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VINES

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Peter, on the phone with Happy: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, sO bAbY OiL–

Happy: *hangs up*

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Tony, deadpan: This mirror is covered in shit. It won’t go away. Oh wait, that’s me.

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Wade, peeking his head into Peter's room: Where did you put the plunger?

Peter, eyes wide: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?

Wade: I LIVE HERE!

Peter: NO YOU DON'T!

Wade: YES I DO!

Peter, frantically dialling Tony: NO THE HELL YOU DON'T!!

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Ned: My dogs allergic to peanut butter.

Peter: Really?

Ned: ..no peter. You're on pranked! Look there's a camera right there-!

Peter: Wha-!

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Sam, singing: Do you want to dance with meeee?

Bucky: Go fuck yourself!

Sam, still singing: Why won't anyone dance with meee!?--

Bucky, deadpan: -cause I wanna fuck y-

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Loki, giggling: Hey FRIDAY? What's my name?

FRIDAY: You're Loki, but you told me to call you vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina--

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Thor, hand held up: Bruce! Bruce!"

Bruce, glaring softly: Excuse you, I have a P-H-D!

Thor, smiling: And I have to p-e-e okay!

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Killian, explaining his bad guy plan to Tony: My main goal... is to blow up.. and then act like I don't know nobodeeey! Eh! Eh! Eh-

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Harley, violently whisking a bowl, sobbing: I need to restart my potatoes!!

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Steve, filming, his face way too zoomed in: I'm just chillin. In cedar rapids

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Tony, walking through the hallways in the Avengers compound: I'm over this dumbass place with these fake ass people--

Wanda: Hey.

Tony: Hey.

Wanda walks out of frame

Tony: ...fuckin bitch

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Ned: Excuse my potty mouth...
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

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May, holding baby Peter: Spell B-M-W

Baby Peter: B-E-W

May: Where do you hear the E?

Baby Peter: I- in the middle.

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Drax, face timing Mantis: Guess what I'm eatin.. PoPcOrN!

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Mantis, face timing Drax: Ooh Drax I'm eating ICECREAM!!

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Thanos: I love myself. Even though I look like a burnt chicken nugget, I still love myself.

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Loki, glaring at Odin: YOU'RE NOT MY DAD! ALWAYS WANNA HEAR SOMETHING! UGLY ASS FUCKING... NOODLE HEAD

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Brunnhilde: Hey, I'm a lesbian.

Thor, giggling: I thought you were Asgardian?

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Rocket: You've been in your room all day.

Groot: I am Gr--

Rocket, glaring: YOU'VE BEEN IN YOUR ROOM ALL DAY!!

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Cop: Sir, you're under arrest!

Stephen, floating: For what!??

Cop: For breaking the laws of physics 😎

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May: Aye, the pizza's here!

Peter trips and falls down stairs

Peter, sobbing, his leg bent unnaturally: AGHH! MY EARS BURN!!!

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Vision: so I'm a man?

Wanda: Yeah.

Vision: And you're a girl.

Wanda: Yeeaahhh?

Vision: So.. that means I'm superior!

Wanda, angrily muttering in sokovian: -jesus christ!--

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Michelle: This bed. It's soft. It's com-fort-ab-le. I'm bout to lay down and stay down

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Nebula, angrily storming into the room: WHO ATE ALL THE YARO ROOTS!!?

Gamora: Neb, we never had Yaro roots!

Nebula: AND I NEVER LOVED YOU!!

Gamora: ( ○ . ○ )!

Nebula: ( ͡ಠ ʖ̯ ͡ಠ)╭∩╮

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Steve, smiling: It's such a beautiful day outside!

Tony, appearing from the kitchen: Not as beautiful as me! ;)

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Sam, awnsering his phone: Hello?

Bucky: WHO IS THIS!?

Sam: YOU CALLED ME!!

Bucky: I CALLED STEVE!!!!

Sam: I'M NOT STEVE!!!

Bucky: I KNOW, SO GIVE HIM BACK HIS PHONE!!!!!

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Steve, drunk af on Asgardian mead: I wanna church gurl that go to church.. aNd rEaD hEr bIBLe

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Luis: Can I have a napkin?

Scott, working: Sir, this is McDonald's.

Luis: My bad- can I have a McNapkin?

Scott, smiling: Of course! Oh my god-

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Groot: I am Groot!

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Peter: When there's too much drama at school, all you gotta do is.. walk awayayaeyyyy.

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1941 Steve: You're dis- You're disrespecting a future US army soldier!

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Tony: That is not correct. Because according to the encyclopedia of- HsusiushUjayajsiajIkiaoak!!

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Gamora: Did you wash the dishes?

Peter Q, laying on the sofa: I thought .. you wanted to do that.

Gamora, eye twitching: Mh mh mh! You were wrong!

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Rocket: I should have left you on that street corner where you were standing!

Groot: I aM gRoOt!

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T'Challa: ...

Shuri: CCCHHIIICCKEN SSSTTRRIIIPPPSSSS!!!

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Tony: ...

Peter: SSSKKKIITTTEELLLSSS!!!!

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Shuri, filming: She drunk as fuck!

Natasha, fully clothed in a bath tub: I'm washing me and my clothes bitch. I'm washing me and my clo--

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Tony, throwing pillows off the sofa: I can't find it!!!!

Rhodey, eyebrows raised: What are you looking for?

Tony, deadpan: My happiness.

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Grandmaster, drunkenly to Topaz: We in this bitch. Finna get crunk. Eyebrows on fleek. Da fauq!

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Tony, sobbing over a pic of Steve after civil war: Why the fuck you lying? Why ya always lying? Mmm oh mai god. Stop fuckin lying

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Tony: Would you rather eat a pound of bricks or a matter baby?

Pepper: What's a matter baby?

Tony, winking: Nothing sweetie, what's up with you?

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Thor, groggily: Oh, sorry! I fell asleep while I was waiting for you to make me a sandwich

Loki, knife in hand: Go back to sleep.. and starve!

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Scott, running into the car: HOPE THEY'RE FOLLOWING ME!! THEY'RE FOLLOWING ME HOPE!!

Hope, frantically trying to start the car: WHO!?!?? WHO'S FOLLOWING YOU!!?

Scott, cracking up: THE BUGS!!

Hope, bamboozled: ..- ThE bUgS!?!?!!

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FRIDAY: Peter Parker to the foyer, Boss has a little surprise for you!

Peter, running into the room and seeing Tony holding a puppy: iS tHaT a cHiCkEn! ?

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Ned: Bro, I had a dream that we fucked!

Peter: Bro, it was just a dream. I wouldn't fuck you!

Ned: You wouldn't? :(

Peter: I mean unless you want to👀??

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Steve: It's the fourth of July, y'all know it's true. The colours of the flag are red white and blue.. whips Ayeeeee!

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Shuri: Sleep? I dunno about sleep it's summertime!

Ramonda: Go to bed!

Shuri: Oh, she caught me!

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Me: Oh my god I love Tony stark! With his brown hair and brown eyes he make me do this--
( ˶˘ ³˘)ノ⌒*:♡♡♡♡*:♡♡:♡♡*:♡

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Peter, to Tony: I mean- sure! You may be verified on Twitter but are you verified.. in the eyes of god?!!

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Gamora, reading texts that drunk Peter Q sent her: Girl, you're thiccer than a bowl of oatmeal??

Peter Q: 👉👀👉

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Young Tony: Dad I found the cure for cancer!

Howard: You find a cure to that homework yet?

Young Tony: I- it's cancer!!?!!

Howard, glaring: Bitch, it's homework!

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Tony: And just remember, no one will ever be able to hate you more, than you aLrEaDy hAtE yOuRsELf

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Thor: What do you have?

Loki, running past: A kNiFe!

Frigga: nO--

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Rocket: You are what you eat!

Ego: I guess that's why girls always call me a dick

Peter Q, spluttering: You ate a dick!?

Ego, cackling: Yes!

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Tony: I'm never wrong. I thought I was wrong this one time, but I was wrong! 😎

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Thanos to Wanda: WAiT a mInUTe. WhO aRe yOu?

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Tony, sobbing over the accords: WHEN WILL YOU LEARN!!??
WHEN WILL YOU LEARN!!!?!?!??!
ThAT YoUr ACtIONs hAvE    CoNSeQUeNcES! !!?!??!?!

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Ned: Hey Spider-Man?

Peter: Yeah?

Michelle: I knew it!

Peter: Wait no! It sounded like Peter-

May: Spider-Man?

Peter: Yeah? --DAMMIT!

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Quentin: So basically um what I was thinking was-

Tony uses BARF for PTSD stuff

Quentin: aw fuck! I can't believe you've done this!

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Flash: Pepsi bottle. Coca-cola glass.. I don't give a damn..

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Natasha, on trial: No off topic questions. Because I don't want to. No. No! Permission denied. Next! That's an off topic question. You have been stopped-

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Maria Hill: This bitch called me ugly I said 'bitch where!?' She said 'underneath all that makeup' I said ...bitch where!?!?

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Fury: Bitch gon step on my fucking toe bitch with them fucking cowgirl fucking boots bitch disgusting!

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Betty: Ned?

Ned: Yeah gurl?

Betty: I am so proud of myself. I ate a brownie today!

Ned: aaAAARRHHHGGGGHHH!!!

Betty, louder: AAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

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Quentin: Gimme EDITH so I can kill you!

Peter: No, say can I borrow her!

Quentin: Can I borrow her?

Peter: Sure, here you go- AAAHHHHHHHH!!

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Tony, grinning: Kid, I brought you a new toyoda!

Peter, running outside: You brought me a car!! :D

He sees this on the road: a literal toy Yoda

 

Tony, wheezing: Hehe! Toy Yoda!

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Peter Q, grinning: I got it bitches! Chocolate vanilla swirl with cookie crunch please!!

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Yondu, fed up with teenage Peter Q's shit: THAT'S IT! You're in timeout get on top of the fridge! Get up there!

Teen Peter Q, struggling to climb the fridge: This ship is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE!! !

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Peter, sobbing after Tony took his suit: Roses are red, violets are blue. Why did you leave me Karen? W-what did I do??..

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Clint: Every time your kids yell at you, put a quarter in your no yelling sock and soon you'll have a weapon to beat them wi--

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Liz: what'd you say?!

Sally: What'd you say?!?

Abe: I said whoever threw that paper your mum's a hoe!

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Peter Q, bursting into Rockets room: I have to show you something!!!

Rocket, annoyed: What??!

Peter Q: *Whip*

 

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Thanos: ARE YOU READY TO FUCKING DIE!!??

Loki, chocking: No- IMMA BAD BITCH YOU CAN'T KILL ME!!

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Peter, sobbing: Mr Stark! ?? Mr Stark! !?! Tony?!?? Oh mah fuckin gawd he fukin ded

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Loki: I don't need friends they disappoint me

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Beyoncé: Bring the beat in!

Wong running into the room with a beet: ANYTHING FOR YOU BEYONCÉ!!

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Bucky, running for his life: AaaAAAAaaaAaAaaAHhhhHhHh!!

T'Challa, with murder on his mind: Why are you running?!!
WHY ARE YOU RUNNING!!???

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Tony, getting interviewed: It's sounds like something she'd say

Christine Everhart: Hehehehe

Tony, smirking: I like that laugh... heuheuheu

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Peter Q: Can you throw me my keys?

His walkman crashes onto the concrete

Peter Q, sobbing: I said my keys!!?!?

Drax: I thought you said walkman!

Peter Q: WHY THE FUC--

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Rhodey: Yo, how much did you pay for that Taco?

Scott, grinning: Aye you know this boys got his free tac--

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Fury: Carol, why is your cat at work today?

Carol, sobbing: BecAusE I hEaRd mY DadDy sAy tO My mOmmA iMma eAt tHat pUssY wHeN tHE kIdS LleEAaVveeE!!!

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Cassie: I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag

Hope: YOU SPLILLED--WHAWHAGGWHA!!?? LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINO WHITE BAG!!??

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Wade: Calling people daddy is gross!

Tony: Stop kink shaming me!

Wade: Kink shaming IS my kink!

Tony: ... aaAAAhHHHHHH!!!

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Loki: Hey everybody, today my brother made me do 'get help' so I am starting a kickstarter to put him down. The benefits of killing him would be I would be thrown way less-

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Tony: So you just gon bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift?

Steve: ...Happy birthday?

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Tony: Uh! I'm not finished!

Stephen: First of all you need to--

Tony: -OH MY GOD CAN YOU LET ME DO WHAT I NEED TO DO

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Peter: Road work ahead?..
Uh yeah I sure hope it does!

Happy: ( ͡ಠ ʖ̯ ͡ಠ)

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Peter Q: I'm Peter Jason Quill and I'm your freestyle dance teacher

 

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Peter: So how did you and Rhodey meet?

Tony: We were in school and we bumped into each other, his books fell-

Peter: Aww ( uwu)

Tony: -Then I seen that ass I was like DAMN BITCH

 

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