'Today as well, you’re just gonna lie down and do nothing?'
That’s pathetic, I already know. But what point is there in me going out ? If I simply "lie down and do nothing" then my presence won’t be bothering anyone. Truthfully, things would be better if I wasn’t here at all. I don’t want to go out only to ruin everything. I don’t want to wake up only to annoy everyone. I don’t want to wake up in the first place.
'Wouldn’t things be easier if you simply died?'
"Simply." you state carelessly, even though dying is such a frightening act even for me. Of course, people would be better off without me. I don’t need "you" to remind me of this. I know it better than anyone does. There’s no happiness with me around. No hope. Nothing. I’m a mess that destroys everything around me. I’m a burdening piece of garbage that can only discourage other. I’m the lowest of the low and all I can do is hurt others. Therefore, today as well, I won’t do anything.
"Ichimatsu, are you free today?"
I get up. Startled by your sudden question, my heart starts racing. My eyes dart back and fowards. I feel my chest tighten.
"E-Eh? Ah, um, ye-yeah I am." I reply clumsily, regretting instantly what came out of my mouth.
"Let’s hang out together today then! I wanna go to-"
"But! I’d rather stay home today! I don’t feel like doing anything." I cut you in a heartbeat. A pang of guilt, you stare at me weirdly. Perhaps cutting you was a big mistake and I should have let you talk. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been home in the first place and all of this wouldn’t have happened. And I wouldn’t have hurt you. But it’s too late to think about this and you’re now looking at me strangely.
Suddenly, you walk towards me with a grin. You pick up a magazine and sit by my side.
"What are you doing?" I ask nervously.
"Since you don’t wanna go out, I’ll just stay home with you. I just wanted to spend some quality time with my cute little brother!"
The endless thoughts stop for a second. I feel fine, I can finally breathe normally. The warmth of your back almost makes me tear up. Your little chuckles make me feel at ease. Like a sunshine, everything looks brighter. All of a sudden, the world has colors. I faintly smile as you calm me down. You’re still next to me, it’s all that matters.
"Thank you, Osomatsu-niisan..." I mutter quietly.
All you do is smile, and it makes me happy.