Actions

Work Header

Team Bonding? Uh, I Sure Hope It Does

Chapter Text

[ Grandking has added Daichi, Imalwaysthisnice, Brokuto, Futacoochie, and Terushimayye to the chat. ]

[ Grandking has named the chat: Sexy Captains ONLY. ]

Grandking: yoohoo everybody ;-) funny seeing you all here

Futacoochie: you invited us

Daichi: is this supposed to be all the volleyball captains? You’re forgetting someone

Grandking: I have no idea what you mean (shut your whore mouth Daichi)

Daichi: my what

Brokuto: DONT WORRY I GOT IT!!

[ Brokuto has added Wakawakatoshi to the chat Sexy Captains ONLY. ]

Grandking: ok fuck you

Brokuto: only if you ask nicely!

Imalwaysthisnice: greetings sister

Wakawakatoshi: hello

Wakawakatoshi: what’s going on

Terushimayye: Oikawa from Seijoh is planning a group orgy with the volleyball captains

Wakawakatoshi: oh

Wakawakatoshi: when

Imalwaysthisnice: HDSDKF

Futacoochie: oh hold up that’s what we’re doing?? You should’ve said something sooner I’m in

Terushimayye: my kind of guy

Futacoochie: ;-)

Daichi: ,,anyways

Daichi: what’s goin on Oikawa

Grandking: well I just thought since all our teams are going to volleyball camp together next week, it’d be nice to bond before we get there UwU

Futacoochie: this man really said UwU

Grandking: it’s not a sound IT'S A FACE

Imalwaysthisnice: it’s a state of mind

Brokuto: Live, Laugh, UwU

Wakawakatoshi: I think getting to know each other better before the camp is a good idea

Grandking: I didn’t ask

Daichi: Oikawa

Grandking:... but t

Grandking: th

Terushimayye: take your time

Grandking: thanks Ushiwaka

Daichi: good boy

[ Broktuo changed Daichi’s name to Dadchi. ]

Dadchi: Im not mad at that

Brokuto: hey why don’t we invite our whole teams then??

Broktuo: SO EVERYBODY CAN BOND OMG GREAT IDEA BOKUTO

Broktuo: THANKS BOKUTO

Futacoochie: ok hold on that sounds kind of

Broktuo: nope too late here I go

Futacoochie:...chaotic

[ Brokuto has added Akaashi and Konoha to the chat: SEXY CAPTAINS ONLY. ]

Brokuto: nobody else on my team has messenger :-(

Konoha: or they do and just don’t want you to text them :-*

[ Akaashi has changed Konoha’s name to Jackofalltrades. ]

Jackofalltrades: HEY COME ON

Akaashi: you’re welcome Bokuto-san

Brokuto: that’s why you’re my favorite

[ Imalwaysthisnice has added Kmskenma, Leg, Demonsenpai, YAMAMOTO, and Inuoka! to the chat: SEXY CAPTAINS ONLY. ]

Demonsenpai: wait

Demonsenpai: since when is my user Demon senpai?????

Demonsenpai: WHO HACKED ME

YAMAMOTO: no one say anything

Demonsenpai: if I don’t find out everyone’s doing flying falls at practice tmmr

Inuoka!: It was Lev

Leg: REALLY, INUOKA??

Inuoka!: hoes mad

Demonsenpai: flying falls aND laps tmmr lev

Leg: It was Kuroo-san’s idea tho!!

Imalwaysthisnice: (((I’ll kill you)))

[ Imalwaysthisnice has changed Demonsenpai’s name to Yakkun. ]

Imalwaysthisnice: please don’t hurt me Yaku here’s my peace offering

Yakkun: I suppose it will suffice

Kmskenma: whipped

Yakkun: what’d you say

YAMAMOTO: he said WHIPPED

Brokuto: HEHEH

[ Dadchi has invited Sugababy, Asahi, Rollingthunder, Tanakass, Emoshita, Naruto, Kinnoshita, Ilovevolleyball, Littlegiant, Tchkishima, and Yamagucci to the chat: SEXY CAPTAINS ONLY. ]

[ Grandking has added Iwaizumi, Hoemakki, Memematsu, Yahaba, Kindaichi, Kunikillme, and KyotaniK to the chat: SEXY CAPTAINS ONLY. ]

Grandking: everytime I see the group chat name pop up my life expectancy increases by 5 years

[ Iwaizumi has changed the group chat name to: Oikawa Doesn’t Deserve Rights. ]

Grandking: IWA CHAN

[ Wakwakatoshi has added Tendersalami, Semi, Shirabu, Kawaiinishi, Yamagayta, Reon, and Futureace to the chat: Oikawa Doesn’t Deserve Rights. ]

Tendersalami: haha good group chat name

Terushimayye: awwww :(( I would add my team but they’re all currently banned on this app lmao

Tchkishima: how does that even happen

Terushimayye: well hello there sweet glasses-chan

Tanakass: LMFAO

Tchkishima: please kill me

Futacoochie: I’d add my team members too but I actually care about them and don’t want to subject them to this

Emoshita: he probably just doesn’t have their numbers

Futacoochie: your words can’t hurt me you’re emo

Shirabu: not as emo as Semi-san

Kawaiinishi: please be courteous to your upperclassmen.

Kawaiinishi: Semi is GOTH not emo

Tendersalami: yeah put some respect on my man’s name!!!

Semi: I will literally gouge your eyes out all of you

Jackofalltrades: Jesus Christ alright

Kindaichi: what fucking loser’s username is ‘Ilovevolleyball’ ?

Sugababy: take a guess

Ilovevolleyball: what’s wrong with it

Littlegiant: I like it!

Ilovevolleyball: thjan ks

Rollingthunder: Kageyama.exe has stopped responding

Grandking: ooh~ my poor gay disaster kouhai

Asahi: Kageyama is OUR gay kouhai

Tchkishima: gay* disaster kouhai

Littlegiant: kageyama is gay?

Ilovevolleyball: no I’m not!

Kunikillme: with that username? you are

Shirabu: Ushijima-san why do you hate me

Wakawakatoshi: I don’t? Why would you think that. Was I rude to you and didn’t realize?

Wakawakatoshi: I sincerely apologize if I did, I value you as a friend and teammate very much

Shirabu:... I was going to make a joke that you must hate me for forcing me to deal with all these people but now I just feel bad

Semi: as you fucking should you piece of shit look at Wakatoshi look at him

Yamagayta: you gave a perfectly good Wakatoshi anxiety

Yahaba: yeah die

KyotaniK: you don’t even know him Yahaba

Yahaba: yeah but he looks like an asshole do you see that haircut

Terushimayye: that’s the haircut of a man who watches porn

Hoemakki: oh I see it

Matsumeme: me too

Shirabu: WHAT

Tendersalami: don’t play dumb you sick fuck

Grandking: see this is why I don’t like Shiratorizawa

Iwaizumi: You don’t like them because you’re a bitter person

Imalwaysthisnice: im personally coming around to them

Futureace: I think we’re pretty cool!

Tchkishima: and just like that you’re not

Naruto: is this going to turn into a fight? Because if so I have to change

Asahi: please no fighting

Tendersalami: if we’re fighting I want the beefy one from Fukurodani

Tendersalami: not because I have a problem with him it would just be an honor to have those biceps squeeze around my neck and kill me

Brokuto: aw thank you!

Emoshita: wtf

Akaashi: I get it

Volleyballislife: I want to fight Hinata

Littlegiant: you can’t hurt me my mom specifically instructed me to have a nice day

Volleyballislife: damnit :-/ fine

Futacoochie: I feel like we’re forgetting something

Tanakass: all your teammates?

Terushimayye: your will to live?

Futacoochie: those too but what was the reason for this group

Yakkun: holy shit how did I even end up here

Kmskenma: me looking at my life and every single terrible decision that brought me to where I am

Sugababy: are yall good????

Kmskenma: peachy

Grandking: OH RIGHT

Grandking: Us captains thought it’d be a good idea for all of our teams to get to know each other before we meet next week for volleyball camp! Hence the groupchat~~

Grandking: (if you don’t like the idea it was Koutarou’s)

Inuoka!: I think it’s a great idea!!

Rollingthunder: yeah I do too!!

 

Grandking: in that case it was my idea

Yahaba: no offense but idrc about most of yall i’m just trying to play some volleyball

Shirabu: me too

Yahaba: don’t agree with me

Shirabu: I will literally feed you to Tendou-san

Tendersalami: sorry the only meat I eat is my Eita’s d

Semi: finish that and perish

Tendersalami: (is it worth it, boys?)

Yamagayta: a hundred percent

Kawaiinishi: yes

Reon: no

Tendersalami: ick

Futureace:... tendou-senpai?

Wakawakatoshi: where did he go

Sugababy: MIss keisha??? Miss KEISHA?

Yamagucci: omfg she fckin dead

Iwaizumi: so looks like team bonding is going great huh shittykawa

Grandking: kick rocks iwa chan

Chapter Text

[ Dadchi has added Sugababy, Asahi, Rollingthunder, Tanakass, Emoshita, Naruto, Kinoshita, Ilovevolleyball, Littlegiant, Tchkishima, Yamagucci, Kiyoko, and Yachi to the chat. ]

[ Dadchi has named the chat: Volleyball Group Chat ]

Dadchi: hey, I just wanted to remind you guys that we leave at 6 tomorrow morning. Make sure you have everything to last the two week camp and I’ll see you all at the gym for the bus.

Sugababy: first order of business, change that wack group chat name

Asahi: did you just say wack

Kinoshita: he’s an old soul

[ Sugababy has changed the chat name to: Volleyball or DIE ]

Ilovevolleyball: I like that

Littlegiant: UWAAAAA I CAN'T BELIEVE WE’RE GOING TO CAMP WITH EVERYBODY

Littlegiant: IM SO E

Littlegiant: oh god

Yamagucci: what?

Littlegiant: I got so excited I think I peed a little

Tchkishima: you sicken me to my very core

Tanakass: I get it Hinata I nearly pooped myself the very first time I went to camp!

Kiyoko: oh

Rollingthunder: AHDHAHSHAH

Emoshita: it’s what he deserves

Tanakass: OMF GJ SINCE WHEN IS KIYOKO SAN IN THE CHAT?????

Kinoshita: Yachi is here too if you want to talk more about your bowel movements

Tanakass: I have to kill myself that’s the only solution

[ Tanakass has left the chat: Volleyball or DIE ]

[ Sugababy has added Tanakass to the chat: Volleyball or DIE ]

Sugababy: leave again and I’ll tell Kiyoko AND Ennoshita about that one thing you told me a few weeks ago

Tanakass: you wouldn’t

Emoshita: wait hold up why am I involved now

Tanakass: NO REASON

Rollingthunder: Are you talking about …

Rollingthunder: you know….

Tanakass: NOya you’re my bro and I lvoe you but finish your sentence and I ON GOD will ahve to cut your fingers off

Yachi: um…

Sugababy: I think Noya knows wtfgo

Rollingthunder: I always know wtfgo

Emoshita: I want to know wtfgo

Tanakass: NOPE

Emoshita: alright_then_keep_your_secrets/img.

Tanakass: oh no

Rollingthunder: ((Ryuu does love a memer))

Naruto: oh worm??

Littlegiant: am I the only one who’s lost :(

Ilovevolleball: I dont get it either dw

Littlegiant: tobiyooooo I change my mind I don’t like your username anymroe

Ilovevolleyball: ok eat shit did I ask

Asahi: can’t we all just get along

Tchkishima: n o

[ Littlegiant has changed Ilovevolleyball’s username to: Tobiyolo ]

Tobiyolo: how is this an improvement

Littlegiant: I think it’s cute!! Ungrateful bakayama >:/

[ Tobiyolo has changed Littlegiant’s username to: paininmyass ]

Paininmyass: only if you want me to be :)

Sugababy: WHAT THE FUCK

Yamgucci: I audibly said “oh no”

Tobiyolo: im

Dadchi: jesus CHRIST not you too Hinata

Paininmyass: me too, what?

Tchkishima: don’t play innocent

Dadchi: Kageyama change Hinata’s name to something nice before you’re both expelled from the camp

Tobiyolo: oh shit

[ Tobiyolo has changed paininmyass’s username to: Sunshineshoyou ]

Sunshineshoyou: Oh :-)))))) I like this better

Tchkishima: the king getting a lil bold out here

Tobiyolo: I will destroy you

Kinoshita: (anyone notice that hinata and kageyama are on first name basis?)

Naruto: (yes but shush before they hear you and get scared)

Tanakass: (nah dw you guys are whispering they won’t hear)

RollingThunder: I just realized I haven’t packed yet lol

Sugababy: you are the disappointment child

Sunshineshoyou: haha noya-san even I remembered to pack!!

Tchkishima: he’s probably only bringing two shirts a volleyball and no underwear

Sunshineshoyou: omg I did forget underwear thanks!!

Yachi: oh goodness

Sugababy: nvm Nishinoya you’re not the disappointment child

RollingThunder: aw yeah!!!

Dadchi: alright it's getting late everybody should get some sleep

Dadchi: if I find out any of you stayed up all night there will be violent consequences

Asahi: Jesus

 

[ 05:12 AM ]

 

Sugababy: good morning everyone!!

Kiyoko: morning

Yamagucci: good morning!

Tanakass: ccAAAAAMMPPPPPP

Sunshineshoyou: YEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

Sunshineshoyou: literally my longest yeah boy ever

Yachi: everybody make sure to eat a good breakfast! :)

Emoshita: so precious

Yamagucci: yachi you really are the future kiyoko san!

RollingThunder: not to be dramatic yachi but I’d die for you

Tchkishima: id die

Asahi: I’m begging you to finish that sentence

Tchkishima: it is finished

Dadchi: everyone’s awake right?

Sunshineshoyou: bakayama isn’t HAHAH

Naruto: oh worm?

Kinoshita: WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT

Tanakass: LOL Hinata why do you know that kageyama isn’t awake??

Sunshineshoyou: he’s right here!

Sunshineshoyou: sleeping_tobio_img.

Sugababy: omg Kageyama looks so cute when he’s sleeping im ugly crying look at the drool

Tchkisima: kageyama looks so stupid when he’s sleeping im regular crying

Dadchi: why is kageyama at your house?

Sunshineshoyou: he slept over so we could walk to school together without being late

Yamagucci: aw how fun! Tsukki hardly ever likes sleepovers

Tchkishima: I like them with you but that’s it

Rollingthunder: I want to say it but I aint going to

Asahi: I’m proud of you

Kinoshita: thats growth

Tchkishima: say what

Sunshineshoyou: oh no I think tobio is waki

Sugababy: Hinata?

Yamagucci: he’s in a better place

Emoshita: is that place heaven or with kageyama

Tchkishima: King you look soo cute when you’re sleeping

Tobiyolo: I hate you all

Tobiyolo: but especially Hinata

Emoshita: the tsundre jumped out

Tanakass: what’s a tsundre

Kiyoko: Kageyama

Kiyoko: probably Tsukishima as well

Sugababy: DfhDK KIYOKO

Tsukishima: yall ever think nothing will ever catch you off guard again

Tsukishima: and when something does

Tsukishima: your entire life crumbles

Yamagucci: oh goodness Tsukki

Dadchi: no existential crises it’s too early in the morning and you all need to start heading over to the school

Tobiyolo: Hinata and I have started walking

Rollingthunder: oh? What else are you guys doing ;)

Tobiyolo: I don’t understand

Sunshineshoyou: we’re carrying our stuff!

Rollingthunder: why do I bother

Sugababy: Daichi are we going to meet up?

Dadchi: Yeah I’ll be at yours in ten

Naruto: if I wasn’t afraid of being crucified I’d change Daichi’s username to Sugardaddy

Naruto: to match Suga’s, obviously

Kinnoshita: I got it I have no will to live anyways

[ Kinnoshita has changed Dadchi’s username to: Sugardaddy ]

Sugardaddy: bold of you to assume I’m not poor as shit

Asahi: o h

Tanakass: hey wait I’m lonely now someone walk with me too :(

Rollingthunder: you know I would but I’m still home trying to pack

Emoshita: I will, wait for me Tanaka

Tanakass: okay!!

Sugababy: [ noya you seein this shit? ]

Rollingthunder: [ i’m seeing this shit so hard it might as well have been in the toilet ]

Tanakass: shuT UP

Kiyoko: please don’t embarrass Tanaka too much you two

Tanakass: I’ve straight up died and ascended into heaven

Tsukishima: finally

Emoshita: hey im outside your house come out

Tanakass: I’m ASCENDING

Sugardaddy: I’m starting to regret not declining our team’s invitation to camp

Chapter Text

Oikawa Doesn’t Deserve Rights

10:47 AM

 

Brokuto: AH IM SO EXCITED

Brokuto: this is going to be even more fun than the other camp WE GOT SO MANY MORE TEAMS COMING

Tchkishima: literally only 3 more

Grandking: 2 more* if we try not to think about Shiratorizawa

Hoemakki: I’m trying

Tendersalami: I am so beyond excited to demolish Seijoh

Yamagayta: for the 742848th time

Yahubba: hey eat shit

Kawaiinishi: sorry can’t hear you we don’t speak loser

Leg: I’m just ready to play volleyball! Idc against who!

Inuoka: me too!!

Yamagucci: I’m ready to practice more jump floats :)

Rollingthunder: Im READY TO RECEIVE SOM E BALLS

Sugababy: yeah nishinoya’s great at receiving!! heheheheh

Assahi: oh my god please stop

Imalwaysthisnice: so is yaku ;)

Akaashi: waiht what

Yakkun: I will literally kill you

Tanakass: hoes exposed

Yakkun: hoes NOT exposed he doesn’t know what he’s talking about

Imalwaysthisnice: um maybe I’m trying to get to?

Leg: o h?

Tendersalami: you know who else receives really well? Eita~~

Futureace: Semi-san isn’t a libero though?

Tendersalami: I’m aware

Footakuchi: [softly, with a lot of feeling] what the fuck

Jackofalltrades: not to be all up in their business but I genuienly can’t tell if they’re fucking or not

Kawaiinishi: it’s okay we’re their teammates and we still don’t know

Semi: oh my god can we change the ubeject

Semi: subject

Wakawakatoshi: I’m confused

Tobiyolo: me too

Sunshineshoyou: typical bakayama

Tobiyolo: don’t act like you literally didn’t just lean over the aisle and ask Ennoshita-san what they were talking about

Grandking: wait go back which one’s Eita again?

Iwaizumi: Shiratorizawa’s setter

Grandking: oh ew the little one?

Shirabu: ..hey

Kunikillme: no the goth one

Semi: I’M NOT GOTH

Terushimayye: who is this man trying to fool

Grandking: ah emo sugawara!!

Sugababy: now hold up-

Emoshita: I kinda see it

Grandking: as much as I hate (shiratorizawa), I hated it less when pretty setter-kun was their regular setter. It made the game more unpredictable and ~`*fun*`~

Memematsu: I think that’s one of the most genuine compliments I’ve heard oikawa give

Semi: o h

Semi: thank you

Kawaiinishi: that’s semi speak for ‘i’m so touched and flattered but I’m too emotionally stunted to tell you how much that actually means to me’

Tendersalami: yeah eita is definitely going to be tearing up in the corner of the bus now

Imalwaysthisnice: well now I kinda want to play shiratorizawa with Semi setting

Imalwaysthisnice: UHHH no offense to their regular

Yahubba: that’s full offense shitabu

Shirabu: I’m going to strangle you with my own two hands the minute I lay eyes on you you stupid cream puff

KyotaniK: cream puff I enjoyed that

Kunikillme: I’d be careful bowl cut Yahaba might like that

Sunshineshoyou: I can’t wait to play Shiratorizawa too BUT ESPECIALLY FUKURODANI

Brokuto: HAHAH YEAH KEEP THAT ENERGY!!!

Jackofalltrades: I’m literally begging you not to because then Bokuto will match your energy and Akaashi might cry

Akaashi: I’ll definitely cry

Tchkishima: Id rather die than step foot in that match

Dadchi: that can be arranged

Tchkishima: that honestly triggered my fight or flight reflex im scared

Kinoshita: if Tsukishima dies can I sub for him in the match

Dadchi: of course

Kinoshita: take that Ennoshita and Narita

Naruto: dude eat my entire ass

Tanakass: dont tempt him he’s a freak

Futureace: I don’t feel safe

Yakkun: yeah y’all are so SEXUAL there are children in this chat

Leg: it’s me

Yakkun: no not u go away

Hoemakki: on all levels but physical, I’m baby

RollingThunder: if anyone’s baby it’s Shoyou

RollingThunder: dont you agree Kageyama?

Tobiyolo: why are you asking me?

Rollingthunder: *looks into the camera like on the Office*

Terushimayye: the karasuno first years need to get their act together

Yamagucci: it’s just hinata and kageyama that do

Terushimayye: ok fair

Sunshineshoyou: what are you guys talking about?

Yamagucci: nothing!

Yamamoto: id like to enter Kenma into the baby contest

KmsKenma: pls no

Imalwaysthisnice: let the man speak he has a point

Akaashi: anyways

Brokuto: big boobs?? What??

Akaashi: what

Matsumeme: um child anyways so

Akaashi: I’m sobbing what’s going on

Grandking: it’s alright other pretty setter-kun finish what you were saying

Footakuchi: congrats on ur promotion to pretty setter status Akaashi

Sugababy: He’s ALWAYS been a pretty setter though

KmsKenma: true

Brokuto: VERY TRUE

Akaashi: I

Akaashi: thank you

Jackofalltrades: y’all broke him

[ Brokuto has changed Akaashi’s username to: Prettysetter ]

Yakkun: this is killing me what were you going to say Akaashi?

Imalwaysthisnice: that’s Mr. Pretty Setter Akaashi to you

Prettysetteri: I was going to ask when you all think you’ll be arriving at the camp. Bokuto-san hasn’t really filled us in on the days schedule

Wakawakatoshi: I don’t believe any of us captains have received a finalized schedule for the camp yet

Dadchi: yeah I haven’t gotten it either

Yahaba: oh fr??? I thought Oikawa-san just lost our schedule and was lying about it

Grandking: I WOULDNT DO THAT

Iwaizumi: well

Tobiyolo: well

Reon: It’s a bit of a drive to Tokyo for us but we’re already on the bus so we might get there in the early afternoon

Assahi: Us too our teams almost there

Iwaizumi: yeah we’ll be there at 1

RollingThunder: YEEEAAAAAHHHH

Tanakass: HELL YEAH

Dadchi: YOU GUYS SHUT UO BACK THERE COACH IS GETTING MAD

Imalwaysthisnice: looks like you’re mad as well sawamara ;P

Brokuto: 1 out of 3 hoes mad

Brokuto: I’m not mad

Imalwaysthisnice: I’m not either

Prettysetteri: I am

Tchkishima: you beat me to it Akaashi san

Wakawakatoshi: Our team will get to Tokyo around noon

Grandking: WHO ASKED

Wakawakatoshi: Akaashi did

Grandking: oh alright

Shirabu: take that

Yahaba: do you want to fight??

Tendersalami: (is anyone getting a sexual tension vibe from them??)

Semi: Jesus satori

Terushimayye: lowkey yes

Footakuchi: yes but I hate it

Matsumeme: I can’t believe Oikawa finally got one of his kouhai to defend him

Yakkun: must be nice

Leg: hey I’d defend you yaku san!

Inuoka: me too!!

Leg: it’s NOT A COMPETITION

Inuoka: I KNOW IT'S NOT BUT IF IT WAS ID WIN

Imalwaysthisnice: hope you’re happy yakkun

Yakkun: I am

Kmskenma: ‘yakkun’

Imalwaysthisnice: Kenma SHUSH

Sunshineshoyou: that’s BDE Inuoka

Emoshita: UH why do you know what that means ??

Sunshineshoyou: I don’t Suga san just told me to say it

Sugababy: I got to spice up this groupchat somehow

Grandking: I love you Mr Refreshing

Sugababy: <3

Terushimayye: I can’t get over the fact that it’s that second year who’s Karasuno’s team mom and not suga

Dadchi: believe me, me too

Tanakass: no homo but it’s kinda hot

Emoshita: what

Tanakass: huh?

Hoemakki: no homo mattsun but let’s make out

Matsumeme: okay no homo tho

Hoemakki: sweet you’re wearing socks though right?

Matsumeme: duh obviously I said no homo didn’t I

Hoemakki: good just no homo checking

Iwaizumi: SHUT THENFUCK UP

Grandking: someone needs to no homo vibe check iwa-chan it looks like

Brokuto: I volunteer

Akaashi: no me

KyotaniK: He’d fail the vibe check

Yahaba: KYOTANI FJRKKS

Kyotani: stop laughing so loud I’m right next to you

Kindaichi: Iwaizumi senpai just threw his phone across the bus

Tobiyolo: I hope it hit Oikawa

Grandking: this is why I hate you tobio-chan

Tobiyolo: sounds like there are actually 2 mad hoes in this chat

Sunshineshoyou: HFKENRHEHEHEGEHE

Wakawakatoshi: haha

Tendersalami: wakatoshi?? Laughing?? A Christmas miracle thank u freak setter

Sugababy: oh shit KARASUNO SHUT UP UKAI’S COMING DOWN THE AISLE

RollingThunder: OH SHITJI

Assahi: Oh no

Dadchi: I TOLD YOU GUYS TO KEE P YOUR FUCKNG VOICE D

Imalwaysthisnice: Rest in peace sawamaura-kun and your team

Chapter Text

Oikawa Doesn’t Deserve Rights

4:06 PM

 

Terushimayye: man that training was intense!! We just got here I thought we would scrimmage for a bit then call it a day not CONDITIONING

Shirabu: what a life you must live at Jozenji

Terushimayye: oh it’s fantastic

Imalwaysthisnice: Ok even i’ll admit that training was a little intense

Kmskenma: a little??

Kmskenma: a l i t t l e

Leg: woah

Naruto: yeah that was ASS

Kindaichi: man who’s coach was leading those sprints??? The one who looks like a criminal? I wanted to DIE

Kunikillme: now you know how I always feel

Yahubba: Kunimi are you feeling okay?

Kunikillme: oh yes sorry bad joke I’m fine

Sugababy: oh that’s our coach Ukai-san

Akaashi: does he always make your team train like that?

Tchkishima: unfortunately yes

Grandking: damn bitch yall live like this??

Tchkishima: unfortunately y e s

Brokuto: I liked it! It was a good warm up

Iwaizumi: I did too

Rollingthunder: ok well any other baras want to join in?

Wakawakatoshi: I enjoyed it as well

Tendersalami: there he is

Futacoochie: oh that was Karasuno’s coach?

Futacoochie: god damn

Kawaiinishi: you can say that again

Sunshineshoyou: what?

Tanakass: you got a problem with our COACH????

Futacoochie: the opposite, in fact

Yamagucci: i’m lost

Hoemakki: do they not know??

Terushimayee: imagine being that blessed and being unaware of it

Asahi: idk what’s going on and at this point I’m too afraid to ask

Semi: who’s gonna tell them

Shirabu: I’ll do it

Shirabu: Karasuno your coach is hot as FUCK

Imalwaysthisnice: YEP

Sunshineshoyou: WHAT FKDJSKLJFGKDHJFI

Yamagayta: I would literally kill to have a coach like that and not our old fart

Futacoochie: if that was my coach you can bet I’d never miss a single day of practice

Konohafuck: that explains why their team is so good

Dadchi: first of all what the HELL

Dadchi: secondly thank you! We appreciate that we train very hard

Grandking: I want coach Ukai to hold me

Kinoshita: this is really weird

Sugababy: lowkey I get it

Emoshita: me too. He’s FINE

Terushimayye: Ennoshita likes bad boys CONFIRMED

Rollingthunder: (Suga you thinking what I’m thinking…)

Sugababy: (heheheheheh)

Tanakass: omg

Futureace: you’re all crushing on their coach?? He’s an adult!!!

Tendersalami: ah there’s my first year baby boy to freshen up the chat from you horny fuckers

Matsumeme: you’re a horny fucker

Dadchi: that is Kageyama and Yamaguchi erasure

Yamagucci: yeah I’m not corrupt yet

Tobiyolo: I kinda think Ukai-san is attractive tho

Sunshineshoyou: WHAT

Grandking: W H A T

Yakkun: a boy with taste

Dadchi: ok kageyama: Disowned

Tobiyolo: oh

Naruto: omg he’s pouting

Imalwaysthisnice: hey we’ll take him

Leg: Kenma-san can have a setter friend!!

Kmskenma: i am deathly terrified of him

Yakkun: wait if we take Kageyama we have to take Hinata too

Brokuto: what why

Sunshineshoyou: we’re a set!!!!!!

Akaashi: everyone knows that

Yahubba: dude relationship goals

Tobiyolo: um

Sunshineshoyou: a h

Tchkishima: aaaaannd the freak duo is broken

Yahubba: ?

Emoshita: oh good fucking going YAHABA YOU POINTED IT OUT

Yahubba: pointed what out WHY ARE YOU YELLIGN AT ME

Grandking: he’s sensitive!!

Yahubba: i’m not sensitive!!

Wakawakatoshi: sounds like you are

Yahubba: OH GOD WHATD I DO

Dadchi: jesus (they’re not dating)

Brokuto: WHAT ?!??!?

Iwaizumi: they’re not? I’m surprised

Imalwaysthisnice: omg young love how adorable

Kmskenma: you are only two (2) years older

Kmskenma: and don’t act like that’s not how you STILL act around-

Imalwaysthisnice: SHUT UP SHUT UP

Konohafuck: touchy

YAMAMOTO: wait Kuroo-san likes somebody???

Brokuto: HEHE I KNOW WHO

Yakkun: is it kenma

Imalwaysthisnice: what the fuck NO IT'S NOT KENMA HE’S MY BEST FRIEND?

Hoemakki: hey childhood best friends fall in love

Matsumeme: yeah look at Iwaizumi and Oikawa

Iwaizumi: HUH???

Futacoochie: you all have communication skills worth SHIT i hope you know

Tobiyolo: I don’t know what you mean

Tanakass: yeah me neither

Sugababy: i’m hollering

Tendersalami: I feel like this is a good time to announce my love for Eita

Semi: thanks satori

Terushimayye: you don’t seem very surprised by that?

Semi: he’s my boyfriend

Tendersalami: 3 years strong BAYBEEEEE

Inuoka: woo!

Wakawakatoshi: Yay

Grandking: well it’s glad to see there’s at least ONE functional couple in this chat

Rollingthunder: Suga and Daichi are dating too! They are just lowkey about it

Dadchi: were* lowkey about it

Rollingthunder: OOPS

Grandking: 2 couples! Aww

Grandking: alright Yahaba now it’s your turn

Yahubba: my turn to what??? With WHO???

Kawaiinishi: You too, shirabu

Shirabu: on GOD I WILL KILL YOU

Yahubba: I hate to propose it but should we join forces to murder everyone

Shirabu:.....

Shirabu: ugh fine

Brokuto: hey, it's dinner time!

Rollingthunder: YYYEAAAHHH

Inuoka: WAHOO see you all there!!

Kawaiinishi: I’m kinda afraid to show my face in public now

Grandking: me too

Shirabu: we’ll :) see :) you :) there :)

Tchkishima: that’s terrifying

Yahubba: good :)

Dadchi: NO MURDERING

 

5:11 PM

 

Yamamoto: why are we all sitting at separate tables what are we the Hogwarts Houses???

Imalwaysthisnice: I’m Ravenclaw

Tchkishima: are you sure you’re not Slytherin

Imalwaysthisnice: that’s rich coming from a SNAKE

Yamagucci: nice kill

Tchkishima: aren’t you supposed to be on my side

Yamagucci: do yall hear sum

Wakawakatoshi: why are you all texting we are sitting in the same lunch room

Yamagayta: well I don’t want to YELL ACROSS THE CAFETERIA FOR TENDOU TO COME HERE

Tendersalami: sorry sorry i’m coming!!! I had to wait for Eita

Dadchi: fuck I can’t find my team where’s suga

Grandking: come sit with me and iwa chan ~~~

Dadchi: somebody help me

Brokuto: that’s it ALL CAPTAINS COME JOIN ME AND KUROO AT THE TABLE IN THE CORNER!!

Yahubba: well now I feel left out setter’s pls come join me at the table next to them

Akaashi: I’m coming

Grandking: [volleyball panic]

Rollingthunder: [Mario Kart music INTENSIFIES]

Sunshineshoyou: ahhh where’s kageyama I’m lonely

Sunshineshoyou: not that I want HIS company in particular

Tobiyolo: fuck u i’m coming bitch

Leg: can me and Inuoka join you guys!!

Sunshineshoyou: yes the more the merrier!!!!

Futacoochie: I’m sending Aone over there too Hinata

Semi: Goshiki go socialize with the other kids your age

Futureace: but

Futureace : :( fine

Emoshita: hey it’s kinda fun sitting with new people

Kinoshita: where are you? Narita and I lost you

Emoshita: I’m with Yamamoto at the table near the middle come find us

Tanakass: Yamamoto?

Tanakass: hey uh I’m gonna join y’all too

Yamamoto: SOUNDS GOOD!!

Kawaiinishi: damn from where I’m sitting I have such a good view of the Karasuno table

Shirabu: why would you care about them?

KyotaniK: no one does

Sugababy: hey!!!

Kawaiinishi: but we care about their COACH [water drops emoji] [tongue emoji] [eggplant emoji]

Kunikillme: just saying [emoji] in little brackets is not going to make the emojis pop up

Wakawakatoshi: it personally gave me a good mental visual

Dadchi: can you guys just eat your food and stop staring at our coach he’s going to notice

Yamagucci: tsukki and I are sitting near them with our managers and I just heard coach Ukai whisper to Takeda-sensei “why are the other school’s players staring at us”

Hoemakki: $10 to whoever shouts that we have the hots for him

Iwaizumi: NO

Yakkun: NOO

Brokuto: $20 AND YOU HAVE A DEAL

Tchkishima: I’m begging you all no

Terushimayye: FUCK IT

Terushimayye: ILL DO IT FOR FREE

Futacoochie: no way h

Futacoochie: OH MY GOD HE ACTUAKKY DID IT ANDKSJKSJANDKALA

Imalwaysthisnice: ANDKEKFKWKEKKEKSKE

KmsKenma: I hate you all

Yamagucci: Poor coach is so confused

Yamagayta: damnit he looks good embarrassed too

Leg: wait oh no what if he makes us run more laps tmmr for punishment

Kindaichi: OH COME ON

Konohafuck: good going you horny FUCKS NOW WE ALL HAVE TO PAY

Terushimayye: totally worth it

Chapter Text

Brokuto: oh m y god Akaashi you won’t believe what I just saw on the way back from dinner

Akaashi: uh Bokuto san?

Brokuto: so after mostly everybody left I went down the hall to go to the bathroom and it was all dark and empty exCEPT

Brokuto: guess

Brokuto: who

Brokuto: I

Akaashi: Bokuto san

Brokuto: saw

Brokuto: making

Brokuto: OUT

Akaashi: BOKUTO SAN THIS ISNT OUR PRIVATE CHAT

Akaashi: DONT SAY ANYTHING

Brokuto: wait what

Terushimayye: DAMNIT AKAASHI I WANTED TO FIND OUT

Tendersalami: me too!!!

Brokuto: OH SHIT THSI IS THE GEOUP CHAT?????

Akaashi: I SAID that

RollingThunder: well??? CONTINUE

Leg: the curiosity is killing me!!!

Brokuto: NO I DONT WANT TO OUT THEM!!

Tchkishima: you seemed plenty fine with telling Akaashi san

Brokuto: that’s different he’s my best friend obviously he’s going to get the gossip

Sugamama: “out them”?

Sugamama: implies it’s not an established couple

Sugamama: interesting

Yakkun: sugawara not you too

Hoemakki: PROCESS OF ELIMINATION BOYS LETS GET TO IT

Matsumeme: I’m putting my detective boots on

Shirabu: detectives don’t wear? Boots?

Konohafuck: okay it can't be Suga and Daichi or Tendou and Semi

Semi: you wouldn’t catch me dead making out with someone in a dark hall

Kawaiinishi: semi san scared of the dark confirmed

Yamagayta: oh so you won’t make out with my man tendou?? What’s your problem?? Huh??

Wakawakatoshi: this does not seem to add up

Tendersalami: thank you!

Futacoochie: okay BACK TO IT who left dinner by that time?

Terushimayye: well the only people in the cafeteria were Bokuto’s whole team, glasses-chan and yamaguchi, the Seijoh and Nekoma first years, and tendou and his hot boyfriend

Kunikillme: stalker much

Terushimayye: I like to be aware of my surroundings

Tchkishima: did you just call me glasses chan

Tendersalami: did you just call my boyfriend hot

RollingThunder: nevermind that that still leaves most of everyone here on the suspect list!!!

Akaashi: I think we should leave this alone

Emoshita: I agree come on guys clearly whoever the couple was doesnt want attention

Grandking: HM SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING SOMEONE WOULD SAY IF THEY WERE CAUGHT MAKING OUT WITH THEIR TEAM BALDY AND DIDNT WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT IT

Emoshita: wait WHAT

Dadchi: sorry ennoshita I don’t want to get into this but that did sound pretty damning

Naruto: there are 2 Karasuno baldies

Naruto: but only 1 of them would make out with chikara

Naruto: and it ain’t me

Kinoshita: LMAOO

Tanakass: Uhh khakis

Tanakass: no it wasn’t me and ennoshita

Tanakass: trust me I’d remember if I was making out with him

Sugababy: yeah you’d fucking TREASURE that memory

Tanakass: SUGA

Sugababy: OH SHIT OOPS IM SORRY I COUDLTN HELP MYSLEF

Emoshita: WHATS happening

Tanakass: NOTHING

Sugababy: NOTHJNG

KmsKenma: definitely something but

Yahubba: well I’m just gonna say it

Yahubba: I think it was Oikawa and Iwaizumi san

Iwaizumi: WHAT THE FUCK

Grandking: o-oh

Kunikillme: I’m gonna have to second that

Tobiyolo: I wouldn’t be surprised

Sunshineshoyou: yeah me neither!!!! It was probably definitely them

KmsKenma: Shoyou your adamant agreement makes me think it was probably you Bokuto saw

Sunshineshoyou: me??? WITH WHO

Sunshineshoyou: you’re crazy

Inuoka: With Kageyama, obviously!!!

Tobiyolo: ?????!!!

Leg: oh I can see that, especially since Hinata said

Sunshineshoyou: SHIT THENFUCK UO IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR KNEECAPS

Leg: oh Jesus Christ yes I want to keep them I’m sorry I’ll stop speaking forveer

Yakkun: AKEKRKKE

Imalwaysthisnice: oh my god shrimpy fixed Lev

Leg: I am literally terrified

Brokuto: Hinata!! My son!! What’s gotten into you

Sugababy: who taught you that language young man

Sunshineshoyou: I’m literally 15 why does everyone think I’m a baby

Tobiyolo: you are

Sunshineshoyou: your baby

Sunshineshoyou: oh fuck okay that was just an immediate reflex response I didn’t mean it

Sunshineshoyou: I WASNT MAKIJG OUT WITH BAKAYAMA KUN

Tobiyolo: you say that like it’d be a bad thing

Tchkishima: it would

Shirabu: it would

Kawaiinishi: lowkey I’m interested in it

Sunshineshoyou: I didn’t mean it’d be a BAD thing

Futacoochie: so you think kissing kageyama would be good?

Sugababy: as much as I’m loving this dialogue Hinata looks like he’s about to burst into tears we should leave them alone

Sunshineshoyou: STOP LOOKING AG ME ALL OF YIU

Assahi: sorry....it just looks like you need a hug

Yamagucci: kageyama looks like he forgot how to think

Tchkishima: so his usual face?

Shirabu: id kill to see that

Yahubba: then do it

Yahubba: pussy

Terushimayye: smh hate it when people won’t back up their homicidal threats

Futacoochie: right??? Like if you say it COMMIT

Wakwakatoshi: I am a little confused right now

Imalwaysthisnice: you know I think it was Bokuto and Akaashi making out

Brokuto: UwU

Grandking: SEE I TOLD YOU ITS A FACE

Akaashi: Bokuto san?? Was literally telling me who he saw? How could it be us

Imalwaysthisnice: oh shit yeah

Imalwaysthisnice: haha oops

KmsKenma: I think it was Kuroo and yaku

Yakkun: UOU CANT JUST SAY SHIT LIKE THAY KENMA

KmsKenma: why? Does the truth scare you

Sugamama: DOES IT????

Imalwaysthisnice: dude I wish

Yakkun: what???

Imalwaysthisnice: wHaT? O-oH mY gOd sOrrY mY p-PhOnE wAs StOLeN

Imalwaysthisnice: I said what I said, bitch

Tckishima: I was not ready for that

Dadchi: Jesus Kuroo

Leg: Kuroo san has balls!

Yakkun: LEV

Leg: sorry!

Yakkun: KUROO

Imalwaysthisnice: yes yakkun?

Yakkun: maybe we should talk

Yakkun: like

Yakkun: not in the group chat

Imalwaysthisnice: o h

Yakkun: what

Imalwaysthisnice: I_didnt_think_id_get_this_far.img//

Yakkun: I hate you

Yakkun: meet me you know where in ten

Terushimayye: how does he know where

Imalwaysthisnice: I know

Brokuto: GO KUROOOOOO

Hoemakki: hey come on we don’t know where and I’m trying to stalk y’all

Matsumeme: fr

Futacoochie: as much as I love a happy ending, we still don’t know who it was

Akaashi: again I think this is unnecessary

Sugababy: stop taking the high road pretty boy we know you’re curious

Tendersalami: OKAY since you’re all clearly horny for information

Shirabu: do not ever say that again

Tendersalami: I’ve come up with a master list and y’all can choose your pick

Tendersalami:

Oikawa and Iwaizumi

Kageyama and Hinata

Ennoshita and Tanaka

Kuroo and Yaku

and my personal favorite, Shirabu and Yahaba

Yahubba: hold up

Shirabu: stop the mother fuckin music

Tobiyolo: omg

Iwaizumi: literally what did I do to deserve this

Grandking: I’m actually okay with this

Hoemakki: gaaaayyy

Sunshineshoyou: GYEH I SAID IT WASNT US

Emoshita: no comment

Naruto: LMAOOO

Kawaiinishi: tendou stop shipping Shirabu with cream puff he might actually catch feelings then we’ll have to deal with that

Shirabu: NO THE FUCK I WONT

Yahubba: uh you don’t know that I’m super charming

KyotaniK: you are the least charming person I’ve ever met

Tchkishima: that’s not true you’ve met Kageyama before

Tobiyolo: if it weren’t for the laws of this land and Daichi sleeping right there I’d MURDER YOU

Tchkishima: uh huh?? DO IT

Brokuto: WHATS GOING OB

RollingThunder: KILL KILL KILL

Semi: oh my god where’s Suga to stop them

Sugababy: I’m sitting back and watching the show baby

KmsKenma: Jesus

 

From Brokuto
To Akaashi

Hey Akaashi?
This is the private chat this time right

From Akaashi
To Brokuto

Yeah, what’s up

From Brokuto
To Akaashi

Do you want to know who I really saw?

From Akaashi
To Brokuto

GOD yes

From Brokuto
To Akaashi

HEHEHEHHE I knew you would
It was the hot coach from Karasuno and their advisor the one with glasses

From Akaashi
To Brokuto

Oh
My
God

From Brokuto
To Akaashi

THATS WHAT IM SAYING

From Akaashi
To Brokuto

I did not see that coming
Who’s going to break the news to all the players thirsting after Ukai-san?

From Brokuto
To Akaashi

Nah let them thirst

From Akaashi
To Brokuto

So are you not going to tell them it wasn’t actually anybody on the teams?

From Brokuto
To Akaashi

No lol I think this is way funnier right??

From Akaashi
To Brokuto

Definitely
But you may have caused a few fights and for some tension between a few people

From Brokuto
To Akaashi

Toooootally worth it