Actions

Work Header

Plus Ultra, Plus Action!

Chapter Text

"You don't stand a chance without a quirk, Deku." Growled Clint, sparks flying out of concealed capsules on his wrists. As he stepped forward to tower over Jay, he slipped, yelping as he tumbled forward and crashed onto the floor.

"I'm ok!" He squeaked, letting Jay pull him up as they giggled. "I wasn't paying attention. Let's do it again!"

Off-set, Izuku couldn't stop squealing about the little actors. "That was so cute! Bakugo, why don't you treat me like that?!"

Bakugo snorted. "Shut it, nerd."

Both boys suddenly shivered as they noticed someone behind them, turning slowly, both came face-to-face with the director, Tsukazari, who already looked done with their shit. "Both of you get out. You're not supposed to be here until later."

They both squacked in terror, shoving each other lightly as they bolted out of the set. Tsukazari just pinched his nose, sighing as Nana approached, a cup of coffee held as a peace offering. "This is gonna be a long day."

~~~~~

[Take one]

"The first incident was in Qing Qing City. An extraordinary child was born who lit up like a- wait nope, that's not it. Sorry! Lemmie try again!"

[Take two]

"The first incident was in Qing Qing City. An extraordinary child was born who radiated light. After that, reports to people with superpowers popped up all across the globe.No one knew what was causing these quirks. Before long, the supernatural became the totally normal. Dreams a reality. The world became lit. Wait what?"

[Take three]

"...The world became a superhuman society with about 80% of the population possessing some uncanny ability. Our streets look like scenes from comic books. A city swirled with chaos and confusion, a new profession dominated our collective consciousness. It was an age of heroes." Izuku looked up from the mic, "Did I get it?"

Receiving a nod, he pumped his fist. "Fuck yeah!"

"LANGUAGE!" Called Yamada, who was off to the side chatting with Aizawa, even though they weren't supposed to be on set for a few days, "You don't get to swear! You have to stay pure!"

"Fuck that!"

"IZUKU!"

~~~~~

"It's Kamui Woods. He may be new but he's making a big name for himself." Izuku cheered, pulling out a notebook.

The extra beside him chuckled. "Why look at that dopey grin and I know what you are. A fanboy."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"CUT! Izuku, stop swearing! Come on! You know better!"

"Fiiiine…"

"Take it from the top!"

~~~~~

"Binding Lacquered Chain Prison!" Nishiya called, punching his hand in the air and holding it there, making everyone off-set giggle. "Come on! Special effects!"

Tsukazari sighed deeply, pinching his nose with his fingers.

"Advil, sir?" Nana asked, hand already outstretched with said pills.

"Do you even need to ask?"

"At least they got the take, sir."

~~~~~

"CANYON CANNON!" Yu yelled, sending a flying kick forward and knocking the villain down, only to swing back and forth, stuck on the line.

"Can someone get me down?!"

The villain stood up in the small-scale set, pushing her lightly, as if she was on a swing. "Looks like I got you."

"Just help me down asshole!"

~~~~~

"Hey teach, don't let me in with these bunch of losers." Bakugo crowed, moving to place a foot on top of his desk. Missing it completely, he squacked as he slipped, face slamming into the desk and sending papers everywhere as the class laughed.

"CUT! And someone get Bakugo some ice. His face needs to not be bruised, thank you very much!"

Bakugo groaned, face still pressed against the wood. "Kill me now."

"No, that's my line." Snarked Izuku, scribbling mindlessly in one of his notebooks.

"IZUKU STOP!"
~~~~~

[Take one]

"Uh... Real funny guys. Just give it back." Izuku said, his hand trembling as he held it out for the notebook Bakugo was holding.

Ignoring Izuku, Bakugo clapped both hands on the book, before yelping as his explosion canisters misfired, setting his sleeves on fire.

"Shit!" He cursed as Yagi sprayed him with the fire extinguisher.

"Cut!" Tsukazari sighed. "Get Bakugo's canisters fixed and him cleaned up so we can reset!"

[Take two]

Bakugo went to throw the book out the window and missed, everyone quiet as they watched the book fall to the floor.

"...Shit."

[Take three]

"This bitch empty." Yamada whispered to Aizawa as they watched Bakugo attempt to throw the book out the window again. "Yeet."

"The mics can still pick you up Yamada!"

"Damnit!"

~~~~~

"That idiot, you can't go out and telling people to kill themselves. What if I really jumped? What will he do then? Uh? My dreams have turned into fish food. That's enough, give it back. Damn it. Stupid jerk." Izuku grumbled as he fished for the notebook in the pond. "Bitch-ass little shit."

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!" roared Bakugou, kicking down the door and making everyone jump.

"CUT! Bakugo, quit interrupting the takes! Izuku, stop cursing or I will bring in your mom!"

"...fuck."

~~~~~

"Faster. Let's go!" cheered Jay as he climbed in the chair, Inko following him.

"Geez, I think you added 10 thousand views to this one yourself, Izuku. I don't know why you like it. I think it's scary." Inko said, moving the mouse as Jay bobbed his head with excitement.

Accidentally swinging his head too far, Jay slammed his head on the desk, dropping his All Might figure as he clutched at his forehead in pain. "Ow!"

"Cut! Can we please stop the injuries today? We're already behind on schedule! Someone go grab an ice pack for the poor kid and reset!"

~~~~~

"See that mom, there's always a smile on his face no matter how bad things get. Even when things seems impossible, he never gives up." Jay said, crocodile tears streaming down his face as everyone off-set held their breath.

Inko sniffled as he turned to face her. "Do you think...I can be a hero too?"

She fell to her knees, hugging Jay as they both cried. "I'm sorry, Izuku. I wish things were different."

They held the hug for a few seconds, before drying their eyes and turning to face the crew.

"Was that good?" Jay asked, worried at the lack of response. "Do we need to do it again?"

Inko giggled, grabbing the young boy's hand. "No sweetie, you did amazing."

She had to look away as Jay beamed at her, smiling widely. 'So bright…'

~~~~~

"Don't worry, I'm just taking over your body. It'll be easier for both of us if you don't fight back. It will only hurt for a minute. You'll feel better soon." Said someone off-set, acting as the voice for the green screen guy, who was currently rushing up to Izuku.

Said boy yelped, lashing out and punching the man in the face before he could think. Coming back to his senses, Izuku rushed over to the man, who was holding his nose in pain. "Oh my god I am so sorry! Are you all right?"

"You're good kid. You pack quite a punch though!"

Tsukazari facepalmed, motioning for the cameras to cut again. "We're gonna run out of ice packs at this rate."

~~~~~

"Hey... wake up...HEY!! Uh! Though we lost you there!" Chris said, smacking Izuku's face lightly before he opened his eyes. Once he did, Izuku let out a ridiculously loud screech, causing Chris to double over in laughter.

"I'm sorry! I was not expecting anything like that!" He boomed, Izuku giggling along with him. "Let's try it again!"

~~~~~

"Now stand back. I'm taking off. Thanks for your continuous support. Haaa-" Chris choked as the wire suddenly stopped, leaving him and Izuku dangling in the air.

"Again?! Can someone please get the rigging fixed right?"

"Fancy meeting you here." Izuku drawled as he clutched Chris' leg, causing the man to snort loudly. "Ya like jazz?"

~~~~~

"Is it possible to become a hero even if I don't have a quirk? I'm a normal kid without any powers." Izuku said, clutching his chest as he faced Chris. "Could I ever hope to be someone like you?"

They stood in silence for a minute, staring each other down.

"Lol nope."

"Chris!"

"What?! You got the take!"

"Water, sir?"

"Please Nana."

"There's slight vodka in it."

"Oh thank god."

Chapter Text

Jay squealed as the fan blew on his face, clutching the All Might figure in his hand tightly. “He’s the coolest in the universe!” He punched his fist in the air, accidentally chucking his figurine across the set. The room was quiet as the toy clattered to the ground, rolling a little before stopping at Tsukazari’s feet.

“Oops?’

Tsukazari sighed. “Take five.”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“And be the kind of hero everyone in the world looks up to, just like you!” Izuku said, as smoke surrounded Chris.

The smoke quickly blew away, revealing Yagi where Chris once stood, causing Izuku to shriek in terror. Unable to hold in their laughter, Yagi and Chris doubled over, booming laughter filling the set.

Tsukazari pinched his nose. “Can we stop giving Izuku the screaming lines please?”

[Take two]

Chris was covered in smoke as Izuku watched. As the smoke cleared away, he was still standing there, now clad in a ninja headband and aviators. Izuku covered his mouth to contain his giggles as Chris immediately Naruto ran off-set, several extras and crew members falling in behind him.

Nana wordlessly held out a suspiciously shaped container to Tsukazari, who took it and chugged the whole thing without a word. “Save some for me sir.”

“Get your own and I’ll give you a raise.”

[Take three]

The smoke surrounding Yagi cleared away, only for more to suddenly start spewing out, covering the area in smog once again.

Everyone looked over at the machine to find Ojiro on the floor next to it, a giant puddle forming from where he spilled his coffee.

“....fuck.”

~~~~~

“It’s his own fault for getting in my way.” Bakugo growled, kicking the bottle on the ground in front of him. The bottle then ricocheted back and smacked him in the face. Everyone stared as the bottle dropped on the ground.

“Karma?” One of the extras offered, making the other snort.

“Shut up.”

~~~~~

“Perfect!” Sludge read from off-set, the man in the green suit advancing on Bakugo as his eyes widened. “I like a skin suit with some fire!”

Bakugo reflexively lashed out, striking the man in the chest and bowling him over.

“Oof!”

“Oh my god I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to!”

Green suit guy only moaned as he lay on the floor. “Why is it always meee.”

~~~~~

“I assure you that I am All Migh-” Yagi cut off as he popped a bag of fake blood in his mouth, letting it flow out.

“AAAAAAAAAA!” Izuku shrieked again, jumping back a little. Stumbling slightly, he landed on his back, limbs flailing in every direction.

“Cut! Yagi, I thought I told you no fake blood!”

“But it was funny!”

Nana sighed. “Just let him keep it sir. We can just turn it into a running gag or something.”

“Fine. Run it from the top!”

~~~~~

“You know how guys at the pool are always sucking in and flexing and trying to look buff?” Yagi asked, wiping at his mouth. He turned and pointed off-set at Chris. “That’s him.”

“It’s true but you shouldn’t say it!”

“Can we please just get through one scene?!”

~~~~~

“I’m counting on you to keep your mouth shut.” Yagi said, sitting and leaning against the rail behind him. “Don’t go posting it online or telling your friends about it, got it?”

Izuku snorted. “What friends?”

“Izuku please, I’m begging you to stop.”

~~~~~

“I can only do hero work for about three hours a day. The rest of the time, this is what I look like. Off-brand Jack Skellington.”

“YAGI I SWEAR TO GOD!”

~~~~~

“Some villains just can’t be beaten without a quirk. It’s dangerous to go without one. Take this.” Yagi held out a hair.

“YAGI YOU FUCKING NERD YOU NEED TO STOP.”

“But it was perfect, why nooot?!”

~~~~~

Yagi flipped out his pockets, frantically looking back and forth before looking out of the window. Right outside, Bakugo, Ojiro, and Yamada were all doing the macarena as Africa by Toto blasted out from a portable speaker Yamada was holding.

“Get off the set before I kick you out!”

“But the rains must be BLESSED!”

~~~~~

Izuku watched as a blast went off in the distance. “That must have been a huge shit.”

Tsukazari pressed his face into his hands as Nana patted his back lightly. “Please, for the love of god, just say your goddamn lines properly…”

~~~~~

“Stay back or I’ll snap his neck!” Sludge growled, Bakugo squirming as he was held by the green suit guy. Managing to get his mouth free, Bakugo growled lowly.

“Try me bitch.”

A single tear rolled down Tsukazari’s cheek as he motioned for them to reset the scene.

~~~~~

“My only weakness!” Yu cried, holding onto the buildings as she tried to squeeze through. “Small Knives!’

“You aren’t Spiderman!” called Nishiya from where he was getting his branches attached. “If anyone is it’s Sero!”

A faint “FUCK YEAH!” was heard through the door, making everyone snort.

“Just do it again, people.”

~~~~~

“Fire and wood don’t exactly make a very good combination!” Nishiya cried as he ran. “It’s basic Pokemon type matchups!”

Backdraft ran on set from where he had been loitering off to the side. “I guess it’s my turn!”

Izuku cheered from the side. “Backdraft, I choose you! Use Water Gun!”

Tsukazari sighed as the actors split into teams for an impromptu Pokemon battle between Izuku and Death Arms.

“Do you want me to stop them sir?” asked Nana, placing a hand on the man’s shoulder.

“Just let them get it out of their systems. Hopefully this will help get the bullshit out of their systems.”

“Yes sir.”

~~~~~

Izuku took off from behind the crowd, bolting towards Bakugo and the green suit guy. Nishiya yelped as Izuku zipped past him.

“YoU bEtTeR sToP!”

His only response was a squeal of terror from Izuku as Death Arms plucked him off the ground and walked him back to start over.

~~~~~

“What the hell?!” Bakugo yelled. “What are you doing here?!”

“Saving your ungrateful ass that’s what, dumbass!”

“CUT! Izuku, please! Stop the fucking swearing!”

“Not a chance!”

~~~~~

“You moron!” Nishiya scolded, standing over Izuku with Death Arms. “Do you have a death wish?!”

“No shit, Sherlock.” Sero whispered to Ojiro from off-stage.

“The mics can hear you Sero!”

“Shit!”

“And get out of here! You aren’t supposed to be here till Thursday!”

“Run!”

~~~~~

“Deku!” Bakugo yelled, charging towards Izuku.

“Kachan?”

Missing a step, Bakugo went tumbling forward, skidding to a stop at Izuku’s feet. “Ow.”

“RIP.”

~~~~~

“I don’t owe you anything!” Bakugo growled, spinning around and stomping away, legs bent and taking wide steps, causing Izuku to snort.

“Bakugo! Just walk away normally!”

“Come on!”

~~~~~

“There are stories about every hero. How they became great. Most have one thing in common: they cried like a lil bitch.”

“YAGI!”

Izuku laughed. “I guess I’m already halfway there!”

“IZUKU!”

~~~~~

“Young man. You too, can become a hero.” Yagi said. Izuku fell to his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Gotta stop crying like a lil bitch tho.”

“Yagi, please. Just finish the goddamn scene so we can be done. I’m begging you.”

Yagi angled his head towards the camera. “Then PERISH.”

~~~~~

“Oh, and I forgot to mention.” Izuku exclaimed, reading for the narration. “This is the story of how I became the world’s greatest hero.”

There was a slight pause before Yamada burst through the door. “What the fuck, Kyle. No, what the fuck did you say dude, step the fuck up.”

Tsukazari just sighed and slammed his head on the soundboard.

Chapter Text

"...since he appeared, the once critically high rate of crimes committed by villains decreased year after year, cause the villains are fuckin cowards."

"No cursing!"

"Goddamnit!"

~~~~~

“But I’m not. There’s nothing natural about my ability. Except for the fact that it’s tight as FUCK.”

“Yagi, I’m gonna harvest your toes if you can’t stay on track!”

“Kinky.”

“IzuKU NO!”

~~~~~

“I wasn’t born with this power.” Yagi said, tilting his head back. “It’s a sacred torch that was passed on to me from someone else.”

Off-stage, Kirishima wrapped an arm around Bakugo’s shoulder and whispered in his ear. “Holy shit that jawline…”

“The mics still hear you Kirishima! Get lost!”

“Shit!”

~~~~~

“The true name of my power is One For All.”

“One For All.” Izuku repeated, awe seeping into his voice.

“Yes. One person improves the power, then hands it off to another person. It continues to grow as it’s passed along.” Yagi narrated, before pausing to turn and face the camera. “Does this mean that somewhere down the line someone is just gonna have so much power that they spontaneously combust? Would it be possible for someone to split the quirk so the power doesn’t kill anyone?”

Tsukazari sighed, pinching his nose. “Just finish the scene.”

“Coffee sir?”

“Please.”

“I added Red Bull.”

“You are a godsend.”

~~~~~

“But why would you choose to give someone like me a gift like that? What if I can’t live up to it?” Izuku asked, clenching his hands into fists.

“You’re the main character. Of course you can do it!”

“Yagi! No breaking the fourth wall!”

“Dammit!”

~~~~~

“Receiving All Might’s power would be no easy task. I had to get swole.”

“Fuckin TWINK!” yelled Yamada from off-set.

“Excuse you, I am a TWUNK. A combination twink and hunk, thank you very much.” Izuku retorted, sashaying away as Yagi and Kirishima giggled.

~~~~~

“Lots of people move these every day, and they don’t even have super-strength.”

“Well yeah, but there’s an extra 600 pounds with you sitting on top of it.”

“Stalker.”

“Shaddup.”

~~~~~

“Take a look at yourself!” Chris laughed from his crouched position on the fridge, snapping pictures on his phone. “You’re not ready for my power.”

“But I thought you said that I was worthy!” Izuku cried, letting out a strangled scream.

Chris snorted, toppling backwards of the fridge as he laughed, causing several crew members to snicker as well.

“Remind me why we keep giving Izuku the screaming lines?”

“Because the writers love to see you suffer, sir.”

“Tell them they’re fired.”

“You would have to do a lot of paperwork for that sir.”

“Nevermind.”

~~~~~

“Because of the ocean currents, anything that’s dropped in the water ends up here. People take advantage of that when they’re illegally dumping their trash. That’s how I ended up here.”

“No self-deprecation jokes!”

“Awww man!”

~~~~~

“I’ve got you covered! With my handy ‘Aim to Pass: American Dream Plan!’”

“But we’re in Japan!”

“Who cares? ‘MURICA!”

“Chris!”

~~~~~

Filming the training montage was funny for everyone except Izuku. There were several laughs as he attempted to drag various miscellaneous items across the beach. Several people even joined in with Chris and Yagi’s ‘coaching’, though it was more teasing than actually helpful. Still, Izuku was getting the muscles he would need for the rest of the show, so nobody was complaining.

~~~~~

Everyone watched as Izuku trudged forward, Chris posed dramatically on his shoulders. After a few steps, Izuku misstpped, slipping on the sand, causing Chris to topple off his shoulders. They both lay face-first in the sand, unmoving, before both burst out into giggles, standing and brushing themselves off.

Tsukazari sighed. “Take it from the top.”

~~~~~

[After the take]

“So you can really lift Chris?” Tsu asked, watching the crew set up for the next scene.

“Yeah. Want me to lift anyone else?”

“I’ll give you twenty bucks and the next Pokemon game if you can get Aizawa and Yamada at the same time.”

“Done.”

Ten minutes later, Izuku marched back over to Tsu, Aizawa and Yamada thrown over his shoulders like sacks of potatoes. Begrudgingly, Tsu slapped the money into his outstretched hand, seemingly not too upset about losing.

“Holy shit.” Whispered Uraraka, Todoroki nodding beside her as they watched the interaction. “That’s kinda hot.”

“I’m gonna ask him to bench me.” said Todoroki, moving swiftly towards the green-haired duo.

“Not if I do it first.”

~~~~~

The dressing room door opened, and Yagi emerged, riding a segway and wearing the gaudiest pair of sunglasses in existence. He pulled coffee out of his coat, swigging it as he rolled on set. “Get in losers, we’re getting swole.”

A faint “HELL YEAH!” was heard, followed by a “GET BACK HERE KIRISHIMA!” and then a “YOU”RE NOT MY DAD!” A crash was heard, quickly followed by a loud cry of “SHIT!” Everyone wisely chose not to comment, focusing back on preparing for the next scene.

~~~~~

“Leave it to this old man to adjust your plan!” Chris boomed, Izuku dangling limply from his hand.

“Ok boomer.”

“IZUKU!”

“What?! It was like he was asking for it!”

~~~~~

As Izuku perched on top of his trash mound, everyone on set started wolf-whistling and catcalling him, making his face flush bright red.

From the corner, Uraraka and Todoroki didn’t even try to be subtle about watching Izuku, openly blushing as they stared at his chest.

“If you can’t keep your ogling to yourself, get off the set.” Tsukazari sighed, facepalming as Chris and Yagi glared menacingly behind him. “We need to get this over with.”

~~~~~

“Only a few minutes left, yet you exceeded my expectations!” Yagi cried. “Holy fucking shit!’

“LANGUAGE!”

“Fuck!”

~~~~~

[Take one]

Izuku fell backwards, crashing onto the sand before Chris could catch him. “Ooowww…”

“Try it again! And use the wires this time!”

[Take two]

Izuku toppled over, falling towards the sand, before being caught by Chris, only for him to fumble and drop Izuku on his butt. “Come on!”

[Take twenty]

Izuku fell off the trash heap, hurtling down, before suddenly stopping midair. “I think the harness broke again! Can someone get me down?”

Tsukazari groaned. “Take five.”

~~~~~

“Look how far you’ve come! Such improvement!”

“He’s fucking RIPPED and it’s hot as FUCK!” called Todoroki from off-set, making Izuku flush red in embarrassment before dashing away with Uraraka in tow.

“GODDAMNIT TODOROKI!”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“Eat this.” Chris said, holding out the ‘hair’ (it was actually thread, because that’s fuckin nasty).

Izuku’s eyes widened, a shocked whisper coming out. “Wait what the fuck?!”

“Language! Try again!”

[Take ten]

“Ea- pffft. I’m sorry, I can’t. Do you see his face?”

“Take five.”
[Take thirty]

“Eat this.” Izuku stared at the ‘hair’ before turning and walking away.

“Fuck this shit I’m out. Thanks for everything, but that’s nasty as hell.”

“Izuku! We almost had it! Come on!”

“No way!”

~~~~~

“Get out of my way now before I set you on fire.” Bakugo growled, marching up to Izuku.

“Please. End my misery.”

“Stoooop! Just do it right for once!”

“NEVER!”

~~~~~

Izuku tripped over his own feet, crashing to the ground hard. “I think it broke again...owww…”

“Someone make sure Izuku’s nose isn’t broken.” Nana sighed, “And get someone in here to fix those lines. We can’t keep having them break like this!”

“Where’s Tsukazari?”

“Crying in a corner somewhere. You guys beat the record for how long it takes for him to break from all the bullshit.”

“What was the old record?”

“Episode ten.”

“Nice.”

~~~~~

“Well, guess I’ll see you inside!” Uraraka said, waving as she walked towards the building.

“I talked to a girl!” Izuku cheered quietly, but was interrupted by Bakugo off-set.

“Nah you did nothing you wimp.”

“Shut up! You don’t even curse out of character you lil bitch!”

“Screw you!”

Uraraka laughed. “Girls, girls. You’re both pretty. Can I go in the exam now?”

~~~~~

“Come on and lemme hear ya!” Yamada cheered cupping his ear, only to be met with silence. “Well fuck you too!”

“LANGUAGE!”

“Come on! Izuku does it all the time!”

“Both of you need to stop!”

There was a faint “Fuck no!” from the audience.

Tsukazari just snatched Nana’s clipboard and slammed his head onto it.

~~~~~

“You’re making me…”

“Yes Yamada.”

“A fucking VIDEO GAME CHARACTER?!”

“Yes Yamada.”

“I fucking love you Tsuka.”

“You have one whole husband, Yamada.”

“Oh, shit. You rite”

~~~~~

“If you’re not taking this seriously, leave. You’re distracting the rest of us.” Iida glared.

“Well fuck you too.”

“IZUKU!”

~~~~~

“Good luck!” Yamada cheered, winking at the camera. “Hope you practiced hitting more than just books!”

“That’s not your line.”

“But it worked, didn’t it?”

Nana sighed. “Just leave him be. We can have him do it again later if we really need to.”

Chapter Text

“The school’s alumni list is a who’s who of idols.” Izuku narrated into the mic. “All Might, the All-American golden boy.”

“Izuku, stop.”

“The legendary dickbag who doesn’t know how to be a good parent: Endeavor.”

“Izuku, no.”

Todoroki nodded. “It’s true but he shouldn’t say it.”

“Why are you even here?”

“And Best Jeanist. I mean, does that guy even have a mouth?”

Tsukazari’s head slammed on the desk as Izuku grinned cheekily. “It’s gonna be a long day.”

~~~~~

“And so, I held my head high and marched towards the entrance exams.”

“Not before almost falling on your face like a WIMP!”

“Shut up Bakugo!”

~~~~~

“This is nuts! It’s like a whole city!”

“Can you imagine how much it cost to build this?”

“Too much.” Chris muttered from off-set, earning a glare from Nana.

“Chris! The mics still hear you!”

“Shit.”

~~~~~

The camera panned across the group, pausing when Tsukazari yelled “CUT!”

“AOYAMA! QUIT LOOKING AT THE CAMERA!”

“Sorry!”

~~~~~

“She looks like she’s focusing on the trials ahead. What are you gonna do? Distract her and ruin her chances to succeed?” Iida glared, earning a small squeal from Izuku. There was a pause for a moment as they stared at each other, before Izuku sheepishly looked at Nana.

“Line?”

“Goddamnit.”

~~~~~

“Right, let’s start!” cheered Yamada from his perch. “Get moving! There are no countdowns in real battles! Run, run, run listen- waaah!” He stumbled forward, tumbling off the edge of the building. Before anybody could react, Aizawa appeared caught him with his capture weapon.

“You’re lucky they figured out how to make this thing work without special effects and that I’ve been practicing with it.” Aizawa glared. “Be more careful.”

“Yeah, yeah. Love you too babe!”

Tsukazari sighed, waving his hand. “Take it from the top!”

~~~~~

“Yeah. But I don’t feel anything different yet.”

“No shit, Sherlock! It’s gotta digest first!”

“Language!”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“Danke dir- wait fuck it’s supposed to be French. Can we do that again?”

[Take five]

“Gracia- FUCK!”

[Take twelve]

“Gratias tibi- GODDAMNIT!”

“Aoyama, how do you mess up saying a line in EVERY LANGUAGE BESIDES THE ONE IT SHOULD BE?!”

“I DON’T KNOW! I PANICKED!”

~~~~~

“Release!” Uraraka cried, pressing her fingertips together. The robots then came crashing down, debris flying every which way, causing people to shriek and scatter. Uraraka just stood in the center of the destruction, seemingly frozen in place.

“....oops?”

Tsukazari pinched his nose. “Take five and get this cleaned up. Nana, get the props crew to make something that won’t shatter, will you?”

“Yes sir.”

~~~~~

Iida sent a flying kick at a robot, before being yanked back in midair. He dangled helplessly for a minute before attempting to spin around to face Izuku. “A little help here?”

“Suffer.”

“Come on!”

~~~~~

“AOYAMA, QUIT LOOKING AT THE CAMERA!”

“I’m sorry! I wasn’t trying to!”

“Actually, sir, this could be another running gag if you want to try it.”

“...very well. As long as it’s not too much it won’t hurt.”

~~~~~

The Zero-Point robot emerged from hiding, making everyone shriek in terror and scramble away, including Uraraka, who was supposed to let herself get captured by the ‘rubble’.

“HOLY SHIT! NOBODY SAID IT WOULD BE THIS BIG!”

~~~~~

“A person’s true character is revealed when they’re faced with danger.” Chris narrated as the kids all ran by. Suddenly, Yamada piped up from next to him, still wearing his speaker.

“YoU bEtTeR sToP!”

“YAMADA!”

“Sorry Boss Man.”

~~~~~

Struggling under the rubble, Uraraka strained for a minute, before accidentally pulling her foot free. “....Oops?”

“No need for me to save you then!” Izuku joked, still sprawled out on the ground. “Run while you can!”

They both giggled as the crew moved to reset the scene.

~~~~~

Izuku leapt into the air, reeled his arm back for a punch, miscalculated, and slammed into the robot’s face before swinging back and dangling in the air like a limp noodle. “....can I try that again?”

~~~~~

“Just one minute left!” Yamada cheered, waving his arms again. “Get your asses in gear!”

“Yamada, please! Can you just finish without cursing for once?”

“Not a chance in hell, listener!”

~~~~~

“We cannot safely drop you from that height to film this part,” Nana explained, “so we’re going to be dropping a dummy. Your job is to stand to the side and scream in terror until Uraraka slaps the dummy’s cheek. Can you do that?”

“No problem!”

~~~~~

[Take one]

Uraraka stretched out, fingers only barely brushing the dummy as it crashed to the floor. “A little closer, maybe?”

[Take two]

Uraraka yelped as the dummy narrowly missed her head, scrambling back as far as she could. “Too close! Too close!”

[Take ten]

Uraraka swiped at the dummy, managing to smack it on the cheek, but instead of it dropping the rest of the way, it went flying off to the side, crumpling into a heap at Iida’s feet.

“Maybe hit it a little softer?”

~~~~~

“Here, have some gummies.” Chiyo said, dropping a few into an extra’s hands.

“Stranger danger!” another extra teased.

“You want it? Go get it!” came another yell.

“Nuh, uh sister! You ain’t taking me to no secondary location!”

Tsukazari just sighed and motioned for his coffee.

“It has vodka this time sir.”

“Remind me to give you another raise, Nana.”

~~~~~

“It came Izuku, look you got a letter!” Inko exclaimed, slipping into the living room. Sadly, she misjudged how much traction she would have and slid right into the doorframe, letting out an “Oof-” as she fell on her back, dazed.

It was quiet for a minute before- “RIP pseudo mom. Sometimes, I can still hear her voice.”

Inko snorted from her position on the floor. “Quit telling everyone I’m dead!”

~~~~~

“I know it’s been a while,” Chris started, spreading his arms like an announcer. “But with great power comes a great amount of paperwork!”

“That...wasn’t the line.”

“Just keep it. It fits better than what we had planned anyway.”

~~~~~

“Yes, I’ll wrap this up but I have to show him something first! Wait, I have to do how many of these things? Fuck this shit.”

“Chris!”

“I forgot the line!”

~~~~~

“Welcome, Izuku. You are now a part of the Hero Academia.” There was a pause. “Is that really my line? It’s so cheesy.”

“Just say the fucking line right so we can go home.”

Chapter Text

“The power completely wrecked my body, even though all I did was jump and throw one punch.”

“Stop drinking the bone hurting juice then.”

*SLAM*

The pair turned to see Tsukazari’s head leaning against the wall, Nana rubbing his back lightly. “Take five.”

~~~~~

“Wait! You knew I was gonna get hurt that badly?! You son of a bitch!”

“LANGUAGE!”

~~~~~

“Right! Now we run!” Chris exclaimed, taking off down the beach, Izuku following him for a moment, before both suddenly transitioned to Naruto running, chasing each other like doofuses. Kaminari, Sero, Mina, Todoroki, and Uraraka all ran onto the beach and joined them, letting out war cries as they tried to tackle the pair.

“Do you want your coffee now or later?”

“What I want is a functioning cast.”

~~~~~

“Wow. This thing is huge.” Izuku said, staring up at the door to class 1-A. Uraraka snickered from where she was waiting off-set.

“That’s what she said.”

“The mics can still pick you up Uraraka!”

“....fuck.”

~~~~~

[Off-set]

“So this is Mineta?” Mina snorted, crouching and poking the green doll sitting in seat 19. “That’s hilarious.”

“We figured a doll with someone reading the lines off-set would be much more comfortable for everyone.” Nana explained, writing something on her clipboard.

“Good call.”

~~~~~

“It’s him.” Iida said, and as one, the whole class shifted their heads to look at Izuku, who was frozen in the doorway.

“....holy shit that was terrifying.” Izuku squeaked, looking back at Nana. “I forgot my line. Can we try again?”

The class just giggled.

~~~~~

“What did you do to get into UA?” Bakugo growled angrily, pinning Izuku to the wall harshly. “You musta cheated or some-” He broke off, stepping away from Izuku as he slapped himself in the face lightly. “Sorry. This part’s a bit harsh, even for me. Let’s try that again.”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“I can’t wait to meet everybody!” Uraraka cheered, Izuku nodding along with her. Suddenly, a voice popped up from behind them, causing them to scream loudly.

“If you’re here to- why are you screaming? No, stop. Stop it. Wow, fuck you.” Aizawa rolled back over onto his stomach as the two continued to scream, wiggling back down the hallway in his sleeping bag. “Call me when they’re done.”

[Take two]

Aizawa rolled to a stop behind Uraraka. “Hey kids, wanna buy sum drugs?”

“Hugs not drugs!” Izuku began chanting, the rest of the class quickly joining in. “Hugs not drugs! Hugs not drugs!”

Aizawa just rolled right back down the hallway.

[Take five]

“Hey kids, wanna buy sum memes?”

“Aw, FUCK YES.”

“Y’all suck.”

~~~~~

“Welcome to UA’s Hero Course.” Aizawa droned, pulling a baggie of strawberries from his sleeping bag and popping one in his mouth.

“....where’s the jelly pouch? You were supposed to have a jelly pouch?”

Aizawa just shrugged. “Couldn’t find them.”

“So you grabbed strawberries?”

“Yes.”

“.....how?”

~~~~~

“That means I get to run my class however I see fit.” Aizawa droned, turning to face the class. There was a dull thump, and Ojiro raised his hand.

“Sorry, guys. My tail fell off. Can we do it again?”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“Anything goes. Just stay in the circle.” Aizawa instructed, throwing a baseball to Bakugo. Unfortunately, he reacted too slow, fumbling for the ball before it dropped on the ground. Everyone watched as it bounced and rolled on the ground back to Aizawa’s feet.

“Take five.”

[Take two]

“All right, then.” Bakugo growled, shifting to pitch. “You asked for it.” He wound up, chucking the baseball as his flare canisters went off, adding explosions behind the ball. “Di-OW!” He hissed, shaking out his hands. “Too hot. Would it be possible to dial back the blasts a little bit?”

[Take ten]

Reeling his arm back to pitch, Bakugo suddenly spun around, chucking the ball at Kirishima. Said boy yelped, bringing his arms up to protect his face. The ball exploded on impact, water flying everywhere and drenching those closest to him.

“Oh it is on!”

“Nana?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Ban Bakugo from the props room from here on out.”

“Yes sir.”

~~~~~

“Like I said, I get to decide how this class runs. Understand?” Aizawa said, smiling eerily and sending shivers down everyone’s spines.

“Holy shit I think I wet myself.”

“KAMINARI! MICS!”

“Shit! Sorry!”

~~~~~

“So go beyond.” Aizawa demanded, motioning with his finger and grinning wildly. “Plus-Ultra style. Show me that it’s no mistake that you’re here.”

“...that’s hot.”

“Yamada! You’re supposed to be in the recording studio!”

“Fuck that! I just wanna support my mans!”

Tsukazari groaned. “Just...please stay quiet…”

“No promises!”

~~~~~

“Tenya Iida!” Yamada narrated. “His quirk: Engine! He’s basically Sonic personified!”

“It’s true but he shouldn’t say it.”

~~~~~

“Ochako Uraraka! Her quirk: Zero Gravity! Please yeet me into the sun to escape my misery!”

Uraraka snorted in amusement. “I think I’ll pass.”

~~~~~

Aoyama jumped up, getting pulled back by wires as Mina skated alongside him. He suddenly jerked to a stop, dangling in midair as everyone watched. “A little help, please!”

~~~~~

“You already know what it feels like to fire on all cylinders.”

“Yeah, like a lot of broken bones!”

“That’s...you’re not wrong.”

~~~~~

“This bitch empty!” Uraraka cheered, her friends egging her on. “YEET!”

“More coffee, sir?”

“Extra strong this time, please.”

“Of course, sir.”

~~~~~

“He’s a quirkless loser!” Bakugo growled. Iida started to reply, but was cut off by Nana.

“Aoyama, camera. Uraraka, you too.”

“Sorry!”

“My bad!”
~~~~~

“So how are Aizawa’s hair and capture weapon floating?” Kaminari whispered, leaning closer to Jiro. “It’s kinda fuckin scary.” Jiro just shrugged.

“Kaminari! This is the last reminder. The mics hear all!”

“Sorry Nana!”

~~~~~

“I know you!” Izuku cried. “You can look at someone and cancel out their powers! You’re the Erasure Hero: Eraserhead!”

“That’s my husband!” Yamada whooped from off-set.

“Yamada, I swear to god, shut the hell up before I make you.”

Chapter Text

“Nice! He’s finally showing us his true power!” Uraraka cheered. Iida and Aoyama nodded.

“Indeed. It seems his finger is broken, just like in the exam.”

From behind the group, Todoroki piped up. “No shit, Sherlock.”

“Come on, Todoroki!”

~~~~~

“Tell me how you did that bastard or you’re dead!” growled Bakugo, charging at Izuku. The greenette screamed, arms moving to cover his face as the explosive boy advanced. Suddenly, Aizawa’s capture scarf whipped out, lashing itself around Bakugo’s torso and waist. Unprepared, Bakugo was yanked back, landing on his butt with a huff. “Frick.”

Tsu leaned over to Uraraka. “You want in now?”

“Oh hell yes.” Uraraka whispered back. “Put me down for twenty dollars on him actually having telekinetic powers.”

“A good choice.”

"What's the weirdest one so far?"

"Koda has fourty on him being an alien."

".....what the fuck."

~~~~~

“How is your damn scarf so strong?”

“Fuck you, that’s how.”

Tsukazari sighed. “Film with nineteen teenagers they said. It’ll be fun they said.”

“Coffee, sir?”

“Thank you Nana.”

~~~~~

“Class 1-A’s Homeroom teacher: Shouta Aizawa! He can erase the quirk of anyone he looks at but the effect ends when he blinks! KIck their asses babe!”

“Yamada, I swear to god I’m going to let Chris do these lines if you can’t shape your shit up.”

~~~~~

“I’ll just pull up the whole list. It’s not worth going over each individual score.” Aizawa droned, holding up his phone to do it as the class watched. He was suddenly interrupted by a loud yell of “CUT!” Everyone jumped, spinning to face Tsukazari in confusion. Said man was glaring at the background of the set.

“Chris! Yamada! Quit Fortnite dancing and get your asses off set!”

The two men laughed loudly, running off-set. Chris slapped a ten dollar bill in Aizawa’s hand as they passed him, much to everyone’s confusion. Chris just whispered to Yamada as they ran, making the man laugh. “I bet he would find us right away. Aizawa thought it would take longer. You see how that turned out.”

“Wanna bet on how long it’ll take for them to figure out we’re in all the shots?”

“You’re on.”

~~~~~

“And I was lying. No one’s going home. That was just a rational deception to make sure you gave it your all in the tests.” Aizawa said, creepy smile back at full force.

“WHAAT!” Izuku shrieked first, making everyone burst out laughing.

“Can Izuku like, not scream? Just once? Please?”

Izuku looked back at who had spoken, bitchface prominent. “Naaah.”

~~~~~

“Midorya. Take this and go have the old lady fix you up.” Aizawa said, passing a piece of paper to Izuku. There was a crudely drawn screaming Present Mic on it, making Izuku snort in amusement. Uraraka, who was looking over his shoulder, giggled loudly. Aizawa quickly snatched the paper back, face flushing lightly as he shoved it into one of the pouches on his belt. “Wrong paper. Let’s do it again.”

~~~~~

“No that means,” Chris stated, pointing his finger at Aizawa, “that you see the same potential in Young Midorya that I do!”

“Nah, he’s just the main character. Can’t get rid of him yet.”

“Aizawaaaa!”

~~~~~

“Oh! You’re the infinity girl.”

“No, I'm Buzz LIghtyear, bitch.”

“Uraraka!”

~~~~~

“Deku is what Kachan calls me to make fun of me.” Izuku said nervously.

“What an ass.”

“I’m right here, dipsticks!”

“Sorry Bakugo!”

~~~~~

“You don’t have time to relax, Midorya. Not yet. The real test begins tomorrow.” Yagi said, staring at the costume in his hands. He looked back at the cameras. “Do I really have to be this ominous?”

“Just get the scene over with.”

~~~~~

“Hey everybody look alive!” Yamada cheered. “Grammar rules!”

Momo raised her hand. “English is garbage and grammar can kiss my ass.”

“Momo!”

“It’s true but she shouldn’t say it.”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“I am here!” Chris cheered, leaning into the room with his hands gripping the doorframe. “Coming through the door like a- OOf.” He cut off as his hands slipped, sending him face first onto the floor and making the class laugh. “Ow.”

“Maybe don’t lean so far next time?”

[Take two]

“..coming through the door like a hero!” The door snapped, toppling back into the hallway. “Oops?”

“Take five and get that door fixed.”

[Take ten]

"Shrimp. Heaven. NOW!" Chris boomed, kicking down the door as he burst into the classroom, Yamada following him.

“Please, Chris. We can’t keep doing this.”

“Shrimp Jesus will return!”

“Chris, PLEASE.”

[Bonus take]

Faint music blasted from behind the door before Chris kicked it down yet again. “SomeBODY ONCE TOLD ME” He was immediately tackled by Aizawa, the capture scarf whipping wildly around him.

“I swear to god if you don’t shut that thing off I’m going to MURDER you.”

Kirishima piped up from his desk. “That’s not very heroic.”

Aizawa glared, his eyes flashing red, scaring everyone in the room. “You’re next if you don’t shut up.”

~~~~~

“Be prepared!” Chris boomed, “Today’s training will pull no punches!” He whipped a card out from nowhere, reading ‘Battle”. The thing is, the card was upside down. Chris paused as the class giggled, turning the card to look at it himself. “Oops. Let me do that again.”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“They say the clothes make the pros, young ladies and gentlemen, and behold! You are the proof!” Chris began, watching the class march onto the grounds in their first hero costumes. He was about to speak again, but was interrupted by a dull thud, followed by a small cracking sound.

“Whoops.” Bakugo’s grenade gauntlets had slipped off his arms, landed on the concrete, and cracked as they rolled a little.

Tsukazari sighed, motioning for him to pick them back up. “Someone get in here and make sure they fit right this time. The rest of you take five.”

[Take two]

The camera panned across the class, capturing everyone in their hero gear. “CUT! Kaminari! What have we said about the Fortnite dancing?”

“Not to do it?”

“Exactly. Reset from the top!”

[Take ten]

*THUMP* “....I think my arms just fell off.”

“Someone help Shoji get those back on, please!”

[Take fifteen]

“QUIT IT WITH THE DANCING!”

“But you only said no Fortnite dancing!”

“You know what I meant!”

~~~~~

“How much can we hurt the other team?”

“Do we need to worry about the losers getting expelled like earlier?”

“Will you be splitting us up based on chance or comparative skill?”

“Isn’t this cape tres chic?”

“That...wasn’t his line.” Tsukazari whispered.

“I would leave it sir.” Nana whispered back, covering her mouth slightly as they watched the scene play out. “It works better than what we had for him anyways.”

~~~~~

Bakugo turned slightly, glaring harshly at Izuku. Izuku flinched, drawing in a shuddering breath, before whipping around and flipping him off. Bakugo paused for a second in shock, only snapping back to attention when he noticed Izuku taking off, running away as fast as he could. “GET BACK HERE YOU JERK!”

“YOU’RE NOT MY DAD!”

~~~~~

“Hey. Do you think Deku really has a quirk?”

“You saw how he threw that ball. Unless you’re blind as well as a bully.”

“Really Iida? You too?”

“At least I’m not cursing my mouth off!”

Izuku popped up from behind a pillar. “Well fuck you too!”

~~~~~

Bakugo lept around the corner, explosions framing his palm as he aimed for Izuku. Said boy tackled Uraraka out of the way, leaving Bakug to slam into the wall. There was quiet as the smoke cleared, before Bakugo was visible again, dangling in midair. “Not again.”

Izuku and Uraraka giggled, teasingly binding his limbs with the capture tape. “Looks like we won!”

“Just get me down from here you jerks!”

~~~~~

Everyone watched as Izuku shifted, throwing Bakugo over his shoulder.

“.....That’s hot.”

“TODOROKI, NO!”

“Todoroki yes.”

~~~~~

“You always use a big right hook to start a fight.” Izuku panted, head hanging low. “I know. I’ve watched you for years.”

“Stalker~!”

“Uraraka! Not like that!”

Chapter Text

“You’re shaking in your boots you’re so scared, but you’re gonna fight me anyway. That’s why I hate you!”

“Wow. Fuck you too.”

“Can you not? It’s too early for this shit.”

~~~~~

“Just shut up and defend the weapon!” Bakugo growled, before pausing. “This is gonna be one of those episodes, isn't it.”

Izuku just nodded slowly.

“Oh, jeez. I’m so sorry in advance.”

~~~~~

“Are you forgetting what our mission is? Hello? He hung up on me!”

“What an ass.” Called Uraraka from behind one of the pillars.

“Hey!”

~~~~~

“...then the heroes are at a disadvantage here.” Exclaimed Mina. “A big one!”

“It just be like that sometimes.” Nodded Shoji sagely.

“Shoji!”

“I think one of my elbows fell off.”

“Get Sero’s elbow fixed and reset!”

~~~~~

“Hero notebook number 10! Page eighteen.”

“Ha. Nerd.”

“Shut up.”

~~~~~

“That guy’s doing good!” Satou grunted.

“He’s holding his own and he isn’t even using his quirk!” Sero chimed in, punching the air in front of himself.

Tokoyami leaned over to whisper to Tsu, who was standing beside him. “He’s the main character. Of course he’s gonna do well.”

“Tokoyami! Mics!”

“Shit.”

~~~~~

Bakugo ran through the halls of the building, searching for Izuku. Suddenly, his face smacked into something, making him fall back with an “Oof!” Looking up, he saw a sheet of seran wrap blocking the doorway. Bakugo looked over his shoulder as Tsukazari sighed, slamming his face into his hands.

“Who set this up?” There was no answer, but Mina and Kaminari were snickering suspiciously in a corner. “Take five and check the rest of the doors. I don’t trust anyone to not have set more than one trap, and someone please just keep all of the kids out of the props room.”

“Yes sir.”

~~~~~

“By the way Kacchan, I’ve been meaning to tell you. I take back everything I said!”

“Savage.”

“Will you guys ever shut up so we can get a take without being interrupted?”

“Never in a million years.”

“Damnit.”

~~~~~

“Deku. That must be what you call a helpless loser who’s completely useless.” Clint gloaded, before pausing and turning around to tackle hug Jay. “I’m sorry! I don’t mean it!”

“It’s ok!” Jay laughed, hugging him back. “I know it’s just pretend! You don’t have to worry.”

Nana sighed softly as she watched the pair. “Let them get it out and we’ll start from the top.”

~~~~~

“When I get my quirk I hope it’ll be as cool as yours!” Jay cheered, marching behind Clint.

“Whatever Dek- woah!” Clint started to walk backwards, before tripping on a hidden root and toppling backwards. “Oof!”

Jay giggled. “Get reckt!”

Izuku’s head snapped up from where he was standing just off-set, running lines with Todoroki. “Who taught you that?”

“Kaminari.” Jay said, voice showing no shame as he threw said boy under the bus. Kaminari shivered as Izuku’s glare turned on him, beginning to back away slowly as several others watched in amusement.

“Run.” Kaminari bolted, Izuku hot on his tail, screaming profanities at the top of his lungs. “How dare you corrupt the fucking children!”

“I’m sorryyyyyyyyy!”

~~~~~

[Take one]
“That means...I must now embrace evil, to become a hero!” Iida said, before being cut off by a giggling Uraraka.

“Pppft. I’m so sorry! Can we try that again?”

[Take two]

“Behold! I am the personi-”

-snort-

“Come on, Uraraka!”

“I can’t help it!”

[Take twenty]

Peeking around the corner again, Uraraka snorted again, before collapsing on the floor, rolling with laughter.

Tsukazari just sighed and took a shot of his coffee. “Take ten.”

~~~~~

“I’m all loaded up.”

“That’s what she said.”

“Izuku I swear to god.”

~~~~~

“He’ll be fine as long as he dodges!” Bakugo growled, pulling the pin. It was quiet for a minute before someone giggled. “Come on! Special effects!”

~~~~~

Uraraka touched her fingers together, leaping into the air towards the ‘weapon’, before suddenly stopping midair.

“Again?! I thought we got it fixed!”

“Can someone go get her down please?”

~~~~~

Iida raced towards the ‘weapon’, slipping and landing on his butt as he skid past it. “Woah!”

“Who’s bright idea was it to wax the floors before the speedy guy did his thing?!”

“Sorry!”

~~~~~

“He doesn’t come off as a guy with a strategy, but he’s actually rather intelligent.” Intoned Todoroki, Kirishima and Mina whirling around to face him.

“What are you talking about?” Kirishima asked.

“He changed his trajectory in midair using a bla- ow.” Todoroki grumbled, trying to scratch his chin from under his ice. “This suit fuckin sucks to talk in. I can barely move my jaw. Why does it have to be like this again?”

“Spite.” Mina supplied.

“Fine. Just let me try again.”

~~~~~

“Ugh.” Kaminari groaned. “Bakugo is uber talented. I hate it.”

“Screw you too!”

~~~~~

“Not to mention, Bakugo seems like a natural at all this stuff.”

Izuku strutted in, tacky sunglasses on and Starbucks in hand. “It’s called being a main character hunny. Look it up.”

“Izuku, WHY.”

~~~~~

“Not very manly, but he’s outgunned.” Kirishima started, before being interrupted by half of the class.

“Outmanned! Outnumbered, outplanned!” They cheered, breaking into a mini production of Hamilton right where they stood. Chris gave in after a few seconds, joining Mina in the circle of people rapping, both breakdancing madly.

Tsukazari slammed his face on Nana’s clipboard.

“More coffee sir?”

“Give me an extra shot of whatever you put in there and I’ll give you another raise.”

~~~~~

[After filming ends for the day]

Izuku peeked around Tsukazari’s shoulder, attempting to peer into his cup. “Whachya got there? Water?”

“No.”

“Oooh! Vodka! I like your style!”

“Vinegar.” Tsukazari said, looking Izuku dead in the eye. “It’s vinegar, pussy.” Then, without breaking eye contact, he chugged the rest of his drink straight down. Izuku stood there, frozen in shock as Tsukazari then crushed his cup and left, Nana trailing slightly behind him. Scarred, Izuku whispered under his breath.

“....What the FUCK?”

Chapter Text

“As the saying goes, they may have lost the battle, but they have won the war.” Tokoyami stated, Tsu nodding at his side.

“This class is intense.”

“Cut!”

Tsu and Tokoyami peeked over at Nana. “Did we do something wrong?”

“It’s not you two.” Nana sighed. “Jiro and Sero wouldn’t stop dabbing in the background.”

“Oh.” Tsu croaked, before doing a double take. “Wait, where’s Boss Man?”

“He’s already cashing in sick days.”

“Yikes.”

~~~~~

“Does this mean,” Bakugo started, growling heavily into the mic, “that if we really fought...if we didn’t hold back at all...Deku would beat me with his quirk?!”

“Yell heah.” Izuku said, appearing suddenly in the booth.

“How in the blood soaked Potestant hell did you do that?”

“Fuck you, that’s how.”

~~~~~

“Young Bakugo.” Chris boomed, and placed a hand on said boy’s shoulder, causing him to jump.

“JEEEEESUS FRICKIN CHRIST!” Bakugo wheezed, “Give me a warning next time!”

~~~~~

“Well, despite the results, the MVP of this fight was young Iida!”

“NANI THE FUCK?”

“That is….not your line. Also, language.”

“Sorry Ms. Nana!”

“Drop the Ms, kid. Let’s take it from the top!”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“Sir! I can tell you why.” Momo began, raising her hand as she talked.

“Oh shit.”

“Cut!” Nana called. “What is it Kirishima?”

“Where is the Mineta doll?”

“....fuck.”

“Also I think Mina’s missing her horns again.”

“....double fuck.”

[Take two]

“Iida was the only one who truly embraced this challenge. He adopted to the- nope. Lemmie try that again.”

[Take five]

“Iida was the only one who truly embraced this challenge. He was the only one who truly adapted to his assigned role. I’ll explain. Bakugo’s clouded was judge- that’s not right.”

[Take eleven]

“If she had treated the fake weapon as if it were real, she never would have used such an imprecise move. Iida was the only one to-” Momo was cut off by giggles breaking out through the group.

“Cut! Guys, come on! We almost had it that time!”

 

“I’m so sorry! Hagakure snorted, leaning heavily on Shoji, who was quietly laughing. “But are you seeing the face Iida’s making?”

“That’s fair.”

“Hey!”

[Take twenty]

“Technically the hero team won, yes. But they took advantage of the fact that this was training, and didn’t respect the spirit of the trial.” Everyone watched as she dug around in one of her belt pockets, pulling out a baggie of blueberries and eating one. “Blueberry?” Aoyama reached over Momo’s shoulder, quietly plucking one out of the bag and popping it in his mouth.

“Momo, you’re not Tony Stark.”

“But I could be.”

“Momo, NO.”

"Momo, yes."

~~~~~

“Momo Yaoyorozu! One of the four students who got into the Hero Course based on recommendations!”

It was quiet for a moment.

“Did he...actually do it without poking fun for once?! Please tell me someone recorded that!”

“Hey! I can be serious if I want to!”

“No you can’t.” Aizawa grumbled, poking his head out from under the table.

“That’s fair.”

~~~~~

“I’m gonna take off all my clothes, and totally disappear!”

“Kinky.”

“Shut your up fuck!”

~~~~~

“Mezo Shoji! Quirk: Dupli-Arms! Your hentai dreams come true!”

Nana groaned, slamming her head on the desk and muttering under her breath. “Now I understand why Tsuka is such a goddamn alcoholic. How does Aizawa even deal with him?”

“I don’t.”

“Jesus fuck! Where did you come from?”

“Hell.”

“Should have expected that.”

~~~~~

“For your own safety, go outside.” Todoroki ordered, stalking into the building. “I’m sure our opponents aim to fight a defensive battle. But we’ve already won.”

He placed his hand on the wall, freezing in place for a minute, and someone off-set giggled. “Where’s your ice, Elsa?”

“Special effects! Come on guys.”

~~~~~

“You can try to pry yourself out if you want to.” Todoroki challenged, staring down Ojiro, “But it might be hard to fight me with no skin on the bottoms of your feet.” He paused in his advance. “Wow I’m an asshole.”

Ojiro snorted, relaxing his stance slightly. “No shit, Sherlock.”

~~~~~

“Shoto Todoroki. Another of the four admitted to the Hero Course based on recommendations. He’s like a walking, talking A/C unit!”

“Yamada, you’re fired.”

“No I’m not.”

“...is that a fucking Uno Reverse card?”

“Mayhaps.”

~~~~~

“Surf’s up!” cheered Mina, sliding past Aoyama. She slid a few more seconds before losing her balance, toppling over with an “Oof!”

“That’s what you get for ruining my cape.”

“But- you know what, that’s fair.”

~~~~~

“Only the second day of class and he’s already a regular patient! What the fuck, All Might?!”

“Chiyo!”

“Sorry! Forgot my line.”

~~~~~

“Yeah, yeah. Mr. Natural-Born Hero. Mr. Symbol of Peace. Symbol of Self-destruction is more like it.”

“Hey!”

Izuku nodded from his position on the infirmary bed. “It’s true but she shouldn’t say it.”

“Rude!”

“Suck it up Yagi.”

~~~~~

“I missed all my afternoon classes. Mr. Aizawa is probably gonna choke me with his scarf.”

“Kinky.”

Nana slammed her face into her clipboard. “Get the FUCK out of here Yamada before I throw you out myself.”

~~~~~

“Uhhh...you guys!” Izuku whimpered, waving his arms in front of his face. Suddenly, the Mineta doll was thrown in the middle of the group, making everyone scream, before giggling madly.

“Come on guys!” The real Mineta (who is actually average height and a decent fucking person) called from off-set. “That was the tenth time!”

“But it’s funny as hell!” Satou called.

“Yeah!” Kirishima whooped, before pausing. “Wait. Mina, where are your contacts?”

Everyone turned to stare at the pink girl. “Fuck.”

Nana snatched Aizawa’s cup as he walked by and took a shot. “Just three more hours…”

~~~~~

“A fated battle between rivals.”

“Whatever Midorya said, it looked like Bakugo wanted to punch him.” Tsu observed, Mina nodding along.

“Childhood friends turned enemies!” Uraraka continued, lost in her own world as the trio stared out the window. She then leaned forwards a little more, only to accidently push the window out, causing the whole wall to fall. “...Oops?”

“Just...take five.”

Chapter Text

“You’re one of All Might’s students, right? Tell us, what is he like in person?”

“What is he like?” Uraraka said, thinking deeply. “Uhhh...he’s super muscley?”

Izuku popped out from behind the wall. “No shit, Sherlock.”

“Izuku! Get back inside!”

“You’re not my dad!”

~~~~~

“Excuse me sir, can you get All Might for us? Also, you look like a mess. What’s your deal?”

“My deal is nunya.” Aizawa deadpanned.

“....Nunya?” The ‘reporter’ stuttered, thrown off her rhythm.

“Nunya fuckin busness.” At that, Class 1-A appeared out of nowhere, whooping and rioting so hard you would have thought they just laid down the roast of the century. The swarm of extras was taken aback as Aizawa whipped a pair of bright yellow clout glasses out of his costume and slipped them on, face as stoic as ever, even as he was lifted and carried away by Satou and Shoji, the rest of the class still rioting around them. Aizawa had somehow obtained a bag of marshmallows from lord knows where, and was shooting them into the kid’s mouths as they moved away, earning more cheers each time another was caught.

One of the shell-shocked extras finally spoke up. “What the fuck did we sign up for?” His buddies just shrugged.

“Hell?”

“Shit.”

~~~~~

“I watched the video feeds and went over each of your results. Bakugo. Stop being an asshole and suck it up.”

“Aizawa!”

“Izuku, stop drinking the bone hurting juice.”

“I mean, I can try, but it ain’t happening any time soon.”

“At least you only take two seasons!” Hagakure snickered. “Bakugo takes at least four to even start getting the stick outta his ass!”

“Hey!”

~~~~~

“So show a little urgency, all right?”

“Right!” Izuku nodded, determined.

“Now, let’s get down to business.” Aizawa began, but was cut off by Kirishima before he could continue.

“To defeat,”

“THE HUNS!” the class cheered, ignoring Taukazari’s groans of disappointment and Aizawa’s head meeting the lectern.

~~~~~

“We will hold an election to choose our leader!” Iida said, hand stretched high in the air.

“Fucking hypocryte.”

“Izuku I swear to god, this is only the fifth scene of the day. Get it together.”

“Sorry, Boss Man.”

~~~~~

“It’s the best way, right sir?”

“Do what you want.” Droned Aizawa, suddenly in his sleeping bag, chewing on a Fruit by the Foot. “Do what you want, just decide before my nap’s over.”

Tsukazari just sighed. “Where does he even keep all the fucking food?”

“The cameras were still rolling sir.”

“....fuck.”

~~~~~

[Off-set]

“And that was how Aizawa I stole a stapler, hot glue gun, and our teacher’s cat in the sixth grade!” Yamada laughed, narrating for the group of young actors. “Aizawa would totally deny this, but he was the one who came up with it!”

Aizawa’s head popped out from under a couch in the back of the room. “It’s true but you shouldn’t say it.”

“How the fuck did he get under there?” Ojiro whispered, staring as Aizawa slid back under the couch.

“Just...don’t question it.”

“Hey Tsu, put me down for 30 on him being literally a demon or the devil himself.”

“Ok Bakugo, whatever you say.” Tsu croaked, whipping out a notepad and scribbling it down. “That brings the total pot to $369 dollars.”

From the set, Tsukazari’s voice carried into the room. “We’re gonna need Gravity Falls! Ready in five!”

“Thank you, five!” Everyone echoed, Uraraka, Iida, and Izuku making their way on set as everyone else watched.

“....I still don’t know how those names became a thing.” Kaminari said, draping himself dramatically across Sero’s lap.

“Just, don’t question it.”

~~~~~

“You know, I’ve been wondering something about you.” Uraraka said, putting down her bowl of rice. “Admit it Iida! You’re filthy rich!”

“Ah-” Iida started, flailing his arms slightly, before accidentally smacking his tray. The group shrieked as food went flying everywhere, landing all over the set. “Sorry!”

Everyone quietly stared at the mess for a minute, a hush falling over the cafeteria. It was quickly broken by Kaminari, who had jumped on top of a table, Jiro and Sero flanking him. “FOOD FIGHT!”

A roll was dropped, and everything devolved into chaos, food flying in every direction. Yamada and Chris were quick to join in, the students cheering as Aizawa suddenly appeared as well, batting away clumps of food with his scarf. Tsukazari and Nana stood off to the side, clipboards shielding what they could. “Just...take 15.”

“Yes sir.”

“I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU SERO!”

“IZUKU NO! STOP! I’M SORRYYYYYY!”

~~~~~

“I know him! He’s a super-popular pro who has 65 sidekicks working alongside him at his Tokyo agency!” Izuku cheered, before pausing in shock. “Don’t tell me…”

“He’s my elder brother!” Iida said, standing proudly, before slipping and landing on his back. “Oof!”

Izuku and Uraraka giggled as he made no move to stand up. “I think they missed a spot after cleaning up the food fight.”

“Ya think?”

~~~~~

“What’s a level three security breach?” Iida asked the extra next to him, looking serious. Before the extra could answer, Todoroki popped up from behind a potted plant, Momo popping up not too far away. Both had large water guns, and immediately began spraying them at anyone within range.

“This is!” Momo laughed, running away as Jiro chased her, somehow having managed to find a gun of her own.

Tsukazari’s head finally snapped the clipboard, breaking it in half.

“Extra strength, sir?”

“You are a goddess among men, Nana.”

“I try sir.”

~~~~~

“They are trespassing. That means they’re kinda like villains. Why don’t we just beat ‘em up?” Yamada asked, leaning towards Aizawa.

“Don’t even think about it, unless you want your name dragged through the mud.”

“Worth it.”

“Yamada, no.”

“Yamada, yes.”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“Touch my hand!” Iida called, stretching his arm as far as he could towards Uraraka. “Make me float above everyone else!”

Stretching, Uraraka grunted as she tried to reach Iida’s fingertips, before suddenly being knocked to the floor. “Uwah!”

“Wasted!” called Kaminari, stuck somewhere in the crowd.

“Shut up and someone help me up!”

[Take five]

Uraraka managed to brush Iida’s fingertips, making him lift off the ground. He didn’t make it very high before the wires stopped working, leaving him dangling two inches off the ground. “Someone really needs to get these fixed.”

[Take ten]

“It’s just the media outside! We’re UA students! We need to remain calm, and prove that we’re the best of the be-aaaaa!” Iida cut off as he slipped, falling off the Exit sign and onto a few unlucky extras underneath. “I am so sorry! Are you alright?”

“Fuckin mint.” One groaned, staring at the ceiling.

Another nodded, rubbing his head. “Oh, big worm hat mood?”

“We fallin.” Agreed another as she brushed herself off, holding out her hands to help the other two up.

“Just...take ten.”

~~~~~

“That’s a wrap! Get these vultures out of our station!” Yamada cheered, waving his arms wildly.

“That’s...not his line.”

 

“Sir, you and I both know by now that Yamada is a lawless heathen who can and will ditch the script whenever he wants. Just leave him be.”

“That’s...fair.”

~~~~~

“Sir! What kind of training is this?”

“Rescue.” Said Aizawa, holding out a card and slipping on his clout glasses. “You’ll be dealing with natural disasters, hurricanes, shipwrecks, Izuku’s fashion sense, stuff like that.”

“OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!”

“Fuck you too Aizawa!”

“But it’s true and he should say it!”

“Not you too, Shoji!”

~~~~~

“If we’re pointing out the obvious, then there’s something I wanna say.” Tsu croaked, turning to face Izuku. “About you, actually.”

“About me? What is it Asui?” Izuku laughed nervously.

“I told you to call me Tsu.”

“Oh. Yeah, right.”

“That power of yours, isn’t it a lot like All Might’s?”

“It is All Might’s.”

“Come on! You almost had it!”

“Sorry Boss Man!”

~~~~~

“Bakugo’s got a bad temper, so he’ll never be popular.” Tsu explained, turning to face said boy.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY?! I’LL KICK YOUR ASS!” Bakugo roared, gripping the bus railing harshly.

“Case and point.”

Kaminari snorted, crossing his arms. “That’s fair.”

~~~~~

“What a disgusting conversation.” Momo muttered, covering her mouth with her hand as she dug around in her belt, Uraraka peering at her curiously. “Want a gummy?”

“Momo! What did we say about food?!”

“Try me bitch!”

~~~~~

“Right. Now that that’s over-” Aizawa started pushing himself off the wall before suddenly being hit by a ball of glitter, sparkles exploding in his face. Shigaraki kicked down the door, arms full of more glitter bombs, Kurogiri trudging in reluctantly behind him, carrying more glitter.

“Time for me to fuck shit up!”

“Shigaraki, I swear to god I will fire you. You’ve only been in one scene so far. I can and will recast.”

Shigaraki slowly lowered the glitter bomb in his hand, slowly sliding back out the door.

“That’s what I thought.”

~~~~~

The Nomu was one of the last to step on set, making the students jump.

“Jesus Christ!” Izuku squeaked. “Someone get the Holy Hand Grenade!”

At that moment, something came flying up the stairs, smacking Iida in the face. He slowly reached up and grabbed the object, pulling it off his face to get a better look at it. “Is this...a hand? Shigaraki, why.”

“I’m giving you a hand!”

“Y’all need to stop.”

“Sorry, Tsuka.”

Chapter Text

[Off-set]

Most of the cast was chatting, ready in their costumes while they waited for the rest of the crew to arrive for filming that day. There was a faint crash and several screams, but most ignored it, desensitized to the main cast’s shenanigans by this point.

Suddenly, the door was kicked down, revealing Class 1-A decked in the tackiest Christmas sweaters ever, carrying Christmas decorations and holiday food(Kaminari had a boombox slung over his shoulder). Someone had even dragged Bakugo into it, and was dragging him along, bound in Christmas lights and fuming silently. Kirishima was even dragging Aizawa in his sleeping bag, which was decorated like a Christmas tree. Yamada was following the group, giggling madly as he filmed the whole thing.

“LET’S GET FESTIVE!”

“IF NONE OF YOU UNTIE ME THIS INSTANT, SOMEONE’S HALLS ARE GETTING DECKED!”

“Sorry Bakubro!”

~~~~~

“This is real. Those are villains.” Aizawa warned, sliding on his goggles and slipping into a ready stance.

“Inconceivable!”

“Get off of the fucking set Shigaraki.”

~~~~~

“Maybe if I kill a few kids he’ll come out to play.” Shigaraki drawled, raising his arms.

Aizawa’s scarf lashed out, whipping around angrily. It levitated around his shoulders like an angry cloud, hovering menacingly. The man himself was glaring down at the villains, hair floating as his eyes flashed red.

“...holy shit.” Shoji whispered to Koda, who was trembling next to him. “I’m glad he’s on our side.”

“I think I pissed myself.” whispered Kaminari.

“Tsu, put me down for ten more on him being telekinetic.”

“You got it, Mina.”

“Guys! Mics!”

“Sorry Nana!”

~~~~~

“Yeah. Thirteen, why aren’t the alarms going off?”

“Plot convenience.”

“That’s fair.”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“Is the entire campus under attack, or is this their only target? Either way, if the alarm scizors- nope.” Todoroki paused, facepalming. “Fuck, lemme try again.”

[Take two]

“Either way, if the alarm sensors aren’t being triggered, then one of these villains must have a quirk that’s masking their presence here. They carefully taught this isolated facility as an entry point at a time when a class was being chose. Wait, shit. No, stop laughing. Shut up!”

[Take five]

“They’re fools for trespassing here, but they thought this out. Whatever their plan, they must have a concrete objective in mind. But what is it?”

“He figured out our plan!” Shigaraki called from off-set, hiding behind Kurogiri, who looked like he would rather be anywhere else but there. “Inconceivable!”

“Come on! I almost had it that time!”

“That’s just how it be sometimes.”

“Shigaraki, if you don’t get out of here right now, I swear to god, I will steal all of your Hannah Montana CDs. I know where you hide them.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Try me, bitch.”

“Kurogiri!” Shigaraki cried, jumping on said man’s back and causing him to stumble. “Tactical retreat!”

Kurogiri just sighed, jogging off with Shigaraki on his back.

~~~~~

[Off-set]

“Yamada! Stop putting up mistletoe as an excuse to kiss your husband!”

“It’s not mistletoe! It’s mistlefoe!”

“What?’

“Fight me bitch.”

“Wait, no! Yamada stop! Someone help meeeee!”

[Ten minutes later]

“Yes!” Yamada cheered, jumping out from behind a wall as Todoroki and Izuku walked through the door together, causing both boys to jump. “It’s my ship, hell yeah! Now kiss! The mistletoe demands it!”

Both boys looked up and flushed, before looking at Yamada with disappointment, Izuku taking a step forward.

“Say that to my FUCKING face, Yamada.” Izuku growled, Yamada paling slightly as the boy stepped forward again. “You can’t get me to kiss ANYONE without both of our consent!”

Yamada slowly started to back away, slowly paling even farther as he realized that Izuku might actually cause him bodily harm, and Tsukazari might not be able to save him this time. Izuku pounced, Yamada bolting away as the greenette chased him. “CONSENT IS SEXY!”

“GET BACK HERE AND TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN!”

“My hero.” Todoroki swooned, leaning against the wall dramatically. Uraraka snickered at him as she swaggered in, poking his cheek.

“You missed your chance to kiss him”

Todoroki immediately straightened back up at that, moaning in disappointment. “Shit.”

“There’s always next time.”

“You right, you right.”

[Even later]

"You went under the mistletoe!"

"Bitch, I'm Jewish."

~~~~~

“Your power works best with stealth and one-on-one fights! It’s not gonna work with a group.” Izuku pointed out nervously, watching as the villains stalked closer.

Aizawa deadpanned. “Try me, bitch.”

~~~~~

Aizawa leapt off the stairway landing, flying down the stairs as his scarf whipped out around him. He angled himself as he landed, hitting the ground with his heels before propelling himself forward into a roll. Shaking himself off, strands of his scarf slid between his fingers as he shot forward, sprinting a few meters before stopping. “You got it?”

Aizawa turned to see Tsukazari and the rest of the crew staring at him in a mixture of shock and awe. “What?’

Kaminari spoke up from the back of the group, Kirishima standing next to him and nodding so fast that his head was a blur. “That was totally WICKED!”

“Yamada, can I steal your mans?”

“Fuck, no. I found him first. Lay off.”

“That’s fair.”

~~~~~

“A villain like you is only dangerous if you can reach me.” Aizawa drawled, carefully swinging the extra away with his scarf, dodging another who tried to hit him from behind. “Good thing I’ve taken measures to ensure that never happens. Wait, shit!”

His scarf slipped off the extras, sending them flying into the shipwreck zone. “Shit! Sorry!”

Tsukazari sighed. “Someone go make sure their costumes aren’t ruined, and Aizawa, be more careful please. Not everyone can take a hit like you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Got it, boss.”

~~~~~

“He’s making it impossible for us to use teamwork or our powers. Inconceivable!”

“Shigaraki, please.” Kurogiri groaned, rubbing his forehead with irritation.

“Can’t stop won’t stop.”

“Shigaraki, no.”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. We are the League of Villains.” Kurogiri began, before being interrupted by Izuku.

“More like the Alliance of Criminals.”

“The Coalition of Lawbreakers.” called Hagakure.

“The Guild of Bandits.” Uraraka giggled.

“You guys have no imagination.” Tokoyami stated, everyone turning to face him. “They’re obviously the Conglomerate of Daddy Issues.”

A moment of silence.

“Ppfftt. Nice one Tokoyami!”

“I try.”

[Take two]

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. We are the League of Villains. I know it’s impolite, but we decided to invite ourselves into this justice of haven to say hello. Wait I fucked that one up. Start over.”

[Take five]

“But I guess that doesn’t matter. I still have a role to play.”

“.....”

“Kirishima! Bakugo! Stop playing Rock Paper Scissors! You were supposed to charge Kurogiri!”

“...well shit.”

[Take fifteen]

Kirishima and Bakugo roared as they charged Kurogiri, then froze in shock as the man cried “Halt!” Both boys looked at the man strangely as everyone else sighed. “What is your name?”

Bakugo’s eyes widened in recognition and he stepped forward, staring up at Kurogiri. “Sir Bakugo of UA.”

“What is your quest?”

“To kick your ass.”

“What is your favorite color?”

“Blue.” Bakugo said, before jumping Kurogiri, his canisters popping off tiny explosions.

Tsukazari just slid off his chair and lay face-down on the floor.

“Are you ok, sir?”

“Just...let be become one with the floor so I don’t have to deal with this bullshit.”

“We still have several scenes to shoot today sir.”

“Fuck.”

~~~~~

“I’ll scatter you around this facility to meet my comrades, and your death!” There was a moment of silence, and then someone giggled.

“Special effects!” Kurogiri whined.

~~~~~

“Come out here and face me like a man.” Kurogiri demanded, motining his hand at Thirteen in a ‘Come at me bro’ fashion.

“Uh, actually, my pronouns are they/them.”

“Oh.” Kurogiri paused. “Then come out here, and face me, like a person.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate that.” Thirteen said, splaying their hand on their chest dramatically, before charging Kurogiri. “Now, AHHHHHH!”

Nana patted Tsukazari’s back. “Vodka day?”

“Vodka day.”

“Right away sir.”

~~~~~

[Off set]

Jiro and Momo paused as they entered the dressing room, taking in the scene before them.

Someone had gotten a hold of some spray paint, and painted a pentagram on the floor before laying Aizawa down on top of it. The whole room was covered in Christmas lights as the only light source, and they were flashing madly. Sero, Kaminari, Bakugo, Mina, and most surprisingly, Kirishima, were all surrounding the pentagram, chanting repeatedly as Aizawa boredly drank from one of his juice pouches. Unknown to them, Todoroki was hiding in the corner, grinning mirthfully as he recorded the whole thing.

“You better watch out. You better watcḩ͎̫̫̬͍͚̦̊̓͛͑͑̌͟͢ ó̷̠̞̺̬͔͖̯̯̭̾̅̉͞u̴̧̟̦̙͈̤̯͐̍̄͝͝͠ť̵̢̧̠̻̭͕̘͚̇̿̐̇̓̆̕͜͡͞.̴̙̰͈͔͔̬̙̯̫̔̀̉̊͂͂̄͞ͅ Y̢̨̰̺̹̖̰̟̩̙̐̏̃̊̑͞͠Ơ̵͚̬̹̞̫̠͈͔̙̌̅̑͒͜U̜̝̖͊͂̌̍̍̉̕͟͜͞ͅ B̷̝̝̘̬̳͓͙̼̍͒̈̉͑̓͢͝ͅE̡̻̪̫͕͓̮̻̊̄̇̉͒͑̒̚͝ͅT̛̲̬̱͚͎̱͎̗̈́̍͢͞ͅT̺̖̠͚͔̊̅̑̿͋̉̓́͟͝Ẽ̢̺̩̲̙͙̖͖̑̾̽͗̄̂̕͢͠R͇̪͕̱̲͖͓̗͔̔̉̎̾̿̓̔̉͞ W̢͎̹͈̻̩̻̞͐̆̋̐̋̔̏̕͡Ą̩͙͕̳̤͚͒͊̓̆́͐̆͒͘͜͢͜͠Ṯ̢̛̜̩͎͈̪̖̪̽̎̂̃͊͜͝͞C̵͖̙͓̪̯̅͊̍̎̆͗͒̐ͅH̱̜̯̩͆͑̇̐̉̅͢͠ Ơ̷̲͉͇͚̦̤͆̈́̂̑̽̽̐̍͟͞U̶̧̠͕͙̺̲̰͎̘̽̽̾̾̾̕T̴̖̬̜͇͚͑̔̅̓́͂̅͠͠.̸̟̼̬͈̫̠̝͖̍͌͛̈́͌͐̓̚͢͞.”

Momo and Jiro looked at eachother, before quickly backing out of the room and speed walking away.

“Never speak of this again?”

“Agreed.”

~~~~~

“Tsuyu Asui! Her Quirk: Frog. Here comes dat boi!”

“Oh shit whaddup.”

“Don’t fucking encourage him.”

~~~~~

[Off set]

Todoroki made his way to the landslide zone, shaking his arms out and running over his lines in his head before he stopped, looking over his shoulder. Izuku was standing behind him,frozen like a deer in the headlights and wearing Aizawa’s clout glasses and holding a suspiciously sparkly gun and a cup. “What have you got there?”

“...a smoothe?”

“Twenty bucks and a cookie to not rat you out.”

“Deal.”

“Pleasure doing business with you.”

~~~~~

“Nezu, sir!” Chris cried.

“That’s me! The one who could be a mouse or a dog or a bear, but the most important thing is I’m the principal!” ‘Nezu’ raised his hand, accidentally knocking off the costume’s head to reveal Jay. “Oops! Sorry!”

“Why is the kid playing Nezu, again?”

“Because nobody else was short enough, sir.”

“Damnit.”

~~~~~

“Shoji, you got anything? Where is everyone?”

“They were yote across the USJ.”

“Shoji!”

~~~~~

“Please Class Rep! Do it!”

“GOTTA GO FAST!”

“FUCK OFF YAMADA!”

~~~~~

“So let’s talk quirks.” Tsu croaked. “Obvoiusly, I’m dat boy.”

“Tsu!”

Izuku nodded, rubbing his chin in thought. “And I’m Small Might, though when I smash, the bone hurting juice kicks in.”

“Izuku!”

“I’m just fucking useless.”

“Min-well...that’s fair.”

~~~~~

“You guys are amazing.” Tsu croaked, clutching the Mineta doll and Izuku. “I guess we passed the shipwreck zone.”

“That’s not her line.”

“But it sounded cool.”

“That’s fair.”

Chapter Text

“He’ll end up defeated by those villains because he was trying to keep us safe.” Izuku explained, voice laced with worry as he and Tsu waded through the shallow water, dragging the Mineta doll behind them. The pair then jumped as Aizawa popped out of the water behind them, clout glasses on and holding a Starbucks cup.

“I’m insulted.”

“How did you-”

“Don’t ask.”

“Fair enough.”

~~~~~

“Hyaa!” cried an extra, jabbing his knife towards Todoroki’s face. The boy leaned back to dodge it, but wasn’t fast enough and earned a scratch on his face. “Shit! Sorry kid.”

“Tis but a scratch.” Todoroki joked, accepting a bandaid from a stage hand. The extra laughed as he helped the boy stick the patch on his face. “Just a flesh wound.”

Tsukazari groaned. “Whose bright idea was it to use real blades?”

“Yours, sir.”

“....fuck.”

~~~~~

[Off set]

"Hey, has anyone seen Aoyama? We're supposed to be shooting his scene right now."

"Nobody's seen him since we shot the last episode, sir."

"...SHIT."

[Meanwhile, at Starbucks]

Aoyama sneezed, almost dropping his latte. "Must be a cold." He shrugged, flicking down the glasses from his hero costume that he had managed to swipe earlier that week. "Oh well. I feel like I'm forgetting something…"

~~~~~

“From what I can tell, there are only four or five truely dangerous people here.”

“I am disgusted. I am revolted. I dedicate my life to our lord and savior All Might and this is the thanks I get?”

“Get the fuck out of here Shigaraki.”

~~~~~

“But I can only do that if you tell me how you plan to kill All Might. That’s the only way you’ll survive.” A pause. “Shit, I’m such an asshole.”

“Just finish the fucking scene Todoroki.”

~~~~~

“My whole life just flashed before my eyes! I think I saw the grim reaper!” Kaminari cried, scrambling over to Momo and Jiro, before doing a double take. “Hey Jiro, where are your earphone jacks?”

Jiro reached up to touch her earlobes, frowning when she touched nothing. “Shit.”

“Take five!”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“You’re the one with electrical powers! Just zap em so we can run!”

“Bitch I’m a human taser!”

“....well shit.”

[Take two]

“I’d take you guys down with me, or did you want shock treatment today?!” Kaminari exclaimed indignantly. “I can’t even call for help because they’re still interfering the signal. I’m counting on you two!”

“That sucks.” said Momo, digging into her belt and pulling out a baggie. “Grape?”

“Momo! Stop with the food!”

[Take five]

“We’re lucky that worked out so well.”

“Sorry Mom.”

”Do I LOOK like your mom?”

“No but you act like one.”

~~~~~

“Kyouka Jiro! Her Quirk: Earphone Jack! She can turn her own heartbeat into explosively amplified sound waves by inserting her plugs. She is the aux cord!”

“I mean...he’s not wrong.”

“Y’all need to stop encouraging him.”

~~~~~

“You’re looking at a sheet of insulation 100 millimeters thick!” Momo jeered, Jiro crouching beside her as they huddled under the sheet. “Kaminari, I choose you! Thunderbolt!”

Kaminari snorted, rubbing his chin as Tsukazari broke his third clipboard of the day. “I think Discharge or Shock Wave would be a better move for this situation, but you do you I guess.”

~~~~~

“Now I don’t have to worry about hurting my friends!” Kaminari roared, swinging his arms towards the ground. “You guys are fried!” The extras shook for a minute, acting as if they were being fried as Kaminari held the pose for a minute.

Suddenly, Kaminari blinked and shook his head a little, wandering around the set like a lost puppy. The cameras kept rolling as he crouched next to various extras and then the sheet, poking them lightly with a stick he had found. When he stopped poking stuff, he stood in place, blinking when he locked eyes with Nana. She motioned that the cameras were still rolling, but Kaminari seemed to think she was asking if he was ok, so he gave her a double thumbs up and a little laugh. Momo and Jiro finally peeked out from under the sheet, looking at each other, and then Kaminari in confusion.

“Hey Kaminari, are you alright?”

That snapped him out of his stupor, eyes widening and cheeks coloring when he finally realized where he was. “Oh god, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to-”

Tsukazari raised his hand, stopping Kaminari before he could spiral into apologies. He slipped off his seat and motioned for the cameras to stop rolling as he walked over to Kaminari and patted him on the back in reassurance. “Kid, it’s ok. You just worried us for a second there. What happened?”

“I kinda forgot to take my ADHD meds this morning.” Kaminari muttered, looking down and crossing his arms in embarrassment. “I completely forgot we were still filming in the middle of the shot and I messed it all up. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it kid.” Tsukazari laughed, patting his back making Kaminari stare at him with surprise. “What you did was a lot better than what we had planned. Zoning out like that after you go over your limit would fit perfectly in character, so don’t worry about it so much! We can work it out more as we go. Hey Nana!” He called, waving the woman over. “We’re gonna keep that take, so get everyone set for the next scene.”

“Yes sir.”

“And Kaminari?”

“Yea?”

“If you ever forget again, just ask, and we’ll try to help next time. Ok?”

Kaminari beamed, giving Tsukazari a small salute. “Aye aye captain.”

Tsukazari looked both ways cautiously. “Just this once.” Kaminari’s eyes widened. “I can’t hear you.”

“AYE AYE CAPTAIN!” Kaminari cheered, before jogging back on set, high fiving Momo as they readied for the next scene.

~~~~~

“Momo Yaoyorozu! Her Quirk: Creation! She can make any non-living object she wants! All hail our new god!”

“Yamada...just...one take without you ad-libbing. That’s all I ask.”

“Sorry Tsuka! No can do.”

~~~~~

“Denki Kaminari! Electrification! When he goes over his limits his brain short circuits and he becomes- hey no! I’m not saying that! That’s mean!”

“But Yamada-”

“I’m not gonna be mean to my kiddos! Nu-uh!”

~~~~~

“It was hard to see with all your jumping around.” Shigaraki growled, locked in a struggle with Aizawa. “But I found your tell. It’s your hair.”

“Inconceivable!” Aizawa teased.

“Hey! That’s my line!”

“That’s nobody’s line. Now do it right you two.”

~~~~~

“Well look at you! You’re still standing! Inconceivable!”

“Shigaraki I swear to god I will drop kick you if you don’t stop.”

~~~~~

Izuku’s eyes widened in fear. “Mr. Aizawa just failed the vibe check!”

~~~~~

“I have no time for this.” Kurogiri growled, chasing Iida. “Begone, THOT!”

Tsukazari groaned into his clipboard. “Not him too…”

~~~~~

“Also, since when do you act so calm and rational? Usually you’re all like,” Kirishima teased, before doing a decent impression of Bakugo. “Die! Die! Die!”

“I’m always calm and rational you red-haired loser!” Bakugo roared.

Kirishima laughed. “Yeah. There you are!”

“That’s not how it was supposed to go.”

“I liked it.”

“Fine. We’ll keep it.”

~~~~~

Ojiro swung off a pole, launching himself forwards before freezing suddenly in midair. “I thought they fixed these!”

~~~~~

“Halt!” Uraraka cried, grabbing Kurogiri’s neck brace. “What is your name?”

“Sir Kurogiri of the League of Villains.”

“What is your quest?”

“To kill All Might.”

“What is the capital of Assyria?”

“I don't know that!” Kurogiri panicked, before yelping in shock as Uraraka lifted him over her head.

“Yeet!” She yelled, throwing Kurogiri up to the ceiling with the help of the wires. Tsukazari just groaned.

“Someone stop them, please. And get Kurogiri off of the ceiling.”

~~~~~

“There were students I wasn’t able to indespose and one of them got outside of the facility.”

“Inconceivable!”

“I give up.”

~~~~~

“I’ve got a real bad feeling about this Midoriya.”

“Tsu! Don’t drown the Mineta doll!”

~~~~~

Tsu and Izuku peered up at the stairs, squinting at the people on top. One of them was waving their arm wildly down at them, causing the two to look at each other in confusion.

“I think they’re turning left.”

~~~~~

“Let’s wreck his pride.” Shigaraki growled, dashing over to where Izuku and Tsu were hiding, reaching out his hand to touch the latter’s face. “Let’s make this hurt.” His hand stretched to cover her face, and he paused for a moment before letting his eyes widen. “Inconceivable!”

“You keep using that word.” Tsu croaked, slightly muffled by the hand over her face. “I don’t think it means what you think it means.”

~~~~~

Shigaraki stretched out his hands, aiming once more for Tsu and the Mineta doll as Izuku struggled in the Nomu’s grip. They all froze as the door suddenly burst open, revealing Chris wearing Aizawa’s clout glasses and carrying a tray of Starbucks drinks.

“Sorry I’m late.” Chris boomed. “I got lost on the path of life.”

“You’re not Kakashi, Chris.”

“But I could be.”

“No.”

“Awwww…”

~~~~~

[Off set]

"Being scattered across the USJ?" Izuku asked.

"FUCKIN MINT!" the class roared.

"Having to fight for our lives?"

"FUCKIN MINT!"

"Me drinking the bone hurting juice?"

"FUCKIN MINT!"

"Aizawa failing the vibe check?"

"FUCKIN MINT!"

"Tsu almost being dusted?"

"FUCKIN MINT!"

"All Might arriving fifteen minutes late with Starbucks and backup?"

"FUCKIN MINT!"

Nana patted Tsukazari's back as they stood off to the side, said man crying in confusion. "What does that even mean?"

"Giving Boss Man migraines on the daily?"

"FUCKIN MINT!"

Chapter Text

“Have no fear students.” Chris boomed, scowling deeply as he ripped off his tie. “For I am here.” There was a brief pause, before Chris turned to Nana. “I wasn’t supposed to rip the tie was I? Sorry.”

Nana and Tsukazari locked eyes for a minute, before Nana turned back to reassure Chris. “Actually, that was perfect. And since you didn’t fuck it up, we can keep that take as the official one.”

“Oh thank god.”

~~~~~

Izuku was hanging midair, Tsu’s tongue wrapped around his waist. Suddenly, the tongue popped out of Tsu’s mouth, wiggling from where it had been detached from her real tongue. Mineta snorted from his spot off-set. “Frog got your tongue?”

“Shaddup.”

~~~~~

“I’ve never seen the guy in person before!” An extra whimpered.

“I didn’t expect him to be so huge!” Another exclaimed.

“...I think I shat myself…”

“Come on!”

~~~~~

“I’m sorry, Aizawa.” Chris said, scooping up the bloodied man in his arms. “I should have been here.”

Aizawa cracked open an eyelid. “No shit, Sherlock.”

“Aizawa! Play dead or I get Yamada to tell me where your food stashes are!”

“Not the food stashes!”

~~~~~

[Off set]

“So I got this new anime plot.” Kaminari started, people perking up to listen. “Basically there’s this high school girl except she’s got HUGE boobs. I mean some serious honkers. A real set of badonkers. Packin’ some massive dohoonkabhankoloos. Big ol’ tonhongerekoogers.” People started giggling as he came up with more and more ridiculous names. Kirishima snorted.

“What happens next?”

Kaminari spun to face him, a huge grin on his face. “Transfer student shows up one day with an even BIGGER bonkhonagahoogs. HUMONGOUS hungolomghnonoloughongous. And then? The principal shows up, and she’s got even BIGGER dobahonkadongaroos! I mean GIANT hoombagonkajibaloos!”

Sero snorted as Kaminari kept coming up with more and more names, leaning over to Kirishima. “There is no plot, buddy. Only bigger and bigger doobalonkakonkadonkas.”

“So they band together to be a group of huge boobs doing huge boob things?”

“Sure, buddy. They get together and save the world with jiggle physics.”

“...sounds gay.”

~~~~~

“I guess it’s true after all!” Shigaraki whimpered, eyes widening and lips cracking as he placed the hand back on his face. “All Might really is getting weaker!”

“...are you absolutely sure you aren’t insane?”

Shigaraki just grinned. “Aren’t we all mad here?”

Izuku let out a whimper. “Holy shit you are too good at this.”

“Language!”

~~~~~

“That villain took One for-”

“No, continue. Save us several seasons of suspense and plot development.”

“Tsu!”

~~~~~

“Izuku, I know you can lift Aizawa with one arm, but please stop throwing him up and down! How are you even that strong, anyway?!”

“Fuck you, that’s how!”

~~~~~

“Thanks for telling me how to beat him! All I have to do is wear him down, and then it’s on to you!” Chris exclaimed, suplexing the Nomu. “Vibe check!”

“Can I fire him yet?”

“It’s too late for that sir.”

“Shit.”

~~~~~

“Aizawa! Stop doing the macarena! You’re supposed to be unconscious! Asui, Izuku, don’t encourage him!”

~~~~~

“Hey Tsuka? I think Mina was missing her horns again!”

“Kirishima why are you- oh shit you rite.”

“Do we have to start over now?”

~~~~~

“Nomu’s as strong as you are! That won’t stop him! Looks like you failed the vibe check.” Shigaraki exclaimed, watching Chris struggle with the Nomu. All at once, all of the students on set and Aizawa let out a collective “Oof!”

Nana slipped some more vodka into Tsukazari’s coffee.

~~~~~

“But I’ll make an exception for a hero as great as you.” Kurogiri crowed, before pausing. “Does that mean that if I cut off someone’s body parts with no exit gate, they just stay in my body forever? That’s messed up.”

Nana groaned. “Just finish the scene.”

~~~~~

“Asui.”

“Yeah, what is it Midoriya?” Tsu croaked, turning to look at Izuku.

“Could you please carry Mr.Aizawa for me?”

“Sure, but what are you gonna do?”

“I’m about to do something stupid.”

“Why not. Go drink that bone hurting juice.”

“Thanks Tsu!”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“How foolish.” Kurogiri drawled, slipping in front of Chris and the Nomu, blocking Izuku’s path. Izuku’s eyes widened, and he stumbled, falling on his face.

“Owww…”

“Get reckt!” Shigaraki cackled.

“Rude!”

[Take five]

As Isuku’s fingers almost brushed Kurogiri, a large explosion went off in between the two, forcing them apart, and making Izuku fall on his butt.

“Get outta my way Deku!” Bakugo roared, before pausing as he stayed dangling in midair. “Yeah, ha ha. Laugh it up. Just let me down already!”

[Take twelve]

Swooping in, Bakugo snatched Kurogiri’s neck brace, pile driving him to the ground roughly, earning a grunt from the taller man. “Sorry! Did I throw you too hard?”

“Nah, I just wasn’t ready. Let’s do it again.”

~~~~~

[Off set]

“Is there any sign of Aoyama today?”

“He’s still missing, sir.”

“Goddamnit.”

~~~~~

“Jesus christ, how did Izuku hold Aizawa for so long? My arms are already sore!” Tsu groaned, shifting said man slightly.

Aizawa lifted his head from her shoulder and grinned cheekily. “You just aren’t swole enough. Now frog march us to the exit, and make it snappy.”

“...was that a pun?”

“Did I fucking stutter?”

~~~~~

“Can you come help us out? He’s super heavy and bleeding all over the place!”

Aizawa scoffed. “Rude.”

~~~~~

“Don’t move!” Bakugo growled, grinning madly as he loomed over Kurogiri. “If you try anything I’ll blow you up so bad they’ll be piecing you back together for weeks!”

“Ooh! That doesn’t sound very heroic!” Kirishima teased, standing over the pair and wiggling his finger mischievously.

“That’s not-”

“Just….leave it.”

~~~~~

“But you’re bleeding! And you’re almost out of ti-”

“Who thought it was a good idea to have Izuku keep the secrets? He’s almost slipped up twice this episode alone!”

“Hey! It’s true but you shouldn’t say it!”

~~~~~

“He said your power was shock absorption! Not nullification! That means there must be a limit you can take, correct?!”

“His power!” Shigaraki gasped. “It’s over 9000!”

“Shigaraki, I swear to god.”

~~~~~

“Now for a lesson.” Chris said, dropping to stand in front of the Nomu. “You may have heard these words before, but I’ll teach you what they really mean! GO BEYOND! PLUS ULTRA!” He roared, punching the Nomu and sending it flying across the set.

“Holy shit that was badass.” Tokoyami whispered, standing in shock off-set with the rest of the class.

“Tokoyami! Mics!”

“Fuck.”

~~~~~

“Looks like Nomu’s blasting off again!”

“Jesus fuck, guys. You know we need the Nomu doll back, right?”

“....shit.”

“IT WAS IZUKU’S FAULT!”

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO ASKED ME TO THROW IT!”

“Just...someone go find it please?!”

Chapter Text

“And no quirks, got it?” the extra growled, dangling Kaminari in the air by his collar. “Use your powers and- shit!” Kaminari’s jacket slipped off, causing him to land roughly on the ground. “You ok kid?”

“I can’t have people comin’ to my potluck wondering why the hell there’s two BEDS against the wall! Can you imagine the questions?” Kaminari groaned, sitting up and rubbing the back of his head dazedly.

Jiro snorted, twirling an earphone jack around her finger. “He’s fine. Just being a drama queen.”

“You got a chaos emerald!...You should probably go wash your hands now.”

“What the fuck, Kami.”

~~~~~

“What’s going on here? He’s just as strong as he’s always been. Inconceivable!”

“Shigaraki, why.”

“Sorry! That was the last one, I swear!”

~~~~~

“Didn’t you say you were gonna clear this level earlier?” Chris challenged, eyes narrowing slightly. “Then come and get me.” A pause. “Bitch.”

“Come on!”

~~~~~

Shigaraki growled, scratching the sides of his neck angrily, before pausing. “Ow.”

“What did you do?”

“...I may have scratched too hard and broke the skin…”

“...why.”

~~~~~

“The children are frozen with fear, and look! Our underlings are getting back up. We likely have a few minutes before the reinforcements arrive. If you and I work together we can do this. We haven’t missed our chance to kill All Might!”

Yamada burst onto the set, hero costume half on and hair half up. “Bitch you thought!”

“Get the fuck out of here before I remove you from this episode all together.”

“Carry on!”

“That’s what I thought.”

~~~~~

“Will you be joining us?” Todoroki asked, turning to look at Izuku, who was still staring intensely at Chris. Izuku didn’t respond, and Bakugo snorted in amusement.

“Rude.”

Izuku whipped around, grinning sheepishly. “Pot, meet kettle.”

Todoroki’s eyes widened in mock fear. “Did someone say KETTLE?”

“Todoroki! Spoilers!”

~~~~~

[Off set]

“Wait, you want me to run like that?!” Shigaraki exclaimed.

Kirishima snorted. “It looks like off-brand Naruto running.”

“Shut up off-brand Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson.”

“That’s fair.”

~~~~~

Izuku panicked, Shigaraki’s hand about to cover his face, when a shot came out of nowhere, hitting the hand and splattering paint everywhere. They turned to see where the shot came from, a new person stepping through the doorway.

“Vibe check.”

“Snipe, I said to use the Nerf gun, not a fucking paintball gun.”

“Sorry Tsuka.”

~~~~~

“What the crap just happened?” Jiro exclaimed, staring at the extra now on the ground.

Kaminari popped up from where the extra dropped him. “My dad, that’s what!” The girls watched as he spun around, cupping his hands around his mouth and screaming “YEE YEE!”

Momo choked on her spit when another (louder) “YEE YEE!” was called back, Kaminari nodding as if he was getting a message.

“Right. Dad says stay put, Present Mic is on the way.” He turned around to see the girls staring at him ridiculously. “What? Did I do something wrong?”

“SNIPE’S YOUR FUCKIN DAD?!”

~~~~~

“Sorry everyone! I know we’re a bit late, but I got the teachers over here as fast as I could.” Jay (in the Nezu suit) waved from on top of Vlad’s shoulder as Uraraka perked up, cheering happily.

“It’s Iida!”

“Your class rep has returned! I fulfilled my duty! And I brought reinforcements!”

“Fuck yeah!”

“Mina, language!”

“Shit, sorry!”

~~~~~

[Off set]

“So wait, how long can you hold the scream again?”

“My record as of two weeks ago was thirty seconds max volume!”

“...holy shit.”

~~~~~

[Still off set]

“Wait why are there so many Ectoplasms? Who’s the original?!”

“Will the real Ectoplasm please stand up?”

“Why did all of them stand?!”

“Tsuka! HELP!”

~~~~~

“Well my, my, my.”

“I can’t believe we just let them escape after everything they did here.” Kayama griped from her spot next to Snipe as Vlad approached, pulling Jay off his shoulder and placing him at the top of the stairs.

“They did catch us completely by surprise. For now we need to make sure- Jay! Careful!” Nezu cut off, Vlad catching Jay before he could tumble down the stairs. “Are you ok?”

“I can’t see! Sorry, Mr.Nezu!”

Tsukazari sighed as Nana handed him his coffee. “Say something earlier, kid. Someone get that costume fixed so that the kid can see! We don’t need any broken bones or his mom would kill me.”

“Yes sir.”

~~~~~

“Cementoss! His Quirk: Cement! He can manipulate any cement he touches, which makes him ridiculously OP, like, come on!”

“Tsuka, no! Stop! Put down the clipboard!”

~~~~~

“Where were you?”

“The landslide zone! You wouldn’t believe how strong Todoroki was!”

“You’re lucky he didn’t hit you.”

Todoroki froze in place, before muttering under his breath. “I didn’t even know she was there. I could have frozen her...”

“Was that his line?”

“No, but he was genuinely confused. I like it.”

~~~~~

[Off set]

Tsukazari looked down at his script worriedly. “Seriously guys, where the FUCK is Aoyoma?”

“Still no news s-”

Aoyama kicked down the door, cackling madly, shirt in tatters and his hero costume glasses dangling off of one ear. An empty Starbucks cup was clenched in his hand, and his eyes were wild with adrenaline. “LIFE HACK! I just got FIRED from BufFalO WiLd WiNGS!”

“Uh, dude where have you been?” demanded Kaminari. “And what the fuck did you do?”

“Did you not hear him?” Hagakure giggled, covering her mouth slightly. “He got fired from Buffalo Wild Wings!”

Tsukazari sighed and trudged out of the room, most likely to find Nana and tell her that Aoyama had returned, in addition to asking her to double whatever she was spiking his coffee with that day.

(They find out later in the news that a Buffalo Wild Wings had burned down {no injuries or casualties, thank GOD}, and that Aoyama had talked his way out of being arrested for arson. Nobody let him near anything flammable for the next few weeks.)

Aoyama nodded seriously, sweeping into the room and dumping his cup in the trash. “It needed to sparkle. It wasn’t sparkly enough.”

“Fire is sparkly.” Todoroki nodded distractedly.

“You wanna know what else is sparkly?” Izuku asked, suddenly appearing in another door and making everyone jump. Aizawa’s voice suddenly boomed in the distance, making Izuku grin wildly.

“IZUKU YOU LITTLE SHIT! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU BEDAZZLE MY CAPTURE SCARF?!”

Izuku’s grin grew wider as Todoroki’s eyes widened in realization. “So that’s what he was doing with the glitter gun…”

Hagakure did a double take. “Wait, what?”

“That’s almost as good as glitter bombs.” Aoyama nodded sagely.

Tukazari’s voice coming from the other direction made several people jump. “HE GOT MY FUCKING BOOZE STASH! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN BEDAZZLE BOOZE?! NANA’S THE ONLY ONE WITH ACCESS!”

Nana appeared in the doorway next to Izuku, distractedly counting a suspiciously large stack of money. “I plead the fifth.” She brushed past the group, leaning to whisper in Aoyama’s ear as she passed him. “Next time, I sick him on you.”

Aoyama gulped in fear. “Duly noted.”

Nana patted him on the shoulder, giving the group a small wave as she swept back out of the room. “Carry on.”

~~~~~

“Kirishima! This is supposed to be a dramatic awe-inspiring shot! Stop doing duck lips!”

“Aah! Sorry!”

~~~~~

“Todoroki! No dabbing!”

~~~~~

“You ready Chizome?”

“Fuck, yeah.”

“Language!”

Chapter Text

I: What is it like having to film all day covered in pink body paint?
M: Honestly? The paint isn't the worst part. I don't worry about that till I get home for the day. The worst parts are the horns and the contacts. Kirishima is a sweetheart though, and always reminds me whenever I forget the horns. The contacts though? I'm gonna be completely honest, I can't see ten feet in front of me when I have them on because the color is so dark. I still try my best, though!

I: So what can you tell us about your character, Mina, as a person?
M: Well I can't say too much, cause spoilers! (winks and grins) But Mina is definitely a happy-go-lucky girl who wants to to her best to save others! She's definitely tough, and ready to bring her A-game in the next season!

I: And what about you? What are your hobbies outside of acting?
M: Well besides acting, breakdancing and rollerblading! Both are super fun, and they help when I have to do some of the more risky stunts. Like when I have to slide on acid!

I: Who is your favorite person to work with on set?
M: Ooh! That's a hard one. I have to go with either Chris or Tokoyami, though. Chris because he's just got so much energy that it makes him so much fun to be around. Tokoyami because first off, the bird head is really funny to see in person, just wanna put that out there. But I also like working with him because he's really chill, you know? And that really helps in a cast as big as the one we have.

I: And who's your least favorite?
M: Oof. That's a hard one! Everyone is super fun to work with, and they all bring something new and exciting to the show! But off record? (leans over to whisper to the interviewer) Izuku is a little shit.

I: In your cast, you have quite the colorful cast of characters, and we can only wonder what goes on. So I have to ask, what's the weirdest thing that happened on set?
M: The weirdest? Hmmm...Oh! Chris and Yagi figured out how to do that twin-speak thing, you know where they speak the same thing in unison or finish each other's sentences? They did that for a week before Boss Man made them stop cause they were scaring the crew.

~~~~~

I: What is the best way for you to get into character? How do you turn into such an influential presence?
S: For me, it's all about taking what we know so far about him, and building on that. From the script, I learned that Shigaraki was a somewhat immature, video game obsessed villain. From there, all I do is take those traits, and amplify them until it feels right.

I: So as we know, you play our main antagonist in the show: Shigaraki Tomura. What has to be your favorite part about playing him?
S: Definitely scaring people. First time I walked onto the set in full costume? I swear, three people almost dropped their coffee, and I definitely heard someone whimper in fear. It's just a bonus that it can be fun acting insane. Besides, (he grins wildly, eyes gleaming) we're all mad here.

I: Your costume was definitely unique. Was there anything special that had to be done to make you as intimidating as you were?
S: The hands? God, the hands never wanted to stay on. Especially the one on my face. How am I supposed to be intimidating when the hand drops off my face in the middle of my big monologue?!

I: What is one of the strangest everyday rituals that go on off set?
S: That was one of the worst words you could have used to ask that question, because I think Kaminari and Kirishima attempted to perform an exorcism on Aizawa a while back. Todoroki might let you watch the footage if you ask. But no, I think the strangest has to be the betting rings.
I: Betting rings?
S: Betting rings. They started with a "who's gonna mess up first today" bet, which was tame enough, but now there are so many ongoing bets that I probably don't even know half of them. Tsu definitely keeps track of them though. She knows everything.

~~~~~

I: So has anybody tried to get you two together?
D: (grinning evilly) Yamada tried it once. Nobody's tried to since.
T: (swooning dramatically) My hero.
D: What? Consent is sexy.

I: With so many people around, there are bound to be some strange talents or habits that some people have. Who's got the most interesting "quirk" so to speak?
T: Besides Izuku being able to legitimately bench Chris?
D: You promised not to bring that up!
T: (ignoring Izuku) There's a lot of interesting ones, so I guess we can narrow it down to the top three. One of them would definitely have to be Momo and Aizawa's tendency to stash food everywhere. If there's an opening, there's probably a good chance of there being food in there.
D: Sato and Aoyama have an ongoing game of seeing who can find the most food in a day. Sato was in the lead last I checked.
T: Yeah. He found that cake, remember?
D: Anyways! Another would have to be Sero's tendency to bring tape everywhere. Like, seriously. I've never seen him without at least three rolls. It's kinda creepy.
T: The last one…(locks eyes with Izuku momentarily)
T&D: Boss Man's coffee.
I: What about it?
D: (shifting nervously) To be honest? You don't wanna know. They told me, and now I'm telling you, you don't wanna know.

I: Well...ok then. A lot has happened since the show started, and this was only the first season, so I have to ask. What was your favorite scene to shoot?
D: You wanna go first or should I?
T: Go ahead.
D: Sweet! Ok, so, this may seem weird, but mine was the confrontation on sidewalk with Yagi. That was when the whole thing really set in for me, like "holy shit, I'm ready doing this, this is happening".
T: Well now mine seems dull.
D: Come on!
T: Fine, fine. Mine was the quirk assessment test. Yamada was hiding in the background of the majority of the shots, and I think Boss Man didn't catch them all. It was hilarious when he finally noticed, because by then Chris had joined him. So if you see them in the episodes, that was not supposed to happen. Also, if Tsukazari asks why I didn't tell him, I plead the fifth.
D: Is that why Yamada gave you a fifty for no reason the other day?
T: I plead the fifth.

I: So out of everyone on set, who causes the most trouble during filming?
(Todoroki immediately points at Izuku and said boy grins, unashamed)
T: He broke ten props within the first week on set because of his pranks. They had to get Hagakure a new suit because the glitter on her old one was messing with the rendering.
D: In my defense, (he holds up a finger and pauses) ...yeah I got nothing.

I: With all that chaos on set, it's hard to believe that you got anything done. How much of the show would you say was improv?
D: Honestly? Not as much as you would expect. The only people that really improv are Asui, Kaminari, and Yamada.
T: (nodding) Asui does it because she wants to cause chaos but it ends up making the scene better. Kaminari does it because it adds to his character as a whole. Yamada is just a scriptless heathen and Mr. Boss Man gave up trying to force a script on him by episode 3.

I: So who's the most unlikely dynamic duo on set?
D: In my opinion? Aoyama and Tokoyami. I don't know how, but those two just click. I've seen them sitting in the dressing room, one sprawled over the other's lap, both watching shitty bootlegs together more times than I can count.
T: I've seen Iida and Kaminari together a lot, but I think it's only because Kaminari's trying to get Iida to make a Tik Tok with him.

~~~~~

I: You guys definitely had some rough scenes you had to do. Which one was hardest?
J: Mr.Tsuka had me wear the costume for Mr.Nezu, and it was really hard not to spill tea on it because I couldn't see very well.
C: It was hard when I had to be mean to Jay! I don't like bein a bully, but Mr.Tsuka said it was ok because it wasn't real! I apo-la-gized after we were done, but I still felt bad though…
J: It's ok! (looks up at Aizawa) What about you Mr.Aizawa?
A: ...USJ. Took me five tries to jump down the stairs right.

I: With all the people on set, there has to be one or two that stand out. Who's your favorite?
C: Oh! Me! Me! Mr.Shoji is really fun! He lets me sit on his shoulders so I can be really tall! And Mr.Koda lets me play with his animals as long as I'm careful! And Ms.Uraraka draws with me when I'm bored! And Mr.Ojiro lets me play with his tail! It's so cool!
J: I like Ms.Nana. She's really nice, and she gives good hugs. Mr.Chris and Mr.Yagi are really nice too, and Mr.Aizawa lets me sit in his scarf sometimes.
A: Don't call me out like this Mini Problem Child.
I: Does that mean he's your favorite?
A: Nah. That position goes to Momo. She gives me food.

I: Speaking of adults, do you boys know what you want to be when you grow up?
J: (shrugs and fiddles nervously with Aizawa's capture weapon before responding quietly) I wanna be like Mr.Nezu...he's super smart, and he reads to me when he's not busy.
C: I wanna be like Mr.Yamada! He's super funny and really nice and I like him a lot!

I: And what is it like on set? Is everyone nice?
C: Yeah! We get to watch people fight, and jump off of stuff, and Bakugo explodes a lot! It's really funny when Mr.Tsukazari breaks a clipboard and Izuku says-
A: (covering Clint's mouth) Hey. What did we say about repeating what Izuku says?
C: But I was just gonna tell them that Izuku said fuck!
I: (choking on their drink) What?
A: Aaaand that's it kiddo. You lost interview privileges.
C: Aww man!
J: Bye Mr.Aizawa! Bye Mx.Interviewer!
A: I'll see you later, brats.
(A stage hand comes by, letting the kids wave goodbye before ushering them out)

I: Anyways, what is it like having your husband on set with you?
A: (deadpan) Annoying.
Y: (from somewhere off-set) Babe!
A: It's true and I should say it. If you hadn't kept trying to kiss me the other day, Tsuka wouldn't have banned you from setting foot on set for the next few weeks.
Y: (still off-set) That's fair.

(Aizawa's scarf twitches, drawing attention to it)
I: Did your scarf just move?
A: (reaches into scarf and pulls out a tiny tabby kitten) His name is Ladle.
I: Ladle?
A: Yamada and I have four cats and a cockatiel. Yamada named them. (softly passes Ladle to Mx.Interviewer) There's Ladle, Spoon, Fork, and Knife.
Y: (poking his head into the frame) They're cat-lery!
A: (shoving him away) The bird is Table.
I: (passes Ladle back)
A: (slips Ladle back into his scarf)
I: Do you ever sneak them on set?
A: Oh, yeah. All the time. They mainly stay with me in my sleeping bag, though.

Chapter Text

“So, Toshinori has finally found a worthy successor, huh? Fucking finally.”

“Torino!”

~~~~~

[Off set]

Tsukazari paused when he entered the set, breathing deeply and doing a double take. “Why does it smell like Fireball in here?”

Everyone stared at him in disbelief and confusion. Aizawa deadpanned as he stuck his head out of his sleeping bag, Spoon perched in his hair. “It’s cinnamon, you fucking alchoholic.”

~~~~~

“We’ve made a lot of progress, but we can’t find anything on Shigaraki so far.” Tsukauchi explained, shuffling through his papers as the teachers watched.

Said man popped into the room, spinning rapidly on a spinny chair before situating himself at the head of the table. “Well shit. Whaddya wanna know?”

“Get the fuck out of here.”

“That’s fair.”

~~~~~

“We’re basically celebrities!” Kaminari exclaimed, leaning back in his chair. Kirishima snorted.

“We are celebrities dude.”

“Oh, yeah!”

~~~~~

“Attention!” Exclaimed Iida, charging into the room. “Homeroom class is about to begin! Please stop talking and return to your seats!”

“We’re all already sitting, dude.”

“Yeah, you’re the only one standing.”

“...shit.”

“Iida! Even you?”

“Sorry Ms.Nana!”

~~~~~

“So Tsu!” Mina exclaimed, leaning back in her chair to talk to said girl. “Who do you think’s gonna teach class today?”

“I don’t know. Mr.Aizawa is still in the hospital thanks to his injuries.”

Just then, the door slid open, revealing a mummified Aizawa. “I lived bit- no, stop screaming. Todoroki, stop laughing. I lived, bitch.”

~~~~~

“Let’s go kick some ass!” KIrishima cheered, only to be smacked in the face by Kaminari.

“Wait a sec- Oh, shit! Sorry dude. Hit you harder than I meant to!”

“No sweat bro! It didn’t even hurt!”

“Bro!”

“Bro!”

Jiro groaned, shoving her face in her hands. “Can someone please stop their bro-ment?”

~~~~~

“That’s right. The top heros everywhere will be watching! This is where you get scouted.” Momo exclaimed, clenching her fist and digging into her shirt to pull something out with her other hand. “Gummies, anyone?” Izuku leaned back to take some, almost toppling out of his seat to do so. “Careful, Izuku.”

“Aren’t I always?”

Tsukazari just groaned. “Momo, I swear to god.” A baggie of gummies hit him in the face.

~~~~~

“Deku, Iida! Let’s do our best in the sports- hey! Stop laughing! I’m trying to be scary! It’s not that funny!”

“Yes it is.”

~~~~~

“What made you wanna be a pro hero?”

“For tha bitches lol.”

“Uraraka, WHY.”

~~~~~

“Your goal is to support your well being, which is a perfectly admirable ambition to have!”

“Ppft.”

“What?”

“Iida’s ambition is to be an air traffic controller if his arms have anything to say about that.”

~~~~~

[Off set]

“So she might be coming in occasionally as well.” Nana explained to Clint and Jay, another child hiding behind her legs. “Play nice, ok boys?”

“Yes Ms.Nana!”

Nana left, and the boys approached the new kid, who was shuffling their feet shyly. Clint beamed. “My name is Clint, and I pretend to be Mr.Bakugo! And this is Jay! He pretends to be Mr.Izuku, and he gets to wear a mouse costume sometimes! What’s your name?”

“I’m Gabby.” The girl said quietly. “Ms.Nana told me imma pretend to be someone named Ms.Uraraka.”

“Awesome!” Clint cheered, grabbing her hand and Jay’s, dragging along behind him. “Come on! We’ll show you around so you can meet everyone! But we gotta go to Mr.Aizawa and Mr.Yamada last, because they brought Spoon and Knife today, and I wanna play with them!” Gabby glanced over at Jay, who nodded and smiled encouragingly as they walked.

“Uwah! Ok!”

~~~~~

“When I grow up big and strong, I’ll help you and mommy out any way that I can!” Gabby ran up to her parents, tripping and falling before she reached them. “Ouch! I’m ok!”

Uraraka clamped her hands over her mouth to contain her squeal, turning around to bury her face in Tsu’s shoulder, who was also blushing. “She’s too fuckin cuuttteeee!~”

“Ribbit.”

“Tsu help me she’s so tiny oh my goooodddd…”

“There, there?”

~~~~~

“All Might and Izuku Midoriya, huh?” Todoroki muttered to himself. “Time to pull out the old conspiracy corkboard.”

“Todoroki, no.”

“Todoroki yes.”

~~~~~

“What’s up FUCKERS? I think dogs should vote!”

“Shinsou, how the fuck did you get in here?”

“I was in Aizawa’s sleeping bag from the start.”

“...what the fuck?”

Chapter Text

“One chance a year, three chances in a lifetime. No aspiring hero can afford to miss this festival.” Aizawa explained.

“Unless you’re Izuku.” Kaminari called, causing the others to laugh. Aizawa just shuffled over to the window, bandages hindering his movement.

“Uh, Mr.Aizawa?” called Izuku worryingly. “We’re not even close to the ground floor.” Aizawa ignored him, hiking the window open and sticking a leg out.

“AIZAWA NO! STOP! WE’LL DO ANYTHING!”

Aizawa paused, looking over his shoulder with his eyes glowing and hair floating. “Anything?”

“Anything!”

He narrowed his eyes. “Then perish.” With that, he leapt out the window, scarf whipping out to catch a nearby tree branch as he began to swing away.

“NOOOOO oh he’s ok.”

~~~~~

“Which means you’ll have plenty of opportunities to sell yourself!” Exclaimed Yagi.

Izuku sighed. “I guess.”

Yagi threw his head back, spitting up another blood packet accidentally flipping the whole couch over. “Gwuh!”

“Oh no! Aaa I’m so sorry!” Izuku panicked, standing to help Yagi up.

“Wait.” Tsukazari interjected, making Izuku freeze in place. “I liked that. Sit back down and take it from your next line.”

Yagi groaned from where he was still sprawled on the ground. “I’m perfectly fine, thanks for asking.”

~~~~~

“Uraraka, if you can’t stop laughing, leave.”

“But his fuckin LEGS! -wheeze-”

~~~~~

“Nobody’s better at spitting word vomit than you, kid.”

“Oh. Hey are you ok?”

“Oh, so NOW you ask.”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“They’re scouting out the competition, idiots.” Bakugo drawled, stalking towards the door.

“Wait, is he calling them idiots or us idiots?” Kirishima asked.

“Yes.”

[Take five]

“At least now you know what a future pro looks like. Now move it, extras!”

“You can’t walk around calling people extras just because you don’t know them!”

“Try me, bitch.”

[Take ten]

“So this is Class 1-A.” Shinsou drawled, slipping through the crowd to reach the front. “I heard you guys were impressive, but you just sound like an as- oh, oops.” A cat poked it’s head out of his hair, making several extras aww. “Sorry. Forgot to put Knife back in the sleeping bag. Where did it get moved to?”

“It’s in here.” Koda muttered shyly, edging forward and holding his hands out. “I’ll take him for you.”

Shinsou carefully pried the kitten from his hair, passing him to the other boy. “Thanks, dude. Now, where was I? Oh yeah. Is everyone in the hero course delusional or is it just you?”

“OOOOOOOHHHHH!”

“Shut up Ojiro!”

~~~~~

“If you don’t bring your best, I’ll steal your spot right from under you. Consider this a declaration of war.” Shinso declared, before pausing. “Wait, who the fuck are you?”

“Who the fuck are you?” Kaminari called from his seat.

“I asked you first.”

“I asked you second.”

“Shinsou Hitoshi. Cheerleader, full-time insomniac.”

Tsukazari sighed and shoved his face into his hands. “‘Bring my kid on set’ Yamada says. ‘It’ll be fine’ he says. I regret everything.”

Nana just handed him his coffee.

~~~~~

“Oh, shit. There goes Sero. Swinging around like a shitty Spider-Man.”

“Hey! Spider-Man has upper body strength for DAYS! The heaviest thing I’ve seen you lift is your ego!”

“WHAT?! Take that back!”

“Make me!”

~~~~~

[Off set]

“So you’re making me…”

“Yes Kirishima.”

“A humAN CANNONBALL?”

“Yes Kirishima.”

“Aw HELL YEAH!”

~~~~~

“Please don’t get hurt.” Inko fretted, watching Izuku tie his shoes.

“I won’t.” reassured Izuku.

Inko’s eyes narrowed teasingly. “Now that’s a fuckin lie.”

“Not you too Mom!”

~~~~~

“Midoriya.”

“Uhh, hey Todoroki. What’s up?”

“From an objective standpoint, I think it’s fairly clear that I’m stronger than you.”

“I mean...it’s true but you shouldn’t say it.”

~~~~~

“And here he is, ladies and gents, and dudes of every preference! The man of the hour! The most beautiful person in all of existence! The light of my life! The wind beneath my wings!”

“Yamada, stop.”

“Sorry Zawa, babe. Wait, is that Spoon?”

“You brought Table.”

“That’s fair.”

~~~~~

[Off set]

“Some stars burn out and die. Other stars burn out and die with PASSION and make some brand-new way crazier shit. SPACE DUST! Which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made.” Todoroki recited in total monotone, a computer sitting in front of him, facing the group of people crowded around him and playing a video. “And then die and explode and turn into evEN CRAZIER SPACE DUST!”

“What the fuck is Todoroki doing?” Asked Yagi as he and Izuku walked past.

Shoji glanced back at them before returning his attention to Todoroki. “Winning a bet.”

“-like this ball of flaming rocks, for example. Oh, shit. We just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks. And it kind of made a mess. Which is now the moon! Weather update!-”

~~~~~

“These freshmen are no strangers to the spotlight! They are known for withstanding a villain attack! The hero course students of Class 1-A!”

Suddenly, Take on Me began blasting through the speakers, making everyone jump. Entering through their gateway, Class 1-A, in a straight line, were doing the Best Mates dance as they entered the stadium.

Tsukazari’s head met the wall.

~~~~~

“The first fateful game of the festival!” Midnight announced. “What could it be?”

Popping up on the screens, the wheel finally stopped, revealing…

“The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity-”

“WHO CHANGED THE EVENTS?!”

“Pfft.”

“Uraraka! Izuku!”

“I plead the fifth!”

~~~~~

“How about some commentary, Mummy Man!”

“How did you talk me into this.”

“You looooooove me!”

“No. Psych bitch, it was all a ploy.”

“NOOOOOOO!”

Tsukazari groaned. “Why did we agree to let them improv all the commentary?”

Nana patted his shoulder. “Because you can’t control them anyways, sir.”

~~~~~

“So they are good at using their powe- shit. Not again.” Shinsou sighed, making the extras carrying him pause.

“What’s the matter?”

Fork and Knife popped their heads out of his hair and meowed softly, Fork climbing down to his shoulder. “I forgot the cats.”

“How do they keep hiding in there?”

“My hair is full of secrets.”

~~~~~

“It almost makes me wish they had prepared something a little more difficult.” Todoroki said, swiping his hand along the ground. “Especially since my dear old Dad is watching.” He swept his arm up in front of himself, freezing in place for a second, causing a few extras to giggle. “Special effects!”

~~~~~

Todoroki ran through the dust, robots crashing down behind him. Racing out of the cloud, there were suddenly clout glasses that matched his hair on his face. “What’s up fuckers? My name’s Todoroki Shoto, and you’re watching Jackass.”

“Todoroki, WHY.”

~~~~~

[Off set]

“Reset the robots for another take! Izuku, can you help them?”

“Sure thing, Boss Man!”

“....how the FUCK is he lifting that?! That shit’s heavy as FUCK!”

“According to him? Spite, and sheer fucking will.”

“...that can’t be humanly possible.”

“But consider: he may not be human.”

“No Todoroki, we are not starting another bet about whether or not a person on set has superpowers. TODOROKI STEP AWAY FROM ASUI! URARAKA STOP ENCOURAGING HIM!"

Chapter Text

[Off set]

Izuku snorted, staring at his script. “Hey Mr.Boss Man, who the fuck came up with the episode title?”

“Yamada.”

“Ppffft. ‘In Their Own Quirky Ways- Jesus Christ I can’t-” Izuku snorted harder, leaning on Todoroki’s shoulder as he tried to contain his giggles. Todoroki smiled lightly as he tried to get Izuku off, before giving up and patting the other boy softly on the head.

“Just get on the fucking set.”

~~~~~

“Our players are racing each other in a vicious battle where anything goes!” Yelled Yamada as he swung his arms wildly. Aizawa ducked as one almost smacked him in the face, snorting quietly.

“Watch where you’re swinging your arms or there’s gonna be another battle pretty soon.”

“Meet me in the FUCKING pit Karen.”

“Fuck you Patricia.”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“I’m aliiiiiveeeee!” Kirishima roared as he burst out of the robot, before toppling backwards. “Wait- SHIT!”

[Take five]

“Todoroki! I can’t believe you pulled something like that.”

Todoroki snorted into his coffee from where he stood off-set. “Guess you don’t know me very well then.”

“Todoroki! Mics!”

“I would say sorry, Nana, but I’m really not.”

[Take twelve]

“Anyone other than me woulda been killed.” Kirishima sighed, before stumbling back slightly as Tetsutetsu (from now on he is just Tetsu cause I ain’t writhing that shit more than I have to) burst from the robot a few inches from where he had been standing.

“Same hat!”

“SAME HAT!”
~~~~~

“Kirishima Ejiro! Quirk: Hardening! His power makes him rock hard if you know what I mean.”

“You’re fired.”

“No I’m not.”

“...no you’re not.”

~~~~~

“Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu! Quirk: Steel! Hey, did your parents hate you or something?”

“Honestly, I ask myself that every day.”

~~~~~

“Hanta Sero! Quirk: Tape! He- wait why is Chris stuck to the wall?”

Sero slipped on a pair of shades. “He asked too many questions.”

“What the fu-”

~~~~~

[Off set]

Izuku wandered over to where Jay, Clint, and Gabby had gravitated, sitting around a table with several coloring books and packs of markers. Plopping himself down in a seat, he absentmindedly accepted a coloring book and marker when they were shoved at him, beginning to carefully fill in the picture. After a few minutes of coloring, he finally spoke up. "Did I piss off Todoroki or something? He's been avoiding me all day."

The kids all glanced at each other, Jay and Gabby staring at Clint until said boy nodded, grabbing another marker before answering Izuku's question. "Don't worry. Todoroki likes your butt and thinks your hair is cute. I know, I read his diary."

Izuku blushed and paused his coloring to raise a hand up to fiddle with his hair. "He likes my hair?"

Clint just grinned and went back to coloring Spider-Man purple. "Definitely."

~~~~~

Tsu jumped from the ledge and landed on the rope, wobbling wildly. She lost her grip, tumbling onto the mats below. Uraraka and Mina peered over the edge. “You ok?”

“Ribbit.”

~~~~~

“Hehehe!” A voice giggled from behind Mina and Uraraka. “Finally, this is my cha- no stop screaming.” Mei whined. “Come on guys! This is my chance to show off what I can do!”

~~~~~

“My super cute little babies are sure to make a splash!” Mei cackled as she flew back up the platforms, before stopping suddenly midair. “Looks like they malfunctioned! Gimme a hand?”

~~~~~

[Off set]

“So what do you guys do for fun around here?” Kendo asked Uraraka, watching as the crew shuffled things around to prepare for the next scene.

“I dunno.” Uraraka shrugged, hefting her water bottle. “Usually we just throw shit at Kevin.”

“Who’s Kevin?”

Uraraka turned, reeling back her arm. “Yo Kevin!” Kaminari spun around, eyes widening in realization.

“Wait, no!” Uraraka flung the bottle, and it hit Kaminari’s face with a loud smack. “Shit!” Kaminari fell backwards from the force of the throw, laying dazed as the pair came up to him. “That was the fifth time this week.”

“It was funny though.”

“For you, maybe.”

~~~~~

“It’s over!” Bakugo growled, canisters popping as he gained on Todoroki. “HUUA-ow.” He yanked to a stop, dangling just above the ground next to where Todoroki had stopped.

Todoroki snorted. “Guess it’s not over.”

“Hey!”

~~~~~

“Thanks for the idea Kacchan!”

“Hey I played no part in this!”

“Yes you did, fuck off.”

~~~~~

Izuku flipped over, planting his feet on Todoroki and Bakugo’s shoulders as he swung the sheet of metal over his head. Sadly, Todoroki lost his balance, causing Izuku to loose his grip on the rope and send the sheet flying as he fell on Todoroki, both of them sprawling on the ground. Bakugo slid to a stop, shading his eyes with a hand as he watched the metal fly away. “Going...going...aaaanddd...yup. Gonna need a new shield.” He grinned, locking eyes with the pair and pulling silly string out of his shirt. “Anyways, see you at the finish line.” He sprayed the can at them, coating them before spinning around and bolting, laughing loudly.

Todoroki groaned as Izuku helped him stand. “Truce?”

Isuku grinned and pulled two more cans of silly string out of his own shirt. “Truce.” He tossed one to Todoroki, and the pair took off, chasing after the cackling Bakugo. From the sidelines, Tsukazari blindly groped for his coffee before grabbing it and taking a large swig.

“Just...please don’t let Yamada or Kaminari join them.”

“Too late, sir.”

“Fuck.”

~~~~~

“Eraserhead! Your students are amazing! What the heck are you teaching them?!”

“How to sneak pets onto set without anyone noticing.” Aizawa replied absentmindedly, dragging around the end of his scarf for Knife to chase.

“Wait, what?! Also why aren’t you wearing the bandages?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

“Go put on the fucking bandages, Aizawa.”

“Yes, Tsuka.”

~~~~~

[Off set]

“You want us to WHAT?”

“Hold Chris for a minute.”

Yamada turned to Snipe and Thirteen, who were also deadpanning. “Are you hearing this? He’s asking the twinks to lift Mr.Swole over there. He’s got to be kidding.” He turned back to Tsukazari. “You’re kidding, right?”

“If Izuku can lift him by himself, all three of you can lift him together.”

“Izuku is not a reliable measurement of someone’s strength.”

“Tough luck, buddy.”

Chapter Text

“It’s anyone’s game, then.” Momo murmured, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

“And since there are 42 people, that means there will be between 10 and 12 teams running around the entire time.” Sato added, pulling a bag out of his jacket. “Cookie?”

“Don’t mind if I do.”

Tsukazari sobbed into his clipboard. “Not him too…”

~~~~~

“It’s kinda like coordinating with your sidekick, or quirk training with other agencies.” Nishiya added, bringing a water bottle to his face before pausing. “Shit. Can’t drink with the mask on. Forgot that part.”

Yu and Death Arms laughed as he pouted, sullenly placing the bottle back on the table.

~~~~~

“I was gonna try Todoroki, but he already picked a group.” Kirishima explained as he wiggled his way between Sato and Hagakure to reach Bakugo. “We should team up!”

“Oh, hey Stupid Hair.”

“My name’s Kirishima!”

“Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson.”

“Kirishima! Ki-ri-shi-ma!”

“Fine, Baby Shark do do do do do do. Whaddya want?”

Kirishima threw his hands in the air in exasperation and marched away jokingly as everyone laughed. “I give up.”

~~~~~

“If we run away the whole time we’ll win, right?”

“You’re either overestimating me or underestimating everyone else here.”

“I’ve heard it both ways.”

“That’s fair.”

~~~~~

“Anyway, it’s better to team up with people you like!” Uraraka cheered, before opening her eyes to peek at Izuku again. “PFFFT! Oh my god your face!” She cackled, toppling over. “How do you even do that?”

Izuku dropped the expression and grinned sheepishly down at her. “Would you believe me if I said I don’t know?”

“Nope.”

“Then I plead the fifth.”

“Rude.”

~~~~~

“It’s a good strategy.” Iida said, turning to face Izuku. “But I’m afraid I must refuse your offer.”

Suddenly, Izuku was tossed a toy lightsaber from a random direction. He caught it, spinning it a couple times before pointing it at Iida. “If you aren’t with me, then you are my enemy.”

“Only a Sith deals in absolutes.” Iida said, fumbling momentarily as he was also tossed a lightsaber, several extras surrounding them pulling out their own and picking sides. “I do what I must.”

“You will try.” Izuku said, before both groups charged, clashing in the middle. Yamada appeared out of nowhere, being chased by a dual-wielding Aizawa, minus the bandages.

“Babe, it’s not my fault this time!” Yamada cried, weaving through the crowds of children.

“Get back here and take your beating like a man.” Aizawa growled, kids parting like the Red Sea around him as he pulled two more lightsabers out of his scarf, the ends wrapped around the handles as they floated over his shoulders.

Chris suddenly dropped in front of Aizawa, making him halt his chase as Chris pulled out his own lightsaber. “Hello there.”

“General Kenobi.” Aizawa teased, a crowd of children growing behind him. “You are a bold one.” He raised an arm, pointing a lightsaber at Chris, one end of his scarf following his movements so he had two lightsabers pointed at him. “Kill him!”

The kids cheered, swarming Chris as he panicked and tried to run away like Yamada while Aizawa cackled evilly, his four lightsabers spinning madly.

Nana watched as Tsukazari slammed his head against the wall. “Vodka, sir?”

“Oh, god yes.”

~~~~~

[Take one]

“Team up with me person in-” Mei started, before being interrupted by Izuku’s screaming. “No, stop. Again? Stop screaming. Seriously? This happens every time!”

[Take two]

"You could use a buddy!" Mei said, slinging her arm over Izuku's shoulder. "Don't you want a pal? Yes I do, yes I do! Boy the way I see it your daddy should be leaving and you should stick around. And kill him!"

"What?"

Nana passed Tsukazari another coffee. "Someone stop them please."

[Take five]

Mei grinned wildly as Izuku examined the jetpack. "We are gonna be best frieennnddssss!"

"Mei, stop it with the fucking Beetlejuice."

"NEVER!"

~~~~~

“Join my team.” Izuku said, grabbing ‘Tokoyami’s’ shoulder and turning him around, before yelping in shock as he was met with Kaminari wearing the bird head as the real Tokoyami laughed off to the side. “Jesus fuck!”

Kaminari laughed, high-fiving Tokoyami. “Quoteth the raven: Fuck yeah!”

“Goddamnit you guys.”

“But it was funny, huh?”

~~~~~

“Let me hear you screaaaam!”

“FUUUUUUUCCK!”

“Izuku, oh my fucking god.”

~~~~~

[Off set]

“Y’ALL WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THAT MINETA, TSU, AND SHOJI’S POINT VALUE WAS 420?!”

“It’s fuckin WHAT?!”

Tsu snorted and bumped fists with the boys. “Lmao 420 blaze it.”

~~~~~

“Sorry, but at least we got away from them!” Izuku exclaimed as they flew back into the air, only to stop a couple feet off the ground. “Or maybe not.”

“I’m just surprised this didn’t break earlier.”

“That’s fair.”

~~~~~

“Your class is too small minded.” Monoma taunted, snatching Bakugo’s headband as his team ran by. “Think bigger.”

“What the hell did you say?!” Bakugo roared as Sero, Mina, and Kirishima quickly spun to face the other team.

“Midnight said the obstacle course was just the first game. And we figured that they wouldn’t cut that many of us right off the bat. Would they?” Monoma grinned, looking cheekily over his shoulder. “Assuming they’d keep at least 40 contestants for the next event, all we had to do was make sure we stayed well within that group as we ran. From our spots in the middle ranks, we could fully observe the quirks our rivals had and judge their capabilities. Only a fool would obsess over winning the preliminary rounds.” Monoma taunted, grin growing darker as he stared down Bakugo. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

“...holy shit he’s mental.” Mina whispered, Sero nodding along next to her.

Monoma’s face dropped as he fiddled with his headbands. “No I’m not! That’s just how Mom told me to do it! I’m not that bad, am I?”

Everyone jumped as Midnight whooped from off-set. “That’s my boy! Scaring douchebags and taking names! Kick his ass baby!”

“Mooom!”

“Suck it up buddy! You can’t stop me!”

Sen snickered from his place under Monoma, earning a face full of shoe. “It’s true but she shouldn’t say it- ow! Rude.”

Kuroiro sighed at their antics. “Suck it up bitch boy. At least you’re not covered from head to toe in black paint in the middle of the summer.”

“That’s fair.”

Chapter Text

“She’s too good at her creation quirk! We have to be careful!”

“No. Kaminari is the one to fear.” Tokoyami retorted.

Kaminari paused in place, dragging Momo and Iida to a stop with him. “Wait, me?”

Todoroki reached down to lightly yank his hair. “Less chit-chat more zap-zap.”

“Aye aye captain!”

~~~~~

“The only one I ever mentioned this to was Koda, back in the USJ, and he’s a man of very few words.”

“That’s fair.” Izuku said. “He really is, but that makes something else more surprising.”

“What is it?”

“BOYS! FOCUS!”

“Sorry Nana!”

~~~~~

“Kirishima.” Bakugo growled, “We have a slight change of plans.”

“That’s fair.”

~~~~~

[Off set]

“So what’s the story about Koda?” Kaminari said, shoving his hands in his pockets and walking over to Izuku, who had been chatting with said boy and Todoroki.

“Oh he’s not allowed in several states.” Izuku said casually, causing the others to double take. “There’s warrants for his arrest. I can show you pictures.”

“Wait, what the fuck? We’re talking about the same Koda here, right?”

Izuku and Koda laughed. “Oh yeah. I even made a song!”

Several people paused to listen as Izuku began singing, clapping his hands as he did. “Where are the states where Koda can’t go? Arizona, Utah, and Ohio!”

“Holy shit.” Todoroki whispered.

“There’s three more states where Koda can't be.” Izuku continued, ignoring the interruption. “Texas, New Hampshire, and Tennessee.”

“I’m also not welcome in Europe!” Koda piped in, Izuku giggling as he slung an arm around the other boy’s shoulder.

Kaminari and Todoroki looked at each other in shock. “How the fuck do you do that?”

“Three words: leading animal stampedes.”

“He did it in Las Vegas too,” Izuku added, “but weird shit happens there all the time so he didn’t get in trouble.”

"Also," Koda continued, ignoring the stares of shock he was getting, "every major city has banned me from using their public transit system except Melbourne, Australia. I have no idea what their breaking point is, but mark my words, I will fucking find it."

Todoroki blinked slowly in shock. “I’m gonna go reevaluate my life choices now.” He wandered off, Kaminari chasing after him.

“Wait! Let me join you!”

Izuku and Koda shared a grin. “Do you think we should tell them about the cult stuff?”

“Nah. Let them simmer a bit. It’ll be more fun that way anyways.”

“That’s fair.”

~~~~~

Uraraka paused as the group touched down in front of the boundary line. “Hey, if Deku’s such a good strategist, why do we keep getting cornered?”

Tokoyami and Mei also paused, glancing teasingly at Izuku, who grumbled good-naturedly. “Shaddup.”

But Izuku,” Mei teased, poking his leg. “We’re curious!”

“Shut up and run. If not for the laws of this land I’d have slaughtered you already.”

“Understandable, have a nice day.”

~~~~~

“Monoma! Don’t provoke him man. That’s the kind of thing he would do.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. It’s not very heroic of me.”

Kirishima pouted from his place holding up Bakugo. “That’s my line!”

“Too bad. My line now.” Monoma said, eyes glinting with mirth.

“Awww.”

~~~~~

“DIE!” Bakugo roared as he stretched his hand out, canister popping as he reached for Monoma’s face. He tried to grab Monoma’s headband, only to miss as his attack was casually redirected. Everyone’s eyes widened in shock as Bakugo turned around, only to receive a light blast in the face, courtesy of Monoma.

“Wao.” Monoma breathed, watching Bakugo’s group stumble back lightly in shock. “I can see why you like this quirk.” He reached down to swipe at Kirishima’s hair, only to pause when he noticed everyone staring. “What? Did I do something wrong?”

Tsukazari shook himself out of his stupor to reassure him. “No, that was amazing, but you were supposed to just redirect the blast. How did you make one yourself?”

Monoma grinned shyly as one of Bakugo’s canisters appeared in his hand, causing the boy to do a double take when he saw one missing from his wrists. Spinning it around his finger like he had done with the headband, he smiled softly. “Did my mom never tell you about my skill with slight-of-hand?”

Tsukazari looked over his shoulder at Nana, who was smirking widely. “I thought it would be a nice surprise, sir.”

The rest or the crew just stared in awe as Monoma pulled a coin from his pocket and began flipping it across his fingers, metal flying back and forth in his hands.

“Somebody pinch me.” Mina whispered, tracking the coin with her eyes. “That boy cannot be THAT good at shit but still be that shy. I must be dreaming. I’m dreaming, right?”

“Join the fucking club Mina.”

~~~~~

“Neito Monoma! His Quirk: Copy! What is he, like, a fax machine or something?”

“I prefer printer.”

~~~~~

“Torque over!” Iida roared, bracing himself as Momo and Kaminari’s hands tightened on his shoulders. “RECIPRO BURST!” They flashed towards Izuku’s team, only for Todoroki to miss the headband and smack Izuku in the face, causing his group to topple onto the ground.

Iida froze, Momo and Kaminari frantically breaking so that they wouldn’t drop Todoroki. “Oops!”

“You ok Izuku?” Asked Kaminari, peeking around Todoroki’s leg.

“My face hurts…” Izuku groaned, shifting to roll off of Tokoyami, who had landed on Mei and Uraraka.

“RIP.”

~~~~~

“Kosei Tsuburaba! His Quirk: Solid Air! He can harden the air for walls or steps! So believe it or not, he is walking on air. He’s never felt so free-he-HEEE!”

“Did he just?”

“Dog of Wisdom? Definitely.”

“I’ll take it.”

~~~~~

“Class B’s strategy was a reasonable one, but there was one thing they forgot to consider.” Aizawa said, crossing his arms. “Class 1-B didn’t take into account Bakugo’s overwhel-shit.”

Yamada blinked, looking over at his husband. “What’s up babe?”

“The kids stole the cats.”

“And that’s a problem...how?”

“Ladle is in my scarf.”

“How did he even GET there?”

~~~~~

“We mixed the headbands up.” Momo explained, letting go of Iida’s shoulder to dig around in her pocket. “There’s no way we’d leave the prize on top.” She pulled out a small box. “Fruit Roll-Up?”

Todoroki silently reached down to grab one as Tsukazari slammed his head into his clipboard.

“Extra strong, sir?”

“You know me so well Nana.”

~~~~~

“In third place is Team Tetsutet- wait. TEAM SHINSOU? When did they come back from the dead?!”

“Nah, not the dead.” Droned Shinsou, stepping into the room carrying Spoon and Starbucks, his team carrying more drinks. “Just Starbucks.”

“Is that why you guys weren’t here the whole time?”

“Ojiro and Aoyama wanted to go pet dogs. Shouda and I just tagged along.”

“You guys have GOT to stop disappearing.”

“How about no.”

“Fair enough.”