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Hanky Panky in the TARDIS

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So the Coal Hill graffiti was right!

'chesterton fancy's miss wright ',

While defacing the walls,

Though the grammar appals,

Weren't kids in the 60s polite?



Being exiled from where she was born,

Makes unearthly Susan forlorn,

So to banish the gloom,

She goes off to her room,

And frigs herself senseless till dawn.



"Ben is so very well built,"

Thought Polly, biting hard on the quilt,

It's a notion she'd spurn,

When he finished his turn,

And they saw Jamie lifting his kilt.



"M'dear!" said the Doctor to Jo,

"Your face is disrupting the flow!

If you'll only desist,

Until after I've pissed..."

"But that's how I want it. So, no."



The Doctor's a renowned Master baiter,

It will all come out sooner or later,

Were they more than just mates,

As in Benton and Yates?

And what's with the sonic vibrator?



The Doctor caressed Leela's thighs,

"I say! It was bound to arise,

But do you share my passion,

For a shag - doggy-fashion? Do you Leela? Do you?"

"Affirmative, Master," she sighs.



"You're a naughty young girl, Miss Jovanka!"

Teased Nyssa, who'd playfully spank her.

And they giggled while kissing,

At what Adric was missing,

As he watched through the keyhole, the wanker.



The Doctor was screaming, "Oh, Peri!"

Squeezing Spike in between Tom and Jerry.

"Young lady! My shame!

At how quickly I came!

Does that happen often?"  "Yes, very."



"Erm... my sonic screwdriver, Mel.

It's been drained of its power. I can tell,

It's been shoved up your ass!

But we'll both let it pass,

'Cause I do the same thing as well!"



"I'll try... the nipple clamps... giant dildos... and chains."

"Good choice, Ace!" the Doctor explains:

"And when it's time to be whipped,

You'll find I'm fully equipped,

All of this stuff's Sarah Jane's."



With the TARDIS's temporal distortion,

Just to count all the rooms means exhaustion.

But in each one of those,

Mickey's had Rose.

And Rory gave Amy a portion.



What Martha cannot understand,

Does a heart, unrequited, expand?

As on many an occasion,

She'd combust with frustration,

Then she noticed the Doctor's spare hand...



The future for Torchwood looks grim,

It could all be shut down on a whim.

The dilemma for Jack,

Is 'The Case They Can't Crack' :

The Cardiff Bay Flasher - it's him.



The Doctor and River were lovers,

But that's from a different song.

Where they make an 'educational' video,

When they found out she's doing him wrong.



At Coal Hill, the new generation,

Use texts to spread their allegation.

And they say 'dnny pnk,

tks oz up th stnk ',

With a neat photoshopped animation.



"Bill, be prepared for some shocks.

Plaster casts of all of my cocks.

There are moments to treasure,

And infinite pleasure,

When you rummage in Sarah Jane's box.



It was dark in the TARDIS that night,

As Yaz groped around for a light,

What she thought was a candle,

But larger to handle,

Made Ryan come awake with delight.



The Doctor enjoys a good poke,

And she'll greedily relish each stroke,

Life is one frantic spin,

To cram everything in,

Till she regenerates as a bloke.