Magnus is intently looking at one of his many spell-books when he feels his wards shift with the familiar presence of Alec. Magnus is almost embarrassed by how fast his lips form a smile. He hears the door open and close and sets aside his book to go greet his boyfriend. He finds Alec still standing in the entryway, hands gripping his elbows and looking too small for his Shadowhunter frame. Magnus feels his smile slide into something more worried as he takes a moment to watch the younger man.
“Alexander?” Magnus gently questions.
Alec’s eyes slowly move to meet Magnus’s, but the lost look in them makes Magnus even more nervous. “Are you hurt?” He tries again, receiving a shake of a head in return. Magnus continues to frown at the boy who is looking around like he doesn’t know what to do. Magnus realizes that Alec hadn’t even done this the first time he had come over.
Magnus strides over to where Alec continues to stand, gently reaching to touch his face while he allows his magic to reach out and check over Alec, finding nothing. Alec’s eyes are on him again, but he doesn’t resist the magic.
“I’m okay,” Alec whispers.
Magnus wants to argue, but decides against it with a deep breath. If Alec wants to tell him, he will. “Okay. Do you want to eat something?” Alec nods again. Magnus sighs inwardly then gently takes Alec’s hand and leads him to the kitchen table. The older man quickly snaps something together for them both then sits next to Alec, watching as he pushes food around his plate for the next thirty minutes. Magnus waves his hand to send the plate away, making Alec jerk and finally look up.
“Darling, is there something wrong?” Magnus asks, taking his hand.
Alec shakes his head, jerkily. “No. No, I’m okay. Just a bad day, I guess?” It sounded more like a question then a statement.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Alec’s eyes start wandering again. “I-um. I don’t know.” A moment of silence. “No. I’m fine. I really am, Mags. I don’t know.”
Magnus frowns again. “Then why won’t you look at me? Is it something that I have done?”
“No! No, of course not,” Alec quickly squeezes his hand. ”it’s nothing. I’m just... thinking.”
“There is clearly something. Sweetheart, please talk to me.”
Alec’s hand starts shaking and he bites his lip, his eyes turning glassy with tears. “I don’t know what do to, Magnus,” Alec whispers.
“Okay. Okay, love,” Magnus tries in effort to calm the boy. “Is there something I can do?”
“Can you-“ Alec clears his throat, taking his hand back to pull at his hair. “Angels, I can’t.”
“Hey, look at me. It is okay. You can. I will help you, darling. You just have to let me know how.”
Alec breath comes out in something suspiciously close to a sob. “Why?”
“Why what?” Magnus asks, confused.
That seems to make the Shadowhunter more frustrated as he gets up with a sound from the back of his throat and begins pacing. “Why are you here?”
Magnus suits back in his chair, even more confused as he watches him pace. “It’s my loft?”
That startles a strangles laugh from the Shadowhunter. “No. No, why are you helping me? Why do you even deal with me?”
Tonight is apparently not a night that was going to make sense to Magnus. “Because I love you.”
Alec freezes then, hands coming up to cover his face. The room stays quiet besides Alec’s shaky gasps. Magnus is still confused, but feels like he is slowly grasping the problem. His hands open and close where he is sitting. He hates not being able to fix things. That hatred probably comes from having everything only a snap away, Magnus thinks wryly. Magnus stands up and gently pulls Alec into his arms, still staying silent as he sways them back and forth.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Magnus whispers into Alec’s hair.
“I don’t know what to do, Magnus,” Alec’s voice is slightly muffled by the hands that are still covering his face.
“That’s okay. We’ll figure it out together, love.”
“Why... How do you love me?” Alec abruptly pulls back, staring intently into Magnus’s eyes, startling the Warlock slightly. “You’re beautiful, and confident, and I am not. Magnus, if my own parents can’t love me, how can someone as... perfect as you love me?”
It’s Magnus’s turn to shut his eyes as the reality of the situation hits him. He’s so angry. How could parents make this boy feel so unloved. He’s too special for that, and yet Alec can’t seem to see any of it. Magnus takes a deep breath to calm himself before opening his eyes, finding tears shining in his Shadowhunter’s eyes.
“Alexander, I need you to throw whatever those thoughts in your head away. I love you. I love you because you are one of the most selfless beings I have ever met— to the point where it is actually frustrating. I love you because you care. You care far deeper than anyone realizes and it kills me to see you waste it on someone who does not care about you. I love you because you are strong, and gentle, and kind. I love you because you would drop anything to see someone who is hurting. I love you because you chose me, Alec. You could have had the world, and you chose me. I love you, Alexander. Every part that makes up you.”
Alec is standing frozen, a hand slapped over his mouth as a tear slides from his eye. He slowly lowers that hand to reach for Magnus, embracing him in a strong grasp that Magnus is more than happy to return.
Magnus gently moves back to cup Alec’s face. “I love you.” He kisses the Shadowhunter softly, not minding the taste of tears in between them.
When they pull away, Alec’s eyes pierce into Magnus’s eyes. “Show me. I want to feel it, Magnus. I want to feel that you- you love me.”
Magnus searches Alec’s eyes, looking for... something, he is not sure what. “Okay. Okay, angel.”
Magnus leads Alec to the bedroom and then slowly lowers them both to the bed. He holds Alec in silence for a few moments, before asking. “How far do you want to go, sweetheart? Do you want to cuddle and stay like this or do you want something more?”
“I want you, Magnus. All of you.”
The way Alec says it has Magnus’s mind clear of doubts. The warlock gently kisses Alec again, moving the younger until he is underneath him. He gently licks into Alec’s mouth and Alec whimpers as he relaxes into Magnus’s kiss. Magnus reaches down to pull Alec’s shirt up until Alec realizes and helps him taking it all the way off. Magnus’s shirt follows shortly after.
Alec lets out a small moan as he feels Magnus’s chest against his own. “Please, Mags. Make love to me.”
Magnus gasps slightly, then nods quickly, knowing that if Alec is saying it, then he means it. He moves then to take the rest of Alec’s clothes off, but Alec stops him. “Magnus, please just snap.”
It takes Magnus’s brain a second to catch up, but when he does, he waves a hand and rids them both of their remaining clothes. Alec gasps and arches into Magnus’s body, making Magnus let out a groan in return. Magnus reaches for the oil they always keep near the bed and quickly coats his fingers in it. He presses a quick kiss to Alec’s lips before making his way to his neck and chest, licking and sucking at any place he can reach. “Spread your legs, my love,” he murmurs into his chest. Alec moans and does as was requested.
Magnus skates his fingers down the man’s body, stopping at the spots that he knows will keep Alec on a high. He eventually reaches his cock, which he lovingly stokes a few times before moving past it. Alec groans in annoyance, making Magnus chuckle. “You know what needs to happen in order for me to do what you asked, my dear,” Magnus teases while his finger circles the Alec’s entrance.
Alec throws a playful glare at Magnus, even as his body practically begs for the touch. “I know. I just didn’t know you be so slow about it.”
Magnus slides his first finger in in retaliation, making Alec’s jaw drop. Magnus grins in triumph as he continues stretching his hunter. He is three fingers deep when Alec finally lets out a shaky, “Magnus, please.”
Magnus gently kisses him as he slowly enters into the tight heat that is Alec, making both men moan. Magnus waits until he feels the familiar tap on his leg before he starts to move inside his lover, he then pulls out of the kiss to see Alec’s eyes. The fire he sees there ignites something inside him. “God, Alexander. I love you.”
Alec’s breath hitches, from the words or from the next thrust. “I love you. Angels, I love you.” Alec reaches and buries his face in the Warlock’s neck. Magnus feels himself getting lost in pleasure as he feels Alec moaning underneath him, his thrusts speeding up. He can feel Alec short pants against his neck and then vibrations when he moans. The wetness he feels against his skin makes his blood turn cold as he freezes completely. Magnus pulls away, finding Alec’s cheeks stained with tears.
“Alexander?” Magnus questions, reaching to wipe the tears with his thumb.
Alec shakes his head roughly. “Keep going.”
“Sweetheart, are you sure?”
“Please, Mags. Please, please, please-“
“Okay, all right, my love.” Magnus slowly starts to move again, but his thrusts are slow and deep, almost at a grind as he kisses Alec’s cheeks, then eyes, then nose, then finally his lips. “I love you, my Alexander.”
Alec chokes on a sob as he pulls Magnus close again. They stay like that— as close as they can get until Magnus feels the signs of his orgasm approaching. He reaches a hand between them to grip Alec, jerking him off in time with his hips. Alec comes with a broken sob between them, his entire body tensing and bringing Magnus to completion. They stay, breathing together as the heat fades away.
After cleaning up by wave of Magnus’s hand, they lay with Alec’s back pressed firmly to Magnus’s chest. While the older man’s mind is whirling, he knows that Alec will talk when he’s ready. And he does.
“My parents came to the institute today,” Alec starts. Magnus tightens his hold around him. “It was really the same old thing. They are disappointed, they can’t believe I’d do this to them, I’m ruining their reputation,” He pauses, and Magnus is almost afraid he will not continue. “Magnus, I am so tired.”
“I know, my love.” And he does. He knows that Alec is not the kind of tired that sleep will help. He is tired in a way that makes everything seem to hard. He is too tired to fight against whatever in his head is telling him he is not enough.
“They told me that no one could ever love me. I am too much of a disappointment to love,” Alec lets out a humorless laugh and Magnus feels his heart shatter as everything clicks into place. “I started thinking. And then I couldn’t get it out of my head. I mean, my own parents can’t love me.”
“God. Alexander, can I see you?” He feels the younger nod and then they shuffle until they’re facing each other, Magnus’s hand on Alec’s face, his thumb making small movements in the skin. “You are loved. You are worth loving.”
“I-I know. I think?” Alec frowns. “I know you love me, logically. I just- I don’t know. I’m just tired and I can’t think right.”
“That’s okay. You don’t need to right now. Why don’t you sleep, love? I’ll be here when you wake up.” Magnus shuffles, but Alec grabs his hip.
“Of course. I’m not going anywhere.” He pulls the other into his arms again, trying to comfort him the only way he knows how. He kisses the top of Alec’s head gently. “I love you, Alexander.”
“I love you, too,” Alec whispers back.
Magnus stays, holding his love until he feels the Shadowhunter’s body go lax in sleep. He knows that they will talk in the morning, and as much as he wants to go knock some sense into the elder Lightwood’s, he needs to be here first. He needs to be with Alec first. All the rest can come later, after tonight. “I will be right here, love,” he whispers, then allows his eyes to close in sleep.