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kpop group chats

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Taehyung: ahhaha old people are so savage
Taehyung: and violent
Taehyung: i love it

Jin: ...not sure where you got these impressions

Namjoon: this is weird

Hobi: wait is that why yoongi hyung is so savage
Hobi: because he's old?

Yoongi: Hoseok.

Hobi: yes babe?

Yoongi: you have three seconds to run.

Hobi: oH SHIT

Jungkook: rip in peace

Jimin: but why were you talking about old people?

Taehyung: i was volunteering at the retirement home and there’s this one lady who keeps threatening everyone there
Taehyung: today she said she was gonna drive over one of the nurse’s feet with her walker
Taehyung: she also said she was gonna beat someone up

Jin: so…?

Taehyung: idk i just wanted to share

Jimin: ok

Namjoon: hey could someone check if hoseok is still alive?

Jungkook: no offense but who cares
Jungkook: he’ll just resurrect himself to yell at us the next time someone messes up the choreography anyway

Jin: true

Namjoon: i mean… you’re not wrong

Jungkook: i know

Hobi: HEY GUYS IM STILL ALIVE :D
Hobi: Guys?
Hobi: hello?
Hobi: ok i guess we’ll just pretend like my life wasn't in danger just a minute ago

Jimin: it literally wasn’t

Hobi: :/

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Dahyun: how embarrassed would u guys be if i did the eagle dance in public?

Nayeon: depends
Nayeon: how public are we talking?

Dahyun: mcdonalds at dinner time on a saturday

Jihyo: in that case I would personally ask JYP to kick you out of the group

Jeongyeon: screw that, I would kick you out of the group myself

Chaeyoung: just for the eagle dance?
Chaeyoung: that’s harsh

Momo: i would join her

Tzuyu: of course u would

Sana: i would film it

Jeongyeon: …how did I end up here

Dahyun: don’t worry about it unnie!
Dahyun: i promise i won’t do the eagle dance at mcdonalds

Jihyo: I hate how you specified that you won’t do it at mcdonalds
Jihyo: as in that you still might do it at another place

Mina: wait, isn’t dahyun at starbucks right now?

Dahyun: no comment

Mina: and aren’t momo & sana there with her?

Jihyo: …

Nayeon: …

Jeongyeon: …

Momo: no comment

Sana: no comment

Dahyun: thanks to mina for popping in and exposing me but i gotta go now!

Tzuyu: guess we’ll just have to wait for all the articles about her
Tzuyu: “famous kpop idol embarrasses herself in public”
Tzuyu: “viral eagle dance girl returns!”
Tzuyu: i bet she’ll trend on twitter too

Chaeyoung: is it bad that i’m kinda looking forward to it?

Nayeon: i mean, despite my complaints, i lowkey agree

Mina: me too

Dahyun: thanks guys! i knew you loved me!
Dahyun: see you in the instagram comment section when sana inevitably posts an eagle dance video from starbucks!

Jeongyeon: dahYUN NO…!

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Jackson: so i've noticed that there's some tension in the group, and i'm taking it upon myself to resolve it

Youngjae: oh no i hope it's not kindergarten logic again

Jackson: we're gonna play secret friends for the next week!
Jackson: i'll send everyone the name of another person in the group, and then you have to be extra nice to that person for the next week!

Youngjae: oh no

Jinyoung: ...it's kindergarten logic again

Jackson: what the fuck, it's not kindergarten logic

Mark: it kind of is

Jackson: okay whatever
Jackson: just play along please

Jinyoung: if you're sending the names, does that mean you're also sending your own name?

Jackson: hell no, i'm not participating in this
Jackson: this stuff is for kindergartners

Jaebum: i give up

Jinyoung: me too

Bambam: hyung, i’ll play along

Yugyeom: yeah same actually

Mark: not to be rude but why would you do that?
Mark: it’s not like it’s the first time jackson uses kindergartner logic, and we all know how that usually ends

Yugyeom: yeah but we live for the chaos he causes!

Bambam: his ideas almost always make the top 3 disasters of the week
Bambam: of course we have to do it!

Youngjae: jackson hyung i’ll join in too

Jinyoung: …i won’t even bother asking why

Jackson: thank you guys, but it doesn’t really work with only three people

Mark: i never said i wouldn’t do it

Jackson: omg THANK YOU SM HYUNG <3

Mark: yea whatever

Jaebum: on second thought, i’ll do it too

Jinyoung: seriously?

Jaebum: yeah it could be funny

Jackson: pleaaaase jinyoungie! it doesn’t work with odd numbers!

Jinyoung: but there’s six of you

Jackson: well i’m not doing it
Jackson: so you have to!!!

Jinyoung: you can’t make me

Yugyeom: wait why doesn’t it work with odd numbers?

Bambam: idk

Yugyeom: i mean it’s not like two people get each other’s name, everyone’s supposed to change in like a circle
Yugyeom: odd numbers don’t make a difference

Bambam: i don’t think hyung cares

Jackson: jinyoungieeeeeee

Jinyoung: no.

Jackson: pleaaaaase

Jinyoung: No.

Jackson: i’ll buy you food tomorrow?

Jinyoung: okay sure i’m in

Jackson: …

Youngjae: AHAHAHAHHA

Jackson: really? just like that?

Jinyoung: no, not just like that, you offered to buy me food
Jinyoung: if you don’t i’ll steal your wallet and use it to buy food anyway

Jaebum: good job jackson, you convinced him!

Mark: you can send the names now

Jackson: …
Jackson: sigh
Jackson: yeah i guess

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Mingi: Fuck

Seonghwa: don't swear

Mingi: i didn't swear!
Mingi: i mean, i thought about not doing it

San: but then u did it anyway

Mingi: and so you can't say i did it!

Hongjoong: you typed it out and sent it
Hongjoong: that counts as swearing

Mingi: then why do people always say it's the thought that counts on birthdays and not in literally every other scenario?

Yunho: idk man

Yeosang: this is dumb
Yeosang: i agree with you, it makes no sense

Mingi: …you literally just said it’s dumb

Yeosang: yeah i genuinely think that

Mingi: …ok?

Yeosang: but it’s also weird how people only say it’s the thought that counts when the thought is about them

Wooyoung: sounds more like “as long as you’re thinking about me, it’s the thought that counts”
Wooyoung: but if you’re thinking about literally anything else then you might as well not

Yunho: that’s because people are selfish and self-centric
Yunho: they don’t want others to think about anything other than them

Hongjoong: ok guys good talk but this is making no sense anymore

Seonghwa: you say “anymore”, as if it ever made any sense

Hongjoong: you’re right, it never did

Jongho: yes please stop

San: oh wow jongho, i thought you had forgotten that this chat existed, considering you never send anything in it

Jongho: i WISH i had forgotten it

Wooyoung: okay wOw, thanks for that maknae

Seonghwa: …remind me again why i signed up for this bs

Hongjoong: i honestly couldn’t tell you

Seonghwa: hm

Jongho: i know you’re saying “hm” as in the sound “hm”
Jongho: but hm could be short for hit me

Hongjoong: sigh

Yunho: hang on i think jongho's onto something!

Seonghwa: is he onto your sanity? please let it be your sanity

Wooyoung: bold of you to believe or sanity could ever be found

Yeosang: not even dora could find it

Hongjoong: okay i’m done
Hongjoong: bye

Seonghwa: hm

Jongho: are you saying hmm or hit me?

Seonghwa: free interpretation

Yeosang: i relate

Jongho: same
Jongho: hm

Yeosang: hm

Mingi: maybe hm could be our always

Seonghwa: okay that’s it i have to draw the line somewhere
Seonghwa: and i won’t stand for this clownery any longer

Wooyoung: then try sitting down

Seonghwa: …
Seonghwa: i can’t do it over text but please imagine the deepest, most disappointed sigh ever

Yunho: oh sHIT
Yunho: i think i just got scared by my own imagination

Wooyoung: same here omg

Seonghwa: …sigh

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Chan: did you know that felix has a folder on his phone called “reaction memes”?
Chan: it’s literally just screenshots of different memes

Hyunjin: i mean…

Minho: did i know that? no.
Minho: but am i surprised?
Minho: also no

Jisung: bold of you to assume felix is the only one who has it

Changbin: oh what a shocking turn of events, jisung also has a folder with reaction memes
Changbin: honestly i bet hyunjin has it too

Hyunjin: i feel attacked

Jeongin: but do you have it hyung?

Hyunjin: …perhaps

Jisung: yeah he does

Minho: thank you for the honest answer jisung

Hyunjin: hey!

Jisung: hello!

Seungmin: this is why i have this chat muted

Chan: this is why this chat is called the stray kids circus
Chan: cause you’re all cLOWNS

Minho: you’re here too

Felix: shit he’s right

Chan: …

Changbin: chan hyung isn’t just a clown, he’s the fucking ringmaster

Hyunjin: what the hell is a ringmaster

Chan: ok why is everyone cursing we don’t need to get this shit rated
Chan: wait shit
Chan: oh crap i did it again
Chan: ..i’ll just stop now

Seungmin: a ringmaster is the person who directs a circus performance
Seungmin: just like chan hyung does when he directs us as our leader

Hyunjin: ah okay makes sense

Chan: not really but ok

Minho: chan nobody asked you

Chan: you’re literally talking about me?

Minho: exactly
Minho: we’re trying to talk ABOUT you, not WITH you

Jisung: woah

Felix: he savage
Felix: wait why am i surprised by that

Changbin: idk

Chan: i just came here to tell you about felix’s meme folder and i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now

Jeongin: no offense but it might have something to do with the fact that they’re attacking you right now

Chan: wow i didn’t notice

Minho: no need to be sarcastic

Changbin: says you

Minho: yeah and what about it?

Chan: you know what, don’t respond to that
Chan: just… forget this ever happened

Seungmin: gladly!

Hyunjin: okay you don’t have to be that excited about it

Chan: kids stay calm

Felix: bold of you to assume that’s possible

Chan: …
Chan: i have so many regrets right now

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Wonpil: i was talking with jinyoung hyung about a book and i was trying to ask if he had read it but he thought i was asking if he has reddit

Dowoon: lol
Dowoon: wait a second what's reddit

Wonpil: actually... i dunno
Wonpil: i mean i've heard it before but now i realize i have no idea

Brian: you guys are dumb

Dowoon: yeah we know

Jae: good
Jae: but also we are not introducing you two to reddit
Jae: the day you find out what that is is the day i retire

Sungjin: i’m already ready to retire

Wonpil: why haven’t you hyung?

Sungjin: valid question
Sungjin: i don’t have an answer

Jae: wow ok i thought your emotional attachment could be a pretty good reason for still being with us, but sure

Brian: sungjin hyung regretting joining day6? it’s more likely than you think

Jae: but i mean can we blame him?

Wonpil: uh yes?

Dowoon: yeah we can?

Brian: i’m pretty sure even you two have regretted joining at some point

Dowoon: bet

Jae: literally every time any MC asks you to dance

Wonpil: a point has been made

Brian: thank you for coming to this ted talk

Dowoon: *day6 talk

Jae: dowoon, it’s NOT named after whoever does the talk

Wonpil: bet

Brian: sigh…
Brian: i don’t think i’ve ever related more to sungjin hung than i do right now

Jae: that’s a mood

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Felix: organic food is just another word for drugs

Minho: did i ever tell you all about that time i wrote a school essay about how i suspected there were drugs in the cafeteria food?

Seungmin: welp that sounds wild

Hyunjin: hyung did you really?

Minho: i actually did, yeah
Minho: we were supposed to write investigative essays and were free to pick the topic ourselves

Chan: what did your teacher say about yours?

Minho: honestly, not much

Jeongin: is conspiracy theorist a real profession?
Jeongin: cause i think minho hyung would excel at it

Minho: wait can i get paid for conspiracy theories??

Chan: no you can’t, conspiracy theorist isn’t a real job

Jeongin: ok boomer

Chan: ??? i’m literally not

Minho: boomer isn’t a generation, it’s a mindset

Hyunjin: amen

Jisung: why do all of our conversations always turn into an episode of “chan’s suffering”?

Hyunjin: i’d watch the shit outta that show

Chan: …should i be offended?

Hyunjin: no i didn’t mean it like that!

Changbin: chan hyung, you should invest in some throwing knives
Changbin: they could be useful in situations like these

Minho: omg i want throwing knives

Chan: you will under no circumstances even LOOK at a throwing knife minho
Chan: is that understood?

Minho: yeah i understand it perfectly

Seungmin: he probably doesn’t care though

Minho: but i don’t care

Seungmin: called it

Jisung: any knife can be a throwing knife if you’re skilled enough with throwing shit

Jeongin: they literally can’t though
Jeongin: throwing knives are different from regular knives both because they look different but also since the centre of gravity makes the knife more well-balanced

Hyunjin: uuh
Hyunjin: am i the only one who’s concerned rn?

Felix: jeongin why do you know about knives?

Jeongin: because i’m well educated..?

Chan: nice try, but no.

Jeongin: okay fine
Jeongin: i wanted to know how easy it was to become good at knife throwing so i researched throwing knives
Jeongin: turns out it takes a looong time to get good at it, and even then it’s not very useful

Minho: we appreciate your honesty

Changbin: it’s still concerning that you wanted to start throwing knives but yeah, what he said

Hyunjin: should we end it at that?

Felix: yeah.

Chapter Text

Jennie: who left a blank piece of paper on my bed?

Lisa: i did!

Jennie: why?

Lisa: it's a painting i did for you!

Jennie: but there's nothing on it

Lisa: yes it is, i painted snow!
Lisa: it's a gift just for you, unnie!

Jennie: ...thanks, i suppose???

Rose: something smells fishy here

Jisoo: you had fish for lunch

Rose: i guess that's true, but u know that's not what i meant

Jennie: i agree and i wanna know what’s going on
Jennie: what’s with the blank paper?

Lisa: i already told you! it’s a drawing!

Jennie: sounds like a lie

Rose: tell us or you won’t be getting center next comeback lisa

Lisa: gASP

Jennie: yeah, now tell us

Lisa: jisoo unnie i’m so sorry you have to understand the pressure i’m under

Jennie: ???

Lisa: unnie and i were planning on replacing your entire wardrobes with baby shark merch

Rose: baby shark has merch??

Jennie: not the appropriate reaction
Jennie: what does the white paper have to do with your plan?

Lisa: a distraction

Jennie: what were you gonna do with the rest of our clothes?

Lisa: hide them

Jennie: why were you doing this?

Lisa: for fun!

Rose: okay but does baby shark have merch or not

Lisa: not technically, i don’t think so?
Lisa: just baby shark themed clothes, jisoo unnie found them in a super cheap store and bought enough for both of you to wear until you could find your normal clothes again

Jennie: jisoo unnie is being suspiciously quiet

Jisoo: well i’m not the one you’re interrogating rn

Jennie: you sure you’re not replacing our clothes at this moment?

Jisoo: why would i? lisa already told you the plan
Jisoo: you’d know who did it and that’s no fun

Rose: i wanna wear the baby shark merch

Lisa: you do?
Lisa: me too! we can match!

Rose: okay!

Jennie: …

Jisoo: seriously?
Jisoo: well this has been useless
Jisoo: i guess i’ll just put the baby shark clothes in lisa’s room

Rose: thanks unnie!

Lisa: yeah, thank you unnie!

Jennie: …

Jisoo: ok