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Lest We Forget

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Present moment….

Castiel gets up from bed every morning with an aching body and eyelids that are hard to pry open due to crusted- dried up tears. 7pm is when he leaves for his morning shift, but before that, he has to cook up his still sleeping boyfriend’s breakfast and wake the man up with the perfect cup of black coffee. That’s if he wants to avoid any altercations with his boyfriend.

Michael. That was his name. They had met 2 years ago at the town’s annual charity event for orphaned children. The man was charming and made Castiel feel special. Michael didn’t look at him like dirt under his shoes nor did the man treat Castiel like the way most of the townsfolk of Sioux Falls did. The man with the suit, tall, dark haired and green eyed swept him off his feet from the get go and as they say, the rest is history.

Castiel, for the first time felt like everything was heading towards the right direction. Maybe, things were going to work in his favor for once, but, when the first slap connected his right cheek a year into their relationship, his hope slowly diminished.

And the worst thing about it was that even though he was a cop at the Sioux Falls Police Department- a deputy to be exact- he allowed the abuse to continue. And with every hit, he reminded himself that he deserved the punishments that followed after he had broken the heart of the one he loved, 10 years ago.

Dean Winchester.

Oh how their love was magical and unequivocal!

Then, one mistake- giving Lucifer an invitation to his party- had cost him his relationship. He could still feel Luci pressing his hand down on his neck somewhat restricting the airflow in and out of his lungs, while the teenager violated him, into his very own bed. Castiel was a much tinier teen at the time, hence, a very drunk Lucifer was a very powerful and demanding Lucifer.

Then just when he thought things couldn’t get any worse, Dean had walked in and had assumed the horrible. His ex was so consumed by rage that he ended up punching Lucifer, shooting him a disgusted look before he blurted “We’re done!”

Castiel couldn’t forget the hurt that reflected off Dean’s face.

It still haunted his every footstep- and apparently, people, mostly Dean's friends found out and spread the news that Castiel had cheated on the town’s beloved quarterback. They blamed Castiel for Dean leaving.

And, yes, Castiel blamed himself too.

For all the bad luck that followed.

“Castiel.” Michael slurred sleepily, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. The man raised a brow at him, “where’s my coffee?”

Castiel felt his heart speed up. He quickly answered, “I left it on the kitchen counter, love. I’ll go and fetch it for you”.

Michael aimed him those unimpressed eyes, but kept a straight face. “Fine! Get it and get out! Ain’t you got a new Cap coming in today?”

Crap! Castiel almost forgot!

Castiel nodded, “y-yes love”. He hurriedly made his way down the stairs and grabbed the coffee, but when he turned around he gasped in shock to find Michael standing a few feet before him. The man looked cold, shaking his head at Castiel, “I can’t believe that you’re so fucking slow still!”

Castiel gulped when Michael took a step in. Castiel shivered, “Michael I-“. Before he could finish, Michael slapped the cup of scalding coffee out of Castiel’s hand- the cup splattering onto the marble floor while the hot coffee spilled unto Castiel’s torso. Castiel hissed and cried as Michael grabbed him by the jaw quite hard, “We will talk about how incapable you are becoming when I get back from work tonight. Do I make myself clear!?”

Castiel felt fear grip him. If Michael wanted to talk to him tonight, then that meant that things weren’t going to go well. He replied in an almost barely there voice, “Ok Michael.” Michael then shoved him back, allowing his lower back to smack against the edge of the kitchen counter. Castiel’s eyes were blurry with tears and pain was coursing through his body.

Castiel took a deep breath through his nostrils, swiped at the tears that escaped his eyes and bent down to start picking up the shards of glass on the floor.

Castiel was pathetic!

Dean had told him so, when he broke it off with Castiel!

You’re nothing but a desperate, pathetic, cheating sack of shit, Castiel! You deserve nothing good in your damn life!

Yeah, he was damn pathetic indeed.


And coming up in the next chapter.....

Dean stared into those blue eyes that he once loved. No! No way did Castiel work for him! The deputy stuttered, “Um-h-hey Dean”.

Immediately, Dean felt anger overtake his stunned state. What the fuck!? Castiel was still beautiful, but in no way he wasn’t the cheating snake that destroyed everything good between them! And Dean wasn’t going to give this man before him any special treatment. Dean folded his arms along his chest, narrowing his eyes at the now hesitant looking deputy, voice as cold as ice and barely unrecognizable to his own self as he said, “You will call me Cap or Captain Winchester! Is that understood deputy?”

Castiel felt his heart squeeze, eyes lowering to the ground in shame, again his voice almost non- existent as he replied, “Y-Yes Captain Winchester”.

Dean felt like something was off about Castiel- like he looked smaller. No! No caring for your cheating ex Dean! So, he hardened his heart, spitting out a cold, “good!” Before he turned his back to Cas- definitely not going to read into the saddened eyes of his ex-boyfriend.

Castiel had no fucken right to be sad!

Not even after 10 fucken years!

Dean despised the deputy and he was going to show the man exactly that!

TBC

Chapter Text

Dean

He parked ‘Baby’ outside his new workplace. Sioux Falls Police Department. Wow! He couldn’t believe that he was back here. Now, suited up in his dark blue uniform- ready to take on the role of ‘Captain’.

A rank that took him years of hard work and determination to achieve.

His hands were clammy, his skin was on fire, and his own heart was beating a little faster than normal. He knew it had nothing to do with the job and everything to do with the fact that he was going to serve and protect the town he once swore to never come back to.

Not after Castiel. His cheating ex!

Argh! He wasn’t going to think of that asshole. He got out! He did it!

With a final deep breath, he got out of the Impala and made his way over to the precinct.

Time to meet his team.

**

Deputy’s Garth Fitzgerald IV, Benny Lafitte, Lisa Braeden, Cole Trenton- were the only ones he recognized from high school. He was particularly thrilled to see his best friend Benny Lafitte- instantly going in for a hug.

Then, there were others- Deputy’s Donna Hanscum, Samandriel, Viktor Hendrickson, Meg Masters and Kevin Tran- which were new to him. Nonetheless, he was privileged to have such an amazing team.

He asked, “Are there any other police officers that are out of the precinct?”

Benny answered- looking somewhat hesitant, “Um Cap- there’s still one deputy you have yet to meet”.

“Who?”

Benny swallowed, “Um- maybe- I think it’s best that you wait for the deputy to come, then you’ll see”.

Ok. Why did that make him feel unsettled?

Nevertheless, he nodded. “Very well. When is he coming in?”

Benny’s eyes shifted from him to somewhere behind him- he noticed how Benny’s adam’s apple bobbed in nervousness and how the man’s eyes bugged out. Well, now he wondered if he should turn around.

Benny clapped him one on the bicep, “Um- we’ll just leave you alone- to um- deal with- yeah”. The man gathered the other deputy’s and herded them back to their work stations. He gathered himself and turned around.

The instant his eyes landed on that man- it felt like his whole world had come to a halt.

Dean stared into those blue eyes that he once loved. No! No way did Castiel work for him! The deputy stuttered, “Um-h-hey Dean”.

Immediately, Dean felt anger overtake his stunned state. What the fuck!? Castiel was still beautiful, but in no way he wasn’t the cheating snake that destroyed everything good between them! And Dean wasn’t going to give this man before him any special treatment. Dean folded his arms along his chest, narrowing his eyes at the now hesitant looking deputy, voice as cold as ice and barely unrecognizable to his own self as he said, “You will call me Cap or Captain Winchester! Is that understood deputy?”

Castiel felt his heart squeeze, eyes lowering to the ground in shame, again his voice almost non- existent as he replied, “Y-Yes Captain Winchester”.

Dean felt like something was off about Castiel- like he looked smaller. No! No caring for your cheating ex Dean! So, he hardened his heart, spitting out a cold, “good!” Before he turned his back to Cas- definitely not going to read into the saddened eyes of his ex-boyfriend.

Castiel had no fucken right to be sad!

Not even after 10 fucken years!

Dean despised the deputy and he was going to show the man exactly that!

**

“Cap you ok?” Benny came popping his head into his office.

He was setting up his things, a little too roughly. He blurted without sparing a glance at Benny, “I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my cheating ex is now working under my command, Benny!”

He could hear his best friend sigh, “Dean, he is a different now”.

He felt himself bristle. He grit his teeth and turned harsh eyes at his good friend, “I don’t believe it, Benny! He has always been a liar! I know him better than anyone else!”

Benny licked his lips, “Dean, he has been through a lot. He has been punished for his deceit”.

He clenched his fists. “You’re on his side!?” How could his best friend take the side of the man that broke his heart?

Benny huffed, “Of course not! I just seen the whole town treat him like crap, for 10 years now. You know blamed him for their star quarterback leaving”. Benny shrugged, “Even I was pissed at him up to a point where things turned bad and um- yeah”. Benny added looking a little blankly at the desk, “I forgave him and yeah- moved on”.

He wanted to ask what Benny meant by ‘when things turned bad’, however, he felt like he just didn’t care. He clicked his tongue and shrugged, “Well, I can’t say I blame the town. And, good for you, that you’ve forgiven Castiel. As for me, I don’t think I ever will. He is pure dirt under my shoes!”

The look Benny gave him- filled with sadness made him feel like retracting his words. No! No, he was the victim in this! He was their captain and he was the one that gave the orders around here. He folded his arms along his chest, “I want you to gather all the officers into the conference room. I want to go over the allocated responsibilities for this week”.

Benny nodded, “Ok Cap”. He ignored the resigned look on Benny’s face.

No way, no how. Cas could go screw himself, because Dean was just getting started.


Coming up in the next chapter…..

Dean’s words stung. The way Dean looked at and treated him, as if he were scum, broke his heart.

He didn’t know if he could go through anyone’s hate towards him anymore.

He didn’t know if he could take Deans hate for him.

Things should have ended that night, all those years back. But, Benny found him. Why?

Why didn’t Benny just allow it to happen?

Save him the sorrows of the present.

TBC

Chapter Text

Castiel

The heartache he was going through, at this very moment, was indescribable. Here he was, always trying to push himself to come to work, always trying to tell himself that life would get easier and all he needed to do was hang on a little longer- but, seemed like luck was never on his side.

Dean was here. Dean was his captain. Dean hated his guts.

Already, three quarters of his work colleagues despised him- some for his betrayal towards Dean and others just heard what he had done and hated him from the bat. Now, he had Dean to add to the list and God knows what the Cap would put him through.

If only Dean knew the truth, Castiel! You need to tell him!

His inner voice never let up. Well, first of all, what happened 10 years ago will never be easy to talk about, so yeah…..he’ll see…

Benny was nice to him- at least he could count on that, however, he felt that maybe it was just because he had tried to end his life 5 years back. He felt someone touch his shoulder, “Hey Castiel, the Cap wants us all in the conference room. He wants to dispatch the responsibilities for the week”.

He glanced up to see a saddened smiling Benny Laffite, his heart already speeding up as he replied, “Ok Benny. Thanks”.

Benny nodded and said in a lightened tone, “Hang in there”. With those last words, the man walked away towards the conference room, where all the other work colleagues were headed towards.

He took a deep breath to try and settle himself before he got up and followed.

**

At first meet, it didn’t seem like it, but now, during this small staff meeting, it was clear that Dean was a professional. Though the man ignored looking at him- most of the time, Dean continued with delegating responsibilities to his fellow cops.

Most were placed out on patrol duties, some on keeping track of those prisoners under their care, some on court duties, and, some on desk duties.

No cop liked desk duties. And that included him.

But, when Dean looked at him, and allocated him with desk and report duties for the month- he all but replied calmly, “But Captain Winchester, I’ve never been on desk duty since I was a rookie 8 years back”. Yes he compiled his own reports for arrests he made, but, never spent full time in the office.

He saw the moment Dean bristled, “Are you disobeying my orders, Deputy Novak?”

He felt so small as all judgmental and unimpressed eyes were on him. He could only look down at the ground, stuttering, “N-No Cap. I-“.

“Good! Or else I’ll have you reported to the disciplinary committee. Don’t want any slackers and certainly don’t want any unreliable people working for me”, Dean interrupted with unmistakable venom in his voice.

Unreliable.

Yeah he felt that word hit him square in the jaw. For him, Dean and whoever knew their past- it was clear that the word ‘unreliable’ held different meanings. And it hurt like hell.

He never said another word as they were dispatched to their permitted tasks.

**

He found silence was his best friend. He had gotten used to putting his head down and doing as he was told. He felt he didn’t have a voice and that a life of punishment was all he deserved. However, he couldn’t get rid of the memory flashes of Dean shooting him eyes full of contempt.

Dean looked at him like he was something rotten.

He could feel it dig into his soul.

He could still feel Dean’s words drive a knife into his gut.

Dean’s words stung. The way Dean looked at and treated him, as if he were scum, broke his heart.

He didn’t know if he could go through anyone’s hate towards him anymore.

He didn’t know if he could take Deans hate for him.

Things should have ended that night, all those years back. But, Benny found him. Why?

Why didn’t Benny just allow it to happen?

Save him the sorrows of the present.

As if on automatic response, his right wrist- his writing hand- started to ache. He could feel the hidden vertical scar on his wrist burn. He couldn’t hold the pen up whenever his right forearm started to pain.

He laid the pen down and began to rub at his wrist and forearm through the long sleeves of his blue uniform. His right arm was weak because he had hurt himself pretty badly, though, the doctors were able to save his arm, connect a few nerves, just enough to get him writing or using his gimp right hand for a few hours.

No strain they said.

Imagine what desk duties and report writing would do to his hand.

Oh well. No one would care.

That pain in his arm made his heart squeeze in agony. His face would droop, he would feel his lips downturn and tears blur his eyes. It reminded him of how worthless he once was. It reminded him of why he had done what he had done.

Because no one liked him. He was alone.

And now, he felt that loneliness becoming even more significant.

Nothing pains more than finally having to witness just how much the one you truly love- hates you with all his being.

In his sorrowful moment, he didn’t notice green eyes studying him.

He didn’t see the worry and questions written on Dean’s face.


Coming up in the next chapter….

Lisa Braeden.

His arch nemesis.

In high school, she always tried to get in between him and Dean. She had a slight obsession with his former lover, but Dean always gave her a good telling off and told her that he wasn’t interested. He was always happy whenever Dean would reject her.

But now?

It seemed like Lisa refused to waste any time and opportunity.

What he could see happening before him, shattered his heart further- if that were possible- into more pieces.

Lisa was openly flirting with the captain and Dean was flirting right back.

What was more heart wrenching was the fact that Dean was flirting before him- like the man just didn’t care.

He thought he had felt the cruelest pain- but this was even worse.

He was having his heart trampled and stomped on- again- for what felt like the millionth time in these 10 years.

The worst thing about it was that he felt he deserved it.

There was no love left in Dean’s heart for Castiel.

TBC

Chapter Text

Dean

He wasn’t immune to the forces trying to pull him towards Cas. His eyes constantly diverting from his computer screen, just to sneak a glance at the blue eyed man – whose desk was quite close to his office- just outside his door to the right as a matter of fact. He could feel himself wanting to just march over to the deputy and voice his opinions.

Maybe, fix things too? Right Dean?

Damnit! He hated that stupid meddlesome inner voice!

He hated that he was still drawn to Cas in some way. He hated that the man could still ruffle his feathers. He hated that he could still feel that spark igniting within him.

He sighed and thumbed the bridge of his nose. He rubbed a hand down his face and decided to get up for a good stretch. He walked around his desk only to rest his ass against the edge of the front of his mahogany desk. From here he could practically see the entire work station. He folded his arms along his chest and brought his eyes back to Cas.

It’s been five freaken hours since he assigned each officers tasks and so far, Cas has been seated at his desk for all of the five hours- not moving, not even getting up for a toilet break nor a coffee break.

Now, Deans no expert but anyone with a sound mind would say ‘that’s not real healthy’.

And maybe, he could feel concern for the blue eyed deputy trying to scratch its way onto the surface.

He continued to watch in silence still, furrowing his brow when he saw Cas drop his pen unto the desk, then the man started to rub and palm at his right wrist and forearm. From here, he could see the blue eyed man hiss and close his eyes in discomfort and pain.

Instinctively, he felt something was not right.

He could always tell when Cas was sad, happy, excited, worried, stressed, in pain and angry. He still found that he knew the man like the back of his hand.

And once again, he felt that something had changed. Cas looked older- sure that was expected, plus he was also frail, pale and looked like he had forgotten the importance of proper sleep. Maybe, he should check on the guy and see if he’s ok?

Just like that, a memory came flooding back.

Not the cheating, but the memory of a much younger, laughing Cas squirming in his arms as Dean tried to get a kiss in.

He felt tears fill his eyes, his heart squeezed at the memory. He was only trying to make his boyfriend happy that day. They were so in love. No one mattered but them. He loved him. And then, Cas had to break his heart.

God, even after, he still felt that same love for the man before him.

And soon, he slowly felt that irritation and anger build within him. This was unhealthy; he needed to fucking move on.

He fucking thought he did!

Cas was his history!

He needed someone else to fill this hole in his chest- even if it’s just casual.

That’s when Lisa Braeden appeared out of nowhere. “Hey Dean”.

Through the corner of his eyes, he saw Cas sneaking glances into he and Lisa’s direction. Always trying to poke his nose around. Always trying to hold power over him. Well, boo fucking hoo! Cas can watch him get his flirt on!

He has moved on!

He did a once over of the still beautiful brunette's curvy physique, “Hey Lis. You haven’t changed a bit since high school”.

Lisa’s smile curved into something flirty. There was a heat in her eyes as she approached, “well, I do a lot of yoga to stay in shape, Dean”.

His next words felt like vomit coming out of his mouth- strangely he wasn’t feeling it, but, hey, he had a point to prove. He licked his lips, “must be quite bendy then?”


Castiel

Lisa Braeden.

His arch nemesis.

In high school, she always tried to get in between him and Dean. She had a slight obsession with his former lover, but Dean always gave her a good telling off and told her that he wasn’t interested. He was always happy whenever Dean would reject her.

But now?

It seemed like Lisa refused to waste any time and opportunity.

What he could see happening before him, shattered his heart further- if that were possible- into more pieces.

Lisa was openly flirting with the captain and Dean was flirting right back.

What was more heart wrenching was the fact that Dean was flirting before him- like the man just didn’t care.

He thought he had felt the cruelest pain- but this was even worse.

He was having his heart trampled and stomped on- again- for what felt like the millionth time in these 10 years.

The worst thing about it was that he felt he deserved it.

There was no love left in Dean’s heart for Castiel


Dean POV continued….

“Must be quite bendy then?”

Lisa smirked, “Oh you have no idea”. She dragged her bottom lip between her teeth, “If you want, I can show you just how bendy I can be?”

Ok maybe he was a little turned on by her hot words- but thank heavens he could control himself. A boner at work wouldn’t paint a nice image, even if he were trying to get Cas to see that he had moved on. His voice was slightly thick as he said, “well, maybe I’ll take you up on that offer soon”.

Lisa winked, “I’ll be waiting Cap”. With that she sauntered away, her perfect ass looking quite hot in those cop pants. Maybe, he’d tap that.

Maybe, Dean? Still undecided I see!

He growled internally and scolded that internal voice, “Oh shut up!”

His eyes once again found Cas desk, heart dropping when he saw the man’s seat empty. Where did Cas go?

Why do you care!?

He walked out the office and headed to the reception, “Hey Charlie, you seen Castiel? Um- I mean Deputy Novak?”

Charlie nodded, her eyes holding weariness. In the short time he had gotten to know her, he picked up that she wasn’t her usual bubbly self.  She nodded towards the entrance of the building, “He um- his boyfriend came looking for him and um- kinda demanded he see him, so Castiel obliged”.

Cas had a boyfriend? He tried to push down how much that stung. No not happening! He focused more on Charlie’s nonverbal cues.

She had averted his eyes while she answered.

Now that was suspicious.

His brows drew together, “Charlie what are you not telling me?”

The red head gnawed at her bottom lip, “Um- Castiel-um his boyfriend isn’t so friendly. Whenever, Michael pays Castiel a visit, the deputy almost always returns with wet eyes”. She shrugged, “I really don’t know what that is all about”.

He stopped hearing her the second she mentioned ‘wet eyes’. He found his feet already carrying him towards the entrance. Though he had his- differences- with Cas, that didn’t mean he would stand by and watch someone hurt the man.

He was the captain of this Police Department. And he’d be damned if any of his officers were harassed in any way.

Not under his fucking watch!


Coming up in the next chapter….

Michael clamped an iron fist around his right weak wrist. The pain shooting up his right arm was unbearable, hence he released a wounded cry, voice frail and trembling, “Michael please. You’re hurting me. Let go!” He tried tugging but failed.

His boyfriend, fisted his wrist tighter, chuckling sadistically at the mewl he released. The man sneered into his face, shaking his scarred wrist, “Maybe you should have cut deeper Cas! You would save everyone a hell of a lot of grief if you hadn’t lived!”

He choked on his own pain and tears. Maybe Michael was right. He would’ve saved everyone a whole lot of grief.

He wanted to say, ‘you’re right Michael’ when a booming, very pissed off, familiar gruff voice broke through his thoughts.

“Hey! You let him the fuck go! NOW!”

Dean?

His eyes immediately fell unto Dean- whose fists were clenched into his sides, a hand itching to pull out his gun.

A man whose green eyed iron clad expression could burn a hole through anyone’s skull- at this very moment.

He felt Michael release his wrist- feeling the bruising throb- which got him rubbing at his right wrist again.

Then Dean’s steely voice ordered, “Cas get over here!”

TBC

Chapter Text

Castiel

Michael was standing outside the police department- looking all pissed. Oh God, what had he done now to warrant a visit by his boyfriend? There was no explanation nor warning- Michael immediately grabbed hold of his right wrist, squeezing tight and on the side of painful.

“You are a piece of work, y’know!”

What the hell was the man talking about?

He felt fear grip him, “U-um what do you mean, Michael? W-What have I done?” Yeah because when Michael was pissed, it was totally his fault.

“M-Michael I-I don’t understand”, he stuttered trying to pry his wrist out of his boyfriends tight grip.

Michael spat out in his face, “You broke my mother’s gift to me and decided to hide it!” Michael sneered, “You thought I wouldn’t find out Castiel!”

Oh crap! Michael was talking about his favorite plate! Two years ago, Michael’s mom had gifted the man a beautiful golden-flowery like plate and the very next day she had passed away from a heart attack. Michael had cherished his mother’s gift. Somehow, he was putting away the dishes a few days back and the plate happened to slip out of his grasp- falling onto the floor and shattering into many pieces.

He was so scared that he quickly cleaned it up and emptied the shards into the bin. Since the plate was hardly used by Michael, he hoped that the man wouldn’t find out. But, how long could he keep that up? Now that a pissed Michael was here- he would say not very long.

“I-I’m sorry Michael! I w-was so scared to t-tell you”.

Michael was clearly enjoying his pain and fear. He could read it loud and clear in the man’s spiteful eyes. In fact, the more pain he was in, the happier Michael would feel. Powerful.

Michael clamped an iron fist around his right weak wrist. The pain shooting up his right arm was unbearable, hence he released a wounded cry, voice frail and weak “Michael please. You’re hurting me! Let go!” He tried tugging but failed.

His boyfriend, fisted his arm tighter, chuckling sadistically at the mewl he released. The man sneered into his face, shaking his scarred wrist, “Maybe you should have cut deeper Cas! You would save everyone a hell of a lot of grief if you hadn’t lived!”

He choked on his own pain and tears. Maybe Michael was right. He would’ve saved everyone a whole lot of grief.

He wanted to say, ‘you’re right Michael’ when a booming, very pissed off, familiar gruff voice broke through his thoughts.

“Hey! You let him the fuck go! NOW!”

Dean?

His eyes immediately fell unto Dean- whose fists were clenched into his sides, a hand itching to pull out his gun.

A man whose green eyed iron clad expression could burn a hole through anyone’s skull.

He felt Michael release his wrist- feeling the bruising throb- which got him rubbing at his right wrist again.

Then Dean’s steely voice ordered, “Cas get over here!”

Still he found himself rooted to the spot.

Just as Dean’s order came through, Benny’s squad car made a stop by the sidewalk. Immediately, Officer Lafitte and his partner Cole Trenton stepped out with hands on their guns. Benny’s eyes travelled back and forth between him and Michael before meeting the Cap’s, voice laced with concern as he asked, “Everything ok, Cap?”

Without hesitation, Dean ordered, “Arrest this man!”

Michael bellowed, “For what!? I did as you asked!” Then Michael threw him eyes of contempt, “Say something, Castiel! Don’t just stand there looking like the same old worthless shit you’ve always been!”

His boyfriend was currently being cuffed by Benny while reading the man his Miranda rights.

Again he couldn’t find his voice, however, embarrassment began to take a hold of him. He could feel judgmental eyes burn his very skin. But, then again, before he could say anything, Dean stepped up into Michael’s face, “Listen here, you sack of useless shit! No one threatens or harasses my officers and gets away with it. You threaten a cop; you’re immediately in breach of the law!” With finality, Dean ordered, “Get this wretched piece of shit out of my sight!”

Again, he still couldn’t move an inch. He just watched a now weary Michael get escorted away by officers Benny and Cole. His mind was running wild. What is he going to do now? What will Dean say? Maybe he will be disciplined for bringing personal crap into his workplace.

His mind was still reeling with depressive questions and thoughts when Dean said, in a less harsh tone than he spoke Michael- though there was an underlying tightness in the man’s voice, “Deputy Novak! I want you in my office in 5 minutes! We need to talk!”

Then, Dean was stalking back into the police department. Meanwhile, he was scared shitless now. Oh God! What if he lost his job? What would Dean ask him? What should he say? Would Dean think him weak if the truth came out? Would Dean look at him in disgust?

He knew he couldn’t run.

Not anymore.

And that thought scared him immensely.

Nevertheless, it was time to face the music.

It was his turn to get a good ass telling off from Dean Winchester.

And that made his heart ache, because in the end of the day, he knew no one would love him. He knew no one would understand. He knew Michael was always going to be right.

He was worthless. He was useless.

And that’s exactly how Dean would see him.

He wiped at his teary eyes, took a deep breath and headed back into the building.

Ready to get his heart stomped on- as usual.

TBC

Chapter Text

Dean

He was pacing in his office.

He was bristling. He was so enraged. He was filled with contempt. He wanted to punch this Michael. There was also this feeling brewing within him that something was missing- that there was more he did not understand.

He wasn’t blind nor deaf.

What was happening before him was a clear-cut indication of an abusive relationship. A man trying to exert power and domination over another. But what he didn’t get was why did Cas allow this to proceed?

The other troubling thing that piqued his curiosity was the horrible words Michael spewed out. Of how Cas should’ve cut deeper? Those words honestly filled him up with dread. What had happened? Did it mean what it meant? Did Cas try to end his life once?

He wanted answers and he was going to get them.

He came too when a soft knock on the door sounded. His heart squeezed when he was faced with a hesitant and weary eyed Castiel. The man couldn’t meet his eyes directly- and it was honestly…upsetting.

He cleared his throat, hoping it would cover up for the waver in his tone, “Um. Come in Deputy”.

Castiel entered and remained standing just a meter from where he stood. Castiel’s voice was barely there as the man said, “You wanted to see me Cap?”

Dean leaned his ass against his desks edge, folding his arms along his chest and nodded towards the empty leathered two seater sofa just by the door, “Have a seat”.

Castiel did as he was told.

He watched how the man kept rubbing his hands together and eyeing the floor beneath his feet. From here as he looked on, he was able to assess Castiel’s form- seeing how thin the man was- how tired. He rubbed a hand down his face before he grabbed an empty chair and situated it opposite the sofa, taking a seat in it.

He let a few seconds pass, before he asked calmly, “Ca- Um- Deputy. Tell me what happened out there”.

The tiredness reflecting out of those blue lifeless orbs made him want to just pull the man into his arms and shield him from the rest of the world. It also made him more persistent to find out what the hell was going on? This was not the same Cas he knew- 10 years ago. Then again, he had to keep in mind that time and experiences changes people.

What experiences?

Castiel answered, “Um- I apologize that you had to see that Dean- Um Cap”.

“Please don’t apologize Deputy. That man- Michael- your boyfriend- he should be the one apologizing. He shouldn’t have did what he did”. He found that fire wanting to consume him when he thought of the asshole who hurt Cas. He probed, “Has Michael been like this? Abusive?”

Castiel’s eyes found his own fiddling fingers, shrugging, “Um yeah. It’s been going on for some time now?”

Now, he had half a mind to march over to Michael’s cell and give the man a good old fashioned ass whooping. He kept his cool and asked, “How long is some time?”

“Dean- um- Cap, please don’t pretend like you care. I will talk to him- Michael and I will sort this out”, Castiel uttered with his eyes still on the floor.

Well. That was a slap to the face. And maybe he deserved it, but damnit he was worried for Castiel. He grit his teeth, trying to reign in his temper, “Cas, you know about the cycle of violence. You can’t just keep forgiving him, every single time he hurts you! I know that you still feel pain- and that can happen from old or fresh wounds that haven’t healed proper!” He pointed towards Cas right hand, “Like the one on your right hand. I saw you flinch in pain when he gripped you there. He can’t continue to hurt you like this!” Hell, he didn’t care that he called the man by his nickname; he just wanted the message to get through.

Castiel rubbed at his right wrist- the second he had mentioned it. This time, Castiel eyed him with steely blue- spiteful eyes. The man sneered and spat out with a voice full of venom, almost sounding defensive and disgusted, “Michael didn’t hurt my wrist! I DID!”

He was stunned silent, watching Castiel’s eyes finally fill up with tears- realization of what he had said slowly sinking in. His own heart started to beat rapidly at the implication of Castiel’s words. Fear was trying to claw its way onto the surface. His voice shook as he asked, “Cas, did you hurt yourself?”

Castiel abruptly stood up, wiping his sweaty palms down his pants, the man sniffled and blurted a rushed, “Um- I need to go home! I um- I just need some time alone”.

Yeah, all of his red flags were up. His own mind was riding on overdrive. Though he had so many questions that needed answering, his top priority now was ensuring his officers safety- in this case Castiel’s own safety- most probably from himself. He stood up and got in Castiel’s way, “No! I’m not letting you leave when you’re in such a vulnerable state, Cas!”

“Dean please?” Castiel pleaded trying to get past him, but he still wouldn’t budge. Castiel was exceptionally weak which is another surprising thing- seeing as the man used to outsmart and out-power him when they were together.

“No Cas!” He sighed, “Just, sit down, please”.

A few tears creeped down Castiel’s cheek and he itched to wipe at it. He thought that Cas would just push on further, but the man deflated and sat back down, burying his face into the palms of his hands. Castiel emotionally muttered into the palms of his hands, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time”.

He wanted to reach out and touch the man’s thigh, but thought better of it- seeing as it might cross some borders. He settled for clasping his hands together, trying to keep his own emotions in check as he asked, “What are you talking about, Cas?”

Castiel pulled his face out of hiding, to peer at him with watery, reddened eyes. “I- Lucifer”.

His blood instantly boiled at the mention of that assholes name. He really didn’t want to start throwing insults at Cas. He didn’t want to upset the man further than he already was. He just kept silent, not meeting the man’s eyes. It still hurt him to think of what Cas and Lucifer did. It was hurtful to think of Cas cheating on him. Still raw.

Castiel sniffled, “If only you knew the truth of what really happened that night, 10 years ago”.

His head shot up, eyes instantly searching that depressed face. He couldn’t help it. He knew what had happened that night, 10 years ago, but there was something to the way Castiel said those words that made him feel that he was missing something,

“What the hell are you talking about, Cas?”

TBC

Chapter Text

Castiel

This was the second most terrifying moment he has ever experienced in his entire existence. The first was when he let Dean slip through his fingers, 10 years ago. And, with all this additional emotions swirling inside him- sadness, guilt, shame, embarrassment, disgust- he had half a mind to admit to Dean what really happened on the night of his 18th birthday.

He didn’t know if he could re-live that horrendous moment his self-respect and dignity flew out the window. But, there was no running away now. Not after he had somehow let the cat out of the bag. He had always been good at bottling up how he felt, but, not with Dean. Never with Dean.

The man had a way of just getting him to blurt out whatever was happening within him, without really saying much. It was one of the reasons why he felt they were so good together. He felt a tear slide down his cheek. Yeah not anymore.

Dean’s words echoed through his mind.

What the hell are you talking about, Cas?

He felt his hands tremble, his blurry vision catching Dean’s searching- curious look. He’d do this and walk away. Enough carrying this secret- that not even Michael knew- within him. He couldn’t do it anymore, now that Dean was sitting before him. His walls were crashing down and there was nothing he could do about it. He sucked in a deep breath, licking his dry lips and saying in a barely there voice, “I didn’t cheat on you, Dean”.

Suddenly, everything was pin drop silent- not even the sound of breathing was heard. But then, as the silence drew into one minute, his increasing heartbeat is heard drumming against his ears. He couldn’t even bring himself to look Dean in the eye after his admission- for fear of disappointment.

Just as he thought Dean would up and walk away- like he had 10 years ago- the man replied tiredly, “Cas, let’s not get into this, please”.

And just like that- through God knows how- irritation flooded him. He was tired of everyone. He was tired of people just pushing everything aside. He was tired of people not listening. He was tired of all the mockery. Through his heartache, and because of his ignited anger, he found himself trembling out, “No Dean! You’re not listening! Why are you not listening!?”

“Cas! Why do you always have to push, huh!?” There was a bite in Dean’s tone accompanied with an unimpressed look, “Just drop it ok! Or have you forgotten that I saw what had happened between you and Lucifer, ten fucking years ago!”

He retorted, “What you THOUGHT you saw!”

“What the fuck does that mean, Cas!?”

He had finally felt his pent up rage of 10 years consume him. He immediately stood up and spat out with much venom in his voice, “THAT I WAS BEING RAPED BY LUCIFER, DEAN! THAT I HAD NO CONTROL AND THAT WHEN I SAW YOU COME INTO THE ROOM, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD REALIZE AND DO SOMETHING!” He felt his tears finally come tumbling out like that of a waterfall, whilst his heart squeezed with so much pain. His own voice losing its heat, lifeless and watery as he said, “But you never did make a move. You just- walked out- and that gave Lucifer the power to finish what he was doing to me. And, I couldn’t scream anymore, because I had nothing left in me to give- my strength and willpower walked out the door thinking I had cheated on him”. He rubbed at his chest as if to soothe his aching heart, “After the incident, I couldn’t explain myself to you because I was in shock. All I could do was hear you yell at me, see you look at me with unspeakable betrayal in your eyes and watch you walk out that door, never to return”. He sniffled, eyes meeting the floor, “And I believed it was my fault because everyone in this town made me feel that it was- every single day, until I couldn’t take it anymore….but then, Benny found me and saved me”.

He was going to go on- like his brain to mouth filter had suddenly become dysfunctional- that is until he heard Dean’s thick-broken sounding, “Cas”.

That’s when he finally focused properly on Dean. The man’s completely pale, horrified and teary eyed expression almost knocked him off his feet. The man’s hands and lips were trembling- almost seemingly childlike while continuing to remain frozen still on his seat. Oh God. He knew this look. Dean was in shock.

And that made him realize what he had truly admitted. Everything- not in detail- but the truth. Fear instantly grappled him. He could feel himself beginning to fold back into his worthless self. Oh God! What has he done? What will Dean think of him now? He felt his feet already taking him backwards, until he felt strong arms clasp his shoulders from behind. Then a familiar voice- though a little heavier- he hadn’t heard for more than 12 years now said, “Calm down Cassie. I got you little bro”.

He turned around and gasped when he saw who was standing there, smiling at him. He swallowed and shakily stated, “G-Gabe.” Without much thought he immediately fell into his brother’s arms, pushing his face into the man’s shoulders, weeping, “I thought I’d never see you again”.

Gabe’s own voice was shaky with emotion as he replied, holding him tight, “I’m sorry Cas. I should have kept in touch with you after leaving for college. But…mom-“.

Oh he knew about Gabe and their mom’s big fight on Gabe’s last day of senior year. Naomi always picked on Gabe because she felt burdened that she had to care of her deceased husbands (their dad’s) son from another. He also knew that his half-brother Gabe left angry and never to be heard of again. He wondered what happened to his big brother throughout this 12 years, but that was a story for another time.

He pulled out of the hug just in time to notice Benny slip past him, heading straight for a still unmoving, eerily silent Dean whose eyes were focused on the sofa he was sitting on. The man appeared to be in another headspace, not even realizing what was happening around them. And yeah, it did fill him up with worry. He wanted to check in on Dean when his arm was tugged back. He shot Gabe an annoyed look, “Gabe let me go”.

Gabe had on a pleading look, “Cas. I heard everything you just told Dean a few minutes back. And from both your reactions, I would say, you both need some time apart to process things”.

He glanced into Dean’s direction- meeting Benny’s eyes. Officer Lafitte, who was seated on the sofa nodded at him, “its ok, Castiel. I’ll alert his brother Sam and in the meantime, keep an eye on him”.

Of course. Sam had probably flown in to celebrate his brother’s promotion. Nevertheless, It felt so hard to leave Dean speechless and in an oblivious state, but, he knew if he tried to force communication with Dean, then things might get ugly. They both needed time. He glanced at Gabe, unconsciously rubbing at his wrist, “Can I stay with you tonight?”

Gabe smiled softly, “Of course, Castiel. The pent house suite I’ve booked into for two weeks would be boring to live in- all on my lonesome”.

He still felt numb, but managed to say, “Ok Gabe”. Besides they had a lot to catch up on.

Gabe gave Officer Lafitte a nod, “Thanks for finding me, Benny”.

Huh?

Benny finding Gabe? Why? How?

“No problem Gabriel. You take care of that kid brother of yours, you here”.

Gabe nodded and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Before he could leave the office, he spared one last look at Dean who now had his face buried into the palms of his hands- the man’s shoulders were shaking.

Dean was crying.

And he felt that tear slide down his cheeks, because yes, he felt the man’s pain and he wanted more than anything to hold him- though he has been through so much.

He wasn’t immune; not his heart nor his soul.

TBC

Chapter Text

Dean

He had momentarily blanked out after Cas’s heart-wrenching confession. But not before feeling that punch to the gut- completely knocking the wind out of him. Soon, the commonly experienced repetitive memory of that night where he walked in on Cas and Lucifer came reeling back in. But, this time, instead of seeing Cas enjoying sex; he was seeing the terror and discomfort on Cas face. The cry for help.

But then, something horrible happened. He had turned his back on his pleading boyfriend and stomped off- wrathful and prepared to end things for good.

And yes, he did end things and left his shaken, sobbing boyfriend behind.

Oh God! He felt that hurt and pain completely consume him as he began to realize the enormity of what he had done. He was the betrayer of their relationship. As a result his sweet Cas was bludgeoned by townsfolk for something he didn’t do, hurt by many including him, left to feel immense sorrow and loneliness and finally too tired that the blue eyed beauty decided that not being here was the better option. Death.

Oh God! He was the catalyst to everything.....he had hurt Cas instead of protecting him like he always promised he would do. He had failed and let the worst happen to his sweet blue eyed angel.

That’s when he became overwhelmed with distraught emotions that he all but buried his face into the palms of his hands and completely let loose- letting out muffled sobs. His heart ached with tremendous pain and turmoil. 

How could he be a leader when he had done something so wretched? So inhumane? So heartless?

He didn’t know how long he cried. His thoughts was just occupied with memories of Cas- smiling happily at him- and that in itself made his heart ache further.

He only came to when he slowly registered the careful touch of a calloused palm on his left bicep and the familiar sound of Benny's Louisiana Cajun accented voice.

“Cher. You need to breathe.”

At this point in time, numbness was the only thing he could feel gripping at his entire body. He unburied his face from his tear drenched palms, feeling the cool air hit his completely tear stricken eyes and cheeks.

He sucked in light breaths as he found Benny's blue eyes through his slightly blurry vision. He already felt that Cas was gone- heck he may have heard Benny telling Cas that he would handle things and that he should go. He just had nothing left to say or give so he stayed numb and mum.

He found his voice scratched raw as he spoke, “Benny. I’m a bad person. I let Lucifer hurt Cas”.

Benny never smiled. The man just squeezed his bicep lightly, “Cher. I heard everything Cas had admitted. Lucifer committed an act that was beyond forgivable and of his own choice. You, as I have known you throughout highschool, were a young, hopelessly in love, easily tempered, naive and proud teen with no lid on his emotions and level of maturity”. Benny shrugged, “And I’m not the one to point fingers here. I wished that Cas never had to go through what he had, I wish Lucifer hadn’t been a sick scumbag and forced himself on Cas, I wished that you had realized what was really happening and given that asshole a good old fashioned ass whooping to within an inch of his life. Truly Cher. I wished this all had happened, but, it didn't....and now that the painful truth is out there and knowing that the past cannot be undone...you need to ask yourself the ‘what now’ question".

He heard Benny. Loud and clear. But still, he couldn’t help but take responsibility. He admitted quietly, “I will still blame myself, Benny".

“Of course you will Cher. You feel immense guilt and self loathing as a result of your actions 10 years back. That desperation to change the past will come flooding in. And that’s what a decent human would feel once the truth comes pouring out”. Benny added, “And I know, underneath all this tough guy exterior, you’re a still good person Dean. You are still genuine and I know that if given the opportunity, you will immediately come to Cas aid”. Benny sighed, “Dean it doesn’t mean you can't fix what is broken”.

“But Cas is completely broken, Benny". He swiped at the tear in his eye. “Fuck I feel like I want to just- disappear”.

“I know Cas is broken Dean, however, I am talking about making peace with the bond between you both". Benny shook his head, “Dean if you care about Cas, then you can't run from your problems. You need to face them head on”.

“I don't know if I can face him again, Benny”.

Benny dropped his hand that had a grip on his bicep, eyes looking stern and voice carrying seriousness, “You can't run away from him again Dean! You will break his soul completely, plus, you might just feel shitty!” His good friend added, “You need to take some time and think about what you truly want, Dean. And, I’m not saying to get back into a relationship with him. I’m saying that you owe him at least a decent conversation, of course when you are both ready. You also need to fix things. So what are you going to do Captain?”

Benny was right. He couldn’t just up and leave. Most importantly, he needed to make the town aware that Cas did nothing wrong and to bring Lucifer down for the crimes committed against Cas. Not to mention, Michael had to also get his just desserts for hurting Cas. Plus, there was also the hardest task of getting Cas to agree to a talk- he didn’t have any expectations- he just wanted to apologize.

He nodded and decided, “Firstly, I will get to work in righting the wrong of others unto Cas”. He needed to remove the stain on Cas name.

Benny smirked, “That’s a great start Cap! I’ll definitely land you a hand there!”

He smiled through his sadness, feeling somewhat inspired, “Thanks Benny. You’ve been a great friend, not just to me, but to Cas too".

Benny clapped him one on the bicep, “You’re good Cap. Take it easy".

Just then the familiar voice that could only belong his baby brother sounded “Dean. Benny. Everything ok?”

He suddenly felt emotional when staring at his baby brother- who he had last seen 3 months ago. Seeing Sam always pulled at his heartstrings and made him want to let out everything that has happened. And he will, because he never hid anything from Sam. With teary eyes he got up and walked towards his brother, going in for one of their hugs. Through a shaky voice, he greeted, “Hey Sammy”.

Sammy hugged back, softly letting out a slightly trembling reply, “Hey Dean. I’m here big bro".

Nothing ever felt more comforting right now.

TBC

Chapter Text

Castiel

Every once in a while, he would chance a glance at his big brother- who was currently immersed in his driving. Right hand clutching the steering wheel, left hand rested on the left thigh with fingers drumming one by one atop jeans. His brother’s eyes narrowed, brows slightly furrowed and bottom lip being chewed at intermittently.

Curiosity getting the best of him, he asked, “what’s going through your mind right now, Gabe?”

Gabriel snapped out of his thoughts, eyes lighting up and blinking back and forth between the road ahead and he. Undoubtedly, there was a questionable uncomfortableness laced with irritability in that brown eyed gaze. His big brother shrugged, “I’m just pissed at myself, Cassie”. Gabe sighed along with shaking his head, “I should have come back and taken you away from this horrid place and maybe, I could have ended your suffering. I’m the worst big brother, ever!” Gabe’s voice shook towards the end.

Though Gabe’s entire attention was back on the road, he could still see the tears pooling in those eyes from where he sat. And honestly, seeing his brother feeling emotional made his heart squeeze, for like the 100th time today. He was torn as to what he should say, maybe he did need his brother- well he really did all those years of suffering and maybe, he was just thankful for this moment- for Gabe finally coming home and being here during one of the most trying times of his life. He reached his left hand out to squeeze at his brother’s left arm, “I’m just glad you’re here, now, Gabe. And, when we reach the pent house, you can tell me everything- how Benny got a hold of you, and what you’ve been up to all these 12 years”.

Gabriel threw in a wink and barely there smile, “Ok Cassie poo. I guess I owe you that much”.

That childhood nickname made him smile for the first time today.

**

They were both nursing a hot cup of chamomile tea, both seated on the comfortable brown leathered sofa in the living room space of Gabe’s cozy penthouse suite. He was two sips in, humming in content at the soothing taste, when Gabe decided to speak up.

“Benny has a lot of connections. One of his connections happened to be his long distance girlfriend, Andrea Kormos. Coincidently, she has been working for me for 1 month now. According to her, my name came up in a phone conversation with Benny”. Gabe ran his index finger along the edge of the cup, “Benny became very persistent and requested if Andrea could get me to call him, as soon as possible”.

“And what made you consider calling Benny?”

Gabe licked his lips, eyeing him with fully fledged sadness in those orbs. “When he told her to let me know that it was about my brother, Castiel Novak”. Gabe sniffled, “He said that you were on a downward spiral or in his exact words ‘Castiel is in deep trouble and needs his big brother’”.

“So, why did it take this long for you to get here, seeing as you were alerted a full month ahead?”

Gabe sighed, laying his cup on the coffee table. His big brother clasped his hands together, and answered, “Because it took me one month to find someone trustworthy to take care of my establishment before I could get on a plane and make my way here”.

Hmm. Interesting.

He asked, head tilted to the side, “So, what’s this establishment and where have you been residing all this time?”

“It’s in San Francisco, California. It’s my very own pastry and coffee shop!”

Gabe looked excited sharing the last bit of information. And yes, he did feel proud of his big brother’s accomplishments. He released a genuine smile, “I’m glad everything worked out well for you, Gabe”.

That response wiped the cheer right off Gabe’s face. His big brother hung his head in shame, “I should have been there for you, Castiel. Yes, things worked out for me, nevertheless, there’s still a lot I could have done to protect my baby brother. I was a coward. A selfish bastard”. He met his blue, equally watery eyes, “Forgive me, Castiel?”

No. He would not let his big brother feel this way, no matter what he has been through.

He laid his cup next to Gabe’s on the coffee table, immediately clasping Gabe’s hands in his. He didn’t care if the tears rolled down his cheeks. He smiled shakily, voice filled with so much emotion as he said, “Gabe, I do not want you to blame yourself for anything. EVER. You are allowed to go live and build your life wherever and however you want. We are both adults here, living the life we have chosen to live. Nothing wrong with that. Though, I missed you, so badly, I was still happy for you. I would have still wanted you to break free from the clutches of this town and made a name for yourself. And you did. And I’m so proud of you big brother”.

Gabe barely smiled, squeezing his hand back, “But I should have come back for you, Cas. I could have.”

“And I could have made the choice to leave this town of my own accord, Gabe”. He felt this deep seated heaviness in his heart, “No one held me back. I could have chosen to leave, but I didn’t. And that’s on me, because in the end of the day, I am still an adult, capable of making my own decisions and having the free will to do so”.

Gabe nodded and they just stayed there, processing each and every word in their little reconciliation. But then, Gabe cleared his throat and looked at him apologetically. His brother was probably about to pop out an overly sensitive question. “Um- Castiel, why didn’t you leave Sioux Falls?”

That was a question he always asked himself every single day, from the moment Dean left him. Why didn’t he leave when people began mocking him? Why didn’t he tell himself ‘fuck everyone and everything! I’m outta here!’ Why didn’t he leave Michael? Why? And there was only one answer he truly had. He felt more tears well up in his eyes, his heart thudding in sadness as he whispered, “Because I held on to hope that he would always come back to me. That Dean would learn to love me again, like I’ll always love him”.

“Oh Cassie”, Gabe pulled him into a hug, holding him snug and close.

He allowed himself to finally think about everything that happened today. He allowed his tears to crawl down his cheeks like that of a waterfall, soaking up his brother’s shirt. He hugged his brother back, needing the comfort because it hurt so freaken much to think of how Dean probably despised him, now more than ever. He sniffled out, “Today was a mess, Gabe. Dean will never love me like I do him. Never again”. He buried his face into Gabe’s shoulders and finally wept.

“Let it out little brother”.

He choked out into Gabe’s shoulder through his cries, “Gabe don’t l-leave m-me again, p-p-please”.

Gabe only held him close, rubbing a palm up and down his back. “Never again little brother. You got me”.

TBC