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We Keep Living Anyway

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"You ever think about death?"

Reigen's drunk. Sober he knows the filters, what sort of things can and can't be said to people, and this is most certainly not an appropriate conversation starter, even if it's just the two of them drinking in his living room.

"Sometimes. Not very often, but when I was staying in my room..."

Serizawa doesn't finish, but the sentence practically writes itself.

"Yeah, I get what you mean. High school and university weren't the greatest."

"Sounds like an understatement."

He scoffs. "Yeah. They both kicked my ass, really. Not among my greatest moments."

The silence between them is both awkward and comforting, and of course he has to break it because that's what he does. And even if he's going to regret it later, he speaks.

"You ever think about killing yourself?"

Serizawa doesn't reply, and for a moment Reigen thinks he's made his friend realize just how fucked up he is.

"Used to think about it a lot. But now I think I have reasons to live. A lot of them."

"Mm." Reigen nods. "Makes sense." He swirls his beer and briefly thinks that he should stop drinking but takes another swig anyway.

"What about you?"

Ah. He didn't think about the question coming back to him. He stares at the ceiling, trying to piece his thoughts together in a way that'll make sense and not scare away Serizawa.

"Yeah," he finally says. "Not a lot, but more than sometimes. Not that I'd ever act on any of them. Too much of a coward for that." He tries to laugh it off but his laughs die in his throat, killed by the knowledge that he's never actually said this before, by the fact that he's crossed a line that he can't uncross.

"Maybe call me next time."

"What?"

"You can call me next time the thoughts come by. We can, you know, just talk." Serizawa rubs his neck. "The therapist I saw a few times recommended doing something like that."

"Yeah. Okay." He knows he won't. But knowing that the offer is there, that someone would do that for him.

It's a good feeling.