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patch me up and stitch it (make me better)

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jungkook has always been a dreamer. 

 

the kind to daydream about many things, or the kind to play with his imagination all day to fill anything that would be considered as boredom. he likes to think, to imagine and create, even if it reduces every ounce of attention he has left in his body. he’s often blamed for having his head in the clouds - or just because it’s really fucking annoying that he’s not listening to what he’s being told - but he can’t help it. he has too many colors in his head and won’t trade them for nothing.

 

but more than anything, jungkook likes to fantasize. and min yoongi is included in each of his fantasies. 

 

min yoongi, collected and unfazed, who would shit on the whole world, who probably doesn’t give two fucks about dreamers, and has never really spoken with jungkook. they have mutual acquaintances and go to the same parties, but aren’t even close to the point that they can be called friends. 

 

so, jungkook doesn’t know much about him. instead of plucking the courage to actually talk to him, he chose to take his time to watch him. it’s a bit creepy and he’s not very proud, but yoongi makes the task so easy. he’s always standing at the same spots at parties, won’t move too much and is really pleasing to look at - jungkook is naturally magnetized.

 

tonight isn’t much different. yoongi has his messy blonde hair falling over his eyes, wears an oversized white shirt tucked in tight black jeans, looking as attractive as ever. his lazy, laid back attitude is somehow appealing, and his features are a perfect blend of pretty and delicate. 

 

at first, jungkook just wanted to have a taste of him. to know if his lips are as soft as they seem to be and if he’d sound good if he’s kissed on the neck. now, it’s still here, but jungkook also wants to know him. he wants to talk to him and learn what he dreams about. does he have favorite songs? favorite places? are there any things he absolutely loathes? 

 

his internal reflexion is suddenly stopped, because yoongi is looking right back at him. his piercing eyes are undressing his soul and jungkook is caught red-handed - he doesn’t have the time to look elsewhere, because if he does, he feels like he’s going to die. the world stills and he can’t hear a thing. wait, is min yoongi smirking at him? wait. is he standing up and walking to him?

 

jungkook tries not to petrify on the spot, but yoongi sits on his lap without warning and he can’t process anything.

 

“i’m gonna make this quick,” he hears. “there’s a guy over there who wants to fuck and he’s not really listening to the fact that i don’t. make out with me. it’ll dissuade him.”

 

jungkook blinks. yoongi is really close, and even though, he’s not really sure he has understood him well. “...what?”

 

yoongi sighs heavily, like he’s genuinely annoyed by jungkook’s behavior. “kiss me, jeon. now.”

 

for once, jungkook’s brain is quick. it analyzes the situation fast, and ignores his heart making the loudest ruckus ever. he doesn’t get a thing but, he really wants to kiss yoongi. he always did, and who is he to reject such an offer. so, slowly, he places his right hand on yoongi’s jaw, and leans his upper body forward to catch his lips in a kiss he used to dream of. his other hand goes on yoongi’s left thigh, too shy to touch his waist or his ass. yoongi cups jungkook’s face with his hands, and lets their lips slide easily.

 

it’s really soft, and yoongi’s lips have the taste of the peach soju he was sipping on. jungkook decides that he loves his lips, that being able to nipping them is the best thing that could ever happen this week, and that yoongi is very good at kissing. it’s a bit tough to keep his feet firmly on the ground when he opens his mouth to let jungkook’s tongue in, but he really does his best, and deepens the kiss with meticulousness.

 

perhaps he’s dreaming. perhaps his mind is just toying with him, once again, and none of this is actually happening. because it doesn’t make sense, and min yoongi is just a fantasy. jungkook is pretty sure he made him up one day, and has been living on an illusion since then. but yoongi’s mouth feels very real, and so do his hands slightly brushing the apple of his cheeks.

 

yoongi hums, a nice sound that comes from the back of his throat, and it makes jungkook wanting more of this. the softness of yoongi’s tongue is something he wishes he had discovered sooner. and his lips are, without a doubt, the best he has ever kissed in his short life. 

 

somewhere into the kiss, he feels a tiny metal thing on yoongi tongue. does min yoongi have a fucking tongue piercing? jungkook never noticed, and the only time he does, it’s when they have their tongues abruptly meeting during a random night?

 

just when he thinks he’ll be fine suffocating and burning with a fact like that, yoongi breaks the kiss, a bit panting and looking too beautiful for jungkook to not be nervous. “that was good,” he honestly comments with a voice even raspier than usual. yoongi sounds like this after a good kiss - a statement jungkook might have some trouble to deal with later.

 

still shy, still really fucking surprised, jungkook only manages to whisper a small “yeah,” eyes fixed on yoongi’s pretty, swollen lips.

 

“is the creep looking at us?” he asks, and jungkook looks behind his shoulder, finding some weird guy staring at us from the spot yoongi was few minutes ago. he nods quickly. “good. act natural and pretend you’re leaving with me.”

 

jungkook's brain doesn't know what acting natural means. he's really fine with keeping the act up, honestly, but he's just extremely bad at it. his body, however, acts on autopilot. without thinking, he gives a small, delicate kiss on yoongi's neck, without breaking eye contact with the weird guy. yoongi's smell hits him - he can't exactly describe it, but he remembers smelling the top of his friend's cat's yesterday, and it had the same kind of scent. 

 

yoongi, if he's surprised by jungkook's tiny kiss, doesn't show it a bit. jungkook thinks about telling him that he smells like a cat. he comes to the conclusion that it’s probably not his best idea, and as yoongi gets up to leave the house, he tears himself off the couch to follow him. he ignores everyone he encounters, doesn’t make the effort to say goodbye to anyone, because he knows no one will notice that he’s gone anyway.

 

what makes him feel alive again is the fresh breeze he meets when he steps outside. he belongs in one of these quiet nights, the stars smiling at him like they’ve been waiting for him the whole evening. jungkook revels in their radiance, almost forgetting yoongi’s presence.

 

the elder’s voice makes sure to catch jungkook’s attention again.

 

“ah, shit, thanks for that, jeon. that was really helpful,” yoongi sighs.

 

jungkook keeps a tiny smile to himself. if kissing the closest thing he has to a crush helps that much, he wouldn’t mind doing it again. 

 

“no problem,” he says casually, voice almost steady, like he’s not going to think about that kiss for the next following days. “but, why me?” he dares adding, trying as hard as he can to push his shyness away. the main part of him is pretty sure there are plenty of people back there who would have loved to kiss you. 

 

“i don't know,” yoongi shrugs with what seems to be detachment, and if you didn't know him a tiny bit, you'd find it offensive. “you're hot and you've been eyeing me for the whole night. you were sitting by yourself and i thought you wouldn't mind helping me.”

 

“i wasn’t--” 

 

he cuts his own words, his brain having trouble processing everything at once. yeah, he’s been staring at yoongi exactly like the creep they were trying to reject, and yoongi noticed him which sucks, but he also called him hot, so the previous fact doesn’t mean shit. in the end, he doesn’t try to justify himself, he just shuts his mouth and enjoy the darkness that hides his flushed face.

 

yoongi doesn’t seem to mind. naturally, they start walking away, like they’ve known each other for years. 

 

“so, you’re friends with taehyung, right?” he asks nonchalantly, changing the subject.

 

“yeah,” jungkook clears his throat. “everyone is.”

 

and that’s true; taehyung knows everyone, everyone knows him. there isn’t a single person in the world who hates him, and he was born with the ability to befriend the whole planet. 

 

“right,” yoongi grins. “he’s a cool guy. i saw you hanging out with him at parties a few times, but we never really talked, mh? you don’t look like the shy type, but you never really held eye contact with me,” he notes, and jungkook is anxious. “even right now. do i scare you?”

 

you make me nervous. 

 

“n-no!” jungkook tries, his mumbling ridiculous next to yoongi’s confident words. “not at all, it’s just that--i don’t know, you…” he inhales, exhales - he can do this. he imagined this situation plenty of times, he can overcome his timidity. “you’re kinda intimidating, yeah. and i just didn’t know what to say, i’m not really good with, huh, social interactions and everything.”

 

“hey, it’s fine, jeon. everything’s cool. if you don’t feel like talking, we don’t have to talk. i won’t force you.”

 

jungkook looks at him, his sharp but soft eyes, the strands of blond hair messing with them. he finds comfort there. calm, serenity. something he likes. 

 

“no, it’s, it’s good, we can talk,” jungkook nods, feeling less and less tense.

 

“nice.” yoongi hands him an half-empty bottle he probably took when they got out. “wanna drink?”

 

“oh, uh, i’m okay. i don’t really enjoy alcohol that much,” the younger explains. “i’m the boring type. like, really boring. i can’t hold my liquor, and weed makes me cry.”

 

yoongi start laughing silently, making his shoulder shake. “weed makes you cry?”

 

jungkook shrugs, cheeks burning, but anxiety starting to get quiet. “i don’t really know why. my brain links the high with nostalgia and it doesn’t match up.”

 

“impressive,” the other comments, voice warm. “don’t call yourself boring, though. you don’t need to get wasted to be cool.”

 

“you’re the only person who thinks that way. everyone else would say the opposite.”

 

“yeah, well, who gives a shit what people think,” yoongi says, opening the bottle - vodka, maybe? - and taking one, then two mouthfuls. 

 

jungkook wishes he could be like yoongi. it would be simpler to have this kind of relaxed attitude about everything, all the time. 

 

“what do you study?” yoongi asks after he swallow the burning liquid. 

 

“i... got refused by the art school i was aiming since i was a kid a few days ago,” jungkook admits. “which totally sucks, because i don’t know what to do and there’s nothing else that gives me enough motivation to start serious studies.” here it is - feeling more and more at ease, jungkook opens up like a book, without even meaning to. “and i don’t get support from my family and friends so i’m a bit lost. i just wanna draw cool stuff at home.”

 

“that’s tough,” yoongi honestly says after a few seconds of silence. “i mean, you shouldn’t be going through that alone. but you have your whole life in front of you, you know. it’s fine if you don’t know what to do, jeon.” jungkook wants him to keep saying that kind of things. keep hearing that it's fine, keep the slurred words against his chest. “i’m probably the worst example, but i dropped out of college because i’m just not made for studying, and i’m fine--well, i’m good, i have a shitty job and i struggle a bit, but i’m fine with the way things are.” he drinks, marking a pause. “it’s not that important. studies aren’t what life is about, take your time doing other things. if you just wanna draw, draw.”

 

where has yoongi been his whole life? 

 

why didn't they start talking sooner? 

 

“i need money, though,” jungkook mumbles. 

 

“i'm pretty sure you can find a job that'll suit you. like i said, i found one, and it's just about taking pictures of lame events for lame people, but it pays,” he shrugs. “you'll find something. don't pressure yourself too much.”

 

jungkook nods, making the silent promise that he won't. he has spent too much time being obsessed with his empty future, and too many hours staring at the ceiling hoping he'd wake up in someone else's body. maybe he can try, just for a while. 

 

“thank you,” he murmurs, even though he's pretty sure yoongi said all those things because he's just nice. 

 

suddenly aware of their surroundings, he recognizes the house the party is still happening in, coming to the conclusion that they were walking around it for this whole time. 

 

“i think i'm gonna go home,” jungkook says, when he's reminded of the party. “this party really sucks.”

 

“yeah,” yoongi agrees. “i'm probably gonna leave soon.”

 

they walk again, for a bit, stopping few steps away from the front door. the silence that follows has something awkward, and jungkook has no idea how he's supposed to say goodbye. fortunately, yoongi speaks first. 

 

“i'll see you again, uh? you're cool, jeon.” 

 

he knows his cheeks are burning. he knows it. 

 

“y-yeah, sure !” he can't end it with that. he can't let yoongi go just like that, because if he does he's going to think about it for days and daydream about how he could have make it better. so, just when yoongi is about to go inside the house, “wait, hum, yoongi ?” 

 

the other turns around, looking prettier than any other things under the moon's presence. 

 

“maybe…” he clears his throat, tries again. “maybe we should kiss again. you know, just in case the creep is still watching you from a window or something.”

 

it sucks. it sucks. it sucks and jeon jungkook is a fucking idiot. 

 

but yoongi doesn't seem to despise him. on the contrary, he looks amused, warmth heavy in his eyes and playing on his lips. he’s probably a bit dizzy, because no one can drink that much vodka and stay immune to it. he looks pretty. he looks safe.

 

“right. just in case,” he echoes.

 

and this time, he’s the one getting closer, he’s the one closing the distance between them and slotting their mouths together. it feels different - the first kiss is still fresh on jungkook’s lips, and he can easily compare them. 

 

being kissed by yoongi is something else. he finds some elements he met earlier; the softness of his lips, the cold piercing on the tip of his warm tongue. and then, there’s this fervor, no too forced, delicately pressed against his own mouth. and although he's not too fond of alcohol, the fresh vodka he finds in yoongi's mouth feels like a treat. on top of that, the brush of their tongues destroys jungkook's heart in a very sweet way. their lips slides naturally, like they’ve been doing that for years.

 

jungkook’s definition of exquisite changes instantly. min yoongi is exquisite. anything that’s not him doesn’t have one bit of flavor.

 

and god, jungkook wants to share a thousand kisses with him.

 

“good.” yoongi breathes while breaking the kiss, and jungkook has to stop himself from whining. the sound stays stuck in his throat, but he really wants to beg yoongi to kiss him again, deeper. “really, really good.” yoongi’s voice sounds lazy, maybe from the alcohol. 

 

“yeah,” jungkook says, in a daze. “really good.”

 

they stare into each other’s eyes for one full minute, before yoongi offers jungkook a smirk that is sweet and smug at the same time.

 

“see ya, jeon.”

 

jungkook nods, maybe too vividly. “s-see you!”

 

and with that and a soft smile, yoongi is gone. it’s cruel to say goodbye to the only thing that brought blossom into jungkook’s chest since forever, but he holds desperately on that see you, putting all his hopes on a maybe i’ll run into him again soon. because the only thing that’s certain, is jungkook’s crush got stronger.

 

jungkook finds trouble sleeping, that night - his head full of yoongi’s mouth, finding surreal that he had the chance to taste it. it still feels like luck, and he still believes he might wake up from a dream pretty soon. but he wants to kiss yoongi again, and he wants to be kissed, too. two kisses were heavenly but weren’t really enough.

 

and now, jungkook’s craving for more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

eyes glued to the panels filled with bright colors and careful silhouettes, jungkook flips through one of spiderman’s umpteenth adventure. he knows he’s going to give in and buy it - every time he came to that store since he was a kid, he left with something, either bought by his mom or himself. things didn’t change and jungkook finds inspiration in the same futile things; a spiderman comic book he ends up buying with what’s left in his pocket.

 

once he’s out on the streets again, he realizes he doesn’t really regret it for once. his father pressured him so much with what he has to do with his money, that he came to a point where every time he uses money on something, guilt crashes into his face. 

 

looking at the cover of the comics, he senses no guilt. good. that’s new. 

 

about to head back home, jungkook hears a familiar voice. one that isn’t particularly friendly or usual, but one that he learnt to know by heart, and he’s quite surprised to hear it here.

 

“jeon!”

 

ah. so pretty. always so pretty.

 

“right on time. you'll never believe me,” min yoongi starts, blonde hair looking like fragments of bright clouds falling in his eyes. he’s dressed comfy, looks soft, soft, soft. a large sweater that looks way too big for him, and shorts that stops just above his knees. he drowns in his clothes and jungkook wants to hug him.

 

“hi,” he answers, surprised that words can leave his mouth when min yoongi directly addresses to him.

 

“hey,” the other greets him when they’re a bit closer. “so. remember the creep from the party? three days ago?”

 

of course i do. replayed the scene for hours and hours. 

 

“uh, yeah?”

 

“well, he’s been following me, and--what an asshole, right? i need to get rid of him.”

 

“really?” jungkook frowns, holding his comics tighter in his chest. “you really should do something about it. that’s not fine at all.”

 

“i know, i know. i’ll take care of it. anyway, he’s probably followed me here, and that’s a really good coincidence - kiss me quickly.”

 

jungkook blinks. okay. this has already happened. what the hell. 

 

he wets his lips, gulps. “are you… are you sure?”

 

“one hundred percent sure,” yoongi assure him with two brief nods. cute.

 

jungkook clears his throat, glancing around him to make sure the street isn’t too crowded. to his relief, there are just a few people walking by, but it’s not enough to make him feel totally at ease. “in the middle of the street? people will see us, it’s not…”

 

“that’s kinda the point. but if you mind that much,” yoongi takes jungkook’s comics and opens it and holds it on the left, in a way that it hides both of their profiles. “here. no one will see.”

 

a part of jungkook wants to argue that, yes, some people might see, it’s not the best cover and it doesn’t really mask what they’re doing. plus, how can the creep see, if they’re ‘hiding’? 

 

but the part that wants to kiss yoongi is louder, so it acts on its own. shy jungkook is thrown away, buried somewhere deep, nowhere to be seen when confident jungkook leans forward and delicately takes yoongi’s face between his fingers. 

 

the press is still soft. jungkook kisses yoongi’s mouth once, twice, thrice before the elder opens it to greet his tongue. that’s when jungkook realizes his memories of the previous kisses were so wrong and bland, and would never have been even close to the delightful reality. 

 

yoongi’s bottom lip is a bit plushier than the top one. when he kisses, his lips try to catch jungkook’s bottom one and slightly tug at it. it would be an outrage to describe his tongue as plain soft. it’s delicate and sweet, reminds jungkook of mochis. he did it once, and did it again in their present kiss - a small sound from the back of his throat, akin to a hum of satisfaction. 

 

everything is so delectable jungkook feels he’s getting drunk on it. but just when he’s at the brink of losing his mind, they both stop the kiss to regain their breaths.

 

a bit panting, they just stare. yoongi’s lips got a new shade of red, and maybe a new texture. jungkook internally beams when he acknowledges that it’s his doing. and shit, he’ll burn the whole word to get more of that flushed look on yoongi’s precious face.

 

“i think it’s enough,” yoongi admits, his voice a bit lower than usual.

 

jungkook wants to steal his breath and make his mouth his.

 

“cool,” jungkook mutters, with a smile he can’t fight. 

 

yoongi gives him a look jungkook can’t decipher before speaking again. “does anyone ever told you how good of a kisser you are?” he asks, lowering the comic and handing it back to jungkook, who takes it with a small thanks.

 

“not really,” he admits, the silent compliment making his face warm with hot colors. “i don’t kiss a lot of people.”

 

“what a shame,” yoongi sighs, as if it really hurts him to know that jungkook doesn’t put his lips at good use more often. yoongi slides his hands in the pockets of his shorts, back to his calm and nonchalant attitude. “where were you heading?”

 

“home,” jungkook answers when he feels his face cooling. “i have to take the bus stop at the end of the street,” he clarifies, pointing at it. “and then, it’s a ten minutes drive.”

 

“okay, i’ll wait for the bus with you,” yoongi decides with a nod.

 

and jungkook will never say anything against that.

 

that’s how he ends up walking with min yoongi on the way he knows by heart. the entire walk is made of comfortable silences and conversations on spiderman, which makes jungkook speak with sparkles in his eyes and stuttering due to the excitement of talking about his favorite things to his favorite person. 

 

“spiderman is definitely the coolest,” yoongi agrees after listening to jungkook’s arguments on how and why peter parker rules.

 

“he is!” jungkook smiles so wide his cheeks hurts - he has been smiling non-stop for few minutes and it’s burning his face muscles. “i wish i could become a comic book artist,” jungkook confesses when they reach the bus stop. “i’d draw badass heroes and cool villains all day and get paid for it.”

 

“then become one. i’d gladly buy your stuff,” yoongi says with a tiny smile.

 

“even if it sucks? you’d spend money on it just to make me happy?”

 

a short chuckle shakes yoongi’s shoulder and his smile gets wider. what a wonder. “of course i would. because i’m sure it won’t suck.”

 

jungkook shrugs, hiding his next smile when he turns his head at the bus coming their way. he wonders if he’ll ever get the chance to show his drawings to yoongi. i’d like to, and would show him so many other things. sharing with yoongi sounds good - jungkook wants to know him by heart and have plenty other conversations with him. 

 

“will i get to see you again?”

 

the question passes through his lips without his authorisation. he could have broke the silence with something sweeter, less annoying. even if he kind of regrets having spoke his mind so clearly, he’s glad - he has no idea where his shyness has went to, but he’s so glad he can speak without having to untie his tongue. 

 

yoongi’s face doesn’t express much, but his eyes hold the world. there are colors and depth in there, glows jungkook has never seen before.

 

“depends. do you want to?”

 

the bus is close, now. it’s going to be over soon.

 

jungkook dimly nods. “yeah. i do.”

 

the smile he receives is beautiful. maybe if jungkook stares long enough, he’ll be able to remember it for centuries.

 

“then yes, 'course you’ll see me again.”

 

and there’s nothing that should make jungkook so incredibly happy about this sentence. yoongi probably said it just to be nice, but jungkook holds the sentence deep in his chest. 

 

the bus stops in front of them. jungkook secures his backpack on his shoulders before looking at yoongi one last time. “so, uh, see you, yoongi. be safe.”

 

“you too,” yoongi replies. 

 

on the drive back, yoongi’s face is too heavy in jungkook’s mind. the music spitting from his headphones does a great job filling his head with something else than the fresh reminiscences of yoongi’s voice, but his hands ache from the need to touch the elder. he’d like to hold his hand, just once - or his waist, wraps his arms around it and bring him in a soft embrace. 

 

as soon as he gets home, he doesn’t take the time to luxuriate in the comfort of his apartment. jungkook rushes to his desk and he grabs on of the sketchbooks discarded there - opens it and uses the first pen he finds. 

 

he draws everything that goes through his mind - hands, lips, spiderman, silhouettes, yoongi’s eyes. yoongi’s hands. lips, lips, lips. it goes on for an amount of time jungkook doesn’t register, he just drowns into the wave of inspiration for hours and hours, never minding the sun leaving the sky.

 

he drowns and leave his head underwater, with his firm heartbeats as a sweet lullaby.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

parties were never jungkook’s thing. he tried to convince himself that yes, he can enjoy parties and find some kind of amusement there, but it was never the case, not once. too much people, too much noise, too much alcohol. jungkook tried to blend in so many times he started to go to those nights like it was an automatism. 

 

now, he knows why he’s going. 

 

the probability that yoongi might be there as well lights something inside jungkook’s chest, something that is ardent enough to make him dress up rather nicely. 

 

so, jungkook stares at his reflection in the mirror, gauging if he looks nice or if he’s just ridiculous. his hair is so long - it almost reaches his mouth and annoys him so much he’s thinking about cutting it. but it has a pretty color and a smooth texture, so it’ll fit for tonight. his outfit is simple but that’s what suits jungkook the best; an ample white shirt tucked in really slim black jeans that hugs his thighs until they’re suffocating. the belt he put accentuates his waist, and maybe, just maybe he’s kind of proud to have that kind of body.

 

after that, he’s as anxious as usual - anxious in the streets, anxious during the bus drive, anxious in front of the door of whoever is throwing that damn party. jungkook knows he shouldn’t feel so bad, it’s just people enjoying things and having fun, but he just can’t flow in the same direction.

 

so he just walks in the house, takes a cup - in which he hides some soda, pretending it’s strong alcohol he can totally endure, - and wishes for min yoongi to suddenly appear in front of him.

 

and, magically, there’s some pressure on his shoulder, someone shaking him to get his attention. something way too brutal to be yoongi, so jungkook isn’t very hopeful.

 

“hey! jeon jungkook, right?”

 

jungkook turns his head to the voice that calls him. “yeah?”

 

“i’m sana. i just wanted to make sure, you’re the one dating min yoongi, right?” 

 

jungkook frowns. that’s pretty direct and sort of inappropriate to ask so bluntly, and, what the hell? of course he’s not, has she really looked at him? 

 

“i mean, my friends and i saw you kissing at sooyoung’s few weeks ago,” she adds with sparkling eyes and a huge, blinding smile.

 

he doesn’t know what to do. he never talked to that girl and that’s stressing enough to make him worry his lip, and look around the room to find something, someone - yoongi - to allow him to run away. 

 

and then, his stupid brain acts by itself. 

 

“yeah. we’re dating,” he lets out before he uses an awkward smile and takes his chance to flee.

 

he’ll regret that later. or he can regret that right now, it’s the same thing. now, the only thing that really matters is to find yoongi and to warn him that he fucked up because he can’t handle strangers.

 

jungkook roams around the room, bumps into people and says oh, sorry too many times. he hates this. he should never have come. he passes through the kitchen and god, he hates this so, so much--

 

“oh, jeon.”

 

warm voice. soft lips. tender eyes.

 

“yoongi--” beautiful. he’s sitting on the counter top, his hair are a bit messy, and he’s wearing a cream-colored shirt with ripped jeans. but jungkook rushes - he’ll admire him later. “i think i fucked up.”

 

“hello to you too,” yoongi replies with an amused smile. “who did you kill?”

 

“it’s not that kind of fucked up,” jungkook explains, alarmed but cheered up by the lazy stare he’s met with. “there was this girl, and--”

 

“so, is it true?”

 

a new face barges in, cutting jungkook’s sentence. he’s pissed, he’s annoyed, he wants to talk to yoongi and tell everyone else to fuck off.

 

“what?” yoongi asks suspiciously, seeing that jungkook is too frustrated to answer.

 

“you two are dating.”

 

yoongi raises on eyebrow and jungkook feels so, so bad. there’s a quick silence, where yoongi’s thinking is almost palpable. he doesn’t look shocked or horrified - if anything, he’s just a bit surprised. then,

 

“yeah. we are. why? does it have anything to do with you?”

 

“not really, i was just--”

 

“good, then have a great night. goodbye,” yoongi nearly spits, but keeps a very calm face and tone, not moving from his spot once. 

 

the girl, a bit flushed and probably ashamed, leaves immediately. 

 

which leaves jungkook - stupid, stupid jungkook - and yoongi alone; well, almost alone, if we forget the people coming to grab food or drinks every five minutes.

 

“so. we’re dating?”

 

yoongi’s tones is so much warmer. there are honey and sugar dripping from it, absolutely nothing like the way he was talking to the girl just a few minutes ago.

 

“that’s what i was about to tell you. there--there was this girl and, she, uh, asked me the same thing? because… people saw us kissing a-and i didn’t know what to say, i didn’t think, it was stupid, ah, i’m so sorry yoongi, i didn’t mean too--”

 

“jungkook.”

 

he stills. yoongi’s hand on his shoulder is heavy.

 

“it’s cool. i’m not angry or anything, and it’s really nothing. it’s okay.”

 

jungkook scans his face for any sign of anger, discontent, disdain. there’s none of that. just tenderness. “is it?”

 

yoongi nods, pressing the pads of his fingers on him in a soft, tiny caress. “trust me. we can pretend if it makes those people shut up, but it’s nothing important. i don’t mind. we’re, uh, friends. right?”

 

“yeah. friends. friends sounds good,” jungkook mumbles, gulping. there’s something wrong with that, but he tries to move on. “do you think people fantasize on us as a couple?” 

 

“probably,” the elder chuckles. “we’d look good.”

 

it hurts somewhere in jungkook’s chest. it’s not sharp, doesn’t sting, just burns a bit. he opens his mouth to say something, but yoongi pre-empts him.

 

“can you bare your neck? just a little?”

 

confused, but too enchanted to ask questions, jungkook complies with his brows slightly furrowed. just when he’s thinking about saying something to learn more about yoongi’s intentions, he feels soft lips on his neck, pressing a kiss on the tender skin. his eyes widen and his heart takes this opportunity to start a wild racket. yoongi’s lips don’t move, on the contrary, they stay on their spot and suck a bruise under jungkook’s jaw, and fuck if his entire body isn’t on fire.

 

“perfect,” yoongi murmurs when he pulls back. “you’re nailing the boyfriend look, like that.”

 

what the fuck. what the fuck. what the fuck. 

 

“was that too much?” yoongi asks with something akin to a worried expression when jungkook doesn’t say a single word.

 

not enough, he wants to shout. “n-no”, he mumbles instead, shaking his head. the zone where yoongi's lips marked his skin is still burning, like flames licked his neck, desperate to leave a permanent trace. “s'fine.” 

 

“cool.” yoongi gets off the counter top, suddenly reminding jungkook of his height. the fact that he could easily and effortlessly kiss yoongi's forehead tortures his mind for a while. “how about we get out of here, now?” 

 

not really able to form a full sentence yet, jungkook nods again. he could use some fresh air, even if yoongi’s presence somehow manages to make him feel like he’ll never breathe properly ever again. 

 

yoongi holds his hand out, silent invitation in his sparkling eyes. perhaps jungkook is really dreaming all this, after all. whatever the reality is or isn’t, jungkook takes yoongi’s hand, their finger naturally embracing. and maybe if it’s just an illusion from jungkook’s burning head, they seem to fit. 

 

jungkook’s trance is broken when yoongi moves to lead them out of the room. they don’t bump into anyone, passing through people with facility, a new sensation of comfort buzzing in the younger’s chest. he usually hates crowd and would do anything in his power to avoid them, but going through one with yoongi’s help is almost pleasant. he faintly registers the beat of the song shaking the walls, and some neons kissing yoongi’s back. 

 

a small smile makes its way to his lips. this feels good. this feels safe. when was the last time jungkook experienced pure, warm safety?

 

“ah, better,” yoongi sighs when they’re out, not letting go of jungkook’s hand. “reminds me of the night we started talking for the first time.”

 

jungkook doesn’t dare forget. he smiles, his cheeks hurting from the emotions they’ve been through. “yeah. your idea worked, in the end.” oh. he can talk. “now, everyone is convinced we’re dating.”

 

“thanks to you!” he says, pointing at jungkook with his free hand. “i guess i won’t be bothered by creepy guys anymore. i have strong, nice and shy jungkook by my side. what could ever happen?”

 

if jungkook keeps smiling like that, he’s going to get stuck with a stupid bright face for the rest of his life. he laughs, his heart pouring fractions of happiness out of his throat.

 

“you’re being ridiculous,” jungkook comments with no real bite. his head still burns, but it’s so easy to be himself around yoongi. 

 

“i’m honest,” the elder retorts, same teasing smirk on his face. after a short pause, something seems to light his mind, making yoongi change the topic. “hey, i wanna show you something. you remember i’m a photographer, right?”

 

“yeah, of course.”

 

“well i got some photos developed before coming here. wanna see?”

 

jungkook’s heartbeat feeds his whole body. why wouldn’t he? he wants to see everything about yoongi, wants to learn every little thing the other man is willing to share. as soon as yoongi told him he was taking pictures for a living, jungkook wished that one day, he would be able to see what they looked like. he didn’t expect the moment to arrive so soon.

 

“really? show me,” jungkook says with a firmer voice, colored with excitement. 

 

yoongi’s smile gets bigger. “they’re in my car. over there,” he shows a small car with a head movement, so they start walking to it, yoongi inevitably dropping jungkook’s hand to make things less awkward.

 

once they’re in front of it - jungkook wouldn’t call it a shitty car. well, maybe he would, but not in front of yoongi, - yoongi suggests for them to get inside, so they won’t die from the night’s cold wind. jungkook agrees, and climbs on the passenger’s seat. it is warmer inside, and it smells like yoongi and leather.

 

yoongi opens the glove compartment, pulling a package out of it. “it’s mostly pictures of the sky and the neighborhood, you don’t have to like it,” he explains, taking a bunch of photos out of the package. he hands them to jungkook, who take yoongi’s work in his hands with care.

 

there are some familiar views, angles and buildings he recognizes. however, everything feels different. it’s common and distant at the same time, like it’s close, but jungkook can’t reach it.

 

“i feel like i’m seeing the city from a different point of view,” jungkook says, voice low and eyes stuck on the photo of a shy night. “i know all of these. but i’m seeing through your eyes.” he browses through the set of pictures again, just to be sure of how fond of them he is. “i’m staring at you, in a way. i like it a lot.” he adds, smiling again as he gives them back to yoongi, who never stopped looking at him once. 

 

“i like the way you talk about my work,” yoongi murmurs, as if he’s trying to be discreet. “makes me look like an artist.”

 

“well, i like the way you make art,” jungkook retorts with a smile, not really able to hold back his admiration for the elder.

 

the silence that follows is heavy with something jungkook can’t analyze. he’d like to know what yoongi’s stare means, and why does he have so many colors around his pupil. then, after what feels like a sweet eternity,

 

“jungkook?”

 

“yeah?”

 

the look in yoongi’s eyes - that look could hold the whole night. it could also hold jungkook and his glittering heart, offer him comfort for the rest of his life, soothe his mind without even having to ask for it.

 

“can i kiss you?”

 

a sigh, 

 

“yes, please.” 

 

there are times, in life, where everything stills. it’s barely perceptible, because it has the shape and the taste of an illusion, and two people can’t actually be alone in a world as huge as this one. in jungkook’s mind, though, it works like that.

 

so, when jungkook nods and yoongi kisses, time does really still. 

 

how can anyone be used to that kind of touch? how can these lips turn familiar? it would be such a crime to grow accustomed to the way yoongi undoes jungkook’s mouth, to how he catches his tongue with gentleness but firmly, to how he reaches for jungkook’s nape with a shy hand. this time, jungkook can’t fight back the noise that vibrates in the back of his throat, and that small detail seems to light something vigorous on yoongi’s lips.

 

it’s too good. kissing someone you’re just getting to know shouldn’t be that heavenly. the thought bruises jungkook’s conscience, even though he’s trying hard to focus it all on the precious caress of yoongi’s tongue on his.

 

he loses track of time, like the three other times they kissed. he’s only aware of the cold harassing his mouth when yoongi breaks the kiss.

 

“i don’t think,” yoongi starts, and he sounds so much huskier than usual - did the kiss do that to him ? “i don’t think i can get enough of you.” 

 

the whisper is so quiet, so prudent. it’s as if yoongi is afraid he might hurt jungkook. he's careful, he seems to worry about the impact of such words.

 

jungkook feeds on the warmth growing in his chest. everything burns with an intensity he's not familiar with, but it's so far from unpleasant. diving in the fire implies things and thoughts he's going to have to deal with later, but yoongi's eyes are so dark--and he keeps licking his lips, chasing whatever flavor jungkook has left there. 

 

“again,” jungkook almost pleads, at loss of any other words. “can we? again?” 

 

he waits for yoongi's nod and can't use any more patience, leaning forward to catch what he wants. the warmth, the wetness, the piercing, the soft mmh yoongi produces, the lips jungkook bruised. 

 

“jungkook,” they kiss, again. “maybe-mh-maybe,” again. “do you–maybe we sh-” again. “ah, shit–” again. 

 

jungkook wouldn’t stop even if the world was crumbling around him. the sound of their mouths melting makes him weirdly happy, wondering how many people got the chance to hear something as pleasing. he senses the elder shifting, trying to get closer, maybe. then, he understands - yoongi’s body aching to reach jungkook’s lap, forcing itself to stay where it is. 

 

they both seem to want more, but no one actually dares risking anything. which is fine, because more is scary - it is for jungkook. i don't think i can get enough of you. the sentence was simple, but did yoongi really mean it? does he want more than lips? would he let jungkook kiss his neck?

 

they manage to stop kissing, at some point, leaving the inside of the car drowned in their ragged breaths. there's a slight numbness in jungkook's lips after being kissed for so long, but he doesn't dislike it. 

 

“'s getting late. i should take you home,” yoongi suggests in a quiet voice. 

 

he nods, making the earrings on his left ear ringing. it's not what he really wants. jungkook isn't bold enough to admit out loud that he just wants yoongi, nothing else. he checks the time on his phone, and he’s too surprised to learn that he’s been with yoongi for almost an hour. 

 

the drive is quiet, but is never awkward. yoongi tells jungkook he can pick the music he wants with a gruff voice, so he does, changing the station every two or three minutes while yoongi sometimes taps his fingers on the steering wheel in rhythm with whatever pop song is playing in his car. 

 

jungkook would love to get used to this. but he can still feel yoongi on his lips, and there are too many unspoken words for this setting to feel completely natural. many things to be said, and yet, jungkook can’t form one single sentence. he relishes the silence, the small humming coming from yoongi’s mouth. it’s a bit of an escape, both of them running away from what they’re creating. 

 

that is until he recognizes the road and realizes it’s going to be over. that he has no idea when he’s going to see yoongi again, when he’ll be able to kiss him, or if he’ll ever get the chance to show him his sketchbooks.

 

jungkook indicates the way to his apartment, his voice sounding too quiet to his own ears. everything is starting to get more and more familiar, but that’s the familiar jungkook hates. it’s his building, his window, the lazy night sky and the street lights that he wants to erase.

 

“you, huh,” yoongi starts after he parked, breaking the silence with a timid tone. jungkook thinks he kept that faint blush on his cheeks during the whole drive. “can i give you my number?”

 

oh. jungkook lights up, so intensely that he fears yoongi might get blinded. he tries to contain his “of course!” but jungkook has never been that good at hiding his emotions. he can’t help it - this is min yoongi’s number being typed out on his phone, something he used to dream about during his most boring days.

 

“there. i’ll call you, mh?” 

 

and there’s the idea of a promise in those warm words. jungkook decides to believe them with everything he has, ready to wait by his phone for the next few days like an impatient kid. 

 

“okay,” he says with a bruising smile. “thank you for the ride, yoongi. i hope you don’t live too far away from here and that you’ll get home safely.”

 

“don’t worry ‘bout that,” yoongi hums, kind and pretty. “take care.”

 

“you too,” jungkook answers, adding words miserably, hoping that the conversation won’t die and that he’ll be able to stare at yoongi’s face just a little more. 

 

but it does end, with soft laughs and small goodbyes. and jungkook returns to his cold bed, that he forgot to make when he left hours ago. everything obviously seems cold when jungkook is alone. his body, no longer warm because of nerves, silently murmurs that yoongi’s presence was much more enjoyable that a shitty, quiet apartment.

 

even after showering and brushing his teeth, the memory of yoongi’s tongue is still engraved on jungkook’s. if he focuses, he can perfectly drown into the lingering sensation, but it doesn’t seem too clever - he’s obsessed. yoongi probably doesn’t take that thing between them as seriously as him.

 

there’s a slight brrr to his left, a small notification that makes him grab his phone hurriedly. 

 

 

yoongi

(01:34) you looked good tonight 

(01:34) it was nice seeing you

(01:35) sleep tight

 

 

he states at his screen for a few minutes, just to make sure the texts are real. and then, like some teenager with a stupid crush, he hurries his head into his pillow to hide his huge grin and the colors on his face from whatever might see him. jungkook allows himself to giggle a bit, the sound muffled but making his chest vibrate.

 

it doesn't feel real at all - maybe that's why jungkook still finds the strength to type something back without struggling too much. 

 

 

me

(01:39) u looked really nice too

(01:39) im glad we could spend some time together 

(01:39) goodnight!!!! 

 

 

that night, jungkook falls asleep with a smile so wide he feels pain in his cheeks the next morning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

two weeks.

 

jungkook doesn’t see yoongi for two weeks.

 

two weeks during which he draws until the muscles inside his hand start to seriously hate him.

 

two weeks during which he manages to fight with his mother over the phone; twice. and it shouldn't be a thing to be proud about, but he's slightly glad that he has something to throw yoongi off his mind for a little while. 

 

it wasn’t immediately that annoying, though. the first days after their last time together, jungkook and yoongi exchanged few texts, talking about futile little things and getting to know each other a bit better through conversations about sports or cinema. jungkook even felt bold enough to call yoongi one night. and it was perfect - the calming sound of yoongi’s voice whispered directly to his ear made him flutter for almost twenty-four hours. 

 

and that was all. now, it’s been two full weeks since yoongi didn’t answer jungkook’s last text, and the younger can’t even bring himself to be angry about it. if anything, he’s seriously disappointed, maybe sad. yoongi’s silence obviously plays an important role on jungkook’s decreasing mood, but he doesn’t put the blame on him - jungkook is not like that.

 

rather than that, he blames himself, because that’s what he does the best. he blames himself for not being good enough to keep the only relationship he really cares about, and he blames himself for being such an uninteresting idiot. 

 

and his mother calling during one of his monthly nervous breakdown wasn’t really good timing. jungkook hates putting his worries and anxieties on display, especially for his mother to see. but when she calls, he can’t pretend, as the shitty liar he is. and she sees right through him instantly, anyway. so, she calls twice, and they fight twice. because, no, i don’t know what to do, mom. because, mom, i'm twenty-two, and there's isn't one single thing i'm passionate about

 

the only positive during those weeks is jungkook being hired in the small comics shop he loves so much. it doesn’t feel real when he gets the answer, because everything sucks so much lately that jungkook stopped believing he’d ever have something good again. but that proves him wrong, and working there is really pleasing. it doesn’t make him forget that he’s being ghosted by his crush, but still.

 

jungkook starts to give up the idea of ever seeing yoongi again in his life, until he’s invited at kim taehyung’s birthday party. he’s reminded with the fact that taehyung is also friends with yoongi, because, taehyung knows everyone. that’s when apprehension finds home in jungkook’s body. 

 

the party will happen in three days, and jungkook’s head is just empty. the major part of him doesn’t even want to show up there, but the smallest and more intense part of him, located in his chest, is determined to face min yoongi and have a proper conversation with him.

 

anxiety mixes with curiosity and this bitter cocktail is what replaces jungkook’s blood as soon as he gets the invitation. he’s too tired to run away - too tired to behave like a kid. after having to go through the most mentally exhausting weeks of the month, jungkook finds himself unable to push way the thought of having to discover the soft curve of yoongi’s mouth again.

 

 

so, of course, of course jungkook is taking the bus to get to taehyung’s three days later. of course, he has his hair fresh and soft tickling his cheeks, a nice outfit, and earphones plugged in his ears in an attempt to mute his thoughts. maybe staying inside the bus forever is a better idea. somehow, looking at the scenery sliding against the windows seems better than pretending he wants to be in a room full of sociable people.

 

he gets out of the bus anyway, and takes the familiar way to taehyung’s house with a heavy heart. the beginning of the party is nothing he can’t do; jungkook greets taehyung with a smile he made up a few days ago, not entirely fake, but no too true either. then, he tries to go to people he hasn’t totally forgot the faces, and instantly gets himself a drink. he wouldn’t usually do that - drinking has never been his thing. but the tiny probability that it might help, just for the shortest seconds, pushes him to drink more that what he’s used to have.

 

it’s stupid and futile, but it’s easy. and jungkook has always liked easy. 

 

obviously, the dizziness gets to him quite quickly. there's a slight blur on everything he lays his eyes on, and he knows that if he stays on his feet for too long, he's obviously going to fall. it sucks - drowning yourself in alcohol for shitty reasons sucks and is the perfect example of what immature stands for. jungkook knows that and decides not to care for now.

 

but when he catches a glimpse of yoongi’s face, he knows he regrets instantly. he regrets being here, he regrets drinking, and he even has time to regret being born. jungkook should have behaved like an adult, by taking care of the things troubling him sober. his tiny, sober self hates absolutely everything, while his drunk self, well… his drunk self seems busy thinking about taking yoongi on a proper date, instead of acting stupid whenever they randomly meet.

 

jungkook doesn’t go to him immediately, even though he considers the option very seriously. he tries to keep an eye on him so he can still admire his features even from afar. he’s not even listening to what’s being said around him, even when people are talking to him - he answers with mmhs and yeahs supposed to prove that he really doesn’t want to create sentences right now. 

 

then, quite suddenly, everyone seems to start moving. jungkook catches the word “backyard” but doesn’t understand a bit of what’s happening. what’s clear to his mind, though, is that yoongi isn’t moving either. some guys are trying to maybe convince him to join them but he stays there, against the living room’s table. 

 

so, as the room gets emptier and emptier, jungkook realizes it’s soon going to be just the two of them. 

 

“what’s happening?” he thinks he hears himself asking, not even sure his voice is reaching yoongi. 

 

“someone’s probably doing something stupid enough to gather everyone outside, i guess,” he gets as an answer, and jungkook realizes how bad he missed the timbre in yoongi’s voice.

 

they can talk like normal people. it’s not that difficult. so there’s nothing wrong if jungkook tries to get a little closer, right? at any rate, that’s the only thing his mind is sure of right now. yoongi’s posture reminds him of that time they met in that girl’s house’s kitchen, that night when yoongi kissed his neck, and asked for more of his lips on his when they were in his car. somehow, the thoughts make him sad and that’s no good for his actual mood.

 

“too stupid for min yoongi to join?” jungkook asks with a smile, because he can’t do anything else when he’s facing yoongi, even if he wanted to.

 

yoongi chuckles - jungkook missed that, too. “yeah. too old and mature for things like those,” he kids, with a bright expression.

 

when he's a few centimetres away from him, jungkook feels his brain emptying. every word, every sentence that had a tiny bit of anger into them, vanish as soon as he has the sharp, but glittering eyes planted into his. 

 

jungkook opens his mouth to fire something full of the lame feelings he has been haunted with for days, but nothing comes out. instead, he’s just staring, the sound of his heartbeat loud in his body. there’s the bass of the stereo punching the walls, but it’s faint. yoongi’s too pretty, and jungkook missed him so damn much. 

 

“i,” he breathes, getting closer and closer. “i didn’t think i’d see you here,” he lies with burning cheeks. 

 

“it’s quite the surprise to see you face, too,” yoongi mumbles back, his gaze lost in what seems to be a sort of contemplation. 

 

jungkook can’t tell if he’s lying or not. he doesn’t really care, in the end. he’s just caught out, and, shit, he’s been so sad lately. so miserable that the sight he has in front of him makes him want to cry his heart out. his chest aches, and he feels his eyes watering, but he still has enough self-control to remain decent.

 

“you look as good as ever”, yoongi speaks again. “perhaps a lil’ more than usual. i always forget how stunning you look until i have you in front of me.”

 

jungkook chuckles, drowning in that fire that settled inside one or two months ago. it burns, but it’s familiar, so it’ll do. it’s enough for jungkook to persuade himself that he feels good. that everything around him is pleasant, and that being in love with someone isn’t that scary.

 

the slight buzz is good, the music is good, yoongi's gaze is good. 

 

the crash is even better; because it’s soft and tastes like adoration. there are hands, too, on his shoulders, trying to make all of this more real. jungkook lifts yoongi off the floor, the latter wrapping his legs around his waist almost naturally. he tugs on yoongi's lips, feeling a little bolder than he usually would.

 

the slight buzz is good, the music is good, yoongi's lips are delightful. jungkook sighs, reassured, blooming in a wave of emotions that is way bigger than him. if he drowns, it’s okay. if he gets lost somewhere into the ocean that is his heart, it’s okay. because he has yoongi’s mouth next to his, and it’s an adequate argument to sink wherever he wants.

 

“you didn't call,” jungkook murmurs lazily. “you kissed my neck but you didn't call.”

 

“kook,” kisses kisses kisses. “'m'sorry. i wanted to, but, mh, i,” kisses, kisses. “'was worried it'd be too much.”

 

“two weeks,” jungkook mumbles against his lips. “two weeks.”

 

“two weeks and three days if you wanna get specific,” yoongi retorts with a low voice, and somehow, it makes jungkook's chest tighter. 

 

he hesitates, “i thought... i thought you'd never want to kiss me again.”

 

“no,” yoongi is quick to answer, offended. “never. i'd never even dare thinking that way.” he's looking at him with soft colors in his eyes. “jungkook.” tentatively, he wraps his arms around his waist and brings him a bit closer. “i'm sorry, i really am. i’m an idiot and i get cowardly when it comes to intense stuff and, you know, feelings. i’m sorry.”

 

jungkook gulps and nods, pressing himself a bit closer to the other. yoongi’s words are like a sweet melody, soothing the distorted one in jungkook’s chest. but it’s not enough to ease what’s been bothering jungkook’s heart for the past few days. he forces his body to stop shaking, and he hates himself for having drunk too much - alcohol always made him eager to stupid shit like sadness.

 

“there’s something else, right?” yoongi murmurs. he presses his fingers on the small of jungkook’s back, soft caresses making him even weaker. “you know you can talk to me, right? i’ll listen.”

 

he feels his eyes watering. so, before humiliating himself even further, he puts his head in yoongi’s neck, miserably. “yoongi,” he breathes, trying to form a coherent sentence. 

 

“i feel so lonely,” he starts. “‘m just so lonely. i go to shitty parties to surround myself with tons of people i don’t even know the names of, just to convince myself that i’m not alone. but i am,” he can’t control his voice. the sob building up in his throat betrays him terribly. “no matter how hard i play the role of sweet, kind and charming guy. in the end, i’m still the most lonely person in the room. no one is waiting for me and i don’t have anyone,” he sighs, and it sounds shaky and broken. “i wanted you, and you never came. i couldn’t even have you.” 

 

“shit, kook.”

 

yoongi lets go of jungkook’s back, his hands going for his face, so he can properly look into his eyes - now, jungkook is forced to look back, warm tears staining his face. “don’t say that, you’re so far from alone. i’m right here. you have me, okay? i’m right here and i’m not going anywhere,” jungkook nods, the comforting words making him want to cry harder. “i’m right here,” yoongi repeats near his mouth. 

 

they start an embrace that seems to start to heal jungkook better than anything he’s tried those weeks. it’s with how yoongi smells - he stills smell like the cat jungkook liked to pet -, and how he puts his hands on him like he’s made of glass. it’s with how he feels safe and almost protected. 

 

“do you want to leave?” yoongi asks carefully after few minutes of comfortable silence.

 

“yeah,” jungkook answers with a small voice. “but i…” he’s been so pathetic tonight. he can’t possibly get any worse. so, “i wanna stay with you.”

 

“okay,” yoongi whispers with the softest smile. “let’s go to my place.”

 

 

 

 

 

jungkook doesn't quite remember when or how they got at yoongi's place. he has vague memories of yoongi driving, but now that he's throwing up in the latter's bathroom, it's quite hard to focus on what happened before. yoongi gave him some fresh clothes for him to put on, and even said he could take a shower if he was able to stand up alone. jungkook is aware he spent way too much time in that bathroom - but it was needed, so he could regain his dignity, or just a tiny part of it. 

 

when he leaves the room, the only thing harassing his mind his the awful nausea trying to melt his stomach. the quick shower he took makes him feel less dirty and stupid, and yoongi's clothes comforting his skin is like a soft embrace he didn't even had to ask for. 

 

jungkook follows the “here, kook,” he hears when he gets out, and enters what seems to be yoongi's room with a noisy heart. he finds the elder on his bed, his face lit by the bedside lamp, putting his phone aside to focus on jungkook. he taps the spot next to him, like a silent invitation. and jungkook - jungkook doesn't really give a shit anymore. he moves forward, and reaches the bed by letting his knees sinking into the mattress. then, he carefully drops his body on top of yoongi's, his head resting against his belly, arms going around his waist. 

 

“how do you feel?” yoongi asks, softly. 

 

“a bit sick,” jungkook mumbles, pressing his face against yoongi's stomach - just a bit harder, to feel him better. “can you…” there are still some tears obstructing his throat, but he tries to overcome them. “can you keep talking to me? your voice soothes me.” 

 

yoongi tangles his fingers in jungkook’s hair, calmly playing with it, and giving it soft caresses. 

 

“mhm. what do you want me to say?” he asks, vowels rich of warmth. 

 

“anything,” jungkook sighs. “i just like hearing you talk. anything will do.”

 

a short silence takes place, like yoongi's picking a story, fictional or not. during this pause, he doesn't stop his fingers once, his hand having found a purpose in jungkook's hair. 

 

“when i was a kid,” he starts, “i wanted to become a musician. my mother is a pianist - like, she's really really good at it. i would hear and watch her play for hours and hours without feeling tired.” jungkook can hear his smile. “looking at her being so graceful and talented, i became obsessed with the idea that i was made to be just like her. so, music took all of my free time, even though i was just a kid. it’s like i had brainwashed myself,” yoongi snorts, amused by the memory he seems to cherish.

 

jungkook can perfectly picture it. a smaller yoongi, with bigger cheeks and bright eyes, trying to improve sweet melodies on a shiny piano. 

 

“my parents would make fun of me, but they were still supportive. i kept believing in that stupid dream until i was eighteen, i think? yeah. when i turned sixteen, i realized i hated taking lessons, and i felt really fucking lost.” he places some strands of jungkook’s hair behind his ear, nodding to himself. “because for such a long time, i believed in something that was supposed to lead my whole life, you know? so after that, i started studying something basic and boring just to do like everyone else. it was really fucking depressing. but whatever,” yoongi gestures in the air with his free hand, moving on. “one day, i received a call from my mother. blah blah, nothing that interesting, until she told me she found some boxes full of photo albums. i wouldn’t give a shit about that either, but my mom is kinda… determined to share things with me whether i want it or not. she brought me the albums and forced me to look at all of them. and there was a hell lot of it, kook.”

 

the younger snickers something rather airy - too tired to produce something louder, but awake enough to pay attention.

 

“one of them was full of photos taken by my younger self. mostly photos of my mother, because i’ve always thought she’s a very pretty woman. some were shitty pictures, some were actually good. and, i don’t know--it did something to me. first i felt bad because i thought i had wasted a huge part of my time doing music and i got bored, while i could have gotten interested into art. and then i realized that--who gives a shit?” yoongi frowns, and jungkook likes how expressive he can get when he’s sincere. how true he can get. “i don’t owe shit to anyone. if i wanna take my time and have a lazy, irregular way to live and make things, that’s my own fucking problem.”

 

jungkook smiles wide. “so, was that cool story a way to communicate a nice moral? or an attempt to make me feel better about my empty future?” he asks playfully when he’s sure yoongi has nothing to add.

 

yoongi pouts, slightly tugging on some of jungkook’s hair. “does the alcohol make you bratty? i’m petting your hair right now. i deserve better than that attitude,” he retorts, poorly fighting a smile off his face.

 

“‘m just kidding. i like learning more about you,” he murmurs, trying to ignore the nausea threatening his stomach. “also, art suits you. it probably doesn’t make sense, but i’m pretty sure you’d be at ease with any kind of art. and i’m also sure you’re still good at music. i’d like to hear it one day.”

 

the other sighs, sinking further into the mattress but keeping jungkook close. “i don’t really know, but i can try,” he shrugs. “but kook, i just want you to keep in mind that you don’t have one decisive path in life. i’m saying this because… shit, you looked so sad tonight.”

 

“i got trashed because i’m stupid and i missed you and i felt totally out of control,” jungkook answers, slowly rolling on his left side so they can face each other better. “i still feel super sick and i’m not entirely responsible of the words coming out of my mouth, but i’ll be okay.” eventually. 

 

“you sure?” yoongi uses that tone again, the one that sounds like he wants to say words for jungkook only to hear. “you cried so hard.”

 

“i told you i have shitty alcohol tolerance,” jungkook chuckles. “that’s like, one of the first things i told you about me.”

 

“mh, you’re right,” the elder admits, a smile chasing his cheeks. “still. i was worried. and it’s partly because of me that you felt shitty enough to drink so much, so, i want to apologize again.”

 

“don’t,” jungkook says, cupping yoongi’s face with one of his hands. “it’s alright. you already apologized a lot, and you’re taking care of me tonight. and i wasn’t mad at you in the first place, i just thought you didn’t want to see me anymore--which is okay, i mean, you don’t owe me anything, ‘s not like we--you know? you don’t have to--”

 

“kook.”

 

“hey, i like that you went from jeon to jungkook to kook, by the way,” he adds and stares at him, the silence making him realize he should take a short break. jungkook inhales, trying to stop his rambling, and exhales shakily. “yeah? yeah. yeah?”

 

yoongi leans closer to kiss his nose, gently. “you said it yourself. it’s alright. but you shouldn’t think such things,” he murmurs, his lips now on jungkook’s forehead. “i was just thinking that i want to see you more. not just now, though--’been thinking about it for a while. it’s just that i’m a bit of a coward, so it took some times to admit it.”

 

“not a coward,” jungkook mumbles, sleep getting to him. “i want to see you more, too,” he adds, lazily, wrapping his arms around yoongi’s waist. “more, more.”

 

“okay,” yoongi whispers. “we’ll do that. let’s sleep for now, you seriously need it.”

 

the younger hums, before he breathes in yoongi’s smell. there are arms keeping him close to yoongi, and jungkook doesn’t think that he’ll ever want to go anywhere else. if this is a dream, he takes it anyway - jungkook’s too tired to spit on that kind of delightful illusion. the comfort feels slightly real and that’s enough. 

 

so, 

 

he drowns, pleasantly, into the embrace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jungkook dreams of something sweet. 

 

he has no idea what it is, though - but he keeps melting against that incredible softness. he has his nose and lips nuzzling it, and it seems so unreal, that out of his sleepy mind, he decides to kiss it. 

 

jungkook then realizes that he's been kissing yoongi's nape, while clinging to him like a baby koala. he has a firm grip around his waist and a leg thrown over his, while his face was just sinking into his neck. untangling himself from the elder, jungkook feels his sober self getting warm with shame, especially when yoongi turns around to face him. 

 

“i'm--i'm sorry, i didn't--i forgot where i was.”

 

yoongi smiles, and there's a very faint blush on his round cheeks. jungkook is probably lost in some dream again. 

 

“are you getting all shy on me, kook?” 

 

“i–i just feel stupid,” he mumbles. “and i was so ridiculous last night. i'm so sorry.”

 

yoongi properly gestures to look at him and take his face between his hands. he looks cuter than usual with puffy cheeks and eyes full of sleep, but there’s a pleased look on his soft face. he has that attitude that feels like he knows how to handle jungkook. he can read through him and rearrange the mess in his head.

 

“if i kiss you right now, will it calm you down?” 

 

no. it might do the opposite. 

 

“probably,” he answers anyway. “but, uh. morning breath.”

 

yoongi starts to laugh, but takes him very seriously. so, they spend five stupid minutes brushing their teeth, yoongi lending him what he needs and saying stupid stuff with his mouth full of toothpaste just to disturb him. it’s awfully comfortable how everything is just so natural. 

 

after that, they head back to yoongi’s room, jungkook sitting on the mattress first and yoongi sitting on his lap smoothly. the mouth he gets to kiss is mint-flavored.

 

“do you like kissing me?” yoongi asks between their lips.

 

“nah,” jungkook mutters, kissing the corners of his mouth. “absolutely hate it.”

 

“good, ‘was thinking the same,” the elder retorts, parting jungkook’s lips to reach for his tongue. 

 

jungkook tumbles backward, because yoongi wants him to do so, hinting his attention by exquisitely abusing his lips and leaning forward. jungkook just lets him, because it feels right. his body warms up, and if they keep going like that, he’s going to end up in flames. 

 

“you’re probably aware i want you a lot, huh?”

 

“nope,” jungkook answers, smiling through the umpteenth kiss they share. “you should tell me about it.”

 

“i want you a lot,” yoongi whispers, and it’s even worse when it’s said twice. “a hell lot. ‘been wanting you way before i saw you at that party with the creep.”

 

“did you lie about that man?” jungkook asks, his hands shyly going to yoongi’s waist.

 

“no, i only lied to second time. you know, when we kissed outside.”

 

“what?” he brings him closer, raising his eyebrows. “you’re a little shit,” he adds with a huge smile. “you could have just asked for a kiss. at that time, i was so deep into the crush i had on you i would have gave it to you without thinking about it twice.”

 

“so, you don’t have a crush on me anymore?” yoongi pouts, very close to his mouth.

 

“i do,” jungkook says, and kisses him again. “but i’m kinda sure it’s a bit deeper than a crush. anyway, can we get back to the part where you’re saying you want me?”

 

“here we are.” yoongi sighs, straightening up. “you really are a cocky boy. you won’t get shit from me like this,” he obviously lies, crossing his arms on his chest.

 

jungkook slides his hands down from his waist to put them on his thighs, keeping his shyness for himself. “is that so? i heard something like i want you a lot.”

 

“you’re suddenly so full of confidence,” yoongi groans, and--is that a faint blush on his cheeks? “i hate that. go back to shy and awkward little kook. i can handle him better.” 

 

“you’re lying,” the younger points out, cheeks hurting from smiling so much. “you like me too much.”

 

“yeah. i do.” 

 

the honesty makes jungkook’s heart all weak and fragile. he brings yoongi’s face close again, just to show him how much his words mean to him. it’s a bit languid, very intense. there’s something about kissing min yoongi on his bed, wearing in clothes and having his hands on his body on a sunday morning.

 

“take me on a date,” yoongi murmurs. “then, i’ll tell you about how i want you again.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

spending time with yoongi becomes jungkook’s favorite pastime. from simple dates in warm coffee shops to long walks around the city with a heavy moon above them, he pleasantly learns more about the other, and probably dives even deeper in the affection he has for him. yoongi gives off the same feeling you get when you're watching the moon on a cozy night. 

 

he discovers how easy it is to be himself around him. talking his mind and heart with yoongi is natural; and jungkook isn’t ashamed of his own laughter anymore. he’s not afraid to pour his emotions out of his chest, and he’s more than willing to entrust them to yoongi.

 

jungkook also gets to learn tiny, but important details about yoongi. 

 

for example, he gets to know about every person that is on yoongi’s polaroids displayed on the wall of his room. he learns few names. jimin, namjoon, hoseok. few places. this was on my building’s roof. this was at my mother’s. this is my favorite flower shop. 

 

he likes how yoongi’s life is pictured through colors and faces he cherishes. 

 

( “will you take my picture?” jungkook asks with a childish smile, wondering if he can earn his place on yoongi’s wall.

 

“yeah. your face deserves its place here.”

 

“why? there's nothing that special about it,” the younger mumbles with a small smile. 

 

“i like faces,” yoongi answers. “i like how unique they are from each other. but you–you, you got a face that is so easy to fall for.”

 

jungkook doesn’t say anything after that. he has three dangerous words burning at the tip of his tongue.

 

“okay, let’s do this.” yoongi points the lens at jungkook, but doesn’t immediately take the picture. “ah, wait.” yoongi leans forward and kisses jungkook with intensity, but doesn't make it last long enough for him to get dangerously intoxicated. “there. you look good when you've been kissed. don't move.”

 

click! )

 

in “exchange” (a term used by jungkook), jungkook shows yoongi his drawings. he shows him everything; from shapeless scribbles to defined shapes. from the lips he adores, to skies he painted with a deep passion. and yoongi looks at everything, he doesn’t miss one stroke.

 

“i knew it,'' he told him with glistening eyes. “i knew it. from the moment i saw you. i knew you had such impressive aptitude inside of you. you're absolutely amazing, jungkook.” and he kissed his palm with such tenderness, such pure affection, that jungkook refused to doubt him.

 

 

when they're not outside or at the other's place to share about themselves, yoongi and jungkook spend lazy afternoons kissing on whatever surface they're on. 

 

“i didn't know about that, before,” jungkook announces, while they’re calmly making out on yoongi’s bed. he’s sitting on his lap, careful to not put all his weight on yoongi, whose hands are softly touching his thighs. “the piercing.”

 

yoongi hums, the tip of his nose digging delicately into jungkook’s cheek. “yeah. never really got the opportunity to show you. you like it?” he asks in a quiet voice, like there’s no rush, like they have the whole world for themselves.

 

“i-i–yeah. ‘s cool.”

 

“just cool?” yoongi teases, poking his tongue out.

 

it’s far from just cool. it’s pretty, sexy, makes him look cool and confident. it’s one of jungkook’s favorite things. “n–no. i can’t… i can’t find the words to describe how it makes me feel.” yoongi’s so close jungkook can spot everything that makes his face seem so smooth and delicate. “i wanna tell you. all the things you make me feel.”

 

“you don't have to,” the other sighs fondly, his hands reaching the small of jungkook’s back.

 

“but i want to!” jungkook argues with a whine.

 

“then try? i won't make fun of you.”

 

“okay,” jungkook clears his throat. “when i'm with you… my… my heart feels heavy. very heavy. “

 

yoongi chuckles, of course he does. “okay. that's a start.”

 

“you said you wouldn't laugh!” he gently taps yoongi’s chest, the sensation of arguing over futile things inside yoongi’s bed feeling incredibly domestic. “i don’t know how to do that kinda thing. i’m too nervous. give me an example.”

 

the other pouts, a simple kiss landing on jungkook’s temple. he then moves a bit away, to have a proper look on jungkook’s face. “fine. what if i tell you how pretty you are? how hot you look with your hair styled like that?” one of his hands finds its way to jungkook’s long strands of hair, putting it behind his ear. “how you have the sweetest eyes and warmest smile?”

 

jungkook thinks he’s going to burn under the colors filling his cheeks, even though yoongi complimented him a lot those last weeks. it always has a different impact on his heart, making him fall deeper and deeper.

 

“that’s not fair,” he mumbles, looking away. “you’re really good at this.” he inhales, trying to calm his body. “okay–my turn.” jungkook looks back at him, ignoring everything that tells him to shut the hell up. “i like everything about you. from your cute nose to the kindness in your eyes. from your delicate body to your strong hands. i like your wise words and your relaxed nature. i think you’re the prettiest person i’ve ever s–”

 

he’s interrupted by the lips he can draw from memory. eyes widening, jungkook can see some pinkish dust on yoongi’s cheeks, whose eyes are closed, probably in pure shyness. that makes jungkook smirk into the kiss, his confidence coming back to himself as he reciprocates.

 

“so, now, you’re the one who’s shy?” jungkook tries, a full smile on his face.

 

“now's the moment when talking is not needed, jeon,” yoongi answers, grabbing his hair to tilt his head on the side and have a better access to the inside of his mouth.

 

jungkook lets yoongi unravel him. he loves it, loves letting him having control, even loves the soft gasps yoongi makes him spit out of his throat.

 

it’s always like that; they talk, they kiss, they talk, they kiss some more. sometimes it’s soft, maybe loving. sometimes it’s intense, maybe rough. it often leads to more intimate touches, on the chest, between legs, or inside a mouth. what jungkook’s sure of, it’s that it’s always warm. he knows he likes having yoongi’s tongue on his body.

 

but what he also knows, is that he’s been craving for more for weeks. he saw yoongi’s body naked few times, but he’s still wondering where yoongi is the most sensitive, where he’s softer, where he’s sweeter. he still needs to know how yoongi can sound.

 

“yoongi,” he sighs through some kiss, softly pushing him back against the headboard. “yoongi. i wanna see you.”

 

the elder looks at him, flushed and out of breath. he looks sumptuous. 

 

he does nothing for few seconds, probably because he’s still processing jungkook’s words. then, without a word, he takes the hem of his t-shirt and takes it off, revealing his collarbones and chest. jungkook’s heart tries to leave his chest, once again.

 

jungkook moves a bit to give yoongi some space to take off his pants, the whole thing bringing back a bright red on his face. he can now see yoongi’s thin legs, his hands itching to touch them and the milky skin making them look so appealing.

 

yoongi’s just wearing his underwear, and that breaks something inside jungkook’s brain.

 

“you–you look so gorgeous,” jungkook whispers, settling between yoongi’s legs. “i don’t even know where to begin. i’ve always…” his eyes are getting lost, but he tries to focus them on yoongi’s face. “i’ve always wanted many things. it mostly includes you naked,” he admits with the hottest face he’s ever had. “but i’ve also wanted you taking care of me. it’s--it’s awkward, i–”

 

“shhh.” yoongi puts his hand on jungkook’s face, softly. “we have a lot of time, kook. i’ll take care of you some day,” he says, quietly. “but i’ll let you have your way with me right now.”

 

and that single sentence ignites something new and feral inside jungkook’s body. he gives yoongi few ardent kisses, on his lips, chin, neck, chest. the want grows bigger and it tells him to stop wasting so much time. he undoes the first button of his shirt, his blood pumping perhaps too quickly in his veins from excitement.

 

“i wonder if you’re the type to ask properly for it,” yoongi thinks out loud on purpose while jungkook is getting rid of his shirt. 

 

“i might,” jungkook answers with a coy smile, tossing his clothes away. “i’ve been with really lame people, though,” he adds. “who never really gave a shit about asking what i wanted, and all. i’ve always been on top, and–perhaps i’m not good enough.”

 

“hey. don’t overthink right now, kook. everything’s fine,” yoongi tells him with a calm voice. “and i want you a hell lot, remember? i’m pretty sure you’re more than good,” he assures him with a smile.

 

jungkook choses to trust him, and not to ruin the moment. he nods and focuses on what he has in front of him. yoongi’s beauty, just for him to have. i’ll let you have your way with me right now. 

 

“can you turn around?” jungkook asks with a voice that sounds probably too soft for the situation.

 

yoongi complies instantly, and jungkook gets to see the perfect curve of his back meeting his ass, which makes his heartbeat a bit louder. 

 

still shy and feeling like a teenager having his first time, jungkook slips his fingers in the hem of yoongi's boxer, slowly tugging it down. he can do this. he can make yoongi feel good. 

 

it's when yoongi is entirely naked in front of him that jungkook realizes what's about to happen. happiness blends with passion in a pleasant warm wave that runs through his veins as he slowly puts his hands on yoongi, amazed at how soft his skin feels. his hands start at his shoulders to stop at his waist, palms and fingers resting there, touching the body like it’s glass. jungkook leans forward, his torso almost flushed against yoongi. 

 

“do you remember,” he murmurs near his ear, “when you kissed my neck?”

 

“i do,” yoongi answers, and perhaps jungkook is just hallucinating, but his voice sounds a bit shaky.

 

“you really set fire to my brain that night,” jungkook says as he plants his lips on yoongi’s skin. “it felt like this.” he makes his way to the side of yoongi’s neck, the latter looking as if he’s trying to hide his face. sucking a gentle bruise there, jungkook is gradually possessed by the desire to take everything yoongi has to offer. 

 

the broken sigh leaving yoongi’s mouth is enough to encourage jungkook to do so. trailing a line of kisses on the elder’s spine, he stops a bit under the small of yoongi’s back, liking the way his body reacts on its own. yoongi slightly lifts his hips in the air, looking even more like he’s presenting himself to jungkook. 

 

“you’re incredible,” jungkook murmurs in amazement. “absolutely unreal.”

 

he doesn’t talk much more after that. his hands slowly cups yoongi’s ass, which he usually doesn’t touch or stare at as much as he would like to. today’s different. today, jungkook gently parts his cheeks, and gets his tongue on yoongi with a careful tenderness.

 

“oh shit kook–” 

 

from where he is, jungkook hears a lot. he hears yoongi’s hands fisting the bedsheets harder, his body squirming on the bed because of the waves of pleasure, delicious whines increasing, faint jungkooks being muffled by his pillow. he keeps going on until yoongi’s voice is starting to get seriously distorted–he doesn’t want it to end yet. 

 

jungkook uses the same care and passion when he presses his lubed fingers inside yoongi’s warmth. he likes how it brings different sounds out of the other’s chest, going higher as he gets deeper. jungkook grows addicted to yoongi’s body, that he never stops kissing, touching, feeling. he was already quite fond of it before, but now that he’s learning more about it, jungkook can honestly admit that he has never experienced such a delicate, exquisite beauty before.

 

eventually, jungkook pulls his fingers out and realizes his desire reaches the aspect of an unbearable fire destroying his lower stomach. he whispers to yoongi to turn around again–there’s no way he’s going to do this without getting to look right into his eyes. 

 

when yoongi is facing him again, made of red, pink, messy blond hair, glossy eyes and shiny lips, jungkook falls in love.

 

it’s sudden, but far from brutal. he falls in love and fear destroys his chest; jungkook’s first reaction is to kiss yoongi like he’s going to vanish in few seconds. 

 

his second reaction is to fuck yoongi with a measured passion. he does it slow and deep, his forehead pressed against yoongi’s, who is struggling to maintain eye contact. if jungkook had to be entirely honest, he would say that he’s not fucking him–he’s making love to him, but that would make his recent observation about his own feelings dangerously realistic, and he’s far from ready for that.

 

instead, he focuses on their mixed noises and burning touches, a pleasant distraction from what’s playing inside his brain. the ragged breaths and the various moans, yoongi’s arms around his shoulders and skin meeting again, again, again. 

 

jungkook keeps thrusting until yoongi actually hurts the flesh of his back from grabbing it too hard. he keeps thrusting until yoongi’s voice becomes barely his–he likes how it sounds, when it’s a mix of explosive pleasure and warm surprise. he goes on, a little bit, just to see if there’s something else to learn about yoongi’s face, taking in the knitted brows and vivid eyes.

 

when yoongi comes, jungkook knows he won’t be able to think about something else for days. there’s something twisted about that thought, but yoongi says his name in a way that shakes up his whole body. he comes right after being sure that his entire being is devoted to min yoongi.

 

and even when there’s just the remains of their used bodies, silently breathing huge gulps of air, jungkook made up his mind about his feelings. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

they never use any label. jungkook and yoongi spend way too much time together, they kiss even more than they used to, and sex becomes a regular thing as well. but the term boyfriends never brush their lips, even if it persistently goes through jungkook’s mind.

 

on a rather calm afternoon, where yoongi quietly watches jungkook draw, something close to that subject erupts from the younger’s mouth. as usual, yoongi asks questions with interest, the natural flow of the conversation creating something pleasant and comforting inside jungkook’s body.

 

“i haven't been in any serious relationship. i told you, i'm a bit of a loser, and a lot of shit makes me anxious,” jungkook says when he’s being asked about previous relations.

 

“tch. doesn't make you a loser,” yoongi argues with a slight frown. “relationships stress me a lot too. it's common and you don't have to date the whole world to be cool.” his eyes follow jungkook’s movements, and the latter likes the intense concentration he finds on his face. “why is it scary to you?” 

 

“commitment is scary,” jungkook shrugs. “and i don't wanna get my heart broke.”

 

“not a lot of people want to get their heart broke,” he kids with an insanely cute smile. “and some relationships don’t come with pain or disappointment.” he flattens his hands on jungkook’s desk, carefully avoiding the fresh sketches he drew earlier.

 

“i know, i know, but--listen, when i was younger–are you gonna laugh at me?” 

 

“have i ever laughed at you?” yoongi questions with a little smile. 

 

a wide smile bruises his cheeks without his consent. not once, jungkook realizes. not even when jungkook dropped his ice cream on the sidewalk. ('s'okay, you can have mine. or maybe do you want me to buy you another one?) not even when jungkook ridiculously slipped and fell in the corridor to yoongi's apartment with a heavy thud. (shit, are you okay? here, lemme help you.)

 

“i remember you laughing at me many times, though,” the elder adds with fake indignation.

 

“i can’t help it,” jungkook justifies. “you look absurdly cute whatever you’re doing.”

 

“anyway. you were saying?”

 

“ah, yeah. few years ago, i learned that spiderman doesn’t even end up with mary-jane. can you realize?” jungkook puts his hands on top of yoongi’s, looking straight into his eyes. “can you imagine? if peter parker doesn’t end up with the love of his life, love isn’t real and will never be.”

 

yoongi’s smile is huge, and terribly fond. “your theory on love is based on spiderman?”

 

“not entirely,” he pouts. “but my dreams got shattered and it left a mark. i don’t think you can get it.”

 

“you’re being too dramatic,” yoongi states, gently putting one of his hand on the back of jungkook’s head. he softly bring their foreheads together–a gesture that isn’t supposed to mean or do anything, but toys pretty hard with jungkook’s heart. “are you worried that i might break your heart?” he asks with a sweet voice, vowels beautifully rolling on his lips.

 

i love you, jungkook thinks. “no,” he says. “no, i’m–why would you? i… i don’t think you…” he wets his lips, starting to lose focus as he details yoongi’s face. “you wouldn’t do that,” he ends up whispering very low, his eyes stuck on yoongi’s mouth.

 

“right,” yoongi confirms. “i’d rather die than hurting you, if i have to be honest.”

 

i love you, jungkook thinks. i love you. i love you. i love you. he tries to focus on something else, but with yoongi right in front of him, the ache in his chest keeps getting hotter.

 

“i’m going to kiss you,” he says. “can we talk about love later?”

 

“okay. stay at my place tonight? we’ll order pizza.”

 

“agreed,” jungkook nods before pressing his lips on the ones he adores deeply.

 

kissing yoongi with the certainty that he’s going to think about his mouth for days is a bit scary. jungkook isn’t sure yoongi feels the same kind of attraction for him. he knows–guesses–that the elder wants him, and likes him at least a tiny bit; enough to have beautiful things to say to him.

 

kissing yoongi with a ferocious wave of feelings under his skin is different. 

 

jungkook doubts he can get used to it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

eventually, jungkook understands he feels too much. there’s a huge heap of emotions piling up in his stomach, and if he doesn’t do anything about it soon, he’ll have to throw it up. 

 

it’s a monday afternoon, and jungkook went grocery shopping with yoongi. they’re probably going to spend the evening together, and jungkook has been trying to force yoongi to buy popcorn. it’s a regular day, actually. they’re having that kind of day quite often, since they’re seeing each other as soon as they can.

 

jungkook struggles a little more today. he doesn’t know why–it’s so stupid. why does yoongi look so pretty when he’s picking up apples? why does he seem more attractive than usual when he’s walking through the aisles? this is getting ridiculous. 

 

“okay, we got everything,” yoongi announces, bringing jungkook back on earth.

 

the younger doesn’t say anything, although he would love to point out that there isn’t any popcorn in their bags, and that’s a problem. instead, he follows yoongi to the checkout, feeling his heart beating in his face. 

 

he hates that today is suddenly so different. he’s been great at hiding everything so far, so why does his affection need to burn every inch of his skin so abruptly?

 

“you good?” he hears yoongi asking him.

 

but jungkook can’t really focus. he’s carrying three orange juice cartons in his arms, his hair getting in his eyes and brushing his mouth, and his brain screaming stupid things at him. he frowns a bit, staring at an invisible thing between yoongi and the cashier.

 

“i think i’m in love with you,” jungkook says with a flat voice.

 

it’s when yoongi drops one bag on the floor with a faint shit! that jungkook realizes that it slipped out of his mouth. 

 

“oh. oh,” he hurries to help yoongi, putting the orange juice aside. “yoongi, i’m so sorry, i’m–i didn’t mean to–i’m sorry,” he stutters, too flustered to look into yoongi’s eyes.

 

“it’s–it’s alright,” yoongi mumbles, getting up once everything is gathered up. he looks awfully distracted and the flush blooming on his cheeks his spreading on his whole face. jungkook has never seen him like that before, so he has no idea if it’s good or bad. it’s cute–but it’s not the point. “did you–did you just confess your love to me while we’re in the middle of the supermarket?”

 

“i think i did,” jungkook confirms with a horrified face. “is it bad?” he murmurs, worried the few people in front of them–already staring at them–might hear everything.

 

“bad isn’t the right word,” he answers in the same quiet tone. “i wouldn’t call it bad. it’s very you, that’s for sure, but it’s not bad.”

 

jungkook takes the hem of yoongi’s shirt between his thumb and his forefinger, tugging very slightly.

 

“was is it then? oh, god, was it a mistake?” he says near yoongi’s ear, as if he was directly addressing to his own brain. “yoongi–are you going to hate me now?”

 

“jeon jungkook–” yoongi groans, taking his hand inside his and softly brushing his thumb on its back. “you beautiful idiot, this is so not the place to about that. let me pay and then we’ll talk okay? i’m sure you can wait two little minutes. you can, right?” he asks in a soft voice, face still incredibly red.

 

jungkook nods, pursing his lips. yoongi lets go of his hand when he’s sure the other is okay, and jungkook keeps his fists at his sides, watching the groceries moving on the conveyor belt. he politely salutes the cashier with a shy smile, then helps yoongi with the bags and waits for the latter to pay.

 

getting out of the supermarket without a word makes jungkook believe that he really did a mistake. 

 

it's not as awful as he thinks it is, though. they still share the grocery bags, and yoongi still holds his hand on the bus drive back to his apartment. there's an obvious awkward feeling, but it’s not heavy and as usual, yoongi makes it bearable. 

 

shy words and faint contacts coming in succession, jungkook still finds some times to overthink what’s about to be said at his place. i told him i love him in the middle of a supermarket, jungkook thinks with dread in his brain. i’m the biggest fucking idiot on earth. 

 

they get off the bus, and take the familiar way to jungkook’s apartment. for once, the long stairs leading to his door aren’t too much of a pain, but that’s just because jungkook’s mind is somewhere else. 

 

welcomed by the warmth of his home, jungkook takes care of the bag he’s holding, helping yoongi once he’s done. although it’s still a bit strange, the domestic atmosphere remains, and jungkook decides to focus on it as hard as possible. yoongi doesn’t really speak to him, he mumbles short sentences and gruffy thanks, feeding jungkook’s worry.

 

when everything is put away, jungkook finds himself biting at his bottom lip again. there's no escape, now. he awkwardly sits at the edge of his unfolded sofa bed, playing with his fingers so he doesn't have to focus on yoongi. 

 

yoongi who, very silently, approaches him. jungkook can see him getting closer and that makes his heart doing stupid tricks. he's getting close, close, close, and then, before jungkook can say something, yoongi almost gracefully is sitting on his lap. 

 

“do you remember,” he starts, slowly sliding his arms around jungkook's neck, “the first time i did that?” 

 

(it's quite recurrent, actually. yoongi sitting on his lap, kissing him deep, then riding him with a slow, delicious pace that drives yoongi insane. jungkook tries not to let the inappropriate thought get to his lower body.)

 

“yeah,” he whispers, cheeks pink. 

 

his hands shyly settle on yoongi's thigh, palms gently pressing them. he’s wearing shorts, so it’s even easier to be obsessed with the idea of attaching his hands there.

 

(that, too, isn't really new. after spending his days and nights with yoongi for almost a month, jungkook learned to grab instead of brush. he loves how his fingers dig in the soft flesh of his thighs, he loves how yoongi will always, always sigh shakily at the contact, he loves the faint marks that will stay on his pale skin, he loves how yoongi's body is always so smooth and–) 

 

“since that one time, i haven't been able to get you out of my mind,” yoongi continues while jungkook is having a crisis about his thighs. it stops him. 

 

jungkook wants to kiss him until he whimpers. he certainly hopes yoongi loves him back, because his entire body is telling him to call yoongi his through the tip of his lips. 

 

“i don’t even remember an hour of my life not being filled with thoughts of your face.” the elder adds with a warm smile. he then sees that jungkook is a bit off, and amusement sparkles on his face. “–i’m saying something really sweet right now. and you’re thinking about something else,” he notices out loud, his face barely millimeters away from jungkook’s.

 

“i’m sorry–i’m l-listening, it’s, it’s just,” he hesitates, eyes absorbing every little details of yoongi’s visage. “you look very pretty. you’re making my heart beating real fast. i don’t know if it’s because of your words or your body,” jungkook finally admits.

 

yoongi puts on of his hand on jungkook’s chest, right where his heart is, as if he’s checking his words, even though it’s clearly obvious that yoongi is aware of the effect he has on jungkook right now.

 

“ah, you’re right,” he says, gently tapping on his chest. with a smirk, yoongi grinds down on jungkook’s crotch, getting a gasp out of him. “there it is. were you even listening, you dirty-minded boy?”

 

“i-i was!” jungkook protests, grabbing yoongi’s hips when the latter moves a bit harder. he’s not stopping, and jungkook does his best to keep the sounds he usually makes in his throat. “y-you–you said you thought about me a lot, and, and,” he can feel himself getting hard, and he really hates his own guts for that. “and–you’ve been thinking about m-me for a wh-while.”

 

“mhm,” yoongi nods, slowing his movements, but putting more pressure into it. “and the only thing you get out of this is a boner?”

 

jungkook blushes harder, “no, that’s–not true. you know what it does to me.”

 

yoongi hums, taking great pleasure in jungkook’s embarrassment. he keeps a hand on his nape, the other sliding down his body and going to undo the button and zipper of jungkook’s jeans. jungkook lets him–of course he does. he’d always let him; and when yoongi’s hand wraps around him, he swears he’ll always let him. 

 

“i’ll never stop teasing you with that, you know?” he starts moving his hand, very slowly, controlling the expressions on jungkook’s face. “i’ll always remember ‘the day i tried to confess to jungkook and he got horny’.”

 

“you’re mean–” jungkook tries, his sentence ending in a moan. 

 

“should i try again,” he moves a bit, just a slightly bit faster, “now that i have your whole attention.” 

 

“i told you i-i was listening,” the younger argues, looking up at yoongi with glassy eyes, a familiar fire spreading in his body. god, he loves this.

 

yoongi tsks, his fingers using the fact that they perfectly know where jungkook is the most sensitive. jungkook tightens his grip on him, feeling like he’s melting every time yoongi toys with the tip of his length.

 

“as i was saying,” he continues, ignoring jungkook’s protest. “i think i might love you, too, kook.”

 

jungkook opens his mouth, exhales, his body burning up, his heart chanting about how happy it is. he presses his forehead against yoongi’s, the eye contact difficult to hold but he searches into his gaze anyway, lost in some kind of haze. 

 

“a-are you–? are you really?”

 

“yeah. ‘been thinking about my feeling for you for the past weeks,” he explains, and it’s absurd, because he’s still jerking him off, and jungkook is so, so in love with him, “and realized the love thing kinda always been there.”

 

he’s an idiot, jungkook’s body is so warm, and min yoongi is such an idiot,

 

“yoongi”, jungkook whimpers. “i–this is the w-worst way to confess,” he says, a smile getting to his face. 

 

“and whose fault is it?”

 

“you’re the one holding my dick, so you tell me,” jungkook answers, raising his eyebrows provocatively. 

 

that makes yoongi snort, and it sends a different wave of heat in his veins. he doesn’t recall a happier moment in his life. it’s a bit ridiculous and he loves every second of it, yoongi’s words resounding in his ears. 

 

yoongi makes him whine to shut him up, and he seems surprised by the honest sound that gets out of jungkook throat. jungkook, once again ashamed, immediately put his mouth against yoongi’s to avoid any future teasing remark. 

 

it’s different, now. even after knowing by heart how yoongi’s mouth feels like, it’s different. yoongi sighs into his mouth and then, it’s just their tongues and lips being fond of each other. jungkook is still really hard, and he’s about to make a comment about it, but then yoongi’s is pushing him and jungkook’s back meets the bed without them stopping kissing once. 

 

jungkook thinks yoongi is doing something, he can’t be sure because he has his eyes closed and he’s focusing on the kiss. his thoughts are confirmed when yoongi’s erection is pressed against his.

 

“shit,” jungkook breathes, breaking the kiss. “you got hard just from touching me?” he asks with a cocky smile, downing his jeans when he sees that yoongi got rid of his shorts.

 

“yeah, you’re really fucking hot,” yoongi groans, as he starts rubbing against him. the sensation is raw, absolutely delectable, and drives jungkook mad. “fuck–this is better,” he sighs, hands on jungkook’s shoulders.

 

they kiss a bit more, because it feels perfect, and because they’re good at it. there’s a succession of ahs and quiet curses, added to the sounds of jungkook’s heart trying to break his rib cage.

 

“i love you,” jungkook thinks out loud between two grunts. 

 

“i love you,” yoongi echoes. “a lot,” he murmurs, looking straight into his eyes.

 

“a whole fucking lot,” the other says, holding yoongi close.

 

it doesn’t last much longer after that. jungkook is the one to come first, because he tends to let go faster. yoongi follows him barely five seconds later, dropping his body on top of jungkook’s with an umpteeth sigh.

 

this is what bliss tastes like.

 

brushing yoongi’s blonde strands, feeling his proximity, having the name he gasped when he came. loving and being loved.

 

this is definitely what bliss tastes like.

 

“what happens, now?” jungkook asks lowly, hating that he might sound like a kid who needs to be told directions. he has now idea where he’s going, and yet, he has never felt so peaceful. “i mean… you know.”

 

yoongi raise his head at him, fondness and love omnipresent in the colors of his eyes. always, always so pretty. 

 

“you should kiss me, kook.”

 

so, jungkook does. 

 

he kisses him, again–

 

he kisses him a thousand times.