashes stuck together and head aching. With a groan he rolled onto his stomach to look at the clock on the bedside table. Eyes widening, he threw back the covers and raced across the room.

“Fuck. Where the actual hell…” he scrambled through his bag looking for something. He pulled out a small container of blue pills, and with shaking hands unscrewed the lid. Sticking his finger down the bottle he fished a small pill out before placing it beneath his tongue, to melt.

Shoulders slumping in relief he could feel his mind clouding over into the haze he knew so intimately. With his last bit of awareness, he dragged his feet out the bedroom door into the living room, where he collapses into the loveseat couch. A long sigh escapes him as the fog over takes his eyes.

****
Hours later the small boy on the couch is jolted awake as someone crashes into the seat next to him. He instinctively curls into himself as tears brim in his eyes at the shock. Still too close to the edge, he thinks to himself bitterly. He uncurls just enough to peak at the blonde lad who scared him so badly. The omega grins sheepishly at the boy reaching out to pet his hair. Still not totally out of the foggy space he leans into the small hand running through his hair.

The blonde grimaces minutely, “Did you shower today, Lou?” came whisper. The boy, Lou, mumbles something unintelligible, stretching his body from its curled position. He nuzzles into his companions’ leg, closing his eyes and enjoying the closeness for as long as he can. “God Lou, have you eaten today?” The blonde huffs still running his fingers through Lou’s greasy hair.

“Niall Horan, what do you think you’re doing?”

The deep rumble from across the room surprised both boys. Niall’s hand froze in the smaller boy’s hair before he slowly untangled his fingers from the brown locks. Lou groaned lowly, keeping his face tucked into Niall’s leg, not even acknowledging the presence looming over them now.

“I’d really like an explanation, Niall.” The deep voice growled out. Lou could feel Niall shift away from him and whined only to be silenced by the alpha’s vicious growl. “Not a chance, Louis. You don’t get to skip rehearsal to get high off your ass and then complain about the consequences. Honestly this has gone on for too long. I’m not dealing with this shit anymore and neither are any of the others.” Louis slowly opened his eyes, feeling the last bit of fog fade away as cold, icy dread floods his entire system. “I don’t care if you are the band beta, you haven’t been acting like it, but most of all you haven’t been acting like our Louis.”

Louis is sitting upright now, fists balled in his lap nails biting into the palms of his hands. He knows where this conversation is headed. He takes a deep breath in preparation of the long-winded fight to come.

“You know what, Louis. If you can go without your pack more than your drugs, then you can have just your drugs. We aren’t dealing with this shit anymore. Pack some necessities and get out of the pack house, we’ll ship you the rest later.” All the air seems to leave the room as the alpha’s speech comes to an end.

“Li, are you –” Niall has to stop and swallow thickly, “are kicking Louis out of the house?” The alpha nods slowly with his jaw set. Niall nods as well. “Okay, but umm. Not like out of the um, the uh –” He can’t even get the words out.

“You’re kicking me out of the pack.” It wasn’t a question. Louis knew what he looked like to the alpha in front of him. He was a screw up beta who only cared about where he was getting his next high. Liam looks at him but doesn’t say anything to contradict the statement. Niall promptly bursts into tears, which draws the other two alphas into the room.

They both check on their omega before turning to the beta. They block Louis’ view of Niall with their bodies and bare their teeth.

“What did you do to Niall?” The dark-haired alpha growls threateningly. A pit seems to yawn open in front of the boy as the situation seems to really settle in his addled mind.

He messed up.

Over and over again until the alphas didn’t even trust him in their pack.

Their pack.

Not his anymore.

No more Niall cuddles.

No more joints with Zayn.

No more movie marathons with Harry.

No more baking with Liam.

No more love.

No more trust.

He was officially, entirely and utterly, alone.

“Well?” Zayn growls again.

Louis raises his head slowly, eyes dry and face blank. “I did nothing to Niall. But ask big bad over there, I’m sure he’s got something to pin on me.” Louis sighs sadly, pushing himself off the love seat. He makes his way towards his bedroom in the flat.

He closes the door behind himself softly, pressing his back to it and sinking to the floor, head in hands. He can hear light murmuring coming from the other room, meaning the alphas were trying to comfort their omega. Louis drags his hands down his face and looks around the room. He really doesn’t have anything that he can take with him that won’t remind him of the life he had here.

Dragging himself across the floor on his knees, he reaches under his bed, pulling out the pre packed bag he’s had under there for months. He hoped this day would never come, but he knew that it would.

Louis takes one last look around the room before going back into the living room. Niall throws himself at Louis begging him not to go. “Please, please Lou, don’t leave. Don’t abandon us.”

“I’m not abandoning you Niall; I’m giving the alphas the space they need.” He hugs the boy tightly to him, nosing the top of his head. He tries to imprint Niall’s smell into his mind forever, because he doesn’t know if or when he will see him like this again.

He looks at the three alphas standing behind Niall and lets go of the omega. He does not break eye contact with Liam as he leans down to Niall’s ear.

“No matter what those alphas say, I will always love you Niall James Horan.” Niall lets out a sob and is being ripped from his arms by a furious alpha. Liam looms over Louis as he is crowded towards the door. Niall screams for Louis in the living room, fighting against his alphas hold.

“If you ever make Niall cry like t—” before Louis can finish his threat, the alpha lands a solid punch to his face.

“You aren’t allowed to make demands in this situation Louis.” Liam looks strong and unbothered about Louis cradling his face before him. “I don’t want you talking to Niall, Louis. If I find out that you have been, even if he tries to contact you, that punch will feel like a friendly pinch.” Without waiting for a reply, Liam shuts the door in Louis’ face. Leaving him alone for the first time in his life.

He turns his back on the door and starts walking towards the city in the distance, hoping he can get a hotel room indefinitely until he finds a place to live.

Chapter Text

Louis opens his eyes, groaning in pain. A hammer smacks into his skull between his eyes over and over again. He blinks his dry gritting eyes open, staring up at the blank ceiling. He rolls onto his side, curling into the fetal position. The minimally decorated wall next the bed forced the memories of yesterday to the forefront of his thoughts.

They don’t want you anymore. The voice in his head whispers. They don’t want you near their omega. Niall was his omega too, once. And they certainly don’t want to be near you themselves. The voice sounds just like Liam. The boys had finally gotten rid of the weak link of the pack. Tired of having a screw up, worthless beta around them.

Louis rolls into a sitting position, hands resting on the edge of the bed, legs dangling down to the floor, shoulders slumped and chin on his chest. A frown takes over his face as he realizes his mind is itching for its daily dose of that god forsaken drug.

He raises his head to look at the laptop sitting across the room inconspicuously. An email is waiting for him there. He knows it is, but he can’t bring himself to read it yet. Reading it will make it true and he isn’t in the right state of mind for that.

Making the decision to deal with the email after the high fades, he pushes himself off the bed. Shuffling on week legs to the living room area of his hotel he rummages through his bag pulling out a small bottle of pills. He spills them into his hand and considers just taking them all and seeing what happens, but he can’t do that to the boys. He can’t do that to his family, that don’t even know anything is wrong.

With a long-suffering sigh, he puts all but one pill back into the bottle. The last going straight under his tongue. He doesn’t move from his position on the floor, just lets the high overtake him as he slumps over onto the hotel carpet.

****
He wakes up to sunlight shining directly into his eyes. With weak arms he pushes off the ground and leans against the couch. He leans his head back onto the seat and just contemplates what he is going to do with himself now. Rolling his read to the side he looks again at his laptop.

He had emailed the management team last night about his solution to the situation Liam placed him in. He knew they would have replied by now, even if they hadn’t before the high took him away.

He sits up straight and pulls the laptop across the table, opening it up. His email comes straight onto the screen, a blue circle next to the newest email. He clicks it open and begins reading, tears already forming in his eyes.

Mr. Tomlinson,
We know how hard this decision must have been for you to
make. We cannot fathom how you must feel after being forced from
your pack so unexpectedly. We understand that you may want to
reconsider, so we are giving you until the band has to resign to make
your final decision. Of course, if it does not change, there will be no
extra paperwork or consequences. We want to make this process
as painless for you as we possibly can. While we do not think it is a
good idea to leave the rest of the boys in the dark, it is ultimately your
decision. We will tell them when they resign that you will not be
resigning with them, as you’ve requested. We have taken the liberty
of attaching the documents, you will need to sign. As the band is
currently on a break until the resign in 6 months, you will no longer
be required to attend meetings, rehearsals, or recording sessions.
We hate to see you leave, but your future is bright and full of potential.

Best,
Modest Management

 

Tears roll down his cheeks as he reads over the email twice more. He opens the first document attached to the email. A release from all band obligations. With a sob he types his name into the box and sends it back to the bands team.

The second document is a release from the band itself. Chocking on his sobs now he signs and sends it back.

The final document is an NDA. If he signs this, management can’t tell the pack that he has left until the date specified. However, if he signs this, he can’t tell them either. He hesitates above the box with his mouse. They will be happy that you’re gone. He signs his name. He closes his eyes as he sends to final document back to management, sobs tearing through his body.

He grabs a pillow off the couch behind him screaming and crying until his throat is raw. When his tears are dry, he slumps back into the couch. With a sniffle he sat up straight, pulling his laptop of the table into his lap.

“If they want me gone, I’ll be really gone.” He opens a travel site and books a plane to America two weeks from now. “Just have to tie up a few loose ends first.” Closing his laptop, he wipes his arm under his nose and stands up. He walks into the bathroom and strips off his clothes. He looks at the man in the vanity mirror.

He counts his ribs, then all the other bones in his chest and shoulders. Too thin for someone of his size. His face is gaunt and sickly, a dark bruise marring the right side of his face. The other eye almost the same dark purple, but both eyes are bloodshot. There is no spark behind his eyes anymore. He has been broken down. He needs to go somewhere he can walk down the streets and not have people flocking to him.

He takes a deep breath and steps into the shower. This is the start of his new journey. He knows that it won’t be easy, but he needs to do this. For himself.

He uses the hottest setting in the shower, scrubbing until his skin is dark red and raw to the touch. He washes his hair, lathering the shampoo and scrubbing at the back of his head. His hair is matted and knotted together so much that his fingers won’t move through it.

Stepping out onto the cold tile is a breath of fresh air that he desperately needs. “Okay, Louis. You can do this.” He grabs a towel to begin drying off.