Taehyung: ahhaha old people are so savage
Taehyung: and violent
Taehyung: i love it
Jin: ...not sure where you got these impressions
Namjoon: this is weird
Hobi: wait is that why yoongi hyung is so savage
Hobi: because he's old?
Hobi: yes babe?
Yoongi: you have three seconds to run.
Hobi: oH SHIT
Jungkook: rip in peace
Jimin: but why were you talking about old people?
Taehyung: i was volunteering at the retirement home and there’s this one lady who keeps threatening everyone there
Taehyung: today she said she was gonna drive over one of the nurse’s feet with her walker
Taehyung: she also said she was gonna beat someone up
Taehyung: idk i just wanted to share
Namjoon: hey could someone check if hoseok is still alive?
Jungkook: no offense but who cares
Jungkook: he’ll just resurrect himself to yell at us the next time someone messes up the choreography anyway
Namjoon: i mean… you’re not wrong
Jungkook: i know
Hobi: HEY GUYS IM STILL ALIVE :D
Hobi: ok i guess we’ll just pretend like my life wasn't in danger just a minute ago
Jimin: it literally wasn’t
hey before you ask, all the groups in the tags will be in this, i just tagged them now bc i know myself and i know i'll forget to add them if i wait. i already have parts with them in my drafts, that's why they're tagged :)
here are the upcoming ones:
part 5, stray kids
part 6, day6
Chapter 2: TWICE - viral eagle dance girl returns!
Dahyun: how embarrassed would u guys be if i did the eagle dance in public?
Nayeon: how public are we talking?
Dahyun: mcdonalds at dinner time on a saturday
Jihyo: in that case I would personally ask JYP to kick you out of the group
Jeongyeon: screw that, I would kick you out of the group myself
Chaeyoung: just for the eagle dance?
Chaeyoung: that’s harsh
Momo: i would join her
Tzuyu: of course u would
Sana: i would film it
Jeongyeon: …how did I end up here
Dahyun: don’t worry about it unnie!
Dahyun: i promise i won’t do the eagle dance at mcdonalds
Jihyo: I hate how you specified that you won’t do it at mcdonalds
Jihyo: as in that you still might do it at another place
Mina: wait, isn’t dahyun at starbucks right now?
Dahyun: no comment
Mina: and aren’t momo & sana there with her?
Momo: no comment
Sana: no comment
Dahyun: thanks to mina for popping in and exposing me but i gotta go now!
Tzuyu: guess we’ll just have to wait for all the articles about her
Tzuyu: “famous kpop idol embarrasses herself in public”
Tzuyu: “viral eagle dance girl returns!”
Tzuyu: i bet she’ll trend on twitter too
Chaeyoung: is it bad that i’m kinda looking forward to it?
Nayeon: i mean, despite my complaints, i lowkey agree
Mina: me too
Dahyun: thanks guys! i knew you loved me!
Dahyun: see you in the instagram comment section when sana inevitably posts an eagle dance video from starbucks!
Jeongyeon: dahYUN NO…!
Chapter 3: GOT7 - kindergarten logic
Jackson: so i've noticed that there's some tension in the group, and i'm taking it upon myself to resolve it
Youngjae: oh no i hope it's not kindergarten logic again
Jackson: we're gonna play secret friends for the next week!
Jackson: i'll send everyone the name of another person in the group, and then you have to be extra nice to that person for the next week!
Youngjae: oh no
Jinyoung: ...it's kindergarten logic again
Jackson: what the fuck, it's not kindergarten logic
Mark: it kind of is
Jackson: okay whatever
Jackson: just play along please
Jinyoung: if you're sending the names, does that mean you're also sending your own name?
Jackson: hell no, i'm not participating in this
Jackson: this stuff is for kindergartners
Jaebum: i give up
Jinyoung: me too
Bambam: hyung, i’ll play along
Yugyeom: yeah same actually
Mark: not to be rude but why would you do that?
Mark: it’s not like it’s the first time jackson uses kindergartner logic, and we all know how that usually ends
Yugyeom: yeah but we live for the chaos he causes!
Bambam: his ideas almost always make the top 3 disasters of the week
Bambam: of course we have to do it!
Youngjae: jackson hyung i’ll join in too
Jinyoung: …i won’t even bother asking why
Jackson: thank you guys, but it doesn’t really work with only three people
Mark: i never said i wouldn’t do it
Jackson: omg THANK YOU SM HYUNG <3
Mark: yea whatever
Jaebum: on second thought, i’ll do it too
Jaebum: yeah it could be funny
Jackson: pleaaaase jinyoungie! it doesn’t work with odd numbers!
Jinyoung: but there’s six of you
Jackson: well i’m not doing it
Jackson: so you have to!!!
Jinyoung: you can’t make me
Yugyeom: wait why doesn’t it work with odd numbers?
Yugyeom: i mean it’s not like two people get each other’s name, everyone’s supposed to change in like a circle
Yugyeom: odd numbers don’t make a difference
Bambam: i don’t think hyung cares
Jackson: i’ll buy you food tomorrow?
Jinyoung: okay sure i’m in
Jackson: really? just like that?
Jinyoung: no, not just like that, you offered to buy me food
Jinyoung: if you don’t i’ll steal your wallet and use it to buy food anyway
Jaebum: good job jackson, you convinced him!
Mark: you can send the names now
Jackson: yeah i guess
Chapter 4: ATEEZ - don't swear
Seonghwa: don't swear
Mingi: i didn't swear!
Mingi: i mean, i thought about not doing it
San: but then u did it anyway
Mingi: and so you can't say i did it!
Hongjoong: you typed it out and sent it
Hongjoong: that counts as swearing
Mingi: then why do people always say it's the thought that counts on birthdays and not in literally every other scenario?
Yunho: idk man
Yeosang: this is dumb
Yeosang: i agree with you, it makes no sense
Mingi: …you literally just said it’s dumb
Yeosang: yeah i genuinely think that
Yeosang: but it’s also weird how people only say it’s the thought that counts when the thought is about them
Wooyoung: sounds more like “as long as you’re thinking about me, it’s the thought that counts”
Wooyoung: but if you’re thinking about literally anything else then you might as well not
Yunho: that’s because people are selfish and self-centric
Yunho: they don’t want others to think about anything other than them
Hongjoong: ok guys good talk but this is making no sense anymore
Seonghwa: you say “anymore”, as if it ever made any sense
Hongjoong: you’re right, it never did
Jongho: yes please stop
San: oh wow jongho, i thought you had forgotten that this chat existed, considering you never send anything in it
Jongho: i WISH i had forgotten it
Wooyoung: okay wOw, thanks for that maknae
Seonghwa: …remind me again why i signed up for this bs
Hongjoong: i honestly couldn’t tell you
Jongho: i know you’re saying “hm” as in the sound “hm”
Jongho: but hm could be short for hit me
Yunho: hang on i think jongho's onto something!
Seonghwa: is he onto your sanity? please let it be your sanity
Wooyoung: bold of you to believe or sanity could ever be found
Yeosang: not even dora could find it
Hongjoong: okay i’m done
Jongho: are you saying hmm or hit me?
Seonghwa: free interpretation
Yeosang: i relate
Mingi: maybe hm could be our always
Seonghwa: okay that’s it i have to draw the line somewhere
Seonghwa: and i won’t stand for this clownery any longer
Wooyoung: then try sitting down
Seonghwa: i can’t do it over text but please imagine the deepest, most disappointed sigh ever
Yunho: oh sHIT
Yunho: i think i just got scared by my own imagination
Wooyoung: same here omg
Chapter 5: STRAY KIDS - you’re all cLOWNS
Chan: did you know that felix has a folder on his phone called “reaction memes”?
Chan: it’s literally just screenshots of different memes
Hyunjin: i mean…
Minho: did i know that? no.
Minho: but am i surprised?
Minho: also no
Jisung: bold of you to assume felix is the only one who has it
Changbin: oh what a shocking turn of events, jisung also has a folder with reaction memes
Changbin: honestly i bet hyunjin has it too
Hyunjin: i feel attacked
Jeongin: but do you have it hyung?
Jisung: yeah he does
Minho: thank you for the honest answer jisung
Seungmin: this is why i have this chat muted
Chan: this is why this chat is called the stray kids circus
Chan: cause you’re all cLOWNS
Minho: you’re here too
Felix: shit he’s right
Changbin: chan hyung isn’t just a clown, he’s the fucking ringmaster
Hyunjin: what the hell is a ringmaster
Chan: ok why is everyone cursing we don’t need to get this shit rated
Chan: wait shit
Chan: oh crap i did it again
Chan: ..i’ll just stop now
Seungmin: a ringmaster is the person who directs a circus performance
Seungmin: just like chan hyung does when he directs us as our leader
Hyunjin: ah okay makes sense
Chan: not really but ok
Minho: chan nobody asked you
Chan: you’re literally talking about me?
Minho: we’re trying to talk ABOUT you, not WITH you
Felix: he savage
Felix: wait why am i surprised by that
Chan: i just came here to tell you about felix’s meme folder and i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now
Jeongin: no offense but it might have something to do with the fact that they’re attacking you right now
Chan: wow i didn’t notice
Minho: no need to be sarcastic
Changbin: says you
Minho: yeah and what about it?
Chan: you know what, don’t respond to that
Chan: just… forget this ever happened
Hyunjin: okay you don’t have to be that excited about it
Chan: kids stay calm
Felix: bold of you to assume that’s possible
Chan: i have so many regrets right now
Chapter 6: DAY6 - wait what's reddit?
Wonpil: i was talking with jinyoung hyung about a book and i was trying to ask if he had read it but he thought i was asking if he has reddit
Dowoon: wait a second what's reddit
Wonpil: actually... i dunno
Wonpil: i mean i've heard it before but now i realize i have no idea
Brian: you guys are dumb
Dowoon: yeah we know
Jae: but also we are not introducing you two to reddit
Jae: the day you find out what that is is the day i retire
Sungjin: i’m already ready to retire
Wonpil: why haven’t you hyung?
Sungjin: valid question
Sungjin: i don’t have an answer
Jae: wow ok i thought your emotional attachment could be a pretty good reason for still being with us, but sure
Brian: sungjin hyung regretting joining day6? it’s more likely than you think
Jae: but i mean can we blame him?
Wonpil: uh yes?
Dowoon: yeah we can?
Brian: i’m pretty sure even you two have regretted joining at some point
Jae: literally every time any MC asks you to dance
Wonpil: a point has been made
Brian: thank you for coming to this ted talk
Dowoon: *day6 talk
Jae: dowoon, it’s NOT named after whoever does the talk
Brian: i don’t think i’ve ever related more to sungjin hung than i do right now
Jae: that’s a mood
Chapter 7: STRAY KIDS - “chan’s suffering”
Felix: organic food is just another word for drugs
Minho: did i ever tell you all about that time i wrote a school essay about how i suspected there were drugs in the cafeteria food?
Seungmin: welp that sounds wild
Hyunjin: hyung did you really?
Minho: i actually did, yeah
Minho: we were supposed to write investigative essays and were free to pick the topic ourselves
Chan: what did your teacher say about yours?
Minho: honestly, not much
Jeongin: is conspiracy theorist a real profession?
Jeongin: cause i think minho hyung would excel at it
Minho: wait can i get paid for conspiracy theories??
Chan: no you can’t, conspiracy theorist isn’t a real job
Jeongin: ok boomer
Chan: ??? i’m literally not
Minho: boomer isn’t a generation, it’s a mindset
Jisung: why do all of our conversations always turn into an episode of “chan’s suffering”?
Hyunjin: i’d watch the shit outta that show
Chan: …should i be offended?
Hyunjin: no i didn’t mean it like that!
Changbin: chan hyung, you should invest in some throwing knives
Changbin: they could be useful in situations like these
Minho: omg i want throwing knives
Chan: you will under no circumstances even LOOK at a throwing knife minho
Chan: is that understood?
Minho: yeah i understand it perfectly
Seungmin: he probably doesn’t care though
Minho: but i don’t care
Seungmin: called it
Jisung: any knife can be a throwing knife if you’re skilled enough with throwing shit
Jeongin: they literally can’t though
Jeongin: throwing knives are different from regular knives both because they look different but also since the centre of gravity makes the knife more well-balanced
Hyunjin: am i the only one who’s concerned rn?
Felix: jeongin why do you know about knives?
Jeongin: because i’m well educated..?
Chan: nice try, but no.
Jeongin: okay fine
Jeongin: i wanted to know how easy it was to become good at knife throwing so i researched throwing knives
Jeongin: turns out it takes a looong time to get good at it, and even then it’s not very useful
Minho: we appreciate your honesty
Changbin: it’s still concerning that you wanted to start throwing knives but yeah, what he said
Hyunjin: should we end it at that?
Chapter 8: BLACKPINK - the baby shark merch
Jennie: who left a blank piece of paper on my bed?
Lisa: i did!
Lisa: it's a painting i did for you!
Jennie: but there's nothing on it
Lisa: yes it is, i painted snow!
Lisa: it's a gift just for you, unnie!
Jennie: ...thanks, i suppose???
Rose: something smells fishy here
Jisoo: you had fish for lunch
Rose: i guess that's true, but u know that's not what i meant
Jennie: i agree and i wanna know what’s going on
Jennie: what’s with the blank paper?
Lisa: i already told you! it’s a drawing!
Jennie: sounds like a lie
Rose: tell us or you won’t be getting center next comeback lisa
Jennie: yeah, now tell us
Lisa: jisoo unnie i’m so sorry you have to understand the pressure i’m under
Lisa: unnie and i were planning on replacing your entire wardrobes with baby shark merch
Rose: baby shark has merch??
Jennie: not the appropriate reaction
Jennie: what does the white paper have to do with your plan?
Lisa: a distraction
Jennie: what were you gonna do with the rest of our clothes?
Lisa: hide them
Jennie: why were you doing this?
Lisa: for fun!
Rose: okay but does baby shark have merch or not
Lisa: not technically, i don’t think so?
Lisa: just baby shark themed clothes, jisoo unnie found them in a super cheap store and bought enough for both of you to wear until you could find your normal clothes again
Jennie: jisoo unnie is being suspiciously quiet
Jisoo: well i’m not the one you’re interrogating rn
Jennie: you sure you’re not replacing our clothes at this moment?
Jisoo: why would i? lisa already told you the plan
Jisoo: you’d know who did it and that’s no fun
Rose: i wanna wear the baby shark merch
Lisa: you do?
Lisa: me too! we can match!
Jisoo: well this has been useless
Jisoo: i guess i’ll just put the baby shark clothes in lisa’s room
Rose: thanks unnie!
Lisa: yeah, thank you unnie!