Chapter 1: Oikawa’s rights? REVOKED
[ Grandking has added Daichi, Imalwaysthisnice, Brokuto, Futacoochie, and Terushimayye to the chat. ]
[ Grandking has named the chat: Sexy Captains ONLY. ]
Grandking: yoohoo everybody ;-) funny seeing you all here
Futacoochie: you invited us
Daichi: is this supposed to be all the volleyball captains? You’re forgetting someone
Grandking: I have no idea what you mean (shut your whore mouth Daichi)
Daichi: my what
Brokuto: DONT WORRY I GOT IT!!
[ Brokuto has added Wakawakatoshi to the chat Sexy Captains ONLY. ]
Grandking: ok fuck you
Brokuto: only if you ask nicely!
Imalwaysthisnice: greetings sister
Wakawakatoshi: what’s going on
Terushimayye: Oikawa from Seijoh is planning a group orgy with the volleyball captains
Futacoochie: oh hold up that’s what we’re doing?? You should’ve said something sooner I’m in
Terushimayye: my kind of guy
Daichi: what’s goin on Oikawa
Grandking: well I just thought since all our teams are going to volleyball camp together next week, it’d be nice to bond before we get there UwU
Futacoochie: this man really said UwU
Grandking: it’s not a sound IT'S A FACE
Imalwaysthisnice: it’s a state of mind
Brokuto: Live, Laugh, UwU
Wakawakatoshi: I think getting to know each other better before the camp is a good idea
Grandking: I didn’t ask
Grandking:... but t
Terushimayye: take your time
Grandking: thanks Ushiwaka
Daichi: good boy
[ Broktuo changed Daichi’s name to Dadchi. ]
Dadchi: Im not mad at that
Brokuto: hey why don’t we invite our whole teams then??
Broktuo: SO EVERYBODY CAN BOND OMG GREAT IDEA BOKUTO
Broktuo: THANKS BOKUTO
Futacoochie: ok hold on that sounds kind of
Broktuo: nope too late here I go
[ Brokuto has added Akaashi and Konoha to the chat: SEXY CAPTAINS ONLY. ]
Brokuto: nobody else on my team has messenger :-(
Konoha: or they do and just don’t want you to text them :-*
[ Akaashi has changed Konoha’s name to Jackofalltrades. ]
Jackofalltrades: HEY COME ON
Akaashi: you’re welcome Bokuto-san
Brokuto: that’s why you’re my favorite
[ Imalwaysthisnice has added Kmskenma, Leg, Demonsenpai, YAMAMOTO, and Inuoka! to the chat: SEXY CAPTAINS ONLY. ]
Demonsenpai: since when is my user Demon senpai?????
Demonsenpai: WHO HACKED ME
YAMAMOTO: no one say anything
Demonsenpai: if I don’t find out everyone’s doing flying falls at practice tmmr
Inuoka!: It was Lev
Leg: REALLY, INUOKA??
Inuoka!: hoes mad
Demonsenpai: flying falls aND laps tmmr lev
Leg: It was Kuroo-san’s idea tho!!
Imalwaysthisnice: (((I’ll kill you)))
[ Imalwaysthisnice has changed Demonsenpai’s name to Yakkun. ]
Imalwaysthisnice: please don’t hurt me Yaku here’s my peace offering
Yakkun: I suppose it will suffice
Yakkun: what’d you say
YAMAMOTO: he said WHIPPED
[ Dadchi has invited Sugababy, Asahi, Rollingthunder, Tanakass, Emoshita, Naruto, Kinnoshita, Ilovevolleyball, Littlegiant, Tchkishima, and Yamagucci to the chat: SEXY CAPTAINS ONLY. ]
[ Grandking has added Iwaizumi, Hoemakki, Memematsu, Yahaba, Kindaichi, Kunikillme, and KyotaniK to the chat: SEXY CAPTAINS ONLY. ]
Grandking: everytime I see the group chat name pop up my life expectancy increases by 5 years
[ Iwaizumi has changed the group chat name to: Oikawa Doesn’t Deserve Rights. ]
Grandking: IWA CHAN
[ Wakwakatoshi has added Tendersalami, Semi, Shirabu, Kawaiinishi, Yamagayta, Reon, and Futureace to the chat: Oikawa Doesn’t Deserve Rights. ]
Tendersalami: haha good group chat name
Terushimayye: awwww :(( I would add my team but they’re all currently banned on this app lmao
Tchkishima: how does that even happen
Terushimayye: well hello there sweet glasses-chan
Tchkishima: please kill me
Futacoochie: I’d add my team members too but I actually care about them and don’t want to subject them to this
Emoshita: he probably just doesn’t have their numbers
Futacoochie: your words can’t hurt me you’re emo
Shirabu: not as emo as Semi-san
Kawaiinishi: please be courteous to your upperclassmen.
Kawaiinishi: Semi is GOTH not emo
Tendersalami: yeah put some respect on my man’s name!!!
Semi: I will literally gouge your eyes out all of you
Jackofalltrades: Jesus Christ alright
Kindaichi: what fucking loser’s username is ‘Ilovevolleyball’ ?
Sugababy: take a guess
Ilovevolleyball: what’s wrong with it
Littlegiant: I like it!
Ilovevolleyball: thjan ks
Rollingthunder: Kageyama.exe has stopped responding
Grandking: ooh~ my poor gay disaster kouhai
Asahi: Kageyama is OUR gay kouhai
Tchkishima: gay* disaster kouhai
Littlegiant: kageyama is gay?
Ilovevolleyball: no I’m not!
Kunikillme: with that username? you are
Shirabu: Ushijima-san why do you hate me
Wakawakatoshi: I don’t? Why would you think that. Was I rude to you and didn’t realize?
Wakawakatoshi: I sincerely apologize if I did, I value you as a friend and teammate very much
Shirabu:... I was going to make a joke that you must hate me for forcing me to deal with all these people but now I just feel bad
Semi: as you fucking should you piece of shit look at Wakatoshi look at him
Yamagayta: you gave a perfectly good Wakatoshi anxiety
Yahaba: yeah die
KyotaniK: you don’t even know him Yahaba
Yahaba: yeah but he looks like an asshole do you see that haircut
Terushimayye: that’s the haircut of a man who watches porn
Hoemakki: oh I see it
Matsumeme: me too
Tendersalami: don’t play dumb you sick fuck
Grandking: see this is why I don’t like Shiratorizawa
Iwaizumi: You don’t like them because you’re a bitter person
Imalwaysthisnice: im personally coming around to them
Futureace: I think we’re pretty cool!
Tchkishima: and just like that you’re not
Naruto: is this going to turn into a fight? Because if so I have to change
Asahi: please no fighting
Tendersalami: if we’re fighting I want the beefy one from Fukurodani
Tendersalami: not because I have a problem with him it would just be an honor to have those biceps squeeze around my neck and kill me
Brokuto: aw thank you!
Akaashi: I get it
Volleyballislife: I want to fight Hinata
Littlegiant: you can’t hurt me my mom specifically instructed me to have a nice day
Volleyballislife: damnit :-/ fine
Futacoochie: I feel like we’re forgetting something
Tanakass: all your teammates?
Terushimayye: your will to live?
Futacoochie: those too but what was the reason for this group
Yakkun: holy shit how did I even end up here
Kmskenma: me looking at my life and every single terrible decision that brought me to where I am
Sugababy: are yall good????
Grandking: OH RIGHT
Grandking: Us captains thought it’d be a good idea for all of our teams to get to know each other before we meet next week for volleyball camp! Hence the groupchat~~
Grandking: (if you don’t like the idea it was Koutarou’s)
Inuoka!: I think it’s a great idea!!
Rollingthunder: yeah I do too!!
Grandking: in that case it was my idea
Yahaba: no offense but idrc about most of yall i’m just trying to play some volleyball
Shirabu: me too
Yahaba: don’t agree with me
Shirabu: I will literally feed you to Tendou-san
Tendersalami: sorry the only meat I eat is my Eita’s d
Semi: finish that and perish
Tendersalami: (is it worth it, boys?)
Yamagayta: a hundred percent
Wakawakatoshi: where did he go
Sugababy: MIss keisha??? Miss KEISHA?
Yamagucci: omfg she fckin dead
Iwaizumi: so looks like team bonding is going great huh shittykawa
Grandking: kick rocks iwa chan
Chapter 2: yall mind if I ascend?
what it do baybey
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
[ Dadchi has added Sugababy, Asahi, Rollingthunder, Tanakass, Emoshita, Naruto, Kinoshita, Ilovevolleyball, Littlegiant, Tchkishima, Yamagucci, Kiyoko, and Yachi to the chat. ]
[ Dadchi has named the chat: Volleyball Group Chat ]
Dadchi: hey, I just wanted to remind you guys that we leave at 6 tomorrow morning. Make sure you have everything to last the two week camp and I’ll see you all at the gym for the bus.
Sugababy: first order of business, change that wack group chat name
Asahi: did you just say wack
Kinoshita: he’s an old soul
[ Sugababy has changed the chat name to: Volleyball or DIE ]
Ilovevolleyball: I like that
Littlegiant: UWAAAAA I CAN'T BELIEVE WE’RE GOING TO CAMP WITH EVERYBODY
Littlegiant: IM SO E
Littlegiant: oh god
Littlegiant: I got so excited I think I peed a little
Tchkishima: you sicken me to my very core
Tanakass: I get it Hinata I nearly pooped myself the very first time I went to camp!
Emoshita: it’s what he deserves
Tanakass: OMF GJ SINCE WHEN IS KIYOKO SAN IN THE CHAT?????
Kinoshita: Yachi is here too if you want to talk more about your bowel movements
Tanakass: I have to kill myself that’s the only solution
[ Tanakass has left the chat: Volleyball or DIE ]
[ Sugababy has added Tanakass to the chat: Volleyball or DIE ]
Sugababy: leave again and I’ll tell Kiyoko AND Ennoshita about that one thing you told me a few weeks ago
Tanakass: you wouldn’t
Emoshita: wait hold up why am I involved now
Tanakass: NO REASON
Rollingthunder: Are you talking about …
Rollingthunder: you know….
Tanakass: NOya you’re my bro and I lvoe you but finish your sentence and I ON GOD will ahve to cut your fingers off
Sugababy: I think Noya knows wtfgo
Rollingthunder: I always know wtfgo
Emoshita: I want to know wtfgo
Tanakass: oh no
Rollingthunder: ((Ryuu does love a memer))
Naruto: oh worm??
Littlegiant: am I the only one who’s lost :(
Ilovevolleball: I dont get it either dw
Littlegiant: tobiyooooo I change my mind I don’t like your username anymroe
Ilovevolleyball: ok eat shit did I ask
Asahi: can’t we all just get along
Tchkishima: n o
[ Littlegiant has changed Ilovevolleyball’s username to: Tobiyolo ]
Tobiyolo: how is this an improvement
Littlegiant: I think it’s cute!! Ungrateful bakayama >:/
[ Tobiyolo has changed Littlegiant’s username to: paininmyass ]
Paininmyass: only if you want me to be :)
Sugababy: WHAT THE FUCK
Yamgucci: I audibly said “oh no”
Dadchi: jesus CHRIST not you too Hinata
Paininmyass: me too, what?
Tchkishima: don’t play innocent
Dadchi: Kageyama change Hinata’s name to something nice before you’re both expelled from the camp
Tobiyolo: oh shit
[ Tobiyolo has changed paininmyass’s username to: Sunshineshoyou ]
Sunshineshoyou: Oh :-)))))) I like this better
Tchkishima: the king getting a lil bold out here
Tobiyolo: I will destroy you
Kinoshita: (anyone notice that hinata and kageyama are on first name basis?)
Naruto: (yes but shush before they hear you and get scared)
Tanakass: (nah dw you guys are whispering they won’t hear)
RollingThunder: I just realized I haven’t packed yet lol
Sugababy: you are the disappointment child
Sunshineshoyou: haha noya-san even I remembered to pack!!
Tchkishima: he’s probably only bringing two shirts a volleyball and no underwear
Sunshineshoyou: omg I did forget underwear thanks!!
Yachi: oh goodness
Sugababy: nvm Nishinoya you’re not the disappointment child
RollingThunder: aw yeah!!!
Dadchi: alright it's getting late everybody should get some sleep
Dadchi: if I find out any of you stayed up all night there will be violent consequences
[ 05:12 AM ]
Sugababy: good morning everyone!!
Yamagucci: good morning!
Sunshineshoyou: literally my longest yeah boy ever
Yachi: everybody make sure to eat a good breakfast! :)
Emoshita: so precious
Yamagucci: yachi you really are the future kiyoko san!
RollingThunder: not to be dramatic yachi but I’d die for you
Tchkishima: id die
Asahi: I’m begging you to finish that sentence
Tchkishima: it is finished
Dadchi: everyone’s awake right?
Sunshineshoyou: bakayama isn’t HAHAH
Naruto: oh worm?
Kinoshita: WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT
Tanakass: LOL Hinata why do you know that kageyama isn’t awake??
Sunshineshoyou: he’s right here!
Sugababy: omg Kageyama looks so cute when he’s sleeping im ugly crying look at the drool
Tchkisima: kageyama looks so stupid when he’s sleeping im regular crying
Dadchi: why is kageyama at your house?
Sunshineshoyou: he slept over so we could walk to school together without being late
Yamagucci: aw how fun! Tsukki hardly ever likes sleepovers
Tchkishima: I like them with you but that’s it
Rollingthunder: I want to say it but I aint going to
Asahi: I’m proud of you
Kinoshita: thats growth
Tchkishima: say what
Sunshineshoyou: oh no I think tobio is waki
Yamagucci: he’s in a better place
Emoshita: is that place heaven or with kageyama
Tchkishima: King you look soo cute when you’re sleeping
Tobiyolo: I hate you all
Tobiyolo: but especially Hinata
Emoshita: the tsundre jumped out
Tanakass: what’s a tsundre
Kiyoko: probably Tsukishima as well
Sugababy: DfhDK KIYOKO
Tsukishima: yall ever think nothing will ever catch you off guard again
Tsukishima: and when something does
Tsukishima: your entire life crumbles
Yamagucci: oh goodness Tsukki
Dadchi: no existential crises it’s too early in the morning and you all need to start heading over to the school
Tobiyolo: Hinata and I have started walking
Rollingthunder: oh? What else are you guys doing ;)
Tobiyolo: I don’t understand
Sunshineshoyou: we’re carrying our stuff!
Rollingthunder: why do I bother
Sugababy: Daichi are we going to meet up?
Dadchi: Yeah I’ll be at yours in ten
Naruto: if I wasn’t afraid of being crucified I’d change Daichi’s username to Sugardaddy
Naruto: to match Suga’s, obviously
Kinnoshita: I got it I have no will to live anyways
[ Kinnoshita has changed Dadchi’s username to: Sugardaddy ]
Sugardaddy: bold of you to assume I’m not poor as shit
Asahi: o h
Tanakass: hey wait I’m lonely now someone walk with me too :(
Rollingthunder: you know I would but I’m still home trying to pack
Emoshita: I will, wait for me Tanaka
Sugababy: [ noya you seein this shit? ]
Rollingthunder: [ i’m seeing this shit so hard it might as well have been in the toilet ]
Tanakass: shuT UP
Kiyoko: please don’t embarrass Tanaka too much you two
Tanakass: I’ve straight up died and ascended into heaven
Emoshita: hey im outside your house come out
Tanakass: I’m ASCENDING
Sugardaddy: I’m starting to regret not declining our team’s invitation to camp
I'm tanaka. Also suga. Also tsukishima.
anyways I hope you guys liked this chapter! I'm trying to squeeze as much plot into a chat fic as I can but sometimes the shitposting gets the best of me you know how it be.
next chap: ...uh I didn't think that far ahead. Maybe shiratorizawa or nekoma on the bus? bro I should've planned this out. I'm also POSSIBLY planning on adding some real exposition type writing because there's so much about camp to write about that Idk if it can fit naturally into text but :-* we'll see
Chapter 3: no homo CHECK
they're on the bus!! chaos!! oh god how am I going to write about camp and matches through a text fic!! ah stay tuned !!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Oikawa Doesn’t Deserve Rights
Brokuto: AH IM SO EXCITED
Brokuto: this is going to be even more fun than the other camp WE GOT SO MANY MORE TEAMS COMING
Tchkishima: literally only 3 more
Grandking: 2 more* if we try not to think about Shiratorizawa
Hoemakki: I’m trying
Tendersalami: I am so beyond excited to demolish Seijoh
Yamagayta: for the 742848th time
Yahubba: hey eat shit
Kawaiinishi: sorry can’t hear you we don’t speak loser
Leg: I’m just ready to play volleyball! Idc against who!
Inuoka: me too!!
Yamagucci: I’m ready to practice more jump floats :)
Rollingthunder: Im READY TO RECEIVE SOM E BALLS
Sugababy: yeah nishinoya’s great at receiving!! heheheheh
Assahi: oh my god please stop
Imalwaysthisnice: so is yaku ;)
Akaashi: waiht what
Yakkun: I will literally kill you
Tanakass: hoes exposed
Yakkun: hoes NOT exposed he doesn’t know what he’s talking about
Imalwaysthisnice: um maybe I’m trying to get to?
Leg: o h?
Tendersalami: you know who else receives really well? Eita~~
Futureace: Semi-san isn’t a libero though?
Tendersalami: I’m aware
Footakuchi: [softly, with a lot of feeling] what the fuck
Jackofalltrades: not to be all up in their business but I genuienly can’t tell if they’re fucking or not
Kawaiinishi: it’s okay we’re their teammates and we still don’t know
Semi: oh my god can we change the ubeject
Wakawakatoshi: I’m confused
Tobiyolo: me too
Sunshineshoyou: typical bakayama
Tobiyolo: don’t act like you literally didn’t just lean over the aisle and ask Ennoshita-san what they were talking about
Grandking: wait go back which one’s Eita again?
Iwaizumi: Shiratorizawa’s setter
Grandking: oh ew the little one?
Kunikillme: no the goth one
Semi: I’M NOT GOTH
Terushimayye: who is this man trying to fool
Grandking: ah emo sugawara!!
Sugababy: now hold up-
Emoshita: I kinda see it
Grandking: as much as I hate (shiratorizawa), I hated it less when pretty setter-kun was their regular setter. It made the game more unpredictable and ~`*fun*`~
Memematsu: I think that’s one of the most genuine compliments I’ve heard oikawa give
Semi: o h
Semi: thank you
Kawaiinishi: that’s semi speak for ‘i’m so touched and flattered but I’m too emotionally stunted to tell you how much that actually means to me’
Tendersalami: yeah eita is definitely going to be tearing up in the corner of the bus now
Imalwaysthisnice: well now I kinda want to play shiratorizawa with Semi setting
Imalwaysthisnice: UHHH no offense to their regular
Yahubba: that’s full offense shitabu
Shirabu: I’m going to strangle you with my own two hands the minute I lay eyes on you you stupid cream puff
KyotaniK: cream puff I enjoyed that
Kunikillme: I’d be careful bowl cut Yahaba might like that
Sunshineshoyou: I can’t wait to play Shiratorizawa too BUT ESPECIALLY FUKURODANI
Brokuto: HAHAH YEAH KEEP THAT ENERGY!!!
Jackofalltrades: I’m literally begging you not to because then Bokuto will match your energy and Akaashi might cry
Akaashi: I’ll definitely cry
Tchkishima: Id rather die than step foot in that match
Dadchi: that can be arranged
Tchkishima: that honestly triggered my fight or flight reflex im scared
Kinoshita: if Tsukishima dies can I sub for him in the match
Dadchi: of course
Kinoshita: take that Ennoshita and Narita
Naruto: dude eat my entire ass
Tanakass: dont tempt him he’s a freak
Futureace: I don’t feel safe
Yakkun: yeah y’all are so SEXUAL there are children in this chat
Leg: it’s me
Yakkun: no not u go away
Hoemakki: on all levels but physical, I’m baby
RollingThunder: if anyone’s baby it’s Shoyou
RollingThunder: dont you agree Kageyama?
Tobiyolo: why are you asking me?
Rollingthunder: *looks into the camera like on the Office*
Terushimayye: the karasuno first years need to get their act together
Yamagucci: it’s just hinata and kageyama that do
Terushimayye: ok fair
Sunshineshoyou: what are you guys talking about?
Yamamoto: id like to enter Kenma into the baby contest
KmsKenma: pls no
Imalwaysthisnice: let the man speak he has a point
Brokuto: big boobs?? What??
Matsumeme: um child anyways so
Akaashi: I’m sobbing what’s going on
Grandking: it’s alright other pretty setter-kun finish what you were saying
Footakuchi: congrats on ur promotion to pretty setter status Akaashi
Sugababy: He’s ALWAYS been a pretty setter though
Brokuto: VERY TRUE
Akaashi: thank you
Jackofalltrades: y’all broke him
[ Brokuto has changed Akaashi’s username to: Prettysetter ]
Yakkun: this is killing me what were you going to say Akaashi?
Imalwaysthisnice: that’s Mr. Pretty Setter Akaashi to you
Prettysetteri: I was going to ask when you all think you’ll be arriving at the camp. Bokuto-san hasn’t really filled us in on the days schedule
Wakawakatoshi: I don’t believe any of us captains have received a finalized schedule for the camp yet
Dadchi: yeah I haven’t gotten it either
Yahaba: oh fr??? I thought Oikawa-san just lost our schedule and was lying about it
Grandking: I WOULDNT DO THAT
Reon: It’s a bit of a drive to Tokyo for us but we’re already on the bus so we might get there in the early afternoon
Assahi: Us too our teams almost there
Iwaizumi: yeah we’ll be there at 1
Tanakass: HELL YEAH
Dadchi: YOU GUYS SHUT UO BACK THERE COACH IS GETTING MAD
Imalwaysthisnice: looks like you’re mad as well sawamara ;P
Brokuto: 1 out of 3 hoes mad
Brokuto: I’m not mad
Imalwaysthisnice: I’m not either
Prettysetteri: I am
Tchkishima: you beat me to it Akaashi san
Wakawakatoshi: Our team will get to Tokyo around noon
Grandking: WHO ASKED
Wakawakatoshi: Akaashi did
Grandking: oh alright
Shirabu: take that
Yahaba: do you want to fight??
Tendersalami: (is anyone getting a sexual tension vibe from them??)
Semi: Jesus satori
Terushimayye: lowkey yes
Footakuchi: yes but I hate it
Matsumeme: I can’t believe Oikawa finally got one of his kouhai to defend him
Yakkun: must be nice
Leg: hey I’d defend you yaku san!
Inuoka: me too!!
Leg: it’s NOT A COMPETITION
Inuoka: I KNOW IT'S NOT BUT IF IT WAS ID WIN
Imalwaysthisnice: hope you’re happy yakkun
Yakkun: I am
Imalwaysthisnice: Kenma SHUSH
Sunshineshoyou: that’s BDE Inuoka
Emoshita: UH why do you know what that means ??
Sunshineshoyou: I don’t Suga san just told me to say it
Sugababy: I got to spice up this groupchat somehow
Grandking: I love you Mr Refreshing
Terushimayye: I can’t get over the fact that it’s that second year who’s Karasuno’s team mom and not suga
Dadchi: believe me, me too
Tanakass: no homo but it’s kinda hot
Hoemakki: no homo mattsun but let’s make out
Matsumeme: okay no homo tho
Hoemakki: sweet you’re wearing socks though right?
Matsumeme: duh obviously I said no homo didn’t I
Hoemakki: good just no homo checking
Iwaizumi: SHUT THENFUCK UP
Grandking: someone needs to no homo vibe check iwa-chan it looks like
Brokuto: I volunteer
Akaashi: no me
KyotaniK: He’d fail the vibe check
Yahaba: KYOTANI FJRKKS
Kyotani: stop laughing so loud I’m right next to you
Kindaichi: Iwaizumi senpai just threw his phone across the bus
Tobiyolo: I hope it hit Oikawa
Grandking: this is why I hate you tobio-chan
Tobiyolo: sounds like there are actually 2 mad hoes in this chat
Tendersalami: wakatoshi?? Laughing?? A Christmas miracle thank u freak setter
Sugababy: oh shit KARASUNO SHUT UP UKAI’S COMING DOWN THE AISLE
RollingThunder: OH SHITJI
Assahi: Oh no
Dadchi: I TOLD YOU GUYS TO KEE P YOUR FUCKNG VOICE D
Imalwaysthisnice: Rest in peace sawamaura-kun and your team
what a tangled ass web we witness
Oikawa Doesn’t Deserve Rights
Terushimayye: man that training was intense!! We just got here I thought we would scrimmage for a bit then call it a day not CONDITIONING
Shirabu: what a life you must live at Jozenji
Terushimayye: oh it’s fantastic
Imalwaysthisnice: Ok even i’ll admit that training was a little intense
Kmskenma: a little??
Kmskenma: a l i t t l e
Naruto: yeah that was ASS
Kindaichi: man who’s coach was leading those sprints??? The one who looks like a criminal? I wanted to DIE
Kunikillme: now you know how I always feel
Yahubba: Kunimi are you feeling okay?
Kunikillme: oh yes sorry bad joke I’m fine
Sugababy: oh that’s our coach Ukai-san
Akaashi: does he always make your team train like that?
Tchkishima: unfortunately yes
Grandking: damn bitch yall live like this??
Tchkishima: unfortunately y e s
Brokuto: I liked it! It was a good warm up
Iwaizumi: I did too
Rollingthunder: ok well any other baras want to join in?
Wakawakatoshi: I enjoyed it as well
Tendersalami: there he is
Futacoochie: oh that was Karasuno’s coach?
Futacoochie: god damn
Kawaiinishi: you can say that again
Tanakass: you got a problem with our COACH????
Futacoochie: the opposite, in fact
Yamagucci: i’m lost
Hoemakki: do they not know??
Terushimayee: imagine being that blessed and being unaware of it
Asahi: idk what’s going on and at this point I’m too afraid to ask
Semi: who’s gonna tell them
Shirabu: I’ll do it
Shirabu: Karasuno your coach is hot as FUCK
Sunshineshoyou: WHAT FKDJSKLJFGKDHJFI
Yamagayta: I would literally kill to have a coach like that and not our old fart
Futacoochie: if that was my coach you can bet I’d never miss a single day of practice
Konohafuck: that explains why their team is so good
Dadchi: first of all what the HELL
Dadchi: secondly thank you! We appreciate that we train very hard
Grandking: I want coach Ukai to hold me
Kinoshita: this is really weird
Sugababy: lowkey I get it
Emoshita: me too. He’s FINE
Terushimayye: Ennoshita likes bad boys CONFIRMED
Rollingthunder: (Suga you thinking what I’m thinking…)
Futureace: you’re all crushing on their coach?? He’s an adult!!!
Tendersalami: ah there’s my first year baby boy to freshen up the chat from you horny fuckers
Matsumeme: you’re a horny fucker
Dadchi: that is Kageyama and Yamaguchi erasure
Yamagucci: yeah I’m not corrupt yet
Tobiyolo: I kinda think Ukai-san is attractive tho
Grandking: W H A T
Yakkun: a boy with taste
Dadchi: ok kageyama: Disowned
Naruto: omg he’s pouting
Imalwaysthisnice: hey we’ll take him
Leg: Kenma-san can have a setter friend!!
Kmskenma: i am deathly terrified of him
Yakkun: wait if we take Kageyama we have to take Hinata too
Brokuto: what why
Sunshineshoyou: we’re a set!!!!!!
Akaashi: everyone knows that
Yahubba: dude relationship goals
Sunshineshoyou: a h
Tchkishima: aaaaannd the freak duo is broken
Emoshita: oh good fucking going YAHABA YOU POINTED IT OUT
Yahubba: pointed what out WHY ARE YOU YELLIGN AT ME
Grandking: he’s sensitive!!
Yahubba: i’m not sensitive!!
Wakawakatoshi: sounds like you are
Yahubba: OH GOD WHATD I DO
Dadchi: jesus (they’re not dating)
Brokuto: WHAT ?!??!?
Iwaizumi: they’re not? I’m surprised
Imalwaysthisnice: omg young love how adorable
Kmskenma: you are only two (2) years older
Kmskenma: and don’t act like that’s not how you STILL act around-
Imalwaysthisnice: SHUT UP SHUT UP
YAMAMOTO: wait Kuroo-san likes somebody???
Brokuto: HEHE I KNOW WHO
Yakkun: is it kenma
Imalwaysthisnice: what the fuck NO IT'S NOT KENMA HE’S MY BEST FRIEND?
Hoemakki: hey childhood best friends fall in love
Matsumeme: yeah look at Iwaizumi and Oikawa
Futacoochie: you all have communication skills worth SHIT i hope you know
Tobiyolo: I don’t know what you mean
Tanakass: yeah me neither
Sugababy: i’m hollering
Tendersalami: I feel like this is a good time to announce my love for Eita
Semi: thanks satori
Terushimayye: you don’t seem very surprised by that?
Semi: he’s my boyfriend
Tendersalami: 3 years strong BAYBEEEEE
Grandking: well it’s glad to see there’s at least ONE functional couple in this chat
Rollingthunder: Suga and Daichi are dating too! They are just lowkey about it
Dadchi: were* lowkey about it
Grandking: 2 couples! Aww
Grandking: alright Yahaba now it’s your turn
Yahubba: my turn to what??? With WHO???
Kawaiinishi: You too, shirabu
Shirabu: on GOD I WILL KILL YOU
Yahubba: I hate to propose it but should we join forces to murder everyone
Shirabu: ugh fine
Brokuto: hey, it's dinner time!
Inuoka: WAHOO see you all there!!
Kawaiinishi: I’m kinda afraid to show my face in public now
Grandking: me too
Shirabu: we’ll :) see :) you :) there :)
Tchkishima: that’s terrifying
Yahubba: good :)
Dadchi: NO MURDERING
Yamamoto: why are we all sitting at separate tables what are we the Hogwarts Houses???
Imalwaysthisnice: I’m Ravenclaw
Tchkishima: are you sure you’re not Slytherin
Imalwaysthisnice: that’s rich coming from a SNAKE
Yamagucci: nice kill
Tchkishima: aren’t you supposed to be on my side
Yamagucci: do yall hear sum
Wakawakatoshi: why are you all texting we are sitting in the same lunch room
Yamagayta: well I don’t want to YELL ACROSS THE CAFETERIA FOR TENDOU TO COME HERE
Tendersalami: sorry sorry i’m coming!!! I had to wait for Eita
Dadchi: fuck I can’t find my team where’s suga
Grandking: come sit with me and iwa chan ~~~
Dadchi: somebody help me
Brokuto: that’s it ALL CAPTAINS COME JOIN ME AND KUROO AT THE TABLE IN THE CORNER!!
Yahubba: well now I feel left out setter’s pls come join me at the table next to them
Akaashi: I’m coming
Grandking: [volleyball panic]
Rollingthunder: [Mario Kart music INTENSIFIES]
Sunshineshoyou: ahhh where’s kageyama I’m lonely
Sunshineshoyou: not that I want HIS company in particular
Tobiyolo: fuck u i’m coming bitch
Leg: can me and Inuoka join you guys!!
Sunshineshoyou: yes the more the merrier!!!!
Futacoochie: I’m sending Aone over there too Hinata
Semi: Goshiki go socialize with the other kids your age
Futureace : :( fine
Emoshita: hey it’s kinda fun sitting with new people
Kinoshita: where are you? Narita and I lost you
Emoshita: I’m with Yamamoto at the table near the middle come find us
Tanakass: hey uh I’m gonna join y’all too
Yamamoto: SOUNDS GOOD!!
Kawaiinishi: damn from where I’m sitting I have such a good view of the Karasuno table
Shirabu: why would you care about them?
KyotaniK: no one does
Kawaiinishi: but we care about their COACH [water drops emoji] [tongue emoji] [eggplant emoji]
Kunikillme: just saying [emoji] in little brackets is not going to make the emojis pop up
Wakawakatoshi: it personally gave me a good mental visual
Dadchi: can you guys just eat your food and stop staring at our coach he’s going to notice
Yamagucci: tsukki and I are sitting near them with our managers and I just heard coach Ukai whisper to Takeda-sensei “why are the other school’s players staring at us”
Hoemakki: $10 to whoever shouts that we have the hots for him
Brokuto: $20 AND YOU HAVE A DEAL
Tchkishima: I’m begging you all no
Terushimayye: FUCK IT
Terushimayye: ILL DO IT FOR FREE
Futacoochie: no way h
Futacoochie: OH MY GOD HE ACTUAKKY DID IT ANDKSJKSJANDKALA
KmsKenma: I hate you all
Yamagucci: Poor coach is so confused
Yamagayta: damnit he looks good embarrassed too
Leg: wait oh no what if he makes us run more laps tmmr for punishment
Kindaichi: OH COME ON
Konohafuck: good going you horny FUCKS NOW WE ALL HAVE TO PAY
Terushimayye: totally worth it
You’re a liar if you didn’t immediately develop a crush on Ukai the second he made an appearance on the show
Brokuto: oh m y god Akaashi you won’t believe what I just saw on the way back from dinner
Akaashi: uh Bokuto san?
Brokuto: so after mostly everybody left I went down the hall to go to the bathroom and it was all dark and empty exCEPT
Akaashi: Bokuto san
Akaashi: BOKUTO SAN THIS ISNT OUR PRIVATE CHAT
Akaashi: DONT SAY ANYTHING
Brokuto: wait what
Terushimayye: DAMNIT AKAASHI I WANTED TO FIND OUT
Tendersalami: me too!!!
Brokuto: OH SHIT THSI IS THE GEOUP CHAT?????
Akaashi: I SAID that
RollingThunder: well??? CONTINUE
Leg: the curiosity is killing me!!!
Brokuto: NO I DONT WANT TO OUT THEM!!
Tchkishima: you seemed plenty fine with telling Akaashi san
Brokuto: that’s different he’s my best friend obviously he’s going to get the gossip
Sugamama: “out them”?
Sugamama: implies it’s not an established couple
Yakkun: sugawara not you too
Hoemakki: PROCESS OF ELIMINATION BOYS LETS GET TO IT
Matsumeme: I’m putting my detective boots on
Shirabu: detectives don’t wear? Boots?
Konohafuck: okay it can't be Suga and Daichi or Tendou and Semi
Semi: you wouldn’t catch me dead making out with someone in a dark hall
Kawaiinishi: semi san scared of the dark confirmed
Yamagayta: oh so you won’t make out with my man tendou?? What’s your problem?? Huh??
Wakawakatoshi: this does not seem to add up
Tendersalami: thank you!
Futacoochie: okay BACK TO IT who left dinner by that time?
Terushimayye: well the only people in the cafeteria were Bokuto’s whole team, glasses-chan and yamaguchi, the Seijoh and Nekoma first years, and tendou and his hot boyfriend
Kunikillme: stalker much
Terushimayye: I like to be aware of my surroundings
Tchkishima: did you just call me glasses chan
Tendersalami: did you just call my boyfriend hot
RollingThunder: nevermind that that still leaves most of everyone here on the suspect list!!!
Akaashi: I think we should leave this alone
Emoshita: I agree come on guys clearly whoever the couple was doesnt want attention
Grandking: HM SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING SOMEONE WOULD SAY IF THEY WERE CAUGHT MAKING OUT WITH THEIR TEAM BALDY AND DIDNT WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT IT
Emoshita: wait WHAT
Dadchi: sorry ennoshita I don’t want to get into this but that did sound pretty damning
Naruto: there are 2 Karasuno baldies
Naruto: but only 1 of them would make out with chikara
Naruto: and it ain’t me
Tanakass: Uhh khakis
Tanakass: no it wasn’t me and ennoshita
Tanakass: trust me I’d remember if I was making out with him
Sugababy: yeah you’d fucking TREASURE that memory
Sugababy: OH SHIT OOPS IM SORRY I COUDLTN HELP MYSLEF
Emoshita: WHATS happening
KmsKenma: definitely something but
Yahubba: well I’m just gonna say it
Yahubba: I think it was Oikawa and Iwaizumi san
Iwaizumi: WHAT THE FUCK
Kunikillme: I’m gonna have to second that
Tobiyolo: I wouldn’t be surprised
Sunshineshoyou: yeah me neither!!!! It was probably definitely them
KmsKenma: Shoyou your adamant agreement makes me think it was probably you Bokuto saw
Sunshineshoyou: me??? WITH WHO
Sunshineshoyou: you’re crazy
Inuoka: With Kageyama, obviously!!!
Leg: oh I can see that, especially since Hinata said
Sunshineshoyou: SHIT THENFUCK UO IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR KNEECAPS
Leg: oh Jesus Christ yes I want to keep them I’m sorry I’ll stop speaking forveer
Imalwaysthisnice: oh my god shrimpy fixed Lev
Leg: I am literally terrified
Brokuto: Hinata!! My son!! What’s gotten into you
Sugababy: who taught you that language young man
Sunshineshoyou: I’m literally 15 why does everyone think I’m a baby
Tobiyolo: you are
Sunshineshoyou: your baby
Sunshineshoyou: oh fuck okay that was just an immediate reflex response I didn’t mean it
Sunshineshoyou: I WASNT MAKIJG OUT WITH BAKAYAMA KUN
Tobiyolo: you say that like it’d be a bad thing
Tchkishima: it would
Shirabu: it would
Kawaiinishi: lowkey I’m interested in it
Sunshineshoyou: I didn’t mean it’d be a BAD thing
Futacoochie: so you think kissing kageyama would be good?
Sugababy: as much as I’m loving this dialogue Hinata looks like he’s about to burst into tears we should leave them alone
Sunshineshoyou: STOP LOOKING AG ME ALL OF YIU
Assahi: sorry....it just looks like you need a hug
Yamagucci: kageyama looks like he forgot how to think
Tchkishima: so his usual face?
Shirabu: id kill to see that
Yahubba: then do it
Terushimayye: smh hate it when people won’t back up their homicidal threats
Futacoochie: right??? Like if you say it COMMIT
Wakwakatoshi: I am a little confused right now
Imalwaysthisnice: you know I think it was Bokuto and Akaashi making out
Grandking: SEE I TOLD YOU ITS A FACE
Akaashi: Bokuto san?? Was literally telling me who he saw? How could it be us
Imalwaysthisnice: oh shit yeah
Imalwaysthisnice: haha oops
KmsKenma: I think it was Kuroo and yaku
Yakkun: UOU CANT JUST SAY SHIT LIKE THAY KENMA
KmsKenma: why? Does the truth scare you
Sugamama: DOES IT????
Imalwaysthisnice: dude I wish
Imalwaysthisnice: wHaT? O-oH mY gOd sOrrY mY p-PhOnE wAs StOLeN
Imalwaysthisnice: I said what I said, bitch
Tckishima: I was not ready for that
Dadchi: Jesus Kuroo
Leg: Kuroo san has balls!
Imalwaysthisnice: yes yakkun?
Yakkun: maybe we should talk
Yakkun: not in the group chat
Imalwaysthisnice: o h
Yakkun: I hate you
Yakkun: meet me you know where in ten
Terushimayye: how does he know where
Imalwaysthisnice: I know
Brokuto: GO KUROOOOOO
Hoemakki: hey come on we don’t know where and I’m trying to stalk y’all
Futacoochie: as much as I love a happy ending, we still don’t know who it was
Akaashi: again I think this is unnecessary
Sugababy: stop taking the high road pretty boy we know you’re curious
Tendersalami: OKAY since you’re all clearly horny for information
Shirabu: do not ever say that again
Tendersalami: I’ve come up with a master list and y’all can choose your pick
Oikawa and Iwaizumi
Kageyama and Hinata
Ennoshita and Tanaka
Kuroo and Yaku
and my personal favorite, Shirabu and Yahaba
Yahubba: hold up
Shirabu: stop the mother fuckin music
Iwaizumi: literally what did I do to deserve this
Grandking: I’m actually okay with this
Sunshineshoyou: GYEH I SAID IT WASNT US
Emoshita: no comment
Kawaiinishi: tendou stop shipping Shirabu with cream puff he might actually catch feelings then we’ll have to deal with that
Shirabu: NO THE FUCK I WONT
Yahubba: uh you don’t know that I’m super charming
KyotaniK: you are the least charming person I’ve ever met
Tchkishima: that’s not true you’ve met Kageyama before
Tobiyolo: if it weren’t for the laws of this land and Daichi sleeping right there I’d MURDER YOU
Tchkishima: uh huh?? DO IT
Brokuto: WHATS GOING OB
RollingThunder: KILL KILL KILL
Semi: oh my god where’s Suga to stop them
Sugababy: I’m sitting back and watching the show baby
This is the private chat this time right
Yeah, what’s up
Do you want to know who I really saw?
HEHEHEHHE I knew you would
It was the hot coach from Karasuno and their advisor the one with glasses
THATS WHAT IM SAYING
I did not see that coming
Who’s going to break the news to all the players thirsting after Ukai-san?
Nah let them thirst
So are you not going to tell them it wasn’t actually anybody on the teams?
No lol I think this is way funnier right??
But you may have caused a few fights and for some tension between a few people
Toooootally worth it
Not gonna lie I wasn’t even sure who Bokuto saw until about 3/4 of the way through writing this
I was just as surprised as Akaashi!