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It's fierce, the feeling he has towards Richie, even after all these years he forgot him. It makes him wild, savage, he becomes not only bitter, like his usual self, but really sarcastic. He feels like he could angrily kill the world, with Richie looking and nodding quietly, kinda in awe.
He never felt proud of himself before, always thought he obviously failed something even if he anxiously tried to be for the best. Being with Richie restore this self confidence he lost in the process of growing up without his best friend.
It's fierce. The immediate affection he felt the first time he saw this big lanky guy hitting the gong in the restaurant. The rush of blood in his face.
Fierce, like an itch, a scratch on the heart, which was beating and beating. God, it's awful how he manage to forget it ? It's addictive, the way Richie makes him feel so good about himself, like he was not a freak or a loser anymore, but a fucking t-rex with feathers in the ass. Ridiculous and ferocious, but still the best.
He tried to send a text to Myra, but couldn't find the strengh to do it. He found his place, the kinship he needs, with the Losers. They are what he missed all this time without remember, the ache in his chest, the hole.
They knew the real him. He wants to come back to this, the shape of him he used to like, clever and annoying, but loved.
But loved.
When Richie look at him, the words are not tender, they are mocking, but Eddie feels the frustration under it. He feels the same. The need to connect with him again. So he answers in the same tone. It's like they did it all their life, it's natural just like breathing.
Breathing fire. They are fucking dragons and the others watch them with uncredulous hilarity on their faces. It's fierce, the words they share, and their laughters, and the smiles they adress to each other. It's like they have to prove something.
Eddie is happy for once. Richie understands all the dark horrible things in Eddie and doesn't ask. He lets him hiding behind jokes and puns, behind meds and inhaler. Then he doesn't and Eddie knows he cares for him and he will tomorrow. Because it's something which can't die easily, because it's something which came back after all these years of oblivion. Fierce, like a beast in cage. Shining behind his glasses, in his eyes, in his shy smile when his words are not harsh enough and his affection shows despite himself. Like when they were kids. Richie always tried to put a persona between them, a mask, but Eddie knew he cared deeply for him and he made him feel safe.
Safe to behave dangerously, to take risks. Being fierce. Feeling cool, feeling brave.
Stealing a kiss. Killing a clown.