"Alright, listen up fuckers" Jason started, slapping the marker on his palm, pacing back and forth between the giant whiteboard, staring at his idiotic, (and now offended) family, excluding Bruce, and Alfred who was away for Christmas, visiting his sister and new born niece. In his place sat Wally West. Dick's boyfriend, and one of the most annoying people on the earth.
"Not you Cass" he added, "you're an absolute delight."
Murmers of serious agreement traveled through the small crowd, and Cass beamed.
He slapped the marker on his palm again, drawing their attention back to the matter at hand.
"This is going to be one of the most stressful Christmases yet, since not only is Alfred not here, but we have three speedsters to feed. Thanks a lot Wally."
Wally, who had not been paying attention, jerked his head up, abandoning the sandwich he had been stuffing his face with, to smile sheepishly at Jason. Dick snorted at his boyfriend, and very innapropiatly licked off some of the sauce that had somehow gotten onto Wally's face when eating, leaving him a blushing, spluttering mess.
Jason gagged. He was not the only one. This was not off to a good start.
"Anyway," he started again, trying to remove that image out of his head, "as I was saying, we've all got to work extra hard to make this work. Everyone has to be 100% involved. Ok?"
"Yes sir!" came the chorus of replies. Now this was more like it.
"Good. Now, some ground rules.
Number one, Dick is not allowed near the kitchen. No matter what."
"What! Why??!" Dick protested, clearly offended.
"Do you really need us to explain that to you?" snorted Barbara, amused.
"This is the one time I agree with Todd." Damian said, with a small smirk.
"Come on guys, this isn't fair. The only way to learn is to practice. Just give me a chance, I promise I won't disappoint." Dick tried to argue.
"Dick, I love you," Stephanie added, "but no. Just no."
"Remember the time you tried to cook? And burnt not only me, but the whole kitchen down?" said Tim, wincing at the memory. "And that was just ramen, there's no way we're letting you anywhere near the kitchen again."
"Timmy! You're supposed to be my favourite brother"
"Hey!" interjected Damian and Jason.
"How could you betray me like this?" Dick pouted, ignoring them. Tim just shrugged.
"They've got a point dude. You're a disaster in the kitchen, just let it go." Wally decided to join the conversation.
Dick glared at him. "Fine, enjoy your blue balls you sick bastard."
"Ok, that's settled." Jason quickly said, before things got any more heated. "Rule two is not up for discussion, so everyone please restrain from opening your fat mouths. Damian and Tim are not allowed to work together,"
"Yes!" Damiam exclaimed before being shut up by Jason's glare.
"And neither are Wally, Stephanie, and Dick."
"Hey! That's not fair!"
"Can you please stop attacking me?!"
""Uh uh, I said it's not up for discussion." Said Jason sternly. "You're all impossible on your own, there's no way I'm letting any of you work together. Actually, add Stephanie and Tim to that list as well. Anyway, rule three is, anyone who argues or creates an issue, is going to be put on wash up duty. And by that I don't mean just stacking the dishwasher, you're going to clean everything by hand."
Groans erupted from everyone in the room. Exept Cass of course, she knew she wouldn't cause any problems. She's better than that, unlike some people.....
"Ok!" Jason stopped the their groans by clapping his hands. "Let's get started shall we? First step, assigning roles."
After a lot of debating and arguing, (despite Jason's warning) the roles were finally decided.
Jason, Wally and Tim were to work in the kitchen, as they were the best cooks out of the group.
Dick and Cass were assigned to provide the entertainment for the evening.
And lastly, Stephanie, Barbara and Damian were to decorate the manor as 'christmassy' as possible.
It was later decided that Cass and Dick would also help out with decorating, but they were to focus on the table decorations and setting as Dick was not allowed to work with Stephanie, even with Barbara as their impulse control.
After the discussion was over, Jason cleared his throat. He walked back to the whiteboard, now covered in writing and planning, and addressed the excited bunch. "Alright, Christmas eve is on Friday, which means you've got two whole days to discuss with your group, prepare and buy everything you need. Please remember we have twelve guests coming, so that's twenty-one of us all together. Since Bruce is busy in business meetings for the whole of today and tomorrow, you don't have a budget. So everyone come grab one of Bruce's cards and go crazy!" Cheers filled the room and after each group had a card they went off in different directions to discuss.
"Ok, I want you to know, this is not going to be easy, and this is not going to be fun." Jason had already gotten straight to business with the cooking group.
"Unless-" started Wally hopefully.
"No!" barked Jason before he could finish.
Tim bit his lip to stop himself from laughing.
"We have twenty-one people to feed, and three of those people are speedsters. Which means we have to prepare a three course meal for about fifty-one people, not including appetizers. "
"I think you may be over exaggerating a little bit" Wally said, slightly hurt. It wasn't his fault he needed to eat so much!
"He's right." added Tim. "Because this time he's going to have a normal portion like a normal human being."
Wally pouted. "But-"
"Don't worry, before we eat I'll order you as many takeaways as you want." Said Jason. "Deal?"
"It's a deal."
"Alright Cass," Dick said from his spot on Cass's bed, his head hanging off the side, taking a large bite of the beef jerky in his hand, "I'm not too sure what Jason meant by entertainment, but I guess we can start by creating a Christmas playlist? What else have you got in mind?"
"We can do Christmas games." she answered, examining her own piece of jerky before nibbling around it. Wow. How has she lived all these years without ever tasting this?
"Yes! That's perfect!" Dick exclaimed, sitting up on the bed. "Ooh, and we can do Christmas crackers! Like, homemade ones!"
Cass nods her head quickly, very happy about the idea. "We can do the game with dice and presents? You know that?" she suggested.
"Great idea Cass! Now, let's get to work, we still gotta discuss the table decorations."
"Alright maggots, listen up" ordered Steph, hands on her hips.
"Who put her in charge?" grumbled Damian, picking at the stitches on his arm.
Barbara elbowed him gently. "Shhh, it's better not to argue with her, you know how sulky she gets."
"Hey!" exclaimed Stephanie, insulted.
Barbara stuck her tongue at her playfully before turning back to Damian. "And leave your stitches alone, Tim worked very hard on those."
Damian huffed but stopped attacking his wound.
"Ok people, enough chit chat, it's time to focus."
"She's like another Jason" Damian muttered.
"Ahem, are you done?" Stephanie said, scowling.
"The floor's yours" Barbara smiled.
"Thank you. Anyway, since the tree's already up, we don't have to worry about that, but there's still a lot to do. This year, we're going full out. The manor is going to scream Christmas. We're going to blind our guests with christmas lights. There's going to be so much red and green that they're gonna have PTSD whenever they see those colors again. We're gonna-"
"Ok Steph, we get it. We're gonna kill them with Christmas. Now, can we please get started before you start talking about bombs or something?"
Steph gleamed. This was gonna be fun.
The day had finally arrived. The whole day had been chaotic and full of panic. There were people running around with streamers and tinsel, banging, screams and curses coming from the kitchen (most including Wally's name) and Christmas music blasting loudly throughout the mansion while Dick and Cass ran about with knives and forks, almost stabbing multiple people. Bruce got back from patrol at about six am, and immediately went upstairs after he saw the giant mess everyone was in. Things had finally started to calm down, and everyone were now trying to make the manor as spotless as possible. Well, everyone exept Dick and Wally, who were caught by Barbara in a heated makeout session in the sculley. They were assigned clean up duty.
This started a massive arguement that eventually had everyone involved, all screaming at eachother, the stress starting to get to them. This led to Bruce coming downstairs to try calm everyone down, but he somehow only made it worse.
Their fighting was interrupted by the doorbell, and everyone immediately stopped fighting and put on their brightest smiles to invite the Clark's in. And soon after the other guests started to arrive, the Allen's (including Bart) Dinah, Oliver, and Roy, and Selina, as well as Mary West. The Christmas games and crackers were a huge hit, the food was delicious, and the decorations were, well, a lot.
In the end, the night was a success, and there was just enough food for everyone, even Wally got a decent helping. At about eleven, the guests started to leave and by half past they were gone. After a lot of protesting, Dick and Wally finally started to clean up, while everyone else headed off to bed. However, being a speedster, Wally managed to have the whole place spotless in just over five minutes. He nestled between Dick's legs, who was sitting on the counter eating leftover icing, and licked some of the sickly sweet stuff of of Dick's nose, getting payback for earlier. He chuckled at Dick's scrunched up face before speaking softly. "We gonna bunk here tonight? Since it's pretty late and I'm too tired to travel back to Bludhaven."
"It's not like it takes a lot of effort to travel there, since we just use the zeta tubes. And your present is at home" He replied, absentmindedly playing with Wally's red curls.
"Mm yeah but I'm really lazy so.."
Dick snorted. "And your present?"
"It's ok, your present is also at home. Both of them." He winked. "We can have our own mini Christmas celebration tomorrow evening, just the two of us, away from our families. And trust me, it will be worth it. You won't forget about your present for a VERY long time." he said in a husky, seductive voice, moving to suck on a sensitive spot on Dick's neck.
Dick shuddered and gave a small moan. "Any chance I can get an early Christmas gift?"
Wally chuckled, earning a disappointed whine from Dick as he pulled away. "As much as I'd love to give you that babe,you're not exactly the quietest person when it comes to that kinda stuff, which is awesome, unless we're in your dad's house, full of your family who are trying to sleep. Besides, I've had enough people screaming my name today already. And you need to sleep, cause we've gotta get up early tomorrow and I'm not dealing with your sleep deprived ass, because you're a nightmare."
Dick pouted. "Rude." he said, but still pulled Wally into a lazy, sloppy kiss, before whispering in a very sexy voice in Wally's ear, hot breath tickling his neck and making his knees weak. "Race you to my room"
And then he was gone. Leaving Wally with a problem he could not deal with, as explained earlier. Little bastard.