Chapter 1: MDZS: Jiang Cheng's Fun Adventure
This is just a fun little idea that I scraped, then decided to post anyway, since it's there in my doc.
Based on what I've seen in ao3, a lot of people seem to ship JC x LCX and JC x NHS? I personally like JC x WQ :3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Jiang Cheng folded the letter and slipped it inside his robe back.
His shixiong was unwell. He did see Lan Sizhui the other day when he brought Jin Ling out for a night hunt. Sizhui told him that his A Niang had not come out of Cloud Recess for almost two months already and only sent out either Sizhui or Xue Yang to do errands. He had been spending most of his days either sleeping or reading at the library - which was so unlike Wei Wuxian.
Also, he had stopped drinking. That Wei Wuxian had stopped drinking.
Even after he got married, Wei Wuxian could not stop his love for alcohol. He either had Xue Yang smuggle alcohol into Cloud Recess or go to Caiyi Town to enjoy his favourite Emperor's Smile. According to Sizhui, not only he had stopped going out, they also hadn't found a single bottle or wine cups. He also often asked Sizhui to bring home some spicy food but would vomit after a few bites and refused to eat after that. Wei Wuxian now was surviving on a diet of Gusu's bland soup, warm soy milk, and sour plums or tangerines. Lan Wangji had taken to learning Jiang Yanli's lotus root with pork soup but apparently his attempts had yet to be successful as Wei Wuxian apparently was still unable to stomach the soup.
Now Wei Wuxian had sent him a letter asking him to bring Wen Qing to Cloud Recess to examine him. As if his shixiong didn't know where the Wen siblings lived. His son and his disciple would not have any problem escorting Wen Qing to Cloud Recess. Jiang Cheng knew it was just another one of Wei Wuxian's ploy to let him get together with Wen Qing.
He wasn't stupid. He was aware of his feelings for her ever since their younger days and till now he still thought she was the most attractive woman he'd ever known. It was just that looking at his parents' nameplates brought back terrible memories of the Wen clan and he just couldn't bring himself to try wooing the woman who shared the surname of the people who annihilated his family.
He knew it was stupid, really. Wen Qing was innocent. She and Wen Ning had helped them escape from the Wens, she had helped Wei Wuxian transfer his golden core (not gonna thank her or him for that). She was far from the people who caused his grief.
If this was just one of his shixiong's attempt at matchmaking he would normally ignore it but hearing that his shixiong had stopped drinking and lost appetite made him worry. Wei Wuxian's pathetic excuse aside, he still cared for him.
Jiang Cheng informed the current Head Disciple that he would be heading to Yiling to pick up Wen Qing, and bring her to visit Cloud Recess. He could already see the gears spinning in the Head Disciple's mind. Why would someone like Wen Qing require his escort to go to Gusu?
Jiang Cheng ignored it and went to Wen Qing's little pharmacy in Yiling. Wen Ning informed him that his sister was out procuring some rare ingredients and served him some tea.
Jiang Cheng's eyes caught a new copper incense burner he had never seen at the pharmacy. "What is that?"
"One of Young Master Wei's failed invention, back when he was trying to modify the incense burner at Cloud Recess. My sister's favourite incense burner broke recently, so A Yuan brought that one here while he was visiting. We just started using that today," Wen Ning explained.
A customer came in and Wen Ning excused himself. Jiang Cheng hummed and picked up the burner. It was well made, with inscriptions carved on the surface. Wen Ning had put some dried flowers and herbs to give a nice smell. Jiang Cheng put the burner down again and continued sipping his tea.
He suddenly felt sleepy and slumped his head onto the table.
When he woke up, he was back at his own home in Lotus Pier. Jiang Cheng blinked. How did he get here? He was out to see Wen Qing...did he fall asleep and was brought back by Wen Ning?
Jiang Cheng blinked. Why was Wei Wuxian here? He even looked as healthy as a horse. Didn't Sizhui mention his A Niang looked so tired he won't even step out of Cloud Recess?
"Come on Jiang Cheng, you've gotta help Zewu Jun. How long are you going to let him stay in seclusion? It's going to take a long time for him to heal," Wei Wuxian said.
Jiang Cheng went speechless for a moment. "... Heal?"
Wei Wuxian raised an eyebrow. "Jin Guangyao, remember?"
Oh, right. He did hear that Lan Xichen felt so betrayed by Jin Guangyao that he decided to go into seclusion for a while. Why would Wei Wuxian asked for his help, though? Lan Xichen was his brother-in-law, he was way closer to Lan Xichen than Jiang Cheng was. Also, didn't Nie Mingjue also come to see Lan Xichen?
He wanted to question Wei Wuxian but for some reason what came out of his mouth was, "Okay, let's go see him."
??!! No, he didn't want to see Lan Xichen! Well, not in the sense that he didn't like him, but more like 'WHY ME?'
Wei Wuxian grinned and made him ride his sword all the way to Cloud Recess. He dragged Jiang Cheng to the Sect Leader's room.
"Zewu Jun refused to see anyone. Lan Zhan and I tried to make him leave seclusion but none of our attempts worked. If it's you, he'd definitely be willing!"
"Why would he? Why me? How... What am I supposed to do?" Jiang Cheng blurted.
He was still confused why he was even here.
"Jiang Cheng, you know only you can help him. Now go!" Wei Wuxian said and pushed him to the door before he left.
Still slightly hesitant, Jiang Cheng knocked on the door.
He heard Lan Xichen's faint voice. "... Who is there?"
"It's me, Jiang Wanyin. Sect Leader Lan, I..."
Before he could finish his sentence, Lan Xichen had opened the door and greeted him with a smile. "Come in."
He looked a little pale. Jiang Cheng sat down while Lan Xichen poured some tea.
"What brings you here, Sect Leader Jiang?"
Jiang Cheng inhaled deeply. "Wei Wuxian told me you have no plans of coming out from seclusion anytime soon."
Lan Xichen looked down. "... I wonder if I've made a mistake, trusting people too easily. Perhaps I am a bad judge of character after all."
"You're not!" Jiang Cheng said. "Zewu Jun, you're wise. You're also kind. That you have the ability to forgive, and trust - I think that is a strength that not everyone has. I admire that side of yours."
Lan Xichen smiled bitterly. "It got me betrayed."
Jiang Cheng shook his head. Well, perhaps Lan Xichen really was too kind. It would be good for him to find someone stricter - a polar opposite who could balance his traits, just like his shixiong and Lan Wangji.
"Maybe it's time for you to find someone as well. Someone who'd get mad for your sake, someone who'd be wary of someone in your stead, someone you can trust, because they will be distrustful of others for you," Jiang Cheng suggested.
Just like how his soft-hearted father had the harsh and strict Yu Ziyuan. Someone who can scowl like Yu Ziyuan would be a nice balance with the always serene Lan Xichen. Jiang Cheng found that polar opposite couples really got along well. Jin Zixuan had a different temperament from his sister as well.
Lan Xichen fell silent at first, then stared deeply into Jiang Cheng's eyes. "Is that an invitation, Sect Leader Jiang?"
"... Huh?" Invitation to what?
"Is your intention today to make me come out of seclusion?"
Well.... Wasn't that the point? Jiang Cheng nodded.
"...." Why, he was asking? "Why would you stay in here because of Jin Guangyao, in the first place? He's not worth your grief."
Lan Xichen curved a mysterious smile. "I see."
Jiang Cheng felt a little uneasy by that smile and cleared his throat. "If you can see it, stop secluding yourself. Anyway, I intended to see Wei Wuxian in the first place, since he's sick."
Lan Xichen laughed. In a split second Jiang Cheng suddenly found himself lying on his back on the floor, Lan Xichen hovering on top of him. His right hand was placed next to Jiang Cheng's head, to support his body.
"You're such a poor liar, Wanyin."
"All you had to do was ask," Lan Xichen said, as he picked a handful of Jiang Cheng's hair and brought it to his face. "Coming to visit Young Master Wei, who rarely stays here? That energetic Young Master Wei is sick? Think of better excuses, Wanyin. Of course, unless...."
Lan Xichen paused to lower his head and whisper right into Jiang Cheng's ears. "... Unless you're purposely doing this to seduce me. If so, let me tell you - you've completely succeeded."
.... What the fuck?! ⊙.☉
Has Zewu Jun lost his mind? The way he spoke sounded like he was romantically interested in Jiang Cheng. Freaking Lan Wangji was a cut-sleeve for sure - he'd been married to his idiot brother for thirteen years. Lan Xichen? Sure, he wasn't married yet but Jiang Cheng would sooner think the man was celibate rather than gay. Even if he was gay, why him?! He only saw Zewu Jun during sect leader meetings, they didn't have time to do shits like dates!
"Umm...there may have been misunderstanding," Jiang Cheng said. "I... I like Wen Qing!"
Lan Xichen's face changed. "Wen Qing is dead."
Fucking what? Don't just kill off someone's love interest just to shut down your competitor!
"I mean...fine, that's not important."
"Wen Qing is not important?"
"That's not what I mean! What are you doing?!"
"Why don't you ask me what I'm about to do?"
With one swift movement Lan Xichen untied his headband. Jiang Cheng paled. Oh dear, he had heard enough from Wei Wuxian to know where this was going. Last time he saw rope marks on Wei Wuxian's wrists, his shameless brother proudly told him that the Lans were cold outside but very passionate inside. "Especially in bed," Wei Wuxian had giggled before Jiang Cheng threw a block of ink at him.
Lan Xichen lowered his head, his lips clearly aiming for Jiang Cheng's cheeks. And so Jiang Cheng did the only thing he could think off.
He headbutted the older man to knock him out, and ran away.
He hopped on his sword and flew as fast as he could to Unclean Realm to ask Nie Mingjue what the hell was wrong with Zewu Jun. He could be a closet gay for all Jiang Cheng knew. Wei Wuxian had been straight for fifteen years before he literally got bent by Lan Wangji. Lan Xichen had seen way too many shitty straight couples - his parents had a shitty married life (if you could call it a married life with the husband a love-stricken man who locked up his own wife and then secluded himself), the older Jins had shittier married life, his younger sworn brother was in an incestuous marriage. Maybe seeing his little brother's harmonious homosexual married life made him think being gay was better.
Jiang Cheng was informed that Nie Mingjue was out for the moment and decided to see Nie Huaisang while waiting. Nie Huaisang, however, didn't seem all too enthusiastic when he saw him even though he was usually very welcoming to almost all his former classmates.
"I heard you went to see Zewu Jun," Huaisang said.
How did news travel so fast? He literally just came from Cloud Recess. Who even told Huaisang?
"You asked him to come out of seclusion?"
Jiang Cheng nodded. Nie Huaisang looked grim.
"At what price?"
Nie Huaisang suddenly closed his fan with a snap and gritted his teeth. He slammed the table and looked into Jiang Cheng's eyes.
"Jiang-xiong...no, Cheng Cheng..."
Jiang Cheng almost gagged. Cheng Cheng? Not even his shixiong or A Jie called him like that!
"Why can't it be me?"
Jiang Cheng swallowed. "What are you talking about?"
"I know I'm not as handsome as Zewu Jun. I'm neither as smart, as charismatic, nor as capable as him. However," Nie Huaisang paused to held Jiang Cheng's left hand and pressed it against his chest. "I love you and my love is more sincere than anyone in the world."
Fuckkk!!!!! ( ﾟ-ﾟ) ( ﾟ-ﾟ) ( ﾟﾛﾟ)
One kick to Huaisang's shin and Jiang Cheng rode his sword out of Qinghe to return to Yunmeng.
Back in Lotus Pier, he stripped off his clothes, took a bath and went to sleep. Maybe when he wake up he'd find himself out of this nightmare.
Much to his great relief, when he woke up, he saw Wen Ning and Wen Qing's curious faces staring at him.
He blinked. "What..."
"You just suddenly passed out, Sect Leader Jiang. You were cussing in your sleep. Did you have a nightmare?" Wen Ning asked.
Jiang Cheng stared at the incense burner. His face turned red with anger.
"It's this fucking incense burner!!!" (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
He should destroy that fucking cursed thing.
And so our jiujiu got transmigrated... into the world of fanfictions 乁(ツ)ㄏ
Chapter 2: CQL/MDZS: The Priest, The Pyscho, & The Five Ladies of the Night
Another extra chapter that has been sitting in my doc. I will definitely regret posting this.
Song Jiyang: Xiao Xingchen's actor
Wang Haoxuan: Xue Yang's actor
Li Bowen: Song Lan's actor
I apologize in advance to all fans of Song Jiyang.
This fic by no means is an accurate representation of the actors... it's a fanfic after all (´≖◞౪◟≖｀)
Chapter is a little NSFW ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Song Jiyang was tired. A good kind of tired and a bad kind of tired too. He had just landed two hours ago and had to immediately attend several interviews. Now he was given the luxury of bathing and resting for three hours in the hotel room before heading to a photoshoot.
After the explosive popularity of The Untamed, his own fame and job offers sky-rocketed, and his management said this was just the beginning. Nobody expected that the series would be so well-received, since it was originally adapted from a BL novel, and their country wasn't exactly known for supporting non-heterosexual relationships. But the series received so much love and support from not only from Chinese fans but also international fans, that it had even gotten a couple of spin-off movies.
It also brought fame to the two leading casts as well as other supporting casts. The two leading casts especially, received an unexpectedly warm and loving support from fans after revealing their relationship publicly. Xiao Zhan's press conference was still remembered as one of the most legendary media events of all time.
If only people knew that the person who attended the conference was the spirit of a fictional character Song Jiyang bet people would lose their shit even more. Sometimes he still thought of that experience - the few hours of transmigrating into a fictional world - as nothing more than an extremely realistic weird dream. But Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo had gotten together, gaining confidence to confess their feelings because of that 'realistic weird dream'. Damn smooth Yibo even proposed, though they had not set any date yet as of now.
Song Jiyang yawned and decided to close his eyes as he sank into the bathtub. It was pretty dangerous, he could drown in his sleep, but dang it, he was too tired...
He was pretty sure he probably did drown after he was asleep.
Because when he regained consciousness, everything was still dark. Nothing came to Song Jiyang's mind other than shit, I've done it, I've sent myself to Styx River.
But he found himself still able to move - well, barely. A few seconds later realised he was somehow still alive. He was sitting on the floor - a very dirty floor, it was very dusty. His hands were tied up at the front. His legs were free, but...
It felt like he was wearing several layers of clothings and he could feel long hair tickling his nape. The sensation reminded him of when he had on his ancient period drama costumes.
He recognized that voice. "Haoxuan?"
The approaching footsteps halted. "Who are you calling for, Daozhang?"
"Is this some kind of a joke?" Song Jiyang questioned.
The man laughed. "Oh, it's not a joke. I've long wanted to do this to you, Daozhang. To see you tied up helplessly, to hear your beautiful screams, to violate your body and soul..."
Shit. What kind of shit had he gotten himself into? Wang Haoxuan couldn't possibly utter that lines without cringing himself. Those lines sounded like something out of some hardcore movie...
Hold on. Was this... 'that'? The legendary, unexplained-by-science phenomenon? Did he get transmigrated like Xiao Zhan?
"Xue Yang?" he croaked.
He heard laughter again. "So you know who I am, Daozhang. I've had fun playing house with you for the past year but it's going to stop now. I can't keep my desire hidden anymore."
Song Jiyang gulped. Hold on, wasn't Xue Yang in that world supposed to be the nice guy? Or did he get transmigrated into the original novel, so this Xue Yang was the evil Xue Yang? Wait, even if this was the evil Xue Yang, Song Jiyang had read the novel, the manhua, watched the anime, and starred in the drama! There was no such scene of Xue Yang uttering sick lines like 'wanting to violate you'!
Could it be...
Oh no. It was one of those things. He had seen them before. Some of the cast and staff members had shared them for fun in their group chat.
The fearsome world of fan fictions, where anything was possible. From innocent fluffs to kinky BDSM. From modern alternate universe to crazy male pregnancies. Most of the time the pairings were just Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, who were a real couple in the novel anyway. However, there were also some side pairings, and that included Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen pairing.
Xue Yang was a villain, so in plenty of the fics, the relationship wasn't exactly... healthy, to say.
... So was his vision completely dark because he was blind now? Fuck, he didn't want to think that his eye sockets were empty now, devoid of eyeballs.
"Are you planning to kill me?" Song Jiyang asked.
Xue Yang answered by coming closer to him, kneeling, then tugged his robes roughly, almost choking him. "I told you I want to violate you, remember?"
No. He didn't want to be violated! Also, was Xue Yang planning to be the one bursting his chrysanthemum? Hell no!
"... We can talk this through," Song Jiyang said.
"... I'll...." Song Jiyang panicked when he felt Xue Yang's hands getting closer to his neck. "I'll give you a hand!"
Xue Yang stopped. Thank the heavens. "A hand?"
Song Jiyang nodded. Compared to ripping off his chrysanthemum unprepared, he'd rather volunteer settle it with his hands, if possible. He never tried jerking off another guy, but... well, there was a first time for everything. "I'll... I'll get you off with my hand first?"
There was a momentary silence. "What do you mean by that?"
This time it was Song Jiyang's turn to get coonfused. Did Xue Yang not understand what he said? Would he have to say it directly? "You know... I'll jerk you off. Using my hands. Relieve you first."
Did Song Jiyang need to spell it out for him? Like, bro, I'm helping you to beat your meat?
"..... How?" Xue Yang's voice croaked.
Song Jiyang dropped his jaw. "You don't know? You talked big about violating me but you don't know what a fucking handjob is?!"
Xue Yang went still and speechless for a second - either surprised by the cuss word or the word 'handjob'. Or that Xiao Xingchen was offering to help him.
"Untie my hands," Song Jiyang asked.
"I'm fucking blind, you think I can fight?" Song Jiyang said.
Yes he could, the real Xiao Xingchen could. Still, Xue Yang reluctantly untied his hands. Song Jiyang reached out his hand to feel the person in front of him. Yup, that was Wang Haoxuan's face alright. Just by touching he could already feel the tall nose bridge, perfect jaws, and soft lips. His hands trailed down and felt the familiar pectoral muscles and strong hips. Haoxuan loved soccer and he probably kept his body fit from regular soccer practice.
Of course, evil Xue Yang got his body fit probably from running around and committing homicide everywhere.
His hands reached Xue Yang's nether region and he pressed it. He heard the young man's gasp. Xue Yang had unconsciously been holding his breath the whole time he was being...felt by Daozhang.
"You're hard," Song Jiyang said.
Xue Yang almost choked. He never thought he'd hear those words from Daozhang.
"Take off your pants and sit down. I'm going to show you the skills of the Five Ladies of the Night."
Xue Yang felt dizzy. Out of curiousity he still complied. He let out a soft, surprised squeak when Daozhang's fingers touched his shaft, and began rubbing his manhood up and down.
"... Dao... Daozhang," he moaned. "It feels so good..."
Song Jiyang frowned when he heard that. Barely a minute even passed and he could already feel precum leaking out. Was Xue Yang surprisingly a five-minute man? That would be hilarious.
Song Jiyang chuckled. He heard fabric rustling. Xue Yang's knees had gotten weak from the sensation. Feeling a little braver, Song Jiyang climbed up his lap and made even faster strokes.
"Hmm? Do you like it, ah?"
"Mmm...ahh...yes, I like it..."
"You're getting this hard just from my fingers... and you dare to think about violating me? Hmm? Can you imagine..." Song Jiyang paused and whispered it in a low voice, "... if I do it with my mouth?"
Xue Yang let out a wheezing exhale. He was about to come. However, Song Jiyang stopped rubbing and clamped his manhood with his fingers instead, not allowing him.
"Da... Daozhang!!" Xue Yang whined.
"No, not yet."
Oh, he was so going to have fun with this man. How dare he scared him earlier with talks of violating him and all, this five-minute virgin. Song Jiyang would let this man come several times with only his hands, then just rip off his dong for payback. An eye for an eye, but since it would be a near impossible feat for him to blind Xue Yang like this, he'd settle with removing his dong. Or maybe crush his two 'golden cores'.
"Beg me," Song Jiyang said.
"Please," Xue Yang said.
Song Jiyang decided to take it a step further and tried grinding his hips against Xue Yang. It worked, because the man had almost screamed just from the overwhelming stimulation.
"Mmnn...aah... let me come, please... Daozhang...."
He only needed to stroke him a few more times before thick, white liquid spurted out.
"Aha, ahaha! Don't tell me it's your first time? You're all grown up and you haven't even done this yet? How old are you?" Song Jiyang laughed, them paused for a while. Wait, what if this Xue Yang was still a teenager? Did he just jerk off a minor then?
The door suddenly creaked open and Song Jiyang heard a girl's scream.
"You... you... what are you two doing?!"
Uh oh. Song Jiyang recognized that voice. That was Li Bowen's voice, which meant Song Lan had just walked into his best friend sitting on their enemy's lap - their enemy's bare lap, with their enemy's dong in his hand. Also, Xue Yang's age aside, he had just tainted A Qing's underage eyes. The girl was probably wishing she was genuinely blind now.
"Um...just giving him a hand?" Song Jiyang answered.
He only heard a menacing giggle from Xue Yang and Song Lan's choked up voice. But hey, this had to be a kinky fanfiction world right? If his theory was right shouldn't Song Lan also be paired with Xiao Xingchen in this world, like the many fanfics he had seen?
"Do you want to join, Zichen?"
Song Lan had fainted. Apparently in this world, 'threesome' was not in the tags.
Song Jiyang unfortunately had returned to his world before he could rip off Xue Yang's manhood. His manager had found him almost drowned in the bathtub and frantically woke him up.
Meanwhile, Xiao Xingchen returned to the fanfic world and found himself grinding on top of Xue Yang's bare lower half. Turned out not only Xue Yang was a virgin, he was also still seventeen at the time. Xiao Xingchen was so horrified, he ran away blindly, tripped on Song Lan's unconscious body, then fell and knock himself out. He never woke up as his pure traumatised soul refused to return.
And so in that universe, when Wei Wuxian used Empathy on A Qing, Wei Wuxian failed to explain to the juniors why Xiao Xingchen was in a permanent coma, why Song Zichen returned to the mountains to be a monk, and why Xue Yang was so desperate to revive Xiao Xingchen.
When Xue Yang told Xiao Xingchen that he wanted to violate him, he meant by he would cut his skin pieces by pieces and torture him to the point where he would wish he was dead rather than alive. He would destroy him by telling him how he had made Xiao Xingchen kill living corpses unknowingly.
He did not think Xiao Xingchen would be the one 'torturing' him instead. Ten years passed and Xue Yang still could not get over that wonderful 'Five Ladies of the Night'.
What have I done (O ᵕ O'')
Chapter 3: SVSS: Finding Shizun Part 1
Backstory of how Luo Binghe's attempt to find Shen Yuan leads Xiao Zhan getting transmigrated. This was set after The Untamed was aired but before Xiao Zhan went to MDZS world.
Quick summary for MDZS fans who haven't read Scum Villain Self-Saving System, it's the story of Shen Yuan (aka Cucumber Bro), who transmigrated into the novel Proud Immortal Demon Way, written by Shang Qinghua (aka Airplane Bro). He was transmigrated as the villain Shen Qingqiu, received missions from 'System' to fix all the plotholes in the novel, and he completed the missions while trying to stay alive, because original SQQ has bad ending. Male lead is Luo Binghe, an orphan half demon who's a disciple of SQQ. Binghe has a sword called Xinmo, that can cut through dimensions.
Check out the novel & give it a try ;)
Hope my summary is fine lol
The book Scum Villain Self-Saving System did not specify how Shen Yuan died, other than he was 'angered to death' by the book PIDW. Some fans said he was originally sickly (he was said to only spent his days idly), some said MXTX had reworked on the book and specified that Shen Yuan died from food poisoning after he ate expired noodles.
I'm going with both.
One second, he was out at the mountains looking for a rare herb with his disciple. The next second, he found himself awake in a hospital. He remembered very vaguely hearing the system's announcement before waking up. Doctors and nurses came rushing in, celebrating his recovery. When he was able to fully comprehend their words, had all the respiratory tubes taken off, he was then told that he had been in a coma for a whole year. His mother cried, telling him how she had regained her faith in the heavens, when his heart restarted a few seconds after they lost him.
He knew that something was wrong there. Because there was no way that the years, the decade he spent with Luo Binghe in that world - the world of Proud Immortal Demon Way - was a lie. Shen Yuan cried. The doctors and nurses left him alone, thinking they were tears of happiness when really, he wanted nothing but to never wake up from that long, long dream.
His sister came not long after, with an iPad and earphones. She tried to coax him and asked him to watch her latest favourite drama series.
"It's based on the novel written by your favourite author, Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky! Don't you like his stories?" His sister pushed the iPad to his lap.
He relented. He didn't know Airplane Bro could actually write a story good enough to be adapted to a live-action drama.
Shen Yuan spent his recuperation days at the hospital watching The Untamed. He found himself couldn't stop watching and was always waiting for new episodes to come. Maybe it was the handsome actors and beautiful actresses. Maybe it was the good storyline. Maybe it was the heart-wrenching scenes.
Or it could just be seeing Lan Wangji's white robes, Wei Wuxian's sword, Nie Huaisang's fan, Mian Mian's little family home, Jiang Yanli's love-filled soup...they all reminded him of Luo Binghe. Shen Yuan wished for just one more second, just one more centimetre, he could be closer to Binghe.
He asked for the novel and his sister bought a hard copy of the book.
He had no idea his sister read BL books.
But damn, it was a good book regardless of the genre. Though - reading about Wei Wuxian's unlubricated first experience reminded him of his own first, very very painful, experience. He consented, but.. damn, it hurt so much.
On the day he was discharged his sister informed him that there would be a fanmeeting with the casts of The Untamed. She pushed his wheelchair - his muscles had atrophied quite a bit after a year of coma - so fast that he almost thought he was on a rollercoaster.
"Slow...slow down, meimei," he whined. "And must we go now? I look horrible."
"What horrible? I've helped cut your hair so nicely, you've showered, you're wearing new clothes," she said.
"... I look like a corpse," Shen Yuan complained. He had gotten a lot thinner too.
"It's okay if you look a little sick, ba. The staff member will let us pass through and give special seats."
... Some sister you are.
True enough as soon as the staff members saw a young man being pushed by his little sister in a wheelchair, they immediately escorted them. His sister was elated that they got to skip the long lines and thanked the staff, talking about how Shen Yuan had just been discharged after a year of coma, and that watching the series was the only thing that cheered him up. Pleased, the staff members offered them to meet the casts backstage before the event itself.
"I'm sure all the actors would be happy to know that their hard work have made people like you happy," they said, and directed the siblings to the waiting room.
Shen Yuan already knew that the casts were very good-looking people. It was hard enough to pull off the ancient costumes without looking a little weird but both Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji looked extremely beautiful in the drama.
Real life Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo were even better looking. Other cast members looked quite different without their costumes, especially Yu Bin who was clearly idol material without his corpse makeup. Wang Haoxuan and Zhu Zanjin without their evil and manipulative smiles were very sweet.
Liu Haikuan asked why he was hospitalised. His sister managed to turn an embarrassing expired ramen noodles story into a tragic sob story.
"My brother has always been sick... He spent most of his days sitting idly because he can't go out often. He reads Airplane's books to fill his time," his sister began. "One day he craved for some spicy beef noodle soup so badly, he snuck out of the house to eat some...we got a call from the hospital later that he had collapsed. His condition got worse because of the food poisoning, we almost lost him once, but heavens granted my mother and my prayers..."
Well, the ramen he bought was indeed a spicy beef soup flavoured. And it was expired, so he suffered because of his own carelessness not checking the expiry date before eating. Also, he went out without telling his mother to let out some anger when he saw Airplane Bro's post.
"Aiyahh, my poor brother, he ate bland soup and porridge for years, he just wanted some spicy beef noodle soup!"
Can't she stop being so dramatic? So embarrassing!
"Hush hush, don't cry. Look at your brother, he is so strong, how can you support him if you're the one crying?" Xiao Zhan said.
"True, true. We can take photos together," Wang Zhuo Cheng offered.
They went to their assigned seats with a couple of group photos and a stack of signed postcards. The press snapped a couple of photos of them to include in the stories. Shen Yuan felt like he had just been turned into an animal in zoo just because he was in a wheelchair. He could not really complain to the staff for taking photos of him for better headlines and stories, since he got the special seats.
That night, he dreamt of Luo Binghe.
He was still in his bed, in his family home. Luo Binghe was sitting by his side, caressing his hair.
"Shizun," Binghe said, before tilting his head down and very softly kissing his forehead. "Shizun, I'll be coming for you soon."
He woke up the next day and there was not even a trace of Binghe anymore.
Shen Yuan shut his eyes to stop the tears from falling again.
A couple months had passed since he last saw Luo Binghe in his dream. After completing his physical rehabilitation and able to walk for several metres unassisted, Shen Yuan set out to see Airplane Bro, after exchanging private messages through Weibo. A lot of people were staring at him - a young, fairly pleasant-looking man, who walked a little too slow for youngsters of his age and had a cane. He found the coffee shop where they had promised to meet.
Airplane Bro, unlike him, had a much healthier glow. While he had been unconscious for a whole year Airplane Bro had actually woken up for quite a while. Time worked differently when in different dimensions.
"I didn't know you write BL too," Shen Yuan commented.
"Are you referring to Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation? That one was my best work so far. I was just trying out a new genre back then," Shang Qinghua answered proudly.
Shen Yuan raised eyebrow. "You call it your best work because it made a lot of money? The drama production company must have paid a lot for the rights, hm? Not to mention the anime..."
".... You can't deny it is a good book. Look at Xiao Zhan, he has become the hottest star in China, even got into Forbes, all because of my book."
"He already gained fame from his role in Oh My Emperor. My sister won't shut up about Beitang Moran before, now I'm hearing about Wei Wuxian everyday."
"Yeah, but was he the main character back then? Have you seen any CP being shipped more intensely than YiZhan? Everyone's talking about YiZhan and WangXian now! One day they might turn into a real couple, all thanks to the miracle of Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation!"
"Shipping has existed long time ago, even outside of China. People always talk about celebrities," Shen Yuan pointed out. "If you could write something as good as that novel, why is the plot in Proud Immortal Demon Way so shitty and full of loopholes?"
Shang Qinghua lowered his head sheepishly. "At that time I was obsessed with Japanese light novels and animes... You know how they have a lot of cute sisters all aiming for one boy..."
"... I'm sure all those novels are ten percent plot and ninety percent smut scenes with hundred different girls too," Shen Yuan said wryly.
"Some of those Japanese novels do have smut scenes and lots of fanservice..."
"If I need boobs and butts I go watch AV, not read novels."
"Aiyahh...don't be mad anymore, Cucumber Bro. I'm rewriting Proud Immortal Demon Way," Shang Qinghua said. "Since Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation did so well I'll change the genre to your liking. It'll be a BL novel instead of a harem. What do you think?"
Shen Yuan froze. His face turned slightly red and he threw a flimsy napkin at Shang Qinghua's face. "Since when did I say it's my favourite genre?"
"But bro, you're not really straight are you?"
He wasn't. He could firmly say that he was heterosexual before but now so long as Luo Binghe identified as a male he could not longer say he was straight.
"... Hold on. Are you going to change all the sisters in the harem into brothers then?" Shen Yuan asked.
"Ah? Of course not. The protagonist's sole love interest is in front of me, why should I gender-bend the entire harem?"
Shen Yuan almost choked on his ice latte. "You're going to make ME the 'heroine'?!"
Shang Qinghua grinned. "Well, to be accurate, I'm going to rewrite it from Shen Qingqiu's point of view. It's going to be a story of Shen Qingqiu, a modern man who got transmigrated into his favourite novel in order to change the fate of his beloved protagonist and the scum villain. He will get guidance from a system and will be assisted by the handsome, charming, and quick-witted author, Shang-"
"That's a complete rip off of my own life story!" Shen Yuan hissed.
"You'll be the main character for once, aren't you happy? Also, it's common knowledge that in eighty percent of BL novels, the protagonist is always the shou."
Shen Yuan felt like strangling him so much. "So you're planning to include your horrendous smut scenes too?"
Shang Qinghua gasped. "Horren - all my readers like them!"
"That smut scene in Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation was so unrealistic. How was rolling on the ground, using the backdoor without lubrication fine?" Shen Yuan snarled.
Shang Qinghua blinked. "Was your first time with Luo Binghe that painful?"
Shen Yuan nodded. He added after an afterthought, "The second time was not bad. He definitely could have done more, but...ah, I was too embarrassed to ask for more..."
Shang Qinghua giggled. "Noted. I'll add that personal feelings into my writings."
"I should look up some more GV (gay videos) too later. Ah, but if GV isn't realistic enough..."
"If it's not realistic, shall I provide you the real experience?"
A foreign voice interrupted their conversation. Shang Qinghua froze and looked up. A man, standing at several inches more than six foot was staring at him intently. He felt like he had seen those eyes before.
"Have we met before..."
"You don't recognise me?"
Shen Yuan was stunned too. Then he saw the lightbulb blinking in Shang Qinghua's head when the author suddenly dropped his jaw.
"... My King?"
Shen Yuan gasped. Mobei Jun?
This man... Mobei Jun?! How? How did he get here? And what about that appearance?
Shen Yuan swallowed when he heard that voice. He turned around.
Luo Binghe, in white dress shirt and black slacks, with black coat. He still had that long hair tied into a ponytail that accentuated his handsome features, but his forehead was clear without any demon mark.
Without a word, Mobei Jun pulled Shang Qinghua's arm and dragged him from the coffee shop to who knows where. Luo Binghe took his seat, facing Shen Yuan. He looked at Shen Yuan, his eyes melancholic.
Shen Yuan licked his dry lips. He could not believe it.
"I finally found you Shizun. I've looked for you - for so long."
Shen Yuan felt his cheeks were hot and his eyes were getting blurry from the liquid filling them.
"That night, it wasn't a dream?"
Luo Binghe shook his head. "That day... I don't know what happened. Your body was alive but your soul wasn't there. I looked for you everywhere, waited for days when you'd return. Then I couldn't wait anymore. I thought, if you weren't in this world...perhaps I could find you in other worlds."
Shen Yuan swallowed the many words he wanted to say and only asked, "You crossed dimensions to look for me?"
Binghe nodded. He reached out his hands across the small round table to hold Shen Yuan's hands. He gripped it softly.
"You look so thin, Shizun."
Shen Yuan now realized that not only he was now skin and bones, he was unhealthily pale and nowhere near as beautiful as Shen Qingqiu. He looked away.
Luo Binghe was upset. "Why do you look away, Shizun?"
"Don't... Don't look at me."
"Do you hate me, Shizun?"
Shen Yuan bit his lips. "I... I look ugly, Binghe. I'm all bones and skins, I'm weak and powerless, I'm not like the good-looking master you know. I don't want you to see me like this."
Binghe was relieved. "Shizun is beautiful no matter how you look."
"You wouldn't say the same if I'm a fat, wrinkled old man."
"I'd be happy if Shizun is fatter. More of you for me to have. I would love to grow old with you," Luo Binghe said. He held his hands closer. "Please look at me, Shizun."
Shen Yuan slowly turned his head but when he saw Binghe's anticipating eyes he turned it back. "How did you find me? Xinmo? What took you so long?"
"It's a long story...shall we talk somewhere else, Shizun?"
The two of them left the table. Binghe however only noticed that Shen Yuan was using a walking stick to support himself when they were out of the coffee shop. His face changed.
"Many apologies, this disciple was so happy to finally meet Shizun, he didn't notice that Shizun is having difficulty walking."
Shen Yuan looked at his walking stick. "Oh, this? I can walk but my legs still aren't strong enough. This is just to keep me stable... Binghe!"
Binghe had squatted before him. "Please, let this disciple carry you, Shizun."
"Bing... Binghe, people are watching!" Shen Yuan whispered.
"It doesn't matter to me."
It mattered to him! However Binghe clearly was not giving up so as usual Shen Yuan gave in and wrap his arms around Binghe's broad shoulders while Luo Binghe held his thighs. Everyone was looking at the rare sight of an adult man piggybacking another adult male but ignored it once they saw the walking stick. It was just a bro helping another bro who can't walk, nothing unusual.
Shen Yuan wondered what Binghe was thinking. They were talking about GV and sexual experience after all. Did Luo Binghe hear him? Didn't he mention he wanted more but was too embarrassed to ask? What if Binghe intended to give him the 'more' that he wanted?
LBH: Shizun looks so pale and thin, I must make plenty of healthy meals for him.
SY: Why is he looking at me like that? Is he thinking of eating me?
Chapter 5: MDZS: 2+7
Only a mere one month after Xue Yang's last visit to Cloud Recess, Wei Wuxian sent another letter asking him to assist Sizhui and Jingyi to check the seal at Guanyin Temple, that kept Jin Guangshan's dismembered corpse. Wei Wuxian himself had performed the sealing but since it was done in a hurry, he wanted to take precautions in case the spirit inside could get agitated again and break the seal.
Since it was the juniors' first time examining a sealed resentful corpse without Wei Wuxian's supervision, he decided to send Xue Yang, who had more expertise, to help them.
Xue Yang was honestly a little surprised that Wei Wuxian would send him over and not supervise it directly. He thought Wei Wuxian would personally keep an eye on it at least for the first six months. It had only been two months. It reminded him of the time when he would occasionally tasked to babysit little Lan Yuan back when he stayed in Cloud Recess. Of course, he was not the one who really did the work.
After Wei Wuxian was married, Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan somehow began their unofficial part-time jobs as babysitters.
Since it was 'Wei Wuxian' who had originally rescued Xue Yang from the ox-cart that almost crushed his finger, they all thought it would be just appropriate for Wei Wuxian to take care of Xue Yang. He didn't mind, and Xue Yang idolised his saviour very much. After Jin Guangshan was caught around thirteen years ago, he took Xue Yang with him to Lotus Pier. Xue Yang proved to have potential and aptitude in the same cultivation method as Wei Wuxian so he began teaching the young boy bits by bits about his knowledge, though he never officially took Xue Yang as a student. Still, Xue Yang called him shifu and he did not stop him from doing that.
Xue Yang's nightmare began when Wei Wuxian moved to Cloud Recess.
Since Jiang Cheng never accepted Xue Yang into Yunmeng Jiang (and the boy himself only wanted to be Wei Wuxian's disciple, not Yunmeng Jiang disciple), he followed Wei Wuxian to Cloud Recess. In Cloud Recess, Wei Wuxian spent most of his time either recovering from the strain of dual cultivation or taking care of little A Yuan. He was too busy or tired during the day and told Xue Yang to sit in during the Lans' classes.
Xue Yang only lasted three months (still longer than Jin Ling who lasted only two months but back then he held the record for the guest disciple with shortest stay). Wei Wuxian actually laughed at him. Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan came to visit Wei Wuxian, and he passed Xue Yang to them. Since then Xue Yang had always followed the two Daozhangs in their neverending travel. Being a rogue cultivator seemed to suite him best. Wei Wuxian tried sending him over to Lanling Jin and Qinghe Nie as guest disciple but he never fit in any of them.
He'd return to Cloud Recess once in a while to learn from Wei Wuxian, but most of his days were always with the two Daozhangs. Years passed like that. When Xue Yang was a teenager, Wei Wuxian finally began assigning him real tasks - which he very happily took. Mostly it was either checking out rumours of weird phenomenon, getting some items, or helping out junior cultivators during their night hunts. Sometimes there were just menial tasks like smuggling Emperor's Smile to Cloud Recess.
He remembered the day returned from one of his errands just to see Daozhang had taken in a girl who liked to pretend being blind. Xiao Daozhang said he pitied the poor girl. Xue Yang thought Daozhang must be the really blind one. A Qing acted like the sweetest girl in front of Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan but spat out words that didn't belong to a young maiden when they were not around. He complained about it to Xiao Xingchen but Daozhang only laughed.
"You two fight like siblings. It's very cute."
He was grown up and Daozhang still called him cute. If they were a family Xue Yang was certain Daozhang would be that grandpa everyone mooched pocket money from.
"Senior Xue?" Jingyi asked. "Are you okay?"
Xue Yang shook his head. "Just remembering old things. Anyway, is shifu really sick?" Xue Yang asked Sizhui. He remembered last time Wei Wuxian looked quite pale and he complained that he was feeling lethargic.
Sizhui shook his head. "I don't know. He still looks pale and lately has been sleeping a lot more than usual. He also keeps asking me to buy foods he normally did not like much. Lately he's been asking for sour plums and even wanted the sourest ones. Sometimes he craved for spicy food but threw up after a few bites. A Die had to make him clear soup and warm soymilk every morning, since those two are the only things he could eat now - aside from some fruits."
"That...doesn't sound good," Xue Yang said. "That reminds me, he didn't tell me to smuggle some wine too in his letters. He usually makes me smuggle wines whenever I report back to him."
Sizhui pondered. "I don't think I've seen him drinking for the past two months. In fact, I don't see him stepping out of Cloud Recess for the past two months at all. Granduncle is worried that he might be planning something since he's never been this quiet - as in, not doing anything. We already asked Aunt Qing to come...she'll come to visit once she has time."
Xue Yang nodded.
Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi returned to Cloud Recess with Xue Yang after they finished their job. The trio went to Jingshi to report to Wei Wuxian but found the rare sight of Jiang Wanyin and Lan Wangji talking to each other at the front door.
"We've returned, Hanguang Jun. Good afternoon, Sect Leader Jiang," Sizhui greeted. "If I may ask, why are you standing outside?"
Lan Wangji only nodded but did not answer his question. "Go back to your room first, Sizhui."
Sizhui was a little surprised to be told to go right when he just arrived. A little hurt and worried too. He could faintly hear a woman's voice from inside the Jingshi.
Could it be... Aunt Qing?
"That's weird. Why would your father sent you off like that?" Jingyi questioned as soon as they walked far enough away from Jingshi.
Sizhui pondered. His A Niang clearly had been unwell lately. The woman inside was most likely his Aunt Qing. But why did even Sect Leader Jiang came? Was it serious after all?
Xue Yang clicked his tongue. "Well, are we going to stay still? I'd say we go and listen too!"
Both of them nodded and followed Xue Yang back to Jingshi. The brick oven that Jingyi built at the courtyard was a bit far from the room and not the most comfortable place to hide, but it was a good hiding place. All three huddled up to listen to the four suspicious adults. They could only faintly hear their voices and caught several words.
"It's...like he said..." Wen Qing's voice trailed.
"You're kidding me right? That's impossible!" Jiang Cheng's voice was louder.
"... Nobody has tried....his core is deformed...side effects..."
"How?!" Jiang Cheng questioned.
"How.... Wei Ying?" This time Lan Wangji spoke.
"... Needs rest.... I'll give... medicine...every morning..."
"... Is this really happening?" Jiang Cheng said.
The three froze. Seven months of what?
How sick was Wei Wuxian? Wen Qing talked about him needing medicine every morning. Also, why did she mention 'seven months'?
"Oh my god," Jingyi gasped and covered his mouth with his hand. "Is Maiden Wen saying Senior Wei only has seven months to live?"
Sizhui and Xue Yang looked at Jingyi, then looked at each other. They then covered each other's mouths to stop each other from screaming.
'Prolonged use of the incense burner may cause unintended side effects, such as deformation of core. Deformation of core may cause the golden core to split, which can lead to qi deviation. To prevent this, cultivators should immediately perform dual cultivation. In addition, dual cultivation between Yin and Yang partners will cause the formation of second core instead of a split core. If the second core is formed in the Yin Body, the body will adapt by forming another vessel, resulting in pregnancy. If the second core is formed in the Yang Body, cultivators should undergo a surgery to take out the second core or it may cause qi deviation.'
That was what written in the book.
It was a simple theory. After all, this was a world created by Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky. Everything was solved by 'papapa'. Poisoned by 'Without A Cure'? No problem, just 'papapa'. Qi deviation? Also 'papapa'. Core splitting? What else, 'papapa'! But of course, Wei Wuxian did not know that.
When Wei Wuxian had used the incense burner to travel to Xiao Zhan's world, he was immediately 'eaten' by Lan Wangji right after they returned. After the whole Jin Guangyao's betrayal event, the couple had resumed their 'everyday' activity as usual. Therefore, Wei Wuxian was saved from the risk of qi deviation. Now, while normally only women were born with Yin bodies, Wei Wuxian was a practitioner of demonic cultivation. His body was now imprinted with Yin energy that overpowered his Yang energy. And so... he got pregnant.
The second core and continuous supply of spiritual energy from his dual cultivation with Lan Wangji created a layer of protection that acted as the replacement for the female reproductive organ that he lacked. Wen Qing had examined him thoroughly and was so fascinated she almost did not want to come home just to continue studying him. The little one inside was growing up well and clearly alive. Wei Wuxian himself was shocked. He had only joked about giving birth to Young Master Lans and giving Sizhui a younger brother. As a man of course he did not think he could carry a child.
Wen Qing prescribed some supplements for him as well as a medicine to curb his morning sickness. She advised him to take small frequent meals if he did not have the appetite for a full meal. "You also need to continuously provide spiritual energy for the baby to grow - since the baby is relying completely on the golden core as protection."
Wei Wuxian nodded happily.
"Also... I need to warn you. You are a man, you can't give birth like a normal woman. We need to do a surgery similar to your core extraction so... of course you're keeping the baby, huh. I can already see it in your face - you had the same face when you first told me you were getting married," Wen Qing said with a smile. "Do not skip your meals and your medicine, you need your body strong enough for the surgery, okay?"
Wei Wuxian nodded again. "Of course!"
Wen Qing chuckled and went to talk to Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng outside about his conditions. Wei Wuxian giddily sat in bed while rubbing his tummy. Five minutes later Lan Wangji came inside with a smile in his face. Well...as much as he could smile, of course. People who did not know Lan Wangji would see no difference but Wei Wuxian could clearly see the bliss in his eyes. Lan Wangji sat on the bed and wrapped his arms around Wei Wuxian, pulling him in for warm embrace.
"Wen Qing told you?"
Wei Wuxian giggled. "We're going to have a little one, Lan Zhan! Can you imagine Sizhui's face when we tell him he's going to have a little baby sibling soon? Ohh, can you imagine Uncle Qiren's face? We should tell him while Wen Qing's here, he might get a heart attack!"
"Brother-in-law... do you think he might come out?"
Lan Wangji hummed. "I'll talk to Brother and Uncle tonight."
Wei Wuxian smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheeks. They shared one more passionate kiss.
Jiang Cheng went back to Lotus Pier with the promise to not spread the news yet. Wen Qing decided to stay for one more day and promised to come for a monthly check up. For now, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji decided to share the happy news only with close family members. They would share it with the sect during a banquet later. That night, as Lan Wangji went to see his brother, Wei Wuxian sent over a talisman to Sizhui's room calling for him.
He was surprised to see Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi, and Xue Yang appearing at Jingshi.
"I only called for Sizhui. Why are the two of you here too?" Wei Wuxian asked.
Jingyi smiled sheepishly. "Umm... we would like to hear it too, if you don't mind."
Wei Wuxian pondered. Sizhui he could completely trust, but Jingyi had a bit looser mouth. Xue Yang could keep secrets but not with Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. Xiao Xingchen on the other hand would not keep a secret from A Qing. A Qing... her mouth is kind of loose too. He had no plans to spread news of his pregnancy to the whole cultivation world so early.
"It's quite an important family matter so I'd prefer to talk to only Sizhui. Sorry, you two," Wei Wuxian smiled apologetically.
His words only made the two more nervous. What was so important that he could only talk to Sizhui?
Loose-mouth Jingyi then blurted out, "Are you dying, Senior Wei?"
Wei Wuxian went still. "... What?"
Xue Yang nudged Jingyi. He sighed. "We apologize, Shifu. We overheard a bit about Maiden Wen's conversation with Hanguang Jun and Sect Leader Jiang..."
Wei Wuxian tried to hide his amusement. "So you kids were peeping huh? What did you hear?"
"... That you need medicines...and only have seven months left..."
Indeed, he did need medications and supplements because of his morning sickness. He also had seven months left - before he would give birth.
"... Well, you peeping pipsqueaks... do you know the punishment for coming into someone's room uninvited? I want 'Three Melodies of Gusu' perfectly played by heart tomorrow, Jingyi. For you, Xue Yang - 'Collection of Talismans Volume Three' - three copies while doing handstand," Wei Wuxian stated calmly. "I'll tell other disciples to watch you guys so better not skip the punishment."
The two choked. Since when did Wei Wuxian start giving out punishments for real? And for the crime of 'listening to conversation'? He must be in a really serious condition!
"Off you go, or do you want more?"
The two immediately scurried away without protest. After they left, Sizhui looked at Wei Wuxian with worried eyes. "A Niang?"
Wei Wuxian patted the bed. "Sit beside me, A Yuan. I have something to tell you."
Sizhui gulped. He already felt tears beginning to pool and ready to come out of his eyes.
"A Yuan, you've been such a wonderful son to me. Even if I did not carry you in my womb, to me you're still my baby boy."
Oh no. Why this speech? Why this 'I am so proud of you my child, keep it up even if I am gone' speech?
"I will not be able to continue teaching you boys, leading you boys during night hunts. Lan Sizhui, you're the most sensible of our disciples, you must lead them."
Sizhui nodded and finally could not contain his tears. He sobbed and rubbed his eyes. Wei Wuxian was surprised and rubbed his back gently. "Silly boy, why are you crying?"
"But... but... A Niang, you're dying..." Sizhui said in between tears.
Wei Wuxian blinked innocently. "I'm not dying, A Yuan. I'm pregnant."
Sizhui froze. "What?"
"I'm pregnant. You're going to have a little sibling - in seven months. I have seven months left - before I give birth."
Sizhui was even more confused. "But... but A Niang, you..."
"Are a man? Nothing impossible in this world, my son. There's another world with moving pictures, metal horses and your father's counterpart breaking all Gusu Lan rules, why do you think it's impossible?"
Sizhui's eyes brightened. "You're not dying, A Niang? I'm really getting a little sibling?"
Wei Wuxian laughed and rubbed Sizhui's head. "Oh, you adorable boy"
"But then... why did you send Xue Yang Ge and Jingyi away?"
"Oh my sweet A Yuan... why be impatient when we can have some fun teasing them?"
"And that's it. You can relax, I'll stay here for a day, and will come again in a month," Wen Qing said.
Lan Wangji nodded. "Thank you, Maiden Wen. I'll inform my brother and uncle about this."
"That would be good. I'll be borrowing your library if you don't mind?"
"Mn. I will tell Uncle about you as well."
"Oh, I should go and greet him. We might as well go together then," Wen Qing said. She looked at Jiang Cheng. "Sect Leader Jiang, why don't you go and see Zewu Jun then?"
Jiang Cheng froze. "What?"
Wen Qing frowned. "Just go knock on his door and tell him to come out of seclusion. You're pretty hardheaded so maybe he'll give in to you?" She added another teasing remark. "They say opposite attracts."
Immediately his mind experienced an intense war flashbacks from the incense burner. Jiang Cheng paled.
"Actually, why don't we go and greet Elder Lan together? Hanguang Jun can go to his brother."
Wen Qing: ( ・◇・)？
After 59 chapters of struggling to give Wei wifi a good ending, of course I won't give him a bad ending here...lol
All the mess & troubles are reserved for Zhan Ge, Mr. Fix-your-problem....jk
Shen Yuan knew about the existence of alternate universe or parallel universe. He already met the alternate version of his Binghe after all, the original Luo Binghe, whom he dubbed as Bing-ge. He did not know there existed other universe aside from his own world and the many parallel universes of Proud Immortal Demon Way and was shocked to learn that.
Luo Binghe had travelled through at least a hundred different parallel worlds but none of them had Shizun. Shizun was gone. He was killed by the Luo Binghe in those parallel worlds. His Shizun existed only in his world.
It got Luo Binghe to start thinking. In all those hundred parallel worlds, Shen Qingqiu had been killed by Luo Binghe. Shen Qingqiu had been someone who mistreated Luo Binghe. Why was it that only in his world, that his Shizun was so nice to him and loved him so much? He finally concluded that the Shen Qingqiu he knew was not the same as the other Shen Qingqiu - in the sense that not only he was a different parallel persona, he was in fact a completely different person. If Shizun was a completely different person then he might come from a completely different world.
It was not easy and took plenty of trials and errors. Binghe had Mobei Jun help him find not only an alternate dimension but a completely different world. It seemed like not only Shen Qingqiu, Shang Qinghua's soul too had disappeared not long after Shen Qingqiu and Mobei Jun was determined to look for the man. Binghe did not know the details but it seemed like the two had fought, Mobei Jun had hit Shang Qinghua and the man left, only to never return.
He found Shang Qinghua's body the following day, but his body was without a soul. Mobei Jun had felt instant regrets. The day they fought... Shang Qinghua mentioned that he might leave but once he left, they could never see each other again.
They arrived to several different worlds but still could find neither Shen Qingqiu nor Shang Qinghua. Not until they arrived at that one world, and met that man.
Nie Huaisang was unlike any men he had met before. He looked easily intimidated - and was indeed quite easily intimidated, he actually shrieked like a maiden when he first saw Mobei Jun - but he was also cunning and smart. No, smart wasn't quite the word - resourceful, perhaps. Luo Binghe did not miss the glint in his eyes when he found out about the existence of something called the parallel worlds.
"I know someone who can help you," Nie Huaisang said. "He is a normal human but specializes in demonic cultivation."
Both Luo Binghe and Mobei Jun were intrigued. A normal human who specialized in demonic arts was a rare specimen.
"He can even bring back the dead."
Wei Wuxian was an unusual specimen, indeed. Luo Binghe almost disbelieved Nie Huaisang but the man showed him the 'living' proof of Wei Wuxian's accomplishment. Wen Qionglin should long be dead but Wei Wuxian managed to preserve his body and kept his soul intact. He and Mobei Jun went to meet Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian was able to perform the impossible. Luo Binghe had no idea how Wei Wuxian worked his magic but he discovered the trace of Shizun's soul and found where he lived. It was in fact, in a completely different world. However...
Wei Wuxian did not approve of Luo Binghe taking away Shizun from his real world. Shizun's soul was never meant to be in his world in the first place. If he took back Shizun to his world, the Shizun there would lose his soul instead.
Then what would happen to Shizun's family? He had a mother who despite her hurting knees knelt all night to the Buddha, praying for her son's recovery. His little sister came to the hospital every single day to read him stories, wipe his body clean, careful so that he won't get pressure ulcers from the prolonged bedrest. His father worked two jobs to pay the bills. Would Binghe be so cruel to take someone's son, someone's older brother away because of his own selfishness?
He curbed his desire because he did not want his Shizun to be sad. He was willing to be Binghe's family, it was not right for Binghe to take him away from his family.
Nie Huaisang had a different idea.
"Wei-xiong has created a time-travelling spell. If you use it with combination of Xinmo, you can manipulate both dimensions and time. You can take your lover back to your world, and return his soul to his family before his body 'dies' by manipulating the flow of time."
Wei Wuxian was unable to use the spell on himself because going back to your own time would create a paradox. Going back in time to a different dimension, however, may not create such paradox. He, Luo Binghe, had the ability to do that. Nie Huaisang offered to steal Wei Wuxian's notes for him.
"In return, I want you to help me. I need to go back in time - even if it's a different dimension."
Binghe agreed. Nie Huaisang came back to him with Wei Wuxian's notes - and an animal footprint on his face. It was tightly sealed but Binghe possessed the Ancient Heavenly Demon's blood and easily broke the seal. They tested the spell a few times. In Binghe's first attempt, he only managed to appear in Shizun's dream, though he managed to successfully pinpoint the location. They studied the notes and Mobei Jun suggested transferring only their souls to their parallel world counterpart for stability.
Now that Luo Binghe and Mobei Jun were finally reunited with their significant others, it was time to fulfill his promise to Nie Huaisang. They gathered at Shang Qinghua's house since he lived alone. It would be rather difficult for Shen Yuan to explain to his parents and sister from where he suddenly met these two handsome demons.
"How are you doing, Airplane Bro?" Shen Yuan greeted him when they met.
Shang Qinghua's apartment was a mess, though it was not as bad as Shen Yuan imagined. It was neater than the typical author or manga artists' rooms usually depicted in TV. Shang Qinghua however had terrible eyebags and messy hair, he looked like he had not slept the entire night.
"... I know how to write a proper smut scene now, Cucumber Bro."
"... You got done?"
Shang Qinghua snapped. "No! How am I supposed to make money now? Just when I thought I'd be able to move to a bigger apartment..."
"You'll be living in Mobei Jun's castle, why worry about apartments?"
"My King promised to return me back once in a while. Am I going to stay in this tiny apartment still?"
"Where did all the money from selling rights for the drama production go?"
"... Bought some merchandise of my favourite anime girls.... paid some loans...bought a new laptop..."
Luo Binghe convinced him that only their souls, instead of their whole body will be transmigrated. However, instead of leaving their bodies in the modern world to rot, Luo Binghe would be using a combination of Xinmo's power and Wei Wuxian's time travelling spell so that Shen Qingqiu can return to his own world within just a couple of hours even if he had spent a full year in Proud Immortal Demon Way's world. They left two arrays hidden for Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua to use in case they were pulled back into the modern world again. One was in Shang Qinghua's house and another in a nearby old temple where visitors rarely came.
Luo Binghe informed them that they would be going to the world of the man who assisted his search first to pay the debt.
When Shen Yuan saw Nie Huaisang for the first time, he almost kicked Binghe in the shin for not telling Shen Yuan Huaisang's name from the beginning. He only referred to Nie Huaisang as the 'shady benefactor' and Wei Wuxian as the 'real benefactor' when he told Shen Yuan about his journey.
"... Airplane Bro."
"Are you a literal god?"
"I used to think not, now I'm doubting my own identity too. My two novels have now been made into two different worlds."
Nie Huaisang was looking at them strangely. "Is there something on my face?"
"Conspiracies," Shang Qinghua said and Shen Yuang had to stop himself from slapping Shang Qinghua's mouth.
Nie Huaisang hummed. "So the two of you are from that world. How did you manage to cross through dimensions the first time?"
Honestly, they had no idea too. It was the 'System' that brought them but they still did not know what 'System' was.
"I'm guessing you like my book too much, your soul jumped into my book after death, Cucumber Bro," Shang Qinghua joked.
"Book?" Nie Huaisang repeated.
This time Shen Yuan did not stop himself from slapping Shang Qinghua's mouth.
He thought Nie Huaisang would go mad if he learned that the world he lived in was a pure fiction created by a greedy author with a loose screw. However, Nie Huaisang proved himself to have a truly different brain level. When he found out that the world he lived in was a book read by millions of people, he had a strange glint in his eyes.
"Your novel is famous, eh, Young Master Shang?"
Shang Qinghua proudly exclaimed. "Of course, ah! They even made a live action adaptation out of it."
Shang Qinghua explained what a live action drama was and Nie Huaisang appeared even more fascinated.
"So you're saying there is a person out there who not only knows about Wei-xiong but has even re-enacted Wei-xiong's life."
Shen Yuan already had a bad feeling.
"Young Master Luo... I have another request to make," Nie Huaisang said. "Is it possible for you to bring the man who played Wei-xiong to this world?"
Shen Yuan and Shang Qinghua dropped their jaws. Bring Xiao Zhan here? Had Nie Huaisang lost his mind? Xiao Zhan was a normal man. Well, he was definitely not average - with his skills and good looks - but he was still a normal man without any superpower.
"From what you've told me, I think this Actor Xiao has a potential," Nie Huaisang said. "You see - even though I've finally went back in time, I'm still powerless. I can't stop Wei-xiong, and Wei-xiong is the key player to determine the fate of this world. Wei-xiong from my original world is content with his life now, even if he has some regrets. Also, he'd kill me if he knows I stole his notes."
"Also, you mentioned you set an array to return back to your world, right? If you leave an array here, I promise I will return Actor Xiao back to his world once I think everything is resolved," Nie Huaisang said.
"Don't, Binghe," Shen Yuan said. "It's too risky. Xiao Zhan is a normal person, not a cultivator."
Nie Huaisang noticed Shen Yuan's grip on Binghe's arm and smirked. He hid his smile behind his fan. "Young Master Luo... if you help me this one time, I can give you something very good."
Binghe blinked. Nie Huaisang got up to take something from his bookshelf. He sat down and placed the book on the table.
"It is a special book available only in this world, the last copy remaining only with me. A guide to satisfying your partner - with over 69 different positions you can try," Nie Huaisang grinned. "Of course, I've got few more - and they are all for... the backdoor ones."
Luo Binghe's eyes lightened up. He suddenly recalled Shen Yuan's conversation with Shang Qinghua the other day. Shizun wanted more but Binghe could not satisfy him. Intimacy with Binghe was painful but he had no experience. With these books....
Binghe pressed his palms on the book to claim it. "No problem, Young Master Nie."
Shen Yuan: ( o口o'') !!!
Xiao Zhan is a normal man, with abnormally handsome face, abnormally beautiful smile, abnormally charming laughs, abnormally sweet voice... and the list goes on....
Xue Yang and Jingyi's reaction truly was hilarious. In fact, everyone's reaction had been priceless.
After he married Lan Wangji and officially joined Gusu Lan, Wei Wuxian was given the responsibility of training and leading the younger disciples during night hunts - a decision made because Lan Xichen knew Wei Wuxian hated sitting still. For the past two months Wei Wuxian had not brought them out for night hunts. He had not even went out of Cloud Recess himself. After Wen Qing, who was famed as a healer came to visit Wei Wuxian, their sect leader suddenly decided to come out of seclusion and resumed his duties while Hanguang Jun or Lan Sizhui continued to lead the night hunts. Now, not only Lan Jingyi and Xue Yang, all the disciples at Cloud Recess suspected that there was something wrong with the Bride of Gusu.They all concluded that Wei Wuxian was gravely ill.
It wasn't hard to catch the smell of medicine being brewed daily from Jingshi. Xue Yang was about to go mad. He wanted to return to ask Daozhang to look at Wei Wuxian's condition but he was also afraid that something might happen after he left. As much as Xue Yang adored his master, he normally never hung around Cloud Recess for long. It had been five days and he still did not show any signs of leaving yet. Wei Wuxian thought it was hilarious, seeing Xue Yang so anxious and tiptoeing around him. His A Yuan sure was a good secret-keeper.
Loose mouth Jingyi of course let it out that Wen Qing had examined Wei Wuxian and said he only had seven months left to live.
And so for a whole week the disciples lived in fear that Wei Wuxian might be leaving them too soon. They started practicing more and studying harder in order to please him. Some disciples began learning music for healing. Some tried medicinal cooking. Some spent hours in front of the cauldrons to brew medicine. Some tried planting fresh flowers and trees near Jingshi to make the air fresher. All in all, Wei Wuxian silently commended their efforts as he watched them remarkably failing in their attempts to be discrete. Who wouldn't notice a dozen new trees planted at your courtyard within a week? At this rate Jingshi might turn into a botanical garden soon. Sizhui reported that Jingyi, who never liked guqin that much, was practicing the scores nonstop at night while Xue Yang was copying all five volumes of 'The Arts of Talismans'. Lan Qiren would be delighted to see the disciples so diligent.
The day of the banquet came and Wei Wuxian wanted to laugh so hard when he saw the solemn looks on the disciples' faces. Banquets at Cloud Recess already resembled funerals so much and their gloomy expressions just made him think this was a real funeral. In fact some of the younger, new disciples looked ready to weep.
Lan Xichen smiled. "Thank you, all disciples, for coming. I've heard that lately everyone has been very diligent with their studies. I hope all of you will maintain this enthusiasm."
"Yes, Sect Leader," all of them answered.
"Wangji, I believe you should be the one to announce it," Lan Xichen chuckled.
Lan Wangji nodded. "....."
All of them waited.
"... Wei Ying is pregnant."
There was a momentary silence. Then Jingyi's slow voice, "What?"
Lan Wangji looked at him, his expression remained the same. "Wei Ying is with a child," he reiterated.
They saw the smiles in Lan Sizhui and Lan Xichen's faces, as well as Lan Qiren's poorly hidden delight.
Xue Yang repeated. "Did you just say pregnant?"
"But... Senior Wei is a man," Jingyi said.
"Well... when you dabble into a different cultivation methods a bit too much, your physiology will change a bit," Wei Wuxian said.
One disciple then bravely asked. "So you're not dying, right?"
Wei Wuxian laughed. "How did all of you come up with the same conclusion? No, I'm not!"
"We were worried because you didn't come out for months..."
"You haven't eaten well..."
"Hanguang Jun was brewing medicine for you every morning..."
"Aww, how sweet," Wei Wuxian grinned. "I was having terrible morning sickness and anemia, and a lot of food made me feel nauseous - all common symptoms of pregnancy. All of you are studying theories and memorizing scriptures so much, you forgot to learn the basic skills of critical thinking and human physiology, hmm?"
All of them were a bit embarrassed but also glad that their Senior Wei was not dying but in fact was nurturing a new life. However, how were they supposed to know that he was with a child, when he was a man? Pregnancy was one of the last things they would ever think of!
Jingyi lightly hit Sizhui's shoulder. "You had fun playing with us, huh?"
Sizhui chuckled. "A Niang told me to keep it a secret first."
Wei Wuxian laughed. "Anyway, I see that you are actually capable of playing the songs almost perfectly if you put enough practice, Jingyi. Xue Yang, you can actually copy and memorise books quietly. All of you, too - you are all able to set aside some time to practice new arts like medicine and herbology. I say we can now give them more assignments, right, Brother-in-law?"
Lan Xichen smiled. "Indeed. I suppose we can add one more class on medicine and herbology now? Jingyi, I would like to hear the fruit of your labour later."
Lan Qiren nodded. "Sizhui told me everyone has been experimenting with new medicinal cooking and health tonics. I would like to see a report on each of your individual projects later."
All disciples: （Ω Д Ω）
Thanks to everyone's effort to please him, Wei Wuxian's pregnancy was rather smooth, aside from his constant nausea and lethargy. Lan Wangji's patience paid off as eventually Wei Wuxian was able to eat more and more food. Wen Qing's medicines also helped.
Wei Wuxian told Jiang Yanli about his pregnancy not long after they announced it to the sect. By the time Jiang Yanli arrived to see her brother he was almost at the end of his first trimester. His complexion had improved and instead of looking sickly pale Wei Wuxian now had a beautiful glow in his face. Yanli teased him and called it a pregnant mother's glow. She had not yet spread the news to people at Lanling though she did tell her husband and son about it. Jin Zixuan had the same expression as he did when he first caught Wei Wuxian making out with Lan Wangji years ago. Jin Ling did not believe his mother and demanded to see his Uncle Xian himself. Yanli knew her son just wanted an excuse to meet his good friends.
By his second trimester, Wei Wuxian was able to walk around the town a bit though he still stayed out of night hunts. Instead of going to places himself he sent out Xue Yang, Sizhui, or Jingyi more often and chose to only monitor them. He'd still occasionally send letters to Jiang Cheng to pester him or find another excuse to matchmake him again.
At the end of his second trimester, not even the thickest robe could hide his bulge and Wei Wuxian couldn't stand the heat. He had the option of either proudly show off his bulging tummy or stay at home until he gave birth. Wei Wuxian of course, loved to show that he was a man who could achieve the impossible. Soon news that the Bride of Gusu was with a child spread and now more people believed that Lan Sizhui was actually Hanguang Jun's biological son.
Eight months into pregnancy and Wei Wuxian discovered a newfound respect for his shijie, who traveled all the way from Lanling to Gusu with a big tummy just to attend his wedding before. With his bulging tummy now he could not even have a good night sleep because of the discomfort. Moreover, the nausea and vomiting that had ended during his first trimester came back. Adding to those, his feet were swelling, his back was constantly hurting, and he kept wanting to pee every damn hour.
Also, he became even hornier. As if he wasn't horny enough. Good thing his Lan Er Gege had very good stamina, and his physical condition 'forced' them to try several different new positions.
The annual conference was coming and this year, it would be held at Gusu. It was supposed to be held somewhere else but... Wei Wuxian suspected everyone was curious to see his glorious, glowing, pregnant body and somebody decided to change the location to Gusu. There was no way he would be able to travel anywhere in his current state and Hanguang Jun sure as hell won't be leaving him when he was very near his due date. Even Zewu Jun and the juniors looked like they did not want to leave. After all, his niece or nephew could be born anytime soon.
The other three major sect leaders arrived one day earlier - just for the sake of seeing the Bride of Gusu. Jin Zixuan still had that choked expression whenever he so much as glanced at Wei Wuxian's obvious bulge. The four major sect leaders and heirs gathered at the compound of Cloud Recess and sat around the table, having a pleasant conversation over tea while Jiang Yanli busied herself giving advice to her A Xian about postnatal care.
"Have you thought of a name?" Jiang Cheng asked.
"Mm... not yet," Wei Wuxian said.
Jiang Cheng's eyes brightened. "What about - "
"I haven't said anything yet!"
"Knowing you, it's going to be terrible. Look at A Ling. Who name their dogs Love, Fairy..."
"They are good names!" Jiang Cheng protested.
Yanli giggled. She dared to bet Lan Wangji had already secretly thought of at least a thousand good names to give their child.
Nie Huaisang fanned himself. "You sure are lucky, Wei-xiong. Shouldn't you thank me? If you never used that incense burner-"
"Shut up," Jiang Cheng and Lan Xichen unexpectedly said at the same time. Nearly nine months and they were still traumatised by the deadly variety quiz show experience.
Nie Huaisang shrunk.
"Don't ever mention that incident, Nie-xiong. You're just jinxing it," Wei Wuxian said.
Nie Huaisang laughed. "No worries, Wei-xiong! This is a different fan, see? I left that one at home, so unless the demons themselves come here-"
Right when Nie Huaisang said that, a giant black vortex suddenly appeared at the compound, right around where Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were sitting. Wei Wuxian screamed as he felt the black hole forcefully sucking him in while Lan Wangji quickly held his partner. Everyone was panicked. The vortex engulfed the couple and when it disappeared, two shadows appeared.
Both of them carried an intimidating aura and one was emitting cold air. The two men had marks on their forehead.
Nie Huaisang dropped his fan. "Young Master Luo and Mobei Jun... why are the two of you here?"
Nie Mingjue looked at his brother. "A Sang, do you know them?"
Nie Huaisang nodded, his face extremely pale. "They're... demons."
Hearing the word demons, the group of cultivators immediately took out their swords. Already used to the reaction, Luo Binghe calmly took a step towards Nie Huaisang. "Young Master Nie..."
He took out something from his robes and Nie Huaisang gulped.
"This book doesn't seem to work well, Shizun was angry at me. Do you have any other books I can use?"
The cultivators all froze when they saw the explicit book cover. Lan Qiren vomited blood while Jin Zixuan hurriedly covered his son's eyes.
Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji found themselves in an apartment they knew too well. They had been in this apartment before, after all.
Jian Guo was not expecting his owners to be home early. Hmm, his daddy looks fatter than usual, though.
Wei Wuxian smiled and rubbed his bulging tummy. "Baby, you're the only reason I'm not rampaging right now. We are so going to commit homicide once we return."
WWX: Demonic cultivation can make you pregnant.
XY: (ס_ס;;) *profuse sweating
Chapter 9: CQL: Asking advice from Reddit can be a bad idea
r/AmItheAsshole •Posted by u/strongwifi
WIBTA if I kick out an acquaintance of mine who is pregnant?
So me (28, M) and my partner (22, M) just recently got engaged. We've been living together for a few months but due to our work, we rarely have time together (I'm a graphic designer, he's a biker). After almost half a month of coming home late every single day, I was finally able to return early. It has been a long time since we were able to have dinner together so I decided to make hotpot for the two of us, and watch our favourite movies during dinner. I already bought the ingredients and had everything ready and planned for our perfect dinner date at home.
Yet when I arrived home, I found an acquaintance of mine with his husband in our living room. He was playing with my cat while his husband was silently watching. I literally screamed and dropped my groceries (my apples for dessert are now bruised QAQ). So this acquaintance of mine live in a very, very far place (I'm not exaggerating, they live in a totally different dimension). They are here because of an unfortunate circumstance which I cannot explain, and are unable to return because of a circumstance I also cannot explain (let's just say a demon brought them here so they need the demon to bring them back). It is too complicated to explain why they are here and why they cannot return but my main point right now is that this acquaintance of mine and his husband have nowhere to go.
They are here without money and they come from a place so remote that it doesn't have cars, no internet, not even electricity. Normally I would offer a hand to any acquaintance of mine who are in need, but these particular people have only brought me trouble before. My acquaintance almost ruined my image by saying things that should not be said or wording things inappropriately, traumatised my coworkers with some paranormal activities (he's into demonic stuff like talismans and spiritual tools), and many times caused me to almost lose my life (like seriously I got nuked). His husband had ruined my fiance's super expensive motorbike. Both of them had also walked into us while my fiance and I were being intimate, which is so embarrassing. He came in without us noticing and watched us for three hours.
I have sworn that if I ever see these two again, I would shave off their heads and castrate them - that is how much I hate them. However, my acquaintance is now 36 weeks pregnant and may give birth anytime. As much as I would like to kick them out of my apartment, it did not feel right to treat a heavily pregnant person like that. Still, I am simply scared that if I let them stay here, he would burn down our house trying to cook while we are out working. My fiance has completely lost his appetite as soon as he saw my acquaintance's husband because it reminded him of his favourite old bike.
Will I be the asshole if I kick out my pregnant acquaintance and his husband from our home?
692 comments • Share • Save • Hide • Report
YTA : You're the asshole (and not the other party)
NTA: You're not the asshole (and the other party is)
ESH: Everyone sucks here
NAH: No asshole here
INFO: Not enough info
ESH. I totally understand your feelings, because your situation closely resemble a co-worker of mine. He also has an acquaintance who dabbles into demonic arts and causes mischief here and there. However, it's a dick move to kick out a pregnant lady just because you don't like them. The least you can do is maybe send them to the hospital and let social workers do the rest with whatever difficulties they're having.
ps: why do you keep writing 'he' when you're referring to your acquaintance? How does one continuously make the same typo?
I agree, ESH. Your acquaintance is the a-hole for doing all those bad stuff to you but the baby inside is innocent. Send them to the hospital.
Agree. No matter how horrible a person is, doesn't give you the excuse to be an a-hole yourself. Never forget basic decency. The baby is innocent.
17 more replies
INFO: Are your acquaintances some sort of refugees from third world countries or come from super remote areas? That would explain all the 'bad stuffs' they did - like miswording things, or breaking an expensive bike. And why is it that they come unnoticed and can't go back? Are they possibly victims or human trafficking? If so, the authorities will be able to help your acquaintances so you don't have to bother thinking about it. btw, how did they enter your living room?
I'm guessing the fiance was at home and let them in?
Agree with u/labracadabrador. Actually, the more I read this post the more it doesn't make sense to me. Is OP making this up?
12 more replies
Agree with other comments, the more I read this the more I find the whole thing fishy. However there is just too much weird details for it to be fake.
YTA OP, for posting this fake story
U don't know, maybe OP has to hide some details if it involves some illegal stuff. Doesn't matter, he's asking if he'll be an a-hole for kicking out a pregnant lady, which he will be.
8 more replies
I have so many questions unanswered. Is OP trying to write a shitty fantasy book?
I have never seen a faker story than this, it'd be hilarious if OP is actually housing a pregnant alien couple at home.
This is some neil breen level shit.
21 more replies
So a lot of you have been skeptical of my story - which doesn't matter, since I got the verdict. Seems like everyone agrees that it will be an asshole move to abandon my pregnant acquaintance regardless of our past history. Anyway, I can't bring him to the authority or the hospital since he doesn't have any ID but I'll try find a way to bring him home before he gives birth. Thanks everyone ;D
PS: To give you an idea of how horrible this demonic entity is, we shared the hotpot with them and he complained that my cooking was not spicy enough, then dared to vomit after he ate so much. My fiance had to run over to the nearest 7-Eleven to buy soymilk because he said he can only have soup and soymilk. He can't have cold soymilk so we had to heat it up and he insisted that we use the microwave instead of the stove just to see the oven light up and the bowl inside spinning. His tummy is so uncomfortably big so we gave up our bed and slept in the tiny sofa bed (I got to cuddle with my fiance all night so he's forgiven for that). I also don't have any maternity clothes at home for obvious reasons and the only shirt that would fit him is my winter jumpers, which he won't wear because it's too hot.
Anyway, I still hate him.
Chapter 10: CQL: Don't ask for relationship advice from strangers
r/relationship_advice • Posted by u/cloudemperor_gege
My fiance (28, M) tells me (22,M) that I get jealous too easily. I (22, M) recently got engaged with my fiance (28, M) after a series of life-changing, life-threatening event. Now, my fiance is the most wonderful person in the world. He is the most handsome man I know, the sweetest guy, and has the cutest smile, so cute that you can't help wanting to squealing. He is older than me and likes to spoil me a lot. I've been stealing his food and green tea a lot and he has never gotten mad at me for taking his food. When I lost my motorbike because a jerk rode and crashed it to oblivion, he bought me a new one for my birthday. I have nothing to complain about him except that he is so damn attractive and he doesn't realize it.
It's a long, long story, but to make it short my fiance has a doppelganger who looks exactly like him. This doppelganger of him got into trouble and my fiance ended up substituting his place for a while. During that period, my fiance had a lot of interactions with his doppelganger's now-husband. That husband used to mistake my fiance for the doppelganger and what annoys me the most is that I have no idea what happened during their period of working together back then. No, that is number two. The most annoying thing is that my fiance had once described his doppelganger's husband as his ideal type.
So recently due to some unforeseen circumstance the doppelganger and his husband are staying at our apartment and we just can't tell them to get out without being heartless jerks. The doppelganger is notorious for being a troublemaker and he gives my fiance (and me) plenty of headaches. His husband is a much calmer person so whenever the doppelganger is about to do something, his husband would stop him. Whenever he does that, my fiance would look at the husband with admiration. He accidentally slipped and said "An older, mature guy really is something."
Needless to say, I got mad and asked my fiance if he likes the husband better than me. He told me I'm being ridiculous and that there is no way he would have feelings for someone's husband, and that I should know better. He repeatedly told me that he only loves me and that I should not be jealous when we both know we are not keen of his doppelganger and his husband.
I wonder if I'm being unreasonably insecure or if I should do something to show my fiance that I am so much better than that guy.
422 comments • Share • Save • Hide • Report
Pee on the guy to show dominance.
Old overused joke but I like it.
How about pee on all of them?
Foursome. Foursome is always the answer.
If you bang someone who looks like you is it a literal 'fuck yourself'?
This is why the internet is never helpful.
18 more replies
You're overthinking but it's understandable. You're still young and immature but you'll be fine soon.
I agree. People can admire others without any special feelings. OP, you're overthinking.
13 more replies
Important question, OP. Are you a top or bottom.
I'm usually the top.
You might need to spice up things, if he's not satisfied by your performance. You're still young, so I'm guessing you don't have much experience. Or has he ever asked to be on top?
Asked him before. He said he's too old and tired to do the work and he likes it better when I do it.
If your partner is not enthusiastic enough maybe you should do something.
I say you're being jealous for no reason. I also agree with u/lucasgroundwalker, you need to spice up things. 28 is not old, he's just too embarrassed to admit it. Just do him all the way and don't stop even if he says 'enough', because he's definitely not getting enough.
Hey, you're the guy with pregnant acquaintance problem. Hold on - I'm seeing a pattern in the two posts here.
OP, YOUR MAN IS HERE & HE'S ASKING U TO DO HIM ALL THE WAY. HE WANTS YOU
wtf my account got hacked. I swear it wasn't me, the menace has learned how to use smartphone now
Got it, u/strongwifi. We're checking into hotel tonight. Let the menace be with his husband.
7 more replies
Am I delusional or I'm seeing a pattern in the two Reddit posts today? u/strongwifi says he's a 28 year old male graphic designer engaged to 22 year old male biker, and is housing a troublesome couple now. u/emperor_gege says he's a 22 year old male living with his fiance and also housing a troublesome couple now. Now, what kind of person around me is:
- 28 years old, male, does graphic design, bought his partner motorbike, got engaged recently
- 22 years old, male, rides a bike, bike recently got destroyed, received a new bike from his partner, got engaged recently
OMG you're right I saw him posting the photo of his new bike!!!
And they're wearing couple rings on their ring fingers OMG tell me I'm not delusional
28 more replies
Is this post fake then? Is OP a pathetic loser trying to gain attention, or is OP the real you-know-who and is scattering dog food to us?
Or OP is real and the story is real. Been to a different dimension before. Not fun.
Nay, our music is a lot better.
Thanks to everyone's advice! We had a proper talk and I told him about my insecurities. He laughed - not because he was making fun of me but because he thought it was cute. He told me for a moment he forgot that I was still 22. He told me, "Since this Gege has promised to spoil you everyday for the rest of his life, Gege will keep the promise." He gave me a bunch of 'coupons' for me to use, whenever I want to be spoiled. There are 10 hug-as-long-as-you-want coupons, 10 kiss-wherever-you-want coupons, 5 massage-wherever-you-like coupons, and 5 special request coupons. I am using one of those right away.
Chapter 11: MDZS: Who killed who?
Original Lan Sizhui --> Lan Yuan
Original Lan Xichen --> Lan Huan
Just to differentiate them more easily
Jiang Cheng furiously grabbed Nie Huaisang's robe. "What have you done, you fool!"
Nie Huaisang shrieked. "It wasn't me! I don't know! I didn't call them!"
The two demons were there only to look for Nie Huaisang. They did not expect that the vortex - the entrance to cross dimensions - would accidentally swallow the two nearest people. The two, unlucky people, with one about to pop out a baby soon. Jin Zixuan had glared at Nie Huaisang angrily. Unlike Lan Xichen, Jiang Cheng, and Nie Mingjue who knew about Huaisang's secret dealings, he had no idea about the existence of the two demons.
"The two demons are clearly looking for you, and for..." he could not continue his sentence as he glanced at the provocative yellow book. "Exactly what are you doing with your life, Young Master Nie? You can't find a wife, can't do a decent job, so now you resort to distributing cut-sleeve books to demons?"
Nie Huaisang tried hiding behind his brother but the angry Nie Mingjue only grabbed him by the collar like a mother cat carrying a kitten, and pushed him to the front again. "About time you learn to take responsibility, A Sang. You made a deal with the demons, you should know you'll never be able to escape. Now Hanguang Jun and Bride of Gusu have been sent to who knows what dimension, what are you going to do?!"
"Our apologies. It was our carelessness," Luo Binghe said. "We will return them. But Young Master Nie, my book..."
"Well, do it!" Jiang Cheng urged them.
Luo Binghe raised Xinmo to reopen the vortex, then halted. He blinked. "Wait."
"What?" Jiang Cheng impatiently asked.
"I can open the gate, but I don't know which gate to open," Binghe said. "I don't know how to look for them."
Jin Zixuan helped holding back his brother-in-law to stop him from flipping the table. He frowned at the two demons. "If you don't know how to look for the two of them, how do you know how to look for Young Master Nie?"
"We left an imprint on him, in case we need him," Mobei Jun answered. "The last time he requested our assistance, it was him who pointed the locations."
Lan Xichen's face turned grim. "You're talking about the time you first switched my brother-in-law."
"Switched?" Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli who had not heard about it were confused.
"... You found Young Master Nie by coincidence. You found my brother-in-law through Young Master Nie. How did you find the man who switched with him?" Xichen asked.
Luo Binghe blinked. "That was my Shizun. Shizun knew where to find the man. News of the man's whereabouts are often reported for the public's knowledge, as he is a well-known figure. My Shizun originated from the same world as the man."
"Can your Shizun help?"
Luo Binghe looked down. "Shizun knows how to look for that man, he doesn't know how to look for your brother-in-law. Also, he is angry at me now... I can't go back and talk to him until I can coax him with something!"
His face resembled a poor kicked puppy. Well, they could not let the demons return with whatever they wanted until they retrieved Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji back. Otherwise, what if the demons forgot or didn't care enough to bring back the two people?
Jiang Cheng finally calmed down. "... So who in the world can tell me where they went?! Nie-xiong, you must know, since you helped the demon find his master!"
Nie Huaisang shrunk. "I... I don't know..."
Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes. "How long are you going to play fool?"
"I really don't know!" Nie Huaisang protested. "It wasn't me who found his Shizun...it was Wei-xiong..."
Jiang Cheng scowled. "Who?!"
"Not the one with us. The original Wei-xiong. Yiling Patriarch."
Both Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng stiffened. They exchanged anxious glances.
"If it's Yiling Patriarch... He would know how to find them..." Nie Huaisang murmured. "But...then we would need to explain a lot of things to him."
"Your butt getting kicked doesn't amount to much compared to my brother returning," Jiang Cheng said. "Go and ask the one you call Yiling Patriarch to look for them."
Nie Huaisang paled. "You want ME to go there?! I'm going to get skinned alive!"
Jiang Cheng scowled. "Who else? You want these two demons to casually show up and ask him to look for his parallel world counterpart without an explanation?"
Nie Huaisang wondered who he should recommend without the Yiling Patriarch possibly receiving the shock and turning hostile before they even talk about their request. Definitely not the 'dead' Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli. Nie Mingjue? Also dead. Jiang Cheng? The two still had not reconciled though Jiang Cheng no longer tried to break his legs whenever he saw him. Himself? No, no, no...
The best and only option would be Zewu Jun and Lan Sizhui.
"I think Zewu Jun and Lan Sizhui should go," Nie Huaisang suggested. "Things are not the same in that parallel world but there, Zewu Jun and Sizhui are still Wei-xiong's brother-in-law and son. At the very least he won't get mad at either of you."
Jiang Cheng made a face. "So that's a constant? Him and Hanguang Jun marrying?"
Nie Huaisang laughed. "Oh, you have no idea, Jiang-xiong. Wei-xiong over there is even wilder. He had his first time with Hanguang Jun behind some bushes, before marriage. They were both inexperienced but impatient, Wei-xiong told me he bled a bit."
Jin Zixuan again had to hold Jiang Cheng's back before the young sect leader murder the Nie Clan Young Master. Lan Qiren had fainted. Yup, definitely can't send over Jiang Cheng. He would just go there to lecture Wei Wuxian and forgot about his initial intention.
"Xichen can't go," Nie Mingjue said. "If possible I'd like to avoid alerting everyone at the conference with this unneeded trouble. Old man Lan... he needs to recover first."
Nie Huaisang said, "Their counterparts will be here and it should not take long. Even if they come back a little late, it shouldn't be a problem, Zewu Jun is still Zewu Jun."
Only more broken than this world's Zewu Jun, though, Nie Huaisang thought. The crime Jin Guangyao did in the original was immeasurable compared to this world and Zewu Jun had been the one to stab him to death. Well, under his manipulation, of course. But nobody needed to know that. Nie Mingjue was betrayed, killed, his body was chopped. In his eyes somebody like Jin Guangyao didn't deserve to live. He was actually a little glad that even in this world Jin Guangyao did not give up his ambition and showed his true face. He did feel a little conflicted since people were needlessly harmed.
Lan Xichen and Lan Sizhui agreed though they were a bit nervous about meeting the original Wei Wuxian. However Nie Huaisang assured them that original Wei Wuxian was just as nice and friendly, only hostile to several people.
Like the guy who stole his notes.
Binghe opened a new vortex. Instead of transferring two physical bodies, like last time he only switched the two souls inside. It was a lot easier since they still needed to return the two people back to their original world. This time he and Mobei Jun only came with their physical bodies because of...well, they needed the books. If you only switch souls you can't bring the precious cargo with you. Looking for the two parallel souls were not hard - their own parallel counterparts were here and they should also be in the same location - in Cloud Recess.
And when original Lan Xichen was awake, it was an understatement to say that he was bewildered. After all, he was supposed to still be in seclusion. Yet not only he was out at the compound with other cultivators joining, in front of him were the 'dead' Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan.
Original Lan Sizhui himself was just as confused. He was originally in the dining room and had just returned from night hunting with Lan Jingyi, Jin Ling, Ouyang Zizhen, and his Uncle Ning. Now he was at the compound of Cloud Recess along with cultivators from other sects and people he didn't know. Jin Ling was there but Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen were not around.
The gentle Jiang Yanli was the first to greet them. "Are you okay, Sizhui?"
Lan Yuan stared at her with confused eyes. "Who are you?"
Jiang Yanli froze. How could her A Xian's son not recognize her?
Lan Yuan glanced around. "Why am I suddenly here?"
Lan Huan swallowed. "I'm not supposed to be here as well." And so were Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan, whom he stared at suspiciously. Lan Huan wondered if he had been brought to the dream dimension. He was still meditating alone in his room.
"Long story, but to make it short you're just in a parallel universe for a while. We just need a little help from your world's Wei Wuxian," Jiang Cheng said.
Lan Yuan frowned. "Parallel universe? I think I've heard Senior Wei talking about it before... isn't it a world created when a past decision creates different future and timelines?"
They noticed Lan Huan had turned paler. "Parallel universe... you said you wanted Young Master Wei's help. Don't tell me... is he dead... did he never return here?"
His words were followed by a long painful silence.
"Dead?" Jiang Cheng repeated. "What do you mean by dead and never returned?"
Back when Nie Huaisang first revealed about the existence of the parallel worlds, Wei Wuxian did mention that a lot of people had died, including himself. However, his shixiong never really elaborated what had transpired in that world - how he died, and when he died.
Lan Huan stared at him. "What I meant... you should know better. You were the one who killed your own brother."
Jiang Cheng dropped his sword. His hands trembled. "... I did what?"
Xiao Zhan learned two things. One, never post your problem on the internet. Two, he should call his mother everyday and thank her for carrying him for nine months and giving birth to him. If real superheroes exist in this world, they would be mothers.
It was three in the morning. Xiao Zhan had an interview and a photoshoot to attend first thing in the morning. It was a well-known fashion magazine so he only had three more hours before he needed to get up. Wang Yibo himself had a variety show recording in five hours and both had not been able to sleep a wink. It wasn't the sofa bed. The sofa bed may be too narrow for two adult men but the cushions were soft and of high quality materials. They were cuddling and it was warm and nice.
But Wei Wuxian had woken up every couple of hours, just when Xiao Zhan was about to fall asleep, to go to the bathroom.
Xiao Zhan could hear the sound of retching and groaning. The growing baby was also constantly pressing on Wei Wuxian's bladder so he had no choice but to empty it almost every couple of hours. His feet had terrible swelling, his face was pale and he was likely anemic but he had not been able to tolerate any kind of red meat - or even poultry and fish. Xiao Zhan had prepared a variety of thin sliced meat for the hotpot but Wei Wuxian had vomitted just from the smell of raw lamb. Xiao Zhan was glad these two had came here with their physical bodies, not a soul switch like before. He wouldn't be able to cope with the sudden stress of pregnancy and he dared to bet Wei Wuxian wouldn't tolerate well suddenly 'losing' his child.
"This little one is vegetarian just like his father," Wei Wuxian had gleefully said and Xiao Zhan did not have the energy nor the heart to say anything in retort. He still did not understand how a man was able to carry a child - but well, it wasn't as if anything was impossible in that world. Anyway, the couple looked genuinely happy so now Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo only had to figure out how to send them back.
They had a long good talk with Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji over hotpot that day. According to Wei Wuxian, the switch initially occurred through the joint work of Nie Huaisang and a demon with the power to cross different dimensions, whose original intention was to find his shizun.
"I wasn't able to get much from Nie-xiong, other than that," Wei Wuxian told them. "I tried looking up on demons and see if there was ever any sword named Xinmo recorded in history but found nothing. I already explored the entirety of Gusu and Lanling Library. Jiang Cheng said there was nothing in Yunmeng Library too."
"Xinmo?" Xiao Zhan repeated. "Xinmo...a demon with dimension crossing ability... I've heard about it somewhere before."
He Googled it and they immediately found the result. Xinmo, and a demon who could cross dimensions - all of them exist in another novel by Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky. Yibo had then sent a personal message through Weibo to Airplane yet again. Xiao Zhan also asked his management to arrange a meeting with the author. He was informed that it was a little unlikely they'd be able to see him since the author was a shut-in but they would try.
Another hour passed and just when Xiao Zhan thought he'd finally be able to get some sleep, this time it was Lan Wangji who came to wake him and Yibo up. He looked panicked as he pulled both of them to the bedroom, where Wei Wuxian was lying down.
Wei Wuxian was sitting on the floor, his back and head leaning against the bed. He was holding his tummy with both hands. Wang Yibo turned on the light and Xiao Zhan immediately noticed he was sweating and looked very pale. Since Xiao Zhan had nothing that could fit Wei Wuxian, his doppelganger had been wearing his bathrobe. Xiao Zhan saw through the opening slit that the area between his legs was wet.
The two men stared at the small pool of liquid coming out from Wei Wuxian's bottom, that looked and smelled neither like urine nor semen. Then there was only one thing that popped in their heads. Amniotic fluid.
Water broke. Baby coming. All four men panicked.
"How? What? Why? How?!!!" Xiao Zhan yelled. It wasn't unusual for women to give birth before the estimated due date, but at this moment Xiao Zhan's brain could barely function due to panic and sleep deprivation.
Truthfully Wei Wuxian had already experienced the contractions few times but since he had had those contractions few times before this (plus his pain resistance and resilience) he thought those contractions were false alarms. Now he was sweating. "Wen Qing. I need to give birth through surgery."
"There's nobody who can perform surgery in this house, and to bring you to the hospital..." Xiao Zhan paused.
There was no way they could bring him to the hospital. One, Wei Wuxian had no ID. Two, he was a male. Their house would be swarmed by the authorities and scientists. Xiao Zhan didn't want to imagine which would be scarier.
Wang Yibo bit his lower lips. "There is a way."
Xiao Zhan looked at Yibo, wide eyed. "How?"
"Two ways, actually. One, underground doctor. Two, plastic surgeons. Plastic surgeons aren't gynaecologists but I'm sure they can perform other surgeries. They have a lot of celebrity clients and can keep secrets," Wang Yibo suggested.
Xiao Zhan frowned. "Okay."
"But... we would need to use your ID to get him admitted, Zhan Ge," Yibo said.
Xiao Zhan dropped his jaw. "The doctor's going to think I gave birth! Me, a man!"
"... Can't you pretend to be a woman?" Wei Wuxian chirped in despite his pain.
"I've had half-naked shots on TV before, I'm obviously a male to everyone!" Xiao Zhan argued.
"What about the underground doctor? Do we need ID?" Lan Wangji asked.
Yibo shook his head. "We don't need ID but not only I don't have contacts with one, they may be unqualified practitioners and can be dangerous."
Looking at the amniotic fluid dripping down the bathrobe Wei Wuxian was wearing, Xiao Zhan held his breath and made his decision. "... The plastic surgeon. We'll get a plastic surgeon, Bo Di."
"Are you sure?" Lan Wangji asked.
Xiao Zhan nodded. "Either way people won't believe that I'm pregnant. I feel sorry for the doctor but even if it came out they're just going to think he was lying."
Lan Wangji carried his partner all the way to the car. Wang Yibo drove as fast as he could without risking a car accident or the mother-and-baby's life while Xiao Zhan made an emergency appointment with the doctor through phone call. Fortunately the doctor was very much inclined to entertain the sudden request due to his A-list celebrity status. By the time he parked the car Wei Wuxian was deathly pale and the bathrobe was drenched in sweat from all the pain and amniotic fluid.
Xiao Zhan waited in the car and only handed his ID to Wang Yibo. Wang Yibo went to register 'him', then helped send Wei Wuxian over to the stretcher. He could already see the doctor and nurses' gawking at the first case in history of a male's labour. After Wei Wuxian was wheeled into the operation room, he went back to the car and exchanged his clothes with Lan Wangji so that Lan Wangji could go in to give his partner the emotional support as well as a supply of spiritual energy if needed.
The two sat inside the car, huffing and gasping while trying to catch their breath.
"... Zhan Ge."
"... Let's visit our parents on our next day off."
"... I agree, Bo Di."
┍————- ✧/ᐠ-ꞈ-ᐟ\ ————┑
| Mian Mian's Blog |
Hey gals, it's your girl, Yiyi back again with another blog post! I've got a super, duuuper exciting story to share with you! ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆
I had such a great response from my last post about meeting The Untamed casts last time! And yes, I'm still working at that coffee shop, teehee. We make the best coffee in M City! ヾ(＠^∇^＠)ノ
So last night...nope, actually this morning (4 AM!!) my sister, Yang Yang got called in for an emergency case. My jiejie is a nurse at a privately owned plastic surgery hospital. It's a small hospital but most of the clients are celebrities, even A-list ones ah! So maybe you're wondering, what's new? There are so many young idols these days getting double eyelid surgeries, fillers, jaw alignments, nose jobs, boob jobs...
Well now...last night my jiejie was called because of a VIP emergency client. What kind of people want an 'emergency plastic surgery'? Normally you'd take more time planning it if you want your face pretty right? Well, this client didn't come for plastic surgery. This client came with an emergency - to give birth. Eh? Who comes all the way to a plastic surgeon to give birth, why don't they go to normal hospital? Well ~ remember, this is a small hospital with only A-list celebs. They have had clients who came to give birth before - usually female celebs who are secretly someone's mistress, giving birth to illegitimate children.
Hm, not a rare case, you say? Well this celeb is dating publicly. Yes, they have already announced their relationship and many people have speculated from this Reddit post that they are already engaged. Eh, what's wrong with birthing the child then, unless you made your partner wear a green hat? Ah, but the partner also came to the hospital with the client, so he couldn't have been cuckolded. ಠಿ_ಠ
Here's the SHOCKING part.
The person who came to give birth is a MALE. Σ(°Д°υ)
Y'all hear me? A MALE, a creature with d*ck and b*lls, not womb and eggs.
My sister is an excellent nurse, she usually keeps all information related to work confidential. Up until now she had never explicitly told me who came to get surgeries, who came to get fillers - if you noticed, I've never posted anything about people coming to get their face or boobs done in this blog. But this is just TOO UNREAL to be kept to herself.
They worked on the surgery for almost an hour. The mother (hm, father?) is safe and stable, the babies are born well and healthy too (yeah, babies. Twin boy and girl). The couple requested to be discharged as fast as they can, so they're only staying for two days at most, but that gives you an idea who it was, hm?
I'm sure everyone's thinking I'm lying, but whether you believe it or not, it's your choice. I believe in my jie! (￣一*￣)b
You can always check which same-sex couple who are publicly dating...not many in this country, hmm? See if the 'wife' comes to work today and tomorrow. Stalker fans, do your research!
Anyway, that's it for today! I will post more fun stories in the future, so see you guys next time.
Toodles! ✧ ─=≡Σ((( つ•̀ω•́)つ
So I was doing my nails while reading some fics, then fell asleep while waiting for my nails to dry...
...with the fic page still open on my phone. That was a dangerous moment.
No, I definitely wasn't looking at some r rated ones.
Hurray to my fellow pervs who watched the clip of XZ bathing more than a few times
When Lan Sizhui found himself sitting in the dining hall with Lan Jingyi, Ouyang Zizhen, and Jin Ling, he knew the demons had successfully transferred their souls to the other world. Jingyi was still devouring his bowl of rice, Ouyang Zizhen had magnificently cleaned his bowl while Jin Ling was still staring at the bland tofu stew emptily. Lan Sizhui quickly finished his meal (Rule #42: One must not waste food) and put down his bowl and chopsticks. "Excuse me everyone but I must go first."
Jingyi raised his head to look at him. "Already? Let's rest first before we resume the hunt!"
Jin Ling scowled. "We might as well just give up. Fairy and I have walked through the entire mountains, there is nothing!"
"Liar, how can you say you walked through the entire mountain in half a day? The case hasn't been resolved, we can't report to Hanguang Jun and Senior Wei without any findings!"
Ouyang Zizhen nodded in agreement. "Hanguang Jun and Senior Wei aside, your uncle already threatened to break your legs at least three times before we even set off - hey, Sizhui, wait, where are you going?!"
Sizhui walked away, ignoring the protests and questions from his friends as he headed to Jingshi. Cloud Recess was still the same and Jingshi still appeared the same here, with the exception of the many flowers and trees his fellow disciples at his world had planted to please his A Niang. Sizhui knocked on the door and was greeted by the sight of Hanguang Jun. His A Die looked just the same, but...
"Oh, is it you, Sizhui?"
The person who greeted him from inside wasn't Wei Wuxian, but Mo Xuanyu. Sizhui was confused. He had watched The Untamed before - only halfway through, though. He knew Mo Xuanyu had revived the Yiling Patriarch but in the drama, 'Mo Xuanyu' was still played by Xiao Zhan so his A Niang still had the same face. Still, there was no way Hanguang Jun would suddenly get together with Mo Xuanyu instead of his A Niang, right?
"It is Sizhui, Wei Ying," Lan Zhan said and that confirmed Sizhui's assumption. He looked at Sizhui softly. "Come in."
Sizhui nodded and sat in front of the couple. Looking at Wei Ying' expectant look they were probably assuming he was there to report on another night hunt results. Sizhui bowed down first.
"I have something very important to request," he began.
Wei Ying laughed. "Why are you so serious? Did you find someone you fancy, you want to marry that person, hm?"
He shook his head. "I... first, I need to tell you something. I'm not from this world."
Wei Ying nodded. "Well, you Lans certainly have beauty that is out of this world."
"... Not that," Sizhui helplessly said. "I am not this world's Lan Sizhui. I am Lan Sizhui from a parallel world."
The couple turned stiff. "What?"
Following his confession, there was another knock - a second visitor. Wei Ying gawked at the sight of Lan Xichen at their door. Lan Xichen's eyes darted at Sizhui and he smiled. "So you're here already, Sizhui?" he asked, then looked at Wei Ying with confused eyes. Like Sizhui he also did not expect to see someone other than Wei Wuxian with Lan Wangji in Jingshi.
"... I was about to ask if you were joking but I suppose you're not," Wei Ying said as he looked at Zewu Jun, who was still supposed to be in seclusion. "Did you also come from a parallel world, Zewu Jun?"
Lan Xichen nodded and took the seat next to Sizhui while Lan Zhan shut the door close. "How much has Sizhui told you?"
"Nothing much," Lan Zhan said. "How?"
His question was only one word but Lan Xichen could already guessed what he was asking. "Young Master Nie made a deal with demons in exchange for a favour. Now the demons have returned yet again for another dealings. We were sent here by the demons."
Wei Ying scowled. "Ha, that Nie-xiong! I told you Lan Zhan, the Nie-xiong at Unclean Realm now is not the Nie-xiong we know. He stole my notes, that crafty jerk, and went to another dimension. He's still not satisfied even after everything. He made Zewu Jun kill Jin Guangyao to avenge his Da Ge, now he let another Nie Huaisang suffer in his place. Good thing Nie-xiong was never a good clan leader in the first place and Nie Mingjue had good advisors, otherwise Qinghe Nie would be crumbling apart already."
Lan Xichen's expression fell down. "... What?"
Wei Ying raised an eyebrow. "I'm guessing things went differently in your world?"
Lan Xichen nodded. "Um, for starters... you are... are you Young Master Wei?"
Wei Ying stared at him. "... Who do you think I was?"
"... Mo Xuanyu."
"... You don't seem surprised that I'm here with Lan Zhan. You're more surprised that I'm in Mo Xuanyu's body. Do I still have my original body there? Did I never die?"
Lan Xichen swallowed. "... Die? Original body?"
Lan Sizhui quickly answered, "No, you never died. You're still in your original body in our world."
Wei Ying laughed. "Isn't that great, Lan Zhan! At least in one world you get to bang my real virgin body!"
"... Wei Ying, manners."
"Ehehe, pardon me."
Lan Xichen cleared his throat. "I admit I was rather shocked to see someone I'm barely familiar with in my brother's residence. I'm always used to seeing the real you there for thirteen years..."
Wei Ying gawked. "Thirteen years?! Me there got married to Hanguang Jun thirteen years ago? Wait, how old are you now, Sizhui? When did I get married there?"
"... Not long after Sunshot Campaign - around a year after that."
"... That is quick. Wait, Old Lan Qiren agreed? You agreed? Jiang Cheng? How did... why did all of you approve of a criminal like me, marrying the precious Hanguang Jun?" Wei Ying questioned.
"Criminal?" Lan Xichen was even more confused. "Why would you call yourself a criminal... well, seeing that Wangji already made a move on you, it is unreasonable and disrespectful to not propose marriage."
No, it wasn't that, Sizhui thought. In the drama, Wei Wuxian was ostracized not only because of his demonic cultivation but also because he chose to rescue the Wen remnants. "In our world, Yunmeng Jiang was given the right to handle the prisoners. You never had to fight against your own clan, never had to be kicked out. Yunmeng punished those who were involved and rightfully pardoned and freed those who were innocent. That was also when you - well, my A Niang - took me in as his son."
Wei Ying's jaw dropped. "But... how...?"
Lan Xichen chuckled. "It isn't something I discovered much later on but somebody managed to let the Wen remnants escape. When other sect leaders demanded the list of prisoners to help recapture them, their evil deeds of imprisoning innocent people was discovered. Nie clan suggested that as the person with highest kill count as well as the one to kill Wen Ruohan, you should have the right to handle the prisoners of war."
Wei Ying had so many questions. Like, how did he kill Wen Ruohan in that world? That Nie clan suddenly made that suggestion - that was probably Nie-xiong's work. Who let the Wen remnants escape and how did he remain uncaught? Was it also Nie-xiong?
"Nobody questioned his decision? I'm a demonic cultivator, even with Qinghe Nie's support..."
"Well, since you were getting married to Wangji, people thought it wouldn't be a problem since Wangji would help keeping you in check."
Wei Ying's jaw dropped yet again. He then playfully elbowed his husband and squealed. "Lan Zhan, hear that? We really should have done it sooo much earlier! Think of how many people will be spared with the power of our love!"
"Everything sounds perfect so far in your world. Why would you come here then?" Wei Ying asked.
"The demons came seeking Nie-xiong again for another favour. They accidentally transported my brother and brother-in-law to another dimension. I'm hoping to ask for your assistance to look for their souls."
Wei Ying clicked his tongue. "Tsk tsk, that Nie-xiong, I already warned him once he makes a deal with a demon, he can never get out. Now I have to deal with his mess. Ah, but, what to do...."
"...? Is there any problem, Young Master Wei?"
"I used a special array I created myself to look for the people the demons requested. To activate the array, you need to have the person's soulmate. The demons were each looking for his soulmate, so no problem there. But... hm, Lan Zhan and I are each other's soulmate, what to do now if both are missing?"
Sizhui and Xichen began to feel dread. "Please, is there no other method? My A Niang is pregnant and about to give birth anytime soon. We need to get them back!" Sizhui pleaded.
Wei Ying unfortunately was sipping on tea and Lan Xichen unfortunately got sprayed by the tea. "He's what?! I'm what?!"
"He is pregnant. He's carrying their child," Lan Xichen calmly replied and took out his handkerchief to wipe his face.
"... I have so many questions but let's save it for later. Well, there is another way. We need their personal items, preferably something they carry with them everyday. By the way, you can't use mine just because we are parallel counterparts - it's going to end up with me looking for me."
Lan Sizhui and Lan Xichen exchanged worried looks. Obviously they did not have any, since only their souls were transferred here. Wei Ying hummed.
"... No choice then. Either the demons bring their personal items here, or both of us will have to go to your world."
~~~ EXTRA ~~~
Originally Wei Ying did not intend to help them. Well, not until Lan Xichen beg him, maybe. Lan Xichen called him the 'biggest mistake Wangji ever made in his life' and Wei Ying couldn't understand why Lan Xichen would suddenly accept him. Also, he wouldn't help them until Nie-xiong returns his notes and gets skinned alive hundred times.
Then Sizhui said 'A Niang' and Wei Ying's heart instantly melted.
So I usually draft my work in google docs first so that I can do them even if I'm out, while waiting for queue at the banks whatsoever... but yesterday I accidentally deleted the draft T_T
I couldn't retrieve them & had to retype them... QAQ
All this time, when he had helped clean up Wei Wuxian to get a happy ending, and then returned to clean up his mess, Xiao Zhan thought at most he would only need to quit his career as a celebrity and go back to graphic designing. He loved designing, no problem. He could always return to the entertainment world later.
He never once thought he would possibly face the risk of getting detained or imprisoned.
The early morning after he had sent Wei Wuxian to the hospital, Xiao Zhan was getting ready to head to the photoshoot and interview. He wouldn't have enough time to sleep or even get a proper makeup and hair styling but he'd be fine as long as the photographer could compensate it with good editing skills. However, when he got into his car, his manager drove him to his agency instead of the studio.
He was informed that the CEO had replaced him with a fellow labelmate. So Wei Wuxian had just lost him an important job. That was fine, the babies were more important.
He was made to wait in the CEO's office for a whole three damn hours. The CEO came in with a grim face and tossed an iPad to his face. Xiao Zhan's eyes widened.
His heart sank after he finished reading the blog post.
"The blogger has almost a million followers on Weibo, mostly your fans, whom she gained after posting about meeting you at M City. I know you're a man for sure, no matter how pretty you are," the CEO said. "So my question now is - were you the one who posted that thing on Reddit?"
Xiao Zhan gulped. "... No," he lied through his teeth.
"Then why the hell is your name registered at B Hospital? Who gave birth, and got registered as a patient using your ID? Why was Wang Yibo the one registering for you at the counter? You think I can't find out these simple things using my own power, Xiao Zhan? Do you take me as a fool?!" the CEO questioned angrily. "Your apartment has CCTV. The hospital's parking lot has CCTV. You want more proof? Your phone calls are recorded. Your credit card, your transactions are all recorded. Do you think that we live in an ancient time, where everything can be erased so easily?"
Xiao Zhan fell silent. Out of sheer panic and sleep deprivation yesterday, he failed to think through all of those. He and Wang Yibo had even paid the hospital to silence them, but..
It took one loose-mouthed nurse and a blogger hungry for clicks and likes to end them.
"Now, answer my question, Xiao Zhan. Were you hiding your gender and secretly gave birth, or did you help someone commit an identity fraud?"
He could not answer. The CEO sighed. They both knew what the answer was. Xiao Zhan had been in public eyes for the past several years, he was photographed by journalists and paparazzi almost every day. His slim waist remained slim, he had never been pregnant. The only answer was that he had been helping the 'illegal immigrant doppelganger without an ID' whom he had been hiding at home. There would be more than one charge if he were arrested - assisting in identity fraud, shielding and hiding 'illegal immigrants', bribery...
"It is only a matter of time before someone connects the dots and report it to the authorities - either a concerned fan or an anti-fan. Until then, you're suspended from work. The agency will try and take down the blog post and news articles but... once the government gets involved, we'll have no way to protect you. Go home for now, Xiao Zhan."
"And do something about Wang Yibo. As if it wasn't enough that you came out of closet without consulting both agencies. I've lost face too many times already because of you. You tied someone as young as him to an uncertain relationship... I thought you were better than this."
Xiao Zhan did not answer. He only bowed and left the office quietly, ignoring all the curious stares and not-so-subtle whispers of the people around him.
When he came back to their apartment, Wang Yibo was also there. Wang Yibo, who was supposed to be at his variety show recording. Looking at his crestfallen face, clearly he too had been sent home early.
"Bo Di?" he croaked.
Wang Yibo glanced at him and laughed helplessly. "Maybe we should have just sent them to an underground doctor after all. He has a protagonist halo, he shouldn't die so easily... but in real life, protagonist halo really don't exist, huh. At least not for us."
Xiao Zhan smiled bitterly. He stared at Wang Yibo in silence for a long time.
"Bo Di... Wang Yibo. Let's break up."
identity fraud is a serious crime, people...u can get in jail. not sure how it'll be in china tho...
Chapter 15: MDZS: Siblings
Jiang Yanli shrieked while Jin Zixuan struggled to hold back Jiang Cheng from hitting Lan Huan. Lan Huan meanwhile was being held by Lan Yuan and Lan Qiren.
"I dare you to say that again, bastard!"
Lan Huan glared back. "You were the one who killed your own brother. I said it loud and clear, what do you not understand?"
"There is no way in hell I would do that to my own brother, no matter how much of an idiot he is! If I were the one who did it, why did Wei Wuxian say nothing about it? He knows whatever supposed to happen in your world!" Jiang Cheng argued.
"Young Master Wei gave his own golden core to you. He was willing to quit his own life as a cultivator and die to protect you. You think he would say something?" Lan Huan retorted. "But what did you do? You kicked him out of the clan when he has nobody else to turn to. Your sister lost her life because she wanted to protect him and in retaliation you chose to kill him - the person she died to save. As if that wasn't enough, you did not allow him to come back even to pay respect to your dead parents, despite knowing what he did for you."
Jiang Cheng trembled. "Lies. You're spouting lies, Zewu Jun."
"Now you're asking for help when it's convenient? I do not approve of this," Lan Xichen gritted his teeth. "I've had enough - brothers that bite back the hands that feed them... it disgusts me."
Nie Huaisang stood between them. "Zewu Jun, enough... things are different here. Don't project your frustration to Jiang-xiong, he has no idea what happened there!"
"Exactly why he should know then, to not repeat the same mistake," Lan Huan said. "Sect Leader Jiang already knows everything. A Yao... Jin Guangyao already confessed to his crimes. A Yao died but why hasn't he reconciled with Young Master Wei? Why did everyone have to die for nothing? I thought people would be happier if the criminal is caught, but... I only feel remorse in and regret in my heart, even though the person who caused my brother to grieve so much and my older sworn brother to die, is dead now."
All of them fell silent. Nie Huaisang felt slight guilt creeping up to him but brushed it away. No, maybe he regretted making Zewu Jun deal with the finishing blow. However, he regretted nothing about exposing and killing Guangyao. That was just how much anger and grudge he felt towards him.
The two demons came back to them. This time, they brought two more people. Nie Huaisang was almost delighted when he thought - finally, they found them back - then immediately retreated to hide behind his brother's back as soon as he saw 'Mo Xuanyu' walking with a smile towards him.
The others too, had thought that the demons managed to bring back the two when they saw Hanguang Jun, but were confused when they saw 'Mo Xuanyu' instead of Wei Wuxian - especially Jin Zixuan.
Wei Ying's eyes took in the scenery before his eyes. He saw his shijie - slightly older than he could remember, but still just as warm and beautiful. He chuckled. "I see. I almost can't believe it but Sizhui is right. Miracles really can happen, huh."
His shijie was here. Jin Zixuan was here. Jin Ling's parents were alive. So this was the world that could have existed if he wasn't so arrogant and impulsive. Wei Ying thought that even if Jin Guangyao and Jin Guangshan did not exist, disasters would still fall upon him. This world had proven him wrong. Of course, Wei Wuxian was not exactly living a peaceful life by normal standards - but this, this was a thousand times better, Wei Ying thought. That man whom Lan Xichen said to have swapped with his parallel self - Wei Ying would love to thank him if he ever get the chance.
"... Where is Wei Wuxian?" Jin Zixuan asked the two demons.
Wei Ying blinked and pointed at himself. "Me. I'm here, peacock."
Jin Zixuan choked. "What?! YOU?! Why do you look like that?"
"How rude, this body is not bad looking at all," Wei Ying laughed. "Well, my original body has already perished, like, thirteen years ago. Not even a skeleton was left, oh, woe me."
"Sect Leader Jin, Jiang-xiong, Da Ge... These two...they are the original Hanguang Jun and Wei-xiong, from the parallel world, not our Hanguang Jun and Wei-xiong," Nie Huaisang said.
Jiang Cheng was rendered speechless. Wei Ying saw his crestfallen face and laughed. "Why do you look like that, Jiang Cheng? You look so funny!"
Jiang Cheng clenched his fists. "What he said... is it true? Thirteen years ago, in that world... was I the one who killed you?"
".... That's not important."
"How can it be not important?!"
"Aiyah, but I already forgot ah, Jiang Cheng..." Wei Ying hummed. "If I keep account of all the people who was a bit mean to me, I'd lose count already ah..."
"A BIT MEAN?!" Jiang Cheng repeated. "How can you say your life is not important?!"
Wei Ying chuckled. "Well, isn't that how it is? I was wondering why the people in this world - like you, would be so nice to me, even allowing me to get married. Turns out shijie is still alive here. Peacock is still alive here. Now I have my answer. We grew up so close, I forgot about my own status as a servant's son. You were forced to accept me because of shijie and Uncle Jiang. Once Uncle Jiang and shijie are gone, you lost your reason to tolerate my existence. In the end, to you, I'm not really 'your brother'. I'm just your sister's 'brother', just the son of your father's servant - "
Jin Zixuan and Jin Ling gasped. Even Jiang Cheng was stunned.
Wei Ying's hand went to rub his cheeks, red from Jiang Yanli's slap.
"A Cheng gave up his dogs when we were young because you were scared of dogs. Even after I got married, even after you moved out, he didn't keep any dogs at Lotus Pier, in case you ever want to visit home. After Lotus Pier was burned, we took the reserved treasury from my mother's clan for my dowry, so that we can use whatever is left at Lotus Pier, after it was raided by the Wens, for your dowry. Whenever A Ling comes back from night hunts with Sizhui and Jingyi, he would always ask about you first," Jiang Yanli said. "I know nothing about what happened in your world but A Cheng's affections for you has nothing to do with me. He treasures you as his brother, just as much as he loves me, just as much as I love you. There is never any rank, status, or blood that separates us."
Wei Ying fell silent. He sniffed and let out a small sob. "I'm so sorry, shijie."
Yanli rubbed his head gently. "Our A Xian is all grown up but is still so sensitive and sulks so easily."
Wei Ying shook his head. "Xianxian is only three, shijie. Xianxian is still so stupid, still wants to be pampered."
"His mental age certainly is three," Jin Ling commented on the side.
"Shut up, Jin Ling. Shijie, you say there is no ranking but I'm still going to rank you above Jiang Cheng in terms of beauty, strength, and brain."
Jiang Cheng scowled. "I only have two siblings but you're still going to be ranked fifth in terms of brain."
Lan Zhan cleared his throat. "Wei Ying."
Wei Ying rubbed his eyes. "Oh right. I'm here to get your world's Wei Wuxian's personal items in order to retrieve them."
They went to Jingshi to find something that the two would use on a daily basis. It was easy for Lan Wangji - they only needed to pick his guqin and Bichen. However, when Jin Zixuan suggested to use Chenqing, Wei Ying was hesitant.
"I wouldn't suggest using that. I don't have a particularly fond memory of that," Wei Ying said. He noticed a beautiful tea set on the table that was not their usual tea set back in his own world. One of the cups had a little crack and slightly chipped. "Where did this tea set come from? It looks different than the one I'd use."
"It's the tea set that Gusu Lan gave as your betrothal gift," Jiang Cheng answered. "Hanguang Jun hand-painted it himself. You love it so much, you cried for three days when one cup fell down and broke. Hanguang Jun spent a whole day mending that one cup because you won't shut up about it."
Wei Ying's eyes brightened. "So it's made by Hanguang Jun and loved by me so much. Perfect! This will do."
He skipped to the backyard and noticed plenty of flowers decorating the yard. Wei Ying was amazed.
"The disciples planted the flowers when he first got pregnant. He was experiencing morning sickness and they wanted to make him feel better," Lan Qiren said.
"I'm so loved here," Wei Ying sighed. "Made me think Qiongqi Path and Nightless City were a bad dream."
"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan muttered.
"I know, I know. We have limited time. Make way, I'm going to draw the array here."
Wei Ying completed the array and placed the items in the middle. It was very complicated, with many lines and talismans at every corner. He made a small incision on his hand and dropped the blood at every corner, before sitting in front of the items and meditating.
"... All of you can go in. It will take at least three hours if he's lucky," Lan Zhan said.
"Three hours?!" Jin Ling almost shrieked. "He's going to stay in that position for three hours?!"
"What about you, Wangji," Lan Huan asked.
"I will stay with Wei Ying, Brother," Lan Zhan replied. "Go back to our own world, Brother."
"... I know."
Lan Zhan hesitated for a while, then added, "... Wangji is happy to hear you speak your mind. It is good to let go of restrain... sometimes."
Lan Huan smiled. "I see. So that is how you survive."
Luo Binghe switched back the original Lan Xichen and Lan Sizhui shortly after.
Though Lan Zhan did tell them to go back, in the end all of them waited at Jingshi for the whole three hours Wei Ying sat in the lotus position (Lan Qiren was amazed by the feat. He had never seen his nephew-in-law sitting still for such a long time).
When Wei Ying exited the array his face looked serious. He looked at Luo Binghe. "Young Master Luo, can we ask for your shizun's assistance?"
Luo Binghe blinked. "Why would you need my shizun? Also, he's still mad at - "
"Please. I'll explain to him. I found Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji - they are safe. But I also found the man who had swapped with him. He's in trouble," Wei Ying explained.
"Actor Xiao?" Nie Huaisang asked.
Wei Ying nodded. "Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are both in his world. He has safely given birth - the man has helped them. However, now he is in danger of being imprisoned, I think."
Jiang Cheng gawked. "Why would you be punished for helping someone?"
Wei Ying laughed. He then sighed. "I ask myself the same question, Jiang Cheng. Why do people get punished for helping someone?"
Chapter 16: CQL: Soulmate
"Bo Di... Wang Yibo, let's break up."
Wang Yibo froze. His face turned deathly pale. "... Zhan Ge...?"
Xiao Zhan took off the opal ring and placed it on the coffee table. "I'll move out. It was my fault for involving you in this mess initially. That's why... if the police were to come, all you need to do is tell them that I made you do this - that I forced you to take my ID and register at the counter. I have plenty of blackmail materials on you, so - "
Wang Yibo pulled his hand and pushed him down onto the couch, entrapping Xiao Zhan between his two arms. "What are you trying to pull off, Xiao Zhan? Who do you think you are? Have you developed a hero complex now?!"
Xiao Zhan swallowed hard. "You're still young. I was the one who made that statement at the press conference. You can just say that I did everything without consulting you first and you decided to play along to save my face."
"So you want to take all the blame on yourself?"
"... At least one of us will be spared."
Wang Yibo let out a choked sound, then laughed helplessly. He glared at Xiao Zhan. "What makes you think I will be grateful to you for that? Together in prison is still being together, right? Or do you hate me now?"
Tears rolled down his cheeks. Xiao Zhan looked away. "Don't be stupid, Wang Yibo. The one who gave birth was my doppelganger and the one whose ID was registered was mine. The one who's six years older is me, listen to your gege, won't you."
"The one who did the registration, who gave that 'brilliant' idea was me. The one who asked you out was me. The one who proposed was also me," Wang Yibo said. "You look down on me too much just because I'm young, Xiao Zhan. Do you think I proposed to you on impulse? Am I just a fling, someone you have fun with for a while?"
"Wang Yibo, listen to me-"
"No, you listen!" Yibo yelled back. "I love you. I want you. I fancy you so, so much, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, even if we both have to go to prison for that. I want to sleep with you every night and wake up to your face every day. I desire you so much, even if I have to wait for three, thirteen, thirty, three hundred, three thousand years, I don't care as long as I can have you. I swear with my own heart and soul that even if I'm reborn, you will always be my only one true love and soulmate."
This time their eyes met. Xiao Zhan's lips trembled. Wang Yibo sealed the declaration with a long, slow kiss. Xiao Zhan sobbed.
"You stupid idiot. You're an idiot. All the beautiful girls in this world and you still want this cursed old man," Xiao Zhan cried. "Why are you so stupid, Wang Yibo?"
Wang Yibo hugged him tight. "All the beautiful girls in this world and you choose to accept me, Xiao Zhan. You're an old cow eating new grass, but this new grass is the one that seduced the old cow first, what to do?"
They embraced each other for a long time.
"Well, what else but to take revenge by eating the old cow in return, you new grass! Just do him until his voice gets so hoarse that he can't talk and his hips hurt so much he can't run away anymore!"
Both actors froze. Wang Yibo released Xiao Zhan from his hold and slowly turned around. Xiao Zhan rubbed his wet eyes and looked at the direction from where the strange voice came from.
Standing behind the kitchen counter, watching them and their brief drama just now, was Lan Zhan in his glorious 'mourning' white robes and a man they never saw before. However, both Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo were all too familiar with the black and red robes. Moreover, this situation gave them a feeling of deja vu.
Wei Ying chuckled. "So you are Xiao Zhan - the man who played me, huh. I shouldn't be surprised that you two are together - soulmates will always find each other even in different worlds and reincarnations."
Xiao Zhan dropped his jaws. He pointed his finger at Wei Ying. "You... how?"
Wei Ying laughed. "Since you helped creating a happy ending for my parallel self, I thought it would be fitting for us to help you back, don't you think?"
Guide to Proper Dating by MDZS/CQL/SVSS Casts
By Wei Wuxian: Just do him all the way.
By Lan Wangji: Always listen to your partner.
By Xiao Zhan: Young ones like to be spoiled.
By Wang Yibo: Older ones are tough, you have to be bold.
By Shen Yuan: Always make your partner happy.
By Luo Binghe: Cling to your partner as much as you can.
By Jiang Cheng: Find the right partner who fits your personality.
By Lan Xichen: Honesty and communication are keys to a healthy relationship.
By Shang Qinghua: If you want to attract men, just act like a helpless idiot.
By Mobei Jun: If they don't listen just hit them three times a day. If they're mad, let them hit you back.
By Jiang Yanli: Be with someone you love and loves you back <3.
By Xuan Lu: Always celebrate good things <3.
By Jin Zixuan: Don't be a coward. Tell your partner what you really feel.
By Cao Yuchen: Passion is okay but don't make out in the public toilet.
By Xue Yang: Find someone who can excite you.
By Song Jiyang: Everything fun starts with a good handjob.
B City Hotel grand ballroom was filled with reporters and journalists from various media outlets. Everyone had been excited by the announcements from Xiao Zhan's and Wang Yibo's agencies when they released a statement that they would explain the truth about the latest gossips during a press conference.
So far the reporters were anticipating a huge, cover page-worthy headline from the two top celebrities. Their 'coming out' and dating announcements had their magazines and papers sold out, websites flooded.
A lot of people were speculating that either Xiao Zhan had assisted with identity fraud, or had been hiding his true gender and was actually either a hermaphrodite or transsexual. Mostly believed he was guilty of being involved in identity fraud and was curious to know about the so-called doppelganger who apparently gave birth.
As soon as the two figures showed up, all the attendees began clicking on their cameras and recording. The two gave out their usual greetings. Xiao Zhan looked tired from an obvious lack of sleep, so did Wang Yibo. However, they still appeared just as handsome, their hair looked freshly cut and nicely styled.
Xiao Zhan however, was walking weird and he was holding his flat stomach. The reporters were all holding their breaths.
Is it the operation wound? So he really did give birth?!
"To address the rumours..." The actor in question began. "Yes, I did go to B Hospital and requested for an emergency operation. I was also accompanied by Wang Yibo, and asked him to register for me while I was wheeled to the operation room. The person who was hospitalised was indeed me, not someone else and I have not in any way assisted in any case of identity fraud."
"Did you really give birth?!" One reporter impatiently asked.
Xiao Zhan rolled his eyes. "How can men give birth? Are you stupid?"
Wang Yibo nudged his elbow and he cleared his throat. The reporter shrunk back to his seat.
"I was hospitalised and operated on because of acute appendicitis. That's all."
So they had been excited for nothing? They were all ready for some sensational news, only to be told that he was operated because of acute appendicitis?
Seeing that some people still looked skeptical, Xiao Zhan slowly stood up and slightly lifted his shirt. The reporters could then see white bandage slightly peeking out from underneath his jeans.
The size of bandage looked a bit too long for a simple appendectomy stitch and the location was a bit off but...none of them were medical doctors or nurses so they couldn't be sure.
"In case people don't believe me, I will even upload the medical report on my Weibo tonight. I really did have an operation because of appendicitis. I shouldn't be discharged yet, but well... Seeing how people immediately assumed a man is wheeled in for an emergency operation because of a baby, I'm not sure what to think of our society anymore."
"What about the reports and statements from the hospital staff that claimed you were there to give birth?" Reporters questioned.
Xiao Zhan waved his hand off as if to dismiss it. "With tired nurses working on night shifts, don't you think they might make up some stories just to have some fun? I know for certain that there are many of my fans out there writing very imaginative stories about me and Yibo, or about our characters. Plenty of them involve illogical things like male pregnancies. I will however, file a lawsuit against the hospital for disclosing patient information, for revealing that I was admitted to the hospital and causing this much mess. It wouldn't be funny for anyone to get into prison for having appendicitis."
The room was filled with murmurs and dissatisfied noises. Xiao Zhan grinned.
"All of you seem to be in a bad mood so I will announce something," Xiao Zhan said. "Before, we did publicly announce that we were dating. Then a lot of you have come up with some more speculations after we uploaded some photos of us. Therefore...we would like to confirm that piece of news right here and right now. Yes, Wang Yibo and I are engaged."
The reporters returned to their homes and offices unhappy that there was nothing sensational about the hospital admission and that the blog post turned out to be fake, but still glad that they have something else exciting to report. Those who were still skeptical tried investigating further but not only they were unable to find any CCTV footage, the hospital records indeed showed that Xiao Zhan was there for an emergency appendectomy.
They tried getting statements from hospital staff but all the doctors and nurses responsible were reprimanded harshly and forced to remain silent, since they were already facing a lawsuit for breach of information. If they continued to provide any further comment they could be sued for defamation as well.
Xiao Zhan cackled with laughter at home as he scrolled through his news feed, while laying on Yibo's lap. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji had finally safely returned to their own fictional world with their babies -
- And much, much shorter hair. Xiao Zhan couldn't imagine Lan Qiren's reaction once he saw Wang Yibo's short, dyed, curled hair.
"Are you that happy, Zhan Ge?" Wang Yibo asked while caressing his fiancé's head.
"Of course I am, Bo Di. Well, we didn't get to shave them bald but we did get to see their hair cut. Getting your hair cut is like capital punishment for people of that time, right?" Xiao Zhan grinned.
Yibo nodded. "I'm surprised they were willing to do it. I even heard that it's considered a punishment worse than death."
"Ha! After all we've been through that menace deserves to get castrated," Xiao Zhan said.
~24 hours prior ~
Xiao Zhan's eyelids fluttered. He still could not believe it. The real Yiling Patriarch had appeared and was now offering to help them.
"Help...but how? How can you help? Also...how did you come here?"
Wei Ying shrugged. "Here to retrieve the foreign existence that caused your trouble. I'm sorry we weren't able to come sooner but we are here to rectify it. All you need to do is open the door."
Right after Wei Ying said it, the doorbell rang. Xiao Zhan gulped. Wei Ying raised an eyebrow.
"What are you waiting for? Open it."
Wei Ying laughed. "Not the people who want to put you in prison, don't worry."
Xiao Zhan nodded and slowly opened the door.
He was greeted by two man in their early twenties - one very handsome he looked like he could be a celebrity himself, and one more average-looking but appeared very refined. Xiao Zhan felt like he had seen the latter before but he just couldn't remember when and where.
"I'm sorry to have bothered you. My name is Shen Yuan, Shen Qingqiu and this one is my disciple, Luo Binghe," Shen Yuan introduced himself with a smile.
"Shen Qingqiu...is that a courtesy name? Are you a cultivator?" Xiao Zhan gasped.
Shen Yuan nodded and Xiao Zhan immediately made way for the two special guests to come inside. However, instead of sitting on the sofa Shen Yuan sat on the floor and suddenly bowed to Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo. Luo Binghe, seeing his master bowing immediately followed suit without a word.
Xiao Zhan choked. "Wait, what - "
"I apologize on behalf of my disciple... " Shen Yuan pondered for a while on how to address the young actor. "... Young Master Xiao. It was his thoughtlessness that initially sent you to the novel world and yet again, it was his carelessness that put you in this predicament."
"Luo Binghe is the demon that has the power to cross dimensions, my doppelganger," Wei Ying said.
Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo finally remembered. So this was the master of the demon, whom he adored so much. Xiao Zhan was amazed to see someone with such refined temperament.
"I will punish him accordingly, of course. You may also punish him as you see fit. However, I believe right now it is more important to solve your issue. I was told that you are now possibly facing charges for identity fraud?"
Xiao Zhan nodded and proceeded to tell the whole stories in more details. Shen Yuan hummed. So far it was as Wei Ying had told him. If so, perhaps their solution would work.
"We do have several solutions for you," Shen Yuan said. "I believe your agency has been blocking the media from releasing any more articles?"
Xiao Zhan nodded.
"... I can get the System...well, I can help erase all traces of your transactions, hospital records, and online articles about the case," Shen Yuan offered.
Xiao Zhan gawked. "You can?!"
Wang Yibo was amazed. "I didn't know cultivators can do some sick hacking."
"... Haha," Shen Yuan let out a soft laugh. He didn't know how to hack, of course. But he could spend the extra points he had to make special requests from the System. "Of course, it's not perfect. You can't hack into people's memory. Which brings us to one additional step - your first choice."
Wei Ying nodded. "I can set a spell to reverse the time."
Xiao Zhan's eyes widened. "Reverse the time?!"
"Well, not exactly the time itself but the time in people's memory. I will erase the past twenty four, or maybe fourty eight hours of everyone's memory. Time will still flow as usual, only your memories and perception will be disturbed," Wei Ying said.
"It has a lot of setbacks, of course. You'd think it's Wednesday but it's actually already Friday. It's going to mess up with a lot of things, and it will be dangerous to some people - say, people who need regular dialysis every other day. Let's say he needs dialysis on Friday, but think it's Wednesday and therefore skips the session. It may be harmful, but we have no choice since there are so many people who know about it and we can't set the spell specific to only certain amount of people," Shen Yuan said.
"No," Xiao Zhan refused. "I'm not...taking the easy way out with the cost of someone's life."
Shen Yuan secretly wanted to give a big applause to the young actor. From today on he would be this man's loyal fan! Luo Binghe was still prostrating at the side, unwilling to get up until Shizun told him to.
"Well, we can always play along as well," Wei Ying giggled. "Just admit that you were pregnant and gave birth. I believe Master Shen said there are laws and regulations in this world protecting innocent people from being detained, right?"
Xiao Zhan sweatdropped. "Then get hunted by NASA or something instead?"
"NASA?" Wei Ying was confused.
"You can always lie and say you were originally a trans man or a hermaphroditic who was raised as a man. Nobody can verify it except your parents, who won't want you to be in prison," Shen Yuan said. "You and Wei Wuxian share the same genetic makeup. If they were to do a paternity test, the results will show that the babies born from Wei Wuxian are hundred percent related to you and Wang Yibo. They can do the same test over and over again and they'd get the same result. Even if people claim you didn't look pregnant, they can't say anything in the face of DNA test."
Xiao Zhan was speechless for a moment. "And where would the babies come from when Wei Wuxian returns to his own world?"
Wei Ying blinked. "I don't know. Just make them?"
"..." He underestimated this man's stupidity. "No. I'm also not going to adopt any children when I'm not ready to be parents."
"We have another solution," Shen Yuan said. "It requires some sacrifice from Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, though. I believe they'd be willing to do it if it's for your sake, however. It is in my opinion the best, harmless, solution."
"... Let's hear it," Xiao Zhan said.
Shen Yuan shrugged. "Since they were...hmm, gullible enough to think men can give birth just from a blog post, they'll probably fall for this. Just tell people that you were hospitalised for acute appendicitis."
"... That simple?" Xiao Zhan gasped.
"The location of scars for appendectomy and Caesarean are close enough to fool non-medically trained people. Get Wei Wuxian to dress up as you and show the scar. He doesn't have to show everything, only part of it. Anyway, to make it believable we only need to 'edit' the medical report and upload it on social media. I can help do that," Shen Yuan explained.
Xiao Zhan gulped. "Are you sure you're not going to add anything to my charges?"
"The System..well, my hacking will be flawless, no worries."
"But people will keep suspecting..."
"And won't be able to do anything. Your only issue right now is to escape possible charges. People will keep on gossiping. Once they find new things to gossip..." Shen Yuan's eyes caught the opal ring on the coffee table and the ring on Yibo's finger. He smiled. "If you cover it up with something else people will find something else to talk about."
Wang Yibo nodded. "Sounds viable. But...hold on. You intend to make Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji dress up as us and answer the reporters?"
"... Well, we don't have a makeup artist to fake a stitch scar, just in case they demand to see it," Shen Yuan replied, then grinned. "Also, I've heard from a little birdie that you've been dying to shave their head bald? Do you know that in ancient times, cutting someone's hair is considered a punishment?"
Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo looked at each other with widened, excited eyes. They were delighted. Xiao Zhan held Shen Yuan's hands. "I'm so glad to have met you, Luo Binghe's Shizun."
"... It's Shen Yuan."
"Thank you, Luo Binghe's Shen Yuan. You're a godsend!"
~ Back to current time ~
Yibo chuckled as he remembered Lan Wangji's constipated expression when he had his hair cut and dyed. Yibo himself probably had the same expression when he lost his precious bike. He kissed the top of his beloved's nose. "Can you promise me something, Zhan Ge?"
"No more mention of breaking up no matter what, okay?"
Xiao Zhan raised an eyebrow, then sat up on Yibo's lap and wrapped his arms around his neck. "Hmm, so clingy today, husband?"
"Of course," he purred back. "Promise?"
"Promise. So...where is the everyday that you mentioned before?"
Wang Yibo grinned and brought their lips together.
And so our heroes were finally able to get the last laugh...maybe.
On a completely unrelated note, my car broke down while I was driving yesterday QAQ. Luckily a kind soul stopped by and helped fix my car. I offered him money but he refused. I still tried to pay him anyway so he just took it but when I shook his hand & thanked him, he slipped the money back into my hands and walked away back to his car.
Like...bro...that was so smooth bro. I almost fell for you. Thank you, green-shirt bro. I'm gonna call u my own personal cucumber bro
Chapter 18: MDZS: Thank you
On normal days, the special sealed room in Cloud Recess is reserved only to purify items or individuals from malicious spirits and curses. The room was built specially to contain spiritual energy, had good yin yang balance and also an especially suitable location to play Invocation and calling out spirits.
It was also a suitable location to open the gate to different dimensions for a much longer time. Inside the room, family and friends of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji from all four clans were already gathered there, waiting for their return.
As soon as the gate opened, they immediately saw the couple - still in their respective all white robes and black-red robes. Wei Wuxian had lost his bulging belly, replaced by two babies, one in each parent's arms, and -
The belly wasn't the only thing missing.
"Shijie!" Wei Wuxian cried as he walked (he would've run but his surgery wound was still hurting) towards Jiang Yanli, who was waiting at the other side, while holding one baby in his arms.
"A Xian!" Yanli cried, then blinked. "Eh? What happened to your hair?"
Lan Wangji followed his partner, carrying the second baby. Lan Qiren, who saw his nephew's short, dyed hair, gasped while pointing towards him and Wei Wuxian. "Wangji, you, you... Your hair..."
"... Cut it," Lan Wangji simply replied.
"Why?!!" Lan Qiren wailed. "Wei Wuxian, you too...why??!!"
"... Returning the favour," Lan Wangji said.
Lan Qiren fainted.
"A Xian, this little one?" Yanli asked, her bright eyes practically begging to hold the newborn in Wei Wuxian's arms.
Wei Wuxian grinned. "My babies! I gave birth to them! This time, for real!"
"Yes, you did," Yanli smiled and took the baby, lightly kissing the forehead. "You're so beautiful, baby girl. You're going to break men's hearts when you grow up. What's her name, A Xian?"
"... Lan Yue and he's actually a boy, Shijie," Wei Wuxian coughed.
"... Of course. You're so beautiful, A Yue."
Lan Xichen eyed his brother meaningfully, gesturing at the baby in his arms. "Wangji - "
"Can I hold the baby, A Die?" Sizhui, who was too excited, had cut him off first.
Lan Xichen: "..."
Lan Wangji handed the baby to Sizhui. "Lan Fei. Your little sister."
Lan Xichen was a little disappointed. His niece. He had wanted to hold his niece first.
He turned around and saw Jiang Cheng already watching them with hawk eyes. Behind Jiang Cheng, a whole other row of people - Jin Ling, Lan Jingyi, Nie Mingjue, Xue Yang - so many others were already lined up, waiting for their turn.
Yanli looked at Luo Binghe and Shen Yuan. She bowed respectfully. "Lord Shen and Lord Luo... I know perhaps it is too much to ask, but is it possible for me to see the man - the one they said had momentarily replaced A Xian? Just a moment is enough. I just wanted to thank them for helping A Xian with delivery."
Shen Yuan looked hesitant for a while but looking at Jiang Yanli's hopeful face, he nodded at Binghe.
"Only five minutes."
Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo's living room wasn't exactly the ideal place to open a gate but it was the only place Binghe had been to before. He connected the gate to the living room.
The members of the four clans were all slightly stunned to see the mirror image of Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian before them - with the same short hair. The two men looked fairly surprised as well but when Shen Yuan explained Yanli's request, they calmed down.
Yanli handed the baby she was holding to Jiang Cheng and then bowed gratefully to Xiao Zhan. "I wasn't told in details about what had happened, or rather what should have happened...but all I know is no amount of words of gratitude would be enough to thank you," she said.
Xiao Zhan shook his head. "There is no need to bow, I'm sure anyone in the same shoes as me would have done the same."
Yanli smiled. "I'm curious to know...when did you actually switch with A Xian? I could hardly notice the difference."
Xiao Zhan blinked. "When...ah, well, the first time was when he first came back from the Burial Mound."
He saw their stunned faces.
"Well, I did switch back with him in between, at the Phoenix Mountain, in the middle of the hunt," Xiao Zhan added.
"Hold on," Jin Zixuan suddenly felt headaches. "If you were here from the time Wei Wuxian returned, until the hunt... So YOU were the one who killed Wen Ruohan??!!!"
Xiao Zhan fell silent for a while, then shrugged. "You can say that."
Their jaws dropped. Jiang Cheng then remembered Wei Wuxian's confusion when Jin Zixun accused him of rescuing Wen remnants because of how he killed Wen Ruohan. He frowned.
"Hold on, what about the Wen remnants?" Jiang Cheng asked.
"Also me. I planned the ambush and created the explosives," Xiao Zhan admitted. "Before you ask, the one who made the plans to expose Jin Guangshan and Jin Guangyao was also me. I'm not a cultivator, I can't fight, those are the only things I could do. You have no idea how much I panicked when you asked me to use that magic mirror, Zewu Jun."
"No no no, hold on. What you did was beyond impressive," Jin Zixuan said, barely able to keep his mind in place. "How did you...how were you able to come up with all of that?"
"I'm not sure if you can take it if you know the truth. Let's just say we have our ways," Xiao Zhan chuckled. "I'm just someone who wishes for a happy life, for his favourite character. I'm sure Luo Binghe's Shizun can relate to that."
He smiled at Shen Yuan, who was standing beside Binghe. Shen Yuan smiled back.
Wei Wuxian eyes brightened. "Oh, wait here, my doppelganger! I have something special to give you!"
Lan Wangji frowned. "Wei Ying, don't run. You're still recovering."
"Ah, but the items are in Jingshi..."
"I'll go get them for you."
Wei Wuxian whispered to Lan Wangji and he promptly returned with two large boxes. Wei Wuxian gave one box to Xiao Zhan and another to Luo Binghe.
"My thank-you gifts!" He beamed.
Xiao Zhan was a little hesitant but with Jiang Yanli, Lan Xichen and so many others watching he didn't want to be rude. "I'll accept your good feelings then. Though I hope we won't ever have to see each other again..."
Wei Wuxian grinned. "It's a pity but yes, it is best if we no longer have the need to see each other."
They both nodded, and simply waved their hands before stepping back. Debts paid and gratitude silently conveyed, there was no need for any exchange of words. Luo Binghe closed the gate, and bowed shortly before returning to his own world as well.
Jiang Cheng was curious and asked. "What did you give them?"
"Oh, remember the numerous extra incense burners I made before I managed to create the final, effective product? Well, they are failed creations but since they are just as beautiful and still can be used, I figure, why not give them out?"
Seeing Jiang Cheng's distorted face, Wei Wuxian thought his brother was angry because he was giving away what Jiang Cheng deemed as 'junks' and added, "Oh, don't worry, Jiang Cheng! I also put in the same thing Wen Qing gave to me during my wedding before. That medicated oil really came in handy - so good for everyday use."
Good thing Lan Xichen was there and quickly took the baby from Jiang Cheng's hold before he went berserk.
~~~ Extra ~~~
When Xiao Zhan found out Wei Wuxian had gifted him an incense burner and a bottle of medicated oil, he immediately threw the burner into the storage room, burying it along with other junks.
He kept the medicated oil in their drawer.
Chapter 19: SVSS: Boyfriend shirt
Wrote this chapter because I just need a boyfriend shirt scene ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Shen Yuan discovered that not only Wei Wuxian had given them an incense burner, he had even included half the piece of Stygian Tiger Seal in the box. Shen Yuan had no idea what to do with the incense burner and Stygian Tiger Seal, so he gave it to Luo Binghe to handle. Luo Binghe simply absorbed the seal piece into his body. He was a half demon to begin with so fragment of yin relic could hardly affect him. He gave the incense burner to Mobei Jun and only kept the medicated oil since his Shizun appeared quite delighted to see the oil.
("You look happy, Shizun. Is it a rare item?"
"Of course, Binghe! This master will teach you how to use this tonight."
"... You may bring that book of yours."
Binghe was overjoyed.)
Since Mobei Jun had no use for the burner he gave it to Shang Qinghua to put in his room. That night, Shang Qinghua lit up the new incense burner, completely forgetting its function since he kind of just included it in the extra chapters, just for the sake of writing a 'papapa' scene.
Coincidentally the same night Mobei Jun came to his room to look for Shang Qinghua. He found the human already sprawled on his desk on top of several papers. He carried Qinghua to his bed and laid next to the human, then closed his eyes.
And so the two met in their dreamscapes.
Mobei Jun looked around him. He saw Shang Qinghua standing next to him, grinning sheepishly at him. In front of them was another Shang Qinghua, sitting at his desk writing something. They were still in the Ice Palace but there seemed to be hardly any servants around. The other Shang Qinghua didn't seem to notice their presence as well.
"What is this place?" Mobei Jun asked.
"Dreamscape. The incense burner allows people to get inside the dreams of people close to them," Shang Qinghua explained. "We can see them but they can't see us."
Shang Qinghua noticed Mobei Jun appeared a little uneasy. He grinned. Hm? Wouldn't this mean the demon had probably dreamt of something inappropriate?
"I'm back, Qinghua," Dream-Mobei appeared out of nowhere.
Dream-Qinghua's face resembled a cute loyal puppy that had been waiting for the owner to come home. "My King!"
He literally ran towards Dream-Mobei to hug him. Shang Qinghua grimaced. Was this what Mobei Jun desired from him? To act like a lot dog, wagging his tails? As if it wasn't enough for him to act like a pathetic boot-licking man.
Dream-Mobei patted his head gently. "Not that again. What did I tell you to call me?"
Dream-Qinghua blushed. "Darling hubby," he called in a sickeningly sweet-saccharine voice that almost made Shang Qinghua vomit.
What the hell.
Dream-Mobei nodded with satisfaction. "What did you do today, my flower?"
'My flower'? Shang Qinghua gagged. Was this actually his nightmare and not Mobei Jun's dream? There was no way in hell that Mr Hit-them-till-they-obey would dream of something that was straight out of a shitty romantic comedy sitcom.
Dream-Qinghua leaned against Dream-Mobei's broad chest while twirling his hair on his fingers like some lovesick maiden. "I wrote some love poems for you...but ah, they're too embarrassing to be shown, hubby~~!!"
Dream-Mobei hummed and picked up one sheet anyway. "Let me see."
Dream-Qinghua shyly his his face behind his two palms while Dream-Mobei read the poem out loud.
"When I wish upon a star
I do not have to look too far
'cause sitting right next to me
shining bright and true
is the loveliest star I ever knew,
They tend to twinkle and fade
but my little star for eternity was made
I know your flaws,
You surely know mine
but like stars in the sky
our love will burn up the night!"
"Kyaahh~ ♥️♥️♥️ !!! Darling hubby, that was so sweet!"
Dream-Mobei finished reciting the poem and Dream-Qinghua literally squealed with delight as he then proceeded to pepper his husband with kisses all over his face.
Dream-Mobei looked smug. "Shall I read another one...my little star?"
"Oh, yes please!"
"Stop! Stop this! This is so embarrassing! Why am I the one embarrassed??!!" Shang Qinghua wailed. Why in the world would Mobei Jun dream of something so silly like this? Love poems? Nicknames? What was he, a middle school girl dating her first boyfriend??!!
Mobei Jun had been silent ever since the beginning though his ears had been visibly red.
The scene before them finally changed. This time, Shang Qinghua found himself in the modern setting - specifically in his tiny apartment.
This time Dream-Qinghua was standing in front of the closet, fresh out of the shower with only a short white towel that barely covered his ass. Mobei Jun was staring at Dream-Qinghua like a hungry lion staring at a nice piece of raw steak.
Dream-Qinghua finally picked up something from the closet and Shang Qinghua was horrified to find that his dream self had chosen to wear an oversized dress shirt with nothing underneath.
Oh lords...could this be...the legendary...
"Qinghua, I'm home!"
Shang Qinghua panicked and hurriedly covered Mobei Jun's eyes with his hands. "My King, there is absolutely nothing worthwhile for you to see here!"
Mobei Jun raised an eyebrow and removed his hands. "Then there is no harm watching is there?"
Shang Qinghua wished he could find a hole somewhere to hide himself. Really, of all things, why would this one short fantasy of his that he had only thought of one time, just one time, after watching a recent TV drama...
Dream-Mobei came inside the room and looked surprised. "Qinghua...what are you...isn't that my shirt?"
Dream-Qinghua smirked and raised both hands. The shirt was so large that the sleeves went past his wrists and only the tips of his fingers were exposed. "Tadah! Boyfriend shirt. Ever heard of it?"
Dream-Mobei appeared confused but not disliking the look at all. "What kind of fashion is that? Why would you wear something that doesn't fit you? What does it mean?"
Dream-Qinghua grinned. "It doesn't fit me at all, of course - because it's meant to be taken off as soon as the real owner comes home."
Dream-Mobei hummed and licked his lips. He slowly reached out to unbutton the shirt. "I see. I like it - this boyfriend shirt."
The following event after that was censored. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
They returned back to real world. Mobei Jun stared at Shang Qinghua for a long time before he uttered, "Qinghua."
Shang Qinghua gulped. "What?"
"We don't have a shirt."
Shang Qinghua nodded. "We don't."
"Let's try 'husband's robes' instead."
Unwilling to do something so embarrassing, Shang Qinghua gave an excuse, "... that... Isn't it unfair to fulfill one dream only?"
Mobei Jun carefully thought. He nodded. "I understand."
Shang Qinghua sighed, relieved.
"I'll start reading out poetry from tomorrow onwards."
"That's not what I mean!!"
Poem is not by me. I literally googled embarrassing cringy love poem lol
Chapter 20: MDZS: Babysitting rights
"And so, Lan Zhan and I are going to be at Wen Qing's the whole day. We need someone to babysit Feifei and A Yue."
Usually, it was rare for any of the disciples to volunteer themselves for chores. However, this morning, at breakfast Wei Wuxian announced that he needed to see Wen Qing to examine his surgical wound and core. Since Wen Qing herself couldn't come due to some reasons, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji needed to come to her. They could neither fly on swords nor ride Lil Apple with Wei Wuxian's condition so they were going to take a carriage, which was a lot slower.
Usually whenever Wei Wuxian asked for the disciples to do any chores, the only volunteers were his own son Sizhui; his son's best friend Jingyi; and his disciple Xue Yang (if he was around). At times other disciples would also volunteer if they wanted to ask for a favour in return - usually pointers for night hunts.
This time, as soon as he announced his request for a babysitter, a whole row of disciples lined up in front of him. Wei Wuxian sweatdropped.
"I only need two at most. Actually, only one I guess, since Xue Yang already volunteered yesterday."
Damn it! All the disciples cursed.
"Also, Brother-in-law, why are you lining up too? Aren't you busy with sect leader's work?"
"Not busy," Lan Xichen quickly denied.
Lan Qiren cleared his throat. "Xichen, you have duties to attend. Disciples who have classes should not skip classes to do personal chores!"
Lan Xichen sulkily walked away. Other disciples silently pouted as well. Lan Qiren nodded.
"Ehem. Hence, let this old man who has free time take care of the babies."
!!!! So you too, Elder Lan??!! All the disciples silently wailed inside their heads.
"You're the one teaching those classes, Uncle," Wei Wuxian reminded him.
Honestly, it wouldn't even be a problem to take the twins with them. Lan Yue was a little unruly like his mother but Lan Fei was sweet and demure, calm like her father. Still, the twins were adorably cute and easy to take care of. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji had only been awakened once or twice at night when either one cried either for milk or for nappy change. According to Jiang Yanli, nursing Jin Ling had been a lot harder - she and Jin Zixuan could barely sleep a wink. But the twins were still too young, Wei Wuxian didn't want to bring them over for a long ride inside a carriage.
Even now, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji could calmly have breakfast while they let the twins sleep in their laps.
Unfortunately hearing the noises, Lan Yue woke up and began crying. Lan Fei, who perhaps shared a telepathic connection with her twin too began crying.
"Hush hush, baobei, A Niang is here," Wei Wuxian held Lan Fei and coaxed her. "I'll bring her and A Yue to their cribs. Anyway, the rest of you meanwhile can discuss among yourselves who among you is free to babysit. I'll come back later."
As soon as the couple and the babies disappeared from the dining hall, a heated discussion rivaling a sect leader's meeting began.
Sizhui stood up. "As their big brother, I believe I have the responsibility to babysit my baby siblings. Naturally, I will do the work."
One disciple was not accepting it. "Lan Sizhui, you have the privilege of carrying and playing with the babies everyday because of your status. Are you now abusing your status and big brother privilege to obtain the right to babysit?"
Lan Xichen stood up. "What about my privilege as their uncle and sect leader? I haven't been able to use my uncle privilege so far."
Lan Qiren coughed. "Xichen, shouldn't I have more rights, as the granduncle?"
"Let us disregard the status then, and think about this objectively," one senior disciple then suggested. "We Gusu Lan are not about status or blood, but capability. Who, among us, is most capable of nursing infants? Obviously, me!"
"Nonsense. When it comes to capabilities and flexibility, everyone knows I am number one," Lan Jingyi joined the debate.
Another disciple stood up to make his point. "As someone who has the best cooking and cleaning skills here, I should be the one to do it."
"Cooking and cleaning has nothing to do with raising a child. I've helped raise Wangji before, I can do a better job," Lan Xichen argued.
"You and Wangji were raised by me," Lan Qiren said.
"I don't mean to be rude Zewu Jun but you can't do the laundry without tearing your own robes, and with every five plates you try to wash you always break one," Lan Jingyi said. "I'm worried you might break the cribs or rip the nappies.
Lan Xichen gasped. "I wouldn't!"
"Not convincing. I remember you tore my stuffed doll before when you tried to wash it," Sizhui said. "Anyway, the most logical thing to do here is to leave the babies with me, the big brother."
"Stop abusing your power..."
"You're the head disciple, you need to lead the night hunts..."
"You juniors need to attend classes..."
"You're the sect leader, you have other duties..."
When Wei Wuxian returned to the dining hall, it had turned into a chaos. Everyone was arguing - even the sect leader, the sect elder, and the head disciple!
Wei Wuxian cleared his throat. "Everyone?"
They all stopped talking and looked at him.
"Xiao Daozhang and Song Daozhang just arrived. They volunteered to take care of the twins, so all of you can resume you own duties. I apologize for the trouble. I'm going first. See you all later!"
Wei Wuxian left. All the disciples, Lan Xichen, and Lan Qiren picked up their swords.
Song Daozhang and Xiao Daozhang can't babysit if they get into an accident, right?
Dear Madam Jiang Yanli,
I am writing to you as I am currently facing a problem, a huge problem which I cannot disclose to neither my master nor the two Daozhangs. Currently, you are the only person I can trust to keep this a secret as well as to give a sound advice.
The story begins like this. Last week I was entrusted to care for the Lan twin babies while Shifu and Hanguang Jun went to see Maiden Wen. While we were there, Song Daozhang mostly spent his time outside Jingshi fending off attackers (there were attackers at Cloud Recess, can you believe it? Sect Leader Lan was outside but he only watched without doing anything to stop the attackers. I almost got shot by stray arrows at least ten times). A Qing went to clean the nappies; while Xiao Daozhang and I were putting the twins to sleep. Tired, both of us fell asleep as well, not realising that we had fallen asleep next to one of Shifu's incomplete incense burner.
While it did not bring us to Mister Xiao Zhan's world, it did bring us to a strange world. In that word, I was an evil, wretched man who fooled around with people's lives. Xiao Daozhang was blinded and... .... *Some blotted ink here that looked like the writer's hands were trembling*
... He fooled with my heart.
We existed as an apparition in that world and so while our counterparts could not see or hear us, we could. In that world...we had done the unspeakable. No, Daozhang had done the unspeakable to me. I had also done something unforgivable, something I wish I never seen, yet something I strangely was delighted to have witnessed.
In that world, I had tied up Xiao Daozhang. I had also threatened to kill him. Daozhang however asked me to spare his life in exchange of...
Of...*ink splotches here*
I had no idea what he was talking about. Daozhang told me to lower my pants. He then proceeded to *ink splotches* rub my manhood, while taunting and making fun of me for being a virgin. He took advantage of my inexperience to further...humiliate me and made me beg for his mercy, while uttering dirty words. We were found by Song Daozhang and A Qing, and that was when we woke up and returned to reality.
Xiao Daozhang kept apologizing to me but I couldn't meet his eyes anymore so I ran away. Thinking back, it was a ridiculous dream that would never happen so I went back to him to explain myself. Then I overheard him talking to Song Daozhang.
Song Daozhang was asking if Xiao Daozhang had made me mad. Xiao Daozhang then said that it was nothing, and that we had just witnessed something inappropriate, so I was feeling embarrassed because of my immaturity and inexperience. His words, for some reason, triggered something within me and I became angry.
So I barged into the room and accidentally blurted out, "I can make you come in five minutes too!"
Bad move, because A Qing was actually inside the room as well.
Song Daozhang went to explain to A Qing while Xiao Daozhang dragged me to another room to lecture me. He then...spanked me. Like a child. Normally I'd get mad at him for treating me like a child. But... I got hard.
That night, I dreamt of Daozhang spanking my bare butt and talking dirty to me again. When I woke up the next morning, my pillar was up and my underwear was wet. I didn't know what to do so I ran to the river and...rubbed it the way Daozhang did in the dream. I may or may not have accidentally moaned his name out loud.
A Qing found me yet again and screamed. She accused me of lusting over Xiao Daozhang and threatened to tell Song Daozhang about it. I ran away again. What should I do now?
Dear Xue Yang,
You are my A Xian's disciple and you have helped out my Jin Ling many times, there is no need to call me Madam. Next time you can call me Aunt Yanli.
As much as I'd like to help you, I'm afraid as a woman, albeit a married one, I am not an expert when it comes to a man's physiology. Forgive me, but I did consult with A Yu about your problem. No worries, I did not disclose your identity to him.
A Yu told me if a man starts fantasising about another man, or if a man gets excited by the touch of another man, that simply means he is attracted to men. Of course, just to be sure, you can always check if you have a reaction with women. A Yu says he only reacts to men.
I know you're embarrassed but I'm sure A Xian can help you better. He knows to keep a secret when he needs to.
Dear Aunt Yanli,
Thank you for your reply. As per your advice, I decided to check my orientation and tried going to a brothel.
Unfortunately, I was caught by Xiao Daozhang. He scolded me for going to immoral places. Anyway, I failed to confirm if I can have reactions with women.
So I tried hiring a male prostitute. I couldn't think of any place to go, so we went to an inn. Heavens must be against me - perhaps I have done something bad in my past life, because I got caught again. Sect Leader Nie was the one who saw me and he sent me to Xiao Daozhang and told him about how I had tried getting into a room with a male prostitute.
Needless to say, Daozhang was horrified. He brought me to his room and asked if I was perhaps feeling pent up. He said that as a man, he understands that all men have urges and very few can restrain themselves. I had no choice but to admit to him about all the dreams I've had, though I've omitted the part about him being in those dreams. I only told him that I kept dreaming of doing the unspeakable things with men, and waking up with wetness between my legs.
Daozhang then asked if I had ever tried relieving myself. Since he had asked me, I'm guessing either A Qing never really complained to Song Daozhang or Song Daozhang never told Xiao Daozhang about me. I was too ashamed to admit it and pretended that I have no idea what he was talking about. He then asked me if I was having the urge, since I went all the way to even hire a prostitute.
Well, to be frank I wasn't then, but I certainly did feel excited when he took me to his room. It is very shameful but I was expecting to be spanked again.
But Xiao Daozhang did something more shocking *ink blotches* to me.
He told me to take off my pants, then showed me how to relieve myself. It was pretty much like the dream we saw, save for the begging and the dirty talk. His fingers were like magic and even better than I imagined.
He told me to do it whenever I have the urges, and to not go to prostitutes as they may spread diseases. Daozhang said I was just experiencing something normal as a young man.
I don't know if this is normal or not but now every time that place feels excited, I can only relieve it by imagining Daozhang's hands enveloping me. I tried picturing beautiful young men or luscious young women but none work as well as Daozhang.
Is there any way to overcome this? How can I keep travelling with them when all I feel when I see Xiao Daozhang's face now is excitement?
Dear Xue Yang,
You're a cut-sleeve now. Accept it and live with it - as quoted by A Yu.
I'm a terrible person
But I need more xiaoxue
Wen Ning still could not get used to the short hair no matter how long he stared at it. Wen Qing nudged him and he quickly averted his eyes.
"Staring is rude, A Ning. Though I understand it's fascinating."
"Sorry, Young Master Wei," Wen Ning apologized.
Wei Wuxian laughed. "No big deal, Wen Ning! It actually feels a lot fresher too, though I miss Lan Zhan's long hair. It definitely is easier when I have to bathe and feed the babies."
Wen Qing blinked. "Right. I've been curious about this - how do you feed the babies? You don't have milk, do you?"
Wei Wuxian shook his head. "I don't. When I delivered my babies there, we had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. Wang Yibo - Lan Zhan's doppelganger bought large tins of white powder. He called it infant formula milk. People who can't breastfeed their babies for certain reasons - like mothers with diseases, or babies without mothers, drink it. We only need to dilute it in warm water."
"Interesting. How do you feed them?"
"With bottles. It's a special bottle with a soft tip that resembles a woman's breast so the babies can drink like they're being breastfed. Wang Yibo bought us a lot of things for the babies and we brought them all back with us," Wei Wuxian said. He absent-mindedly ran his fingers across his short hair. "That's why Lan Zhan and I willingly cut out hair. For all the help we received, including changing our fate... something that will grow back is nothing."
Wen Qing nodded. "Anyway, I can see the doctors there did a great job. You're healing nicely. If you continue to apply the salve it shouldn't leave an obvious scar."
Wei Wuxian grinned. "I wouldn't mind if it leaves a scar. It's a good scar. Right, Lan Zhan?"
Lan Wangji nodded.
Wen Qing chuckled. "If you're fine with it. By the way, how long is the milk powder going to last?"
"Hmm...perhaps in two months? The twins do drink a lot."
"You can't wean them off milk yet by then. They're only what...two weeks old now? Normally I would advise mothers to breastfeed for a minimum of six months before they start feeding other types of liquid but yours is a special case," Wen Qing said. "A Ning, why don't you follow them to Cloud Recess, and come back with a sample of the milk powder? I'll see if I can recreate it. Until then, keep on feeding them the milk powder."
"Thank you, Wen Qing," Wei Wuxian smiled.
Lan Wangji also thanked her. "We appreciate it, Maiden Wen."
Wen Qing then remembered something and handed Wen Ning a bag. "A Ning, ask Young Master Wei for a new incense burner to exchange for this."
Wei Wuxian blinked. "Eh? Isn't that the one A Yuan brought to you? What happened?"
"Your shidi broke that one and I don't know why. It's cracked a little now. I heard you have plenty of excess at home?"
Wei Wuxian nodded. "I do. I'll give one to you. Let's go, Wen Ning!"
By the time they arrived at Cloud Recess it was almost nine. Wei Wuxian was puzzled to see only Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan in Jingshi. Wei Wuxian picked up little Fei.
"Thank you for your hard work, shishu. You look tired."
Xiao Xingchen shook his head. "The little ones are very obedient, not difficult to care for at all. A Qing did a great job mixing the milk too."
Wei Wuxian looked around. "Where are A Qing and Xue Yang?"
Song Lan cleared his throat. "A Qing is soaking the laundry and cleaning up the arrows."
"Just a little scuffle while you were out," Song Lan coughed. "People of Gusu Lan can be surprisingly aggressive... I mean, passionate."
Lan Wangji placed Lan Yue inside the crib. "I will do the laundry. She worked hard, she should rest."
"Xue Yang?" Wei Wuxian asked.
"... He has things to do. I'll look for him later," Xiao Xingchen smiled awkwardly.
Wei Wuxian hummed. "Oh, Wen Ning, don't just stand out there, come in. The milk powder is there - you can take some for Wen Qing. The incense burner is in that room there, pick whichever you want."
Xiao Xingchen froze. "Incense burner?"
"Ours broke so Young Master Wei offered one of his," Wen Ning explained. "I'll be intruding then, Young Master Wei."
Xiao Xingchen paled. "Are you sure it's okay?"
Wei Wuxian laughed. "They are the failed prototypes so they shouldn't bring your soul to another world anymore. At most you will only have lucid dreams."
"But...what if it causes nightmares?"
Wei Wuxian frowned. "You're hurting me, shishu. I wouldn't make something that causes nightmares."
"But the one in your room..." Xiao Xingchen muttered, his eyes darted at the incense burner near the crib that had shown him and Xue Yang the R-rated experience.
Wei Wuxian's eyes meanwhile was looking at the old incense burner at Lan Wangji's desk - the very first, original one they had. He then recalled the first dream world he and Lan Wangji had visited.
"The one in our room... I remember when Lan Zhan and I first used it. We saw each other's dreams and it was so funny...ah, adorable too."
Xiao Xingchen's eyes widened. "Adorable?"
Wei Wuxian nodded. "Yes. That burner, unlike the other ones shows your dreams, your desire. I had a dream where Lan Zhan and I were living together in a small cottage. I'd chop the woods and he would cook my favourite dish. Lan Zhan...heh. He dreamt about the days we studied together at Cloud Recess."
And they sure did study a lot in that dream. Human anatomy, specifically. The bottom part of human anatomy, to be even more specific. And it was Lan Wangji who did the exploring for the most part.
However right now the only thing replaying in Xiao Xingchen's mind was that 'the incense burner shows your desire'.
Then why the hell did he and Xue Yang see that thing?! If it was something that caused nightmares, why would Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have such innocent dreams? Could it be that he...towards Xue Yang...
"Shishu? Are you okay? You look pale."
".... I need to go meditate, Wuxian. Is there any place with cold water here?"
If both Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, who were going at it like rabbits, had such innocent dreams...what about him, who had tarnished Xue Yang's innocence? He really should reflect on himself.
Poor Daozhang...and the misunderstanding continues...
So, to answer what some might be curious about, Wangxian has infant formula to feed the babies :3
In my country (& I'm sure in most countries as well) hospitals have pharmacies & they usually sell baby formulas in case of emergencies, like people who give birth before their due date & are unprepared. Of course, exclusive breastfeeding is still encouraged for six months.
New mothers also often receive gifts like baby rompers, bottles, other baby necessities, etc, when friends & relatives come to visit. So it's not weird to see single people buying baby items at all...at least not in my place. When my cousin had her baby she didn't need to buy anything...her co-workers bought everything from outfits to bottles and baby shampoo - before she even gave birth 😆 talk about getting excited lol.
Though I suppose some suspecting people are gonna think YiZhan really have a secret baby if the story spread out 😆😆😅
Xiao Zhan's new drama was aired. Wang Yibo was not watching it. Well, to be specific he was not watching one particular episode.
The episode with the kiss scene.
He understood it was just work. He had had love scenes before and incoming too. Didn't mean he can't be jealous, right? Of course he'd support the drama not only as a partner but also as a fellow actor and good friend. However, Wang Yibo decided to skip the kiss scene.
It wasn't fair that the actress got to kiss his fiancé on screen before him. Xiao Zhan's first girlfriend had his first kiss. Lan Wangji had taken his first kiss as a man. Xiao Zhan wouldn't say anything but he was already 28, so Yibo had a sneaking suspicion he wasn't a virgin when they first dated too. None of them talked about it - it was pointless talking about the past since they both had promised each other's future.
Still...he wanted to be Xiao Zhan's first something!
When he talked about it with Xiao Zhan, the latter laughed and said, "You can be my first, last, and only husband."
His fiancé was good with words so he relented. Still, he wanted to do something special. An idea popped into his head. He had wanted to try this for a long time but hadn't succeeded yet.
"Zhan Ge, let's take a bath together," Wang Yibo suggested.
Xiao Zhan frowned. "Why?"
Wang Yibo gave him a knowing look and Xiao Zhan instantly shook his head. "No."
Yibo was dejected. "Why?"
"You're tired of me?"
"No, not tired of you," Xiao Zhan quickly denied. "My body is tired."
"We have no schedule tonight."
"We have a livestream, remember?"
Of course. How could Wang Yibo almost forget? They were going to have their first livestream together after becoming a couple.
Still, it was just a livestream and nothing strenuous. They were going to do it at home anyway, supervised only by their managers.
He gave his fiancé a pleading look. Xiao Zhan tried to ignore his puppy eyes. Wang Yibo finally took out his secret weapon.
The special request coupons. Xiao Zhan's eyes twitched. It was his fault for making that thing anyway. He ought to fulfill his promise.
"Bathing only. No hanky panky, okay?"
Yibo nodded with glee.
They got into the shower together, then Wang Yibo began filling the tub, while Xiao Zhan was busy lathering his hair with conditioner. He snuck a glance at Yibo's youthful clean face and sighed. Back when he was at that age he too could get away with just cheap shampoo and simple skin care routine. Now...he kept receiving offers for xianxia drama and spent the whole year filming in tight wigs, some people had teased him by saying his hairline was receding, and he hated that so much.
Wang Yibo was already sitting in the tub, eagerly waiting. Xiao Zhan slowly stepped inside. They had already seen each other's naked bodies many times but he still felt a little conscious. He turned around, not wanting to face Yibo so that Yibo wouldn't see his red face.
That was perhaps one of the biggest mistake he did that day.
Xiao Zhan slipped and fell into the bathtub, bottom first. Something long and hard stabbed his inside and he automatically screamed.
"Zhan Ge!" Yibo panicked.
Xiao Zhan cursed as he gasped for air, his eyes wide and his mouth open - shocked by the accidental, abrupt, unprepared penetration. He grabbed the sides of the bathtub. "Oh god, oh god... Bo Di...why are you hard?!"
Wang Yibo felt a little guilty, but at the same time he couldn't help it. He had been watching the man he loved wet and butt-naked for the past ten minutes, it would be weird if he wasn't excited.
Xiao Zhan lifted himself up but this time his hands slipped from the hold and he unintentionally plunged himself down again. The hot, bulging rod inside him hit the deepest part that made him scream from pain and pleasure.
"Oh god...oh...ah... Wang Yibo, why are you so big? You're completely...filling me..."
Wang Yibo clenched his fists. He took a deep breath and adjusted his position, his hands then moved to Xiao Zhan's waist to lift him up. "Zhan Ge, if you keep saying that you're going to make me harder..."
Xiao Zhan again gasped and let out a moan. When Yibo moved he had hit one particularly good spot that made him forget the pain for a second. "Oh, dear lord...don't. My inside is going to be the shape of your thing if you keep going."
Unprepared for the enticing statement Yibo lost hold of his waist and Xiao Zhan once again engulfed Yibo's pillar whole, letting out another loud moan.
"Damn it, Bo Di!"
"Don't say things to seduce me, then refuse me, Zhan Ge!"
"What seduce, I never seduced you...mn ahh..."
"Haven't you heard yourself?"
"Everything I said...ahh...was true... I said nothing with the intention to seduce you..."
Yibo lost his restraint and pulled his beloved towards him. "You have no damn idea how delicious you are, Xiao Zhan," he said, and bit his shoulder.
Since he was already in, he might as well just finish what had accidentally been started.
Fifteen minutes later Wang Yibo emerged from the bath fresh and revitalised while Xiao Zhan looked like he just returned from the brink of death. In a way, he did. He had just been 'impaled' several times. Wang Yibo's neck and shoulders were full of purple bruises, from Xiao Zhan's 'revenge'.
They got dressed and when they got out of the bedroom to the living room, they saw their managers sitting at the sofa with red faces.
Xiao Zhan wanted to look for a hole to hide now.
It was almost nine. Their livestream was supposed to start at nine. Of course their managers would be there. He had forgotten they would be coming to monitor the broadcast. Seeing their awkward greeting smiles, they had most likely heard his screams and all the shameful things he had said out loud in the bathroom. Maybe he shouldn't have given them the spare keys. The spare keys was for the sake of emergency, but...seemed like the managers were the ones at risk of a heart attack.
Wang Yibo's manager coughed. "Can't you change to a different shirt, Yibo?"
Yibo raised his eyebrows. "Why?"
"Well, perhaps you'd want to keep proof of Actor Xiao's passion to yourself..."
"Go and change, Bo Di," Xiao Zhan murmured quietly. "I'm going to sit down and reflect on my life decisions for a moment."
However, the moment he sat Xiao Zhan jumped back up and hissed. His manager was alarmed.
"Is there something wrong?"
Xiao Zhan groaned. "My butt hurts, I can't sit down..."
".... Maybe don't be too enthusiastic next time?" The manager suggested.
"I wasn't! It was an accident!" Xiao Zhan argued.
"I slipped and fell onto his dong!" Xiao Zhan said.
The manager rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Sure. Clinton was a better liar."
Wang Yibo came back wearing a different shirt with high collar. Hearing Xiao Zhan's complaint, he took a neck pillow and placed it on the sofa so Xiao Zhan could sit without hurting his bottom. Anyway they could just film from their waist above so it wouldn't be seen.
With the camera set and ready, they began their livestream.
I'm sorry Zhan Ge... This trash was inspired by a fanfic I saw some time ago...where someone made a joke of 'i slipped and fell into his d*ck'
I will repent. 😬
Chapter 24: CQL: Don't forget to turn off your microphone
Shou : uke, bottom
Gong: seme, top
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
"Hello, I am Xiao Zhan."
"Hello, I am Wang Yibo."
Their livestream began with simple greetings.
[I have been waiting!!!]
[I'm supposed to be working overtime but got off work early just to get my melon seeds ready for this stream...]
"To everyone who has been waiting for our livestream, thank you for waiting," Xiao Zhan cheerfully said. "I see there are already more than fifty thousand people watching even though we just started."
Yibo nodded. "The drama has finished airing for months, the movie has also been successful... I can't believe so many people are still supporting us. I wonder if it's possible for another spin-off movie, hm?"
[Is that an official announcement??? Please please please pretty please???!!!]
[Is another spin-off movie coming??]
[Or maybe they can remake the drama...this time, hundred percent following the book.]
[I'll pay for that to happen, whatever the amount is!]
[I got no money but I'm willing to sell my soul for that.]
Xiao Zhan laughed. "I don't think a version with scenes from the novel can be realised, with our broadcasting rules..."
[Chinese American here. Just upload it on YouTube or other video streaming service. YouTubers make shit-ton of money, I'm sure the revenue can cover the production cost.]
[I volunteer as the cameraman, you don't need to pay me. There, you save some labour cost.]
[I also volunteer as cameraman.]
[I can edit videos.]
[I'm an aspiring makeup artist. I can do your makeup.]
[I volunteer as the director. My directions are easy - just recreate chapter 69, chapter 100, and chapter 111 for us.]
Xiao Zhan sweatdropped. These fans...all of them were perverts! Moreover, their livestream before usually consisted of his and Wang Yibo's fan girls (or fan boys too). Nowadays their fans were made out of mostly rotten girls!
Worse, these girls all had their minds swimming in the gutter. Xiao Zhan had to consciously ignore all the chats that requested them to kiss - that appeared in every other ten lines.
One question finally caught his attention.
[The background is so pretty. Where are you streaming from?]
[Oh, I just noticed it too. The flowers and the paintings on the wall compliment very well with the colour scheme and furniture.]
[A filming set, maybe? Looks professionally designed.]
Xiao Zhan couldn't help but feel proud. "We're filming from our home! I redesigned the place. Isn't it nice? The sofa has always been here but I added the paintings and plants."
Almost immediately new chats kept coming in at a rapid pace.
[Did he just say 'our home'?]
[Omg they're LIVING TOGETHER]
[Dang, so not only they're engaged they're even cohabiting??]
Xiao Zhan coughed. Curse his mouth!
Yibo secretly held his laughter though he couldn't stop his grin. "Yes, we are living together. Saves rent money."
[What saves rent money, these people live in luxury apartment.]
[You think we are fools? Heh]
[Sure...whatever excuse you're giving...]
[So who does the housework?]
[Do these busy people even do housework?]
"We do chores just like everyone, though we do have someone come in to clean the house regularly and feed Jian Guo when we're both not around," Wang Yibo said. "Chores are divided evenly."
Xiao Zhan nodded. "I cook and do the dishes. Wang Yibo...hm...he helps hang the laundry and take out the trash sometimes."
"I wash the clothes too."
"You only press the button, doesn't count. The machine does the job," Xiao Zhan teased him.
"Pouring out the right amount of detergent requires some skills."
"If measurement is your strong point how in the world did you mess up making a simple egg drop soup and vegetable stir fry?"
".... I mistook the black vinegar as soy sauce."
"Who pours a whole cup of soy sauce into a vegetable dish for two?"
[Dang, wifey is spilling all the secrets...]
[But Xiao Laoshi is the Gege, shouldn't he be the gong?]
[Looking at him alone tells me enough that he's the shou...]
[A husband can be good at cooking and cleaning.]
[Laoshi tell us, which one of you are the gong and shou?]
Xiao Zhan's face turned red. Can't any of them ask a single decent question? Just because the chats were anonymous didn't mean they could be shameless.
"Is there any other question or request?" He asked.
Wang Yibo looked at him meaningfully.
Xiao Zhan was cross. "No."
Yibo raised an eyebrow. "What, not even on the cheek?" He joked.
Since when did he become so bold even in public? Xiao Zhan wondered. "Earlier I told you no touching, yet you...umm."
Damn it. He and his mouth. He was worse at keeping secrets than Tom Holland was at trying to not spoil his own movies.
[Why stop? We are waiting.]
[You told him not to touch? Touch what? What did he do???]
[Touching, of course. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ]
[ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ]
Xiao Zhan coughed. "Things like that should be reserved between couples, don't you think?"
[If you can kiss other actresses on screen, you can kiss your fiancé here.]
[Film school student here. I'd like to learn how to film a kiss scene. Please show an example, great senior.]
[Asking for guidance, great senior.]
Just a peck on the cheek would be fine, right?
To save himself from further reading millions of the same comments Xiao Zhan quickly went to peck Wang Yibo's cheek. However, Wang Yibo just happened to be thinking the same thing and had turned his head towards Xiao Zhan. And so instead of the cheek he kissed Yibo's soft lips.
It was only a quick kiss. They had done way more than kissing but Xiao Zhan couldn't hide his embarrassment and automatically hid behind Wang Yibo's back. Wang Yibo was laughing.
Their audience, however, was being 'murdered'.
[Ahdkg ehekfkebgakfh *bangs head to keyboard]
[I've never been happier than thisssss]
[So glad I've been recording the live stream]
[We got itttt!!!!!]
[I can die happy now]
[I love that he's hiding behind Wang Laoshi. Definitely the shou.]
[Recording it too, fellow rotten sis.]
[Lol recorded it too. Replaying the legendary moment.]
[Hold on, I saw something strange on the back of Xiao Zhan's neck.]
Xiao Zhan's eyes widened and his hand automatically flew to his nape. Did they see something when he turned his head just now?
[Replaying the moment in slow motion. I see something on Wang Laoshi's neck too.]
"They're mosquito bites!" Xiao Zhan blurted out. He then realized he had been too quick to answer when he read the chats.
[Sure. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ]
[What an awfully huge mosquito. I bet you can bite the mosquito back.]
[A mosquito in this time and weather?]
[Thanks for confirming it. I thought it was just my imagination but turned out my imagination wasn't enough.]
Xiao Zhan vowed not to speak anymore. Something must be wrong with him this evening. He kept saying things he didn't mean to say. He was probably drunk, even though he hadn't had a sip of alcohol for days.
Wang Yibo decided to save his partner by changing the topics and talked about his own, as well as Xiao Zhan's latest drama. It brought Xiao Zhan's mood back, as more normal questions related to his drama began to show up.
[Doluo Continent is going to be another xianxia drama right?]
[Gege, are you keep going to take roles from xianxia drama only?]
[Your hairline is going to recede from the wig pull..]
[Eh, I think it's already receding...]
Xiao Zhan's eyes twitched. Just when his mood was improving...
[This old cow is so shameless. He dared seduce our Wang Yibo.]
[Probably worried he's going to lose his income soon. That's what you get from relying only on your face with no real skills.]
[Go back to your office job, you talentless scum.]
[Aren't your parents ashamed of you?]
Xiao Zhan ignored all the hate comments. He could see Wang Yibo was getting angry. But anti-fans lived on attention and he didn't want to respond to them if possible. He whispered to Yibo, "Don't respond to them, Bo Di. Just usual hate comments."
[Wtf? Haters back off! Why are you watching the stream if you don't like them?]
[F U. The cradle robber should be ashamed of himself.]
[The people sending these hate comments are the same people relying on their mommies to buy underwear. Go get a life.]
[F U, my Zhan Zhan has lot of money. I bet it's Wang Yibo leeching off him. Zhan Zhan has many skills, can still eat even if he's not a celebrity. What can a guy like Wang Yibo who didn't even go to college do?]
[How long can dancing put rice on your table? You can't get the millionaire's daughter so you resort to seducing A-list actors now?]
[He even made Xiao Laoshi buy an expensive bike for him.]
[Wang Yibo is just another scum. Your band flops so you had to take other jobs, huh?]
Xiao Zhan scowled. "He's not a scum! My Yibo works hard every day!"
Wang Yibo: "...."
Who was the one who told him not to get mad just now?
"Enough, Zhan Ge."
"They're slandering you, how can I stay silent?"
[You said it, Xiao Laoshi!]
[Defend hubby's honour!]
"You know it's not true and it's enough for me," Yibo said and pulled Xiao Zhan close, burying his fiancé's face on his neck.
[Aii, these two scattering dog food to us...]
[Am I watching a livestream or a new drama here?]
[This single dog is still willing to eat all the mountains of dog food...]
[I still want to know who is the gong and shou here...]
[Based on that rumoured Reddit post, our Yibo is the gong but since it's apparently a fake story...]
[But hey, I've heard rumours that somebody saw Wang Yibo buying infant formula and baby bottles...]
[So did Gege really gave birth??? 😱😱]
[You never know, maybe our Zhan Zhan is actually a trans or a hermaphrodite...]
Yibo frowned. How did people recognise him? He was wearing a thick jacket, beanie, and even face mask that day when he bought the baby stuff.
[The appendectomy scar looked weird too.]
[Show us the scar, Xiao Laoshi.]
Xiao Zhan paled. "Uhh..."
[It hasn't been a long time, the scar should still be there, right?]
[Unless it was fake...]
[If it was fake, doesn't it mean he really did commit a crime?]
[Hurry up and lift your shirt.]
Xiao Zhan laughed awkwardly. "Asking someone to show their skin...that's a little like sexual harassment, right?"
[You didn't hesitate to show it during press conference.]
"I had no choice back then...the scar is ugly, I don't want to show it," Xiao Zhan made an excuse.
[I wonder if the hospital report was faked too?]
[But police already examined it when they sued the hospital...]
[Our police force is corrupt, why do we even trust them?]
Xiao Zhan's manager was worried and signaled the two artists to pause the live stream. Xiao Zhan nodded.
"Our managers just called. We're leaving the stream for a moment, wait ah!"
Wang Yibo's manager unplugged the microphone while the two left the camera frame. Xiao Zhan let out a groan as Wang Yibo helped him get up.
"Does it still hurt, Zhan Ge?"
"Shut up. It's all your fault."
"... You were the one who rode me first, though?"
"It was an accident! The bathtub was slippery, who told you to sit there with your big dick up? You're not allowed to touch me for a week!"
Yibo choked. "It's my fault now? You didn't exactly push me away after that, did you?"
Xiao Zhan's face turned completely red. "How can I do anything when you were fucking me out of my mind? You try get your ass rammed repeatedly and see if you can think coherently too!"
"Hm, is that a challenge to top me?"
Xiao Zhan's manager was talking to the PR team to ask for advice while Wang Yibo's manager was checking the chat back. He paled.
"Err... Xiao Laoshi... Xiao Laoshi!!"
Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo looked at him. "What?"
The manager gulped. ".... I forgot to unplug your microphone."
Xiao Zhan rushed to the laptop to read the chats. His jaw dropped.
[(＊☉౪ ⊙｡) ]
[I don't need anything anymore. My reason of living has been achieved.]
[There, people...we've got our answers.]
[Thank you, Xiao Laoshi. This single dog is dead from being overfed with dog food.]
[An overly explicit dog food but I have no complaint.]
[Saving this audio. This will be my lullaby.]
[Play this at my funeral.]
[Wang Gong and Xiao Shou... I live for you two]
Xiao Zhan couldn't bear reading the rest of the chats as he slumped down and laid on the floor like a dried fish.
"Zhan Ge?" Yibo approached him.
"... I'm so glad you proposed, Bo Di. I've lost face to the point of no recovery, nobody's taking me as their son-in-law after this. You're not allowed to leave me, Bo Di."
"I won't," Yibo promised.
"... If you do, I'll come back from the dead and haunt you."
He dug his own grave that day, since the very beginning. People forgot about the identity fraud scandal but would eternally remember him as Madam Wang from now on.
Introducing Bride of Gusu and his counterpart Madam Wang.
Now you can't blame wwx anymore for messing up a livestream
Chapter 25: MDZS: Big battle part 1
Jiang Cheng stared at all his disciples. He had one hand on his hips and another tightly holding Zidian.
"Are you guys ready?"
"Yes, Sect Leader!"
Jiang Cheng nodded. "We must not lose to Lanling Jin or Gusu Lan, or any other clans, remember?"
"Yes, Sect Leader!"
"And we must never let the Wen siblings embarrass us!"
"Yes, Sect Leader!"
"Let's go!" Jiang Cheng roared as the whole group rode in their boats and began rowing.
The mood was intense.
Even when they arrived at the peaceful Cloud Recess, the atmosphere almost reminded Jiang Cheng of the battle at Nightless City against Wen Ruohan. He saw the Wen siblings, who had just arrived.
Wen Qing glanced at him and smirked. Jiang Cheng gritted his teeth. She was clearly looking down at him!
Soon cultivators from Lanling Jin arrived. Jin Zixuan and Jin Ling had the same arrogant faces. Jiang Yanli looked calm but Jiang Cheng could tell from her eyes that she was ready to trample on anyone who dared to challenge her.
Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren came to welcome them. Lan Xichen was hiding his hostility behind his serene smile while Lan Qiren didn't even bother masking his discomfort. Lan Sizhui, who ushered them to the hall had the same expression as when he was competing against Jin Ling and Xue Yang at the archery competition last year.
Jiang Cheng was disgruntled when he noticed that Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang had already arrived and were waiting at the hall. The sect leaders took their seat. Soon other guests arrived and were seated as well.
To anyone who didn't know, they would think that they were witnessing a crime trial or an annual conference of cultivators.
It was the day of Lan Yue and Lan Fei's one month celebration.
Yup, these group of scary-looking, top cultivators who were emitting murderous aura, were there for the one month celebration of the Lan clan new twin babies.
And they were all secretly competing to give the best one month celebration gifts - especially Lan Xichen.
It had been a month but he hadn't had the chance to play with his nephew and niece for more than ten minutes each time he went to meet them. Reason being there were so many disciples volunteering to watch over the babies, and Xichen himself was swamped with work. Not to mention, Wei Wuxian was in his postnatal confinement and didn't really need babysitters, other than that one time he went to see Wen Qing, and when he needed to go to the toilet or bathroom. Even then, Lan Wangji was capable of looking after two babies himself for the short bathroom breaks.
Sizhui had taken advantage of his big brother privilege, and the fact that he needed to greet his parents every day. Xichen wanted to use his uncle privilege too but Lan Qiren and the other disciples kept dumping him more work. Wei Wuxian's disciple had also stopped following Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan for some reason ever since he first babysat the twins and had been seeking refuge at the disciples's dormitory, so Wei Wuxian pretty much had his usual group of minions to order around if he needed something.
Lan Xichen saw the competitive look in Jiang Cheng. Clearly he was not having it as well. He was also the twins' uncle but had only had the chance to hold them once, when Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji first returned.
They did not have to wait long. As soon as all the guests had been seated, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji arrived, each carrying one twin. Both twins were dressed in colourful clothings and were awake, but was very obedient. Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi, along with Xue Yang had spent the past two days preparing red eggs as well as cakes and pastries as gifts for the guests.
"Many thanks to everyone for coming to my A Yue and Feifei's one month celebration...why does everyone look so intense?" Wei Wuxian asked.
Lan Xichen smiled. "Everyone is just barely containing their excitement. Isn't that right, Sect Leader Jiang?"
Jiang Cheng smiled between gritted teeth. "Of course, Sect Leader Lan. I've been longing to hold my niece and nephew for a loooong time, considering I only got to see them once when they were born."
"Haha, you have no idea Sect Leader Jiang...the twins and I live within the same gate, yet I haven't been able to spend much time with them..."
Lan Sizhui smiled. "Too bad you have been busy lately, Sect Leader."
"... I wonder who it is that keep giving me more work..."
Jiang Yanli laughed. "My, my, me too...my A Xian came to play with A Ling a lot back then, but I could barely come to see him... Last time I came to help A Xian with his postnatal care, it seemed like I was unneeded as he suddenly obtained twenty personal guards..."
Wei Wuxian blinked. "Eh? Since when did we have guards, Lan Zhan?"
"... Never," Lan Wangji muttered.
Nie Mingjue coughed. He had never heard such venomous tone from the young madam before. Nie Huaisang was already looking for a spot to hide in case of a battle.
The celebration began with a banquet. Disciples and kitchen girls brought in the food. Wei Wuxian had already prepared bottles for his babies beforehand.
As the guests ate, Jiang Yanli then noticed that her brother wasn't eating, as he instead busied himself feeding his son. She had a glint in her eyes as she placed her chopsticks down.
"A Xian, you need to eat properly to heal. Why don't I hold A Yue for you while you eat?" She offered.
Lan Xichen immediately caught her intention and placed his chopsticks down as well. "That's right, Wangji. Let me hold Feifei, you can eat first."
Lan Wangji shook his head. "Please don't trouble yourself, Brother."
"That's right, you're the guest today, shijie. Eat first," Wei Wuxian said.
Lan Xichen and Jiang Yanli were dejected. Jiang Cheng snickered.
Lan Sizhui sneakily took the chance. "A Niang, Jingyi and I are responsible for serving the guests today, so we already ate. Let me hold A Yue and Feifei."
Lan Xichen snapped his chopsticks in half.
However, fate was not on Lan Sizhui's side that day. Lan Yue, who was already comfortable being cradled by his mother began to cry as soon as Sizhui tried to hold him.
Sizhui froze. That was the first time Lan Yue rejected him and he did it right in front of other guests. Nie Huaisang giggled and Sizhui threw him a murderous glare that immediately shut him up.
Wei Wuxian snuggled his baby. "Oh no, what's wrong, A Yue? You usually like your Yuan Gege..."
Sizhui frantically nodded. "That's right, it's your Yuan Gege."
"Perhaps he's uneasy being around so many people, Young Master Wei?" Wen Ning suggested.
"You're right. I'll bring him out for a walk, for a while," Wei Wuxian said and got up to leave the hall.
Wen Ning suddenly felt shivers down his spine, as if he had just been cursed by a hundred resentful spirits.
Lan Wangji then stood up, and naturally placed Lan Fei in Sizhui's arms. "I'll go check on A Yue too."
Lan Xichen broke the tea cup. He was sitting closest to Wangji, why did Wangji give Feifei to Sizhui? This was so unfair! How did he raise such an unfilial little brother?
Sizhui had such a victorious face that Jiang Cheng lost his non-existent composure. "Lan Sizhui, aren't you tired of carrying the baby? Let me hold them," he said.
"How can I trouble you, Sect Leader Jiang? This one has trained well enough that carrying a month old baby is nothing," Sizhui replied.
Lan Xichen nodded. "That's right, Sect Leader Jiang. This one has trained even longer, so let the most experienced one hold Feifei, Sizhui."
"You just broke your cup and your chopstick, Uncle, perhaps your strength is too much for the delicate Feifei," Sizhui said.
In the end Jiang Cheng gave up being polite and gritted his teeth. "Alright you brat, stop hogging her! Let others have their turn too!"
Lan Jingyi came to Sizhui's side. "So you have shown your true self, Sandu Shengshou! We cannot let someone so disrespectful influence our little princess!"
Jiang Cheng almost flipped the table. "The one disrespectful are you two! I'm her uncle, I have the right to hold her as well!"
Lan Xichen sulkily murmured. "I'm her uncle too..."
Jin Ling shook his head. "These group of idiots..."
The loud noises disturbed Lan Fei and she began crying loudly. All the poor impatient uncles and big brothers were shaken with panic.
"Hush hush, Feifei, Yuan Gege is here..."
"Yuan Gege is not doing a good job, is he?" Jiang Cheng snarled.
"Oh, you're crossing the line, Sect Leader Jiang!" Jingyi said.
"Step aside and let me have her, Sizhui," Lan Xichen demanded.
Jiang Yanli came to hold her, exerting her whole authority as the big sister and aura as an experienced mother. "Let me see."
Against her, none of them could argue and simply backed away. Yanli held Lan Fei and gently coaxed her to stop crying.
Lan Fei let out a string of sobs and babbles. "A.... Iiiee... A.... Yi...aa... A...yaaa..."
Jiang Cheng froze. "What did she say?"
Lan Xichen gasped. "Can it be...is she calling for A Die and A Niang?"
Sizhui lost his composure. "She..she is saying her first word! I need to tell A Die and A Niang about this!"
The three men ran looking for Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. Jiang Yanli stood there dumbfounded by their reactions. Wen Ning glanced at her sister.
"Was the baby really calling for her parents?"
Wen Qing sighed. "Of course not. Babies don't start talking until they are around six months old. Those are just her making some noises that happens to sound like 'father' and 'mother'. Look at Madam Yanli, she doesn't have any reaction at all - probably because Jin Ling was the same too."
Wen Ning blinked. "Then..."
"What you saw just now are two sect leaders and a head disciple of famous clans making fools of themselves."
"Okay, cut! That's a wrap."
Xiao Zhan stretched his arms and yawned. Finally. The fifteen hours of filming really was taking a toll on him. He sat on the chair to watch the monitor, and when he noticed Wu Xuanyi, his co-star coming to see as well, he stood up to let her sit.
Wu Xuanyi however refused. "You sit down, Senior. You must be tired."
"You must be tired as well. I have a day off tomorrow, I'm fine," Xiao Zhan said.
Xuanyi giggled. "What a gentleman, Senior. However, I must decline. After all..." She came closer to whisper at him. "Your butt is probably still hurting, hm?"
Xiao Zhan's face instantly turned red. "You-"
Xuanyi laughed out loud. Even the director who was sitting close was laughing.
"I honestly have to applaud you, Xiao Laoshi. I almost thought you were going to take a day off today, since...hmm, Wang Yibo is quite the man, isn't he?"
Wu Xuanyi smirked. "Yesterday was the best livestream video I have ever seen. I'm so glad my stylist jie told me to watch it."
Xiao Zhan silently cursed. It was all because of that livestream!
Now the whole world (well, those who watched the stream) knew he and Wang Yibo had been intimate last night. It was so easy to deduce from the conversation that it was not their first time and that they had slept together many times. There was nothing more embarrassing than your co-workers knowing you just got your chrysanthemum 'drilled' also by someone they knew. The Untamed group chat had been bombarded with messages from their fellow casts members who found entertainment in teasing Madam Wang. Fortunately his parents did not go on internet much, so he was spared from instant phone calls but he was sure he'd be getting non-stop calls from his mother soon.
Xiao Zhan felt dread settling in his heart. Wu Xuanyi and Wang Yibo were from the same agency. Xiao Zhan was sure she was going to ask for more juicy details from him later.
Wu Xuanyi patted his shoulder. "Don't be so embarrassed, Senior. Our fans think we're some kind of pure holy beings but like everyone, we have urges too. Even idols have sex."
Xiao Zhan choked. "You're a female idol, is it okay to say that?"
Wu Xuanyi nodded. "We girls talk about boys and dirty things too, Senior. From now on you can consult with us."
"I heard it's very painful, especially the first time. I bet your first time with Wang Yibo was painful too," she said, then paused and looked at him. "Or could it be that your anal virginity was already gone before that?"
Xiao Zhan spluttered. "Of course Wang Yibo was my first time!" He had never been intimate with any man before him!
Wu Xuanyi and the director almost rolled on the floor laughing. Xiao Zhan hid his face behind his robes. Aiya... what was the point of hiding his face, he already lost it. He just blurted that out loud for the whole crew to hear.
"Lao Yu! Did you get that on camera ah, Lao Yu?!" Wu Xuanyi yelled out.
Cameraman Yu, who was recording the behind-the-scenes video gave her a thumbs up. "I got it, Miss Wu!"
"Good. Now I have a blackmail material. Lao Yu, send me the clip later, ah."
"I'm going to sue you for threats of blackmail," Xiao Zhan said and glared at her.
"Oh, call the police on me, Senior. Just know that the whole court is going to hear that beautiful confession later."
"... You're an asshole."
"I'm a resourceful woman. Senior, what are you doing for the holidays?"
"Christmas, New Year, Lunar New Year?"
"Going back to my parents for Lunar New Year as usual. I have work on New Year. Christmas... I'm moving house," Xiao Zhan said.
"Oh? Are you moving out? Trying to safeguard your chrysanthemum?"
"No!" Xiao Zhan cried. "We're just moving to a bigger place."
"Ah...do you need help with moving things?"
Xiao Zhan shook his head. "We've got a moving company to do that stuff. I also called several guy friends to help."
"So it's going to be a sausage fest. Don't forget to livestream that party for us. I'm anticipating more delicious clips to come out."
"... I'm going to tell Wang Yibo to fix your dirty mouth first."
She stuck out a tongue to tease him and laughed. Xiao Zhan shook his head and sighed.
When he returned home he showered, changed into pajamas, and went to sleep. He and Yibo were still sleeping in the same bed but Yibo didn't dare touch him until he allowed him to so they were using different blankets.
Yet, when he woke up the next morning, he felt cool air on his legs and realized his pajama pants had been taken off. He panicked for a moment.
"Don't worry, I'm just applying ointment," Wang Yibo said. He really was holding a bottle of ointment. "Don't move, just relax."
Xiao Zhan relaxed a little but buried his face in his pillow.
"Why are you embarrassed? It's nothing I haven't seen."
"Shut up. Why are you still putting ointment again? It's already healed."
"Shush, just let me do it."
Xiao Zhan suddenly wondered how Wei Wuxian's first time with Lan Wangji was. The book had no mention of any lubricants. Lan Wangji just went straight in, raw and no rubber too (not like condoms existed there anyway). The library sex even resulted in Wei Ying bleeding out from his anus. Oh well, he probably had some lubrication from the saliva, when Wei Wuxian sucked on him, and he did stretch him first with his fingers...
Still, that was Wei Wuxian's first time. Yesterday wasn't Xiao Zhan's first time. He still felt pain even though they were in water, where at least he didn't go in completely dry...
"You're hard. Does it feel good?"
Xiao Zhan coughed. Damn it. His body was tired but his 'little brother' was still energetic. "I was just thinking..."
"Wondering how Wei Wuxian was able to take in Hanguang Jun's massive... since... well, I don't think they used any lube their first time together..."
Wang Yibo froze. He bit his lips and slapped Xiao Zhan's butt, earning a surprised squeak. "Your fiancé is right here and you're thinking about another man's dong?"
"I was just curious, okay! It's not like I want his dong!" Xiao Zhan cried.
"But you were imagining it," Wang Yibo was upset.
"I was imagining Wei Wuxian's feeling!"
"So you were thinking about how it'd feel with Hanguang Jun's dong inside."
"You're twisting my words. I'm just pitying him, it was painful without lube even though we were in water, I was just wondering how he endured it," Xiao Zhan said.
Wang Yibo's eyes twitched and he lowered his head, then chomped on the smooth rounded surface. Xiao Zhan yelped.
"My heart hurts even more," Wang Yibo said.
"Lies. I still don't understand why you're jealous," Xiao Zhan grumbled.
Wang Yibo clicked his tongue. He pulled off Xiao Zhan's shirt over his body, stopping at his wrists to tie the two arms together, then took off his own shirt to cover Xiao Zhan's two eyes.
Xiao Zhan choked, his body now stark naked and his vision blocked. "What are you planning to do?!"
"You," he replied before Xiao Zhan felt Wang Yibo's warm hands still slick with the ointment began pumping his manhood.
Xiao Zhan let out a gasp mixed with a loud moan. He felt something warm and hot licking his chest. With one of his senses blocked, his other senses were heightened. He could hear Yibo and his own hot breaths, rapid heartbeats, and felt warm hands touching all over his bare skin. He squirmed and thrashed from the extreme, ecstatic stimulation. Something warm and moist enveloped his manhood and Xiao Zhan let out the loudest moan. His chest moved up and down as he tried to catch up his breath and his hips automatically began moving but Wang Yibo held his waist and hips down. As Yibo's mouth worked on his manhood, his one hand meanwhile began stretching his inside. Xiao Zhan felt like he was slowly ascending to heaven.
Before he could even reach heaven, Wang Yibo suddenly stopped. He untied his fiancé. "Show is over."
Xiao Zhan gawked. "But...but..."
Wang Yibo raised an eyebrow. "Hmm?"
He hadn't come yet! "Are you leaving me to just blueball here?!!"
Wang Yibo smirked. "You can continue imagining Lan Wangji's dong and finish yourself," he said before leaving the room. "I'm hungry, I'm going to the kitchen."
Xiao Zhan's jaw dropped. This...this petty man! He dared to play with him this much, then leave him with an unfinished job!
Xiao Zhan put on his shirt and stomped over to the kitchen. Wang Yibo looked at him, one hand hovering above the toaster and another about to press the coffee machine.
"... Finish what you started," Xiao Zhan said.
"...." He simply stared back.
"... I'm telling you to fuck me right now."
He licked his lips, his eyes hungrily taking in the sight of the older man in only his oversized shirt and nothing else. The piece of toast burnt and forgotten, Wang Yibo proceeded to lift Xiao Zhan and placed him on top of the kitchen counter.
"I'm going to make you forget Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian...even your own name," Yibo said and continued what he stopped earlier.
Later that day, Xiao Zhan learned that a jealous Wang Yibo was never to be provoked nor intentionally seduced.
Wang Yibo's Checklists
☑️ Buy a house together
☑️ Sleep in one bed together everyday
☑️ Bathe together
🔲 Cook together (need to learn more)
🔲 Visit in-laws (aim for Lunar New Year)
☑️ Bathtub papapa
☑️ Kitchen papapa
🔲 Papapa in car
🔲 Switch positions
☑️ Kiss on cam
🔲 Kiss on live show
🔲 Get married in chapel
I clearly haven't repented yet. I'm so sorry, Zhan Ge. My mind works fast when it comes to dirty things (O////O)
Chapter 27: MDZS: Big battle part 2
Battle between idiot uncles and brothers continues
It was time to for all guests to present their gifts. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji didn't really care much about the gifts. They were just happy to have so many people celebrating their adorable babies. Even now the proud mother of two newborns were busy snuggling his baby girl, while the happy new father was wiping his son's face gently.
Wei Wuxian noticed Jiang Cheng's fiery glare. He chuckled. "Oh my, Jiang Cheng...are you jealous of me? That's why you should have gotten married as well..."
Jiang Cheng scowled. "Shut up."
Wei Wuxian laughed. "I heard you got blacklisted by the matchmaker? Maybe you shouldn't look too far...your fated partner might be right around you, hmm?"
He winked at Wen Qing. Wen Qing shuffled uneasily. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to accept a hot-headed fool for a husband. Jiang Wanyin was a good man and might be a good husband but... seeing his display of manners today made her lose a little bit of interest.
"That's right, Sect Leader Jiang. You should get married and get your wife to bore you your own child," Lan Xichen said. 'And stop fighting over the twins with me. I already have so many competitors'.
Nie Mingjue chuckled. "I'm not sure if you're the right person to give that advice, Xichen. Your younger brother is married with three children now, what about you?"
Lan Xichen smiled. "That means Gusu Lan already have three heirs, I don't really have a need to. Young Master Nie is also at marriageable age, when is his turn?"
Nie Mingjue grunted. "Not until he learns to take care of himself first. How can I let an innocent lady suffer by marrying him?"
Nie Huaisang gasped. "Da Ge! That is mean!"
Sect Leader Ouyang laughed. "I heard Sect Leader Jiang and Young Master Nie used to be classmates here. If both of you remain unmarried, you might as well just marry each other at this rate!"
It was just a joke but Jiang Cheng instantly choked on his tea.
"Oh, what's with that reaction?" Wei Wuxian teased him. "Don't tell me you were actually thinking about it ~ "
Nie Huaisang decided to join in the fun too. "My my, Cheng Cheng, I had no idea..."
The nickname triggered an awful memory and Jiang Cheng unintentionally blurted out, "Nonsense, you know who I like!"
"Really? You have someone in your mind, A Cheng?" Yanli asked.
"I don't!" His tsundere-ness took control and he automatically denied it.
Wei Wuxian sighed. "Doesn't take too long to know why the great Sandu Shengshou gets rejected at every match-making. If you want a great partner, sometimes you have to learn to be shameless, like me."
Mo Xuanyu secretly took note of that.
The smaller sect leaders began presenting their gifts first. Most of them brought the customary red packets for each baby. Ouyang clan, being closer to Gusu Lan due to Ouyang Zizhen's good friendship with Sizhui and Jingyi, added a jade pendant for Lan Yue and a bangle for Lan Fei in hopes of further deepening their relationship.
Nie clan presented their red packets with the addition of a roll of gold-woven silk clothes, specially selected by Nie Huaisang, of course. Wei Wuxian had no idea when and where the two children would ever have the chance to wear such extravagant fabric considering both parents and Gusu Lan as a sect were not keen on using luxurious fabric, but since it was a gift... He'd just keep it for now.
When it was time for Lanling Jin to present their gifts, Wei Wuxian was not at all surprised by the full set of gold hairpieces and gold-plated crown. Jin Zixuan and Jin Ling were clearly proud and overconfident of their extravagant gifts - that won't be seeing the light of the day for at least for another ten years or more. If Lan Fei were to grow up to be like her father the gift would probably end up in the storeroom for eternity. Jiang Yanli's handsewn baby robes ended up being the least expensive but most useful gift so far.
Jiang Cheng proudly brought out his gifts - a piece of jewelry with butterfly motif for Lan Fei and a collection of small toys for Lan Yue. While Wei Wuxian appreciated his effort he had to hide his disdain at Jiang Cheng's taste when it came to the design. The butterfly necklace looked more like a distorted moth and one of the toys for Lan Yue could easily be mistaken for an 'adult toy'.
"So ugly," Jin Ling made an offhanded comment and Jiang Yanli immediately pinched his cheeks.
Jiang Cheng glared at him and the boy averted his gaze.
Lan Xichen smiled as he brought out tiny shoes that used to belong to him and Lan Wangji back when they were a lot smaller. It was one of the few keepsakes left by Qingheng Jun, handmade by their mother, and he had secretly vowed to save them for the future Lan heirs.
He didn't think either one of them would be able to have their own children - especially when he hadn't had the thought to marry, and Wangji chose to marry a man - but heavens had granted them a miracle. Lan Sizhui was a blessing of course and Lan Xichen loved him like a real nephew, but alas, he came to Cloud Recess when he was already three. The shoes wouldn't fit a three-year-old, but it would be excellent for newborn infants...
... They didn't fit.
Lan Xichen froze as the shoes he tried to put on Lan Yue's tiny feet slipped off way too easily. Wei Wuxian gave him an awkward smile.
The shoes were meant to be gifted on the babies' one-year birthday - when they would start learning how to walk. Lan Xichen had made a mistake - he had forgotten that he was supposed to reserve the shoes for much later use and gift them jewellery or headpieces first. In his excitement to give out the best present he had wanted to prepare something more sentimental and had tossed his common sense to the river.
He heard Lan Jingyi's giggle and Jiang Cheng's snicker from behind.
Wei Wuxian quickly tried to save his cracking face, as Lan Xichen's figure was slowly turning into sand and drifting away*. "We'll be sure to use these when they grow up soon... Brother-in-law."
"Oh, no need to be so down, Sect Leader Lan," Jiang Cheng smirked. "There are others without common sense who give gold crowns and hairpieces to babies who are going to get their hair shaved too**. Nothing wrong with your oversized shoes that can't fit into newborns who can't walk yet."
Jin Zixuan's eyes twitched. "You have something against our gifts, Sect Leader Jiang?"
"I said it once and I'm saying it again, your presents are ugly," Jin Ling said.
Jiang Cheng's face was red. "Excuse me?! Their aesthetic value aside, they are real useful things!"
"Everyone knows it's tradition to give gold or jewellery on first month celebration," Jin Zixuan proudly said. "Didn't you also give a necklace to Lan Fei? Oh, I forgot, that ugly thing can't be a necklace..."
"I dare you to say that again, you peacock!"
Nie Huaisang murmured, "While you two are arguing, Zewu Jun is slowly turning into dust..."
"Aiya, enough, enough. The gifts are not important, what important is the intention," Wei Wuxian tried to pacify them.
"They're important!" Both Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan said at the same time.
Wei Wuxian sweatdropped. He didn't think there would be a day that he, the infamous troublemaker would be the one telling people to stop arguing.
The Wen siblings came to present their gifts. Wen Qing brought out a wooden airtight box. "Young Master Wei, I couldn't exactly replicate the formula milk you gave me, but I've made something similar out of soy and goat's milk, fortified with nutrients that babies would need. You can give these a try later."
Wen Ning brought out a large rocking chair, connected to a large crib. "I made this myself, Young Master Wei. You can rock the baby to sleep while sitting. It's not really a gift for the baby, to say...but I imagine the mother of a baby should receive something too on this special day?"
Wei Wuxian was very pleased. "Thank you very much, Wen Qing, Wen Ning! Your gifts never fail to delight me."
Jiang Cheng had already lifted his table, ready to lose his shit. To think that he'd lose to the Wen siblings again -
That was when one disciple came in to inform them that Xiao Xingchen, Song Lan, and A Qing had just arrived. Xiao Xingchen came in with an apologetic smile.
"I apologize for being late, Wuxian. We encountered some problematic ghouls on our way here," Xiao Xingchen said.
Wei Wuxian shook his head. "I'm glad you made it, shishu, Song Daozhang."
Xiao Xingchen looked around and his eyes met Xue Yang's. "A Yang. A Yang, are you doing well?"
Xue Yang unconsciously took a step back. Xiao Xingchen took a deep breath. He had scared Xue Yang. He should be more friendly.
"I miss you a lot, A Yang."
Xue Yang froze.
"You don't have to keep avoiding me. If you have troubles, I can keep giving you a hand," Xiao Xingchen said. "This kind of thing, rather than doing it alone, the more people the better. If you're not fine with only me, how about Zichen?"
He meant to say that any problems should not be faced alone. After all, Xiao Xingchen himself was not an expert when it came to teenagers and puberty, since his youth was mostly spent training with Baoshan Sanren - he had no time nor desire pondering on things like sexuality.
Xue Yang however misinterpreted his words. His face alternated between ghastly pale and furiously red before he once again ran away before Xiao Xingchen could finish talking.
"No! I only want you, Daozhang!" Xue Yang screamed as he dashed away.
"A Yang!" Xiao Xingchen went to chase after him.
Wei Wuxian blinked. "... What just happened?"
"It's a long story, Wuxian. I'll go look for them," Song Lan said. Poor man had just barely sat down for a meal.
Wei Wuxian stood up. "I'll go find them as well. Can someone hold Feifei for me - "
Fifty people stood up and offered their arms at the same time. Wei Wuxian was surprised. He only needed one person...
He was about to go to Jiang Cheng when he noticed Lan Xichen making the most pitiful expression ever. He changed his mind and took a step towards his brother-in-law but then Jiang Cheng let out an disgruntled growl that made Wei Wuxian halted his movement. Jiang Yanli was practically burning a hole through his head with her eyes. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji exchanged looks. They both headed towards the rocking chair gifted by Wen Ning, and placed the twins in the crib.
"Lan Zhan and I are going to look for Xue Yang and Xiao Daozhang. We won't be long. Whoever make A Yue or Feifei cry... will be banned from seeing them until the hundred days celebration," Wei Wuxian announced before leaving the hall.
All cultivators gulped as they watched the chair rocking very slowly and calmly, rocking the crib at the same time. Their eyes were all focused on the wooden
throne rocking chair.
Jiang Cheng raised an eyebrow. "That said... whoever managed to put the babies to sleep in that chair wins, right?"
Lan Xichen rolled his sleeves. Jin Zixuan laughed. "You have a lot of confidence for a single unmarried man, Sect Leader Jiang. Are you challenging me, an experienced father?"
"Don't think I've never babysat your son, Sect Leader Jin."
"... I've babysat Wangji before," Lan Xichen tried adding his repertoire.
"Who was probably the most boring, no-temper baby ever," Jiang Cheng said. "I've lived with Wei Wuxian for like a decade."
"You guys are the same age."
"Our mental age is not the same."
Jin Ling sighed. "Seeing this, I think they're the same."
Four people - Jiang Wanyin, Lan Xichen, Jin Zixuan, and Jiang Yanli were the first contenders to approach the crib. Sizhui waited patiently at the side, praying for either Lan Yue or Lan Fei to cry to cut down his competitors.
And as soon as one hand touched the crib, Lan Fei and Lan Yue let out a startled cry.
Xiao Daozhang wanted to continue their scandalous 'tryst'. He even said he'd invite Song Daozhang to join.
Xue Yang refused to make his first time a threesome.
Poor Xue Yang misunderstood this time.
*turning to dust : like being thanos snapped
**In many Asian cultures newborns are shaved during their birth celebration (the age at which they get shaved depends on the culture. Some after a week, some at full moon, in which this case, a full moon/one month), some maybe at 100 days
Tsundere: someone who switches between tough/cold to sweet/warm. I'd say best example is misaki from maid-sama, Louise from zero no tsukaima, chitoge from nisekoi...dammit, I can only remember those animes. I feel old
This is an example of rocking chair with crib attached: https://project.theownerbuildernetwork.co/files/2017/03/RockingChairCrib9.jpg
My friend had one when she had her first baby. It came in super handy
Chapter 28: CQL: The Cursed Croup Chat
[DEC 15, 2019]
Song Jiyang changed the subject to 'All hail Madam Wang'
F U Song Jiyang
Your hubby is in this chat, Madam Wang, are you sure you can say that?
Who tf are you calling Madam Wang
So you guys keep the same position
They're staying true to the novel
I offered to change position but he's always complaining that he's tired.
I knew it. He just lays down and let Wang Laoshi do the work.
Oh? I thought Xiao Laoshi is the dominant shou type. Wasn't he riding him?
It was an ACCIDENT
IT wAs An AccIDenT
*Inserts SpongeBob meme*
"Oh no, le me, the graceful Xiao Zhan, member of X-NINE, slipped and fell on Wang Yibo's dick. So clumsy, tee-hee ♥️"
You missed the word 'BIG' there @Yu Bin
... Can you guys not talk about other's sex life here? We have young ones and girls here...
The youngest here is already 21, ah... and i guarantee @Xuan Lu Jie is reading these with a big smile.
Zhan Ge, what about the thing we were planning
About the thing I mentioned before
The movers and most of our furniture are coming on the 23rd
Yu Bin and Liu Haikuan already said they're coming to help.
If anyone else is free that day, we can have some potluck dinner as well
I'm also in!!
Wang Zhuo Cheng
If you guys need help I'm also available
My schedule just got cleared.
I've got a shoot in the morning but I can come later
You're not welcomed @Song Jiyang
I mean I'm Coming
[DEC 23, 2019]
Wang Zhuo Cheng
Hold on, I'm opening the door.
Wang Zhuo Cheng
The house is super nice.
*Attached photo of the freshly painted, empty living room*
Sorry I can't help with the move.
Send me the address, I'm ordering pizza for everyone.
Shijie is the best shijie ever! ♥️♥️♥️
Me and Haoxuan are bringing some snacks over. Does anyone want alcohol?
The lightweight Budweiser ambassador is here.
I'm okay with beer but just don't let him have any. He's going to either fall asleep mid-work or act cute
and I REFUSE TO LET ANYONE SEE THAT
I'm here folks.
Lock the door
Ha, too bad for you
The movers are here too so you can't lock me out.
Just got here.
You only bought one bed?
Oh A Yuan you sweet summer child...
Why do you think these two A-list celebrities who can afford this huge ass mansion on their own buy a house together.
Because everyday is everyday ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Seriously tho, do you guys actually do it everyday?
Of course not.
I'd end up in the hospital if we do that everyday.
You're talking about Wang Yibo holder of the mighty dong - don't take my words from it. Take it from the guy who got his ass rammed so hard that he can't sit down.
Wang Zhuo Cheng
Where does the fridge go, Xiao Laoshi?
Finally, a decent man. Wait ah, I'm coming downstairs.
Hey who's going to continue painting the walls.
Make yourself useful @Song Jiyang and come upstairs. There's an extra roller here.
As the interior designer here I gotta make sure all the furniture are in the right place.
Especially the kitchen.
I'm going on Instagram Live now guys!
I look like shit now
You look as handsome as always.
Just like the day I fell in love with you.
Which is everyday
I regret opening my WeChat at this moment.
I'm still on the road but now I'm considering turning back.
Thanks for the dog food. ♥️
They just freaking kissed right in front of me.
I thought you would be glad.
Do you need to kiss goodbye when you're literally only going downstairs.
Just putting on a show for you.
Why am I only seeing these messages now.
I'm coming in ten minutes.
Aww you miss the fun Zanjin ~
Leave your sunscreen at home.
My mom just called.
She's coming to see the house.
I'm not prepared
She's on her way
Does your mom know you and Wang Yibo are banging each other.
... She does now.
At least she's not the one who caught you two locking lips.
Does that make a difference when the whole world knows he's done more than locking lips.
I look like garbage now. I need shower
Nah, make yourself look as dirty as possible - show that you worked hard. Your wife should look pretty. Xiao Laoshi, you go shower.
Wang Zhuo Cheng
Is the shower already installed?
It is, thankfully. I'm going to take a shower for a while.
I found something interesting in one of the boxes
I didn't know you guys keep antique stuff. Is it a family heirloom?
What is this thing then.
That looks like an incense burner they used in ancient times. I've seen them in museums.
Did someone say incense burner
I'm here! 🥰
Xiao Laoshi, a lady is also here. She said she's your mother.
Pizza should be arriving soon. Is everyone doing fine there?
I'm trying to watch the Instagram live but why is it suddenly all blurry?
I'm ringing the doorbell but nobody's answering. Heyyyy
Shit. Oh shit
Does anyone know how Xiao Zhan calls his mother?
Why do you not know how you call your own mother
Oh, finally the door is opened.
Wang Laoshi looks weird. Why does he look angry
Why do all of you look so angry
Why is Zhuo Cheng flipping tables, those look expensive
Chapter 29: CQL: Mama Xiao
for people who lost track:
Xiao Zhan: Wei Wuxian
Wang Yibo: Lan Wangji
Wang Zhuo Cheng: Jiang Cheng
Liu Haikuan: Lan Xichen
Guo Cheng: Lan Jingyi
Zheng Fanxing: Lan Sizhui
Yu Bin: Wen Ning
Song Jiyang: Xiao Xingchen
Wang Haoxuan: Xue Yang
Li Bowen: Song Lan
Zhu Zanjin: Jin Guangyao
Xuan Lu: Jiang Yanli
Cao Yuchen: Jin Zixuan
Mother Xiao had not seen her son for months. Ever since her son had gotten immensely popular from the drama series he rarely ever had the time to go home. Even when her son announced his relationship he didn't even come home to show his boyfriend to her. Mother Xiao was just worried her son might be afraid to come home after coming out. Sure, she was a little disappointed... but she'd rather not lose her son. Also, he wasn't dating a bum, at least...and Wang Yibo was prettier than a lot of girls she had met. And very rich too, from what she knew.
Xiao Zhan had promised to bring Wang Yibo home during either the New Year or Lunar New Year holiday but when he told her he was moving to a new house with him, she decided to visit and take a look at the house along with meeting her future son-in-law. Since... well, she had been hearing some 'unsavory' news about how her future son-in-law treated her son.
And when she arrived there, the one who opened the door was her future son-in-law, who was... more stoic than she had imagined. Wang Yibo did look like the cool and aloof type in his photos but from the interview clips she watched of her son with Yibo, he seemed to be smiling a lot.
Her future son-in-law bowed. "Madam Xiao."
Mother Xiao was amazed but also taken aback by his politeness. "Just call me Auntie. Is Zhan Er inside?"
He hesitantly nodded and let her and Zhu Zanjin in. When they entered, Mother Xiao was stunned to see Liu Haikuan, Guo Cheng, Zheng Fanxing, Song Jiyang, Wang Zhuo Cheng, and Yu Bin were also there. These were probably friends that her son had called over to help.
The youngest of the actors also bowed politely. "Hello, Madam Xiao."
Mother Xiao laughed. "Aii, youngsters these days are so overly polite. Just call me Auntie, ah. You're all my Zhan Er's friends, that makes you like my own son too. Is everything going smoothly here?"
One of the movers approached her son. "Mr Xiao, where do you want the sofa to be?"
Her son looked a bit lost. He glanced around, before randomly pointing at one place. "Um... just put them there?"
The movers placed the sofa and coffee table first to let Mother Xiao sit, before they continued moving the bed and wardrobes - as directed by her son. Mother Xiao was pleased to see the large house and all the high quality items inside - though the way they were arranged was a bit off-putting to her. Her son truly knew how to choose the right man, ah! This Wang Yibo looked so regal. He even went ahead to prepare delicious tea for her, and was so polite. Mother Xiao was ready to be angry at him for 'hurting' her son but now her heart had been melted so easily. Her son was probably exaggerating, no way such a regal-looking person would be a brute.
The doorbell rang. Wang Haoxuan and Li Bowen came in with a carton of beer, soft drinks, and the pizza guy, who was there to deliver the pizza. Mother Xiao noticed the two young men who played Gusu Lan juniors were drooling at the sight and smell of the hot, delicious pizza. Her motherly instinct took over and she instantly stood up to serve them food. "Zhan Er, you make your friends work hard, let them eat first, then you continue. Ma also brought some food from Chongqing."
Her son looked somehow very awkward with her today but Mother Xiao thought he was just feeling embarrassed and unprepared. She laughed. Father Xiao was like that too when he first visited his in-laws to ask for her hand in marriage. "You don't have to worry so much, your Ma is just here to see you, she's not going to eat you. Where do you keep your plates?"
Her son was sweating. "Uh... plates...umm..."
Mother Xiao raised an eyebrow. "Do you not know where you keep your dishes? You love cooking, I thought the kitchen would be the first place you'd furnish first," she said and went to the kitchen. True enough, Xiao Zhan had made sure to furnish the kitchen first. The stove and cabinets had already been installed the day before and the fridge was among the first things he asked to be brought in. Half the plates, glasses, and teacups were unpacked. Mother Xiao wasted no time taking the rest out. "Zhan Er, wash and wipe these first and let's serve the food to your friends, ah."
However, it was her future son-in-law who came to help her. "Let me," he said.
Mother Xiao was very pleased. This Wang Yibo won't even let her son lift a finger. Wouldn't her son have an easy life with him? If he really was this nice, she would have no problem approving him at all.
She kept talking to her son, telling him about their neighbour's daughter who had just gotten married, the convenience store aunt's son who was going to the same university as him, the loud dogs that barked a lot and were disturbing their neighbourhood. Her son looked even more uneasy.
"Those untrained dogs are no good, ah," she said.
Her son nodded. "Those gatekeepers of hell are always no good."
Mother Xiao laughed. "You speak of them so hatefully, Zhan Er. I thought you want to have a dog later? Now that you're living in a bigger place and have a partner, aren't you capable of keeping a dog now?"
He paled. "No!"
"Aiyah, a dog would do good to guard this place. You can't trust only those security companies. People can betray, but animals always stay loyal to their master. Look at what that hospital did to you - leaking fake information, almost sending my son to jail... I tell you what, I'll ask Lao Bai if he has any puppies he wants to give away. Lao Bai's dog just gave birth to a litter last week. Once one puppy is well-trained, let's ask for one, ah?"
"No, I hate dogs!" her son suddenly wailed.
Mother Xiao was stunned. Her son had always loved animals - both cats and dogs. He only had a cat, Jian Guo now because he was too busy to take care of a dog, but Mother Xiao clearly remembered her Zhan Er had said he would like to have a dog later.
"I apologize for his outburst, Madam... Auntie," her future son-in-law said. "He is tired. I'll let him rest first."
Mother Xiao slowly nodded and watched as her son-in-law hugged her Zhan Er, then brought him back to the living room. She wondered what had happened. Her son was more of the rational type and rarely had emotional outbursts like that, especially as he reached adulthood.
Meanwhile, inside the guest room...
Jiang Cheng paced back and forth. Lan Jingyi was getting annoyed. "Will you stop doing that, Sect Leader Jiang?"
"Will I stop? Not until we get back," Jiang Cheng gritted his teeth. "What the hell just happened?"
Xiao Xingchen looked at the object in his hand. "I suppose it is this thing?"
"Again. This fucking cursed item. I ought to skin that idiot alive after this," Jiang Cheng said.
Lan Sizhui shrunk. "To be fair, those were defective products... even I thought they would not do anything. Aunt Qing and Uncle Ning have been using them just fine."
Jiang Cheng glared at him. "Which part of that thing is fine?! Because of that thing, I saw..."
Lan Xichen blinked. "You saw...?"
Jiang Cheng shut his mouth. "Nothing." Like hell he would say 'I saw you pressing me down and Nie Huaisang confessing his love to me'.
"What should we do with the people outside?" Xiao Xingchen asked.
"... You mean... A Yao's lookalike?" Lan Xichen asked.
The cultivators fell silent. They had a mixed feelings about Zhu Zanjin. After all, the man with the same face as him in their world was currently in prison for planning to murder them. However, whatever happened in that world had nothing to do with this world.
Wang Haoxuan, Li Bowen, and Zhu Zanjin entered the guest room.
"What are you guys doing here, whispering only among yourselves?" Wang Haoxuan asked. "Are you guys planning something? Pranks?"
... How they wished this was all just a terrible prank that would end soon.
"Xiao Zhan's mother is calling all of us for meals," Li Bowen said.
Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi's ears perked up. "Pizza?" They said in unison.
Zhu Zanjin laughed. "The two of you are always cheerful but why are you especially in sync today? And why do you look so timid, Yu Bin?"
Wen Ning shuffled uneasily. "Ah?"
"And Zhuo Cheng looks ready to explode... reminds me of that day when we filmed the variety show together."
Lan Xichen and Jiang Cheng's faces turned sour. They did not want to remember that dreadful, deadly variety show anymore. Li Bowen and Wang Haoxuan meanwhile wondered if Zhu Zanjin's words meant something. Could it be the return of 'flexible-and-have-good-stamina' Song Jiyang? It couldn't be, right?
They all gathered at the living room. They noticed Wei Wuxian looked terribly disturbed and in bad mood. Lan Wangji was no better but unlike Wei Wuxian he was not the type to show much expressions. Mother Xiao was clearly worried about her son's abrupt mood shift. Lan Sizhui could guess why his A Niang was in such a poor mood.
He was forcefully and accidentally separated from his newborn babies. Wei Wuxian had never been separated from his babies, apart from that one time he went to Wen Qing's. Even though it had barely been an hour, he was most likely distressed by the fact that he was unsure when they would be able to see the two newborns back. Plus, he had gotten here unwillingly and unprepared. Worse of all, they were in a different world and couldn't just return so easily.
They needed to switch back. They most likely needed to look for the fan kept by Wang Yibo to turn back. However, before that, they needed to wait until Mother Xiao and the movers returned home first. For now they could only endure.
Problem was that there was nobody to assist them! Wang Haoxuan and Li Bowen, maybe - but they didn't have the chance yet to tell the two that the souls inside the bodies had switched. So far the two appeared confused, but unsure of anything yet.
"Has work been stressful, son? You promised to bring your boyfriend home but you never did. Now he's your fiancé but if your Ma didn't come here, you wouldn't introduce him to me. I already said I'm giving my blessings, why are you so scared?" Mother Xiao said. "And since when did you hate dogs? You loved playing with Lao Bai's puppies before, I had to drag you back home."
Wei Wuxian paled. "... Dogs are evil."
"He just got bitten by a dog recently," Jiang Cheng made up an excuse.
Mother Xiao frowned. How did her handsome son get bitten by a dog? She did not see any scars or traces of dog bites either. She did not ask further since he looked to be in a bad mood and was content with seeing the youngsters eating.
Right. These youngsters were very strange. The two juniors, Wang Haoxuan, Zhu Zanjin, and Li Bowen were eating the pizza and some of the dishes but the rest were only eating the dishes she had packed from home, almost avoiding the pizza. Only 'Yu Bin' looked curious enough to eat the pizza and he was prodding it with his chopsticks. None of them aside from Wang Haoxuan and Li Bowen had opened the canned drinks too, and only drank tea from the cups. Mother Xiao thought these youngsters would prefer the Western food over her homemade pickled vegetables, braised ribs, and spicy stir-fried chicken. Next time she should invite them over to have hotpot.
She noticed her son too kept eating only the spicy stir-fried chicken. Mother Xiao frowned. "Zhan Er, didn't you say before that your stomach will hurt if you have spicy foods? Don't eat too much, you're going to have diarrhea later."
Wei Wuxian almost dropped his chopsticks. So he couldn't even have spicy foods now? What made him different from a dead person now, ah? He got separated from his babies on a special day. He couldn't find a way to return home as soon as possible. Now he couldn't even eat what he liked - after months of eating bland Gusu Lan food because of his pregnancy, then a whole month of postnatal diet and bitter medicines to heal his wound. He had endured all that because of his babies and now his babies weren't around. Lan Wangji noticed his husband was now about to suffer from early symptoms of postpartum depression at this rate and quickly rubbed Wei Wuxian's hands to soothe him.
They finished eating and Mother Xiao went to wash the dishes and keep the leftovers in the fridge. As soon as she was out of sight Jiang Cheng angrily grabbed his brother's by the collar, like picking up a puppy. "Be responsible."
Lan Wangji glared furiously at Jiang Cheng and swatted his hand. "Don't."
"You - "
"You think I want to be here? I want to be back with my babies," the dam broke and Wei Wuxian cried.
Jiang Cheng fell silent. Seeing his brother in tears made him feel guilty. Seeing Lan Xichen, Lan Jingyi, and Xiao Xingchen's accusing looks made him feel like a bad guy. Wang Haoxuan, Li Bowen, and Zhu Zanjin meanwhile were in shock and extreme confusion by the word 'babies'. Holy moly, so Xiao Zhan really did give birth? Were he and Wang Yibo hiding their babies somewhere?
"We can look for the fan? I'm sure Xiao Zhan's mother will go home soon..." Lan Sizhui suggested.
"Zhan Er!" Mother Xiao's voice suddenly echoed from the kitchen. "I forgot to buy a return ticket, now the train tickets are all gone, ah! Let your mother stay with you tonight?"
They all looked at each other. Lan Wangji quickly carried his partner to the bedroom upstairs before Mother Xiao could hear her son wailing for their babies. Jiang Cheng facepalmed.
Great. Now how were they supposed to fool someone's mother at least for the next ten hours or so? Most importantly, how long would Wei Wuxian last before he goes completely mad?
poor wifi ;_;
Chapter 30: MDZS: I'm going to castrate him
Xiao Zhan sighed. Wang Yibo also sighed.
Xiao Zhan wondered if his life was so cursed that getting transmigrated into a fictional world now earned him little reaction now. The first thought he had when he saw 'Song Jiyang' in his costumes and long hair, confronting 'Li Bowen' and 'Wang Haoxuan' in their costumes, was only 'Eh, again?' He was freaking tired of this. He should have tossed that damn incense burner to the incinerator in the first place.
Song Jiyang glanced around. He looked at Xue Yang, then at Song Lan. "Fuck," he cursed.
Xue Yang looked horrified. Song Lan was about to faint. Little did Song Jiyang know, right before he transmigrated here, the last thing Xue Yang asked Xiao Xingchen was, "What are you planning to do to me, Daozhang?"
... One could imagine what Xue Yang and Song Lan were thinking now when 'Xiao Xingchen' uttered that word.
Xue Yang looked at his master for help. "Shifu..."
Xiao Zhan however was fuming. He was going to complete his revenge on Wei Wuxian for sure, since apparently cutting their hair was not enough. "I'm going to castrate him."
Xue Yang gasped. "No! You don't need to do that!"
"Otherwise he'll never stop," Xiao Zhan said.
"To that extreme?!" Xue Yang gasped. Was Xiao Daozhang that thirsty of him?
"What are we going to do now?" Song Jiyang asked.
Song Lan choked. "Are you agreeing (to be castrated)?!"
Song Jiyang frowned. "Retributions are needed."
"No matter how righteous you are, that is too much for something you haven't committed yet! A Yang, forgive him!" Song Lan begged.
"I forgive, I forgive! I never blamed him in the first place!" Xue Yang pleaded.
'What the hell are these two talking about?' Xiao Zhan thought as he glared at him. "You shut up. I'm deciding his punishments. Who do you think is going to lose face here?"
Before Xue Yang could say anything, the five of them heard the sound of a baby crying. Xiao Zhan glanced at Wang Yibo, before heading towards the source. He found Jiang Yanli, 'Lan Xichen', 'Jiang Cheng', and Jin Zixuan standing by a wooden crib. Xiao Zhan was unsure whether the panic in their eyes was either because of the cries or because they, like him and Yibo, had been transmigrated.
"What happened here?" Xiao Zhan asked. Song Jiyang, Xue Yang, and Song Lan followed behind him.
"It was Uncle who made them cry!" Jin Ling pointed his finger at Wang Zhuo Cheng, who was still clueless.
"No, it was definitely Sect Leader Jin!" Ouyang Zizhen said.
"I thought I saw Sect Leader Lan's hand touching the crib first but I might be wrong," Sect Leader Guo said.
Xiao Zhan frowned and approached the crib. Sure enough, the ones inside the crib were Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji's twins. They had grown quite a lot since Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo last saw them. Xiao Zhan held Lan Fei in his arms, hoping that even if the soul inside was different, Lan Fei would recognize her mother's scent.
"Shh, stop crying baobei..."
Like magic, Lan Fei stopped crying. Wang Yibo fell in love yet again at the image of Xiao Zhan cradling the baby.
Xiao Zhan noticed the many eyes looking at them and frowned. There was clearly some sort of celebration going on here. Damn it, the castration would have to wait. Actually, he couldn't really castrate Wei Wuxian, since he would be the one feeling the pain...
Xiao Zhan cursed his fictional counterpart a thousand times in his head. He then saw Wang Zhuo Cheng and Liu Haikuan's constipated looks, as well as Song Jiyang's questioning one. Oh, right, these guys had no idea that Wei Wuxian had given birth. They all thought Xiao Zhan really did have appendicitis or an embarrassing surgical procedure he wanted to keep secret. Back then Xiao Zhan was so stressed... he might have ignored any text messages and phone calls from friends asking about the case.
Xiao Zhan laughed awkwardly. "I think the babies might need a nappy change, so please excuse us for a moment, and enjoy the banquet, haha..."
Wang Yibo picked up Lan Yue and quickly followed Xiao Zhan to Jingshi.
Meanwhile, Zheng Fanxing and Guo Cheng looked at each other, lost and unsure of what to do. And so they trotted behind Xiao Zhan like baby ducklings following their mother. Liu Haikuan and Wang Zhuo Cheng who were in confusion too wanted to follow but was stopped by Jiang Yanli and Nie Mingjue.
"Where are you going A Cheng? You know A Xian won't like it if you're too persistent," Yanli said.
Liu Haikuan slowly tried to slip away but Nie Mingjue grabbed his arm. "Where do you think you are going, Xichen?"
Liu Haikuan paled. "I'm just going to see Wangji..."
"Sit down, Xichen. While your brother and brother-in-law manage their children, you have to play the host. It's rude to leave the guests unattended," Lan Qiren said.
Liu Haikuan and Wang Zhuo Cheng wanted to cry. Liu Haikuan, especially, now had to host a banquet for a celebration of something he had no knowledge of, and entertain all these extra characters who were unnamed in the novel but existed in the fictional world. Lan Qiren looked at Song Jiyang, Song Lan and Xue Yang.
"Since whatever issue you have looks like it has been settled, please take your seats as well. I know the two Daozhangs have not eaten yet, so please enjoy our humble meal," Lan Qiren said. "Wuxian and Wangji are happy with your attendance alone to their children's one month celebration, gifts should not matter. Sect Leader Jin, you too should return to your seat."
Liu Haikuan and Wang Zhuo Cheng almost stumbled upon hearing that. One month celebration? They remembered nothing about Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji having children in the novel! Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji only had one son and that was Lan Sizhui, who was an adopted son! The two actors suddenly remembered Xiao Zhan's previous 'scandal' before and froze.
Did either of them really give birth? The one who gave birth had to be Wei Wuxian right? Why would Xiao Zhan give birth and leave his child here, otherwise? But why did Wei Wuxian give birth in their world? They had so many unanswered questions!
Still the two actors sat down and worked hard to channel their inner Jiang Wanyin and Lan Xichen back - something quite difficult since it had been months after they finished filming. Yanli already sensed something was wrong with her younger brother. He did not look as irritable.
"These people..." Wen Qing sighed. She glanced at her brother. "Are you okay, A Ning? Why are you giggling?"
Yu Bin shook his head. "Nothing. Just thinking that banquets at ancient times are more interesting than I imagined."
Meanwhile at Jingshi, Xiao Zhan carefully placed the baby inside the crib. Wang Yibo did the same. However, no longer than ten seconds Guo Cheng came in with a loud voice.
"Are you Xiao Laoshi or Wei Wuxian?!" He cried.
Lan Fei cried and Xiao Zhan had to pick her up again. He glared at Guo Cheng. "What do you think?"
Guo Cheng gulped. "Honestly, I don't know..."
"How could people not know? It's unacceptable for me to be mistaken as that menace!" Xiao Zhan yelled.
"I already know it's you from the beginning," Yibo hurriedly say as he too held crying Lan Yue again.
"I'd kill you if you can't tell the difference," Xiao Zhan warned him.
"What are we going to do now?" Zheng Fanxing asked.
"Drag Nie-xiong here, of course, and ask him to return us back," Xiao Zhan said. "Am I supposed to sit here babysitting all day, while Wei Wuxian is running rampage in our world... oh lords, no, and in our new house too," he gloomily said.
They suddenly smelled something. Xiao Zhan felt something wet just hit his arms. He looked down.
Lan Fei had pooped. And likely peed too. Xiao Zhan groaned. Great. The pee had gotten all over his sleeves so now he had to change as well. Now would be the right time to say 'shit' for real.
"Bo Di... nevermind, watch the baby. Fanxing, get some change of clothes for me and the baby. I'm going to the bath," he said.
"I'm going too," Wang Yibo said. "They really are twins."
"...." So Lan Yue had made some gooey brownies too.
~~~ EXTRA ~~~
XXC: A Yang, wait, hear me!
XY: What are you planning to do to me, Daozhang?
Also inner XY: ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°) oh yeah choke me daozhang
Luckily hot water was available at the bathroom - otherwise Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo would have a harder time having to carry water from the river or well, then heat up a whole tub of water. Xiao Zhan bathed the twins and cleaned himself too while Yibo washed the poo and pee stain from the cloth nappies as well as the colorful robes (he figured those robes were probably expensive since they were robes for special occasion). Then Xiao Zhan discovered another problem. He knew how to change diapers - modern diapers, since he had seen his female relatives did it before. However, he had no idea how to tie ancient-style cloth nappies!
"Bo Di... do you know how to tie them?"
"... Of course not."
"... Nobody will know if we mess up, right? It's not like they're going to see underneath the robes."
Half an hour later Xiao Zhan managed to somehow tie the nappies and put on fresh clean robes on the babies. He huffed. Zheng Fanxing and Guo Cheng emerged into the bathroom and informed them about the banquet. Not all guests had presented their gifts yet and the two Daozhangs had just arrived, so there was no way Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo, as the 'hosts', could bail out just like that.
And so they begrudgingly returned to the hall, Xiao Zhan putting on his best smile as he could. Other sect leaders continued presenting their red packets. Occasionally there would be some gifting them with jewellery as well, that made Guo Cheng's eyes widened. Heavens, those pendants, bracelets, and bangles could buy him a Ferrari if sold in modern times!
Jin Zixuan coughed. "So... which of the gifts do you think are the best?"
"Ah?" Xiao Zhan blinked. He looked at the side, where a pile of gifts, mostly red packets and jewellery were placed temporarily. Should he even answer this? He knew neither Wei Wuxian nor Lan Wangji were materialistic. "They all look great."
"Of course they all look great, but is there one that catches your eyes?" Wen Qing asked.
Xiao Zhan frowned. Why were they so insistent? The first thing that caught his eyes was actually the rocking chair with the crib attached - simply because of its size, and that it seemed to be the most practical thing there. Wen Qing immediately noticed how his eyes had lingered at the chair and grinned.
"The rocking chair is very useful, right?" Wen Qing said.
Xiao Zhan blinked. "Well... it certainly does look very nice and sturdy... very useful, mm."
Wen Qing happily smiled and smacked her brother's back. "Hear that A Ning? You did a great job!"
Yu Bin coughed. "Oh, oh yeah. I mean, thanks."
Jin Ling pouted. "Our clan could easily make a better chair than that cheap stuff."
Yu Bin raised an eyebrow. "That, coming from someone whose present was made by an underpaid peasant? Go back to your mother's bossom."
There was a momentary silence before Song Jiyang burst into hysterical laughter. Jin Ling was more shocked than angry. Song Lan was stunned to see his best friend laughing because of the mocking joke. Xiao Zhan was now hundred percent sure Yu Bin was also transmigrated like them because there was no way in hell Wen Ning would speak like that. Cao Yuchen, Zhu Zanjin, Wang Haoxuan, and Li Bowen who had not yet reached their house or inside the house during the switch were likely not affected, since Jin Zixuan and Song Lan clearly appeared horrified and stunned.
"A Ning! That was too rude," Wen Qing hissed at him.
Liu Haikuan nudged Wang Zhuo Cheng, who was seated next to him. "Get angry, Zhuo Cheng," he whispered. It would be weird if Jin Ling's uncle wasn't angry at that rude remark.
"Oh, right," Wang Zhuocheng said. "Wen Ning, you dare say it again? How dare you insult Jin Ling!"
Yu Bin only laughed at Zhuo Cheng's poor attempt of being angry. Without a script to guide him and limited time to immerse himself his anger looked so forced, since the real Wang Zhuo Cheng wasn't the type to easily lose temper. Also, Zhuocheng probably had the same thoughts as him, since nobody liked show-offs and spoiled young masters.
"What are you going to do, tell my parents?" Yu Bin said. Wen Qing stared at him deadpanned and he nodded. "Right, they're dead. Sorry."
Xiao Zhan had to stop himself from spewing out Lan Qiren's lines. Yu Bin was just out here trying to shorten his lifespan by purposely looking for trouble. Not to mention Song Jiyang looked like he had no intention of keeping in character too much. Wang Yibo, his lovely Wang Yibo was doing a good job - he remained silent. He had to give credit to Wang Zhuocheng and Liu Haikuan too, though they were clearly still adjusting themselves.
Lan Qiren cleared his throat. "Fighting is forbidden in Cloud Recess."
"Right. You're putting Young Master Wei in a tough spot, it is improper to ask that kind of question," Liu Haikuan quoted a line he thought Lan Xichen would likely say.
Jin Zixuan sneered. "Just because your present was terrible, you're saying that now?"
Liu Haikuan was at loss now. What was he supposed to reply now? Virtues... what virtues ah, people like Lan Xichen who smiled so serenely all the time did not exist in real life.
"Intention is more important. I'm more proud of finally showing off my babies. Aren't they the cutest little angels in the world?" Xiao Zhan beamed happily as he snuggled Lan Fei.
He was in his actor mode, completely surprising Song Jiyang, Liu Haikuan, and Wang Zhuocheng, who were amazed by his ability to adapt. To be fair, after getting transmigrated few times Xiao Zhan now had obtained the ability to channel his inner Wei Wuxian more easily. Also, the babies were indeed very cute. Who wouldn't want to pinch their chubby cheeks?
Getting her cheeks pinched and hearing her mother's warm voice, Lan Fei gurgled and made a toothless smile. Xiao Zhan's eyes widened. She... the baby just smiled at him! Unable to stop himself, he repeatedly kissed her forehead and two chubby red cheeks, smiling widely in between. Meanwhile, Wang Yibo at the side repeatedly told himself to not swallow any vinegar because of a baby.
Everyone had finished presenting their gifts. The kitchen girls and junior disciples brought in new pots of tea and tea cups. Lan Qiren raised his tea cup. "I would like to propose a toast for this joyous occasion. However, since alcohol is banned in our sect, we invite everyone to enjoy our highest grade honey ginseng tea."
They all drank.
Xiao Zhan gulped. The tea tasted strange. He had tasted all sorts of tea but this one was unlike anything he ever tried. Wang Yibo seemed to sense that something was wrong too, and drank another cup just to be sure. Xiao Zhan stared at him. Normally wouldn't you avoid drinking or eating something that tasted suspicious more? He poured another cup and sniffed it. It smelled boozy.
... It was alcohol. Somebody had spiked the tea.
Liu Haikuan suddenly stood up and raised the tea cup. "You're calling this ginseng tea? If this stuff is ginseng, you bet I would drink this shit every day! Haha!!!"
Nie Mingjue had dropped his jaw and his tea cup. "Xichen?"
"... He's drunk," Nie Huaisang said.
"Who spiked the tea?!" Lan Qiren roared angrily, followed by a hiccup.
Yup, definitely alcohol, and Xiao Zhan had an inkling who sneaked it in. It was either that one single person who loved alcohol despite now staying in Cloud Recess, or one of the kitchen girls had somehow, miraculously mistook any ginseng liquor gifted by other sects as the honey ginseng, and mixed it into the tea. Either way, the banquet now had turned into a chaos as the Lan clan's lack of alcohol tolerance was genetically inherited. And so Liu Haikuan, who was now in Lan Xichen's body had became drunk and began saying everything out loud, that if his dialogues were typed out every single sentence would end with three exclamation marks. Guo Cheng in Lan Jingyi's body was slowly going through every single gifts that the guests had given. Meanwhile Xiao Zhan, the man who usually got drunk after a cup of any alcohol was now miraculously feeling sober still, due to Wei Wuxian's amazing liver that broke down the alcohol so fast.
Wang Yibo however...
"Ge!" He moaned and began to rub his face on Xiao Zhan's. "Ge... Zhan Ge..."
"... Hanguang Jun calls his own name when he's drunk?" Ouyang Zizhen said.
"..." Xiao Zhan knew the Zhan that Yibo was saying was not the Zhan for 'deep', 'profound' or 'clear' but the 'Zhan' for 'war', 'battle', or 'fight'. Anyway, it was not safe for an inebriated man to hold a baby so he called for Zheng Fanxing to take the baby instead. Vinegary Yibo began wrapping his arms around his neck instead and Xiao Zhan had to call for Jiang Yanli to help and take Lan Fei this time before both he and the baby got choked together.
"Ge~!!!" Wang Yibo wailed and hugged him tightly. "Why are you not looking at me, Ge??! Do you like the baby that much? Do you like Hanguang Jun that much?!"
Xiao Zhan clenched his teeth. He forced a smile at Yibo. "Oh yes, of course I love you so much."
The audience gagged. These new parents were just feeding dog food to them now. The main course was too bland, so now they were serving something diabetes-inducing?
Yibo pouted. "You promised to look at only me, Ge. You can't look at other man... Ge, I really want to marry you as fast as I can. Then you'll stop looking at others."
"Aren't you two already married?" Wen Qing was puzzled.
"Oh, he's just reminiscing our old days, Wen Qing. He's drunk, see?" Xiao Zhan laughed nervously.
"About time you two get married!" Liu Haikuan suddenly shouted. "The whole world already knows what you did!!! You got caught - live!!!! Don't wait until you're 35!!! Others already have babies by then!!!"
Nie Mingjue wondered if he should just carry his sworn brother to his room before he further ruined his image in front of other sect leaders and disciples.
"Lao Wang, dance!" Yu Bin, the gremlin, shouted.
Wang Yibo automatically responded to the call and jumped to the center of the hall, then began popping out his moves, swishing in the white robes. Lan Qiren stared in horror. Zheng Fanxing quickly shielded Lan Fei's eyes and ears. Liu Haikuan and Guo Cheng were cheering like loud fan girls at the side. Soon, other sect leaders and disciples who were also intoxicated began joining the 'party'. Several disciples were happily making music either with their own instruments or just hitting the porcelain bowls with their chopsticks. Some elderly sect leaders waved their hands and swayed their hips around, doing the old men dance. Lan Qiren had fainted.
It was a shocking sight that would never happen in Cloud Recess, or Unclean Realm, or Lotus Pier, or even Carp Tower. Cultivators in the future would dub it the one banquet that must never be mentioned - The Lan Rave Banquet - as it was the day all Gusu Lan disciples and other sect leaders had humiliated themselves.
Xiao Zhan directed his eyes at Yu Bin, who pretended like he was innocent. He took a deep breath and exclaimed out loud. "Hubby, if you do not stop dancing and not return to Jingshi straight away, I'm divorcing you."
The word 'divorce' immediately sobered up Wang Yibo and he flew to Xiao Zhan's side with the speed of a lightning. Xiao Zhan signaled Zheng Fanxing and Jiang Yanli to follow him. Before leaving the messy hall, he glared at all the inebriated guests and announced.
"Mark my words - no matter what my future self say after this, all birthday celebrations of Lan Yue and Lan Fei will be exclusive only to Gusu Lan Sect, and nobody else will be allowed to attend!"
While he had always held the title Bride of Gusu, that day, 'Wei Wuxian' was officially approved by Lan Qiren and disciples were ordered to formally refer him as Young Madam Lan.
~~~ EXTRA ~~~
Song Jiyang had chosen to escape the chaos and calmly sipped his drink outside the hall. Xue Yang silently followed behind him. Song Jiyang glanced at him.
"Why aren't you joining the people outside?" he asked.
Xue Yang was fumbling with his own fingers. "I... I want to talk to you, Daozhang."
Song Jiyang raised his eyebrow as he noticed Xue Yang's obvious nervousness. Strange. Even though this Xue Yang was not evil, his personality should not deviate so much. He definitely did not drink just now, so why did he look like a shy young maiden in front of him?
"What do you want to talk about?" Song Jiyang said. "And stop making that kind of face. Are you a maiden?"
Xue Yang froze. "Are you teasing me again, Daozhang?"
Song Jiyang was even more confused. He put down his cup and gestured Xue Yang to come closer with his fingers. Xue Yang obliged. Song Jiyang placed a hand against Xue Yang's forehead. "Hm. No fever."
Xue Yang's face reddened. "I... Do you like me, Daozhang?!"
Song Jiyang: = д = !!!
What was Xue Yang asking him? What kind of like was he referring to? That kind of like? This kind of like? Was he serious or not? If Song Jiyang answered seriously, would Xue Yang make fun of him instead? If he answered it lightly and Xue Yang turned out to be serious, would he become a psychopath he originally was meant to be? Was this guy actually also desiring to 'violate' him like that one world he dreamed of?
Song Jiyang scowled. That did not sit well with him.
"Follow me," he said and pulled Xue Yang's hand, bringing him to a more secluded area. He then glanced at the other's crotch and felt dread settling when he noticed a hint of bulge. Damn it, this Xue Yang was also lusting over him!
Xue Yang meanwhile, was beginning to feel nervous, scared, and excited at the same time when 'Xiao Xingchen' brought him to a secluded place. He gulped. "Daozhang?"
Song Jiyang sighed, and stared at Xue Yang. "Do you want me?"
Xue Yang choked. He was the one who had asked Daozhang, why was Daozhang asking him back?
Song Jiyang's eyes lingered at the bulge. "Well, one honest part of your body seems to desire me, at least."
Red-faced, Xue Yang tried to cover his crotch area with both hands but Song Jiyang grabbed his hands first, and pulled Xue Yang close to his body just to make sure of something. Oh boy, he thought. This guy really was lusting on him. He could hear Xue Yang's rapid heartbeat, and felt his hardness against his hips.
"Do you want me to help you?" Song Jiyang asked.
"Again?!" Xue Yang spluttered.
'Again'? What did Xue Yang mean by 'again'? An idea suddenly popped in Song Jiyang's head. Oh, this must be another fanfiction world for sure! No wonder Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian were able to have children here! Maybe instead of that world, this was another fanfiction world! In this world, Xue Yang perhaps fancied him and turned not evil because he wanted to be with Xiao Xingchen.
Hold on, how much had they gone to then? First base, second base, third base? Earlier when they first arrived, Xue Yang had ran away from him and looked scared... now he came to him, looking like a shy maiden and was asking if he liked him... hold on, could it be that he had already been defiled and was asking Xiao Xingchen to be responsible? If Wei Wuxian could get pregnant and give birth, then... could it possibly be that Xue Yang was also... had he been impregnated by this world's Xiao Xingchen?
Song Jiyang's imagination went wild (and very far off the track). He racked his brain up and finally came up with a conclusion after considering Xiao Xingchen's personality. Xiao Xingchen would definitely want to be responsible, he decided.
He held Xue Yang's hands. "If you're okay with me, let's get married. We'll raise our child together."
'There, Xiao Xingchen, I solved your problem for you', Song Jiyang thought.
Xue Yang meanwhile, felt dizzy. Daozhang wanted to marry him. Daozhang wanted to marry him. Holy crap, Xiao Daozhang was proposing to him!! He even wanted to have a child with him! Xiao Daozhang knew Xue Yang practiced the same cultivation method as Wei Wuxian and therefore possessed the Yin Body as well, now that he had seen Wei Wuxian so happy with his babies, he wanted his own babies too! And he was asking Xue Yang to have his baby!!!
Xue Yang fainted. Song Jiyang quickly cushioned his fall.
'Must be pregnancy anemia', he thought.
Thanks, SJY. Now XXC is going to return & find out he suddenly has a fiancé.
Normally wwx title should be second madam Lan I think, since he's married to second young master, but since there's no 'first madam' Lan...calling him madam Lan directly would imply he's the wife of sect leader, which he's not, so I guess it's be young madam? Idk
#according to MDZS author MXTX it's actually easy to make xxc laugh, but song Lan himself never cracks a joke so he doesn't know that.
#the 'zhan' in Lan Zhan & Xiao Zhan are spelled differently (different characters & meanings) but pronounced similarly
Chapter 32: CQL: Mothers
Zhu Zanjin: Jin Guangyao
Wang Haoxuan: Xue Yang
Li Bowen: Song Lan
Cao Yuchen: Jin Zixuan
Xuan Lu: Jiang Yanli
James Huang: Lan Qiren
Zhang Jing Tong: Yu Ziyuan
Lu Jianmin: Jiang Fengmian
Zoey Meng: Wen Qing
Qi Peixin: Jin Ling
DEC 23, 2019
Zhu Zanjin changed the subject to 'EMERGENCY YILING PATRIARCH NEEDS HELP ヽ(ﾟДﾟ; )ﾉ '
I have an emergency
We have an emergency
The real Yiling Patriarch is HERE
Calm down Zanjin. I'm on my way.
What the hell happened.
Everyone except me, @Wang Haoxuan and @Li Bowen got possessed by their own characters in the novel.
Right now Xiao Laoshi is having an emotional breakdown because Wei Wuxian inside his body is separated from his newborn babies.
Wei Wuxian is a MAN
Are you drunk already
Wei Wuxian is a cultivator.
We're talking about ghosts of fictional characters possessing real people here and you're more concerned that he has no uterus??
We're talking about ghosts of demonic cultivator, so now you're asking me to come there? I'm telling my assistant to make a U turn.
Please don't go ｡･ﾟ･(ﾉД｀)･ﾟ･｡
Don't tell me it's another paranormal event happening.
Esteemed Senior!!!! (ᗒᗩᗕ)
Only you can save us!!!
Zhang Jing Tong
Is this what youngsters these days are doing? Role-playing too much?
You're not that old either @Zhang Jing Tong
You're like, two years older than your 'daughter'
What's happening? What do you mean by paranormal activity?
Does it have something to do with Guo Cheng's Instagram Live suddenly going blurry then stopped out of nowhere?
@Cao Yuchen 🙂🗡️
That's exactly what happened.
Even if you don't believe me, you have to believe Xiao Xingchen.
Right now Lan Wangji is alone with Wei Wuxian, trying to solve his emotional breakdown
Lan Xichen and Gusu juniors are distracting Xiao Laoshi's mother by chatting with her
Xiao Xingchen brought us to the guest room and explained the whole situation to us
Xiao Xingchen is a righteous man indeed.
But Song Jiyang? Hmmmmm
Not saying he's a bad guy but hmmmmm
This is a guy who said, 'oh yeah, I'm happy I get to be blindfolded, I don't have to see your face'
They probably started their roleplay party without you.
I have to agree with @Cao Yuchen. If it's @Wang Zhuocheng I might believe him
How do you know Wang Yibo is inside comforting Xiao Zhan, not... well, you know (•‿•) inside Xiao Zhan
*sends clip of Jiang Cheng in Wang Zhuo Cheng's body flipping tables*
Holy shit you're right
I'm outta here
JK. @Zhang Jing Tong I think we need the great Madam Yu to whip him to obedience
@Zhu Zanjin I ask you to call people to consult and you're talking about whips here?
Zhang Jing Tong
Guess who I met
What a coincidence, right when I'm opening this group chat ♥️
Heavens are blessing those two👨❤️👨
... We are getting ignored...
How did you two meet?
Zhang Jing Tong
Both of us have a shoot in different locations, but nearby.
A coincidence maybe, a fateful encounter, maybe?
Are you in Beijing, @Xuan Lu?
Idk what's happening in there but let's just meet up there after you're done with work, shall we?
Can anyone bring hotpot ingredients please?
Xiao Zhan's mother says she wants to go shopping for hotpot ingredients with Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan.
Both have no idea where their credit cards are... or how to use credit cards, even.
We lied and said someone is already coming with the ingredients.
This is why lying never brings you good results.
I'll come and bring the hotpot ingredients.
Sure. What does everyone want to eat?
Make it spicy please.
I've calmed down. A bit. Thanks to my beautiful Lan Er Gege 😘
Made of 50% brilliance, 50% beauty, and 100% husband material.
@Zhu Zanjin you said he's being possessed by the spirit of Yiling Patriarch.
Not that I believe you in the first place but you should've aligned your stories together if you want to make a good prank.
This one is not the Yiling Patriarch but the Bride of Gusu 💖 proud mother of three 👦👶 👶
If there is one thing this one is good at other than entertaining my husband, it is to adapt, improvise, and overcome 💪
I still don't know if @Zhu Zanjin is trying to troll us or not but I am 100% sure the above is not Xiao Laoshi
Because if this phone gets stolen and this conversation is seen by anyone
That can't be Wei Wuxian, how would he know how to use a smartphone
Will someone come so we can start the hotpot and get my doppelganger's mother distracted, as soon and as long as possible?
I need to look for a way to return home.
By the way @Cao Yuchen if I can figure out how to make a Stygian Tiger Seal out of a barely readable old cultivation manual I can figure out how to use this thing.
*attached selfies in various cute poses*
Saving those pictures if you don't mind, A Xian ❤
@Xuan Lu 😘
Zhang Jing Tong
We're on our way
Madame, you're visiting our son's marriage home without your husband?
Zhang Jing Tong
Scram, I'm with my girl today 👭
I got the ingredients.
Arriving in ten.
Ten more minutes? That's fast.
Nine, eight, seven
Zhang Jing Tong
Damn it he beat us
Doesn't matter, we've got cakes 🍰
Oh, I've never seen Wang Yibo looking so shocked. Liu Haikuan looks like he got strangled too, heh.
I just told them a knock knock joke and they almost fainted from the sheer brilliance.
Wang Zhuo Cheng looks like he got a pole stuck in his ass that can't get out.
Lan Qiren just made a knock knock joke and laughed. Of course they're going to faint.
Wait til they hear my collection of puns
Zhang Jing Tong
Just got here!
My, it is a nice house, though I would have arranged the furniture differently 😍
Zhuo Cheng just sprayed out soda from his nose LOL
Have mercy @Zhang Jing Tong.
You're supposed to be his dead mom whom he hasn't seen for more than a decade.
I just opened the chat to find all sorts of disasters here.
What picture is that? I can't download it... my mobile data sucks here.
Who did you bring @Zhang Jing Tong
Zhang Jing Tong
Oh right she only appeared in one episode and you guys didn't have any scene with her.
We got close during a TV show and only found out we were both in the drama too, much later.
She's the one who played Lan Wangji's mother in the drama.
So that's my mother-in-law?
No wonder my hubby looks so shocked.
Zhang Jing Tong
You're right, @James Huang
Their shocked faces are really funny
They look like they've just seen dead people.
WWX: Learns how to use a smartphone in less than a day
Also WWX: Dips hands into toilet bowl
Chapter 33: CQL: In laws
I've given up searching for the actress who played Madam Lan...not even the Chinese sites I went to have her name -_-
So I went with Huang Ying, a singer/actress. She's listed as part of the cast, as Grandma Liu...even tho she's only 30 O.o she is beautiful & has a similar smile to Mdm Lan...so she's going to be Mdm Lan in this fic, and a married woman (I'm not sure of her real status).
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The doorbell rang. Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian were both upstairs so Lan Xichen went to get the door. "Yes?"
Lan Xichen frowned. The voice was very familiar. "Who's there?"
Xichen blinked. "Lettuce...who?"
"Lettuce in already, it's cold out here."
Lan Xichen froze. What? Was...was that a joke?
"Who is at the door, brother?"
Lan Wangji had came downstairs. Lan Xichen slowly opened the door. Both brothers went completely stiff when they saw their uncle's face grinning at the door.
"Hello, Bluetooth brothers. Your lord and saviour is here with the hotpot ingredients," James Huang greeted.
Lan Xichen choked. Uncle Qiren?! It was Uncle Qiren who made that joke?!!
James Huang handed Lan Wangji a bag full of meat and vegetables, as well as hotpot seasonings. He noticed Jiang Cheng, who was sitting at the sofa and cheerfully waved. "Hey, Zhuo Cheng! How are you doing?"
'Wang Zhuo Cheng' looked like he had a constipation that had been there for thirty years. James Huang greeted Mother Xiao, who was delighted to see the older but still charmingly handsome actor.
"I heard Chongqing people specialise in spicy cuisine and hotpot, I look forward to it," he said.
"My, I'm honoured that you'd be willing to try my cooking," Mother Xiao was flattered. "There's a lot of mushroom here. Do you like mushrooms?"
James Huang grinned. "That's because I'm a fungi."
Lan Xichen almost fainted. Lan Wangji believed at this point nothing could shock him more than Lan Qiren making a pun.
Or so he thought. The doorbell rang again and this time Wei Wuxian, who had finally calmed down and emerged from the master bedroom went to open the door.
Zhang Jing Tong came in with her friend, happily showing the large box of cakes in her hands. "Hey everyone! I've got my friend joining today, hope you guys don't mind?"
Jiang Cheng sprayed out the soda he had just drank. It hurt a lot - the fizz hurt his nose and throat but at this moment not even the pain could distract him from the shock of seeing his dead mother alive and so cheerful.
Another beautiful lady followed behind Zhang Jing Tong. The two Lan brothers' hearts stopped beating for a moment.
Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji could still remember their mother's face clearly, albeit the decades that had passed since her demise. She was a very beautiful woman, very gentle, very loving, that Lan Xichen found it hard to believe that she had been condemned and locked up for murdering a Gusu Lan teacher.
There was perhaps a deeper story behind it but there was nobody alive who would tell them the truth. Still, both Twin Jades of Lan had nothing but fond memories of her.
The woman called herself Huang Ying. She was just as beautiful and gentle as the late Madam Lan.
Two supposedly dead people and a cheerful Lan Qiren were too much for the cultivators to handle, especially Jiang Cheng and the Twin Jades of Lan.
"Come help me, Zhan Er. Your senior actor brought so much high quality ingredients here," Mother Xiao said.
"Please let me do it," Lan Wangji who had snapped out of his stupor offered, knowing how helpless Wei Wuxian was at cooking. It would be terrible if they set someone's new kitchen on fire.
James Huang blinked. "Are you sure, Yibo? I know for a fact that Xiao Zhan is a better cook than you..."
In other words, 'you are a terrible cook but since your future mother-in-law is here I'm trying to save your face'. Lan Wangji shook his head.
Lan Wangji nodded. "Want to make food for him everyday...for the rest of my life. So I learned."
Wei Wuxian's heart melted. He hugged Lan Wangji's arm and leaned his head against his shoulder. It looked a bit awkward since originally Lan Wangji was an inch taller than Wei Wuxian but Wang Yibo was an inch shorter than Xiao Zhan.
"My darling husband...are you trying to kill me with your sweetness, ah? How is my heart going to survive when you keep making it beat like crazy?"
The Gusu juniors were already used to the saccharine sweet tones the Bride of Gusu often used when flirting. Jiang Cheng pretended to gag as usual. Zhang Jing Tong and James Huang however were stunned, since they had only seen Xiao Zhan either joking around or bantering with Wang Yibo - it was usually Yibo who would do things to get his attention. Even Mother Xiao did not know her son could sound so coquettish. She began to feel embarrassed. Did her Zhan Er flirt with innocent young actors like Wang Yibo like this? She needed to give him a good scolding later!
While Mother Xiao busied herself at the kitchen with Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian asked the two juniors, Xiao Xingchen, and Wen Ning to go through the numerous boxes brought by the moving company workers, that contained Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan's stuff. Surely among them, the fan would be there.
He needed to entertain Madam Yu and his mother-in-law, ah!
Zewu Jun and Jiang Cheng clearly was still in a shocked state. They were trying to hide it but they couldn't stop looking at Zhang Jing Tong and Huang Ying, who were marvelling at the house design.
"My husband and I originally planned to buy a house around this neighborhood as well," Huang Ying said with a smile. "We ended up buying a house in another area, though. If not, we could have been neighbors."
"You're married, mother-in-law?" Wei Wuxian asked.
Zhang Jing Tong raised an eyebrow. "What mother-in-law, A Ying is only two years older than you!"
Huang Ying laughed. "It's okay, ah. I am his mother-in-law in the drama, though we never had a scene together - pity. Funny you call me mother-in-law but ask me if I'm married, though. But to answer you, yes, I am married. If you have any concerns about marriage you can ask me."
Zhang Jing Tong shook her head. "You're too nice on him, A Ying. Your in-drama son is spoiling him already, who's going to be the strict in-law, ah?"
Huang Ying giggled. "Can't be helped. My husband is the strict one in our household. He's such a stickler to rules, I have to be the soft one that my kids can cry to, don't you think?"
Zhang Jing Tong snickered. "You two are like the real Qingheng Jun and Madam Lan."
"Without the house-lock for like ten years," James Huang snickered.
Huang Ying giggled. "He'd be mortified if he has to be separated from me. Seemed like almost every characters have terrible parents."
"And characters who'd be good parents died too early," Zhang Jing Tong said.
James Huang raised an eyebrow at her. "You're not talking about your own character right? Your character was a terrible mother."
"How mean, Huang Laoshi. I'm sure Yu Ziyuan would be a better mother if she wasn't so jealous of a dead person. She still saved A Xian, didn't she?"
"But..." Jiang Cheng suddenly spoke. "She saved him so he could protect Jiang Cheng, and because of that..."
Because Yu Ziyuan made Wei Wuxian promised her to protect Jiang Cheng, that Wei Wuxian had sacrificed his own life as a cultivator and transferred his golden core to Jiang Cheng.
"Don't be silly, Zhuo Cheng. It's just my personal view but if Yu Ziyuan truly did not care about Wei Wuxian she would let Jiang Cheng escape alone and tell Wei Wuxian to protect Lotus Pier with her. Or if she was selfish enough, leave the place with her son and let Wei Wuxian die there protecting Lotus Pier."
Jiang Cheng went still. His eyes darted at Wei Wuxian, who had a complicated expression on his face as well.
"It's tough love, by Madam Yu," Huang Ying smiled.
"Xiao Zhan, you're an adult too, I'm sure you learned a lot of things after you've become an adult. I never doubted that you were serious about your relationship, when you chose to go public about it," Zhang Jing Tong said. "Some people might think you're being a fool, but... well, they won't know until they experience it themselves."
Huang Ying nodded. "You know, when I first read about my character, I did question about why she was willingly getting locked up, losing her freedom...then it occured to me that perhaps she thought it was the only way she'd be able to see her sons."
Lan Xichen felt his lips getting dry. He never thought about it that way. He had always wondered why his father was determined to marry his mother and brought her to the clan, even announcing that she was the only woman he'd ever love. His mother... he did not know what she was thinking. How could she stay confined and separated from her husband and sons, yet not complain?
Huang Ying offered a possible explanation. It was out of sheer desperation, to be able to see her sons, even for only once a month. As for why she married Qingheng Jun... Lan Xichen did not know.
"But why did she marry Qingheng Jun anyway? She killed his teacher, but had married him? Even gave birth to two sons?" Wei Wuxian suddenly wondered out loud.
Zhang Jing Tong and Huang Ying then exchanged looks, and giggled. James Huang saw their faces and shook his head.
"Well, who knows, Qingheng Jun never appeared in the drama or animation, but maybe he's really handsome?" Huang Ying said. "Love works in a mysterious way."
Zhang Jing Tong smirked. "Or...he was great in bed. Like Hanguang Jun."
Wei Wuxian, Lan Xichen, and Jiang Cheng all choked on air. Wei Wuxian's face had turned red. This was his husband they were talking about!
"Maybe he's kinky, like Hanguang Jun," Huang Ying joked. "Remember in the novel he likes to tie up Wei Wuxian during sex?"
"Ooh, and biting?" Zhang Jing Tong added.
"Let's not forget he fantasised doing Wei Wuxian in the library ever since they were fifteen," Huang Ying giggled. "With different styles and positions."
"And he stole Wei Wuxian's first kiss too... blindfolded. Oh, my, is it me or it's getting hot in here?" Zhang Jing Tong fanned herself.
James Huang sighed. "Seriously, you two...good thing Xuan Lu isn't here yet, otherwise... hm, what's wrong with you, Xiao Zhan? Your face is red."
Of course it was red. His adoptive mother and mother-in-law just unveiled details of his sex life right in front of his brother-in-law and shidi! What happened to the wholesome talk about parents and children, ah?
Wei Wuxian had covered his face with his hands in embarrassment. Lan Xichen's face had lost colour. Jiang Cheng however was fuming with anger and about to explode when he hard the words 'tie up', 'biting', 'fantasised', 'blindfolded'...
Mother Xiao and Lan Wangji emerged from the kitchen to inform them that the hotpot was ready to be served. Jiang Cheng was about to lose his temper at the mere sight of Lan Wangji, but seeing Zhang Jing Tong picking up the large tongs made him shrunk back. Around the same time Xuan Lu and Zoey Meng arrived. They all gathered at the living room for the hotpot dinner.
Mother Xiao called everyone for dinner. Xiao Xingchen, Wen Ning and the two juniors came down with tired faces. They had not yet found the fan, even after going through dozens of boxes.
"Is your TV already set?" Xuan Lu asked while rummaging through her handbag.
Wei Wuxian blinked. "Ah... I don't know." He knew what a TV was now, but he did not know what she meant by already being set.
Xuan Lu checked the TV. It was the latest model of smart TV, that could be connected to WiFi and even came with USB ports. Since they had just moved in that day, they had not had the internet connection yet but Xuan Lu connected her hard disk on the TV and turned it on.
"What are you doing?" Wang Haoxuan asked.
"Oh, I figured since this is kind of our cast reunion why not we watch the first episode again together while eating?" She said with an excited smile.
"Oh," Wang Haoxuan nodded. The opening song played. His eyes then widened. "Wait, no!"
"No?" Xuan Lu blinked.
Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi who had watched the first half of the drama series also finally recalled something important. They panicked. "Can't!!"
Too late. The first episode had started.
Wei Wuxian had only read the book, and did not watch the drama. He was puzzled by their panicked reactions, until he saw the scene in the screen. Uh oh. That was the scene of Wei Wuxian's death. The series began with Jiang Cheng 'killing' (he didn't really kill him, but he did stab the ground Lan Wangji was lying on and Wei Wuxian chose to fall down himself) him.
He did tell Lan Wangji about how the original him had died, as a demonic cultivator hated by everyone. He did not specifically tell Lan Wangji who caused his demise. During the time original Lan Huan came to their world, both Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian were not there and nobody told them about what Lan Huan had revealed.
So when Lan Wangji saw on-screen Jiang Cheng (well, that was Wang Zhuo Cheng) screaming at him, telling him to go to hell, then thrusting his sword at him - his chopsticks fell. Jiang Cheng trembled. Lan Huan told him that he had been the one who killed Wei Ying but he had half refused to believe it. Now he was seeing it with his own eyes.
Wei Ying (Xiao Zhan) fell off the cliff, the storyteller narrating that even his soul had shattered and he was to never return. Till his death, he was scorned.
Lan Wangji got up and grabbed Jiang Cheng by the neck. Mother Xiao and other ladies shrieked. Jiang Cheng of course was not the type to stay silent and fought back, pushing him with all his might. It caused the table to topple down, spilling the hotpot onto the floor, staining the carpet and the hot red liquid splattered on the brand new sofa.
Fortunately nobody got hurt. Except for the real owners of the house of course, who will be hurt when they return home soon to find the catastrophe that had occured.
"Jiang Wanyin!" Lan Wangji growled angrily.
"Release me," Jiang Cheng gritted his teeth.
"Calm down, Lan Zhan! It did not happen here!" Wei Wuxian hurriedly calm his husband.
Lan Wangji looked at him, feeling a little hurt. "You didn't tell me."
"It wasn't important."
This time, Jiang Cheng was angry. "Why?! Why is it not important?! Not only you, even the other you...the parallel you said the same thing. 'Not important'. You're always like this, putting your own worth second to others."
Wei Wuxian licked his lips nervously. "Jiang Cheng..."
"Stop saying shit like you're a servant's son, so you're not important. I didn't accept you because of my father or sister. Well, maybe, it was like that in the beginning...but my point is, urghh..."
Wei Wuxian stared at Jiang Cheng. He was still holding Lan Wangji's hands.
"Listen, my father is no longer alive. My sister is married. By right I could have thrown you out of the clan if I hated you. But I don't. I... I still keep your old room just as it is, in case you ever want to come back. So...come back and stay, once in a while," Jiang Cheng finally said. "Whatever happened in the original... I don't know, but I swear it would never happen here."
Wei Wuxian sniffed. "Jiang Cheng..."
".... And bring your kids with you when you visit."
Lan Xichen's eyes twitched.
Zhu Zanjin sweatdropped. "Uhh...guys, have you forgotten you have an audience here..."
He glanced at Mother Xiao, who was scared to death by the sudden confrontation.
But Jiang Cheng was not finished. He glared at Lan Wangji. "How hypocritical, Lan Wangji. Losing your temper, when you dared to fantasise doing dirty things to my brother, when you just barely reached puberty..."
He picked up the broom, that for some convenient reason was laying in the living room.
Lan Wangji scowled. "We're married. He is mine now." He picked up the mop, that for some weird reason was also in the living room.
Let's just say Li Bowen originally took them to the living room to clean up the mess from the upturned table. He did not think they would be turned into weapons by Hanguang Jun and Sandu Shengshou.
Mother Xiao did not know whether she should be impressed or frightened by the two actors dueling like real swordsmen with a broom and a mop. She was so shocked by the sudden turn of events, she fainted.
This terrible chaotic chapter was written by someone who got too much sugar right now.
Fun story: I was craving hotpot when I wrote this so I went to a restaurant for hotpot with friends. We ordered some side dishes too. Halfway thru I realized one of the veggie dish has shrimps (those small sakura ebi, used as seasonings), which I'm allergic to =.=
Luckily I've got antihistamine in my purse. Moral of the story: if ur going to a new restaurant & u have food allergies always check what's inside all the dishes, even if they're supposedly vege dish... -_-'"
"Not your A Xian, shijie," Xiao Zhan said as he placed Lan Fei in the crib. He carefully took Lan Yue from Jiang Yanli's hold and placed him next to Lan Fei.
Jiang Yanli blinked. "Not A Xian...?"
Xiao Zhan sighed. "It's me. Your brother's doppelganger."
Jiang Yanli gasped. "Master Xiao?"
"Just Xiao Zhan is fine. No need for honorific," Xiao Zhan said.
Yanli glanced at Wang Yibo. "Ah," she uttered. No wonder Lan Wangji had acted...that way. "Is it just the two of you? How?"
Xiao Zhan shook his head. "Not just two of us. Jiang Cheng, Zewu Jun, Sizhui, Jingyi, Xiao Xingchen, and Wen Ning...they're all people from my world too. I don't know how we got here, but... Sizhui is going to bring the guy responsible."
As soon as they heard the continuous pathetic barrage of 'I don't know's approaching Jingshi Jiang Yanli understood. Zheng Fanxing came in dragging Nie Huaisang, who had a panicked look in his face.
"Wei-xiong, I really don't know!"
"Quit your lies before I shave your head off," Xiao Zhan threatened him. "Not your forgiving Wei-xiong, by the way. This one doesn't have the compassion of Buddha to forgive anyone."
Nie Huaisang whimpered.
Xiao Zhan looked at Zheng Fanxing. "Where is Guo Cheng?"
"... Damn Lans and their alcohol intolerance. You're not drunk?"
"A Yuan is a Wen by blood. I guess it's genetically inherited, not because of their abstinence," Zheng Fanxing chuckled.
Xiao Zhan nodded. "Go and get the others here too. Now, Nie-xiong..."
Nie Huaisang shrunk in fear.
He trembled. "I... I did not bring it here with me ah..."
Xiao Zhan raised an eyebrow. "Then how did we get here?"
"I really don't know!" Nie Huaisang cried.
Xiao grabbed him by the scruff of his neck like a puppy. "Then go and bring the fan here. Right now."
Nie Huaisang paled. "The fan is at Unclean Realm..."
"So? Go and fly on your sword right away!"
"Aii, aiyah, Master Xiao, you know my cultivation level is not high... to travel that far and return in the same day is too taxing..."
Xiao Zhan gritted his teeth. He really wanted to bash someone in the head right now. "Get someone else. Your brother, Jin Zixuan, whoever - "
Zheng Fanxing brought back a completely wasted Guo Cheng and Liu Haikuan, as well as slightly inebriated Wang Zhuo Cheng and Yu Bin. Song Jiyang was nowhere to be found though somebody had seen him leaving the banquet hall earlier.
"The banquet hall is a complete mess now," Zheng Fanxing reported.
"What about my husband and Sect Leader Nie?" Jiang Yanli asked.
".... How drunk?"
"Well..." Zheng Fanxing glanced at Liu Haikuan, who had started singing Cosmic Girls' song while using the guqin like a guitar. Guo Cheng looked pretty much dead, lying on the floor like a rag. Yu Bin and Wang Zhuo Cheng were massaging their own temples. "Not as drunk as these two for sure. But more inebriated than Yu Bin and Zhuo Cheng."
Xiao Zhan tapped his feet impatiently. "Let's look for Song Jiyang, Song Lan and Xue Yang. Either Song Lan or Xue Yang would be fine."
They found the trio. But Song Lan appeared to be having a mental breakdown while Xue Yang had fainted. Xiao Zhan looked at Song Jiyang. "What have you done?"
Song Jiyang gasped. "I haven't done anything!"
"Why did he faint?" Xiao Zhan pointed at Xue Yang.
"Anemia," Song Jiyang answered.
"Since when did this guy have anemia?!"
"Hey, you never know. It's okay, I'm taking responsibility. Well, Xiao Xingchen is."
"And what happened to Song Lan?"
"He's just disappointed he's not included in our threesome anymore. Since Xue Yang is in this state, I can't look at others."
Xiao Zhan was not even going to bother to ask what Song Jiyang meant. Either way the only people who could fly to Qinghe was too drunk now. They could travel by foot or on Lil Apple but heavens knew how long it would take them to reach Unclean Realm, and they could not just leave the two newborns.
"I think you forgot someone, Xiao Laoshi," Yu Bin said, while fanning his red face.
"Jin Ling can fly. He supposedly has a pretty high cultivation compared to his peers right? And he did not drink."
Xiao Zhan's eyes brightened. "Good idea, Yu Bin!"
Yu Bin nodded. "I can get drunk now, right?"
"Please don't. I need one sane guy with me now. I'll forgive you for your transgression earlier if you stay sober."
"... You know soon Wen Qing will be hunting me. I'd rather play possum before she kills me for real."
"If you doze off I'll be the one to take you down before Wen Qing does."
As Zheng Fanxing brought Jin Ling to them Xiao Zhan silently swore to treat the younger man for dinner at a nice restaurant once they return. Seriously, he had been such a help, and had pretty much been made into a lackey here, dragging drunk people from the banquet hall all the way to Jingshi.
Xiao Zhan and Jiang Yanli explained the situation to Jin Ling. To his relief Jin Ling indeed had confidence to not only fly from Cloud Recess to Unclean Realm but also carry one person with him.
Looking at Xiao Zhan's satisfied face, an idea popped in Jiang Yanli's head and she whispered something to her son.
"Uncle Xian... I mean, Master Xiao. I have one request in exchange for the favour," Jin Ling said.
Xiao Zhan blinked. "What?"
"Can you write a pledge that Jiang Yanli and Jin Ling will be allowed to attend Lan Yue and Lan Fei's Gusu Lan-exclusive birthday celebrations?" Jin Ling asked. "Write it under Wei Wuxian's name."
".... Sure," Xiao Zhan said and proceeded to write the pledge. He had the same handwriting as Wei Wuxian and knew how Wei Wuxian signed his name, so nobody else would know that the pledge was written by someone else.
Jiang Yanli tucked the paper safely in her pouch and sent her son off with Nie Huaisang to look for the fan. She would generously reward her son later. Exclusive access to the twins' birthday celebrations! Plus, other sects won't be allowed to attend so she'd have the cute cuddly twins to herself! Jiang Yanli secretly cheered.
Meanwhile, Xiao Zhan looked at all the drunk people around him and wondered how he should deal with them. He found out he had no time to think about handling these drunk adults as the twins began to cry again, this time from hunger. Xiao Zhan got to making the formula.
A sobered up Wang Yibo felt completely hopeless as he watched his partner nursing Lan Fei while Jiang Yanli helped feeding Lan Yue. He went to the banquet hall in hopes to salvage whatever left of their reputation a bit and sent off the guests one by one. Hopefully they won't remember whatever happened in Cloud Recess that day.
Nie Mingjue had been sent to a guest room to sober up. Jin Zixuan went to look for his wife and Wang Yibo happily took over the task of putting Lan Yue to bed. The babies went to sleep and Yibo let his partner rest while he went to wash the bottles.
He plopped down next to Xiao Zhan on bed, feeling extremely exhausted. He stared at his fiancé.
"When are we going to get married?"
"... You tell me. Are you ready to be a father?"
"... I don't think so."
"Then the answer is not yet," Xiao Zhan said and patted his head gently. "To tell you the truth, I had some doubts about our relationship at first. There were people criticising us and our relationship. I didn't even dare to bring you home to my parents yet. This is a secret, but I was still paying rent for my apartment even though I've moved into yours - up until we purchased the house together."
"Then you proposed. I was happy, really, but a small part of me wondered if you did that just to not lose to Lan Wangji," Xiao Zhan chuckled. "I was wrong. Even though I am older than you, you are still my senior, hm, sunbae? You've been working way longer, you had to be an adult way earlier than me."
Yibo pouted. "I'm still younger than you. You have more life experience than me."
"Still you had more guts and determination than me. You told me you'd go to jail if it meant being together. I thought you were the stupidest, but the coolest man ever," Xiao Zhan said with a smile.
Yibo smirked. "Even cooler than Lan Wangji?"
"... Are you hesitating, Ge?"
"... Of course you're cooler."
"With our busy schedules we probably won't be signing any papers soon, let alone adopt any child...but right now I can't think of anyone I would rather spend my life with other than you," Xiao Zhan said.
Yibo took his palms and kissed it. "Took the words from my mouth."
"... Bo Di, this is Wei Wuxian's hand you're kissing."
"... And this is Lan Wangji's lips."
Xiao Zhan groaned. "This is so confusing and frustrating." He then glanced at Yibo, scanning him from head to toe. "It frustrates me that we weren't able to pay them back for all the mischief."
"They got their hair cut. What else do you want?"
"The hair cut did nothing except making them look just as handsome. I want to embarrass Wei Wuxian the same way he embarrassed me."
"Wei Wuxian is the epitome of shamelessness. How do you plan to embarrass him?" Yibo questioned.
Xiao Zhan frowned. Wang Yibo was right. There was nothing Xiao Zhan could do that would humiliate Wei Wuxian without embarrassing himself. The only thing that pissed him off was...
Xiao Zhan suddenly laughed.
He had a great idea.
~~~ Extra ~~~
"What happened here, Xingchen? Why is A Yang unconscious?" Song Lan asked when he found the two.
"Oh, no big deal," Song Jiyang said. "It's anemia. Not unusual for pregnant people."
Song Lan choked. "A Yang? Pregnant? Xingchen, he's a man!"
"Wei Wuxian gave birth didn't he?"
Song Lan recalled Xue Yang telling them that Wei Wuxian was able to carry children because he had a Yin body. He paled. Since Xue Yang learned the same cultivation method as Wei Wuxian it was not impossible for him to have the same constitution as well.
"Then... Who is the father?" Song Lan croaked. There had to be a father but who? Xue Yang did not have friends (ouch). His life only revolved around the two Daozhangs or at Cloud Recess with his master. At most, his only 'friends' would be the Lan duo and Jin Ling - who were more like kids he used to babysit rather than friends.
Song Jiyang blinked. "Me."
Song Lan wanted to faint. He recalled the time when Xue Yang suddenly barged in while he and Xiao Xingchen were talking, and said "I can make you come in five minutes TOO."
He then remembered that one time when Xiao Xingchen had came back from picking up Xue Yang at the town. Xue Yang could not look at Xiao Xingchen in the eyes and Xiao Xingchen himself seemed to be a little awkward with Xue Yang for a while. After that Xue Yang had left a note and went to Cloud Recess, without telling them when he would return. He stayed there for weeks, something he had never done before.
He pointed his trembling finger at his friend. "You... can it be... was it that time? When you went to meet him at the inn... before he ran away to Cloud Recess?"
Song Jiyang pondered. A disciple and a Taoist priest who traveled together meeting at an inn, just the two of them? Ha, that screamed a secret rendezvous to him. That must be where Xiao Xingchen had done the deed with Xue Yang!
"Probably that time?" He guessed.
Probably?! Probably?! How many times had they done it that his friend was unsure when he impregnated someone?! Song Lan felt that he no longer knew the friend he had known for almost two decades now. His brain was broken and just shut down.
Sneaky shijie 😏
Shijie thinks lxc is not even her competition... Poor xiongzhang
"Stop, stop!" Wei Wuxian shrieked, as he grabbed his husband from the back.
"Calm yourself, Wangji, Sect Leader Jiang!" Lan Xichen tried to stop them.
Zhu Zanjin trembled and quickly ran towards Zhang Jing Tong, shaking her shoulders. "Do something, Zhang Jie!"
She rolled her eyes. "Do what?"
"I don't know, whip them or something?"
"Whip, you say..." She sweatdropped. "Are they really possessed?!"
"Why else would Wang Zhuo Cheng and Wang Yibo fight like this? Do you think the real Yibo and Zhuo Cheng can pull of those Jet Li moves?!"
... Nope, Zhang Jing Tong thought as Jiang Cheng leaped with a horizontal strike of the broom and Lan Wangji made a 360 degree back flip while gracefully avoiding the attack. Oh well, Wang Yibo with his dancing skills could probably do that... but she doubted he would be willing to sacrifice his brand new sofa and floor for the sake of an overly elaborate prank.
Zhang Jing Tong took a deep breath, and let out a voice that could make Nie Mingjue run for his life. "STOP THIS FARCE RIGHT NOW!!!"
And to everyone's relief, the two men stopped. Wei Wuxian let out the breath he had been holding. Zhang Jing Tong sighed.
"A Cheng, come here and kneel."
Jiang Cheng sulkily followed her order and knelt in front of her - her overwhelming voice made him forget that this woman was not his real mother. She nudged James Huang, who was still frozen from the shock. James Huang cleared his throat.
"Wangji, come here."
Out of automatic reaction Lan Wangji came and knelt before his uncle.
"Recite the rules."
"Rule #45, one must not lose to their emotions. Rule #74, one must not initiate a brawl. Rule #231, one is not allowed to cause trouble to others."
"Oh wow... you actually recited the rules."
Lan Wangji looked at James Huang, who then grinned at Zhu Zanjin, who was facepalming. "Well, it's not like I would know if he was bluffing or not, hehe."
Zhang Jing Tong shook her head. "Just look at the mess you two did."
They guiltily stared at the wasted spilled food, the stained carpet and the ruined cushion. Wang Haoxuan and Li Bowen had carried the unconscious Mother Xiao into the master bedroom, since the guest bedroom did not have a bed yet.
"You two are fighting for such a pointless thing," Zhang Jing Tong went into the strict mother mode.
"But...how can it be pointless..." Jiang Cheng murmured.
"A Xian didn't die. Well, he did, but...he did not disappear. See there?" Zhang Jing Tong pointed at the TV.
They looked at the TV, which was now already halfway through the first episode. Wei Ying was playing a sound that resonated through the Mo Manor, recognised by Sizhui. Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian immediately recognised the melody. It was Wangxian.
"Wei Wuxian came back from death. The first song he played and remembered, to soothe his heart, was that song," Zhang Jing Tong said, hoping to appease what she thought was Lan Wangji's angry spirit.
True enough Lan Wangji's face had softened.
"And the truth... is not always as it seems. So both of you stay there, don't move, watch the whole thing, okay?!" She added, and sneakily pulled James Huang and Zhu Zanjin into the guest room to get an explanation. Xuan Lu, Huang Ying, and Zoey Meng quietly followed her.
Both she and James thought the whole Yiling Patriarch thing was a joke. She did not think it was serious! Zhang Jing Tong was getting flashbacks from the poltergeist activity at M Hotel several months ago. Did the real Yiling Patriarch also appeared at that time? She shuddered. They would need to get the whole house and the full casts blessed after this. It would be terrible if an evil spirit like Wen Chao or Jin Guangshan appeared.
Xiao Xingchen picked up the broom to clean up the mess. Wei Wuxian wanted to help but Xiao Xingchen declined. "Let me. You should sit between your husband and your brother. Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi, and Sect Leader Lan can continue looking for the fan, since... our dinner is no longer edible. Wen Ning and I will clean up."
Wang Haoxuan and Li Bowen grabbed the mop and the broom respectively.
"We'll do it," Wang Haoxuan said.
"Right, right. Wen Ning, you go and watch over Xiao Zhan's mother," Li Bowen said.
".... Okay?" Wen Ning uttered.
Wen Ning went to the master bedroom. Mother Xiao was still unconscious in bed - she had probably fallen asleep from shock and fatigue. He felt uncomfortable staying in the room alone with a stranger and so opted to stand in front of the door quietly.
He flinched a little as Zoey Meng suddenly appeared from downstairs and smiled at him. She laughed.
"That posture really is unlike Yu Bin," she said. "If this all turned out to be a big prank from all of you I'm going to be so mad."
Wen Ning blinked. "Did... did that man... did Jin Guangyao-lookalike... he told you everything?"
Zoey Meng tilted her head a little, then playfully poked his shoulder. "Don't act to timid. If your sister were here you would be scolded."
Wen Ning sheepishly nodded. He looked at his sister's doppelganger, head to toe. "Um... I have a question."
"Why are you walking around in only your undergarments?"
Zoey was surprised for a moment, but then burst out laughing. She tugged her red body-fitting shirt and ripped jeans. "Really, I'm dressed quite modestly by this world's standard and you're asking why I'm walking in my underwear? Pfft!!"
Wen Ning blushed a little. He had actually been wondering about it when he first saw Zhang Jing Tong and Huang Ying, who were wearing knee-length dresses. However, Lan Xichen, Jiang Cheng, and Wei Wuxian commented nothing about it so he thought he should not say anything. Turned out it was the norm in this world for people wear tight-fitting clothes and bare their legs.
"Anyway, the important thing for you guys right now is to look for the magical item that will return you right?" Zoey said. "Leaving aside whether I'm going to trust your story or not... Xiao Laoshi needs to unpack anyway, so let's get on with unpacking the boxes, maybe we'll find the fan."
Wen Ning smiled delightfully.
They joined the unpacking team, now consisting of the Gusu junior duo, Lan Xichen, Zhu Zanjin, Xuan Lu, James Huang, Zhang Jing Tong, and Huang Ying. James Huang grumbled as he began sorting out the boxes. "I swear if this is one of Xiao Zhan's method to make us help him unpack..."
Zhu Zanjin sweatdropped. "Would he make such an elaborate plan just to ask people to help him move? Even destroying his carpet?"
"... Too elaborate, indeed, that it requires Wang Yibo and Wang Zhuo Cheng to practice some sick Kung Fu moves," Zhang Jing Tong sighed. "Good thing the cake is still in the fridge. We won't be getting any hotpot, but at least we have the cake."
"My mushrooms..." James Huang whined. "I bought them just for the sake of my puns! I even bought cabbages so fresh, they have an uncle in Bel-Air!"
Zhu Zanjin frowned. "You bought them just to make puns? How many puns did you prepare? Don't tell me you have one for each vegetables."
"I was obviously joking, Zanjin. You can't have hotpot without mushrooms and vegetables! Though I do have a pun for each..."
Huang Ying giggled. "Enlighten us, please, great senior."
James Huang proudly grinned. "Do you know how a cabbage confess to a tomato?"
"I love you, from my head to-ma-toes."
"Get it? Like, a head of cabbage, and tomatoes, so it's head to ma toes..."
Lan Xichen made a choking sound. Sizhui and Jingyi stared at James with dropped jaws.
"Keep on moving, kids," James Huang said. "Lettuce move a-head of time."
Huang Ying scooted over and sat next to Lan Xichen. "Are you okay, Haikuan? You look so pale."
Zhang Jing Tong sneered. "Better not talk to him, A Ying. If he's really possessed by Lan Xichen, the one you're talking to would be your son, and you're supposed to be his dead mom."
Huang Ying pouted. "You just disciplined your son. Can't I talk to mine?" She looked back at Lan Xichen and smiled. "We didn't get to chat earlier. How is life treating you?"
Lan Xichen slowly nodded. "It is...fine."
"A Sect Leader must be busy, hm? I wonder what cultivators and sect leaders do?"
"We learned...plenty of things. All to improve ourselves."
Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi secretly stole glances at their sect leader. They had never seen the always serene Zewu Jun acting so awkward like this.
Huang Ying smiled. "I still don't know if we're being fooled or not...but if you really are Lan Xichen... I must say, your mother would be so proud of you. Lan Huan and Lan Zhan, both of you have done so well, have grown so handsomely, your mother would be so glad to have birthed two of such beautiful gentlemen."
Lan Xichen bit his lower lip to stop the warm liquid from forming in his eyes. Heavens...he wished Wangji could hear these words as well.
That she was so glad they were born.
"That's a fake Lan Xichen, my nephew wouldn't cry like that," James Huang teased and Lan Xichen immediately coughed.
"I have not cried." Yet.
"It's okay to cry, once in a while. Men can cry three times in their life ah," Huang Ying said. "When they were born, when their parents die, and when their soulmates die. I died in the novel, let my son grieve for me."
"You're right about that, but how can he cry for the third time when he doesn't have a soulmate?" Zoey said.
"He doesn't?" James asked.
"Well, not in the novel. WangXian and XuanLi are the only legitimate couples in the novel. The rest are all just shippings," Zoey said.
Sizhui blinked. "What is shipping?"
Xuan Lu grinned, her rotten girl side slowly unleashing. "Ooh, you want to know? There are so many ships in Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, you see?"
"... Ships?" Lan Jingyi, Lan Sizhui, Lan Xichen, and Wen Ning repeated.
"It's when you support a romantic relationship between two people," Zoey explained.
Xuan Lu began counting with her fingers. "Well, aside from the canon couples like WangXian and XuanLi, there are XiCheng, XiYao, ChengQing, Zhuiyi... oh, there are so many I cannot recall all the names!"
"... What does WangXian and XuanLi mean?" Lan Xichen asked.
"It's a pairing name! When you ship a couple, you take a character of their names and combine them to make a ship name! So Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian become WangXian, and Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli become XuanLi!" Xuan Lu explained.
".. Oh..." Lan Xichen nodded. Then he suddenly became pale. "Hold on. Then what does XiCheng and XiYao mean?"
Zoey Meng laughed. "Obviously Lan Xichen-Jiang Cheng couple, and Lan Xichen-Jin Guangyao couple!"
Lan Xichen froze. Even Sizhui and Jingyi had to stop themselves from falling over due to shock. What. Why would people support a romantic relationship between him and Sect Leader Jiang, or him with Jin Guangyao? Sect Leader Jiang was... well, emotionally constipated, for the lack of words. Jin Guangyao liked women, he even made love (and a son) with his own sister before marriage.
"Let's not forget some rare ones like Lan Xichen-Nie Mingjue pair too," Xuan Lu laughed.
"There is a pairing for everyone. You can even find incestuous, hardcore, or impossible ones, like Madam Yu-Wei Wuxian, or Lan brothers, or Nie brothers," Zoey said and shook her head. "People's minds can be scary once they stepped into the dark place."
"..." It definitely was scary, the transmigrators' thought.
Xuan Lu saw the horrified looks in their faces and giggled. She handed them her iPad, already turned on and displaying a fanfiction website. "Take a break, guys. And learn a bit more about the 'culture' of this world."
The Yunmeng duo and Lan Wangji, who were made to watch the drama in the living room (currently playing the scene where Hanguang Jun finally appeared) heard gagging and retching sounds from the guest room.
~~~ Extra ~~~
They were done cleaning up the mess from the spilled hotpot. Luckily not all of the meat and vegetables had been put inside the pot at the time, so they still had some substantial amount to make a simple stew. Li Bowen put away the mop and broom. Wang Haoxuan showed Xiao Xingchen how to turn on the electric stove so the Taoist priest could make them dinner. Mother Xiao brought plenty of side dishes that were still left over in the fridge so they could still have a hearty meal. Li Bowen simply reheated everything in the microwave and boiled some noodles. Good thing Xiao Zhan decided to completely furnish the kitchen first, since he had anticipated that he would need to prepare food for guests.
Wang Haoxuan stared at Xiao Xingchen for a long time. "I have a question."
"What is it?"
"Can you cook blindfolded?"
"... I haven't tried."
Wang Haoxuan went behind him and covered his eyes with both hands. "Can you?"
Xiao Xingchen easily picked up the knife and chopped the vegetables. "I can. It's no different from practising swordsmanship blindfolded. However, I'm afraid I won't be able to see the seasonings well, Young Master."
"I'll point them to you."
"..." Exactly what was the point of this act? Xiao Xingchen wondered. Wouldn't it be easier to let him cook with both eyes open?
Li Bowen who had returned to the kitchen immediately swatted Wang Haoxuan's hands. "What are you doing?!"
Wang Haoxuan smirked. "Playing the blind game, of course."
"You're a horrible man."
"Hmph. You're no fun, Bowen. But Daozhang is no fun either. Jiyang would have chomped my fingers if I did that."
"As he should," Li Bowen snorted.
He had been hearing only negative stories about his doppelganger that Xiao Xingchen became curious. "Is my counterpart here a terrible man?"
Wang Haoxuan and Li Bowen looked at each other. Wang Haoxuan giggled. "Oh, he is fun to tease, but unlike you he also bites back."
"I think that's rather ordinary," Li Bowen said. "Someone like Xiao Daozhang who doesn't get mad is the rare one."
"I guess you're right. The way Xiao Daozhang acts makes me want to bully him. Song Jiyang... I have to tease him moderately because he's going to give it back to me."
Xiao Xingchen shook his head. "An eye for an eye; if everyone lives by that principles, won't we all be blind?"
"Funny you said that, because that is exactly what Jiyang would do," Haoxuan and Bowen both laughed. "If Xue Yang and Song Lan both fell into water he would jump as well. Everyone drowns and dies together, that's his solution."
"..." Xiao Xingchen pondered. Actually he might do the same as well. He couldn't choose between Xue Yang and Song Lan. He suddenly recalled something. "I have a question."
"What?" Haoxuan asked.
"What is the appropriate thing to do if someone you've been raising starts to fancy you?"
Wang Haoxuan and Li Bowen went stiff. "What?"
Xiao Xingchen coughed. "It is merely an example, but let's say, the person you take care of has grown up and starts to have reactions towards you, which happens after you... cough... touched the person?"
Wang Haoxuan and Li Bowen's minds were slowly sinking into the gutter - not too far from the actual event this time, actually. Xiao Xingchen had touched someone he raised? Someone he took care of... would that not be A Qing? He picked up A Qing from the street and A Qing followed him because she admired him, so it had to be A Qing, right?
"How far have you gone to?!" Wang Haoxuan asked.
"Was it consensual or not?!" Li Bowen asked.
Xiao Xingchen blinked. "Pardon me?"
"Who initiated it? Did the person ask for it or did you - I mean - did the caretaker do it on his own?!"
Xiao Xingchen hesitantly answered, "The person was... confused.. due to young age and inexperience. The caretaker decided to teach that person and had touched that person in the process."
"... Isn't that literally taking advantage of the person?" Wang Haoxuan said. Whoever did that needed to kneel and apologize. Touching an orphaned girl who relied on you for protection was a scum move. Though Haoxuan found it weird, since he did not think Xiao Xingchen would do something like that.
"... I hate to say this but the caretaker needs to take responsibility," Li Bowen said.
"Take... responsibility?" Xiao Xingchen muttered.
Li Bowen and Wang Haoxuan felt something was wrong. Xiao Xingchen could not have done something like that to A Qing. Maybe he just held her hand? Or he accidentally touched her chest while protecting her? He could be over-reacting.
"Which part of that person did you touch?" Li Bowen asked. "Was it accidental?"
Xiao Xingchen shifted uneasily. "If was not accidental. I... I touched the private part."
Wang Haoxuan and Li Bowen felt dizzy. Oh shit. The Daozhang really did something unforgivable. To touch a maiden's private part was tarnishing her honor, especially if she was too naive to know what was happening.
"You NEED to be responsible," Li Bowen stressed it. "Apologize to that person right away as soon as you return."
Wang Haoxuan nodded. "If that person forgives you and is willing to take you, get married. If not, you might need to castrate yourself."
Xiao Xingchen's eyes widened. He needed to do that?
Remembering Xue Yang's pitiful face, he felt guilty and nodded. "I understand. We are both men so I'm not sure if he will accept, but I'll do that."
Wang Haoxuan and Li Bowen nodded and sighed. Their brain then replayed the last sentence and they froze. "Wait, what?"
Once you go into the hole called BL, ships, and fanfictions... you can't climb out.
btw, this is my opinion, but in case of sexual harassments even if the victim is a man, it should not be taken lightly. If a man gets touched & he feels uncomfortable, it is harassments & it is wrong, regardless of the gender of the perpetrator. Even if the man has physical reactions, if he's uncomfortable/not consenting, it's still wrong. People who get raped can still have orgasms, & I've read some cases where victims don't want to admit that they were raped, or too ashamed when they've been raped, bcs they orgasmed. Orgasms/boners are physical reactions, u can have sex even if u are not attracted to your partner. Sorry for ranting.
well, in case of our candy boi, he secretly enjoys it, and lowkey wants more ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Chapter 36: CQL: It was me DIO
I had to cut this before it turns into a whole 'watching the series' fic, cos the drama has 50 episodes & then this fic would be like 100 chptrs...& Im not good enough to write multiple long chapters
Surprisingly I've only found one 'watching the series' fic in this fandom...which I can't remember the title, it only has like 2 chptr. Unless someone else has also written it?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The second episode was already playing but the tension between Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji was still just as tight. Wei Wuxian felt suffocated, sitting between the two. He wished his shijie could have been here. Shijie was a better mediator.
Currently Wei Ying was being dragged by Lil' Apple and Jin Ling had just appeared. Wei Ying, who had taken the identity of Mo Xuanyu was previously acting as a lunatic. "Your specialty," Jiang Cheng commented, before he received a glare from Lan Wangji. Jin Ling was even brattier than they knew and was particularly angry when Wei Ying made an insulting remark on how he lacked maternal education. He put Jin Ling in his place with a single talisman and released the men who were caught in Jin Ling's traps.
Jin Ling was soon rescued by Jiang Wanyin, who blatantly expressed his dislike for Yiling Patriarch - that anyone who practiced his tricks should be killed and fed to the dogs. Wei Wuxian rolled his eyes. How much did the original Jiang Cheng despise him... he really did not want to imagine. Jin Ling tried to attack Wei Ying, but Hanguang Jun again appeared like a hero, intercepting the attack while letting Wei Ying hide. Wei Wuxian could already sense Jiang Cheng beside him fuming with anger while his husband was calmly sitting, secretly swelling with pride.
Hanguang Jun did not reply with anything even as Jiang Wanyin questioned why he was there, either for night hunt or to look for a certain someone, that he had been searching for, for sixteen years. Wei Wuxian remember gawking at that when he first read the novel. That was almost half of his life. He literally spent almost half of his life looking for a dead person. Lan Sizhui meanwhile showed his inherited skill of making an argument with a serene face without offending anyone, from Lan Xichen. When Jin Ling tried to argue again, Hanguang Jun simply shut him up with the silencing spell and Jiang Wanyin soon decided to stop arguing.
"Aiyah... see Jiang Cheng, look how nice and easy it is, when you can give up first..." Wei Wuxian said.
The scene cut to the part where Wei Ying was washing his face and overheard the cultivators talking about how Jin Ling had grown into a spoiled brat because he had lost his parents - due to Yiling Patriarch. Wei Wuxian trembled a little as he was reminded of the kind of horrible person he could have been, if not for someone's intervention. Wei Ying slapped his own face when he realized he had said such a hurtful thing to Jin Ling.
Wei Wuxian unconsciously raised his hand to his own face and Lan Wangji immediately grabbed his hand. "Not your fault."
Jiang Cheng snorted. "I still have no freaking idea what this is all about but he grows up a spoiled brat even with both parents and uncles alive."
"Jiang Cheng..." Wei Wuxian sniffed. "You're going to hate me later when you find out."
The juniors found their way to Dafan Mountain and went to the old, dilapidated building with the statue of the dancing goddess. Wei Wuxian remembered this was one of the places where he had kept one piece of the Stygian Tiger Seal in his world. However, the spiritual energy at the building was not as overwhelming as depicted in the drama, probably because in their world, the Wens were given the chance to survive, had proper burials, and the relatives could visit the graves to appease the spirits. Meanwhile Wei Ying, who had realized the truth went to save the juniors.
He began to lecture them for learning too much etiquette and lacking proper skills. When Sizhui and Jingyi panicked because they forgot to restock their signal flares, Wei Ying even scoffed and said, "You guys need to be punished, otherwise you won't learn."
Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes. "Do you have the qualifications to say that? You got punished so many times but never learned!"
"Hey, what I said was still true, isn't it, Lan Zhan?"
"Mn," Lan Wangji nodded.
Jiang Cheng scowled. Of course Lan Wangji would always say 'yes' to everything his brother said. Even when Wei Wuxian made that god-awful spicy congee (or rather chili powder with a side of watery rice), he still gave him full marks and finished the whole bowl of that deadly concoction.
The dancing goddess statue came to attack them. Seeing that none of the juniors were able to land a successful hit, Wei Wuxian grabbed Jingyi's sword to make a bamboo flute and summoned a living corpse. He, however, appeared shocked to see Wen Ning, as Wen Ning was supposed to have been dead, burned to ashes, ashes scattered. The young cultivators, instead of thanking Wen Ning for saving them from the goddess, had gathered to attack him, calling him the Ghost General. The Ghost General attacked back.
Sensing that something had agitated the corpse to make him aggressive, Wei Ying changed the melody to a different song, and played WangXian. The Ghost General stopped fighting. Wei Ying backed away one step at a time, until his body collided against Hanguang Jun, who immediately caught his hand. And he was not releasing it. Wei Wuxian recognised this scene. The original Wei Ying was dense (as if you weren't) and initially had no idea how Hanguang Jun managed to recognise him. Turned out he discovered it was him because the song gave him away.
Wei Wuxian smiled cheekily and leaned on his husband's chest. "Lan Zhan, my Lan Er Gege, I had no idea you were born romantic. How could you think of composing a song for me, hmm?"
Lan Wangji responded by placing one arm around his waist. Jiang Cheng wished he could lecture these two, especially his shameless brother, but found it hard to even sit down as he watched himself hitting Wei Ying with Zidian. Wei Ying hid behind Lan Wangji. He began to reminisce the good times and the scene showed flashbacks of when Yunmeng Jiang disciples had just arrived to Caiyi Town, heading to Cloud Recess.
Jiang Cheng scowled. "Do we really need to watch the whole thing? I can already see inaccuracies here. For one thing, A Jie is suddenly joining us for classes at Gusu..."
"More screentime for shijie is always better. They should have made you stay back then," Wei Wuxian stuck out his tongue.
The two Yunmeng duo were ready to bicker again when Xuan Lu appeared and simply pressed the 'Next' button on the remote. They stopped to look at her soft smiling face. "It's not like we have anything better to do while we have not found your magic fan yet, so why not reminisce a bit to rekindle your relationship?"
... In every world, shijie was still the mediator between them, it seemed.
"There have been changes made in the drama series compared to the novel, of course. People have different views, there are things that can and cannot be shown on TV," Xuan Lu explained.
The third episode began.
"I forgot how much of a peacock he was before marrying shijie," Wei Wuxian commented as he watched the scene where the Yunmeng disciples were denied a room because Lanling Jin had booked the entire inn. "Still a peacock now, but a more tolerable peacock."
"... And you were just a huge flirt, you'd flirt with anyone," Jiang Cheng snickered as Wei Wuxian paled, when the scene where he flirted with Maiden Luo to get a room appeared.
Lan Wangji was evidently eating vinegar when Wei Wuxian felt the pressure on his waist from his husband's hand had increased that it was slightly painful. "Aiyah, Lan Zhan, this was before I met you, I only have you now... what Mianmian, I don't even know this girl! She's not even half as pretty as you!"
When Wei Ying was able to successfully obtain a room from Maiden Luo, Lan Wangji had drank enough vinegar that he got up and looked away, refusing to watch it. Wei Wuxian quickly chased after his husband. "Aii, husband! Don't go, that was not me!"
How long until they would find the fan?! Wei Wuxian lamented. Instead of rekindling their relationship whatsoever, the drama was only fanning fire between his husband and his brother. He dashed towards the guest room. "Have you not found it yet?"
Zhang Jing Tong glared at him - the same glare Madam Yu had, that made Wei Wuxian immediately shut up and flinched. "Do you have any idea how many boxes are here? There are expensive musical instruments, books, signed CDs, limited-edition figurines - how can we rush and risk damaging these items?"
"True," Zoey sighed. She looked at Wen Ning and warned him, "That violin you're holding can buy a house and a car, A Ning. Be careful."
Wen Ning froze. This single, foreign instrument was that expensive? (A/N: Seriously, real custom-made violins can be as expensive as a Lamborghini. Source: juncurryahn. Our Zhan Ge can play both violin and piano, btw 😍). He carefully went to place it in the glass display cupboard in the master room. Wei Wuxian paled. He looked at all sorts of items in the numerous boxes. Wang Yibo was not kidding when he said entertainers made a lot of money. There were not just figurines, but ornaments with unique designs kept in velvet boxes as well.
Wen Ning returned to the room after he safely delivered the violin. He opened another box and stared at the contents dazedly for a moment before he began taking them out one by one. He glanced around. Wei Wuxian was now squatting down and decided to also look for the fan. "Where is your husband?"
"Still out there with Jiang Cheng. I'm just going to leave shijie to mediate them. My Lan Er Gege keeps drinking vinegar and Jiang Cheng's mood is getting even worse," Wei Wuxian sighed. "Either way, I've already read the novel... there is no need for me to watch the drama as well."
"... Oh," Wen Ning muttered. Wen Ning stole a glance at Zhang Jing Tong, James Huang, and Huang Ying, who were arranging the books to be carried to the shelves. He appeared to be in a deep thought. "Why only Hanguang Jun and Sect Leader Jiang are watching the drama? What about everyone else? Don't they want to know?"
Wei Wuxian had a complicated look. "They don't need to know. It's not going to give a good feeling. It took you guys some years to be accepted back into society. If these kids have to watch the drama... or if brother-in-law have to relive the pain... it is better to not know."
"... Are you sure? Won't they appreciate you more if they know the truth?"
Wei Wuxian shook his head. "I'm afraid they're going to hate me more..." He paused and looked at Wen Ning. Wen Ning stared down at the box back. How strange. Wen Ning sounded a little aggressive just now. He appeared as timid as always now... maybe it was Wei Wuxian's imagination.
"... Young Master Wei."
"Sect Leader Jiang and Sect Leader Jin are not here. Sect Leader Lan..." Wen Ning glanced at him. "He looks like his brain just got fried. Tell me the truth - you like my gift the best, right?"
Wei Wuxian frowned. "You guys are still competing on that? I like everyone's gift."
"Yeah, but if you could choose one person to give exclusive access to your children's birthday party, who would it be?"
"... I guess Wen Qing and Wen Ning cause the least trouble..." Wei Wuxian's voice trailed. He looked at Wen Ning with wide eyes. "Hold on. You're not Wen Ning aren't you?"
Because there was no way Wen Ning would be demanding for things. No way Wen Ning, who obidiently didn't join the archery event just because he was told not to, would be competing for such a pointless thing.
'Wen Ning' returned his stare with a grin. "You thought it was Wen Ning, but it was me, Dio - I mean, Yu Bin!"
Upon hearing that, the Gusu juniors and Lan Xichen were brought back from 'death'. Zoey Meng almost dropped the box she was holding. Zhang Jing Tong, James Huang, and Huang Ying were confused. "What?"
Yu Bin laughed. "Bet you didn't realise it was me, ha! You really are sharper than I thought. Anyway, you heard it kids - the Wen siblings get exclusive access to Feifei and A Yue's birthday parties. Rule number who-cares, you must not lie."
The transmigrators gawked. "You - how?!"
Yu Bin simply took out the fan - freaking finally, the fan was in their sight - that happened to be stored along with Wang Yibo's shoe collections which Wen Ning had been unearthing, and showed it to them. "Better return to your world before it gets worse. Xiao Laoshi is so mad, he's planning to run around the whole Caiyi Town with Wang Yibo, naked, while screaming all your darkest secrets."
Wei Wuxian dropped his jaw. "Nobody is allowed to see my husband's naked body!" he screamed and immediately went to get his husband and brother to the guest room.
Yu Bin laughed. The switch back was timed perfectly. Xiao Zhan managed to obtain the fan in time and only had to standby and wait for Wei Wuxian or someone in his group to unbox everything and find the fan, to create the connections on both sides.
He wondered how Wei Wuxian would react once he discovered that his secret alcohol stash had all been replaced with bitter ginseng tonic. One of each pair of his socks had also been soaked nicely in his jars of chili oil. Petty revenge, but nothing annoyed Wei Wuxian more than losing his alcohol, especially when he had been abstaining from it for ten months. He would also be spending quite some time wearing mismatched socks every day.
When Cao Yuchen finally arrived with a bunch of protective talismans he bought at the roadside from some shady bald priest, all of the transmigrated cast members had finally returned, and decided to binge-watch the drama again to complain and point out all the silliness, in order to forget all the chaos that had seeped almost all their energy away. He blinked.
"Where is the Yiling Patriarch?"
"Gone and hopefully will never return," Xiao Zhan sighed. "Actually, let's not say that. I'm just going to jinx it again."
"Oh," Cao Yuchen said. "I brought some talismans, do you want them - "
"Keep. Talismans. Or. Anything. Spiritual. Away. From. Me."
Mother Xiao woke up the following morning to find a group of handsome men and beautiful women all sprawled across the living room, with blankets half covering their bodies. She recalled the strange dream of watching her future son-in-law Kung Fu fighting with Wang Zhuo Cheng after being possessed by spirits of the characters they were playing. She went to the kitchen and saw the clean large pot in the dish rack, along with bowls, and cleaned tupperwares. There were several disposable chopsticks in the trash bin, two slices of strawberry cake left in the fridge, and the leftover side dishes she brought that were unfinished during lunch were gone.
... Last night was probably just a strange dream, Mother Xiao decided.
~~~ EXTRA ~~~
When Xiao Zhan found himself back to his world with everyone, he was surprised to see the addition of James Huang and Zhang Jing Tong, even his senior singer, Huang Ying. Zoey Meng and Xuan Lu relayed to him about everything that had happened. He deeply apologized to them for the trouble.
The furniture arrangement was a mess. His carefully planned design had been ruined. Most importantly, the carpet and sofa he had picked out with Wang Yibo would have to be professionally cleaned and it wasn't going to be cheap. Both of them may make a lot of money but that did not mean they couldn't feel devastated by the unnecessary damage caused by the ancient fictional characters.
"It's okay, now that we have a lot of people we can just rearrange the furniture," Liu Haikuan said.
Wang Zhuo Cheng nodded. "And thanks to the help from Zhang Jie, Huang Jie, and Huang Laoshi, even Zoey and Xuan Jie, you got most of your stuff unpacked now."
Xiao Zhan felt a lot better hearing that. He looked at Zhu Zanjin. "Thanks, Zanjin. Haoxuan and Bowen too. Thanks everyone, for helping."
Zhu Zanjin smiled, showing his charming dimples. "No problem. I'm glad everyone is back. Actually, speaking of everyone..."
Didn't they forget about someone?
"Dinner is ready guys!" Wang Haoxuan, Li Bowen, and Xiao Xingchen came out from the kitchen.
The casts looked at the serene expression on Xiao Xingchen, that would not appear on the usual Song Jiyang.
JoJo memes everywhere
Being unable to eat what I've been craving for a long time, mismatched socks, oil stains on my favourite dresses...they're all my pet peeves.
Mismatched socks is just...awful. especially when they're different lengths, or fabric...they give me chills
Chapter 37: MDZS: Jiang Cheng's Disastrous Date
Jiang Cheng stared at his face. He fixed the one strand of hair that was let free and tied it. Too fierce. He let it down again. Too sleazy? He tried to smile, and heard muffled giggle from the disciples waiting behind him. He shot them a deadly glare and they immediately straightened their backs. Jiang Cheng looked back at the mirror and wondered what he should do to make himself look more... approachable. Back then he was ranked fifth in the list of best-looking young men in the cultivation world. Now he was at third, because the original third ranker Jin Zixuan was off the list after marrying his sister, while the second and fourth place cultivators had married each other. First place still belonged to the unbeatable Lan Xichen. Second place was now owned by Lan Sizhui, with his gentle manner that could swoon any girl.
Even though he was ranked third and was the leader of the prestigious Yunmeng Jiang Sect, he had been rejected by all three blind dates that he went to and was even blacklisted by the matchmaker. Jiang Cheng failed to see why, honestly. He had good pedigree, not as wealthy as Lanling Jin but definitely better off than most people. He had good looks too. His requirements weren't too difficult. He only wanted a girl who is naturally beautiful, graceful and obedient, hardworking and thrifty, coming from a respected family, cultivation level not too high, personality not too strong, not too talkative, voice not too loud, and must treat his nephews and niece nicely.
Okay, so maybe he was asking a lot, but most female cultivators came with at least seventy percent of the qualities he was asking for. Except Wen Qing, that one person he had actually fallen for.
Wen Qing was definitely beautiful. Graceful? She could be. Obedient... definitely not, but she was very hardworking and thrifty, something Jiang Cheng valued. Her family background was the main problem but it would be foolish for him to still have resentment when the problematic members of her family were gone, decimated by his brother. Her cultivation level was definitely high but she was not a warrior, so no problem. Her personality was definitely strong but at least she was neither too talkative nor too loud. The way she treated his nephews and niece was neutral, he guessed?
Whatever, they just needed to see if they were compatible today. As Jiang Cheng stepped out of Lotus Pier bearing a gift in his hand, he began to feel some doubts if he really should be doing this. This was all because of Wei Wuxian anyway.
After they returned to their world, Wei Wuxian of course went straight to cuddle his babies, all things forgotten. Jiang Yanli had welcomed them with a warm smile - followed by a sneaky smirk.
That man, Xiao Zhan, had announced that the coming birthday celebrations of the twins would be limited to only the Gusu Lan Sect members, much to everyone's (minus the Lans) horror. Apparently one of the kitchen girls had mixed up the honey ginseng and ginseng wine, and so an unspeakable catastrophe had occured that caused any celebrations involving outsiders to be banned - by 'Wei Wuxian', ironically. Also, Lan Qiren instructed the disciples to refer to him as 'Young Madam Lan' instead of Senior Wei, for some reason.
Jiang Yanli, however, had managed to secure an exclusive invitation to future celebrations for herself and Jin Ling, thanks to Jin Ling's help in bringing the fan to switch them back. The Wen siblings too, had somehow managed to win an exclusive invitation for giving the best gifts (Jiang Yanli had clicked her tongue and Jiang Cheng almost could not believe it). Anyway, he wasn't about to lose to the Wen siblings yet again, and demanded to have the pass as well. Wei Wuxian, however was now hesitant, seeing that not only they had fought because of what they saw from the drama, they were even competing against each other for vain things like the best birthday gifts. If he gave Jiang Cheng the pass, wouldn't other people also demand the same?
"I'll write you a pledge as well if you manage to get yourself a wife before the twins' first birthday," he said.
To that, Jiang Cheng had almost choked. But Wei Wuxian refused to give in. Jiang Yanli also insisted on her brother getting married. She would be willing to bring him as a 'plus one' if he was able to at least get engaged.
And so Jiang Cheng went to see the matchmaker madam again - only to be dismissed right after the madam saw his face.
"Not even the whitest lotus in the whole continent will be willing to marry you!"
Apparently she had never failed to matchmake someone more than three times and refused to let Jiang Cheng ruin her record. After much difficulty, Jiang Cheng, with the help of his two siblings, was able to secure a date with Wen Qing (Wei Wuxian had to pester Wen Ning into coaxing his sister, and Jiang Yanli resorted to making a kicked puppy face in front of the doctor). He could not screw this, otherwise he would have no face to see his siblings again.
Jiang Cheng arrived to the promised place - a luxurious restaurant recommended by Jin Zixuan - a good fifteen minutes before the promised time. Wen Qing showed up five minutes before the time, in her red robes and a hairpin she rarely wore. Still bareface with not a speck of white powder or lip color but Jiang Cheng liked it. She gave him a formal greeting and he returned her greeting, handing her the present - a copy of rare medical book he came across in Yunmeng library. Wen Qing looked pleased and Jiang Cheng was glad he took that dating advice from Jiang Yanli, instead of Wei Wuxian's idea of rabbit-shaped candies (because everyone knew Wei Wuxian's idea of romance always revolved around Lan Wangji). Based on the gifts she had given to others before, Jiang Cheng got a sense that she was a woman who valued practicality more than style or monetary value.
They ordered food. Jiang Cheng had no idea what she liked and opted to not order beforehand. It would be a nice way to make some conversations while waiting for food to be served, rather than going straight to dining. Except that he had no idea what to talk about.
What did he and Wen Qing usually talk about?
About his stupid brother, right. His stupid brother was always the topic of conversation in almost every table but he wanted to avoid that today. He secretly took out a folded piece of paper in which his sibling had written some dating tips.
Wei Wuxian's 10 Steps for the Perfect First Date! (≧∇≦)
1. Purple Power! Dress nicely ~
... He had done that. He put on one of his best robes today.
2. Let the Sun Shine (❁´◡`❁). Ask her out on a day with a nice weather.
Yep, it was a nice day, indeed.
3. Choose the right venue. Go big or go home.
He sure did pick a 'big' venue. This restaurant was ranked first in the traveler's guide for its good food and ambiance.
4. Ask the right questions.
What kind of questions? Couldn't he give better details?!
5. Open up about yourself. Women love to discover the vulnerable part of you ~
What open up? They already knew about each other. Open up his ribcage and show her his heart?!
6. Don't be too caring. Play hard just a little
.... He was not his shameless brother, he knew how to show restraint.
7. Look for other activity to do other than eating and talking
.... What activity? Again, details!
8. Ask her if she enjoys the date, and if she is willing to go on a second one.
Finally, something useful.
9. Don't get mad. Like, seriously, don't get mad.
10. Propose, then time to papapa.
Jiang Cheng crumpled the sheet of paper then used his cultivation to burn it to ashes underneath the table. He wondered why he was stupid enough to follow the advice from someone who skipped all nine steps in courting and went straight to the tenth one. (Then again, that someone managed to snatch the second best-looking cultivator of their generation and was even happily married with three children now while he was still single.)
"... How is the weather?" Jiang Cheng blurted out.
Wen Qing stared at him like he had grown another limb.
"I mean, fine weather we have today," he said.
"... Yes. It's nice and sunny," she replied.
"Perfect for training," he added, then quietly wanted to hit himself. Why mention training on a date?!
"As expected of Sect Leader Jiang, you don't slack off," Wen Qing said, but it sounded more like an empty comment just to fill the awkward silence rather than a genuine compliment.
... Shit. He did not know what to talk about. Again Jiang Cheng took out another piece of folded paper, this time from his sister.
Jiang Yanli's Guide to a Wonderful First Date <3
1. Be fun and playful. Talk about the latest interesting news
.... He did not know any fun, interesting news. That was Nie Huaisang's specialty.
2. Don't worry if it's not working out.
No, he needed to be worried. He would be losing face if this date were to fail.
3. Start with a smile.
Jiang Cheng looked at Wen Qing and forced a smile. Wen Qing looked perturbed. "What's wrong with you?"
... So his smile was disturbing. That went well.
4. Don't be afraid to tease or make fun of her a little.
He looked at her. "Is that the same robe you wore during last birthday celebration?"
Wen Qing scowled. "Sorry, not everyone has got the money to buy new robes for every occasion."
5. Ask her out for shopping or sight-seeing.
6. If there is something she likes, buy it!
He hesitantly asked, "Can I buy you one?"
Only to be backfired with, "I don't need your pity."
A spectacular fail. Wonderful.
Their food arrived and they ate in silence. Jiang Cheng tried making comments on the food but received no response other than "yes, it is good". He asked her if she has any favourite. Wen Qing, after spending years in Yiling simply appreciated anything edible, filling, and nutritious. Great. He asked her if she would like to sightsee at the market but the market was currently crowded and both of them were not keen on walking among crowds too big.
They settled with taking a walk together at the park and Jiang Cheng felt cold sweats running down his chin and neck trying to brainstorm a conversation topic. He checked the paper again.
7. Suggest something out of ordinary. Try watching a theatre or musical performance.
Again, it was a suggestion for a different activity but Jiang Cheng had no idea what to suggest. He pondered for a moment. What would be something they normally would not do? Domestic chores? Wen Qing did that every day. Night hunt? He did that almost every day. Jiang Cheng noticed a crowd of people gathering at the park.
"Let's go and see what is there," he suggested to her. Wen Qing nodded.
It was a group of traveling performers showcasing their acrobatics and other talents. Some jumped on thin high ropes. Some blew fire from their mouths. Some were balancing swords and spears. It was an impressive act to the commoners, who cheered and clapped.
To cultivators like Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing who had seen way more unusual and impressive things on a daily basis, it was nothing. Three minutes in and they already felt bored. Wen Qing had started to look somewhere else and Jiang Cheng knew it was time to leave. No theatrical or common stage plays could impress Wen Qing, and they had heard enough skillful musicians from Gusu.
8. Compliment her.
"... Maiden Wen, you look very nice today," he said.
Wen Qing sneered. "You don't have to fake courtesy with me, not after pointing out that my robes are old. Should have said that when I showed up if you really meant it."
9. Don't get angry at little things.
Why did both A Jie and his stupid brother write the same thing?
10. Be honest, be yourself. (≡^∇^≡) Good luck!
He wished Yanli could have written that one first.
"When I said you look nice, I mean I like your face," he said.
Wen Qing stared at him silently. That may have came out awkward but that was his true feelings. "I like your bare face."
She raised an eyebrow. "So you don't like to see me with makeup?"
Jiang Cheng was flustered. "I mean... I like that too but... okay, listen!"
He wondered if he sounded angry just now. Wen Qing looked like she was losing interest. Yet, of all the dates he had went to she was the only one who had gone through the entire meal with him. The others... they ran away after fifteen minutes.
"I want to marry you," Jiang Cheng said it - loud, straight, clear, unfiltered, no opening speech whatsoever. "I like your face. Your personality is questionable. Your manners are good. Your family history is not one I like but I still prefer you over the others. And honestly... well, you're the first girl who lasts this far in a first date with me. You're the only one who can tolerate me, aside from my family, so... I'm going to... I want to make you my family too."
Wen Qing stared at him long and deep. "I'm already 35 years old, you know."
Jiang Cheng nodded. "I know."
"I'm not going to be as fertile as other beautiful, young cultivators."
"... I know."
"I may not be able to give you adorable Young Master Jiangs."
"My former sect leader caused your parents' death."
Jiang Cheng bit his lips. "That stopped me for 13 years. I think it's time to move on."
It was definitely time to move on, Jiang Cheng thought. There was no use of moping for someone who won't return. He had plenty of hesitations, honestly. But somewhere in other dimensions, there exist his happily living mother, perhaps his father as well. By now their spirits had probably moved on and already entered the reincarnation cycle. Madam Yu would be whipping him if she found out he was still single, losing to Wei Wuxian even in love life. The Wens had received their retributions. Why must he let them 'win', by denying his own feelings?
Wen Qing's eyes scanned him from head to toe. "Well, I guess you've got a good face."
The tips of his ears reddened.
"Your manners are questionable at times. You have bad tempers. You have a good pedigree but you also have one very annoying brother."
... That, he could not help.
"But you're also the only one who would propose to me despite my past and my no-nonsense personality. I guess you're the only man for me."
Jiang Cheng gawked. "Does... does that mean..."
"... Our second date better not be like an awkward teenagers' first date. Frankly this is a total fail."
He grinned. "Of course!"
Wen Qing finally curved a smile - her first genuine smile of the day. "Also, I'd kiss you right here and right now, but I hate audience."
Jiang Cheng turned around, and saw familiar figures hunched down, hiding behind bushes. It turned out Jin Ling, Lan Sizhui, and Lan Jingyi had been spying on them! There was no need to investigate who the 'masterminds' who had sent the juniors to watch the entire thing!
Jiang Cheng's face turned red. "You... wait till I get you, I'm going to break your legs!"
Wen Qing sighed as she watched the thirty-something old man chasing after teenagers. "Men just don't change."
Chapter 38: CQL: #wangxian #yizhan
Just trying out Twitter style fic
TV channel & award show are completely made up, idk if they exist for real '3'
Xiao Zhan @zhanxiao1005
New love nest in the making 💖
(Attached three selfies of Wei Wuxian in Xiao Zhan's body, making cute poses in front of the newly painted wall. He had just came out of the shower, his hair was still dripping wet and his shirt was clung to his body, showing the outline of his chest.)
*Right-click and saves picture for future use*
Stevie Su @ilovesalad
Damn these guys spreading dog food everywhere *also right-clicks*
*nosebleeds* Does @yibouniq97 get to see this every day? What do I have to do to be Wang Yibo?
@masterbeastxx6969xx Step 1: Save a nation. Step 2: Reincarnate. Step 3: ???? Step 4: Profit
Song JiYang @songjiyang0126
@princesspeach Step 1: Be tall and handsome. Step 2: Be good at dancing and singing. Step 3: Be rich. Step 4: Give up because you'll never be Wang Yibo.
OMG freaking Song Jiyang just replied to me
I can die happy now
Wang Yibo @yibouniq97
@zhanxiao1005 delete this immediately
Xiao Zhan @zhanxiao1005
Oh god I swear I did not upload that
[This post has been deleted]
NOOOOOOO I regret not going online earlier T_T I only saw the article and wanted to see the original post
So glad I saved the pics at the beginning (´◉◞౪◟◉)
Xiao Zhan @zhanxiao1005
There's a news article? On what?!!
Yu Bin @paulyu1991
You're welcome @zhanxiao1005
(Shares link to the news article. The article talks about the latest post on Xiao Zhan's social media, describing him as devilishly cute. The original photos managed to collect over 20 million likes before they were deleted. The article speculates that Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan have purchased a home together, and their marriage may be coming soon.)
Xiao Zhan @zhanxiao1005
Song JiYang @songjiyang0126
For all the fans:
(Attached photo of Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo asleep on the couch, sharing the same blanket. Half of Xiao Zhan's body was on Yibo, and his hand was on Yibo's abdomen. Yibo's loose shirt was hiked up a little, revealing abdominal muscles.)
Karen Chad @managerplease
@songjiyang0126 You're my god from now on
Game Master @saladass
@songjiyang0126 Begging for more delicious content please
Yu Bin @paulyu1991
Oh is this from our orgy night @songjiyang0126 @zhanxiao1005 @yibouniq97
Xiao Zhan @zhanxiao1005
You dare call yourselves friends?? @paulyu1991 @songjiyang0126
No, this is not an orgy. There was never an orgy. We had a drama-marathon. Make it clear, before your fans' minds sink into the gutter.
Song JiYang @songjiyang0126
Serves you right for forgetting me @zhanxiao1005
Xiao Zhan @zhanxiao1005
@songjiyang0126 It wasn't me... it was that menace who forgot about his friend....
You seem to be having fun there anyway
@zhanxiao1005 Too late
BORN & RAISED IN THE GUTTER
Xiao Zhan @zhanxiao1005
It was literally a normal house-warming party. My mom was there.
(Attached photo of Xiao Zhan with his mother, both smiling and sitting on the same couch.)
Huang ZiTeng @jameshuang0515
@zhanxiao1005 Define 'normal' please
Xiao Zhan @zhanxiao1005
@jameshuang0515 Great Senior, we appreciate your help in moving a lot. Many thanks for the hotpot ingredients. This one will definitely repay you.
[This post has been deleted]
Xiao Zhan @zhanxiao1005
Christmas was fun (≡^∇^≡)
(Attached photo of Mother Xiao sitting between Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo)
Wang Yibo @yibouniq97
Stevie Su @ilovesalad
Mother-in-law approved! ( ✧Д✧) OMG!!
ASHGSLFL I can't - he literally deleted the previous photo to upload a photo together. Something tells me someone was sulking and Gege had to coax him by uploading a new photo 💓
All we need to do is wait for the wedding announcement. For now, let's bask in these glorious photos.
(Attached photos of Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo at the red carpet for an award show.)
Xuan Lu @xuanlulu
My brothers so gorgeous 🥰
(Attached photo of the actress in red carpet, surrounded by Xiao Zhan, Wang Yibo, and Wang Zhuo Cheng)
Yibo Is Life @stanwyb1
Damn @xuanlulu is living the dream
GOLDEN AWARDS @officialgoldenawards
The end of year award show is starting! Celebrate the outstanding achievements of artists and performers of this year !
The show is currently airing live on CBS TV @cbstvofficial
Don't miss performances from your favourite artists: Na Ying, Sun Yanzi, Xiao Zhan, Jackson Wang, Lu Han, Wang Yibo, Cosmic Girls, and many more!!!
Follow us for live update of the event #goldenawards #cbstv
Uncle Moran's Bae @shenmeimei
My male gods are looking gorgeous tonight #xiaozhan #wangyibo #chenqingling #modaozushi #goldenawards
Liu Ming @liumeifan
Dimples on point #dimpleboi #chenqingling #modaozushi #goldenawards
(Attached photo of Zhu Zanjin smiling on red carpet.)
Hua Liang @flowerhua
So fierce... so handsome ~ our boys are looking good tonight #jiujiu #ghostgeneral #theonlydaddyjin #iknoweverything
(Attached photo of Wang Zhuo Cheng, Yu Bin, Cao Yuchen, and Ji Li.)
Shen Yuan @peerlesscucumber
Nothing can beat the goddess #mengziyi #chenqingling #modaozushi #goldenawards
(Attached photo of Zoey Meng in a beautiful dress on red carpet.)
Shang QingHua @airplaneshootingtowardssky
@peerless cucumber bro you already have a man bruh
Shen Yuan @peerlesscucumber
@airplaneshootingtowardssky Nothing wrong with admiring a beauty. He doesn't know anything about social media anyway.
You have like three body pillows of anime girls. At least I'm admiring a real person.
Shang QingHua @airplaneshootingtowardssky
Don't act like you don't have anime merchandise @peerlesscucumber
I bet you have Binghe's body pillow
Shen Yuan @peerlesscucumber
@airplaneshootingtowardssky Why would I need a body pillow when I have the real thing.
Shang QingHua @airplaneshootingtowardssky
I'm gonna show this post to him and tell him you ain't getting enough @peerlesscucumber
Shen Yuan @peerlesscucumber
No please don't
He's already sticky enough as he is now
Uncle Moran's Bae @shenmeimei
Is there something you haven't told me Gege @peerlesscucumber
GOLDEN AWARDS @officialgoldenawards
Congratulations to The Untamed for winning Most Popular Drama 2019!!!
#chenqingling #modaozushi #goldenawards #cbstv #mostpopulardrama2019
(Attached photo of Director with main cast members, the Director holding the trophy.)
Uncle Moran's Bae @shenmeimei
YESSS!!!! #chenqingling #modaozushi #goldenawards #cbstv #mostpopulardrama2019
BEST DRAMA EVER #chenqingling #modaozushi #goldenawards #cbstv #mostpopulardrama2019
So good spirits of the characters came to our world and did some poltergeists shit.
So good Yiling Patriarch came to life and appeared on set.
So good the main CP actually starts dating for real #wangxian #yizhan
Congratulations to all casts and staff #chenqingling #modaozushi #goldenawards #cbstv #mostpopulardrama2019
Shang QingHua @airplaneshootingtowardssky
Is nobody going to congratulate the author ;_;
Shen Yuan @peerlesscucumber
Congratulations bro @airplaneshootingtowardssky
Shang QingHua @airplaneshootingtowardssky
You're my only bro, bro @peerlesscucumber
Shen Yuan @peerlesscucumber
GOLDEN AWARDS @officialgoldenawards
Congratulations to Xiao Zhan @zhanxiao1005 for winning Most Popular Actor 2019!!!
#xiaozhan #goldenawards #cbstv #mostpopularactor2019
(Attached photo of Xiao Zhan holding the trophy.)
I knew my male god @zhanxiao1005 would win!!! #goldenawards #cbstv #mostpopularactor2019
YiZhan Fan @yizhanisreal
I can't - they make @yibouniq97 the presenter for the award
How sweeter can they be?
Uncle Moran's Bae @shenmeimei
Congratulations Actor Xiao! Truly worthy of being my male god <3
(Attached gif of Xiao Zhan smiling)
Yibo Is Life @stanwyb1
OMG his speech
That is totally for @yibouniq97 #chenqingling #modaozushi #goldenawards
I quote: "Last but not least, to the person who has been supporting me through my hard times, who has promised to be with me in health and sickness, rags or riches... we promised that between us there is no need for 'sorry' or 'thank you'. So... what I want to say is... I love you."
I died. #chenqingling #modaozushi #goldenawards
(Attached clip of Xiao Zhan's full speech, recorded from a TV screen through a phone camera)
Liu Ming @liumeifan
THEY JUST KISSED. ON LIVE TV
IT WAS A SHORT PECK ON THE LIPS BUT THEY FREAKING KISSED
Uncle Moran's Bae @shenmeimei
@liumeifan Looks like it wasn't planned since @zhanxiao1005 literally ran away from the stage red-faced but WHO CARES? I'm taking this high quality dog food anyway!
Game Master @saladass
My life is complete now. #wangxian #yizhan #chenqingling #modaozushi #goldenawards
Wang Yibo's Checklists (updated at 12:08 AM)
☑️ Buy a house together
☑️ Sleep in one bed together everyday
☑️ Bathe together
🔲 Cook together (need to learn more)
☑️ Visit in-laws
☑️ Bathtub papapa
☑️ Kitchen papapa
🔲 Papapa in car (in progress)
🔲 Switch positions
☑️ Kiss on cam
☑️ Kiss on live show
🔲 Get married in chapel
~~~ EXTRA ~~~
The clip from the award show was trending, as everyone expected. Xiao Zhan still did not know what possessed him to kiss Wang Yibo at that time. Well, arguably, he could blame it on the kiss coupons he had given Yibo. Before they went on stage Yibo had used one massage coupon in the waiting room. When he went to present the award, one of the kiss coupons that had been mixed in was peeking out of his pant's pocket a bit.
Xiao Zhan could have pretended he did not see it. It wasn't like Yibo directly asked him. The coupon just happened to stick out from his pocket accidentally. A bit of Wei Wuxian had probably been left inside him for him to be that shameless.
What irked him the most right now was that rather than #yizhan, #wangxian was trending more.
Chapter 39: MDZS: Cursed Group Chat
Inspired by the fic Grandmaster of Meme-onic Cultivation.
Wei Wuxian created the group 'We Got Better Music'
Hey everyone （｡>‿‿<｡ ）
So I'm sure by now everyone who can read this message has received the spirit-imbued clear jade plaques that Sizhui, Jingyi, and Jin Ling sent over.
The chat groups that the other world has is so convenient I decided to create something similar too, heheh
If you put a little bit of your spiritual energy into the plaque it will recognize you as the owner and you can send messages.
Just draw the characters using your finger on the plaque.
Lan Zhan! As expected of my Lan Er Gege, you're a quick learner!! 😘❤
I can't understand you Jiang Cheng.
Dis iz so hard to ude
It is not. Maybe if you have more patience you can write messages like an adult.
Has anyone seen Xue Yang anyway? I left a plaque in his room but I can't find him at all now. He's been missing for several days.
I will keep looking for him.
Thank you, shishu!
Sizhui and Jingyi, where are you?
We just finished delivering the plaques to Qinghe Nie. We'll be home tomorrow.
Hanguang Jun is out supervising the night hunt. I have to check the seal on Jin Guangshan's coffin, since Xue Yang can't be found.
I need someone to help look after A Yue and Feifei for half a day.
Also get myself some Emperor's Smile while I'm out.
Some heartless creature switched all my stash to ginseng drink.
I took a swig of that and almost puked.
A Xian, my dearest brother-in-law, your XiongZhang is here.
.... A Yue and Feifei only have four nappies left after you ripped the other six when you tried to wash them last time.
Im aroynd Csiyi Towbn, Wei Wuxian. I'lk drop vy asd halp uou.
Excuse me, but have you forgotten you just asked me out like two days ago, for our second date today?
I'm outta here. 😤
How did you even understand him
Wen Qing has left the chat 'We Got Better Music'
Jiang Wanyin has left the chat 'We Got Better Music'
This is so cool Wei-xiong
Think we can make some money selling this?
It's actually still the first prototype. I'm working on adding a camera function and voice-to-text function.
What the hell are those
Why are you looking for Xue Yang?
Do you know where he went to, Sect Leader Nie?
Let the guy be alone sometimes... he has his manly needs too
Can't possibly satisfy his needs if he stays either at Cloud Recess or with the Daozhangs
I didn't know. D:
Is that where he's gone to? Looking for a place to jerk off?
Caught him hiring a gigolo the other day
What? I thought I saw him at the brothel before
Does he swing both ways?
What were you doing at the brothel A Sang
Did someone say gigolo and brothel
Xingchen went to get him the other day
... Rest assured, Zichen. A Yang hasn't done anything with the gigolo or the prostitutes
How do you know that?
I think I found him.
Be right back.
ANSWER ME XINGCHEN
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT SPILL IN HIM
Xiao Xingchen has left the chat 'We Got Better Music'
Xiao Xingchen has joined the chat 'Personal Chat With Xue Yang'
What a boring name
Xue Chengmei changed the chat name to 'Spank me Daozhang'
Why are you hiding A Yang?
I'd rather die than face you again.
It's so embarrassing
To think that I misunderstood
That it wasn't you, but your otherworld counterpart who actually proposed to me.
I was wondering why you proposed twice, turned out both times I was being delusional.
I'm just gonna let it all out and live a shameless life before I decapitate myself... Or decapitate everyone.
Gonna start looking for some hoes so I don't die a virgin.
I still have to be responsible.
For what?! For teaching me how to jerk off?!
I lied, I knew how to do that long before, I just pretended to not know because I want you!! I masturbated to you every day!
Still, I don't want you to marry me because someone else told you to
Would you go through with the marriage if my otherworld counterpart had stayed here?
Can I take everything that you've said so far as a confession?
I've been thinking about you, and after some time I wonder why I keep thinking about you.
Why does not being able to talk to you makes me feel uneasy so much, but letting myself get misunderstood is so amusing, that I don't mind it.
I don't understand... Daozhang
Finally found you.
Xiao Xingchen has left the chat 'Spank me Daozhang'
Xue Chengmei has left the chat 'Spank me Daozhang'
Xue Chengmei has joined the chat 'We Got Better Music'
Got my flowers plucked and my mounds watered
Are you done jerking off
Oh shit Xue Yang
Are you okay
My ass hurts but I'm feeling great
Where is Xingchen
Squeezed dem milk dry
You went to milk a goat?
I've got my hands on a precious jade pillar and huge golden pearls
Spilling those milk on me baby
COME HOME THIS INSTANT SIZHUI, JINGYI
NOBODY IS TO TAINT MY BABIES YET
YOU'RE GOING TO GET SOME BEATINGS LATER XUE YANG
Give me that good painnnn
Get the special entry jade from him back and ban him.
I'm going to blind myself.
What is this monstrosity that you're giving us Wei Wuxian
Hey it's not my fault!
You taught him.
I also taught Sizhui and look how wonderful he becomes.
Sizhui and I learn mostly from Hanguang Jun.
A Niang taught me plenty of stuff.
Like how to replace the cover of your erotic book.
And what to do when a beautiful maiden walks nearby.
Stop lying, Lan Sizhui. This A Niang only taught you good things. What happened to my swords and archery lessons?
Those are all good stuff. I got half of my stuff still safe in my library thanks to Wei-xiong's tactic.
Coming to raid your bookshelf
Shit I forgot Da Ge is in this chat
Lan Wangji has entered the chat 'Personal Chat with Husband'
Everyone has a past, Lan Er Gege, my beautiful Lan Zhan, Hanguang Jun.
I swear with my life I've never gotten hard for anyone other than you 😘😘😘
Cancel everything you have tomorrow.
You might find difficulty to walk.
Are you threatening to break my legs? Since when did you become like Jiang Cheng
Hey, is that you at the gate? You're coming home already?
Oh my god Lan Zhan
I am a terrible influence
Alternative title 1: in which characters learn s*xting
Alternative title 2: Xue Yang unleashed
He's been acting like a shy maiden for the past chapters so let's give him his character trait back lol
Chapter 40: MDZS: Fake boyfriend
"Young Master Lan Sizhui, please accept this!"
Sizhui was feeling complicated, as he was faced with Yu Meiyi's delicate white hands holding out the handwritten letter, dabbed with too much perfume to his liking. His fellow and junior brothers were watching. Yu Meiyi's junior sisters were also watching.
This would be the fifth love letter he received this month.
Lan Jingyi and Wei Wuxian had often teased him about it, ever since the updated list of best-looking male cultivators came out and was circulated among the female disciples. For some reason which he could not fathom, he had ranked second in the list, just beneath his uncle. The place formerly belonged to his own A Die, who was taken off the list after he married his A Niang, who also used to be in the top rank of the list.
Sizhui did not even want to be in that list. Ever since that list was circulated he had been 'harassed' by curious female disciples, who were not only there for his beautiful face and excellent manners but also seeking to be Hanguang Jun and Bride of Gusu's daughter-in-law. Sizhui was the head disciple, and since Gusu wasn't strict about bloodline there was a chance he could be the next Sect Leader.
Normally he could reject them. Most of them. Some were more persistent than others but Sizhui was always able to decline. However, Yu Meiyi was not an ordinary 'opponent'. She hailed from the famed Meishan Yu Sect, the same sect and clan as the late Yu Ziyuan, Sect Leader Jiang's mother,a well as Sect Leader Jin's mother.
Knowing Yu Ziyuan and Madam Jin... one could already guess the kind of disciples Meishan Yu produced. Ones with fiery temper that could control their sect leader husbands.
So Lan Sizhui knew despite Yu Meiyi's seemingly delicate white hands, those hands were used to holding whips, blades, and arrows. Also, the overwhelming aura she emitted told Sizhui that her cultivation level was either the same level or as high as Sizhui. If she wasn't confident, why would she dare give a love letter to him right in front of other junior disciples? Both of them had just came out of the mountains after fighting against several deadly ghouls and Yu Meiyi had the ease of heart to confess her adoration, as if she just didn't come out of a near-death battle.
So he had no choice but to take her letter -
"Yu-shijie, he accepted your letter!"
"It's the first time Young Master Lan accepts a letter!"
"As expected from Yu-shijie, nobody can resist your charm."
Lan Sizhui froze as the Meishan Yu disciples all squealed and screamed from excitement. Oh no. He better return the letter back before other junior disciples of Meishan and Gusu spread the news -
Yu Meiyi grabbed his both hands with the speed of lightning. And dammit, even her natural grip was so strong that he felt his fingers were about to break.
"I am so happy, Young Master Lan. Can I expect to get to know you better?" Yu Meiyi looked at him expectantly.
Sizhui panicked. "Maiden Yu..."
"Alas, I would love to have a nice conversation over tea with you but we must return to Meishan before our curfew. Until then, let's meet again to discuss our future, Young Master Lan."
The Meishan Yu sisters left and Sizhui sighed with relief. Jingyi whistled.
"Damn, you only accepted one letter, and she's already planning your future? I can already see her wearing the pants in your relationship," Jingyi said.
"... What should I do, Jingyi?"
"How am I supposed to know? For now, should we return and ask Hanguang Jun and Zewu Jun?"
Sizhui nodded. They returned to Cloud Recess, and reported the result of their night hunt, as well the following event to Lan Qiren, Zewu Jun, Hanguang Jun, and Wei Wuxian. Hearing the story, Wei Wuxian burst into laughter.
"A Niang..." Sizhui lamented.
"Sorry, my A Yuan. But really, you picked the wrong person to offend. Meishan Yu may not be part of the four major sects but they're very influential and known for producing strong female cultivators, like Madam Yu and previous Madam Jin," Wei Wuxian explained. "Moreover, if I'm not mistaken this Yu Meiyi is the granddaughter of Madam Yu's older cousin, and the head disciple of Meishan Yu. She's not going to stay quiet if you return her letter, you shouldn't have accepted it in the first place."
Sizhui's eyes furrowed. "But... I've already received it. What should I do now, A Niang?"
"Are you opposed to marrying her, Sizhui?" Lan Wangji asked.
"Frankly, a marriage alliance with Meishan Yu is not bad. Their sect has been around for as long as Yunmeng Jiang," Lan Qiren said. "Yu Meiyi is also an excellent cultivator from what I've heard."
Wei Wuxian nodded. "Except that her temper rivals Madam Yu, so imagine having someone like Jiang Cheng - only more dominant, as your wife. Jiang Cheng at least is willing to tolerate some things."
Sizhui paled. "I..."
"Don't force yourself," Lan Wangji said. "You don't have to marry someone you don't like."
Lan Xichen agreed. "You're still young, Sizhui. Anyway, as aggressive as Yu Meiyi can be, she won't be as selfish as to start a war against Gusu Lan just because you decline her courting."
"But you should still give her a proper reason," Lan Qiren said.
They decided that they would arrange for a proper meeting between Lan Sizhui and Yu Meiyi later, to explain to her that Sizhui was still young and not ready for any form of courting. They weren't sure if she would accept the reason since Sizhui's parents were married quite early but it was the only logical reason they could give. Wei Wuxian wrote a letter to Meishan Yu asking to arrange for a meeting with Yu Meiyi.
And so the current Sect Leader of Meishan Yu, who was also the late Madam Yu's cousin, came to Cloud Recess and sat face to face with Lan Xichen. Lan Sizhui suddenly felt uneasy. This meeting was supposedly for him to properly reject and apologize to Yu Meiyi but why did it feel more like an arranged marriage meeting?
Sect Leader Yu, as Wei Wuxian expected, was just as strong-headed and strict like Madam Yu. She also happened to like Lan Sizhui and the idea of a marriage alliance with Gusu Lan a lot. After all, plenty of cultivators from Meishan Yu were married to cultivators from prominent clans and she thought nobody but the head disciple of Gusu Lan would be suitable for her favourite granddaughter.
"Lan Sizhui is already sixteen, nearing seventeen, I believe? That is not too young," Sect Leader Yu said.
"He is still quite inexperienced," Lan Xichen explained.
"Our Meiyi is inexperienced as well. I'd be rather concerned if he's actually experienced. Isn't it better if Meiyi is his first love?"
"... Sixteen is too young for marriage, Sect Leader Yu," Lan Xichen was feeling exasperated.
"I'm not asking them to get married now. I am asking for an engagement," Sect Leader Yu insisted. "Are you saying my Meiyi isn't good enough? My Meiyi, the head disciple of our Meishan Yu, the strongest and prettiest female cultivator of her generation?"
Too... Too strong! Wei Wuxian had slowly withered and hid behind his husband's back. Good thing Lan Xichen was the master of diplomacy. Sect Leader Yu's aura and aggressiveness was even stronger than Yu Ziyuan. Wei Wuxian was sure if his A Yuan were to marry Yu Meiyi he'd end up getting bullied by his wife!
"... Let us not rush things, Sect Leader Yu," Lan Xichen smiled. "Honestly, it's our Sizhui's first time to receive a letter from someone as lovely as Maiden Yu. He is too shy to act, I'm afraid he will hurt Maiden Yu with his immaturity."
"I think your nephew is very mature. My Meiyi would not just fancy a pretty face."
Sizhui ah, why do you have to be such a great catch? Look at Zewu Jun, he never had to 'talk' with someone this long! Normal people would go home and set up a worshipping altar for him after receiving a smile. Sect Leader Yu looked like if someone told her the earth was round she would flatten the planet through sheer force to prove her point.
"... Please give us some time to consider it, Sect Leader Yu. We Gusu Lan take matters like courting very seriously," Lan Xichen finally said.
"Of course. I look forward to further meetings, Zewu Jun," Sect Leader Yu happily agreed. It seemed like as long as it was not a blatant rejection, she was satisfied.
Wei Wuxian feared the next time Meishan Yu come it would be with betrothal gifts. Yu Meiyi had actually winked at Sizhui before leaving.
And so Gusu Lan had another emergency meeting that night.
"This is bad," Lan Qiren said, wiping the cold sweat from his forehead.
Wei Wuxian never thought he would ever see in uncle-in-law and brother-in-law panicking over a possible marriage proposal. Clearly the women of Meishan Yu were too tough for them to handle. Yu Meiyi, unlike Wei Wuxian, looked like she was even harder to beat in an argument.
"... I'm afraid if you two were to marry..." Lan Xichen paused for a while. "Let's just say it may or may not be harmonious."
"We are not letting them get married anytime soon, especially not when Sect Leader Yu looks way too enthusiastic about it," Wei Wuxian gritted his teeth. "My baby radish is too young to be married!"
Lan Sizhui gulped. "What should I do, Uncle, A Niang?"
All of them sighed. Rejecting Maiden Yu at this stage seemed an impossible feat to do because of her insistence. Rejecting her after the courting process would be seeking death.
"Should have gotten yourself a girlfriend earlier, Sizhui," Jingyi said. "Yu Meiyi wouldn't have sought after you if you were already taken."
Wei Wuxian hummed. "That's actually an excellent point, Jingyi."
Lan Qiren was in deep thought. "If there is another cultivator from prominent family who is after Sizhui's hand in marriage, would she give up?"
"Sizhui has a lot of fans, but nobody is as strong as Yu Meiyi," Jingyi pointed.
Lan Wangji contemplated. "... Four major sects."
Wei Wuxian blinked. "Oh, great idea, Lan Zhan! If Yu Meiyi has a competitor who is either of equal or higher status than her, and Sizhui favours that person more, wouldn't she give up?"
Sizhui was confused. "What?"
"Good point A Xian but how do we find someone like that in such a short time?" Lan Xichen asked.
Wei Wuxian grinned and took out his communication jade plaque. "This is where my invention comes in handy."
Wei Wuxian created the chat 'Emergency Announcement'
Announcement everyone! \(^o^)/
Gusu Lan is currently seeking for someone to play the role of an eligible marriage partner for Head Disciple, Lan Sizhui.
1. Must have good family and sect background.
2. Must have good cultivation level.
3. Must have good survival and fighting skills.
4. Must be well educated and well mannered.
5. Must have courage of a lion.
Interested candidates may send their applications to Cloud Recess. Thank you!
Chapter 41: MDZS: Fake Boyfriend Candidate(s)
So many people were rooting for Jin Ling in the previous chapter lol
Tbh, I don't even know which to choose... so just wait & watch ≖‿≖
For me personally... I prefer chaos (•‿•)
Sizhui gawked at the message that just came into his own communication jade plaque. "You're advertising it??!"
Wei Wuxian grinned. "Relax, the chat group only consists of people I specifically invited. Meishan Yu won't know."
It wasn't long before they received responses in the chat group following the announcement
Wat ther fudge
Mind your language, my son is reading the chat. But seriously, what's going on?
Is ma boi Sizhui thirsty already
Don't think I forget your punishment Xue Yang.
We're looking for marriage candidates...or rather, a fake fiancée. Or fiancé. Whatever, I'll take what I can now.
My A Yuan is currently being chased by Yu Meiyi of Meishan. And I'm not going to have Madam Yu's clone as my daughter-in-law.
IM GONNA BE DECIMATED
Maiden Yu is not an unreasonable person.
Which is why we're looking for those from prominent clans or high cultivation level.
You haven't met her shijie. Have you ever seen someone refusing to reason with Zewu Jun? NOBODY
My Jin Ling is not bad
Are you selling me out to Uncle Xian mom?
Young Master Jin is a good candidate. His cultivation is ahead of his peers and he comes from a good family. His temper can rival Yu Meiyi.
Sizhui is MY COUSIN.
I'm not going to date my own cousin.
You and Sizhui aren't really related by blood, it should be fine.
Does blood relation matter here?? It's not like we're making babies! We grew up close to each other, it's weird if we suddenly start dating!
F*ck off Xue Yang, don't taint my son.
Is there no volunteer?
I have experience in the process of making babies. No babies have popped out yet, tho
Lel gug lurk looking foy someone to fijgt my mom incanrate
A Yu wants to volunteer but he's too shy to write in.
Tell him he's a good looking young man who should be proud of himself and put him in the list. His cultivation level is probably not enough to fight against Maiden Yu but he's from Lanling Jin, so he probably won't get beaten to pulp.
Just when will you learn to spell properly Jiang Cheng
Can I volunteer, Young Madam Lan?
You just want to see Maiden Yu, not date Sizhui, don't you Zizhen?
If nobody's willing I'll be Sizhui's boyfriend.
I mean fake boyfriend.
I'll dress up A Sang and send him over. Punishment for hiding those yellow books.
I'm the classmate of Sizhui's parents, that is just so wrong
If I have to go Jiang-xiong has to dress up as a girl and go too.
Fork you Nie-xiong
I think you need to put up a reward, Young Master Wei. Unless you are serious about finding a genuine fiancé for A Yuan.
My baby is not going to get married anytime soon
Fine, I'll put a reward. Whoever can make Yu Meiyi give up will be a granted a wish.
As long as it's something I'm capable of, of course. No monetary rewards because I'm broke.
I can revive your dead pet cats or moms or siblings, as long as the bodies are intact.
That's a mighty huge reward
Haven't seen anyone offering reanimation as a reward.
.... We can offer prize money, though children of prominent clans likely won't need it.
Anything, A Xian?
Anything. I'll even make the person A Yue or Feifei's godparent. I'll let them pick a courtesy name for either one.
Now this is what I'm talking about. Get your finest robes ready, A Ling, A Yu.
Im senf one of oyr discijles ober
Lan Jingyi, do you need new robes?
Are you buying me one, Zewu Jun?
... Is nobody going to ask what Sizhui thinks?
In the end, three people showed up to compete for the role of Lan Sizhui's (fake) boyfriend. Boyfriend, because there was indeed no female cultivator among the four prominent clans or any other clans who dared to go against Yu Meiyi.
The three young cultivators lined up, dressed in their best robes - Jin Ling, Lan Jingyi, and Mo Xuanyu. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji scanned each of them from head to toe with their eyes. It was hard to decide, since all of them were not bad looking at all, and all of them were fairly close to Sizhui, except for Mo Xuanyu. Poor Mo Xuanyu was perhaps the sole person looking for true love among the bachelors here, since he was the only candidate who had came out of the closet.
"How do you plan to choose, A Xian?" Jiang Yanli asked, placing both hands on her son's shoulders.
Wei Wuxian scratched his head. "I didn't think we'd have so many volunteers. All of you come from good family. Cultivation wise..."
He pondered. Cultivation wise, Sizhui was at the highest level, wasn't he? The only one who could rival him was perhaps Jin Ling. He was almost as good as Sizhui and he was three years younger. Jingyi was not bad either. Mo Xuanyu was perhaps the worst in terms of cultivation level, but he was the best-looking among them.
Wei Wuxian stopped right in front of Mo Xuanyu, staring into his eyes deeply. He was good looking indeed, and with the same long black hair and silver eyes, his face actually resembled Wei Wuxian a lot. Others did not know since he never disclosed it. The only ones who knew would be the people who had watched the drama series. Mo Xuanyu wasn't really a terrible cultivator.
He was perhaps just more suited for demonic cultivation.
Knowing that original Mo Xuanyu had successfully summoned Yiling Patriarch's spirit by studying demonic arts on his own made Wei Wuxian's hair tingle. He was intrigued to know more about the younger man's potential. However, Jin Zixuan would not allow his half-brother to learn it. Just because he accepted Wei Wuxian did not mean he accepted his cultivation method.
Well, the bigger question here was that could Mo Xuanyu stand against Madam Yu incarnate?
"There is no need to think much, Wuxian. You can't possibly pick Lan Jingyi, everyone knows they're best friends and now suddenly they're dating?" Jin Zixuan said.
"I think Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi suddenly dating wouldn't even have as much impact as compared to when Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji announced their wedding," Jiang Cheng commented.
"May I remind you that Sizhui and Jin Ling are cousins, plus Jin Ling is younger, which will make our argument with Maiden Yu useless?" Lan Xichen said.
"... But who's better than Jin Ling when it comes to arguing and laying claims? Yu Meiyi can't overwhelm A Ling, he's got worse temper than her!" Jin Zixuan argued.
"... Complimenting and dissing me at the same time..." Jin Ling murmured.
"If A Ling is too young, we've even got A Yu," Jiang Yanli said.
"Can Senior Mo compete against Maiden Yu?" Jingyi asked.
"Umm... I'm not good but I'll try my best," Mo Xuanyu said.
"Sizhui is strong, he doesn't need people to protect him," Yanli said and proudly added, "A Yu would make a beautiful bride for Sizhui, don't you think?"
"What do you think, brother-in-law?"
"What do you think, Wei Wuxian?"
"It's either A Ling or A Yu right, A Xian?"
Wei Wuxian pondered. Making a decision was so difficult. In fact, why don't he just make all of them compete for his A Yuan, right in front of Yu Meiyi?
Last week the teahouse became the witness of the fight between Sandu Shengshou and his future wife ("How dare you forget about our second date." "My brother was in trouble." "Your brother IS trouble.")
Today it became the gathering place of one young cultivator with his four potential suitors. Of which one was a one-sided agreement while the other three were fake. The young cultivators all sat at a round table at the ground floor, their table at a beautifully decorated deck on top of an enchanting lotus pond. The adults who had planned the scheme meanwhile were watching from a different table at the first floor. They had reserved the whole teahouse for the event.
Yu Meiyi was evidently not happy with the arrangement. "What's the meaning of this?"
"Uhh..." Sizhui was flustered. "Last time, after you gave me the letter in front of everyone, the story spreads, so these -cough- gentlemen came to me and -"
"Sizhui is mine so leave him alone," Jin Ling growled. As expected from the young missy, he was straightforward and wasn't afraid of Yu Meiyi at all. No pretentious speech, not even a greeting.
Yu Meiyi also wasn't the type to give up easily. She looked at Jingyi. "You?"
Jingyi clicked his tongue. "We were hiding it for a long time but Sizhui and I like each other. Of course I can't stay silent when both you and young missy is trying to claim someone's boyfriend."
Yu Meiyi clicked her tongue. "Preposterous. What makes you think you are worthy of Young Master Lan Sizhui?"
Mo Xuanyu slowly pointed at himself. "Maiden Yu, aren't you going to ask about me?"
"I can hardly remember your name even though you are from the Lan clan!"
"I'm Lan Jingyi and if you can't remember my name just remember this face as Sizhui's future husband!"
Mo Xuanyu raised his hand. "Hello, I'm here..."
"And you, Young Master Jin, you're too young, even younger than Lan Sizhui! You're not mature enough for him."
"Aah? It's not like we're getting married tomorrow! Besides, you think you're so mature? How dare you try to trick Sizhui into marriage!"
"I did not!"
Mo Xuanyu raised both hands. "Am I invisible? Am I a spirit? Why does nobody see or hear me?"
Yu Meiyi finally turned to look at Mo Xuanyu. She frowned. She felt like she had never seen this man before. "Who are you?"
Mo Xuanyu smiled. "Mo Xuanyu, from Lanling Jin."
"My youngest uncle," Jin Ling added.
"... So you're Sect Leader Jin's half-brother, Young Master Jin's uncle. That means you're also technically also Young Master Lan's uncle. Are you sure you should be here?"
"By rank I am his uncle but we are not related by blood. Moreover, I am Jin Ling's paternal uncle, Wei Wuxian is Jin Ling's maternal, martial uncle. Nothing wrong with us going into a relationship at all," Mo Xuanyu explained.
"I'm still in my early twenties."
"I've never heard of you before. Have you ever competed during the Annual Hunt?" Yu Meiyi questioned.
Mo Xuanyu shrunk a little. "Ah, this one's cultivation level is not high enough to compete..."
"And you dare to dream of courting someone like Young Master Lan?" Yu Meiyi said. "Just give up already. I'm sure Young Master Lan is too nice to reject you," she paused, then looked at Jin Ling and Lan Jingyi. "And you, or you."
Jin Ling scoffed. "Excuse me?! He's too nice to reject you! How delusional can you be?"
Yu Meiyi gasped. "How dare you.... you... Spoiled princess!"
Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi had to stop the two 'princesses' before they start a cat fight. The adults, who were watching from them shook their heads.
"Jin Ling really is something, to actually be fighting with Yu Meiyi like two consorts fighting over the emperor," Wei Wuxian giggled.
"I told you nobody can rival Jin Ling's temper," Jin Zixuan said.
"... Are you sure you should be saying that about your own son?"
Back to the youngsters' round table, Sizhui and Jingyi managed to derail the two 'fighting consorts'.
"See, you two are not suitable to be with Sizhui. How can you be a member of Gusu Lan with this short temper?" Lan Jingyi said.
Mo Xuanyu nodded. "True, true. That means I'm the best candidate, right?"
"You shut up. Someone who can't cultivate properly has no right to meddle in our fight," Yu Meiyi gnarled. She had completely lost all courtesy and patience due to anger.
Mo Xuanyu raised an eyebrow. "You're right, my core is perhaps the weakest here, but I'm also definitely the best-looking person here," he replied with a wink.
Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui froze. Jin Ling almost gawked. He had never seen his youngest uncle acting so brazenly.
Yu Meiyi slammed her hands against the table. "Are you looking for a fight, Senior Mo?"
"You're the one looking for a fight, Maiden Yu," Mo Xuanyu whistled.
"... Fine. Bring it on," Yu Meiyi gritted her teeth and took out her weapon of choice - a whip. "I'll fight for my love if I have to."
Jingyi and Jin Ling immediately grabbed Mo Xuanyu's arm each. "Are you crazy? Yu Meiyi is almost the same level as Sizhui, you can't beat her!" Jingyi hissed.
"You've always been a coward, where did you get this courage? Wait no, this is not courage, this is foolishness!!" Jin Ling said.
"Now now, don't worry. I may have had too much drink before I came here but I'll be fine," Mo Xuanyu grinned.
"You're drunk?! Is this where you got your courage from? You're an idiot!" Jingyi yelled.
Mo Xuanyu laughed. Yu Meiyi leaped from the table onto the fence railing the floating deck. Mo Xuanyu also leaped and balanced himself on top of the fence effortlessly.
"Senior Mo!" Sizhui called for him, panicked. "You don't need to fight!"
"Nonsense, Lan Sizhui. We all know from the very beginning this war of love can only be settled with a fight," Mo Xuanyu said. "Isn't that why all of you come here prepared, with your swords and weapons?"
"It's customary for cultivators to bring their swords everywhere!" Jin Ling said. "Don't you also...hold on, where is your sword?!"
Mo Xuanyu glanced at his waist and absent-mindedly swayed his hands on his back. "Oh. I must have forgotten."
"... You donkey! You challenged her to a fight without a weapon?" Jingyi shrieked.
Mo Xuanyu nodded. "I think a fight without weapon is the proper one to test one's true strength, hmm? Who knows, you might get attacked while in bed, naked. Been there, done that."
Yu Meiyi's maiden face turned red from his words and she immediately unleashed her fury by lashing her whip. "You vulgar!"
Mo Xuanyu jumped off the fence back to the deck to evade her whip. Yu Meiyi did not stop her attack and continue chasing him. However, every single attack of hers did not hit. The spectating adults and three teenagers were surprised. Since when did Mo Xuanyu become so skilled? Was it really the power of drunken martial arts?
Frustrated, Yu Meiyi cornered him, thrusted her sword towards him and used the distraction to grab his ankle with her whip. However, Mo Xuanyu sent a paper talisman that pinned her down to the ground, unable to move. He then nonchalantly grabbed Jingyi's sword ("Hey!") and cut off the whip, simply tossing it to the pond. He walked towards her and crouched down, then laughed.
"Good thing your cheap little whip isn't Zidian. Now, let me teach you a lesson, Maiden Yu. Oh, and you three kids, too. Strength is not about the quality of your golden core. No matter how strong your core is, if you don't use your brain, you're going to be stepped on like a piece of trash."
Yu Meiyi let out a squeak.
"There are things that you can't solve using power alone. In fact, if you're too greedy, you're just going to lose everything. Therefore, my advice is..." He paused, then smiled at her. "If you really love Sizhui, don't force him to accept your love. Befriend him, get to know each other slowly, and approach him gently. You won't need to get rid of the others, if Sizhui himself choose you, right?"
The words struck into her heart and Yu Meiyi began crying. "Uuunnn..."
"... Making a pretty maiden cry is not my hobby. Stop crying and get stronger."
She nodded her head. She looked at the person before her and the way he smiled. So handsome, she thought and blushed.
"Also, you should know that Sizhui is not perfect either. He wet his bed until he was seven, and drooled on Wei Wuxian's flute so much that the flute cannot be played. He also likes to hug people's thighs, even strangers," Mo Xuanyu added.
Lan Sizhui's face turned a hundred shades of red. "You - how do you know?!"
Jin Ling choked. "It was true?!"
Mo Xuanyu released the paper talisman. Since her clothes had gotten dirty and her makeup had smeared, Yu Meiyi was embarrassed to stay any longer and immediately went home.
The adults - Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji, Jiang Yanli, Jin Zixuan, Jiang Cheng, and Lan Xichen came down to see. Jin Zixuan especially was stunned.
"Since when were you able to move like that?" Jin Zixuan asked.
Mo Xuanyu shrugged. He looked at Wei Wuxian. "I won. I managed to make Yu Meiyi give up."
Wei Wuxian blinked. He did.
"So this means I can choose your children's courtesy name, right?" Mo Xuanyu smiled. There was a hint of delight yet envy in his expression. "Lan Feihong and Lan Yingyue."
Both Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian froze. Mo Xuanyu grinned. He walked towards them, and then suddenly hugged Jiang Yanli.
"I miss you so much but alas... I'm not meant to be here," he whispered to her ear.
Jiang Yanli stiffened. Mo Xuanyu smiled one last time before he ran as fast as he could, leaving the teahouse. Wei Wuxian trembled.
"... What's wrong with him?" Jiang Cheng wondered. "Wei Wuxian?"
"... Those names..." Wei Wuxian held his breath. "They are the same names Lan Zhan and I thought about - before we offered to let someone else name the twins."
Jiang Cheng's eyes widened. "Then...how..is he...??"
Wei Wuxian nodded. "That one..that wasn't Mo Xuanyu. That was me. The original me."
Wei Ying casually strode into Nie Huaisang's room, where the man was now fanning the feverish Mo Xuanyu. He cackled.
"Anyone should know that asking for advice from you is the worst idea ever," the Yiling Patriarch said. "Good thing he got away with only a fever. Practicing demonic cultivation without guidance is risky."
Nie Huaisang paled. "Wei-xiong... can you forgive me now? You got to see your shijie again... spare me, ah?"
Wei Ying hummed and picked up the notes Nie Huaisang had stolen from him. "No more teaching an inexperienced kid dangerous thing - unless you're a genius like me, of course. Not everyone has a demon to help them bring someone from the other world, to cover the fact that you made an amateur fell sick because you showed him dangerous stuff when he asked for your help to woo another man."
"I guess I did get something out of this short trip, but there will be no next time," Wei Ying chuckled. "Staying here any longer makes me hate myself even more, thinking of 'if only' and 'why did I do that'."
Nie Huaisang's eyes brightened. "Wei-xiong! I knew it, you're a benevolent man - "
"Still gonna tell your brother about your secret porn stash in the basement, though."
映月 Ying Yue : Means ‘reflection of the moon’, and is especially beautiful following the surname 江 (Jiang). Kind of a tribute to the Jiangs, I guess.
飞鸿 Fei Hong : Means ‘a swan goose soaring high in the sky’. It expresses a parent’s hope that their child will have a bright future.
How I got the idea and why I chose to write the chapter like this... idk. Just want a cameo of real Yiling Patriarch :P
Chapter 43: MDZS: Wen Qing's Perfect Date
Hmm.. how long has it been since I haven't updated this fic?
The draft I originally made was gone T_T
I wept little then decided to do other fics for a while, since I couldn't remember what I originally wrote. I almost thought to give up and just end the fic, then I suddenly thought of doing this chapter.
Anyway please enjoy :)
Wen Qing got mad at him for almost ditching her on their second date. Jiang Cheng managed to coax her into agreeing for a third date but he had yet to decide on a place. Since he was out bringing his disciples on a night hunt nearby Caiyi Town he decided to stop by Cloud Recess to see his brother and the twins.
As dumb as his brother was he knew a lot of good hidden spots perfect for couples. The disciples in charge of guarding the entrance instantly recognized the Yunmeng Jiang Sect Leader and let him in. He declined their offer to escort him, he had gone to Jingshi to see his brother enough times to remember the way.
Wei Wuxian was feeding the twins with some pureed sweet potato when he came. Lan Yue and Lan Fei were now six months old and could already sit, and have started eating some pureed food. The pureed food - prepared by either Lan Wangji or Lan Sizhui because Jiang Cheng knew his brother couldn't cook without burning a pot - was halfway finished. Both babies ate very cleanly. It appeared that they would likely take after Lan Wangji more than Wei Wuxian, based on manners alone - though Lan Yue was a bit louder than his twin sister. In terms of appearances they shared traits from both parents. Lan Yue had his A Niang's silver eyes while Lan Fei inherited her A Die's golden eyes.
"Jiang Cheng!" Wei Wuxian greeted him cheerfully. "What brings you here?"
" 'Ang Cheng! 'Ang Cheng!" Lan Fei and Lan Yue imitated Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian laughed and pinched their cute chubby cheeks. "You can't just call your Shishu without honorifics, A Yue, Feifei."
Jiang Cheng let Feifei climb into his lap and smiled at her. "Since when do you even pay attention to things like honorifics?"
"How mean, Jiang Cheng. Even I know some manners."
"You still call Sect Leader Jin 'Peacock' behind his back."
"Yeah, it doesn't matter if they can't hear it," Wei Wuxian grinned.
"Where is Hanguang Jun?" Jiang Cheng asked as he helped spoon some pureed potato into Lan Fei's tiny mouth.
"It's his turn bringing the kids out today," Wei Wuxian answered. After Wei Wuxian was fully healed from his surgical wound and the twins were more manageable, they had taken turns nursing the twins and leading night hunts or classes. "What about you? Miss me?"
Jiang Cheng made a face. "As if. Just asking if you know any good places for...well, you know. Bring someone special."
"A date. How difficult is it to say?" Wei Wuxian snickered. "I know a nice place you can go for a picnic. Ah, wait here ah Jiang Cheng, I've got something to pass to Wen Qing."
Wei Wuxian got up to fetch something from his room and returned with a wooden box wrapped in thick cloth.
"Can you pass this to Wen Qing for me? Be careful to not open it, it's fragile. Also, never ever put it anywhere near your Zidian."
Jiang Cheng took the package and frowned. "Why?"
"I'm not careless like you."
Jiang Cheng played with the twins a little more, then said his goodbye.
One of his disciples came running to him in a panic rush. "Sect Leader! Trouble, trouble!"
"What?" He asked.
"A spiritual beast ran amok and it's too strong for us!"
He hopped on his sword and flew to the forest. A spiritual giant hornet-like creature was chasing after the disciples. Disciples who were unfortunately stung were crying from the pain and had rashes all over their bodies. The creature flew high and was too fast for their arrows.
Jiang Cheng followed the beast on his flying sword, then used Zidian to whip it, cleanly slicing it half. The disciples cheered as the beast's corpse dropped with a 'thud' onto the ground.
"A creature this weak, only a little fast and you all become this miserable. Your training will be doubled," Jiang Cheng roared. "Carry the injured ones home."
"Yes, Sect Leader!"
One disciple suddenly gasped. "Sect Leader, behind you!"
Jiang Cheng turned around. A smaller hornet - the beast's offspring was lunging towards him. He swung Zidian again and sliced off the hornet's offspring as well. Unfortunately, his hand accidentally knocked against a tree branch and he dropped the package.
Out of instinct he seized the falling package with Zidian, wrapping the box with the whip gently to capture it instead of using force.
He let out a relieved sigh.
They returned to Lotus Pier. Jiang Cheng wrote his date plan for the next day and went to sleep.
When he woke up it was to the sound of a song he never heard. He opened his eyes. Right in front of him was a small black rectangular object. Jiang Cheng's eyelids fluttered.
He got up. This was not his bed. This was not his room. The rectangular thing...it took him a whole minute but he finally remembered what it was called. A phone.
The package for Wen Qing. Oh, didn't Wen Qing mention in their last date she was asking for another incense burner from Wei Wuxian to give to the next door uncle?
Jiang Cheng gritted his teeth. "Wei Wuxian!!!!!!"
Poor Wang Zhuo Cheng found himself in yet another unexpected predicament. The last thing he remembered was coming home after filming another drama. It was a drama about a chef. In modern era. So he definitely should not have long hair nor wake up in an ancient style bed. Horrible flashbacks from the last transmigration episode filled his mind.
"Sect Leader, have you woken up?" One disciple asked and knocked the door.
"... I'm awake."
"Granny Liu mentioned you asked to prepare picnic food for your meeting with Lady Wen today. The food is ready, would you like to see?"
Wang Zhuo Cheng got up and saw a paper with a to-do list written on it. It was actually more like a guideline for dates and some things Jiang Cheng had written in case he had no idea what to say. Wang Zhuo Cheng chuckled a little. How cute.
He would need to look for Wei Wuxian but he did not want to leave a lady waiting for a date. Jiang Cheng finally had a chance to have his own happiness. Thanks to Xiao Zhan, Wen Qing was alive in this world. He couldn't let Jiang Cheng down. He had to help him secure a nice girl for himself!
Wang Zhuo Cheng got dressed in a different robes - not the usual Yunmeng Jiang purple ones. It was a date, not a clan meeting, he should forgo anything that looked like he was representing his clan. Right now he should give out the feeling of 'only Wanyin', not 'the Sect Leader Jiang'. He opted for a blue and white robes, with some red ornaments and ribbon. He then styled his hair to look younger.
The disciples who were waiting outside choked a little. Their sect leader had always been good looking but today he looked exceptionally handsome and youthful. Wang Zhuo Cheng went to the kitchen to see the picnic lunch box.
If it had been him, Zhuo Cheng would prepare the food himself. A normal-tasting food prepared with sincerity always won his heart rather than restaurant grade food. But a sect leader had more important things to do. Still, he decided to arrange the food into the lunch box himself and requested for the lotus petal rolls to not be filled yet. That way during their picnic he could roll them himself.
Wang Zhuo Cheng then asked one of the disciples, "I feel a little nervous, accompany me to pick up Maiden Wen."
The disciples was stunned to hear that their tsundere leader would openly admit that he was nervous but did not question it. Wang Zhuo Cheng cheered. Now the problem of him not knowing where Wen Qing lived was solved.
He followed the disciple to a local pharmacy in town and dismissed the puzzled boy. Wen Qing was a little surprised to see Jiang Cheng waiting for her. They usually met up straight away at the promised place.
"Why did you suddenly choose to come pick me up today?" She asked.
"I couldn't wait to see your face," Wang Zhuo Cheng replied. He looked at her outfit - a simple blue and pink robes. "Not your usual colour, but it looks nice on you."
Wen Qing stilled for a moment. Has Jiang Wanyin ever been such a pleasant person? He was giving out that Lan Sizhui vibe.
They walked together and talked about a lot of things - and for once, it wasn't about the cultivation world. Her date partner asked her about her day, any funny stories she had about her customers, and even her brother and her recent interest. When she told him about all sorts of people with weird diseases and how she cured them, he looked impressed. Sometimes he asked her about things he didn't know, sometimes he gave his opinion, sometimes he chuckled a little and sometimes he showed his shock or amusement.
Wen Qing was puzzled. Since when did Jiang Wanyin learn how to have a conversation?
They stopped by a peddler. Wang Zhuo Cheng saw some beautiful ornaments. He picked one out and showed it to Wen Qing.
"Can you try this one for me? I want to see how it looks like."
Wen Qing simply took it and wore the hairpin. She thought he wanted to buy it for his sister or niece. When the two of them went out together he did that before - asking for her opinion on gifts.
He nodded approvingly and paid the peddler. "Let's go."
Wen Qing blinked. "Aren't you going to ask for a box…"
"Silly, it's for you. I thought the pink hibiscus compliments your outfit today," Wang Zhuo Cheng said.
Wen Qing suddenly felt heat rising to her cheeks. So...so… smooth! This was not the Jiang Wanyin she was used to! Did he take lessons from somewhere?
They reached the picnic place - a nice clear river, with an old tree next to it, with a perfect amount of shade. Wang Zhuo Cheng laid out the mat and the food.
"Unfortunately today's food is not prepared by me," he honestly confessed. "Though I took some liberty in the arrangement."
Wen Qing was pleased enough. "It's okay. You're a sect leader. You have things to do."
"I'm not a sect leader today. I'm just Jiang Cheng."
Wen Qing's heart fluttered a little. When her date picked up the lotus petal and rolled the flower himself, she was absolutely delighted. She wondered who in the world had worked magic on this man. He even peeled the lotus seeds for her.
It almost felt like she was not dating Jiang Cheng.
Wen Qing's eyes twitched a little. She looked at his white and blue robes as well as the red ribbon while she ate. She then finally noticed something very obvious and felt ashamed of herself for not noticing the obvious.
He did not bring his sword!
As a cultivator, naturally even if they were going out for a casual shopping trip, it was a habit for them to bring their swords. She had never seen him without his sword and yet here he was, without his sword while knowing he would be spending hours outside with her.
Then who the hell is this guy? She silently screamed. Why is he such a perfect date? I'm a loyal woman, don't make me waver!
They continued talking about their days and the longer she interacted with him, the more she noticed he talked very little about himself but asked a lot about her. At first she attributed it to him being interested in her but now she realized perhaps he was avoiding topics about himself because he had no knowledge about it.
"Ooh, if it isn't Sect Leader Jiang!"
They turned their heads and were greeted by junior trio - Lan Jingyi, Lan Sizhui, and Jin Ling.
"Are three of you out on night hunting?" Wang Zhuo Cheng greeted them.
Lan Sizhui nodded. "We are. How are you doing, Sect Leader Jiang, Qing Jie?"
"We are doing fine," Wen Qing said. Except that your Shishu is an impostor.
"Are you two out on a picnic right now? Those look so good," Lan Jingyi said as he eyed the lotus spring rolls.
"Scram," Wang Zhuo Cheng said.
"Aww, can we not even have a taste?" Lan Jingyi teased. He did not intend to intrude on them of course, he just wanted to tease the two awkward adults.
"I brought these for my Qing Er. Now go away and don't disturb our date."
Jin Ling choked. Lan Sizhui apologized and pulled the stunned Lan Jingyi away as Jingyi mumbled out 'he has been possessed' loudly.
They finished the food. Wen Qing decided to test something. "I'm still hungry. Can you catch a fish for me?"
Her date partner paled a little. "Catch a fish?"
Wen Qing nodded.
"... If you're still hungry we can go to the restaurant for a nice meal."
Wen Qing shook her head. "I want fish freshly caught from the river."
He looked even paler. "Umm, I did not bring…"
He paused and Wen Qing had to stop herself from laughing. He must have realized his blunder. "Why? You are a cultivator, you don't even need a tool to catch fish. Even commoners can catch fish from a river this nice and abundant, with just a stick."
"Dropping your disguise already?"
He laughed. If Wen Qing hadn't known it earlier she knew it now for sure because Jiang Wanyin did not laugh like that.
"Since when?" Wang Zhuo Cheng asked.
"... A bit later than I'm supposed to, admittedly," Wen Qing confessed. "Based on your reaction, can I guess who you are?"
Wang Zhuo Cheng smiled and he looked gorgeous. Way too gorgeous to her liking. "Who else can't catch fish despite being a grown up in this era?"
Wen Qing was amused. "Nie Huaisang can't. Are you from that world?"
Wang Zhuo Cheng nodded, then sighed. "Xiao Zhan is amazing. How did he manage to survive here? All I needed to do is to go on a date and I still screw up."
She giggled. "On the contrary, I may not have realized the two of you switched if you screwed up. You were such a perfect date."
Wang Zhuo Cheng joined her laugh. "Everything I did was what Jiang Cheng wants to do. He made a list, you know," he said and showed her the list he brought and hid underneath his robes.
Perfect Date Guidelines (by Jin Ling):
- Compliment her appearance.
- Buy her things.
- Chat and small talks.
- Have a nice picnic.
- Don't get angry.
Wen Qing laughed. "He asked for a dating guideline from his nephew? A teenager half his age?"
"A child can surprisingly be quite insightful," Wang Zhuo Cheng said. "They are honest - a quality Jiang Cheng doesn't have sometimes."
"Well, it was pretty fun to have a perfect date for once," Wen Qing smiled. "Though I much prefer for it to be with my man. My real man."
Wang Zhuo Cheng shrugged. "We'll have to find Wei Wuxian for that."
Wen Qing nodded. "Let's go."
They walked together, this time their next destination was Cloud Recess.
"I wonder how Jiang Cheng is doing over there."
"Do you also have a date?"
He shook his head. "A variety show filming."
"... What's a variety show?"